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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:05,001 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 2 00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,301 Okay it's about ready to get 3 00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:36,572 Grapes of Wrath up in this bitch. 4 00:00:36,605 --> 00:00:38,574 Hi. 5 00:00:38,607 --> 00:00:40,509 Okay. 6 00:00:40,542 --> 00:00:41,778 All right. 7 00:00:41,811 --> 00:00:42,979 Fuck. 8 00:00:43,012 --> 00:00:45,380 Here we go. 9 00:00:45,414 --> 00:00:48,550 Hi. 10 00:00:48,584 --> 00:00:51,721 Hey. 11 00:01:02,499 --> 00:01:04,068 Hi. 12 00:01:09,006 --> 00:01:12,076 ♪ If this makes you cringe ♪ 13 00:01:12,109 --> 00:01:14,677 ♪ Then you better start walking away ♪ 14 00:01:14,712 --> 00:01:16,579 ♪ I said you turn back now ♪ 15 00:01:16,613 --> 00:01:19,415 ♪ If you don't want to see all those things ♪ 16 00:01:19,449 --> 00:01:20,951 ♪ That you're asking of me ♪ 17 00:01:22,519 --> 00:01:25,322 ♪ Oh oh ♪ 18 00:01:25,356 --> 00:01:31,595 ♪ I'm no good, I'm no good for you ♪ 19 00:01:31,629 --> 00:01:35,332 ♪ I'm no good, I'm good for you ♪ 20 00:01:48,848 --> 00:01:50,750 - Hey. - Oh hey, you made it. 21 00:01:50,783 --> 00:01:53,719 Yes and I'm about ready to get Grapes of Wraths 22 00:01:53,753 --> 00:01:55,387 up in this bitch. 23 00:01:55,420 --> 00:01:57,355 Okay, what? 24 00:01:57,389 --> 00:01:59,826 Um, grapes. 25 00:01:59,859 --> 00:02:02,627 Thank you, I'm gonna put this here. 26 00:02:02,661 --> 00:02:04,864 - We're about to do some shots. - Great. 27 00:02:04,897 --> 00:02:06,866 Yeah, I can do shots, I can do shots, yeah. 28 00:02:06,899 --> 00:02:08,835 This is to uh, what was your name again? 29 00:02:08,868 --> 00:02:10,602 - Harper. - Harper, this is to Harper. 30 00:02:10,635 --> 00:02:11,570 Yeah, here we go. 31 00:02:11,603 --> 00:02:15,675 Woo. 32 00:02:15,709 --> 00:02:17,911 - Damn. - I just sip it. 33 00:02:17,945 --> 00:02:19,847 Let's party! 34 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,115 Woo! 35 00:02:22,149 --> 00:02:23,951 - Where did you get her? - Shots! Shots! 36 00:02:23,984 --> 00:02:26,419 I'm not... I'm not saying the president's a cyborg. 37 00:02:26,452 --> 00:02:28,088 But what I am saying 38 00:02:28,121 --> 00:02:31,557 is that there are two of them, okay. 39 00:02:31,591 --> 00:02:34,962 The real one wears the red tie 40 00:02:34,995 --> 00:02:37,899 and the fake one wears the blue tie. 41 00:02:37,932 --> 00:02:39,600 Where are you getting this? Where are you getting this? 42 00:02:39,633 --> 00:02:43,670 Are you guys open to things? 43 00:02:43,704 --> 00:02:45,639 - I don't, um... - Like an open... 44 00:02:45,672 --> 00:02:47,775 - Open... open. - You can look it up 45 00:02:47,809 --> 00:02:48,776 on the Internet! 46 00:02:48,810 --> 00:02:51,179 The universe is shifting, okay? 47 00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:53,882 Mandela effect. 48 00:02:53,915 --> 00:02:56,550 The president? The South African President? 49 00:02:56,583 --> 00:02:58,152 - What are you guys into? - I just wanna know 50 00:02:58,186 --> 00:03:01,957 if this is like... are you saying this for like me? 51 00:03:01,991 --> 00:03:04,492 Or like for him? 52 00:03:04,525 --> 00:03:06,061 'Cause that's where I'm kind of like, eh. 53 00:03:06,095 --> 00:03:08,731 That's for me to know not for you. 54 00:03:08,764 --> 00:03:10,465 The Monopoly guy does not have a monocle. 55 00:03:10,498 --> 00:03:12,968 - The Monopoly totally... - Does not have a monocle. 56 00:03:13,002 --> 00:03:15,004 - The peanut guy, I think. - Yeah, the peanut guy 57 00:03:15,037 --> 00:03:17,940 - definitely have a monocle. - I'm allergic to peanuts. 58 00:03:17,973 --> 00:03:19,707 So that has nothing to do with this. 59 00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:23,045 This is a new era of spectrumism. 60 00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:27,050 - It's the... it's... - It's not gay or straight... 61 00:03:27,083 --> 00:03:32,488 We only really know what the top one percent wants us to know. 62 00:03:32,521 --> 00:03:33,790 - Don't encourage. - Dude. 63 00:03:33,823 --> 00:03:35,557 Ah, see this? 64 00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,559 That is what I'm saying. 65 00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:39,829 No, no, no, absolutely. 66 00:03:39,863 --> 00:03:43,199 I'm gonna go jerk off thinking about you guys. 67 00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:45,902 He's such a funny guy. 68 00:03:45,936 --> 00:03:48,205 - He's funny, isn't he? - That's what I'm saying, man. 69 00:03:48,239 --> 00:03:51,508 They only tell us what they want us to know. 70 00:03:51,541 --> 00:03:54,211 They probably already found the cure to cancer, you know? 71 00:03:54,245 --> 00:03:57,882 All right. 72 00:04:00,851 --> 00:04:04,889 Well, I have to take a shit. 73 00:04:04,922 --> 00:04:09,060 Yeah, take a shit, man. 74 00:04:12,264 --> 00:04:15,968 So, um, what's the show about? 75 00:04:16,001 --> 00:04:18,904 It's a web series. 76 00:04:18,937 --> 00:04:20,571 Mr. Cuddles' Tea Time. 77 00:04:20,604 --> 00:04:21,605 The famous turtle on Instagram. 78 00:04:21,639 --> 00:04:22,941 Have you not heard of him? 79 00:04:22,975 --> 00:04:25,077 You never heard of him? 80 00:04:25,110 --> 00:04:27,779 I don't know who he is at all actually. 81 00:04:27,813 --> 00:04:30,015 Mr. Cuddles Tea Time, people fucking love this. 82 00:04:30,048 --> 00:04:32,516 He's got a top hat. 83 00:04:32,550 --> 00:04:35,253 - People love that turtle. - Absolutely. 84 00:04:35,287 --> 00:04:37,156 I don't understand, how do you make a show 85 00:04:37,190 --> 00:04:39,591 - out of a turtle? - How do you not? 86 00:04:39,624 --> 00:04:41,794 No, it's a talk show and Cuddles is the host 87 00:04:41,828 --> 00:04:43,662 and other celebrity pets come on the show. 88 00:04:43,695 --> 00:04:46,565 They drink tea, we hire voice actors to speak for them. 89 00:04:46,598 --> 00:04:49,035 It sounds crazy but pet celebrities are huge right now. 90 00:04:49,068 --> 00:04:51,104 Rob, Rob, Mr. Cuddles. 91 00:04:51,137 --> 00:04:52,704 What do you think about Mr. Cuddles? 92 00:04:52,739 --> 00:04:55,041 - People love that turtle, man. - See? 93 00:04:55,074 --> 00:04:57,676 Hold on though, isn't that animal cruelty though? 94 00:04:57,709 --> 00:04:59,112 - No. - No. 95 00:04:59,145 --> 00:05:01,647 Everyone gets paid. 96 00:05:01,681 --> 00:05:04,584 I think the turtle gets paid, I assume. 97 00:05:04,617 --> 00:05:06,086 Does anybody want a refill? 98 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:07,921 - Yes. - Hard yes. 99 00:05:07,955 --> 00:05:09,622 Cheers. 100 00:05:11,624 --> 00:05:13,227 ♪ Oo-ooo ♪ 101 00:05:13,260 --> 00:05:15,029 ♪ Oo-oo ♪ 102 00:05:15,062 --> 00:05:16,830 ♪ Haa-oo ♪ 103 00:05:16,864 --> 00:05:18,664 ♪ Haa-oo ♪ 104 00:05:19,867 --> 00:05:21,335 Oh man. 105 00:05:21,368 --> 00:05:22,568 ♪ Everybody over here now ♪ 106 00:05:22,602 --> 00:05:26,673 ♪ Eeeee ♪ 107 00:05:26,707 --> 00:05:30,078 - Let's start a band. - He like seems to be 108 00:05:30,111 --> 00:05:33,647 - in love with his best friend. - No! 109 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:37,952 And um, sometimes he's just there with his friend 110 00:05:37,986 --> 00:05:39,254 and it's just like... 111 00:05:41,189 --> 00:05:43,925 - Don't drive. - No, no I'm gonna get an Uber. 112 00:05:43,958 --> 00:05:47,295 What's crazy is that my parents are still together. 113 00:05:47,328 --> 00:05:48,998 - Oh that's... - And it's crazy that... 114 00:05:49,031 --> 00:05:51,033 it's crazy that my parents... like, everybody here, 115 00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:52,667 it's just all career. 116 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:53,936 That's why it's such a flaky city. 117 00:05:53,969 --> 00:05:55,871 That's why it's so much bullshit here. 118 00:05:55,905 --> 00:05:56,872 Everybody's just clawing and hustling. 119 00:05:56,906 --> 00:05:58,741 Nobody has like the core values. 120 00:05:58,774 --> 00:06:00,743 I want kids, I want to come home from work 121 00:06:00,776 --> 00:06:02,344 and be like, "I love my job" and my kids are like, 122 00:06:02,378 --> 00:06:04,847 "Hey, dad, we love you" and I'm like, "I love you." 123 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:05,948 - You know, right? - Yeah. 124 00:06:05,981 --> 00:06:06,949 It's simple. 125 00:06:06,982 --> 00:06:08,150 Is that too much to ask? 126 00:06:08,184 --> 00:06:09,885 I'm talking too much, I'm sorry. 127 00:06:09,919 --> 00:06:11,619 No, I'm sorry. 128 00:06:11,654 --> 00:06:13,790 I didn't even ask what are you doing out here? 129 00:06:13,824 --> 00:06:17,693 Are you teaching yoga? Everybody's... 130 00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:21,865 Did you not want me to kiss you? 131 00:06:21,898 --> 00:06:23,266 Um. 132 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,835 Oh. 133 00:06:24,868 --> 00:06:26,369 Oh my God, I'm such a fucking idiot. 134 00:06:26,403 --> 00:06:27,938 - I'm so sorry. - No, it's just 135 00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,106 I feel like I gave off... 136 00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,407 I gave off the wrong impression. 137 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,675 Um, uh. 138 00:06:32,708 --> 00:06:35,011 No, you just have to know something about me 139 00:06:35,045 --> 00:06:37,048 - which is that... - Oh my God. 140 00:06:37,081 --> 00:06:38,816 - You're gay. - What? 141 00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:42,153 You're gay, your hair and your shirt and your teeth. 142 00:06:42,186 --> 00:06:43,955 You clearly use whitening strips. 143 00:06:43,988 --> 00:06:44,956 - Thank you but... - Oh my God. 144 00:06:44,989 --> 00:06:47,125 I'm such a fucking dipshit. 145 00:06:47,158 --> 00:06:49,827 I was gonna say that I'm seeing someone. 146 00:06:49,861 --> 00:06:54,132 I'm seeing a girl. 147 00:06:54,165 --> 00:06:57,201 Oh. 148 00:06:57,235 --> 00:06:59,270 You aren't gay? 149 00:06:59,303 --> 00:07:01,240 I thought you were. 150 00:07:01,273 --> 00:07:03,775 I thought you were sleeping, are you listening to all this? 151 00:07:03,809 --> 00:07:04,877 It's a spectrum, dude. 152 00:07:04,910 --> 00:07:07,980 I think about dicks. 153 00:07:10,048 --> 00:07:11,682 I'm really sorry. 154 00:07:11,716 --> 00:07:13,085 I am still jetlagged 155 00:07:13,118 --> 00:07:14,887 and I haven't had anything to eat. 156 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,855 - It's fine. - And I mean, the shots. 157 00:07:16,889 --> 00:07:19,258 - Like, so sorry. - No, seriously. 158 00:07:19,291 --> 00:07:21,260 Don't feel bad, it was a lot of fun 159 00:07:21,293 --> 00:07:25,098 and we should do it more often. 160 00:07:25,131 --> 00:07:27,400 Yeah, totally. 161 00:07:27,433 --> 00:07:29,369 Are you sure you feel good about getting home? 162 00:07:29,402 --> 00:07:31,437 - I will walk you. - I'm good, I promise. 163 00:07:31,471 --> 00:07:33,705 - I have my mace with me. - Okay. 164 00:07:33,740 --> 00:07:35,275 - Okay. - All right. 165 00:07:35,308 --> 00:07:38,178 - Have a good night. - All right, you too. 166 00:07:38,211 --> 00:07:41,047 Peace. 167 00:08:00,501 --> 00:08:03,137 ♪ You said it's easier the second time around ♪ 168 00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:07,174 ♪ But that's a lie, sir ♪ 169 00:08:07,208 --> 00:08:09,109 ♪ You said these girls couldn't tell ♪ 170 00:08:09,143 --> 00:08:11,478 ♪ But no one loves a liar ♪ 171 00:08:13,982 --> 00:08:15,517 ♪ And I've been around the block ♪ 172 00:08:15,550 --> 00:08:18,019 ♪ It's empty by the fire ♪ 173 00:08:19,554 --> 00:08:24,492 ♪ But no one takes me higher ♪ 174 00:08:26,261 --> 00:08:32,934 ♪ Your loving gets me higher ♪ 175 00:08:32,968 --> 00:08:35,003 ♪ And I know ♪ 176 00:08:35,036 --> 00:08:39,508 ♪ You're all I think about ♪ 177 00:08:39,542 --> 00:08:41,444 ♪ These days ♪ 178 00:08:41,477 --> 00:08:46,082 ♪ You're all I think about ♪ 179 00:08:46,115 --> 00:08:48,217 ♪ These days ♪ 180 00:08:48,251 --> 00:08:50,519 ♪ You're all I think about ♪ 181 00:09:09,172 --> 00:09:11,475 ♪ Calling Patron, calling Patron ♪ 182 00:09:11,508 --> 00:09:14,578 ♪ Calling Patron, calling Patron ♪ 183 00:09:14,611 --> 00:09:18,115 ♪ Calling Patron, I've been drinking ♪ 184 00:09:30,094 --> 00:09:31,496 ♪ Just like the jackpot I'm all ♪ 185 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:32,964 ♪ You'll turned your back on the wall ♪ 186 00:09:32,997 --> 00:09:34,365 ♪ I made a bet with the lord ♪ 187 00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:35,833 ♪ Won't stand for no rats in my song ♪ 188 00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,268 ♪ I can't move backwards for ya'll ♪ 189 00:09:41,239 --> 00:09:42,940 ♪ Have you ever met Miss Lindy ♪ 190 00:09:42,974 --> 00:09:45,209 ♪ She's the gal with the bright red hair ♪ 191 00:09:45,243 --> 00:09:47,479 ♪ Now she stands out from all the rest ♪ 192 00:09:47,513 --> 00:09:49,415 ♪ You'd know her anywhere ♪ 193 00:09:49,448 --> 00:09:51,517 ♪ Well she's mine ♪ 194 00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:54,253 ♪ Yeah she's mine ♪ 195 00:09:54,286 --> 00:09:56,955 Ugh. 196 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:03,896 Doesn't matter what I do. 197 00:10:03,929 --> 00:10:05,097 Fuck it up. 198 00:10:05,130 --> 00:10:08,867 Every time. 199 00:10:13,406 --> 00:10:17,110 At the end of your message, press one. 200 00:10:17,143 --> 00:10:19,346 Hi, honey. 201 00:10:19,379 --> 00:10:22,082 Can you call me when you get this? 202 00:10:22,115 --> 00:10:25,618 I'm gonna need you to come home now. 203 00:10:31,491 --> 00:10:34,494 I love you very, very much. 204 00:10:43,404 --> 00:10:47,274 Harper? 205 00:10:47,308 --> 00:10:48,542 Oh my God. 206 00:10:48,576 --> 00:10:50,644 - Sorry, I just um... - What's wrong? 207 00:10:50,678 --> 00:10:52,947 I was working on a scene for acting class. 208 00:10:52,980 --> 00:10:55,182 I just really got into it, sorry. 209 00:10:55,216 --> 00:11:00,155 What's your play about? 210 00:11:00,188 --> 00:11:04,593 It's about the bleaching in the coral reefs. 211 00:11:04,626 --> 00:11:07,062 It's really fucking sad. 212 00:11:07,095 --> 00:11:09,564 Yeah, you're right that is sad. 213 00:11:09,598 --> 00:11:11,366 Think about it, the temperature's gonna keep rising, 214 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,301 - we're all gonna fucking die. - Well, you know what? 215 00:11:13,335 --> 00:11:17,973 I have to sleep for like two more hours. 