All language subtitles for Ghastlies.2016.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

(sudden stinging)

(ominous music)

(ghostly chanting)

- No, ah, no!

(foreboding music)

(ghostly chanting)
(maniacal laughing)

- Let the sacrifice begin.

Oh great Lucifer, we--

(thudding)
- What was that?

- What is that noise all about,
will someone go and check?

- I don't see anything.

(growling)

- What on earth is that?

(anticipatory music)
(screaming)

(electronic music)

* Come on girl, you can do it,
shock that body nothing to it

* Come on girl, left and right,
blast that body outta sight

* Go on girl, twist and turn,
take it deep and feel the burn

* Go on girl, you can do it

* Reach around
there's nothing to it

* Come on girl, no time for
talk, bust into the body shock

* Sweat tonight and feel
the heat, keep on turning

* Up the beat, time
to sweat, time to moan

* Take me to the danger zone

* Come on take it to the max,
bend that body, move that ass

* Come on girl, you can do it,
shock that body nothing to it

* Come on girl, no time for
talk, bust into the body shock

- Eat your heart
out, Jane Fonda.

Gotcha!
- Ah what the hell babe!

Watch the quaff!
- Like what you see?

- You know it.
(moaning)

Oh I like where this is going.
- No way Jose.

I gotta get up bright and
early and hit the road.

- Oh come on!

You're not really going away
for the weekend are you?

- Yeah Brock, it's tradition,
plus I convinced Abby to come.

- Crabby-Abby.
- Don't call her that.

She just needs to have
some fun and relax.

- Yeah but so do I, you can't
leave me hanging here babe.

A man has needs.

- Nope you gotta get outta
here, before someone hears you

and I get in trouble.
- No babe, my needs!

Don't make me beg,
Mistress Morgana.

- But begging pleases
your mistress.

(ominous music)

(upbeat music)

This tune is totally
bitchin', right on.

Come on, let's get this
weekend off to a great start.

- Where are you
bringing us, Sloane?

It's like civilization
ended like over an hour ago.

I mean look what the
wind is doing to my hair.

- Well, you know, CFCs
are like the biggest cause

of all the pollution, the
CFCs in the hairspray alone

is enough to--

- Ugh, (mumbling) Abby.

God stop being such annoyed.
- Come on ladies, cool out.

It's the weekend we rented
a totally awesome pad,

we're the only people around
for miles, which means,

we can party as hard as we want,
and no one's gonna stop us.

- Well the pictures looked
great in the brochure,

and, the people seemed
really sweet on the phone.

- [Sloane] Yeah, plus it has
everything a group of sorority

girls could hope for, we
each get our own room,

heaps of bathrooms and
walking distance to the beach.

- Well we're not all sorority
girls, some of us are just,

hangers-on, if you
catch my drift.

- Well I can't wait to
work on my tan line,

Doug loves it when my butt
is as white as a ghost

and the rest of the body is
golden like french fries.

- Plus there's a hot tub.
- Yes please!

I haven't hot tubbed since
the Trilam boys threw that

little shindig, when Mags
here up-chucked all over

Trent Scheinheart.
- Ugh, don't remind me.

- [Sloane] You can
not handle your

Alabama Slammers, girlfriend.

- Ugh I spent the
night at Bellevue.

They stuck this super
long tube down my throat,

it was like the worst.

- You probably had
alcohol poisoning.

You could've died.
- Nah, no biggie.

I've been declared
dead a bunch of times.

I'm like a cat, I've like
nine lives and counting.

- Yeah well, it ain't a
real party unless Mags

here flatlined at least once.

- You know it.
- Oh my God, we're here!

(anticipatory music)

Let's make a pact ladies...

Let's make this the best
weekend ever, agreed?

- Totally.
- Sure.

- Why not?
(cheering)

- Oh my God I am totally stiff.

- That's what he said?
- What?

- Your boyfriend last night?
- What?

- What, uhm, nevermind.

- Okay, uhm, oh, can we
go in the hot tub, can we?

- Yeah, we can do whatever
you want, this is our party.

Let's get started.
- Yes!

- Ugh, sure looks good
in the brochure, eh Abby?

- Poor gopher, I'm
sure you led an awesome

and fulfilling life.

- Don't let this ruin anything,
there's still a beach,

and I'm sure it's way
better on the inside, right?

