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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,212 --> 00:00:02,962 (dramatic music) 2 00:00:08,628 --> 00:00:11,045 (mystical music) 3 00:01:16,187 --> 00:01:17,971 - Sha-ha, dah. 4 00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,337 Broosk-da-da-da-boom. 5 00:01:20,337 --> 00:01:21,504 Shadeet-hamah. 6 00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:26,670 (spits) 7 00:01:30,068 --> 00:01:32,235 (mumbles) 8 00:01:33,395 --> 00:01:35,478 Brooks-dask-dask-da-boom. 9 00:01:41,137 --> 00:01:43,304 (mumbles) 10 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,454 Milo-tamale-shakinee. 11 00:02:10,489 --> 00:02:12,884 (upbeat music) 12 00:02:12,884 --> 00:02:14,826 - [Audiobook] You are a winner. 13 00:02:14,826 --> 00:02:16,586 You soar with the eagles. 14 00:02:16,586 --> 00:02:17,419 No. 15 00:02:17,419 --> 00:02:19,560 The eagles soar with you. 16 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,227 (alarm beeping) 17 00:02:24,946 --> 00:02:25,779 - Shit. 18 00:02:31,948 --> 00:02:34,698 I'm gonna be late for work again. 19 00:02:36,009 --> 00:02:40,342 I know I shouldn't have stayed over on a work night. 20 00:02:41,289 --> 00:02:42,122 Did you hear me, babe? 21 00:02:42,122 --> 00:02:43,855 I'm gonna be late for work again. 22 00:02:43,855 --> 00:02:45,022 Bye jellybear. 23 00:02:46,893 --> 00:02:50,040 - [Audiobook] You are destined for greatness. 24 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,588 You are a caterpillar waiting to transform 25 00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:55,531 into a magnificent butterfly. 26 00:02:55,531 --> 00:02:58,114 (upbeat music) 27 00:02:59,311 --> 00:03:01,991 - He's so cute when he's sleeping. 28 00:03:01,991 --> 00:03:05,074 I'm gonna go start the coffee. - Okay. 29 00:03:12,047 --> 00:03:14,360 - [Audiobook] Your life has meaning. 30 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,688 You are a king among ordinary men. 31 00:03:16,688 --> 00:03:19,452 A king with a huge penis. 32 00:03:19,452 --> 00:03:21,339 A glorious penis. 33 00:03:21,339 --> 00:03:25,880 A penis that should be praised and worshiped. 34 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,683 - Suagar-booger. 35 00:03:27,683 --> 00:03:29,650 My little astronaut. 36 00:03:29,650 --> 00:03:32,359 It's time to get up sleepy head. 37 00:03:34,543 --> 00:03:38,190 - [Audiobook] You can achieve anything you set you mind to. 38 00:03:38,190 --> 00:03:41,107 Other men cower in your greatness. 39 00:03:43,027 --> 00:03:45,438 (trombone blasting) 40 00:03:45,438 --> 00:03:48,234 - Come on, Matty, breakfast is almost ready. 41 00:03:48,234 --> 00:03:49,836 - [Audiobook] If you were an animal, 42 00:03:49,836 --> 00:03:52,177 you would be a dinosaur. 43 00:03:52,177 --> 00:03:55,177 - Matt, Honey, it's time to wake up. 44 00:03:59,915 --> 00:04:00,848 - Whoa! 45 00:04:08,585 --> 00:04:09,767 Thanks, Shaniqua. 46 00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:11,434 I'm not even hungry. 47 00:04:13,190 --> 00:04:16,273 (upbeat jolly music) 48 00:04:24,745 --> 00:04:25,808 (horn honking) 49 00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,248 - Every fucking morning. 50 00:04:28,248 --> 00:04:29,081 Come on. 51 00:04:31,426 --> 00:04:33,843 - Oh, shit, holy chode balls. 52 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:39,909 - So sorry, Alexander, he's gonna be a few more minutes. 53 00:04:39,909 --> 00:04:42,610 - It's all right, Miss Gaye. 54 00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:43,810 - There he is. 55 00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:47,585 Give your mom a kiss goodbye. 56 00:04:47,585 --> 00:04:48,918 Have a good day. 57 00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:53,487 Have a great day, sugar-booger. 58 00:04:53,487 --> 00:04:55,904 - It's Matt to you, Shaniqua. 59 00:05:01,811 --> 00:05:04,811 (upbeat sexy music) 60 00:05:22,939 --> 00:05:24,321 - You wanna just let me borrow your car 61 00:05:24,321 --> 00:05:26,927 so you can stay here and bang my mom? 62 00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:30,196 - Do you know if your mom is working tonight, sugar booger? 63 00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:31,047 - Fuck off. 64 00:05:31,047 --> 00:05:34,602 (upbeat hip music) 65 00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:36,722 I was watching Terminator the other night, right. 66 00:05:36,722 --> 00:05:37,922 And not that new garbage. 67 00:05:37,922 --> 00:05:39,645 I'm talking about that classic shit. 68 00:05:39,645 --> 00:05:40,725 It got me thinking. 69 00:05:40,725 --> 00:05:45,309 What if I time travel back in time as my 28-year-old self, 70 00:05:45,309 --> 00:05:46,936 and I found my 10-year-old self 71 00:05:46,936 --> 00:05:49,183 and I fucking jerked him off. 72 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:52,927 Would that be molestation or masturbation? 73 00:05:52,927 --> 00:05:54,928 - I don't got time for your nonsense. 74 00:05:54,928 --> 00:05:58,345 I'm too busy being employee of the month. 75 00:05:59,374 --> 00:06:01,320 - Hey you two. Quit giving each other FJs 76 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,483 and get back to work. 77 00:06:03,483 --> 00:06:04,316 Idiots. 78 00:06:07,514 --> 00:06:10,597 (muffled rock music) 79 00:06:21,368 --> 00:06:23,959 - Bro, bro, it's Jenna 80 00:06:25,407 --> 00:06:27,465 ('1Hundid' by Frenchy Made) 81 00:06:34,874 --> 00:06:37,214 ♪ One hundid every time you go away ♪ 82 00:06:37,214 --> 00:06:39,734 ♪ One hundid go on and say my name ♪ 83 00:06:39,734 --> 00:06:42,536 ♪ One hundid if we gonna make it last ♪ 84 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,177 ♪ All I ever ask ♪ 85 00:06:44,177 --> 00:06:46,427 Here's your chance, man, go talk to her. 86 00:06:46,427 --> 00:06:47,739 - I can't just go talk to her. 87 00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:49,220 This is a workplace. 88 00:06:49,220 --> 00:06:50,277 - Who cares? 89 00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,999 I'm so tired of listening to you cry about 90 00:06:51,999 --> 00:06:53,907 not having a girl to cuddle with. 91 00:06:53,907 --> 00:06:55,100 - Who cares? 92 00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:58,144 Uh, how about title seven of the Civil Rights Act. 93 00:06:58,144 --> 00:07:00,593 - Uh, how do you know that? 94 00:07:00,593 --> 00:07:01,856 - Are you fucking kidding me? 95 00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:02,976 It's in the break room. 96 00:07:02,976 --> 00:07:04,241 And you know what happens to people 97 00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:06,116 accused of sexual harassment? 98 00:07:06,116 --> 00:07:08,960 - What, they hold a parade for them? 99 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,375 - Termination. 100 00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:13,063 - Dude, they're not gonna fire you for talking to her. 101 00:07:13,063 --> 00:07:14,743 Just go over there before she leaves. 102 00:07:14,743 --> 00:07:17,558 Stop being a little bitch. 103 00:07:17,558 --> 00:07:20,559 I'll buy you a beer after work. 104 00:07:20,559 --> 00:07:21,726 - Make it two? 105 00:07:22,722 --> 00:07:24,055 - Fine, just go. 106 00:07:27,849 --> 00:07:28,682 Dick. 107 00:07:30,464 --> 00:07:32,714 - Nice files you got there. 108 00:07:33,991 --> 00:07:35,885 - Do you work here? 109 00:07:35,885 --> 00:07:37,035 - Seriously? 110 00:07:37,035 --> 00:07:39,043 I've worked here longer than you. 111 00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:41,771 - Oh, so you're in like shipping and receiving? 112 00:07:41,771 --> 00:07:42,604 - What? 113 00:07:42,604 --> 00:07:45,407 No, I work right here in this office. 114 00:07:45,407 --> 00:07:47,849 I was sitting at my desk when you walked in. 115 00:07:47,849 --> 00:07:49,446 You didn't see me? - Really? 116 00:07:49,446 --> 00:07:51,224 Yeah, I didn't see you. 117 00:07:51,224 --> 00:07:52,428 - You didn't see me? 118 00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:54,391 I was like two inches away from you. 119 00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,352 And how do you not know I work here? 120 00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:58,031 I see you every single day. 121 00:07:58,031 --> 00:07:59,795 - Wait, so you've been watching me? 122 00:07:59,795 --> 00:08:01,723 Like some kind of perverted stalker. 123 00:08:01,723 --> 00:08:03,505 You know that's sexual harassment? 124 00:08:03,505 --> 00:08:05,269 - Sexual harassment? 125 00:08:05,269 --> 00:08:06,870 For seeing you come in? 126 00:08:06,870 --> 00:08:09,190 Maybe you should take yourself on down to the break room 127 00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:10,473 and get a refresher course 128 00:08:10,473 --> 00:08:12,756 because that's not sexual harassment. 129 00:08:12,756 --> 00:08:13,589 - Hmm. 130 00:08:14,431 --> 00:08:15,314 - What's up, Jenna? 131 00:08:15,314 --> 00:08:17,958 - Oh, hey, Matt. - Seriously? 132 00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:19,639 - We actually have to go, I'm sorry. 133 00:08:19,639 --> 00:08:22,472 Alex is having a family emergency. 134 00:08:25,106 --> 00:08:27,866 - How the hell does Jenna know who you are and not me? 135 00:08:27,866 --> 00:08:28,706 - I don't know. 136 00:08:28,706 --> 00:08:32,587 Maybe because I'm not a perverted stalker. 137 00:08:32,587 --> 00:08:35,605 - Well if it isn't the two biggest vaginas in the office. 138 00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:38,354 I knew I'd find you two in here circle jerking each other. 139 00:08:38,354 --> 00:08:39,907 - So we have vaginas, 140 00:08:39,907 --> 00:08:42,191 or we're jerking each other's dicks off? 141 00:08:42,191 --> 00:08:43,752 I'm confused. 142 00:08:43,752 --> 00:08:44,585 - Both. 143 00:08:44,585 --> 00:08:46,752 You fucking gender ninjas. 144 00:08:47,638 --> 00:08:49,849 You know what, fuck you, I got shit to do. 145 00:08:49,849 --> 00:08:51,907 - What the hell, man? 146 00:08:53,731 --> 00:08:57,148 - You gonna do something about it, pussy? 147 00:09:00,345 --> 00:09:01,999 That's what I thought. 148 00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:04,916 (calm jazzy music) 149 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:15,344 (faint rock music) 150 00:09:16,370 --> 00:09:19,413 - Oh, you got to be fist fucking me, man. 151 00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:20,330 - What now? 152 00:09:21,173 --> 00:09:24,312 - Oh nothing, I'm just having PTSD flashbacks, you know, 153 00:09:24,312 --> 00:09:25,474 remembering that time you were 154 00:09:25,474 --> 00:09:28,354 talking to Jenna at the office. 155 00:09:28,354 --> 00:09:29,993 Made yourself look like a dumb idiot. 156 00:09:29,993 --> 00:09:32,241 Remember that? - Fuck off. 157 00:09:32,241 --> 00:09:33,644 - I don't understand how you're so horrible 158 00:09:33,644 --> 00:09:35,004 at talking to women. 159 00:09:35,004 --> 00:09:37,167 It's like watching one of those shitty Novelas. 160 00:09:37,167 --> 00:09:38,546 - All Novelas are shitty, 161 00:09:38,546 --> 00:09:40,789 and you wouldn't have done any better. 162 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:41,732 - Fucking right I would have. 163 00:09:41,732 --> 00:09:44,494 Compared to you I'm like Zac Efron's cock. 164 00:09:44,494 --> 00:09:45,327 - Yeah, whatever. 165 00:09:45,327 --> 00:09:48,190 If you're so smooth, let's see you do better. 166 00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:50,273 - Challenge accepted ese. 167 00:09:52,254 --> 00:09:54,416 - Can I get you guys a refill? 168 00:09:54,416 --> 00:09:57,136 - Actually, I was wondering if you might possibly know 169 00:09:57,136 --> 00:10:00,038 the difference between me and my couch? 170 00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:02,798 - One's more fun to sit on than the other. 171 00:10:02,798 --> 00:10:03,901 - Sort of. 172 00:10:03,901 --> 00:10:06,156 The real difference between me and my couch 173 00:10:06,156 --> 00:10:07,989 is my couch pulls out. 174 00:10:10,266 --> 00:10:12,509 - So can I get you guys another drink? 175 00:10:12,509 --> 00:10:14,926 - Six shots of vodka de nada. 176 00:10:17,047 --> 00:10:18,450 - Nice. 177 00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:20,452 A dirty joke and a drink order. 178 00:10:20,452 --> 00:10:22,213 You're a real lady's man. 179 00:10:22,213 --> 00:10:23,535 I'm sorry I doubted you. 180 00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,881 Your moms would be so proud. 181 00:10:25,881 --> 00:10:28,548 - Just wait for it, wait for it. 182 00:10:33,322 --> 00:10:35,822 (loud whoosh) 183 00:10:43,570 --> 00:10:44,403 Ah, snap. 184 00:10:46,032 --> 00:10:47,370 Told you. 185 00:10:47,370 --> 00:10:49,370 - You probably know her. 186 00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:53,517 - Ah, come on, I wasn't even ready dude. 187 00:10:53,517 --> 00:10:54,984 - I don't care. 188 00:10:59,913 --> 00:11:01,318 Six more shots. 189 00:11:01,318 --> 00:11:04,235 (mystical music) 190 00:11:23,314 --> 00:11:26,330 (vomiting) 191 00:11:26,330 --> 00:11:29,951 Gross, I think you got some on me. 192 00:11:29,951 --> 00:11:33,153 - You know, I can't even wrap my brain around 193 00:11:33,153 --> 00:11:37,756 the fact that you are so horrible at talking to chicks. 194 00:11:37,756 --> 00:11:40,800 Look at you, you're like an Abercrombie model over here. 195 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,960 You should be banging bitches every single day 196 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,043 and every single night and afternoon. 197 00:11:47,926 --> 00:11:50,686 - Well it's not easy for me to talk to women 198 00:11:50,686 --> 00:11:52,648 like it is for you. 199 00:11:52,648 --> 00:11:54,410 I'm not surrounded by a hot girlfriend 200 00:11:54,410 --> 00:11:57,220 and hot stripper moms 24/7 201 00:11:57,220 --> 00:12:01,912 who wipe the tip of my penis every time I take a piss. 202 00:12:01,912 --> 00:12:03,749 - Fuck you dude. 203 00:12:03,749 --> 00:12:06,513 I told you a million times, my mom is not a stripper, 204 00:12:06,513 --> 00:12:09,847 she's an exotic dancer and a saint. 205 00:12:10,394 --> 00:12:12,734 And I don't even want to hear this shit, man. 206 00:12:12,734 --> 00:12:14,376 Look at you. 207 00:12:14,376 --> 00:12:18,741 I would give both nuts and the sack to have your life. 208 00:12:18,741 --> 00:12:20,782 You can run a billion miles, 209 00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,945 you get to wear all this stylish clothes, and most of all, 210 00:12:23,945 --> 00:12:26,039 you're not smothered like I am. 211 00:12:26,039 --> 00:12:28,818 - Well, I'd do the same to have your life. 212 00:12:28,818 --> 00:12:32,942 You have a girlfriend and a mom, two moms, 213 00:12:32,942 --> 00:12:36,303 that love you, you're never lonely 214 00:12:36,303 --> 00:12:39,386 and you get to eat whatever you want. 215 00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:49,970 - That there is a bum with his hand on his hobo balls. 216 00:12:51,315 --> 00:12:54,500 - Day-bu gah-boos-uhn day-boos-uhn-go. 217 00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:55,404 Bay-tah. 218 00:12:55,404 --> 00:12:57,987 Queta-su-noba day-boos-uhn-dah. 219 00:12:59,704 --> 00:13:01,146 - god damn it. 220 00:13:01,146 --> 00:13:02,504 What the fuck? 221 00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:05,516 Dude I'm gonna get AIDS! 222 00:13:05,516 --> 00:13:07,766 (laughing) 223 00:13:16,322 --> 00:13:19,405 (lightning crackles) 224 00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:25,436 (dramatic music) 225 00:13:31,265 --> 00:13:32,465 Whoa. 226 00:13:32,465 --> 00:13:34,883 - Somebody's up early this morning. 227 00:13:34,883 --> 00:13:36,982 - I slept here last night? 228 00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,041 I don't remember coming over. 229 00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:42,642 - It sounds like you had too much to drink last night. 230 00:13:42,642 --> 00:13:44,125 - Where's, where's Matt? 231 00:13:44,983 --> 00:13:46,483 Is he down stairs? 232 00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,875 What the fuck. 233 00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:08,708 I'm Matt? 234 00:14:15,556 --> 00:14:18,789 Hey, Ms. Gaye, who do you think I am? 235 00:14:19,912 --> 00:14:21,658 - You're so funny Matty. 236 00:14:21,658 --> 00:14:22,741 Are you okay? 237 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,213 - What the fuck? 238 00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:29,092 Oh, shit, I really am Matt. 239 00:14:49,954 --> 00:14:50,787 - Alex. 240 00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:55,478 Alex. 241 00:14:57,934 --> 00:15:00,543 Did you see where I put my phone? 242 00:15:00,543 --> 00:15:02,625 I need to call my mom. 243 00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:05,292 She's probably worried about me. 244 00:15:07,071 --> 00:15:07,904 Alex. 245 00:15:09,273 --> 00:15:14,190 Yo, I need to let her know I spent the night at your house. 246 00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,530 The fuck? 247 00:15:54,129 --> 00:15:56,421 Am I high right now? 248 00:15:58,138 --> 00:16:02,030 I don't remember doing any drugs last night. 249 00:16:06,047 --> 00:16:06,880 Ah. 250 00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:09,041 What? 251 00:16:26,951 --> 00:16:28,474 - Nice bike, fat ass. 252 00:16:28,474 --> 00:16:31,569 I'm surprised your tires haven't exploded. 253 00:16:31,569 --> 00:16:33,477 - Good one, Vir-gina. 254 00:16:33,477 --> 00:16:36,160 We have the same bike dumbass. 255 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:40,324 - It's Virgil, asshole and I don't have that faggy basket. 