216 00:11:18,006 --> 00:11:21,710 Mr. Peterson's got another colonoscopy again. 217 00:11:21,744 --> 00:11:25,548 First one didn't take so, ugh. 218 00:11:25,581 --> 00:11:28,317 So um, just try to keep your global warming project 219 00:11:28,351 --> 00:11:31,621 like a little down, sh. 220 00:11:31,654 --> 00:11:33,389 Yeah, yeah, sorry. 221 00:11:33,423 --> 00:11:36,359 I save fucking lives, Harper. 222 00:11:36,392 --> 00:11:39,262 It's a real job, you know what I'm saying? 223 00:11:39,295 --> 00:11:40,663 Oh, that wine looks good. 224 00:11:40,696 --> 00:11:44,467 It looks like something that I would buy. 225 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:46,302 - Sorry. - It's my last bottle, so. 226 00:11:46,335 --> 00:11:48,605 Oh. 227 00:11:48,639 --> 00:11:50,340 That's a lot of dishes. 228 00:11:50,374 --> 00:11:52,376 Well, I was gonna clean them up but you know... 229 00:11:52,409 --> 00:11:53,677 All right, good night, Harper. 230 00:11:53,710 --> 00:11:58,282 Night. 231 00:11:58,315 --> 00:12:02,052 Fucking cunt. 232 00:12:22,373 --> 00:12:24,309 Fuck. 233 00:13:44,292 --> 00:13:48,130 Ugh, man. 234 00:13:48,163 --> 00:13:50,833 That's good batteries. 235 00:14:05,180 --> 00:14:08,818 Come on. 236 00:14:13,924 --> 00:14:16,259 Ugh. 237 00:14:16,292 --> 00:14:17,895 Someone's calling on your phone. 238 00:14:17,928 --> 00:14:19,830 Someone's calling on your phone. 239 00:14:19,863 --> 00:14:21,564 Gotta pick it up, gotta pick it up. 240 00:14:21,598 --> 00:14:23,433 Someone's calling on your phone. 241 00:14:23,466 --> 00:14:25,368 Someone's calling on your phone. 242 00:14:25,401 --> 00:14:27,270 Gotta pick it up, gotta pick it up. 243 00:14:27,303 --> 00:14:31,207 Someone's calling on your phone. 244 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,343 Museum of sodomy and the dark arts. 245 00:14:33,376 --> 00:14:34,912 Please hold. 246 00:14:34,945 --> 00:14:36,547 So I've been watching a lot of YouTube clips. 247 00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:38,415 I think I perfected my Australian accent. 248 00:14:38,449 --> 00:14:41,820 - It's getting so good. - So good. 249 00:14:41,853 --> 00:14:44,655 Do you know shrimp on a barbie's a racist term for a dingo? 250 00:14:44,688 --> 00:14:46,690 - No? - That's just sling 251 00:14:46,724 --> 00:14:49,693 for throwing your pecker into a kangaroo's pouch. 252 00:14:49,727 --> 00:14:51,495 Hey Harp? 253 00:14:51,528 --> 00:14:53,330 You coming to my show tonight, right? 254 00:14:53,364 --> 00:14:56,700 - Oh shit, that's tonight? - My heart. 255 00:14:56,734 --> 00:14:58,903 I told you, I have to have you be there. 256 00:14:58,937 --> 00:15:00,372 Yeah, I'm just fucking with you. 257 00:15:00,405 --> 00:15:01,606 I'm coming. 258 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:02,607 Okay, cool. 259 00:15:02,641 --> 00:15:04,376 Hey, it's a BYOB. 260 00:15:04,409 --> 00:15:06,711 B your Bs but also, could you B me a B? 261 00:15:06,746 --> 00:15:08,446 That'd be G. 262 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:09,782 I don't think I'm gonna be drinking at all 263 00:15:09,815 --> 00:15:11,683 after last night. 264 00:15:11,716 --> 00:15:13,184 Seriously? 265 00:15:18,556 --> 00:15:22,260 - Oh, hello. - You dick. 266 00:15:22,293 --> 00:15:24,831 It is I, Edward all of the alcohol 267 00:15:24,865 --> 00:15:26,933 I had left in my cabinets hands. 268 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,701 Are you the little boy that lives in the scary house 269 00:15:28,734 --> 00:15:30,937 on top of the hill at the end of the cul-de-sac? 270 00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:34,640 My father made my heart from a sugar cookie. 271 00:15:34,674 --> 00:15:38,511 - Come drink with me. - I don't want to. 272 00:15:38,544 --> 00:15:40,212 But I taped all these things to my fingers. 273 00:15:40,246 --> 00:15:41,848 You gotta drink with me. 274 00:15:41,882 --> 00:15:45,317 - Ah. - Okay. 275 00:15:45,351 --> 00:15:47,789 Just stay away from my water bed. 276 00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:51,324 Let's crack these open, huh? 277 00:15:58,265 --> 00:15:59,967 Do you know, I think a had a bit of a breakthrough 278 00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:01,936 with my project. 279 00:16:01,969 --> 00:16:03,805 The Santa Claus movie or? 280 00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:05,572 That one's on hold right now. 281 00:16:05,605 --> 00:16:08,442 I mean, sure, it shot up two percent on Kickstarter. 282 00:16:08,475 --> 00:16:09,844 Thanks for donating, by the way. 283 00:16:09,877 --> 00:16:10,945 - Yeah, no problem. - But I think I'm gonna put that 284 00:16:10,978 --> 00:16:12,714 on hold for a little while. 285 00:16:12,748 --> 00:16:14,582 My pop-up stand up, the thing for tonight, 286 00:16:14,615 --> 00:16:18,352 I got... I'm gonna attack it from a slightly different angle. 287 00:16:18,386 --> 00:16:19,988 - I think you're gonna like it. - Oh, that's awesome. 288 00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:21,656 - Yeah, it's gonna be good. - So you thought about 289 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:25,794 - like open mics doing that or? - Nah, no, no, no. 290 00:16:25,828 --> 00:16:27,328 Open mics are dead. 291 00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:28,629 You're not telling jokes to people. 292 00:16:28,663 --> 00:16:30,298 You're telling jokes to comedians. 293 00:16:30,331 --> 00:16:31,733 - That's true. - They're the worst people. 294 00:16:31,767 --> 00:16:32,901 I should know. 295 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,439 Beautiful view. 296 00:16:37,473 --> 00:16:40,576 So you got pretty swasted at the party last night, huh? 297 00:16:40,609 --> 00:16:42,411 I did get swasted. 298 00:16:42,444 --> 00:16:44,781 Unfortunately, it was not a party. 299 00:16:44,814 --> 00:16:47,516 - At all, at all. - So you did like a Home Alone. 300 00:16:47,549 --> 00:16:49,018 You went all Kevin McCallister on that shit. 301 00:16:49,052 --> 00:16:50,954 - A little bit. - Oh man. 302 00:16:50,987 --> 00:16:53,288 - Oh, that's never good. - Not really proud of that. 303 00:16:53,322 --> 00:16:56,793 I tried to make moves on my cute neighbor. 304 00:16:56,826 --> 00:16:58,727 Mrs. Campbell? She's like 87 years old. 305 00:16:58,762 --> 00:16:59,897 No, not Mrs. Campbell. 306 00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:01,464 Paul, like super hot Paul. 307 00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:02,933 Oh yeah, gay Paul. 308 00:17:02,967 --> 00:17:05,468 Gay for me probably but yeah. 309 00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,337 I mean, I tried to make it happen. 310 00:17:07,370 --> 00:17:08,773 If I could give you once piece of advice 311 00:17:08,806 --> 00:17:10,673 it's never hook up with your neighbors. 312 00:17:10,707 --> 00:17:11,942 It's too embarrassing. 313 00:17:11,976 --> 00:17:13,778 Taking out trash, you're checking the mail 314 00:17:13,811 --> 00:17:16,080 and you're like, oh, look at all these coupons, huh? 315 00:17:16,113 --> 00:17:18,481 - Huh? Remember me? - Woo yeah. 316 00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,416 Thanks for trying to put your dick in me, Paul. 317 00:17:20,450 --> 00:17:21,886 Ew, gross. 318 00:17:21,919 --> 00:17:25,389 Wait, did you have sex with Paul last night? 319 00:17:25,422 --> 00:17:29,861 No but I wanted to. 320 00:17:29,895 --> 00:17:32,898 Sorry, I got triple taken aback. 321 00:17:32,931 --> 00:17:34,800 - He's cute. - I just never thought of you 322 00:17:34,833 --> 00:17:36,700 as the like... 323 00:17:36,734 --> 00:17:39,336 fuck a guy kind of like when you first meet him. 324 00:17:39,370 --> 00:17:40,939 I would so fuck a guy. 325 00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:43,340 - Oh my God. - Yeah. 326 00:17:44,910 --> 00:17:46,644 Oh hey, what time is it? 327 00:17:46,677 --> 00:17:48,680 Uh, three o'clock. 328 00:17:48,713 --> 00:17:51,716 Oh shit, I gotta go prep. 329 00:17:51,751 --> 00:17:52,985 Imma see you tonight, right? 330 00:17:53,019 --> 00:17:54,053 With bells. 331 00:17:54,086 --> 00:17:57,890 - Bye! - Bye! 332 00:18:10,770 --> 00:18:13,874 At the end of your message press one. 333 00:18:13,907 --> 00:18:16,009 Harper Lee, what up! 334 00:18:16,043 --> 00:18:17,510 I think you just got back. 335 00:18:17,543 --> 00:18:18,779 Uh, I don't want to bother you 336 00:18:18,812 --> 00:18:22,015 but I do really need you right now. 337 00:18:22,049 --> 00:18:23,851 So if you could swing on by, bring a swimsuit 338 00:18:23,884 --> 00:18:26,787 and we'll hang like a spa office meeting. 339 00:18:26,820 --> 00:18:28,088 Get here like as soon as you can. 340 00:18:28,121 --> 00:18:29,923 Bye. 341 00:18:29,957 --> 00:18:31,691 You know, I seriously doubt my Uber's gonna let me 342 00:18:31,724 --> 00:18:33,426 in the car like this. 343 00:18:40,734 --> 00:18:42,937 Can we uh, move the meeting on Thursday 344 00:18:42,971 --> 00:18:45,505 cause I have uh, CrossFit now. 345 00:18:45,539 --> 00:18:46,673 I didn't know you were doing CrossFit. 346 00:18:46,707 --> 00:18:49,911 Yeah, fucking awesome. 347 00:18:49,944 --> 00:18:51,012 Well, I haven't done it yet 348 00:18:51,045 --> 00:18:53,547 but it's just like awesome. 349 00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:54,983 Oh, um, Buchwald emailed 350 00:18:55,016 --> 00:18:56,650 and said that you have a couple of meetings that day. 351 00:18:56,683 --> 00:18:58,418 Sorry about that, I forgot to tell yah. 352 00:18:58,452 --> 00:19:01,422 - Seriously? For what? - One is for an app commercial 353 00:19:01,456 --> 00:19:03,926 and the other is for a studio pilot. 354 00:19:03,959 --> 00:19:05,426 Yes! 355 00:19:05,460 --> 00:19:06,661 Are you fucking serious? 356 00:19:06,694 --> 00:19:08,596 CBS? NBC? TBS? 357 00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:10,665 It's actually Netflix. 358 00:19:10,698 --> 00:19:12,201 Woo! 359 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,969 Streaming. 360 00:19:14,003 --> 00:19:15,603 Fuck. 361 00:19:15,637 --> 00:19:16,939 Streaming's the future. 362 00:19:16,972 --> 00:19:18,506 Booo! 363 00:19:18,539 --> 00:19:20,642 All right, I'll start CrossFit next week. 364 00:19:20,675 --> 00:19:24,647 Just call Vlad and just have him reschedule. 365 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,883 He's in my phone as "CrossFit Dude." 366 00:19:26,917 --> 00:19:28,785 Or he may be in my phone as "Vlad." 367 00:19:28,818 --> 00:19:30,053 Okay. 368 00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:32,721 Done and done. 369 00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:34,891 - It's hot. - Yup, we'll you know. 370 00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:39,162 Its' 95 degrees on a roof in a hot Jacuzzi. 371 00:19:42,866 --> 00:19:46,202 Glad to have you back, Harper. 372 00:19:46,236 --> 00:19:50,540 Glad to be back. 373 00:19:50,573 --> 00:19:53,844 - Did anything cool? - Cool? 374 00:19:53,878 --> 00:19:55,679 'Cause I want you to know you can talk to me. 375 00:19:55,712 --> 00:19:59,716 Like if you ever feel like you need to talk to me. 376 00:19:59,749 --> 00:20:01,118 Oh yeah, you know, I'm fine. 377 00:20:01,152 --> 00:20:03,054 - Thanks for asking. - I know like technically 378 00:20:03,087 --> 00:20:09,226 I'm your boss but I want us to be like close friends. 379 00:20:09,260 --> 00:20:10,761 Really? 380 00:20:10,796 --> 00:20:12,596 Like talk about boys and have sleepovers 381 00:20:12,630 --> 00:20:14,532 and all that stuff? 382 00:20:14,565 --> 00:20:16,634 Yeah, you serious? 383 00:20:16,667 --> 00:20:17,936 I was schooled like on set. 384 00:20:17,970 --> 00:20:20,604 Never had a sleepover ever in my life. 385 00:20:20,638 --> 00:20:24,508 Oh, I was kidding. 386 00:20:24,542 --> 00:20:25,978 Sorry. 387 00:20:29,047 --> 00:20:31,016 Dude! 388 00:20:31,049 --> 00:20:32,084 Love it. 389 00:20:32,117 --> 00:20:33,517 That's why I like you. 390 00:20:33,551 --> 00:20:34,988 'Cause you're funny. 391 00:20:35,021 --> 00:20:37,056 It's good to laugh. 392 00:20:37,090 --> 00:20:41,794 Humor heals. 393 00:20:41,828 --> 00:20:44,563 Okay, so I'm just gonna reschedule that CrossFit... 394 00:20:44,596 --> 00:20:46,565 Yeah, I read statistically friends talk about sex 395 00:20:46,598 --> 00:20:49,902 like two to three times a day. 396 00:20:49,936 --> 00:20:51,570 - Really? - Yeah. 397 00:20:51,603 --> 00:20:53,638 Like statistically on average. 398 00:20:53,672 --> 00:20:56,742 Well, that seems like valuable information. 399 00:20:56,776 --> 00:20:59,213 How's your sex life? 400 00:20:59,246 --> 00:21:01,748 Uh, my sex life? 401 00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:03,716 Come on, I'm like talking like friends. 402 00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:04,885 We're friends, friends talk about sex 403 00:21:04,918 --> 00:21:07,121 I just told you that. 404 00:21:07,154 --> 00:21:10,656 Okay, well, thank you for asking, friend. 405 00:21:10,690 --> 00:21:16,096 But um, there's really not one to speak of so there's that. 406 00:21:16,130 --> 00:21:18,332 What? Are you serious? 407 00:21:18,365 --> 00:21:21,335 You're like awesome. 408 00:21:21,368 --> 00:21:26,274 Thank you. 409 00:21:26,307 --> 00:21:28,675 My friends have sex with each other like all the time. 410 00:21:28,709 --> 00:21:31,846 It relieves stress, if you need me to... 411 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,114 Not in like a harassment way. 412 00:21:33,148 --> 00:21:34,215 I'm just talking about like... 413 00:21:34,249 --> 00:21:35,616 Okay, I'm good, thank you. 414 00:21:35,649 --> 00:21:39,220 I'm open if you need it. 415 00:21:41,823 --> 00:21:43,858 The gear? 416 00:21:43,892 --> 00:21:46,829 Um, I'm actually gonna get these notes started back home, okay? 417 00:21:46,862 --> 00:21:48,364 What? Stay. 418 00:21:48,397 --> 00:21:50,866 I got the NES Classic. We can play Castlevania. 419 00:21:50,900 --> 00:21:52,902 It's one-player, you can like watch me play. 420 00:21:52,935 --> 00:21:54,804 I'm sorry, I can't. Thanks though. 421 00:21:54,837 --> 00:21:56,205 Okay, you can play, I'll watch you. 422 00:21:56,238 --> 00:21:57,639 No, no, no, I mean, I really can't. 423 00:21:57,672 --> 00:22:00,242 I have a thing to go to tonight. 424 00:22:00,276 --> 00:22:02,111 No way, what's this thing? 425 00:22:02,144 --> 00:22:04,246 I have a friend, he's a comedian. 426 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,048 I fucking love stand-up, are you serious? 