All language subtitles for Deux Farfelus au regiment.1958

WILL?

Man:
WHAT IS IT, PA?

COME OUT HERE.

LISTEN.

YOUR EARS
ARE BETTER THAN MINE.

SOMEBODY'S COMIN'.

I DON'T HEAR NOTHIN'.

TURN OFF
THAT WHATCHAMACALLIT.

THE RADIO.

I KNOW WHAT YOU CALL IT.
TURN IT OFF!

FIRST, I HEARD
ONE OF THEM CARS.

THEN IT STOPPED.

AND NOW SOMEBODY'S
COMIN' DOWN THE HILL.

YOU HEAR?

Man: YOU ALL STAY RIGHT HERE.
IF I CALL, COME A-RUNNIN'.

PA, THAT AIN'T NO WAY
TO WELCOME FOLKS.

MAYBE IT'S KIN.

KIN DON'T COME IN NO CARS.

SEE IF YOU CAN WAKE UP
THAT OLD HOUND DOG.

HEY, BLUE?
COME ON, BLUE.

I GOT A BIG, OLD
CATFISH HEAD FOR YOU.

COME ON, BLUE.

I NEVER SEEN SUCH A THING
IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

STUCK UP ALL OVER HERE
AND EVERYTHING.

ARE YOU
WILL STOCKDALE?

HOWDY!

THREE DANG TIMES THIS MONTH
I'VE BEEN OUT HERE --

DON'T YOU POINT YOUR FINGER
IN MY BOY'S FACE!

ARE YOU THREATENING ME
WITH A FIREARM?

I'M A GOVERNMENT REPRESENTATIVE
ON GOVERNMENT BUSINESS.

BUSTIN' UP HERE WITHOUT SAYIN'
"HOWDY" OR NOTHIN' --

WHAT GOVERNMENT?

U.S. GOVERNMENT --
THE DRAFT BOARD.

THIS HERE BOY'S BEEN
CALLED FOR THE DRAFT,

AND HE AIN'T NEVER REPORTED.

HE'S A DRAFT DODGER.

HOLD IN THAT FINGER, SIR.
I'M WARNING YOU!

HOLD IN THAT FINGER.

HE COULD GO TO JAIL
FOR THAT.

HE'S IN TODAY'S GROUP.

AND THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.

IF YOU DON'T LEAVE WITH
THAT GROUP AT 12:00 A.M.,

YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN...

MORE TROUBLE
THAN YOU EVER DID SEE.

YOU ALREADY GOT ONE OFFENSE
AGAINST YOU --

NOT ANSWERING MY LETTERS.

I NEVER GOT
NO LETTERS.

OH, DON'T TELL ME
YOU CAN'T READ,

BECAUSE YOU COULD HAVE GOT
SOMEBODY TO READ THEM TO YOU.

YOU MEAN TO STAND THERE
AND TELL ME TO MY FACE

MY BOY CAN'T READ?

DO YOU THINK MY BOY,

WHO HAS GONE TO SCHOOL
AND WHO HAS READ

MORE TIMES THAN YOU COULD
SHAKE A STICK AT,

COULDN'T READ A PUNY, LITTLE,
OL' LETTER IF HE WANTED TO?

BY DOG, SIR!

I NEVER GOT NO LETTERS.

I DON'T THINK I CAN STAND
TO LISTEN TO ANY MORE OF THIS.

GET THAT BOOK!

NO, SIR, WHAT YOU THINK
DON'T MEAN NOTHIN' TO ME,

BUT WE ARE GOING TO SETTLE
THIS HERE QUESTION

RIGHT HERE AND NOW,

AND NOT HAVE NO MORE
FOOLISHNESS ABOUT IT.

READ AT HIM!

ONCE THERE WAS
A BOY NAMED TONY

WHO WANTED A PONY.

SO HE WENT TO HIS MAMA
AND SAID, "MAY I HAVE A PONY?"

AND HIS MAMA SAYS...

"NO, TONY, YOU MAY NOT
HAVE A PONY."

GO ON.

SO HE WENT TO HIS PAPA
AND SAID,

"PAPA, MAY I HAVE A PONY?"

AND HIS PAPA SAYS, "NO, TONY,
YOU MAY NOT HAVE...

A PONY."

END OF THE BOOK
HE GETS THE PONY ANYHOW.

NOW THAT WE HAVE SETTLED
IF'N OR NOT MY BOY CAN READ,

YOU BEST BE GETTIN'
OFF MY PROPERTY

AND BACK IN THAT CAR OF YOURS
AND OUT OF RANGE IN --

PA, BE CHRISTIAN TO HIM.

CHRISTIAN?

YOU KNOW WHAT THE LORD
WOULD HAVE DONE

IF A MAN COME ALL HOT AND
STOMPING ONTO HIS PROPERTY

WITHOUT SAYING "HOWDY"
OR NOTHIN',

SCARIN' HIS CHICKENS,
AND SAYIN' FOLKS CAN'T READ?

SIR, WOULD IT BE
ALL RIGHT

IF ME AND PA
SPEAK PRIVATELIKE?

OKAY, BUT MAKE IT
SHORT.

THANK YOU, SIR.

COME ON, PA.

AND DON'T TRY
ANY FUNNY BUSINESS

'CAUSE I AIN'T ALONE HERE!

SET YOURSELF, PA.

NOW LISTEN, PA.

I DON'T THINK THIS HERE
DRAFT'S SUCH A BAD IDEA.

I MEAN, I'D KIND OF LIKE
TO GO.

THERE'S A WHOLE LOT
OF FELLAS THERE,

AND THEY ALL MARCH ALONG
RIGHT SNAPPYLIKE.

YOU LISTEN TO ME, BOY.

GOING IN THE DRAFT DON'T
MEAN JUST GOING INTO TOWN.

IT MEANS MACON, AND ATLANTA,
AND STILL FURTHER.

I BEEN TO ATLANTA.
YOU KNOW THAT.

WHEN I WAS
NO OLDER THAN YOU.

I TOLD YOU HOW THEM FOLKS
LAUGHED AT ME

AND CALLED ME SMART NAMES.

YOU DON'T WANT THAT, BOY.

PA, NOW AIN'T THE SAME
AS IT WAS THEN.

DOGGED IF IT AIN'T.

BUT THEY WANT ME.

THEY EVEN SENT A FELLA TO COME
AND FETCH ME, DIDN'T THEY?

AND THAT AIN'T ALL.

LAST SPRING, I SEEN A SIGN
ON THE SIDEWALK

DOWN THERE IN TOWN.

THIS GREAT, BIG, OLD PICTURE
OF UNCLE SAM.

AND "UNCLE SAM WANTS YOU,"
HE'S A-SAYIN'.

JUST LIKE THIS FELLA
HERE, PA,

POINTIN' HIS FINGER
RIGHT STRAIGHT IN MY FACE.

AND DON'T YOU THINK
A SOLDIER FELLA

COME UP TO ME
RIGHT THEN AND THERE

INVITIN' ME TO COME ALONG
WITH ALL THE OTHER FELLAS?

I TOLD HIM HOW YOU
WAS AILING THEN,

AND WOULD HE KINDLY
WAIT AWHILE?

YOU BEEN TEARING UP THEM
LETTERS, AIN'T YOU, PA?

AND YOU AIN'T AILING
NO MORE.

HEY, ARE YOU COMIN'
OR DO I HAVE TO --

I'M JUST FIXIN'
TO GET ME MY SHOES.

YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW THIS.
HE'S A GOOD BOY.

IT'S MY BLAME HE DIDN'T COME
WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE.

I DON'T CARE, MISTER.
WE GOT HIM NOW.

REMEMBER, PA?

I GOT THESE HERE
FOR AUNT TUZIE'S FUNERAL.

AIN'T IT NICE I'M FINALLY
GETTING A CHANCE

TO WEAR THEM AGAIN?

APPEARS THEY LIKE
TO HAVE SHRUNK A LITTLE.

THEY'LL PUT SHOES ON YOU
IN THE ARMY.

THEY AIN'T GONNA WAIT
FOR YOU TO PUT THEM ON.

LISTEN, DRAFTMAN,
YOU TELL THEM FOLKS

TO BE NICE
TO MY BOY, YOU HEAR?

IF THEY AIN'T,
I'LL --

I-I'M READY.

SAY GOODBYE TO BLUE FOR ME
WHEN HE WAKES UP, WILL YOU?

I WILL.

WRITE TO ME REGULAR,
YOU HEAR?

SURE, PA.

PRINT BIG!

I WILL.

REMEMBER, DRAFTMAN,
WHAT I SAID.

IF THEY AIN'T GOOD
TO MY BOY --

YEAH, I REMEMBER.

COME ON, BOY,
WE GOTTA GO.

BYE, PA.

BYE, WILL.

ALL RIGHT, FILL IT OUT.

LAST NAME -- FIRST,

FIRST NAME,
MIDDLE NAME -- LAST.

FILL IT OUT.

ALL RIGHT, FILL IT OUT.

LAST NAME -- FIRST,

FIRST NAME,
MIDDLE NAME -- LAST.

FILL THEM OUT.

ALL RIGHT, FILL IT OUT.

LAST NAME -- FIRST,

FIRST NAME,
MIDDLE NAME -- LAST.

FILL IT OUT.
FILL IT OUT.

LAST NAME -- FIRST,

FIRST NAME,
MIDDLE NAME -- LAST.

FILL IT OUT.

ROSABELLE LOU,
HONEST NOW,

YOU SURE
YOU GONNA MISS ME?

WHY, STANTON, HONEY,

Y'ALL KNOW
YOUR LITTLE ROSABELLE'S

JUST GONNA DIE
OF LONELINESS.

OH, HONEY, BABY DOLL.

ALL RIGHT, FILL IT OUT.

LAST NAME -- FIRST,

FIRST NAME,
MIDDLE NAME -- LAST.

FILL IT OUT.

LAST NAME -- FIRST,

FIRST NAME,
MIDDLE NAME -- LAST.

HEY, YOU! THIS THE GROUP
GOING TO THE AIR FORCE?

THAT'S WHERE I'M
DRIVING THE BUS TO.

YOU WANT A RESERVED SEAT?

SAVE THE JOKES
FOR THE PLOWBOYS.

FILL IT OUT.

LAST NAME -- FIRST,

FIRST NAME,
MIDDLE NAME -- LAST.

I KNOW, I KNOW,
I KNOW.

HEY, LOOK! THEY'RE BRINGIN'
A FELLA IN BRACELETS.

FINALLY LATCHED ONTO HIM,
HUH, MR. McKINNEY?

DID HE GIVE YOU ANY TROUBLE?

AIN'T NO DRAFT DODGER
GONNA GIVE ME ANY TROUBLE.

HAD TO BORROW
THE SHERIFF'S HANDCUFFS.

I GUESS THAT WILL HOLD YOU
TILL I GET YOU ON THAT BUS.

BUT MR. McKINNEY,
I AIN'T DODGIN' NOTHIN'.

SHUT UP!
LET ME HAVE IT.

FILL IT OUT.

LAST NAME -- FIRST,

FIRST NAME,
MIDDLE NAME -- LAST.

LEAN ON THE PUMP.

LAST NAME -- FIRST.

FIRST NAME,
MIDDLE NAME -- LAST!

ALL RIGHT, ANY YOU BOYS
HAD ANY R.O.T.C.?

I DID.
CLOSE TO A YEAR.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

BLANCHARD, IRVIN S.

IRVIN?

OKAY, IRVIN, I'M SETTIN' YOU
IN CHARGE OF THIS HERE GROUP.

NOW, WHEN YOU GET TO YOUR
CLASSIFICATION CENTER,

GIVE THESE FORMS TO
THE SERGEANT IN YOUR BARRACKS.

WHAT ABOUT HIM?

KEEP THEM CUFFS ON HIM,
AND HERE ARE THE KEYS.

NOW, IT TOOK ME
THREE MONTHS

TO FLUSH HIM OUT
OF THEM HILLS.

SO SEE THAT HE DON'T
GET AWAY!

COME ON IN MY OFFICE, DAVE,
AND I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR MONEY.

YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID,
PLOWBOY?

I DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE,
YOU UNDERSTAND?

ME NEITHER, IRVIN.

MY NAME'S BLANCHARD
TO YOU.

IT'S A REAL PLEASURE.

YOU GETTIN' SMART WITH ME,
PLOWBOY?

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ONE PEEP OUT OF YOU.

NOT ONE PEEP!

ALL RIGHT, BOYS,
I AIN'T HAD MY MORNING COFFEE,

SO I AIN'T GONNA WAIT AROUND
TO SEE YOU OFF.

NOW, IRVIN HERE
IS IN CHARGE.

CALLVILLE IS PROUD OF
HER SONS IN UNIFORM,

SO SHOW THEM WHAT KIND OF MEN
WE RAISE DOWN HERE.

AND BE GOOD.

AND IF YOU CAN'T BE GOOD,
BE CAREFUL.

HA! HA! HA!

ROSABELLE!!

PA!

GET ON HOME!

YES, PA.

I TOLD YOU
TO STAY HOME THIS TIME!

DAG IT!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT

INTO THE BUS
WHEN I CALL YOUR NAME.

DEROY, RICHARD S.

HERE.

FARNUM, ROBERT E.

HERE.

HOOPER, JUNIOR C.

HERE!

LEMON, HENRY P.

HERE.

STOCKDALE, WILL.

UH...HERE.

I'LL GET AROUND TO YOU.

SWINBURNE, ARMAND A.

HERE.

WHITLEDGE, BENJAMIN B.

WHITLEDGE, BENJAMIN B.

WHITLEDGE, HERE.

IS MR. McKINNEY HERE?

WHO?

MR. McKINNEY.
THE MAN ON THE DRAFT BOARD.

I GOT A LETTER FOR HIM.

TAKE IT EASY, SONNY.
YOU JUST MISSED HIM.

OH, I GOT TO FIND HIM.
I GOT A LETTER FOR HIM.

YEAH, WELL,
HE LEFT ME IN CHARGE.

HEY, GIVE ME THAT.
THAT'S A PRIVATE LETTER.

IT'S OFFICIAL BUSINESS
FOR MR. McKINNEY.

GIVE IT BACK!

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND
ENGLISH?

I'M IN CHARGE!

HERE, FILL OUT THAT FORM.

THAT'S A PRIVATE LETTER,
YOU BIG --

HEY, DON'T GET SORE
AT IRVIN, FELLA.

HE'S HAD R.O.T.C.

THAT DOESN'T GIVE HIM
THE RIGHT TO PUSH ME AROUND.

HEY, YOU PUT
YOUR LAST NAME -- FIRST,

AND THEN YOUR FIRST NAME,
AND -- LIKE THIS.

"STOCKDALE, WILL,
WILL STOCKDALE..."

STOCKDALE? ALL YOU NEED
IS ONE OF EACH.

IS THAT ALL?

WISE GUY.

MUCH OBLIGED.

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?

OH, THEY THINK
I'M A DRAFT DODGER.

BUT I AIN'T!

HERE, GIVE ME.

YOU CAN'T WRITE GOOD
WITH HANDCUFFS.

THANKS!

CAN'T WRITE MUCH GOOD
WITHOUT THEM.

"EVER HAD MEASLES?"

NO.

"THE MUMPS?"

NO.

"CHICKEN POX?"

NO.

"ANY OTHER
COMM"

I RECKON NOT.

YOU FIGURE THEY'RE GONNA
MAKE ME GO BACK HOME?

"EVER BREAK ANY BONES?"

I BROKE A LEG BONE ONCE.

WHICH LEG?

THE RI--
NO, IT WAS THE LEFT.

YEAH, LEFT.

"ANY MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY
BELONG TO GROUPS

"PLANNING TO OVERTHROW
THE GOVERNMENT

BY UNCONSTITUTIONAL
MEANS?"

NO,
WE'RE PRETTY SATISFIED.

HE STILL LIMPS A MITE.

WHO DOES?

THAT FELLA WHOSE LEG BONE
I BROKE.

HE HIT ME FIRST.

"YOU EVER HAVE R.O.T.C.?"

NO.

HEY, IRVIN HAD IT!
CLOSE TO A YEAR.

