Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:09,413
Hello.
2
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,314
Oh, hi, Aunt Esther.
3
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:12,315
What?
4
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:13,583
What's the matter?
5
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,385
No, he's not, but he'll
be there this afternoon.
6
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,242
Why don't you come... Hello?
7
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,998
Hey, Pop, Aunt
Esther just called.
8
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,790
Well, I hope she
called from Mars.
9
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:34,438
Hey, man, can't
you ever be serious?
10
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,206
She sounded strange
over the phone.
11
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:38,475
She is strange.
12
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,843
Something's got
to be wrong, Pop.
13
00:01:40,867 --> 00:01:42,312
She's on her way over here.
14
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,736
I thought I heard
some hoof beats.
15
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,385
She and Woody are
coming over here.
16
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,653
Look, Pop, try and be a
little nice to Aunt Esther.
17
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,489
I mean, you know,
she's got that whiplash
18
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,124
and that's very painful.
19
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,459
Say, how'd she get that, anyway?
20
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,994
Well, she was sitting in the
back of Uncle Woody's truck
21
00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:00,018
and she got hit from the rear.
22
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:02,865
Well, how could you tell?
23
00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:05,257
Both ends look the same to me.
24
00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:09,872
I tell you, Pop, I'm
worried about her.
25
00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:11,274
I never heard her talk this way,
26
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,276
and I couldn't tell what
was wrong over the phone.
27
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,511
I wouldn't worry, son.
28
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,079
It might be just the results...
29
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:20,016
the reaction of her
yearly rabies shots.
30
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,318
Would you stop it?
31
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:24,187
That's probably her now.
32
00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:25,888
Now, Pop, try to be nice to her.
33
00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:28,432
All right. Get the door.
34
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,502
Hello, Aunt Esther.
35
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,737
Hello, Lamont.
36
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,071
Hey, Uncle Woody.
37
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:45,908
Oh, that's all right,
Lamont. I'll pour my own.
38
00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,144
Hello, Fred.
39
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,512
Hello, Woody.
40
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:50,980
Hello, Fred Sanford.
And how are you today?
41
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,416
Fine up till now.
42
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,084
Will you stop that?
43
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:56,453
Okay, okay.
44
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:57,987
I'm quite fine, Esther.
45
00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:02,859
And may I lie and say
how nice it is to see you.
46
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,994
How's your neck, Aunt Esther?
47
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,230
It's much better, thank you.
48
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:09,032
May I sit down? Certainly.
49
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:12,424
I'll push the couch
out on the freeway.
50
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:17,240
Never mind him. Sit down here
and make yourself comfortable.
51
00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:18,475
Thank you, Lamont.
52
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:19,709
You're welcome.
53
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,444
You a nice nephew. I know.
54
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:24,347
And you'll make a nice cousin.
55
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,449
What? Tell them, Woodrow.
56
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,552
You tell them, Esther.
It was your idea.
57
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,153
But you went along with it.
58
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:31,854
Well, because you insisted.
59
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,089
But you gave in.
60
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:36,326
Because you would
have killed me.
61
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,049
All right, Daddy.
62
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:40,386
Daddy?
63
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:42,799
Daddy?
64
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,067
Daddy.
65
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:46,102
Daddy.
66
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:47,837
No, you don't mean...
67
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:52,698
I mean, you couldn't
mean... You do?
68
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,413
Woodrow and I are
gonna have a baby.
69
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,703
Yes.
70
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,891
Well, somebody
better call the zoo.
71
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,182
Would you stop that?
72
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:15,665
That's all right, Lamont.
73
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:16,899
Just leave him alone.
74
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,835
Because, honey, ain't
nothing he can say or do
75
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,103
to dampen my spirits.
76
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:22,539
I am going to be a mother.
77
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,763
Watch it, sucker.
78
00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:27,844
Congratulations, Uncle Woody.
79
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,078
Thank you, Lamont.
80
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,614
Now this calls for a drink.
81
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:31,881
Congratulations, Aunt Esther.
82
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:32,882
Thank you, dear.
83
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,117
She gonna have a baby,
84
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:36,686
you better call
for a veterinarian.
85
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,689
Pop, how can you be so cruel
to Aunt Esther and Uncle Woody
86
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,090
on the happiest
day of their life?
87
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:45,328
Because they both too old
and too ugly to have a baby.
88
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:47,631
You don't know
nothing about babies.