427 00:22:06,082 --> 00:22:08,284 Can I go? 428 00:22:08,317 --> 00:22:10,119 It's not really stand-up that he does. 429 00:22:10,152 --> 00:22:12,755 - I can't explain it. - Puppet stuff? 430 00:22:12,789 --> 00:22:14,657 - You like puppets? - Fucking love puppets. 431 00:22:14,690 --> 00:22:15,724 Jeff Dunham's like an inspiration... 432 00:22:15,759 --> 00:22:18,361 more than an inspiration. 433 00:22:18,395 --> 00:22:21,298 Can I go? 434 00:22:21,331 --> 00:22:23,333 Sure, I could text you the information. 435 00:22:23,366 --> 00:22:26,103 Yes, I'm gonna go shit and shower. 436 00:22:26,136 --> 00:22:27,670 Text me the stuff, dude. 437 00:22:27,703 --> 00:22:29,172 I will be there. 438 00:22:29,206 --> 00:22:32,175 I'll see you there. 439 00:22:37,081 --> 00:22:38,916 - Fuck. - Hi, I'm Stinko, 440 00:22:38,950 --> 00:22:41,219 the racist sock puppet. 441 00:22:41,252 --> 00:22:45,823 Don't you just want to hear some stand-up comedy from me? 442 00:22:45,857 --> 00:22:48,692 No, because puppets are stupid. 443 00:22:48,725 --> 00:22:50,094 Is it recording? 444 00:22:50,128 --> 00:22:51,329 Is it good? Yeah we're good? 445 00:22:51,362 --> 00:22:52,430 Okay, so you got it? 446 00:22:52,463 --> 00:22:55,133 Hey! How's it going, I'm Dusty. 447 00:22:55,166 --> 00:22:57,734 You're watching the second episode of Pop-up Stand-up. 448 00:22:57,768 --> 00:22:59,138 Tonight, we're downtown. 449 00:22:59,171 --> 00:23:01,373 I'm gonna talk to transits and transvestites. 450 00:23:01,406 --> 00:23:03,775 I lived up in Silver Lake. 451 00:23:03,809 --> 00:23:06,145 There were some raccoons getting into the trash 452 00:23:06,178 --> 00:23:08,947 and I thought for a second maybe they were going for food 453 00:23:08,981 --> 00:23:10,249 but I also thought maybe raccoons 454 00:23:10,282 --> 00:23:13,418 are just trying to steal our identities. 455 00:23:13,452 --> 00:23:15,921 Maybe that's what's happening. 456 00:23:15,954 --> 00:23:17,156 Hey, fuck you, man. 457 00:23:17,189 --> 00:23:18,824 Not cool, yeah. 458 00:23:18,857 --> 00:23:20,092 We're live, we're doing this live. 459 00:23:20,125 --> 00:23:21,793 You're hilarious, man. 460 00:23:21,827 --> 00:23:23,129 This guy likes it, I love it. 461 00:23:23,163 --> 00:23:25,798 Fucking hilarious, blahh. 462 00:23:25,832 --> 00:23:27,733 I didn't really write any new material for this. 463 00:23:27,767 --> 00:23:30,170 Ugh, ugh. 464 00:23:30,203 --> 00:23:33,039 Ugh. 465 00:23:33,072 --> 00:23:36,075 Sometimes I'll be like... 466 00:23:36,109 --> 00:23:38,744 and then you hold. 467 00:23:38,778 --> 00:23:40,313 And then you start going again. 468 00:23:40,346 --> 00:23:41,848 And then you start going again. 469 00:23:41,881 --> 00:23:43,249 That's one of the best things possible. 470 00:23:43,283 --> 00:23:44,317 We going anywhere else? 471 00:23:44,350 --> 00:23:45,485 We're gonna go down subways. 472 00:23:45,518 --> 00:23:47,087 We're gonna go into ramen shops. 473 00:23:47,121 --> 00:23:49,356 We're gonna make a lot of people mad at me. 474 00:23:49,390 --> 00:23:51,225 - So you're a tailor? - Yes. 475 00:23:51,258 --> 00:23:53,027 Yeah, what do you tail? 476 00:23:56,163 --> 00:23:59,200 You want to try to guess his inseam? 477 00:23:59,233 --> 00:24:01,835 - Yes. - That's all right, man. 478 00:24:01,869 --> 00:24:04,371 You can't do anything without an app, you know what I mean. 479 00:24:04,405 --> 00:24:06,840 'Cause when I was a kid you would go outside and play. 480 00:24:06,874 --> 00:24:09,109 That's just what we did, we'd go outside. 481 00:24:09,143 --> 00:24:11,947 I would run through the woods, I'd hang out in a cul-de-sac. 482 00:24:11,980 --> 00:24:14,783 - Excuse me, you can't be here. - Cool man, nice to meet you. 483 00:24:14,816 --> 00:24:16,318 Look, I'm just gonna finish this up... 484 00:24:16,351 --> 00:24:18,119 Listen, you can't be here. You have no permit. 485 00:24:18,153 --> 00:24:19,921 No, I got a permit, I got a permit. 486 00:24:19,955 --> 00:24:23,058 It's uh, could you read that and tell me what it says please? 487 00:24:23,091 --> 00:24:25,427 It says admit one. I'm the one. 488 00:24:25,460 --> 00:24:27,495 Let me call George real quick. 489 00:24:27,529 --> 00:24:30,332 Hey, isn't it fun to do live TV. 490 00:24:30,365 --> 00:24:32,133 Hey, aren't you famous? 491 00:24:32,167 --> 00:24:33,168 Yeah, dude, what's up, man? 492 00:24:33,201 --> 00:24:34,837 Hey, how you been? 493 00:24:34,870 --> 00:24:37,006 - Can I get a picture with you? - Yeah. 494 00:24:37,039 --> 00:24:41,444 - Thank you. - I'm on a live stream! 495 00:24:41,477 --> 00:24:43,779 Hey, Greg, right on! 496 00:24:43,813 --> 00:24:45,348 - Thank you, I appreciate it. - No problem, no problem. 497 00:24:45,381 --> 00:24:47,883 - Can he keep telling jokes... - No, no, no. 498 00:24:47,917 --> 00:24:49,952 You can stay, he can't. 499 00:24:49,986 --> 00:24:51,921 We'll get out of here. 500 00:24:51,954 --> 00:24:53,322 I'm just gonna finish this joke then we're out. 501 00:24:53,356 --> 00:24:54,824 Cool, thanks man. Have a good one. 502 00:24:54,857 --> 00:24:56,259 He can stay, you can't, sorry about that. 503 00:24:56,292 --> 00:24:57,893 That's very rude. 504 00:24:57,927 --> 00:25:00,297 That was fun, how many people we up to now? 505 00:25:00,330 --> 00:25:01,999 Nine. 506 00:25:02,032 --> 00:25:04,568 Uh, let's keep riffing. 507 00:25:04,601 --> 00:25:07,871 Okay! 508 00:25:07,904 --> 00:25:09,039 Happy hour place! 509 00:25:09,072 --> 00:25:11,141 It's an Asian fusion which is good. 510 00:25:11,174 --> 00:25:12,576 - I like it... - Oh, god! 511 00:25:12,609 --> 00:25:14,077 Are you okay? Are you okay? 512 00:25:14,111 --> 00:25:16,880 Are you okay? Are you okay, Dusty? 513 00:25:39,203 --> 00:25:41,439 - I think you broke it. - No, no, I didn't. 514 00:25:41,472 --> 00:25:43,441 - No, you broke it. - No, I really did not. 515 00:25:43,474 --> 00:25:45,343 - I think you did a great job. - Thank you so much. 516 00:25:45,376 --> 00:25:48,147 Looks like you took a shell off of a turtle's back 517 00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:50,316 and then put duct tape on it and you're wearing it. 518 00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:52,918 I want to watch you... Oh, he's taking it off. 519 00:25:52,951 --> 00:25:58,324 - He's taking it off. - I do this for a night. 520 00:25:58,357 --> 00:26:00,859 I do about two hours of running around 521 00:26:00,893 --> 00:26:04,530 and by the end I have about maybe 30 seconds of jokes 522 00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,865 I want to revisit again at another adventure. 523 00:26:06,899 --> 00:26:08,467 I've seen an heirloom tomato. 524 00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:11,471 I've seen a woman's genitals and there's a connection there. 525 00:26:11,504 --> 00:26:14,174 I don't know what the joke is yet but it's there. 526 00:26:14,207 --> 00:26:17,610 But it's like beautiful and still tastes delicious. 527 00:26:17,644 --> 00:26:19,279 Ugh. 528 00:26:19,312 --> 00:26:22,048 - You're funny. - Thank you so much. 529 00:26:22,082 --> 00:26:23,216 - Should we go? - I think we should go. 530 00:26:23,249 --> 00:26:25,185 Let's just leave him. 531 00:26:25,218 --> 00:26:30,423 - Bye. - Bye. 532 00:26:37,932 --> 00:26:39,100 My ex-girlfriend used to always say 533 00:26:39,133 --> 00:26:41,369 that she'd see shooting stars. 534 00:26:41,402 --> 00:26:45,439 I felt like she just didn't know what planes look like. 535 00:26:48,376 --> 00:26:50,244 Dude, you gotta stop slaying me. 536 00:26:50,277 --> 00:26:51,412 Yeah this place is incredible. 537 00:26:51,445 --> 00:26:53,247 This is your place? 538 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:57,017 Um, yeah, it's mine. 539 00:26:57,051 --> 00:26:58,520 Oh my God, Dusty, check this shit out. 540 00:26:58,553 --> 00:27:01,356 Somebody just said, "This is the greatest livestream 541 00:27:01,390 --> 00:27:02,357 I've ever seen. 542 00:27:02,391 --> 00:27:03,959 Hands down, period." 543 00:27:03,992 --> 00:27:05,394 Well, that's rad. 544 00:27:05,427 --> 00:27:07,229 "Hands down, period." 545 00:27:07,262 --> 00:27:08,997 - Hello! - Who said that? 546 00:27:09,030 --> 00:27:15,036 - Uh, Sarcastic Panda 27. - Awesome. 547 00:27:15,070 --> 00:27:17,172 Oh and your mom says you're cute. 548 00:27:17,205 --> 00:27:18,206 - Yup. - Do you understand 549 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:19,241 how good that was? 550 00:27:19,274 --> 00:27:21,042 Like literally bing! 551 00:27:21,076 --> 00:27:22,344 And from the boom! 552 00:27:22,378 --> 00:27:24,313 It was super amazing. 553 00:27:24,347 --> 00:27:25,948 Right? This energy... 554 00:27:28,184 --> 00:27:29,552 Sorcerer man. 555 00:27:29,585 --> 00:27:31,087 He stays up there. 556 00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:33,055 La boom! 557 00:27:33,089 --> 00:27:34,290 With all love, you know what I mean? 558 00:27:34,323 --> 00:27:36,426 - That's intense. - Delicious, yeah. 559 00:27:36,459 --> 00:27:38,394 Harper here has been talking about this all the time. 560 00:27:38,428 --> 00:27:40,463 Like the sorcerer stuff and the love. 561 00:27:40,496 --> 00:27:42,965 - Yeah. - So what is uh, sorry. 562 00:27:42,999 --> 00:27:45,034 What is this dynamic? 563 00:27:45,067 --> 00:27:46,570 Oh, like how we know each other? 564 00:27:46,603 --> 00:27:48,372 I'm her boss, right. 565 00:27:48,405 --> 00:27:50,340 Right, I'm his assistant, yeah. 566 00:27:50,374 --> 00:27:52,209 I just had assumed that you knew that I assist 567 00:27:52,242 --> 00:27:56,180 Kyle Fairchild from Greg's Room on ABC. 568 00:27:56,213 --> 00:27:58,248 ABC Family, hit show. 569 00:27:58,282 --> 00:28:00,050 Greg's Room. Yeah, of course. 570 00:28:00,083 --> 00:28:01,218 It's all right, you don't have to lie. 571 00:28:01,251 --> 00:28:02,486 It's a shitty show. 572 00:28:02,519 --> 00:28:04,688 No, it's... it's pretty good, man. 573 00:28:04,721 --> 00:28:07,458 You got a TV gig, it's billboards everywhere. 574 00:28:07,491 --> 00:28:11,029 It gets me like all this but sometimes it's like... 575 00:28:11,062 --> 00:28:13,131 What's in here? 576 00:28:13,164 --> 00:28:15,467 You know what I mean? 577 00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:17,569 I mean, it's like I don't know sometimes. 578 00:28:17,602 --> 00:28:19,471 - But I feel good. - Cool man, no, 579 00:28:19,504 --> 00:28:20,738 thanks for letting me up here though. 580 00:28:20,772 --> 00:28:22,240 This has been a cool night. 581 00:28:22,273 --> 00:28:25,443 My friend reps comics. 582 00:28:25,477 --> 00:28:27,145 So you know what you need to do? 583 00:28:27,178 --> 00:28:30,014 - Uh? - You gotta get me that info. 584 00:28:30,048 --> 00:28:32,383 I need you to send me right... 585 00:28:32,417 --> 00:28:35,254 headshot, FB, Instagram, you on Twitter? 586 00:28:35,287 --> 00:28:36,722 - Get me your Twitter. - Cool yeah, I can send you 587 00:28:36,755 --> 00:28:37,924 my website and all sorts of stuff. 588 00:28:37,958 --> 00:28:40,593 Yeah, send it to Harper and she'll like give it to me. 589 00:28:40,626 --> 00:28:43,195 - Yeah, I mean. - Cool. Hi, I'm Dusty. 590 00:28:43,229 --> 00:28:45,030 Let's be friends. 591 00:28:45,064 --> 00:28:47,500 This isn't a gift, this is just my friendship for you. 592 00:28:47,533 --> 00:28:51,203 And this is a gift, okay. 593 00:28:51,237 --> 00:28:52,571 Hold on, look at this. 594 00:28:52,605 --> 00:28:55,074 Boom, boom, boom. 595 00:28:55,107 --> 00:28:56,709 Boom. 596 00:28:56,742 --> 00:28:59,579 Wha-wha-wha-woah. 597 00:28:59,613 --> 00:29:02,082 Yeah! 598 00:29:02,115 --> 00:29:05,085 Sparkling, uh, grape juice. 599 00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:07,354 Cool, I'm not usually like a sweets guy. 600 00:29:07,387 --> 00:29:10,690 Yeah, I mean yeah, I'm spiking it with whiskey. 601 00:29:10,724 --> 00:29:12,392 Fucking awesome. 602 00:29:12,425 --> 00:29:15,762 This is called the whiskey sandwich. 603 00:29:15,796 --> 00:29:17,597 It's a play on a PB and J? 604 00:29:17,631 --> 00:29:19,800 - Yeah. - Okay, that kind of makes sense 605 00:29:19,834 --> 00:29:23,805 - I guess. - To a wonderful, new friendship. 606 00:29:23,839 --> 00:29:25,139 I'm cool with that. 607 00:29:25,172 --> 00:29:26,374 New found friendship. 608 00:29:26,407 --> 00:29:29,210 - Cheers. - Cheers. 609 00:29:31,813 --> 00:29:34,382 That's actually... that's actually really good. 610 00:29:34,415 --> 00:29:36,350 - Whiskey sandwich. - That's actually really good. 611 00:29:36,384 --> 00:29:38,119 There's a party tonight. 612 00:29:38,152 --> 00:29:40,655 Right here, downtown, like right under that green building. 613 00:29:40,688 --> 00:29:47,195 It's at this like art space/hair salon. 614 00:29:47,229 --> 00:29:49,164 Actually, it's like a loft 615 00:29:49,197 --> 00:29:51,300 with cool art in it 616 00:29:51,333 --> 00:29:52,367 and you can get your haircut 617 00:29:52,401 --> 00:29:53,435 for like 300 bucks. 618 00:29:53,468 --> 00:29:55,370 Oh wow, what a deal. 619 00:29:55,404 --> 00:29:58,875 Fucking party with me, dude! 620 00:29:58,908 --> 00:30:00,642 - You're coming! - I'm probably just gonna 621 00:30:00,676 --> 00:30:02,744 - head home honestly. - Dude what? 622 00:30:02,779 --> 00:30:04,246 We're gonna have alcohol. 623 00:30:04,279 --> 00:30:06,348 I will literally buy you a haircut for this. 624 00:30:06,381 --> 00:30:09,384 - There's gonna be weed. - I mean, I'm down to party. 625 00:30:09,418 --> 00:30:12,655 - Okay, I'll get the Uber. - Who's in? 626 00:30:12,689 --> 00:30:16,359 I'm legitimately nervous. 627 00:30:16,392 --> 00:30:17,460 ♪ The scene is getting crowded ♪ 628 00:30:17,493 --> 00:30:19,462 ♪ Imma ride my own wave ♪ 629 00:30:19,495 --> 00:30:22,665 ♪ I don't need your approval imma go my own way ♪ 630 00:30:22,699 --> 00:30:25,803 ♪ My daddy told me to be first and finish last place ♪ 631 00:30:25,836 --> 00:30:30,173 ♪ The world show me one way imma go my own ♪ 632 00:30:32,308 --> 00:30:36,513 Can I get anymore... Dude, do you have any limes in there? 633 00:30:44,655 --> 00:30:46,825 I think I'm gonna get just a little bit off the top. 634 00:30:46,858 --> 00:30:50,327 Should I go Flock Of Seagulls or Michael McDonald? 635 00:30:50,361 --> 00:30:51,495 Dude, I gotta start going to these 636 00:30:51,528 --> 00:30:54,866 art/haircut places more often. 637 00:30:54,899 --> 00:30:55,900 ♪ You know what that means ♪ 638 00:30:55,934 --> 00:30:57,836 ♪ Your team is taking more L's than the DNC ♪ 639 00:30:57,869 --> 00:31:00,338 I'm doing this just to get the hairs on the inside 640 00:31:00,372 --> 00:31:01,439 to piece together. 