See?
(foreboding music)

- Ugh, thank God, I was
honestly seconds away from

skinning you three alive for
bringing me to this hellhole.

- You need to loosen up,
relax, get your nose out of

those books and life a little.

- I live like all the time.

- I've known you since
you were seven Abby,

you're in college now, if I
didn't invite you out with us,

you'd have absolutely no
social life whatsoever.

- Well what's wrong with that?

- I invited you over here so
you could hang out with us.

See if the sorority could
be a good thing for you.

Stop being so
miserable all the time.

There'll be lots
of time for that,

after you get married
and have kids.

Feel free to get off
your tush and help Lulu.

- Ugh, you know my parents
said we can have Consuela

for the weekend, right?

- I think we can survive a
weekend without your maid

helping us do everything.

- Well I know we can,
but do we really want to?

- Just go get some
bags and help, please?

- Ugh, you guys suck!

- Obviously I get the master
suite, but each of you

has to pick a stick to
see who gets what room.

We'll go by age, so Lulu,
then Margot and then Abby.

- If I pull the short stick!
- Just do it.

- That's how it's done ladies.

- Margot?

- Nice and long...

- Woohoo, I'm having so much
fun I can't even stand it.

- It's not that bad, so, Lulu
you get the room on the left,

Margot, you're on the right,
and Abby you can choose

whatever's left.

- Don't worry, it'll be
easier to stumble into bed

once you're drunk, am I right?

- Hey, what are you doing?
- Hey, uh, nothing!

Nothing, nothing, what's up?

- Uhm, you're on
your period right?

- Yeah, actually last
day, how could you tell?

- You're just really
bloated and irritating.

Anyhoodle, can I
borrow a tampon?

- Oh, oh sure yeah, uhm...

- Thanks, uhm, have
you ever thought about,

losing the glasses and
getting some contact lenses?

- No, sticking my fingers
in my eyes every day

would like totally freak me
out, and besides I've read

like all these sites about
the amount of bacteria--

- Yeah that's the worst, uhm,
you should probably think

about ditching those Sally
Jessy Raphael monstrosities,

and getting some
contact lenses, toodles.

- Well look at you, talk
about va-va-va-voom!

- Stop, don't, don't do that.
- Do what?

I think you look
awesome without glasses.

We're heading down
to the lake, you in?

- Uh...
- Come on!

(foreboding music)

- Well Ted, what the
heck's going on out there?

- It looks like the cottage
down the way is being used

by a group of college
kids this weekend.

- What, I thought Kenny
said he wasn't renting to

college kids anymore.
- Money is money.

- I know but they're
so darn noisy.

- I hear you Jane, not much
we can do about it now.

- [Jane] Damn college kids.

- The whole point of
the beach is to wear

as little as possible, not
to put on layer on layer.

- At this hour, the sun is
at its highest and the rays

are at their peak, you
know as well as I do!

- Yes, yes, mother, bla bla bla.

You're wearing like
SPF a million, right?

- Yeah.

- So peel off those layers,
nobody likes an unpeeled onion,

right?
- I guess so.

- Oh wow, you can really rock
that mom look, did I miss

something, or is this
look coming back.

- Rock that bod,
you're a total Betty.

(surf music)

Hey you.
- Oh, hey Sloane.

- What are you doing?
- Not much.

- Not much, what are you doing?

- Just catching up
on some reading.

- Reading, what if instead
you got caught up on your fun.

Books aren't going anywhere,
the beach season is only

a couple of months of the year.

- I know, I just--

- Is this about what Lulu
said back at the house?

- Maybe.
- Don't let it bother you.

She thinks she's totally
bitchin', but the truth is,

she's totally a bitch.
(laughing)

- Thanks, I know, I just...

I haven't always had
a lot of friends.

I guess, I guess I've just
been afraid to get close

to people, I had a rough
time growing up you know,

without Dad.
- I know, your dad died.

- It was Christmas time,
we were all so excited

for the holidays, my parents
had me make a list of

all the toys I wanted,
so I sat down with

the store catalog and flipped
through it page by page,

just jotting down
all the toys I liked.

My mom and I went
down to the mailbox,

and mailed the letter to
Santa, I was so happy,

and so excited
for Christmas Eve.

What I didn't know was my
dad had a really special

surprise planned for that year.

