All language subtitles for American.Women.2000.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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[ Man ]
"ON THE NORTHWEST
COAST OF IRELAND...

"FACING THE ATLANTIC OCEAN
LIES COUNTY DONEGAL--

"A PLACE OF RUGGED
AND UNSPOILED BEAUTY,

"OF BLACK MOUNTAINS
AND LUSH GREEN FIELDS,

"AND TINY VILLAGES
NESTLING BY THE SEA.

"THESE OUTPOSTS
OF CELTIC TRADITION...

"OFFER A VIBRANT
AND COLORFUL REMINDER
OF FORGOTTEN TIMES...

AND ARE WELL WORTH
A VISIT."

I COULDN'T AGREE MORE, ONLY
I'M ALREADY 18 YEARS OF AGE,

AND THIS IS ALL I KNOW.

AW, SHITE!
"MAN AND BEAST
LIVE IN RURAL HARMONY,"

JUST LIKE IT SAYS
IN THE GUIDES,

BUT TO WORK WITH IAN ON HIS FARM
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?

I JUST DON'T SHARE
HIS PASSION FOR THOSE SHEEP,

OR OLLIE'S PASSION
FOR RUBBER VALVES.

HE NEVER SELLS ANY,
BUT IT'S NOT FOR
THE WANT OF TRYING.

I'LL COME BACK AND DIE HERE
IF THAT'S THE TRADITION,

BUT SOMEWHERE
IN BETWEEN NOW AND THEN...

I'D LIKE TO THINK I'D EXPERIENCE
SOMETHING... DIFFERENT.

"THE MANY SCENIC WALKS"
MIGHT BE GREAT FOR
THE VISITOR TO ENJOY...

BUT WHEN THE TIDE COMES IN,
YOU'D BETTER HAVE
A BOAT WITH YOU,

OR YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT HOME.

AND IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT
TWICE A DAY-- LIKE IAN
AND HIS BROTHER KIERAN,

JUST TO GO TO THE PUB--

THOUGH AS OUR BUTCHER'S
ASSISTANT, SIOBHAN
WILL GLADLY TELL YOU,

KIERAN O'DONNELL HAS
THE CONSTITUTION OF AN OX...

AND THE WITS TO MATCH.

OF COURSE, YOU CAN
ALWAYS DROWN YOUR SORROWS
IN PAT AND KATE'S BAR.

AND I'M GOOD AT THAT,

WHICH PLEASES MY MA NO END.

I THINK SHE'D RATHER
I WERE UNDER THE INFLUENCE
OF FATHER MALLONE.

HE'LL TRY ANYTHING
TO GET HIS FLOCK TO CHURCH.

HE'S JUST AMPLIFIED
THE BELL TOWER,

STARTED
THE KILVARA FILM SOCIETY...

AND HE'S EVEN GOT PAT AND KATE
TO SHUT THE PUB...

SO HE'S GUARANTEED
A GOOD TURNOUT.

THERE'S A FILM
EVERY SECOND THURSDAY.

SO FAR THIS YEAR, WE'VE SEEN
THE SONG OF BERNADETTE,

SAINT JOAN AND
THE KEYS OF THE KINGDOM.

IT'S THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
TONIGHT.

OR IT WILL BE,
ONCE FATHER'S GONE THROUGH...

A FEW OF HIS
VITAL BITS OF BUSINESS.

I'D LIKE TO THANK ALL THOSE
OF YOU WHO HAVE CONTRIBUTED
RAFFLE PRIZES...

TO THE ST. MARTHA'S DAY DANCE
AT THE END OF THE MONTH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MRS. DUNCANNON.

- NOW, UH--
- SORRY I'M LATE, FATHER.

[ Crowd Murmurs ]

ALSO, REGARDING
THE OVERSEAS AID THING,

MAY I ASK THE PERSON
WHO TOOK THE TROUBLE...

TO LEAVE A PILE
OF THEIR OLD CLOTHES
ON THE CHURCH DOORSTEP...

WHETHER NEXT TIME
THEY MIGHT CONSIDER
WASHING THEM FIRST?

LORD, YOU MAKE THE EFFORT,
AND THAT'S THE THANKS YOU GET.
AND FINALLY--

- NEVER.
THERE'S PEOPLE STILL AWAKE.
- I AM DELIGHTED TO ANNOUNCE...

THAT THE NEW BELLS
HAVE ARRIVED.

NOW, I KNOW THERE HAS BEEN
STRONG OPPOSITION
IN SOME QUARTERS--

- [ Door Slams ]
- NEARLY THERE, FATHER.

UH, BUT, HOWEVER,

I THINK EVEN THE SKEPTICS
WILL AGREE...

THAT THESE ARE A MORE THAN
ADEQUATE COMPROMISE.

[ Bell Tolling Loudly ]

ST. PETER'S ITSELF.

WHAT?
[ Others Laughing ]

ST. P--

[ Tolling Stops ]
THE, UH, SPEAKER SYSTEM...

STILL NEEDS
A LITTLE FINE-TUNING.

HOWEVER, IT HAS RECORDINGS
FROM ALL THE MAJOR CHURCHES
AROUND THE WORLD...

AT A FRACTION OF THE COST
OF REPLACING THE OLD BELLS.

UH, SO THANK GOD
FOR MODERN TECHNOLOGY.

- [ Man ]
- OKAY, FATHER.
RIGHT. GOOD. WE'RE READY. UH--

- OKAY, MICKEY.
- HOORAY.

LIGHTS OFF, MICKEY.
ENJOY THE MOVIE--

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

[ Man ]
WHOO, WHOO, WHOO!
[ Person ] SHH!

THAT'S NEVER MOSES.
SHUT UP.
IT'S LOOKING PROMISING.

- CHARLTON HESTON--
- SHUT UP.

- WHO'S ANNA CHRISTMAS?
- [ Person ]
SHH!

[ Pat ]
THAT'S BO DEREK.
THEY'VE SENT THE WRONG FILM.

I DON'T SEE ANYBODY
COMPLAINING.

[ Kieran ]
OH, YES.
OH, MY GOD.

[ Woman ]
IT'S NOT THE RIGHT FILM.

IT IS. YOU'VE FORGOTTEN
THIS BIT. THE RED SEA. LOOK.

WHERE'S YOUR MAN
MOSES?
HE'LL BE ON IN A MINUTE.

HE'S JUST GETTING
THE ISRAELITES TOGETHER.
THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE.

[ Man ] SEND THEM OUT
FOR ICE CREAM.
[ Woman ] THIS IS DISGUSTING.

- FATHER.
- I WONDER WHETHER THIS
MIGHT BE A TRAILER.

- [ Man ]
WHERE'S SHE GOING?
- [ Man #2 ] OCH!

- IT'S A MIRACLE.
- [ Laughter ]

- THIS IS NOT
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
- [ Man ] I CAN'T SEE.

- GET OFF!
- I DID NOT PAY MY GOOD MONEY...

TO COME AND SEE THIS--
THIS FILTH.

IT'S NICE TO GET A SURPRISE
ONCE IN A WHILE.
[ Man ] GET OUT OF THE WAY.

FATHER MALLONE.
FATHER!
[ Laughter ]

THAT'S ENOUGH.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

- MICKEY, LIGHTS, PLEASE.
- WHAT?

- AW, NO.
- [ Mallone ]
THANKS.

I'M AFRAID THAT'LL
HAVE TO BE IT FOR TONIGHT.

BUT, SEEING AS
WE'RE ALL HERE TOGETHER,

WHAT ABOUT A SPOT
OF COMMUNITY SINGING?

[ Bicycle Bell Rings ]

- [ Ollie ]
AHH.
- BLOODY HELL, OLLIE.

IT WAS JUST A FILM.
YEAH, BUT SEEING HER THERE
PUT IT ALL INTO PERSPECTIVE.

[ Sean ]
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

I MEAN,
I LOVE IT HERE--

YOU LADS, THE BAR--
BUT I'D GIVE IT ALL UP
FOR HER.

[ Pat ]
WHO?
BO DEREK.

- BO DEREK?
- YEAH. IF BO CALLED, I'D GO.

HER SORT EAT YOUR SORT
FOR BREAKFAST.

IF BO DEREK CAME LOOKING
FOR YOU, I WOULDN'T WORRY
YOURSELF, OLLIE.

YOU'RE NOT HER TYPE.
AND HOW DO YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE I DO.

AND WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU WERE OUT IN HOLLYWOOD
OR WHEREVER IT IS SHE LIVES?

AYE, HE'S GOT
A POINT.
NO, HE DOES NOT HAVE A POINT.

HOLLYWOOD ACTRESSES DO NOT--
NOT IF THEY HAVE ANY CHOICE
IN THE MATTER--

HOOK UP WITH AGRICULTURAL
RUBBER JOINTING SALESMEN.
THEY DO NOT.

- SO WHO DO
THEY GO FOR?
- WHO? BO DEREK'S SORT?

KIDS-- KEEP 'EM
FEELING YOUNG. YOU'D BE
RIGHT UP BO'S STREET.

SHE'D BETTER HURRY, THEN.
[ Pat ] WHY? PAMMY ANDERSON
GOT HER EYE ON HIM? [ Laughs ]

PLENTY OF LOCAL BEAUTIES
LINING UP, I'LL BET--
GOOD-LOOKING LAD LIKE SEAN.

BEAUTIES?
AROUND HERE?
YOU'RE JOKING.

MUST BE COMING OUT
WHEN WE'RE TUCKED UP IN BED,
EH, KATE?

COME ON, YOU.
IT'S TIME.

MUM.
COME ON.

GOOD NIGHT, DA.

[ Door Closes ]
YOU'RE RIGHT, THOUGH,
PAT, YOU KNOW?

THERE ARE NO DECENT WOMEN
AROUND HERE.

- THEY'VE ALL MOVED
TO THE BIG CITY.
- THERE'S ALWAYS MRS. O'LEARY.

OH, COME ON. DEARIE O'LEARY?
YOU'RE JOKING.

SHE'S NICE ENOUGH,
THOUGH SHE'S A BIT PAST
HER SELL-BY DATE.

SO I'VE HEARD.
[ Laughter ]

YOU SEE?
THIS IS MY POINT.

THAT'S WHAT I TOLD MY MA.
I STILL WOULDN'T
BE LIVING AT HOME...

