All language subtitles for Golden.Years.2016.English

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

WOMAN: A leading pensions expert
has stated

that many people's expectations of their retirement incomes

were likely to be optimistic

and that in reality millions
will face retirement poverty.

The latest figures have come
at a time

when pensioners are already feeling very unsure

about their futures.

Social Services fear
that this growing uncertainty

may lead to some pensioners
taking desperate measures

in order to get by.

[ "Golden Years" plays ]

♪ Golden years

♪ Gold

♪ Wah, wah, wah

MAN:
Hello!

Have you seen
outside your window today?

It's a beautiful spring morning in the South West.

That's what we like to see.

But make the most of it,

because storms are forecast
for later on in the week.

Boo-hoo!

But coming up,
we've got the Henleaze W.I.

♪ Nights are warm
and the days are young ♪

[ Engine revs, tires screech ]

♪ There's my baby

♪ Lost, that's all

♪ Once I'm begging you

-♪ Save her little soul
-[ Horn plays "Dixie" ]

And our Brain of Bristol quiz.

Can anyone knock
Kevin from Keynsham

off his five-week run
at the top?

We'll soon find out.

Stay tuned for your chance
to win the quiz of a lifetime.

♪ Opening doors
and pulling some strings ♪

♪ Angel

♪ Come, get up, my baby

♪ In walked luck
and you looked in time ♪

♪ Never look back

♪ Walk tall, act fine

♪ Come, get up, my baby

♪ I'll stick with you, baby...

Morning, my love.

Oh.

Oh, thank you, Arthur.

Lovely.
Thank you.

As a little reward, why don't
you pop in for a cuddle?

Oh. [ Chuckles ]
Got lots to do.

Thought I'd better make
a good start.

Ah.

[ Children shouting in distance,
horn honks ]

-Morning, George.
-Morning, Arthur.

[ Music playing in distance ]

[ Doorbell rings ]

[ Music continues ]

Morning, Iris.

♪ There was an Eden

How are you today?

You're late.

Uh, Martha made you
a cottage pie.

I prefer shepherd's pie.

Oh.

♪ Fell in love

♪ Mm

MAN: If an adult human has
a full set of teeth,

-how many is that?
-Thirty-four.

KEVIN: I've only got a few in me head,

so I'm not really one to ask.

Thirty-four!

I know it's more than 30...

Come on, numskull.
Everyone knows it's 34.

-It's 30...
-Thirty-four.

MAN: I'm gonna have to
hurry you, Kevin.

KEVIN:
I'm gonna say 32.

MAN:
Correct!

What board game was invented
in 1932 by an unemployed...

Come on in.
He's just in the bedroom.

Is that my Steven?

Pot Noodle, you said?

It's all I got.

When I said it weren't
proper food...

...they locked me in me room.

Said I were having a turn
and...needed me rest.

But I'll tell you, Arthur.

I know whether I'm having
one of my bleeding turns or not.

Mr. Goode, I can assure you

the residents receive
a balanced nutritional offering.

A what?

A nutritional offering.

Calorific intake.

What they eat.

Oh.
Well, why didn't you say so?

I think we're getting
off the point.

We ourselves were concerned

whether Pot Noodles were fit
for purpose

and removed them
from the offering.

The reaction
amongst the residents

wasn't positive,
to say the least.

So we reoffered them.

As for being locked in his room,

the roster shows Mr. Wilkins
was assisted to his room

when he became fatigued.

If you have more feedback,
here's a form.

Or you can action
your information online.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ain't got no home

♪ Or no place to roam

♪ Ain't got no home

♪ Or no place to roam

♪ I'm a lonely boy

♪ I ain't got a home

♪ I've got a voice

♪ I love to sing

-♪ I sing like a bird
-ROYSTON: Evening, boys.

Uh, pint, Royston?
Or should I say Billy Fury?

Diet lemonade, please, Brian.

♪ I ain't got a home

I'm playing Eric Liddell

in the Tewkesbury Players'
production

of "Chariots of Fire."

[ Scottish accent ]
"I said to myself,

if I win, it's a win for God.

But now I find myself
sitting here destroying it all.

But I have to.

To run would be
against God's law."

I thank you.

Sounds more like "Braveheart."

So how's your toy boy?
Still off his game, then?

Well, let's say I haven't had
a bit of tickle,

let alone any slap for longer
than I care to think about.

Aw.

My Royston's not much fun now
at the moment,

what with all our worries.

They take it very hard.

Aren't you a little too, um...

curvaceous to play
an Olympic athlete?

What are you talking about?
I'm an Adonis.

At least that's
what my Shirley tells me.

I think you brainwashed her
somewhere back in the '50s.

Only with my devilish charm
and my roguish good looks.

Look, where's this
diet lemonade?

He's been like this all night.

He's just found out
his pension's buggered

and he's finding silly excuses

not to take a pint
from his mates.

Your pension's buggered?
How?

The little spiv that calls
himself our financial adviser

says it's falling
equity bondings

or...something like that.

Anyway, I can't afford
to buy a round,

so I'm covering Shirley's drinks
and I'm not drinking myself.

Anyway, Arthur, there's nothing
silly about having some pride.

So that's a pint for Royston,

two more pints for us,
and, uh, one for yourself.

Thank you, Arthur.

[ Liquid pouring ]

It's pride.

Eats away at the man side
of them,

like trying to make them
vegetarian.

Iris did that to her husband --
made him go vegetarian.

-For his health, she said.
-Oh.

Pined away for a want
of a sausage, he did.

Like you and me.
[ Laughs ]

-Oh. Sorry, boys.
-[ Up-tempo jazz plays ]

That's my cue.

Come on, Shirl!

Let's see it!

Oh!
[ Laughs ]

MAN:
Off you go.

[ Music continues ]

MARTHA: Are you going to tell me
what's wrong?

Is it Charlie?

You've not been the same
since this morning.

You should have seen him.

You should have seen the
clever clogs running the place,

letting him rot without a care.

As long as their balance sheets
add up.

You know, when he went in there,
he could walk for himself.

Now look.

Arthur, remember what we said.

We said we wouldn't let
ourselves get upset

about this kind of thing.

Be thankful
for what we've got...

and never forget
we've got each other.

I just feel so sodding helpless.

So bloody helpless.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Hello, Mr. Goode.
Sorry to keep you.

Uh, just so you know,
there's a note

on Mrs. Goode's
repeat prescription

asking that you contact
your doctor.

Ah.

Is everything okay?

There's never been a problem
before.

I can't tell you anything more,
I'm afraid.

You really must contact your GP.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

Hello there.

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

♪ I remember when we met

♪ I remember...

BRIAN: The doctor actually said
that to you?

Yeah. Well, they call it
the postcode lottery.

Apparently if you don't live
in the right area,

you don't get your medication.

And the medication
for Martha's Crohn's disease

isn't covered anymore.

And you reckon it'll cost you
£300 a month?

Well, that's just
for the basic medication.

On top of that,
there's another £1,000 a quarter

for her infusion.

You all right for that?
That's a lot of money.

I'll just have to be, won't I?

At Martha's age,
I can't imagine the risks.

Now, listen.
Don't say anything to the girls.

I'll sort it out somehow.

Yeah. Sure.

[ Dog barking ]

MAN: Cigarette Club
and don't spare the horses.

