All language subtitles for Only.People.2018.WEBRip.x264-ION10

♪

♪

[footsteps]

Glad you came.

-It was easy from the subway.
-Come in, come in.

-All right.
-Hi.

Oh, this place is nice.

I think it'’s significantly
better than a hotel.

-It is.
-I should'’ve told you

the doorbell doesn'’t work.

Oh, the guy downstairs
let me in.

Um, do you want the tour?

Yeah.

The kitchen,
do you want a drink?

-No.
-It'’s funny,

I realized one
of Jenny'’s friends

lives down the block.

-Who?
-Nobody but I'’ve definitely

been in some apartments there.

Are you sure?

Yeah, guy'’s name's
Casper Houser,

I was there on New Year'’s.

Should'’ve gone somewhere where
else.

Doesn'’t matter.

Yeah, somewhere outside the
city, somewhere totally private.

[unintelligible].

Come on, I'’ll give you
the rest of the tour.

Um.

Extra bedroom
mostly filled with clutter.

There'’s a claw-foot tub.

Stairs to the bedroom.

Living room.

Come on.

Bedroom.

Ugh.

This is why I really chose it.

[birds chirping]

[water running]

[hairdryer humming]

-Did you bring these sheets?
-No.

They said to leave them
for the cleaning lady.

Do you think things
will change between us?

Hard for them not to.

I guess.

Change for the better.

This is a terrible thing.

-Terrible is relative.
-It is.

We have the rest of our lives
to atone.

I'’m always gonna feel guilty.

Don'’t feel terrible
or guilty now.

I'’ll try.

No one else matters.

I can'’t compartmentalize
like you can.

It'’s not all black and white.

It should be
when you'’re married.

But clearly it isn'’t.

It was before now.

Being monogamous is a struggle.

It shouldn'’t be. I should
be able to control myself.

You always have.

Yet here I am.

Have you ever been with a guy?

Mm, what makes you ask that?

I don'’t know,
I was just wondering.

No, have you ever
been with a woman?

Made out, drunk years ago.

I had a threesome
with another guy once.

How was that?

We didn'’t do anything
with each other.

Did you want to?

I don'’t know, I guess not.

It was a strange experience.

She came to me afterwards
when I was in the kitchen

and said, "Next time,
you should come alone."

I never did.

I really wish
I remembered the first time

-I knew who you were.
-I knew you well before.

You always know
the grades ahead of you

-better than they know you.
-I did.

It'’s not as if
we were introduced.

Just however people meet people.

Through Dave, I'’m sure.

Well, it would just be
a nice memory to have.

It would.

Did you ever come with Dave
to see me at JMU?

No, Dave and I
weren'’t friends then.

We'’re not friends now.

Good, I'’m glad you didn't come.

No one from then
is still in my life.

Did that hurt you?

Oh, you never lacked confidence.

-Come on.
-Just haven'’t been

that vigorous in a while.

Sorry.

I'’m old, sweetie,
older than you.

Not by as much
as you used to be.

You'’re almost 30.

I am completely.

Actually, I was out running
near the university

a few weeks ago.

There were these girls
sunbathing on their deck.

I slowed up a bit, not sure
what I was expecting to happen

and just the way
they looked at me,

I could tell
they were repulsed.

Well, I'’m sure your leering
was the problem,

-not your age.
-No, there was a clear divide.

They didn'’t understand
and neither did I.

Does it matter?

Doesn'’t.

Did--did you want to go back
to that age?

Time passes slowly enough.

Doesn'’t it seem like
you were just 20?

Seems ages ago.

Oh my God, I feel like
I was having parties

at my parents just last year.

Weren'’t you?

I used to think
about being with you so much.

I was so fit back then,
I thought I might

-disappoint you now.
-Hardly.

The thought of coming back here
transported my mind back.

I was feeling
so good about myself.

Then I looked down this morning

and was mortified.

I know you would have
rather had me then.

-With this?
-Mhm.

Fucking starving.

[sizzling]

-[unintelligible].
-Okay, good?

-Yeah.
-Good.

Done.

Done.

Save some of that cheese.

[floor squeaking]

-Almost done?
-Close.

Do you wanna get a few plates?

[sizzling]

Maybe you gotta turn that down?

No, because
it just needs to sear it.

Okay.

What?

What!

It just wasn'’t like getting
hot enough, that'’s all.

Mhm.

[whistling]

-Oh.
-Mm.

Couldn'’t do?

Yeah, is there one open?

Do you just want one?

Yes, thank you.

Can I eat it?

You can.

[chuckling]

-It'’s good.
-Yeah?

-Mhm.
-Good.

It'’s tasty.

Hot?

Mhm, it'’s good.

[chuckling]

-This is fun.
-It is.

[flushing]

[water running]

James, I can'’t forget these
are here.

[distant sirens]

[wind howling]

[dripping]

-Good morning.
-Morning.

I was worried you'’d left.

Where can I possibly go?

How long have you been up?

My body'’s used to being up
at 5 a.m.

I could only fight it
for so long.

-You should have woken me.
-It would'’ve been too cruel.

Plus, it gave me a chance
to make you breakfast.

I wanted to make you breakfast.