IF THE VILLAGE WAS
BURSTING WITH HOT STUFF.
[ Door Opens, Closes ]

PAT, CAN ME BROTHER
USE THE GENTS?

ALL RIGHT.

GO ON AND
LEARN YOUR LESSON.

SIOBHAN, LOOK, YOU'RE
THE OPPOSITE SEX,
AREN'T YOU?

MAYBE YOU CAN HELP.
WHAT'S THAT?

SEE, WE'RE LOOKING
FOR ATTRACTIVE WOMEN
WITH A VIEW TO MARRIAGE.

AND WHY MIGHT I BE ABLE
TO HELP, DO YOU THINK?

WELL, THAT COUSIN OF YOURS
BERNADETTE DID A BIT OF MODELING
ONCE UPON A TIME.

ANY CHANCE OF GETTING HER
DOWN FOR THE WEEKEND?

WE DON'T SPEAK THAT OFTEN.
SHE'S A BIT COMMON FOR MY TASTE.

DON'T LET THAT PUT YOU OFF
DOING THE RIGHT THING.

NO. SHE'S STILL FAMILY,
AFTER ALL,

SO I'LL WARN HER TO STAY
A MILLION MILES AWAY FROM YOU,
KIERAN O'DONNELL.

[ Laughter ]

IT'S A BACHELOR'S LIFE FOR YOU,
AND YOU MAY AS WELL ADMIT IT.

YOU COULD PUT A FULL-PAGE AD
IN THE IRISH TIMES,
AND YOU'D GET NO TAKERS.

NO ONE'S THAT DESPERATE,
RIGHT, PAT? COME ON.

[ Laughter ]

AW, SHE'S NO SENSE
OF HUMOR, THAT GIRL.

SHE WORKS FOR YOU.
YOU WOULDN'T USE
THE IRISH TIMES, WOULD YOU?

ANY OF THE DUBLIN
PAPERS...

WOULDN'T GET
THE WOMEN TO TREK
ALL THE WAY UP HERE.

HMM. YOU HAVE
THE CORK EXAMINER--

[ Others Chuckle ]
THE SHANAGARRY
GAZETTE.

- KILLARNEY'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE
SOME FINE-LOOKING WOMEN.
- OR THERE'S GALWAY.

- AYE, AYE.
- [ Pat ]
WATERFORD'S YOUR SPOT.

SEE, WHEN I WAS PLAYING
AWAY THERE WITH THE TEAM,

- I WAS ON THREE GIRLS A NIGHT.
- [ Laughter ]

[ Sean ] I HEARD THE GIRLS
IN KINSALE ARE NICE.
YOU'RE TOO YOUNG.

I'M NOT.
YOU ARE.
WHAT ABOUT CONNEMARA?

LADS, CAN WE NOT GET
A BROAD AGREEMENT?

ALL I WANT'S
A DESTINATION--
SOMEWHERE TO PLACE THE AD.

[ Pat ]
MIAMI.

IF IT'S GOOD ENOUGH
FOR MISS APRIL--
[ Man ] OHH.

♪♪ [ "Bolero" Playing ]
[ Dudley Moore ]
AHH.

MMM.
YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
THING I'VE EVER SEEN.

[ Bo Derek ]
MMM.
OH, GOD.

[ Girl ]
ALL DONE.

RIGHT.
TIME FOR BED.

COME ON. QUICKLY, QUICKLY,
QUICKLY, QUICKLY.

AAH!
[ Both Laugh ]

GOTCHA.

MA,

HOW LONG BEFORE
I HAVE BREASTS?

WHAT?
WHY?

OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

NOW, LISTEN, YOU--
YOU'VE GOT PLENTY OF TIME.

AND, ANYWAY, BOYS LIKE GIRLS
FOR LOTS OF REASONS.

LOADS--

BECAUSE THEY'RE INTERESTING...

OR CLEVER...

OR BECAUSE THEY'RE FUNNY.

NOT JUST BECAUSE
THEY HAVE OBVIOUS BREASTS
AND WEAR SKIMPY SWIMSUITS.

REALLY?
ABSOLUTELY.

[ Chattering ]

RIGHT! SHUT UP!
THAT'S ENOUGH!

[ Chattering Stops ]
THANK YOU.

NOW, WE'VE GOT
TO AGREE ON THIS.

KIERAN, WOULD YOU?

GOOD MAN.
GET UP THERE.
GO ON, KIERAN.

GO ON, KIERAN.
THANK YOU.

RIGHT.
ARE YOU READY?
THIS IS IT.

[ Clears Throat ]

- "WANTED: SEXY, YOUNG"--
- "ATTRACTIVE," KIERAN.
WE SETTLED ON "ATTRACTIVE."

"ATTRACTIVE
YOUNG WOMEN...

"TO SHARE IN
THE GREAT OUTDOOR LIFE.

- INDOOR FACILITIES
ALSO AVAILABLE."
- [ Laughter ]

THAT BIT'S IN BRACKETS.
RIGHT. NEW LINE.

- "IRISH MEN INVITE SEXY"--
- THAT "SEXY" WENT
AS WELL, KIERAN.

- FOR GOD'S SAKE, KIERAN,
WILL YOU READ IT AS IT IS?
- [ Sean ] JUST READ IT.

SORRY--

"INVITE AMERICAN WOMEN
TO JOIN THEM...

"FOR THEIR ANNUAL
ST. MARTHA'S DAY DANCE...

WITH A VIEW THEREAFTER
TO MARRIAGE."

- MM-HMM.
- "IDEAL AGE RANGE
BETWEEN 20 AND 21."

[ Men ]
WHOO!
"MUST BE FIT
AND SPORTY."

- WHOO-HOO!
- THINK THEY'LL GET THE MEANING
FROM THAT LAST BIT?

[ Laughter ]

"YOUR WOULD-BE
CELTIC COUSINS...

ARE RICH--
WEALTHY"--

"SOLVENT."
"SOLVENT."

IT'S CROSSED OUT.
[ Men Gripe ]

"ARE SOLVENT,

"FIT AND ABLE TO SUPPLY
FRESHLY SLAUGHTERED MEAT
AND GAME IN ABUNDANCE."

GOOD ONE,
KIERAN.
YEAH.

"ALL IN ALL,
AN IRRESISTIBLE
PACKAGE."

- [ Laughter ]
- WELL, THAT
SAYS IT ALL, EH?

WAAH!

[ Men Slap Hands ]
GOD BLESS AMERICA.

[ Kieran ]
♪ I'D LIKE TO BE IN AMERICA ♪

♪ EVERYTHING'S FREE
IN AMERICA ♪
[ Knock On Door ]

FOR THE LAST TIME,
WILL YOU HURRY UP?

I'M ALMOST DONE.
[ Sighs ]

I'VE ANIMALS TO SEE TO.

SO HAVE I.

YEAH, WELL, YOURS ARE DEAD.
THEY CAN WAIT
THAT BIT LONGER.

♪ I'D LIKE TO BE
IN AMERICA ♪

♪ EVERYTHING'S FREE
IN AMERICA ♪

IAN, YOUR BODY
IS A TEMPLE,

AND YOU CAN'T RUSH
ON THE UPKEEP.

WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOUR BROTHER, KIERAN--
MAN OF FULSOME APPETITE...

IN ALL THINGS BAD FOR YOU--
IS NO MORE.

NO.
A LEAN, MEAN,

SEDUCING MACHINE...

IS ABOUT TO BREAK COVER.

WHAT?

[ Panting ]
PRESS-UPS.

- JUST THE ONE?
- AND SEVEN AND A HALF SIT-UPS.

PLUS, I'VE HAD NOTHING
TO DRINK ALL DAY.

IT'S HALF-EIGHT
IN THE MORNING.

GOING SOMEWHERE?

JUST OFF TO THE OLD
TEAM REUNION.
MIGHT BE A BIT LATE.

YOU DON'T MIND,
THOUGH, EH, LOVE?
WHY WOULD I?

JUST MAKE SURE YOU'RE BACK
BEFORE ELLA GOES TO SLEEP.

AND WIPE THE LIPSTICK
OFF THIS TIME.

OH, COME ON, KATE.
DON'T BE LIKE THAT.

YOU TAKING ME
TO SCHOOL, DA?
SORRY, PET.

YOUR DA'S GOT
OTHER THINGS ON HIS MIND.

THERE YOU GO.
OH.
THANKS, MARY.

THANK YOU, DOLLIE.

MRS. DOYLE.
ALL RIGHT?

- STILL ALIVE,
THANK GOD.
- GLAD TO HEAR IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SON?
NOTHING.

I PUT THE MONEY
IN THE TILL.
LEAVE IT.

YOU'LL BE LATE FOR IAN.
I'LL DO IT.

NO. THE THING IS,
IT'S FOR THE LADS,
ACTUALLY, MUM.

REALLY, IT'S--
IT'S NO BOTHER AT ALL.

RIGHT.

I'LL BE OFF, THEN.

[ Bell Rings ]
KATE.

SEAN, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

KATE.
MARY.

[ Dollie ]
HOW ARE YOU, KATE?
GRAND, THANKS, DOLLIE.

YOU'RE LOOKING WELL.
OH.

"MIAMI HERALD,
FLORIDA."

[ Dollie ]
MIAMI?

TEA, ANYONE?

[ Kate ]
"TWENTY, TWENTY-ONE.
MUST BE FIT AND SPORTY."

WHO ON EARTH DO THEY THINK
WOULD ANSWER THIS AD?
[ Dollie ] FILIPINOS?

FROM MIAMI?
I DON'T THINK SO.

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE,
WHAT WERE THEY THINKING OF?

I KNEW SOMETHING
WAS GOING ON, BUT THIS--

I'M SICK TELLING SEAN
WHAT'LL COME OF HIS
HANGING ROUND THAT BAR,

BUT WILL HE LISTEN?

AND IT'S NOT JUST
KIERAN, IS IT?

IT'S ALL OF THEM.
ALL THE SINGLE ONES.

[ Door Opens ]

[ Man ]
MARY?

[ Door Closes ]

SORRY I'M LATE.
FALLEN A BIT BEHIND TODAY.

LADIES.
HAVE YOU GOT
ANYTHING FOR ME?

- JUST THE ONE, BRIAN.
- CHEERS.