256 00:16:40,324 --> 00:16:42,326 - Why don't you take your bitch ass back home 257 00:16:42,326 --> 00:16:44,207 before I shit on Matt's porch again, 258 00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:48,790 blame you and watch your whore of a mom whoop your ass. 259 00:16:51,347 --> 00:16:53,389 - No, I won't put my hands down your pants 260 00:16:53,389 --> 00:16:55,313 and play with your tiny dick. 261 00:16:55,313 --> 00:16:57,725 Leave me alone, Jared from Subway. 262 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,687 - Hey man, you get away from that kid. 263 00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:01,252 Tiny dick. 264 00:17:01,252 --> 00:17:02,085 - Oh shit. 265 00:17:05,261 --> 00:17:08,261 (door bell ringing) 266 00:17:12,347 --> 00:17:16,097 - I fucking knew it, dude, get out of my way. 267 00:17:18,709 --> 00:17:20,189 - What the hell is going on, dude? 268 00:17:20,189 --> 00:17:22,560 Why am I in your Ethiopian body? 269 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,106 - I don't know, why don't you tell me? 270 00:17:24,106 --> 00:17:26,272 I just rode here on your mom's gay ass bike 271 00:17:26,272 --> 00:17:28,677 in this fat ass Jabba the Hutt body you have. 272 00:17:28,677 --> 00:17:30,442 Have you ever done a day of cardio 273 00:17:30,442 --> 00:17:32,232 in your entire fucking life? 274 00:17:32,232 --> 00:17:35,637 - I find it and honor to resemble Jabba Desilijic Tiure. 275 00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:40,485 One of the most notorious crime lords in the galaxy. 276 00:17:40,485 --> 00:17:42,050 - The hell are you talking about? 277 00:17:42,050 --> 00:17:46,058 - Jabba Desilijic Tiure aka Jabba the Hutt 278 00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:48,057 or the Bloated one. 279 00:17:48,057 --> 00:17:48,890 Seriously? 280 00:17:50,019 --> 00:17:53,826 First introduced in 1983 with the third installment 281 00:17:53,826 --> 00:17:58,826 of the original Star Wars trilogy, Return of the Jedi. 282 00:17:59,074 --> 00:17:59,954 No? 283 00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:01,121 Got the little Ewoks, 284 00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,767 they look like little George Lucas's. 285 00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:04,302 - I swear, sometimes you're the smartest 286 00:18:04,302 --> 00:18:07,625 mentally handicap person that I know. 287 00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:10,554 Is there a god damn reason why my AC's not on right now? 288 00:18:10,554 --> 00:18:13,357 My balls are sweaty and they're like sticking to my ankles. 289 00:18:13,357 --> 00:18:14,649 - What are you talking about? 290 00:18:14,649 --> 00:18:16,137 It's freezing in here. 291 00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:19,705 Your nipples are fucking hard as fuck right now. 292 00:18:19,705 --> 00:18:20,679 Yeah. 293 00:18:20,679 --> 00:18:22,321 So what are we gonna do? 294 00:18:22,321 --> 00:18:24,304 You figure out what switched us yet? 295 00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,066 - I'm thinking. 296 00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:28,275 - Well think faster you're the smart one. 297 00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:29,360 - Will you shut the hell up? 298 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:30,661 I'm trying to concentrate. 299 00:18:30,661 --> 00:18:31,494 Jesus. 300 00:18:32,524 --> 00:18:33,604 Okay. 301 00:18:33,604 --> 00:18:35,564 So we went to work. 302 00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:38,173 We stopped by the bar afterward. 303 00:18:38,948 --> 00:18:41,448 You puked like a little bitch. 304 00:18:43,032 --> 00:18:44,874 Obviously the bum. 305 00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,296 The one that slapped us. 306 00:18:46,296 --> 00:18:48,453 It had to be him. 307 00:18:48,453 --> 00:18:50,579 - Oh yeah, right. 308 00:18:50,579 --> 00:18:52,162 That mother fucker. 309 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,934 Well let's go find him and make him switch us back. 310 00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:56,767 Come on. 311 00:18:57,659 --> 00:18:58,492 skedaddle. 312 00:19:02,834 --> 00:19:05,751 (mysterious music) 313 00:19:21,001 --> 00:19:22,180 - Oh, come on! 314 00:19:22,180 --> 00:19:24,597 (horn honks) 315 00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:33,502 Dude, we crashed. 316 00:19:33,502 --> 00:19:35,144 - What the fuck? 317 00:19:35,144 --> 00:19:36,370 Did you hit someone? 318 00:19:36,370 --> 00:19:37,308 - Dude, pay attention. 319 00:19:37,308 --> 00:19:41,625 I'm not gonna be the only one looking for this guy, okay. 320 00:19:43,414 --> 00:19:47,158 (Asian themed music) 321 00:19:47,158 --> 00:19:49,144 - [Matt] Oh shit, Kratos. 322 00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,385 - You know that guy? 323 00:19:50,385 --> 00:19:52,087 - Ah, yeah, he's my dealer. 324 00:19:52,087 --> 00:19:53,526 I told you about him before. 325 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,625 - No. 326 00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:55,458 - Come on. 327 00:19:55,458 --> 00:19:57,999 He probably knows that fuck that slapped us. 328 00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:02,206 (screaming) 329 00:20:02,670 --> 00:20:05,358 - What the fuck's is this guy's problem? 330 00:20:05,358 --> 00:20:06,958 - Just pretend like you're me. 331 00:20:06,958 --> 00:20:09,085 - Kratos, it's me Matt. 332 00:20:09,085 --> 00:20:11,652 I buy pot from you homebroski. 333 00:20:12,557 --> 00:20:13,536 - Calm down. 334 00:20:13,536 --> 00:20:14,875 This is my friend Ma-- 335 00:20:14,875 --> 00:20:16,601 This is my friend Alex. 336 00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:18,521 - I know who you are. 337 00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:21,210 You think you could steal Matt's face 338 00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:24,271 and then come up on my corner and deal drugs? 339 00:20:24,271 --> 00:20:25,818 - What? 340 00:20:25,818 --> 00:20:27,978 - I knew about your machine. 341 00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:31,497 Takes someone's face and then puts on someone else's. 342 00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,857 - We didn't steal anybody's face. 343 00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,274 We just came here to ask you a question 344 00:20:35,274 --> 00:20:36,725 about one of your friends. 345 00:20:36,725 --> 00:20:39,276 - How do you know about my friends? 346 00:20:40,251 --> 00:20:42,612 I don't got any bum friends. 347 00:20:42,612 --> 00:20:44,837 Now get out of here. 348 00:20:44,837 --> 00:20:47,520 This is my empire. 349 00:20:48,287 --> 00:20:50,703 You can't have it. 350 00:20:54,190 --> 00:20:57,436 - Kratos, look into my eyes, man. 351 00:20:57,436 --> 00:20:59,240 It's me Matt. 352 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,726 My buddy Alex and I were here last night 353 00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:04,214 when some bum who walks around with his hands down his pants 354 00:21:04,214 --> 00:21:07,181 caressing his nuts, slapped both of us in the face. 355 00:21:07,181 --> 00:21:10,397 And by some weird voodoo or magic or some shit, 356 00:21:10,397 --> 00:21:11,921 we switched bodies. 357 00:21:11,921 --> 00:21:14,287 He's me and I'm him. 358 00:21:14,287 --> 00:21:17,010 And we just want to switch and get our own bodies back. 359 00:21:17,010 --> 00:21:19,189 Now can you help us? 360 00:21:19,189 --> 00:21:21,797 - Matt, my man. 361 00:21:22,191 --> 00:21:25,049 Why didn't you tell me in the first place, my brotha? 362 00:21:25,241 --> 00:21:27,548 (mysterious music) 363 00:21:28,334 --> 00:21:29,577 - Not this guy again. 364 00:21:29,577 --> 00:21:31,910 - I see you've met Joe Blow. 365 00:21:33,142 --> 00:21:35,559 - Is he sucking his own dick? 366 00:21:37,386 --> 00:21:38,553 Lucky bastard. 367 00:21:41,109 --> 00:21:43,076 - Ah, what the hell man? 368 00:21:43,076 --> 00:21:43,909 Get off of me. 369 00:21:43,909 --> 00:21:46,701 - I am so sorry. 370 00:21:48,717 --> 00:21:49,984 Hey, Kratos. 371 00:21:50,494 --> 00:21:52,509 - This is Steve. 372 00:21:52,509 --> 00:21:55,433 He's been diagnosed with this rare disease 373 00:21:55,433 --> 00:21:58,250 called Alien Hand Syndrome. 374 00:21:58,914 --> 00:22:01,995 He's got no control over his right arm. 375 00:22:01,995 --> 00:22:05,952 I told him it's proof that aliens exist, 376 00:22:05,952 --> 00:22:08,285 and I offered to cut it off. 377 00:22:10,657 --> 00:22:12,424 But he won't let me. 378 00:22:19,617 --> 00:22:22,674 - Do you guys know the bum we're talking about or what? 379 00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,598 - Yeah, I know about the guy you're looking for. 380 00:22:25,598 --> 00:22:27,599 His name's Magic Mike. 381 00:22:27,599 --> 00:22:30,315 He comes around every Friday 382 00:22:32,246 --> 00:22:34,079 to get the recyclables 383 00:22:34,966 --> 00:22:37,049 before the garbage comes. 384 00:22:38,337 --> 00:22:41,251 - Is he jerking you off right now? 385 00:22:41,251 --> 00:22:43,168 - Just go with it, bro. 386 00:22:45,473 --> 00:22:48,308 - I think we got the answers we're looking for. 387 00:22:48,308 --> 00:22:49,851 - Hey wait. 388 00:22:49,851 --> 00:22:51,653 Don't you guys want to buy something? 389 00:22:51,653 --> 00:22:54,221 I just got in some real goodies. 390 00:22:54,221 --> 00:22:55,971 - No man, we're good. 391 00:22:58,548 --> 00:22:59,381 - Oh. 392 00:23:03,539 --> 00:23:05,013 Oh, god. Oh. 393 00:23:14,422 --> 00:23:16,097 I am so sorry. 394 00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:18,508 - I'm not. 395 00:23:18,508 --> 00:23:21,258 (engine revving) 396 00:23:24,791 --> 00:23:27,914 - I cannot believe I'm gonna be stuck in this body tonight. 397 00:23:27,914 --> 00:23:29,775 - Bitch please. 398 00:23:29,775 --> 00:23:31,858 You get to eat snacks and play Xbox 399 00:23:31,858 --> 00:23:34,670 while my mom and girlfriend spoil you. 400 00:23:34,670 --> 00:23:36,730 - And why in the hell would I do that? 401 00:23:36,730 --> 00:23:38,650 - [Matt] Because you're me. 402 00:23:38,650 --> 00:23:39,483 - So? 403 00:23:39,483 --> 00:23:43,083 - So we have to pretend like we're each other. 404 00:23:43,083 --> 00:23:45,541 - What, why? - Seriously? 405 00:23:45,541 --> 00:23:48,440 You honestly think anyone besides my drugged out dealer 406 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,722 is gonna believe us if we tell them we switched bodies? 407 00:23:51,722 --> 00:23:53,923 I'm gonna go with no. 408 00:23:53,923 --> 00:23:58,923 They're more likely to lock us away in some creepy asylum. 409 00:23:59,086 --> 00:24:01,086 You know I hate asylums. 410 00:24:02,771 --> 00:24:05,081 - I guess you have a point. 411 00:24:05,081 --> 00:24:06,739 - You're fucking right I do. 412 00:24:06,739 --> 00:24:07,779 - Fine, whatever. 413 00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:10,529 Lets just get this over with man. 414 00:24:11,819 --> 00:24:14,236 - Shit, Holly's already here. 415 00:24:15,106 --> 00:24:17,349 - What's the protocol on that anyway? 416 00:24:17,349 --> 00:24:19,597 If she comes on to me, do I hit that or? 417 00:24:19,597 --> 00:24:21,220 - She's definitely gonna come on to you 418 00:24:21,220 --> 00:24:22,677 and you're not gonna do a damn thing. 419 00:24:22,677 --> 00:24:24,730 You're gonna shut that shit down. 420 00:24:24,730 --> 00:24:26,650 Whatever it takes. 421 00:24:26,650 --> 00:24:28,331 I understand it's been a while 422 00:24:28,331 --> 00:24:30,717 since you felt a woman's touch, 423 00:24:30,717 --> 00:24:33,044 but you better not do anything man. 424 00:24:33,044 --> 00:24:33,926 - All right, all right. 425 00:24:33,926 --> 00:24:35,343 Jesus, calm down. 426 00:24:37,076 --> 00:24:38,436 - What's this? 427 00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:41,237 - That is your itinerary for the week. 428 00:24:41,237 --> 00:24:43,642 - I don't even know what half these exercises are. 429 00:24:43,642 --> 00:24:46,059 And raw foods? 430 00:24:47,204 --> 00:24:49,184 You know I'm not gonna eat this shit, right? 431 00:24:49,184 --> 00:24:50,543 - You are gonna eat that shit 432 00:24:50,543 --> 00:24:53,626 or Holly's gonna be eating this dick. 433 00:24:56,652 --> 00:24:59,402 (low bass music) 434 00:25:25,292 --> 00:25:27,092 - This mother fucking guy. 435 00:25:27,092 --> 00:25:27,925 Fuck. 436 00:25:30,899 --> 00:25:32,149 - Chubby bunny. 437 00:25:35,703 --> 00:25:36,536 - No. 438 00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:38,786 (grunting) 439 00:25:42,158 --> 00:25:43,239 - What's wrong baby? 440 00:25:43,239 --> 00:25:46,083 - I'm just not in the mood, okay? 441 00:25:46,083 --> 00:25:48,036 - Not according to Mr. Action Jackson! 442 00:25:48,036 --> 00:25:48,939 - Action Jackson? 443 00:25:48,939 --> 00:25:51,106 (moaning) 444 00:25:53,020 --> 00:25:54,927 (door bell ringing) 445 00:25:54,927 --> 00:25:57,594 I need to answer the door, okay? 446 00:26:00,942 --> 00:26:02,655 - What the fuck do you think you're doing, dude? 447 00:26:02,655 --> 00:26:04,069 - What? - Don't what me. 448 00:26:04,069 --> 00:26:07,216 I saw you grabbing her dick. 449 00:26:07,216 --> 00:26:08,218 Her grabbing your dick. 450 00:26:08,218 --> 00:26:09,455 You know what the fuck I meant. 451 00:26:09,455 --> 00:26:10,849 She was grabbing your dick actually, 452 00:26:10,849 --> 00:26:12,617 and she was the one all over me. 453 00:26:12,617 --> 00:26:16,200 - Whatever, just give me the damn car keys. 454 00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:18,756 You're a real asshole, you know that? 455 00:26:18,756 --> 00:26:20,756 - I'm telling you the truth. 456 00:26:20,756 --> 00:26:23,756 It wasn't me, it was Action Jackson. 457 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:33,079 - Yeah, I'm gonna eat real healthy all right. 458 00:26:33,079 --> 00:26:35,829 (engine revving) 459 00:26:41,361 --> 00:26:43,361 - Do you have any sixes? 460 00:26:47,371 --> 00:26:48,260 - No. 461 00:26:48,260 --> 00:26:49,794 I mean go fish. 462 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:53,667 - Okay. 463 00:26:53,667 --> 00:26:56,542 - Do you have any jacks? 464 00:26:57,055 --> 00:26:57,888 - Yep. 465 00:26:59,045 --> 00:27:03,284 You know, we should really switch this to strip go fish. 466 00:27:03,284 --> 00:27:06,594 - No, I think we should stick to the regular go fish. 467 00:27:06,594 --> 00:27:07,427 Please. 468 00:27:08,402 --> 00:27:10,951 (coughing) 469 00:27:16,067 --> 00:27:18,808 - What the fuck, motha fucka? 470 00:27:19,133 --> 00:27:21,049 - Did you just talk? 471 00:27:21,049 --> 00:27:23,929 - Fuck yeah, I said what the fuck? 472 00:27:24,371 --> 00:27:26,733 Alex tries to fuck your girl 473 00:27:26,733 --> 00:27:29,941 and you're just gonna eat a fucking pizza? 474 00:27:29,941 --> 00:27:32,642 Bitch move motha fucka. 475 00:27:32,642 --> 00:27:36,781 - Yeah, well what the fuck do you suggest then, asshole? 476 00:27:36,781 --> 00:27:39,980 - You gotta fucking eat everything. 477 00:27:39,980 --> 00:27:41,020 - Everything? 478 00:27:41,020 --> 00:27:45,378 - Fucking every motha fucking thing, motha fucka. 479 00:27:46,106 --> 00:27:48,426 - Do you have any fives? 480 00:27:48,426 --> 00:27:49,259 - Go fish. 481 00:27:50,496 --> 00:27:53,529 Uhm, do you have any eights? 482 00:27:56,340 --> 00:27:57,898 - No, go fish. 483 00:27:57,898 --> 00:28:00,482 (Italian themed music) 484 00:28:10,743 --> 00:28:11,576 (camera shutter clicking) 485 00:28:12,910 --> 00:28:13,743 (camera shutter clicking) 486 00:28:16,126 --> 00:28:16,959 (camera shutter clicking) 487 00:28:20,407 --> 00:28:23,074 (phone message alert) 488 00:28:27,088 --> 00:28:29,170 - That's it, I'm gonna kill him. 489 00:28:29,170 --> 00:28:30,051 - Where are you going? 490 00:28:30,051 --> 00:28:31,005 What's going on? 491 00:28:31,005 --> 00:28:33,620 - I'm going to my, I'm going to Alex's house. 492 00:28:33,620 --> 00:28:34,453 - Why? 493 00:28:34,453 --> 00:28:36,305 - Because I'm gonna kick the shit out of him. 494 00:28:36,305 --> 00:28:39,939 - Okay, well before you go can I get a kiss at least? 495 00:28:39,939 --> 00:28:41,298 - Uh, sure. 496 00:28:47,747 --> 00:28:49,084 - I love you chubby bunny. 497 00:28:49,084 --> 00:28:52,009 - I love you too my thin bunny. 498 00:28:52,632 --> 00:28:55,115 (Italian themed music) 499 00:28:56,990 --> 00:28:57,823 (camera shutter clicking) 500 00:29:04,243 --> 00:29:06,284 I'm gonna kick your fucking teeth in. 501 00:29:06,284 --> 00:29:07,843 (mumbling) 502 00:29:07,843 --> 00:29:08,676 What? 503 00:29:10,353 --> 00:29:13,736 I said, go ahead, they're your teeth. 504 00:29:13,736 --> 00:29:14,967 - Motherfucker! 505 00:29:14,967 --> 00:29:16,467 - I can't breathe. 506 00:29:17,708 --> 00:29:18,804 It wasn't me. 507 00:29:18,804 --> 00:29:21,788 It was the oven mitt's idea, tell him. 508 00:29:21,788 --> 00:29:23,705 You mother fucking rat. 509 00:29:26,163 --> 00:29:26,996 Help. 510 00:29:28,859 --> 00:29:29,692 - Puke it up. 511 00:29:29,692 --> 00:29:31,406 - Get off me Kevin Spacey. 512 00:29:31,406 --> 00:29:32,722 - Puke it up. - Rape! 513 00:29:32,722 --> 00:29:33,972 He's raping me! 514 00:29:35,045 --> 00:29:38,965 - Puke it up or I'm gonna make you puke it up. 515 00:29:38,965 --> 00:29:41,048 (vomits) 516 00:29:50,474 --> 00:29:52,391 Now clean yourself off. 517 00:29:56,815 --> 00:29:59,648 (toilet flushing) 518 00:30:03,894 --> 00:30:06,311 (calm music) 519 00:30:15,883 --> 00:30:18,890 - So you really didn't diddle my girl? 520 00:30:18,890 --> 00:30:21,562 - No, like I said, she ambushed me. 521 00:30:21,562 --> 00:30:22,684 She fucking jumped on me. 522 00:30:22,684 --> 00:30:24,551 I had to fight just to get away. 523 00:30:24,551 --> 00:30:29,360 It's not my fault your body is so irresistibly sexy. 524 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,689 - And you haven't been doing anything since I left? 525 00:30:32,689 --> 00:30:33,612 - Hell no. 526 00:30:33,612 --> 00:30:37,525 We've just been playing go fish like two real mature adults. 