641 00:31:01,473 --> 00:31:03,843 The only parts I'll smoosh in are on the sides. 642 00:31:03,876 --> 00:31:05,610 Because those sides are always poofed up. 643 00:31:05,644 --> 00:31:07,579 - I love it! - Just to get the hairs 644 00:31:07,612 --> 00:31:10,682 on the inside to piece together not to just gel it down. 645 00:31:10,715 --> 00:31:12,852 I'm on uh, Bitcoin Cash. 646 00:31:12,885 --> 00:31:15,855 I blow dry my hair and now it looks like thick as fuck. 647 00:31:15,888 --> 00:31:17,455 But if you don't, of course, 648 00:31:17,489 --> 00:31:18,924 I can tame it down if I want 649 00:31:18,958 --> 00:31:20,458 just because of the blow dryer. 650 00:31:20,492 --> 00:31:23,930 Or we can go back to Dragon Ball Z. 651 00:31:23,964 --> 00:31:25,564 Time out real quick. 652 00:31:25,598 --> 00:31:28,334 I'm fucking high. 653 00:31:28,367 --> 00:31:30,302 ♪ I'm so high right now ♪ 654 00:31:30,336 --> 00:31:32,939 ♪ The smell of success got me so lean right now ♪ 655 00:31:32,973 --> 00:31:34,774 ♪ Tracks upon tracks ♪ 656 00:31:34,808 --> 00:31:36,442 ♪ I got them stacked up now ♪ 657 00:31:36,475 --> 00:31:37,777 ♪ I try to try tell them know their role ♪ 658 00:31:37,811 --> 00:31:38,912 ♪ They want to act up now ♪ 659 00:31:38,945 --> 00:31:41,480 Sick, sick, perfect. 660 00:31:55,729 --> 00:31:57,731 Okay. 661 00:32:03,336 --> 00:32:07,741 ♪ And the water stream will guide you home ♪ 662 00:32:07,774 --> 00:32:10,311 ♪ Baby salmon ♪ 663 00:32:10,344 --> 00:32:15,818 ♪ Yeah the water stream will guide you home ♪ 664 00:32:15,851 --> 00:32:17,953 ♪ Baby salmon ♪ 665 00:32:17,986 --> 00:32:24,492 ♪ Yeah the water stream will guide you home ♪ 666 00:32:24,525 --> 00:32:27,462 ♪ Baby salmon ♪ 667 00:32:27,495 --> 00:32:31,867 ♪ The water stream will guide ♪ 668 00:32:31,900 --> 00:32:35,637 ♪ The water stream will guide ♪ 669 00:32:35,671 --> 00:32:40,709 ♪ That salty stream will guide ♪ 670 00:32:40,743 --> 00:32:46,648 ♪ You home ♪ 671 00:32:46,682 --> 00:32:52,454 ♪ Home ♪ 672 00:32:52,488 --> 00:32:55,758 Anyway, that's from the remix stuff. 673 00:32:55,792 --> 00:32:56,993 Yeah my friend Charlie wrote the music 674 00:32:57,026 --> 00:32:59,897 and I did like everything else. 675 00:32:59,930 --> 00:33:01,799 - Sounds sick, dude. - Thanks for listening 676 00:33:01,832 --> 00:33:04,667 - to Salty Stream. - The salmon, uh, 677 00:33:04,701 --> 00:33:05,870 they stream upstream though, yeah? 678 00:33:05,903 --> 00:33:08,038 Yeah, sure do. 679 00:33:08,072 --> 00:33:10,373 How could the water guide them home 680 00:33:10,406 --> 00:33:12,742 if it's literally just pushing them back? 681 00:33:12,776 --> 00:33:14,744 They swim in fresh water. 682 00:33:14,778 --> 00:33:18,615 - It's more of a metaphor. - Yeah, I liked it. 683 00:33:18,648 --> 00:33:20,350 Good insight I see, thank you. 684 00:33:20,383 --> 00:33:21,684 - And they're adults. - Looks like you need 685 00:33:21,718 --> 00:33:23,054 a little refresher on your cocktail. 686 00:33:23,088 --> 00:33:24,488 Can I get you a Moscow mule? 687 00:33:24,522 --> 00:33:25,924 I love Moscow mules. 688 00:33:25,957 --> 00:33:27,591 Well, okay. 689 00:33:27,625 --> 00:33:28,960 See if we got any fresh... 690 00:33:28,994 --> 00:33:31,462 Oy, you got some limes? 691 00:33:31,495 --> 00:33:34,331 Fresh limers? 692 00:33:34,365 --> 00:33:35,566 Limers. 693 00:33:35,599 --> 00:33:37,334 He got the part that water's wet. 694 00:33:40,704 --> 00:33:42,473 He's so good. 695 00:33:42,506 --> 00:33:43,909 Hey, thanks for coming to my show tonight. 696 00:33:43,942 --> 00:33:45,576 - Seriously, that was huge. - Yeah, of course. 697 00:33:45,609 --> 00:33:47,512 I wouldn't miss it for the world. 698 00:33:47,546 --> 00:33:48,647 It's really nice to know that there's someone 699 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:50,448 in this town who has my back. 700 00:33:50,482 --> 00:33:51,918 It can be kind of a selfish, soulless place. 701 00:33:51,951 --> 00:33:53,585 I'm not sure if you knew that. 702 00:33:53,618 --> 00:33:54,987 You know I invited like 30 people 703 00:33:55,021 --> 00:33:57,589 to come help out with the show? No one showed up. 704 00:33:57,622 --> 00:33:59,491 You're the only person that showed up. 705 00:33:59,524 --> 00:34:00,725 - Really? - Yeah. 706 00:34:00,759 --> 00:34:02,128 Pf, their loss. 707 00:34:02,161 --> 00:34:03,628 I can't even tell you how many times 708 00:34:03,662 --> 00:34:05,031 I go and see one-man shows. 709 00:34:05,064 --> 00:34:06,966 I can't even get one person to help me out. 710 00:34:06,999 --> 00:34:09,601 I get it, you know, people have their own shit going on. 711 00:34:09,634 --> 00:34:12,105 For a city just full of artists, 712 00:34:12,139 --> 00:34:13,907 you'd think that people would be more supportive 713 00:34:13,941 --> 00:34:15,675 of each other's projects and endeavors. 714 00:34:15,708 --> 00:34:16,944 Should be the exact opposite of that. 715 00:34:16,977 --> 00:34:19,612 We need to come together and be a community. 716 00:34:19,645 --> 00:34:22,582 Alone, we can illuminate the light within ourselves 717 00:34:22,615 --> 00:34:24,985 to cultivate art that is self examined, 718 00:34:25,018 --> 00:34:28,387 curious, new, and original, but together 719 00:34:28,421 --> 00:34:30,958 we can illuminate the light in the universe 720 00:34:30,991 --> 00:34:33,060 to create art that is cognizant, 721 00:34:33,093 --> 00:34:35,395 aggressive and powerful. 722 00:34:35,429 --> 00:34:37,731 Squares in a cosmic Rubik's Cube. 723 00:34:37,764 --> 00:34:41,936 We're just different shapes of selfish ambition. 724 00:34:41,970 --> 00:34:45,706 Twisted and lost, incomplete. 725 00:34:45,739 --> 00:34:47,075 But if we work together, 726 00:34:47,108 --> 00:34:51,045 if we truly work together 727 00:34:51,079 --> 00:34:52,947 we are a star. 728 00:34:59,454 --> 00:35:01,056 Are you a God? 729 00:35:04,726 --> 00:35:07,029 No, my name is Marcus 730 00:35:07,062 --> 00:35:12,767 but my people call me Truth. 731 00:35:12,801 --> 00:35:15,603 Ya'll should come check out my poetry slam next week. 732 00:35:15,637 --> 00:35:18,040 I don't rhyme, I keeps it real. 733 00:35:18,073 --> 00:35:19,108 So you like the X-Files? 734 00:35:19,141 --> 00:35:20,809 Hells yah, man. 735 00:35:20,843 --> 00:35:24,747 Scully is the OG of the alien finding business. 736 00:35:24,780 --> 00:35:26,482 The bitch had... what was it? 737 00:35:26,515 --> 00:35:29,019 Section 54 Arizona, whatever that shit is called. 738 00:35:29,052 --> 00:35:30,921 - Area 51. - Can you give me my card back? 739 00:35:30,954 --> 00:35:32,688 - Oh, yeah, sorry. - Yeah, I gotta use this 740 00:35:32,721 --> 00:35:35,491 for other parties but you remember the Instagram info, 741 00:35:35,524 --> 00:35:36,826 - right? - Right, yeah. 742 00:35:36,860 --> 00:35:38,694 Cool, keep creating. 743 00:35:38,727 --> 00:35:42,731 Okay, bye. 744 00:35:42,765 --> 00:35:44,533 Is it bad after the whole spiel 745 00:35:44,566 --> 00:35:49,606 if we don't go to Marcus' poetry slam? 746 00:35:49,639 --> 00:35:50,875 Can I ask you a question? 747 00:35:50,908 --> 00:35:53,244 Is it about the universe? 748 00:35:53,277 --> 00:35:55,146 Oo. 749 00:35:55,179 --> 00:35:58,249 No. 750 00:35:58,282 --> 00:36:00,717 Do you think I have a chance? 751 00:36:00,750 --> 00:36:02,019 Any chance at all? 752 00:36:02,053 --> 00:36:03,988 What do you mean? Like with comedy? 753 00:36:04,021 --> 00:36:07,757 No, to get laid at this fucking party tonight. 754 00:36:07,791 --> 00:36:12,064 Seriously dude, I think you're one of the most 755 00:36:12,097 --> 00:36:15,067 funny, inventive artists 756 00:36:15,100 --> 00:36:17,035 I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. 757 00:36:17,069 --> 00:36:20,973 I think... I think you can hit it big. 758 00:36:21,006 --> 00:36:25,077 - Thanks Harper. - You're welcome. 759 00:36:25,110 --> 00:36:27,079 Fucking love you, dude. 760 00:36:27,112 --> 00:36:32,017 I fucking love you too, bro. 761 00:36:32,050 --> 00:36:34,053 Hey, do you wanna get fucking stupid at this party 762 00:36:34,087 --> 00:36:36,122 then go eat some super late night Mexican food? 763 00:36:36,155 --> 00:36:38,257 - Oh, fuck yeah. - Cool, help me up. 764 00:36:38,291 --> 00:36:40,059 All right, oh my god. 765 00:36:40,093 --> 00:36:41,861 No, push your foot off of my foot. 766 00:36:41,894 --> 00:36:44,864 - Find the fulcrum. - Oh my god. 767 00:36:44,897 --> 00:36:46,866 - I can't do it. - You ever had a Moscow mule 768 00:36:46,899 --> 00:36:48,667 made by a TV star before? 769 00:36:48,700 --> 00:36:51,971 - Yeah. - Really? 770 00:36:52,005 --> 00:36:54,140 ♪ If I take you down would you really hold me down ♪ 771 00:36:54,173 --> 00:36:57,845 ♪ I'll be your best friend ♪ 772 00:36:57,878 --> 00:36:59,880 ♪ She just wanna hit me with a quickie ♪ 773 00:36:59,913 --> 00:37:02,082 ♪ By the bullet and I'm like yes ma'am ♪ 774 00:37:04,351 --> 00:37:06,186 ♪ The way you got me fiending for your body ♪ 775 00:37:06,220 --> 00:37:09,289 ♪ You might turn me to a yes man ♪ 776 00:37:09,323 --> 00:37:10,623 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 777 00:37:10,656 --> 00:37:11,892 ♪ 80 in a 40 ♪ 778 00:37:11,925 --> 00:37:12,860 ♪ I'm on nerve ♪ 779 00:37:12,893 --> 00:37:14,727 ♪ Bitch I'm flyer than your ex man ♪ 780 00:37:14,761 --> 00:37:17,264 ♪ Keyes, Keyes, Keyes Keyes on Van Nuys ♪ 781 00:37:17,297 --> 00:37:18,664 ♪ Keyes, Keyes, Keyes ♪ 782 00:37:18,698 --> 00:37:21,836 ♪ Keyes on Keyes on Van Nuys ♪ 783 00:37:21,870 --> 00:37:24,738 Hey, Harper. 784 00:37:24,772 --> 00:37:26,875 Oh hey, Paul. 785 00:37:26,908 --> 00:37:29,144 What are you up to? 786 00:37:29,177 --> 00:37:31,212 Just walking to my apartment. 787 00:37:31,246 --> 00:37:35,582 Oh, cool. 788 00:37:37,751 --> 00:37:39,586 Is everything okay? 789 00:37:39,620 --> 00:37:41,890 Yeah uh... 790 00:37:41,923 --> 00:37:45,326 I'm just, uh, I'm tired. 791 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:48,297 Okay, just gonna keep walking to my apartment. 792 00:37:48,330 --> 00:37:50,698 Yeah. 793 00:37:50,732 --> 00:37:55,905 Jenn broke up with me. 794 00:37:55,938 --> 00:37:57,173 Yeah. 795 00:37:57,206 --> 00:38:00,976 Wow, sorry. 796 00:38:01,010 --> 00:38:03,946 I've just been kind of a wreck in there 797 00:38:03,979 --> 00:38:06,614 and then uh, I watched that movie 798 00:38:06,648 --> 00:38:09,351 My Dog Skip. 799 00:38:09,385 --> 00:38:12,022 - Why did I do that? - It's brutal. 800 00:38:12,055 --> 00:38:14,091 The first half of the movie, you know, it's so happy 801 00:38:14,124 --> 00:38:16,026 and then the second half is... 802 00:38:16,059 --> 00:38:17,360 Shits all over your heart. 803 00:38:17,394 --> 00:38:23,867 It totally shits on your heart. 804 00:38:23,900 --> 00:38:25,802 So you like need somebody to talk to? 805 00:38:25,836 --> 00:38:27,037 Oh my god, yes, that would be so great. 806 00:38:27,070 --> 00:38:28,972 I have beer, I've got wine. 807 00:38:29,005 --> 00:38:31,975 The little bottles, the Sutter Home ones. 808 00:38:32,008 --> 00:38:35,179 Jenn, uh, she loved those bottles. 809 00:38:35,213 --> 00:38:38,715 - Paul? - Yeah? 810 00:38:41,751 --> 00:38:43,187 Oh, god, I'm sorry. 811 00:38:43,221 --> 00:38:45,289 No pants, hold on sorry. 812 00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:50,261 Sorry. 813 00:38:50,294 --> 00:38:52,864 That is so embarrassing. 814 00:38:52,897 --> 00:38:54,298 I'm embarrassed. 815 00:38:54,332 --> 00:38:56,234 It happens all the time I'm sure. 816 00:38:56,267 --> 00:38:58,103 I think to walk around my apartment naked 817 00:38:58,137 --> 00:38:59,770 when I'm alone. 818 00:38:59,805 --> 00:39:01,273 I don't know, the bottle half off 819 00:39:01,306 --> 00:39:02,673 it's like there's a little breeze. 820 00:39:02,707 --> 00:39:03,876 I don't know, I don't know. 821 00:39:03,909 --> 00:39:05,410 It's weird, right? 822 00:39:05,444 --> 00:39:07,112 No, it's nice. 823 00:39:07,146 --> 00:39:11,984 Maybe I can help you with the top half? 824 00:39:27,766 --> 00:39:32,372 This is not at all what I expected to happen. 825 00:39:32,405 --> 00:39:35,275 , it's a one night thing? 826 00:39:35,308 --> 00:39:36,843 This can be something, is this... 827 00:39:36,876 --> 00:39:38,478 Okay, shut the fuck up, Paul. 828 00:39:45,351 --> 00:39:49,423 Man, I haven't stopped drinking since the flight home. 829 00:39:49,456 --> 00:39:53,227 Really? 830 00:39:53,260 --> 00:39:55,129 Kick ass, man. 831 00:39:55,162 --> 00:39:58,199 I think I'm an alcoholic though. 832 00:39:58,232 --> 00:40:00,401 You are not an alcoholic. 833 00:40:00,434 --> 00:40:02,436 I mean, how do you know? 834 00:40:02,469 --> 00:40:04,471 Because my brother is an alcoholic 835 00:40:04,505 --> 00:40:05,738 and I know what one looks like 836 00:40:05,772 --> 00:40:10,345 and you, my friend, are not one. 837 00:40:10,378 --> 00:40:13,048 I'm drinking shitty wine at 3AM. 838 00:40:13,081 --> 00:40:16,284 I just drunk fucked my neighbor. 839 00:40:16,318 --> 00:40:19,154 How could I not be one? 840 00:40:19,187 --> 00:40:21,489 Okay, do you wake up craving alcohol? 841 00:40:21,523 --> 00:40:23,024 Do you need alcohol to physically function 842 00:40:23,058 --> 00:40:24,092 - during the day? - No. 843 00:40:24,125 --> 00:40:26,027 Then you're not an alcoholic. 844 00:40:26,061 --> 00:40:27,462 Yeah, you have a drinking problem. 845 00:40:27,495 --> 00:40:30,131 A lot of people who drink do. 846 00:40:30,165 --> 00:40:32,968 Okay, so what's the difference, Dr. Phil? 847 00:40:33,001 --> 00:40:35,504 People that use alcohol to numb pain in their lives 848 00:40:35,538 --> 00:40:37,106 have a drinking problem and some of those people 849 00:40:37,139 --> 00:40:39,141 never solve those problems. 850 00:40:39,175 --> 00:40:41,377 Those people will become alcoholics. 851 00:40:41,410 --> 00:40:42,478 Can you pass me another one? 852 00:40:42,511 --> 00:40:45,514 - Yeah. - Thank you. 853 00:40:45,548 --> 00:40:48,484 Here you go. 854 00:40:48,517 --> 00:40:50,820 Did you learn this at like an AA meeting or something? 855 00:40:50,853 --> 00:40:53,356 No, I read it on a menu. 856 00:40:53,389 --> 00:40:59,296 It's where I get all of my definitive information. 857 00:40:59,329 --> 00:41:02,866 How you feeling, by the way? 858 00:41:02,899 --> 00:41:06,303 Oh, um, I came, thanks. 859 00:41:06,336 --> 00:41:09,940 That's not what I meant, I meant with like, you know, 860 00:41:09,973 --> 00:41:12,809 your family stuff. 861 00:41:12,843 --> 00:41:15,812 How are you? 862 00:41:15,846 --> 00:41:17,948 I'm fine, it's fine. 863 00:41:17,981 --> 00:41:19,983 I wasn't trying to overstep any boundaries. 