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Chapter five... like all families,
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the Hayworths shared
their trials and tribulations.
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Sarah was still looking
for a full-time job,
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but she'd recently
gotten some freelance work.
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Of course, her brothers were nothing
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but thrilled and supportive.
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Please stop laughing.
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I'm sorry. It's... it's kind of funny.
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- That's, like, 100% a real job?
- Yes! Okay?
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I am helping people
get their pets certified
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as emotional support animals.
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So let's just say, I want to
bring a racoon to Six Flags.
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You have the power to make that happen?
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Okay, it's not what I want
to do for the rest of my life,
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but it's a paycheck,
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and Denise has been paying
for everything
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the past couple months, so...
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Last time I flew commercial,
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I sat right next to a giant tortoise.
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Okay, what did I miss?
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Actually, I don't care. Thanks.
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Guys, Kelvin would like the floor.
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For school, he has to do
a report on a family member
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whose job he admires,
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and he's figuring out who to pick.
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Oh.
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Oh, well. That can be a tough decision,
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but I guess if you want to learn
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from a "New York Times"
best-selling author...
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- I choose Uncle Connor.
- What now?
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My guy.
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Uncle Connor for the win.
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I will not let you down!
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Okay, sweetie.
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Um, did you consider anybody else?
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Nope.
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I may not know what
Uncle Connor actually does...
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That's fine. It's not clear.
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But he definitely has the coolest job.
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- Mm-hmm.
- Look at this place!
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Look at the place.
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Well, you know, Kelvin,
in ancient times,
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they used to consider a writer
kind of the first cool job.
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Please stop before you use
the word "scribe."
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Kel, you know you can come
to work with me or Lupe
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or even Uncle Tommy.
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- I was the last option?
- Ah, hi.
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Sarah and I didn't even make the list.
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You know, what I do at home
is actually harder
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than what I did at the law firm,
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but because I don't make any dinero,
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it's not considered a job.
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Actually, I did just get a job.
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Yeah, it's a mildly
unethical one, but still...
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Oh, is unethical, like,
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a disqualifier
for this school-project thing?
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- Subs by kinglouisxx -
for www.addic7ed.com
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- Twins finally go to sleep?
- Yeah.
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I just started telling them
about what I did for a living.
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Put them right out.
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Still mad Kelvin didn't pick you?
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Nah, no, look.
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Sweetie, you see, being a novelist
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isn't just cool.
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It's lit... erature.
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Literature. We'll workshop that.
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And, yeah, I guess I'm a little
over-sensitive about work.
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I've been stuck on the same
stupid chapter for weeks.
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Honey, you've had writer's block before.
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You always get through it,
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but if you aren't working anyway,
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could you watch the twins tomorrow
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so I can run some errands?
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Actually, they say with writer's block,
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the best thing to do
is to kind of stay on task.
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Honey, I don't need to know
your whole process.
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Can you help out or not?
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Yeah, yeah. No, yeah.
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- Great, thank you.
- I can... yeah.
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Your mom seemed a little annoyed, huh?
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She was just cooking dinner
while folding laundry,
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and then she had to ask you for help.
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Oh.
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And now she's changing two diapers.
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You know what?
You're right, you're right.
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Mom does so much around here.
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I got to start helping out more.
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Honey, with puzzles,
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if you start with the corner pieces,
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- it makes it a lot easier...
- Dad!
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Okay, I'm helping. I'm helping, okay.
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Hey.
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Hey!
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One sec.
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Okay, okay, just come here, real quick.
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Mmm.
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Yep. Okay.
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Time to let go, Sarah.
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Just one more minute. I'm not ready.
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- Sarah.
- Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
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I know Connor may not be
the best mentor for Kelvin,
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but I'm picking him up at 4:30.
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How much damage can he do?
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Okay, 4:15.
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Okay, hey, buddy,
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no matter what your uncle says,
money is not the solution.
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It's the problem.