HE'S SO JUMPY AND ALL,

I FIGURE HE'S STILL GOT
A TOUCH OF IT IN HIM.

LISTEN, STOCKDALE,
R.O.T.C. --

WILL'S MY NAME.

WILL, LISTEN,
R.O.T.C. AIN'T --

WHAT WAS YOURS AGAIN?

BEN.
BEN WHITLEDGE.

HOWDY!

HI.

R.O.T.C. AIN'T A DISEASE.
IT'S TRAINING.

RESERVE OFFICER
TRAINING CORPORATION.

HUH.
IS THAT THE TRUTH?

OH, SURE.
THERE'S DIFFERENT KINDS.

THERE'S CAVALRY R.O.T.C.,
ARTILLERY R.O.T.C.,

INFANTRY R.O.T.C. --
INFANTRY'S THE BEST.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
I ALWAYS THOUGHT.

BEN...IRVIN AIN'T SICK?

NAH.

AND HE DON'T RANK NO HIGHER
THAN WE DO, NEITHER,

'CAUSE R.O.T.C.
DON'T MEAN NOTHIN'

UNLESS YOU FINISH
THE COURSE.

Man:
HEY, GET THIS.

"SO I BEG OF YOU,
MR. McKINNEY,

"PLEASE GET
MY ENCLOSED LETTER

TO THE COMMANDING OFFICER
IN THE AIR FORCE."

HEY, YOU CAN'T READ THAT!

"SO THAT MY SON, BEN,
WILL BE PUT IN THE INFANTRY

THE SAME AS HIS SIX BROTHERS
BEFORE HIM."

GIVE ME THAT, YOU BIG --

LET GO OF ME!

"ALL OF HIS LIFE,
LITTLE BEN HAS BEEN DREAMING

"OF BEING
A REAL INFANTRY SOLDIER

LIKE ALL THE MEN
IN OUR FAMILY."

LITTLE BEN WANT TO BE
A GREAT, BIG SOLDIER?

IRVIN?

THAT LETTER BELONGS TO BEN.
NOW, YOU GIVE IT TO HIM.

I TOLD YOU TO KEEP
YOUR MOUTH SHUT, PLOWBOY.

"IT WILL BREAK
HIS POOR HEART

"IF HE'S PUT
IN THE AIR FORCE

"INSTEAD OF THE INFANTRY

SO HIS BROTHERS
WILL BE PROUD OF HIM."

IRVIN, YOU AIN'T SICK
LIKE I THOUGHT,

SO YOU GIVE BEN HIS LETTER.

LISTEN, PLOWBOY --

SURE.

I IMAGINE IT'S TIME FOR US
TO GET GOIN', AIN'T IT?

SO, I'D THANK YOU IF YOU'D
TAKE THESE OFF, IRVIN.

THEY'RE BEGINNING
TO CHAFE ME A MITE.

YEAH, YEAH, SURE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

LET'S STOP
KIDDING AROUND HERE.

CLIMB ABOARD THERE.
SNAPPY, NOW!

WHY, SURE, IRVIN.

ALL RIGHT, MOVE ALONG,
MOVE ALONG.

SO LONG, BOYS.
DON'T TAKE ANY WOODEN NICKELS.

HA! HA! HA!

I APPRECIATE
IF YOU'LL WRITE ME

HOW MUCH IT COSTS
TO GET IT FIXED, MR. McKINNEY.

BYE!

Will: IT SURE WAS INTERESTING

WHEN WE GOT
TO THE CLASSIFICATION CENTER.

THEY TOOK US AROUND
FROM ONE BUILDING TO ANOTHER

AND THEY STUCK NEEDLES
INTO OUR ARMS,

AND WHOMPED US ON THE KNEES
WITH A LITTLE RUBBER HAMMER,

AND MASHED DOWN OUR TONGUES
WITH A ICE CREAM STICK.

THEN AFTER A REAL NICE SUPPER --

I NEVER HAD SUCH A FILL
OF BEANS IN MY WHOLE LIFE --

WE WAS ALL SITTIN' AROUND
THE BARRACKS

IN OUR SNAPPY, NEW UNIFORMS
LEARNING HOW TO SALUTE,

EVERYBODY TALKIN' AND JOKIN'

AND FEELIN'
THE BACK OF THEIR NECKS --

WHERE THEY HAD THESE HORSE
CLIPPERS RUN OVER THEM --

WHEN THIS NICE FELLA,

THIS HERE SERGEANT, COME IN.

PLEASE, LET'S KEEP IT QUIET!

ON BEHALF OF THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES,

THE SECRETARY OF THE AIR FORCE,

THE COMMANDERS OF THIS BASE
AND THIS SQUADRON,

I WANT TO WELCOME YOU GENTLEMEN
TO THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE.

THIS IS A CLASSIFICATION CENTER

WHERE YOU WILL UNDERGO
A SERIES OF TESTS

BOTH PHYSICAL AND MENTAL

DESIGNED TO DETERMINE YOUR
ABILITIES AND POTENTIALITIES,

SO THAT YOU MAY BE TRAINED
FOR THE POSITION

FROM WHICH BOTH YOU
AND THE AIR FORCE

WILL DERIVE
THE GREATEST BENEFIT.

TESTS ARE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD,
SO DO YOUR BEST IN EVERY TEST.

MY NAME IS KING. K-I-N-G.
SERGEANT KING.

I'M IN CHARGE OF THE BARRACKS
WHERE YOU WILL BE BILLETED

FOR APPROXIMATELY TWO WEEKS.

DURING THAT PERIOD THE BARRACKS
WILL BE KEPT SPOTLESSLY CLEAN.

THIS MAY BE A STOPPING-OFF PLACE
FOR YOU, BUT FOR ME IT IS HOME.

BEFORE TURNING IN TONIGHT,

EVERY ONE OF YOU WILL WRITE
A LETTER TO HIS NEAREST OF KIN

INFORMING THEM
THAT YOU HAVE ARRIVED SAFELY

AND ARE IN THE BEST OF HEALTH.

IF ANY PROBLEM SHOULD ARISE,

FEEL FREE TO CONSULT ME
ABOUT A SOLUTION.

I AM HERE TO HELP YOU

DURING THESE FIRST DIFFICULT
DAYS OF MILITARY SERVICE.

THESE ARE MY QUARTERS...

KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING.
IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?

YES, SIR.

ROGER.

WILCO!

SEEMS LIKE
A RIGHT-FRIENDLY FELLA.

BE RIGHT BACK.

COME IN.

PRIVATE BLANCHARD
DELIVERING FORMS

ON 12 INDUCTEES
FROM CALLVILLE AS ORDERED.

KEEP STANDING LIKE THAT,
YOU'RE GOING TO PULL A MUSCLE.

JUST PUT THEM DOWN.

NOT ON THE BED, PLEASE.

ANYTHING ELSE?

SERGEANT, I FEEL IT'S MY DUTY

TO TELL YOU ABOUT ONE
OF THE CALLVILLE INDUCTEES --

FELLA NAMED STOCKDALE,
A DRAFT DODGER.

HE GAVE ME A LOT OF TROUBLE.

NOT ON THE BED, PLEASE.

I WAS PUT IN CHARGE, AND
HE GAVE ME A LOT OF TROUBLE.

THEY BROUGHT HIM TO THE BUS
IN THESE.

I'LL MAKE A NOTE OF IT.

I THINK HE'LL NEED
SOME DISCIPLINARY ACTION.

HE ALREADY HIT
ONE OF THE FELLAS

WITH A GASOLINE PUMP.

IN THE BARRACKS HERE?

NO, BACK AT
THE BUS STATION.

I'LL MAKE A NOTE OF IT.

I THOUGHT HE OUGHT
TO BE REPORTED

TO THE SQUADRON COMMANDER.
THAT'S WHY --

NO!

WELL, I MEAN,
I THINK IT'S MY DUTY --

ANY REPORTING DONE
AROUND HERE, I DO.

SURE YOU DO.

AND THIS FELLA STOCKDALE
IS A REAL TROUBLEMAKER.

LOOK, SONNY, HOW LONG
HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE SERVICE?

ABOUT SIX HOURS, I GUESS.

I HAD R.O.T.C., THOUGH.

I SUPPOSE THEY TOLD YOU

IT WAS ALL EFFICIENCY
AND GETTING THINGS DONE,

STANDING AT ATTENTION,
RUNNING AROUND?

WELL, I'VE BEEN IN
FOR 18 YEARS

AND IT AIN'T LIKE
YOU THINK IT IS AT ALL.

IT'S A QUIET, PEACEFUL LIFE,

IF YOU MIND
YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

IT'S LIKE THERE WAS A BIG LAKE,
NICE AND CALM.

I'M IN A CANOE,
YOU'RE IN ANOTHER,

THE CAPTAIN'S IN A CANOE,
AND THE COLONEL.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO
IF YOU REPORT SOMEBODY,

OR COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMEBODY,
OR REQUEST SOMETHING?

YOU MAKE WAVES.

WELL, I THOUGHT THE CAPTAIN
WOULD WANT TO KNOW

IF HE'S GOT A TROUBLEMAKER
IN THE OUTFIT.

LOOK, SONNY,
I HATE TO PULL RANK ON YOU,

BUT FOR YOUR INFORMATION,

YOU'VE GOT THE SMALLEST CANOE
IN THE WHOLE DARN LAKE.

GOODNIGHT, PRIVATE.

AND NOW,
OUR NEXT REQUEST

COMES FROM MASTER SERGEANT
ORVILLE C. KING,

AT THE AIR FORCE
CLASSIFICATION CENTER.

HERE YOU ARE, SERGEANT.

HEY, BEN, DO YOU PUT
A BIG "S" ON SERGEANT?

WHEN YOU PRINT IT,

IT DON'T MAKE NO DIFFERENCE,
WILL.

BOY, PA WILL SURE BE HAPPY

ABOUT HOW SGT. KING SAID
IT WAS REALLY A "HOME."

HA-HA.

NO, NOW COME ON, BEN,
YOU TAKE THE BOTTOM.

NO, WILL!

BUT HONEST,
I LIKE SLEEPIN' HIGH.

NO, SIR. YOU SAT
ON THE BOTTOM BUNK FIRST.

OH, I DIDN'T MEAN
NOTHIN' BY IT.

FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED.
THAT'S THE MILITARY WAY!

NO. NOW COME ON, BEN.

I WON'T, I TELL YOU!

NOW, COME ON --

LET THAT MAN ALONE,
STOCKDALE.

I'M BEGINNING TO THINK

I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TAKEN
THEM CUFFS OFF YOU, PLOWBOY.

WELL, IRVIN,
I WASN'T DOIN' NOTHIN'.

IF YOU WANT
TO START SOME FIGHTING,

YOU GO AFTER SOMEBODY
YOUR OWN SIZE,

NOT SOME LITTLE MOUSE.

WATCH YOUR MOUTH!

WHY DON'T YOU MIND
YOUR OWN BUSINESS ANYHOW?

WE'RE JUST STOPPING HIM
FROM RASSLING YOU AROUND.

THAT'S BETWEEN HIM AND ME.
NOBODY ASKED YOU TO BUTT IN!

NOW, BEN, DON'T --

ONLY TRYING
TO DO YOU A FAVOR, JUNIOR.

WHO YOU CALLING JUNIOR?

WHO ASKED YOU
ANYTHING ANYHOW?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, IF THAT'S
THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT IT.

YOU WANT TO BE BUDDIES
WITH THE DRAFT DODGER,

BE BUDDIES
WITH THE DRAFT DODGER.

THAT'S THE WAY
I FEEL ABOUT IT.

BEFORE THERE'S
TROUBLE IN THIS BARRACKS,

YOU HIT THE SACK.
GET TO BED, BOTH OF YOU.

I WAS JUST
GOING TO, IRVIN.

GIVE HIM TIME, IRVIN.
BEDS IS STRANGE TO PLOWBOY.

HE'S USED TO SLEEPING
WITH THE HOGS.

HA! HA! HA!

WHAT'S A MATTER WITH YOU
ANYHOW?

ME?

TAKING THEIR INSULTS

AND HEE-HAWING
LIKE A DANGED DONKEY!

OH, THEY DON'T MEAN
NOTHIN' BY IT, BEN.

BESIDES, I THOUGHT THAT ONE
ABOUT SLEEPING WITH THE HOGS

WAS KIND OF FUNNY.

WELL, SEE, I FIGURE
IF WE JUST LAUGH WITH THEM

WHY, PRETTY SOON THEY'LL
GET TIRED OF CARRYING ON,

THERE WON'T BE NO RUCKUS
NOR NOTHIN'.

YOU THINK LAUGHING
IS GOING TO STOP THESE GUYS?

A LICKIN'
IS ALL THEY UNDERSTAND.

HUH.
YOU THINK SO?

I KNOW SO!

AND YOU BEHAVING
LIKE A DANGED DONKEY!

I'M THROUGH.

YEAH, I'VE HAD
ENOUGH TOO.

YEAH.
YEAH. ME, TOO.

LONESOME FOR THE HOGS,
PLOWBOY?

AIN'T USED TO LIVING INDOORS,
ARE YOU, PLOWBOY?

YOU WANT US
TO TUCK YOU IN BED?

I BET YOUR PA ALWAYS
TUCKED YOU IN NICE AND COMFY.

I WONDER WHAT BREED OF HOG
HIS PA IS --

CHESTER WHITE
OR POLAND CHINA?

NOW, I AIN'T GONNA
TROUBLE YOU FELLAS NONE,

'CAUSE I KNOW YOU WAS ALL
JUST PUT UP TO IT.

EXCUSE ME.

IRVIN, STAND UP
AND TAKE OFF THEM GLASSES.

WHY?

I AIM TO BUST YOU UP SOME.

LOOK, STOCKDALE,
I'M NOT ALONE NOW.

THERE'S FIVE OF US HERE.

[ YELLING AND CHEERING
CONTINUE ]

KNOCK IT OFF!
KNOCK IT OFF!

KNOCK...IT...OFF!

AREN'T YOU GENTLEMEN
STARTING IN A LITTLE BIT EARLY

TO TIP OVER MY CANOE?

SERGEANT,
LET ME TRY AND EXPLAIN.

SHUT UP!

NO, I AM NOT IN THE MOOD
FOR EXPLANATIONS.

I AM QUITE TIRED.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

AND I WANT NO MORE NOISE.

YOU UNDERSTAND, GENTLEMEN?

I WILL BE MORE THAN WILLING
TO LISTEN TO EXPLANATIONS

IN THE MORNING.

AND AS MORNING LIKES TO COME
A LITTLE EARLY IN THE SERVICE,

WE'LL HELP IT ALONG.

WE WON'T WAIT FOR TAPS.

GET TO YOUR BUNKS...

ON THE DOUBLE!

OHHH!

HE SEEMS A MITE UPSET.

OH, WILL.

WE BETTER PUT IRVIN
IN HIS BED.

HE WON'T WANT TO DISOBEY
THE SERGEANT.

YOU GET HIS FEET.

LEAVE HIM ALONE,
PLEASE, WILL.

HE'LL WAKE UP
AND CAUSE SOME MORE TROUBLE.

YEAH, I RECKON HE MIGHT.

PRETTY GOOD FIGHT, THOUGH,
ANYHOW, WASN'T IT?

OH, DOG IT, WILL.
THIS WILL MESS UP EVERYTHING.

WHAT WILL, BEN?

FIGHTING IN THE BARRACKS.

BUT YOU SAID A LICKING WAS
ALL THEY'D UNDERSTAND.

NOT IN THE BARRACKS.

ONE OF THEM IS BOUND
TO SNITCH TOMORROW

THAT WE STARTED A FIGHT.

DOG IT, I'LL NEVER
GET IN THE INFANTRY NOW.

IF WE KEPT
OUR MOUTHS SHUT

AND DIDN'T DO NOTHIN'
TO NOBODY

WE MIGHT GET TRANSFERRED.

BOTH OF US?

BUT NOW THEY'RE SURE
TO TELL ABOUT THE FIGHT.

NO, THEY WON'T.

IF ONE OF THEM
SAYS ANYTHING,

I'LL TAKE THEM OUT
IN THE BACK

AND WHOMP 'EM GOOD.

NOW THERE YOU GO, WILL.