864 00:41:20,017 --> 00:41:21,819 No, it's okay. 865 00:41:21,853 --> 00:41:23,221 If you want to talk about anything I'm... I'm 866 00:41:23,254 --> 00:41:26,491 - you know, I'm here. - Okay, yeah. 867 00:41:26,524 --> 00:41:30,895 Okay. 868 00:41:30,928 --> 00:41:33,564 Hey, it's not gonna get like weird, right? 869 00:41:33,598 --> 00:41:35,033 No, I don't think it was gonna get weird 870 00:41:35,066 --> 00:41:37,235 until like a little bit later. 871 00:41:37,268 --> 00:41:39,237 Like a wedding chapel or something. 872 00:41:39,270 --> 00:41:41,839 Well, my parents are expecting a child soon... a boy preferably. 873 00:41:41,873 --> 00:41:43,608 So if you want to get on that sexual position research 874 00:41:43,641 --> 00:41:45,978 - that would be fantastic. - Jokes on you buddy, 875 00:41:46,011 --> 00:41:47,913 because I don't believe in traditional gender roles. 876 00:41:47,946 --> 00:41:52,051 You're gonna get whatever it is. 877 00:41:52,084 --> 00:41:54,520 I hope it's a snake. 878 00:41:54,553 --> 00:41:56,255 I can't believe you fucked him. 879 00:41:56,288 --> 00:41:57,990 This like towel move, dude. 880 00:41:58,023 --> 00:42:00,059 You know he was totally naked on purpose, right? 881 00:42:00,092 --> 00:42:01,860 I don't know, he seemed genuinely unaware of it. 882 00:42:01,894 --> 00:42:03,929 Oh yeah, okay, so he was watching My Dog Skip 883 00:42:03,962 --> 00:42:05,898 completely naked, that makes sense. 884 00:42:05,931 --> 00:42:08,300 That's fucking weird, dude. 885 00:42:08,334 --> 00:42:10,937 Weird or totally cute? 886 00:42:10,970 --> 00:42:12,872 I don't know, it just depends on the size of his erec... 887 00:42:12,906 --> 00:42:14,341 Knock it off! 888 00:42:14,374 --> 00:42:17,143 Oh, you are so gonna get it. 889 00:42:17,177 --> 00:42:18,878 Do you really think he did it on purpose? 890 00:42:18,912 --> 00:42:21,281 Are you still drunk? Yes. 891 00:42:21,314 --> 00:42:22,916 Oh my god, that changes everything. 892 00:42:22,949 --> 00:42:25,085 Yeah, things are definitely gonna get awkward 893 00:42:25,118 --> 00:42:26,319 near the mailbox. 894 00:42:26,353 --> 00:42:27,587 What did I just say? 895 00:42:27,620 --> 00:42:28,955 Knock it off. 896 00:42:28,988 --> 00:42:30,323 You got five seconds, hot shot. 897 00:42:30,357 --> 00:42:32,592 One, two. 898 00:42:32,625 --> 00:42:35,162 Three... Yup, that's what I thought. 899 00:42:35,196 --> 00:42:37,064 Is it okay with their parents that you're doing this? 900 00:42:37,098 --> 00:42:38,566 They don't give a shit. 901 00:42:38,599 --> 00:42:40,668 - Look at them. - Seriously, I don't know 902 00:42:40,701 --> 00:42:42,470 if the old lady's gonna let me go, man. 903 00:42:42,503 --> 00:42:46,006 I'm at this stupid park with my kids. 904 00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:47,942 I'm a goddamn saint. 905 00:42:47,975 --> 00:42:49,643 Yeah but you're not even a babysitter. 906 00:42:49,677 --> 00:42:51,178 Listen, in love kids. 907 00:42:51,212 --> 00:42:53,347 I love them, that's why I do this. 908 00:42:53,381 --> 00:42:55,383 I can't have any of my own. 909 00:42:55,416 --> 00:42:57,486 - You never told me that. - Well, not medically. 910 00:42:57,519 --> 00:43:02,457 I just... I just can't squeeze something 911 00:43:02,491 --> 00:43:04,993 the size of Peter Dinklage out of my vagina. 912 00:43:05,026 --> 00:43:06,962 I'm sorry I just can't. 913 00:43:06,995 --> 00:43:08,230 I can definitely squeeze something the size 914 00:43:08,263 --> 00:43:10,098 of Peter Dinklage in my vagina. 915 00:43:10,132 --> 00:43:12,200 - Eh. - Eh, eh, eh. 916 00:43:12,234 --> 00:43:14,970 Eh, eh, yeah, 917 00:43:15,003 --> 00:43:18,440 Cause I could have Tyrion play with my dragon eggs any day. 918 00:43:18,473 --> 00:43:20,308 Look, I come here during my lunchbreak 919 00:43:20,342 --> 00:43:22,145 and pretend I have my own because it's easy 920 00:43:22,178 --> 00:43:24,714 and it's oddly comforting. 921 00:43:24,747 --> 00:43:27,683 Have you ever considered adoption maybe, or? 922 00:43:27,717 --> 00:43:29,285 Oh, god no. 923 00:43:29,318 --> 00:43:30,453 And deal with like dirty diapers 924 00:43:30,486 --> 00:43:31,721 and deep seeded adolescent trauma? 925 00:43:31,754 --> 00:43:34,090 No, I'm just fine, I'm good. 926 00:43:34,123 --> 00:43:35,358 Hey! 927 00:43:35,391 --> 00:43:38,694 I'm always catching that one trying to take girl's dolls. 928 00:43:38,728 --> 00:43:43,733 What if he really likes playing with dolls. 929 00:43:43,766 --> 00:43:47,371 Oh shit, you know, I didn't even think about that. 930 00:43:47,404 --> 00:43:51,442 I'm a horrible fake parent. 931 00:43:51,475 --> 00:43:54,111 So um, by the way, how are you? 932 00:43:54,144 --> 00:43:55,179 Being back and stuff. 933 00:43:55,212 --> 00:43:56,413 It's fine. 934 00:43:56,447 --> 00:43:57,981 I'm fine. 935 00:43:58,015 --> 00:44:00,017 Yeah? How's your mom? 936 00:44:00,050 --> 00:44:01,552 She's doing the best she can. 937 00:44:01,585 --> 00:44:03,687 I mean, we just really didn't have a lot of time. 938 00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:05,756 We only found out a month ago. 939 00:44:05,789 --> 00:44:07,424 It's so fucked. 940 00:44:07,458 --> 00:44:09,494 So hey, you want to hang out tonight? 941 00:44:09,527 --> 00:44:11,496 I don't know, I have a PTA meeting. 942 00:44:11,529 --> 00:44:13,364 - What? - It's a serious problem. 943 00:44:13,398 --> 00:44:15,300 Girl, yeah! 944 00:44:15,333 --> 00:44:16,768 You need to remember you're still young. 945 00:44:16,801 --> 00:44:18,503 You need to be your youthful self. 946 00:44:18,536 --> 00:44:21,406 My youthful self? Oh my god. 947 00:44:21,439 --> 00:44:23,775 I don't have a youthful self, Harper. 948 00:44:23,808 --> 00:44:25,610 I work a stressful nine to five job 949 00:44:25,643 --> 00:44:27,378 where I'm underappreciated. 950 00:44:27,412 --> 00:44:29,113 I can't find anyone in this town 951 00:44:29,147 --> 00:44:31,483 who isn't at least 75 percent sociopath or a vegan. 952 00:44:31,516 --> 00:44:33,017 Hey, vegans are cool. 953 00:44:33,051 --> 00:44:36,322 Vegans fucking suck! 954 00:44:36,355 --> 00:44:38,324 But they have great baked goods. 955 00:44:38,357 --> 00:44:40,359 You know, I think I'm just gonna be single my whole life. 956 00:44:40,392 --> 00:44:42,294 The only time that I am youthful 957 00:44:42,328 --> 00:44:45,264 is when I watch Stranger Things with my dog in a onesie. 958 00:44:45,297 --> 00:44:47,566 Come on girl, you are great 959 00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:49,802 and you need to come and hang with me. 960 00:44:49,836 --> 00:44:51,337 I've been on a two-day bender. 961 00:44:51,370 --> 00:44:52,805 I say we make it a solid trilogy. 962 00:44:52,839 --> 00:44:54,139 Remember the times that we didn't have schedules 963 00:44:54,173 --> 00:44:56,041 or plans or anything like that? 964 00:44:56,075 --> 00:44:58,245 - Yeah, I mean, it was awesome. - It was awesome. 965 00:44:58,278 --> 00:44:59,646 Except for the part where I had no money. 966 00:44:59,679 --> 00:45:01,181 Cheap thrills, bitch. 967 00:45:01,214 --> 00:45:02,415 Come on! 968 00:45:02,449 --> 00:45:04,351 - Ow. - Come on! 969 00:45:04,384 --> 00:45:06,052 - Stop! - Come on! 970 00:45:06,086 --> 00:45:07,754 Stop, okay, fine. 971 00:45:07,787 --> 00:45:09,322 I'll bring more brownies. 972 00:45:09,356 --> 00:45:11,424 You have magical brownies? Oh! 973 00:45:11,458 --> 00:45:12,759 Yeah my boss got them for me last year 974 00:45:12,792 --> 00:45:15,161 when I went to Portland, I didn't need them. 975 00:45:15,195 --> 00:45:17,430 How could you not need them? 976 00:45:17,464 --> 00:45:19,733 Haven't you been to Portland? 977 00:45:19,766 --> 00:45:22,270 Hey, you are so gonna get it. 978 00:45:22,303 --> 00:45:25,406 Hey... hold on a sec, are you talking to my kid? 979 00:45:25,439 --> 00:45:27,208 Yeah because you're on your fucking phone. 980 00:45:27,241 --> 00:45:29,845 - Mind your own business, lady. - Wake up, daddio. 981 00:45:29,878 --> 00:45:32,280 This is my job, I'm doing my job, okay. 982 00:45:32,313 --> 00:45:34,615 - I'm working stocks. - Okay, well, congratulations 983 00:45:34,649 --> 00:45:37,084 on your stocks, I'm watching your child, 984 00:45:37,118 --> 00:45:40,221 - I'll send you an invoice. - I'm a doctor, okay? 985 00:45:40,254 --> 00:45:41,656 You're a doctor? 986 00:45:41,689 --> 00:45:45,360 I've met you so many times outside Wholefoods. 987 00:45:45,394 --> 00:45:47,262 I think he's actually calling the cops. 988 00:45:47,296 --> 00:45:49,665 - Okay well then let's just go. - Okay, come on, no, no, no. 989 00:45:49,698 --> 00:45:50,867 Do you want me to grab the blanket? 990 00:45:50,900 --> 00:45:53,836 It's not even mine, let's go. 991 00:45:53,870 --> 00:45:55,804 I'll see you man, I'll bring a twelver. 992 00:46:02,277 --> 00:46:04,246 - Hey. - Hi. 993 00:46:04,279 --> 00:46:07,115 How are you, uh, feeling? 994 00:46:07,149 --> 00:46:08,717 Feeling all right. 995 00:46:08,750 --> 00:46:10,520 Great, Jesus, that's a lot of coupons. 996 00:46:10,553 --> 00:46:12,555 Nah, I know, I just... I haven't had a chance 997 00:46:12,589 --> 00:46:14,557 to check it in a while. 998 00:46:16,192 --> 00:46:18,862 - Sorry. - That's okay. 999 00:46:18,896 --> 00:46:21,431 So, what are you up to tonight? 1000 00:46:28,738 --> 00:46:31,474 Not feeling so well, I think I need to go upstairs 1001 00:46:31,507 --> 00:46:32,843 - for a little bit. - You okay? 1002 00:46:32,876 --> 00:46:35,379 All of a sudden not feeling too good. 1003 00:46:37,181 --> 00:46:38,850 Not feeling good, like, not like in a pregnant way, 1004 00:46:38,883 --> 00:46:40,417 though, right, not like...? 1005 00:46:40,451 --> 00:46:43,220 No, Paul. 1006 00:46:43,253 --> 00:46:45,289 I'm just... okay, feel better. 1007 00:46:45,322 --> 00:46:46,690 Fuck. 1008 00:46:46,724 --> 00:46:48,860 Oh, shit, oh, this is not good. 1009 00:47:00,538 --> 00:47:02,173 Mom, Mom. 1010 00:47:03,675 --> 00:47:06,511 What do you mean you don't know when he's coming home? 1011 00:47:06,544 --> 00:47:07,779 Okay, but, Ma, I'm sorry about calling, 1012 00:47:07,812 --> 00:47:09,414 just never mind, I'll call you back. 1013 00:47:09,447 --> 00:47:11,816 ♪ My miss Lindy ♪ 1014 00:47:11,851 --> 00:47:15,520 ♪ Well I love that little girl with fiery hair ♪ 1015 00:47:25,765 --> 00:47:29,301 God damn Flora where'd you put the fucking wine. 1016 00:47:29,335 --> 00:47:32,304 ♪ Well Miss Lindy, my Miss Lindy ♪ 1017 00:47:32,338 --> 00:47:36,609 ♪ Well I love that little girl with fiery hair ♪ 1018 00:47:36,642 --> 00:47:38,811 Fuck! 1019 00:47:38,845 --> 00:47:41,313 ♪ She likes to dance all day ♪ 1020 00:47:41,347 --> 00:47:43,516 ♪ And when she does her rock and roll ♪ 1021 00:47:43,549 --> 00:47:45,652 ♪ It take your breath away ♪ 1022 00:47:45,686 --> 00:47:47,754 ♪ Well she's mine ♪ 1023 00:47:47,788 --> 00:47:49,857 ♪ Yeah she's mine ♪ 1024 00:47:49,891 --> 00:47:53,861 ♪ Well I love that little girl she's so fine ♪ 1025 00:47:53,895 --> 00:47:57,330 ♪ Well Miss Lindy's hair is fiery red ♪ 1026 00:47:57,364 --> 00:47:59,867 ♪ Her eyes are water blue ♪ 1027 00:47:59,901 --> 00:48:03,270 ♪ And when Miss Lindy smiles at me ♪ 1028 00:48:03,303 --> 00:48:06,339 ♪ Oh what it makes me do ♪ 1029 00:48:06,373 --> 00:48:08,442 ♪ Well she's mine ♪ 1030 00:48:08,475 --> 00:48:10,545 ♪ Yeah she's mine ♪ 1031 00:48:10,578 --> 00:48:14,850 ♪ Well I love that little girl cause she's so fine ♪ 1032 00:48:41,376 --> 00:48:44,346 ♪ All your little friends must think I'm blind ♪ 1033 00:48:44,379 --> 00:48:47,449 ♪ Don't see when you're going out at night ♪ 1034 00:48:47,483 --> 00:48:53,689 ♪ I know just where you are ♪ 1035 00:48:53,722 --> 00:48:56,893 ♪ Sleeping past the break of day ♪ 1036 00:48:56,926 --> 00:49:00,030 ♪ I don't believe a word you say ♪ 1037 00:49:00,064 --> 00:49:05,335 ♪ I'll see right through you ♪ 1038 00:49:05,368 --> 00:49:09,006 ♪ No no no no only my friends are telling me to run ♪ 1039 00:49:09,039 --> 00:49:12,375 ♪ Telling myself no one I can trust ♪ 1040 00:49:12,408 --> 00:49:14,611 ♪ I gotta get going gotta break... ♪ 1041 00:49:27,025 --> 00:49:29,360 - Hey. - Hi. 1042 00:49:29,393 --> 00:49:32,663 - How are you tonight? - Good. 1043 00:49:32,696 --> 00:49:34,398 Great. 1044 00:49:34,431 --> 00:49:36,400 Movie night. 1045 00:49:36,433 --> 00:49:38,402 Ah, what are you watching? 1046 00:49:38,435 --> 00:49:40,738 My Dog Skip. 1047 00:49:44,441 --> 00:49:47,445 Um, the first half is great, 1048 00:49:47,479 --> 00:49:49,781 and then it, uh... 1049 00:49:49,815 --> 00:49:51,449 then it kinda tanks. 1050 00:49:51,483 --> 00:49:52,852 Julie, ooh! 1051 00:49:52,885 --> 00:49:55,487 You're a big fucking cooter. 1052 00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:58,991 Hey, uh, slut? 1053 00:49:59,025 --> 00:50:00,927 Uh, you feeling better, Harper? 1054 00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,695 Shit, fuck. 1055 00:50:03,728 --> 00:50:05,397 Feeling a lot better, thank you so much, 1056 00:50:05,430 --> 00:50:07,033 had an orange. 1057 00:50:07,066 --> 00:50:09,903 - Get the fuck in here. - Harper, what? 1058 00:50:09,937 --> 00:50:11,839 - Come here. - Oh, okay, nice meeting you. 1059 00:50:14,507 --> 00:50:16,642 You too. 1060 00:50:22,715 --> 00:50:24,684 - Not good. - Getting the party started 1061 00:50:24,717 --> 00:50:26,419 without me, huh? 1062 00:50:26,452 --> 00:50:29,555 Did you know that kangaroos have three vaginas? 1063 00:50:29,589 --> 00:50:31,124 I learned it right there 1064 00:50:31,158 --> 00:50:32,758 on the television. 1065 00:50:32,792 --> 00:50:36,496 The church of our life, man. 1066 00:50:36,530 --> 00:50:39,700 Yeah, that's... wild. 1067 00:50:41,768 --> 00:50:44,438 Wild, that's such a good pun. 1068 00:50:44,471 --> 00:50:45,940 That's such a Big Pun. 1069 00:50:45,974 --> 00:50:48,176 ♪ I don't wanna be a player no more ♪ 1070 00:50:48,209 --> 00:50:50,544 ♪ I ain't a player, I just fuck a lot ♪ 1071 00:50:50,577 --> 00:50:53,014 Oh, wow, you're fucking drunk, dude. 1072 00:50:53,047 --> 00:50:55,816 I'm not drunk, I am cogent. 1073 00:50:57,819 --> 00:50:59,787 Drink this. 1074 00:50:59,821 --> 00:51:00,956 Ugh. 1075 00:51:00,990 --> 00:51:03,458 I'm waiting for this forever. 1076 00:51:07,595 --> 00:51:09,098 This isn't vodka. 1077 00:51:09,131 --> 00:51:10,900 Poor people vodka. 1078 00:51:10,933 --> 00:51:12,667 - Water. - You know, maybe we should 1079 00:51:12,700 --> 00:51:14,702 - just hang out another night. - No, no, 1080 00:51:14,736 --> 00:51:16,205 because if we don't hang tonight, 1081 00:51:16,238 --> 00:51:18,140 then we won't watch Girl With the Pearl Necklace, 1082 00:51:18,173 --> 00:51:20,541 and then we won't watch Scarlet do the little baby... 1083 00:51:20,575 --> 00:51:22,879 - You're a little drunk. - And you're a little bit 1084 00:51:22,913 --> 00:51:25,681 of a bitch. 