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Remember who you are.
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Okay.
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All right!
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Get to hang out at my home
office on a school day?
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This is gonna rule ass.
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Sorry. Rule butt.
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Hey, Kel, there's some
green juice in the kitchen.
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You want to go knock back
some anti-oxies?
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- Yeah, I do.
- Go knock them back, bud.
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What?
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Just please don't send
my son home saying,
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"Crushed it, bro."
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Okay, first off,
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they're saying "bruh" now.
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Second, what the hell, bruh?
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Been super rude
ever since Kelvin decided
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he wanted to be just like me.
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Okay, I don't know where you got that.
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That's not at all what he said, so...
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Sarah, Connor's generously
sharing his time today.
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00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:29,478
And my disciplined approach
to market risk informed
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by levelheaded financial analysis.
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I'm not gonna corrupt your son.
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00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,983
So you just got
a giant see-through house
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with ocean views
by never doing anything shady?
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That's a bay, genius!
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00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,822
We don't live in "the Ocean Area"!
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- Now we're yelling.
- And you want to talk shady?
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You're the one helping
cat ladies cheat the system!
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Some of them are legitimately
scared to dine alone.
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00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,623
- Are they?
- Some of them are!
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00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,875
Okay, and now we're calming down.
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00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,461
Smell the flowers. Cool the soup.
141
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,463
- What are you doing?
- This is a breathing technique
142
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I use on my second-graders
when they tantrum.
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Okay, there it is.
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00:05:01,340 --> 00:05:02,469
All right, it's time to go, Lulu.
145
00:05:02,559 --> 00:05:05,437
Okay, have fun exploiting the
masses and raping the planet.
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00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,807
Have a great day illegally
prescribing Shar Peis!
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00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,601
I'll pick him up by myself.
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Okay, mi'jita. Let's go, school!
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00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,315
Hey, thanks for taking the boys.
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00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,234
Ah, no problem.
Hey, you look good today.
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00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:20,028
- How do I usually look?
- Uh, no, no.
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00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,988
I'm just saying it's been
a long time since I've seen you
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with jewelry that you
didn't find in a Happy Meal.
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00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,952
Hey, I did the laundry,
even though you didn't ask me.
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Camila, honey?
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Could you draw your daddy a gold medal?
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Ha, ha, I deserve that.
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But I just want you to know,
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I'm gonna start
stepping it up around here.
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In fact, this is a list of everything
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that I am gonna take off
your plate today.
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I guess I could start
by crossing off "do laundry."
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Impressive!
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So you also did the four loads
in the babies' hamper?
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I wanted to save that for later.
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You know, give myself a little treat?
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Okay, have a good day.
Te quiero. Camila, vámonos!
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- Love you!
- Love you.
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Oh.
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You know, the period after Dad
kind of seems like a choice.
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Andele, get in the car.
I'll see you in there.
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00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,122
Hi. I'm running a few minutes late.
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Okay. Thank you so much.
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Hey!
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Do I use "permanent press"
on the twins' laundry?
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Also, what is "permanent press"?
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You know what?
I'm gonna figure it out myself.
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So no problem.
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So what I do, Kelvin,
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is a little thing I like
to call private equity.
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Basically, I take money from my company,
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put it into other companies
to eventually make more money.
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00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,484
I also do a bit of, uh, venture cap,
184
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bit of day trading... got it?
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00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,072
I definitely got the part
about more money.
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That's all you need to know.
187
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Then why's the diagram so complicated?
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Because, Kelvin... scented markers.
189
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,540
Yeah. The brown one's root beer.
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Come on, you got to work
with me here a little bit, man.
191
00:07:20,069 --> 00:07:22,029
Yeah, we can live with that.
192
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,528
Pizza's gonna be here in 20 minutes.
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Whoo!
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Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
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These people need help,
you're gonna help them.
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00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,958
Hello, I'm Sarah.
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00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,252
Hello, I'm Sarah.