527 00:30:37,525 --> 00:30:39,827 - Man, Holly always kicks my ass at that game. 528 00:30:39,827 --> 00:30:42,585 - Yeah, that's 'cause you suck. 529 00:30:43,938 --> 00:30:47,072 Oh yeah, I made you a new itinerary. 530 00:30:47,072 --> 00:30:49,061 How about you try following it this time, 531 00:30:49,061 --> 00:30:50,883 instead of throwing it away. 532 00:30:50,883 --> 00:30:52,485 - I'm not gonna throw it away. 533 00:30:52,485 --> 00:30:54,189 - Yeah, like you didn't throw away the crinkled up one 534 00:30:54,189 --> 00:30:56,576 I found in your driveway. 535 00:30:56,576 --> 00:30:57,778 Can you wash that shit off my face 536 00:30:57,778 --> 00:30:59,904 so I don't break out with pimples? 537 00:30:59,904 --> 00:31:02,779 And please, please for the love of god, 538 00:31:02,779 --> 00:31:05,249 will you stop eating junk food while you're in my body. 539 00:31:05,249 --> 00:31:06,764 Can you do that? 540 00:31:06,764 --> 00:31:07,597 - Fine. 541 00:31:16,439 --> 00:31:17,726 Bitch. 542 00:31:18,143 --> 00:31:20,810 (alarm ringing) 543 00:31:32,529 --> 00:31:34,529 (yawns) 544 00:31:37,303 --> 00:31:39,479 Best night of sleep, ever. 545 00:31:41,845 --> 00:31:43,831 - Good morning my little astronaut. 546 00:31:43,831 --> 00:31:46,035 You forgot to put your sleep mask on again last night 547 00:31:46,035 --> 00:31:49,452 so I put it on you while you were asleep. 548 00:31:52,922 --> 00:31:54,956 - I wish you would've told me Ms. Gaye. 549 00:31:54,956 --> 00:31:56,550 This damn thing freaks me out. 550 00:31:56,550 --> 00:31:58,532 - (laughing) Ms. Gaye? 551 00:31:58,532 --> 00:32:00,032 Very funny, Matty. 552 00:32:04,844 --> 00:32:06,182 - What's that? 553 00:32:06,182 --> 00:32:07,349 - What's what? 554 00:32:09,066 --> 00:32:12,316 - Oh, nothing, I thought I saw a ghost. 555 00:32:14,816 --> 00:32:17,202 - Queeri. - Hey there cock boy. 556 00:32:17,202 --> 00:32:18,035 - Make me a pizza. 557 00:32:18,035 --> 00:32:19,562 - [Queeri] Oh fuck yeah. 558 00:32:19,562 --> 00:32:23,562 One dirty little pizza coming right up cock boy. 559 00:32:25,956 --> 00:32:27,197 Oh fuck yeah. 560 00:32:27,197 --> 00:32:30,947 How's that pizza taste there little cock boy? 561 00:32:35,449 --> 00:32:36,282 - Hurry up and get ready. 562 00:32:36,282 --> 00:32:38,199 Alex will be here soon. 563 00:32:45,516 --> 00:32:48,370 - Can you put some damn clothes on Miss, mom. 564 00:32:48,370 --> 00:32:50,168 I'm trying to get ready for work. 565 00:32:50,168 --> 00:32:52,890 - (playfully) What honey? 566 00:32:52,890 --> 00:32:53,723 - No. 567 00:32:53,723 --> 00:32:56,417 - [Shaniqua] Hey let me in on this action. 568 00:32:56,417 --> 00:32:57,250 - Shaniqua. 569 00:32:57,250 --> 00:32:58,923 - (playfully) Oh do you need some privacy? 570 00:32:58,923 --> 00:33:00,298 - Get off- get off. 571 00:33:00,747 --> 00:33:02,874 - Someone's a grumpy butt this morning. 572 00:33:02,874 --> 00:33:06,957 - I think you may have drooled last night, Matty. 573 00:33:11,996 --> 00:33:13,116 - Whoa. 574 00:33:13,116 --> 00:33:15,783 Those are some funky balls, son. 575 00:33:17,759 --> 00:33:19,414 Ah, whatever. 576 00:33:19,414 --> 00:33:21,206 (engine revving) ('D.T.F.' by Frenchy Made) 577 00:33:21,206 --> 00:33:23,408 ♪ Flashy with the ♪ 578 00:33:23,408 --> 00:33:26,092 ♪ Millions with the millions ♪ 579 00:33:26,092 --> 00:33:29,486 ♪ Donald Trump and foolish with the billions ♪ 580 00:33:29,486 --> 00:33:32,650 ♪ Money stackin' right up to the ceiling ♪ 581 00:33:32,650 --> 00:33:36,175 ♪ But money make you greedy with no feelings ♪ 582 00:33:36,175 --> 00:33:39,564 ♪ We flashy with the millions with the millions ♪ 583 00:33:39,564 --> 00:33:42,968 ♪ Donald Trump and foolish with the billions ♪ 584 00:33:42,968 --> 00:33:46,329 ♪ Money stackin' right up to the ceiling ♪ 585 00:33:46,329 --> 00:33:49,754 ♪ But money make you greedy with no feelings ♪ 586 00:33:49,754 --> 00:33:51,725 ♪ You want designer glasses ♪ 587 00:33:51,725 --> 00:33:53,146 ♪ You ain't bout it ♪ (horn honking) 588 00:33:53,146 --> 00:33:56,588 ♪ You still ain't fly at all so say your thousands ♪ 589 00:33:56,588 --> 00:33:58,721 ♪ Money spent on jewels ♪ 590 00:34:09,727 --> 00:34:11,809 - I really need to get a bigger car. 591 00:34:11,809 --> 00:34:13,266 - Ah, yeah. 592 00:34:13,266 --> 00:34:15,107 - Have a good day today, sugar booger. 593 00:34:15,107 --> 00:34:15,940 - You too. 594 00:34:19,774 --> 00:34:21,524 - Fuck you, Shaniqua. 595 00:34:29,097 --> 00:34:30,579 - The hell is this? 596 00:34:30,579 --> 00:34:31,412 - Nice, right? 597 00:34:31,412 --> 00:34:34,431 It's an exact replica of Taylor Swift's mouth. 598 00:34:34,431 --> 00:34:36,207 It's to help you take the edge off. 599 00:34:36,207 --> 00:34:40,687 You know, so you don't try and fuck my girlfriend. 600 00:34:40,687 --> 00:34:41,520 - Thanks. 601 00:34:42,905 --> 00:34:45,568 Not in my body pothead. 602 00:34:45,568 --> 00:34:46,401 - Asshole. 603 00:34:47,185 --> 00:34:49,935 (engine revving) 604 00:34:57,258 --> 00:35:00,299 Thank you ladies and gentleman for showing up. 605 00:35:00,299 --> 00:35:03,006 Can't believe we have a sold out show today. 606 00:35:03,006 --> 00:35:05,262 Although I'm not a fan of your health care plan 607 00:35:05,262 --> 00:35:09,262 I do appreciate President Obama for coming to see me. 608 00:35:09,262 --> 00:35:13,126 Speaking of health, I obviously have none. 609 00:35:13,126 --> 00:35:15,307 - Will you at least pretend to work while you're me? 610 00:35:15,307 --> 00:35:16,869 - I don't have time for that. 611 00:35:16,869 --> 00:35:18,363 You do realize that the comedy contest 612 00:35:18,363 --> 00:35:20,287 is in a few days, right? 613 00:35:20,287 --> 00:35:21,211 - Yes. 614 00:35:21,211 --> 00:35:22,893 And do you realize there's a big chance 615 00:35:22,893 --> 00:35:26,054 we'll still be in each other's bodies by then? 616 00:35:26,054 --> 00:35:28,618 - Fuck, you're right. 617 00:35:28,618 --> 00:35:31,985 Well then, you're just gonna have to do the contest for me. 618 00:35:31,985 --> 00:35:32,818 - Nope. 619 00:35:34,562 --> 00:35:35,684 No. 620 00:35:35,684 --> 00:35:36,669 No no no no. 621 00:35:36,669 --> 00:35:38,512 I didn't sign up for that bullshit. 622 00:35:38,512 --> 00:35:40,152 You're gonna have to cancel. 623 00:35:40,152 --> 00:35:42,535 I don't do big crowds. 624 00:35:42,535 --> 00:35:45,178 Besides, you can re-enter next year anyway. 625 00:35:45,178 --> 00:35:47,622 - Get over yourself you damn drama queen. 626 00:35:47,622 --> 00:35:49,783 You do presentations all the time at work 627 00:35:49,783 --> 00:35:51,263 and you seem to do just fine. 628 00:35:51,263 --> 00:35:52,385 - There's a huge difference. 629 00:35:52,385 --> 00:35:54,254 There's only a handful of people who actually work here, 630 00:35:54,254 --> 00:35:56,216 most of them we hate. 631 00:35:56,216 --> 00:35:58,139 When I'm doing presentations I'm not attempting 632 00:35:58,139 --> 00:36:00,322 to make a huge crowd laugh. 633 00:36:00,322 --> 00:36:02,546 What if I freeze? 634 00:36:02,546 --> 00:36:04,466 Or they hate me? 635 00:36:04,466 --> 00:36:06,869 I'm not trying to make a fool out of myself. 636 00:36:06,869 --> 00:36:11,059 - Relax, if anything you'll be making a fool out of me. 637 00:36:11,059 --> 00:36:14,592 I already given you my body, my secret weapon. 638 00:36:14,592 --> 00:36:16,992 Now here are the bullets. 639 00:36:16,992 --> 00:36:17,992 My material. 640 00:36:18,832 --> 00:36:19,665 Read it, 641 00:36:20,282 --> 00:36:21,115 live it, 642 00:36:22,355 --> 00:36:23,188 be it. 643 00:36:27,634 --> 00:36:30,717 - I really don't think I can do this. 644 00:36:32,850 --> 00:36:34,219 - How about this, 645 00:36:34,219 --> 00:36:35,699 you stop being a smelly clit 646 00:36:35,699 --> 00:36:37,339 and do this competition for me 647 00:36:37,339 --> 00:36:38,981 and I'll get you a date with Jenna. 648 00:36:38,981 --> 00:36:40,803 I'll get her all wet and juicy for you 649 00:36:40,803 --> 00:36:43,201 so when we switch and get our bodies back 650 00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:47,301 all you have to do is slip the tip right in. 651 00:36:47,301 --> 00:36:48,501 Yeah. 652 00:36:48,501 --> 00:36:49,702 How does that sound? 653 00:36:49,702 --> 00:36:51,517 Give your hand a night off for once. 654 00:36:51,517 --> 00:36:54,684 - It's a little graphic, but enticing. 655 00:36:55,961 --> 00:36:56,842 How about this? 656 00:36:56,842 --> 00:36:59,523 You get me the date with Jenna while staying in shape 657 00:36:59,523 --> 00:37:01,283 until I get my body back. 658 00:37:01,283 --> 00:37:04,084 I actually have a respectable competition coming up. 659 00:37:04,084 --> 00:37:05,616 It's called a triathlon. 660 00:37:05,616 --> 00:37:07,457 You probably have no clue what that is 661 00:37:07,457 --> 00:37:09,698 considering it involves physical exercise 662 00:37:09,698 --> 00:37:10,899 but you're gonna need to learn, 663 00:37:10,899 --> 00:37:13,459 because you're probably gonna have to do it for me. 664 00:37:13,459 --> 00:37:16,940 - All right, and if you help shed a few pounds, 665 00:37:16,940 --> 00:37:19,440 I think we can seal this deal. 666 00:37:26,703 --> 00:37:28,011 - Come on, man. 667 00:37:31,397 --> 00:37:33,147 - Hey you two retards, 668 00:37:33,147 --> 00:37:34,748 quit finger diddling each other's urethras 669 00:37:34,748 --> 00:37:36,268 and get back to work. 670 00:37:36,268 --> 00:37:38,721 Alex, I need you to start with this and then, 671 00:37:38,721 --> 00:37:40,241 I said Alex. 672 00:37:40,241 --> 00:37:43,408 And then get back to your other tasks. 673 00:37:44,250 --> 00:37:45,500 - What is this? 674 00:37:46,936 --> 00:37:48,269 Is this cocaine? 675 00:37:52,126 --> 00:37:54,209 (snorts) 676 00:37:56,591 --> 00:38:01,591 - If anyone asks, I was with you two fucktards last night. 677 00:38:01,936 --> 00:38:05,517 - Hey boss, hanging out with that white girl, huh? 678 00:38:05,517 --> 00:38:08,077 Classy, classy, I would partake 679 00:38:08,077 --> 00:38:11,320 but I'm currently doing a full body cleanse. 680 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,885 I love those scrumptious shakes. 681 00:38:13,885 --> 00:38:16,125 - If you mention white girl 682 00:38:16,125 --> 00:38:19,166 or say the word scrumptious again, 683 00:38:19,166 --> 00:38:20,769 I'll fucking kill you. 684 00:38:20,769 --> 00:38:21,769 Now get back to work. 685 00:38:21,769 --> 00:38:26,570 There's shit smeared all over the bathroom walls again. 686 00:38:26,570 --> 00:38:28,211 It was me. 687 00:38:30,220 --> 00:38:32,387 - I wasn't done with that. 688 00:38:33,949 --> 00:38:35,767 Look at these two anus clowns blowing 689 00:38:35,767 --> 00:38:38,532 each other's dicks like animal balloons. 690 00:38:38,532 --> 00:38:40,132 - You do know they don't actually 691 00:38:40,132 --> 00:38:43,372 blow on your dick when you get a blowjob, right? 692 00:38:43,372 --> 00:38:45,506 Have you ever even gotten head before? 693 00:38:45,506 --> 00:38:48,106 - No shit, I've had literally millions 694 00:38:48,106 --> 00:38:49,765 of blow jays in my life. 695 00:38:49,765 --> 00:38:51,849 - You mean blowgays? 696 00:38:51,849 --> 00:38:53,571 We don't have time for your shit today Chad, 697 00:38:53,571 --> 00:38:54,988 so fuck off. 698 00:38:56,613 --> 00:39:00,492 - Where did you get the balls to step up to me, civilian? 699 00:39:00,492 --> 00:39:04,460 You have no idea the shit I saw over there. 700 00:39:04,460 --> 00:39:07,073 (guns firing) 701 00:39:07,073 --> 00:39:09,323 (groaning) 702 00:39:11,157 --> 00:39:14,599 You're not even close to being on my level you little bitch. 703 00:39:14,599 --> 00:39:18,692 I used to laugh at weak ass chumps like you in boot camp. 704 00:39:18,692 --> 00:39:19,525 - Yeah? 705 00:39:19,525 --> 00:39:20,911 Did you laugh at yourself when they booted 706 00:39:20,911 --> 00:39:23,831 your bitch ass out of boot camp? 707 00:39:23,831 --> 00:39:24,991 That's right. 708 00:39:24,991 --> 00:39:27,992 I know all about your Swiss cheese heart full of holes. 709 00:39:27,992 --> 00:39:30,592 So why don't you and your faulty heart 710 00:39:30,592 --> 00:39:32,625 murmur the fuck out of here. 711 00:39:37,332 --> 00:39:41,212 - Yeah, look at Mr. Big shot over here, huh. 712 00:39:41,212 --> 00:39:43,045 Fuck you and fuck you. 713 00:39:44,895 --> 00:39:49,058 Jesus, you know I got you guys this job? 714 00:39:49,058 --> 00:39:50,641 I can fire you too. 715 00:39:51,899 --> 00:39:54,899 - I'm actually the one that got you this job. 716 00:39:54,899 --> 00:39:58,232 And you can't fire us, you're a janitor. 717 00:39:59,429 --> 00:40:02,909 - I'm a fucking custodian level two. 718 00:40:02,909 --> 00:40:05,326 There's a difference ass hat. 719 00:40:06,845 --> 00:40:07,678 What is this? 720 00:40:07,678 --> 00:40:09,765 I'm getting it from both sides now? 721 00:40:09,765 --> 00:40:10,858 You want some? 722 00:40:10,858 --> 00:40:15,174 - No, I'm just saying I got you the job. 723 00:40:17,201 --> 00:40:19,693 - Whatever, I have to go. 724 00:40:19,693 --> 00:40:23,408 Apparently I'm the only one who actually works around here. 725 00:40:24,108 --> 00:40:26,051 But I'll be over at your house later Matt, 726 00:40:26,051 --> 00:40:30,268 to motorboat your mom's fat tittaayyys. 727 00:40:30,969 --> 00:40:34,852 - I think you mean your aunt's tits, you sick fuck. 728 00:40:37,408 --> 00:40:39,491 Bro, it's Jenna. 729 00:40:40,409 --> 00:40:43,242 ('1Hundid' by Frenchy Made) 730 00:40:49,569 --> 00:40:51,849 ♪ One hundid every time you go away ♪ 731 00:40:51,849 --> 00:40:54,289 ♪ One hundid go on and say my name ♪ 732 00:40:54,289 --> 00:40:56,931 ♪ One hundid if we gonna make it last ♪ 733 00:40:56,931 --> 00:40:58,764 Here's your chance player. 734 00:40:58,764 --> 00:41:01,547 - It's pronounced play-a. 735 00:41:08,616 --> 00:41:09,449 Playa. 736 00:41:15,345 --> 00:41:18,426 Hey, prettiest lady in this office. 737 00:41:18,426 --> 00:41:20,868 - I'm the only lady in this office. 738 00:41:20,868 --> 00:41:21,701 - I know. 739 00:41:33,143 --> 00:41:35,183 - So, what happened? 740 00:41:35,183 --> 00:41:39,266 Oh wait let me guess, you messed it up, as usual. 741 00:41:39,856 --> 00:41:41,761 - Looks like you better start working out, 742 00:41:41,761 --> 00:41:44,526 you obese son of a bitch. 743 00:41:44,526 --> 00:41:47,026 - You actually got her number? 744 00:41:53,815 --> 00:41:55,936 - Hey there little guy. 745 00:41:55,936 --> 00:41:57,911 Looks like you were so excited for our date tonight 746 00:41:57,911 --> 00:42:00,161 that you woke up before me. 747 00:42:01,033 --> 00:42:02,634 Be patient buddy, 748 00:42:02,634 --> 00:42:04,318 I know Alex beats you with his hand every night 749 00:42:04,318 --> 00:42:07,399 until you throw up but I promise, 750 00:42:07,399 --> 00:42:12,399 I'ma take you to VagTown if it's the last thing I do. 751 00:42:12,403 --> 00:42:13,955 (imitates exploding sound) 752 00:42:13,955 --> 00:42:16,940 - All right, I know there's some muscles 753 00:42:16,940 --> 00:42:20,038 deep down in this fat somewhere to stretch out. 754 00:42:20,038 --> 00:42:22,871 (loud rock music) 755 00:42:47,909 --> 00:42:48,742 Yes. 756 00:42:49,629 --> 00:42:50,462 Yes. 757 00:42:54,797 --> 00:42:58,574 - How does this mother fucker not have a girlfriend? 758 00:42:58,574 --> 00:43:01,241 (kiai shouting) 759 00:43:04,515 --> 00:43:05,879 Yee-haw. 760 00:43:05,879 --> 00:43:09,652 It's hotter than a goat's ass in a pepper patch. 761 00:43:09,652 --> 00:43:11,256 Well how do missy? 762 00:43:11,256 --> 00:43:14,218 I see you've run into quite a predicament. 763 00:43:14,218 --> 00:43:18,145 Your pussy farm's in need of harvesting. 764 00:43:18,145 --> 00:43:20,239 Oh, my, my, my,. 765 00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:24,087 I reckon I have the right tool for the job. 766 00:43:24,087 --> 00:43:27,488 Bonjour, I'm about to make yo' skank ass 767 00:43:27,488 --> 00:43:30,948 a dick club sandwich with double meat. 768 00:43:30,948 --> 00:43:33,365 Extra heavy on zee jizz mayo. 769 00:43:34,392 --> 00:43:35,559 Hon, hon, hon. 770 00:43:37,854 --> 00:43:39,454 What's that you say? 771 00:43:39,454 --> 00:43:40,895 Pussy caught in a tree? 772 00:43:40,895 --> 00:43:41,958 Puh. 773 00:43:41,958 --> 00:43:45,375 Well slide on down this long dick ladder. 774 00:43:48,478 --> 00:43:49,392 Freeze! 775 00:43:49,392 --> 00:43:50,632 You're under arrest for giving me 776 00:43:50,632 --> 00:43:53,440 a veiny throbbing cop boner. 777 00:43:54,032 --> 00:43:56,597 I'm the head detective of the pussy division 778 00:43:56,597 --> 00:43:58,764 and you're about to serve 779 00:43:59,942 --> 00:44:01,300 hard time! 780 00:44:04,559 --> 00:44:05,880 Huh, Lieutenant McDickles mam. 781 00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,763 Call my Johnson Ryan because your pussy's 782 00:44:07,763 --> 00:44:08,944 about to save my privates. 783 00:44:08,944 --> 00:44:13,527 (screams) (gun firing) 784 00:44:17,647 --> 00:44:20,047 There's been a nuclear cum-plosion. 785 00:44:20,047 --> 00:44:22,656 Clean up in aisle my pants. 786 00:44:22,656 --> 00:44:24,977 (breathing heavily) 787 00:44:24,977 --> 00:44:25,810 - Okay. 788 00:44:29,795 --> 00:44:32,754 Not today Vir-gina, god damn. 789 00:44:33,580 --> 00:44:38,059 - So my mom tells me that fat people have small dicks. 790 00:44:38,059 --> 00:44:40,833 - I would be offended, but I'm literally channeling 791 00:44:40,833 --> 00:44:44,399 all the energy I have into breathing 792 00:44:44,399 --> 00:44:46,559 and grasping onto the fact that your mom talks 793 00:44:46,559 --> 00:44:48,779 to you about fat dicks? 794 00:44:48,779 --> 00:44:49,941 - Tiny dick! 795 00:44:49,941 --> 00:44:51,383 He has a tiny dick! 796 00:44:51,383 --> 00:44:52,358 He showed me it! 797 00:44:52,358 --> 00:44:54,079 - Will you shut the hell up, Virgil? 798 00:44:54,079 --> 00:44:55,721 I don't have a tiny dick, okay. 799 00:44:55,721 --> 00:44:57,361 I'll show you my dick right now bro. 800 00:44:57,361 --> 00:44:58,521 Want me to whip it out? 801 00:44:58,521 --> 00:45:00,082 I'll whip out my dick. 802 00:45:00,082 --> 00:45:01,932 - Whatever micro penis. 803 00:45:01,932 --> 00:45:06,923 Waddle waddle all day but you'll always be fat! 804 00:45:09,702 --> 00:45:10,535 - Fucker. 