1085 00:51:25,714 --> 00:51:27,683 What is going on, Harper? 1086 00:51:27,716 --> 00:51:29,818 I'm fine, I barely even drank. 1087 00:51:29,853 --> 00:51:31,922 Okay, well tell that to the whiskey bottle right there. 1088 00:51:34,124 --> 00:51:36,592 I'm fine, I barely even drank. 1089 00:51:36,625 --> 00:51:38,161 Have you been drinking all day? 1090 00:51:41,197 --> 00:51:42,564 Harper. 1091 00:51:43,833 --> 00:51:45,202 Harper. 1092 00:52:04,821 --> 00:52:06,623 I didn't know I had Qdoba. 1093 00:52:08,758 --> 00:52:11,129 Round two, bitches! 1094 00:52:12,830 --> 00:52:14,933 Oh, my God, let's get naked and praise the moon. 1095 00:52:14,967 --> 00:52:17,802 Woo, come on, girl! 1096 00:52:17,836 --> 00:52:19,838 Scarlett Johansson! 1097 00:52:21,873 --> 00:52:23,574 Woo, round two! 1098 00:52:24,943 --> 00:52:26,878 Oh, come on, all right, magical brownies. 1099 00:52:26,912 --> 00:52:28,646 Did you bring the brownies? 1100 00:52:28,679 --> 00:52:30,715 You know what, you really need to just slow down. 1101 00:52:30,748 --> 00:52:32,284 What are you talking about? It's Friday. 1102 00:52:32,317 --> 00:52:34,020 It's Saturday, but that's besides the point. 1103 00:52:34,053 --> 00:52:35,888 You need to take it down a notch. 1104 00:52:35,922 --> 00:52:38,224 Okay, thank you, Flanders. 1105 00:52:38,257 --> 00:52:41,626 Okay, Harper, what is going on? 1106 00:52:41,660 --> 00:52:43,296 - Nothing's going on. - Really? 1107 00:52:43,329 --> 00:52:45,264 - Yeah. - By the looks of it, 1108 00:52:45,298 --> 00:52:47,632 a lot is going on. 1109 00:52:47,666 --> 00:52:49,801 - Okay, Dr. Phil. - Great references. 1110 00:52:49,836 --> 00:52:52,205 What is so funny? I'm being serious. 1111 00:52:52,238 --> 00:52:54,874 Oh, my God, I thought tonight was girls' night, man. 1112 00:52:54,907 --> 00:52:56,608 No rules, no schedules. 1113 00:52:56,641 --> 00:52:59,279 I didn't realize I was gonna get a fucking lecture. 1114 00:52:59,313 --> 00:53:01,647 I'm not trying to lecture you, I'm just trying to see 1115 00:53:01,681 --> 00:53:03,816 - if you're okay. - Why does everybody 1116 00:53:03,851 --> 00:53:06,020 keep asking me if I'm okay? 1117 00:53:06,053 --> 00:53:08,222 I'm fine! You know what, if you want me to be something, 1118 00:53:08,255 --> 00:53:10,190 you tell me what you want me to be and I'll be it. 1119 00:53:10,224 --> 00:53:12,592 Until then, just shut the fuck up! 1120 00:53:14,761 --> 00:53:16,529 Your father just passed away. 1121 00:53:18,165 --> 00:53:19,832 Look, I get it. 1122 00:53:19,867 --> 00:53:21,568 You can be any way you want, I just don't want you 1123 00:53:21,602 --> 00:53:23,872 to be destructive. 1124 00:53:23,905 --> 00:53:25,874 You know what, you're right, Julie. 1125 00:53:25,907 --> 00:53:28,709 We just need to do this another time. 1126 00:53:28,742 --> 00:53:30,111 I'm standing right here 1127 00:53:30,145 --> 00:53:32,713 if you need to talk. 1128 00:53:32,746 --> 00:53:34,115 You just need to go, Julie. 1129 00:53:34,149 --> 00:53:35,682 Just leave me alone. 1130 00:53:37,886 --> 00:53:39,354 Okay. 1131 00:53:39,387 --> 00:53:41,622 Just... I gotta be alone. 1132 00:53:45,895 --> 00:53:47,595 Bye. 1133 00:53:50,632 --> 00:53:53,903 Here, this'll help with your hangover. 1134 00:53:53,936 --> 00:53:56,272 Just eat one piece of one, okay? 1135 00:53:56,305 --> 00:53:59,075 'Cause they're really powerful. 1136 00:53:59,108 --> 00:54:02,845 You know if you need anything, you can just call me, right? 1137 00:54:02,878 --> 00:54:04,013 Mhm. 1138 00:54:04,046 --> 00:54:06,748 Okay, thank you. 1139 00:54:06,781 --> 00:54:08,852 Okay. 1140 00:54:25,302 --> 00:54:28,371 ...Woodpeckers that can be found all around the world. 1141 00:54:28,405 --> 00:54:31,707 It's so cool how animals are fooled! 1142 00:54:31,740 --> 00:54:34,045 Did you know that sharks have no bones? 1143 00:54:34,078 --> 00:54:36,813 - There's no bones about it. - Are you an animal? 1144 00:54:36,848 --> 00:54:38,950 You must be cool! 1145 00:55:52,759 --> 00:55:55,129 Good luck with your laser tag business, man. 1146 00:55:55,162 --> 00:55:56,864 Thank you, bye. 1147 00:55:59,166 --> 00:56:00,434 I love my job! 1148 00:56:27,462 --> 00:56:28,964 There she is! 1149 00:56:28,997 --> 00:56:30,966 Here I is. 1150 00:56:30,999 --> 00:56:32,868 Harper, this is Christine, Christine, this is Harper. 1151 00:56:32,902 --> 00:56:34,070 - Hi. - Hey, yeah, Dusty told me 1152 00:56:34,103 --> 00:56:36,138 - all about you. - Mm, he must've told you 1153 00:56:36,172 --> 00:56:38,541 I have a tendency to try to kill pretty ladies. 1154 00:56:38,574 --> 00:56:39,976 Don't worry, you'll be fine. 1155 00:56:42,245 --> 00:56:44,981 Uh, so Christine's a writer, 1156 00:56:45,014 --> 00:56:47,483 - and super funny. - Hm, writer. 1157 00:56:47,516 --> 00:56:50,819 It pays the bills, yeah, so I like it. 1158 00:56:50,853 --> 00:56:54,156 Cool, do you write, like, books or plays? 1159 00:56:54,190 --> 00:56:56,792 Um, so I have a blog that I am working on mostly, 1160 00:56:56,826 --> 00:56:59,463 but I'm also writing a children's book. 1161 00:56:59,496 --> 00:57:01,265 It's about the Spanish Inquisition, 1162 00:57:01,298 --> 00:57:03,033 but you know, like, for kids obviously. 1163 00:57:03,066 --> 00:57:04,534 It's cool, I think you'd like it. 1164 00:57:04,568 --> 00:57:07,371 Neat, awesome, so there's alcohol at this party, cool. 1165 00:57:07,404 --> 00:57:08,538 - Uh, yeah. - Yeah, there is. 1166 00:57:08,572 --> 00:57:11,375 Harper Lee! 1167 00:57:11,408 --> 00:57:14,144 - Harper Lee! - Oh, my God, Kyle, 1168 00:57:14,177 --> 00:57:16,980 - what are you doing here? - It's my friend's party. 1169 00:57:17,014 --> 00:57:19,182 The agent, I invited Dusty. 1170 00:57:19,216 --> 00:57:21,519 - Did you tell her? - Oh, my God, wait, 1171 00:57:21,552 --> 00:57:24,489 - tell me what? - Uh, his friend's gonna rep me. 1172 00:57:24,522 --> 00:57:27,325 What, really, wait, when, how? 1173 00:57:27,358 --> 00:57:30,194 Kyle showed him some of the clips from the live stream, 1174 00:57:30,228 --> 00:57:32,930 - and fucking loved 'em. - Oh, my God, that's amazing. 1175 00:57:32,964 --> 00:57:34,866 - I know. - My boy 1176 00:57:34,899 --> 00:57:36,267 thinks he's the next Zala... 1177 00:57:36,301 --> 00:57:38,403 Zach Galifianass. 1178 00:57:38,436 --> 00:57:39,871 - Galifianakis. - Yeah. 1179 00:57:39,904 --> 00:57:41,472 He's flattering me, no, it's just... 1180 00:57:41,506 --> 00:57:43,508 it's not that big of a deal, it's not that big of a deal. 1181 00:57:43,541 --> 00:57:45,110 - I'm so happy for you. - Thank you very much. 1182 00:57:45,144 --> 00:57:48,113 - It's very cool. - When you're as grown up, 1183 00:57:48,147 --> 00:57:51,850 you're as growned up, swingers, right? 1184 00:57:51,884 --> 00:57:54,019 - Oh, right. - Oh, my God! 1185 00:57:54,053 --> 00:57:56,221 You know what we need to do? We need to celebrate. 1186 00:57:56,255 --> 00:57:58,457 You wanna do shots? We should do some shots. 1187 00:57:58,490 --> 00:58:00,859 No, I'm not drinking tonight. 1188 00:58:00,893 --> 00:58:02,294 - Come on. - No, I'm not drinking tonight. 1189 00:58:02,328 --> 00:58:04,163 - Don't be a pussy, Dusty. - Okay, well I'm not 1190 00:58:04,196 --> 00:58:05,631 being a pussy, last night I went too hard. 1191 00:58:05,664 --> 00:58:08,500 Forget about you... Rebecca, me, you. 1192 00:58:08,535 --> 00:58:10,970 Christine... I got wine, I'm good. 1193 00:58:11,004 --> 00:58:12,439 Thank you. 1194 00:58:12,472 --> 00:58:15,275 Okay, Kyle, my man. 1195 00:58:15,308 --> 00:58:17,010 Everybody's being a bunch of party pussies. 1196 00:58:17,043 --> 00:58:18,578 - You wanna drink with me? - I'm giving you the... 1197 00:58:18,611 --> 00:58:20,347 the arm of... of glory. 1198 00:58:20,380 --> 00:58:22,582 You have my axe! 1199 00:58:24,284 --> 00:58:26,119 Be safe! 1200 00:58:29,556 --> 00:58:31,257 She's nice. 1201 00:58:47,241 --> 00:58:49,944 Know what I mean? 1202 00:58:49,977 --> 00:58:52,179 Nope. 1203 00:58:52,213 --> 00:58:54,615 Crypto currency 1204 00:58:54,648 --> 00:58:56,518 is... okay... 1205 00:58:56,551 --> 00:58:58,520 okay, so there are these book chains. 1206 00:59:00,622 --> 00:59:03,291 Block chains, and, um, 1207 00:59:03,325 --> 00:59:06,128 basically what it is is that in the future 1208 00:59:06,161 --> 00:59:08,597 you will be able to do everything 1209 00:59:08,630 --> 00:59:11,032 through your phone. 1210 00:59:11,066 --> 00:59:13,235 Uh, don't we already use our phones for everything? 1211 00:59:17,506 --> 00:59:21,244 Yeah, but, 1212 00:59:21,277 --> 00:59:23,246 block chains. 1213 00:59:23,279 --> 00:59:25,114 Block chains. 1214 00:59:25,148 --> 00:59:27,583 Excuse me, I'm gonna interject. 1215 00:59:27,617 --> 00:59:29,152 Are you talking about crypto currency? 1216 00:59:29,185 --> 00:59:30,420 - Yeah. - Oh, dude, 1217 00:59:30,453 --> 00:59:32,054 - I just got into Space. - No fucking way. 1218 00:59:32,088 --> 00:59:33,289 Dude, I'll send you some Ethereum. 1219 00:59:33,322 --> 00:59:34,991 - Rad. - What's your wallet address? 1220 00:59:35,024 --> 00:59:36,626 - Do you have your QR code? - No, it's all up in here, baby. 1221 00:59:36,659 --> 00:59:38,327 - Whoa. - Iron trap. 1222 00:59:38,361 --> 00:59:40,096 I can just tell it to you, you wanna write it down? 1223 00:59:40,129 --> 00:59:41,497 Yeah, no, I have a good memory, I'm an actor. 1224 00:59:41,531 --> 00:59:43,166 - Perfect, all right, you ready? - Yeah. 1225 00:59:43,199 --> 00:59:45,269 - X, X, X... - X, X, X... 1226 00:59:45,302 --> 00:59:48,639 - ...3, 4, 7, 1... - ...3, 4, 7, 1... 1227 00:59:48,672 --> 00:59:50,340 - Upper case J. - Upper case J. 1228 00:59:50,374 --> 00:59:51,675 - Lower case J. - Lower case J. 1229 00:59:51,708 --> 00:59:53,377 Upper case J again. 1230 01:00:01,418 --> 01:00:03,687 Okay, repeat everything I said just back to me. 1231 01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:05,122 - X. - Okay. 1232 01:00:05,155 --> 01:00:06,290 - 6. - Okay. 1233 01:00:06,323 --> 01:00:08,091 - 4. - Okay. 1234 01:00:08,125 --> 01:00:10,995 - 1. - Doesn't sound right. 1235 01:00:11,029 --> 01:00:13,198 You have it written down somewhere? 1236 01:00:15,433 --> 01:00:17,435 I gotta call my wife. 1237 01:00:19,737 --> 01:00:22,707 - How much you have in? - I gotta call my wife! 1238 01:00:22,740 --> 01:00:25,243 Dude, fuck. 1239 01:00:25,276 --> 01:00:28,046 I don't even know what it is. 1240 01:00:28,079 --> 01:00:30,014 Me either. 1241 01:00:30,048 --> 01:00:32,350 This party fucking blows, man. 1242 01:00:32,384 --> 01:00:33,752 Let's go light it up. 1243 01:00:33,786 --> 01:00:35,120 Do they have karaoke or something? 1244 01:00:35,154 --> 01:00:36,222 - They have that here? - Okay. 1245 01:00:36,255 --> 01:00:39,058 - Yay! - Oh! 1246 01:00:41,794 --> 01:00:44,129 Rock on! 1247 01:00:44,163 --> 01:00:46,065 ♪ I was like, oh, my God, what did I do ♪ 1248 01:00:46,098 --> 01:00:48,334 ♪ To deserve this, what did I do ♪ 1249 01:00:48,367 --> 01:00:51,170 ♪ The justice system is fucked, the justice system is fucked ♪ 1250 01:00:51,203 --> 01:00:52,705 My dresser drawer, it'll be on the back 1251 01:00:52,738 --> 01:00:54,139 of the frame broiler receipt. 1252 01:00:54,173 --> 01:00:55,708 Sheila, it's a legitimate market. 1253 01:01:07,153 --> 01:01:09,222 Holy fuck. 1254 01:01:11,124 --> 01:01:12,492 Woo! 1255 01:01:14,561 --> 01:01:16,630 Somebody make me a fucking Moscow Mule. 1256 01:01:16,663 --> 01:01:18,698 Yeah, I can! 1257 01:01:18,732 --> 01:01:20,501 Anybody have any limes? 1258 01:01:20,535 --> 01:01:22,770 No, when I go to the zoo I don't go to the giraffes. 1259 01:01:22,803 --> 01:01:24,605 I just don't go to the zoo, there's all sorts 1260 01:01:24,639 --> 01:01:27,341 - of terrifying monsters there. - I know, it's really like... 1261 01:01:27,375 --> 01:01:30,211 Have you seen how slow turtles move? 1262 01:01:30,244 --> 01:01:31,846 - No. - No. 1263 01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:33,748 - That's cool, like I don't... - Who writes a children's book 1264 01:01:33,781 --> 01:01:35,349 about the Spanish Inquisition? 1265 01:01:37,184 --> 01:01:38,819 That seems awesome. 1266 01:01:46,161 --> 01:01:48,263 "I'm a writer," ugh. 1267 01:01:51,633 --> 01:01:53,402 ♪ Who is in the house babe ♪ 1268 01:01:53,435 --> 01:01:57,105 ♪ Who is in the house, who is in the house babe ♪ 1269 01:01:57,139 --> 01:01:59,675 ♪ Maya's in the house ♪ 1270 01:01:59,708 --> 01:02:02,477 You need to be a singer. 1271 01:02:02,511 --> 01:02:05,547 - I am a singer. - No, I mean like a real singer. 1272 01:02:05,581 --> 01:02:08,116 I would buy your album, like... 1273 01:02:09,552 --> 01:02:11,454 That fast, like that. 1274 01:02:11,487 --> 01:02:12,789 Thank you. 1275 01:02:12,822 --> 01:02:15,758 I wanna be a dancer. 1276 01:02:15,792 --> 01:02:17,427 Like ballet, or...? 1277 01:02:17,460 --> 01:02:19,295 - Hip-hop. - No way. 1278 01:02:19,329 --> 01:02:21,431 Seriously, I even wrote my own raps 1279 01:02:21,464 --> 01:02:24,233 from, like, 7th grade 1280 01:02:24,267 --> 01:02:26,736 - until senior year. - Oh, wow. 1281 01:02:26,769 --> 01:02:29,372 I just love the art form. 1282 01:02:29,405 --> 01:02:32,141 You know, it's like my, uh... 1283 01:02:32,175 --> 01:02:35,212 - my dream. - What about acting, though? 1284 01:02:35,245 --> 01:02:38,682 Uh, guess I just kinda fucking hate it right now. 1285 01:02:38,716 --> 01:02:40,885 - No, you love it. - No. 1286 01:02:40,919 --> 01:02:42,519 You're doing so well right now. 1287 01:02:42,553 --> 01:02:45,356 I really don't. 1288 01:02:45,389 --> 01:02:47,625 I'm on a stupid fucking ABC Family show. 1289 01:02:47,658 --> 01:02:49,560 I have the same three lines every episode. 1290 01:02:49,593 --> 01:02:53,230 "Greg, I'm home!" 1291 01:02:53,263 --> 01:02:56,568 Cue audience applause that's fake. 1292 01:02:56,601 --> 01:02:58,871 - Credits roll. - What about the, um... 1293 01:02:58,904 --> 01:03:00,572 what was it... the drug addiction episode? 1294 01:03:00,605 --> 01:03:02,307 Oh, my God, like, 1295 01:03:02,340 --> 01:03:04,442 chopped onions, bawled my eyes out, man. 1296 01:03:06,979 --> 01:03:09,848 Okay, it did suck a big dick. 1297 01:03:09,882 --> 01:03:13,752 A big old dickie! 1298 01:03:13,785 --> 01:03:16,187 But, also gained me, like 1299 01:03:16,221 --> 01:03:18,958 a big old checkie! 1300 01:03:18,991 --> 01:03:21,227 Which is cool, 'cause I basically had nothing. 