Original subtitles

Don't forget I have to call the radio show...

At 11:58.

No, 38.

11:38 it's...

I have to call in and the thing is at 11:40.

Hello, everybody.

Good morning.

How are you?

Actually, I never plan anything.

I never, like, say, "Oh, I'm gonna do this,

I'm gonna do that." I just...

It's all very organic. I just like...

It comes, it feels right. I do it.

As far as doing things in the night club

or working with... Uniting people.

It's definitely the most fulfilling...

I used to like go to these clubs in Switzerland,

which were once a month.

So we would travel all over the country

because they were, like, in Geneva...

I came to New York,

I was in the fashion business.

Ah, I opened the store.

I wanted to like bring these

really avant-garde fashion people to New York from London.

I had a fashion show.

An amazing feeling was the first time I had people come together

to see something that I created.

I guess in '86,

I started a night in the club,

kind of inspired by Taboo, Leigh Bowery's club.

That's really how I got into this business of doing events.

And of course, I'm the type of person doesn't want to sell.

So I kept adding and adding events and eventually travel with the events.

I had personalities hosting, had shows,

I had a son. [chuckles]

You name it, I had it.

And I'm still having it. [chuckles]

I'm losing my marbles. I'm like exhausted.

Um... A favor,

do you have any pink, soft pink...

You're the type who might have

a soft pink fishnet tights for me.

-Fishnet? -Yeah. Any soft pink tights?

They don't have pink.

I'm excited for the opening. It's gonna be really cool.

We have like...

Fifteen-hundred RSVPs. I mean, a lot of people don't come when they RSVP.

But then a lot of others do come.

So, there's probably gonna be about, just right.

-[Adam] How many people are you expecting? -1,500.

Ah.

But a lot will come and go, you know.

They just wanna come and have a look.

Look in the mirror, we're here with the pink.

You know what I don't like about it? It's not really pink.

I know it's pink, but it's not a pink that I feel pink in.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Maybe the very, very pink

wouldn't show up, right?

- This is what I used. - I don't like this color.

No, this is exactly what I used.

- Yeah. - I used these two.

Wow, it's quiet.

Do you have any body paint, like, what about...

You seriously wanna body paint your leg, pink?

I was just thinking, you know,

I have... I'm wearing the pink boots.

Oh, my God! The chicken, it's in the oven. Hold on.

I'm making a chicken for Bailey. [chuckles]

He's coming home tonight for a minute.

I'm so happy he's coming.

He's on the train now.

Is he coming to the opening?

Yeah, he's coming for, like, two hours.

-Oh, really? -Thought I could at least make some food.

Bailey loves rosemary.

So I throw that in. Okay.

Back in the oven, bitch.

I have no idea why I'm so tired.

I'm so tired today.

I didn't think I was gonna be in New York

at the Chelsea Hotel doing what I'm doing right now

for how many years.

1981, a long time.

It's nice.

But definitely not squiggly.

I always say that I don't act,

I don't sing,

I don't have a good voice and I'm not a dancer,

so, I express myself with looks.

It's not what it is.

I hate that.

A look is whatever you wanted to be.

It's like making a sculpture.

A look is how you wanna

be viewed, how you wanna be seen.

If it's not a statement, what's the point?

Too forward.

I mean, I've spent thousands and thousands of hours in front of a mirror.

It's art to be able to carry it off, also.

Now, I do not wanna walk into a fabulous event,

not with a wig and a look.

I think I would feel less interesting.

You know, I mean,

I've never wanted to fit in with the norm.

I've never looked for the norm.

I don't know, maybe it came from childhood.

Maybe it's the Swiss background,

where everything was clockwork.

I don't know how to explain

why I'm me.

I haven't thought about it. It's just how I am.

I would hear people talk about Susanne with reverence.

No one can throw a party like her,

no one could carry on like her,

no one's personal life is as interesting as hers,

When I met Susanne, she, she would, like,

travel around the world with a troupe,

her troupe of club kids, DJs, performers.

And she'd travel around the world with them,

and throw parties and get paid for it.

I thought that was so cool.

Who wouldn't want to live like that?

And you-- Of course, you haven't lived,

until you like, checked into a hotel with this group.

We've been looking up to her for

such a long time.

Because her parties are the best.

When you look at a night-life legends

you can kind of categorize everyone like,

"Oh, that was an '80s legend or '90s legend."

With Susanne, she's endured for 30 years.

The way I see Susanne Bartsch or Warhol...

There are certain people who've been

so important in changing the culture.

Their understanding how to do it in such a way

as to not only move it forward,

but also make it accessible.

There's a party over here.

Come on, now.

Shake it down. Bye.

All the kids my age,

who all moved to New York,

we wanted to experience Andy Warhol.

He invented all these Drag Superstars

and made them celebrities.

So from near and far,

people would come, change their names

and wanna become a Warhol's guard.

Turn, turn. Oh, that's beautiful, that's beautiful, more.

More, more, more, oh.

Work it baby, work it, work it.

Give me, baby, give me, give me.

But most of the Warhol scene was gone.

Susanne Bartsch picked up where Warhol left off.

In the past six months,

a new wave of night spots have opened,

that are getting people off their sofa

and onto the dance floor.

It's a return to decadence with a new style.

The monarch of the downtown party promoter,

the role model for most of the club kids, Susanne Bartsch.

Susanne Bartsch has been dubbed,

"New York's Queen of the Night."

Her occupation, well,

she puts on parties.

But they're more like full-scale theatrical assaults.

Every last Thursday of the month

she turns the Copacabana into a real-life carnival,

A drag queen who whips the crowd of party goers

into a dancing frenzy.

It is a message with it all.

I try to unite people, break barriers,

gay, straight, uptown, downtown,

drag, businessmen.

Make people feel good.

