Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

I made it.

I made it on time.

I'm so happy for you.

I'm here for the audition.

Tony Scott.

Just sign in here and go in.

Tony, you can do this.

You need this.

Wish me luck.

Right.

Actors.

This is...

Tony Scott.

Ni-Hao, Tony.

Nice to meet you.

I am Li Wen.

I'm the co-director of this production.

And this is our American director-

- Steven Steinberg, hey.

I know who you are.

Big fan.

Nice to meet you, Tony.

Hope you don't mind if I sit in on your audition.

Please do.

Should I...

Yes.

Whenever you're ready.

Thanks.

Hi, I'm Tony Scott, auditioning for the role of Harrigan.

Very good.

Love your energy.

If you don't mind, I'd like you to improvise a scene.

Oh.

Okay.

You mean in Mandarin?

Yes.

I just learned this one scene,

I don't actually speak Chinese.

We specifically requested to only see actors

who can speak Mandarin.

I can-

I can learn.

I mean, I'd love to.

That's okay.

Thanks for coming.

Seriously.

I am a quick learner.

A-ha.

I found it!

Crap.

Tony!

Hey, Mr. Drucker.

Where the hell are you?

I sent you out for delivery over an hour ago!

Yeah, traffic is extra bad today.

Sorry.

Don't give me that old traffic routine.

You're on a bike, for god's sakes.

Now you better not be going to auditions

while you're on the clock.

You know I can't-

- Oh, I know, I know.

I'm sorry.

I'm heading back there soon.

See you soon.

Hello?

Hey Tony.

How's my new cash cow?

Oh, I've seen greener pastures.

Yeah, well, I heard the audition didn't go well.

Yeah.

You didn't tell me they wanted someone

that actually knows Mandarin.

I just knew that one scene.

I barely even knew what I was saying.

Yeah, I know, it's my fault, and I never say that.

Yeah, I looked like a complete idiot in front of Steven.

You know, I would have prepared more

if you would've told me.

Hey, you know what?

Forget it.

I'm fixing it.

How are you fixing it?

As luck would have it, the lead after needs

a few more weeks on his current project,

so they're pushing the whole production back a month.

And I convinced them to bring you back in

for another audition at that date.

Think you can learn Mandarin in a month?

I'm not sure about that.

Isn't it like one of the hardest languages to learn?

Tony, this is going to be a big movie in China,

and you were perfect for the role.

They love your look.

All you have to do is learn some basics of the language

and they'll teach you the rest.

Can you do it?

I guess so.

I mean, sure, I can do that.

Love it.

Okay, bye.

Hello?

Hello, Gina?

Hi Tony.

What's up?

Hey, I went to that audition and they liked me, but...

But what?

Well, they said I can go study hard for a month

- and then if I'm good enough, - No, Tony.

they might give me the role.

I said no.

Look, I know you're busy.

It's just that, well, you know, I need your help again.

What is with you, Tony?

I spent time helping you learning those lines

and now you want more.

You don't get it!

Even when we were together, I tried to teach you,

but you never tried hard enough.

I did try.

I'm done helping.

My parents also won't accept you.

You can't talk to them.

How's that gonna work?

I think it's best we don't do this to each other.

Good luck, Tony.

- Bye. - Gina, wait.

Hello, hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Ni hao.

How can I help you today?

I was thinking of taking some classes,

but I was wondering-

- Shh!

Why don't we go into my office?

Okay.

My name is Genji Ma.

At this school, everybody call me Mr. Ma.

Hi.

I'm Tony.

Nice to meet you.

So why you wanna learn the Chinese language?

Are you planning the trip to China

or trying to impress a girl?

No, no girl unfortunately.

I mean, there was, but I lost her.

Anyway, I'm probably going to China pretty soon.

That is if I can land this Chinese speaking role.

Ah, you are an actor.

Yeah, well trying to be.

And actually, I was wondering,

do you have any intensive training courses or something?

Because I would need to try to have a handle on it

within a month.

A month is not a long time.

I promise I can study really hard.

I can be a great student.