He had gotten every
gift on that list,

and he even bought a Santa suit.

He was planning to climb
up the chimney and--

- Well, well it's boring.

It's summertime Abby,
why bring the mood down

with your depressing story.
- I know, I'm sorry.

- It's okay, I'm
excited you're here,

and I'm excited that you're
gonna be part of the sorority.

- I, technically no!

You've gotta know none
of this is official.

I can't officially be part
of the sorority if it takes

place off-campus, this
is all just for show.

- What did I just say
about being boring?

- You're right, go on.

- I know it's just for show,
I don't care if it's on the

record or official,
whatever, you're my sister,

and Lulu and Margot
are my sisters also,
and I just want you

to come together and be
my sorority, you're all

the sorority in my heart.
- Ach, puff-o-rama!

- Shut your facehole, come
on let's get in the water.

- Okay.
(calming music)

(moves into foreboding music)

- Watch out for mountain
lions and bears and stuff.

- Oh and Bigfoot, he
loves to hang around

in places like this.
- Will do.

- What a dork.

- What is that?

(eerie music)

- If you're watching this,
I'm probably already dead.

Hopefully those little
bastards suffer the same fate,

I thought I'd be able
to trap them down here

and make my escape, but,
things didn't work out

as I'd hoped, so, here I
am, relaying this message

in hopes that others may
understand what's come to pass.

I don't know what they are,
but they came from outer space,

I saw it with my own eyes.

Landing right here in a nearby
field, damn them all to hell.

You can't let them get out.

They're here for one
thing, and one thing alone.

To destroy and devour
every man, woman and child,

and take over our planet,
it's just like they said

in the sci-fi magazines.

I wasn't able to stop them,
and I wasn't able to escape

and now I'm trapped
down here, all alone.

Why God, why have
you forsaken me?

If those creatures are still
alive, blow those little

bastards to where they came
from, and save the human race.

- It must be some
kind of sci-fi flick.

Looks cheap though.

(sudden sting)
(ominous mulling)

Oh, Abby you're
such a klutz, wow!

(mumbling) access hatch.

What do you know.

Lame.
- Hey Abby what are you doing?

- Oh hey, nothing.
- We think the power went out.

We could use that
thing on your head.

- I'm coming.

(eerie music)

You guys aren't gonna
believe what I just...

Hello, Sloane?

- Turn off your light, stupid.
- What?

- Turn off your light.
- But I thought you needed?

- Turn it off!
- Geez, okay.

Enter our circle and
await judgment, pledge.

- But Sloane, I'm
not even a real--

- Silence, get
over here already.

- Okay, okay, fine.

- We're gathered here to
honor our sisterly tradition

and commence the initiation,
Abby Fisher, your membership

has been approved by
the highest of the high,

we have conferred and we've
decided, I accept your pledge.

- I accept your pledge.

- I accept your pledge.

- You've been selected to join

the Delta Alpha Kappa sorority
and further be known as

a Delakap Girl.

Do you accept?
- I don't know.

- Do you accept?
- Fine, okay, sure!

- One of us, one of us!

- Honestly, I'm having
a pretty good time,

thanks for dragging me
along in this thing.

- I told you, and the
best is yet to come,

now we drink the patented
cocktail of the Delakap Girls,

in honor of our newest member.

- It's just Long Island
Iced Tea with orange juice.

What, she's one of us now,
she can know our secrets.

- No, no no no it was Lance.
- That's right, Lance uhm...

Crowbus?
- Sir Lancelot?

- Oh he had the biggest ears.
- Hmm, that's not all.

- Gross, we were
like 10 years old.

- I'm just yanking your
crank, it was tiny.

- You are so bad.

- First guy who ever felt me up.

Not that there was
anything to feel back then.

- First guy whoever felt
me up was my cousin Roger.

He was the type of guy
who liked to eat ice cream

with his hands, you
know what I mean.

So his hands were
always like sticky.

- Eww, that's not
a real thing Mags.

- It was for Roger.

Most of that side
of the family too,

big on hand-eating you know.

I guess they have
something against utensils.

- I just wanna make
a little toast.

- Okay, make it quick,
these beverages aren't gonna

drink themselves, wait, wouldn't
that be totally awesome?