And once, every so often, when I do a party

I hope that I achieved that.

And I think that's what it's about.

It can be an art form just to get inside here.

In Susanne's world, it doesn't matter who you are.

All you have to do is just dress up.

That was the price of admission.

Just look fabulous.

Tomorrow night, we're gonna tell you about

your guide to being fabulous,

which is what it takes these days to get in.

We'll leave that space open for the garage and keep going afterward.

Yeah, Karim is here.

Oh, it's cold. We don't have a coat check, just so you know.

Come in.

Do we have guest list for my people?

Oh, muffin, you can go

in the bathroom and get ready.

Do you have any garbage cans here?

David.

Is it too loud... for you?

A hair, until it gets busier.

When I opened my first gym

I was kind of a kid, I was in my 20s.

And all these people would come to the gym.

Remember that? We caught you in that gym.

This was, like, the age of, like, supermodels,

and they were all coming in, and they were like Hollywood people.

Just people from all over,

like, kind of like celebrity,

I didn't know what hit me.

Somebody said, "Susanne Bartsch is here."

I knew her from the parties, but I'd never spoken to her.

You know...

Susanne walks into a room and,

like, everyone notices her.

Like, she does not walk into a room unnoticed.

She was coming to the gym

and I said, "you should let me train you."

David came and says, "You know, I really want to train you.

I could firm up your butt."

It's not firm?

He goes, "I mean, I can round you more up."

I said, "I'm yours."

I had this instant crush. How could you not?

I didn't think I was really for him,

to work for him, whatever, thinking he was too young.

I just liked him a lot. I-- I was into him.

Where's Brandon?

Is Brandon there?

Where the fuck are you?

-[Brandon Olson] In the... -It's 20 past 10.

-It's not me... -8:00 here.

...the people back here. Okay. Okay.

You guys are gonna be here with the black swan.

Excellent.

You go with them and the black swan for the moment?

You. Aquaria, you go over there.

Uh... Ryan, you're right here.

-Here? -Yeah.

Hannah, you just stay here.

You go over there and knit for a minute.

Close, yeah.

You can go over there.

You guys should work this area 'cause that's where they locate.

Sophie, you go over there with Marcia.

We're doing a red-hot photo shoot here now.

Oh, hi, Bill.

Hey, baby. Thank you so much for coming.

-Louise and Terry are around. -Is this not...

-Oh, wow. -This is your crowd.

Muffin,

this is a great photographer, take a picture.

We're not allowed to swim.

Guys, you could be like that, but no swimming.

No swimming, everybody.

This is the people looking at you.

It's theater.

So people coming to the event see it,

and they have a visual feast.

They see things they may have never seen before.

They enjoy, they're inspired.

It's like going to the opera or to see a play.

Gary, I need you to come back here. Gary.

When I hire someone,

I'm drawn to people that make statements with their looks.

I'd like to give a platform

where people can express themselves

and do their art.

I met Susanne in 1988.

She was promoting a club called Sauvage.

She started hiring me to emcee

her night at the Copacabana.

Susanne Bartsch, ladies and gentlemen.

Susanne Bartsch was the one who championed me and said,

"You have got a future. You are something special."

More than any other time in my life,

that's when I needed to hear that.

Amanda, come!

I got married when I had my sex changed.

And then the marriage didn't work out and I ran away.

And I was just was trying to survive,

and achieve higher gain.

It was actually the first nightclub job that I had.

The first job I got was

working her door at Sauvage.

We come from a way of looking at life

that is probably very similar.

We really don't believe in the bullshit of society.

Other clubs that I worked at, they would kinda shame you

for letting certain people in.

Susanne never questioned

who I let in.

He went to school for fine arts.

I am an art school dropout.

Trying to be noticed by Susanne

really made us step our game, like, with looks and makeup.

I remember what we wore that first time,

and, like, we did not deserve to be hunched.

We didn't deserve it. Yeah.

We sort of had to work to get her attention.

[Joey Arias] I never did drag and I hated drag.

And I remember Susanne Bartsch said,

"You've got the talent, use the dress,

the costume, to push yourself.

Put the heels on and fucking make it work."

And my whole life completely changed.

[Muffinhead] I'm still just... I'm a fat kid at heart from outside of LA.

You know, who just kind of stumbled into New York City.

I never felt accepted,

or that I belonged to any group of people

in any way.

Susanne has always accepted exactly who I am.

You're part of her ensemble.

You're part of her fabulous machine.

So, it's our job to welcome people.

That's what I do. My entire life is this.

So I might as well do it really good.

For her, it was like, "Are you interesting?

Are you fun?

Are you gonna contribute something to the night?"

It's this incredible ecosystem,

and everything feeds off itself.

Yeah, I had a great time.

Let's do it.

Get in shape! Work it up!

Do it to me, baby.

Shake your booty.

-I've been doing this for a while, so -Yeah, yeah.

I really, at this point, I trust Susanne to turn out a good play.

Can you lift me up?

Try to lift up.

Oh, yeah!

David and I split up.

And then, um, David and I got back together.

And he moved back in.

And then he moved back out. [chuckles]

It's like a yo-yo.

Susanne and I have like a karmic connection.

We just connected in so many ways.

She would have ideas and then, like,

she'd go out and whatever her idea, like, she'd go out and do it,

Which is so inspiring for me, like, I love people like that.

And you can count on her to be funny, she's just...

I loved her sense of humor. That's so important, you know.

You can laugh with somebody.

Um...

I knew we were having problems when we'd stopped laughing together.

I don't think Susanne ever

anticipated being, like, a wife,

being a mother.

I'm putting sugar.

No, I'll...

You want to sweeten it?

I'm now bringing you Susanne's baby.

When's this... Baby, when are you due?

February. End of February.

Who's your daddy?

