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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,075 Erm, 14B Needham Road? 3 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,313 Sorry I'm late, I just ran over there. 4 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:18,834 - Stath. Perfect to meet you. - Hi. 5 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,316 I'm Stath, many happy returns. I'm Stath. 6 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:22,914 Your daughter. Yes, exactly. 7 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,273 And shall we wait for Mummy to go in or are we just going to charge in? 8 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:27,630 Me and her mum are separated. 9 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,159 Oh, God! 10 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,235 #One, two, three, four, five # 11 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,031 That's sort of a song for her 'cause she's quite young. 12 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,197 Oh, and there's a chair! 13 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,238 Michael & Eagle Lettings! 14 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,557 This is a feature, up here, that we tried to get rid of, 15 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:47,791 but in the end we decided we loved it. 16 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:51,233 And as you can see, there's an absolutely shower. 17 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,597 I mean, why have they put the television here? 18 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:54,949 Who's watching TV like that? 19 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,310 Just making sure there's no one in the bathroom. 20 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,550 Oh, blimey! Oh, there's a man in the bath, I can see his willy! 21 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,190 (LAUGHS) No,justjoking, it's a lovely, er, flat, there's no willies. 22 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,430 Imagine you have a party, look how many people you would fit in, 23 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:10,071 one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and then that's seven, 24 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,037 and if you step like this that's 14, 25 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:14,276 and then, ah, what's another seven? 26 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:15,435 - Twenty-one. - Twenty-one. 27 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,436 Any water that might get on them... No! 28 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,797 You are going to love 29 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:22,515 this. 30 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,239 It's a bit damp on the wall there, isn't it? 31 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:27,119 Nope, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not. It's not damp. 32 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,432 You just don't want to have the tissue paper 33 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,113 lent against the wall because it... 34 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,153 Because it's going to get wet because the wall is damp. 35 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,553 Oh, the fun, all the fun of the fair! 36 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:42,835 Watch her go! 37 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,913 Watch her go! 38 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:50,119 She loves it! 39 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,914 Unfortunately it doesn't come with the flat. 40 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,277 Do you want to let the flat now that I've said that to you? 41 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,038 No, I don't think so. 42 00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:58,110 Sorry. 43 00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,190 Why? 44 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,839 Do you want to take the flat? 45 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,391 Erm, it's a lovely place, it really is. Yeah. 46 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,399 - Erm... - Do you want to take the flat? 47 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:09,074 I think we need to have a chat, there's a few more places we need to look at. 48 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:12,073 Do you want to take the... The flat? 49 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,354 - No. - Don't... 50 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:15,794 (LAMP CLATTERS) 51 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,190 Careful! 52 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:21,353 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 53 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,513 Do you think if you push someone they're going to let a flat? 54 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,718 I didn't push them, I pushed them 55 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,990 because I was frustrated because I got a ticket. 56 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:48,880 (STATH GROANS) 57 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,595 Is that Smethwicks' bin? Bloody posh tosh. 58 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,160 Sorry, mate, is that bin in your way? 59 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,833 Yes! Why is it here? 60 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:56,513 I don't know. Maybe it just like, rolled there? 61 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:59,553 (SPEAKING GREEK) 62 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,069 - What? - Don't put your bin on my office. 63 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:03,270 Thank you! 64 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,636 You pushed him, you told me I can't push people. 65 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,199 A bin is not a customer. 66 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,233 And, Mike, is the pigeon in the house or in the loft? 67 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:11,640 I got to ask that. I'm sorry. 68 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:12,830 STATH: Your bin stinks! 69 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:14,793 It's in the loft, I have, I have already said... 70 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:15,990 OK, I'll tell you what. 71 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,356 I'm in a situation now where I'm literally thinking 72 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,078 we've got to get that pigeon out of the loft. 73 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,355 That's what I've been... Yeah. 74 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:22,470 Don't chat and play. 75 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,278 Am I chatting? I'm thinking about what I've done. 76 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:25,800 Come with me now! 77 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,518 - Oh, my... - Your sister is waiting. 78 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:32,029 I want to talk to you very gently about something. 79 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,277 - Oh, OK. - Hold my hand, princess. 