805 00:45:13,227 --> 00:45:14,535 (bicycle crash) 806 00:45:16,145 --> 00:45:16,978 Bitch. 807 00:45:20,524 --> 00:45:24,562 - I'm gonna tell my mom you fat asshole. 808 00:45:24,562 --> 00:45:26,812 (groaning) 809 00:45:31,660 --> 00:45:33,020 - This was definitely a good call. 810 00:45:33,020 --> 00:45:36,353 I've always wanted to take an art class. 811 00:45:38,222 --> 00:45:41,789 - Once again, it feels so good to be here with all of you, 812 00:45:41,789 --> 00:45:44,472 in a creative environment. 813 00:45:44,472 --> 00:45:46,926 Free from our smart phones and tablets 814 00:45:46,926 --> 00:45:50,001 and computers and TVs. 815 00:45:50,002 --> 00:45:52,419 (slow music) 816 00:45:56,507 --> 00:45:59,758 Let's start with some breathing exercises. 817 00:45:59,758 --> 00:46:02,175 Now everyone close your eyes, 818 00:46:03,243 --> 00:46:05,735 relax your bodies 819 00:46:05,735 --> 00:46:08,518 and slowly inhale. 820 00:46:13,384 --> 00:46:15,718 And exhale. 821 00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,173 Now, with your eyes closed, 822 00:46:21,173 --> 00:46:23,840 grab your pencils and just draw. 823 00:46:25,266 --> 00:46:28,669 Let the energy around you flow through you 824 00:46:28,669 --> 00:46:30,227 and onto your paper. 825 00:46:30,227 --> 00:46:33,227 (upbeat rock music) 826 00:46:37,046 --> 00:46:39,379 Now everyone open your eyes. 827 00:46:41,573 --> 00:46:43,656 - Is that a dick? 828 00:46:43,656 --> 00:46:45,298 Well, we know where your head's at. 829 00:46:45,298 --> 00:46:47,874 - I swear I was drawing something else. 830 00:46:47,874 --> 00:46:49,494 What did you draw? 831 00:46:49,494 --> 00:46:50,661 - Same as you. 832 00:46:53,102 --> 00:46:54,357 - Now that we're all warmed up 833 00:46:54,357 --> 00:46:57,599 and connected with our surroundings, 834 00:46:57,599 --> 00:47:00,099 it's time to begin our lesson. 835 00:47:03,261 --> 00:47:07,594 - What kind of art class did you say this was again? 836 00:47:09,214 --> 00:47:11,904 - Bare witness and let your naked eye connect 837 00:47:11,904 --> 00:47:13,703 with my naked human body. 838 00:47:13,703 --> 00:47:17,824 Look very closely and study every curve, 839 00:47:17,824 --> 00:47:19,399 wrinkle and pore. 840 00:47:21,834 --> 00:47:22,667 Yes? 841 00:47:23,958 --> 00:47:25,958 - Is that a ding-a-ling? 842 00:47:26,872 --> 00:47:29,542 - Yes, is there a problem? 843 00:47:29,542 --> 00:47:31,008 - No, just, 844 00:47:32,525 --> 00:47:33,608 I'm good. 845 00:47:34,531 --> 00:47:35,968 We're good. 846 00:47:35,968 --> 00:47:37,385 Everybody's good. 847 00:47:40,413 --> 00:47:45,213 - Now, let my features flow into your mind 848 00:47:45,213 --> 00:47:48,046 and spill out onto your paper. 849 00:47:49,327 --> 00:47:53,469 - (clears throat) Well, I think I captured her 850 00:47:53,469 --> 00:47:55,469 and her penis perfectly. 851 00:47:57,206 --> 00:47:58,407 - Another penis? 852 00:47:58,407 --> 00:48:00,569 Is there something you want to come out of the closet 853 00:48:00,569 --> 00:48:02,029 for and tell me? 854 00:48:02,029 --> 00:48:04,185 - I'm just really good at drawing penises. 855 00:48:04,185 --> 00:48:05,664 It's a gift. 856 00:48:05,664 --> 00:48:06,497 - Sure. 857 00:48:06,497 --> 00:48:09,186 - Let's see your drawing then, Picasso. 858 00:48:09,186 --> 00:48:11,046 All right, you're really good. 859 00:48:11,046 --> 00:48:12,232 - Thank you. 860 00:48:12,232 --> 00:48:16,201 - Do you like sausages - I guess so. 861 00:48:16,201 --> 00:48:17,243 Why? 862 00:48:17,243 --> 00:48:18,460 - All these penises reminded me 863 00:48:18,460 --> 00:48:21,690 of this fucking awesome Italian sausage joint by my house. 864 00:48:21,690 --> 00:48:22,656 They're closed now, 865 00:48:22,656 --> 00:48:25,950 but if you're game we should definitely go there sometime. 866 00:48:25,950 --> 00:48:27,433 It's molto bene. 867 00:48:28,116 --> 00:48:29,963 - Sounds interesting, I'm game. 868 00:48:29,963 --> 00:48:32,464 - All right, let's the fuck out of here. 869 00:48:32,464 --> 00:48:33,297 - Bye guys. 870 00:48:33,297 --> 00:48:35,752 Don't forget to leave me a review on Jewpon. 871 00:48:35,752 --> 00:48:38,468 (phone vibrating) 872 00:48:51,419 --> 00:48:52,252 - Hello? 873 00:48:53,874 --> 00:48:56,823 Yeah, I know we don't have work today. 874 00:48:56,823 --> 00:48:58,746 Oh, I can sleep in? 875 00:48:58,746 --> 00:48:59,579 Oh really? 876 00:49:01,108 --> 00:49:01,941 Goodbye. 877 00:49:03,028 --> 00:49:04,286 Goodbye. 878 00:49:09,853 --> 00:49:11,810 - Who's this all this for? 879 00:49:11,810 --> 00:49:13,257 - For you silly goose. 880 00:49:13,257 --> 00:49:14,316 Round one. 881 00:49:14,316 --> 00:49:15,967 We're gonna see if you can beat your seventh round record, 882 00:49:15,967 --> 00:49:17,528 my little cowboy. 883 00:49:17,528 --> 00:49:20,352 If you believe it, you can achieve it. 884 00:49:20,352 --> 00:49:22,852 Oh, I forgot your orange soda. 885 00:49:24,034 --> 00:49:26,131 - I swear this bitch is trying to give me diabetes. 886 00:49:26,131 --> 00:49:29,131 (audience laughing) 887 00:49:34,358 --> 00:49:37,058 (typing) - Jewpon.com. 888 00:49:39,216 --> 00:49:40,524 And print. 889 00:49:46,229 --> 00:49:48,913 - How the fuck did he make it to seven rounds? 890 00:49:48,913 --> 00:49:51,805 - Don't give up, Matty. You're almost there. 891 00:49:53,300 --> 00:49:55,788 - I just, I can't do it. 892 00:49:55,788 --> 00:49:57,069 I can't eat another bite. 893 00:49:57,069 --> 00:49:58,613 - Sure you can. 894 00:49:58,613 --> 00:50:00,359 Coming in for a landing. 895 00:50:00,359 --> 00:50:03,525 (imitates engine noises) 896 00:50:08,741 --> 00:50:11,391 (imitates engine noises) 897 00:50:16,210 --> 00:50:18,293 - I understand why Matt hates you now. 898 00:50:18,293 --> 00:50:21,245 (audience laughs) 899 00:50:21,245 --> 00:50:22,912 - Good ball control. 900 00:50:23,992 --> 00:50:25,523 Get that ball, nobody has it! 901 00:50:25,523 --> 00:50:27,487 Come on, oh yeah, take it down. 902 00:50:27,487 --> 00:50:29,737 (cheering) 903 00:50:30,971 --> 00:50:33,011 - Hey is this the bubble soccer game? 904 00:50:33,011 --> 00:50:34,343 For the Jewpon promotion? 905 00:50:34,343 --> 00:50:36,145 - Yes, are you one of the parents? 906 00:50:36,145 --> 00:50:39,278 - No, here to kick some ass holes, sir. 907 00:50:39,278 --> 00:50:41,017 - You didn't happen to notice there's a slight age 908 00:50:41,017 --> 00:50:42,554 difference between yourself 909 00:50:42,554 --> 00:50:44,842 and these kids out here, did you? 910 00:50:44,842 --> 00:50:47,015 - Yeah, but I read the coupon 911 00:50:47,015 --> 00:50:50,794 and it looks like there's no age restriction, so. 912 00:50:50,794 --> 00:50:53,127 I'm in like nuts on yo chin! 913 00:50:55,731 --> 00:50:58,731 (suspenseful music) 914 00:51:13,535 --> 00:51:14,676 (floor creaks) 915 00:51:18,377 --> 00:51:19,968 - Feels like you have a few knots. 916 00:51:19,968 --> 00:51:20,817 - Do I? 917 00:51:20,817 --> 00:51:22,224 Do you think you can get em out for me? 918 00:51:22,224 --> 00:51:23,103 - Yeah, I can try. 919 00:51:23,103 --> 00:51:25,020 - Oh, great, thank you. 920 00:51:31,010 --> 00:51:33,368 - How's that feel? - Amazing. 921 00:51:33,368 --> 00:51:34,201 - Good. 922 00:51:37,193 --> 00:51:39,776 (upbeat music) 923 00:52:14,838 --> 00:52:16,409 (camera shutter clicking) 924 00:52:16,409 --> 00:52:17,940 - Yes, go. 925 00:52:17,940 --> 00:52:20,523 (upbeat music) 926 00:52:52,336 --> 00:52:53,169 - Hey! 927 00:52:56,788 --> 00:52:58,621 Come on, lean into it. 928 00:53:18,622 --> 00:53:19,890 Come on, get it in there. 929 00:53:19,890 --> 00:53:20,723 Let's go! 930 00:53:23,283 --> 00:53:24,116 There! 931 00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:46,738 - Aren't you gonna do something? 932 00:53:46,738 --> 00:53:47,571 - Well... 933 00:53:47,571 --> 00:53:50,058 - He is way too old to be out there with our kids. 934 00:53:50,058 --> 00:53:52,300 - But the coupon it doesn't restrict age. 935 00:53:52,300 --> 00:53:53,459 - Oh, come on. 936 00:53:53,459 --> 00:53:54,292 - That's it. 937 00:53:54,292 --> 00:53:56,125 Either you do something about it or we're out of here. 938 00:53:56,125 --> 00:53:59,225 - And we're taking our money back. 939 00:53:59,225 --> 00:54:00,142 - Hey, you. 940 00:54:01,119 --> 00:54:02,721 - I don't wanna play anymore. 941 00:54:02,721 --> 00:54:03,602 - Whoo! 942 00:54:03,602 --> 00:54:04,885 Not in my house. 943 00:54:04,885 --> 00:54:06,305 Not in my house. 944 00:54:06,305 --> 00:54:07,901 - I hate you. 945 00:54:07,901 --> 00:54:09,536 - Hey you, it's game over. 946 00:54:09,536 --> 00:54:14,512 Put that bubble back where you got it and get out of here. 947 00:54:14,512 --> 00:54:16,945 Hey asshole, get back here. 948 00:54:18,754 --> 00:54:20,504 Aw, that's my bubble. 949 00:54:22,519 --> 00:54:24,019 - Yeah, about to get it. 950 00:54:25,851 --> 00:54:27,034 Oh yeah. 951 00:55:03,811 --> 00:55:05,978 (moaning) 952 00:55:08,036 --> 00:55:09,851 - You okay in there honey? 953 00:55:09,851 --> 00:55:11,372 - I'm fine. 954 00:55:11,372 --> 00:55:12,604 Leave me alone. 955 00:55:12,604 --> 00:55:14,904 - Okay, no need to be so rude. 956 00:55:14,904 --> 00:55:16,541 - Wait, mom. 957 00:55:16,541 --> 00:55:18,585 - Yes, sugar booger? 958 00:55:18,585 --> 00:55:20,507 - [Alex] What's my best friend's name? 959 00:55:20,507 --> 00:55:21,340 - Alex? 960 00:55:22,895 --> 00:55:24,273 - [Alex] What? 961 00:55:24,273 --> 00:55:25,106 - Alex. 962 00:55:25,698 --> 00:55:26,531 - [Alex] What? 963 00:55:26,995 --> 00:55:28,194 - Alex! 964 00:55:28,868 --> 00:55:30,362 - [Alex] Huh? 965 00:55:30,362 --> 00:55:31,195 - Alex. 966 00:55:32,219 --> 00:55:34,730 (moaning) 967 00:55:34,730 --> 00:55:37,367 Are you sure you're okay in there, honey? 968 00:55:37,367 --> 00:55:39,000 - [Alex] I am now. 969 00:55:46,068 --> 00:55:48,594 - How the fuck does he survive? 970 00:55:48,594 --> 00:55:51,892 Why have a fridge if you have no food in it? 971 00:55:51,892 --> 00:55:54,335 Get your fucking life together, man. 972 00:55:54,335 --> 00:55:57,335 (suspenseful music) 973 00:56:08,145 --> 00:56:10,226 - Hey, hey, hey fat ass Albert. 974 00:56:10,226 --> 00:56:11,947 What's this? 975 00:56:11,947 --> 00:56:13,391 - Dude, give that back! 976 00:56:13,391 --> 00:56:14,608 - Just what in the hell are you doing with a 977 00:56:14,608 --> 00:56:16,897 pocket pussy anyway you pathetic perv? 978 00:56:16,897 --> 00:56:19,458 - It's not what you think, Chad. 979 00:56:19,458 --> 00:56:21,700 You know how girls have a bachelorette party 980 00:56:21,700 --> 00:56:24,200 and they do like a dick theme? 981 00:56:24,614 --> 00:56:26,747 Um, my friend Eric. 982 00:56:27,222 --> 00:56:29,419 He is having a bachelor party 983 00:56:29,419 --> 00:56:32,078 and he asked me to throw it for him. 984 00:56:32,078 --> 00:56:34,395 So naturally I'm going with a pussy theme. 985 00:56:34,395 --> 00:56:38,145 And I'm using pocket pussies as shot glasses. 986 00:56:39,100 --> 00:56:41,343 See, I was just testing it. 987 00:56:41,343 --> 00:56:43,284 - Wait, Eric. 988 00:56:43,824 --> 00:56:45,785 Like Eric from work Eric? 989 00:56:45,785 --> 00:56:47,428 - Yeah. 990 00:56:47,428 --> 00:56:50,201 - No invite for big boy Chad, huh? 991 00:56:50,201 --> 00:56:53,657 Fuck it, we'll have our own party right here right now! 992 00:56:53,657 --> 00:56:57,282 Shots shots shots shots shots shots! 993 00:56:58,887 --> 00:57:01,020 - Dude, dude, wait, wait. 994 00:57:03,767 --> 00:57:05,847 You know what, go for it bro. 995 00:57:05,847 --> 00:57:07,055 All yours. 996 00:57:13,102 --> 00:57:16,483 - (choking) Oh, god, what did you mix this with? 997 00:57:16,483 --> 00:57:17,316 Cum? 998 00:57:17,316 --> 00:57:19,342 - This is the most disgustingly awesome thing 999 00:57:19,342 --> 00:57:20,759 I have ever seen. 1000 00:57:25,815 --> 00:57:28,615 - Man, this shit has me buzzed. 1001 00:57:29,923 --> 00:57:31,931 - Hashtag, facial. 1002 00:57:34,049 --> 00:57:37,032 Hashtag, money shot. 1003 00:57:39,322 --> 00:57:42,455 Hashtag, seagulled. 1004 00:57:43,857 --> 00:57:47,115 And, post. 1005 00:57:56,991 --> 00:57:58,604 - [Announcer] Your video will continue after 1006 00:57:58,604 --> 00:58:00,604 a word from our sponsor. 1007 00:58:01,987 --> 00:58:03,585 (upbeat music) 1008 00:58:03,585 --> 00:58:05,349 - What are you doing? 1009 00:58:05,349 --> 00:58:06,614 Oh my god, what are you doing? 1010 00:58:06,614 --> 00:58:07,447 Stop. 1011 00:58:07,447 --> 00:58:08,280 No. 1012 00:58:12,609 --> 00:58:15,685 - Well, well, well, I do declare. 1013 00:58:15,685 --> 00:58:17,846 It looks like we have another suicide 1014 00:58:17,846 --> 00:58:20,767 by someone high off marijuana. 1015 00:58:20,767 --> 00:58:23,929 I'm Winfred Wade Wallace reminding you 1016 00:58:23,929 --> 00:58:27,890 that just because weed has been legal in Washington, 1017 00:58:27,890 --> 00:58:29,812 does not make it safe. 1018 00:58:29,812 --> 00:58:34,014 So next time you get wasted on that stick-icky, 1019 00:58:34,014 --> 00:58:37,273 remember it could be your last. 1020 00:58:37,273 --> 00:58:40,256 - What the fuck did I just watch? 1021 00:58:45,998 --> 00:58:49,031 (objects shuffling and clanging) 1022 00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:02,220 - Hey fellas, don't you hate it 1023 00:59:02,220 --> 00:59:04,988 when you're watching porn and jerking off. 1024 00:59:04,988 --> 00:59:06,948 Everything is going perfectly. 1025 00:59:06,948 --> 00:59:08,899 The woman is beautiful. 1026 00:59:08,899 --> 00:59:11,780 She's moaning loud because the guy is pounding her 1027 00:59:11,780 --> 00:59:14,505 like some insane centaur. 1028 00:59:16,262 --> 00:59:19,423 You're close to shooting out your cum sprinkles 1029 00:59:19,423 --> 00:59:21,665 when out of nowhere the angle of the video 1030 00:59:21,665 --> 00:59:24,267 takes a turn for the worse. 1031 00:59:24,267 --> 00:59:27,551 You're suddenly in a very non flattering angle 1032 00:59:27,551 --> 00:59:28,873 for straight people. 1033 00:59:28,873 --> 00:59:30,715 You know what I'm talking about. 1034 00:59:30,715 --> 00:59:34,600 The angle behind the dude where absolutely zero 1035 00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:36,964 of the girl is showing. 1036 00:59:36,964 --> 00:59:39,206 All you see is a hairy back 1037 00:59:39,206 --> 00:59:44,206 and ass crack with sweaty manballs bouncing up and down. 1038 00:59:44,494 --> 00:59:46,294 Who directed this thing? 1039 00:59:46,294 --> 00:59:48,894 This was not what I signed up for. 1040 00:59:48,894 --> 00:59:50,977 Talk about a jizz killer. 1041 00:59:52,301 --> 00:59:54,852 Yep, there's no way I'm getting this down in time. 1042 00:59:54,852 --> 00:59:56,502 - Babe, what are you doing? 1043 00:59:56,502 --> 00:59:59,903 Have you forgotten about our annual camping trip of love? 1044 00:59:59,903 --> 01:00:04,903 - Uh, no, why would I forget something that important? 1045 01:00:05,186 --> 01:00:08,807 Uhm, remind me what made it so awesome last year? 1046 01:00:08,807 --> 01:00:11,168 - Oh, last year was amazing. 1047 01:00:11,168 --> 01:00:12,684 (romantic music) 1048 01:00:15,026 --> 01:00:16,401 (squishy impact) (groaning) 1049 01:00:19,041 --> 01:00:21,100 You were so romantic. 1050 01:00:21,100 --> 01:00:22,940 I love spending time with you by the lake 1051 01:00:22,940 --> 01:00:24,716 just eating junk food. 1052 01:00:24,716 --> 01:00:27,268 Making love under the stars. 1053 01:00:27,268 --> 01:00:30,032 Having you to myself for three days. 1054 01:00:30,032 --> 01:00:31,042 Grrrr. 1055 01:00:31,042 --> 01:00:32,821 It'll be amazing. 1056 01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:34,894 - Uh, I'm just gonna forewarn you 1057 01:00:34,894 --> 01:00:37,200 this year might be a little bit different. 1058 01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:39,533 I'm not feeling like myself. 1059 01:00:42,307 --> 01:00:43,781 - What up mother fuckers? 1060 01:00:43,781 --> 01:00:48,034 And welcome to another segment of E Zee Doez it on a Budget. 1061 01:00:48,034 --> 01:00:49,398 I'm your host E Zee 1062 01:00:49,398 --> 01:00:52,124 and if you're watching this you're probably hungry 1063 01:00:52,124 --> 01:00:54,055 or just fucking high. 1064 01:00:54,055 --> 01:00:56,982 Either way, let's get this shit started. 1065 01:00:56,982 --> 01:01:00,745 Today I'm gonna be teaching you how to make Ghetto S'ghetti. 1066 01:01:00,745 --> 01:01:03,370 And for all those haters out there leaving bullshit comments 1067 01:01:03,370 --> 01:01:06,852 on my feed below, you can go fuck yourselves. 1068 01:01:06,852 --> 01:01:09,993 Especially you RashelleRay24 1069 01:01:10,202 --> 01:01:12,660 and GordonGramsy62. 1070 01:01:12,829 --> 01:01:15,661 I will find you, and when I do, 1071 01:01:15,661 --> 01:01:17,463 I'm gonna beat the shit out of you 1072 01:01:17,463 --> 01:01:19,783 with your own fucking keyboards. 1073 01:01:19,783 --> 01:01:21,249 So remember, 1074 01:01:21,249 --> 01:01:25,257 words don't leave marks, but keyboards do. 1075 01:01:25,540 --> 01:01:29,032 - Hot dog, I'm high as shit. 1076 01:01:29,347 --> 01:01:32,151 - What you will need for this deliciously cheap ass meal 1077 01:01:32,151 --> 01:01:34,274 is a packet of ramen noodles 1078 01:01:34,274 --> 01:01:37,609 including the spices, a package of hotdogs, 1079 01:01:37,609 --> 01:01:40,934 and last but not least a bottle of ketchup 1080 01:01:40,934 --> 01:01:42,542 or Sriracha 1081 01:01:43,125 --> 01:01:46,241 for you weird mexi chinks out there. 1082 01:01:47,350 --> 01:01:49,567 Ewh, gross. 1083 01:01:49,974 --> 01:01:52,185 So now what you're gonna want to do is open up 1084 01:01:52,185 --> 01:01:56,090 your noodle packet and set it in the bowl. 1085 01:01:56,090 --> 01:01:57,971 Now it's time to set you noodles 1086 01:01:57,971 --> 01:02:00,804 in the microwave for five minutes. 