All language subtitles for Girls5eva.S01E01.WEBRip.x264-ION10

- All right, mark that take.
- Good to move on?

Yep. We got the boss.

Now let me put on
some sprinkles.

Genius adlibs, Lil Stinker.

Nah, man. It's all birds.

Double crush the cormorant,

fan-tailed cuckoo,

common-ass kestrel.

Nah, I don't like that sample.

- It's "Baby Shark" backwards.
- But we can find something else.

- Keep it cheap.
- You could go

with Joe Scarborough's
funk album,

anything by the Stones,

Sharon or Oliver,

this by Girls5eva.

Oh, yeah.

They were a thing for a
second back around '99, 2000.

- Remember them, Lil Stinker?
- No, I was a baby in '99.

Ask smarter questions, Paul.

But I like it.

It's old school.

Makes me think of
my mom's boobies.

Here they are, Girls5eva!

Now, ladies. Why Girls5eva?

Because, Carson, we're gonna
be in the game longer than

Now, how did you
guys get together?

I'm sorry... three-gether.

We've been best friends
ever since we auditioned

for a man in a
motel in New Jersey.

We also had the same ad
written onto a newspaper.

But it was fate that
Larry picked us,

because we're gonna
be friends five-eva,

famous five-eva, young five-eva.

- Or maybe six-eva.
- Or seven-eva.

- Forever.
- Longer than a millennial!

I have to say, your
breasts are perfect

for a mammogram.

They're already so smooshed.

- Thank you.
- My son had a violent latch.

It's my first mammogram.

I guess I'm officially
a ma'am now.

Take a deep breath and hold it.

Sorry. Is that a new song?

Ma'am, please do not move.

Can I just grab my
phone really quick?

I can't do the imaging
if you don't stay still.

- I just want to Shazam it.
- You cannot leave the machine!

- God damn it!
- It's pinned like a wrestler!

Sorry!

Oh, God. My
brother's gonna kill me.

I need food now!

Javier, will get
Randy some bar cherry

so he can take his pill?

I got a call that the
restaurant is locked.

I can't keep running down here

and doing your job for
you, Dawn, all right?

I've got five to
six businesses, huh?

Your brother said the
restaurant was locked.

So I biked back from work.

- Sorry, honey.
- Then why'd you come, Nick?

- 'Cause your husband's slow.
- That's why.

Yeah, this guy, Lil Stinker,

he sampled "Famous
5eva," I guess.

How much did you get for that?

I just found out about this.

Well, he can't have it for free.

We need a new walk-in.

The lambs, they keep
coming back to life.

Track down that old
manager of yours.

I bet he's got
some money for you.

Larry? No.

This is the only one

of my nine or ten businesses
that's losing money.

Find Larry, get the money,

and wear the jacket
on the commute.

Love you, sis.

Ah, Darn Solano, get in here!

I just did mandatory
sensitivity training,

so let's do a side hug where
none of our parts touch.

Mm-kay. Hey... Larry.

- Still at it, huh?

- Heck yeah!
- It's all about clicks now.

I got a streaming
farm going here.

I'm generating likes for a
teen who sings so quietly

you can't even hear her.

I gave her a spooky makeover.

She's gonna be the
next Billie Eilish.

Cool.

So you said you had a
royalty check for me?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- They're here somewhere.

Hey!

It's been here for months.

$372?

My classes taught me
to recognize the look

of a disappointed woman.

Your face is making that face.

I mean, it
made Hoda's playlist.

Dawn, nobody gets
rich from a sample.

This was a simple licensing deal

based on the terms of
your original contract

with Plum Management
and Junk Removal.

And no artist ever
makes dick... oh...

Or vagina off his first record.

What can I say, somebody
took advantage of you.

Yeah, you.

Do me a favor; Will you get
these to the other gals?

I haven't seen anybody
in forever and I'm busy.

- All right.
- I'll just toss them then.

Don't do that.

It's real money.

I'll mail them.

These are void after 90 days.

Larry, these expire in...

- What is this, a party trick?
- Two days.

Well, then you better
deliver them in person.

You could use the steps.

It was great to see you.
We'll catch up next time.

There's so much to talk about.

Brexit, tiny houses,
Bindi Irwin is hot now.

Bye, Dawn!

I'm Summer, and
the media trainer

said to repeat the
question in my answer.

So why don't you introduce
yourself, Summer?

Thanks, Carson. I'm Summer.

Oh, my God! Dawn!

Shut up!

I thought that was
you on my Nest cams!

- Summer, you're home!
- Always!

Oh.

I just heard us during Peloton.