YOU THINK THE INFANTRY
WANTS MEN LIKE THAT?

THEY WANT MEN
WHO CAN TAKE IT

AND KEEP
THEIR MOUTHS SHUT,

THE WAY
A MAN OUGHT TO DO.

TRANSFER?

WE'LL BE LUCKY IF THEY DON'T
TRANSFER US INTO THE NAVY!

WALKING AROUND IN THEM
LITTLE, OL', WHITE UNIFORMS.

YOU REALLY WANT BOTH OF US
TO TRANSFER, BEN?

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND,
WILL?

IT'S THE INFANTRY
DOES THE REAL FIGHTING.

ALL THE REST
IS JUST HELPERS.

LOOK AT THE WAR
BETWEEN THE STATES.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

YEAH, HOW 'BOUT THAT.

SEE WHAT I MEAN?

LISTEN, EVERY MAN
IN MY WHOLE FAMILY

HAS BEEN IN THE INFANTRY

CLEAR BACK
TO MY GREAT-GRANDPA.

YOU KNOW WHAT HE DONE?

FOUGHT WITH STONEWALL JACKSON
AT CHANCELLORVILLE.

LICKED HIM GOOD, TOO, I BET.

BY DOG!

FIRST THING
TOMORROW MORNING

I'M GONNA GET
THE SERGEANT'S PERMISSION

TO SEE THE CAPTAIN.

I'LL GIVE HIM MA'S LETTER
AND I'LL --

OH, WHAT'S THE USE?

WHAT'S THE USE?

HEY!

HEY, BEN, MAYBE YOU'LL GET
TO LIKE THE AIR FORCE --

ZOOMIN' ALL OVER THE SKY,

AND SHOUTIN' "ROGER,"
AND "WILCO," AND EVERYTHING.

MAYBE IT WON'T BE SO BAD.

BAD? YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALL
MEN IN THE AIR FORCE?

AIRMEN!

LIKE SOMETHING
OUT OF A DANG, FUNNY BOOK.

AIRMEN! HOW YOU GOING
TO LIKE IT

WHEN SOMEBODY CALLS
YOU AIRMAN?

BY DOG, I JUST DON'T THINK
I'LL STAND FOR IT.

Man: HEY, LONG AS WE GOT
TO LIE IN THE DARK,

GIVE US A CHANCE TO GET
SOME SLEEP, WILL YOU?

KNOCK IT OFF!

YEAH!YEAH!
SHUT UP.

AIRMEN.

SOMEBODY BRUNG THEIR TRUMPET.

Hey, Ben?

Hey. Hey, Ben.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
I'M UP!

I'M UP, I'M UP, I'M UP!
ALL RIGHT, I'M UP!

ALL RIGHT, I'M UP!

HOWDY.
I'M WILL STOCKDALE!

I DIDN'T HEAR THE WHISTLE.

TELL THE MEN
TO LINE UP IN BACK.

IF THE CAPTAIN COMES AROUND,

TELL HIM I'M CHECKING
ON WHO OVERSLEPT.

I'LL BE OUT THERE
JUST AS QUICK AS I CAN --

IT'S 12:00 AT NIGHT.

IT IS?

OHHH...THAT'S
THE PRETTIEST WATCH!

YOU WOKE ME!

WELL, YOU SAID
TO KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING.

WHY DID YOU WAKE ME?

THIS AIN'T NOTHIN' PERSONAL
AGAINST YOU, SERGEANT,

NOR THAT WE DON'T LIKE
YOUR BARRACKS

NOR NOTHING LIKE THAT.

WHAT IT IS, IS BEN'S GOT
THESE SIX BROTHERS

THAT'S ALL INFANTRY --

OH, THAT'S MY NEW BUDDY, BEN,
THAT'S ASLEEP OUT THERE --

SO, NATURALLY, HE DON'T WANT
TO BE IN NO AIR FORCE.

I MEAN, WITH THE INFANTRY
DOIN' THE REAL FIGHTIN'

AND THE AIR FORCE
JUST BEING THE HELPERS.

WELL, YOU KNOW, LIKE IN THE WAR
BETWEEN THE STATES?

SO HE WANTS TO TRANSFER,

AND HE WANTS ME
TO GO ALONG WITH HIM.

I FIGURED YOU COULD
DO IT FOR US.

I MEAN, I HEARD
WHAT YOU SAID OUT THERE

ABOUT HOW YOU WAS HERE
TO HELP US

DURING THESE FIRST DIFFICULT
DAYS OF MILITARY SERVICE.

WHY DO THEY SEND
ALL THE BUMS AND THE IDIOTS

TO MY BARRACKS?

THEY DO?

YEAH.

YES, THEY DO.

SURE MUST BE A MESS.

NOW, LOOK,
WHATEVER-YOUR-NAME-IS,

I WANT YOU TO GET OUT
OF THIS ROOM --

STOCKDALE!

STOCKDALE?

DON'T YOU COME NEAR ME.

JUST GET OUT OF THIS ROOM,

AND GET BACK IN YOUR BUNK
AND GO TO SLEEP.

YES, SIR.

BEN DID SAY THE CAPTAIN
WAS THE ONE TO SEE --

STOCKDALE,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO THE CAPTAIN.

NOOO!

BUT BEN -- HE KNOWS ALL ABOUT
DOIN' THINGS MILITARY.

OH, NO, YOU CAN'T.

YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN'T,
YOU JUST...

THIS CAPTAIN WOULD JUST
AS SOON RIP OFF YOUR STRIPES

AS LOOK AT YOU!

WELL, I AIN'T GOT NO STRIPES.

NOW, YOU'LL NEVER GET TRANSFERS
BY WAKING UP THE CAPTAIN.

HE WON'T UNDERSTAND.
BELIEVE ME, HE WON'T!

WELL, I'LL GO OVER IT
REAL SLOW.

WAIT A MINUTE.

NOW, IF YOU WANT THE CAPTAIN
TO DO YOU A FAVOR,

YOU'VE GOT TO DO A FAVOR
FOR THE CAPTAIN.

YEAH, THAT'S IT.

NOW, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO
A BIG FAVOR FOR THE CAPTAIN?

ME?

COME ON. THAT'S IT.

YOU DO ONE FOR HIM...

HE'LL DO ONE FOR ME,
AND I'LL DO ONE FOR YOU.

THAT'S THE WAY IT WORKS OUT
IN THE SERVICE.

GO RIGHT ON IN HERE.

NOW, UH, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS IS?

IT'S KIND OF A BIG OUTHOUSE,
AIN'T IT?

WE CALL IT THE "LATRINE."

LA-LATRINE.

HOW ABOUT THAT!

YOU MIGHT SAY
IT'S THE CAPTAIN'S HOBBY.

HE INSPECTS IT
EVERY CHANCE HE GETS.

AND WHEN IT SPARKLES,
WHY HE SPARKLES, TOO.

NOW, YOU GET
IT ALL CLEANED UP.

YOU ARE
THE OFFICER-IN-CHARGE.

IN CHARGE?

EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM,
ALL YOURS.

GOOOLLLY!

NOW, YOU JUST STAY RIGHT HERE,
AND DON'T GO NO PLACE!

YOU BET. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT!

HEY, THANK YOU!

WELL, IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU
HOW GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU

WHEN YOU'RE LEAST EXPECTING 'EM.

WELL, I'LL GET STARTED.

Will: I STAYED OFFICER-IN-CHARGE
OF THIS HERE LATRINE

ALL NIGHT LONG,
RUBBIN' AND SCRUBBIN',

AND DOIN' MY BEST
TO MAKE THINGS SPARKLE

LIKE SERGEANT KING SAID.

AND THEN I STAYED ON
THROUGH BREAKFAST, TOO,

BECAUSE I WANTED TO DO
A RIGHT GOOD JOB OF IT,

SO SERGEANT KING WOULD BE REAL
PLEASED HOW THINGS COME OUT

WHEN HE COME IN TO LOOK AT IT
IN THE MORNIN'.

BEAUTIFUL!

BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL,
BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL!

BEAUTIFUL!

SHUCKS, IT AIN'T HARD!

WAIT TILL THE CAPTAIN
SEES THIS.

WHY, HE INSPECTS THIS PLACE
LIKE IT WAS AN OPERATING ROOM

WHERE SOMEBODY WAS GOING
TO CUT OUT HIS HEART.

NEVER IN YOUR LIFE
HAVE YOU SEEN SUCH A GUY

FOR STICKING HIS HEAD
RIGHT DOWN INTO THINGS.

YOU FIGURE
HE'LL LIKE WHAT I DONE?

HE'LL BE A NEW MAN.

WILL, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE
PERMANENT LATRINE ORDERLY?

PERMANENT LATRINE ORDERLY?

P.L.O.

GOOOLLLY!

THE CAPTAIN MAKES INSPECTION
EVERY SATURDAY.

NOW, IF YOU CAN
KEEP EVERYTHING

AS CLEAN AS IT IS RIGHT NOW,

THE CAPTAIN
WILL GET OFF MY BACK.

GEE, I'D SURE LIKE TO,
SERGEANT,

BUT I WAS KIND OF SET

ON HELPING BEN
GET THEM TRANSFERS.

YOU KNOW, HE'S MY BUDDY.

AIN'T I YOUR BUDDY?

YOU ARE?

YOU HELP ME, I'LL HELP BEN.

JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT
THIS OUTSIDE OF THIS ROOM!

I'M GOING DOWN
TO THE RECORD SECTION

AND FIX IT UP WITH A COUPLE
OF FRIENDS OF MINE.

OKAY.

UH, SERGEANT...

DON'T I HAVE TO
TAKE THEM TESTS

YOU WAS TALKING ABOUT
YESTERDAY

AND GET MYSELF CLASSIFIED?

NO, WILL,
YOU'VE BEEN CLASSIFIED.

IF WE HURRY, WE CAN CATCH
THE START OF THAT PICTURE

OVER AT THE BASE THEATER.

NOT ME, BEN.

YOU SAID YOU AIN'T NEVER
SEEN A PICTURE.

I KNOW, BUT I GOT
MY DUTY TO DO.

YOU MEAN YOU'RE GOING BACK
TO THAT LATRINE AGAIN?

YOU BET.

BUT IT'S AGAINST THE RULES

FOR YOU TO BE PERMANENT
LATRINE LIKE THAT.

ALL WEEK YOU BEEN THERE.

SERGEANT KING
KNOWS THE RULES, DON'T HE?

BESIDES, LIKE I TOLD YOU,

HE'S DOING ME AND YOU
A FAVOR.

WHAT FAVOR?
WILL YOU TELL ME THAT?

I AIM TO SURPRISE YOU, BEN.

YOU DON'T GO TO LECTURES
OR STUDY FOR THEM TESTS.

HOW YOU GONNA
GET CLASSIFIED?

SERGEANT KING SAYS
I'M ALREADY THAT A-WAY.

ARE YOU CRAZY?
DON'T YOU --

NOW, DON'T TAKE ON SO, BEN.

JUST WAIT AND SEE
WHAT THE CAPTAIN SAYS

AFTER HE MAKES
HIS INSPECTION TOMORROW.

WHY, YOU TAKE THEM FAUCETS,
FOR INSTANCE.

I POLISHED THEM SO HARD

THEY DON'T SAY
"HOT" AND "COLD" NO MORE.

WHAT?

AT EASE.

I THINK YOU'LL BE
VERY PLEASED HERE, SIR.

ATTENTION!

LATRINE READY
FOR INSPECTION, SIR.

THIS IS INCREDIBLE!

THIS IS
ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!

I AM PLEASED.

NO.
NO, I'M HAPPY!

YOU THE ONE ON LATRINE DUTY
TODAY, PRIVATE?

YES, SIR.
ALL WEEK, SIR.

YOU ARE
TO BE CONGRATULATED.

JUST LOOK AT --

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

ME? NOTHIN', SIR.

SOMETHING ABOUT ALL WEEK.

WELL, I DONE MY BEST
IN ONE DAY,

BUT JUST TO BE FAIR WITH YOU,

IT TOOK ME A WEEK
OF RUBBING AND SCRUBBING

TO GET IT LIKE THIS.

IS THIS MAN BEING PUNISHED
FOR SOME INFRACTION?

OH, NO, SIR.

OH, HECK NO, SIR!
I'M P.L.O.

YOU'RE WHAT?

PERMANENT LATRINE ORDERLY.

STOCKDALE.

OH, BUT DON'T CREDIT
ME NONE, THOUGH, SIR.

IT'S ALL SERGEANT KING'S
DOINGS.

HE EVEN GOT IT FIXED UP

SO I DON'T EVEN
HAVE TO GET CLASSIFIED.

SIR, I --

WHAT?
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

OH, NO, SIR!

HE FIXED IT
WITH SOME FRIENDS OF HIS.

YES, SIR! IT WAS HIM
GOT ME TO WORK SO HARD.

TELLIN' ME HOW LATRINES
IS YOUR HOBBY,

AND STICKIN' YOUR HEAD
DOWN INTO THINGS AND ALL.

SIR, I CAN EXPLAIN
EVERY--

NOW DON'T YOU BE BASHFUL,
SERGEANT.

SIR, I BEEN WANTING
TO TELL YOU

ABOUT WHAT A GOOD SERGEANT
HE IS.

OH, HE SOLVES OUR PROBLEMS
FOR US

AND HELPS US OUT

ON OUR DIFFICULT DAYS
OF MILITARY SERVICE.

I GUESS THAT HE'S ABOUT
THE BEST, DANG SERGEANT THERE IS

IN THE WHOLE, DANGED AIR FORCE!

SIR, YOU -- YOU REALLY OUGHT
TO GET UP OFF OF HIS BACK.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN
A SERGEANT?

WELL, SIR, UH --

SPEAK UP!

16 YEARS, SIR.

AND HOW LONG DO YOU EXPECT
TO REMAIN A SERGEANT?

12 YEARS?

YOU WILL REMAIN A SERGEANT
EXACTLY ONE WEEK.

UNLESS THIS MAN COMPLETES THE
ENTIRE CLASSIFICATION PROCESS

AND IS SHIPPED OUT WITH
THE GROUP HE CAME IN WITH.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

UNLESS THIS MAN IS OUT OF HERE
BY THE END OF NEXT WEEK,

YOU WILL NOT BE IN CHARGE
OF THIS BARRACKS.

YOU WILL NOT BE A SERGEANT.

YOU WILL --
IN ALL PROBABILITY --

BE A PERMANENT LATRINE
ORDERLY -- P.L.O.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT,
PRIVATE.

YOU'VE DONE A FINE JOB.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A CLEAN
LATRINE IN MY ENTIRE CAREER.

THANK YOU, SIR.

IT WAS MY AIM TO GET IT
JUST AS CLEAN

AS THAT OPERATING ROOM

WHERE THEY'RE FIXING
TO CUT OUT YOUR HEART!

YOU FORGOT TO ASK HIM
ABOUT THE TRANSFERS.

WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT DID YOU DO IT FOR?

HECK, I COULDN'T SEE NO SENSE
IN ME GETTIN' ALL THE CREDIT.

WE GOT TO GET YOU
CLASSIFIED RIGHT AWAY.

WE GOT TO GET YOU
OUT OF HERE.

YOU DON'T WANT ME
AROUND NO MORE?

I THOUGHT WE WAS BUDDIES.

IT AIN'T WHAT I WANT,
IT'S WHAT THE CAPTAIN WANTS.

WE GOT TO GET YOU
CLASSIFIED IN A HURRY.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO
TAKE A LOT OF TESTS

AND TALK
TO A LOT OF PEOPLE.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO WORK REAL HARD.

WILL IT HELP BEN AND ME
GET THEM TRANSFERS?

WELL, I GUARANTEE YOU
WHEREVER YOU GO

THEY'LL BUST A GUT
TO GET YOU TRANSFERRED.

WELL, I'LL WORK HARD,
ALL RIGHT, BUT I DON'T KNOW.

THE LAST TEST I TOOK WAS
CLOSE ONTO FIVE YEARS AGO,

AND THAT WAS JUST
ONE OF THEM TESTS

WHERE YOU TRY THIS FELLA'S
TOOTHPASTE FOR 10 DAYS

AND SEE IF YOUR TEETH
DON'T GET BRIGHTER.