There'’s always tomorrow.

I don'’t think
I'’ve ever seen you cook.

Motherhood'’s changed me.

How is all that?

It'’s great,
Will'’s already walking.

-And Pete?
-Pete'’s the same.

Working a lot,
playing hockey, playing golf.

-Never an idle second.
-You'’re happy up there?

Well, it was hard at the start

but we'’ve made some friends.

It'’s our home now.

I'’m glad.

Of course I miss it here.

I don'’t think
you'’ve visited since

before you were pregnant.

I don'’t think you visited us

since before I was pregnant.

You'’re probably right.

Have you read this?

Yeah, I have.

-And?
-Yeah, I liked it.

[soft grunting]

[typing]

[water running]

Yeah.

[heavy breathing]

Oh my God.

[grunting]

[moaning]

I'’m thinking
of getting a tattoo.

-What of?
-I want to get Will'’s full name

from my wrist to my elbow.

Sure that will be nice.

Do you like it?

I haven'’t seen it.

The idea of it.

Why not have it wrap around
your arm like a snake?

That seems pretty trashy.

Is there a such thing
as a tasteful tattoo

or a trashy one?
Aren'’t they just as they are?

I thought you liked them?

I don'’t think I said I didn't.
I have them.

Do you think I'’ll regret it?

Do they care at your work?

It doesn'’t matter.

-It might.
-A kid'’s name?

-Everyone has tattoos.
-I guess.

Don'’t you remember when
we almost got matching ones.

Were we ever that close
to doing it?

We drew them.

Remember? The sail boats?

Your sail would have had
a "C" in it and mine a "J."

I haven'’t forgotten,
I might just remember it

a bit differently from you.

-You wouldn'’t have done it.
-I might have.

But we didn'’t
so we'’ll never know.

-I would have done it.
-Would'’ve been a strange thing

-to explain to your fiancé.
-Well, maybe the sail

wouldn'’t have had a "J" in it.

-How'’s being back at work?
-Oh, it'’s great.

It'’s nice to be able to have
a one-sided conversation

with someone
where the other person

is choosing not to respond.

But not because
they can'’t understand.

Going that well, is it?

It'’s just the push-pull.

The range of emotions
I experience on a daily basis

is not something
I was prepared for.

In what way? Wanting to be home?

Even now I feel the pull.

Lying here like this with you

in this perfect moment.

I still feel it.

Every time I leave him
I'’m thinking

am I doing the right thing?

What does that mean though,
the right thing?

Some point you have
to let him be.

I know, I'’m sure the feeling
will fade as he gets older.

I just...

I'’ve only spent a few nights
away from him.

-Seems mad.
-So what?

To miss him and to want
to be alone at the same time.

It'’s like I'm constantly
being pulled

in opposite directions.

-Right.
-I want to have my own life.

To have adult interactions
but how can I forgive myself

if something happened to him
if I wasn'’t there?

Right, of course, but aren'’t
you just tempting fate?

Well, every parent tries.

At some point
you'’ll have to let him be,

you'’ll cripple him.

I just want him to be safe.

And he is and he will be.

You can'’t control randomness.

I know.

You think you'’ll let him fail?

-At life?
-At anything.

Kids seem to have no onus
put on them anymore.

Failures are all the parents.

Did your parents let you fail?

I was perhaps given
a little too much latitude

in that department.

Retaking calculus
more than a few times.

And you'’re proud of this?

No, but I accepted
my failure eventually.

It'’s my fault. Not the parents,
not the teachers, but mine.

Well, in 15 to 20 years
I won'’t be helping him

with his calculus homework,
as if I could.

Just saying that there'’s
a constructiveness to failure

that seems to have been lost.

Some parents make me
not want to have kids.

Are you talking
about someone specific?

-Of course.
-Who?

No one,
are you done having kids?

I don'’t know, I'd always
imagined I'’d have more.

You do come from a big family.

You know, I'’d like to say
we'’re done but sometimes

a mothering instinct
comes on so strong

and I can'’t help but want more.

I can'’t imagine
wanting to be outnumbered.

It'’s just so hard
to pause your life.

I guess it'’s really two years.

Yeah, you start with things
the same for the most part

but normal life becomes
harder and harder to maintain

and then you just
sort of disappear.

You still saw people.

People came to see me, yes.

But...

the world, your job,
nothing waits for you.

Except me.

You'’re abnormal, kiddo.

So weird though because
this thing'’s happening to you

but nobody really even knows.

-Most people don'’t know you.
-Everyone that knows me knew

but other people that
I thought would know didn'’t.

Someone from Pete'’s work
came over after I had Will

and told me they didn'’t even
know I was pregnant

until Pete took two weeks
off for the birth.

He doesn'’t want to tell people
that he works with

about his personal life,
that bothers you?

They are close enough friends
to come to my house.

It just really makes you feel
like it'’s happening to you

-and not happening to us.
-It is happening to you though.

The experience of parenting
is just different

for a man and a woman.

Man'’s life's allowed to continue

essentially unchanged.

Women are different afterwards.

It'’s no wonder so many people
divorce after having kids.