1301 01:03:21,260 --> 01:03:22,828 I had my place. 1302 01:03:22,862 --> 01:03:26,265 Just got some cool clothes, cool beanie, but... 1303 01:03:26,298 --> 01:03:27,566 - But what? - I don't know. 1304 01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:28,935 - I'm just... - But what? 1305 01:03:31,370 --> 01:03:33,773 I just wanna, like... 1306 01:03:33,806 --> 01:03:36,442 I wanna dance, hip-hop. 1307 01:03:36,475 --> 01:03:40,479 I wanna, like, teach underdeveloped kids. 1308 01:03:40,513 --> 01:03:43,315 You know, like, 1309 01:03:43,349 --> 01:03:45,218 give back something. 1310 01:03:45,252 --> 01:03:46,653 - I wanna... - Kyle. 1311 01:03:46,687 --> 01:03:48,555 Hm? 1312 01:03:48,588 --> 01:03:51,926 You know what you need to do now. 1313 01:03:51,959 --> 01:03:53,928 No, I don't, what? 1314 01:03:53,961 --> 01:03:56,898 I need you to dance 1315 01:03:56,931 --> 01:03:58,465 right now. 1316 01:03:59,867 --> 01:04:01,301 - I'm serious. - Here, what, 1317 01:04:01,334 --> 01:04:02,669 - in front of all these people? - Yeah. 1318 01:04:02,703 --> 01:04:04,304 - Just watching. - Absolutely. 1319 01:04:04,337 --> 01:04:05,873 No way, I'm not gonna... 1320 01:04:05,907 --> 01:04:08,309 - Are you serious right now? - I am so serious. 1321 01:04:08,342 --> 01:04:10,411 I'm not gonna, like... are you seriously serious? 1322 01:04:10,445 --> 01:04:12,380 - I am seriously serious. - Are you serious? 1323 01:04:12,413 --> 01:04:14,649 I am serious. 1324 01:04:14,682 --> 01:04:17,920 'Cause I carry this with me wherever I go. 1325 01:04:17,953 --> 01:04:20,488 Oh, dude. 1326 01:04:39,608 --> 01:04:41,443 ♪ Mortal Kombat ♪ 1327 01:04:47,483 --> 01:04:50,285 ♪ Sonic bass ♪ 1328 01:04:55,324 --> 01:04:57,861 ♪ Mortal Kombat ♪ 1329 01:05:09,874 --> 01:05:12,442 Who fucking threw that? 1330 01:05:12,475 --> 01:05:14,844 Who the fuck threw that? 1331 01:05:14,879 --> 01:05:17,847 Who fucking threw that? 1332 01:05:17,882 --> 01:05:20,684 Who fucking...? 1333 01:05:20,718 --> 01:05:22,386 Just kidding, power acting. 1334 01:05:22,419 --> 01:05:24,722 Robert De Niro! 1335 01:05:26,757 --> 01:05:28,592 ♪ Mortal Kombat ♪ 1336 01:05:34,598 --> 01:05:36,634 ♪ Mortal Kombat ♪ 1337 01:05:42,540 --> 01:05:44,509 ♪ Sonic bass ♪ 1338 01:05:44,543 --> 01:05:48,346 ♪ Gonna drop the bomb on you, baby ♪ 1339 01:05:48,380 --> 01:05:49,949 I love that song, like, so much. 1340 01:05:49,982 --> 01:05:53,119 - I love that song. - ♪ It's a... drop a bomb on me ♪ 1341 01:05:53,152 --> 01:05:55,453 ♪ Baby, you dropped a bomb on me ♪ 1342 01:05:55,487 --> 01:05:57,556 - I've never been a bird guy. - Oh, my gosh, I know, 1343 01:05:57,589 --> 01:06:01,393 I think the scariest animal to me is a giraffe. 1344 01:06:01,426 --> 01:06:02,861 ♪ Baby, boo ♪ 1345 01:06:02,895 --> 01:06:05,630 - And my dad is like... whoa. - Whoa. 1346 01:06:05,664 --> 01:06:07,432 What is that? 1347 01:06:07,465 --> 01:06:09,869 ♪ Dropped a bomb on me ♪ 1348 01:06:09,903 --> 01:06:11,138 - ♪ Baby ♪ - Are you throwing limes? 1349 01:06:11,171 --> 01:06:13,539 - Goddamnit! - Maybe. 1350 01:06:13,573 --> 01:06:15,741 I'm only gonna ask you this once, 1351 01:06:15,775 --> 01:06:19,679 I need you to rind your own business, okay? 1352 01:06:19,712 --> 01:06:21,514 That was a really funny dad joke. 1353 01:06:21,547 --> 01:06:23,749 That was a solid dad joke. 1354 01:06:23,783 --> 01:06:25,052 Thank you, I'll be here all week. 1355 01:06:25,085 --> 01:06:27,087 Yeah, you wanna tell one about my dad? 1356 01:06:27,120 --> 01:06:28,621 Huh? 1357 01:06:28,654 --> 01:06:31,390 You wanna tell a dad joke about my dad? 1358 01:06:31,424 --> 01:06:33,061 All right, I'm sorry I brought that up. 1359 01:06:33,094 --> 01:06:35,596 'Cause they're really, really funny, 1360 01:06:35,629 --> 01:06:39,566 because my... my dad is dead. 1361 01:06:39,600 --> 01:06:41,668 My dad died, it's so... 1362 01:06:41,702 --> 01:06:43,137 - Uh... - ...funny. 1363 01:06:43,171 --> 01:06:45,974 Sorry, Harper, I didn't... I didn't mean to. 1364 01:06:46,007 --> 01:06:48,142 "I'm so sorry, Harper, I didn't mean to say..." 1365 01:06:50,444 --> 01:06:51,980 You're being a little child, seriously. 1366 01:06:52,013 --> 01:06:54,781 - Oh, I'm being a little child? - I think we should, uh... 1367 01:06:54,815 --> 01:06:56,718 I am not the one that's walking around all day long 1368 01:06:56,751 --> 01:06:58,921 with brick walls strapped to my back, 1369 01:06:58,954 --> 01:07:00,488 telling jokes to people in food courts 1370 01:07:00,521 --> 01:07:01,789 that they don't even wanna hear. 1371 01:07:01,823 --> 01:07:04,592 - Are we being serious right now? - I'm kidding. 1372 01:07:04,626 --> 01:07:06,195 I'm just kidding. 1373 01:07:06,228 --> 01:07:07,829 Rebecca, you know what... you're Rebecca? 1374 01:07:07,862 --> 01:07:09,664 It's Christine, actually. 1375 01:07:09,697 --> 01:07:11,066 That... you know what, you know. 1376 01:07:11,100 --> 01:07:12,533 You know that I know... 1377 01:07:12,567 --> 01:07:14,569 - Let's... let's do some shots. - No. 1378 01:07:14,602 --> 01:07:17,006 - Let's do some shots. - No, no, no, no, no. 1379 01:07:17,039 --> 01:07:19,540 No, we're not doing... no fucking way. 1380 01:07:19,574 --> 01:07:21,543 You've had more than enough to drink. 1381 01:07:21,577 --> 01:07:23,812 You've had enough to drink for everybody fucking here. 1382 01:07:23,846 --> 01:07:25,648 Yeah, because they're a bunch of fucking pussies. 1383 01:07:25,681 --> 01:07:28,151 - Don't tell me what to do. - Dude, serious... 1384 01:07:28,184 --> 01:07:30,086 - Goddamnit. - I can drink whatever the fuck 1385 01:07:30,120 --> 01:07:31,754 - I want, leave me alone! - Clearly not. 1386 01:07:31,787 --> 01:07:33,990 Yes, I can, you don't even give a shit about me! 1387 01:07:34,024 --> 01:07:35,258 - That's fucking bullshit! - No, it's not! 1388 01:07:35,292 --> 01:07:37,227 - I'm trying to fucking help you. - You're the one that's 1389 01:07:37,260 --> 01:07:39,062 - supposed to be helping me. - I am fucking helping you 1390 01:07:39,095 --> 01:07:41,164 - right now. - With fucking Veronica Mars 1391 01:07:41,197 --> 01:07:43,033 over there... look at those fucking glasses. 1392 01:07:43,066 --> 01:07:44,768 Are you fucking kidding me right now? 1393 01:07:44,801 --> 01:07:46,237 - They're prescription. - You don't even like her! 1394 01:07:46,270 --> 01:07:48,039 - Leave her out of this, this... - No, I won't! 1395 01:07:48,072 --> 01:07:50,540 This is about you and you being a fucking bitch right now! 1396 01:07:50,573 --> 01:07:52,243 - You're being the asshole! - You're a fucking asshole! 1397 01:07:52,276 --> 01:07:54,011 You're supposed to be having fun with me, 1398 01:07:54,045 --> 01:07:56,180 and you're not doing anything but hanging out with that girl! 1399 01:07:56,213 --> 01:07:58,983 Everybody... everybody's trying to fucking help you 1400 01:07:59,016 --> 01:08:01,085 and you're being a shithead to everyone! 1401 01:08:01,118 --> 01:08:02,920 - Fuck you, fuck you! - Fuck you, fuck you! 1402 01:08:02,954 --> 01:08:05,789 You're supposed to know better, you know that my dad died! 1403 01:08:05,822 --> 01:08:08,026 My father is dead, 1404 01:08:08,060 --> 01:08:10,095 and you don't give a shit. 1405 01:08:10,128 --> 01:08:12,763 Nobody is ever here with me, I'm alone! 1406 01:08:12,797 --> 01:08:14,632 I am always laughing, I am always fun, 1407 01:08:14,665 --> 01:08:16,969 and it's like I don't even have a voice! 1408 01:08:19,537 --> 01:08:22,640 I'm sorry your father's dead. 1409 01:08:28,213 --> 01:08:30,548 But now, this party's dead. 1410 01:08:30,581 --> 01:08:32,018 Oh, fuck, sorry. 1411 01:08:32,051 --> 01:08:34,753 Don't... no... I'm sorry... no, no, no, no, yes, I am. 1412 01:08:34,786 --> 01:08:36,889 - Damnit. - Let me fucking smack you! 1413 01:08:36,923 --> 01:08:38,958 - Let me slap you! - I'm not gonna let you 1414 01:08:38,992 --> 01:08:42,627 - hit me again, stop. - She's got problems, dude. 1415 01:08:42,661 --> 01:08:44,230 Stop, stop, stop. 1416 01:08:44,263 --> 01:08:46,598 Stop, stop. 1417 01:08:48,567 --> 01:08:51,204 Don't, please... sorry, everyone. 1418 01:08:51,237 --> 01:08:52,771 Come on, I just need to get some more whiskey. 1419 01:08:52,804 --> 01:08:54,140 - Come on, let's get it. - No, no, no, no, nope. 1420 01:08:54,173 --> 01:08:56,143 - No, come on, come on, come on. - No, I just need... 1421 01:08:56,176 --> 01:08:57,844 - No, we're going. - Let go of me! 1422 01:08:57,878 --> 01:08:59,779 We're going, we're going. 1423 01:08:59,812 --> 01:09:02,149 I just need some more whiskey. 1424 01:09:02,182 --> 01:09:04,051 Don't slam the door. 1425 01:09:16,629 --> 01:09:18,932 Heavy stuff, right? 1426 01:09:18,966 --> 01:09:22,037 Yeah. 1427 01:09:22,070 --> 01:09:23,804 You have any coke? 1428 01:09:25,706 --> 01:09:27,841 Have you ever been to the desert? 1429 01:09:29,843 --> 01:09:32,646 I'm gonna take you home, it's gonna be okay. 1430 01:09:32,679 --> 01:09:35,250 - All right. - Okay, I don't need your help. 1431 01:09:37,052 --> 01:09:39,287 Oh, I need your help, I'm gonna puke, hold my hair. 1432 01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:40,821 Okay. 1433 01:09:56,704 --> 01:09:58,640 Okay, yep. 1434 01:10:04,380 --> 01:10:06,714 You're all right. 1435 01:10:09,953 --> 01:10:11,922 It's okay. 1436 01:10:19,930 --> 01:10:21,932 Come on, let's go. 1437 01:10:21,965 --> 01:10:24,000 - Let's go. - Let's do it. 1438 01:10:24,034 --> 01:10:25,335 Okay. 1439 01:10:25,368 --> 01:10:27,037 I'm gonna drive you home, girl, get up. 1440 01:10:27,070 --> 01:10:29,072 Make your feet work, make your legs work. 1441 01:10:29,106 --> 01:10:30,273 All the way up, all the way. 1442 01:10:32,110 --> 01:10:33,877 I got your purse. 1443 01:11:49,123 --> 01:11:50,723 Ugh, fuck. 1444 01:11:56,796 --> 01:11:59,233 So, what are you? 1445 01:12:03,404 --> 01:12:05,838 I'm a comedian. 1446 01:12:14,249 --> 01:12:16,318 What are... what are you? 1447 01:12:16,351 --> 01:12:19,054 I save lives. 1448 01:12:33,369 --> 01:12:35,404 Oh, yes. 1449 01:12:40,409 --> 01:12:42,478 Mm. 1450 01:12:45,982 --> 01:12:48,117 I thought Harper told me that you were a dental hygienist. 1451 01:12:48,150 --> 01:12:50,386 Just because I wear scrubs that doesn't mean 1452 01:12:50,419 --> 01:12:52,088 - I work for a dentist. - Oh, because I always... 1453 01:12:54,490 --> 01:12:55,993 Hey, hey! 1454 01:12:56,026 --> 01:12:58,462 Morning, sunshine. 1455 01:12:58,495 --> 01:13:00,998 Oh, wow. 1456 01:13:01,031 --> 01:13:02,865 You look really bad. 1457 01:13:02,899 --> 01:13:05,168 Pop a seat here, let me make you a plate. 1458 01:13:05,202 --> 01:13:07,371 - Alrighty. - Good morning. 1459 01:13:07,404 --> 01:13:09,439 I am off to work. 1460 01:13:09,473 --> 01:13:11,141 On a Sunday? 1461 01:13:11,174 --> 01:13:13,410 Yep, no rest for the convalescent. 1462 01:13:15,345 --> 01:13:17,547 Actually that's all they do. 1463 01:13:17,581 --> 01:13:20,118 The eggs were okay, thank you, Justin. 1464 01:13:20,151 --> 01:13:23,087 - It's Dusty. - Uh-huh. 1465 01:13:23,121 --> 01:13:25,490 Finally met your ghost roommate. 1466 01:13:29,093 --> 01:13:31,496 Roommate? 1467 01:13:31,529 --> 01:13:34,365 But, I don't have a roommate. 1468 01:13:34,399 --> 01:13:38,503 Whoa! 1469 01:13:38,536 --> 01:13:40,204 No, but seriously, 1470 01:13:40,238 --> 01:13:42,140 she is the worst. 1471 01:13:42,173 --> 01:13:45,010 Yeah, yeah. 1472 01:13:45,044 --> 01:13:46,844 Thank you. 1473 01:13:48,614 --> 01:13:50,382 Hey, I hope you don't mind, I had to, uh... 1474 01:13:50,416 --> 01:13:53,118 I had to steal a sweatshirt from you since you 1475 01:13:53,152 --> 01:13:54,920 donked all over me last night. 1476 01:13:54,953 --> 01:13:57,389 Ugh, God. 1477 01:13:57,423 --> 01:13:59,525 I'm so sorry. 1478 01:13:59,558 --> 01:14:02,094 - Don't worry about it. - I feel so stupid. 1479 01:14:02,127 --> 01:14:04,496 Ah, you're not stupid, you just drink too much. 1480 01:14:04,530 --> 01:14:06,365 It's not a big deal. 1481 01:14:09,269 --> 01:14:11,204 My dad sent me a card in the mail. 1482 01:14:13,039 --> 01:14:15,375 Oh, God, it's so weird, it's just from him. 1483 01:14:15,408 --> 01:14:17,911 Probably the first card I've ever gotten just from him. 1484 01:14:17,944 --> 01:14:19,479 He must've sent it while he was in the hospital or something, 1485 01:14:19,512 --> 01:14:21,381 I don't know, but I can't look at it. 1486 01:14:23,216 --> 01:14:26,052 You haven't read it? 1487 01:14:26,086 --> 01:14:27,921 No. 1488 01:14:27,954 --> 01:14:30,889 I don't know, I... I can't do it. 1489 01:14:30,924 --> 01:14:32,460 Oh, God, I have so many memories of him 1490 01:14:32,493 --> 01:14:34,528 from when I was a little kid. 1491 01:14:34,562 --> 01:14:36,530 He'd just make me laugh. 1492 01:14:36,564 --> 01:14:38,065 Whenever we'd leave a restaurant, 1493 01:14:38,099 --> 01:14:40,201 he'd grab toothpicks, and shove 'em 1494 01:14:40,234 --> 01:14:42,203 in between his teeth, and so when we got in the car, 1495 01:14:42,236 --> 01:14:44,538 he'd turn around and be like, "Got anything in my teeth?" 1496 01:14:46,307 --> 01:14:50,077 God, he was such a dork, but I loved it. 1497 01:14:50,111 --> 01:14:53,047 And then, time went on, and Dad started going away 1498 01:14:53,080 --> 01:14:55,984 a little bit more. 1499 01:14:56,017 --> 01:14:57,986 And then, it was replaced with comments 1500 01:14:58,019 --> 01:15:00,255 about how I'm not good enough, or smart enough, 1501 01:15:00,288 --> 01:15:03,225 or thin enough for any of that stuff. 1502 01:15:05,260 --> 01:15:06,628 I thought it was just gonna go on for a little bit, 1503 01:15:06,661 --> 01:15:08,497 like he was in a bad mood or something, 1504 01:15:08,530 --> 01:15:10,298 but it went on for years. 1505 01:15:11,700 --> 01:15:13,335 Pissed me off so much. 1506 01:15:13,368 --> 01:15:15,570 Like all I did 1507 01:15:15,604 --> 01:15:17,706 was try to make him smile, 1508 01:15:17,739 --> 01:15:20,276 I'd try to make him laugh. 1509 01:15:20,309 --> 01:15:24,547 Tried to make him proud of me. 1510 01:15:24,580 --> 01:15:28,217 Nothing worked, so, 1511 01:15:28,251 --> 01:15:30,386 I just said, "Fuck it, it's not worth my time, 1512 01:15:30,420 --> 01:15:33,256 I give up." 1513 01:15:33,289 --> 01:15:35,024 Then, he got cancer. 1514 01:15:37,293 --> 01:15:40,029 So, I flew home and all that. 1515 01:15:40,062 --> 01:15:42,632 I was expecting the same person, I was expecting that asshole 1516 01:15:42,665 --> 01:15:45,102 that had been around for so many years. 1517 01:15:49,540 --> 01:15:52,443 And it was him again, from when I was a little kid. 1518 01:15:56,280 --> 01:15:59,450 He was telling jokes, and having a good time, 1519 01:15:59,483 --> 01:16:01,452 and giving us hugs, and everything. 