Okay.

I think we can figure something out.

Great.

That's great.

Thank you so much, man.

Your first class is Monday at 8:00 PM.

At night?

Yes.

We only do the night class here.

Done.

Thank you so much, Mr. Ma.

Can't wait.

Okay.

The pleasure is mine, okay?

Hey buddy.

Feel like getting laid tonight?

What?

Your brother's in town and we're going to the club.

So, wear something nice and don't embarrass us, all right?

I'm out!

Let's get this party started!

Turn this up!

All right, I'm drunk enough.

I'm gonna go do some talent scouting.

That's ironic because he's the one about to get shot down.

Eh, let him have his fun.

Ni hao, what is that?

Ni hao.

Oh hey there, you girls are getting wild tonight.

Is tonight just one of those nights?

Oh shit.

What's up? What's up?

Those girls over there,

they go to my Chinese language school.

Those girls?

Those girls?

Yeah.

Put your hand down.

Okay, okay.

They're smoking.

Wait, you're going to a Chinese language school?

Yes.

Why?

Chinese movie, I'm trying to get the role.

That's cool.

I call dibs.

I call dibs!

You can't call dibs, I saw them first.

You didn't call dibs!

Dibs on who?

Tony knows those hot girls over there at the bar.

I don't know them, they just go to the same school.

What are we waiting for?

Let's go talk to 'em.

We're going dancing.

Okay.

Hey.

One second.

Okay.

Okay, Jim and I are going to go talk to them,

and you are going to the bathroom to clean yourself up.

Why would I clean myself up?

I aint done the blow yet, bro.

Hey!

Oh what the hell, bro?

Excuse me.

Didn't I see you two earlier

at Mr. Ma's training center today?

Oh yeah, you were the loudmouth who kept on

disturbing us when we were trying to study.

That's me, I'm Tony.

Susie.

This is Reika.

Buddy Jim.

Nice to meet you.

Can I buy you a drink?

Dry martini.

Oh my God, this is my song.

I love this song.

Me too, you wanna dance?

- Yeah, sure. - Good luck, man.

See you back at the table.

Bye guys.

That's your BFF is it?

That is my BFF.

He's my bestie, too.

Hey girl.

Hey, what's up?

How are ya?

Hey.

Did you get me a drink?

So what are you taking Chinese language classes for?

We're studying traditional Chinese medicine,

and next semester we'll be studying abroad,

so seemed like a good idea to learn the language.

That's crazy.

Wow, that's awesome.

So you're super smart and super beautiful.

That's not fair.

Aw.

Ew.

Oh, Mulan, hello.

This is Sammy.

Hands to Sammy, hands to Sammy.

Ooh, ooh.

Girl with the pigtails.

Wow.

Let nasty show you how it's done.

Oh my God, I know the-

- There we go, and he's out.

Do you know that guy?

That's my brother.

It is time to dance.

All right.

Here we go.

My dear.

We're dancing again?

Alrighty.

You know what pigtails are good for, don't ya?

What are you doing, I'm trying to dance with you.

Yo, douchebag.

Did you just touch my girl?

Hey man, it's not what you think.

I thought she was single.

Is there a sign on her, bro?

You can understand.

Yeah, I understand.

Thanks bro.

Cool.

No worries, bro.

Thanks man.

Crap.

Tony.

Look, look.

Ah, dammit.

Hey, sorry, did my drunk brother do something offensive?

He should've passed out five or six drinks ago.

It's a miracle he's still standing.

Yeah?

Well you better get him out of here

or he's gonna be passed out permanently.

You feel me?

Yeah, I'm with ya.

I feel ya.

Wait, that sounds bad.

We're gonna go.

We're going.

You okay, baby?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Keep dancing for me.

I'll be at the bar, watching.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow, ow, ow.

- Ow! - Let me go get some ice.

I could've taken that dickhead!

Yeah, yeah, sure you could.

I think I'm gonna go find Susie.

Don't even bother, man.

Wah-wah.

Better luck next time.

Hey, what's with all the douchbags tonight?