[ Door Opens ]

[ Door Closes ]

[ Women Shouting ]

[ Whistle Blows ]

[ Whistle Blows ]

YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE SENT
THAT LETTER ON.

AW, COME ON, SIOBHAN,
YOU HEARD WHAT WAS IN IT.

IF IT'S FUN YOU'RE WANTING,
LET'S GET AFTER THE RINGLEADERS
WITH A COUPLE OF BRICKS.

SORT THE RANDY
SO-AND-SOS OUT.

IS THERE ANY PARTICULAR
RANDY SO-AND-SO YOU'RE
THINKING OF THERE, SIOBHAN?

OOH.
[ Laughs ]
NO.

NO ONE SPECIFIC, THEN, WHO
YOU MAYBE COME INTO CONTACT
WITH ON A DAILY BASIS?

KATE, I'M SURE
WE ALL KNOW PEOPLE...

WHO ARE MORE INTERESTED
IN THESE AMERICAN WOMEN
THAN THEY OUGHT TO BE,

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN
IT BOTHERS US, DOES IT?

OH, COME ON, SIOBHAN.
IT'S A BIT OF FUN,
THAT'S ALL.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
ALL RIGHT, THEN,

BUT JUST LET
THAT KIERAN O'DONNELL
SAY ONE WRONG WORD TO ME.

[ Kieran ]
WHAT AMERICAN WOMEN WANT
IS A BIT OF STYLE.

SEE? I IRONED THAT MESELF.

MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE,
YOU KNOW, THINGS LIKE THAT.

HERE. NO.
SMELL THIS.

GO ON. NO?
SEE, THAT'S BRUTUS,

AND IT'S NAMED AFTER
THIS ROMAN FELLA.

IT'S FULL OF THESE
PHERO-SOMETHINGS.
IT DRIVES WOMEN WILD.

[ Women Chattering ]

KATE.
KIERAN.

ATTITUDE OF MIND.
WHAT?

MOST OF THE LADS IN HERE, YOU
SEE, THEY WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND
AN UNDERARM DEODORANT...

IF IT JUST JUMPED UP
AND BIT THEM IN THE FACE.

SEE, I WAS SAYING TO IAN,
BUT HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND,
YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, IT'S A WASTE THE WAY
HE TURNS HIMSELF OUT.

I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING.
MMM.

GOD, IT CAN'T BE
EASY, HUH?

SURROUNDED BY
ALL THIS TESTOSTERONE
NIGHT AFTER NIGHT, HUH?

♪♪ [ Music Playing ]

[ Sniffs ]
GOD, WHAT'S
THE SMELL?

AHEM.

[ Siobhan ]
THEY BEAT US, 20-21.

WHAT?
TONIGHT.
THE GAME.

TWENTY, TWENTY-ONE?
IT WAS JUST THE WAY
IT TURNED OUT.

YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING
WRONG THERE, GIRLS.

NEW PLAYERS-- THAT'S WHAT
WE NEED, IF WE'RE GOING TO
PUT THE EDGE BACK IN IT.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
ALL THE DRAMA'S GONE.
PERHAPS WE SHOULD ADVERTISE.

YEAH. SOMEONE YOUNG,
FIT AND SPORTY AND
READY FOR ACTION.

HMM. ONLY WHAT DO WE
HAVE INSTEAD?

HALF AN HOUR EACH WAY
WITH THE SAME OLD CREW.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, GIRLS?

[ Women ]
YEAH.

YEAH. THESE DAYS, I JUST
CLOSE MY EYES AND DREAM
OF THE FINAL WHISTLE.

I'M SURE WE CAN JUST
KEEP ON HOPING, HUH?

SLAINTE.
[ Women ]
SLAINTE.

ADVERTISE?

[ Laughs ]
WHAT?

YOU'RE A WICKED WOMAN.
YOU KNOW, DON'T YOU?

- [ Laughs ]
- [ Bell Tolling ]

[ Barking ]
[ Bicycle Bell Rings ]

[ Ollie ]
ALL RIGHT, PAT.
OLLIE.

WHAT'S ALL THIS?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WITH THE FLOWERS.
WELL, THEY'RE MOSTLY
BEGONIAS,

BUT I THOUGHT I'D DROP IN
A FEW GERANIUMS--

GIVE IT A MORE FLUID
LINE OF COLOR ACROSS
THE WHOLE DISPLAY.

SO, THEY ARE YOURS, THEN?
I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT LOOKING
AFTER THEM FOR SOMEONE?

[ Siobhan ]
THEY'RE NICE.
THANK YOU.

DID YOU ARRANGE THEM
YOURSELF?
YEAH. YEAH, I DID.

HMM.
WHAT?

IT'S JUST THAT
I NEVER IMAGINED
YOU BEING SO DELICATE.

DELICATE?

- ♪♪ [ Whistling "America" ]
- [ Door Bell Jingles ]

[ Radio ]
KILVARA-- IT'S THE PLACE
TO BE ON THE 30th OF MAY.

SO HURRY NOW TO AVOID
DISAPPOINTMENT.

TIME TO GET THAT GOOD SUIT
OUT OF THE BACK
OF THE WARDROBE, LADS,

AND, LADIES, THERE WILL
NEVER BE A BETTER TIME
TO SPLASH OUT ON A NEW DRESS.

[ Siobhan ]
YOU FORGET, DON'T YOU?

- WHAT?
- PAT--
HOW GOOD LOOKING HE IS.

HE COULD STILL HAVE
HIS PICK, COULDN'T HE?

I MEAN,
PROFESSIONAL SPORTSMEN--

NEVER LEAVES 'EM, DOES IT?

SIOBHAN,
HOLD THE FORT.
SHAN'T BE LONG.

[ Door Bell Jingles ]

KIERAN.
HOW YOU DOING?

FINE.
JUST FINE.

I'D LIKE YOU TO WASH IT,
PLEASE, GIOVANNI.

WASH IT?
WATER, YOU KNOW.

WATER? WHY?
BECAUSE.

BECAUSE
IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

IT'S BEEN NEVER.

I HAVE NEVER WASHED
YOUR HAIR, KIERAN.

I'VE NEVER WASHED
ANYONE'S HAIR, EVER.

WELL, THEN,
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS.

LOOK, HERE'S THE DEAL,
GIOVANNI.

I WANT TO LOOK LIKE THE ONE
PERSON IN THIS VILLAGE
WORTH GETTING TO KNOW.

I WANT TO WALK THROUGH
THOSE DOORS LOOKING LIKE
A MILLION DOLLARS.

CAPISCE?

[ Thunder ]

AHH.

GIOVANNI.

[ Chatting ]

I HEARD YOU WERE
VERY GOOD.

MORNING.

KIERAN!
YES?

[ Softly ]
OH, MY GOD.

NOW, NOW, THEN,
WHO NEEDS SOME ASSISTANCE?

HERE. KATE,
YOURS, I BELIEVE?

AYE, IT IS.

THERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.

AND...

MAY I SAY HOW ATTRACTIVE
YOU'RE LOOKING TODAY?

YOU'RE NOT LOOKING SO BAD
YOURSELF, KIERAN.

[ Thunder ]

RIGHT. LET'S SERVE
THE REST OF YOU
LOVELY LADIES, SHALL WE?

SIOBHAN? COME ON,
TRY AND CONCENTRATE.
THERE'S A GOOD GIRL.

SIOBHAN.
SIOBHAN! SIOBHAN!

DIRTY ANIMAL.

[ Bell Tolling ]

[ Chatting ]

OH, JESUS.

I TELL YOU WHAT, KIERAN,
MARILYN MONROE
WOULD BE DEAD JEALOUS.

WOULD YOU LOOK AT
THE STATE OF THAT?

PRETTY
EYE-CATCHING, EH?

- GIOVANNI'S TAKEN PHOTOS.
- FOR AN INSURANCE CLAIM?

TO PUT ON THE WALL, YOU KNOW.
SHOW WHAT HE'S CAPABLE OF.

THAT SHOULD MAKE
PEOPLE SIT STILL.
COME ON. THE PRIEST IS HERE.

[ Mallone ]
THANK YOU.
[ Man ] FATHER.

GOD, I HOPE THIS
DOESN'T TAKE TOO LONG.

I HAVE A QUARTER-INCH
SILICONE REPEATER VALVE
WAITING FOR ME.

ANY IDEA WHAT
HE WANTS US FOR?

- MAIL-ORDER BRIDES, PAT.
- NEEDS MUST,
I'M AFRAID, FATHER.

THE POINT IS, THEY HAVEN'T
GONE TO ALL THIS TROUBLE
FOR A FEW CHEAP SEXUAL THRILLS.

[ Softly ]
WE'LL TAKE IT, THOUGH.

MARRIAGE--
THAT'S WHAT THIS
IS ALL ABOUT.

THEY WANT NO MORE THAN
TO STAND IN FRONT OF YOU
IN THIS BEAUTIFUL BUILDING...

AND HEAR YOU
DECLARE THEM MARRIED.

ME?

BUT, SURE,
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY--

OF COURSE, YOU'VE ONLY
EVER DONE FUNERALS.

I KNOW HOW TO,
IT'S JUST,

WELL, THERE'S
NEVER BEEN ANY CALL.

EXACTLY.
JUST THINK OF IT.

AT LAST,
ON YOUR OWN PATCH,
IN YOUR OWN CHURCH,

WITH THE ACCOMPANYING BELLS OF
OUR LADY OF VICTORIES, BRAZIL,

JOINING TOGETHER
TWO LOVING INDIVIDUALS.

WHAT COULD BE MORE NATURAL
IN THE EYES OF GOD?

[ Men Murmuring ]

AND WHEN WILL THIS... AD
ACTUALLY BE APPEARING?

NEXT SATURDAY,
SECOND EDITION.

AND THEN THE LADIES--

THEY'LL NEED TIME
TO GET ORGANIZED-- THEIR
AIR TICKETS AND STUFF--

SO WE THOUGHT THAT THE DANCE
IS A PERFECT OCCASION
FOR US ALL...

TO GET TO KNOW EACH
OTHER A BIT BETTER.

IN WHICH CASE, I WANT YOU BOYS
TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING
VERY CLEARLY.

- WHAT?
- [ Clears Throat ]

NOW, I FULLY
APPRECIATE THAT--

GIVEN THE SITUATION THAT
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE--

THAT THERE IS BOUND TO BE
A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF--

- ISN'T THERE?
- [ Chuckling ]

I MEAN, YOU WOULDN'T...