198
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:45,090
Hi, I'm Sarah. How are you today?
199
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:47,133
I guess I'm not too great.
200
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,010
I have terrible anxiety.
201
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:50,679
So how often would you say
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that you suffer from your anxiety?
203
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,766
I guess whenever I don't
have DeeDee by my side.
204
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:59,187
Oh. Oh, DeeDee is a parrot.
205
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,481
DeeDee is a cockatiel.
206
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,441
Are you even a therapist?
207
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,276
It doesn't always feel like it.
208
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,240
Marina, you made it!
209
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,992
Hi. I'm so sorry I'm late.
210
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,036
Oh.
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00:08:18,255 --> 00:08:20,215
This will just be one moment.
212
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,293
Husband problems, you know what I mean?
213
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,587
My husband died two years ago.
214
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,715
I remembered that just as I said it.
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Perfect.
216
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,306
Boys, we got work to do.
Hands in the middle.
217
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,770
Come on, be a team player.
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00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,940
Okay, one's good enough for me. And go!
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00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,279
One, two.
220
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,990
Yeah.
221
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,130
Yeah.
222
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,057
Move Connor's divorce back a chapter.
223
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:21,060
End that section
with Tom asking for the loan.
224
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:22,562
I know.
225
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,314
Why didn't I think about that sooner?
226
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,567
Bon appétit!
227
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:38,077
So will one of these certificates
228
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,996
- cover multiple cats?
- Uh, no.
229
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,207
You need one certificate
for each animal.
230
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:45,543
How... how many certificates
do you need?
231
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,212
I would...
232
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,047
I would have to count them.
233
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,299
I'll call you back.
It's gonna be a while.
234
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:52,717
Okay.
235
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,636
Oh, my God.
236
00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:58,890
Hi, Lulu.
237
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,809
Hey, Lulu. How's work?
238
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:03,102
Well, I learned a lot about iguanas.
239
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:06,105
And I made $62
240
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:07,273
after taxes.
241
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:08,942
Ooh, yes! Bring home the bacon.
242
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,611
- Yeah.
- Well, soy bacon for us.
243
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:14,030
I picked up Shamiah, and now
we are at Connor's house.
244
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,698
Ah, great. Bring Kelvin home
245
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,200
before he ends up
in a white-collar prison.
246
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,827
Well, at least
he'll have his own room there.
247
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,703
- Okay, bye.
- Okay, bye.
248
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,916
Kel? Kel!
249
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,292
Shh, Mom!
250
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:30,338
No, Jerry, we had
a verbal contract in place,
251
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,632
and now you're getting scared on me.
252
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,801
We're trying to buy
40% of a tree care company,
253
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,386
but the owner wants to weasel out.
254
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,221
Do not make me the bad guy.
255
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,348
I swear to God, Jerry.
256
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:42,016
That's funny, Jerry!
257
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,768
I don't know
what you learned here today,
258
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,186
but that is not how we talk to people.
259
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:48,273
What are you talking about?
He's got Jerry by the plugs!
260
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:49,649
- No.
- What?
261
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,860
Oh. God!
262
00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:53,319
He went down to 20.
263
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:56,072
Slippery bastard! Hey, Denise.
264
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:58,992
- Hey, everything okay?
- No.
265
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,995
I've tried everything
with this guy... screaming,
266
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,997
yelling, shouting,
I even raised my voice.
267
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,164
Ooh, yeah, I get it.
268
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,375
I work with seven-year-olds all day.
269
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:10,086
You know what would work
better than getting loud?
270
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,838
What?
271
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:15,758
That is a really nice
shirt on you... very flattering.
272
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,677
- Thanks, I just got it.
- Oh, it looks good, yeah.
273
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,345
Can I borrow your car next week?
274
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,681
Of course, yeah.
275
00:11:21,756 --> 00:11:24,801
- Oh, being nice, yes!
- Yeah.