I used to think it was
because they couldn'’t handle

the change in their lives,
I now know it'’s because

they can'’t handle the change

or lack of change
in their partner.

Could be that neither do
and they were never meant

-to make it work.
-I know I'’m generalizing

but I'’m just saying as a woman
there'’s so many

"What have I done"
moments when you have a kid.

You don'’t think men do?

They start a lot earlier
for women.

You live moment to moment
with them for nine months.

I'’m sure it's not hard
for the guy to feel left out.

They'’re there as much
as they want to be.

I wouldn'’t know.

[phone buzzing]

Chelsea? I was thinking
we could do something

we used to when
we were unemployed.

What might that be?

I think we should
get a little high.

Really?

Oh God.

I haven'’t done that in years.

I rarely ever do either
except at Thanksgiving

-with my cousins.
-Why Thanksgiving?

It doesn'’t matter,
that'’s just who I got it from.

Should we?

Let'’s go out to the alley
so it feels authentic.

[birds chirping]

-I miss your old car.
-You and you alone.

A lot of people had
a lot of fun in that car.

-Died with my youth.
-I'’ll probably picture you

driving it forever.

You'’ll be 50
and coming to pick me up

and I'’ll still picture
that gray Grand Am.

It'’s weird, those impressions
you get in your mind

that you can'’t get rid of.

I'’m sure they changed overtime,
they distort.

I guess.

You think so?

Memories become less sharp,
for sure.

They get filled in
by fiction, sorry.

That summer we spent
so much time together

I remember a red polka dot dress

but I'’m sure there wasn't one.

I don'’t remember a red dress.

Doesn'’t mean
I haven'’t forgotten.

You'’ve always had a mind
for minutia.

Seasons for me
are one blurred jumble.

How is it that you never tried
anything with me back then?

What if you'’d rejected me?

An unrequited flirtation is
sometimes better than reality.

Blow it hard.

You'’re disappointed.

No, definitely not,
I couldn'’t be happier.

But how many years
in the making is this?

Eight, nine?

I really do wish
I remembered the first time

I knew who you were.

Why did you never
try anything with me?

I just thought
I was one of many.

Some old lady you kept around.

I'’m sure you know
that isn'’t true and never was.

There were a lot back then.

There weren'’t really.

During our summer
I had a girlfriend.

Yeah.

There was also some ginger girl,
what was her name?

-Mel.
-Right. Mel.

Did you ever have any
isolated incidents with Mel?

No, never, close once.

She'’s married now.

And this would stop you?

Gotta empty that for me.

I'’ve retired
that part of my life.

If you'’re sure.

I rarely have the mental energy
for fantasy anymore.

There are only like three women
I fantasize about now.

Come on.

Seriously, you, Mel
and this girl

I worked with years ago.

No one else?

There are moments but persistent
fantasy over the years

there are three.

'’Cause what, you've never slept
with any of them

before this weekend?

Women I became
attached to emotionally

but never physically.

For whatever reason
they'’ve persisted.

You actually
had feelings for them.

You and them.

There are beautiful athletes,
celebrities

but they'’re empty to me.

Who was that...

[coughing]

...actress you liked?

That one when we used
to do our celebrity crushes.

-You know who I mean.
-Shelley Duvall.

Right from The Shining.

Yes.

She'’s beautiful.

She was.

She was.

She was.

No, don'’t, don't, don'’t.

[buzzing]

No.

Hello?

Good day, sir.

[buzzing]

Do it, do it.

[buzzing]

I feel like all this
stuff'’s in here for a reason.

The door was unlocked
when I got here.

I think we'’re supposed to know
we aren'’t welcome.

The door was unlocked.

The doors were closed.

It'’s no different
than going through

someone'’s medicine cabinet.

-I don'’t do that.
-If anything, that'’s different.

-I don'’t do that.
-It'’s more personal.

Never?

Aren'’t you curious?

I don'’t think I know anybody
with a medicine cabinet.

You know what I mean.

Well, I wouldn'’t like
the idea of someone

raiding through my life.

Is that why your
Instagram is private?

I don'’t want people to
look at pictures of my kid.

People I don'’t know.

There are that many people going
through your social media?

You don'’t know who's looking.

I'’ll let you in on something:
there'’s no one.

You don'’t understand.

I read somewhere recently

that childhood kidnappings
are down

something like 60 percent
since the 1980s.

Are there many child kidnappings
in Aurora?

It'’s not funny.

Dateline'’s not supposed
to be funny.

There'’s too much Dateline
in our lives.

No, this,
I'’m not joking about it.

Is the weed just making me
more edgy than normal?

Me too.

Come look through
these people'’s stuff with me.

Their lives anyways.

Is there really a difference?

-Between what?
-Your stuff and your life.

I don'’t know,
I'’d like to think so.

But I mean,
why do we need so much stuff?

I'’m sure these people
don'’t need all of this.

You moved to the suburbs
because your husband

hauled all your stuff.

Not my kid.

I like to think
that I'’m defined

by more than the shoes I wear

or the TV I have.

Look at this coat.

What defines you then?

My interests, my job.

How does being defined
by books or movies define you?

Aren'’t those just things
like your coat?

Yeah, but I mean like,
everything is a thing

at some point, right?