89
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:50,433
Who? Fred G. Sanford?
90
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:54,337
The "G" stands for
"Goo-goo ga-ga."
91
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:57,307
And "Gynecologist."
92
00:04:57,331 --> 00:05:00,877
Well, it just so happens,
Mr. Fred G. Sanford,
93
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:04,314
that we're not gonna have this
baby the way you had Lamont.
94
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:08,017
You're gonna have
this baby on purpose?
95
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:09,619
I've asked you not to...
96
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,888
Please. I'm sorry, son.
97
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,056
I mean, I never regretted it.
98
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,692
Thanks loads.
99
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,494
You see, Fred,
what Esther means is
100
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,562
we're going to adopt our child.
101
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:20,863
That's just what I mean.
102
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:23,433
Hey, adopting. Now, I
think that's wonderful.
103
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,702
I do too! I'll drink to that.
104
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:29,806
You'd drink to an
ingrown toenail.
105
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,809
To an ingrown toenail.
106
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,778
Listen, Esther, let
me ask you a question.
107
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,646
Why you want this baby anyway?
108
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,915
We need one. You need one? Why?
109
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:41,984
Because we have
a conscience, Fred.
110
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,253
We have a home and a business
111
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:47,824
and no one to give it
to when we pass on.
112
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,715
Well, give it to me and pass on.
113
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,833
I understand
perfectly, Aunt Esther.
114
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,301
I knew you would, Lamont.
115
00:05:58,325 --> 00:06:00,704
Aren't you too old to
start with a little baby?
116
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,071
Of course we are, Fred.
117
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,840
We're not gonna
adopt a new baby.
118
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,175
We're gonna adopt a teenager.
119
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,346
Do you know there are
hundreds of orphaned youngsters
120
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,748
in this state that nobody wants?
121
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:14,484
And do you know there are
two adults in my living room
122
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,886
that nobody wants?
123
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,455
Pop, what's the matter with you?
124
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:20,923
Can't you see that what Uncle
Woody and Aunt Esther are doing
125
00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:22,158
is a wonderful thing?
126
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,560
Yes, it's wonderful, son.
127
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:25,995
They taking a child
out the asphalt jungle
128
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,732
and putting him in
Lion Country Safari.
129
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:29,966
Now listen, Fred.
130
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:33,269
You're really beginning
to get on my nerves now.
131
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:37,574
I've sat here and listened to
you insult my wife long enough.
132
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:41,043
So I'm gonna be
waiting right outside...
133
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,668
where I don't have to hear it.
134
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:56,593
Exactly what can we
do for you, Aunt Esther?
135
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:58,461
The adoption
agency wants to know
136
00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:01,097
if we can provide
for our new child.
137
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:03,332
And I would like to know
if you would be willing
138
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,967
to guarantee that
no matter what,
139
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:07,437
there will always
be food in his mouth
140
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:09,972
and a roof over his head.
141
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,207
You got it, Aunt Esther.
142
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,576
No matter what
we have, it's yours.
143
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,811
Now, wait a minute, Lamont.
144
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:18,047
Don't be so rushed.
Don't do that.
145
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:19,783
Not so fast.
146
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,651
What's the matter, Fred?
Don't you agree with Lamont?
147
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,453
I don't have to agree with him.
148
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:26,289
What he does with
his half of the empire
149
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:27,690
is his business.
150
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:31,895
What I do with my 90
percent is my business.
151
00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:35,097
Well, I wouldn't want
your 90 percent anyway!
152
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,332
Thank you, Lamont.
153
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:37,634
You're welcome, Aunt Esther.
154
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,068
So when do you get the child?
155
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,538
Well, we've been
to the initial meetings
156
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:44,040
and now we have to go
through the medical examination.
157
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,064
Ha ha!
158
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:50,880
And what is "Ha ha"
supposed to mean?
159
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,616
It means that if you
have to take a physical,
160
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,018
then you gonna have
trouble adopting the baby.
161
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:57,654
Why?
162
00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:01,257
Because they don't let
criminals adopt babies.
163
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,560
Who are you calling a criminal?
164
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:04,828
I'm no criminal!
165
00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:06,062
Not now.
166
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:09,098
But if you're gonna
take a physical,
167
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:12,401
you'll have to take
your clothes off.
168
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,537
And if you take
your clothes off,
169
00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:16,027
that's criminal.