- As I was saying, Abby,
I've known you since you were

a little girl, I've been
waiting two whole years

for you to start university,
and I know it took

a lot of convincing for
you to pledge, but I am

super-stoked that you did,
I've always considered you

a sister, and now it's
official, so to Abby,

and to ever Delakap Girl
that is, and ever shall be.

- [Trio] Delta Alpha Kappa.

- You have to say it too.

- [Group] Delta Alpha Kappa!

- Would you like another?
- Sure.

- You know, I was so
scared when I pledged.

I didn't know anyone, it
was a horrifying ordeal,

you're lucky you have
such a great friend,

Sloane totally rocks.

- Yeah, nothing is gonna
stop that girl, thank you.

- I'm glad you joined,
we need a girl like you.

- Really, wait, right,
because I'm like so hideous

or whatever that I make the
rest of you guys look good.

- No, because we need
beauty and brains,

so everyone doesn't think we're
just bunch or ditzy girls,

you know, you have everything,
consider yourself lucky Abby.

- Thanks, I guess.

What about all that mean
stuff you were saying.

- Oh don't worry
about what I say.

Everyone just thinks
I'm some rich bitch

and that's what I'm comfortable
being, so that's what I am.

But you should probably
consider retiring that outfit,

unless you like looking
like a homeless person.

(anticipatory music)

- What the hell dude, where's
the stupid road already?

- Hey buddy wait, geez,
can't get a break tonight.

(eerie chirping)

- Oh shit!
(anticipatory music)

No way dude.

Great, just great.

A scratch, oh damn it, oh
my dad's gonna kill me.

Oh this day couldn't
get any worse!

Stupid animals, stay
the hell off the road.

You dumb idiots.

(eerie music)
(chirping)

(knife brandishing)

(laughing)

My face, my beautiful face!

(anticipatory music)
(blood gushing)

- Hey, do you have
anything from that guy

who like turns into a
zombie but then also turns

into a werewolf I think or
something, oh, that video

is so confusing.

- Do you even listen to
yourself when you speak?

- Duh, all the time
lamebrain, I'm not deaf.

(twig snapping)
- What was that?

- Probably just some animal.
- Maybe a raccoon.

- Ugh yuck you know those things
are full of diseases right?

(twig snapping)
What was that?

- It isn't a raccoon.

- Do you think it's smart to
be out here with some like

rabid raccoons running wild.
- It isn't a raccoon.

- Bigfoot, is it Bigfoot?
- Probably not, Margot.

- Boo!
- Boo!

- Dude!
- Sorry.

I thought you meant
three, then go.

- You total toolbags,
what are you doing here?

Not so fast Mr. Bigshot.

- Hey Abby.
- Hey Brock.

- Come on Babe, we drove
all this way and you're not

gonna give me any sugar,
God, hella neighborly of you.

- Oh you better
have a sweet tooth.

(moaning)

- You remember my
bro Pete, right?

- I've only met him
like a hundred times.

- Hey Pete.
- Hi.

- Yeah but people say
he's totally forgettable.

- Only my real good
friends it seems.

- See, I told you it
was some rabid animals.

- Lulu, Mags, you guys got
some mega-cool dance moves

in there.
- Thanks Brock.

15 years of jazz ballet will
teach you the good ones.

- [Brock] No doubt.

- So how long were
guys spying on us?

- Long enough to know that
you guys weren't gonna have

a pillow fight in your bras
and panties anytime soon.

Pfft, talk about boring.
- What a shame, Brock.

Had you held on for
just five more minutes.

- Yeah we were just about
to change into our sexy PJs,

and Margot here was just
gonna get the pillows.

- No I wasn't.

Oh!

- Bummer, so, you chicks
gonna let us party with you

or what?

- This was supposed to be girls
only Brock, you know that.

- Yeah babe but you know
I can't spend more than

two nights away from you,
who's gonna do that thing

that helps me fall
asleep, you know.

- Ugh, gag me with a
spoon, what a perv.

- Ah he has a fused
vertebrae, Lulu.

- And she's majoring
in massage therapy,

get your mind outta
the gutter would you.

(animal screeching)

- Maybe we should go inside.

- No, no, no, no, I say, we
crack open some brewskies

and you guys let me
and Pete here show you

how to build a real bonfire.
- Totally.

- Go and check.
- I will not go and check.

- Find out what the
noise is all about.

- We know what it's about,
it's those students down

at the other cottage.