80 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,430 (SPEAKS GREEK) 81 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:37,510 Crumbs, man. 82 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,553 OK, next month, I will going to be 70. 83 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,313 - Oh, my God. - Why? 84 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,914 Why have you say, "Oh, my God"? I didn't say something of shock. 85 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:46,952 - I didn't know. - I want to tell you, 86 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,355 I'm going to retire so 87 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,234 - I stop working and... - Am I going to be boss next month? 88 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:53,152 - No, I haven't finished. - Am I taking over? 89 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,674 I thought you wanted to do dancing? 90 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,353 Oh yeah, I do want the dancing. 91 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,919 What? How am I not taking over? 92 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,231 It's a family business, man, I'm the most one of the family. 93 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,476 Of course I want to give it to you, you're my blood and body, 94 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,238 but look what you do, pushing and pissing. 95 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:09,354 Vas, the tenant from Furness Drive is here about the pigeon. 96 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:10,910 They don't like having the bird? 97 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,714 No, they don't like it. I'm going to have to hire someone. 98 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:15,109 We don't want to hire, actually. 99 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:16,755 It's nice if you do it, Carole. 100 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,473 Well, I've already had several goes 101 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,517 and it turns out I'm not a bird handler. 102 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,075 - Can't Stath do it? - I'm not approaching a beak! 103 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,074 Right, no, I'm sorry but you don't scream near me. 104 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,997 - She is the living end, she is. - No, she lets plenty, 105 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,549 -plenty, plenty flats. - Wait, hang on, is Carole taking over? 106 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,877 Oh, my Lord! I want to be boss, please. 107 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,598 What about what I want, baby? 108 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:41,157 I want to retire so I can laugh all day, and make a chair and learn iPad. 109 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,556 I want to look at my cousin in Southampton, eh, Sophia? 110 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,359 Yeah, er, I showed them a video 111 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,829 of Uncle Costa jiggling around on Facebook. 112 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,558 - Right. - I want you to show me, 113 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,910 yes, you're the good choice for manager. 114 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,156 Stop pushing and get some viewings. Re! 115 00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:57,193 Yep, but when I go to answer the phone, like, they all pick it up first. 116 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,509 They're not even very fair to me. 117 00:04:58,600 --> 00:04:59,590 Bloody hell, mate! 118 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,876 You hear the ring, you don't let it ring twice. 119 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,509 See? Ding ding. "Hello." Gorgeous. 120 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,478 Ding ding. "Hello, can I help you?" 121 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,437 Ding ding. "Good morning, how are you tonight?" 122 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:09,789 - Good boy! - Yeah. 123 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:11,917 -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Hello, this is Stath! 124 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,798 - VASOS: No. It's the door not the phone. - Yes. 125 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,309 Carole came back. 126 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:19,110 SOPHIE: Hi, Al. 127 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,599 Oh, fine, thanks, yep. How are you doing? 128 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,950 - Hey, Stath, are you OK? - Good. Good, yeah. 129 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,514 Tricky day, heavy stuff, man. 130 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,590 You doing good, boy? 131 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:30,560 Yeah,just having a tea, so, this stuff is just so addictive. 132 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,269 - I'm on about a cup a day now, so, yeah. - Oh! 133 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:34,550 Not every day. 134 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,790 You know, sometimes I have to go and do lets and... 135 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,797 The way this guy tells stories, man. 136 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,310 It's like everything he says is like a famous old speech 137 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,232 -from like the war or something. -(ALL LAUGHING) 138 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,717 It's like the radio, so funny. 139 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,110 Sorry, Al, best conversation I've had in weeks, but I've got to go, 140 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,396 I've got to go pick up the phone. 141 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,712 So do you only like tea or do you like coffee as well? 142 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,593 Er, no,just... Just tea, 143 00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,631 but I've got a cousin that really likes coffee. 144 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,830 Oh, my God, that's hilarious. 145 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,280 (LAUGHING HEARTILY) 146 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,230 Yes. It's a three-bed flat, but it feels like a four. 147 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:10,800 Like a four-bed. 148 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,114 Well, no, there aren't any beds in it. 149 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,476 -(PHONE RINGING) - Michael & Eagle Lettings, 150 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,233 - Carole speaking. - The... 151 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,758 Oh, yep. Yeah, that's fine. 152 00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,399 (PHONE RINGING) 153 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,357 - Michael & Eagle Lettings. - CAROLE: OK. No problem. 154 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,398 Dean, I wanted to answer that one, thank you, please. 