170
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:28,284
See... Why, you
beady-eyed... Wait a minute.
171
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:29,986
See, you take your clothes off,
172
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,489
that would be
first-degree ugliness
173
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:34,190
with malice aforethought,
174
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:37,760
and attempt to cause blindness.
175
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:40,096
You old fish-eyed fool!
176
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,464
You old bat-faced...
177
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:42,966
Don't you call... Wait a minute.
178
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,824
Wait a minute. Hold on.
179
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:57,279
Hey, son.
180
00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:59,348
Hey, look. I got
these flowers for you.
181
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,683
Now, don't be mad with me.
182
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,085
Pop, I'm not mad at you
for the way you treat me.
183
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,488
I'm mad at you for the
way you treat Aunt Esther.
184
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:08,591
You give her some flowers, I
won't be mad at you no more.
185
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:12,562
Well, when I give her flowers,
you'll know that I'm going mad.
186
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,030
You see, there you go again.
187
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,832
What could Aunt Esther
have possibly done to you
188
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,466
to make you hate
her all these years?
189
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,936
In the first place,
she never liked me.
190
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,205
In the second place, she opposed
my marriage to your mother.
191
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,440
And in the third place,
192
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:26,075
she didn't like me
after the wedding.
193
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:29,045
And in all the other
places, she just too ugly.
194
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:32,715
You're impossible,
you know that?
195
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,950
Hello?
196
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,184
Oh, hi, Aunt Esther.
197
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,653
What?
198
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:39,522
Oh, no!
199
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:40,757
What?
200
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,291
Oh, that's terrible.
201
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:43,826
What? I'm sorry to hear that.
202
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,127
What? What?
203
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:46,930
He will, Aunt Esther. He will.
204
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,264
Who?
205
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:51,067
Oh, come on. No,
stop crying, okay?
206
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,401
Yeah, stop crying!
207
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,871
What am I... Wait a
minute, Aunt Esther.
208
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,105
Now, don't do anything terrible.
209
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,907
No, don't do it, Esther!
I'll do what, son?
210
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,776
Pop will do it. He'll do it.
211
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:00,777
Just say yes.
212
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:01,778
Yes.
213
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,079
Yes!
214
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,113
Yes!
215
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,314
Did you hear that?
216
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,549
Okay, now just
relax, Aunt Esther.
217
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:07,650
We'll be right over there.
218
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:08,918
Great. Come on, let's go.
219
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,120
What am I gonna do?
Where are we going now?
220
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,421
Tell me what's happening.
221
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,980
You're gonna have to
be Aunt Esther's husband.
222
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,902
Did you say "Aunt
Esther's husband"?
223
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,136
Right.
224
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,661
You must be out of your mind.
225
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:43,385
Why? Just why in the world...
226
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:46,990
Why on earth did you
pick this day to get drunk?
227
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:51,160
I didn't pick this day, Esther.
228
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:54,631
This day just came along.
229
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:58,968
And here I am... bombed.
230
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:03,172
Oh, Woodrow, what am I gonna do?
231
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,975
I'm sorry, Esther.
232
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,645
I really am.
233
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:13,349
I just thought a little "whiksey"
would calm my nerves.
234
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,118
Uh, no.
235
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,452
Whiskey!
236
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,587
Not "whiksey."
237
00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:23,893
You see, I said "whiksey."
I meant "whiskey."
238
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:29,465
See, there's a big difference
between whiksey and whiskey.
239
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:32,891
You see, whi... Oh,
shut up, Woodrow.
240
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,906
There, that explains it.
241
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,362
Thank you, "Ethser."
242
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:40,777
"Esther!"
243
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,178
"Esther!"
244
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,179
Shh! Shh!
245
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,180
What?
246
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,738
Somebody's calling you.
247
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:51,921
Nobody's calling me.
248
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:57,626
Yes, they are. I just heard
somebody shout "Esther! Esther!"
249
00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:00,196
That was me shouting
"Esther! Esther!"
250
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,286
See. There it goes again.
251
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,669
I'll get it.
252
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:07,904
You'll get it?
253
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,138
Yeah, I'll get it.
254
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:10,773
Get what? Get the door.
255
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:13,064
We got a door!
256
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:16,779
Someone's at the door, fool.
257
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:21,317
There, you see. I told you
someone was calling you.
258
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:24,220
I told you that was me.