David Barton.

I don't care what he wants to do with his life,

I'm just hoping, in this world, he'll be doing what he likes to.

I think I was supposed to be a housewife.

And children, I'm out doing it, finally.

But not the housewife.

I'll just do the baby.

Wow!

Look at my little man.

We're inside this thing.

Where's everybody?

Where's Bailey?

Here he is.

Yeah, we're hiding and seeking.

Bailey, let's get a photo with your mom.

I love you so much.

How are you feeling? Did you try the chicken?

I'm so... The chicken was delicious.

I really don't go to most of her parties.

You know. It's hard for me to like...

...do 'em. Both of my parents are really good at it.

And just like give that

sort of energy that they're getting

back from someone or, like,

to raise someone's energy level like that.

Hi. Hi.

Yeah, I want to have a drink.

What would you like?

A vodka soda.

We have a lot of vodka.

-Oh, great. -Hey, baby.

Susanne, look straight at me.

I go to Brown University.

I study classics,

specifically, Latin and the Roman Empire.

My parents, they're just people who have

unconventional lifestyles, which I recognized.

But as parents,

they were standard.

Brush your teeth. Go to bed on time.

In their, like, domains, which is her parties

or in my dad's gym.

Like, those are the places where I do feel like

their shadows are long.

It wasn't about pushing me

into their expectations or molding me into what they wanted me to be.

They were both

interested in what I wanted to be.

You know, what does this child need?

What is his soul trying to say?

Showing me all the options.

A lot of my childhood

was coming to terms with,

what she does for living

and all the craziness that surrounds it.

It is weird to be around Susanne

when she is playing Susanne.

She has different modes of interacting with people.

She has her party professional mode

which is like, "Oh, the oldest friend in the world

has just come out of,

you know, the darkest corner of the room."

It's not disingenuous,

but, it's her job.

Be friendly and make people feel good.

Then there's another side where it's the off switch,

where she can barely give you

the time of day.

You know, what happens after you're on? You're off.

And she's, like, has trouble

connecting with people.

But then, there's a Susanne

who's just relaxed,

and I think that's my favorite Susanne.

So empathetic, gives such good advice.

I mean, I feel like that's my mother.

When Susanne gets dressed up,

she's not my mother, really.

She's sort of a character that she plays.

She set such a high standard

for how she presents herself to the world,

that I think appearing as a normal person

is a source of vulnerability for her.

She doesn't want to be normal.

She wants to be more than that.

Oh, my God.

Okay, Brand. Before we even do anything

let me show you all the stuff I have.

-Okay. -I don't know what we--

How we're gonna do this.

Let's have a look here.

You just need to take them off the hanger and put them in the box.

Let's put those over here, and then

record what's in each one.

-Okay. -Put that on that rack.

Took me a while

to sort of convince her that, you know what?

Susanne, you have a...

There's a story to tell about your life.

And she's also-- Strangely, also a private person.

You know, it took a minute

for me to convince her

to work together on a museum exhibition

just to show the impact that she had

and the influence that she had.

She was inspired by, and then became muse to,

some of the most important designers in fashion history.

And this is my queen dress.

The leaf dress here.

Yes, the merkin.

-What I was thinking today-- -The merkin from the Rick Owens.

It's a Vivienne Westwood sheepskin jacket.

-Oh, okay. -It's the sheepskin

which is probably in another bag somewhere.

The wedding veil.

What are you gonna do with that?

Brandon, what about the fucking veil?

This is the state of my marriage. [chuckling]

Hey!

Oh, my god.

It's gonna get all crushed isn't it?

Oh, my God, what's down here. Hat.

Susanne approached me

with a really well put together idea of doing an exhibition.

And I went over to the Chelsea Hotel,

and there were amazing things like

Mr. Pearl outfits, Zaldy outfits,

incredible corsets.

And I just got more and more excited.

And I could really see there being a fantastic show.

Galliano's, remember those?

Actually, you weren't born, were you? When were you born?

This is a product. It's going to be up for three months.

-Right. -Something that's not just there for the night.

It'd something that you're gonna be able to go and see.

It's what I wanted. I want to be art.

I want it to be viewed as art, what I do.

What's the first page?

-Let's go by them. -This one?

-This is...

Can you not use the pens, I don't want to mark.

Oh, so wait, give it to me.

Because you use it that way, then when you write something

-you turn it and you write. -Okay.

-Okay. -See? Simple.

So this the Galliano that's over here.

Okay, sorry.

♪ Slave to the fashion ♪

Basically, you become slave to it.

I mean, I work more. I just want to get this done.

That, I made that.

-You did it? -I should give it--

I'm gonna give this to you when I'm officially--

-This is like 1970-something. -Okay.

-That's so cool. -There you go.

Yeah. Before the punk days, baby.

I had all these friends when I was 16.

They were all going to London.

They would come back and tell me like these incredible stories.

The clubs, the music,

I mean, "That's where I've to go.

I gotta go to London."

My excuse was to go learn English properly,

but after like three months...

Barely three months.

My parents found out that I'd never been to school.

I'd been out all day

gallivanting around.

My parents said, "You have to come home,

we're not supporting you."

I'm going, "Well, I'm-- I don't need your money. I'm staying."

And it was a whole incredible scene.

There was this store called Crumble.

I said, "I'm looking for a job."

I was a really good sales person, I was like famous.

The gigs rocked 'cause I sold so much stuff.

It wasn't on my mind to go to America.

I started off here as a girlfriend of a painter.

And noticed that there wasn't much fashion here.

I mean, there was fashion, but I wanted to have, like,

underground fashion. I missed

ever-changing looks

that I saw in London, that I did myself.

So I'm going,

"Why not import what I miss?"

Susanne Bartsch is the intriguing Swiss name

of a new avant-garde shop in New York.