MAN #2: Wait a minute. We got
a little snooping to do first.

MAN: You can do your snooping,
but I'm going to Marty's party.

MAN #2:
So am I, afterward.

Don't you realize
this is a chance

for us to get
in the detective bureau?

MAN: What's the matter
with the emergency squad?

MAN #2:
Haven't you got any ambition?

MAN: Sure, but not for playing
cops and robbers.

Hey, driver,
drop me at the Cigarette Club.

Your mystery will keep
for an hour or so.

MAN #2: Will you go back
with me afterwards?

MAN:
It's a deal.

MAN #2:
Come on. Come on.

[ Cat meows ]

All right, love?
Everything okay?

I was just making a cup of tea.
I wondered if you wanted one.

Lovely.

[ Indistinct talking
on television ]

MAN: I see you've been given
your complimentary cappuccino.

Yes, thank you.

Um, I've --
I've come about the letter

that I've received from you.

Yes.
It's very serious.

Most unfortunate situation.

Unfortunate?
What -- What do you mean?

Trafalgar Electronics.

The letter we sent you.
Your pension.

No.
I don't understand.

I-I thought you were here

because of the letter
we sent you on the, um...

...2nd of May, 5:00 a.m.
New Delhi time.

No.

No, I never received a letter
from you about my pension.

I've come about the letter

concerning the bowls club
tenancy.

Bowls club?

Ardagh Lawn Bowls
and Social Club.

Coldharbour Road?

Oh.
I see.

What's this you say
about my pension?

I'll try to make this as simple
as possible.

Trafalgar Electronics
went into liquidation

on the...9th of April.

This has had
a detrimental effect

on the annual return
of your occupational pension,

leaving you with a seriously
depleted pension pot.

But that's daylight robbery.

Sir, with all due respect,
it's economics.

Maybe some tangibles
will help at this stage.

At your age,
a loan is out of the question.

We could discuss taking
your house off your hands.

The yield would be minimal.

I don't see
any other potentials.

Potentials?

[ Voice fading ]
Yes. Potentials.

You're going to require
some extra retirement income.

Have a good day, sir.

MAN:
Coming out now.

That's robbery.

Daylight robbery.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

MAN: With all that's happening
in the news, we asked --

Are we turning our backs
on our elderly?

We are following
the developments

in the pension crisis
all this week,

as many pensioners feel
forgotten,

thrown on the scrap heap.

We've been out and about
getting your views.

WOMAN: Well, we're having to
move in with my daughter,

as we just can't afford
to keep the house on.

MAN: I was in the bank
the other day,

and I might as well have been
invisible.

I should've robbed the place.
No one would've...

MAN: [ Echoing ]
Trafalgar Electronics

went into liquidation
on the 9th of April.

This has had
a detrimental effect...

You're going to require
some extra retirement income.

...discuss taking
your house off your hands.

Sir, with all due respect,
it's economics.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Vehicle approaching ]

[ Engine stops, door opens ]

MAN:
Coming out now.

[ Knock on door ]

WOMAN:
Ah. Mr. Goode.

I didn't expect to see you
and Jemima again so soon.

Well, she's been coughing a lot.

-Would you mind taking a look?
-Of course not.

[ Cat purring ]

Okay.

Coughing, you say?

[ Cat meows ]

Mm.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Dog whines ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Thunder rumbling ]

[ Bells chime ]

MAN: And a...a latte
with hazelnut syrup.

No. Hold on.
Change that to almond syrup.

-No. Hold on.
-Do -- Do you -- Excuse me.

-Do you have a toilet?
-Sorry, but I'm serving someone.

Yeah, but I just want to use
the toilet.

Do you mind?
I'm ordering here.

I just want to use the toilet.

Not without buying something
you can't.

Oh.
Uh...I'll have a muffin.

Chocolate, lemon, or blueberry?

Uh, blueberry.

Seriously, I was here first.

Well, you can have the muffin.

-I don't like blueberry.
-Look, who am I serving?

I was first.

All right.
Look. Look.

Just -- Just give him
whatever he wants.

I just need to use the toilet.

Fine.
It's on the back on the left.

All right.

[ Toilet flushes ]

[ Door closes ]

What are you doing?

[ Chuckles ]

What are you thinking about?

You stupid old man.

[ Sighs ]

Because that's what you are.

An old man.

Stop being so stupid.

Stop making a fool of yourself.

[ Knock on door, baby crying ]

WOMAN: Come on.
What are you doing in there?

I've got a baby to change.

GIRL:
I need a wee too, Mummy.

-My apologies.
-Okay.

-Sorry.
-Okay.

Come on, Hattie.
Let's change Sebby.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Bells chime ]

[ Thunder rumbling ]

[ Hinges squeak, door closes ]

MAN:
Bloody hell, Dave. Not so hard.

It's ringing like a bell
in here.

Coming out now.

[ Music continues ]

MARTHA:
Come on, love!

We'll be late for bowls
and bingo!

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Oh. One 90.
Top of the shop.

And that's the age
of my girlfriend.

Wife said it's okay
as long as she's older than her.

Here we go.

Legs 11.
Those wonderful legs.

WOMAN:
Whoo! [ Laughs ]

[ Jamaican accent ]
That's me!

Come on. Let's have a check.
Looks like we've got a winner.

Bingo!
The full house, darling!

MAN:
Here's your prize, madam.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

And I'll see you all
in a fortnight.

Fortnight?
What about next week?

Phil says the club can't afford
his petrol every week.

It's ridiculous.

Afternoon, ladies.

Oh.

The name is Thelma.

Care to help a lady enjoy
her winnings?

MAN: The daring daylight
robbery took place here,

outside Henleaze
Mutual Building Society,

at just after 9:30
this morning.

Police are still investigating
all possibilities

at this stage

and talking to several members
of the public

as well as bank staff.

That means they don't know
who did it.

Whoever done it,
good on 'em, I say.

Time someone struck back.

Poppycock.
It's theft, you quiffy pillock.

What do you think they done
to me?

All them fools in pinstripes
drinking champers

while Shirl and me haven't got
a pot to pee in.

What about the guard
that was hurt?

Your Byron did security.
What if it had been him?

That bloke weren't
badly injured.

They say he just got
a broken nose.

You ever had a broken nose?
It bloody hurts.

And there was me and Larry,
happy as two peas in a pod.

And the poor man has
an unexpected heart attack.

How unexpected?

Let's just say

I had time to get dressed
before the ambulance arrived.

May his soul rest in peace.

I'm glad he died contented.

Must be very tough.

How -- How many months
has it been since he passed?

Months?

It's been weeks, girlfriend.

And -- no disrespect to Larry --

I'm getting tired
of feeling lonely.

Weeks.

Sometimes a girl just needs
her coconuts.

[ Chuckles ]

Anyway, some plucky bugger
got away with 75 grand

of the bank's money.

Time they knew
what it felt like.

How much?

75 grand, they said.

Mark you,
it won't do much good for him,

not if they set off
the dye canisters.

What dye canisters?

Our Byron says most crims try to
hack into the security cases,

and that sets them off.

Covers them and the cash
in blue dye.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh.

If me wig's not on back to front
by the time we're through,

I want my money back.

[ Laughs ]

Listen, ladies.