I FAILED.

WILL, YOU'VE BEEN ADMIRING
THIS WATCH OF MINE, HAVEN'T YOU?

I SURE HAVE, SERGEANT.

THAT THERE'S THE PRETTIEST
WATCH I EVER SEEN.

NOW, YOU GET
SHIPPED OUT OF HERE

BY SATURDAY MORNING
LIKE THE CAPTAIN SAID,

AND IT'S YOURS!

MINE?

YOURS!

GOOOLLLY!

YOU'LL WORK REAL HARD,
RIGHT?

RIGHT!

NOT WASTE ANY TIME?

NO, SIR.

FIRST THING MONDAY MORNING
WE START CLASSIFICATION.

YOU JUST STAY RIGHT HERE
AROUND THE BARRACKS

AND GET A LOT OF REST,
AND RELAX YOUR HEAD.

I'M GOING DOWN
TO THE TESTING AREA

AND SEE IF I CAN
"BORROW" SOME OF THE TESTS.

TELL THEM
I'LL GIVE THEM BACK

JUST LIKE I DID
THE TOOTHPASTE.

Will: THIS PLACE
WHERE THEY GIVE US THE TESTS

WAS REALLY SOMETHING.

THEY HAD THIS GREAT,
BIG BUILDING

ALL FULL OF DOCTORS
AND NURSES AND OFFICERS.

ALL OF THEM WALKING IN
AND OUT AND AROUND

REAL QUICKITY-QUICK
AND NOT SMILING AT NOBODY.

AND THEN THERE WAS THIS PLACE
SOMETHING LIKE A SCHOOL ROOM

WHERE THEY GIVE US THE TESTS
WE HAD TO WRITE OUT.

TIME'S UP, PAL.

RIGHT FRIENDLY OF YOU
TO WAIT FOR ME.

THANK YOU.

HOW DO YOU THINK
YOU DID, WILL?

WELL, THEM PRINTED TESTS
THEY GIVE US --

THEY WAS EXACTLY LIKE
THE ONES YOU BORROWED ONLY --

Only what?

Only you spent so much time
drumming the answers into me,

maybe we ought to have spent
a little bit more

on the questions
they joined up with.

NOW, YOU JUST SIT
RIGHT DOWN HERE AND WAIT.

COME ON, WILL.
THE CORPORAL'S WAITING.

HERE HE IS, CORPORAL.

AWFULLY SORRY
TO KEEP YOU WAITING.

WHAT WE DO HERE, PRIVATE,

IS TO EVALUATE
YOUR MANUAL DEXTERITY

ON A TIME SCALE
IN RELATION

TO DIGITAL/VISUAL
COORDINATION.

TWO IRREGULAR STEEL LINKS

WHICH CAN BE
INTERCONNECTED THUSLY.

I SEPARATE THEM,
I JOIN THEM.

IT WILL BE YOUR TASK,
WHEN I GIVE THE SIGNAL,

TO PLACE THE TWO LINKS

IN THE INTERCONNECTED
RELATIONSHIP

I HAVE JUST DEMONSTRATED.

UH...I PUT THEM TOGETHER?

THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU PUT THEM TOGETHER.

I'LL TIME YOU, AND
THREE MINUTES IS PASSING.

WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T GET NERVOUS.

READY...GO!

THERE YOU GO.

ATTA BOY.

PUT THEM TOGETHER.

SERGEANT, PLEASE.

NOBODY EVER DOES IT
IN LESS THAN TWO MINUTES.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN
SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE.

THE CAPTAIN SAID
HE HAS TO GO OUT

WITH THE GROUP
HE CAME IN WITH.

I DON'T CARE.
IT'S A VERY DIFFICULT TEST.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

YOU THINK I GOT
TO GET OUT OF HERE?

THIS IS MY DEPARTMENT.

HE'S MY DEPARTMENT.

AND THAT'S MY DOOR.

YOU GET OUT IT
RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

WHY DON'T YOU OPEN IT
AND THROW ME OUT?

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE IN HERE.

STOP THE WATCH!

LOOK!
LOOK AT THAT!

HE PUT THEM TOGETHER,
DIDN'T HE?

SERGEANT!

SERGEANT!!

CORPORAL,
WHAT'S ALL THE FUSS ABOUT?

YOU SAID "PUT THEM TOGETHER,"
HE PUT THEM TOGETHER.

LOOK WHAT HE DID!

HOW AM I GOING
TO MARK HIM ON THAT?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
GRADING HIM ON THIS.

CAN'T YOU DO A SIMPLE
THING LIKE THAT?

I'M SUPPOSED TO
MARK IT DOWN

WHETHER THEY PUT IT
BACK TOGETHER OR NOT.

THERE AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE
BUT ONE WAY OF DOING IT,

AND HE DIDN'T DO IT
THAT WAY.

HOW YOU GOING TO MARK HIM
ON THAT?

AND WHO DO YOU THINK IS GOING
TO PAY FOR THESE THINGS?

$16 THEY COST.

IF YOU THINK I'M GOING
TO PAY $16 --

16 LOUSY DOLLARS!

I'LL BE GLAD TO PAY
THE 16 LOUSY DOLLARS.

YOU WILL?

IF HE PASSED
THE TEST.

BUT HE DID IT
COMPLETELY WRONG.

HE WAS
SUPPOSED TO DO IT --

WILL YOU STEP
OUTSIDE A MINUTE?

HAVE A SMOKE.

NOW, CORPORAL, LET'S LOOK
AT THIS THING LOGICALLY.

YOU NEED MONEY,

AND I NEED HIM
TO PASS THE TEST.

BUT HE DID DO IT
COMPLETELY WRONG.

BEN?

WILL!

HA-HA!

I AIN'T SEEN YOU
HARDLY ALL DAY.

YOU BEEN IN THERE
CLASSIFYING?

YEAH.

FIND OUT
WHERE YOU'RE GOING?

SERGEANT KING SAYS
MAYBE GUNNERY SCHOOL.

THAT'S WHERE I'M GOING, TOO,
IF I PASS THE EYE TEST.

HOW 'BOUT THAT?

YEAH, HOW 'BOUT THAT.

OH, BEN,
YOU AIN'T STILL SAD

ABOUT NOT BEING
IN THE INFANTRY?

THE CAPTAIN DIDN'T EVEN
READ MY LETTER.

AND THAT PLAN OF YOURS
SURE DIDN'T WORK SO GOOD.

I TRIED TO ASK THE PSYCHIATRIST
IF HE COULD FIX ME UP.

YEAH?
WHAT DID HE SAY?

HE DIDN'T SAY NOTHIN'.

I DON'T THINK
HE UNDERSTANDS SO GOOD.

I'M JUST STUCK
IN THE AIR FORCE, THAT'S ALL.

HEY, BEN, MAYBE IT'S
THE AIR FORCE

THAT'S THE REAL FIGHTERS

AND THE INFANTRY
IS JUST THE HELPERS.

NEVER!

WELL, BEN, ALL YOU CAN DO
IS LOOK AT IT THAT WAY.

NO. WAIT TILL MY BROTHERS
FIND OUT...AIRMAN!

PRIVATE!

WHAT KIND OF ROWDY-DOW
IS THIS?

PICK UP THAT CAP!

YES, SIR.

IS THAT A WAY TO TREAT
GOVERNMENT PROPERTY?

WE'RE JUST A LITTLE EXCITED

'CAUSE WE'RE MAYBE GOING
TO THE SAME SCHOOL TOGETHER.

THAT'S NO EXCUSE FOR --

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH THIS ONE?

HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

NO, SIR!
GET AT ATTENTION, WILL.

WE'RE SENDING THIS
TO SCHOOL?

YES, SIR, MA'AM.
IF HE PASSES THE EYE TEST

HE'LL BE GOING
TO GUNNERY SCHOOL.

AS WHAT, A TARGET?

NO, SIR, MA'AM, HE --

LET'S HAVE NO MORE ROWDY-DOW,
UNDERSTAND?

YES, SIR -- MA'AM!

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU ANYHOW?

DON'T YOU KNOW ENOUGH

TO COME TO ATTENTION
AND SALUTE AN OFFICER?

SHE WAS A WOMAN.

SURE SHE WAS.

AIN'T YOU EVER HEARD
OF THE WOMAN'S AIR FORCE?

YOU MEAN
THEY GOT ONE, TOO?

SURE!

AGAINST OURS?

AH, NO, WILL.
THEY'RE WITH US.

THEY'RE WITH US 100%.

AND WE GOT TO
SALUTE THEM?

THE OFFICERS WE DO.

DIDN'T YOU HEAR THAT LECTURE
ABOUT MILITARY COURTESY?

WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED.

I NEVER HEARD OF SALUTING
NO WOMAN BEFORE.

SHE AIN'T A WOMAN,
SHE'S A CAPTAIN.

I SEEN A CAPTAIN
STAND THERE,

SO I COME TO ATTENTION
AND I SALUTED.

A WOMAN CAPTAIN.

A CAPTAIN CAPTAIN!

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND
NOTHIN', WILL?

WHEN YOU'RE IN UNIFORM
YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED TO NOTICE

WHETHER A PERSON IS
A MAN, A WOMAN, OR WHAT.

A CAPTAIN'S A CAPTAIN,
A MAJOR'S A MAJOR,

AND A GENERAL'S
A GENERAL.

BEN, YOU MEAN TO TELL ME

THAT YOU DIDN'T NOTICE
THAT SHE WAS A WOMAN?

A CAPTAIN,
THAT'S ALL I SEEN.

WELL, DOG IT, BEN, I KNOWED
SHE WAS A WOMAN RIGHT OFF!

OH, HONEST, WILL,

SOMETIMES I WONDER

HOW COME THEY TOOK YOU
IN THE DRAFT AT ALL.

COME ON, WILL.

YOU, TOO, WHITLEDGE.

WELL, WILL, IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE JUST LIABLE

TO GET CLASSIFIED
AFTER ALL.

THAT SHOWS YOU WHAT
THE AIR FORCE HAS COME DOWN TO.

THIS THE FELLA YOU WANT?
WHITLEDGE?

YEAH.

THE PSYCHIATRIST
SAYS HE HAS

A SECONDARY ANXIETY
WITH INFERIORITY

AND SYSTEMATIZED DELUSIONS
OF PERSECUTION.

I AIN'T SURPRISED!

RECOMMENDS
HE BE CONSIDERED

TO BE TRANSFERRED
TO THE INFANTRY.

THE INFANTRY?

DON'T GET EXCITED.
HE DIDN'T SAY YOU HAVE TO.

BUT THAT'S WHAT BEN'S
ALWAYS BEEN WANTIN', CORPORAL.

JUST YOU TELL ME
WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

WELL, HERE, FILL THIS OUT.

WHEN HE'S FINISHED,

BUCK IT THROUGH TO
THE COLONEL FOR APPROVAL.

YEAH, IF HE'S CRAZY ENOUGH
TO WANT IT.

HOW 'BOUT THAT, BEN?
YOU MADE IT.

JUST WAIT TILL MY BROTHERS
HEAR ABOUT THIS.

STOCKDALE, WILL.

HERE.

OKAY, PSYCHIATRIST.

OH, LORD.
PSYCHIATRIST.

NOW, WILL,
LISTEN CAREFULLY.

THE PSYCHIATRIST'S TEST
IS THE ONE

WHERE I COULDN'T GET
ANY COPIES OF THE QUESTIONS

BECAUSE THERE AIN'T ANY.

THE DOCTOR JUST ASKS YOU

WHATEVER HAPPENS
TO POP INTO HIS HEAD,

SO KEEP YOUR...
WITS ABOUT YOU.

I'LL TRY.

HEY, MAYBE HE'LL GIVE ME
A TRANSFER, TOO, HUH, BEN?

He'll ask you things like

"What do you dream?"

OKAY. HEY, MAYBE HE'LL GIVE ME
A TRANSFER, TOO, HUH, BEN?

SURE, WILL.

THE PSYCHIATRIST IS WAITING,
STOCKDALE.

COMING.

WAIT A MINUTE.

SAFEST THING, I GUESS,

IS JUST SAY THAT
YOU NEVER DREAM AT ALL.

OKAY.
SEE YOU LATER, BEN.

NO DREAMS.

SERGEANT?
DO YOU THINK HE CAN?

CAN WHAT?

GET TRANSFERRED, TOO.

MAYBE YOU COULD TALK
TO THE DOCTOR.

NOW, DON'T YOU
COMPLICATE THINGS.

I NEVER HAVE
NO DREAMS AT ALL.

WHERE YOU FROM,
STOCKDALE?

GEORGIA.

THAT'S NOT MUCH
OF A STATE, IS IT?

WELL, I DON'T LIVE
ALL OVER THE STATE.

I JUST LIVE IN THIS
ONE LITTLE PLACE IN IT.

THAT'S WHERE TOBACCO ROAD
IS -- GEORGIA.

NOT AROUND MY SECTION.

MAYBE YOU'RE FROM
A DIFFERENT PART THAN ME.

I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE.

WHAT'S MORE,
I DON'T THINK

I WOULD EVER WANT
TO GO THERE.

WHAT'S YOUR REACTION
TO THAT?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK
THAT I WOULD RATHER LIVE

IN THE ROTTENEST PIGSTY
IN TENNESSEE OR ALABAMA

THAN THE FANCIEST MANSION
IN ALL OF GEORGIA.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

WELL, SIR, I THINK
WHERE YOU WANT TO LIVE

IS YOUR BUSINESS.

YOU DON'T MIND

IF SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING BAD
ABOUT GEORGIA?

I AIN'T HEARD NOBODY SAY
NOTHIN' BAD ABOUT GEORGIA.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK
I'VE BEEN SAYING?

WELL, TO TELL YOU
THE TRUTH, SIR,

I AIN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET
TOO MUCH SENSE OUT OF IT.

DON'T YOU KNOW?

NOW WATCH YOUR STEP,
YOUNG MAN.

WE PSYCHIATRISTS CALL THIS
ATTITUDE OF YOURS RESISTANCE.

YOU SENSE
THAT THIS INTERVIEW

IS A THREAT
TO YOUR SECURITY.

YOU FEEL YOURSELF
IN DANGER.

W-WELL, KIND OF I DO.

IF I DON'T GET
MYSELF CLASSIFIED,

SERGEANT KING -- HE WON'T
GIVE ME THE WRISTWATCH.

HE WON'T!

HE SAYS I ONLY GET IT IF
I'M CLASSIFIED INSIDE A WEEK.

DO YOU GET ALONG ALL RIGHT
WITH YOUR MOTHER?

NO, SIR, I CAN'T HARDLY SAY
THAT I DO.

OH, I SEE.
SHE'S VERY STRICT WITH YOU.

SHE'S ALWAYS
HOVERING OVER YOU, HMM?

NO, SIR.
JUST THE OPPOSITE.

OH, SHE'S NEVER THERE?

THAT'S RIGHT.

AND YOU -- YOU RESENT
THIS NEGLECT, DON'T YOU?

WELL, NO, SIR,
I DON'T RESENT NOTHIN'.

OH, COME NOW, SON.

DON'T BE BASHFUL.
THAT'S A COMMON SITUATION.

DOES SHE BEAT YOU?

NO!

OH, SO DEFENSIVE.

IT'S NOT EASY TO TALK
ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, IS IT?

NO, SIR. SEE, SHE DIED
WHEN I WAS BORN.

YOU COULD HAVE
TOLD ME THAT SOONER.

DO YOU HATE YOUR MAMA?

I FIGURED AS HOW YOU SAID
IT WAS SO COMMON --

I DO NOT HATE
MY MOTHER.

I SHOULD HOPE NOT!

DOES SHE BEAT YOU
OR SOMETHIN'?

THIS IS A TRANSFERENCE.

YOU'RE TAKING ALL
YOUR STORED-UP ANTAGONISMS

AND LOOSING THEM
IN MY DIRECTION.

OH, TRANSFERENCE,
IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY.

IT DOES?
TO THE INFANTRY?

THE INFANTRY?

LISTEN, YOU GIVE BEN
A TRANSFER,

AND I WISH
YOU'D GIVE ME ONE, TOO,

'CAUSE I'D SURE LOVE
TO GO ALONG WITH HIM.