- Yeah well their
music's too darn loud.

- That's what it's like to
be a youngfolk these days.

- Yeah well they can
their MTV and stick it

where the sun don't shine.

- You're so colorful when
you're drinking schnapps.

- Don't sweet-talk
me, where's the dog?

- He's probably chasing
something out in the woods.

He'll be fine.

- Oh man where is
this stupid house.

Who orders pizza in the
middle of frigging nowhere?

This is ridiculous.

(eerie hawking)
(ominous music)

Stupid piece of crap car, why
don't they ever break down

when you're near a mechanic,
no, they gotta wait

until your out in
the middle of nowhere

surrounded by dirt roads and
trees and fricking nothing.

And it sucks.

Oh man, how am I gonna get home
after I deliver this pizza?

I should've waited by the
stupid car and let those

dumb hicks do without their
stupid pizza, dumb move dude.

(laughing)

(twig snapping)
Who's that, who goes there?

Are you a bear?

Yeah like it's a bear,
like it's gonna be like,

"Yes, I'm a bear."

Oh shit, I'm holding food!

I'm walking around in
the middle of nowhere

holding food, I'm a
frigging bear buffet.

It's over there bear, go get it.

Or maybe it's a person,
if you're a person,

maybe you could give me
a hand, if you're a bear,

don't bother, oh what
am I talking about,

I gotta keep moving.

Wow, what are you
supposed to be?

(frolicking music)

Look if you're hungry
the pizza's over there.

(laughing)

You like pizza don't you?

Okay, well I'm gonna go, so,

I'll catch you later,
creepy little dude, oh crap.

Okay guys, I gotta go.

But I'll wait until
the next car comes

and then I'll thumb a
ride, you know, thumb.

(groaning)
(laughing)

- So I hear you're an official
member of Delta Alpha Kappa

now, congrats.

- Yeah uh, all my dreams and
aspirations finally come true.

- Well that's some pretty
heavy stuff you got there.

- I guess, I'm studying to
become a mechanical engineer,

like my dad.
- Oh right on.

So like, fixing cars and stuff?

- No, not, not really.

So what about you,
what are you studying?

- Nada, no I decided to
take a year off, you know,

starting to feel like I had
spent my whole life in school

working towards something
my parents wanted for me,

not really what I wanted,
so, yeah I'm hoping to

figure some stuff out.
- Wow.

I wish I had the
nerve to do that.

Take time off, maybe travel
somewhere far like Egypt

or France.

- You should totally do
that, traveling is sweet.

I'm driving down to
South America at the end

of the summer, and go scope
out some bodacious waves.

You should totally come.

- Wow uhm, yeah, I
don't know, maybe.

- Hey handsome, you're
gonna miss the best part.

- Oh, well think about it.

Hey are you gonna come dance?

- Maybe after I
finish this chapter.

- You snooze, you lose Abby.
- Sweet!

(eerie music)
- Fozzie, Fozzie!

Where are you at, stupid dog.

First no pizza and now
the damn dog goes missing.

I'll swear this evening is
going to heck in a hand basket.

- Hey are you sure
Doug's coming?

I tried calling him on his car
phone but he wouldn't answer.

- Dude said he had
to close up the shop,

his dad's been really ragging
on him to stick around

and learn the family business.

- It's a surf shop,
what's to learn?

- Then he should've
been here by now right?

- Yeah, yeah, but that guy
could get lost in his own house.

Maybe his dad is right
for ragging on him.

- I always tell him he'd lose
his head if it wasn't tied on.

Why do I always fall
for the flaky guys.

- Just keep trying Margot,
dude's bound to pick up

sooner or later.
- Yeah you're right.

(ominous music)

- She honestly said
that to your face?

- Where else is she
gonna say it to?

- That's cold,
she's a (mumbling).

- I've been doing a
lot of stress eating.

- Who wouldn't, your daughter's
getting married Vinnie,

that's a very stressful
situation, the wedding to plan,

floral arrangements,
seating assignments.

- It's horrible, I eat
because I'm stressed and now

I am stressed because I
eat, it's a vicious cycle.

- Don't pay any attention
to what Tina says,

she's seven, and she's
caught up in the whirlwind

of her big sister's wedding,
she's bound to lash out

here and there, and
take it from me,

you don't look anything
like a big tub of goo.

- Thanks Frank, so
what have we got here?