Yo bro.

Step off my girl.

Oh code red.

Jim, it's time to throw down.

Hey, take me!

- Guys, I need to redeem myself! - Sit this one out, Sam.

Hey, who's messing up my party?

What's up with your teeth?

Here we go, boys.

Oh, we finally found you!

You know you can't stay hidden forever, don't you?

We will always find you.

We are shown the way.

- Hey. - Come on.

- Where we going? - Let's go.

Yes, right here.

You are under our service now.

I'm not leaving him.

Somebody call an ambulance.

Get 'em, boys.

Let's get out of here!

No, I'm not leaving him!

Ah!

This is really cool.

Chinese vampires really do exist.

Yeah!

One more vampire killed!

One more vampire killed!

Get the Pastor, we gotta get out of here!

He don't look alive.

- Don't say that. - No!

Baby.

Baby.

Tank.

It's all right.

What the...

What's happening?

Oh my God.

Tank, are you okay?

Baby.

Tank.

Tank.

Tank?

Oh my gosh.

Zara.

Tank?

Zara.

Tank!

No, Tank!

I expected something like this.

There he is.

Hey, how you feeling, champ?

I got a little too drunk last night.

You can say that again.

Did we get in a fight?

Yeah, you practically kicked a vampire in the face.

Cool.

Wait, vampire?

Yeah, vampire.

I punched one.

They probably look like vampires,

but they're not actually vampires.

No, they were actually vampires.

I swear to God, they were real.

No, it's impossible.

No, they had the teeth-

- You definitely got too drunk and-

- No!

Hey, you know what?

We should be focusing on my nose.

Tony, what are you doing this weekend?

Can you take me to the doctor?

Get my nose x-rayed.

I gotta work today and tomorrow,

and Monday night is the start of them Chinese classes.

The class where those hot chicks are from.

Yeah.

Where is that again?

Mr. Ma's Chinese learning center down on Kiko.

Why?

No reason.

So what's up with that Reika chick?

Ah!

You likey the Reiky.

I reika her very much.

Yeah!

What are you doing?

I actually had the weirdest dream last night.

What are you doing here?

Why, I'm learning Chinese, of course.

What kind of question is that?

We have some new students today.

So I would like to revisit some basics.

Repeat after me.

You there.

Your name, dumbass.

Oh, it's Jim.

Jim.

Do you remember how to say one?

One what?

We all just said that a moment ago.

Weren't you paying attention?

Oh, yeah.

One was...

Can we come back to numbers?

I would really love to learn how to say

you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen.

In Chinese.

That's all you want to know?

Well, repeat after me.

Reika.

Okay, enough fun.

Let's continue these numbers.

Susie.

Hey.

The other night at the club was pretty crazy, huh?

That's putting it lightly.

Is everything okay with your friend?

It's all a little fuzzy,

but wasn't there a third girl with you?

Yeah.

We haven't heard back from her since that night actually,

so...

Oh, man.

Yeah, I'm kind of worried.

Terrible.

I hope everything's okay.

Me too.

Is your friend okay?

Tank can hit pretty hard.

My brother.

He's fine.

Real thick skull, that guy.

My friend Jim over there is pretty thick too, I guess.

Why are you guys here?

To learn Chinese, obviously.

The guy with the small chicken.

Yeah.

Wait, is that what the teacher made him say?

Yes.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, he's just here to check out girls though.

I can see that.

He's harmless.

I can see that too.

So if he's here to meet girls,

then, why are you here?

Oh, I need to learn the language for a role

I'm trying to get in a movie.

A movie?

Yeah.

So Hollywood.

Yeah, I need to learn the language quick

if I'm gonna have a chance.

So here I am.

Is this the part where you ask me

to be your study partner?

Susie!

- Let's go, girl. - Could I do that?

I gotta go.

Wait, can I get your number or something?

Find me on We Talk.

Okay.

Great.

Okay, see ya.

Wait, can I get your handle?

A heart.

What is heart?

Heart means...

Heart means what?

Underscore love.

Yes!

Susie, you got any plans for dinner?