We are back. What
are we gonna do?

You know, Carnival has
a '90s-themed cruise

that goes around the
Pacific garbage patch...

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I just have your
licensing check.

- Oh.
- It expires on Friday, so...

Oh, and I brought
you this baby gift

that I've had for you
for, like, five-eva.

That is so sweet. Thank you.

Oh! Come.

You have to meet Stevia,
but don't touch her.

She's not vaccinated.

Oh, my God, you guys.

This new Brody Jenner's
ex-wife's poutgasm palette

has me super sad face that
I only have one mouth.

- Stevia!
- Well, that take was ruined.

Oh, I'm so sorry, baby.

Mommy's friend Dawn

brought you something to unbox.

Wow.

I thought you were,
like, four tops.

- 'Cause time is fast now.

Thank you, but if you want me
to show your product on camera,

you really need to
go through my reps.

Yes.

Hoo, lady boss!

Whoa. A wall of us.

How is Kev?

- Oh, he's great.
- He's really great.

He's an entertainment reporter

at WTIT News Tampa.

Wait, Tampa, like Florida?

Kev insisted that we
stay in New Jersey

because "don't wanna
disrupt Stevie's education"

even though she's
homeschooled, but he comes home

the 31st of every month
that has one of those.

Hey, so I found Gloria's
work address online,

but I guess I'm gonna have to
Fedex Wickie's check to LA.

Dawn.

Wickie Roy does not need $300.

On the runway, to the runway,

fashion life,
wheels up, heels up.

Her shoe line is, like,
number one in China,

and they have the most feet.

How are we gonna get
her for the reunion?

Summer, there's no reunion.

- Don't say that!

Was that good?

I've tried out for the
"Housewives" like eight times.

- Cool.

Well, I'm probably
gonna head out,

'cause I got to give
Gloria her check.

Oh, good. I'll drive you!

I just got my license back.

- The excelsior.

I'm Gloria, and
I love performin'

almost as much as I
love boys, boys, boys.

Because I like how
men's bodies are flat

and then there's a tube.

Mrs. Santini's jar
rejected the graft.

So let's try another cadaver.

Gloria?

Get out!

Oh, my God.

- Look at you little pixies.

- Oh, my God.
- How am I the youngest here?

Oh, I'm just drinking
so much water

and, you know,
getting a ton of rest.

Thank you.

So after we got chewed
up and spit out,

believe me, I got serious fast.

- Good for you.
- Yeah.

I work for my brother at
a restaurant Yelp calls,

"A guilt-free place to have
a bathroom blowout," so...

Sure, being a dentist is
stable and everything,

but it's no dream job.

I have a form of rosacea that's
from other people's breath.

Oh, oh.

Hey, didn't I hear
you got married?

Yes.

Caroline and I were actually
the first gay couple

in the state of New York to get

divorced.

Love doesn't always win,
guess what, but don't worry.

I've got a new roommate.

My rapidly aging
father, so fuck me.

Oh.

Larry, I delivered the checks.

Oh, God.

Girls5eva booked a gig.

"The Tonight Show."

- Oh, come on.

- "The Tonight Show."
- Are you serious?

As serious as the heart attack

that killed my first wife.

There was no foul play
on that scuba excursion.

Anyway, Lil Stinker
booked Fallon

and Jimmy thinks it would be
cool if you did live backup.

- Does Wickie know about this?

I left a message for
her at her LA office,

but I wouldn't count on her.

Have you seen her Instagram?

She only follows Michelle
Obama and Swarovski.

But "Famous 5eva" is
three-part harmony.

So we need at least four voices,

because Summer doesn't count.

Yeah, I always end up drifting
to whatever the person

next to me is singing, remember?

That's why I have
handicapped plates.

The only thing
that I can do solo

is end songs with a sultry
femi-nasty phrase...

But that's just Paris, baby.

See you never, boy.

What are we gonna do
about Kosovo, y'all?

Hello? Ugh.

Streaming farm problems, fam.

Hello? No.

- You got Larry.
- Nope.

- It's not that one.
- Clear for Larry.

Oh, pocket.

That's why I wrote
"pants" on my hand.

Hello. Go for Larry.

This is Jonathan Barron,
assistant to Wickie Roy.

- As fancy has it,

Ms. Roy is heading east to Milan

to launch a line of
room-temp refrigerators

called fabinets, very eco-chic.

I could tickle the sched

so she can pop into New
York for your little show.

- Oh!
- Hot damn.

Now we just gotta find Gloria.

I'm Gloria.

I can't believe Wickie is in.

I thought she was
done with music.