BUY THE FIRST SUIT
YOU SEE IN A SHOP,
WOULD YOU?

YOU'D EXPECT TO TRY ON
A FEW BEFORE YOU'D PART
WITH YOUR CASH.

HOWEVER,
THERE HAVE TO BE LIMITS.

I MEAN, ENDLESSLY SLIPPING
ON ONE JACKET AFTER ANOTHER--

THE POINT IS,

I KNOW A GOOD SUIT
WHEN I SEE ONE--

THE CUT, THE CLOTH,

THE SILKY, SOFT FEEL OF IT
AGAINST YOUR SKIN.

NOW, I KNOW
HOW TEMPTING IT IS...

TO BURST THROUGH
THAT SHOP DOOR,

A SEETHING MASS
OF ACQUISITIVENESS--

RIFLING YOUR WAY
THROUGH THE RAILS...

UNTIL ALL THAT'S LEFT
IN YOUR WAKE...

IS A PILE
OF DISCARDED FRENZY!

UH, SO WE MUST TRY
AND RESTRICT OURSELVES...

TO A LITTLE BIT OF...
WINDOW-SHOPPING,

UNTIL YOU ARE QUITE SURE
YOU HAVE FOUND THE GARMENT
THAT WILL FIT YOU.

NOW, IF THAT'S
ALL PERFECTLY CLEAR,

YOU HAVE MY BLESSING.

IF HE WANTED A NEW SUIT
OUT OF THE DEAL, HE SHOULD
JUST COME CLEAN AND SAID SO.

YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.
WHAT ARE YOU
TAKING HIS SIDE FOR?

IAN, IF ANYONE'S ENTITLED,
YOU SHOULD GET IN THERE,
GET YOURSELF A GIRL.

'CAUSE YOU'RE
A GOOD BLOKE.
EVEN FOR A BROTHER, YOU ARE.

THANKS.
I'VE WORKED IT
ALL OUT, IAN.

THE KEEN ONES,
THEY COULD BE PULLING UP HERE
ANYTIME BETWEEN NOW AND FRIDAY.

THAT'S EVEN ALLOWING
FOR A SHORT DELAY
WHILE THEY WAIT FOR A BUS.

GOD, I HOPE YOU DON'T
GET KILLED IN THE RUSH.
I'M READY.

YOU REALLY THINK THEY'RE
GONNA COME, DON'T YOU?
WHY WOULDN'T THEY?

REMEMBER THAT VALERIE CLACTON
FROM DONCASTER?

YEAH.

THREE MONTHS IT TOOK ME
TO GET OVER HER.

I COULDN'T SPEAK.
I KNOW.

SO EXOTIC.

MIAMI. FOR GOD'S SAKE!

[ Barking ]

[ Laughing ]

HEY.

[ Breathing Deeply ]

AHH.

[ Jingling ]

[ Breathing Deeply ]

MA, I DON'T WANT YOU
WORRYING ABOUT ME...

ON THIS AMERICAN THING.

I'M NOT.
YOU'RE A SENSIBLE BOY.

I KNOW, BUT--

WELL, WHAT I MEAN IS--
[ Sighs ]

WELL, IF I DO
MEET A WOMAN--

THESE THINGS HAPPEN,
OLLIE.

YES, BUT I DON'T WANT IT
UPSETTING YOU, MA.

I TRY AND COPE.

IN FACT, I WAS JUST THINKING
WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR ROOM.

NO.
THERE'S NO NEED, MA.

[ Sighs ]

LISTEN.

I INTEND TO BRING MY BRIDE
BACK HERE TO LIVE.

YOU'LL NOT BE LOSING HAVING ME
AROUND THE PLACE.

WELL, WE'LL CROSS THAT BRIDGE
WHEN WE COME TO IT, EH?

AND ANOTHER THING,

I DON'T WANT YOU SEARCHING
OUT SOME MOUSY LITTLE NUMBER...

JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK
SHE MIGHT FIT IN HERE.

IF IT'S A FUN-LOVING,
ALL-AMERICAN BALL-BREAKER
YOU FANCY,

YOU GO RIGHT ON AHEAD.

OKAY. I WILL.

YEAH. YEAH.

THANKS, MA.

GOOD HUNTING, SON.

[ Mickey ]
OLLIE?

- ALL RIGHT.
- MICKEY?

HOW YOU DOING?
GOOD. HEH.

WHAT BRINGS YOU UP?
OCH, JUST OUT
FOR A WALK, YOU KNOW.

OH, ME, TOO.

[ Kieran ]
OI! YOU TWO!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

SHOULDN'T YOU
BE AT WORK?

I AM.

I MEAN, I'M ON ME WAY.
WHICH IS WHERE
YOU OUGHT TO.

I'M SEARCHING
FOR RABBITS.

DON'T LOOK AT ME
LIKE THAT.

QUE SERA, SERA.

THAT'S KIERAN O'DONNELL'S
ATTITUDE. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

WHEN THOSE AMERICAN
GIRLS GET OFF THAT BUS,

THEY'LL WANT TO SEE
SOME SOPHISTICATION.

PAT.
OLLIE.

KIERAN.
MICKEY.
PAT.

RABBITS.
WORK.

[ Sniffs ]
TRAINING.

WHAT?
SEVENTY-FIVE PRESS-UPS
THIS MORNING.

- ONE AFTER THE OTHER?
- [ Mickey ]
THERE'S THE BUS.

HERE'S THE BUS.

OH, NO. THERE'S
NO ONE GETTING OFF.

THERE ARE NO BUNNIES
AROUND HERE.

[ Radio Playing ]
[ Chopping ]

[ Chopping Continues ]

BUSY?
NO.

ANYONE AT ALL?
NO.

[ Giggling ]

THE POST'S BEEN.

NO REPLIES AGAIN?

- NAH.
- OH, DEAR.

WELL, WE ALWAYS KNEW
IT'D BE SHORT NOTICE,
YOU KNOW.

THEY PROBABLY DECIDED
IT'S BETTER TO GET STRAIGHT
OVER FOR THE SHINDIG, YOU KNOW,

RATHER THAN WASTE
TIME WRITING TO US FIRST.

OH, THAT'LL BE IT
FOR SURE.

[ Scribbling ]

[ Chopping Louder ]
SIOBHAN,

TAKE IT EASY,
WILL YOU?

LOOK,
YOU'RE ALL UPTIGHT.

I'VE NOTICED THAT LATELY--
UPSETTING YOURSELF...

'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT COPING
WITH BEING A COUNTRY GIRL.

NOW, THAT'S NOT
A CRITICISM, YOU KNOW?

BUT IT IS A FACT.

IT'S A FACT THAT YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND THE WORLD
OF THE SOPHISTICATES,

THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE--

WHICH, LET'S BE HONEST,
THOSE AMERICAN GIRLS
HAVE INHABITED FOR YEARS.

SEE, NOW,
THAT'S BOTHERING YOU.

WELL, WHAT I SAY IS,
DON'T LET IT.

RURAL GIRLS AREN'T SUPPOSED
TO UNDERSTAND FASHION
AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

THEY'RE BUILT TO
ROLL UP THEIR SLEEVES...

AND, YOU KNOW,
GET THEIR HANDS DIRTY.

SIOBHAN,
JUST RELAX,
WILL YOU?

STOP BEING
SO TENSE.

'CAUSE YOU'RE MORE THAN
ACCEPTABLE, YOU KNOW,

IN YOUR OWN WAY.

HONEST, YOU ARE.
[ Chops ]

KATE,
DO I LOOK LIKE
A COUNTRY GIRL TO YOU?

NO.
OF COURSE NOT.

WHAT MAKES YOU ASK THAT?

OH, THAT KIERAN.
DOESN'T MATTER.

- WHY DON'T YOU TELL HIM?
- TELL HIM WHAT?
WHAT AN IDIOT HE IS?

NO. THAT YOU LIKE HIM.

LIKE HIM?
DON'T BE DAFT.

I TELL YOU, I DON'T CARE
HOW SOPHISTICATED THOSE
AMERICAN GIRLS ARE,

I PITY THE ONE WHO
ANSWERS THAT STUPID AD.

"FIT AND SPORTY,
AGED 20-21."
AYE.

WE'D GO FOR SOMETHING
A BIT MORE... EXOTIC,
WOULDN'T WE?

EXOTIC?

SEAN, A WOMAN IS A WOMAN.

IF YOU'VE A GRASP OF
THE BASIC HUMAN SKILLS,

YOU'VE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
[ Spits ]

WHAT I'M SAYING IS,
IT'S A COMPLICATED
BUSINESS, THAT'S ALL.

I MEAN, WHAT IF--
[ Zips ]

WHAT'LL HAPPEN TO YOUR MAM
IF IT DOES WORK OUT WITH
ONE OF THESE WOMEN?

I'M NOT UNREASONABLE.
[ Splashing ]

THE CELLAR'S
BEEN DAMP-PROOFED.
SEE, THIS IS MY POINT.

EVERYBODY'S CAUGHT
UP IN THE HEAT
OF THE MOMENT.

NOBODY'S THINKING
OF THE FUTURE,
WHAT LIES AHEAD.

OLLIE, ARE YOU
LISTENING?
[ Splashing Stops ]

OLLIE, WHAT'S WRONG?

MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I CAN'T DO IT, SEAN.

I MEAN, I'VE NEVER--
BEDROOM-TYPE STUFF.
WHAT?

DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE A--

ONLY TECHNICALLY.
[ Laughs ]

IT'S NOT LIKE
I HAVEN'T PRACTICED.
IT'S JUST--

WELL, IT'S NOT
THE SAME, IS IT?

AND THERE'S GONNA
COME A TIME--

TOMORROW. CHRIST!

[ Zips ]
I NEED THE FEMALE
PERSPECTIVE ON THIS.

[ Women Laughing ]

ALL RIGHT. IDEAL MAN.

WHOO!
[ Pounding ]

WE HAVE FIVE VOTES
FOR FRANCE.
MMM!
MMM!

TWO FOR SCOTLAND.
HA, HA, HA!

- ZERO FOR IRELAND.
- WHEE!

ONE FOR FIJI.

AND SIX FOR ITALY!
WHOO!
HA, HA!