If you ever feel the need
to give yourself a little boost

and your fella's having
a quiet spell...

Mm.

...then all you need
is some playt'ings.

What's "playt'ings"?

Oh.

[ Zipper opens ]

[ Buzzing ]

[ Buzzing ]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Tires squealing ]

I ain't carrying nothing.

You searched me already.
I ain't carrying nothing.

Once again, it's
"I'm not carrying anything."

Search him again, Cully.

-You may have missed something.
-Will do, Chief.

♪ Everyone's a winner, baby

-♪ That's the truth
-♪ That's the truth

♪ Making love to you...

No one saw it?
Outside the building society?

How much?

No, thanks.
75, they're claiming.

Hang on.

Someone holds up a security van
without a gun

and makes off with 75 grand,
and nobody sees them at it?

Is the whole bloody town asleep?

What's the description?

MAN:
There isn't one. Nobody saw it.

No witnesses?

But the security guards
must have seen them.

-Seen who?
-Apparently not.

One knocked out cold,
the other locked in the back.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Back up there, soldier.

Confusing the old boy.

Run it past us.
We'll sort it out.

Tell him.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Without the sigh,
thank you, Sergeant.

Yes, sir.

-Uh, robbery in Henleaze.
-Staffordshire.

Bristol.
Outside a building society.

Security van, sir.
75--

Thousand.

Yes, thousand, sir.

-Shooters?
-No, sir.

I was just telling
Detective Morris --

And now you're telling me.

Witnesses?

No, sir.

Come, come, Sergeant.

I'm including security guards
as witnesses.

So am I, sir,
and they didn't see nothing.

Didn't see anything,Sergeant.

Not home to Mr. Double Negative,
are we?

[ Exhales deeply ]

So you're telling me

someone made off with 75 large
in broad daylight

from the security van
outside a building society

and nobody saw anything?

This whole town asleep?

And we've finally caught up.

All right, Sarge.

Keep an eye out
for any copycats, connections,

similar runs,
word from London links.

You don't mind if I tap up
a few of my contacts

for the word on the street,
eh, Sid?

Tap away, Stringer.
Tap away.

[ Whirring ]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Whirring stops ]

Hello, Arthur.
Everything all right?

Mm.
This is coming on well.

It's a work of art.

Hm.

Just wondered if you had, um,

a handheld angle grinder
that I could borrow.

I'll have a look.

-Something I can help you with?
-No, no.

It's not that big a job.

I was just doing a favor
for Iris next door.

Yeah.

Diamond-tipped wheel
if you've got it.

[ Music continues ]

[ Buzzing in distance ]

[ Buzzing stops ]

You did it.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughing ]

WOMAN: A spokesperson from the
Bristol and South West Police

stated that the robbery would
have taken months of planning

by a highly organized
criminal gang.

Security on all vans
has been doubled

in a move that banks say is a purely precautionary measure.

It's widely believed

the money will have been
laundered already

and passed through

a sophisticated
underground network,

making it almost impossible
to trace.

Arthur, it's beautiful.

[ Both chuckle ]

-The Valencia Getaway.
-Oh.

-Top of the range.
-No.

[ Chuckles ]

And I've planned
our first itinerary --

five houses, all your favorites.

We're finally going to get away.

Oh, you're such a wonderful man.

[ Door opens ]

They're opening up
the Eastfield Inn tonight.

Oh, yeah?

They've got a new chef.

Very good, apparently.

I, um, thought we might go there
for a bite to eat this evening.

Well, let's see.

I might have to work late
tonight.

Yes.
Of course.

Silly me.

What was I thinking?

Martha, I'm going.

Just going to go
and get the fish for tonight.

Oh.
Have you got your bag for life?

MARTHA:
Hm.

Okay.

[ Door opens, closes ]

[ Cat purring ]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Thud, cat yowls ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Door closes ]

Martha, I seem to have lost my,
um...

I think we need to have
a little chat, don't you?

[ Cat meows ]

How much?

£50,000.

Said 75,000 on the wireless.

They're lying.

For insurance purposes,
I suppose.

Oh, fudge.
Iris.

Now, you stay
exactly where you are.

I will be back in a moment.

[ Music playing in distance ]

[ Doorbell ringing ]

[ Music continues ]

♪ Once upon a time
there was an Eden ♪

Cold food.

-Is that the best you could do?
-Yes.

♪ Once upon a time,
Adam and Eve ♪

[ Door closes ]

Oh.

Why in the name of blue blazes

did you walk up to a
security guard in broad daylight

and hit him over the head?

I didn't hit him over the head.

Well, I didn't.

My plan was to do it
without hurting anyone.

And it was never meant
to involve you.

How can it not, Arthur?
I know everything.

I'm in it just as much
as you are.

Whether it's by giving you
your tea

or living under the same roof,

I'm aiding and abetting
a known criminal.

I know.

I know.

But I got the money.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

To be honest, it all happened
by mistake, really,

a kind of accident.

But it hasmade me realize
that...

...it is possible.

Are you planning to do it again?

Martha, for the first time in...

...in my life, really...
I felt alive.

Relevant.

I felt like I could help.

You could go to prison.

You could be shot, Arthur.

I don't want to be a widow.

I want you with me
to grow old -- older with me.

Well...they haven't
caught me yet.

It's still a crime, Arthur.
You're stealing.

I don't know why we're having
this conversation.

My husband's a wanted man.

[ Both chuckle ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Telephone ringing ]

Hello?

MAN:
Hello?

Hello?

[ Man speaking indistinctly ]

Oh.

Oh, that's terrible.

Oh, w-we'll be right over.

WOMAN:
From what we can make out,

he's taken three times the dose
of his painkillers.

He's stable now,

but we'll need to keep him in
a few days to monitor him,

as he's very weak.

I'll leave you with him
for a sec,

'cause I've got to go find him
a bed on the ward.

[ Monitor beeping,
siren wailing in distance ]

What are we going to do
with you, Charlie?

You can't be trusted
on your own.

I'm so sorry.

So, so sorry.

I just...wanted to go.

I just...

I'm sorry, Martha.

I'm so sorry.

We have to get him out of there,
Arthur,

and those other poor souls.

We -- We can't leave him
like this.

Whatever we have to do, Arthur.

I'm not having this.

ARTHUR: You know,
there isa way we can help.

You might not like it,
but, uh...

it could just be the solution
we're looking for.

Go on, then.

Well, we need to raise money
quickly.

And I've proved it can be done,

albeit a little
unconventionally.

I think I can do it again --
with a bit more planning.

Okay.

-What?
-You're on.

But this time,

-I'm coming with you.
-No, no, no, no.

I haven't stopped thinking
about Charlie and how --

how desperate he was.

And what you did.

Arthur Goode,
I love you so much.

I couldn't stand
not being with you.

I need you now...more than ever.

So if we're going to rob banks
to sort out this sorry mess...

we'll do it together.

No, no. W-Wait.
What -- What about your health?

Please don't bring that up.
I'm fine.

Anyway, all the more reason
to do it now

so we can plan the banks around
the National Trust houses and...

I still get to get my tour.

Ah. Right.