155 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,034 - Muse. - What? 156 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:30,719 The band Muse. 157 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:33,872 Got the whole house to myself now so it's just Muse 24/7. 158 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,155 Loud Muse! 159 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,794 What are you saying, Marcus? I don't understand the word, Marcus. 160 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,234 -(PHONE RINGING) - Come on! 161 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:40,310 Michael & Eagle Lettings. 162 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:42,477 Marcus! Making me miss the phone. Muthes! 163 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:43,870 Muse. 164 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:46,590 - We did this dance at college... - AL: Oh, God! 165 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,195 And they were all caterpillar worms, 166 00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:51,556 and to make the main boy a butterfly... 167 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,318 (BOTH LAUGHING) 168 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,038 ...we had to rip his trousers off! 169 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,110 (LAUGHS) Oh, God! 170 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,393 Al, do you have any spare viewings for... 171 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,079 What, what are you laughing at? 172 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,958 - This one time at dance college... - Yeah... 173 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,720 When I had to rip this boy's trousers off 174 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,711 and you could see his pants! 175 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,877 - Oh, my goodness! - That's so embarrassing 176 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,354 for the guy who loses his trousers. 177 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,671 -(BELLJINGLES) - Oh, a let! 178 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,592 -(LAUGHING) -(PHONE RINGING) 179 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:17,231 No, no, no, I will not... 180 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,754 - Carole, don't. - Michael & Eagle Lettings, 181 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:19,830 - Carole speaking. - No, mine... 182 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,115 You just had a call two seconds ago! 183 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:22,713 - Ooh, sorry. - Oh, Al! 184 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:23,875 Christ! 185 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,157 Be soft as you come through the door, Al. 186 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:27,639 We're going to take you to the hospital. 187 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:28,994 Want me to get you an energy drink? 188 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:30,070 - Ah, no. - Right. 189 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:33,118 - Just keep your head really low. - So sorry about this, 190 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,873 - I don't know how to... - Oh no, it's my fault, 191 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,037 I shouldn't have been sat at my desk. 192 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,031 Excuse me, sorry, is this a bad time? 193 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,510 - Er, no, it's wonderful, sorry. - I've got a viewing 194 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:44,712 at 59A Pelling Way with Carole? 195 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:48,711 I'm not Carole, but I'm going to do that viewing. 196 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:49,790 (STATH LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 197 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,470 Er, Sophie, can I get the keys to 59A Pelling Way? 198 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,677 Thank you. Oh, God, that's a bloody... 199 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,952 That's an absolute crooner of a property that one, you lucky sod. 200 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:03,079 Give me one second on that, erm, ah, I've got to do a viewing now. 201 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,071 Erm, what do you reckon, man? 202 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,515 Ah, well, if you could just drop me off at A&E on the way? 203 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,798 - My face feels very red. - Yeah, sorry. 204 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,479 - No, it's not on the way. - Ah. 205 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,471 You could run there? 206 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,870 It's literally it will be like 25 minutes or more to go there. 207 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,229 - Run? - Yeah. 208 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,469 - All right. - Should I tell Carole? 209 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,198 No! Thank you very much, Sophie. 210 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:21,475 (LAUGHING HEARTILY) 211 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,437 Ooh, you're... You're fantastic, aren't you! 212 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,158 (LAUGHING HEARTILY) 213 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:26,754 In the back, please! 214 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,678 That blood is mucky! 215 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,910 Yeah. Yeah, it's really flowing now. 216 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,518 I should go to hospital but Stath is going the other way. 217 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,435 Wait, no, that is the way to the hospital. 218 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,991 STATH: We're going to get you a lovely house, Helen! 219 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,989 (POP MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR RADIO) 220 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,993 Oh, good God, very strong music on there, wasn't it! 221 00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:57,880 I always like this sort of effect. 222 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,390 All crumbly like that. It's good enough to eat! (LAUGHS) 223 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,273 No, don't eat the house, you'll get a drippy tummy. 224 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,750 (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Oh, I'm a right cherry, 225 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:06,473 I've been using my own key for my flat! 226 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:09,439 (LAUGHS) Oh, bloody hell! Silly Billy Awards! 227 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,751 I win the Silly Billy Awards! 