That'’s what makes you up.

How you react or choose
from the things up there.

Do you think we consciously
choose those things

or do we just like what we like?

-I hope I helped choose them.
-What?

I hope I helped choose them,

I helped define my
sensibilities.

-What?
-What defines you?

My family, Will.

So you'’re defined
by other people?

I never really thought
of Will as people.

He is at least, technically.

Yeah, but I'’ve always been
defined by my relationships.

I don'’t mind, you know?

Ever since I was younger.

-Do you have interests? Friends?
-Friends choose you too,

the collection of them
says something.

That'’s true.

We are who we are, right?

But who are they?

-They live here.
-They do

and we'’re in the middle
of their lives right now.

Do you think we'’ll get
in trouble for being in here?

All they can do is give me
a bad rating and frankly,

I'’m sick of the rating-based
society we live in.

Me too.

Why can'’t someone just tell me

if something is good or not?

Everything'’s the best
or the worst anyway.

Nothing is reasoned.

I just ignore it.

You'’re better than I am.

One or both of them
are photographers.

So many photobooks.

They got married recently.

When they lived here for sure.

If they moved, they wouldn'’t
have so many photos

-on the fridge, you know.
-How astute.

They'’d be like--what?

How astute.

This is also their first home.

-Probably a good bet.
-Shit.

They'’re probably
saving for something.

-What?
-Probably saving for something

if they'’re renting out
their home.

If?

People rent their homes
when they'’re on vacation.

-Do you?
-No.

'’Cause you don't need the money.

We work, I just feel it would be
like living in a hotel

all the time.

I think they'’re from here.

They wrote kitsch in the walls
about the city.

They could just dislike kitsch.

Everyone should dislike kitsch.

If they liked it it would be
all locked up in this room.

By itself.

Do you think we'’d be
friends with them?

I like their place.

It'’s the kind of place
I was looking for

when we were moving, you know.

Not a lot of room for kids.

I don'’t think they have any.

Yeah, but are they trying?

They have two bedrooms,
so maybe.

What I'’m really wondering
is if they'’re happy.

[thunder rumbling]

[rain pouring]

Do you think dreams
are prophetic?

As in, do they tell the future?

As in, is it possible
that I dreamed about this

so many times
that it actually came true?

If everything you dreamed
came true

-you wouldn'’t be here.
-I might.

You'’d be on Mars or at
Universal Studios or something.

Where would you be?

On an island, I guess.

Your dream'’s an island?

Being in paradise forever.

It'’s a state of being
not a dream.

A dream can be anything.

You dream of anything
and everything

but a dream is different.

A dream is different
than a dream.

It'’s surreal.

A beach, an island
seems pretty unreal to me.

It is reality though.

Yes.

But this is also a reality.

The logic is different.

Do you control yours?

Only once have I ever done that.

For a long time,
we only dated after dark.

You were usually in mind
but for some reason

I find sexually explicit dreams
unnerving.

-Really?
-It feels like I never slept.

-You never did.
-I was too afraid.

Your nightly visitors,
do they come anymore?

No, but when I wake at night
the fear is there.

They were just dreams.

They were real though.

Can you please pass me that?

Hm?

Yeah, no, yeah.

You think they
ever ate like this?

When they'’re feeling proper.

I don'’t think I've ever sat
at a table like this

with only one other person.

-It'’s strange.
-It reminds me of a scene

in Batman where Kim Basinger
and Michael Keaton

sit at opposite ends
of a table that'’s so long

they can'’t hear
each other speak.

I'’ve never seen it.

[chuckling]

[laughing]

[sighing]

[water trickling]

[whirring]

[whirring]

Do you watch this all the time?

It'’s all I watch.

-With the sound off?
-I don'’t need to hear

what they'’re saying.

It'’s like a fire.

Easy to get lost.

I can'’t believe the last time
I saw you was Russ'’s wedding.

Seems like a very long time ago.

I'’ve been to like

five weddings since then.

It'’s one of the weirdest
weddings I'’ve ever been to.

I know, it was sad.

I don'’t think I've ever
seen speeches that bad.

I know.

Pete got up in the middle
of one of them

and went to buy cigarettes
from the guy

that was sitting at our table.

A shame we weren'’t sat together.

I was at a table
with the other old people.

We were in an alcove,
coat check basically.

I'’ve never seen so many people
texting at a wedding.

At one point our entire table
had their phones out.

I hope they didn'’t realize.

Your wedding day
is so dreamlike.

There'’s so much going on,

it'’s hard to remember
the specifics.

It'’s just--it's really a blur
of faces and handshakes.

We managed to have a dance
at that wedding.

We did.

I'’m still mad at you
for not dancing with me at mine.

-I know.
-Why didn'’t we?

It'’s hard to attend the wedding
of someone you'’re in love with.

I--yeah,

-I guess it must be.
-Spent almost the entirety

of your wedding at a bar
at the bar.

I know, it still makes me sad.

I went to a Burger King,

and then
a strip club afterwards,

so I'’m not sure
who should be more sad.

Really?
I don'’t think I knew that.

Wasn'’t good.

[crunching]

Do you think you'’ll get married?