SO, WHERE DO WE FIND THESE
ITALIAN STALLIONS, THEN?

- WHAT ABOUT THAT WAITER
IN BUNDORAN?
- NAH, HE'S POLISH.

THE BUS DRIVER--
DOES THE FRIDAY RUN?

JACKIE'S FROM CORK.
HE'S VERY
DARK-SKINNED.

THAT'S 'CAUSE HE NEVER WASHES.
WHAT ABOUT GIOVANNI'S
YOUNGER BROTHER?

- HE'S HALF-ITALIAN.
- AYE, BUT IT'S NOT
HIS INTERESTING HALF.

LET'S FACE IT.
THERE'S NOTHING
EXOTIC AROUND HERE.

YES, THERE IS.
THERE'S SPANISH.

- SPANISH.
- IT'S THE FISHING SEASON,
GIRLS.

JUST A QUESTION
OF CASTING OUR NETS.

[ Men Laughing
And Speaking Spanish ]
♪♪ [ Playing Guitar ]

♪♪ [ Continues ]

[ Siobhan ]
HELLO, BOYS!

[ Chuckles ]

OLLIE, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?

I'M A MAN, SEAN.
I KNOW THAT.

MY GOD, YOU NEVER DID.

HOW? I KNOW HOW.
I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENED?

YOUR PARTNER WAS OF THE
TWO-LEGGED VARIETY, I HOPE.

SEAN!
SORRY.

IT'S JUST, AROUND HERE,
WHERE WOULD YOU GO?

YOU DIDN'T.
MRS. O'LEARY?

ELEVENTH HOUR.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?

BUT A GOAL'S A GOAL.

SO, WHAT WAS IT LIKE?

[ Inhales Deeply ]

THAT GOOD?

YOU CAN'T BE A BIT
MORE SPECIFIC?

"TO WHOM
IT MAY CONCERN--

"ESPECIALLY
FOREIGN VISITORS:

"THIS IS TO CERTIFY THAT
I, MRS. N. O'LEARY,

"HAVE ENJOYED A THOROUGH
SESSION WITH OLLIE DOYLE.

"HE'S ALL MAN,
AND A DAMN FINE TIME
CAN BE HAD WITH HIM.

THIS IS TRUE.
SIGNED, MRS. O'LEARY."

OLLIE?
WHAT?

WHAT?

[ Sighs ]

WHAT HAPPENED?
AHH.

I JUST COULDN'T.

I MEAN, SHE WAS
LOVELY AND ALL.

GENTLE.

AND SHE REALLY WANTED
TO HELP OUT.

IT'S JUST--
WELL, I'M NOT
GONNA MARRY HER, AM I?

I MEAN, SHE'S NOT THE ONE
I WANT TO SETTLE DOWN WITH.

SO WHAT DID YOU DO?

I FIXED HER BOILER.

AH, IT WAS COOKED TO HEAVEN.
AND THE VALVE DIFFERENTIAL
WAS SHOT.

SHE COULD HAVE BLOWN
THE WHOLE PLACE UP.

SHE DID SUGGEST
SOME READING, THOUGH.

NOW, WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"P.O. BOX"?

WELL, IT'S A BOX WHERE
THINGS CAN BE DELIVERED.

WE DELIVER
TO YOUR HOUSE.

BUT I DON'T WANT IT
SENT TO ME HOUSE.

WHAT DON'T YOU WANT
SENT TO YOUR HOUSE?

NOTHING.
I-- I MEAN--

WELL, I'M TALKING
HYPOTHETICALLY HERE, RIGHT?

AND WHAT I'M SAYING IS,

IN THE EVENTUALITY OF ME
ACTUALLY BEING SENT SOMETHING...

WHICH I DIDN'T WANT
DELIVERED UP THERE,
BUT DOWN HERE,

HOW WOULD I GO ABOUT
ORDERING ONE OF THOSE
P.O. THINGUMMIES?

HYPOTHETICALLY.

WELL, YOU CAN'T.
WE DON'T DO THEM.

OF COURSE,
IF YOU WANTED TO HAVE
STUFF SENT CARE OF HERE,

I'D BE HAPPY TO KEEP IT
FOR YOU TILL YOU WANTED
TO PICK IT UP.

RIGHT.

[ Ella Giggling ]

MWAAH!
MA, I'M BACK!

I CAN SEE THAT.

HEY, COTTON WOOL HEAD, CATCH.
THAT'S A DANCE YOU OWE ME
TOMORROW NIGHT.

- YEAH, SURE.
- RIGHT.

THANKS.
SHE'S VERY EXCITED.

FIRST BIG DANCE,
YOU KNOW.

YOU LEFT EARLY
LAST NIGHT.
YEAH.

DID KIERAN GET BACK
ALL RIGHT?
SORT OF.

FOUND HIM IN THE FIELD
THIS MORNING. FINAL HILL
DEFEATED HIM.

HE'LL BE DEAD BEFORE THOSE
AMERICAN GIRLS ARRIVE.

IT'S THE ANTICIPATION
THAT'S KILLING HIM.

CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM
COMING FACE-TO-FACE
WITH ONE OF THEM?

[ Sighs ]
SHE'S GOT ALL THAT
AHEAD OF HER.

- WHAT, DRUNKENNESS?
- YEAH. DRUNKEN BOYS
AND BROKEN HEARTS.

SHE'S GOT EVERYTHING
TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

YEAH, EVERYTHING.

- I COULDN'T DO IT NOW, MIND.
- WHAT?

ALL THAT COURTSHIP STUFF.
DON'T CARE HOW EXCITING IT IS.

YOU JUST KNOW TOO MUCH.

MAKES YOU GLAD
YOU'RE OLD, DOESN'T IT?

I MEAN, ME, YOU KNOW--
OLD-- NOT--

I REALIZE.

I WASN'T--
I KNOW THAT.

- DO YOU WANT A DRINK?
- [ Laughing ]

YEAH, I'LL
HAVE A PINT.

ALL RIGHT, IAN.
HI, PAT.

♪ WHEN I WAKE UP ♪

♪ WELL, I KNOW I'M GONNA BE ♪

♪ I'M GONNA BE THE MAN
WHO WAKES UP NEXT TO YOU ♪

♪ WHEN I GO OUT ♪

HEY, COME ON!
♪ WELL, I KNOW I'M GONNA BE
I'M GONNA BE THE MAN ♪

♪ WHO GOES ALONG WITH YOU ♪

♪ IF I GET DRUNK
WELL, I KNOW I'M GONNA BE ♪

♪ I'M GONNA BE THE MAN
WHO GETS DRUNK NEXT TO YOU ♪

♪ AND IF I HAVER
YEAH, I KNOW I'M GONNA BE ♪

♪ I'M GONNA BE THE MAN
WHO'S HAVERING TO YOU ♪

♪ BUT I WOULD WALK
500 MILES ♪

♪ AND I WOULD WALK
500 MORE ♪

♪ JUST TO BE THE MAN ♪

♪ WHO WALKED
A THOUSAND MILES ♪

♪ TO FALL DOWN
AT YOUR DOOR ♪

♪ WHEN I'M WORKING ♪

♪ YES, I KNOW I'M GONNA BE ♪

♪ I'M GONNA BE THE MAN
WHO'S WORKING HARD FOR YOU ♪

♪ AND WHEN THE MONEY COMES IN
FOR THE WORK I DO ♪

♪ I'LL PASS ALMOST
EVERY PENNY ON TO YOU ♪

♪ AND WHEN I COME HOME
I KNOW I'M GONNA BE ♪

♪ I'M GONNA BE THE MAN
WHO COMES BACK HOME TO YOU ♪

♪ AND IF I GROW OLD
I KNOW I'M GONNA BE ♪

♪ I'M GONNA BE THE MAN
WHO'S GROWING OLD WITH YOU ♪

♪ BUT I WOULD WALK
500 MILES ♪

♪ AND I WOULD WALK
500 MORE ♪

♪ JUST TO BE
THE MAN WHO WALKED ♪

♪ A THOUSAND MILES
TO FALL DOWN AT YOUR DOOR ♪♪

ALL RIGHT?

LADS.
OLLIE.

♪ TELL LAURA
I LOVE HER ♪

♪ TELL LAURA I NEED HER ♪

♪♪ [ Continues ]
[ Kate ] WE'RE OFF.
THE DANCE HAS STARTED.

ELLA.

COME ON, LET'S GET MOVING,
JOIN THE GIRLS.

♪ TELL LAURA
I LOVE HER ♪♪

KIERAN,
WHAT'S WRONG?
[ Sighs ]

WHAT'S THE POINT?

WHAT, THE DANCE?

NO WOMEN.

THE AMERICAN WOMEN.

LOOK AT THAT.
IT'S 8:00.

YOU KNOW, NOT RECEIVING
ANY LETTERS OR PHONE CALLS,
I--

BUT TONIGHT--

TONIGHT I THOUGHT THEY'D BE
SWARMING ALL OVER THE PLACE.

YOU START TO WONDER.
THEY'LL COME.

MAYBE NOT TONIGHT.
MAYBE IT'S JUST TOO SOON,
BUT THEY'LL COME.

- THEY WILL?
- YEAH. I CAN FEEL IT.

WE'LL BE SITTING HERE
ONE NIGHT, KIERAN,
ONE NIGHT SOON.

WE'LL BE HAVING A WEE DRINK,
MINDING OUR OWN BUSINESS,

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN,
THROUGH THAT DOOR
WILL WALK A GODDESS.

HELLO. GOOD EVENING.
WE ARE HERE!

[ Sailor ]
WHERE IS
SEÑORITA SIOBHAN?

WHERE IS THE DANCE?

♪♪ [ Folk Music Playing ]

♪♪ [ Continues ]

WHERE DID YOU
FIND THEM?

I DON'T CARE SO LONG AS SHE
FINDS THEM AGAIN NEXT YEAR.

THERE YOU ARE NOW.
GET OUT OF THAT.

YEAH!
[ Laughing ]

- WILL YOU DANCE?
- [ Sean ]
COME ON.

- WHOO-HOO!
- COME ON, SEAN!

♪♪ [ Song Ends ]

[ Applause ]

♪♪ [ New Song Playing ]

KATHLEEN, CAN I HAVE
ANOTHER GIN AND TONIC
WHEN YOU'RE READY, PLEASE?