1087 01:02:04,256 --> 01:02:05,256 - Seriously, 1088 01:02:07,444 --> 01:02:10,624 how did this weird bitch open the package so fast? 1089 01:02:10,624 --> 01:02:11,624 - Excuse me? 1090 01:02:12,761 --> 01:02:13,777 Excuse me? 1091 01:02:14,842 --> 01:02:15,900 Excuse me? 1092 01:02:17,001 --> 01:02:20,403 Who the fuck are you calling weird you fugly ass nerd? 1093 01:02:20,403 --> 01:02:21,781 - Are you talking to me? 1094 01:02:21,781 --> 01:02:24,145 - Yeah asshole, I am. 1095 01:02:24,145 --> 01:02:26,428 Maybe if you didn't have bitch arms 1096 01:02:26,428 --> 01:02:30,231 you could open the fucking package yourself. 1097 01:02:30,231 --> 01:02:32,687 - Well my hands are kind of sweaty. 1098 01:02:32,687 --> 01:02:34,504 - Here you go retard. 1099 01:02:36,001 --> 01:02:37,700 - What the fuck? 1100 01:02:39,728 --> 01:02:40,728 How did you? 1101 01:02:48,127 --> 01:02:48,960 (microwave beep) 1102 01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:49,793 - Oh yeah! 1103 01:02:50,243 --> 01:02:51,993 The noodles are done. 1104 01:02:53,416 --> 01:02:57,849 Now's the time that you're gonna wanna strain that water. 1105 01:03:00,942 --> 01:03:02,739 - Do you still need this? 1106 01:03:02,739 --> 01:03:04,072 - Thanks fucker. 1107 01:03:05,510 --> 01:03:08,916 Take this and just add that shit. 1108 01:03:08,916 --> 01:03:12,318 Now's the time that you're gonna add your ketchup. 1109 01:03:12,318 --> 01:03:13,426 Or Sriracha. 1110 01:03:14,700 --> 01:03:17,860 And just get it all up in there. 1111 01:03:17,860 --> 01:03:21,502 Mix it together and then add your hotdogs. 1112 01:03:24,350 --> 01:03:25,508 Bon appetit. 1113 01:03:28,894 --> 01:03:30,893 - And there you have it. 1114 01:03:30,893 --> 01:03:32,430 Ghetto S'ghetti. 1115 01:03:32,688 --> 01:03:35,875 Be sure to tell me how fucking terrible this recipe is, 1116 01:03:35,875 --> 01:03:39,115 along with all my other ones in the comments below. 1117 01:03:39,115 --> 01:03:42,448 You sacks of shit with no fucking lives. 1118 01:03:45,963 --> 01:03:49,046 - Maybe I should stop smoking weed... 1119 01:03:50,685 --> 01:03:52,285 Huh, nah. 1120 01:03:52,686 --> 01:03:53,519 Stupid. 1121 01:03:59,016 --> 01:04:01,808 Awh, holy mother of god. 1122 01:04:05,655 --> 01:04:07,256 (spits) 1123 01:04:07,506 --> 01:04:09,756 That is disturbingly gross. 1124 01:04:11,987 --> 01:04:14,154 I miss my mommy's cooking. 1125 01:04:17,330 --> 01:04:19,980 (uneasy music) 1126 01:04:41,341 --> 01:04:42,742 - Oh, Jesus. 1127 01:04:42,742 --> 01:04:46,083 - I just wanted to give you your second bag of brownies. 1128 01:04:46,083 --> 01:04:48,041 Are you okay? You seem distracted? 1129 01:04:48,718 --> 01:04:50,177 - Uh, yeah. 1130 01:04:50,177 --> 01:04:51,587 I'm fine. 1131 01:04:51,587 --> 01:04:54,592 - I'm so glad we finally get some alone time together. 1132 01:04:54,592 --> 01:04:57,358 You've been avoiding me a lot lately. 1133 01:04:57,358 --> 01:04:59,261 Tonight though you're all mine. 1134 01:04:59,261 --> 01:05:02,342 Momma wants some of that anaconda you're packing. 1135 01:05:02,342 --> 01:05:04,625 - Hey, hey, stop it with that lady! 1136 01:05:04,625 --> 01:05:06,050 Geez. 1137 01:05:06,050 --> 01:05:07,151 And let's be realistic here, 1138 01:05:07,151 --> 01:05:09,820 it's more like a baby garden snake if anything. 1139 01:05:09,820 --> 01:05:14,152 Besides, I told you I'm just not feeling up to it tonight. 1140 01:05:14,152 --> 01:05:15,555 - What's going on? 1141 01:05:15,555 --> 01:05:17,685 Are you not attracted to me anymore? 1142 01:05:17,685 --> 01:05:19,044 - Don't be sad. 1143 01:05:19,044 --> 01:05:20,646 It's not you I promise. 1144 01:05:20,646 --> 01:05:22,006 Work's stressing me out. 1145 01:05:22,006 --> 01:05:24,249 I got this comedy show coming up I'm not prepared for, 1146 01:05:24,249 --> 01:05:25,391 like at all. 1147 01:05:27,615 --> 01:05:30,068 I'm just having stupid man problems, okay? 1148 01:05:30,068 --> 01:05:31,759 I promise I'll have lots and lots 1149 01:05:31,759 --> 01:05:34,124 of crazy sex with you soon. 1150 01:05:34,724 --> 01:05:37,318 - And you'll put it in my butt too? 1151 01:05:37,710 --> 01:05:39,434 - Uh. yeah. 1152 01:05:39,434 --> 01:05:42,313 If you get like a million enemas first. 1153 01:05:42,313 --> 01:05:44,336 - Come on, let's go back to the tent. 1154 01:05:44,336 --> 01:05:47,476 Those brownies are definitely gonna hit you soon. 1155 01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:50,441 - Wait, what? 1156 01:05:50,441 --> 01:05:51,274 Hit me? 1157 01:05:51,974 --> 01:05:52,807 ('Go 2 Work' by Tonez tha Prince) 1158 01:05:52,807 --> 01:05:55,278 ♪ Work, work, go to work ♪ 1159 01:05:55,278 --> 01:05:57,678 ♪ Baby you deserve a crown ♪ 1160 01:05:57,678 --> 01:05:58,741 ♪ Go to work ♪ 1161 01:05:58,741 --> 01:06:01,076 ♪ I like the way she drop it down ♪ 1162 01:06:01,076 --> 01:06:02,136 ♪ Go to work ♪ 1163 01:06:02,136 --> 01:06:04,453 ♪ Like there ain't no one around ♪ 1164 01:06:04,453 --> 01:06:05,703 ♪ Go to work ♪ 1165 01:06:05,703 --> 01:06:07,868 ♪ Work, work ♪ 1166 01:06:07,868 --> 01:06:09,097 ♪ Go to work ♪ 1167 01:06:09,097 --> 01:06:11,257 ♪ Work, work ♪ 1168 01:06:11,257 --> 01:06:12,597 ♪ Go to work ♪ 1169 01:06:12,597 --> 01:06:14,761 ♪ Work, work ♪ 1170 01:06:14,761 --> 01:06:16,051 ♪ Go to work ♪ 1171 01:06:16,051 --> 01:06:17,997 ♪ Work, work ♪ 1172 01:06:17,997 --> 01:06:19,078 ♪ Go to work ♪ 1173 01:06:19,078 --> 01:06:20,560 ♪ Booty going clap clap ♪ 1174 01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:22,280 ♪ Sit it on my lap lap ♪ 1175 01:06:22,280 --> 01:06:24,002 ♪ Do your thing girl ♪ 1176 01:06:24,002 --> 01:06:25,683 ♪ Make a nigga want that that ♪ 1177 01:06:25,683 --> 01:06:27,366 ♪ Booty looking fat fat ♪ 1178 01:06:27,366 --> 01:06:29,126 ♪ Throw it in a catch that ♪ 1179 01:06:29,126 --> 01:06:30,850 ♪ Do your thing girl ♪ 1180 01:06:30,850 --> 01:06:32,530 ♪ Do your thing girl ♪ 1181 01:06:32,530 --> 01:06:34,288 ♪ Back it up, back it up ♪ ♪ 1182 01:06:34,288 --> 01:06:36,024 ♪ Back back it up like it's freight ♪ 1183 01:06:36,024 --> 01:06:36,857 ♪ Now drop it low ♪ 1184 01:06:36,857 --> 01:06:39,417 ♪ Drop it low drop it low that gets weight ♪ 1185 01:06:39,417 --> 01:06:41,059 ♪ Now pick it up pick it up ♪ 1186 01:06:41,059 --> 01:06:42,780 ♪ Girl you gonna hurt yo back ♪ 1187 01:06:42,780 --> 01:06:44,504 ♪ The way she's shaking that ass ♪ 1188 01:06:44,504 --> 01:06:46,087 ♪ Like a pitbull when he attack ♪ 1189 01:06:46,087 --> 01:06:47,037 ♪ I'm like damn ♪ ♪ 1190 01:06:47,173 --> 01:06:48,006 - Wait. 1191 01:06:48,006 --> 01:06:49,622 Aren't you Winfred Wade Wallace? 1192 01:06:49,622 --> 01:06:51,624 That anti-weed asshole. 1193 01:06:51,624 --> 01:06:52,847 - Well now, don't always believe 1194 01:06:52,847 --> 01:06:55,514 what you see on that TV now boy. 1195 01:06:56,526 --> 01:06:57,946 ♪ I'm keep throwing this money ♪ 1196 01:06:57,946 --> 01:07:00,494 ♪ You know how to get it from me baby ♪ 1197 01:07:00,494 --> 01:07:01,760 ♪ Work, work ♪ 1198 01:07:01,760 --> 01:07:03,610 (sensual music) 1199 01:07:05,170 --> 01:07:07,935 - Hey Alex, I hear you want a private dance? 1200 01:07:07,935 --> 01:07:08,885 - What? 1201 01:07:08,885 --> 01:07:11,563 No, I was in the area getting some food. 1202 01:07:11,563 --> 01:07:13,256 Thought I'd stop by and see you. 1203 01:07:13,256 --> 01:07:15,006 - Ahh, so sweet. 1204 01:07:16,524 --> 01:07:18,788 - Hey Alex, I thought that was you. 1205 01:07:18,788 --> 01:07:22,097 - There's more seats over there, Shaniqua. 1206 01:07:22,097 --> 01:07:23,207 What the hell mom. 1207 01:07:23,207 --> 01:07:24,957 I mean, you're my best friend's mom. 1208 01:07:24,957 --> 01:07:27,798 This is getting weird. Would you give me some space? 1209 01:07:27,798 --> 01:07:31,105 - Calm down honey, there's nothing weird going on here. 1210 01:07:31,580 --> 01:07:32,763 - Ah, gross. 1211 01:07:32,763 --> 01:07:34,085 Get out of here. 1212 01:07:34,085 --> 01:07:35,247 Ahh. 1213 01:07:35,247 --> 01:07:36,622 It's making it worse. 1214 01:07:36,622 --> 01:07:38,788 - Don't freak out. - It's making it worse. 1215 01:07:38,930 --> 01:07:39,763 Ah. 1216 01:07:41,102 --> 01:07:43,852 - There's nothing to be embarrassed about sweetie. 1217 01:07:43,852 --> 01:07:46,414 It's a perfectly natural body function. 1218 01:07:46,414 --> 01:07:47,247 - Yeah. 1219 01:07:47,247 --> 01:07:49,416 - I'm sure you're just feeling lonely right now. 1220 01:07:49,416 --> 01:07:50,883 - Very, lonely. 1221 01:07:52,056 --> 01:07:53,595 - You serve alcohol here, right? 1222 01:07:53,595 --> 01:07:56,025 - Yes, yes, of course we do. - Of course. 1223 01:07:56,025 --> 01:07:56,858 - What do you drink? 1224 01:07:56,858 --> 01:07:58,197 I can get you something, sweetie. 1225 01:07:58,197 --> 01:08:02,335 - I'm a grown ass man, Shaniqua, I can get my own alcohol. 1226 01:08:02,335 --> 01:08:04,312 Mom, Ms. Gay. - Yeah. 1227 01:08:04,312 --> 01:08:05,513 - Can you get me something to drink? 1228 01:08:05,513 --> 01:08:07,875 - Absolutely, of course sweetie, what do you want? 1229 01:08:07,875 --> 01:08:09,754 - Uh, you know that drink you make Matt sometimes? 1230 01:08:09,754 --> 01:08:13,946 The blue one with the ring of salt and the wedges. 1231 01:08:13,946 --> 01:08:16,120 - Blue balls. - Blue balls. 1232 01:08:16,120 --> 01:08:17,262 - Coming right up, sweetie. 1233 01:08:17,262 --> 01:08:18,429 Be right back. 1234 01:08:28,042 --> 01:08:31,518 - Holly, can I ask you a question? 1235 01:08:31,518 --> 01:08:34,424 - Anything you want babe. 1236 01:08:34,424 --> 01:08:36,948 - How can someone that looks like you 1237 01:08:36,948 --> 01:08:39,865 be with someone that looks like me? 1238 01:08:41,030 --> 01:08:44,797 - Matt, I've told you this over and over. 1239 01:08:46,121 --> 01:08:49,726 When will you get it through that thick sexy skull of yours? 1240 01:08:49,726 --> 01:08:52,771 It doesn't matter what you look like, 1241 01:08:52,771 --> 01:08:56,495 even though I think you're sexy as hell. 1242 01:08:56,495 --> 01:08:59,738 I'm attracted to the person I know you are. 1243 01:08:59,738 --> 01:09:01,829 I love you for you. 1244 01:09:03,385 --> 01:09:07,085 And I always will, with all my heart. 1245 01:09:08,717 --> 01:09:11,511 Whether you look like this 1246 01:09:11,511 --> 01:09:14,700 or you turn into a skinny little toothpick like Alex. 1247 01:09:14,700 --> 01:09:17,450 You'll always be my chubby bunny. 1248 01:09:18,742 --> 01:09:20,334 - I feel so weird. 1249 01:09:21,717 --> 01:09:25,258 I'm all dizzy in my brain head. 1250 01:09:26,235 --> 01:09:27,563 - Well, I probably would too 1251 01:09:27,563 --> 01:09:31,366 if I ate an entire bag of shroom infused pot brownies. 1252 01:09:31,366 --> 01:09:32,607 - What? 1253 01:09:32,607 --> 01:09:34,862 Who the hell mixes shrooms with weed brownies? 1254 01:09:34,862 --> 01:09:37,321 It doesn't even make any sense. 1255 01:09:37,496 --> 01:09:39,163 Oh my fucking taint. 1256 01:09:40,862 --> 01:09:43,641 I've never been high in my entire life? 1257 01:09:43,641 --> 01:09:46,399 ♪ Work, work, work ♪ 1258 01:09:46,399 --> 01:09:47,902 ♪ Go to work ♪ 1259 01:09:47,902 --> 01:09:49,843 ♪ Work, work ♪ 1260 01:09:49,843 --> 01:09:51,259 ♪ Go to work ♪ 1261 01:09:51,259 --> 01:09:53,326 ♪ Work, work ♪ 1262 01:09:53,326 --> 01:09:54,289 ♪ Go to work ♪ 1263 01:09:54,289 --> 01:09:55,871 ♪ Booty going clap clap ♪ 1264 01:09:55,871 --> 01:09:57,551 ♪ Sit it on my lap lap ♪ 1265 01:09:57,551 --> 01:09:59,040 ♪ Do your thing girl ♪ 1266 01:09:59,040 --> 01:10:00,999 ♪ Make a nigga wanna tap that ♪ 1267 01:10:00,999 --> 01:10:02,743 ♪ Booty looking fat fat ♪ 1268 01:10:02,743 --> 01:10:04,451 ♪ Throw it in a catch that ♪ 1269 01:10:04,451 --> 01:10:06,517 (sensual music) 1270 01:10:13,812 --> 01:10:15,545 - Mom. - Yeah babe. 1271 01:10:16,727 --> 01:10:19,279 - There's not enough drugs or alcohol 1272 01:10:19,279 --> 01:10:22,371 in the whole wide world 1273 01:10:22,371 --> 01:10:25,373 to erase the memories from tonight. 1274 01:10:27,204 --> 01:10:29,026 - All right. 1275 01:10:29,026 --> 01:10:30,227 - Are you okay? 1276 01:10:30,227 --> 01:10:31,588 - Keep em coming, Shaniqua. 1277 01:10:31,588 --> 01:10:34,125 - Oh honey, I think you've had enough. 1278 01:10:34,125 --> 01:10:35,866 - Shhhh. 1279 01:10:36,730 --> 01:10:38,542 What'd I say? 1280 01:10:38,542 --> 01:10:40,383 What'd I say, Shaniqua? 1281 01:10:40,383 --> 01:10:41,458 I said 1282 01:10:42,226 --> 01:10:44,567 I'm a grown ass boy. 1283 01:10:45,811 --> 01:10:48,411 - You are. - Keep 'em coming. 1284 01:10:50,610 --> 01:10:52,467 For the bus ride home. 1285 01:10:52,467 --> 01:10:55,467 (suspenseful music) 1286 01:11:02,254 --> 01:11:03,087 Holly? 1287 01:11:04,575 --> 01:11:05,408 Holly? 1288 01:11:11,472 --> 01:11:12,514 - Calm down, sweetie. 1289 01:11:12,514 --> 01:11:14,232 You're starting to have a bad trip. 1290 01:11:14,232 --> 01:11:15,065 It's okay. 1291 01:11:15,065 --> 01:11:15,950 Calm down sweetie. 1292 01:11:15,950 --> 01:11:17,872 You're starting to have a bad trip. 1293 01:11:17,872 --> 01:11:18,705 It's okay. 1294 01:11:18,705 --> 01:11:19,538 Calm down sweetie. 1295 01:11:19,538 --> 01:11:21,366 You're starting to have a bad trip. 1296 01:11:21,366 --> 01:11:22,438 It's okay. 1297 01:11:22,438 --> 01:11:23,296 Calm down sweetie. 1298 01:11:23,296 --> 01:11:25,295 Calm down sweetie. Calm down sweetie. 1299 01:11:25,295 --> 01:11:27,338 You're starting to have a bad trip. 1300 01:11:27,338 --> 01:11:28,581 It's okay. 1301 01:11:28,581 --> 01:11:30,664 (laughs) 1302 01:11:32,416 --> 01:11:33,635 What's wrong, Alex? 1303 01:11:33,635 --> 01:11:35,853 Are you feeling okay, Alex? 1304 01:11:35,853 --> 01:11:37,719 Are you all right, Alex? 1305 01:11:37,719 --> 01:11:39,882 Haven't you ever been high before, Alex? 1306 01:11:39,882 --> 01:11:42,044 Alex, Alex, Alex. 1307 01:11:42,044 --> 01:11:44,127 (laughs) 1308 01:12:00,008 --> 01:12:00,841 - Gotcha. 1309 01:12:03,546 --> 01:12:04,379 Tag. 1310 01:12:05,310 --> 01:12:06,143 - Gotcha. 1311 01:12:08,577 --> 01:12:10,821 - (shouting) Hey, you little bastards. 1312 01:12:10,821 --> 01:12:12,705 Keep it down. 1313 01:12:12,705 --> 01:12:16,336 Wake me up again and nobody's getting any dinner. 1314 01:12:16,336 --> 01:12:18,003 You little shits. 1315 01:12:24,068 --> 01:12:27,451 - You're supposed to be watching us, you stupid bitch. 1316 01:12:27,451 --> 01:12:28,402 - Tag. 1317 01:12:28,402 --> 01:12:30,038 Tag. 1318 01:12:30,038 --> 01:12:32,205 (panting) 1319 01:12:52,962 --> 01:12:55,212 (coughing) 1320 01:13:00,436 --> 01:13:03,222 - (in a deep voice) I made you more pot brownies. 1321 01:13:03,222 --> 01:13:04,722 They're delicious. 1322 01:13:06,820 --> 01:13:07,653 - Holly? 1323 01:13:14,800 --> 01:13:15,633 Holly? 1324 01:13:18,370 --> 01:13:19,203 Holly? 1325 01:13:20,412 --> 01:13:21,946 (giggling) 1326 01:13:21,946 --> 01:13:24,946 - Hey, Alex, do you want to join us? 1327 01:13:27,131 --> 01:13:28,749 - Come join us, Alex. - Come join us Alex. 1328 01:13:28,749 --> 01:13:29,871 - Come join us. 1329 01:13:29,871 --> 01:13:31,287 - Join us, Alex. 1330 01:13:31,287 --> 01:13:33,370 - Come on, Alex, join us. 1331 01:13:34,789 --> 01:13:36,511 - What are you waiting for? 1332 01:13:36,511 --> 01:13:38,153 The milk's nice and warm. 1333 01:13:38,153 --> 01:13:41,070 - Yeah, Alex, join us. - Join us. 1334 01:13:41,070 --> 01:13:43,456 - Join us. - Join us. 1335 01:13:43,456 --> 01:13:45,747 - The milk's nice and warm. 1336 01:13:45,998 --> 01:13:46,831 ('Got that Good' by Tonez the Prince) 1337 01:13:46,831 --> 01:13:48,625 ♪ Baby I got that ♪ 1338 01:13:48,625 --> 01:13:51,462 ♪ I got that good ♪ 1339 01:13:51,462 --> 01:13:56,298 ♪ And I don't no girl without atitude ♪ 1340 01:13:56,298 --> 01:13:58,190 ♪ No no no ♪ 1341 01:13:58,190 --> 01:14:03,146 ♪ I got that good ♪ 1342 01:14:03,146 --> 01:14:06,049 ♪ I got that good ♪ 1343 01:14:06,049 --> 01:14:07,924 ♪ No no no ♪ 1344 01:14:07,924 --> 01:14:10,561 ♪ I got that good ♪ 1345 01:14:10,561 --> 01:14:12,936 - How's it- how's it hanging? 1346 01:14:22,968 --> 01:14:25,635 (ominous music) 1347 01:14:53,848 --> 01:14:57,181 (imitates bird calling) 1348 01:15:04,106 --> 01:15:05,218 - Matt? 1349 01:15:05,468 --> 01:15:06,610 Is that you? 1350 01:15:07,679 --> 01:15:09,179 You're an old man. 1351 01:15:12,096 --> 01:15:13,418 You're old. 1352 01:15:13,418 --> 01:15:15,768 - Yeah, so are you. 1353 01:15:15,903 --> 01:15:17,428 Who gives a fuck? 1354 01:15:22,463 --> 01:15:24,566 - The hell is going on? 1355 01:15:24,566 --> 01:15:26,448 Matt? Matt? 1356 01:15:26,448 --> 01:15:29,175 - Why do you keep calling me Matt? 1357 01:15:29,175 --> 01:15:30,909 I'm not Matt 1358 01:15:30,909 --> 01:15:31,792 - Huh? 1359 01:15:31,792 --> 01:15:33,117 - I'm Alex. 1360 01:15:33,117 --> 01:15:33,950 - What? 1361 01:15:37,986 --> 01:15:40,386 (imitates bird calling) 1362 01:15:40,386 --> 01:15:42,786 What we never changed? 1363 01:15:43,277 --> 01:15:46,842 (breathing heavily) 1364 01:15:46,842 --> 01:15:49,092 (groaning) 1365 01:15:51,080 --> 01:15:54,080 (suspenseful music) 1366 01:16:00,188 --> 01:16:01,429 - Oh, it's okay. 1367 01:16:01,429 --> 01:16:02,262 It's okay. 1368 01:16:03,349 --> 01:16:05,682 Rise and shine chubby bunny. 1369 01:16:09,949 --> 01:16:11,783 - Okay, okay, I'm awake. 1370 01:16:11,783 --> 01:16:12,782 Jesus. 1371 01:16:12,782 --> 01:16:15,863 Ah, where are your clothes? 1372 01:16:15,863 --> 01:16:18,705 - Uhm, don't you remember anything about last night? 1373 01:16:18,705 --> 01:16:23,274 I know you were on a crazy trip but you were an animal. 1374 01:16:23,274 --> 01:16:24,107 - No. 1375 01:16:24,107 --> 01:16:24,940 No way. 1376 01:16:26,198 --> 01:16:29,321 My clothes are still on and the arm floats. 1377 01:16:29,321 --> 01:16:32,241 Come on, we didn't really do anything. 1378 01:16:32,241 --> 01:16:33,282 Did we? 1379 01:16:33,282 --> 01:16:36,304 - Well you just whipped out Action Jackson and went at it. 1380 01:16:36,304 --> 01:16:37,386 - I went at it? 1381 01:16:37,386 --> 01:16:38,588 Bullshit. 1382 01:16:38,588 --> 01:16:40,736 You drugged and raped me. 1383 01:16:40,736 --> 01:16:42,097 I should've known you were lying. 1384 01:16:42,097 --> 01:16:42,930 Nobody mixes shrooms with weed, 1385 01:16:42,930 --> 01:16:46,183 that doesn't even make any sense. 1386 01:16:46,183 --> 01:16:47,904 You roofied me didn't you? 1387 01:16:47,904 --> 01:16:50,744 I wasn't giving it up, you decided to roofie rape me. 1388 01:16:50,744 --> 01:16:53,020 That's what happened. 