259
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:28,679
Oh. Then that's
probably you at the door.
260
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,562
Oh, Woodrow, you
a hopeless case.
261
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,765
Why not tell you to go away?
262
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:36,789
Careful.
263
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:40,870
How is he?
264
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,939
Still drunk.
265
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:46,475
Oh, Fred! Hey, Lamont.
266
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,211
How much did he have to drink?
267
00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:50,713
A bottle in a half hour.
268
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:52,949
How can you drink a
bottle in a half hour?
269
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,951
You got a bottle and a half hour
270
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,519
and I'll show you.
271
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:59,355
He got all nervous
272
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:01,423
because the adoption
lady was coming over
273
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,658
and he got drunk.
274
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,526
What's she coming over here for?
275
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:07,296
To see if we have a proper
environment to bring up a child.
276
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,298
Well, call them up,
son, and stop them.
277
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:10,532
Why?
278
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:12,468
Undoubtedly, this is not
the proper environment.
279
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:13,469
Look here.
280
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:17,039
A boozer and a loser.
281
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,810
Fred Sanford... Ohh!
282
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:24,113
You see what you did!
283
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:27,817
Well, I... I...
284
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:30,286
What did I... Hey,
Woody, maybe you can...
285
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:37,026
All right, all right, all right.
286
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:38,394
How can I help you?
287
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,129
Oh, do you mean it, Fred?
288
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,397
Oh, don't do that, Esther.
289
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,166
Don't touch me! Don't
be doing that stuff.
290
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:46,124
I ain't had my
swine flu shots yet.
291
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:53,910
Oh, Fred, I don't know
how I can thank you.
292
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:56,935
I'll tell you. Just try shaving.
293
00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:00,482
Pop, this is what you and
Aunt Esther have to do.
294
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,586
No, I'll tell you...
Wait a second!
295
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:07,356
Hey, Pop, you and Aunt Esther
better hurry up and get in here.
296
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,247
We heard.
297
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,395
Put it down right there.
298
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:14,563
Okay, you're both ready?
299
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:15,631
Yeah, we ready.
300
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:16,632
Okay, now.
301
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,701
Pop, now you have to remember,
302
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:21,904
you have to act as if you're
a happily married couple.
303
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:23,005
I know.
304
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,041
Pop, you gotta act like
the man of the house.
305
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,042
I know.
306
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,643
And like you love Aunt Esther.
307
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:31,480
I think I'm gonna throw up.
308
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:33,049
You promised, Fred Sanford.
309
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:34,150
I know, I know.
310
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:37,220
There they are now.
311
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:38,554
Now, Pop, you get the door.
312
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,789
I'm gonna stay in the
bedroom with Uncle Woody.
313
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,291
Now, no matter what you do,
314
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,826
don't let them come
in the bedroom.
315
00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:44,850
Right. LAMONT: Okay.
316
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,253
Coming!
317
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,636
Oh!
318
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:58,407
How do you do?
319
00:14:58,431 --> 00:14:59,641
Why, how do you do?
320
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:01,443
I'm Mrs. Sherman of
the adoption agency.
321
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,678
Oh, how nice.
322
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,213
I'm Mrs. Anderson.
323
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,782
And this is my beloved
husband, Woodrow.
324
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:10,041
Woodrow, meet Mrs. Sherman.
325
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:13,990
Woodrow.
326
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,358
Woodrow!
327
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:16,592
What do you want, Esther?
328
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,961
Uh, yes, dear. Shut up, Polly!
329
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:20,396
All right.
330
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,664
I see you have a parrot.
331
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:23,665
Oh, yes.
332
00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:24,901
We thought it would be nice
333
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,602
for the child to have a pet.
334
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:27,836
Oh, I agree with that.
335
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,138
Well, uh, thanks for that.
336
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:32,074
I'm glad that you agree
with what I agreed on
337
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,309
that you agreed with.
338
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:34,911
And I think it'll
give me a privilege
339
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,412
to say it later on somewhere
340
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,580
and give you the chance
to agree with me again.
341
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,082
Yes, I see.
342
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,750
Would you like a cup of coffee?
343
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,185
No, thank you. Cup-a-Soup?
344
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:44,186
No.
345
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:45,187
What would you like?
346
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:46,389
Can I get anything for you?
347
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,390
I beg your pardon?
348
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:48,991
What would you like?