I don'’t know,
Jenny makes allusions to it,

but she'’s
quite a few years younger.

Do you want to?

Seems to
complicate things further.

Only if you get divorced.

Seems like a long commitment.

It'’s only a lifetime.

We'’ve orbited each other
for a long time,

and you don'’t seem
to be sick of me.

You were always at arm'’s length.

We'’ve spent a lot of time
alone together.

We have, but not like this,
or like a marriage.

I'’ve not spent this kind of time
with many people.

No?

Less than you, I'’m sure.

That doesn'’t matter.

How often do you think about me?

-Every day.
-I probably think about you

every day.

Even when we don'’t talk, though?

I don'’t have--I don't have
a choice in the matter.

-Yeah, guess not.
-What are we gonna do

about you thinking
about me every day?

There is nothing
you can do about that.

[whooshing]

[whirring]

♪

[ringtone beeping]

-Hello.
-Hi.

-How are you?
-Good.

It'’s good to see you.

-How are things going?
-Oh, it'’s okay, busy.

Great, are you
stuck in your hotel?

Yeah, I'’m done for the day,
I'’m headed out for dinner soon.

Yeah, sounds amazing.

Are you still planning
to be back tomorrow afternoon?

Are you going insane?

No, of course not.

We had our pizza
and ice cream dinner,

and he ran around
screaming for a while.

But, I put on a movie,

and he fell right asleep
actually.

-Do you want me to wake him up?
-No.

No.

Yeah, we had a good day,
we went to the park.

My mom came by for a bit.

I'’ll just put him in bed,
and then I'’ll watch the game.

That'’s great, it sounds good.

I mean, we miss you.

I know, I miss you guys, too.

Are you sure you don'’t want me
to wake him up?

We just saw your parents
last week.

I don'’t understand
why that'’s coming out again.

Yeah, I just want
a weekend at home

where I don'’t have to
feel on the entire time.

[sighing]

Yeah, I know--I know.

I know I'’m gone this weekend,
but it'’s for work.

These [unintelligible]
supporters are brutal.

[clinking]

We worked it out,
we decided some troubles.

Listen, listen, look, it'’s fine.

What am I gonna tell him,
not to come?

[trickling]

[sloshing]

Your brothers
don'’t live far away,

I don'’t understand why
they have to come ski with us.

At least your parents
have the decency to get a hotel.

I'’m fine, I'm just tired.

[clinking]

Yeah.

Okay.

I'’m glad you don't have to
do this very often.

You'’re going away this week.

Yeah, I know,
but somehow you going away

seems different.

It is, you'’re the one at home.

I'’ll just be happy
to have you back.

I know, I'’m excited
to come home, too,

but this is gonna happen
a lot more,

I'’m gonna travel
for work more, I just am.

Yeah, we'’ll talk about it more
when you come back.

There is nothing to talk about.

All right.

Yep, can we not do this?

-What are we doing?
-This, what we do.

What we always do.

We'’re just talking.

If you say so.

Just come home soon, okay?

I--I gotta go
get ready for dinner, okay?

Okay, uh, I'’ll see you tomorrow?

-Yeah.
-Have a good night, okay?

You too.

-Love you.
-Love you, too.

Bye.

How was that?

-Fine, you?
-Fine as well.

Should we make dinner?

Are you hungry?

Yeah, sure.

I'’m not sure I wanna eat.

-What do you wanna do?
-I don'’t know.

Well, it'’s up to you,
we can just sit here

and relax for a bit
if you'’d like.

Doesn'’t matter.

What?

Just--this is the first time
I can remember

putting my own pleasure
above others'’,

and I'’m struggling
with it a bit.

[sighing]

I'’m sorry, I don't know why
I'’m so upset.

No, it'’s fine.

It'’s just I spend so much time
trying to please everyone else,

my husband, my family, my kid.

You'’re choosing yourself.

Am I?

Maybe I'’m actually doing it
for you, pleasing you,

pretending to please myself.

I was under the impression
you were here

because you wanted to be.

[sighing]

I am, I do wanna be here,
but I don'’t feel like

I had a choice with you,
I never had a choice with you.

You chose to come here.

We are here, we have fucked.

No one'’s gonna
wind back the tape.

No one'’s gonna absolve you.

I know, I didn'’t realize
I'’d need absolution,

I just--I don'’t know,
I don'’t know what to say!

Well, no, come on.

I just can'’t help but thinking
I'’m not the only one

-you'’ve done this with.
-What I do and with who

doesn'’t really matter right now.

It does, don'’t you understand
how special this is to me?

How out of character it is?

I do honestly, but if you'’re
hoping to not do it,

you can'’t.

No, I'’m here,

so here for you,
and every time I look over

you'’re on your phone
talking to someone else,

or arranging another
weekend with someone else.

Not doing anything,
it'’s just habit.

Have you seen me look at mine?

I am totally here with you,

but you'’re always
looking outside

looking for more.

What are you talking about?

The unknown'’s always enticing,
but now I'’m known to you,

you'’ll probably
never talk to me again.

Where is this coming from?

Just feel like someone else
is under my skin,

like I'’m watching
these things happen,

-but I have no control.
-It'’s only you.