228 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,750 Oh! Oh, it's nice! 229 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,916 The interesting thing about this particular property 230 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:24,671 is that it was actually built around a time from, 231 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:25,875 in history, 232 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:26,990 -which is... -(ALARM BLARING) 233 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,269 Oh... Oh, God! 234 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,397 (SCREAMS AND LAUGHS) 235 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:31,675 (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) 236 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,272 Erm, I... I believe the code buttons 237 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,478 are a bit tricky to find in the property so... 238 00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,119 - Sorry? - No, I was... I was... 239 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,191 Why don't we... Why don't I show you around, 240 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,112 er, while I'm trying to find the code buttons? 241 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,237 - Really? - Yeah, so the, this, erm... 242 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,552 This bench is actually very good for sitting on, 243 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,119 and also to put your shoes. 244 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:55,990 It actually reminds me of a bench from school in PE, Helen. 245 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,515 Does it remind you of being in PE, Helen? 246 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,153 - Does it what? -(SHOUTS) Does the bench 247 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,880 remind you of being in PE at school, Helen? 248 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,159 Can you just turn that alarm off? 249 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:06,594 Yeah, with the code, but does... 250 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,956 I said does the bench remind you of being in PE? 251 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,030 Does it what? 252 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,232 STATH: Does the bench remind you of being in PE, Helen? 253 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,318 AL: So have you been to this hospital before? 254 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:17,795 - Is it nearby? - Yeah. 255 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,474 Sorry, I've just got a bit of a sagging feeling in my eye, so... 256 00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:22,796 Oh, my God. Yeah, I know the way. 257 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,996 Erm, I always see it when I'm on my way to myjumping. 258 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,993 Ah, cool. Sorry, what was that? "Yourjumping"? 259 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,435 Oh, er, I just go to ajumping class. 260 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,318 - Oh, right. - It's, er, part of my college. 261 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,950 You just go and jump around everywhere for an hour. 262 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,672 God, I'd love to do that, I need to do that. 263 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,157 Sophie do you do, er, Twitter, 264 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:44,674 -the whole sort of Twitter thing? - Yeah! 265 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,080 Yeah. 266 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,038 Yeah. Oh, my God, I love it. 267 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,279 Yeah, all my cousins follow me. 268 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,398 I even, yeah, got a reply from Leona Lewis once, 269 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,832 -she told me she'd had enough. - Oh, wow. See, that's great. 270 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,992 You know, I do a couple from the Michael & Eagle account 271 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,031 but I can't play with the big boys. (CHUCKLES) 272 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,433 My stuff's mainly, uh, two-bed property to let. 273 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,233 Kind of cool I guess, but, you know. 274 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,758 You should do funny ones from the work account. 275 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,871 Like, er... 276 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,953 "Check out these flats, they're doolally crazy!" 277 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,919 (LAUGHING HEARTILY) 278 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:20,429 Sorry! 279 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:22,674 That really makes me laugh! 280 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,353 (ALARM BLARING) 281 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,917 (SHOUTS) As you can see, it's actually a fantastically big bedroom 282 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,674 which means it's very difficult to find the code buttons. 283 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,593 - OK, can we just look at another place? - Ah, yeah, we got it! 284 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,911 (GIBBERISH) 285 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,877 -(BLARING CONTINUES) - Er... 286 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,313 (STRAINING) 287 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:45,875 (ALARM BEEPS AND STOPS) 288 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,714 Helen, 289 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,116 we did it together! 290 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:51,310 The controls are... 291 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,073 - Are downstairs, that was me. - No. 292 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,197 Oh, well done, that was the thermostat. 293 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,631 Erm, I am so sorry, you must be Helen? 294 00:11:58,840 --> 00:11:59,910 - Are you... - This is Carole, 295 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,872 she gets rid of pigeons for our office 296 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:03,639 -and lets flats. - Yes, yes. 297 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,279 Helen, I tell you what, 298 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,154 can you just give us two secs, babe? Is that OK? 299 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,471 Erm, and by that I do mean seconds, by the way, 300 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,029 not sex, thank you, in case you... 301 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,276 I'm going to have to watch you, Hel. That's mad! 302 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,237 Pop yourself in the kitchen, I'll be along in a minute. 303 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,833 Can't wait to chat to you and get to know you. 304 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,036 - All right, lovely. - All right! 