All language subtitles for The Landlady

I personally think
this story is funny.

If your sense of humor doesn't
happen to be the same as mine,

then I'm afraid you're going
to be a bit disturbed

by what goes on.

And by the way,

If any of you attempt to think
it's all pretty far-fetched,

Then you should stop and think
and ask yourself seriously

whether such a thing as this
could really happen.

The answer is yes.
Of course it could.

Even to you.

Dahl, voice-over: Billy Weaver
was traveling down from London

on the slow afternoon train

with a change at Swindon
on the way.

Sorry!

Ah...nodded off.

Excuse me,

Do you know Bath?

Certainly.

You, I take it, do not.

No.

This is my first visit.

Vacation?

No.

I've been assigned
to our branch office.

You make yourself
sound like a parson.

Well--oh.

Mr. Greenslade, he's
our personnel manager

at head office
in London.

He says, uh...

Well, he says I'll profit
from the experience.

I sincerely hope you do.

What line of business
are you in now?

Insurance.

All risks.

I suppose I
could say the same.

Oh, yes.

Ha ha.

Bath is a most
beautiful city.

You'll like it.
I'm sure of it.

One sometimes feels
time stopped at Bath.

[Woman humming]

� My bonnie lies
over the ocean �

� My bonnie lies
over the sea �

� My bonnie lies
over the ocean �

� Come back, my bonnie,
to me �

[Humming]

Could this be?
Wind's like a knife!

Good-bye.
Good-bye.

Uh...

You could try
the Bell and Dragon.

Straight down
the road,

about a quarter
of a mile.

They might take you.

You can't miss it.

"AA" recommended.

Right. Thanks.

But if they're full,

There are plenty of
B & B's in Bath.

And much cheaper,
of course.

B & B's?

Bed and breakfast.

Landladies, kippers,
roll of towels.

Good luck.
God bless.

Bye-bye.

He'll be here soon.

I can feel it.

Silly boy.

You've made up your mind.

Really.

You know you have.

Oh!

Please come in.

I hadn't taken my
finger off the bell.

Do come in.

It's so cold out,
isn't it?

Uh, yes, but, um...

You saw the notice
in the window.

Yes. Yes, I did.

I knew you would.

Knew?

That's why
I put it there.

You need a room.

Well, yes, as
a matter of fact.

It's all ready
for you, my dear.

But I was going to
the Bell and Dragon.

They're full.

Full?

They always telephone me
when they are.

We have a little
joke about it.

I'm their overflow,

a sort of annex to
the official hotel.

Do come out
of the cold.

Yes.

Thank you.

Oh, excuse my asking,
but--

4 pounds.

You won't find anywhere
more reasonable.

And that includes
an egg for breakfast.

Oh.

Well, that's fantastic.

The Bell and Dragon

charges more
than double.

But they're full anyway.

Exactly.

Salesmen.

What we used to call
commercial travelers.

I never take
that sort of person.

Do come in.

Thank you.

I always put up
the chain at night.

It's safer.

Welcome home, dear.

Home?

I tell all
my guests that,

To treat my house
as home.

Home from home,
dear.

Oh, do put
your hat there.

Thank you.

And let me help you
with your coat.

Thank you very much.

I expect you're from
London, aren't you?

That's right, yes.

You'll find Bath so
much more restful.

Shall I lead the way?

Oh, please.

We have the house
all to ourselves.

The fact is, I'm just a
teeny-weeny bit choosy.

Particular.
You'll see what I mean.

But I'm always ready.

Be prepared,

as we used to say
in the girl guides.

Everything's always
ready here.

Just on the off chance

that an acceptable
young gentleman

should come along.

And it's such a pleasure

when I do happen
to open the door

and see someone standing there
who's just exactly right.

Like you, dear.

This floor's mine.

Oh. I shouldn't rely
on that, dear.

It stopped ages ago.

I see. Quite.

Do you intend
to work in Bath?

Yes, I've been sent down
to our branch office.

What fun.

Oh, no.
After you, dear.

It's your room.

Thank you.

It's super.
It's very nice.

I'm so glad
you like it, dear.

The morning sun comes

right in the window,
Mr. Perkins.

It is Mr. Perkins,
isn't it?

No.

No. It's Weaver,
as a matter of fact.

William Weaver.

Of course, Mr. Weaver.
How silly of me.

Weaver. Such a nice,
reliable name, too.

I've put a hot water
bottle in your bed.

It's such a comfort,
don't you think?

To find a hot water bottle
in a strange bed?

And do light the gas fire
at any time

if you feel chilled.

Thank you.
That's very kind.

I'm so glad
you materialized.

I was beginning
to get worried

in case my inner voice
had let me down.

Inner voice?

Intuition, dear.

But then,

just as I thought it
had got too late,

there you were.

Now, how about supper?

Oh, I'm not hungry.
Thank you.

I had some sandwiches
on the train.

My mother made them.

Ham and watercress.

How nice.

Plenty of iron
in watercress.

Good for the blood.

So I think I'll just
go straight to bed

as I've got to get up rather
early tomorrow, you see.

So as to report
to the office.

Of course, dear.

Oh, uh...

the you-know-where
is at the end passage.

Well, I leave you
to unpack.

But before
you go to bed,

would you be so kind
as to poke downstairs

and sign the guestbook
on the piano?

Everyone has to.

It's the law
of the land.

And we don't want to go
breaking the law, do we?

And remember, Basil,

no barking when
he comes down.