I also keep thinking about
how I'’m glad we never dated,

because I'’d be at home
and you'’d be here

-with someone else right now.
-You'’re speculating at something

that never happened.

Admit it.

What am I admitting to?

Just admit that
you'’d be here with someone else,

that you wanna do this again,

-just with someone else.
-What do you want me to say?

That I wanna fuck other women?

You are other women.

-I did it for you.
-Why are you speaking

in the past tense?

[sighing]

We didn'’t even manage
to leave the city you live in,

one of your girlfriend'’s friends
lives down the street.

Where do you wanna go,
somewhere we can walk

hand in hand?

This is illicit,
this is an affair,

this is what you wanted.

-You said this was different.
-This is different.

You'’ve been a part
of my entire adult life.

Just because I'’ve slept with you
doesn'’t mean that's gonna stop.

No, you always
get what you want,

I'’ve come to realize that.

You were just so patient,

you knew eventually I'’d crack
and we'’d be here.

I didn'’t trick you,
stop trying to make this

about me.

I don'’t know.

This was there for you
all along.

A month ago you messaged me--
I'’m still the same.

-Nothing changed.
-Now I'’m just speculating.

If you don'’t wanna see it,
that'’s fine.

Let'’s just have dinner
and forget about this.

Ugh, I guess
I shouldn'’t be surprised.

I'’ve seen you do this
to so many others.

I haven'’t done anything
to anyone.

This was supposed to be
about us realizing

-what we'’ve always known.
-And now you'’ve realized it.

Sure the reason
you'’re here isn't me?

Could say the same thing to you.

Could, but that goes beyond
my current situation.

Convenient.

You knew I'’d come.

Whatever'’s going on
in your life got you here,

and I'’m sorry for that.

I could say
the same thing to you.

Oh, you'’re right, of course,

I'’ve always been a face
in the crowd to you.

-That'’s not what I meant.
-Isn'’t it?

I'’m here because
you never left my mind.

Oh, my God, what am I
gonna tell my husband?

You'’re gonna tell him
what you already told him.

I don'’t know,
how can I go home and kiss him?

-I know what we'’ve done.
-Feeling will fade.

But it won'’t, what if it just
grows and festers inside me?

-You won'’t say anything.
-I don'’t know how I won't.

What if I can'’t
be with him anymore?

-What are you gonna tell him?
-What we did.

I won'’t be responsible
for breaking up a marriage.

-A family.
-I think you need to calm down.

You realize
this would destroy Pete?

-I have to be honest with him.
-What good does it do?

What'’s done is done.

-Are you happy?
-What?

-Are you happy?
-I'’m fine.

You think I'’m an idiot
for starting a family?

You think there'’s
no way I'’m happy?

I don'’t know anything about it.

I never should'’ve done this.

Can'’t take it back.

I know, I have to
make it right, though.

What are you gonna do?

I don'’t know.

Shame that
the easiest person to lie to

is the person
who trusts you the most.

-Why did we do this?
-I know why I did it.

It'’s always a fantasy.

You could'’ve said no.

You got on the train,
you came here.

But I was so close to not.

You know, I almost didn'’t
get on the train.

You did, though.

I just needed
a weekend away to see

-what it could'’ve been like.
-Doesn'’t matter why you came.

It does to me, though.

There'’s no amount
of rationalization

that will make you
feel okay you came.

What should we do?

Can'’t go back till tomorrow,
so let'’s just enjoy

what time we have left.

We could get on a train tonight,say the conference ended early.

Is that what you wanna do?

You'’ll be fine, this'll pass.

Can you please
not condescend me?

You fucked me, all right?
You got what you wanted.

-You didn'’t want the same?
-I did want it, but so what?

I shouldn'’t have done it.

Actually, do you think
you could go out for a while?

-Where do you want me to go?
-Please, just go buy me

-some cigarettes.
-Do you still smoke?

Only secretly.

-Please.
-Sure.

-Thank you.
-Morleys?

[sighing]

[whirring]

[distant horn honking]

[clicking]

♪

[unzipping]

[sniffling]

[crying]

[thudding]

[whirring]

[distant car passing]

[whooshing]

[creaking]

How'’s the pizza?

Excuse me?

The pizza, how is it?

[clock chiming]

It'’s great.

Can you please pass
the dipping sauce?

[clock chiming]

Did you have a hard time
finding the house?

No, it was no problem.

Do you like eating in here?

Do you wanna get out of here?

♪

[whirring]

♪

[clanking]

♪

I don'’t understand
why this TV is so small.

What do you mean?

Why would someone
own a TV this small?

Maybe it'’s old.

You'’re right by the way.

About what?

I have been messaging
with someone else.

I know.

I haven'’t slept with her yet,
she'’s quite a bit younger.

It'’s funny how men
equate cheating with sex.

It'’s part of it, sure,
but it'’s the intimacy.

If your only defense is that
you haven'’t slept with her,

it'’s probably too late.

By that rationale, you'’ve been
cheating on Pete for years.

I am aware.

Regardless of the situation,
I shouldn'’t be texting her now.

Are you gonna sleep with her?

I don'’t know.

-Where did you meet her?
-She got hired at my company

a few months ago.