305 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,310 Don't let her roam around, 306 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,596 she needs us to show her things in the property, that's what we do. 307 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:28,833 This is my viewing, OK? And for me what happened is, 308 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,513 you came along and you nicked it. 309 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,159 You've actually acted illegal, 310 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,272 and I'm going to be finishing up from now on, OK? 311 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:35,839 Yeah, I saw her first, OK? 312 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:39,515 And the early worm catches the...thing, the dirt. 313 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:41,429 Go away! 314 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,070 It's my girl Helen! 315 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,156 Hi, er, whereabouts is A&E? 316 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,353 Closest one's about 20 minutes from here. 317 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,670 - What, I thought this was a hospital. - No. 318 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,760 Oh, my God, I always thought it was. 319 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,792 I think it's just 'cause it's big. 320 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,593 Sorry, what... What is this place then? 321 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:04,353 RECEPTIONIST: Two companies operate out of here, 322 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,193 ones a wine bottle manufacturer HQ and the other's a copper firm. 323 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:11,070 We've got some complimentary DVDs about them if you want. 324 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,799 -(SIGHS) - Thanks very much, that's fantastic. 325 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:18,833 - CAROLE: Here we go, Hel. - Thanks. 326 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,194 That alarm though, do you remember? 327 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:23,278 It was like being in a techno tent or something, wasn't it? 328 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,795 I offered you a coffee earlier, Helen, and you said no. 329 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,193 What is it you actually do, erm, Helen, if you don't mind me asking? 330 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:30,515 Oh, I'm in graphic design. 331 00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,318 Yeah, I thought you were creative, actually, 332 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,556 'cause I am quite creative, I can usually spot others. 333 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,832 Yes, and me, me too, very, very much. 334 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,917 Look, Hel, this flat. 335 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,793 I mean, you ask the last tenants, 336 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,560 they were just crying when they found out they were leaving. 337 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:46,995 Yeah, 'cause, 'cause the bailiffs come and they took the table, 338 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,269 it was their grandad's table. 339 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,953 - That wasn't here. - No. 340 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:54,679 I don't know you, obviously, erm, but from what I know of you, 341 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,510 like, thus far, absolutely wonderful, creative mind, 342 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,072 -hell of a top on, good morals. - Mmm. 343 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,474 I think you're probably a little bit like me, actually, aren't you? 344 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,955 I think, you like things howyou like them, 345 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,157 don't ask me why,just do, don't you? 346 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,153 Just want to come in, shut the door and go, "Yes, I'm home." 347 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,470 Little glass of wine. That's you, innit? 348 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,239 Am I sort of in the right ballpark with that? 349 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:18,719 Um, I think so, yeah. 350 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,154 And from my point of view... 351 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:22,594 (CHOKES UP) 352 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:30,198 I thought I had something to say. I don't. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 353 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,470 So it's nice. 354 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,633 Yeah, OK, I'm going to... I'm going to go for it. 355 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,035 - What? - CAROLE: Ah, Helen! 356 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,720 That's fantastic news, Hel, you won't regret it, I promise you. 357 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,595 - Lovely. - STATH: My go on the hand 358 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:46,595 -much better (LAUGHS) than what I saw. - That's great. 359 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:47,750 How is it your let? 360 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,798 I showed her around, you just sat at the table talking about her tops. 361 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,720 I'm sorry, but you didn't do nothing, you just went in and bashed around. 362 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,558 No, I chipped in very helpfully, 363 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,109 and at one point she took me aside and she goes, 364 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,591 "You did this, you're the reason I'm taking it." 365 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,911 - Let it go, it's my let. - Yeah, what... 366 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,197 Let me get that for you, Helen. 367 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,315 Just the last few centimetres. 368 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,954 Do you want to just do the contract here if you want, Hel? 369 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,519 I know, paperwork though, ugh! 370 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,280 Yeah, sorry, Helen,just gently. 371 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:17,433 Erm, who exactly let you the property out of... 372 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:18,750 As in? 373 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:20,194 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 374 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,158 - Both of you? - Right. 375 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,153 - Her probably more. - Carole Collins. 376 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,953 Sorry, Helen, no, how would you know? 377 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,917 You're not a letting agent, it's not your choice. 378 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,157 - Well, you asked me the question! - Yeah, well, no, 379 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,549 I'm going back to the office. 380 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,639 Don't. Just leave. 381 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:39,149 SOPHIE: This one's about wine. 382 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,030 Do you think people watch it, it's going to make them pissed? 