276
00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:26,831
- You want to try that with Jerry?
- No, I don't.
277
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,038
Hey, Jer, real quick...
278
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:29,772
I'm gonna put my operating
partner on the phone, okay?
279
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,901
- I've never really... I don't...
- Mom, talk to Jerry!
280
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,694
Hi, Jerry. This is Denise.
281
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,279
Sorry about my partner.
282
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:41,117
Uh, he's just so passionate
about tree-care equipment, yes.
283
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,827
And I can tell you're still upset.
284
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,787
Okay, let's do some breathing,
Jerry, okay?
285
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,039
Smell the bread.
286
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,373
Blow the bubbles.
287
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,083
Good, Jerry. Good.
288
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,793
You know, I had an uncle named Jerry.
289
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,045
He was my favorite uncle.
290
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:54,047
He used to call me "Niece Denise."
291
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,882
She doesn't have an Uncle Jerry.
292
00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:58,009
You know, Jer-bear, I am on your side.
293
00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,637
Clearly we both love the environment.
294
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,723
That's why we're
in the tree game, right?
295
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:07,435
So tell me what I got to do
to get you to sell us 30%?
296
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:11,064
60%. Oh, oh.
297
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:13,441
Oh, you'll go to 35 for Niece Denise?
298
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,693
Okay! I like hearing that.
299
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:18,988
And now all we have to do is...
300
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,448
ribbon dance.
301
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,825
Okay, it was good talking to you. Bye.
302
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,912
What?
303
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:29,207
- Wow!
- Mom, that was amazing!
304
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,708
You crushed it, bruh!
305
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,378
Yeah! I crushed it, bruh!
306
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:34,921
Ooh, that was exhilarating!
307
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,339
Is that why people lie all the time?
308
00:12:36,430 --> 00:12:38,342
It's one of the reasons, yeah.
How'd you do that?
309
00:12:38,435 --> 00:12:40,240
Oh, well, you catch
more flies with honey.
310
00:12:40,349 --> 00:12:42,261
Well, depending on how the
next quarter goes for Jerry,
311
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,930
you might've just made me
a lot of flies.
312
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,932
Ooh!
313
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:49,374
- You want to make some more?
- Yeah.
314
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:54,817
- Hey, hon.
- Hey, sweetie.
315
00:12:54,919 --> 00:12:56,028
Errands ran long.
316
00:12:56,106 --> 00:12:58,098
Do you think you could watch
the boys a little longer
317
00:12:58,196 --> 00:12:59,903
and pick Camila up from after-care?
318
00:12:59,957 --> 00:13:01,438
Oh, yeah, come on,
that's not gonna be a problem.
319
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:04,450
Thank you. How was your day?
320
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,786
Yeah, it was actually incredible.
321
00:13:06,860 --> 00:13:09,113
Turning my brain off to do housework
322
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,124
and watch the kids actually
got rid of my writer's block.
323
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,417
Turning your brain off?
324
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,127
So what I do all day is brainless?
325
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,461
No! No, no, no, no.
326
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,296
I'm saying I'm surprised
how much I got done.
327
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,965
- The house looks great.
- So I guess
328
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:21,634
you're more efficient
and a better housekeeper.
329
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,344
Oh, no, no, no, no.
That's not what I'm saying.
330
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:26,347
You know, all I can do is my best.
331
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:28,474
You know, now that
I'm looking around the house,
332
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,309
it's actually still
a kind of a disaster.
333
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:32,854
I better go. Okay, bye.
334
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:34,313
Okay, guys.
335
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,858
Now we got to make the house less clean.
336
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:39,152
I know, Daddy sounds crazy.
337
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,778
That's what marriage is sometimes.
338
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:50,872
I'll just redistribute
an artful amount of dust.
339
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,211
Daddy didn't really think
this one through, did he?
340
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,929
You know what I'm sayin'?
341
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:13,603
Okay, you're all set.