I knew there was
an ulterior motive.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

♪ There's a shout
out on the street ♪

♪ There's a promise in the air

♪ When the sun goes down

♪ I hear a whisper
and a prayer ♪

♪ Don't give up,
don't give a damn ♪

♪ Go out and get it
while you can ♪

♪ It's all about
the what you do ♪

♪ It's not about
the what you say ♪

♪ You've got to live
the life you live ♪

♪ Every second, every day

♪ Keep the faith,
don't let it go ♪

♪ If it can be, let it be so

♪ If you can't have
what you want ♪

♪ Hold on tight
to what you got ♪

♪ Yesterday won't come again

♪ This is it no matter what

♪ Put all you are
in all you do ♪

♪ Don't ever be
the who you're not ♪

♪ If you can't have
what you want ♪

♪ Hold on tight
to what you got ♪

♪ Another fool, another day

♪ Another castle in the sky

You know what to do, so let's
just do what we practiced

and we'll be fine.

Mm.

Right.

Cucumber ready.

And I've got my banana.

Let's go.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Right.
Nobody move.

No-- Nobody will get hurt.

Right.
This is a robbery.

Over there.

Over there. Stand still.
Stand still.

Over there.

Don't even think about it!

Right. Everything you've got.
Now.

Uh, no coins, thank you,
if you don't mind.

Thank you. Thank you.
Now -- Now, don't move.

Now, quickly. Quickly.
Everything you've got.

Quickly, quickly.

Stand still.
You stand still.

Now -- Now, don't move
and no one will get hurt.

Right.
Don't move.

Don't move.
Don't move.

Stay where you are.

Stay where you are.

Oh.

Oh, my.
Oh.

[ All coughing ]

ARTHUR:
I can't see. Where are you?

MARTHA:
Come here. This way.

-Martha, I can't see.
-We've got to get out.

ARTHUR:
Oh. [ Coughs ]

MARTHA:
Oh, dear.

[ Coughing ]

[ Alarm blaring ]

Oh, no. My eyes.
Where are we?

[ Coughs ]

Well, that could have gone
better, couldn't it?

Here.

[ All coughing ]

[ Alarm blaring ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Grunts ]
I'm so sorry!

I'm so sorry!
The bank's been robbed!

I thought they came this way.

-Oh, no.
-I am so sorry. Are you okay?

-[ Coughs ]
-Are you okay? I'm so sorry.

-Come inside, please.
-No. No. Please.

I'll get you a cup of tea,
get you an ambulance.

-We're fine. We're fine.
-He's fine.

Let me get you an ambulance
just in case.

Come and sit down.
We'll look after you.

It's gonna be okay.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Are you okay?

Yes.

I am sosorry.

You just stay here
as long as you like.

Thank you.

Shopping?

Uh, yes, a little.

A few things.

-[ Door opens ]
-Ah. That's the detectives.

Just a moment.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Music continues ]

WOMAN: The quiet Cotswold town
of Little Camden

saw a daring raid on one of its high-street banks this morning.

Thieves wearing old-people
masks burst into the bank

brandishing what are believed
to be weapons

hidden inside bin liners.

Early reports say
they made a clean getaway

with the contents
from the cash desks.

Police want to reassure
the public

that they're doing all they can to apprehend the gang,

who are still at large

and believed to be
extremely dangerous.

They're asking for anyone
who sees anything suspicious

to call.

[ Telephone beeps ]

[ Telephone ringing ]

Any leads, young Sherlock?

Standard kind used in paintball
centers up and down the country.

Reports say
that over a quarter of a million

are sold in the UK each month.

SID:
They've done their homework.

They know our response times.

-You reckon they're pros, then?
-Maybe, Dave.

But if they are,
they've slipped up here a bit.

Something's not quite right,
you know.

Sid?

What is it?

What, you want to go home?
We've barely started.

I've got another date.

Oh, Christ!

If I'd known
you were ruddy part time...

What happened to the one
from the other night?

Didn't work out.

Turns out
she don't like coppers.

What did you do,
handcuff her to the bed?

Jesus.

No.
I won't ask about the truncheon.

MAN: It's the hot topic
of the day --

Just how did
the Little Camden robbers

just simply vanish
into thin air?

Have we lost faith
in our police force?

Call in and let us know
your thoughts.

This is Dan David
taking you through till dawn.

[ Sighs ]

[ Sighs ]

All right, Sid.

You've watched it 30 times.

So what is it you're not seeing?

'Cause I'd quite like
to go home now.

MARTHA:
It's rather romantic.

We're outlaws --
like that Thelma and Lacey.

-Thelma and Lacey?
-Mm.

Bonnie and Clyde, you mean.

[ Chuckles ]

Look, I've been thinking.

We nearly got caught today.

We need something.

We need, um, we need a device.

It doesn't do anything,

but we put a motion sensor
on it.

Like Mrs. Robbins did
for her tits.

-What?
-Well, you know -- the --

the blue tits and gray tits and
all the other birds that come,

and then she films
on her bird feeder.

Like that Kate Humble did
on "Springwatch."

They used a motion sensor.

Right.

So we put one of those on it,
and we say,

"Nobody moves...or it goes off."

Oh, that's a brilliant idea,
Arthur.

[ Knock on door ]

What's that?

Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Listen.

[ Knocking continues ]

-They've come for us, Arthur.
-Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

[ Knocking continues ]

When you're doing dogging,

you're supposed to keep
the curtains open.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

♪ Get away from me forever

♪ I'm sorry we were together

♪ All you did was put me on

♪ And put things off
for oh, so long ♪

♪ And now I've found
somebody new ♪

♪ To do the things
you wouldn't do ♪

♪ Now I bid you sweet farewell

♪ And say I could always tell

♪ All you did was ever use me

♪ And now you're gonna lose me

♪ 'Cause I've found
somebody new ♪

♪ To do the things
you wouldn't do ♪

♪ And I can tell
by the way that you... ♪

So I says to this director --
I says to him,

"I must be allowed to follow
my impulses."

And then I says to him, "You can
stuff your bloody play."

Ooh. Don't you think
you'll regret that?

No chance, Shirl.

I will not be trammeled.

Trammeled?

What does that mean?
Huh?

Oh, you've gone all quiet.
That's not a good sign.

-Here, Shirl.
-Yeah?

Looks like we gone and won
a competition.

Look.
"You are a winner."

No, we haven't.
We don't do winning.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah, we've won £25,000,
"no strings attached."

Royston Merriweather,
I've told you before --

These are all scams.

Probably cost a bomb

to phone in and collect
your winnings or something.

There's always a catch.

No. We don't have to call up
or anything.

Oh, stop it.
We haven't won any money.

You probably have to go
for a meeting

and they'd sell you
a time-share --

or they'd get you to sign
your house away.

No. I've not gone doolally yet,
my poppet.

There's no catch.

See, the dosh is in an account
in our name.

Seems it's something to do with
some pools-accumulator thingy

we done yonks ago.

All we have to do, it says --

"Go to your local bank
and sign on the dotted line."

Eh?

Okay.

-Wha-hey! [ Laughs ]
-Oh! Royston.

Just when we thought
we'd been scuppered!

-Back to bed, I think, Shirls...
-Oh, shush.

...for a little
midmorning celebration, eh?

[ Laughs ]

I will go and prepare the stage.

Yes!

But we've never done the pools.

♪ Let me be your angel

♪ Let me hold your hand

♪ Put your head on my shoulder

♪ And together we'll stand

Right.
This is a robbery.