1389 01:16:53,020 --> 01:16:54,437 The fuck is that? 1390 01:16:55,417 --> 01:16:58,361 See, I was fucking right. 1391 01:16:58,361 --> 01:16:59,375 The fuck! 1392 01:16:59,375 --> 01:17:02,375 (suspenseful music) 1393 01:17:15,921 --> 01:17:17,588 - Good morning, mom. 1394 01:17:22,207 --> 01:17:24,540 The fuck are you doing here? 1395 01:17:28,689 --> 01:17:29,522 Wait... 1396 01:17:31,654 --> 01:17:32,487 Did we... 1397 01:17:35,903 --> 01:17:36,753 No. 1398 01:17:37,153 --> 01:17:38,030 No. 1399 01:17:38,305 --> 01:17:39,138 No. 1400 01:17:40,429 --> 01:17:41,329 No. 1401 01:17:41,820 --> 01:17:44,322 - We need to talk about last night. 1402 01:17:44,747 --> 01:17:47,791 Figure out what we're gonna tell Matt. 1403 01:17:48,366 --> 01:17:52,688 - We are not going to talk to Matt about anything, 1404 01:17:52,688 --> 01:17:55,372 especially what happened last night. 1405 01:17:55,372 --> 01:17:56,964 I'm outta here. 1406 01:17:56,964 --> 01:17:59,358 Put some damn clothes on. 1407 01:17:59,358 --> 01:18:02,025 (comedic music) 1408 01:18:19,993 --> 01:18:21,430 - Fucking voice mail. 1409 01:18:21,430 --> 01:18:23,468 Answer your phone dick. 1410 01:18:23,468 --> 01:18:25,635 Fuck. (dialing) 1411 01:18:28,190 --> 01:18:30,374 Come on, Holly, answer. 1412 01:18:31,072 --> 01:18:34,500 I need to hear your voice right now. 1413 01:18:34,500 --> 01:18:36,215 - [Holly] Hey, you've reached, Holly. 1414 01:18:36,215 --> 01:18:38,579 I'm on a camping trip with the sexiest man alive. 1415 01:18:38,579 --> 01:18:40,201 No cell service, so leave a message 1416 01:18:40,201 --> 01:18:42,162 and I'll get back to you when I have a signal. 1417 01:18:42,162 --> 01:18:43,885 You know, unless we're eaten by bears. 1418 01:18:43,885 --> 01:18:44,718 Roar. 1419 01:18:45,561 --> 01:18:47,301 Bye. - The trip was today? 1420 01:18:47,301 --> 01:18:48,863 - [Shaniqua] (knocks on door) Hey, Alex. 1421 01:18:48,863 --> 01:18:50,315 Everything all right this morning? 1422 01:18:50,315 --> 01:18:51,148 - Yeah. 1423 01:18:51,148 --> 01:18:53,065 Now fuck off, Shaniqua. 1424 01:19:14,743 --> 01:19:17,010 - Are those fucking JNCOs? 1425 01:19:19,520 --> 01:19:20,422 - Fuck yeah. 1426 01:19:20,422 --> 01:19:22,042 Dope, right? 1427 01:19:22,042 --> 01:19:24,851 - Wait, what the hell are you doing? 1428 01:19:24,851 --> 01:19:26,254 - Don't worry about me, 1429 01:19:26,254 --> 01:19:27,856 just getting rid of evidence from something 1430 01:19:27,856 --> 01:19:31,006 I'll never speak of ever again. 1431 01:19:34,285 --> 01:19:36,666 So did you and my girlfriend have fun 1432 01:19:36,666 --> 01:19:40,099 on our very, very romantic 1433 01:19:40,732 --> 01:19:41,848 anniversary trip? 1434 01:19:41,848 --> 01:19:46,505 - Yeah, we just, it was really boring actually. 1435 01:19:46,505 --> 01:19:47,573 We just stayed up all night 1436 01:19:47,573 --> 01:19:49,259 and she talked about how awesome you are. 1437 01:19:49,259 --> 01:19:51,092 I disagreed of course. 1438 01:19:51,905 --> 01:19:53,387 And then we fell asleep, 1439 01:19:53,387 --> 01:19:56,829 very, very far away from each other. 1440 01:19:57,830 --> 01:20:00,247 - Wow, after last night... 1441 01:20:03,077 --> 01:20:05,967 This situation is obviously pretty crazy. 1442 01:20:05,967 --> 01:20:09,203 That, mixed with the fact that Holly is so fucking sexy. 1443 01:20:09,203 --> 01:20:11,723 She can't resist my handsome mug. 1444 01:20:11,723 --> 01:20:14,242 I know fighting her off must be hard. 1445 01:20:14,242 --> 01:20:15,727 So thank you. 1446 01:20:15,727 --> 01:20:17,727 - Uhm, you're welcome... 1447 01:20:19,693 --> 01:20:22,341 I guess it kinda has been pretty hard. 1448 01:20:22,341 --> 01:20:24,999 - Like I said, thanks. 1449 01:20:25,383 --> 01:20:26,216 I really apprec-- 1450 01:20:26,216 --> 01:20:27,926 - Hey babe, why'd you storm out? 1451 01:20:27,926 --> 01:20:28,926 Oh hey Alex. 1452 01:20:29,810 --> 01:20:32,539 - Did you fuck my girlfriend? 1453 01:20:32,539 --> 01:20:33,372 Did you? 1454 01:20:34,616 --> 01:20:36,449 Did you mother fucker? 1455 01:20:37,638 --> 01:20:40,521 Did you fuck my future wife 1456 01:20:40,521 --> 01:20:42,524 and mother of my unborn children? 1457 01:20:42,524 --> 01:20:43,567 - Will you stop it. 1458 01:20:43,567 --> 01:20:44,883 - Oh, you want me to stop? 1459 01:20:44,883 --> 01:20:47,260 Like how you stopped yourself from fucking my girlfriend? 1460 01:20:47,260 --> 01:20:50,130 - You're going to burn your own body over an accident? 1461 01:20:50,130 --> 01:20:51,051 - Why not? 1462 01:20:51,051 --> 01:20:53,174 I'll go kamikaze to take you out. 1463 01:20:53,174 --> 01:20:55,458 And please, elaborate, 1464 01:20:55,458 --> 01:20:57,963 how does one go about accidentally fucking someone? 1465 01:20:57,963 --> 01:20:59,388 Huh? - Will you- 1466 01:20:59,695 --> 01:21:01,300 Will you knock it off? 1467 01:21:01,300 --> 01:21:03,870 Last night was the worst night of my life. 1468 01:21:03,870 --> 01:21:05,477 You don't even understand, dude. 1469 01:21:05,477 --> 01:21:08,474 - I'm not getting into any details ever, 1470 01:21:08,474 --> 01:21:12,762 but I guarantee my night was way worse than yours. 1471 01:21:12,762 --> 01:21:14,802 - No, my night was worse. 1472 01:21:14,802 --> 01:21:16,085 I promise you. 1473 01:21:16,085 --> 01:21:18,728 And I swear I didn't plan or even remember 1474 01:21:18,728 --> 01:21:20,333 what happened last night. 1475 01:21:20,333 --> 01:21:21,862 I put that on my mother. 1476 01:21:21,862 --> 01:21:23,586 - You don't have a real mom to swear on. 1477 01:21:23,586 --> 01:21:25,827 We both know your real mom dropped you off 1478 01:21:25,827 --> 01:21:27,590 at some ghetto ass foster home 1479 01:21:27,590 --> 01:21:31,311 because she couldn't possibly love a piece of shit like you. 1480 01:21:31,311 --> 01:21:33,191 - You're a real funny guy, Matt. 1481 01:21:33,191 --> 01:21:34,042 - Thank you. 1482 01:21:34,042 --> 01:21:37,157 - No, you're all fun and games, that's your problem. 1483 01:21:37,157 --> 01:21:38,930 You sit on your fat fucking ass all day 1484 01:21:38,930 --> 01:21:41,830 while your moms and your girlfriend do everything for you. 1485 01:21:41,830 --> 01:21:43,151 You have no motivation at all, 1486 01:21:43,151 --> 01:21:44,533 you haven't even made one grown up decision 1487 01:21:44,533 --> 01:21:46,120 in your entire life. 1488 01:21:46,120 --> 01:21:47,640 You've only been in my body for a few days 1489 01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:49,084 and you've already gained weight, 1490 01:21:49,084 --> 01:21:50,447 god only knows what you've done to my lungs 1491 01:21:50,447 --> 01:21:52,128 with all that shit that you smoke. 1492 01:21:52,128 --> 01:21:54,533 - Oh, you're one to talk about motivation. 1493 01:21:54,533 --> 01:21:56,165 You've barely even practiced my stand up 1494 01:21:56,165 --> 01:21:58,067 and the contest is in two days. 1495 01:21:58,067 --> 01:22:00,026 You're going to either not show up 1496 01:22:00,026 --> 01:22:02,164 or choke like you always do 1497 01:22:02,164 --> 01:22:05,892 when you talk to anyone else besides me. 1498 01:22:05,892 --> 01:22:08,295 There's a reason you have no real family or friends. 1499 01:22:08,295 --> 01:22:12,182 It's because you have a shitty personality. 1500 01:22:12,182 --> 01:22:14,182 And the only reason I've tolerated you 1501 01:22:14,182 --> 01:22:17,677 all this time is because I felt sorry for you. 1502 01:22:17,677 --> 01:22:18,719 - I don't need you. 1503 01:22:18,719 --> 01:22:20,644 You're literally the most annoying 1504 01:22:20,644 --> 01:22:22,446 fucking person in the entire world. 1505 01:22:22,446 --> 01:22:25,334 And now that I'm stuck in this fat fucking disgusting body 1506 01:22:25,334 --> 01:22:26,777 I can't comprehend why you haven't 1507 01:22:26,777 --> 01:22:28,620 fucking killed yourself yet. 1508 01:22:28,620 --> 01:22:30,906 And the reason why I haven't practice your stand up 1509 01:22:30,906 --> 01:22:33,797 is because your material fucking blows. 1510 01:22:33,797 --> 01:22:35,974 You are not funny! 1511 01:22:35,974 --> 01:22:39,031 - (gasps) You take that back you son of a bitch. 1512 01:22:39,031 --> 01:22:41,281 - Nope, I put it out there. 1513 01:22:42,461 --> 01:22:43,655 I set it free. 1514 01:22:43,655 --> 01:22:47,106 And besides, it's not like it news to anyone anyway, bitch. 1515 01:22:47,106 --> 01:22:49,773 (ominous music) 1516 01:23:08,046 --> 01:23:11,063 Yeah, walk away pussy. 1517 01:23:21,829 --> 01:23:24,162 (screaming) 1518 01:23:52,599 --> 01:23:53,432 - Hah hah. 1519 01:23:57,516 --> 01:23:59,167 - You okay? 1520 01:23:59,167 --> 01:24:02,084 I realize that a bottle to the face 1521 01:24:03,489 --> 01:24:06,489 may not have been the best idea but, 1522 01:24:07,553 --> 01:24:09,653 you did say I wasn't funny. 1523 01:24:09,653 --> 01:24:11,820 (screams) 1524 01:24:26,996 --> 01:24:29,246 (grunting) 1525 01:24:34,222 --> 01:24:35,760 - Get off him, you're hurting him. 1526 01:24:35,760 --> 01:24:37,051 Oh, fuck. 1527 01:24:38,080 --> 01:24:39,962 - I'm sorry babe, are you okay? 1528 01:24:39,962 --> 01:24:41,460 I didn't mean to. - Get off me, Alex. 1529 01:24:41,460 --> 01:24:43,135 Babe, are you okay? 1530 01:24:44,677 --> 01:24:46,210 Did he hurt you? 1531 01:24:50,724 --> 01:24:54,049 - You know, you only had one friend. 1532 01:24:54,049 --> 01:24:57,755 You slept with my girlfriend so now you have zero friends. 1533 01:24:57,755 --> 01:25:00,616 Unless you have information on how to switch us back 1534 01:25:00,616 --> 01:25:02,262 I don't want to hear shit from you. 1535 01:25:02,262 --> 01:25:04,864 And once we do figure this whole thing out, 1536 01:25:04,864 --> 01:25:08,399 I'll really be done with you for good. 1537 01:25:08,399 --> 01:25:10,281 - What's going on? 1538 01:25:10,281 --> 01:25:11,114 - Nothing. 1539 01:25:12,122 --> 01:25:13,468 It's complicated. 1540 01:25:13,468 --> 01:25:14,888 - Is there someone else? 1541 01:25:14,888 --> 01:25:18,055 - No, it's just you, Holly, I promise. 1542 01:25:20,530 --> 01:25:21,772 - You're lazy. 1543 01:25:21,772 --> 01:25:23,620 You can't make any grown up decisions. 1544 01:25:23,620 --> 01:25:24,835 Yeah, okay. 1545 01:25:24,835 --> 01:25:26,102 You won't be saying that when I kick the shit 1546 01:25:26,102 --> 01:25:28,761 out of this bitch ass triathlon. 1547 01:25:28,761 --> 01:25:32,052 - Bonjour, you are a disgusting fat American. 1548 01:25:32,052 --> 01:25:33,142 (speaks in foreign language) 1549 01:25:33,142 --> 01:25:33,975 You are weak. 1550 01:25:33,975 --> 01:25:35,016 You are fat. 1551 01:25:35,016 --> 01:25:38,849 (speaks in foreign language) 1552 01:25:44,608 --> 01:25:45,766 (speaks in foreign language) 1553 01:25:45,766 --> 01:25:48,808 You remind me of my wife, ugly and stiff. 1554 01:25:48,808 --> 01:25:49,641 (speaks in foreign language) 1555 01:25:49,641 --> 01:25:53,961 I bet if there was a cheeseburger you'd make it to the end. 1556 01:25:53,961 --> 01:25:56,494 (speaks in foreign language) 1557 01:26:01,286 --> 01:26:02,119 What is this? 1558 01:26:02,119 --> 01:26:03,327 You think you are pretty? 1559 01:26:03,327 --> 01:26:04,733 You are a hippopotamus. 1560 01:26:04,733 --> 01:26:06,097 Look at your fat ass. 1561 01:26:06,097 --> 01:26:07,179 Get out of here. 1562 01:26:07,179 --> 01:26:09,596 (kiai shout) 1563 01:26:15,621 --> 01:26:16,897 Get out of my sight. 1564 01:26:17,105 --> 01:26:18,087 Get out of here. 1565 01:26:18,487 --> 01:26:19,712 Get out of here. 1566 01:26:25,223 --> 01:26:27,264 Don't be a fat American. 1567 01:26:27,264 --> 01:26:29,768 Call me, I will make you skinny. 1568 01:26:29,768 --> 01:26:32,518 - About to step up my game today. 1569 01:26:40,496 --> 01:26:42,509 - Talk about a jizz killer. 1570 01:26:42,509 --> 01:26:43,342 What. 1571 01:26:45,519 --> 01:26:47,416 - [Miss Gaye] Honey bunny, I made your 1572 01:26:47,416 --> 01:26:50,155 third round of breakfast, come and get it. 1573 01:26:50,155 --> 01:26:54,155 - Not right now, mom, I'm working on something. 1574 01:26:56,345 --> 01:26:58,070 I'm a real man. 1575 01:26:58,070 --> 01:26:58,987 I got this. 1576 01:27:00,113 --> 01:27:01,722 I won't choke. 1577 01:27:08,187 --> 01:27:11,567 - Seriously, I thought he had a smart fridge. 1578 01:27:11,567 --> 01:27:15,150 Isn't this shit supposed to refill itself? 1579 01:27:16,326 --> 01:27:18,688 Where the hell is this trainer guy? 1580 01:27:18,688 --> 01:27:20,729 I've been waiting for minutes. 1581 01:27:20,729 --> 01:27:25,479 Man, maybe paying over the phone wasn't such a good idea. 1582 01:27:26,977 --> 01:27:27,978 You know what? 1583 01:27:27,978 --> 01:27:29,299 Fuck this. 1584 01:27:29,299 --> 01:27:31,505 I don't need anyone's help. 1585 01:27:31,505 --> 01:27:33,255 I can do this myself. 1586 01:27:36,471 --> 01:27:40,304 (powerful motivational music) 1587 01:27:56,951 --> 01:27:58,518 What the fuck? 1588 01:28:01,583 --> 01:28:05,175 - It's called a tomato, fat American. 1589 01:28:05,175 --> 01:28:07,912 - Get the fuck away from me you crazy fuck. 1590 01:28:07,912 --> 01:28:10,281 - And this is called a banana. 1591 01:28:10,281 --> 01:28:14,114 (speaks in foreign language) 1592 01:28:19,561 --> 01:28:22,236 - I think jizzing for me 1593 01:28:22,722 --> 01:28:26,755 is a lot like when I sneeze. 1594 01:28:27,754 --> 01:28:28,587 Uhm, 1595 01:28:29,712 --> 01:28:32,828 once I start I can't stop 1596 01:28:33,264 --> 01:28:36,239 and it usually happens out of nowhere 1597 01:28:37,680 --> 01:28:39,496 and very quickly. 1598 01:28:39,744 --> 01:28:42,009 And I also look funny as hell 1599 01:28:42,009 --> 01:28:45,593 because I'm making weird faces like, awh. 1600 01:28:46,035 --> 01:28:47,174 How was that? 1601 01:28:47,174 --> 01:28:49,243 - Well it's great babe if you could just maybe 1602 01:28:49,243 --> 01:28:50,670 loosen up a little bit. 1603 01:28:50,670 --> 01:28:53,840 - Yeah, I mean, like it's good. 1604 01:28:53,840 --> 01:28:57,119 But you're really tense right now. 1605 01:28:57,119 --> 01:28:58,623 - Thank you. 1606 01:28:58,623 --> 01:29:01,908 (powerful motivational music) 1607 01:29:01,908 --> 01:29:05,741 (speaks in foreign language) 1608 01:29:09,318 --> 01:29:12,571 - Hey ladies and ladies, here's a fun fact about me. 1609 01:29:12,571 --> 01:29:14,957 If you're not man or a family member 1610 01:29:14,957 --> 01:29:18,512 there's a small tiny part of me that wants to fuck you. 1611 01:29:18,512 --> 01:29:19,631 (all laughing) 1612 01:29:19,631 --> 01:29:24,381 And that small and tiny part of me, it's called my penis. 1613 01:29:27,722 --> 01:29:31,202 I don't know why you're laughing, you're my girlfriend. 1614 01:29:31,527 --> 01:29:34,277 (powerful music) 1615 01:29:37,669 --> 01:29:39,130 - Hey little piggie. 1616 01:29:39,130 --> 01:29:41,297 Swim fat American piggie. 1617 01:29:43,478 --> 01:29:45,401 - I'm not even fat anymore asshole. 1618 01:29:45,542 --> 01:29:48,125 (upbeat music) 1619 01:29:49,069 --> 01:29:52,195 - Just want to say that it is fantastic to be here. 1620 01:29:52,195 --> 01:29:54,958 I actually just flew into town 1621 01:29:54,958 --> 01:29:57,125 and boy are my arms tired. 1622 01:29:58,802 --> 01:30:01,124 From masturbating on the plane. 1623 01:30:01,124 --> 01:30:01,984 (laughing) 1624 01:30:01,984 --> 01:30:03,959 It's exhausting. 1625 01:30:03,959 --> 01:30:07,376 (voice drowned by music) 1626 01:30:10,867 --> 01:30:15,792 - (clears throat) Hey, I'm Alex. 1627 01:30:17,291 --> 01:30:18,124 I mean. 1628 01:30:18,124 --> 01:30:18,957 Fuck. 1629 01:30:20,312 --> 01:30:24,287 Hey everybody, I'm Matt and a- 1630 01:30:25,997 --> 01:30:27,497 Fuck is, fuck you. 1631 01:30:28,436 --> 01:30:30,734 Piece of shit. Ah damn it. 1632 01:30:30,734 --> 01:30:31,678 (clears throat) 1633 01:30:31,678 --> 01:30:32,761 All right you got this. 1634 01:30:32,761 --> 01:30:34,135 You got this. 1635 01:30:34,135 --> 01:30:36,468 - All right everyone, line up. 1636 01:30:39,426 --> 01:30:40,673 Who's ready to run? 1637 01:30:40,673 --> 01:30:41,923 (cheering) 1638 01:30:41,923 --> 01:30:44,337 All right, that's what I like to see. 1639 01:30:44,337 --> 01:30:47,106 Remember, if you believe in it you can achieve it. 1640 01:30:47,106 --> 01:30:49,217 I wanna see some hustle today. 1641 01:30:49,217 --> 01:30:50,894 On your marks. 1642 01:30:50,894 --> 01:30:52,410 Get set. 1643 01:30:52,410 --> 01:30:53,243 Go. (gunshot) 1644 01:30:57,426 --> 01:30:59,009 What are you doing? 1645 01:31:02,451 --> 01:31:04,458 - Basically what I'm trying to say is, you know 1646 01:31:04,458 --> 01:31:05,860 I'm still horny from last night. 1647 01:31:05,860 --> 01:31:08,662 So after the show if you want to have some horrible sex, 1648 01:31:08,662 --> 01:31:09,562 come find me. 1649 01:31:09,562 --> 01:31:11,846 (crowd laughing) 1650 01:31:11,846 --> 01:31:12,950 Thank you. 1651 01:31:12,950 --> 01:31:16,546 (crowd applauding) 1652 01:31:16,546 --> 01:31:17,882 - Good job man, good job. 1653 01:31:17,882 --> 01:31:18,715 Good job. 1654 01:31:18,715 --> 01:31:21,089 Give it up one more time guys for Kyle. 1655 01:31:21,089 --> 01:31:23,073 (crowd applauding) 1656 01:31:23,073 --> 01:31:28,073 Your next person coming to the stage is Matt Gaye. 1657 01:31:28,909 --> 01:31:30,875 - Don't be a pussy. 1658 01:31:30,875 --> 01:31:32,625 You fucking got this. 1659 01:31:34,741 --> 01:31:36,689 - Matt Gaye, to the stage. - Oh fuck, fuck, fuck. 1660 01:31:36,689 --> 01:31:37,522 Okay. 1661 01:31:39,629 --> 01:31:42,333 - Matt Gaye, you out there buddy? 1662 01:31:42,333 --> 01:31:44,500 Oh, are you, are you Matt? 1663 01:31:45,970 --> 01:31:47,171 You can come up this way. 1664 01:31:47,171 --> 01:31:48,004 - Okay. 1665 01:31:52,788 --> 01:31:53,771 Hello every-- 1666 01:31:53,771 --> 01:31:55,560 Hello everybody. 1667 01:31:55,560 --> 01:31:56,643 - Hello. - Hi. 1668 01:31:58,612 --> 01:31:59,445 - Okay. 1669 01:32:02,204 --> 01:32:03,745 Uh, so... 1670 01:32:04,854 --> 01:32:07,709 One tiny fact you might know about me. 1671 01:32:07,709 --> 01:32:09,394 That you probably don't know about me. 1672 01:32:09,394 --> 01:32:10,870 I mean, I mean why would you know, 1673 01:32:10,870 --> 01:32:12,564 we haven't had sex, or fucked it up, 1674 01:32:12,564 --> 01:32:14,312 or fucked and sex, so. 1675 01:32:14,312 --> 01:32:16,482 (laughs nervously) 1676 01:32:16,482 --> 01:32:20,499 I don't have an above average size penis. 