- Looks like a car broke down.

Person wandered off.

Probably went in this direction.

Or maybe this direction.

They might've been drunk,
or not, there are so many

possibilities in a
situation like this.

- Yeah. Tell me about it.

I'll call it in.
- Good idea.

Hey we should probably bike
up to the old Springer place,

there are always kids coming
up from university causing

problems there.

- I'll let Sheila know we've
got a 10-50 off Spinny Road.

- Okay, and put your badge on.

- [Vinnie] Ah there's my badge
and right next to a perfectly

good hunk of pizza, who
could've lost this out here,

well, waste not want not.

Ah man that's good,
and still hot.

(swanky music)

- I think we should head to
bed if you know what I mean.

- [Sloane] Yeah I'm
beat, we're going to bed.

- All right I guess we'll
see you guys in the morning.

- Not if we see you first.
- Good night.

- Don't let the bed bugs
et cetera, et cetera...

- Oh my vertebrae.

- Oh let Mama make
it all better.

(groaning)
(upbeat music)

- Boy these old houses don't
have good sound-proofing.

- And somehow the acoustics
in these woods are amazing.

- Great...

- That's great baby,
now I'm nice and loose,

like a long neck gander.
(soft moaning)

- Wait a second, I had a
feeling you would show up here.

I brought this.

- Oh you read my mind.

- And this.
- Oh baby artichoke artichoke!

- Sorry sweetie, you
know you're safe with me.

- You've gotta ease into it.
- Yeah I will.

Let me get changed.
- Right.

Oh, I brought
something for you too.

- Oh really what is it?
- Oh, I left it in the car.

You stay here,
I'll be right back.

- [Sloane] Okay.

(calming music)

- What the hell was that?

(laughing)

No way, freaky-deaky, you all
right there little guy huh?

(groaning)
(screaming)

Hey little dude...

(screaming)

- Brock?

Oh yuck I can't believe I
didn't notice that before.

Oh that's better,
hurry up Brock.

Mistress does not like
to be kept waiting.

(foreboding music)

Babe your hands are
so cold, and slimy.

(screaming)
(anticipatory music)

(groaning)
(screaming)

- Geez get a room already.

- Maybe we can
turn up the tunes.

- Yeah I don't know about
you, but I'm not exactly a fan

of listening to people,
you know, doing it.

- Tell me about it, I heard
my parents porking when

I was a kid, I still have to
go to therapy twice a week.

- He's faking it.

- Well, honestly I think
I'm gonna call it a night.

- Yeah probably a good idea.

- Do you want me to
show you to your room.

- Well actually, all the
rooms here in the hall

are full so the only empty
one is right beside mine.

- Okay, would you
mind showing me?

- Yeah not at all.
- Great, thanks Abby.

- I really had an awesome
time playing that game tonight

and I'm sorry that kicking
my butt wasn't more of

a challenge.

- No don't worry about it,
even if you're an expert,

you probably wouldn't have
won, taking blocks from

the bottom and putting them
on top is like kinda my thing.

- Okay, cool, well, good night.

- Yeah you too.
- All right.

- Oh my, sorry, sorry,
I, my room's that way.

(muttering)

Ugh, smooth move, what
was all that about?

(swanky music)

Brains and beauty huh?

- Too easy.

Eww, too challenging.

Oh, just right.

- Okay, okay you got this.

Hey Pete, I was just in
the neighborhood and...

No that's...

Great.

- Knock knock.
- Lulu?

- You look like you
could use a nightcap.

- Oh uh, thanks for the
offer, but I really should be

getting to bed.
- Uh Pete I already opened it.

You can't just close good
alcohol, it goes bad.

- Right...

Thanks, now--

- Ssshht!

Like a good whiskey,
I don't go down easy.

- Wow Lulu, what are you doing?

- What does it look like
I'm doing, it's pretty

self-explanatory isn't it?

- Listen, you're a
really cool chick,

I really think that, but,
I'm just not interested.

Maybe you should leave.
- Really, honestly?

You're kicking me out?

Fine, you're gonna
regret this, bub.

- Maybe, but I doubt it.

(foreboding music)
- Ugh what a total loser.

He doesn't know what he's
missing, this body is as tight

as they come, ugh damn
it, perfect, just perfect.

Hey, hey, hey stupid
raccoon, that's my whiskey.