And now she's like an
icono mogulpreneur.

- I know!
- Guys, guys.

- What?
- I don't...

I don't know if
we should do this.

We're not little
Ariana Grandes anymore.

- I'm getting targeted ads

for a cream that fights
party streamer neck.

I don't know if I can
still do the excelsior.

- No.
- I haven't even performed

since our follow-up
album tanked.

Why did it have to come
out on September 10th?

You guys, you never
forget how to perform.

It's like riding a
bike into the river

to get your husband to
pay attention to you.

I just feel weird making any
decisions without Ashley.

I'm Ashley.

And this is actually
my seventh girl group

after Daddy's Crush,

Fades Baby, JO Sistas,

and Twins!, Divacups,

and Dale Froutsight.

They all failed,

but I have an amazing feeling

about the future.

I suck.

I haven't even been here
since the dedication.

- I know.
- Me neither.

- I remembered it being nicer.
- I know.

Didn't we plant a
tree or something?

- Yeah.

Ugh. God.

Ashley deserves
better than this.

- She does.
- She was our big sister.

And she got us through all
our breakups with Moby.

Ash, give us a sign

if we should do the show.

- My wife's in labor.
- I gotta run.

But we can't do this with four.

It's a five-man job, Ashton.

Yes, you can.

It will be different, sure,

but you can do it without me.

Oh, my God.

We're gonna do
"The Tonight Show."

Wait. What was the sign?

A dress that I wore
to my dad's wedding

or a dress that I wore
to your dad's wedding?

Mm, my dad's.

Is it gonna be
weird seeing Wickie?

She ever apologize
for ditching you guys?

I've taken Girls5eva
as far as it can go.

They drag me down.

You see, there comes a
time when you're trying

to save a drowning person
where you just have to let go,

otherwise they hit you
with their panic arms

and drown you too.

Well, that's, uh, interesting.

What charity are
you playing for?

Oh, um...

Medicine?

No, she never apologized.

And I never said anything

because I never say
anything to anyone ever.

I passed Giuliani in the
street the other day.

And all I said was,
"Happy Tuesday."

Oh, buddy, your Cheerios.

You know what? It's one show.

I can get through
one show with her.

I'm sure she's grown up a lot.

I mean, she hangs out with
the Dalai freaking Lama.

Who's the Dalai Lama?

Never been a big Dalai Lama fan.

You live in the Himalayas

and you don't
mountain bike? What?

Hey, do you guys have a steamer?

I hung my dress in the
shower, but it fell.

Yes, but wardrobe
pulled some looks,

in case you like options.

Right.

Can I get you anything
before rehearsal?

Water? An iced tea?

- I'd love an iced tea.

Mm!

I literally cannot remember

the last time someone
offered me something.

This is a stark
contrast of this morning

when my disoriented
father grabbed my thigh.

I so did not
appreciate this stuff

like I should have
back in the day.

I know!

It's like how many
20-year-olds could say

that they've been attacked
by two stage tigers?

- I'm gonna savor the...
- ass head out of this.

Crank that pony tight as J.Lo's.

I want my ears to touch.

- Girls5eva?
- Hi!

Hey, so one of your members
has not checked in yet.

Oh, no. Ashley died

swimming off the edge
of an infinity pool.

She was partying
with these magicians.

No. Wickie Roy isn't here yet.

- What?
- It's okay.

Why did I think she'd be normal?

Nobody gets more normal as
they age except Nicole Richie.

I thought she was
just doing that thing

where she doesn't say hi.

Farts. Elephant farts.

Maybe Mr. Fallon
can sing with us!

Oh, as who? Neil Young?

Those genres don't mix, Summer!

- What are we doing?
- I don't know.

Who's gonna be the leader?

I can't take this on, not
with my dad's sleep running

and having full custody
of four spaniels.

I am tapped out!

I don't know what we're doing.

Are my pit stains bad?

We gotta get out of this.

We could say there
was a robbery.

To what ends, Summer?

Oh, flag on the play.

She's where?

- Wickie?
- Oh, my God.

Let's go, ladies.

- Oh, God.
- I gotta make it match.

I gotta make it all pit!

Just to get ahead
of it, it's me.

Gloria, I know.

I used context clues.

Here to sing "Line
Up," Lil Stinker.

And... remember these ladies?

So cool. Girls5eva!

So what are you waiting 5?

I sang my own part,
I think! Oh, my God.

We were good!

Gals, something's up with me.

I feel weird. Is
it a mini stroke?

No, it's something
I've felt before.

Second grade, Jenny Nestle
brought a fat kitten

to show and tell.