ALL RIGHT.
SIOBHAN.

KIERAN.

THANKS.
YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE.

I DIDN'T REALIZE
IT WAS YOU.

SO YOU LIKE IT,
THEN?

LIKE IT?

IT MAKES YOU LOOK SO--

YOU KNOW? YOU KNOW?

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD.

YOU WORE IT SPECIAL?
LET ME GET YOU A DRINK.

NO, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
I JUST WANT THIS ONE. THANKS.
ARE YOU OFF SOMEWHERE?

WHOO.
WHY DO YOU
WANT TO KNOW?

MAD.
HA.

I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE
SOMEWHERE I COULD COME
TOO, YOU KNOW?

WHAT ARE YOU ASKING ME?

I'M ASKING YOU,
YOU KNOW,

IF YOU FANCY A BIT
OF SHILLY-SHALLYING?

OH, MY GOD, KIERAN.

"OH, MY GOD," YES,
OR "OH, MY GOD," NO?

[ Laughter ]
[ Clapping ]

OOH, OOH!

"SHILLY-SHALLYING."
[ Chuckling ]

[ Indistinct ]

KATE?

OVER HERE.

SO YOU ARE.

I DIDN'T DRAG YOU AWAY,
DID I?
YOU? NAH.

NO, NO.
I JUST FANCIED A WALK.

HERE. HERE.
THANKS.

GOD, IT CLEARS YOUR HEAD,
DOESN'T IT, WHEN
YOU GET OUTSIDE?

YEAH, IT DOES.

THOSE FISHERMEN SEEM TO BE
MAKING THE GIRLS HAPPY.

NOT JUST THE GIRLS--
US OLDER WOMEN, TOO.

DID YOU BELIEVE
THE AMERICANS WOULD COME?

NEVER GAVE IT
MUCH THOUGHT.

NO, YOU DIDN'T,
DID YOU?

[ Chuckles ]

SPANISH SAILORS.
POOR KIERAN.

SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOOKING
A BIT CLOSER TO HOME.

SIOBHAN?
YEAH.

OCH, IT'S NOT HIS FAULT.

SOMETIMES THE CLOSER
YOU GET TO SOMETHING,
THE HARDER IT IS TO SEE IT.

YEAH.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

BEAUTIFUL NIGHT,
ISN'T IT?
AYE. BEAUTIFUL.

♪♪ [ Music Continues ]
[ Laughter ]

THE THING ABOUT
THE COLLAR VALVE
IS, THOUGH,

NO MATTER HOW POROUS
IT IS, THE MEMBRANE
THAT SURROUNDS IT--

OLLIE, CAN I
STOP YOU THERE?
YEAH?

YOU'RE BORING ME
RIGID.

COME ON!

WHAT DID YOU SAY
TO HER?

YOU MAKE THE EFFORT.
YOU TRY AND ENCOURAGE
THE PLAIN ONES, HUH?

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.
SHE'LL BE A LONG TIME
GETTING DOWN OFF THE SHELF...

IF SHE CARRIES ON LIKE THAT.

CONVERSATION SKILLS
OF AN OX.

HER HEAD'S
BEEN TURNED.
WHAT?

SHE'S HAD
HER HEAD TURNED.

YOU'RE RIGHT THERE, KIERAN.
FLIPPIN' INTERFERED WITH,
THE LOT OF THEM.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE HIP MOVEMENT
THAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE?

JUST LET ME OUTSIDE WITH
A COUPLE OF THEM, YOU KNOW?

SEE HOW LIGHT THEY ARE
ON THEIR FEET THEN.

- MOLESTING OUR WOMEN.
- GO ON, KIERAN. SORT THEM OUT.

- YEAH. GO ON, KIERAN.
- GO ON, KIERAN. COME ON.

[ Pat ]
ATTA BOY.
[ Mickey ]
GIVE IT TO THEM, KIERAN.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
YOU CAN STOP IT NOW.

STOP IT!
I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH NOW!

- ♪♪ [ Stops ]
- [ Crowd Groans ]

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOING, HUH--

WITH YOUR HANDS
ALL OVER OUR WOMEN?

KIERAN--
DON'T WORRY NOW, SIOBHAN.
IT'S ALL RIGHT NOW.

LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING THERE--

MANUEL OR WHATEVER
YOUR NAME IS--

YOU MIGHT HAVE ENJOYED
A LITTLE BIT OF EARLY
DOORS SUCCESS, YOU KNOW,

WITH YOUR FANCY ACCENTS
AND YOUR SHOW-OFFY
GUITAR PLAYING.

YOU HAVE PICKED THE WRONG
PLACE TO GO STRUTTING
YOUR STUFF, 'CAUSE, ER,

YOU SEE, ME AND
THE BOYS KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'RE UP TO,

AND WE'RE NOT HAVIN' IT!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
WE'RE NOT HAVIN' IT!

THEY DON'T LIKE THAT,
DO THEY?

WHAT I MEAN IS,
YOUSE BETTER JUST FECK OFF,

YOU AND THE BOYS,
OR ME AND THE LADS'LL
GIVE YOU A GOOD HIDING, SEE?

[ Mutters In Spanish ]

[ Woman, Guitar Accompaniment ]
♪ AND I SUFFER DEATH ♪

♪ A THOUSAND TIMES ♪

♪ BLACK IS THE COLOR ♪

♪ OF MY TRUE LOVE'S HAIR ♪

♪ HIS LIPS ARE LIKE ♪

♪ SOME ROSES FAIR ♪

♪ HE HAS
THE SWEETEST SMILE ♪

♪ AND THE GENTLEST HANDS ♪

♪ AND I LOVE THE GROUND ♪

♪ WHEREON HE STANDS ♪

♪♪ [ Song Ends ]
[ Applause ]

[ Man ]
LOVELY LAMENT.

FAIR PLAY TO YOU,
BOY.

[ Door Opens ]

HEY, KIERAN.

DUCK AND WEAVE.
[ Chuckling ]

DON'T REMEMBER
GETTING MUCH BACK-UP.
NOTHIN' TO DO WITH ME.

AH, SURE, YOU'RE QUITE
THE MARRIED MAN, AREN'T YOU--
YOU KNOW, WHEN IT SUITS?

WATCH WHAT YOU'RE
SAYIN', KIERAN.

WHY?
COME ON, PAT. LOOK:

FLOWERS, THE CLOTHES,
THE TRAINING--

AT LEAST BE HONEST
ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

THE ONLY COMFORT I TAKE
IS THAT IT WOULDN'T HAVE MADE
A BLIND BIT OF DIFFERENCE.

DO YOU REALLY THINK THOSE
AMERICAN GIRLS WOULD HAVE
COME ALL THE WAY...

OVER HERE FOR A COUPLE OF ROUNDS
WITH A MARRIED MAN?

WATCH IT, KIERAN.
WHY?

COME ON, YOU'VE BEEN
ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT!
AND A DESPERATE ONE AT THAT.

OH, IS THAT RIGHT?
WHAT'S ALL THIS, THEN?

IT'S ME DISPLAY. WHY,
WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE?

NEVER USED TO BE LIKE THAT,
THOUGH, DID IT?

USED TO KEEP A BIT OF HASLET
AND A COUPLE BOXES OF EGGS.
IT'S ALL RED MEAT NOW, ISN'T IT?

JOINT AFTER JOINT OF THICK,
BRIGHT, BLEEDING BEEF.
FOR GOD'S SAKE, MAN,

YOU MIGHT AS WELL RUN
UP AND DOWN THE HIGH STREET
WAVING YOUR DICK IN THE AIR.

OH, IS THAT SO?
SIOBHAN HAD YOU SUSSED,
KIERAN.

YOU CARE ABOUT NOTHING
EXCEPT EXERCISING
YOUR OWN BEST END.

STOP!
STOP IT!

YOU WANNA PICK A FIGHT,
PICK ON SOMEONE WHO KNOWS
HOW TO DO IT, YOU BASTARD!

IAN. ALL RIGHT.
ACTUALLY, IAN, IAN, IAN,
I'M ALL RIGHT NOW.

WHAT THE HELL'S
GOING ON?

- WELL?
- WHY DON'T YOU ASK
CASANOVA OVER THERE?

LEAVE IT, LEAVE IT,
LEAVE IT, PAT!
COME ON, NOW!

TELL 'EM
WHO STARTED IT.

LOOK AT YOU, ALL TARTED UP
LIKE A DOG'S DINNER.

WAS THAT FOR YOUR MISSUS
YOU GOT DRESSED UP, EH?
WAS IT BUGGERY?

- KIERAN, KIERAN.
- PAT! PAT!

IF YOU HAVE TO FIGHT,

AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY
NOT TO DO IT IN FRONT
OF YOUR OWN DAUGHTER.

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S
OVER OTHER WOMEN.

YEAH, SURE,
HE HAS NO SHAME, HAS HE?

HE THINKS HE'S THAT MUCH BETTER
'CAUSE HE USED TO BE FAMOUS.

"USED TO BE" EQUALS
"MIGHT AS WELL NEVER HAVE BEEN"
IN MY BOOK.

I'LL GIVE YOU ONE MORE WARNING.
YOU'VE NO NEED, 'CAUSE I'VE
FINISHED WITH YOU FOR GOOD.

SO FROM NOW ON YOU CAN GET
SOMEBODY ELSE TO DO YOUR
BUTCHERY FOR YOU.
WHAT?

THAT'S RIGHT, YOU HEARD.
GET YOUR MEAT SOMEWHERE ELSE.

FINE. IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU
WANT IT, YOU'D BETTER LOOK FOR
ANOTHER BAR TO GO DRINKIN' IN.

THAT'S RIGHT.
'CAUSE AS OF NOW,
YOU'RE BARRED INDEFINITELY.

AND THAT WORRIES ME?

[ Door Closes,
Bell Rings ]

♪♪ [ Disco Music Playing ]

[ Kieran ]
I JUST WANT YOU TO TRY IT.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD
MAKE UP WITH PAT--
STOP IN AT THE BAR.

I'LL NOT GIVE HIM
ANY OF MY MONEY.

BESIDES, I DON'T NEED TO BE
IN THERE EVERY EVENING.

I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC.
I CAN DRINK AT HOME.

JESUS!
THAT BAD, IS IT?

IT'S LIKE DIESEL.
AH, COME ON.