The owner, Susanne Bartsch...

She had the grooviest little shop.

And it housed

the most crazy, innovative merchandise

from London at the time.

So people liked John Galliano

and BodyMap came out of that explosion

of post-punk creativity.

And Susanne, of course, knew them all.

And in her little store in New York,

she was the first person to bring them here

and show the clothing.

Susanne had an effect on three continents.

She took London style, she brought it to New York,

and she brought it to Tokyo.

But then, she had an even bigger impact

with her club nights.

That's probably what most people know her for.

You know, a designer, even if they're a minimalist simple designer,

you can't go to one of her clubs

and not take away something

from all that sort of explosive creativity.

She's a perfect example

of how it's not just one person who makes fashion,

not just a designer.

It's a lot of creative people

in venues where the creativity is validated.

What time is it, Brandon?

It is...

-Yeah, 4:40. -We have to go.

-And we're taking the marked... -I get it, yeah.

This is the mermaid, right?

It's the cocoon.

This shit is heavy.

Here we go.

-Brandon? -Yeah.

Shit! Can you call my phone?

I think I left it at the star fuck.

It's ringing, but not here.

Fuck!

Oh, I got it. Cool.

Who should that go with?

Should this go with somebody?

Brandon, I'm going downstairs.

Okay.

Wow.

I mean, there are gonna be mannequins going up the stairs.

So, that'll look really cool, but...

Ooh... Mmm...

The runway is great.

It's gonna be busy in here.

I guess with the lightning and everything it'll...

Look...

Wow, okay.

Right on.

Back upstairs.

You know, I've been for a while wanting

to do things where there's a product.

Right now, I got this exhibition.

I've got the lashes thing going on.

We're gonna do pictures of you in every eyelash, right?

-Now, we're gonna get... -Now.

-...plain face, lashes. -So, let's do it.

We're gonna, well-- Here's the thing.

Susanne, I have a difference of opinion on this.

I wanna do-- We can do one farther away.

But I really wanna get all the faces together.

-I can do one. -As well.

As well.

We'll shoot one farther away quickly for her.

And then we'll concentrate on the--

-What I wanna do. -Okay.

-Perfect. -I think

when we do them, you're gonna have to chop this one.

-This or the first one? -First one, yeah.

I guess when David and I split up,

finances were more stressful,

because I had to become self-supportive again.

Not because he doesn't wanna give me any money,

he just went through a lot himself.

-Hi! -Hi!

-Oh, look at you gorgeous creatures. -How are you?

-Good!

Great!

The business of nightclub, like, having a party once a week

isn't gonna make anybody rich.

At one point I did four a week,

two in one night for quite a while.

When I do things, I want them to enable me to be self-supportive.

If something doesn't work financially,

unless you're a trust fund baby or you have a sugar daddy,

it's difficult to keep doing it.

I don't want to rely on a husband, or people, friends, you know.

-I like that. -That's very beautiful.

I didn't know I had all those wrinkles.

I'm in denial.

No, it's the light, honey.

It's gonna pick up everything, so.

Oh, I just-- Okay, it's fine.

I don't have a feeling, though, about tonight, you know.

No?

-It's weird. -I think it's gonna be good.

Everybody's been talk-- Everybody is asking about it.

They've been asking and asking and asking for weeks. Really.

-I mean... -And people are promoting a lot.

Like, Facebook is constant.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

I forgot to post something.

My friend has been planning his look for weeks.

Should I post something?

Honestly, there's so much on Facebook about this, really.

Don't I-- Oh, I have a page right here. Yeah.

So let me go look.

Yeah, it needs makeup, Deney. It's horrible.

No.

No. Yes, it does.

Sorry. I mean, it's a great idea and everything. But it's not--

Look, if I stand and talk to you...

It's not cool.

-I need makeup below. -Maybe liner.

Liner.

I need something or, or, um...

-What's it called? -Liner.

How do you think about this, with socks or no socks?

-I think without. -Without?

But I-- I mean, it's--

Whatever you feel, you know, it looks fine.

Yeah, leave the socks.

If they look at your feet there's something wrong.

So Brandon, it looks like I'm running late.

I figured you would be.

Well... He had no makeup on my eye.

I can't be without-- Never mind how I like to look.

It just doesn't work.

You have your checkbook, right?

I have everything.

-You sure? -Checkbook is really all I need.

-Trust. -Yeah.

-No one's gonna be there before 10:30 anyway, right? -Yeah.

-Okay. -All right. Bye, babe. Thank you.

How long will it be with the sewing, do you think?

-Five minutes-- Seven. -I'll start dressing.

And then, I'm gonna put this on top.

Deney?

I need to fix it.

I look demented. But it's cool.

I need to bend it, fix it.

I need you to sit until it dries.

-So, I could do all that. -This is a mess.

Talk about picking up a guy tonight, I ain't gonna get loads.

No cock tonight, baby.

it starts at 10:00. I can't, you know, not show up.

-This blonde should... -[Martuscelli] Can I just cut it?

I don't have time.

They're asking me where I am.

-Can you text Brandon, and say we're coming? -Right.

-This is no longer there. -Excuse me.

This is actually not on.

'Cause I have to pin the front.

-Yeah, this is not good. -What should it do?

Still not working right. I don't like it.

I'm so upset. I'm so freaked out.

I need help.

Wait, Rachel.

No, you need to come on time.

Wait, Rachel, Rachel.

Stay right there, please. Excuse me, guys.

Stay right there.

-Hold it somebody. -I don't have time.

I'm not comfortable we're doing this one.

We're not cutting hair.

You're leaving?

10:30. Yeah.

I'm just gonna pee.

I don't care anymore. Let me go.

-This look? -Yeah.

I hate it.

Why didn't you tell me?