Oh, you're one ugly motherf...

What the hell?

You're the ugliest
raccoon I've ever seen.

Ugh, this weekend blows.

The only action I'm getting
is from these stupid raccoons.

(chirping)

Get outta my face before
I rip you limb from limb.

What you got something to say?

(laughing)
(gasping)

- Another noun?
- Armadillo.

- And an adjective.
- Squishy.

- Oh man this is so good.

- Well come on read it out
loud, don't just laugh at it

quietly to yourself.

- All right here we go, the
little old cappie who lived

in the speaker decided
one day to shoot

a tree house he found, it
was the first time Satan

managed to puke all the
way to the top, once there,

he scratched out onto
a meatloaf and said,

"What an aquamarine
day we're having."

The farts that lived in the
wasps' nest, told him to say

hello to his armadillo,
they always appreciated

how squishy she was to them.

Oh man these things
totally make my day.

- I can't think of a better
way to pass the time, can you?

(ominous music)

- Where's everybody?

Hello? Ah, stupid phone!

- Jesus Christ, Margot, you
scared the crap outta me.

- Sorry Abby, are you sleeping?

- Well obviously not now.

- I haven't heard
from Doug in a while,

and the phone's
acting all screwy.

- Okay, and?
- Can you take a look at it?

- Sure, yeah.

- This isn't like him
though, if he was driving up

he would've answered
his car phone.

And now, I can't even reach
from here, so, who knows?

- What's up?

- [Both] Oh Jesus Christ!

- Sorry!
- Don't do that!

- Sorry didn't
mean to scare you.

- Oh my God.
- What's wrong?

- Nothing, nothing Margot
just said the phone

was acting weird.

- I haven't been able to
reach Doug and I'm starting

to get worried.

- Hmm, it's no dial tone.

- That is weird.

- Yeah well I'm gonna go check
up on Sloane and Brock then.

- Never a dull moment huh?

- [Margot] Hey sorry
to wake you guys.

(screaming)

- What happened, oh my God.

- What the hell's going on here?

- Is this some kind of a prank,
first the phone now this.

- I don't know, Brock
is nuts, but this is

a little over the top.

- Lulu we gotta...

- Where's Lulu?

- I don't know.
- What are we gonna do?

- I don't know Margot.

- You don't think she had
anything to do with this do you?

- I don't know, I'm
sorry, I just...

I mean she's gotta be
here somewhere, right?

- Yeah, probably.

- Well what happened
after she left your room?

- Nothing, I, I tossed and
turned, I got up and I made

myself a sandwich.
- Did you hear anything?

- [Pete] No.

- What was Lulu
doing in your room?

- Nothing she came in,
with a bottle of whiskey

and I kicked her right out.
(growling)

What the hell is that?

- Rats or something.

- I'm started to get
freaked right out.

- Me too, I think we need
to call the police, come on.

- The phones aren't working.

- Okay, grab your keys,
we passed a small town

about 20 minutes back,
and they're bound to have

a police station or something.
- Okay you got it.

- Okay I'll be right back.
(eerie music)

What's wrong?

- There's something
under the couch.

- Come on I think we
need to get outta here.

Hey!
- Wait Margot!

Margot!

- Jesus, go in the house!

What the hell was that thing?

- I don't know it looked like...

- Oh shit!
- Run!

(ominous music)

Hurry!

(laughing)

(foreboding music)

- Hey, you wanna do a
good cop bad cop routine?

Scare them a little?
- Why not?

Kids these days have no
respect for authority.

- Rock, paper, scissors.
- Okay.

(groaning)

- Great minds huh, come on.

Haha doofus, I'm the bad cop.
- Fine.

- Who's that?

- Maybe no one's home?

- Looks like they
were having a party.

They trashed the couch, savages.

- Probably passed
out drunk somewhere,

let's not waste our time.

You know, for just once,
I would love for something

cool to happen around here.
- I hear you brother.

I didn't become a cop just
for this awesome uniform

and that rad cycle.
- Me neither.

But what are you gonna
do, small town like this,

not much goes on, a
few drunks over at PJs

and once in a while
a domestic dispute.

- Yeah, wait a minute!

Lookie, lookie chocolate cookie.

This tabaccy be wacky.

- Probable cause.

- Someone's gonna
get a rude awakening.

- What should we do?