342
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,480
Really? Oh, you're so nice.
343
00:14:15,570 --> 00:14:18,031
I know a lot of people think
this is all a bunch of hooey,
344
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,776
but if I couldn't take Giblet
on the bus with me,
345
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,486
I don't think I'd be able to go to work.
346
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:24,614
- Oh.
- So, thank you.
347
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,033
Oh, you're so welcome.
348
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:29,577
Unrelated, you can prescribe
barbiturates, right?
349
00:14:29,642 --> 00:14:30,894
- Nope!
- Uppers, downers?
350
00:14:30,964 --> 00:14:32,622
- Betties, Veronicas?
- Uh-uh.
351
00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,167
Hey, Lulu.
352
00:14:36,245 --> 00:14:37,592
Hey. Are you guys on your way home?
353
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:38,961
Uh, we may go late here.
354
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,297
We, go... go late? What?
355
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,800
Oh, I have another call. How you doing?
356
00:14:43,890 --> 00:14:45,391
- Hi, Miss Sarah.
- Lupe?
357
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:46,886
Connor needed Denise's help
358
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:49,013
with a Belgian crypto situation.
359
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:52,350
Okay, wait. I'm sorry.
Denise is helping Connor?
360
00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:54,143
Yes. Apparently she's crushing it.
361
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,645
Lupe, I need more espresso!
362
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,396
Jean-Pierre, I know you're Belgian,
363
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,525
but you need to quit waffling on me.
364
00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:04,070
Okay, the perfect amount of mess.
365
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,197
Well, maybe one noodle more.
366
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,617
- What are you doing?
- Oh, boy.
367
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,244
You're putting pasta on the wall?
368
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,955
Uh, huh.
369
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:15,414
This is gonna sound crazy.
370
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:17,166
Well, you know what?
Maybe you're gonna love this.
371
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,544
I don't know.
Um, I got the house too clean.
372
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:23,506
I thought that might annoy you.
Then I made it too dirty again.
373
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,675
I knew that would annoy you.
Then I made it too clean again.
374
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,009
Where's Camila?
375
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,096
Did you forget to pick her up?
376
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,140
No.
377
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,102
On the plus side, I didn't
lose either of the twins,
378
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,104
so, you know...
379
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,647
Great.
380
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,359
Vivek, we've been through this.
381
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,319
Don't we trust each other by now?
382
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:46,442
Yes, Denise.
383
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,723
You led the horse to the water,
now drown him!
384
00:15:48,784 --> 00:15:51,900
- What is going on?
- Shh!
385
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,494
Leave while you still can.
386
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:56,122
Oh, Vivek's line of credit is almost up.
387
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:58,374
He's leveraged up the you-know-what.
388
00:15:58,457 --> 00:15:59,375
Go in for the kill, Mom!
389
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:00,585
I don't know what's happening!
390
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:01,627
Okay, here's what we're gonna to do...
391
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:04,297
- Okay, enough.
- Oh, Lulu, don't...
392
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,465
Thank you, we're not
interested in your blood money.
393
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,134
No.
394
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:10,344
Sarah, that was for a company
395
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:13,639
that gives micro-loans
to women-owned businesses.
396
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,683
Well, that's not the point.
What the hell is going on?
397
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,185
Well, I came to pick up Kelvin,
398
00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:18,603
and Connor couldn't close with Jerry.
399
00:16:18,669 --> 00:16:19,810
And then he put me
on the phone with Jerry.
400
00:16:19,873 --> 00:16:23,357
And I got Jerry up to 35%,
which is crazy!
401
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:24,650
- It's crazy.
- Crazy, can you believe that?
402
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,995
- No!
- Mom!
403
00:16:26,057 --> 00:16:29,197
It's almost 9:00 a.m. in Tokyo.
The Nikkei's about to open!
404
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,407
Nice, Kelvin.
405
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:34,368
Connor, may I speak
with you privately, please?
406
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,038
Now, Connor!