I needed to plan.

I like it.

The look is amazing, but it's not worked out properly.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's the thing, you know.

All we have to do is spend a little time.

It's like when you paint the house you have to dry paint.

I'm from the land of clocks.

Switzerland.

And Switzerland, in that day, was really conservative.

I was to marry, have a bank account, a car and a house.

It was sort of a very boxed in kind of a thing

that I felt I had to be, uh,

fit in to.

I just know that

if I left Switzerland, I would be able

to find out more about who I am.

I felt that if I stayed in Switzerland,

I would be stifled

with what you're supposed to be.

And I wanted to discover who I am.

I knew that there was a lot more to life.

And I was not afraid to go out

and find out what it's like to not be in the safety of what you know.

My childhood was very straightforward.

It was very safe.

My childhood was very safe.

Very present mother, mother that stayed home.

The father went to work.

We're gonna go straight on.

You're on 13, right?

-Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah, keep going.

And then, one day I came home,

I don't remember if I was six or seven.

And my mother was being whisked off in an ambulance.

And I remember me and my sister, and my brother,

we looked out of the window, my mother was taken away.

She had TB,

which was a kind of, already an unusual illness in those days.

I don't remember anybody sitting down really explaining.

It was just like this perfect

weather, and then suddenly, a hurricane came.

And my father was just kind of off in, like, la-la land.

So we were at the mercy of these strangers, in a way.

We had a woman that was taking care of us.

That was a long time, two years.

And, I think I had to grow up.

That's when I grew up.

Keep going,

where the red sign is over there.

So what happened is, my father fell in love,

or was having an affair

with that woman,

what the main person

that was taking care of us. We didn't know.

So, after my mother came back

I guess, he was gonna cut it off with that woman.

But she got pregnant.

When it finally came out,

my father said, "I have another child,

and another one on the way."

It ended the family.

My father clearly was capable of living a double life.

I kind of admired how well he did it.

He really did it well.

Life... Living life is odd.

You know, we have to go through all sorts of ways and types,

ups and downs in life.

And to get through it is, is...

You know, to survive it and come out at the other end

in a positive way, isn't always easy.

You know, so, it's an art form.

Where's the line?

-Am I...

No, where is everybody?

It's a fucking freeze-up, right?

It's too cold. Is anybody here?

Yeah. There are some people here.

Yeah. No, that's not a good answer.

There are, it's early.

-Go on and shake, shake, shake.

-Have a good night. -Thank you.

I went fairly regularly to Susanne's events

when I was still in high school.

Like this closeted gay kid from Afghanistan.

This world of technicolor suddenly just opened.

That little scared outsider kid from Kabul via New Jersey.

I'd get dressed up, and get on the bus

and come to the Port Authority

and make our way to the club.

So we didn't have to hide. Just for one night.

That's exactly what Susanne's world was for me,

and still continues to be.

I had a few hours in which I could

feel that extraordinary sense of freedom.

Because we had cool looks

Kenny would let us in right away.

You can't dress like this and be the same.

Shamans all over the world

dress in costumes

to bring out a different energy in themselves,

so they can reach a different place.

You put this on and then you put that on

and the magnifying of the dress

and the magnifying of the persona,

it's just reaching a place where you

feel your vulnerabilities are pushed

to the back.

To me, it's about waking the subconscious,

bringing things out.

These are characters who just come to life with music.

You just listen, you hear the music and you move to the beat.

To me, it's like meditation.

Be in the moment. Being in the moment is spiritual,

an experience where you can completely

transcend out of your body and just be part of people around you.

You don't ask.

But you realize people go through a lot.

But that's what makes nightlife so special, is you can just escape from all that.

Be around people who get you,

and support you and won't judge you.

It's stil... is a safe place for people

who feel like they have nowhere else that they belong.

Back then we had to go to those places

because it was the only way we could have this

existential experience

that we couldn't have at home or in the streets.

There were all sorts of laws

about how close men were allowed to stand.

It was beyond human comprehension.

'Cause before we had all these rights,

gay marriage, clubs were a safe meeting place

for gays to meet each other.

Sex was a big element, way before

social apps and all that stuff took over.

You had to go out meet somebody in person to take them home.

Yeah, you knew you're at the right place

if it was just about to be busted or just had been.

There's still fun parties, like, and they feel wild.

But there's something about that time.

It just felt really free.

Scientists at the National Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta

today released the results of a study

which shows that the lifestyle of some male homosexuals

has triggered an epidemic of a rare form of cancer.

Living in New York in the heart

of the beginning of the AIDS epidemic as it kept mounting

was a horrifying sci-fi movie.

Somebody loses weight or somebody has a pimple,

everybody was like, "Oh, she has it."

We want to identify every person who is a carrier.

We want to identify every possible way to stop them

from spreading the disease.

Klaus Nomi is the first person that I knew

that was dying of AIDS.

Going to visit him, it was crazy.

When Klaus was at the hospital

it was, like they'd found an alien from Area 51,

all in plastic and covered up.

They put me in a jump suit, and a mask, and helmet, and gloves

They said, "we don't know what this is."

And I walked in,

took the gloves off, the jumpsuit,

and I got him

hugged him, held him, kissed him.

And I could see the doctors banging on the window.

If the only way to stop 'em, stop it, is quarantine people,

I don't think there's any way around it.

I think they're gonna have to do it.

These people, they're not fit. They're not human beings.

They have emotional problem.

[man] Do they see him on the street, RuPaul?

No.

You're disgrace to the human race. You know that?

Every day, you heard about somebody else who had died.

Everybody was torn between grief

and terror, and absolute rage at the government

because President Reagan

did not mention the word for years.

Mr. Reagan said,

"Prevention is better than a cure."

Abstinence has been lacking in much of the education.