Not yet.

Hey I need some brushing up

on my Chinese food vocabulary.

LOL.

Sorry, I study alone, Tony.

I mean, do you wanna have dinner?

Oh I know what you meant.

I'll see you in class next week.

It's late!

Yes.

Did you do your homework?

Of course I did.

Course you did.

Right here.

Reika.

Look.

To your health.

Your Chinese is so sloppy.

Tony.

Oh.

Susie.

It's...

No.

Yeah.

Warm.

Reika.

Ah, young lady.

You need a lot of work.

Maybe you can give me a private lesson.

Hey Jim.

Hey Jim, you are hopeless.

Susie.

Hey.

Hey yourself.

What are you up to right now?

You wanna hang out?

Oh I'm just waiting for Reika,

but text me later, okay?

Later.

Didn't she already reject you, bro?

I don't know if reject is the right word for it.

Hey man, I get it.

She is hot.

All right.

No judgment.

You want a ride home?

Biking it.

See you, man.

Reika.

Hi.

Reika.

Come in.

What did you wanna talk about?

Sit down.

Reika, you know you're not living up to

your full potential in my class.

If you don't pass, it will affect your student visa.

Do you understand that?

Yeah.

I've tried, it's just really difficult.

I understand.

I do.

So what do I need to do?

I mean I can't lose my visa.

I know, I know.

I may have a way I can help you.

Okay.

What is it?

Well, I'm not sure if it works on American student,

but there might be a way I can make you fluent.

Instantly.

Instantly?

That's unusual.

Okay, what is it, like some sort of hypnosis or mind trick?

No, no, no.

It's a technique.

It works well in China.

It's new.

Never worked in America.

But if you are willing to try it...

What do you say?

Okay.

I guess.

I mean, sure.

As long as it's nothing weird or kinky.

Okay?

Cause been there, done that.

Good.

Wait, what?

What are you doing-

- Just relax, okay?

Don't move.

Reika?

Reika?

Reika?

Come on, we gotta go.

Oh my God.

Sorry, I...

Gosh, Reika.

Anything for an easy A.

Susie.

Reika?

Reika, what's going on?

Reika, come on, let's go.

Reika?

Come on, stop playing around.

Reika, let's go.

Quit playing around.

Come on, let's go.

Reika?

Dude, maybe she's just not that into you.

I don't know.

Whether she's interested or not,

she usually responds to my texts messages,

but she's been totally silent since last Monday night.

Well, take it as a sign.

Whoa.

Hey, watch it, asshole.

Hey, did you notice those-

- What?

They look kind of familiar.

Come on, man.

Let's get to class.

I didn't say anything.

Let's go.

Psst, Susie.

Did I say something wrong?

You haven't been responding to my messages.

I didn't get any of that.

Did you?

I don't think we've learned all that yet.

Did we miss a class?

I don't think so.

Mr. Ma.

Mm?

Last class we were learning travel phrases.

Now I'm...

We're a bit lost.

Of course, Tony.

Why don't we continue the lesson?

So class, repeat after me.

Need a ride home?

Nah, I'm gonna go try to talk to Susie one last time.

Just lay it all out.

Get a straight answer out of her.

Well, good luck with that.

And put in that good word for me with Reika.

I would appreciate that.

All right.

Susie, hey.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

I really just wanna tell you that I think

you're so smart and beautiful and good natured,

and I don't know if you're just playing hard to get

or leading me on or what,

but I really wanna take you out on a date sometime.

Wherever you wanna go.

Just name it.

What do you say?

No.

No?

Okay, I think you just told me that I should leave.

Tony.

Did you mean what you said earlier?

Do you want to see me right now?

Well look outside.

Ni hao.

Susie, what are you doing here?

What are you saying?

When you wield this wooden stake,

you must grip it hard.

Like it means life or death.

No limp wrist in it.

And when you strike...

You must plunge it in all the way to the hilt.

Anything less and oh, well, we've seen what happens.

They are tough sons of bitches and they will kill you,

or worse, turn you into one of them if they get the chance.