407
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:39,540
Konnichiwa. Yes, how are you?
408
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,709
You know, I always thought
Denise was a little soft,
409
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:43,169
but now...
410
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,588
she's like the sister I always wanted.
411
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,413
- You know what I mean.
- Denise is soft.
412
00:16:47,491 --> 00:16:48,666
What did you do to them?
413
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:51,010
Weren't you just saying you feel bad
414
00:16:51,085 --> 00:16:53,087
because Denise is the only
one who's paying for anything?
415
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:56,515
Well, Shamiah
just made 90 bucks shorting
416
00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,226
a Dutch biotech concern.
417
00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,019
I knew that you were gonna
corrupt Kelvin,
418
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,188
but now you went
and corrupted my whole family.
419
00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:03,814
- Corrupt?
- Yeah.
420
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:05,566
Oh.
421
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,026
Okay, I see, you think what I do
422
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,444
for a living has nothing to do with you.
423
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:09,654
I should hope not.
424
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:10,905
Well, let me tell you something, Sarah.
425
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:13,374
When I invest in a company like, say,
426
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:15,159
a mid-sized tree-care company,
427
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,370
that lowers the cost per unit
of their equipment.
428
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,205
Those savings get filtered
all the way down
429
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,791
from the manufacturer to the consumer.
430
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,043
And Americans, with a little
more money in the bank,
431
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,796
are far more likely to vote
to fund social services,
432
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:30,049
services like your old job...
433
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:33,177
the one where you got to help
all those kids who needed it.
434
00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,554
Yeah.
435
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,630
Are you trying to do
the cerulean blue speech
436
00:17:37,716 --> 00:17:38,776
from "Devil Wears Prada"?
437
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,016
I thought I could slip that one by you.
438
00:17:40,150 --> 00:17:41,570
- It's a great movie, though, huh?
- It's a great movie.
439
00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:42,648
I've seen it 5,000 times.
440
00:17:42,673 --> 00:17:44,109
I mean, there's actors,
and then there's, like...
441
00:17:44,148 --> 00:17:45,665
- Meryl. I mean, come on.
- Meryl.
442
00:17:45,703 --> 00:17:47,817
Sarah.
443
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,616
Is he doing his homework?
444
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:58,452
Hey, Kel, you're already
working on your report?
445
00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,830
I thought you usually wait till
the last minute on that stuff.
446
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,456
Uncle Connor taught me
447
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,293
about the importance of
determination and discipline.
448
00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:07,712
That's great, buddy!
449
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,964
He called them those sweet double Ds.
450
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:12,675
- Okay.
- I don't think I said it like that.
451
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,802
Lulu, I'm sorry I got so carried away.
452
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:16,345
It was just such a rush
453
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,431
compared to teaching second graders.
454
00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:20,146
I mean, it's not every day
you make $85,000
455
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,232
- in one phone call.
- You... what?
456
00:18:22,303 --> 00:18:25,313
I lost it five minutes later,
but it was so much fun.
457
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:27,773
You know what? It's actually okay.
458
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,608
It's kind of nice to being
the level-headed one for once.
459
00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:30,818
Oh, yes, look at you!
460
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,778
Look at me! It probably won't last long.
461
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,405
- Yeah, that makes sense.
- But we tried.
462
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:35,531
- We did try.
- We did.
463
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:40,870
Hi, everyone.
464
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,497
Welcome to my report on "Connormetrics."
465
00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:45,833
Whoo!
466
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,626
I learned a lot today,
467
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,795
both from my uncle and my moms.
468
00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:52,340
My uncle taught me
that it's nice to get paid,
469
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:55,831
but my moms taught me
that it pays to be nice.
470
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,138
To be clear,
I mean paid both spiritually
471
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,766
and in that sweet, sweet cash.
472
00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:02,933
Oh.
473
00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:04,685
I'm so proud of him.