It's joy!

Ladies, that was stanky.

That means good.

- Ooh.
- That was fun.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but we should do
more shows with him.

Wait? For real?

Five real.

Running a fempire is
fulfilling in every way,

but I forgot what it feels like

to murder a crowd of tourists.

Oh, reunion!

I'm gonna clear my sched.

Oh, I do have to get my
car detailed in April.

I can cancel it.
I can cancel that.

Okay. Reunion.

- Let's celebrate.
- Let's go the eff out

like somewhere with columns.

The M&M's store
has spaghetti now.

Oh, we could do my
suite at The Peninsula

or.

What if we went to that cheesy

rotating hotel bar
in Times Square?

Oh, my gosh, remember we
went there after we did TRL?

- Yeah.
- Thought it was so fancy.

- We did.
- It'll be hilarious.

- Done.
- Help me to the dressing room.

I got joy legs.

Let's go chat deets with Stinks.

I'll do the talking,
famous to famous,

make sure we don't
play any states

that are rectangles, etc.

Hello! Stanky Stink!

Hey, did Lil Stinker say
anything about upstate shows,

like near Cornell?

Oh, we didn't get too
deep into which cities.

That's where
Caroline is teaching.

The Memification
of Dwayne Johnson.

- Mm-hmm.
- I send her a ticket.

I say, "You might enjoy this."

She shows up. I'm on
stage ass-popping.

Next thing you know,
we're postcoital

watching a murder documentary.

On tour, can our
clothes be lollipops?

And then I grab a big lollipop,

but it's a lever.

And I pull it.

A giant tongue comes out...

Oh, my God. Stop.

Fine. You can pull the lever.

No.

Girls5eva is not happening.

Wickie, we said we weren't

gonna say anything.

Great news.

Girls5eva is in for your tour.

- What?

Y'all look like y'all
freeze grapes for dessert.

But you said we were stanky.

- 'Cause I'm nice.
- But real talk,

y'all kind of remind
me that this might not

last forever, that fame,

in its essence, is transient.

And I don't like that feeling.

Cool. Cool.

Let me ti-zake the ziz, Stank.

Nobody wants you, okay?

- Fallon did.
- Yeah.

Because they have a
boner for nostalgia.

They reunited "Saved
by the Bell,".

"Kenan & Kel," everyone
from Iran-Contra.

You think I haven't been
working the phones all day?

There's nothing out there.

For ladies, 35 is checkout time.

That's a quote from
our greatest president.

Have a nice life.

See? I air honk now.

Growing.

Learning.

Ally.

Dawn didn't want
to spoil tonight,

but I can't listen to
this delusion anymore.

Honestly, I get why no
one wants more Girls5eva

because this mess is tragic.

Music was never my bag anyway.

Bags are my bag because
I'm launching a bag line.

They're bat leather, and
they're tiny like bats.

And there goes the joy.

So long, joy.

Perhaps we'll meet again
during colonoscopy drugs.

Ashley would have never let
her walk out on us like that.

Yeah, well, Ashley is not here.

She's a bench now, Dawn.

Then I'll be Ashley.

You know who's a
real lil stinker?

You.

What are you doing?

Calling you out for insulting us

and for making us
panic before the show,

and for not once
apologizing for anything

'cause you're a big shot
with the perfect life.

Aren't you going
down to the lobby?

My pilot is staying here.

I just came to give him
gas and sashimi money.

Bye, Dawn.

Captain... Phillips,

it's Wickie.

Probably at the Admirals
Club. You know pilots.

This is your pilot's hotel room?

You're saying a bald
woman can't be a pilot?

Wow, Dawn.

- You're lying.
- I should have known.

This is like when you
were dating Rick Fox,

but you'd only let us meet
him from really far away.

- What?
- That was totally Rick Fox.

Then how come he never
yelled back about basketball?

- I never said anything

'cause I was the chill
one, but now I'm 40,

and I don't care!

Also I've had three
negronis.

Did you just whisper negronis?

I don't know the
history of the word.

Fine!

I'm staying here, okay?

The show put me up here!

The show flew me out here!

And I almost missed everything

because I volunteered
to get bumped for cash

and had to connect
through Port-au-Prince.

So obviously, you
don't own a jet.

I just work at the Van
Nuys Airport, Sherlock.

Wheels up, heels up.
Milan, here we come.

What the hell are
you doing, Wickie?

There's a shit ton of
gooses by runway two.

And take that scarf off.

You want to get
sucked into an engine?

Sorry, sir.

I shoot geese at the airport.

And I get paid by the goose.

There is no fempire.