PLAY A BIT OF DECENT MUSIC, AND
A FEW JARS OF THE OLD HOOCH--
WHO NEEDS WOMEN?

[ Both ]
♪ I'M HORNY
HORNY, HORNY, HORNY ♪

[ Laughing ]

♪ I'M HORNY
HORNY, HORNY, HORNY ♪

[ Both Laughing ]
AH, YOU'RE BETTER OFF NEVER
GETTING INVOLVED, YOU KNOW?

SEAN, THEY'RE
LIKE DRUGS, WOMEN.

JUST SAY NO.

[ Laughs ]
WHAT'S WRONG?

I'M IN LOVE.

I'M IN LOVE,
AND MY HEART'S BROKEN.

SIOBHAN.

SIOBHAN!
WHERE ARE YOU?

SEAN, FIND SIOBHAN,

AND-- AND TELL HER
I LOVE HER. YEAH?

SEAN, TELL SIOBHAN
I LOVE HER!

♪ TELL LAURA
I LOVE HER ♪

♪ TELL LAURA I NEED HER ♪

♪ TELL LAURA ♪

♪ NOT TO CRY ♪♪

SIOBHAN!
SIOBHAN!

SIOBHAN!
COME BACK TO ME.

SHH!

- SIOBHAN!
- IT'S ELLA!

I-- I WANT YOU.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

IT'S ELLA,
YOU IDIOT, AND YES,
I DO UNDERSTAND!

WHERE'S MY SIOBHAN?
STOP CALLING HER!
GO GET SOME SLEEP.

I... CAN'T LIVE
WITHOUT HER.

IT'S KILLING ME.

I-- I'M IN LOVE.

SEAN.

SEAN, WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M IN THE GUTTER.

AND THERE
ARE THE STARS.

AH.

MA, WHERE'S
THE ASPIRINS?
I'VE MOVED THEM.

HAPPENING A LOT
LATELY.

DON'T WORRY.
I'M NOT PLANNING
ON GOING FOR THE HAT TRICK.

I CAN'T SAY I'M SURPRISED,
THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
DOWN AT THAT BAR.

I WAS AT KIERAN'S.

I SEE.
IS THAT SUPPOSED
TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?

WHY DOES THAT NOT HAVE
THE SAME EFFECT ON ME...

AS IF YOU'D SAID,
"I WAS AT FATHER MALLONE'S"?

I JUST WANT YOU
TO LOOK AFTER YOURSELF.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO END UP--
[ Brian ]
MARY.

- [ Door Closes ]
- SORRY I'M LATE.

SEAN.
HERE WE GO.

SPECIAL DELIVERY
FROM AMSTERDAM
FOR MR. OLLIE DOYLE,

CARE OF THE POST OFFICE,
KILVARA, COUNTY DONEGAL.

AND HE'S WELCOME TO THEM.
THEY WEIGH A TON.
[ Thunk ]

RIGHT.

MA, DA DIDN'T RUN OFF
BECAUSE THE LADS
TURNED HIS HEAD,

OR BECAUSE HE SPENT
HALF HIS LIFE
IN PAT'S PLACE.

THE REASON DA LEFT
WAS BECAUSE HE WASN'T
A VERY NICE MAN.

LOOK, WHAT I MEAN IS,
THE WAY DA WAS-- IT'S
NOT TRUE OF ALL MEN.

BUT THE POINT
I'M TRYING TO MAKE IS,
IF WHAT I DO...

INCLUDES SOME OF THE THINGS
THAT DA USED TO DO,

LIKE EATING AND DRINKING
AND ENJOYING THE OCCASIONAL
COMPANY OF OTHER MEN,

THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT
I'M GONNA TURN OUT LIKE HIM.

DO YOU SEE?

BOTH OF THEM.
THEY'RE BOTH FROM AMSTERDAM.

GET THE KETTLE ON.

[ Ollie ] HEY, SEAN.
ARE YOU AFTER
YOUR PACKAGES, OLLIE?

THEY'VE ARRIVED?
AYE. THEY'VE ARRIVED,
BUT--

FOR THE LAST TIME,
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LOOKED.
THANK GOD CUSTOMS DIDN'T.

THOSE MAGAZINES
ARE EDUCATIONAL.

OH, YES. IF YOU'VE
A PASSING INTEREST IN
THE INQUISITION, THEY ARE.

LOOK AT IT.

LISTEN, MARY,
I'M SORRY IF I OFFENDED YOU,
BUT WHAT A MAN DOES...

IN HIS PRIVATE LIFE
IS HIS OWN BUSINESS,
AND I WANT MY STUFF BACK.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

[ Door Opens
And Closes ]

BUT WHY?
IT'S FOR THE BEST, LUV.

YOUR MA KNOWS THAT
AS WELL.

I THOUGHT YOU AND MA
LOVED EACH OTHER.

AND WE DO.

WHEN ME AND YOUR MA
FIRST MET,

IT WAS LIKE WHEN YOU SIGN
FOR YOUR FIRST
PROFESSIONAL SIDE.

YOU'LL DO ANYTHING
FOR YOUR TEAM.

THEN GRADUALLY,
OVER TIME, THINGS CHANGE.

YOU FIND THAT YOU DON'T
FEEL THAT SAME... RRR.

AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS,
ELLA, LUV,

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING FOR IT--
A TRANSFER AND A NEW CLUB.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN TO SAY,
YOU DON'T HAVE STRONG
FEELINGS FOR YOUR OLD TEAM.

THEY'RE THE ONES WHO TAUGHT YOU
HOW TO PLAY PROPERLY, AFTER ALL,

AND YOU'LL NEVER
FORGET THAT.

DA.
WHAT IS IT, LUV?

YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I HEARD ABOUT
YOUR DAD, ELLA.
I'M SORRY.

COME ON. LET'S GO!
WHERE ARE WE
GOING?

ARE ALL MEN LIKE
MY DAD, SEAN?

HOW DO YOU MEAN?
YOU KNOW.

IT'S THIS PLACE.
STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
OF NOWHERE--

SENDS YOU POTTY.

I'M GOING TO LEAVE
AS SOON AS I'M 17.
WHAT?

WELL, YOU WANNA GO.
I KNOW YOU DO.

ONLY 'CAUSE I WANNA
SEE DIFFERENT THINGS.

IT'S NOT 'CAUSE
I DON'T LIKE IT HERE,
'CAUSE I DO.

REALLY?

YOU LIKE THE WIND
AND THE RAIN
AND DA'S FLAT BEER...

AND FELLAS ALWAYS GOING ON
ARGUING AND COMPLAINING?

YOU LIKE ALL THAT?

[ Sighs ]

COME HERE.
COME ON.

NOW JUST LOOK
AT THAT.

THAT'S OURS AS WELL,
ELLA-- YOURS AND MINE.

NOW TELL ME THAT'S
NOT BEAUTIFUL.

YOU COULD COPE FINE
ON YOUR OWN, KATE.
I MANAGED.

I KNOW, BUT I WANT
A FRESH START--
FOR ELLA AND FOR MYSELF.

GET OUT
WHILE YOU CAN, KATE.
I DON'T BLAME YOU.

IS THAT RIGHT?
WHAT WOULD ANYONE WANT
TO LIVE HERE FOR?

STILL NOT BACK
AT THE BUTCHER'S, THEN?

GO BACK AND WORK IN THAT DUMP?
HA. DON'T THINK SO.

YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
WHEN HE GETS
SOMEONE NEW IN.

DO YOU THINK HE'D DO THAT,
ADVERTISE ME JOB?

OH, HE'S VERY BIG
ON ADVERTS, KIERAN.
[ Chuckles ]

WELL, GOOD LUCK TO HIM.

"BLEACHED BLONDE, SEX MAD,
ALCOHOLIC BUTCHER...

SEEKS NEW ASSISTANT."
[ Giggles ]

I DON'T THINK
HE'LL HAVE MANY TAKERS.

AH, YOU HAD A LUCKY
ESCAPE THERE, SIOBHAN.

- AND HERE WAS US THINKIN'
YOU WERE SOFT ON HIM.
- NAH. I DON'T GO FOR BLONDES.

NEITHER DO I.

IT'S BEEN THAT LONG
I CAN'T REMEMBER.

[ Laughing ]

MARY.
OLLIE, WHAT
DO YOU WANT?

I'VE COME
FOR ME MAGS.
OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

HA. HMPH!
DON'T YOU SCOFF AT ME,
MARY MULLIGAN.

I HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY TO YOU.

I'M 36 YEARS OF AGE,
AND I'M A MAN.

ONLY, HALF THE THINGS
I SHOULD HAVE DONE IN MY LIFE--
WELL, I HAVEN'T.

WELL, THAT'S GOING TO CHANGE.

I WANT A WOMAN, MARY.

I WANT TO...
PIERCE THE CELESTIAL HEAVENS
WITH OUR LOVE-MAKING.

I WANT TO WORSHIP AT THE ALTAR
OF HER NAKED BODY,

AND SHROUD HER BREASTS
WITH THE FIRST SCENTED DEW
OF A SUMMER'S MORNING.

I WANT TO BE WITH HER
FOREVER--

TOUCHING AND TASTING HER,
MELTING INTO HER VERY SOUL...

UNTIL WE BECOME ONE:

LIQUID, LANGUID,

REPLETE
AND CONSUMMATE.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

AND I'M NOT GONNA GET IT
WHEN I STILL HAVEN'T
THE FIRST IDEA...

WHAT GOES ON BETWEEN CONSENTING
ADULTS WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT.

SO, IF THAT'S CLEAR,
I WON'T TROUBLE YOU ANY FURTHER.

I'VE RESEARCH TO DO.

GOOD DAY.

[ Door Opens
And Closes ]

I WISH I'D NEVER SET EYES
ON THAT FLIPPIN' FILM.

AYE, IT'S SEX,
SEX, SEX.

THAT'S MODERN
CINEMA FOR YOU.

I TELL YOU,
IF THAT DEMI MOORE CAME
THROUGH THOSE DOORS RIGHT NOW,

I'D SAY TO HER,
"DEMI, LOVE,

PUT YOUR KIT BACK ON,
TAKE YOUR POTTED BEEF
AND SOD OFF."

SEE, THEY'RE NOTHING
BUT TROUBLE, THOSE
AMERICAN GIRLS.