383 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,994 (LAUGHING HEARTILY) 384 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,871 - Oh no, God! - It's fine. 385 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:53,156 Sorry,just... There we go. 386 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,000 Do you know where we are, by the way? What is this area? 387 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,553 Well, the office is just over there so... 388 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:04,999 - I wasn't sure why we were waiting here. - Oh, my God, we're plonkers. 389 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,393 OnlyFoolsandRodney, innit? 390 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:10,233 (LAUGHING HEARTILY) That's good. 391 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,717 You know what, Sophie, I'm fine. 392 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,797 Yeah, let's just go back to the office. 393 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,149 Don't you have to go to college? 394 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,390 Oh, it's OK, I can dance later, 395 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,039 we have the music channels at ours. 396 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,351 Or you can come to mine and Stath's tonight and watch these? 397 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,709 Oh, wow! (CHUCKLES) 398 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:34,550 Actually I should probably go back to mine, Skype the girlfriend later. 399 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:37,235 She's having a rough time. It's very humid in Japan. 400 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,439 Yeah, agreed. 401 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,355 - All right, Al, has Carole got back yet? - Uh, I don't know, actually. 402 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,039 Oh, your head looks mad! 403 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,432 What is that about? 404 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,440 Ah, well, ha-ha-ha, chuckle, hilarious. 405 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:56,994 What, you think I can't pull it off? 406 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,712 God, it's a push. What you doing, man? Come on. 407 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:04,914 RECORDED VOICE: In supportofyourcouncil, 408 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,435 please tellus thenature ofyourcomplaintafter thebeep. 409 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,512 -(BEEPS) - Bin. 410 00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:12,599 RECORDED VOICE: I'm sorry, Ididn'tquite... 411 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,189 - Bin. - RECORDED VOICE: Canyourepeat, please? 412 00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:16,919 - Bin. Bin. -(KNOCKING AT DOOR) 413 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,434 - Ididn'tquite... - Er, I just let a flat. 414 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,477 -(SHOUTING IN GREEK) - No, sorry. 415 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,756 - I'm sorry, Ididn'tquite catch that - Bin! 416 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:26,390 Marcus, I got, erm, a let. Can you put it in the computer? 417 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,552 Her name was Helen... Dale I reckon. 418 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,597 Sure, yeah. Just to explain the Muse thing... 419 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,159 - No... - I'm planning a sort of office trip 420 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:35,032 -for us all to go and see Muse... - Marcus... 421 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,554 I just need to make the most of the summer 422 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,234 -now that Gwen's gone and... - Shut up about your wife, 423 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,999 and put the let! 424 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:42,800 - Yeah. - Yeah. 425 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,996 Erm, er, would you have the signed contracts? 426 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,909 - Yeah, I do, yeah. - Good. Can I see them? 427 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,318 DEAN: It's just flapping around up there in the loft? 428 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:54,390 -(CRASH) - Christ. 429 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:55,470 Oi, calm it, Stath. 430 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,039 - I know, yeah. - Yeah, it's flapping around, 431 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,316 it's flying, I don't know what it's doing, I just want it gone. 432 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,629 Well, obviously that's not on, 433 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:02,597 so we'll see what we can do about that for you, sir. 434 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,154 Why can't I get it to dingle? 435 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:05,310 - Like that. - You get one? 436 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:06,953 Yep, 59A Pelling Way. 437 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:08,150 - Bravo. -(DOOR OPENS) 438 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,232 What? Shut up, don't lie! 439 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,080 I don't lie, your nose gets bigger every time I see you, mate. 440 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,039 It's actually a massive nose as well, so that works. 441 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:20,159 Marcus, my darling, 59A Pelling Way. 442 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,072 - Yeah. - Here we go, Helen Shah. 443 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,834 - Yep, Dale... Shah. - You both let Pelling Way? 444 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:25,950 - It was her viewing... - Yes. 445 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,673 ...so I took it off her, fair enough, that's bad, 446 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,434 but then she come back to the flat and took it back off me, 447 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,591 even after I set the alarm off and done a load of work, 448 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:33,954 and showed her a bench and everything. 449 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,111 Erm, right, I'm not arguing with that, 450 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,634 yeah, that is exactly what happened, yeah. 451 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:38,710 - No, it's not. - What? 452 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,199 Why did you took it off her? 453 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,554 - Are you stealing now? - No. 454 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,991 This morning he is the pushy boy, now he's the man of the steal. 455 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,760 Is there one thing that you can do that is a nice thing? 456 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,389 - Yeah. - Can I go now? This is toxic. 457 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,279 - Are you in charge here? - Sorry, sorry, Vasos, this is Mike, 458 00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:56,476 he's had a bit of a rough time with a pigeon. 