1677 01:32:20,982 --> 01:32:21,815 Uh. 1678 01:32:22,269 --> 01:32:26,185 I also don't own an average sized penis. 1679 01:32:26,662 --> 01:32:28,478 Okay, what I'm trying to say is that, I just, 1680 01:32:28,478 --> 01:32:30,478 I have a tiny dick, so. 1681 01:32:35,604 --> 01:32:38,271 (ominous music) I 1682 01:32:47,491 --> 01:32:50,135 Another fun fact about me 1683 01:32:50,135 --> 01:32:54,705 is I thoroughly enjoy masturbating, like a lot. 1684 01:32:54,705 --> 01:32:58,086 And I've noticed that I jerk off really fast. 1685 01:32:58,086 --> 01:32:59,420 I'm much like the flash. 1686 01:32:59,420 --> 01:33:00,859 You can't even see my hand. 1687 01:33:00,859 --> 01:33:04,521 It's faster than that, I'm just not horny right now, so. 1688 01:33:04,521 --> 01:33:06,781 This inspired me for a brilliant script 1689 01:33:06,781 --> 01:33:07,934 that I'm writing right now, 1690 01:33:07,934 --> 01:33:10,580 it's actually called Whack to the Future. 1691 01:33:10,580 --> 01:33:11,463 It's action packed. 1692 01:33:11,463 --> 01:33:14,160 It's starring Tom Hardy and Palmela Handerson. 1693 01:33:14,160 --> 01:33:14,993 (crowd laughing) 1694 01:33:14,993 --> 01:33:16,464 Every time Mr. Hardy finds himself 1695 01:33:16,464 --> 01:33:18,814 in a sticky situation he runs out to the streets, 1696 01:33:18,814 --> 01:33:21,034 just jerking off. 1697 01:33:21,034 --> 01:33:23,374 That's how he looks. 1698 01:33:23,374 --> 01:33:25,657 And right when he reaches 88 miles per hour 1699 01:33:25,657 --> 01:33:28,465 he ejaculates and disappears in the distance. 1700 01:33:28,465 --> 01:33:30,465 But instead of two flames in the road, 1701 01:33:30,465 --> 01:33:32,910 there's two steamy, gooey piles of cum. 1702 01:33:32,910 --> 01:33:34,357 (crowd laughing) 1703 01:33:34,357 --> 01:33:36,236 Whack to the future. 1704 01:33:36,236 --> 01:33:38,528 Cumming, eh, this summer. 1705 01:33:41,373 --> 01:33:43,567 Masturbation doesn't turn you blind, 1706 01:33:43,567 --> 01:33:46,296 it takes you back in time. 1707 01:33:46,296 --> 01:33:49,129 (people cheering) 1708 01:33:59,495 --> 01:34:01,912 (rock music) 1709 01:34:07,928 --> 01:34:10,153 - So fucking tired. 1710 01:34:10,153 --> 01:34:12,076 I can't do this. 1711 01:34:12,076 --> 01:34:13,409 I want my mommy. 1712 01:34:15,577 --> 01:34:19,160 Ahh, thanks for showing me your dick asshole. 1713 01:34:20,366 --> 01:34:23,533 At least I don't have to piss anymore. 1714 01:34:26,441 --> 01:34:28,219 - Ladies and gentleman give it up 1715 01:34:28,219 --> 01:34:31,634 for your winner of tonight's competition. 1716 01:34:31,634 --> 01:34:32,992 Carlos. 1717 01:34:33,345 --> 01:34:35,279 (crowd applauding) 1718 01:34:35,279 --> 01:34:37,701 Congratulations Carlos. 1719 01:34:37,701 --> 01:34:39,241 - Thank you, thank you. - You just won $5,000 1720 01:34:39,241 --> 01:34:42,058 and you're gonna headline at our club for the next month. 1721 01:34:42,058 --> 01:34:43,890 Give it up for our runner-ups. 1722 01:34:43,890 --> 01:34:45,971 They're gonna be getting some comedy classes, 1723 01:34:45,971 --> 01:34:48,864 hey, they need 'em obviously. 1724 01:34:48,864 --> 01:34:50,184 Once again give it up for Carlos. 1725 01:34:50,184 --> 01:34:52,514 Every one make it home safe, thanks for coming out. 1726 01:34:52,514 --> 01:34:55,431 (faint rock music) 1727 01:35:02,227 --> 01:35:03,672 - Sand in my ass. 1728 01:35:03,672 --> 01:35:05,422 Sand in my ass crack. 1729 01:35:06,677 --> 01:35:09,402 Why didn't I change before jumping in the water? 1730 01:35:09,402 --> 01:35:10,735 So many regrets. 1731 01:35:12,727 --> 01:35:15,872 Who am I kidding, I can't do this. 1732 01:35:15,872 --> 01:35:17,651 So fucking tired. 1733 01:35:17,651 --> 01:35:19,857 Where the hell is everyone? 1734 01:35:19,857 --> 01:35:22,254 I can't be the only one out here still. 1735 01:35:22,254 --> 01:35:23,254 - Hey there. 1736 01:35:25,860 --> 01:35:28,277 - Whoa, are you like a ninja? 1737 01:35:29,848 --> 01:35:31,091 How am I supposed to finish this thing 1738 01:35:31,091 --> 01:35:32,999 with all this shit running down my leg? 1739 01:35:32,999 --> 01:35:34,276 - Ewh. 1740 01:35:34,276 --> 01:35:37,892 - Whatever, I'm just glad I'm not the only one still here. 1741 01:35:37,892 --> 01:35:39,070 - Oh, sorry. 1742 01:35:39,070 --> 01:35:39,903 Here. 1743 01:35:41,269 --> 01:35:42,488 - What's this? 1744 01:35:42,488 --> 01:35:44,335 - That's your medal. 1745 01:35:44,335 --> 01:35:46,934 You actually ran out of time for the triathlon. 1746 01:35:46,934 --> 01:35:48,816 Everyone else left. 1747 01:35:48,816 --> 01:35:51,698 Thanks for trying and have a great day. 1748 01:35:51,698 --> 01:35:52,531 Bye. 1749 01:36:11,100 --> 01:36:13,358 - Are you fucking serious? 1750 01:36:13,767 --> 01:36:16,600 (loud rock music) 1751 01:36:19,339 --> 01:36:20,172 - Hey. 1752 01:36:21,702 --> 01:36:24,543 Stop crying you girly American. 1753 01:36:24,543 --> 01:36:26,454 - Would you leave me alone? 1754 01:36:26,454 --> 01:36:28,451 The race is over. I lost, okay? 1755 01:36:28,451 --> 01:36:30,368 Go bother someone else. 1756 01:36:32,108 --> 01:36:35,057 (speaks in foreign language) 1757 01:36:35,057 --> 01:36:38,103 I don't know what the fuck you're saying. 1758 01:36:38,103 --> 01:36:41,828 - I said, you are no longer a fat American. 1759 01:36:43,127 --> 01:36:46,544 Maybe a chubby American, but that's okay. 1760 01:36:47,849 --> 01:36:48,682 Stand up. 1761 01:36:50,742 --> 01:36:53,159 Finish the pointless race. 1762 01:36:53,159 --> 01:36:57,242 Do something for once in your insignificant life. 1763 01:37:08,873 --> 01:37:12,706 (speaks in foreign language) 1764 01:37:52,752 --> 01:37:55,252 (crow cawing) 1765 01:38:03,656 --> 01:38:04,489 - Yes. 1766 01:38:06,296 --> 01:38:07,129 Yes. 1767 01:38:08,902 --> 01:38:09,735 Whoo. 1768 01:38:11,151 --> 01:38:12,560 Whoo. 1769 01:38:12,560 --> 01:38:14,167 I finished the race. 1770 01:38:14,167 --> 01:38:15,694 You hear that Alex? 1771 01:38:15,694 --> 01:38:16,527 Fuck you. 1772 01:38:17,660 --> 01:38:19,543 Fuck you. 1773 01:38:24,372 --> 01:38:27,039 (comedic music) 1774 01:38:37,054 --> 01:38:39,054 (sighs) 1775 01:38:49,947 --> 01:38:52,027 - Didn't we just have sex the other night? 1776 01:38:52,027 --> 01:38:53,282 - No, we haven't. 1777 01:38:53,282 --> 01:38:56,107 We haven't had sex in days and it feels like an eternity. 1778 01:38:56,107 --> 01:38:57,787 Lately I feel like Action Jackson's 1779 01:38:57,787 --> 01:39:01,190 turning into like old retired Jackson. 1780 01:39:01,190 --> 01:39:03,477 - Wait, are you saying we did not sleep 1781 01:39:03,477 --> 01:39:05,963 with each other on the camping trip? 1782 01:39:05,963 --> 01:39:07,807 - Don't sound so excited about it. 1783 01:39:07,807 --> 01:39:09,530 No we didn't. 1784 01:39:09,530 --> 01:39:12,617 I tried but you just pulled it out 1785 01:39:12,617 --> 01:39:14,421 and started touching yourself. 1786 01:39:14,421 --> 01:39:17,186 So naturally, I did the same thing to Misses Jackson 1787 01:39:17,186 --> 01:39:19,402 and we fell asleep. 1788 01:39:20,233 --> 01:39:24,679 - As disturbing as that sounds I'm actually relieved. 1789 01:39:24,679 --> 01:39:26,399 - Relieved? 1790 01:39:26,399 --> 01:39:28,839 You're relieved we didn't have sex? 1791 01:39:28,839 --> 01:39:29,883 What's going on with you? 1792 01:39:29,883 --> 01:39:31,125 Are you cheating on me? 1793 01:39:31,125 --> 01:39:33,526 Do you think I'm ugly? 1794 01:39:33,526 --> 01:39:36,934 - No, no, it's not any of that. 1795 01:39:39,293 --> 01:39:42,661 Lately I've been working on fixing myself. 1796 01:39:42,661 --> 01:39:45,313 I know it sounds dumb, 1797 01:39:45,313 --> 01:39:48,630 but I swear it's not you it's me, okay? 1798 01:39:50,465 --> 01:39:53,146 One of the many lessons I've learned these last few days 1799 01:39:53,146 --> 01:39:55,270 is that you are one of the most kindest 1800 01:39:55,270 --> 01:39:58,452 and caring women I've met in my entire life. 1801 01:39:58,452 --> 01:40:00,876 You are so beautiful inside and out 1802 01:40:00,876 --> 01:40:02,895 and the fact that you feel the same about me 1803 01:40:02,895 --> 01:40:04,978 will always blow my mind. 1804 01:40:06,378 --> 01:40:10,900 And for your information, Mr. Action Jackson is not retired. 1805 01:40:10,900 --> 01:40:13,652 He's more like on a hiatus gaining his strength 1806 01:40:13,652 --> 01:40:16,406 and I have a feeling he's gonna be back very soon 1807 01:40:16,406 --> 01:40:18,156 and better than ever. 1808 01:40:19,943 --> 01:40:21,943 - I love you jelly bear. 1809 01:40:23,273 --> 01:40:28,273 - Well, it's been fun, but it's time to say goodbye. 1810 01:40:28,650 --> 01:40:29,725 I know. 1811 01:40:29,725 --> 01:40:31,404 I'm going to miss you too, 1812 01:40:31,404 --> 01:40:35,514 but we'll see each other all the time. 1813 01:40:35,514 --> 01:40:36,465 I promise, 1814 01:40:36,465 --> 01:40:39,615 I promise we're gonna see each other again, all right? 1815 01:40:39,615 --> 01:40:42,482 No, don't you, don't you dare. 1816 01:40:43,909 --> 01:40:45,831 We said we weren't gonna cry. 1817 01:40:46,206 --> 01:40:47,804 - Might as well eat shitty one last time 1818 01:40:47,804 --> 01:40:49,927 before I get my body back. 1819 01:40:49,927 --> 01:40:51,368 - Aww, that's so cute. 1820 01:40:51,368 --> 01:40:53,762 Is my baby trying to lose some weight? 1821 01:40:53,762 --> 01:40:55,683 I guess you can say that. 1822 01:40:55,683 --> 01:40:58,033 I only have time for four rounds of breakfast this morning. 1823 01:40:58,033 --> 01:40:59,372 I gotta meet up with Alex. 1824 01:40:59,372 --> 01:41:01,594 - Hey how's he doing anyway after the other night? 1825 01:41:01,594 --> 01:41:05,177 He seemed really upset and pretty sure he's avoiding us. 1826 01:41:05,177 --> 01:41:07,768 - He's been a little weird lately. 1827 01:41:07,768 --> 01:41:11,760 Since the whole thingy between you. 1828 01:41:11,760 --> 01:41:12,925 - What do you mean? 1829 01:41:12,925 --> 01:41:14,011 - I don't know. 1830 01:41:14,011 --> 01:41:17,549 What'd you guys get it on or something? 1831 01:41:17,557 --> 01:41:19,231 - Don't be a silly willy. 1832 01:41:19,231 --> 01:41:20,766 He came to the bar last night. 1833 01:41:20,766 --> 01:41:24,084 He drank way too much, so we put him on the couch 1834 01:41:24,084 --> 01:41:25,336 and I think about midnight 1835 01:41:25,336 --> 01:41:28,701 he came into our room crying, asking for his mommy. 1836 01:41:28,701 --> 01:41:30,740 - It's really sad he's never had a mother figure. 1837 01:41:30,740 --> 01:41:32,083 You know, we've really enjoyed raising him 1838 01:41:32,083 --> 01:41:33,843 over the last few years. 1839 01:41:33,843 --> 01:41:35,676 He's like a son to us. 1840 01:41:37,445 --> 01:41:40,327 - I'm gonna miss having you guys around all the time. 1841 01:41:40,327 --> 01:41:41,160 - Miss us? 1842 01:41:41,160 --> 01:41:42,529 What are you talking about? 1843 01:41:42,529 --> 01:41:43,822 You're not planning on moving? 1844 01:41:43,822 --> 01:41:45,268 Who'm I going to cook for? 1845 01:41:45,268 --> 01:41:46,101 - No, no, no, no, no. 1846 01:41:46,101 --> 01:41:48,197 I'm just saying that you guys are really awesome 1847 01:41:48,197 --> 01:41:50,457 and I love you so much. 1848 01:41:50,457 --> 01:41:51,607 - Aw, babe. 1849 01:41:51,607 --> 01:41:54,690 - We love you too. - We love you too. 1850 01:42:02,678 --> 01:42:04,347 - You see him? 1851 01:42:04,347 --> 01:42:06,847 - No, he's not here obviously. 1852 01:42:10,034 --> 01:42:14,276 - So I did that triathlon you were training for. 1853 01:42:14,885 --> 01:42:15,768 - Yeah? 1854 01:42:15,768 --> 01:42:16,601 - Yeah. 1855 01:42:16,601 --> 01:42:20,970 I actually hired this crazy foreign dude off of Craigslist. 1856 01:42:20,970 --> 01:42:23,492 He kept talking shit to me in another language 1857 01:42:23,492 --> 01:42:26,312 and was like throwing fruits and vegetable at me 1858 01:42:26,312 --> 01:42:28,145 when we were training. 1859 01:42:30,027 --> 01:42:33,218 I actually lost the race. 1860 01:42:34,189 --> 01:42:35,439 But I finished. 1861 01:42:36,266 --> 01:42:38,700 They even gave me this cool medal. 1862 01:42:38,700 --> 01:42:39,915 - You finished the race? 1863 01:42:39,915 --> 01:42:42,451 Like from start to finish? 1864 01:42:42,451 --> 01:42:45,551 - Yeah, but like I said I lost. 1865 01:42:45,874 --> 01:42:47,008 - Who cares man? 1866 01:42:47,008 --> 01:42:48,930 You finished a triathlon. 1867 01:42:48,930 --> 01:42:50,452 Like how many people can say they've done that? 1868 01:42:50,452 --> 01:42:52,094 That's pretty fucking awesome. 1869 01:42:52,094 --> 01:42:53,595 I'm proud of you, man. 1870 01:42:53,595 --> 01:42:54,428 - Thanks. 1871 01:42:55,351 --> 01:42:56,753 - And I know when you came by the tent the other day 1872 01:42:56,753 --> 01:42:58,634 it looked like something went down between me and Holly, 1873 01:42:58,634 --> 01:43:00,701 but nothing happened I swear. 1874 01:43:00,701 --> 01:43:03,221 I mean besides me being overdosed on the weed brownies 1875 01:43:03,221 --> 01:43:04,615 that she poisoned me with, 1876 01:43:04,615 --> 01:43:07,215 I couldn't even get a hard on if I tried. 1877 01:43:07,215 --> 01:43:09,557 - Wait, you got high? 1878 01:43:09,938 --> 01:43:11,850 - Yeah, I don't want to talk about it man. 1879 01:43:11,850 --> 01:43:14,006 - Oh, I bet Holly gave you those weed brownies 1880 01:43:14,006 --> 01:43:15,540 I was cooking up. 1881 01:43:15,540 --> 01:43:17,013 They had shrooms in them. 1882 01:43:17,013 --> 01:43:19,015 You were probably tripping balls. 1883 01:43:19,015 --> 01:43:20,139 - Yeah. 1884 01:43:20,139 --> 01:43:23,902 So let's talk about what happened between you and your mom? 1885 01:43:23,902 --> 01:43:26,224 You know, your mother? 1886 01:43:26,224 --> 01:43:28,464 The woman who gave birth to you? 1887 01:43:28,464 --> 01:43:30,963 You didn't have sex with her by any chance, did you? 1888 01:43:30,963 --> 01:43:33,644 - I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. 1889 01:43:33,644 --> 01:43:35,189 - Yeah, you do. 1890 01:43:35,189 --> 01:43:36,271 You're mom told me. 1891 01:43:36,271 --> 01:43:39,342 You did her and Shaniqua dirty. 1892 01:43:39,342 --> 01:43:42,898 - Even if there were true, which it's not, 1893 01:43:42,898 --> 01:43:45,018 how could I even have sex with my mom? 1894 01:43:45,018 --> 01:43:45,851 I'm not even me. 1895 01:43:45,851 --> 01:43:46,968 I'm not even Matt. 1896 01:43:46,968 --> 01:43:49,345 I'm not-- - Hey, hey, hey. 1897 01:43:49,345 --> 01:43:50,306 Relax bro. 1898 01:43:50,306 --> 01:43:51,428 I'm just messing with you. 1899 01:43:51,428 --> 01:43:52,591 I wanted to see your face. 1900 01:43:52,591 --> 01:43:54,968 See my face, whatever. 1901 01:43:54,968 --> 01:43:56,702 Nothing happened, all right? 1902 01:43:56,702 --> 01:43:57,945 - Nothing happened? 1903 01:43:57,945 --> 01:43:59,705 - Yeah, nothing. 1904 01:43:59,705 --> 01:44:00,707 - Are you sure? 1905 01:44:00,707 --> 01:44:02,175 - Yes. 1906 01:44:02,175 --> 01:44:05,621 - (sighs) Thank god. 1907 01:44:05,621 --> 01:44:07,827 - You know that comedy show you were practicing for? 1908 01:44:07,827 --> 01:44:09,802 I did that, I didn't get first place 1909 01:44:09,802 --> 01:44:11,046 but you are now the proud owner 1910 01:44:11,046 --> 01:44:13,408 of three free comedy workshop classes, 1911 01:44:13,408 --> 01:44:14,849 so, you're welcome. 1912 01:44:14,849 --> 01:44:16,130 - Fucking, fuck yeah. 1913 01:44:16,130 --> 01:44:17,172 Awesome. 1914 01:44:17,172 --> 01:44:18,674 I'm gonna give you those for Christmas. 1915 01:44:18,674 --> 01:44:19,714 - Wow, thank you. 1916 01:44:19,714 --> 01:44:21,479 That's amazing. 1917 01:44:21,479 --> 01:44:22,572 Can't wait. 1918 01:44:22,572 --> 01:44:23,852 - And I'm proud of you. 1919 01:44:23,852 --> 01:44:25,120 You must've done a lot of work 1920 01:44:25,120 --> 01:44:27,831 because you were fucking terrible. 1921 01:44:27,831 --> 01:44:30,244 - Yeah, I worked pretty hard on it. 1922 01:44:30,244 --> 01:44:32,354 - No, I mean you were the worst. 1923 01:44:32,354 --> 01:44:36,526 Like watching you tell a joke was like getting fisted 1924 01:44:36,526 --> 01:44:39,746 by someone wearing Hulk hands. 1925 01:44:39,746 --> 01:44:41,962 - I get it, I was bad, all right? 1926 01:44:41,962 --> 01:44:44,212 - Yeah, fucking unbearable. 1927 01:44:49,405 --> 01:44:53,199 - I'm sorry I thought you slept with my girlfriend. 1928 01:44:53,199 --> 01:44:54,674 Should've trusted you. 1929 01:44:54,674 --> 01:44:57,682 - Yeah, I'm sorry that... 1930 01:44:59,442 --> 01:45:00,609 I'm sorry too. 1931 01:45:02,553 --> 01:45:04,009 I shouldn't have said the things I said. 1932 01:45:04,009 --> 01:45:07,085 I was just angry, being a dumb ass. 1933 01:45:07,085 --> 01:45:08,010 - We cool? 1934 01:45:08,943 --> 01:45:10,247 - Yeah, we cool. 1935 01:45:10,247 --> 01:45:12,664 (calm music) 1936 01:45:19,171 --> 01:45:21,254 Oh shit, it's Magic Mike. 1937 01:45:27,575 --> 01:45:30,190 (loud crash) 1938 01:45:30,190 --> 01:45:31,107 - What the? 1939 01:45:32,163 --> 01:45:32,996 Crap. 1940 01:45:41,489 --> 01:45:43,489 It said it's right here. 1941 01:45:45,738 --> 01:45:46,571 Come on. 1942 01:45:47,926 --> 01:45:49,119 Come on. 1943 01:45:49,119 --> 01:45:49,952 Gotcha. 1944 01:45:49,956 --> 01:45:51,506 Ha, yes. 1945 01:46:04,817 --> 01:46:06,393 - Holy shit. 1946 01:46:06,393 --> 01:46:09,499 I hope your hobo legs are broken, you fucking asshole. 1947 01:46:09,499 --> 01:46:11,859 (coughing) 1948 01:46:11,859 --> 01:46:13,543 Come on, wake up. 1949 01:46:13,543 --> 01:46:15,215 Quit fucking around. 1950 01:46:15,215 --> 01:46:16,532 You gotta change us back, dude. 1951 01:46:16,532 --> 01:46:17,365 Come on. 1952 01:46:17,365 --> 01:46:19,031 Come here. Come here. 1953 01:46:21,325 --> 01:46:22,789 You feel anything? 