(anticipatory music)

- This is the police, we
have reason to believe

there may illegal
narcotics on the premises,

come out of your rooms
or other hiding places

in an orderly fashion, with
your hands above your heads,

or we'll be forced to
take extreme measures.

- It's the cops.

Hey, we're over here,
hey, hey we're here.

- What was that?

(mumbling)

Hey, what's that over there?

(laughing)

- I don't know...

- There's another one over here.

- Wow look at the
size of that thing.

- And there's one here too.

(chirping)

- Hey check it out,
we're surrounded.

(laughing)

- Oh no, watch out for
the tiny creatures.

(screaming)

- [Frank] Wait, wait, how
about we talk this over?

(guns firing)

- There goes the cavalry.
(screaming)

Oh no!
(gun clicks)

- I'm going, I'm going.

Goddammit, what are you
stupid kids doing out here.

- Sorry mister I thought you
were one of those things.

- Oh what things
for heaven's sakes?

- These ghastly little
creatures, they attacked me

and they killed all my friends.

There's one now!
(gun fires)

(chirping)

Good shot.
- Oh goddammit.

Look at what you made me do!

- No you got it.

- My God I thought it was
some sort of wild animal.

- These things are worse,
that's one of the things

that killed my friends.
- Well they gotta eat to live.

- They what?

- They're carnivores,
they eat people.

- And you know this how?
- They're my friends.

Look at what you made me do.
- Your friends?

- Yeah yeah you don't move
a muscle now listen, okay?

Come on boys, time to eat up,
that's right, eat up boys!

(laughing)

- No stop it!

Stop it, stop it!

- I told you we should've
dealt with those college

kids sooner.
- I know you did.

What should we do with this one?

- Well the little ones have
already had a lot to eat

tonight, so, save
this one for later.

- All right, walk this way.

- What are you gonna do with me?

- Oh I think you know honey.
- Get in.

- Get in there?
- You heard him.

- But what are you
gonna do with me?

- Us, we're not gonna
do anything to you dear.

(laughing)
(energy beaming)

- What in blue blazes
is going on up there?

(laughing)

(anticipatory music)

(laughing)

(chirping)

(muttering)

(surprised chirping)

(laughing)

(gun fires)

(laughing)

(laughing)

(muttering)
(chirping)

(bomb exploding)

(chirping)

(screaming)
(rock tumbling)

(gun fires)
(laughing)

(upbeat music)

* What's that sound
coming from under that bed

* It could be all in your head,
yeah probably nothing at all

* Nothing at all,
what's that thing

* Lurking over there
under the rocking chair

* It's probably just
a doll, just a doll

* What's that ship
hovering up above

* It's coming to attack,
groovy to the max

* Why God, why have
you forsaken me

* They came out of the sky,
stick a needle in my eye

* Did you ever wonder why, all
your best friends had to die

* Come on gag me with a
spoon, we're on a road to ruin

* These things are coming here

* From an intergalactic
hemisphere

* We creatures, super strong

* But let's (mumbling)

* That's why I wrote
this song, so ghastly

* Tear 'em up beneath the knees

* Hiding out inside the trees

* Anyway they're here to
stay, they're Ghastlies

* What's that sound
coming from under that bed

* It could be all in your head,
yeah probably nothing at all

* Nothing at all,
what's that thing

* Lurking over there
under the rocking chair

* It's probably just
a doll, just a doll

* What's that ship
hovering up above

* Coming to attack,
it's groovy to the max

* I don't know what they are

* But they came from outer
space, I saw it with my own eyes

* Damn them all to hell

* They came out of the sky

* Stuck a needle in his eye

* Did you ever wonder why, all
your best friends had to die

* Come on gag me with a
spoon, we're on a road to ruin

* Beasties are coming here from
an intergalactic hemisphere

* We creatures, super strong

* But let's (mumbling)

* That's why I wrote
this song, so ghastly

* Anyway they're here to
stay, they're Ghastlies

* They're here for one
thing and one thing alone

* To destroy and devour
every man, woman and child

* And take over our planet

* Did you ever wonder why, all
your best friends had to die

* These things are
super gross and nasty

* Did you ever wonder why, all
your best friends had to die

* Never gonna give
you up like Astley

* They came from outer space,
to annihilate the human race

* Anyway they're here to
stay, they're Ghastlies