Nobody move.

-[ Woman screams ]
-Stay calm.

Stand against the wall
and nobody will get hurt.

MARTHA: Stand against the wall.
Against the wall, I said.

ARTHUR:
It'll all be over soon.

Your instructions are in here.

Do as you're told,
and nobody will get hurt.

-[ Paintball gun clicking ]
-Stay calm, everybody.

This is an explosive device
with motion sensors on it.

[ Paintball gun clicking ]

MARTHA:
Yes!

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

-[ Sirens wailing ]
-Sid. It's Alf.

We just had reports of a holdup
in Burkeley.

They're sending in
an armed response team.

Stringer's all the way over
in Castle Coombe. Where are you?

Christ!
We're only just down the road.

[ Engine revs, tires screech ]

Keep calm.

Keep calm.
Stand against the wall.

Stay where you are.

[ Click, beeping ]

Now, it's activated.

It's armed, so don't move
for the next five minutes.

Otherwise it will go off.

[ Hissing ]

[ Music continues ]

Right.
Keep calm.

Oh.
I got it.

[ Sirens wailing ]

[ Man coughing ]

Damn it!

They just left.

Here. Sid.

[ Beeping ]

No.
That can't be.

DAVE:
Careful.

[ Beeping stops ]

[ Music continues ]

Come on.

[ Sirens wailing ]

ARTHUR:
Hide that cucumber.

[ Door closes ]

[ Breathing heavily ]
Excuse me.

Did you see a-a couple of men

or maybe a man and a woman
come this way with a trolley?

They might have been wearing
masks.

Oh, no, no, no.

We've been here
quite a while, we have.

We haven't seen anybody.
No, no.

We're, um, we're just having
a bit of lunch.

My wife's in there
making sandwiches now.

[ Sirens wailing,
dog barking in distance ]

Okay.
Thanks for your time.

That's a nice piece of kit.

Yeah.
We like it.

Much more economical
than paying for hotels and B&Bs.

Yeah, yeah.

You can't be too careful
with your money these days.

My wife says we should get one
when I retire.

She wants to do a tour
of stately homes

up and down the land.

Oh. Well, you can tell her
from me it's most amenable.

[ Chuckles ]

-Ah. Sid.
-Thank you.

They vanished.

Nobody's seen them,

and I've had Stringer go mental
on me on the phone.

Well, I hope you find the, uh,
two men you're looking for.

Well, sorry to, uh,
interrupt your lunch.

Oh, not at all.

-SID: Nice talking to you.
-And you.

Nice to talk to you officers.

Oh.
Would you like a sandwich?

I've made a few too many.
It's a shame to waste them.

-Take a few for later.
-Oh.

Thank you.

-Oh.
-Thank you very much.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]

How do two people just disappear

after robbing
a busy high-street bank, Dave?

Without arousing any suspicion.

What are the bloody chances, eh?

[ Sighs ] We're never gonna hear
the end of this one.

[ Siren wailing in distance ]

One more, I think, and then we
can go home and see our friends.

It might be a good idea if, um,

I had a little target practice
first.

Do you think?

That's a very good idea.

[ Sirens wailing ]

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

This is getting serious.

[ Door closes ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

♪ I'm going up the country

♪ Babe, don't you want to go?

♪ I'm going up the country

♪ Babe, don't you want to go?

♪ Take you to someplace
I never been before ♪

[ Beeping ]

♪ I'm goin', I'm goin' where
the water tastes like wine ♪

It's a fake.

It's made from DIY parts.

This is a clever bunch of sods,
Cully.

I'd put money on it
they've had military training.

Maybe even...Special Forces.

-Special forces.
-♪ Gonna leave this city

♪ Got to get away

♪ Gonna leave this city

♪ Got to get away

Rob?
Rob, can you hear me, mate?

Please, Rob.

MAN: Bill! Bill!
What's going on there?

It's the wrinklies we let in
20 minutes ago.

They're out of control!

The woman, she's gone crazy.

I don't think I can hold them,
Rob.

I don't know what to --

Please get back here
as soon as you can.

♪ 'Cause there's a brand-new
game that I just want to play ♪

[ Wind whistling ]

STRINGER:
Key thing here is focus.

Oh, look out.

-Hey!
-All right!

[ Whistling, cheering ]

If it isn't the Widow Twankey
and Buttons.

More like Dobbin the
pantomime horse if you ask me.

-Ooh.
-I don't know, Cully.

Last time I looked, a pantomime
horse came with only one arse.

-[ Laughter ]
-Give it a rest, Stringer.

Look out, Sid.
He's behind you.

ALL:
Oh, no, he isn't!

Oh, yes, he is!

All right, all right.
That's enough.

STRINGER: With fourteen forces
all feeding back,

they seem to be
on something of a spree.

Three connected so far.

My press briefings, I would
imagine, will scare them, so --

All right. Thanks, Stringer.
I'll take it from here.

It's all right, Sid.

I've got this one.

I said I've got it.

Thanks.

Chief?

Sid, why don't you sit down?

I've asked Stringer to take us
through some new ideas.

Sorry for the interruption,
people.

Now...if I can just get back
my train of thought.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

So, did you have a lovely time?

Marvelous.
The houses were beautiful.

I wasn't asking
about the houses.

Oh.

As lovely as it's been in years.

What about you?

Normal service resumed.

[ Music continues ]

I want to do press briefings
and TV appearances...

...purely to let them know we're
onto them and make them think.

I think we can safely say
that they'll be a little worried

that they've met their match.

Jesus.

I've written up assignments
for you all.

Not for you, Sid.

You've done the donkey work
here.

You can take a rest for a while,
ride shotgun with me.

Sod this.

DAVE:
Sid.

Hold on.

[ Door closes ]

Sid, come on.
You're bigger than this.

[ Door closes ]

That's the point, son.
I'm not.

-Sid!
-[ Door closes ]

ROYSTON: My Shirls and me
discovered a little pot of gold

we never knew we had.

Brought us right back
from the brink.

Brian here, he only went
and got given a grand.

Really?

-Well, what for?
-It's nothing, really.

It's just some money
to train new apprentices.

But it means
I can keep the place going.

-That's for sure.
-[ Clears throat ]

Hello.
Can we help?

Uh, I'm looking for
an Arthur Goode.

I'm an Arthur Goode.

Name's Taylor.

I represent the Danville family

that own the land on which this
establishment currently sits.

Sent you a letter some weeks ago
about the tenancy.

[ Indistinct conversation ]

[ Mid-tempo music playing ]

MARTHA: The family that own
the land want to sell it

and gave the club first refusal.

Well, the auction's coming up
soon,

and if we can't buy it,
we lose our club.

[ Music continues ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

There's nothing
you could have done anyway.

As you said before, there's
no way the club could afford it.

Yeah, I know.

I just wish I hadn't let myself
get so distracted.

I mean, this place...

...it's not just a club
where people come to play bowls

or bingo or have a few drinks.

It's more than that.

I mean, look at Sylvie here.

She comes here every day,

talking to people,
seeing people.

If it wasn't for that,

she wouldn't have any proper
human contact at all all week.

And Frank here, he can barely
afford to feed himself.

Phil gives him a job collecting
glasses and gets him a few bob,

makes sure he gets a good meal.