NOW STOP.

THERE ARE A FEW MORE TOPICS
THAT WE HAVE TO COVER.

AND WE WILL NOT TALK
ABOUT TRANSFERS,

AND WE WILL NOT TALK
ABOUT MY MOTHER.

WE WILL TALK ABOUT
WHAT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

YES, SIR.

NOW, THEN,
YOUR FATHER...

LIVING?

YES, SIR.

HUH, DO YOU GET ALONG
WITH HIM OKAY?

YES, SIR.

DOES HE EVER BEAT YOU?

YOU BET!

HARD?

AND HOW! THERE AIN'T
NOBODY CAN BEAT LIKE PA CAN.

SO THIS IS WHERE
THE ANTAGONISM COMES FROM.

YOU HATE YOUR FATHER,
DON'T YOU?

NO.

HA HA HA.

HEY, I GOT A UNCLE
I HATE, THOUGH!

EVERY TIME HE COMES OUT
TO THE HOUSE,

HE'S ALWAYS WANTING
TO RASSLE WITH THE MULE.

AND THE MULE GETS
ALL WORE OUT,

AND HE GETS ALL WORE OUT.

WELL, I DON'T REALLY
HATE HIM, THOUGH.

IT'S JUST THAT I AIN'T
EXACTLY PARTIAL TO HIM.

DID I ASK YOU
ABOUT YOUR UNCLE?

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO TALK
ABOUT HATIN' PEOPLE.

NOW...NOW THEN...

UM, GIRLS...
HOW DO YOU LIKE GIRLS?

WHAT GIRLS IS THAT, SIR?

WELL, JUST, JUST,
JUST GIRLS.

JUST ANY GIRLS.

WELL...I DON'T LIKE
JUST ANY GIRLS.

I MEAN, THERE'S THIS
ONE OLD GIRL BACK HOME

THAT AIN'T GOT HAIR
NO LONGER THAN A HOUND DOG'S

AND SHE'S --

OH, NO!

WHEN I SAY GIRLS,

I DON'T MEAN
ANY SPECIFIC GIRL.

I JUST MEAN...
UH, WELL...

GIRLS IN GENERAL,
YOU KNOW?

UH, WOMEN...

SEX!

DIDN'T THAT FATHER OF YOURS

EVER SIT YOU DOWN
AND HAVE A TALK WITH YOU?

WELL, SURE HE DID.

WELL?

WELL, WHAT?

WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY?

WELL...

THERE'S THIS ONE

ABOUT THESE TWO
TRAVELING SALESMEN...

AND THEIR CAR BREAKS DOWN

IN THE MIDDLE
OF THIS TERRIBLE STORM...

STOP!

AND THEY COME RUNNING UP
TO THIS FARMHOUSE

WHERE THIS FARMER'S GOT
THESE 14 DAUGHTERS --

STOP!

DID YOU HEAR IT ALREADY?

I DID NOT HEAR IT ALREADY.

WHAT DID YOU STOP ME FOR?
IT'S A REAL KNEE-SLAPPER.

SEE, THESE 14 DAUGHTERS

WAS ALL STUDYING
TO BE TROMBONE PLAYERS --

HERE, LOOK.
YOU GO.

YOU'RE THROUGH.
YOU'RE PERFECTLY NORMAL.

JUST GO. GOODBYE.
GO. GOODBYE.

EXCUSE ME FOR SAYING IT, SIR,

BUT I DON'T THINK
A FELLA YOUR AGE

WOULD BE SO CONFUSED
ABOUT IT ALL

IF YOU WENT OUT AND SEEN
SOME GIRLS ONCE IN A WHILE.

LOOK!
OUT! OUT!

YES, SIR.

THAT FELLA'S
IN PRETTY BAD SHAPE.

WHERE'S SERGEANT KING?

OH, HE SAID HE'D MEET YOU
IN THE MESS HALL.

SOMETHING ABOUT
HE COULDN'T STAND THE STRAIN

ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.

STOCKDALE, WILL.

HERE.

EYE TEST. IN HERE.

I CAN'T RIGHT NOW.
I GOT TO GO TELL --

GET IN THERE, STOCKDALE,
ON THE DOUBLE.

YES, SIR.

JUST BE AN EXTRA SURPRISE
FOR HIM.

WHAT'S KEEPING HIM
SO LONG?

HE'S PROBABLY TELLING
THE PSYCHIATRIST

HOW HE DREAMS
ABOUT HIS PET HOG.

OH, CUT IT OUT,
WILL YOU?

AIN'T I GOT ENOUGH
SWEATIN' THIS OUT?

SERGEANT, CAN I HAVE
MY APPLICATION A MINUTE?

I GOT A FEELING
I'M DOOMED, I'M DOOMED.

OF ALL THE...

WHAT THE HECK
YOU DOING THAT FOR?

GUESS I CHANGED MY MIND.

FOR PETE'S SAKE!

THIS WHOLE THING STARTED

FROM YOU HOLLERING
TO GET INTO THE INFANTRY.

I CHANGED MY MIND!

WHY DO I GET ALL THE NUTS?

THERE HE IS.

HEY, WILL, COME HERE,
WILL YOU?

SORRY TO KEEP Y'ALL
WAITING SO LONG.

PETE, IRVIN.

WELL, WHAT HAPPENED BOY?

HOW'D YOU DO?
WHERE'S THE FORM?

WELL, LET ME SEE IT.

I WANT TO SEE
WHAT HE HAD.

HE PASSED...
HE GOT THROUGH.

HE'S NORMAL.

ATTA BOY!

YES, SIR, YOU OUGHT
TO SEE THE WAY

WILL BREEZES THROUGH
THESE TESTS.

ONE, TWO, THREE.
BIM, BAM, BOOM!

TOMORROW MORNING
RIGHT AFTER INSPECTION

I'M GONNA RUN HIM DOWN
TO THAT LITTLE, OLD EYE TEST,

AND BY TOMORROW NIGHT
HE'S OUTTA HERE.

GUNNERY SCHOOL,
HUH, WILL BOY?

WITH YOUR EYESIGHT.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
THIS BOY TOLD ME?

THAT HE COULD SHOOT
THE EYE OUT OF A TURKEY

AT 100 YARDS.

I ALREADY TOOK
THE EYE TEST.

WHAT?

FELLA GRABBED ME
ON THE WAY OVER HERE.

WELL, WHAT HAPPENED?
WHERE'S THE FORM

FELLA BACK THERE
KEPT THE PAPERS

ON ACCOUNT
OF I WAS THE LAST TEST.

HE SAID
IT WOULD ALL COME OUT

ON THE BULLETIN BOARD
TOMORROW ANYHOW.

WELL, HOW'D YOU DO?
YOU PASSED, DIDN'T YOU?

EASY, HUH?

I DON'T KNOW.

HE SEEMED KIND OF ANGRY
MOST OF THE TIME.

WHAT MADE YOU THINK
HE WAS ANGRY?

WELL, HE GOT SORT OF FUSSED

WHEN I WAS READING THIS HERE
SIGN THEY HAD ON THE WALL.

AND THAT WAS RIGHT HARD
AT FIRST,

BECAUSE THERE'S
REAL PECULIAR WORDS

LIKE "IP," AND "GNXL,"
AND "BUGLUMP."

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO READ
THEM LETTERS ONE AT A TIME.

DIDN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE
THAT WAY NEITHER.

HEY, HEY, HEY!

TAKE A LOOK
AT THE COLONEL

AND THE WAF CAPTAIN
THAT COME ON THE BASE.

BOY, IS SHE STACKED.

Irvin: WOMEN OFFICERS.

THAT'S ONE THING
I SURE DON'T COTTON TO.

Man: WHAT ABOUT YOU,
STOCKDALE?

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THEM?

I AIN'T NEVER SEEN ONE.

AIN'T YOU GOT EYES?

WILL, I WANT YOU
TO TURN AROUND VERY SLOWLY

AND LOOK VERY CAREFULLY
THIS TIME,

AND TELL ME
EXACTLY WHAT YOU SEE.

I SEE...A COLONEL...

YEAH?

AND A CAPTAIN.

THAT'S ALL.

AND THE CAPTAIN'S
A WOMAN, AIN'T SHE?

I DON'T NOTICE

WHETHER IT'S A MAN,
OR A WOMAN, OR WHAT.

ALL I SEE IS A CAPTAIN.
THAT'S ALL.

YEAH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,
SERGEANT?

YOU GOT A FLY
IN YOUR COFFEE?

CAN I GET YOU
SOME FRESH HOT?

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
JUST...GO ON YOUR WAY.

YOUR OWN...SPECIAL WAY.

THANKS, SERGEANT.

HEY, IT SURE MAKES ME
PROUD TO KNOW

YOU'RE SURE ABOUT ME
GETTING CLASSIFIED.

HE SURE DIDN'T PASS
NO EYE TEST.

THEN HE AIN'T GONNA BE
CLASSIFIED.

AND I'M GONNA BE
PERMANENT LATRINE ORDERLY.

HOW BIG DO THEY GROW
THEM TURKEYS DOWN THERE?

OH, HE CAN'T
DO THIS TO ME.

I'M OLD AND I'M TIRED.

MY CONSTITUTION
NEEDS PEACE AND SECURITY.

LOOK, SARGE.

SARGE, IF HE WASN'T
TO GET CLASSIFIED

AND IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT,

THAT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT,
WOULDN'T IT?

HOW

SUPPOSING HE DIDN'T SHOW UP
FOR INSPECTION TOMORROW?

AND WHEN
HE FINALLY DID SHOW,

HE'D BEEN, UH,
DRINKING, SHALL WE SAY?

LISTEN, IRVIN.

I EVEN GOT SO I
KIND OF LIKE THE KID.

AND I AIN'T ONE TO GO
TOO FAR OUTSIDE REGULATIONS,

BUT IF YOU GOT AN IDEA...
I'M DESPERATE.

ALL YOU GOTTA DO
IS WANGLE US THREE PASSES.

WE'LL TAKE HIM
TO THE "PURPLE GROTTO"

FOR A LITTLE CELEBRATION.

WE COULD TAKE HIM TONIGHT.

YEAH, WE COULD.

WELL, WELL,
HERE WE ARE AGAIN.

ROUND TWO.

I SURE DO
APPRECIATE THIS.

I STILL DON'T FEEL RIGHT

MY GLASS BEIN' SO MUCH
BIGGER THAN Y'ALLS.

GUEST OF HONOR ALWAYS GETS
THE BIGGEST GLASS.

THAT'S THE HONOR!

TO WILL!
TO WILL!

AGAIN?

COME ON, COME ON.

THIS HERE SCOTCH STUFF
TASTES KIND OF SHARP.

I LIKE THE OTHER STUFF
YOU GIVE ME BETTER.

YOU MEAN THE BOURBON?

NO, THE GIN.

YEAH...
MORE TANGY THAN SHARP.

IT SURE IS NICE OF YOU

TO GIVE ME THIS CELEBRATION
PARTY, SERGEANT.

I STILL WISH BEN COULD
HAVE COME ALONG, TOO.

JUST COULDN'T WANGLE IT.

OUTSIDE OF YOU
BEN'S THE ONLY ONE LEFT

RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH
FOR BARRACKS DUTY.

AND TOMORROW WE GOT
A REAL INSPECTION.

THE COLONEL'S COMING.

YEAH, BEN'S SHARP.

COME ON, WILL, DRINK IT UP.

AHH!

WELL, I RECKON WE OUGHT
TO BE HEADING ON BACK.

WHAT WITH THE COLONEL
COMING TOMORROW,

I WANT TO GIVE BEN A HAND

AND GET THE BARRACKS
CLEANED UP REAL SPECIAL.

WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE.

I TOLD YOU I WAS GONNA
GIVE YOU MY WATCH

AND I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
MY WATCH.

WE GOT TO HAVE SEVERAL,
SEVERAL DRINKS ON THAT.

MY MOTHER GIVE IT TO ME.

TO WILL STOCKDALE.

I AM PROUD OF HIM FOR GETTIN'
CLASSIFIED SO GOOD

AND FOR CLEANING UP
THE LATRINE AND ALL.

THAAANK YOU.

THAAANK YOU!

WOOOHEE!

TO SERGEANT KING!

THE BEST, DANGED SERGEANT
THERE IS

IN THE WHOLE, DANGED
AIR FORCE!

AHH!

BY DOG, FROM THE JUG

IT DON'T TASTE SHARP
AT ALL, DOES IT?

WILL, ARE YOU
ABSOLUTELY SURE

THAT YOU NEVER DRANK
ANY WHISKEY BEFORE AT ALL?

NEVER NO STORE WHISKEY.

JUST SOME OLD STUFF
MY PA MAKES.

SOME OLD STUFF
THAT YOUR PA --

YEAH.
CORN LIQUOR, KIND OF.

YOU KNOW, CORN, GRAIN,
KEROSENE.

KEROSENE?
KEROSENE?

JUST A MITE FOR FLAVORING.

WHERE THE HECK ARE WE
GONNA GET SOME KEROSENE?

Woman: CIGARS, CIGARETTES,

AND ANYTHING ELSE
YOU WANT TO SMOKE.

CIGARS, CIGARETTES?

WHY, THANK YOU.

THIS OUGHT
TO COME NEAR IT.

SURE.

HE WANTS KEROSENE,
HE GETS KEROSENE.

IT'S FAMILIAR.

HEY, THERE'S A INFAN --

HEY, INFANTRY!

HI.

LET'S DRINK ONE
TO THE INFANTRY.

HAVE A DRINK.
WE'RE CELEBRATING.

HI, JACK. THANKS A LOT.

I DO NOT MIND IF I DO.

TO THE INFANTRY!

TO THE INFANTRY!

SMOOOOOOOTH!

SAY, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU FLYBOYS

WERE SO NICE
TO THE INFANTRY.

HECK, IT'S THE AIR AGE,

AND YOU'RE OUR HELPERS,
AIN'T YOU?

YOUR WHHAAAT?

OUR HELPERS.

DON'T THINK WE DON'T
APPRECIATE IT, TOO.

LISTEN.
LISTEN, FELLAS.

YOU'RE A NICE BUNCH
OF FELLAS.

FELLAS, YOU GOT IT
EASIER THAN ANYBODY,

EVEN THE NAVY.

EASY!

WE GOT THE ROUGHEST,
TOUGHEST, MEANEST SERGEANTS

IN THE WHOLE SERVICE.

OH, GO ON. YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT A TOUGH SERGEANT IS

UNTIL YOU'VE BEEN
IN THE INFANTRY.

AND NOBODY'S TOUGHER
THAN MY SERGEANT.

HE'S TOUGH!

I SURE AM.

OH, SERGEANT.

I'M A LOUSE!

I DON'T KNOW, SERGEANT.

YOU SEEM TO BE
A PRETTY DECENT JOE TO ME.

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

ALL RIGHT, I'LL BET YOU
FIVE BUCKS

I'M A BIGGER LOUSE
THAN YOU

AND I'M JUST A PRIVATE.

YEAH?
PUT UP OR SHUT UP.

YEAH, PUT UP OR SHUT UP.

WHAT'S A BIGGER LOUSE

THAN A LOUSE
WHO WILL DRINK YOUR BOOZE

AND THEN PUNCH YOU
RIGHT IN THE GUTS, HUH?

PUT UP OR SHUT UP.

OH, SAYS WHO?

SERGEANT, I THINK WE OUGHT
TO BE GOING ON BACK NOW.

GO AWAY.
YOU'RE DRUNK!

OH-HO!

Man: COME ON, INFANTRY,
LET'S GET THE FLYBOYS.

OHHHH!

OHHH!

I DONE HIT HIM ONCE, IRVIN.

AIN'T NO USE
TO OVERDOING IT.

OHH!

NOW, YOU SEE,
YOU ANTAGONIZED HIM, SERGEANT.

I THINK WE OUGHT
TO BE GOING ON HOME ANYHOW.

ALL RIGHT,
JUST A MINUTE.

WILL!

OHHH!

I KNOW YOU'RE HAVING
A WHOLE LOT OF FUN, SERGEANT,

SO I WON'T STAY AROUND
AND BE A WET BLANKET.

OKAY, I'M GOING ON BACK
TO THE BARRACKS.