Weaver, thinking:
"Dear Mum and Dad,

"just a quick newsflash to say
I've arrived in one piece.

"Good lodgings
with a nice landlady.

"A bit crazy, but ok.

"Sort of everyone's
favorite aunt.

"Very cozy.

"Don't let my awful sisters
drag you down.

"Joke!

Love, Billy."

Ah, so glad you
remembered the book.

That's funny.

Hmm?

These names.

Gregory Temple

and Christopher
Mulholland.

There.

Oh, such
charming boys.

They sound
sort of familiar.

Do they?

[Door shuts]

Hmm.

I'm sure I've heard of
them somewhere before.

Really? What fun.

Was it in the papers?

Oh, I shouldn't have
thought so, dear.

Perhaps they're famous.

Footballers or pop stars?

Famous? No.

They were
extraordinarily handsome.

And the dates.
You see?

This entry's over
two years old.

And Christopher Mulholland's
is nearly a year before that.

July, '75.

How time does fly,
Mr. Wilkins.

Weaver.

W-e-a-v-e-r.

Silly me.
I do apologize.

In one ear,
out the other.

That's me.
Weaver. Mr. Weaver.

Weaver. I must cement it
in my mind.

It's kind of peculiar,
you see.

Mulholland and Temple
sort of connect.

They go together
in my mind like, um...

Ha. Laurel and Hardy,
you know?

I don't, dear.

Your tea
is poured out.

Oh, you shouldn't
have bothered. I'll--

It was no trouble.
Do come and sit down.

That's right.
By me, dear.

Uh...

Oh! Ha ha ha.

Thank you.

What I mean is that...

Oh, it's stupid.

It's on the tip
of my tongue.

Now, where have I heard
those two names before?

Got it! Mulholland!

Sugar?

He was on a walking tour
of the west country, and--

oh, uh, 3 lumps, please.

He was a schoolboy
at Eaton.

Oh, no, dear,
that can't be right.

My Mr. Mulholland
was at Cambridge.

He was
an undergraduate.

Biscuit?

Yes, please.

How cozy.

The fire isn't too
hot for you, is it?

No.

I do hope you like
China tea.

It's very nice.

Dear Mr. Mulholland,

such a one
for his tea.

I never saw anyone
drink so much tea.

Has he stayed
with you recently?

Sweet boy.

I know I saw his name
in the papers.

Oh!
Oh!

Ha ha ha.

I like a ginger
biscuit to be crisp.

Mr. Mulholland
is staying here now

and Mr. Temple.

They're both
still with me.

Oh?

Will I meet them?

D.V., as we say.

Mm-hmm?

God willing, dear.

Oh, yes.

How old are you,
Mister...Mister...

Don't tell me.

Wheel--

Weaver!

[Laughter]

There.

Oh, what a relief.

18. I'm 18.

18. Oh, it's
the perfect age.

Mr. Mulholland was 17 when
he first stayed with me.

He can't have--

He can't have been.

He was.

But you can't go to
Cambridge when you're 17.

You can if you're
clever, dear.

He was terribly clever.

Scholar. Very studious.

He was a trifle
shorter than you

and his teeth weren't
quite so white as yours.

You have the most
beautiful teeth,

Mr. Weaver.

My dad calls them
my "whited sepulchers."

Ha ha ha.

You should see the
fillings at the back.

Mr. Temple
was rather older.

28, in fact.

But I'd never have
believed him

if he hadn't told me.

He hadn't a blemish
on his body.

He what?

His skin was just
like a baby's.

More tea?

Uh, no thanks.

That parrot.

When I first saw it,
I thought--

You thought
it was alive?

Yeah.

Alas, no.
Poor Sinbad.

Can I look?

Of course, dear.
Of course.

Ooh.

Pretty Polly!

Oh!

Ha ha ha.

Sinbad always said that.

So full of himself.

It's amazingly clever.

Who did it? It doesn't
look dead at all.

I know.

I did it, dear.

You did?

Yes.

Excuse me.

I do feel...

This room does get
very warm.

Have you met Basil?

That's why he didn't
bark when I came in.

Basil was
a terrible barker.

Ooh. He feels hard.

Must be awfully difficult
to do a thing like that.

On the contrary, no.

Not a creature
one has loved.

That way, one
can go on loving him

forever and ever
and ever.

Oh...

Sorry,
I must sit down.

You did sign the book,
didn't you?

[Panting] Yes.

Good.

More tea?

No. Thank you.

I stuff all my little pets
when they pass away.

I'm glad you
remembered the book,

because later if I forget,

and you know now what a one
I am for forgetting,

I can always pop down
and look it up.

I still do that everyday

with Mr. Mulholland
and Mister...

Mister...

Oh, there. Gone again.

Temple.

Ah! I remember now.

They were in the papers.

I read--

Bedtime, dear.

Up we go.

Hmm.

[Grunting]

Nearly there.

Oh!

There's a good boy.

Here we go.

The tea tasted bitter.

Quite, dear. Exactly.
To help you sleep.

No!

Air!

I must breathe.

[Panting]

The place for you
is bed, Billy.

Did you...

Did you undress me?

Of course, dear.

And believe me, you're just
as handsome as the others.

No need to blush.
You're beautiful.

Sleep tight,
Mr. Wilkins.

Still reading,
Mr. Mulholland?

Can't you see that Mr. Temple
wants to sleep?

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk.

Lights out, boys.