Then who is Jonathan.

- Jonathan Barron?

Me, you fanny wank.

I stole
that move from Trump.

But we're the tragic ones.

I was never done
with music, okay?

After I went solo,

the label decided
I was difficult

just because I wouldn't let
my backup singers wear makeup

and refused to play venues

that also did sports.

I thought this Lil Stinker stuff

was going to be my ticket

back to the fame
and the lifestyle

I am owed because of the.

Go on!

Sorry it turned
out to be nothing.

Probably us dragging
you down again.

I guess you do need this.

Uh! Don't try to walk
out here all superior

when you couldn't even tell
this isn't the Dalai Lama.

It's an old man
dressed like a hot dog.

Ah!

- You were the best one.
- Lil Stinker and Girls5eva!

Honestly, I'm
relieved it's over.

Still, we should celebrate.

Want to start "The Americans"?

Oh.

Sure.

I get so pumped when we
start a new show together.

I know how we'll
get this secret,

through sex.

Final boarding
call for flight...

It's a Victoria's
Secret water bra.

Well, it's more than 3 ounces,

so you can throw it out
or you can drink it here.

It was $38.

Wait. Do we know each other?

No, I just have the same face

as that brat's doll
that got recalled.

Please stand in line with
your ticket and ID in hand.

I saw you on TV!

You gals sounded good!

You sure got me and
my boyfriend dancing.

He'd been drinking, so the
escalation didn't work,

but that's not on you.

Ooh-ooh! Can we do a selfie?

Sorry, are you sick
of randos bugging you?

No.

Not at all... Derpy.

You are a beautiful soul.

Start pre-boarding
for flight 144

from Dallas...

It's great that you're still
working with those ladies.

'Cause I'll tell you,
the friends you make

when you're young, they're
the ones who really know you.

They're not just trying
to suck up to you

'cause you got a trampoline now!

You...

You don't got to drink it all.

Go on through, famous lady.

For this secret, sex again.

Dawn!

Dawn!

Dawn! Dawn! Dawn! Dawn!

Oh, good. You still live here.

Of course you do.
Italians never move.

Let me up!

- No, Max is sleeping.
- Just wait.

Look, I'm not the
best at apologies.

I mean, I'm the best at a
long list of other things,

but I'm sorry...

I always thought I needed
to be on my own to shine,

but I was wrong.

You girls don't drag me
down. You make me better.

I actually wish I was
more like you, all happy.

Wickie, no adult is all happy.

I'm...

I'm an anxious mess.

My most recent Google searches
were "hidden signs of stroke"

and "can a mouse get in
your vagina at night?"

It can.

Last night was the
first time in forever

that I felt like a person.

Dawn,

I think we should do this again.

Forget Lil Stinka. Forget Larry.

I don't care if we have
to start from the bottom.

People like hearing us sing.

And they can't take our
voices. Those are ours.

Just tell me you don't
need this like I do,

and I will go back to LA

via Bogota on Kirkland Airlines.

- Fine.

I need this.

- I need this!

I need it too, girl.

Did your boobs get smaller?

Got it?

- Yeah, almost there.
- I think?

Okay. We're here.

Like, right here? Right here.

All: Ah!

This is a better
spot for Ashley.

- Yeah, this feels good.
- Mm.

Well, strap in.

Four grown ladies
trying to be pop stars.

Get ready for the
same amount of respect

I get when I'm riding
my recumbent bike.

People throw
fountain sodas at me.

No. We got this.

Come on, girls.

Too early.

- Oh, what?!

Oh.

That was Sprite.

- Girls5eva has a little heat.
- Whoo!

We have to turn that
heat into a fire

at Jingle Ball.

- Yes!
- It's not just a concert.

It is a coronation.

Baby!

We're Summer and Kev!

Boy band and girl
groups' royal couple.

Aw, thank you, honey bunny.

The fact that Kev lives
in a different city

- is just...
- No, Kev and I are amazing.

Wow!

There's been a lot
of wind lately.

Well, that's a
lot of wind, babe!

Girls5eva, and only one is dead.

That's pretty good, actually.

It has been an entire Zendaya
since you have recorded music.

I get why we sang this
stuff as teenagers

but we have adult ear holes now.

We need his song.

I'm doing something
that's insane.

- Dolly Parton?
- There's a song in you, Dawn.

Let's get it out!

Back to one, bitches!

We are Girls5eva!

Wheels up, leaving
derailment city.

I was shook. This is real pee.

Hot damn, Jingle
Ball, here we come.

So what are you waiting 5?

- Good night, everybody.
- Good night!