474
00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,479
So, uh, let me try to understand
475
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:07,980
what was happening today.
476
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:10,733
It's simple, really.
You married an insane person.
477
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,401
Yeah.
478
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,445
Look, I was worried that
I wasn't doing enough to help,
479
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,739
so I did way too much,
and then I tried to undo it,
480
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:18,657
and I did way too little, but, uh...
481
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,826
Look, I just...
I saw that you were upset,
482
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,912
and I probably should have asked why.
483
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,914
Yeah, that would have been a good idea.
484
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:27,875
I wasn't running errands today.
485
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:31,045
I stopped by my old law firm.
486
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:32,505
Oh.
487
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:34,382
Remember when everyone was arguing
488
00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:37,218
about who Kelvin should pick,
whose job was the coolest?
489
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,303
Nobody even mentioned me.
490
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:41,347
It's like no one thinks
of what I do as a job
491
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,307
or even remembers I used to be a lawyer.
492
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:44,600
I mean, I'm sorry.
493
00:19:44,705 --> 00:19:46,070
I didn't pick up on that.
494
00:19:46,121 --> 00:19:47,211
It made sense for me to stay at home
495
00:19:47,285 --> 00:19:50,297
when your career was taking
off and I was burnt out.
496
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,400
Now it's been three years,
497
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:54,193
and, I mean, it's been great,
498
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:57,354
but also sometimes not.
499
00:19:57,455 --> 00:19:58,697
Yeah.
500
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:00,533
You want to go back to work at the firm?
501
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:03,285
God, no. I mean, I thought I did.
502
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:05,704
At first, I was excited
to put on business casual
503
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,581
and see old friends,
504
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,171
but then I remembered the 16-hour days,
505
00:20:09,252 --> 00:20:12,007
the office politics, and creepy Gary,
506
00:20:12,082 --> 00:20:14,343
who always offered me a bite of his sub.
507
00:20:14,437 --> 00:20:16,332
- Ugh.
- I might be ready to go back to work,
508
00:20:16,357 --> 00:20:18,222
but, uh, not there.
509
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,261
Also, I asked, and they're not hiring.
510
00:20:21,722 --> 00:20:24,515
Well, look, whatever you want
to do, I'm here to help, okay?
511
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:27,726
I mean, really help,
not destroy our entire house.
512
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,395
Thank you.
513
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:30,938
You know, we shouldn't hide
things from each other.
514
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:33,399
Absolutely. I might have
broken the washing machine.
515
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,401
Sometimes I say I'm taking a shower,
516
00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:36,819
but then I just get my hair
a little wet,
517
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,362
and I go to sleep on the bath mat.
518
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:39,697
Ooh.
519
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:40,823
Thank you. Thank you.
520
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,951
Mwah, mwah.
521
00:20:44,049 --> 00:20:46,281
You broke the washing machine?
522
00:20:47,364 --> 00:20:49,210
Kelvin's report was fantastic.
523
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,459
Yeah, as a writer, I was impressed.
524
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,377
Although the recap
of "The Wolf of Wall Street"
525
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:54,670
was more graphic than I expected.
526
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:57,256
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah, that was...
527
00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:59,592
Oh! Lupe, you baked?
528
00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:01,343
Yes, and I made a box
529
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,179
and put a sticker of the bakery on it.
530
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,264
It's from me. I-I bought a pie.
531
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:06,932
Oh, Sarah, that's so sweet.
532
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,934
Yep, I used the $47 that I made
533
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:11,520
helping a rich 26-year-old
take her bulldog
534
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,772
to a podcasting internship.
535
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:15,649
- All right.
- Yeah.
536
00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:17,693
Hey, are you gonna conference me in
537
00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:18,944
if Jerry ever calls again?
538
00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:20,488
Because I feel like I can wring
539
00:21:20,571 --> 00:21:22,448
another 2% of blood out of that stone.
540
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,450
Denise, you're starting to freak me out.
39746
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