That place has always supplied
a wealth for you.

Oh, I'’m hard to get,
all you gotta do is ask me.

You don'’t need to feign guilt.

You'’ve always known
what you were doing.

Acting as if you don'’t now
only insults us both.

Just happens.

You being inside them?

Starts off innocuously,
but we'’ll all be out

at a bar somewhere,
and it will just turn.

You turn it, though.

You turn self-deprecating,
and those young girls

fall into your trap.

They'’re complicit in it.

You'’re playing a game where you
already know the outcome.

Sex has always been
a way that I know women.

Some point when I become
close enough friends with them

I have this inexplicable urge
to sleep with them.

You have a perverse view
of friendship.

If I haven'’t slept with them,

there'’s always this part
that'’s hidden away,

kept secret from me.

You'’re just being territorial,
whether you know it or not,

or want to admit it or not,
that'’s all it is.

They come close to you
and they have to be yours.

I find it hard to believe
you view sex like that.

It'’s better if you don't
share it with everyone you know.

-Really?
-It'’s better

when kept a secret.

Plus, sex is
an expression of emotion,

whether you want
to admit it or not.

-Not always.
-Emptiness is an emotion.

Loneliness is an emotion.

Sounds to me like you actually
have feelings for these women,

and since you'’re usually
in some kind of a relationship,

these work women
are your immediate options.

Or I could just want
to get to know them better.

You could, I suppose.

Here'’s lookin' at you, kid.

Would you be offended
if I told you

I'’ve never seen that movie?

I don'’t know if I'd be offended,
I'’d be sad for you.

What is that supposed to mean?

I don'’t really know,
I always thought it was

something old drunks said.

What movie is that from again?

[insects buzzing]

[distant cars passing]

Remember when we used to
talk about how we were gonna

-run away together?
-Spain.

Wish we'’d done it.

It'’s terrible to realize
it'’s too late for something.

-Still think about it sometimes.
-I do, too.

It'’s been so hard lately,
and us over there

always seemed so easy.

Could'’ve been Jake Barnes
and Lady Brett Ashley.

That'’d be more accurate
if we went now.

Do you remember the morning
I called you at work

to tell you I had had William?

Well, you just had a baby,
or something to that effect.

You came down to the hospital,

first person to come visit,
and I knew then

that we were never
gonna run away.

It was always a fantasy,
but I knew then for certain.

We can imagine.

You just stood there
holding Will,

and I just knew.

Your wedding
was sort of it for me,

but you having kids
definitely changed things.

Things were different that day.

You walk into a room
as two people

and come out as three.

I'’m sure that's why
you take so many photos.

I know no one cares.

I like them,
and I wanna see them,

but my life'’s a bit saturated
with that sort of thing.

Yeah, people without kids
don'’t wanna see them

and people with kids are
too busy doing the same thing.

Every childhood
is different but the same,

damaging but quickly forgotten.

The past in general
is a weird thing.

It defines you but it isn'’t you.

I mean, really,
I'’m here because of our past,

not because of how we are now.

Doesn'’t matter, though,
it'’s all imagined.

Oh, we never had anything?

You'’re not here
because of what we had,

you'’re here
'’cause of something else.

Maybe.

The biggest cruelty in life is
being in love with two people.

It'’s worse if both of them
love you back.

Not for you it wasn'’t,
you figured it out

and both still love you.

You'’re with the one you chose.

Doesn'’t make things easier.

No, but they'’re
still in your life.

Yeah, they are.

Em and I broke up
the year you got married.

Her not being invited
to your wedding

didn'’t help things.

You decided that,
you all decided you'’d rather

have a table full of boys
than bring dates.

I know,
but she suspected something,

and slowly we came apart.

-Because of my wedding?
-Yes and no.

I'’m sure I acted strangely
around the time of your wedding,

I mean, I acted strangely
at your wedding.

You were fine,
you just didn'’t talk much.

Which was strange
in and of itself.

Crazy thing is,
now what, five years later,

I still can'’t talk about her,
I can'’t think about her

without feeling
some sort of pang inside.

Maybe you loved her.

She was--she was
the greatest part of my life.

Do you ever talk to her?

Afterwards, out of pity,
she kept in close contact

with me, but eventually
had to tell her to stop,

that I couldn'’t take it anymore.

I'’m sure it wasn't pity.

I never told anyone this,
but a few months after

I broke up with her,
I saw her out on a date

with someone else.

It'’s funny, at some point,
she became her,

as if her name was too damaging.

Saying it
or thinking it too much.

I can still see it so clearly.

It cut me so deeply.

I think I still thought
that somehow it'’d pass,

that she'’d take me back,

that we'’d get
back together again,

and seeing her there
with someone else,

it just destroyed me.

I walked home in this daze,

and I just wept for hours.

I'’ve never felt
something like that before,

and felt so devoid
of emotion afterwards.

Do you remember the apartment
I was in then?

Of course,
I told you I was pregnant

-in that apartment.
-You did.

I thought you'’d
never talk to me again.

Can'’t believe that was ever
a real concern of yours.

You were absolutely
against children,

I thought it'’d be
too much for you.

Loss was too much for me.