1520 01:16:04,555 --> 01:16:06,457 It was everything I ever wanted. 1521 01:16:12,096 --> 01:16:14,999 And then, he died. 1522 01:16:15,033 --> 01:16:16,768 I can't open that letter because if I do 1523 01:16:16,801 --> 01:16:19,571 it's gonna remind me of everything I was cheated. 1524 01:16:21,606 --> 01:16:24,609 All that time, and for what? 1525 01:16:24,642 --> 01:16:27,612 He's gone, and all I have is a fucking card. 1526 01:16:29,314 --> 01:16:31,750 Why would he do that? 1527 01:16:31,784 --> 01:16:34,086 Maybe he was afraid, uh... 1528 01:16:34,119 --> 01:16:35,588 Of his own daughter? 1529 01:16:38,057 --> 01:16:40,125 Afraid of being powerless, 1530 01:16:40,159 --> 01:16:43,195 or not living up to his expectations or yours. 1531 01:16:45,431 --> 01:16:48,567 Such a waste of fucking time. 1532 01:16:48,601 --> 01:16:51,103 I can't live my life like that, I won't do it. 1533 01:16:51,136 --> 01:16:52,571 I would think... 1534 01:16:52,605 --> 01:16:53,772 If that's the case, I think you're gonna have to 1535 01:16:53,806 --> 01:16:56,643 read that letter. 1536 01:16:56,676 --> 01:16:58,411 Oh, God. 1537 01:16:58,445 --> 01:16:59,746 Listen, I'm not saying you have to go over there 1538 01:16:59,779 --> 01:17:01,348 and open it right now. 1539 01:17:01,381 --> 01:17:04,217 Do it whenever you feel ready, honestly. 1540 01:17:04,251 --> 01:17:07,621 But, the longer you let it sit in that drawer, 1541 01:17:07,654 --> 01:17:09,756 the longer it's just gonna eat you up inside, 1542 01:17:09,789 --> 01:17:13,226 and that's not fair to anyone, especially not you. 1543 01:17:13,260 --> 01:17:15,395 Yeah, yeah, you're right. 1544 01:17:17,464 --> 01:17:19,500 Oh, my God, I smacked you, didn't I? 1545 01:17:19,534 --> 01:17:22,103 Yeah, pretty, pretty good, too. 1546 01:17:22,136 --> 01:17:23,838 God, I smacked you so hard. 1547 01:17:23,871 --> 01:17:26,440 - I'm so sorry. - You kept swinging. 1548 01:17:26,474 --> 01:17:29,176 - Oh, God. - I actually typically have to 1549 01:17:29,210 --> 01:17:31,712 pay women 50, 60 bucks to get that kind of abuse, 1550 01:17:31,746 --> 01:17:34,582 so I felt like I came out on top of that deal. 1551 01:17:34,615 --> 01:17:36,817 I know, that girl, tell her I'm so sorry. 1552 01:17:36,851 --> 01:17:39,520 - She was really, really nice. - Veronica Rebecca? 1553 01:17:39,554 --> 01:17:41,589 - Holy shit. - Christine's already texted me. 1554 01:17:41,622 --> 01:17:43,659 She's fine, she had a couple hilarious jokes 1555 01:17:43,692 --> 01:17:45,394 about last night, and so. 1556 01:17:45,427 --> 01:17:48,764 - You were so mean. - Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 1557 01:17:51,366 --> 01:17:54,336 Hey, do you want my advice? 1558 01:17:54,369 --> 01:17:56,171 Yeah. 1559 01:17:56,204 --> 01:17:58,340 Please, go ahead. 1560 01:17:58,373 --> 01:18:00,375 I think you should take the day off, 1561 01:18:00,409 --> 01:18:03,178 order some junk food, a chicken-fried steak, 1562 01:18:03,211 --> 01:18:05,881 fries, chili, cheese, 1563 01:18:05,915 --> 01:18:07,650 anything that you could think of, 1564 01:18:07,684 --> 01:18:11,120 get under a blanket, get a bunch of bad movies going. 1565 01:18:11,154 --> 01:18:13,323 Yeah, we can watch a bunch of kung fu movies. 1566 01:18:13,356 --> 01:18:16,659 I think you're gonna have to do it alone. 1567 01:18:16,693 --> 01:18:19,862 You probably just need to avoid some distractions, 1568 01:18:19,896 --> 01:18:22,432 and just spend the day 1569 01:18:22,465 --> 01:18:25,201 putting in some good energy, reflecting on things, 1570 01:18:25,234 --> 01:18:27,737 and taking care of what you need to take care of. 1571 01:18:27,770 --> 01:18:30,306 Then on Monday, you'll wake up and you start doing 1572 01:18:30,340 --> 01:18:32,343 what you just told me. 1573 01:18:32,376 --> 01:18:34,178 What's that? 1574 01:18:34,211 --> 01:18:35,813 Stop fucking wasting time. 1575 01:18:39,216 --> 01:18:40,317 - Yeah, I'm right. - Okay. 1576 01:18:42,486 --> 01:18:44,388 You're right. 1577 01:18:44,421 --> 01:18:47,291 Hey, um, I actually have to go. 1578 01:18:47,324 --> 01:18:49,560 I have a deadline for a spec pilot 1579 01:18:49,593 --> 01:18:50,861 that I've been putting off a little bit. 1580 01:18:50,894 --> 01:18:52,830 Just hearing those words come out of my mouth 1581 01:18:52,863 --> 01:18:54,832 feels a little douchey, so I apologize, 1582 01:18:54,865 --> 01:18:57,335 - but, uh... - I'm... I'm proud of you. 1583 01:18:59,371 --> 01:19:02,507 Will you also wash my jeans? 1584 01:19:02,540 --> 01:19:04,442 - Yes, sorry. - You think an Uber will let me 1585 01:19:04,476 --> 01:19:07,512 get into a car like this, or is it too sexy? 1586 01:19:07,545 --> 01:19:09,581 Wanna borrow some of my leggings? 1587 01:19:09,614 --> 01:19:11,483 Maybe. 1588 01:19:11,516 --> 01:19:12,717 - All right, let's do this. - Go get 'em, tiger. 1589 01:19:12,751 --> 01:19:14,619 Yeah, let's do this. 1590 01:19:20,459 --> 01:19:22,561 - I'm gonna go. - Okay. 1591 01:19:22,595 --> 01:19:24,563 All right, I'll talk to you Monday. 1592 01:19:24,597 --> 01:19:25,898 - Okay. - All right, bye. 1593 01:19:25,932 --> 01:19:27,767 Bye. 1594 01:19:40,579 --> 01:19:43,550 ♪ I've been busy filling up pages ♪ 1595 01:19:47,320 --> 01:19:52,359 ♪ I've been busy filling up rooms ♪ 1596 01:19:54,394 --> 01:19:59,433 ♪ I'm all done with scheming and cobwebs ♪ 1597 01:19:59,466 --> 01:20:02,436 ♪ Been heavier than you ♪ 1598 01:20:08,010 --> 01:20:14,682 ♪ I've been busy giving up silos ♪ 1599 01:20:14,716 --> 01:20:21,589 ♪ Selling all the storage for cash ♪ 1600 01:20:21,622 --> 01:20:26,962 ♪ Giving her the cars and the waters ♪ 1601 01:20:26,995 --> 01:20:30,465 ♪ Where's the splash ♪ 1602 01:20:30,498 --> 01:20:33,002 Flora, you sly son of a bitch. 1603 01:20:34,837 --> 01:20:41,877 ♪ I will crawl to you empty ♪ 1604 01:20:41,911 --> 01:20:48,584 ♪ Throw away my silver spoon ♪ 1605 01:20:48,617 --> 01:20:52,387 ♪ I will come to you empty ♪ 1606 01:20:56,026 --> 01:20:58,461 ♪ Give them better news ♪ 1607 01:21:02,398 --> 01:21:05,301 ♪ I will crawl to you empty ♪ 1608 01:21:09,372 --> 01:21:12,609 ♪ Hope you never even see the chains ♪ 1609 01:21:15,946 --> 01:21:19,951 ♪ I will come to you empty ♪ 1610 01:21:23,521 --> 01:21:25,756 ♪ With no hustle left ♪ 1611 01:21:54,053 --> 01:21:56,588 Hey, um, Kyle, is this for a role? 1612 01:21:56,621 --> 01:21:58,657 Because I need to put it in your schedule today. 1613 01:21:58,690 --> 01:22:01,127 I don't think I'm gonna do this pilot anymore. 1614 01:22:01,160 --> 01:22:03,930 Why? 1615 01:22:03,963 --> 01:22:07,600 What we talked about on Saturday, and... 1616 01:22:07,633 --> 01:22:11,004 I don't know if you can notice, but, 1617 01:22:11,038 --> 01:22:13,040 I've changed. 1618 01:22:16,143 --> 01:22:19,612 There was a moment in the desert 1619 01:22:19,645 --> 01:22:23,382 as the sun rose in the east, 1620 01:22:23,416 --> 01:22:26,419 an eagle flew 1621 01:22:26,452 --> 01:22:29,923 across the horizon, 1622 01:22:29,957 --> 01:22:32,826 landed right in front of me, 1623 01:22:32,860 --> 01:22:36,697 looked me in the eye, 1624 01:22:36,730 --> 01:22:39,600 told me I had a different path. 1625 01:22:39,633 --> 01:22:43,403 - Talked to you? - With its eyes, yes. 1626 01:22:43,437 --> 01:22:46,140 What it'd say? 1627 01:22:46,174 --> 01:22:48,675 It said I had to dance, specifically hip-hop. 1628 01:22:48,709 --> 01:22:49,978 That's great, I mean, 1629 01:22:50,011 --> 01:22:52,679 what about the pilot, though? 1630 01:22:52,713 --> 01:22:56,451 Uhh... 1631 01:22:56,484 --> 01:22:58,120 I don't know how long this crazy ride 1632 01:22:58,153 --> 01:23:00,588 can go on, Harper. 1633 01:23:00,622 --> 01:23:02,724 I never really wanted it... I mean, no, I did, 1634 01:23:02,757 --> 01:23:04,792 I really, really wanted it, but now, 1635 01:23:04,826 --> 01:23:07,629 just... 1636 01:23:07,662 --> 01:23:09,697 I think deep down, I'm a... 1637 01:23:15,004 --> 01:23:17,106 I'm just really sad. 1638 01:23:19,142 --> 01:23:20,676 You can't be sad, man, you're one of 1639 01:23:20,709 --> 01:23:22,711 the most positive people I know. 1640 01:23:26,515 --> 01:23:28,784 Do you know why I hired you as my personal assistant? 1641 01:23:30,719 --> 01:23:32,554 'Cause you needed to get a lot of work done, and needed help. 1642 01:23:32,588 --> 01:23:34,690 My agent asked to me to hire a personal assistant 1643 01:23:34,723 --> 01:23:37,994 to look more high profile. 1644 01:23:38,028 --> 01:23:40,063 And I did it, because I, uh... 1645 01:23:42,498 --> 01:23:44,467 Just needed a friend. 1646 01:23:47,904 --> 01:23:50,740 Kyle Fairchild, I know, must have just like 1647 01:23:50,774 --> 01:23:54,111 a butt load of fucking friends, but... 1648 01:23:54,145 --> 01:23:55,912 I don't. 1649 01:23:57,814 --> 01:24:01,185 It's not even my loft. 1650 01:24:01,218 --> 01:24:03,820 It's an Airbnb. 1651 01:24:03,853 --> 01:24:06,756 I'm sick of this. 1652 01:24:06,790 --> 01:24:10,128 I miss my family back home. 1653 01:24:10,162 --> 01:24:11,662 - Don't they live here? - They're like 1654 01:24:11,696 --> 01:24:13,831 always on vacation. 1655 01:24:15,968 --> 01:24:19,171 Well, you know what? 1656 01:24:19,204 --> 01:24:21,006 I am your friend, and I think 1657 01:24:21,039 --> 01:24:23,908 you're gonna get everything you want in life. 1658 01:24:38,191 --> 01:24:41,194 Okay. 1659 01:24:41,227 --> 01:24:43,895 - I'll do the pilot. - Yay! 1660 01:24:43,930 --> 01:24:45,530 I'm still gonna take the dance classes 1661 01:24:45,564 --> 01:24:47,566 - I signed up for. - Well, that's perfect then, 1662 01:24:47,599 --> 01:24:50,702 because this show might named Untitled Rap Musical. 1663 01:24:52,271 --> 01:24:55,009 The fuck out of here. 1664 01:24:57,877 --> 01:24:59,947 - Eagle knew. - Yeah. 1665 01:24:59,980 --> 01:25:02,548 Yeah, it did. 1666 01:25:02,582 --> 01:25:05,252 Hi, guys, we're going to the theater. 1667 01:25:05,285 --> 01:25:07,321 Okay, your laugh looked really unnatural, 1668 01:25:07,354 --> 01:25:09,056 so, like, let's try it again. 1669 01:25:09,089 --> 01:25:11,691 Hi, guys, so we're really excited, 1670 01:25:11,724 --> 01:25:13,927 - 'cause we're going out tonight. - Mhm. 1671 01:25:13,961 --> 01:25:15,728 Which is so cool, right? 1672 01:25:15,762 --> 01:25:17,031 - Everyone wants to do that... - Oh, hey. 1673 01:25:17,064 --> 01:25:18,564 Hey. 1674 01:25:21,069 --> 01:25:23,238 Uh, this is Jen, my girlfriend that I told you about. 1675 01:25:23,271 --> 01:25:25,006 Oh, my gosh, he's told me all about you. 1676 01:25:25,040 --> 01:25:27,242 Oh, uh, the neighbor, right? 1677 01:25:27,275 --> 01:25:28,909 Yeah, we borrow each other's sugar 1678 01:25:28,943 --> 01:25:31,346 - from time to time. - Yeah. 1679 01:25:31,379 --> 01:25:32,780 Oh, cool. 1680 01:25:34,615 --> 01:25:36,884 Grocery day, you're using those, uh, coupons? 1681 01:25:36,917 --> 01:25:38,685 Yeah, um, 1682 01:25:38,719 --> 01:25:40,221 just picking up stuff for a juice cleanse, 1683 01:25:40,255 --> 01:25:42,223 you know, typical LA bullshit. 1684 01:25:42,257 --> 01:25:44,160 Not at all, cleanses are really great. 1685 01:25:44,193 --> 01:25:46,062 I mean, I do them all the time. 1686 01:25:46,095 --> 01:25:48,064 They're really good for you. 1687 01:25:48,097 --> 01:25:49,631 She says that. 1688 01:25:49,664 --> 01:25:51,133 We're going to the Greek Theater, 1689 01:25:51,167 --> 01:25:52,767 - we're gonna see a show. - Oh, cool. 1690 01:25:52,801 --> 01:25:54,336 Yeah, Imaginary Dragons, they're like 1691 01:25:54,370 --> 01:25:57,605 the best metal band ever. 1692 01:25:57,639 --> 01:25:59,707 - Well, have fun. - Yeah. 1693 01:25:59,741 --> 01:26:01,843 Aren't you doing anything tonight? 1694 01:26:01,876 --> 01:26:04,779 Uh, yeah, actually, um, 1695 01:26:04,813 --> 01:26:06,714 - I am. - Oh, awesome. 1696 01:26:06,748 --> 01:26:08,318 - Nice meeting you. - Nice meeting you, too. 1697 01:26:08,351 --> 01:26:11,054 - Okay. - All right, have fun, guys. 1698 01:26:11,088 --> 01:26:12,989 Bye. 1699 01:26:15,358 --> 01:26:17,194 I think that that worked kind of, 1700 01:26:17,227 --> 01:26:19,930 but... but we got, like, this weird kind of... 1701 01:26:19,963 --> 01:26:22,698 like unknown energy that I'm really just not digging. 1702 01:26:38,416 --> 01:26:40,784 Greg, I'm home! 1703 01:27:15,087 --> 01:27:16,854 Okay. 1704 01:31:24,080 --> 01:31:27,583 ♪ Lord knows I've been up ♪ 1705 01:31:27,617 --> 01:31:32,288 ♪ Lord knows I've been down ♪ 1706 01:31:32,321 --> 01:31:35,591 ♪ I've been down every beaten path ♪ 1707 01:31:35,625 --> 01:31:39,695 ♪ On a merry-go round ♪ 1708 01:31:39,729 --> 01:31:43,534 ♪ Lord knows I've been good ♪ 1709 01:31:43,567 --> 01:31:48,238 ♪ Less times than bad ♪ 1710 01:31:48,272 --> 01:31:51,442 ♪ Hell I've done ruin every thing ♪ 1711 01:31:51,475 --> 01:31:55,679 ♪ that I ever had ♪ 1712 01:31:55,712 --> 01:31:58,682 ♪ Just take me on that long ride ♪ 1713 01:31:58,715 --> 01:32:04,121 ♪ Through the night and just get me back home ♪ 1714 01:32:04,154 --> 01:32:07,459 ♪ Cause I've done seen everything that I need ♪ 1715 01:32:07,492 --> 01:32:11,696 ♪ And I'd rather be alone ♪ 1716 01:32:11,729 --> 01:32:14,699 ♪ Oh just take me on that long ride ♪ 1717 01:32:14,732 --> 01:32:20,205 ♪ Through the night and just get me back home ♪ 1718 01:32:20,238 --> 01:32:23,441 ♪ Cause I've done seen everything that I need ♪ 1719 01:32:23,475 --> 01:32:26,478 ♪ And I'd rather be alone ♪ 1720 01:32:32,751 --> 01:32:34,320 30 EA, take one. 1721 01:32:37,289 --> 01:32:38,757 And go ahead, guys. 1722 01:32:38,791 --> 01:32:41,193 My people were always telling me, like, I need a... 1723 01:32:41,227 --> 01:32:43,529 like a coat like this, and I'm like, uh... 1724 01:32:43,562 --> 01:32:46,232 why... what... how do I even get something like that? 1725 01:32:46,265 --> 01:32:48,467 - Yo, you came to the right guy. - Ha! 1726 01:32:48,501 --> 01:32:49,702 - Yeah? - Yeah, you can just hire me 1727 01:32:49,735 --> 01:32:51,270 - as your stylist. - You serious? 1728 01:32:51,303 --> 01:32:53,372 - Yeah. - You know who I am, right? 1729 01:32:53,405 --> 01:32:55,709 - I do now. - Ow! 1730 01:32:55,742 --> 01:32:57,677 Yeah, don't even, like, joke that you don't know who I am, 1731 01:32:57,711 --> 01:33:00,313 - right? - This guy. 1732 01:33:00,347 --> 01:33:05,552 ♪ Fuck ♪ 1733 01:33:05,585 --> 01:33:06,820 All right, good. 1734 01:33:08,488 --> 01:33:10,357 Cam cuts. 1735 01:33:12,492 --> 01:33:15,008 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 125350