459 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,154 She said someone will be round today. It's been weeks. 460 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,391 Deary, deary, yes, that is quite a rotten shame. 461 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,558 To be fair, I have had several goes, to be fair, and also to be fair to me... 462 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:05,914 Not to be fair, to be fair every day. 463 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,274 - I'll do it. - What? 464 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,794 Yeah, she's too busy 465 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,359 -talking the day away... - I'm working. 466 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,512 ...beep, beep, beep. Can't we just do it, please, for once? 467 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,559 - Dad, I'm doing it. - OK, bravo. 468 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,720 Right. So, could you just remind me, what is it you've got in your house? 469 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:23,236 - It's just like a simple dove, innit? - No, it's... It's a pigeon. 470 00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,033 - Yeah. - Oi, has someone hacked our Twitter? 471 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,596 "New two-bed for rent, get crazy for flats you fucking arseholes"? 472 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,159 I should delete that. 473 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:34,875 What are you going to do with it? 474 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,951 - Have you got a net or something? - Yeah. 475 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,039 Like that. Erm, so, what? 476 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,997 I go up and then I give it a quick push 477 00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,396 and then it's going to walk down the ladder? 478 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,312 - What? - No, erm... 479 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,200 So, what have you heard about it? 480 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,357 Is it, like, quite nice and slow 481 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,192 or is it going to be a bit quick and ridiculous? 482 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:56,759 What are you talking about? It's a pigeon, 483 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:58,831 -it's flapping around up there. - I don't want to do it. 484 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:00,115 - I don't want you to do it! - I know. 485 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,395 - I wanted a professional... - Right. 486 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,039 ...but they sent you, just get on with it. 487 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,150 I am getting on with it. 488 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,880 I'm bloody doing a lot of effort for you, actually. 489 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,559 Why are you taking the ladder away from me? 490 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:09,869 Because you need to close the hatch. 491 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,917 I'll close it some of the way, 492 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,877 but I need to leave it a bit open so I can breathe. 493 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,877 MIKE: Er, no, close it. 494 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:16,950 Close the hatch! 495 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,838 It's not even up here, it's probably just rotted away. 496 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:19,910 Just... Just look for it. 497 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,116 - Close the hatch and look for it. - STATH: Crumbs, man! 498 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,671 Ugh, I can feel something. 499 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:26,879 Oh, my God, what is that? 500 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,320 It's like a sort of shirt. 501 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:29,953 Do you have a shirt up here, Mike? (SHOUTS) 502 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,155 Oh, shit! 503 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:32,873 Oh. 504 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,754 Mike, I think that the pigeon just flew out of the loft. 505 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,235 Christ! 506 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,359 (SHOUTS) What are you doing? 507 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:43,790 Damn it! 508 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,554 -(EXCLAIMING IN FEAR) - Get it out! 509 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,154 STATH: Is it on me? Is that on me now? 510 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:48,594 - No, it's on my bed. - No, it's on me. 511 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,114 Get the pigeon off me! 512 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,396 - MIKE: It's not on you. -(YELLS) It is! 513 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,359 I'm going to get it with the... 514 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,472 Come back here, sir, er, young lad. 515 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:58,789 MIKE: That is not going to do it. 516 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,439 (SCREAMS) Christ! 517 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,075 Did that do it? Is it in? 518 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:04,309 - No, it didn't! - No, it's not in! 519 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,473 I can't see it any more. 520 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:07,550 Beak! 521 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:09,270 Crumbs! 522 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,512 Ah! No, not any more. Please, not any more! 523 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:13,590 Mike! 524 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,318 - What are you doing with the bag? - What, be more calm with this? 525 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,390 The bag's not going to work. 526 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:18,357 You need to be more calm, or I'm not going to... Crumbs! 527 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,756 (HOOVER WHIRRING) 528 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,799 Another telly! 529 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,953 Copy with me out of the window... 530 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,913 Copy with me out of the window, please. 531 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:37,550 We did it! Good... 532 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:39,478 - Good job, man. - I'm going to callyour office. 533 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,597 What you... What office... Shit. 534 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:45,030 You did that. 535 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,831 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 535 00:21:48,305 --> 00:22:48,606 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org41739

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