They're taking over our movie theaters,

they're stealing our trade secrets

and they're buying up all our real estate.

Congratulations on your new home, Mr. Ma.

They're even going after our youth.

Spreading their virus to those hopeless,

foolish, braindead teenagers whose only crime

is their choice of music.

But by the grace of our Holy father,

I will bring these fiendish devils to justice

and justice shall be served!

All right!

I found their leader.

We begin with the one who started it all.

And tomorrow night, we take our country back!

Kill 'em all!

Kill 'em all!

Hell yeah!

Let's get 'em!

Shut 'em down!

Let's kill them damn vampires!

This is the night we take our country back.

Long live the USA!

Death to the vampire vermin!

Let's move out!

Help me find the freaks that turned my boyfriend

and bring them to justice.

This is too dangerous for a little lamb like you.

Go home, child.

Black belt in Taekwondo

and first place in the junior marksman.

Three years in a row.

After you, my dear.

Let's go!

Let's go.

Sam!

Woo!

Well, well, well, looks like we finally hit the jackpot.

Oh and if it aint Mr. Ma, the devil leader himself.

Reika?

Susie?

Nuh-uh-uh.

What happened to you guys?

What did you bastards do to them?

Oh no you don't.

I wouldn't take another step if I were you, vermin.

Stop!

Enough of this nonsense!

Gentlemen, let's send these demons back to hell!

Since when do you speak Mandarin?

There you are, got you.

Tony!

Enough!

Leave now.

This is a fight you cannot win!

Oh I think we can.

We got God on our side.

And if you're counting, we got three of yours.

You only got one of ours.

So why don't you put her down

and come and face me like a man?

You are crazy!

I don't care about them.

I just make more.

You cannot defeat my army!

Okay, well we got your friend, so don't try anything.

Pastor, what you want us to do?

Hold your ground, Bubba.

Let them go.

Why, so you can kill us?

Suck our blood and damn our souls?

No.

Boys, are you ready for a fight?

God damn vampire strength.

Sorry, sorry.

Retreat, boys!

Murdoch!

- Murdoch! - Retreat!

Come on.

Get Murdoch outta here.

You're supposed to go stabbing!

Come on!

Go!

Go!

Go!

Go!

What to do with you?

That was not wise.

You know, they told me that you were

the greatest vampire of all time.

They should see you close up like this.

You're pathetic!

Tank.

Tank.

I thought you were...

Tank.

Susie.

Susie.

Tank!

You're the worst dead boyfriend alive!

Susie?

Susie?

Susie!

Tony, no!

Okay, she's going to die!

You're not the man who I fell in love with.

I'm sorry.

Thank God I don't understand you.

Tony.

Zara.

You need a car?

I'll get you a car.

Zara!

Oh.

Sorry.

Who are we waiting for?

Tony Stott.

Scott, sorry.

Supposedly he learned Mandarin since we last saw him.

I hope so.

He will need a miracle.

Hey, sign in.

Okay.

Are you ready to try again?

Yes!

Cut.

Cut.

Good, very good.

That's it for today.

We'll pick up tomorrow at sundown.

Everybody go home, have a good rest.

See you tomorrow.

Great job, Tony.

Awesome.

Thank you.

Oh.

Only English.

Oh, sorry.

You are hot.

Here's your tea, Master Tony!

Oh no master.

We is all equals here.

I mean, look very good.

I think we may all have a bright future here.

More like dark future.

Ooh.

Just stop talking.

Yeah.

Not your strong suit.

Tony!

Hey.

Well, well, well.

You shoulda killed us when you had the chance.

Chance you aint never gonna get again!

Sorry.

You sure you want to keep this fight going?

Say your prayers, devil.

Let's head towards the blood...

I mean juice bar.

O+.

You really like that blood.

I know, I know.

You see this hand, indeed that's the angel arc.

In the past he's taught me to carry his on his teaching.

Help humans to fight the evils with love.

Susie!

Good luck with that.

And can you put in a good word with me for Susie,

I would really...

Ah, you said Susie.

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