Within my own community,

you know, ballroom community,

I started seeing how everybody was pushing away.

Like, don't touch me, you know, like,

they wouldn't eat from the same spoon.

They wouldn't do anything.

They don't want to breathe next to one another.

You don't even know what to make of it.

It was a creative holocaust on everyone that one knew.

Gary and Julio who lived here with me,

they both died of AIDS.

And...

Uh, the names

kept pouring and pouring.

And I was just waiting for them to say my name.

When I was personally diagnosed,

I accepted it right there on the spot.

The doctor only confirmed what I already knew.

'Cause I felt I'm gay. I have AIDS.

Without even knowing,

I just felt like, you know, being gay is AIDS.

The street kids at one point, rebounded.

But I wasn't getting any help from anybody

to say, "It's okay, we love you."

Because they were going through the same thing.

It was a dark, scary time.

And I was depressed.

One Sunday I went to house ball.

I just wanted to go to a ball. I love the balls.

And I went there.

When she came out, of course, I'm like, you know...

Excuse my expression. I'm like, "Who's this bitch?"

You know, and then I found out that she was "the bitch."

So I'm like, "All right. That's cool."

That community was very stricken by AIDS, especially.

What can I do? I'm like, "Why don't I fight this fucking thing

and do something about it?"

Woke up the next day, and I just had this like vision of it.

Why don't I use Harlem balls to raise money for AIDS?

I might have to go to companies, corporations.

And make them be a house for the night.

Get companies to compete against each other.

And the first person I called was Simon Doonan at Barneys

'cause I knew him well.

She told me all about the Voguing Balls.

And I didn't know about them. And I went to one with her.

And she said, "This is the format."

And then she put a committee together.

Susanne sat down with me and said, "You know,

I've had this idea, and I think that,

that we can take this

and use it to really raise a tremendous amount of money

for AIDS."

And I was very curious because

I just couldn't really see how that would ever happen.

-How we doing? -Very well.

-It's time to probably go through. -Fine.

It just snowballed. Everybody was just going for it.

Donna Karan, Watch Watch and Iman.

We sold tables for $10,000.

The wing commander, Bartsch, was ruthless and rigorous

about everything must be donated.

Preparations for the night began almost a year ago.

And it's success relies on corporate and private sponsorship,

as well as the free time donated by Bartsch and her troupe of volunteers.

Vogue Ball Publicity. Good afternoon.

It's helping me by

easing the pain. Doing something about it makes me, like, feel better.

I want the people to come together and have fun.

Even though in memory of the people we've lost,

and it's for the people who're suffering.

We want them to know that we care.

Live in New York,

this is Fox News at Seven.

Stars are coming out tonight for a big benefit

to raise money to fight AIDS.

But this is not your run-of-the-mill charity event.

Things are just getting underway right, Amy?

Correct, Anne. This is the fashion industry's

hottest ticket in town. Madonna is supposed to be on her way.

Naomi Campbell will be a judge tonight, we're told.

Oh, and what a ball it will be.

All of the Paris fashion scene is united here.

Everybody is here.

Michael, Michael, who's here?

Yes, House of Delight has arrived at the Love Ball.

The Love Ball combines the talent and creativity

of some of the top fashion designers,

with the outrageousness of New York City nightlife.

What results is a visual feast mixing uptown,

downtown, and, in many cases, way out of town.

It's wild. I think no one who's not here can expect what it is.

This is night-drag, you know.

I'm just doing it 'cause everyone's brought all these people here, you know?

The highlight of tonight's event is a fashion competition

based on the Voguing Balls in Harlem.

Although this scene looks frivolous, perhaps, to some people's eyes,

this is probably the most serious political action of our time.

Welcome to the fabulous Love Ball.

Donna Karan!

[Bartsch] We raised a lot of money.

I mean, we raised millions to give directly back to people suffering.

[Hector Xtravaganza] We were so accepted with such open arms.

When you're a underground kid and you're a street kid,

homeless kid,

and, you know, you open up fashion magazines.

You hear about these amazing designers.

Now you're in front of them, and they're loving you?

It's so surreal.

I needed that. I needed it.

Susanne, she played a lot of roles for me accepting

myself as being, um... HIV positive.

Because, you know, her Love Ball.

[Musto] When Susanne Bartsch took the stage,

it really was an electric feeling in the room.

And everybody was just screaming their heads off for her.

I felt like a transmitter,

the laugh and the energy from the audience.

I felt like it came through... and went back out

to them, it's amazing.

If you're still making the ball, I'm gonna scream at you.

This is for the braid hawk, the foundation.

-The braid hawk. -The long braid for Ronalto.

That's for tomorrow.

They're taking things.

Should I write it on the wall?

We're using the other ball. We don't have time anymore.

What do you think about that?

I think he needs solid lashes like Dom.

Like the one from home, I'm sorry.

It just looks like an afterthought.

But this has to be boom.

Do you know what I mean? We've to get all the lashes right.

No, this completely covers this eye and this does not.

This is definitely a no go, this hair.

It's like, "Shave me."

You're losing your mind.

Way better without.

So, I should just look at everyone that leaves town.

Look and make sure everything is on well. I'm worried.

This is anyway coming undone here.

So let me go put that on the disco comm.

Disco look, if we can get in.

I think this is gonna be good.

This is like a classic '80s.

Early '80s hairdo.

I actually wore that exactly like that.

When it's actually on display, like on the mannequin

it feels like my life is flashing in front of me.

People want a white wedding.

It wasn't my dream to have a white wedding.

It wasn't my dream to be married at all.

It wasn't my dream to have a family and children. It was just me

being me and living life

and if it comes, it comes and it came and it was perfect.

I don't if I ever even thought about getting married, but I knew I wanted to marry her.

I hated the idea of going and planning a wedding for two years,

an engagement and all that stuff.