HUSH A MINUTE!
HUSH A MINUTE!

I'M GONNA GO BACK
AND GIVE BEN A HAND.

IS THIS
THE "PURPLE GROTTO?"

RIGHT UP YONDER.

COUPLE OF THIRSTY FELLAS
FOR YOU!

AIN'T THE SERGEANT
SHOWED UP YET?

NOPE.

WHY DIDN'T YOU COME
TO BREAKFAST?

WENT OVER
TO THE CARPENTER SHOP.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?

FIXING UP
SOMETHING SPECIAL.

IT AIN'T EVERY DAY
A COLONEL COMES TO INSPECT.

I SURE WISH
THE SERGEANT WAS HERE.

LIKE I TOLD YOU, HE WAS
HAVING A WHOLE LOT OF FUN.

BUT HE'LL SHOW UP.

HE AIN'T GONNA MISS
NO INSPECTION IF HE CAN HELP IT.

THE HECK HE AIN'T.
HERE COMES THE CAPTAIN NOW!

AND THE COLONEL!

GOING AROUND FRONT.

OOOH, GOLLLLY!

WHO'S GONNA REPORT?

HEY, YOU'RE IN CHARGE.

ME?

YEAH.

BARRACKS READY
FOR INSPECTION, SIR.

BARRACKS READY
FOR INSPECTION, SIR.

NOW, LISTEN,
WHEN YOU THROW OPEN THIS DOOR,

HOLLER "ATTENTION"
JUST AS LOUD AS YOU CAN, OKAY?

BARRACKS READY
FOR INSPECTION, SIR!

WHERE'S SGT. KING?

I DON'T KNOW, SIR,

BUT THE BARRACKS ARE READY
FOR INSPECTION, SIR!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

SIR, JUST FOR A STARTER,

I'D LIKE YOU TO TAKE A LOOK
AT THIS LATRINE.

THERE'S A MAN WHOSE LATRINE
WORK IS QUITE SURPRISING.

ATTENTIONNNN!

LATRINE READY
FOR INSPECTION, SIR.

LATRINE READY
FOR INSPECTION, SIR.

WHAT IS THE IDEA
BEHIND THIS?

WELCOMING THE COLONEL, SIR.

I'M SORRY, SIR.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
CAPTAIN.

I'VE BEEN WELCOMED
IN MANY WAYS --

TICKER TAPE, FLAGS WAVING,

WOMEN OF A FRENCH VILLAGE
ONCE THREW ROSEBUDS AT ME.

BUT THIS...

THIS IS JUST...

I DON'T KNOW.

THEY DIDN'T HARDLY
INSPECT THE LATRINE AT ALL.

I DON'T KNOW, WILL.
THEY, THEY...OHH!

Sergeant!

LIEUTENANT BACK THERE
ALMOST SPOTTED ME.

You all right?

I AIN'T SURE.

Where's Irvin?

M.P.'s GOT HIM.

VERY NICE, CAPTAIN.

THANK YOU, SIR.

THE COLONEL!

YEAH. HEY, THEY INSPECTED
IN HERE ALREADY.

HEY, WATCH OUT
FOR THAT TREADLE.

VERY GOOD, INDEED.

EXCELLENT.

WERE YOU IN CHARGE DURING
YOUR SERGEANT'S ABSENCE?

YES, SIR.
COMPLETE CHARGE.

CAPTAIN, I THINK YOU SHOULD
MAKE A NOTE OF THIS MAN'S NAME.

YES, SIR.
WHAT IS IT, PRIVATE?

WHITLEDGE, SIR.

WHITLEDGE, SIR.

WHAT'S THAT AGAIN,
PRIVATE?

WHITLEDGE, SIR.
W-H-I-T-L-E-D-G-E.

WHAT THE DEVIL?

WHAT'S GOING ON
IN THERE?

LATRINE'S OUT OF ORDER, SIR.

YOU GONNA TO HAVE TO USE
THE ONE NEXT DOOR.

LET ME IN THERE.

THIS IS THE BARRACKS
SERGEANT, SIR.

HOW ARE YOU, SIR?

ALL SLICKED UP
FOR INSPECTION. EXPLAIN!

EXPLAIN.

WELL, SIR...I WENT
TO A MOVIE LAST NIGHT, SIR.

AND THERE WERE
THESE EIGHT INFANTRYMEN

SITTING RIGHT IN BEHIND ME.

AND THEY WAS CUSSING OUT
THE AIR FORCE,

AND SAYING AS HOW
THAT THEIR OFFICERS

WERE MORE UNDERSTANDING
THAN OUR OFFICERS.

SO YOU FOUGHT THEM
ALL NIGHT LONG?

YES, SIR.
IT WAS AWFUL.

WHAT WAS THE NAME
OF THE MOVIE?

MOVIE?

THE MOVIE!

OOOHH...

"FORWARD MARCH."

"AMERICAN BATTALION."

"OF THE AIR."

"UP IN THE WILD BLUE"?

IT WAS A SNEAK PREVIEW.

CAPTAIN, I DON'T KNOW
HOW THIS MAN

EVER GOT ON MY BASE,

BUT HE'S CERTAINLY
NOT GOING TO REMAIN HERE.

CORRUPTING NEW AIRMEN
WITH THIS...

WITH THIS
HORRIBLE EXAMPLE.

SHIP HIM OUT.

THERE'S A GROUP LEAVING

FOR GUNNERY SCHOOL
TODAY, SIR.

SPLENDID! GENERAL BUSH

CAN ALWAYS USE
ANOTHER PRIVATE.

PRIVATE?

PRIVATE.

PRIVATE.

THAT NAME
WAS WHITLEDGE, SIR.

WHITLEDGE, EH?

THIS IS GOING ON YOUR RECORD,
WHITLEDGE.

THIS IS GOING
ON EVERYBODY'S RECORD!

SOMETHING SPECIAL
FOR THE COLONEL.

YOU AIN'T A SERGEANT
NO MORE.

NO, I AIN'T A SERGEANT
NO MORE.

I'M A PRIVATE.

A 45-YEAR-OLD PRIVATE.

GOSH!

HE'S PUTTING IT
ON MY RECORD.

GOSH, BEN --

THERE'S ONE SILVER LINING
TO THIS CLOUD, THOUGH,

BY GEORGE.

YOU'RE STAYING HERE, BUT I'M
GOING TO GUNNERY SCHOOL

1,000 MILES AWAY.

SERGEANT?

PRIVATE!

I AIN'T STAYING HERE.

I'M GOING TO GUNNERY SCHOOL
LIKE YOU ARE.

THEY TOOK YOU?

YOU PASSED
THE EYE TEST?

IT'S ON
THE BULLETIN BOARD.

IT WAS YOUR HELPING
DONE IT FOR ME.

OH, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.

WE'RE GONNA BE TOGETHER.

I'VE HAD ABOUT ALL
I CAN TAKE.

YOU AND HIM BE TOGETHER.

JUST LEAVE ME OUT OF IT.

BUT WE'RE BUDDIES.

BUDDIES?

LAST NIGHT YOU SAID
YOU WAS PROUD OF ME.

I WAS DRUNK.

I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT I WAS SAYING.

YOU GIVE ME YOUR WATCH.

I WAS DRUNK!

NOT WHEN YOU PUT ME
IN CHARGE OF THE LATRINE.

YOU TALK TO HIM.
MAYBE YOU CAN GET THROUGH.

CLEANING THE LATRINE
ISN'T A GOOD JOB, WILL.

IT'S THE WORST JOB THERE IS.

IT'S A PUNISHMENT JOB.

IT IS?

NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
THERE'S YOUR BUDDY.

MAKE TROUBLE FOR HIM
FOR A CHANGE.

GREAT.

YOU THOUGHT YOU
WERE GONNA MISS HIM,

SO YOU TORE UP
YOUR TRANSFER.

WELL, YOU DON'T LOOK
SO GLAD ABOUT IT NOW.

YOU TORE UP
YOUR TRANSFER, BEN?

IT WAS JUST AN APPLICATION,
THAT'S ALL.

TO THE INFANTRY.

DOESN'T MAKE
ANY DIFFERENCE NOW.

AFTER THIS MESS,

I COULDN'T GET TRANSFERRED
TO A TROOP OF MULES.

I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU DONE THAT.

JUST FORGET ABOUT IT,
WILL YOU?

YOU AIN'T SORE AT ME?

I AIN'T JUMPING UP AND DOWN!

YOU AIN'T BROUGHT ME
NOTHING BUT TROUBLE

SINCE THE FIRST DAY WE MET

RUNNING AROUND ACTING LIKE
A BIG, DANGED DONKEY!

I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU, BEN.
HONEST I WILL.

JUST FORGET ABOUT IT,
WILL YOU?

DON'T TRY TO DO NOTHING.

WE'LL STILL SPEAK
AND ALL THAT

BECAUSE WE'LL BE
IN THE SAME OUTFIT,

AND THAT'S
THE MILITARY WAY,

BUT JUST FORGET ABOUT IT

AND WE'LL BOTH BE
BETTER OFF!

BEN, PLEASE, I --

GOT TO GO PACK
FOR GUNNERY SCHOOL!

OH, YEAH.

WELL, BEN, SERGEANT KING
AND ME,

WE ALL WENT
TO GUNNERY SCHOOL TOGETHER

LIKE THE "THREE MUSKETEERS."

AND THEY PUT US
ON THIS HERE SQUADRON

ON THIS HERE AIR BASE,

AND IT WAS WAY OUT IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE COUNTRY, KIND OF.

YOU KNOW, OUT OF THE WAY
OF THE OTHER OUTFITS.

AND THE PLANES
IS WHAT THEY CALL OBSOLETE.

AND THE OFFICER CREWS
THAT RUN THEM...

WELL, THEY WASN'T KEPT UP
VERY MUCH EITHER.

I GUESS IT'S WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL
A SECOND-LINE-OF-DEFENSE OUTFIT.

BUT ANYHOW, BEN AND ME
WAS PUT ON THE SAME FLIGHT CREW,

BECAUSE THEY PUT YOU

ACCORDING TO HOW YOU COME OUT
IN YOUR CLASS,

AND WE WAS THE BOTTOM TWO.

SERGEANT KING, THOUGH,
HE COME OUT ON TOP!

HE DID! THE INSTRUCTOR SAID
THEY NEVER SEEN NOTHING LIKE IT.

IT WAS JUST AS IF
HE HAD COPIES OF THE TESTS

BEFORE THEY GIVE THEM.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS,
GET THIS ONE OFF

AND YOU CAN ALL
GO BACK TO SLEEP.

HEY, LOOK AT YOU
WITH AN ARMBAND,

A WRITING PAD,
AND EVERYTHING.

ALL RIGHT,
GET ON THE PLANE.

YOU'RE TAKING OFF RIGHT NOW.

HEY, WE CAN'T.
EVERYBODY AIN'T HERE YET.

THE RADIO OPERATOR
AND THE FRONT GUNNER,

THEY AIN'T SHOWED UP --

GET UP ON THE PLANE!
GET MOVING!

CLEAR.

HOW COME WE'RE GOING UP
SO EARLY, SERGEANT?

TO BREAK THE SOUND BARRIER!

YOU GOT TO SNEAK UP ON IT
WHEN NOBODY'S LOOKING!

OH!

EXCUSE ME, SIR.

EXCUSE ME, SIRS.
HOWDY.

WHAT THE --

IT'S ALL RIGHT, GEORGE.
HE'S ONE OF THE CREW.

OKAY, OKAY.

DON'T COME SNEAKING UP
ON PEOPLE LIKE THAT, FELLA.

SORRY, SIR.

I JUST WANTED TO SEE
WHAT Y'ALL DO UP HERE.

IT'S ON AUTOMATIC PILOT.

DID YOU ALREADY
LET UP THE WHEELS?

HECK, YES.

AWW, SHUCKS!

WHAT DO Y'ALL DO
IN BACK ANYHOW?

NOTHING MUCH.

I MOSTLY LOOK OUT THE BLISTER
AND SWEEP UP A LITTLE.

GOOD NIGHT.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.

TAKES AN AWFUL LONG TIME
TO GET TO DENVER, COLORADO.

WHAT THEY DOING UP THERE?

OH, YOU'D BE
RIGHT PROUD OF THEM, BEN.

THEY'RE WORKING REAL HARD.

STEERING AND NAVIGATING
AND ENGINEERING AND ALL.

NAVIGATOR TO PILOT.
NAVIGATOR TO PILOT. OVER?

PILOT TO NAVIGATOR.

FRED, I WISH
YOU WOULDN'T CALL ME

ONCE WE'RE OFF THE GROUND.

WE'RE OVER THE GULF OF MEXICO,
YOU IDIOT!

NOW, HOW CAN WE
BE OVER THE GULF OF MEXICO

WHEN THERE'S A CITY BELOW US
HALF THE SIZE OF NEW YORK?

YOU WANT TO COME BACK HERE
AND CHECK THE MAPS?

I FIGURED OUR POSITION
BY DEAD RECKONING,

AND WE'RE SMACK DAB IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE GULF OF MEXICO!

HEY, FELLAS,
NUMBER TWO ENGINE IS DEAD.

[ ENGINE SPUTTERS
AND BACKFIRES ]

PREPARE FOR LANDING.

THIS IS NOT A SEAPLANE!

COPILOT TO REARGUNNER.
COPILOT TO REARGUNNER. OVER!

HOWDY!

HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING BELOW

THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN
A BODY OF WATER?

NO, SIR,
I AIN'T SEEN NOTHING.

I BEEN SWEEPING UP.

WHAT THE DEVIL'S THE MATTER
WITH THAT RADIO OPERATOR?

PILOT TO RADIO OPERATOR!
OVER!

COPILOT TO RADIO OPERATOR!
OVER!

NAVIGATOR
TO RADIO OPERATOR. OVER?

REARGUNNER TO EVERYBODY.

RADIO OPERATOR
MISSED THE PLANE.

OH, NO!
OH, NO!

OVER.

LISTEN,
YOU OUGHT TO KNOW HOW

TO OPERATE THAT RADIO BY NOW.

GET ON IT
AND FIND OUT WHERE WE ARE.

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
OVER.

WE KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.

HEY, SIR?

YOU OUGHT TO GIVE THE JOB
TO THE OTHER GUNNER.

I RECKON HE'D BE

ABOUT THE BEST, DANGED
RADIO OPERATOR THERE IS

IN THE WHOLE,
DANGED AIR FORCE!

ALL RIGHT! JUST PUT SOMEBODY
ON THAT LOUSY RADIO!

OVER AND OUT!

HEY, HEY, HEY, BEN?

HEY, WAKE UP, BEN.

WHAT?

IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

WE'RE LOST
AND LIEUTENANT BRIDGES

WANTS YOU
TO BE THE RADIO OPERATOR

AND FIND OUT WHERE WE ARE.

IT'S YOUR BIG CHANCE, BEN,

TO SAVE THE PLANE AND US
AND EVERYTHING.

ME?

YEAH. THEY HEARD
WHAT A GOOD SOLDIER YOU WAS.

GOLLY!
OH, LORD.

HEY, HERE'S
SOME INSTRUCTIONS.

GOOD! READ THEM OFF.

I'LL OPERATE,
AND YOU BE MY ASSISTANT.

ASSISTANT?

YES, SIR!

UH..."AN IMPORTANT NOTICE.

"THE TAXPAYERS OF THE UNITED
STATES PAID" --

HERE, YOU OPERATE,
I'LL READ.

BUT THEY GIVE THE JOB
TO YOU, BEN.

GO ON. I GOT TO THINK
FOR THE GOOD OF THE OUTFIT.

"TWO, TURN OSCILLATOR
CONTROL KNOB" --

I THINK THAT'S
THE BIG ONE THERE --

"TO TRANSMISSION FREQUENCY
DESIRED."

WELL, WHAT FREQUENCY
WE DESIRE?

WELL, I'LL LEAVE THAT
UP TO YOU.

ALL RIGHTEE!

"ADJUST KNOB 'B'

SO AS TO OBTAIN
MINIMUM IMPEDANCE."

HEY, LISTEN, BEN.

AT HOME, WE GOT A LITTLE, OLD
RADIO ON THE PORCH.