This is more than a social club,
Martha.

It's a lifeline for some people.

We can't let it be destroyed.

Because they'll be destroyed
along with it.

How much do we need?

A damn sight more
than we've taken already.

Quickly too.

There's only a week
before the auction.

Come on.

Let's invite the gang
back to ours.

You can bore them
with our photos.

Oh, steady.

[ Both laugh ]

BRIAN:
Oh, blimey.

-[ Laughs ]
-SHIRLEY: Wow. Oh.

Oh, she really is a beauty, eh?

This shining carriage
set in a sea of gray,

this steed of champions,
this Valencia Getaway.

[ Laughs ]

Blimey.

-ARTHUR: Hello.
-Come in.

-Let me take your coat.
-Thank you.

There you go.
[ Chuckles ]

So, where is he, the old chap?
What have you done with him?

He couldn't help it.

When he saw the caravan,
he said it's his Romany blood

and it's been like that
since they did "Carmen."

And then he had to have
a nose around.

Well, he can look all he wants.

He's not just looking at it.
He's in it.

We'll understand

if you wish to rethink
your friendships with us.

We know we've broken the law.

But how?

I get confused
just using the bank's website.

You're a pair
of bloody geniuses.

That's what you are.

I'd like to give you
a great big kiss, both of you.

You count me in.

I've always wanted to play
Robin Hood.

Oh, Royston, it's not really
quite like that.

Martha, dear, in for a penny,
in for a million.

That's what I say.

It'll be my finest performance
yet.

Royston, shouldn't we talk?

Remember what the doctor said
about overexerting.

ROYSTON:
Now, come on, Shirl.

Now is the time to stand up
and be counted with them.

Just think of the fun
we can have, eh?

[ Imitating gunfire ]

Pools accumulator!

[ Laughs ]

Very funny!

Well, Brian?

Chicken?

Look, I've pulled your arse
out of the fire

every time you've dropped
a cigar down your trousers.

But this...

Well, it's not just about me.

I've got my apprentices
to think about.

Haven't you worked it out yet,
you daft besom?

This couple, who butter
wouldn't melt in their mouth,

they're the secret investors
in your apprentice scheme.

Royston, stop your bullying.

Look, Royston doesn't bully me.

He just talks louder than I do.

I know you all think
I'm the quiet one,

but that doesn't mean
there isn't stuff going on.

And it isa bloody silly idea,

but I understand
why you're doing it.

And actually, I think
you're being very brave.

Stupid, but brave.

And if anyone is able
to think straight

and keep you out of jail,
then that's me.

So if you think
I'm gonna let you rob

a million quid or whatever it is

without me to keep you out
of trouble, then you're wrong.

Arthur, we're in.

What's the plan?

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Sodbury.

It's where they keep the money
for the bankers' bonuses --

what they call their
"Golden Years Retirement Fund."

Cheeky sods.

I love it.

They may take our lives,

but they can never take
our pensions.

They already have.

They may take our pensions, but
they can never take our lives.

Aw, Nance, you broke the yolk.

Oh, you noticed that, did you?

Nancy, what's the matter?

What's the matter?

What's the matter?!

Nancy, wait, love.

Maybe I should go and rob
a bloody bank.

-Nance.
-Then you'd notice me.

I don't bloody believe it.

It's them
in that bloody caravan.

Bingo.

Dial it up, Shaz.

Let's go Tropical Truffle.

[ Whirring ]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Indistinct shouting,
camera shutters clicking ]

Hello, Mrs. Morris.

I'm really sorry to disturb you.

He just hasn't been himself
since these robberies started.

He's just absolutely obsessed
with them.

I've never known him
to bring his work home before.

I thought that was a map of
the route we were going to take

'round National Trust properties
for my birthday trip.

But no. It's all to do
with the robberies.

So all these places are --

National Trust properties,
you see.

So we'd start up here
at Little Camden

and go 'round
in a great big circle.

Bloody hell.

So, where would you like to go
next, after this one?

Oh.
Well, there's Syon House here.

Or Grittleton Manor there.

Oh, and Sodbury Hall.

They've got the most beautiful
little Victorian walled garden.

Yeah.

Yes, any of those three, really.

You little beauty.

My friend Val is a volunteer.

They're shutting down, though,
on Friday.

They've got to clean them up
for the summer season.

So, anyway, would you like one
of my little coconut macaroon--

[ Door closes ]

Well, I see my Sidney's
trained you very well.

[ Cellphone ringing ]

Pick up.

This is Sidney Morris.

Leave a short message
and I'll get back to you.

Sid, listen.

I can't go into
all the details now,

but I'm almost certain that
the next robbery will take place

in the next two days
in one of three places,

all within 20 minutes
of each other.

There's a connection with
the National Trust properties.

That's why it has to be
in the next few days --

before they close up
for some sort of spring clean.

There's Syon Town, Grittleton,
and Sodbury.

It has to be one of those.

I hope you get this, Sid.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

DAN:
I've been joined

by Detective Inspector
Keith Stringer,

who is leading the case.

Uh, Detective,
can you tell us --

What do you know so far
about these criminals?

STRINGER:
Thanks, Dan.

A crew like this will have
huge resources to draw on.

They'll have the latest technology at their fingertips.

Don't be fooled
by their old-people masks.

Underneath,
they are ruthless young men

who are highly trained
both mentally and physically

and will stop at nothing
to get what they want.

I urge the public
not to approach them

under any circumstances,
but rest assured --

We will hunt them down, and
wewill bring them to justice.

[ Whisperin ] As Arthur
approaches the bank teller,

I take out the CCTV cameras.

And I distract
the security guards by fainting.

Ugh!

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Imitating gunfire ]

[ Coughing, wheezing ]

SHIRLEY: Are you okay?
Are you all right?

-Are you okay?
-[ Groans ]

Are you okay?
Do you want to sit down?

[ Bell tolling ]

[ Choir vocalizing ]

♪ Jesu, lover of my soul

♪ Let me to Thy bosom fly

♪ While the nearer waters roll

♪ While the tempest
still is high ♪

♪ Hide me, O my savior, hide

♪ Till the storm of life
is past ♪

-A lovely service.
-Thank you.

♪ Safe into the haven guide...

How are you?
Are you all right?

Poor Royston.

[ Voice breaking ]
I shall miss him...

...so much.

Yes.
Me too.

He was the life and soul
of our club.

What are we going to do now?

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

[ Engine revs, tires screech ]

[ Horn plays "Dixie" ]

ARTHUR: If we stop now,
it'll all be for nothing.

Shirley, the club --
They need us now more than ever.

We've got to do something,
Martha.

I know you're right, but we're
going to need more people.

Well, then we'll get
more people.

Let's make Royston proud.

We've had word from our
high-level sources on the street

they're gonna hit one of three
banks in the next two days.

We'll be focusing our mission
on what I'm now calling...

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

...the Golden Triangle --

Syon town, Grittleton,
Sodbury.

We've looked at the geography
of the robberies,

and this follows a complex
pattern that...

I won't go into now.

So, what are we gonna do?

What are we gonna do?

Gonna cover
the whole bloody lot.

ARTHUR:
Okay. Phil's in.

He jumped at the chance
to help save the club.

He'll clear the cash desks
with Brian

while Martha and I
deal with the vault.