1954 01:46:22,789 --> 01:46:24,233 - No, do you? 1955 01:46:24,233 --> 01:46:25,249 - No. 1956 01:46:25,249 --> 01:46:26,082 Come on. 1957 01:46:29,213 --> 01:46:31,296 Do you feel anything now? 1958 01:46:33,757 --> 01:46:36,174 (mystical music) 1959 01:46:52,000 --> 01:46:53,327 - Are you, you? 1960 01:46:53,327 --> 01:46:54,927 - Yeah, you? 1961 01:46:55,502 --> 01:46:56,784 - Yeah. 1962 01:46:56,784 --> 01:46:58,547 - You know what this means, right? 1963 01:46:58,547 --> 01:47:00,562 We're gonna fucking party tonight. 1964 01:47:00,995 --> 01:47:02,536 ('Party Time' by JAE)- ♪ Watch me break it down ♪ 1965 01:47:02,536 --> 01:47:03,989 ♪ You know I'm on the grind ♪ 1966 01:47:03,989 --> 01:47:04,868 - How you guys doing tonight? 1967 01:47:04,868 --> 01:47:06,493 Enjoy yourselves. 1968 01:47:06,493 --> 01:47:08,986 - I'm on there, right? - What's up, brother? 1969 01:47:08,986 --> 01:47:09,819 - Hey. 1970 01:47:10,622 --> 01:47:13,655 Civilians. Get that damn bouncy house of my lawn, 1971 01:47:13,655 --> 01:47:15,687 you're killing my grass. 1972 01:47:15,687 --> 01:47:20,295 - Your grass is already dead, asshole. (laughs) 1973 01:47:21,151 --> 01:47:23,355 - Hold on, let me deal with this dude. 1974 01:47:23,355 --> 01:47:24,818 - Can I go in? 1975 01:47:24,818 --> 01:47:25,779 - Excuse me. 1976 01:47:25,779 --> 01:47:27,971 Sorry, no one gets in unless you're on the list. 1977 01:47:27,971 --> 01:47:30,876 - Ah, this is my house, bro. 1978 01:47:30,876 --> 01:47:31,997 - I don't care if it is your house. 1979 01:47:31,997 --> 01:47:34,982 Unless your name's on this list you're not getting in. 1980 01:47:34,982 --> 01:47:37,343 - Whatever, it's Chad. 1981 01:47:37,343 --> 01:47:39,426 And I better be on there. 1982 01:47:43,434 --> 01:47:45,311 - I don't see a Chad. 1983 01:47:45,311 --> 01:47:47,536 - What? Give me that fucking clipboard. 1984 01:47:57,135 --> 01:47:59,718 I'm so going to kick their ass. 1985 01:48:00,972 --> 01:48:02,899 Hey, it's my house. 1986 01:48:02,899 --> 01:48:05,283 It's my fucking house. 1987 01:48:05,283 --> 01:48:09,200 - All right, who's ready for some Bigfoot dick? 1988 01:48:11,870 --> 01:48:13,249 (cheering) 1989 01:48:13,249 --> 01:48:14,523 ♪ Watch me break it down ♪ 1990 01:48:14,523 --> 01:48:16,124 ♪ You know I'm on the grind ♪ 1991 01:48:16,124 --> 01:48:17,367 ♪ Never taking L's ♪ 1992 01:48:17,367 --> 01:48:19,257 ♪ Ain't nobody taking mine ♪ 1993 01:48:19,257 --> 01:48:24,131 - Hey, when you see Holly, tell her the hiatus is over. 1994 01:48:24,131 --> 01:48:24,964 - What? 1995 01:48:24,964 --> 01:48:25,856 Why? 1996 01:48:25,856 --> 01:48:27,298 - Just do it. 1997 01:48:27,298 --> 01:48:28,462 Trust me. 1998 01:48:28,462 --> 01:48:29,357 ♪ My cologne ♪ 1999 01:48:29,357 --> 01:48:31,039 ♪ She say she like the Jean Paul ♪ 2000 01:48:31,039 --> 01:48:33,896 ♪ Fire in the pocket just for letting up the stand ♪ 2001 01:48:33,896 --> 01:48:35,258 ♪ Bitches all like to ball ♪ 2002 01:48:35,258 --> 01:48:36,620 ♪ I think I'm better than Kareem ♪ 2003 01:48:36,620 --> 01:48:38,772 - Boo ♪ Chicks like 'em built ♪ 2004 01:48:38,772 --> 01:48:40,147 ♪ Money on stilt ♪ Boo 2005 01:48:40,147 --> 01:48:41,388 ♪ Flow so cold ♪ 2006 01:48:41,388 --> 01:48:43,123 ♪ Better hand his ass a quilt ♪ 2007 01:48:43,123 --> 01:48:44,525 ♪ Now I call it shivering ♪ 2008 01:48:44,525 --> 01:48:46,505 ♪ Asking what's next, I'll snag yo chick ♪ 2009 01:48:46,505 --> 01:48:47,860 ♪ Now that's yo ex better watch you back ♪ 2010 01:48:47,860 --> 01:48:49,462 ♪ 'Cause I'm coming that next damn ♪ 2011 01:48:49,462 --> 01:48:52,133 ♪ Look I'm so New Orleans ♪ 2012 01:48:52,133 --> 01:48:55,066 ♪ Chain around my neck it look like Mardi Gras beads ♪ 2013 01:48:55,066 --> 01:48:56,587 ♪ Bourbon in the cream ♪ 2014 01:48:56,587 --> 01:48:57,909 ♪ Red and the blue ♪ 2015 01:48:57,909 --> 01:49:00,888 ♪ Everybody fresh to death it's just like funeral suits ♪ 2016 01:49:00,888 --> 01:49:02,472 ♪ Super Sunday second line ♪ 2017 01:49:02,472 --> 01:49:04,167 ♪ We get it it all the time ♪ 2018 01:49:04,167 --> 01:49:06,981 ♪ Dancing in the zone just like Deion in his prime ♪ 2019 01:49:06,981 --> 01:49:08,609 ♪ Turn a nickle to a dime ♪ 2020 01:49:08,609 --> 01:49:09,780 ♪ Everybody hustle ♪ 2021 01:49:09,780 --> 01:49:11,352 ♪ Talk that shit you might get ♪ 2022 01:49:11,352 --> 01:49:12,397 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 2023 01:49:12,397 --> 01:49:13,230 Little man, little man. 2024 01:49:13,230 --> 01:49:14,526 Where you going? 2025 01:49:14,526 --> 01:49:16,381 - Get out of my way Green Mile. 2026 01:49:16,381 --> 01:49:18,044 I'm going to the party. 2027 01:49:18,044 --> 01:49:19,700 - Oh, okay. 2028 01:49:19,700 --> 01:49:20,600 Well I'll tell you what. 2029 01:49:20,600 --> 01:49:21,779 You might wanna go to the party, 2030 01:49:21,779 --> 01:49:24,625 but you ain't getting in unless your name's on the list. 2031 01:49:24,625 --> 01:49:26,064 - My name's virgil. 2032 01:49:26,064 --> 01:49:26,897 - Virgil. 2033 01:49:30,609 --> 01:49:32,977 Well I don't see a Virgil, 2034 01:49:32,977 --> 01:49:36,077 but I do see a Vir-gina. 2035 01:49:37,088 --> 01:49:40,131 - I said my name's Virgil, ass clown. 2036 01:49:40,131 --> 01:49:41,372 - Ooh. 2037 01:49:41,372 --> 01:49:43,257 Well I'll tell you what. 2038 01:49:43,257 --> 01:49:47,674 Unless your name's on this list you ain't getting in. 2039 01:49:53,385 --> 01:49:54,218 Whoa. 2040 01:49:55,907 --> 01:49:57,148 You heard what I said? 2041 01:49:57,148 --> 01:50:00,793 Unless your name is on this list, you ain't getting in. 2042 01:50:00,793 --> 01:50:02,197 - Fine. 2043 01:50:02,197 --> 01:50:03,513 My name's 2044 01:50:04,638 --> 01:50:05,921 Virgina. 2045 01:50:06,576 --> 01:50:09,726 - I'm sorry, a little bit louder. 2046 01:50:09,726 --> 01:50:11,517 - I said my name's 2047 01:50:13,392 --> 01:50:14,225 Virgina. 2048 01:50:15,343 --> 01:50:16,616 - Yeah it is. - Yeah it is. 2049 01:50:16,616 --> 01:50:18,272 - Told you we could get him to say it. 2050 01:50:18,272 --> 01:50:20,012 - This is an adult party only. 2051 01:50:20,012 --> 01:50:21,429 Fuck off Virgina. 2052 01:50:23,778 --> 01:50:28,778 (party music) (horns honking) 2053 01:50:30,636 --> 01:50:31,507 - Hey you. 2054 01:50:31,507 --> 01:50:32,873 Wanna make out? 2055 01:50:32,873 --> 01:50:34,912 My breath smells like tuna shit. 2056 01:50:34,912 --> 01:50:36,262 Motha fucka. 2057 01:50:36,856 --> 01:50:39,789 - On your marks, get set. 2058 01:50:40,552 --> 01:50:41,385 Go. 2059 01:50:45,583 --> 01:50:47,300 I was never here. 2060 01:50:55,887 --> 01:50:59,662 - I just love being in a social environment. 2061 01:51:01,523 --> 01:51:04,940 Free from the distractions of technology. 2062 01:51:10,819 --> 01:51:11,743 - You lose. 2063 01:51:11,743 --> 01:51:13,259 Take it off. 2064 01:51:13,259 --> 01:51:17,592 (people laughing in the background) 2065 01:51:18,921 --> 01:51:20,148 - Dude. 2066 01:51:20,148 --> 01:51:21,609 Is that a dick? 2067 01:51:21,609 --> 01:51:24,376 - Well, it's not a belly button. 2068 01:51:27,449 --> 01:51:30,782 (camera shutter clicks) 2069 01:51:34,013 --> 01:51:35,229 ♪ Everybody hustle ♪ 2070 01:51:35,229 --> 01:51:36,710 ♪ That shit you might get muscled ♪ 2071 01:51:36,710 --> 01:51:38,271 ♪ We the general ♪ 2072 01:51:38,271 --> 01:51:39,994 - Oh my god. 2073 01:51:39,994 --> 01:51:41,879 I've missed you so much baby. 2074 01:51:41,879 --> 01:51:43,801 - Babe, I just saw you this morning. 2075 01:51:43,801 --> 01:51:47,329 - I know, but it feels like it's been an eternity. 2076 01:51:47,329 --> 01:51:49,707 Oh, I'm supposed to tell you, the hiatus is over. 2077 01:51:49,707 --> 01:51:50,867 - Really? 2078 01:51:50,867 --> 01:51:52,536 Come with me papa bear. 2079 01:51:52,536 --> 01:51:55,953 (electric razor buzzing) 2080 01:52:07,883 --> 01:52:09,764 (party music) 2081 01:52:12,822 --> 01:52:14,303 - There you are. 2082 01:52:14,303 --> 01:52:16,436 - Yeah, here I am. 2083 01:52:16,730 --> 01:52:18,206 - So when are you going to take me 2084 01:52:18,206 --> 01:52:20,212 to this Italian restaurant of yours? 2085 01:52:20,212 --> 01:52:23,295 Or were you just teasing me with sausage? 2086 01:52:23,295 --> 01:52:24,857 - Sausage? 2087 01:52:24,857 --> 01:52:25,690 Oh right. 2088 01:52:25,690 --> 01:52:28,661 The Italian restaurant because they have sausage there. 2089 01:52:28,661 --> 01:52:29,494 - Yeah. 2090 01:52:29,494 --> 01:52:31,154 - Makes sense. - Makes sense. 2091 01:52:31,154 --> 01:52:33,388 - Ah, your Birthday? 2092 01:52:35,076 --> 01:52:36,037 - My Birthday? 2093 01:52:36,037 --> 01:52:37,515 No. 2094 01:52:37,515 --> 01:52:38,515 - Next week. 2095 01:52:40,882 --> 01:52:41,965 This weekend? 2096 01:52:44,325 --> 01:52:45,971 Tomorrow? 2097 01:52:45,971 --> 01:52:47,804 - How about right now? 2098 01:52:50,540 --> 01:52:52,749 ♪ Watch me break it down you know ♪ 2099 01:52:52,749 --> 01:52:54,434 (moaning) 2100 01:52:54,434 --> 01:52:57,976 - This is the best I've ever had. 2101 01:52:57,978 --> 01:52:59,561 Oh, Jelly Bear. 2102 01:52:59,561 --> 01:53:00,396 (moaning) 2103 01:53:00,396 --> 01:53:01,229 - Oh, Holly. 2104 01:53:02,391 --> 01:53:04,808 (mystical music) 2105 01:53:39,605 --> 01:53:41,556 (moaning) 2106 01:53:41,556 --> 01:53:42,729 - Alex. - Jenna. 2107 01:53:42,729 --> 01:53:44,036 (loud buzzing) 2108 01:53:44,036 --> 01:53:46,132 (moaning) Holly. 2109 01:53:46,132 --> 01:53:47,899 - [Jenna] Who the fuck is Holly? 2110 01:53:47,899 --> 01:53:48,779 - [Matt] Jenna? 2111 01:53:48,779 --> 01:53:50,059 - [Jenna] Who's Holly? 2112 01:53:50,059 --> 01:53:50,892 - [Matt] How did I? 2113 01:53:50,892 --> 01:53:53,071 - Tell me who she is. - Oh, shit. 2114 01:53:53,071 --> 01:53:54,238 Get off of me. 2115 01:53:57,050 --> 01:53:59,883 (faint party music) 2116 01:54:17,643 --> 01:54:19,338 (moaning) 2117 01:54:19,338 --> 01:54:20,797 - Oh, Jenna... 2118 01:54:20,797 --> 01:54:21,630 - Jenna? 2119 01:54:22,319 --> 01:54:23,569 From your work? 2120 01:54:31,733 --> 01:54:33,066 - Mother fucker. 2121 01:54:35,490 --> 01:54:37,211 ('Verbal Warfare' by Lethal Injektion) 2122 01:54:37,211 --> 01:54:39,114 ♪ Cover the gossip of the war, be with the clown, nigga ♪ 2123 01:54:39,114 --> 01:54:40,955 ♪ Ordered the shot and reportedly plotted the hound ♪ 2124 01:54:40,955 --> 01:54:42,735 ♪ Ask your rabbi why they turned me the bad guy ♪ 2125 01:54:42,735 --> 01:54:44,596 ♪ Blast they ass, fly to your noodle like pad thai ♪ 2126 01:54:44,596 --> 01:54:46,476 ♪ Baskin' as I wickedly stab thy ♪ 2127 01:54:46,476 --> 01:54:48,464 ♪ Crab that had my name and is met the last sight ♪ 2128 01:54:48,464 --> 01:54:50,054 ♪ If you're trippin' with Nina then I'mma shoot ya ♪ 2129 01:54:50,054 --> 01:54:51,927 ♪ Nigga, fuck a rifle, I do it with the bazooka ♪ 2130 01:54:51,927 --> 01:54:53,770 ♪ A lot of motherfuckers they be softer than a luffa ♪ 2131 01:54:53,770 --> 01:54:56,746 - I love, love, love this song. 2132 01:54:56,746 --> 01:54:57,929 - Yes. 2133 01:54:58,931 --> 01:55:01,137 - What are you drinking? 2134 01:55:01,137 --> 01:55:02,983 - Oh, this? - Can I have some? 2135 01:55:02,983 --> 01:55:04,633 - Yeah. 2136 01:55:04,633 --> 01:55:07,633 Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, yeah. 2137 01:55:11,723 --> 01:55:13,140 - You're so soft. 2138 01:55:14,119 --> 01:55:15,623 I love it. 2139 01:55:15,623 --> 01:55:16,898 And I love you. 2140 01:55:17,977 --> 01:55:19,480 ♪ After me, I'm a catastrophe ♪ 2141 01:55:19,480 --> 01:55:21,439 ♪ When I'm finished you nigga look like a pasta C ♪ 2142 01:55:21,439 --> 01:55:23,176 ♪ What'll happen if a nigga wanna clash with me ♪ 2143 01:55:23,176 --> 01:55:25,638 ♪ I be killin' 'em and that's the way it has to be ♪ 2144 01:55:25,638 --> 01:55:29,142 ♪ It's on on sight, run to the light ♪ 2145 01:55:29,142 --> 01:55:32,520 ♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪ 2146 01:55:32,520 --> 01:55:36,926 ♪ Ooh yeah this is verbal warfare ♪ 2147 01:55:36,926 --> 01:55:39,778 ♪ Maybe you're crazy enough to go there ♪ 2148 01:55:39,778 --> 01:55:41,542 ♪ I'm on the war path you motherfuckin' shakin' ♪ 2149 01:55:41,542 --> 01:55:43,343 ♪ I'm a gladiator you don't know who you're facing ♪ 2150 01:55:43,343 --> 01:55:45,225 ♪ I'm gonna go till death I can hear your heart racin' ♪ 2151 01:55:45,225 --> 01:55:47,331 ♪ I ain't scared for you lames, I ain't playin' ♪ 2152 01:55:47,331 --> 01:55:49,034 ♪ Hit you subliminal with defendable syllable ♪ 2153 01:55:49,034 --> 01:55:50,771 ♪ The original general was literal criminal ♪ 2154 01:55:50,771 --> 01:55:52,679 ♪ Now I'm killin' 'em digital, I'm fillin' the minimal ♪ 2155 01:55:52,679 --> 01:55:54,526 ♪ Can't be winnin' because I'm leavin' 'em critical ♪ 2156 01:55:54,526 --> 01:55:55,407 ♪ Yeah ♪ 2157 01:55:55,407 --> 01:55:56,303 ♪ You want it with me ♪ 2158 01:55:56,303 --> 01:55:57,965 ♪ You better man the fuck up, be prepared to bleed ♪ 2159 01:55:57,965 --> 01:55:59,974 ♪ I come through a battle starrin', yes, indeed ♪ 2160 01:55:59,974 --> 01:56:02,725 ♪ I go in like I ain't ate in weeks ♪ 2161 01:56:02,725 --> 01:56:04,851 ♪ You're never the same I'm choppin' them things ♪ 2162 01:56:04,851 --> 01:56:06,400 ♪ I'm poppin' at rage you think I'm deranged ♪ 2163 01:56:06,400 --> 01:56:07,233 ♪ I'm thinkin' I'm sane ♪ 2164 01:56:07,233 --> 01:56:09,435 ♪ You think it's a game, although had an break ♪ 2165 01:56:09,435 --> 01:56:10,899 ♪ I don't think the same, I don't run against the grain ♪ 2166 01:56:10,899 --> 01:56:12,983 ♪ Knock 'em out the frame while I'm spittin' these flames ♪ 2167 01:56:12,983 --> 01:56:13,851 ♪ Get this verbal machine gun ♪ 2168 01:56:13,851 --> 01:56:14,684 - Phew. 2169 01:56:16,412 --> 01:56:18,096 Well, well, well. 2170 01:56:18,924 --> 01:56:23,599 What we have there folks is some mighty fine marijuana. 2171 01:56:24,870 --> 01:56:29,485 Why don't you let me hold that think just a second here? 2172 01:56:29,485 --> 01:56:31,809 See what's in here now? 2173 01:56:31,809 --> 01:56:33,128 ♪ I got it all to gain and nothin' to lose ♪ 2174 01:56:33,128 --> 01:56:34,934 ♪ You got me to blame, I don't have to explain ♪ 2175 01:56:34,934 --> 01:56:36,781 ♪ You can see the gauge and it's pumpin' shells ♪ 2176 01:56:36,781 --> 01:56:39,544 ♪ I'm here to maim, are you not entertained ♪ 2177 01:56:39,544 --> 01:56:42,870 Well, what's your name? 2178 01:56:42,870 --> 01:56:46,468 ♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪ 2179 01:56:46,468 --> 01:56:50,917 ♪ Ooh yeah, this is verbal warfare ♪ 2180 01:56:50,917 --> 01:56:53,465 ♪ Maybe you're crazy enough to go there ♪ 2181 01:56:53,465 --> 01:56:54,429 ♪ Twista ♪ 2182 01:56:54,429 --> 01:56:55,551 ♪ Like entertainment for the emperor ♪ 2183 01:56:55,551 --> 01:56:57,955 ♪ Get served a subpoena for enterin' into the arena ♪ 2184 01:56:57,955 --> 01:56:59,240 ♪ Comin' like I'm a marine, a machine, I'm a demon ♪ 2185 01:56:59,240 --> 01:57:00,431 ♪ And Nina, we neither are conscious ♪ 2186 01:57:00,431 --> 01:57:01,267 ♪ Or fittin' my demeanor ♪ 2187 01:57:01,267 --> 01:57:03,046 ♪ King Leonidas, if he invite us, then he'll fight us ♪ 2188 01:57:03,046 --> 01:57:04,891 ♪ Up in the auditorium of the emporium ♪ 2189 01:57:04,891 --> 01:57:06,252 ♪ Or we will murder and massacre enemies ♪ 2190 01:57:06,252 --> 01:57:08,557 ♪ Whenever they up for challengin' a battle valedictorian ♪ 2191 01:57:08,557 --> 01:57:10,398 ♪ Verbal split 'em in critical like it's political ♪ 2192 01:57:10,398 --> 01:57:12,238 ♪ Your artillery killin' me, it's kinda pitiful ♪ 2193 01:57:12,238 --> 01:57:14,128 ♪ Who let you enter the octagon with the lyrical ♪ 2194 01:57:14,128 --> 01:57:15,202 ♪ 'Cause I'm takin' in it to proportions ♪ 2195 01:57:15,202 --> 01:57:16,086 ♪ That'll be biblical ♪ 2196 01:57:16,086 --> 01:57:17,587 ♪ Catastrophic, any move I'm makin' is pivotal ♪ 2197 01:57:17,587 --> 01:57:19,550 ♪ Spiritual, ain't no subliminal, my cloak ain't invisible ♪ 2198 01:57:19,550 --> 01:57:21,668 ♪ Violent individual, triumphant whenever I'm challengin' ♪ 2199 01:57:21,668 --> 01:57:23,470 ♪ I'm throwin' a javelin and I'mma get at you ♪ 2200 01:57:23,470 --> 01:57:25,014 ♪ General and a sergeant when I'm marchin' ♪ 2201 01:57:25,014 --> 01:57:26,938 ♪ I'm carvin' through the competition like I was heartless ♪ 2202 01:57:26,938 --> 01:57:29,148 ♪ H2's in the garages, goin' to war regardless ♪ 2203 01:57:29,148 --> 01:57:30,834 ♪ And we gon' be comin' through with barrages ♪ 2204 01:57:30,834 --> 01:57:32,597 ♪ And I'mma get Tech and speed it up if I have to ♪ 2205 01:57:32,597 --> 01:57:34,406 ♪ Arizona when I heat it up with The Raskal ♪ 2206 01:57:34,406 --> 01:57:35,761 ♪ A .50 Caliber for any challenger ♪ 2207 01:57:35,761 --> 01:57:38,211 ♪ With the style of a soldier ♪ 2208 01:57:38,211 --> 01:57:40,891 - And that's why you don't pass out at a mothafucking party. 2209 01:57:40,891 --> 01:57:42,067 Motha fucka. 2210 01:57:42,067 --> 01:57:43,632 ♪ Man on a mission with ammunition in a position ♪ 2211 01:57:43,632 --> 01:57:45,563 ♪ To get commission if I kill 'em and blow 'em away ♪ 2212 01:57:45,563 --> 01:57:47,371 ♪ Try to come in here actin' like a fool, I'mma do ya ♪ 2213 01:57:47,371 --> 01:57:49,227 ♪ Show my gratitude with the attitude of a Ruger ♪ 2214 01:57:49,227 --> 01:57:50,615 ♪ If you die, who the hell care ♪ 2215 01:57:50,615 --> 01:57:51,727 ♪ It's verbal warfare ♪ 2216 01:57:51,727 --> 01:57:53,314 ♪ I pop one into your medulla ♪ 2217 01:57:53,314 --> 01:57:56,563 ♪ It's on on sight, run to the light ♪ 2218 01:57:56,563 --> 01:58:00,290 ♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪ 2219 01:58:00,290 --> 01:58:04,813 ♪ Ooh yeah, this is verbal warfare ♪ 2220 01:58:04,813 --> 01:58:08,009 ♪ Maybe you're crazy enough to go there ♪ 2221 01:58:08,009 --> 01:58:11,336 ♪ It's on on sight, run to the light ♪ 2222 01:58:11,336 --> 01:58:14,907 ♪ Touch mics and fight for your life ♪ 2223 01:58:14,907 --> 01:58:19,414 ♪ Ooh yeah, this is verbal warfare ♪ 2224 01:58:19,414 --> 01:58:24,081 ♪ Maybe you're crazy enough to go there ♪ 2225 01:59:05,378 --> 01:59:06,711 - Hey civilians. 2226 01:59:10,687 --> 01:59:13,447 I said, hey civilians. 2227 01:59:13,447 --> 01:59:15,864 (gun firing) 2228 01:59:21,591 --> 01:59:26,325 Get your shit, and get the fuck out of my house. 145749