WHENEVER IT WON'T WORK,
PA JUST SPITS IN THE BACK OF IT

AND WHOMPS IT A GOOD ONE,
AND IT WORKS EVERY TIME.

LET'S SEE.

THERE YOU ARE!
SHE'S A-WORKING!

YOU GOT IT WILL!
YOU GOT IT, WILL!

HELLO?

HELLOOO!

THERE! I TOLD YOU
I'D FIND AN AIRPORT.

THAT'S A DRIVE-IN MOVIE.
PULL UP!

PULL UP, PULL UP!

HELLO!

IF YOU GET SOMEBODY,
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY.

IT MIGHT BE THE ENEMY.

WHAT ENEMY?

I...I DON'T KNOW,
BUT BE CAREFUL!

OKAY.

HELLO?

HELLO?

SERGEANT.

[ LOUD POPPING NOISE
OVER RADIO ]

EXCUSE ME, SIR,

BUT I'M GETTING
A VERY ODD SIGNAL HERE.

LISTEN.

HMMM, THAT IS ODD.

SOUNDS LIKE
SOMEBODY SPITTING.

Okay, Will, try it again.

Yes, sir!

Hello?
Hellooo!

Anybody there?
Hello!

HELLO.

Hello.

HELLO!

Howdy!

Hey, Ben, I got somebody.

Ben: How about that!

WHO ARE YOU?
WHERE ARE YOU?

Ben, he wants to know
who we are.

ANSWER ME!
WHO THE DEVIL ARE YOU?

He talks
like an American, Ben.

Ben says,
First, who are you?

THIS IS COMMAND POST
OPERATION "PROMETHEUS."

ARE YOU IN AN AIRPLANE?

Sure are.

OH, GREAT SCOTT!

No, sir, Stockdale.

THAT MUST BE THIS PIP
ON THE SCOPE, SIR.

THEY'RE HEADING STRAIGHT
TOWARD THE TOWER, SIR.

Is this the Gulf of Mexico?

NO, YOU IDIOT!

SEND WORD
TO STOP THE DETONATOR.

IT'S TOO LATE, SIR.
ZERO MINUS FOUR.

Hey, where did you say
we was?

YOU'RE RIGHT OVER
YUCCA FLATS, NEVADA --

THE ATOMIC PROVING GROUND.

I WANT YOU TO TURN
THAT PLANE AROUND THIS MINUTE

AND HEAD RIGHT BACK
WHERE YOU CAME FROM.

THERE THEY ARE.
STRAIGHT TOWARD THE TOWER.

General Bush --
Got to do like he says

EUGENE BUSH?

Our commanding general.
Fat fellow with a moustache.

I MIGHT HAVE KNOWN.

GET ME THROUGH
TO GENERAL BUSH.

IDIOT.
I'LL KILL HIM FOR THIS!

GET ME GENERAL BUSH,
12th AIR GROUP.

ALL RIGHT, I DON'T CARE
WHAT BEN SAYS,

OR WHAT EUGENE BUSH SAID.

I AM A GENERAL, TOO,
IN THE U.S. ARMY INFANTRY.

The Infantry?

YES.
AND I'M ORDERING YOU

TO TURN THAT PLANE AROUND
THIS MINUTE.

YOU'RE HEADING
STRAIGHT INTO --

HELLO

GREAT SCOTT,
I'VE LOST THEM.

HE'S RIGHT HERE, SIR.

BUSH HERE.

EUGENE,
THIS IS VERNON POLLARD.

VERNON?

WELL, HOW ARE YOU, OLD BOY?

YOU'VE SABOTAGED MY OPERATION.

YOU WERE ORDERED
TO SEND YOUR PLANE

AS FAR AWAY AS YOU COULD,

AND ONE OF THEM
IS COMING RIGHT OVER US!

I SENT THEM AWAY, VERNON.
I SENT THEM TO DENVER.

I DON'T CARE
WHERE YOU SENT THEM.

WHAT'S WRONG
WITH YOUR COMMUNICATIONS?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR SECURITY
MEASURES, OLD BOY?

SHUT UP AND LISTEN.

I'M TRYING TO RE-ESTABLISH
RADIO CONTACT.

WHAT KIND OF IDIOT
RADIO OPERATORS

DO YOU PUT IN THOSE PLANES?

WHAT KIND OF
IDIOT RADIO OPERATORS

DID YOU PUT IN THOSE PLANES?

I'LL SKIN YOU FOR THIS,
EUGENE.

SIR, I'VE GOT
THAT SIGNAL AGAIN.

Hello?

Hello!

HELLO. LISTEN,
HERE'S YOUR GENERAL BUSH.

They got
General Bush there, Ben.

EUGENE, I'M PUTTING
THE TELEPHONE

NEXT TO THE MICROPHONE.

TELL THIS IDIOT
TO TURN BACK!

HELLO?
WHO IS THIS?

Private Stockdale, sir.

THIS IS GENERAL BUSH,
STOCKDALE.

STOCKDALE!

DON'T MOVE, KING!

TELL YOUR PILOT
TO REVERSE COURSE IMMEDIATELY.

YOU'RE IN EXTREME DANGER.

Roger, sir.
Wilco.

Ben says, "How do we know
you're General Bush?"

TELL HIM SERGEANT KING
WILL GIVE HIM HIS WATCH.

HUH?

IT'S THE ONLY WAY, SIR.

SERGEANT KING WILL GIVE YOU
HIS WATCH.

He will?

That's good enough for me.

I'll go tell
Lieutenant Bridges.

I'LL TELL HIM THIS
PERSONALLY.

EXCUSE ME, LIEUTENANT,

BUT WE JUST TALKED
WITH GENERAL BUSH,

AND HE SAYS
WE'RE IN REAL DANGER

AND YOU SHOULD REVERSE COURSE
QUICK AS A WINK.

DANGER?
WHERE ARE WE?

SMACK DAB
OVER YUCCA FLATS, NEVADA.

HOLY PETE!

I WANTED TO TELL YOU
WHAT A GOOD JOB BEN DONE.

MAYBE YOU
COULD RECOMMEND HIM

FOR A PROMOTION
OR SOMETHING.

SHUT UP.
DON'T BOTHER ME.

BUT REALLY, LIEUTENANT,

MAYBE YOU COULD GET HIM
A MEDAL

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

GET BACK TO YOUR STATION!

DON'T BOTHER ME AGAIN
FOR ANYTHING!

THAT'S AN ORDER!

YES, SIR.

20 SECONDS, SIR.

IT'S WORKING, SIR.
THEY'RE TURNING.

YOU DID IT, EUGENE.
THEY'RE TURNING.

THERE THEY GO.
THEY'RE STILL TURNING.

NO! THEY'RE HEADED
FOR THE TOWER AGAIN.

IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, EUGENE.

YOU'VE NEVER FORGIVEN ME
FOR THOSE HAZINGS

BACK AT THE "POINT."

IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT,
YOU BLUNDERING IDIOT!

FOR 30 YEARS
YOU'VE BEEN OUT TO GET ME,

AND NOW YOU'RE OUT
TO WRECK MY CAREER!

...TWO...ONE...ZERO!

WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED?

LOOK!
WE'RE ON FIRE!

WE GOT TO JUMP OUT!

I GOT TO TELL THEM
UP FRONT!

NO. THEY SAID THEY
DIDN'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED

ABOUT ANYTHING,
NO MATTER WHAT!

WE CAN'T LEAVE THEM
LIKE THAT!

THEY SAID IT WAS
A ORDER, BEN!

HANG ON!

AHHHH!

PULL TO THE LEFT!

NOOOO!
PULL TO THE RIGHT!

HOLD STILL, BEN.

WHAT DID YOU DO IT FOR?

YOU SNATCHED ME
RIGHT OUT OF THE PLANE.

WHAT DID YOU DO IT FOR?

WELL, I KNOWED
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TIME

TO PUT ON YOUR PARACHUTE.

HECK, YOU'D HAVE DONE
THE SAME FOR ME.

NO, I WOULDN'T.

OUR POST WAS THE TAIL
OF THE PLANE

AND NOBODY TOLD US
TO QUIT IT.

BUT THE TAIL
WAS ON FIRE, BEN.

OUR POST WAS QUITTING US.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE ARE NOW?

WELL, WE'RE ALIVE!

WE'RE DESERTERS.
DESERTERS!

QUIT WIGGLING, BEN.
PLEASE!

THE FIRST LICK OF DANGER

AND YOU SNATCH ME
AWAY FROM IT!

I'D RATHER BE A DEAD HERO
THAN A LIVE DESERTER.

I AIN'T GONNA DROP YOU
NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY.

HEY, WE CAN SLIP THROUGH HERE
AND NOBODY WILL SEE US.

NO, I THINK WE OUGHT TO REPORT
BACK THROUGH THE GATE,

'CAUSE THAT'S MILITARY.

AND HAVE THEM GRAB US

BEFORE WE CAN GET
TO THE GENERAL?

NO, BY DOG.

WE'LL REPORT
TO GENERAL BUSH'S OFFICE

AND EXPLAIN TO HIM
IN PERSON.

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT, BEN.
YOU'LL SEE.

EVERYTHING SEEMS HAPPY.

SOUNDS LIKE THEY'RE HAVING
A BAND CONCERT.

OWW! WILL!

OH, IT'LL BE
ALL RIGHT, BEN.

THEY'LL GIVE US
SOME NEW UNIFORMS.

YEAH, WITH NUMBERS
ON THE BACK.

NOW, GENERAL BUSH'S OFFICE IS
WAY AROUND ON THE OTHER SIDE.

WE'LL JUST SLIP ALONG
CAUTIOUS-LIKE

AND KEEP TO COVER
ALONG THE BUILDINGS.

[ BAND PLAYS
"AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL" ]

HOW ABOUT THAT?

IT'S SOME KIND OF
REAL BIG CEREMONY.

LOOK! THE FLAG,
IT'S AT HALF-MAST.

IT'S A FUNERAL CEREMONY.
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

LIEUTENANT BRIDGES
AND THEM OTHERS,

THEY DIDN'T
GET OUT OF THE PLANE.

NOW WE GOT THAT
ON OUR HEADS, TOO.

OH, NOW, BEN,
THEY WASN'T SO EASY GOING

THEY WOULDN'T KNOW
THEY WAS ON FIRE.

COME ON. WE'LL FIND OUT
WHEN WE REPORT TO THE GENERAL.

EVERYTHING WILL COME OUT
REAL DANDY.

YEAH, SURE.

TEN DAYS AGO,
IN OPERATION "PROMETHEUS,"

THE POWER OF THE ATOM BOMB
WAS CHALLENGED

BY A BAND
OF BATTLE-HARDENED AIR ACES.

WELL, BRUSH, MAN, BRUSH.

THAT'S GENUINE LEATHER.

HERE, WATCH THAT SLEEVE.

THE GRANDSTANDS
ARE ALL FULL, SIR.

YOU'RE DARNED RIGHT
THEY ARE.

THOSE MEN ARE ON DUTY.

ALL LEAVES
WERE CANCELED TODAY.

SENATOR HAWK
AND SENATOR WINKLE

HAVE JUST COME
ONTO THE REVIEWING STAND

WITH GENERAL POLLARD,
SIR.

GOOD.
MY CAR HERE, BAKER?

I'M CERTAIN IT IS, SIR.
I'LL CHECK IMMEDIATELY.

ABEL, SEE
IF THOSE IDIOT OFFICERS

ARE ON HAND
TO BE DECORATED.

YES, SIR.

"TWO DID NOT RETURN."

"TWO DID NOT RETURN."

IN THE SHATTERED TAIL
OF THE PLANE,

ALL THAT REMAINED

WERE TWO
CHARRED FLIGHT HELMETS

AND A HANDFUL OF DUST.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I...

WHAT THE DEVIL
ARE YOU MEN DOING HERE?!

WELL, YOU SEE, SIR,
WE COME TO --

YOUR UNIFORM
IS FILTHY, BOY!

I KNOW, SIR.

WE HITCHHIKED SOME,
BUT WE HAD TO WALK A LOT --

PEOPLE ARE COMING
FROM MILES AROUND --

GENERALS, SENATORS -- TO DO
HOMAGE TO TWO ENLISTED MEN.

YOUR BROTHERS-IN-ARMS!

AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE
ENOUGH COURTESY AND RESPECT

TO PUT
ON A DECENT UNIFORM!

SIR, PLEASE,
I'D LIKE TO TURN MYSELF IN.

HE DIDN'T JUMP, SIR.
I PULLED HIM OUT.

THE CAR
IS READY, SIR.

WHAT SQUADRON
ARE YOU MEN IN?

THE 9th SQUADRON, SIR.

THE 9th? STACKPOLE
AND WHITEHEAD'S OWN OUTFIT.

STOCKDALE AND WHITLEDGE, SIR.

WELL, WHOEVER THEY WERE.

NOW, YOU TWO ARE GOING

RIGHT BACK
INTO THAT CONFERENCE ROOM

UNTIL I FINISH THIS CEREMONY.

AND THEN WE'LL SEE

IF WE CAN PUT A LITTLE DECENCY
AND ESPRIT DE CORPS INTO YOU!

DIRTY UNIFORMS!
TODAY OF ALL DAYS!

WELL, YOU MEN
HEARD THE ORDERS.

GET IN THERE!

WELL, WE TURNED
OURSELVES IN, I THINK.

YEAH. WAIT TILL
HE FINDS OUT

THAT BESIDES WEARING DIRTY
UNIFORMS, WE'RE DESERTERS.

WHOHHH...

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

LIEUTENANT BRIDGES
ON THE BACK COVER!

"I WISHED
YOU WOULD LOOK..."

Announcer: GENERAL BUSH
HAS JUST TAKEN HIS PLACE

ON THE REVIEWING STAND.

AND NOW, THE FOUR LIEUTENANTS
WHO BRAVED THE ATOMIC BLAST,

AND WHO WILL RECEIVE
THE AIR MEDAL,

ARE BRAVELY MOUNTING
THE PLATFORM.

THE LIEUTENANTS...
THEY'RE ALIVE!

THEY'RE GETTING MEDALS!
THEY'RE HEROES!

IF WE'D HAVE STAYED
ON THE PLANE,

WE'D HAVE BEEN HEROES.

IT IS A SOLEMN MOMENT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THE MANY VISITING DIGNITARIES
STANDING AT ATTENTION,

THE FLAG AT HALF-MAST
IN HONOR OF THE TWO MEN

WHO GAVE THEIR LIVES
IN OPERATION "PROMETHEUS,"

PRIVATES STOCKDALE
AND WHITLEDGE.

STOCKDALE AND WHITLEDGE?

YES, STOCKDALE
AND WHITLEDGE.

NAMES THAT WILL LIVE
AS LONG AS MEN ARE FREE.

WE ARE HEROES, BEN.

BUT WE AIN'T DEAD!

WELL, THAT MAKES IT
EVEN BETTER, DON'T IT?

THEY THINK WE'RE HEROES,

AND WE'RE A COUPLE OF ROTTEN,
NO-GOOD DESERTERS.

HA-HA! GOLLLLLY,
WILL THEY BE SURPRISED!

THEY'LL KILL US.

THAT'S WHAT THEY'LL DO,
THEY'LL KILL US.

I'M GOING CRAZY.

SEEING THINGS.

HOWDY, SERGEANT!

PRIVATE WHITLEDGE
REPORTING FOR DUTY

AFTER AN UNFORSEEN DELAY,
SIR.

I BET YOU NEVER EXPECTED
TO SEE US AGAIN.

NO, NO, NO, NO!

DIDN'T I TELL YOU
HE'D BE SURPRISED, BEN?

WHY AIN'T YOU DEAD?

NO EXCUSE, SIR.

YOU AIN'T DEAD.
YOU AIN'T DEAD.

WELL, SEE,
I HAD MY PARACHUTE ON.

I WAS THE ONE WHO
IDENTIFIED YOUR REMAINS.

TWO CHARRED HELMETS
AND A HANDFUL OF DUST.

THEY'RE HAVING
A BIG CEREMONY DOWN THERE!

YEAH.

Bush: TEN DAYS AGO,

IN OPERATION "PROMETHEUS,"

THE POWER OF THE ATOM BOMB
WAS CHALLENGED --

IS THAT THE GENERAL?