Thelma's up for it

as long as she can play
the hostage role.

MAN: So, are you doing
anything nice this weekend?

Well...I have on something
that will be fun.

Sounds good.

ARTHUR:
Now, there's a lot of money,

so we'll get it out
in two stages.

Charlie will act as the getaway
driver for the first amount.

Getting the second lot out
will have to wait

until the time is just right.

Right.

Off we go.

[ Down-tempo music plays ]

Everything's good.

Martha.

Martha?

Martha, are you all right?

Martha.

Martha, wake up.

Martha, please.

You.

SID:
Yes, it's me.

I-I think she's collapsed.

She has -- She suffers terribly
from Crohn's disease.

If you could help.

Martha?

Martha, can you hear me?

She seems to be breathing okay.

1165.
1165 to X-ray.

I need an ambulance to Henleaze.

I'll get some water.

Stay calm for me, Martha.

Nance.
What are you doing here?

Well, you scribbled down
an address

next to a license plate number,
so I thought I'd come and see

where you keep disappearing off
to.

It's, uh...
not what it looks like.

Oh, don't be so stupid,
Sidney Morris.

Have you called an ambulance?

It's on its way.

Hello.

Martha?

Martha, would you like
to go inside

till the ambulance comes?

I'm sorry.

SID: Thirty-five years
gives a copper the chance

to work every kind of case
you can imagine.

But you?

You just don't fit.

It just don't add up.

You think this was about money?

It was about what was fair.

Fair?

Jails are full of blokes who
stole money that wasn't theirs,

all of them claiming
life dealt them a bad hand.

You wait till they steal your
pension from under your nose.

You'll find out what you think
about your precious rules.

Martha's settled.

The ambulance will be here
in a minute.

What's going on here, then?

I said what's going on?

I ain't getting talked down to
by a ruddy crook.

-I'm not a crook.
-Yeah?

And I'm not the one
who's looking at a stretch.

All right.
That's enough.

Arthur,
I think Martha would appreciate

you checking up on her,

and I wouldn't mind a few
minutes alone with my husband.

-Thank you.
-Nance, he could run off.

Sidney.

I have to tell you
we never hurt anyone.

And we only took back
what had been taken from us.

Don't buy it, Nance.

Sidney, if you take
those poor people in,

I will never, ever speak to you
again.

"These poor people"?

Never, Sidney.

I've put up with enough.

Years and years
of going without.

Going without nice things

because the pay wasn't up
to much.

Years of sleeping alone,
just lying there in bed

wondering if you're gonna
come home late -- if at all.

Years and years
of going without...

...well, the other.

Love.

You used to take me away from
time to time to make up for it.

Well, that stopped happening,
didn't it?

Every day I sit up there like
a silly teenager doing my hair,

doing my lippy,
trying to look nice for you,

hoping you'll notice,
but you never do.

And tonight -- tonight
I'll be going to the bingo.

I've been going to the bingo
every Thursday

for the last 10 years.

Like a bloody hamster
on a bloody wheel.

And do you know, Sidney,
I bloody hate bingo!

Love.

Just do the right thing.

That's all that matters.

We can work out the rest.

This is our marriage on the
line -- right here, right now.

So you drink your tea
and you think about that.

You've got the time it takes me
to get Martha's shawl

from the caravan.

[ Siren wailing in distance ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Door closes ]

[ Vehicles passing ]

Do you mind?

Ah.
Sorry.

I'm just a little bit...

-Yeah.
-...you know.

I've got an awful feeling
something bad has happened.

I know.

It's the waiting
that's the hardest part.

[ Music continues ]

WOMAN:
Cashier number two, please.

[ Indistinct talking on radio ]

STRINGER:
Well, well, well.

Look what we have here.

I'll stop you there, son,
if you don't mind.

D.S. Stringer.

Stop pissing about, Stringer.
This woman needs help.

Pull the other one.

It's got more bells on
than Santa's nob.

I've got to take this lady --

STRINGER:
Shut up.

Oh.
You not feeling very well?

Nobody's going anywhere
until I say so.

Especially not you two cons.

Or indeed you, Sid.

I knew you was bent
from the beginning.

Couldn't work out
how these two were getting away.

Decided to have a little look
at the CCTV footage,

and there you were,
leaning on the getaway car,

getting all cozy
with the occupants.

You two are going down.

And you, Sid.

You're all washed up.

Mess with a Stringer
and you've messed with a --

-[ Grunts ]
-Found it!

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Arthur and Martha
are in position.

Let's go.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

BRIAN: No one get silly
and act the fool

and we'll all leave here
with our lives intact.

-Everybody against the wall.
-No, no. No. Don't shoot.

Right. You.
Out of the way.

BRIAN:
Say hello to my little friend.

And, you,
follow these instructions.

Five minutes and counting.

Oh, it's you, isn't it?

I can't believe
this is happening to us.

Yes. All right, Chantelle.
They areabout to rob us.

[ Music continues ]

[ Seat belt clicks ]

Everyone okay?

Mm-hmm.
Yes, thanks.

I'm commandeering this vehicle.

Any trouble...

...and I'll arrest
the bloody lot of you.

[ Cellphone ringing ]

They've only hit Sodbury.

It's only bloody on.

Get the boys scrambled
as fast as you can.

[ Engine revs ]

Boss. Boss.
Are you getting this, boss?

I'm on my way.

Don't do anything
until I get there.

[ Tires screeching ]

Every one's a winner, baby.

That's the truth.

That's the truth.

Whoa!

[ Music continues ]

ARTHUR:
Well, look at that.

Lush.

After you.

[ Sirens wailing ]

[ Music continues ]

ARTHUR: We'll get
the first batch of money away.

You load the next.

-Time check?
-Two minutes, 35 left.

BRIAN:
Bang on time, Charlie.

Away you go.

The next lot,
ladies and gentlemen,

is two acres
of prime development land

in the North Bristol suburb
of Henleaze,

at present
the Ardagh Bowling Club.

Great deal of presale interest.
Where will you bid me?

Start me at £1 million, someone.

Thank you, madam.

At £1 million.
At £1 million only.

£1,100,000?

[ Sirens wailing ]

[ Tires screech ]

[ All shouting ]

[ Tires screech ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Crowd shouting ]

-Status?
-No idea.

These guys responded
to the alarm call.

So did we.

MAN: Front door's been shut
since we got here.

This is Detective Sergeant
Keith Stringer.

You are surrounded.

Come out with your hands up.

I don't want to hurt anybody!

I'm here for the bank's money,
not your money.

Your money is insured.

Nobody here loses a penny.

Come out with your hands up.

Shall we hand it to tactical?

[ Camera shutters clicking ]

No, we're not handing it
to sodding tactical.

We move in 60 seconds.

You and two of yours
with me and Cully.

Think of your families
and don't risk this lady's life.

I'm going to deal with you
later, you naughty boy.

-[ Whimpers ]
-You know what to do.

PHIL: Customers to the room
to the right...

...and staff the room
to the left.

Thank you.

[ Radio beeps ]

Okay.
We're approaching the door.

Over.

You lady-boys quite finished?

[ Whispering ]
Sorry, Keith.

[ Whispering ] You push the door
open and I'll lead in.