It's too traditional for me.

I was doing this runway show called Inspiration.

It was sponsored by Playboy.

So what better sponsorship to have to get married?

So I said to David, "Let's just get married at end of the show,

and tell them it was a surprise."

And, he loved the idea.

I was crying when I saw Bailey walking down the aisle.

So cute

in his little three-piece suit

and his little curly...

head of hair

David, do you take Susanne

to be your lawful wedded wife?

As long as love lasts between the both of you?

Susanne, do you take David to be your lawful wedded husband?

As long as love shall last between the both of you?

Yes.

In a way, I was like,

"Look, we're doing the traditional thing, you know, getting married."

You know, I'm in my thong, and she's in her big giant like, egg-shaped veil.

Hey, fireman.

Look at him driving, wow!

I don't think we're gonna catch that fire.

-Hello.

This is a kid cam and let's have a look at me.

Hi, this is me, Bailey.

There must've been a moment where she was like, "Oh, wow!"

I’ve done it. I did what, you know, have, like, a nuclear family.

Um...

Of course, with a lot of bells and whistles.

-I'm here's my-- -Are you filming?

-Yeah. -Is it red?

-Cool. -And here's my mom.

And now, let's go to my room.

See my room. That's my loft bed.

Growing up in the Chelsea was...

Full of the most colorful characters

that I have ever encountered, and probably ever will encounter.

People would just be in costumes

in the lobby and just kind of wander around lost.

It felt normal.

It felt like a big weird family.

But then, my friends would come over,

and they'd see these people and like, "What's that?"

I just simply couldn't explain it.

It's like, "No, that's just him. He does that.

It's his life.

Fulfills him."

All of the satellites around my parents,

all his friends who didn't fit into any sort of box

were super sweet and familial to me.

And they kind of thought of me as like their own kid.

So, I had a lot of positive, loving

relationships with everyone

that seemed completely incapable

of these things almost, by the way you see them dress up.

I'm lucky that my parents met.

I'm lucky that they decided to keep the child

that they conceived supposedly on a beach in Miami.

They may not have been together a year before they conceived me.

And I know that keeping me was a decision.

A lot of head scratching and bitten lips.

My dad, a big cornerstone of his parenting technique,

was very much about being as honest with me as he possibly could be.

I know that...

my mother felt differently.

Like there were certain things that she really didn't want

him to be honest with me about.

My father struggles with addiction, with alcoholism.

My father wanted to tell me about it when I was very young.

Like, maybe I was six or seven.

And my mother was very against it.

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way... ♪

One lighter example, Santa Claus.

She really wanted me to think Santa was real.

Merry Christmas.

Wow! Look at those gifty-wifty.

Bailey, look, let's start opening 'em up, huh?

Yay!

You were right, Dad.

Hey, Little Mermaid.

Mom, look.

Oh, that's a human thing.

Let's ask Scuttle what it is.

Look how cute.

Look at Ariel, she just got out of the water.

Gender wasn't even really a consideration...

for my mother.

I didn't have to be defined

by the clothes I wore.

That definition would come out of myself, you know.

Something deeper than that.

When you're shamed at a young age,

can you really ever get to the point

where you really accept yourself?

I don't know. That's a big question.

There was a guy in the town who was mentally slow.

And he used to ring the bell

when the water would be turned off.

The water was often turned off.

Or, if there was a fire, he would ring the bell.

And everybody in the town,

all the kids in the town

got him to ring the bell when I would leave the house.

And say the queer is on the street.

The queer is on the street.

I grew up in Virginia.

It was very secluded. I thought like I lived in a bubble.

I was raised Southern Baptist.

I hitchhiked to New York after college.

It was an act of rebellion,

because my parents forbid me to go.

I was living in, like,

a $4 a night

men's shelter for a while.

I was doing anything just to be here.

I never felt like myself.

There wasn't a single gay person that I knew of.

I didn't have any references.

I was clueless about the culture.

I didn't even know there were gays.

Yeah, how about you come up tonight

I want you to get up here as fast as you can.

-Is that your mother? -Yeah.

It was a time when,

um, growing up,

a queer in America was not easy.

My mother and my grandmother were so totally supportive.

It was just never an issue. And it was something which--

I don't know if I realized,

at the time, how important it was.

But it just made my life so much easier.

Being closeted is a really profound journey

of isolation and just a fear and self-loathing.

You just can't believe to yourself

that you put yourself through that for 37 years.

Oh, people have always assumed that I was gay.

At some point in a straight relationship,

because I'm straight.

The question becomes,

"Well, everybody thinks you're gay.

Are you gay?"

In some ways, I feel like it would be easier if I was gay.

Because, then at least it would be straightforward.

People would say, "Okay, you're a homosexual man."

This is what you do. That makes sense.

But no, with me, it's a whiplash.

People think that, you know, we're, like, kinky people or something.

We're a married monogamous couple

that has sex with each other only.

That's all we want.

A man should be able to wear more clothes.

A man should be able to wear makeup.

Gender is learned.

All these things that we learn,

people have talked for years, and years and years and years.

Gender is a construct.

You can play with that construct

or you can break that construct.

Actually, a huge part of what I do,

is sort of, in response to how men show themselves.

The box that we put ourselves into,

allow ourselves to be placed into,

I've always found insulting,

sad, limited,

um, and pathetic.

You know, men are afraid to be seen as homosexual.

Try wearing a pink suit down the street.

Just a suit, a nice fitted designer suit

that's baby pink.

And se what people say.

Most men wouldn't do that.

Just 'cause of the fucking color.

Everybody out, let's go!

I had over 100 felonies.

Even though all the felonies

were because I was a man in a dress.

And even though all the felonies were given to me by another man

in a dress.

His dress was black and mine was gawdy.