GENERAL.

IS HE GIVING US MEDALS?

MEDALS.

NOW, THERE YOU GO, BEN.
DIDN'T I TELL YOU?

NOW, YOU BOYS GET BACK
IN THAT ROOM AND SIT DOWN...

HEY, THAT AIN'T NO WAY
TO ACT, SERGEANT.

HERE ME AND BEN IS ALIVE...

OH, I DON'T DESERVE THIS.
I DON'T DESERVE THIS.

CAPTAIN!
CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN!

WE'LL BE SHOT!

NO, IT'S JUST HE'S KIND OF
SURPRISED RIGHT NOW.

LATER ON THEY'LL ALL
BE GLAD WE'RE HERE.

YOU'LL SEE.

SERGEANT, WILL YOU --
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

ARE YOU NUTS?

NO...OHHH!

DON'T MOVE,
YOU UNDERSTAND?

JUST DON'T MOVE!

DON'T MOVE
OR I'LL HAVE YOU SHOT!

YOU, GET OVER
TO THAT REVIEWING STAND

ON THE DOUBLE.

TELL THE GENERAL
TO STOP PROCEEDINGS.

THERE'S RADIO, TELEVISION,
AND NEWSREEL CAMERAS THERE.

IF HE GIVES OUT
POSTHUMOUS MEDALS

TO TWO MEN WHO ARE STANDING
RIGHT HERE IN HIS OWN OFFICE

HE'LL BE THE LAUGHINGSTOCK
OF THE WHOLE COUNTRY!

STEP ON IT!

STAY AWAY FROM THOSE WINDOWS,
YOU UNDERSTAND?

STAY AWAY FROM THOSE DOORS.

AND IF ANYBODY COMES IN HERE,

YOU TELL THEM YOU'RE...
JOHN JONES AND JACK SMITH.

YOU GOT THAT?

YES, SIR.

THEY'RE GONNA KILL US.

THEY'RE GONNA KILL US!

NO, THEY AIN'T!

BREATHE DEEP.

WHAT THE HECK'S
GOING ON HERE?

SERGEANT KING JUST JUMPED
AN AIR POLICEMAN

AND STOLE HIS MOTORCYCLE.

THE TWO MEN WHO ARE GETTING
THE POSTHUMOUS MEDALS

ARE INSIDE.

THE MEDALS?

NO, THE MEN.

YOU'RE DRUNK.

GO AHEAD, LOOK.

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M JOHN JONES AND
THIS HERE IS JACK SMITH.

LISTEN, JIM, IF YOU'RE TRYING
TO BE COMICAL,

IT'LL BE THE LAST TIME,

BECAUSE JOKES
ABOUT THE DEAD

IS CARRYING IT
A LITTLE BIT TOO FAR.

WELL, DID YOU STOP HIM
IN TIME?

SIR, I REPORTED
TO THE GENERAL

AND INFORMED HIM
AS TO THE SITUATION

AND ADVISED HIM THAT UNDER THE
VERY UNUSUAL CIRCUMSTANCES --

IN ENGLISH,
YOU IDIOT!

HAD HE PRESENTED THE
MEDALS OR HAD HE NOT?

YES, SIR, HE HAD, SIR.

HOLY!

WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY?

WELL, SIR, HE SAID --

Bush: I'LL COURT-MARTIAL
EVERYBODY

IN THE WHOLE DAMNED
AIR FORCE!

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID, SIR.

WHERE ARE THEY?
WHERE ARE THEY?

WHERE ARE
THOSE TWO PRIVATES

WHO HOLD MY CAREER
IN THE PALM OF THEIR HANDS?

IN THERE, SIR.

YOU TWO!

YES, SIR.

WE GOT BACK
AS QUICK AS WE COULD.

AND I SURE DO APPRECIATE
YOU GIVING US MEDALS AND ALL,

AND SETTING THE FLAGS
AT HALF-MAST.

WELL, I GOT THE WHOLE THING
FIGURED OUT, TOO, SIR.

WELL, YOU KNOW
THAT HANDFUL OF DUST

SERGEANT KING
IS TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, THAT'S ALL IT WAS,
A HANDFUL OF DUST.

IF I'D HAVE KNOWED YOU ALL
WAS GONNA THINK IT WAS US,

I'D HAVE SWEPT IT
UNDER A SEAT OR SOMETHING.

BUT ANYHOW,
WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO

IS WE AIN'T DEAD.

TEN MINUTES AGO
IN FRONT OF HALF THE BRASS

IN THE CONTINENTAL
UNITED STATES,

I AWARDED THE AIR MEDAL
TO A HANDFUL OF SWEEPINGS.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS
IS GOING TO DO TO ME,

SERGEANT KING,
WHEN THIS STORY GETS OUT?

SIR, I DIDN'T KNOW.

TOMORROW I WILL
PROBABLY BE KNOWN

THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE PENTAGON
AS "OLD DUSTPAN."

I'VE GOT TO GET THOSE MEN
OFF MY BASE.

IF ANYBODY SEES THEM,
IF ANYBODY HEARS THEM --

SIR, COULDN'T YOU TRANSFER
THEM TO ANOTHER BASE?

SHUT UP!

WHAT?!

OH...Y-Y-Y-Y-YES.

YOU, GO OVER TO S-1

AND GET AS MANY DD-613 FORMS
AS YOU CAN LAY YOUR HANDS ON.

YES, SIR.

YOU, GO OUT
AND GET ANOTHER CAR

AND BRING IT AROUND BACK.

QUIETLY.

YES, SIR.

GET A COMMAND CAR AND PUT
THE CURTAINS UP ALL AROUND.

Stockdale: WELL, THEY PUT US
IN THIS HERE COMMAND CAR

AND TOOK US WAY OUT HERE
IN THE WOODS,

REAL SECRET-LIKE,

WITH ALL KINDS OF GUARDS
AROUND US AND EVERYTHING.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
CHALLENGE EVERYBODY.

THE PASSWORD IS "NIGHTMARE."

"NIGHTMARE."

IF ANYBODY FAILS TO GIVE IT,
SHOOT!

OKAY, SENTRIES, TAKE YOUR POSTS
ON THE DOUBLE!

ARE YOU SURE WE'VE GOT
THE WHOLE AREA SURROUNDED?

WELL, I THINK SO, SIR.

TO TELL THE TRUTH,

I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING
LIKE THIS BEFORE.

WELL,
DO YOU THINK I HAVE?

GENERAL, IT SURE IS EXCITIN',
AIN'T IT?

WHERE'S BEN?

LOOK, YOU JUST STAND
RIGHT OVER THERE

AND LET ME HANDLE THIS,
PLEEEEASE.

WHAT THE DEVIL IS KEEPING
GENERAL POLLARD?

ARE THE FORMS READY
FOR HIM TO SIGN?

CORPORAL'S WORKING ON THEM,
SIR.

THAT MUST BE
POLLARD'S CAR NOW.

YES, SIR.

SPEED HIM UP.

YES, SIR.

Man: HALT. ADVANCE
AND GIVE THE PASSWORD.

GREAT SCOTT,
THEY'VE SHOT POLLARD!

STOP! STOP!

EUGENE, TELL THESE IDIOTS
TO STOP SHOOTING.

IT'S ME, VERNON!

GIVE THE PASSWORD!

I'VE FORGOTTEN
THE DAMNED THING!

NIGHTMARE!

NIGHTMARE!

NIGHTMARE, YOU STUPID --

COME BACK HERE, YOU!

LOOK HERE, EUGENE,

YOU'RE CARRYING THIS THING
A LITTLE TOO FAR.

I'M SORRY, VERNON,
THE SENTRIES ARE NERVOUS.

NO REASON FOR THAT.

NIGHTMARE.
NIGHTMARE!

WHAT'S THAT?

I'M SORRY, VERNON,
IT'S THE OTHER DEAD HERO.

THE TALKATIVE ONE.

I PUT HIM IN THE TRUNK
FOR TOTAL SECURITY.

BEN'S IN THE TRUNK?
HOW ABOUT THAT?

GET HIM OUT,
STOCKDALE.

YES, SIR.

LISTEN, EUGENE.

THEY COULD LOWER THE BOOM
ON US

PULLING A DEAL LIKE THIS.

WE ARE IN TROUBLE, VERNON.
CLEAR UP TO OUR PENSIONS.

NOW COME ON
AND SIGN THOSE PAPERS.

HOWDY, BEN.

OHHH...I KNEW IT.

I KNEW IT.

THEY GOT US OUT
IN THE MIDDLE OF NO MAN'S LAND.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK
IT'S KIND OF PLEASANT.

GOODBYE, WILL.

WE JUST GOT HERE, BEN.

AND WE AIN'T NEVER
GOING BACK.

WILL, I-I-I-I KNOW
YOU DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE,

AND I KNOW THERE WASN'T
NO MEANNESS BEHIND IT.

I FORGIVE YOU.

THEN WE'RE BUDDIES AGAIN?

FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

ALL RIGHT, WHITLEDGE,
YOU FIRST.

SENTRY,
TAKE HIM IN THERE,

HAVE HIM SIGN EVERYTHING
IN TRIPLICATE.

BYE, WILL.

BYE, BEN.

GOLLY, IS HE GOING
TO BE SURPRISED.

YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY'S
ALL THE TIME SAYING

HOW SERGEANTS
IS MEAN AND TOUGH,

SO I'M RIGHT GLAD
YOU WAS MY FIRST ONE,

'CAUSE YOU SHOWED ME
DIFFERENT.

THANK YOU, WILL.

ALL RIGHT, WILL,

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
THE WATCH ANYWAY.

OH, GEE, I NEVER HELD THAT
AGAINST YOU.

OH, GO ON.
TAKE IT.

MY MOTHER WOULD BE
GLAD FOR YOU TO HAVE IT.

WE'RE SQUARE NOW.

I DON'T OWE YOU NOTHING,
YOU DON'T OWE ME NOTHING.

WE'RE SQUARE.

UH, KING?

YEAH?

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH THAT WHITLEDGE?

HE KEEPS SAYING
HE'S SORRY

HE HAS ONLY ONE LIFE TO GIVE
FOR HIS COUNTRY.

HE FIGURES YOU BROUGHT US
OUT HERE TO GET SHOT.

SHOT?
SHOT?

RIDICULOUS.
ALL THESE WITNESSES, VERNON.

TAKE A SMOKE.

ALL RIGHT, STOCKDALE,

I JUST HAVE A COUPLE OF LETTERS
FOR YOU TO SIGN

AND THEN WE'LL BE THROUGH
WITH THE WHOLE MESS.

THIS ONE'S TO YOUR FOLKS

SAYING THAT YOU'RE ON A VERY
IMPORTANT SECRET MISSION.

THIS ONE CERTIFIES

YOU NEVER HEARD OF
OPERATION "PROMETHEUS,"

AND HAVE NEVER BEEN
ON MY BASE

IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

SIGN HERE.

BUT, IF WE NEVER HEARD OF
OPERATION WHATCHACALLIT,

WE DON'T GET NO MEDALS,
DO WE?

MEDALS? OF COURSE NOT.
SIGN HERE.

BEN, HE SETS
A WHOLE LOT OF STOCK

IN MEDALS
AND THINGS LIKE THAT.

YOU WANT ME
TO PRESENT A MEDAL

OUT IN THE WOODS
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT!

HEY, WE CAN GET EVERYBODY
STANDING UP ALL AROUND

AN TURN ONE OF THE CARS AROUND
SO THE LIGHTS IS SHINING.

HEY, MAYBE GET A LITTLE MUSIC
ON THE RADIO.

NO, NO,
I DON'T HAVE ANY MEDALS!

COME BACK HERE!

I DIDN'T BRING ANY MEDALS!

NOW WHAT?
I WANT TO GET TO BED.

YOU HEAR ME?
I SAID I DIDN'T HAVE ANY...!

OHHHHHH...

WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?

VERNON, OLD MAN,

I WONDER IF YOU'D GIVE ME...
ONE OF YOUR MEDALS?

WHAT?

JUST ONE, VERNON.
PLEASE?

YOU'VE GOT SO MANY OF THEM.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, EUGENE?

STOCKDALE WANTS A MEDAL.

THAT DOES IT!
HE GOES TO LEAVENWORTH!

NO, NO!
WE MIGHT GO WITH HIM.

VERNON, IF YOU GIVE ME
ONE OF YOURS,

I'LL GIVE YOU TWO OF MINE.

I SWEAR I WILL.

BUT THESE MEDALS
ARE SEWN ON!

SEWN?

HIS MEDALS ARE SEWN ON.

I GOT
MY MUMBLE-PEG KNIFE.

JUST A SMALL ONE,
PLEASE, VERNON.

I'LL DO THIS IN PRIVATE,
IF YOU DON'T MIND?!

Radio announcer: THIS IS
RADIO STATION W-Q-U-I-D

NOW PRESENTING A MEDLEY
OF YOUR FAVORITE BAND MUSIC.

THERE'S NOTHING ELSE
YOU CAN THINK OF

AT THIS MOMENT,
IS THERE?

YOU DO REALIZE WHY WE
DON'T HAVE A BRASS BAND,

DON'T YOU?

OH-HAH, I WOULDN'T
WORRY ABOUT THAT NONE, SIR.

THIS HERE WILL DO FINE.

I'LL JUST GET EVERYBODY
LINED UP OVER HERE.

YOU ALL COME ON IIIINNNN!
EVERYBODY COME ON IIIINNNN!

Bush: ON THE DOUBLE!
COME ON, LINE UP, BOYS.

ON THE DOUBLE!

I'VE BEEN BLACKMAILED,
I'VE BEEN SHANGHAIED,

I'VE BEEN SHOT AT,
AND NOW I'VE BEEN ROBBED!

BY DOG! BOY,
BEN'S GONNA POP HIS SHIRT

WHEN BOTH OF YOU GENERALS
SNAP TO ATTENTION.

DO WHAT?

VERNON, PLEASE?

NEVER!

I'LL STAND AT ATTENTION.

I'LL STAND ON MY HEAD

IF YOU'LL JUST SIGN
THESE PAPERS.

I'LL GO FETCH BEN.

YOU HAVE THE ORDERS
TO READ?

YES, SIR, I HAVE THEM.

GOOD.

COME ON, BEN.

NO, WILL.

DON'T THEY GIVE YOU ONE LAST
REQUEST OR SOMETHING?

ALL RIGHT,
YOU ASKED FOR IT.

COME OUT AND GET IT!

THAT'S RIGHT, BEN.

NOW, STRUT RIGHT UP
TO THE GENERAL AND SALUTE.

HE'S GOT SOMETHING
HE'S GONNA GIVE YOU.

I KNOW.
GOODBYE, WILL.

KING.

"THE FOLLOWING ENLISTED MEN
ARE HEREBY RELIEVED OF DUTY

"AND REMOVED FROM THE RECORDS
OF MAJOR GENERAL EUGENE BUSH

"AND TRANSFERRED
TO THE COMMAND

"OF MAJOR GENERAL
VERNON I. POLLARD,

U.S. ARMY INFANTRY."

WHAT?

PRIVATE
BENJAMIN B. WHITLEDGE.

PRIVATE WILL STOCKDALE.

WE'RE IN
THE INFANTRY, BEN!

THE INFANTRY?

SO LONG, BOYS.

IT'S BEEN SWELL
KNOWING YOU.

SO LONG, SERGEANT.

WISH I COULD BE GOING
ALONG WITH YOU,

BUT...THAT'S LIFE.

HEY, COULDN'T HE, SIR?

COULDN'T HE
GO ALONG WITH US?

BRILLIANT IDEA,
STOCKDALE.

BRILLIANT!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

WE ARE STILL GONNA
BE TOGETHER!

IN THE INFANTRY!

WHAT HAPPENED?

DETAIL, ATTENTION!

THAT'S ONE THING I WON'T DO.

STATION WQUID SIGNING OFF.

IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE
TO AWARD THIS AIR MEDAL,

WHICH THROUGH
A REGRETTABLE ERROR,

WAS PREVIOUSLY
AWARDED POSTHUMOUSLY

TO PRIVATE
BENJAMIN B. WHITLEDGE,

U.S. ARMY INFANTRY.

ATTENTION!

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