349
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:51,375
Gin on the rocks!
350
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:56,165
Polly want a punch in the beak?
351
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,056
Really!
352
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,670
You see, Mrs. Sherman,
353
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:05,641
Woodrow just loves
to joke with our parrot.
354
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,477
Yes. Ha ha ha ha.
355
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:09,678
Oh!
356
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,103
May I see your bird?
357
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:17,375
Watch it, Woodrow.
358
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,690
You see, Mrs. Sherman,
359
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,492
our bird is very shy.
360
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,294
And I'm afraid if
you look at him,
361
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,795
he might become frightened.
362
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:29,999
Then he wouldn't want to
meet anyone new, like our child.
363
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:32,801
Well, that's awfully
thoughtful of you.
364
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,404
You seem very anxious
to have this child.
365
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:38,640
Oh, we are. We think we'd
make wonderful parents.
366
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:39,741
Well, you just might.
367
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,043
You see, Mrs. Anderson,
368
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,379
we find the most important thing
369
00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:45,881
is for the child to come
into a loving home.
370
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:48,484
Oh, this is the
most loving home!
371
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,751
Oh, yes, it is.
372
00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:51,876
Isn't it, Poopsy-Woopsy?
373
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:57,548
I think I'm gonna woopsy
all over my poopsy.
374
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,829
Oh, my, that is cute!
375
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,798
You two really are cute.
376
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:05,534
And this place seems so homey.
377
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,169
Will you show me around?
378
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,437
Why, of course.
379
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,906
Now, this room, by the
way, is the living room.
380
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:14,243
And that room is where
Poopsy and I sleep.
381
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:16,045
But if you say we
can have the child,
382
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:18,447
we're gonna get a pull-out
bed and put it here for us
383
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,682
and gonna give the
child our bedroom.
384
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:21,917
That's wonderful.
385
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,219
You know, I just can't imagine
386
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,403
why you shouldn't be
allowed to adopt a child.
387
00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:29,125
Show me the room where
the child will be sleeping.
388
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,593
Oh, wait a minute!
The parrot is in there!
389
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:33,862
The parrot isn't more
important than the child, right?
390
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,686
Why, no, of course, but, uh...
391
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:40,691
Good day, madam, and
thank you for dropping in.
392
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:47,143
Oh, I see you've met my parrot.
393
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:50,312
Perhaps one of you would like
to explain what's going on here?
394
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:53,982
Well...
395
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,718
Are you feeling
better, Mr. Anderson?
396
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:59,522
Oh, yes, thank you. I just
have a slight headache.
397
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:02,224
It'll pass shortly, dear.
398
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:03,759
You really think so, Esther?
399
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:04,993
I know so.
400
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,728
Because just as soon
as Mrs. Sherman leaves,
401
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,287
I'm gonna knock your head off.
402
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:14,503
Don't be so upset with
him, Mrs. Anderson.
403
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,472
You know, I really
can understand
404
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,807
just how trying this
was for both of you.
405
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,543
So what happens now?
406
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:22,578
Well, what I do is
go back to my office
407
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,680
and write a report
on this meeting.
408
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:28,717
And then decide whether or
not you should adopt this child.
409
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,953
Well... you know, Mrs. Sherman,
410
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:32,455
Uncle Woody isn't
drunk all the time.
411
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:33,689
Is he, Pop?
412
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,124
Oh, no, no, no. That's right.
413
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:37,759
He just does it more
for medicinal purposes.
414
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,596
Like to cure his thirst.
415
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,164
Oh, Fred!
416
00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:45,167
Fred nothing! As important
as it is for you to have a child,
417
00:18:45,191 --> 00:18:47,769
it's just as important for the
child to have a good home.
418
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,106
And I'm not gonna lie
for you and nobody else
419
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,610
and mess up a child's life.
420
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,681
You know, Pop,
you sound serious.
421
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,717
I don't know a lot
about a lot of things,
422
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,819
but I know the most
important thing in the world
423
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,621
is to have good parents.
424
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:06,788
That's very true, Mr. Sanford.
425
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,056
I know it.
426
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,649
You should see the home
that I prepared for my son.
427
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,318
A palace!
428
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,800
Yeah, you must
come over sometime
429
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:22,338
and I'll sort through the
junk and show it to you.
430
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,640
Listen, son, junk
doesn't ruin a home,
431
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,809
just like expensive furniture
doesn't make a home.