So I got the felony.

One of my friends took me to a bar that had a drag queen

singing, and I was so

bothered by it, I think, I don't know.

Because it just, it felt so...

At the time, unnatural. I'd never seen anything like that.

So I just was like,

"What is this, like, what?" I couldn't like figure it out.

There was something about them that was similar to me

deep down.

My character, my persona

is neither female or male.

It's just something or some kind of character.

And when I go out into clubs, people come up, "Oh, we love you, what are you?"

And I'm like, "When you figure that out, write me a letter, dear."

But the young kids come up and they say,

"We love you

because you're not trying to identify."

All of these labels can't really define anybody.

Who is Kenny? You know,

this boy that doesn't do boyish things.

This overly-sensitive child...

who is definitely not fitting into the world

that he was born into.

I think if people didn't

put limitations on each other,

that would be utopia.

I mean, that would be perfection.

In Susanne's parties, I think, people are fluid.

There isn't a clear, "You're gay, you're straight

you're this, you're that, you're a man, you're a woman."

And she wants that.

She encourages people to say,

"What are you? Express it.

What are you today? Express that."

That's what Susanne is, and always has been about.

And in some small way,

or, in some cases, a major way,

that influence is from the ground up,

how the world turns, challenging the normal,

confronting it, but in a way that's only fun.

That is beautiful.

To the people that say that we're freaks,

I would say,

everybody's mama raised them different.

You look cute, Bailey Bailey. What are you doing?

Get in there.

Oh, fuck.

There's nothing in here.

When it rains

the water is running down to here

-and it always comes... -It's wet right there.

Yeah.

It is, you know, I seem to have a hard time

-coming here. Now, I'm... -I know.

-If I come, I have to be coming on my own. -Yeah.

Which is gonna be a little bit, like,

I don't know. I have to get used to it.

We got this house,

like a little oasis for our superscented new life together.

You know, I didn't want a broken family

because, you know, in the end, my family was broken too.

And that was the base thing I don't think that would repeat.

I heard myself talk.

-There's my husband.

This is great footage, right?

Helen, maybe you could also do the neck.

While you are at it. Look how much I have.

I love it, doctor. That's what I need.

Okay?

Make an old bag look like 20.

I didn't have a good job, if you were asking.

'Cause a breast fell and everything.

I remember a moment when I was separated I was like, "Oh, the boobs."

A bit of a pride there.

I had my eyelids done.

In 19, what, 2000 something.

My eyes were really droopy, my lids. So, I had the lids done.

Certainly I'm single. And I'm not 18 anymore. I'm like, "Oops."

It's something I didn't wanna experience.

But I'm experiencing it now.

It's a bit more than splitting up and being single,

the kid left too.

Many years of your life to raise a child

and that son is grown up and he goes off.

I think what's aging fast with people

and I noticed that they sort of give up.

I noticed some people give up.

And, I hate the idea of not having the energy that I'm used to,

the drive to make all the things work.

Because when I do an event,

it's every time it's like a new play.

You do all this work and then you have to start all over.

Poof, it's gone. Can't repeat it. It's done.

A moment in the night in everyone's life,

that moment, are they gonna show up?

Are they gonna like it? I don't wanna have a flop.

Divine died young. That was a good idea.

Just kidding.

There's something to dying when you're active.

I don't wanna die when I'm at home.

Because no one will know me anymore.

I don't want Bailey to worry about me.

And as he gets any sense of me,

he knows I lived a life,

and I did things that...

I laughed, and that inspired me

and in turn, I hope it inspires him.

Maybe I don't tell her I'm proud of her enough.

Because I am super proud of her.

It's tough to ask ourselves, "What have we done?

What has been our contribution?

Has it all been worth it?"

Her contributions to the world happen late at night

and it's like dust in the wind.

I would certainly say that she has been successful.

But I don't know if she feels that way.

-Hi, how are you? -I brought you flowers.

-Congratulations. -Oh, thank you.

It's your big day. I feel like you're getting married.

-I'm gonna try it.

That was not a big day, me getting married.

-I'm not like you. Planning the wedding.

I feel like, I feel emotional.

It's not good with makeup.

Keep the mascara light.

Hi.

-It's up? -Yeah that's right.

You like it, right? Oops, it's stuck.

I like it. All right, what do you think?

Yeah. Everybody's happy for you.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

-You like it? -Yeah.

I love you, Susanne.

-Did you see it? -I'm going right now.

Oh, go. Let me know what you think.

-Did you see the exhibition? -Not yet.

Go see. I wanna see what you think. Go.

Susanne!

Oh, my god. Have you seen it yet?

-No, I just got here. -Go, I want your opinion.

-Did you see the exhibition? -Not really.

Tonight we're about nostalgia

and celebrating the past, but we're looking forward.

[Bartsch] It's about-- It's about now.

Tonight is about right now. It's like people come and they're wondering

is this the right place? Oh, there's a celebrity over there.

It's like the moment is here.

I find a little bit of that dressing and I'd save the impulse and the adventure.

You don't really know...

Very nice.

Okay.

Oh, my god, Bailey, I miss you. Oops.

I wish you were here. It's really nice.

It's really nice.

You're why I'm doing this.

I mean, yes, you are.

Yes, you are.

You are, you are. You give me a purpose.

You give me a purpose to leave a legacy.

I love you so much. Good night, monkey.

Come here. Bailey's on the phone.

-Hi, monkey. -Susanne?

Are you coming to the after party?

No, I'm too old.

I know that. I know that feeling.

Yeah, I think time's actually flying.

I mean, it's just...

Really. Doesn't everybody?

Isn't it the fast time? Life's gotten fast.

-Okay, let's cut the fucking... -Yeah.

Oh, my god.

That's it, babe. [laughs] Good night.