-Ah.
-Ah.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Hinges squeaking ]

[ Hissing ]

AUCTIONEER:
Just one more, sir.

£1,600,000.

£1,700,000.

At £1,700,000.

And there's the bid.
You're all out?

At £1,700,000 once.

At £1,700,000 twice.

-£2 million!
-[ Audience murmuring ]

-I'm sorry?
-£2 million.

At £2 million.

Spread out.

Be careful.

You sure
we shouldn't call tactical?

It's not like they're going
anywhere.

Don't be such a tart.

You two go that way.

Cully...on me.

Sir.
Yes, sir.

[ Hinges squeak ]

At £2 million.
Any more at all?

£2 million, then, at once.

£2 million twice.

Make your way through there.

This one's my turn.

Stand back.

I'm going in.

You're all out?

At £2 million, for the third
and last time and done.

-[ Thud ]
-Is it over?

-Thank you very much.
-[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Hey, hey!

Oh!

Go on through, sir.

Sid?

Thanks for your help.

I was very pleased
to be able to help.

[ Music continues ]

Don't worry, Mr. Henderson, sir.

We're just trying to find
the spare keys.

...and made off with
what we believe was the money

to be distributed to bankers
as their bonus.

And here's the detective who was
leading the investigation.

Uh, Detective Stringer,
can you confirm reports

that it was your direct actions

that led to the criminals
making away with the money?

-MAN: Any comment? Comment, sir?
-[ Camera shutters clicking ]

Sir, any comment?

WOMAN:
It's now been five days

since the Sodbury Alliance
robbery.

Despite an armed cordon,

the gang escaped
with just over £2 million,

making this their largest haul
to date.

Bank sources say
this volume of money

would be extremely difficult
to move

under any circumstances,
let alone during a heist.

A police spokesperson stated

that the criminals
would have had

an extremely sophisticated
escape plan in place

that allowed them
to get the cash away

from the scene unnoticed.

Bank staff are being
questioned, as an inside job

has not been ruled out
at this stage of the inquiry.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Gasps, laughs ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

♪ Once upon a time,
there was an Eden ♪

♪ Whoa

♪ Once upon a time,
an Adam and Eve ♪

♪ A-fell in love

♪ Oh, oh, they fell in love

♪ Like you and I

♪ Like you and I

♪ Once upon a time,
there was Delilah ♪

♪ Mm, mm

♪ Once upon a time the devil,
and she tempted man ♪

Do you think they'll be
all right?

Of course they will.

Anyway, we'll be able
to look after them.

DOM:
♪ Me

Just as long as you're there
with me.

♪ Once upon a time,
I knew just what to do ♪

♪ But that was long before...

I love Dom Jones.

I've had him.

1965, 'round the back
of Merthyr Rugby Club.

Not so good up against the wall,
though.

♪ In love with you

Could you please make sure

that you buy tickets
for Tuesday's dance?

It's a fundraiser.

What for?

Well, we're trying to raise
30 grand to stop them shutting

the old people's drop-in center
at Ashton Corner.

They want to turn it into
luxury flats, apparently.

♪ Once upon a time

[ Music stops ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Someone's stolen my cucumber.

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

♪ Good morning, world

♪ It's a brand-new day

♪ I'm packing my bags
and I'm going away ♪

♪ I'm moving my legs
and my city-tired bones ♪

♪ I got to get away
from the busy man's phones ♪

♪ Down to Malibu, where
the living is wild and free ♪

♪ If you want to get happy

♪ Then, people,
come along with me ♪

♪ A bee-bow-bow,
bow-bow-bow-bow-bow ♪

♪ Run along, boy

♪ Save a place for me

♪ I'm getting so tired
of the company ♪

♪ I'm getting black looks
from the big white man ♪

♪ I've got to get away
just as fast as I can ♪

♪ Down in Malibu, where
the living is wild and free ♪

ARTHUR: Come on.
Sit anywhere you like.

♪ People, come along with me

It's a mystery tour.

Not even I know
where we're going.

[ Chuckles ]

How are you?
You all right?

♪ Good morning, freedom

[ Engine revs, tires screech ]

♪ I got to break away, got to
break away, got to break away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Good morning, freedom

[ Engine revving ]

♪ It's another day, it's another
day, it's another day ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Good morning, freedom

♪ Yeah

♪ A bee-bow-bow,
bow-bow-bow-bow-bow ♪

♪ All over the world,
it's the same old game ♪

Official-type living
is the thing to blame

Loving thy neighbor
is a real-life thing

There's only one way
to get the people to sing

♪ Down to Malibu, where
the living is wild and free ♪

♪ If you want to get happy

♪ Then, people,
come along with me ♪

♪ A bee-bow-bow,
bow-bow-bow-bow-bow ♪

♪ A bee-bow-bow,
bow-bow-bow-bow-bow ♪

♪ A bee-bow-bow,
bow-bow-bow-bow-bow ♪

♪ Bow-bow-bow-bow-bow

♪ Bow-bow-bow-bow-bow

♪ A bee-bow-bow,
bow-bow-bow-bow-bow ♪

♪ A bee-bow-bow,
bow-bow-bow-bow-bow ♪

♪ A bee-bow-bow,
bow-bow-bow-bow-bow ♪

♪ Bow-bow-bow-bow-bow

♪ Bow-bow-bow-bow-bow

♪ A bee-bow-bow,
bow-bow-bow-bow ♪

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

♪ All my life,
I worked and saved ♪

♪ And I held my head up high

♪ Then the pinstripe vultures
came to town ♪

♪ And they left me
high and dry ♪

♪ Now, some might say what I do
is wrong ♪

♪ That I'm taking liberties

♪ But I'm making good
on the things I should ♪

♪ And it feels all right to me

♪ Now, I'm no politician

♪ But I see my friends
getting poorer every day ♪

♪ I don't have great ambition

♪ But there's nothing to lose
and hell to pay ♪

♪ Hard time

♪ Is hell

♪ But when the going
gets tough ♪

♪ There's time enough
to treat your people well ♪

♪ Hard time

♪ Is hell

♪ When the time is right
stand up and fight ♪

♪ To the chime
of the mission bell ♪

♪ Spent my life
playing by the rules ♪

♪ But the rules ain't play
by me ♪

♪ Now the meter's run
and the time has come ♪

♪ Gonna set my people free

♪ Some might curse and criticize
and say I've crossed the line ♪

♪ But I'm not afraid
to do what's right ♪

♪ And that's why I don't mind

♪ Now, I'm no politician

♪ But I see my friends
getting poorer every day ♪

♪ I don't have great ambition

♪ But there's nothing to lose
and hell to pay ♪

♪ Hard time

♪ Is hell

♪ But when the going
gets tough ♪

♪ There's time enough
to treat your people well ♪

♪ Hard time

♪ Is hell

♪ Is hell

♪ When the time is right
stand up and fight ♪

♪ To the chime
of the mission bell ♪

♪ Hard time

♪ Is hell

♪ Oh, hell

♪ But when the going
gets tough ♪

♪ There's time enough
to treat your people well ♪

-♪ Hard time
-♪ Treat your people well

♪ Is hell

♪ Treat your people well

♪ When the time is right
stand up and fight ♪

♪ To the chime
of the mission bell ♪

♪ When the time is right

♪ Stand up and fight

Whoo!

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]