432
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:31,413
What makes a home
is nice, sober parents.
433
00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:32,648
That makes a home.
434
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,117
No matter how ugly the wife is.
435
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:36,952
Watch it, Fred Sanford!
436
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,688
Listen, Esther, I know
you'd make a good mother.
437
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:42,658
And Woody would make a
good father if he stopped drinking.
438
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,227
If I was you, Mrs. Sherman,
I'd come back in a while
439
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:46,762
and see how he's doing.
440
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:50,166
Then I'd give them the
best child that you got.
441
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,922
I mean it.
442
00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:02,478
Oh, Fred Sanford, I love you.
443
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:03,745
Don't try to kiss me, Esther.
444
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:06,870
Last thing I need
is a terminal hickey.
445
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:20,296
Hey, Pop, you wanna get that?
446
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,553
What do you think I'm doing?
447
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:32,396
Somebody left an ape
out on the doorstep.
448
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,079
Hey, how'd it go, Aunt Esther?
449
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:38,314
Ask Woodrow.
450
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,848
How'd it go, Uncle Woody?
451
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:42,518
Well, Mrs. Sherman
came back again today
452
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:45,321
just like she promised.
453
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:48,679
Oh, by the way, aren't
you gonna offer me a drink?
454
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:51,460
Would you care for a drink?
455
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:52,894
No, thank you.
456
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,218
I don't drink anymore.
457
00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:57,888
I'm soon to be a
father, you know.
458
00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:00,402
Come, Esther.
459
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,572
Let's hurry before
the toy store closes.
460
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,907
Hey, wait a minute. They're
gonna let you have a child?
461
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,777
Yes. And thank you.
462
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:10,812
Thank you both!
463
00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:13,137
Come on, baby.
464
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,892
Hey, Pop, you're crying.
465
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,894
Of course I'm crying, dummy.
466
00:21:25,918 --> 00:21:27,129
I think it's beautiful, man.
467
00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:28,497
Uncle Woody's stopped drinking
468
00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:31,333
and now he and Aunt
Esther are gonna have a child.
469
00:21:31,357 --> 00:21:33,135
I think it's beautiful.
470
00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:35,771
Beautiful? It's tragic!
471
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,307
That poor man has got
to look at that ugly face
472
00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:42,032
for the rest of
his life... sober!
473
00:21:52,612 --> 00:21:54,757
Yes, yes.
474
00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:56,558
My, that is interesting.
475
00:21:56,582 --> 00:21:58,160
Thank you very much.
476
00:21:58,184 --> 00:21:59,395
Goodbye.
477
00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:00,796
What's interesting, Pop?
478
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:03,399
Well, I was just checking
with the adoption agency, son.
479
00:22:03,423 --> 00:22:05,467
And it's true.
480
00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:07,469
Everyone wants to
adopt a newborn baby.
481
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,805
But very few of them want
to adopt older youngsters.
482
00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:11,039
Yeah, I know.
483
00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:13,409
There's a five-year
wait for a newborn baby,
484
00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:15,444
but for an older child
it doesn't take as long,
485
00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:17,846
but nobody wants to
adopt an older child.
486
00:22:17,870 --> 00:22:19,080
I know it.
487
00:22:19,104 --> 00:22:20,882
And there are thousands
of homes in this city
488
00:22:20,906 --> 00:22:22,117
that could provide a
beautiful, comfortable
489
00:22:22,141 --> 00:22:23,719
way of life for them,
490
00:22:23,743 --> 00:22:26,288
give them love and
warmth and understanding,
491
00:22:26,312 --> 00:22:27,589
and that's what
they really need.
492
00:22:27,613 --> 00:22:28,590
I'm hip.
493
00:22:28,614 --> 00:22:30,659
So I want you to know
494
00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:33,417
that I added our
name to the list.
495
00:22:35,221 --> 00:22:36,865
To adopt a child?
496
00:22:36,889 --> 00:22:39,357
No, to be adopted.
497
00:22:51,337 --> 00:22:53,114
Look at those lovebirds.
498
00:22:53,138 --> 00:22:55,651
Uh... make that gooney birds.
499
00:22:55,675 --> 00:22:57,553
Who let them out of their cage?
500
00:22:57,577 --> 00:23:00,188
Join us next week when
Esther, Woody, Lamont and I
501
00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:02,413
meet their new son.
34857
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