Went through this phase
of seeing her everywhere.

I'’d get on the subway
and she'’d be there.

She'’d be in a cab passing by.

It was never her?

She was in Germany
or Saint-Tropez

or something for a while.

Oh.

Do you remember
when I got really sick,

that viral throat infection
I had?

Vaguely.

Was all emaciated,
I lost like 30 pounds

and was delirious.

I was completely wrecked
by having seen Em

with someone else.

I just couldn'’t take it anymore,
I decided it'’d be better

not to be alive.

You seriously considered
killing yourself?

I thought about it all the time,
more than anything else

for a while.

So selfish, I can'’t believe
you would even think it.

It'’s stupid.

I just didn'’t see any difference
between being dead or alive.

[whirring]

Figured most people
in the world, my world anyways,

weren'’t alive,
they weren'’t living lives,

they were just alive,
which to me meant dead.

I'’d think about how
the dead weren'’t lonely.

You had a life.

Didn'’t seem so,
I had a collection of nothings.

You have one now, you being here
is evidence of that.

Basically decided
I had to do it.

I'’d write this
brilliant suicide note,

letting everyone know
it was all okay.

-That I was fine.
-Suicide notes

are meant to hurt.

Maybe they are, I don'’t know.

[whirring]

Guess there'’s no way
for them not to.

But I decided I'’d take
a handful of pills,

which I figured was as close
to dying in your sleep

as you could hope.

As I said, I'’d been sick,

so I had amounts of drugs
at my place.

I went over to my apartment
for what I thought

was the last time.

I remember going to
a garage sale and buying a copy

of This Side of Paradise,
which somehow made sense.

And I bought
some good stationery,

and I wrote this suicide note
that I thought was wonderful

aligning all the reasons
why I wasn'’t worth it.

Then, I showered,

and I dressed.

[cars passing]

And I laid--

and I laid in my bed with all--

with all the pill bottles.

[sobbing]

For whatever reason,
I couldn'’t do it.

You actually didn'’t want to die.

No, I realized I--

I was afraid of death,
and what it meant

being dead.

But not really, just quite
suddenly I found myself

wondering whether
there was a hell.

Would I go there?

I'’m sure you were looking
for reasons to not do it.

[whirring]

[engine puttering]

I just couldn'’t let myself be
one of those cries for help

shamefully
being placed in a hospital

'’cause I couldn't
kill myself properly.

But you didn'’t do it.

Nope.

Quickly realized I couldn'’t.

The fear was palpable.

That primal fear, though,
it made me feel alive.

Swept the pill bottles
onto the floor,

and I just laid there for hours.

Remember...

and the phone rang.

Some guys were going out,
and they wanted me to come,

so I went.

[cars passing]

Are you seriously telling me
that my wedding

and you breaking up with Emily
almost made you kill yourself?

It was just this urge
comes up in you.

Feeling can'’t be explained,
it just takes over your mind.

-What'’d the note say?
-It said a lot of things.

Things that, you'’re right,
would'’ve hurt people

I cared about.

But when you'’re in that space,
you don'’t--

it doesn'’t make any sense.

You just see yourself
as a burden on others,

that'’s why you wanna do it,
that'’s why I wanted to do it.

I kept the note
for a long while.

Read it occasionally.

Thought I'’d do something
with it, but I just

threw it out one day.

It'’s good that it's gone.

It'’s a time of my life
that I'’m glad is a part of me,

but happy to be away from.

I lost both of you that year.

It'’s supposed to be
a nice day tomorrow.

They'’re all nice days.

[crickets chirping]

[whirring]

[water running]

Wanted to make you breakfast
before you left.

You really didn'’t have to
go to all the trouble.

It'’s the one thing I wanted
to do for you this weekend.

-Cook me breakfast?
-One of the few things

I think I'’ve ever done
for you before.

Seems so improbable that you'’ve
never cooked me breakfast.

You always left
shortly after dawn.

I did.

Looks delicious,
you'’re not eating?

No, I already ate.

This part of the plan,
to watch me eat?

Was.

How'’s your week?

Well, it'’s not gonna be too bad,
I'’ve got a couple meetings,

but mostly in office.

Pete'’s going away
for a couple days.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah, his firm'’s building

some bridge up north,
so he'’s gotta go

supervise it or something.

Sounds great.

-You?
-Same, same.

It'’s a shame we couldn't
go for a walk this weekend.

I know, it was all we ever
used to do, it seems odd not to.

Yeah, and in the town
where we did it all.

I'’m sure we walked
right past this place.

Probably.

I don'’t really
go for walks anymore,

unless it'’s with a stroller,
and then it'’s

instantly different.

You know, nor do I.

I should,
I have no reason not to.

Maybe we still can.

[birds chirping]

[thudding]

-You'’re not leaving yet?
-No, I'’ve got the place

till tonight, so I'’m gonna
stay and do some work.

-Well, enjoy the peace.
-I will.

-So, talk to you soon?
-Of course.

You should really
come visit us sometime.

I will.

I love you.

I love you, too.

You sure you don'’t want me
to get you a cab?

No, I'’m gonna walk.

[unlatching]

[birds chirping]

[rattling]

♪