AYE.

HUH?

SEE YOU LATER?
AYE. SEE YOU LATER,
MICKEY.

MICKEY.
ALL RIGHT, IAN.

IAN, HAVE YOU HEARD?
PAT LEFT KATE.

YEAH, I KNOW.

STILL, I'D SAY THAT'S
A RESULT FOR YOU.

WHAT?

I SAID THAT'S A RESULT FOR YOU.
WAY'S CLEAR NOW.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

IAN, I'M YOUR BROTHER.

HERE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU
SAY SOMETHING?

WHY SHOULD I,
WHEN YOU NEVER DID, EH?

THE MAIN THING IS,
YOU CAN GET IN THERE NOW.

TELL HER EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.

ME AND KATE,
YOU KNOW--
OH, YOU BIG SISSY, SO YOU ARE.

YOU SEE THAT?
THAT BROKE.

SEE, I KNOW IT'S BROKE,
'CAUSE I HEARD IT BREAK.

I'LL TELL YOU,
IT'S A SWEET SOUND, IAN.

IT'S THE SOUND
OF A MAN STANDING UP
FOR WHAT HE BELIEVES IN.

[ Chuckles ]
ALL RIGHT, NOT STANDING UP
FOR LONG, ADMITTEDLY,

BUT, YOU KNOW,
STANDING UP ALL THE SAME.

COME ON, IAN.

LOOK, YOU'VE A CHANCE.
YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT.

AH, FUCK.

LOOK AT ME.
LOOK, WHAT HAVE I GOT
TO LOOK FORWARD TO?

FOR THE REST OF ME LIFE,
SAT ON ME ARSE,

DRINKING BEER AND WATCHING
SATELLITE FOOTBALL.

WHICH STILL ISN'T AS GOOD
AS HAVING A GIRLFRIEND.

IS IT?

I HAVE A PROBLEM, FATHER.
I NEED ADVICE.

THERE'S A--

THERE'S A SUIT,
FATHER.

YOU KNOW?

THAT--
THAT I'VE SEEN...

I MEAN, IT WAS MADE
FOR ME, YOU KNOW?

TAILOR-MADE, BUT, UH--

BUY IT, IAN.
I CAN'T.

BUT YOU JUST--
THIS--

THIS IS THE MOST... BEAUTIFUL
SUIT IN THE WORLD, FATHER.

BUT... I CAN'T STOP
THINKING,

WHAT IF IT LOOKS
RIDICULOUS?

WHAT IF--

WHAT IF THIS EXQUISITE
THING YOU'VE--

YOU'VE YEARNED FOR
YOUR WHOLE LIFE...

LOOKED BETTER
ON SOMEBODY ELSE?

SOMEBODY WHO COULD...
TRULY DO IT JUSTICE?

GOD, WHAT AM I
DOING HERE?
IAN, WAIT, PLEASE.

LOVE IS GOD'S
MOST PRECIOUS GIFT.

IT IS ALSO
HIS MOST FRAGILE.

IT EXISTS FOR
A MOMENT HERE, MAYBE,

OR AN INSTANT THERE,
PERHAPS,

AGAINST THE ODDS
AND DESPITE EVERYTHING
THAT'S GOING ON AROUND IT.

SO...

IF THIS SUIT
REALLY IS MADE
FOR YOU,

AND YOU'RE LUCKY
ENOUGH STILL TO HAVE
THE OPPORTUNITY TO ENJOY IT,

TRUST THE TAILOR
THAT CUTS THE CLOTH.

MARY--
DOLLIE,
IS OLLIE IN?

OLLIE, MARY WOULD
LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOU.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WOULD YOU MIND TAKING
A WALK WITH ME?

SIOBHAN!
SIOBHAN!

SIOBHAN?
SIOBHAN!

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- I LOVE YOU, AND I'M SORRY.
- PARDON?

- I SAID I LOVE YOU.
- THE OTHER BIT.

WILL YOU GO OUT
WITH ME?

NO.
AH, WAIT!
SIOBHAN! WAIT!

- KIERAN!
- LOOK, WILL YOU JUST
LISTEN TO ME FOR ONE MINUTE?

NO.
YOU LISTEN TO ME.

FOR 90% OF THE DAY,
YOU'RE ADJUSTING
YOUR BOLLOCKS,

SCRATCHING
YOUR BOLLOCKS...

OR OTHERWISE PLAYING
WITH YOUR BOLLOCKS.

YOU'RE DETERMINED
TO DRINK IRELAND DRY.

YOU THINK YOU'RE
GOD'S GIFT TO WOMEN,
AND JUST LOOK AT THAT HAIRCUT!

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
BY A LONG, LONG WAY,
YOU SAID I WAS "ACCEPTABLE."

"ACCEPTABLE."

I'M MORE THAN THAT,
KIERAN O'DONNELL.

I AM 100%
FULL-VOLUME,

FANNY-POSSESSING
FLAME OF A WOMAN.

AND IF YOU
DON'T LIKE IT,
YOU CAN LUMP IT.

IS THAT A YES?

[ Engine Running, Stops ]

KATE?

KATE!

KATE!
IAN.

HAVE YOU
SEEN MA?
NO.

HAVE YOU
SEEN KATE?
NO. WHY?

[ Muffled Sounds ]

[ Feedback ]

[ Muffled Sounds ]

WHAT WAS THAT?
[ Tap, Tap ]
HELLO, ONE, TWO?

ONE, TWO?

ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT.

[ Over Loudspeaker ]
[ Ian ]
"SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY...

LIKE THE NIGHT OF CLOUDLESS
CLIMES AND STARRY SKIES"--

ARE YOU SURE
THIS IS WORKING?
[ Sean ]
OF COURSE I'M SURE.

ALL RIGHT, THERE'S NO NEED
TO GET NASTY. JUST DON'T THINK
IT'S LOUD ENOUGH.

GO ON.
I'LL START AGAIN.

"SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY
LIKE THE NIGHT...

"IN CLOUDLESS CLIMES
AND STARRY SKIES,

"AND ALL THAT'S BEST
OF DARK AND BRIGHT...

"MEET IN HER ASPECT
AND HER EYES;

"THUS MELLOWED
TO THE TENDER LIGHT...

WHICH HEAVEN TO GAUDY DAY
DENIES"?

JESUS, THAT DOESN'T
RHYME WITH ANYTHING.

YOU'RE NOT SAYING IT RIGHT, IAN.
YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE MORE TIME.

I DON'T HAVE TIME. THE WOMAN
I ADORE IS LEAVING ME.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
I THINK WE'LL DROP
THE POEM, FATHER.

PUT ON THE TAPE, SEAN.

♪♪ [ Slow Jazz ]

♪ GIVE ME
A KISS TO BUILD A DREAM ON ♪

♪ AND MY IMAGINATION ♪

♪ WILL THRIVE UPON
THAT KISS ♪

♪ MMM, SWEETHEART ♪

♪ I ASK NO MORE
THAN THIS ♪

♪ A KISS TO BUILD
A DREAM ON ♪

♪ MMM ♪

♪ GIVE ME A KISS
BEFORE YOU LEAVE ME ♪

♪ AND MY IMAGINATION ♪

♪ WILL FEED
MY HUNGRY HEART ♪

♪ OOH, LEAVE ME ONE THING
BEFORE WE PART ♪

♪ A KISS TO BUILD
A DREAM ON ♪

♪ WHEN I'M ALONE ♪

♪ WITH MY FANCIES ♪

♪ I'LL BE WITH YOU ♪

♪ WEAVING ROMANCES ♪
[ Engine Stops ]

♪ MAKING BELIEVE THEY'RE ♪

♪♪ [ Disco ]
♪ I'M HORNY, HORNY,
HORNY, HORNY, I'M ♪

- ♪ SO HORNY ♪
- OH, MOTHER OF GOD,
WHAT'S HAPPENING?

♪ I'M HORNY
HORNY, HORNY, HORNY, I'M ♪

♪ SO HORNY
I'M HORNY, HORNY
HORNY TONIGHT ♪

KIERAN. YOU'VE WIPED
ME BLOODY TAPE.
♪♪ [ Continues ]

[ Sean ]
IT'S THE WRONG BUTTON.
I KNOW THAT!

THAT WAS NEVER YOUR TAPE.
THAT WAS MINE.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

PUSH.
IT'S THAT ONE THERE?
♪♪ [ Stops ]

AW, SHITE!

SORRY, FATHER.
BUT REALLY--

BLOODY SHITE.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING,
KIERAN? YOU--

AND YOU TOO, FATHER--
YOU'RE ALL WRONG.

"HAVE FAITH"?
"GO FOR IT"? WHY?

I'M NO POET OR--
OR PAINTER OR MUSICIAN,

AND I CAN'T--
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO--

I AM A SHEEP FARMER,
FOR GOD'S SAKE.

ONLY, I DON'T WANT
YOU THINKING...

THAT WHEN I'M UP THERE
KEEPING ME THOUGHTS TO MESELF,

THAT I DON'T FEEL...

FOR KATE--

THAT I DON'T FEEL.

'CAUSE I DO.

GOD.

NICE?
YEAH. NICE.

NOT TOO UNCOMFORTABLE,
HUH?

COMFORT AND STRENGTH, OLLIE.
THAT'S A MASSEY FOR YOU.

SHE UNDERSTANDS ME,
AND SHE UNDERSTANDS TRACTORS.

THANK YOU, GOD!

♪ THE CLOSER YOU GET ♪

♪ THE BETTER YOU LOOK
BA-BY ♪

♪ THE BETTER YOU LOOK ♪

♪ THE MORE I WANT YOU-OOH ♪

♪ WHEN YOU TURN ON
YOUR SMILE ♪

♪ I FEEL MY HEART
GO WILD ♪

♪ I'M LIKE A CHILD
WITH A BRAND-NEW TO-OY ♪

♪ AND I GET THE ♪

♪ SWEETEST FEELING ♪

♪ HONEY, THE SWEETEST ♪
♪ SWEETEST FEELING ♪

♪ BABY, THE SWEETEST ♪
♪ SWEETEST FEELING ♪

♪ LOVING YOU-OOH ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ THE WARMER YOUR KISS
THE DEEPER YOU TOUCH ME ♪

♪ BABY ♪
GREAT SONG.

HELLO, FATHER.
HOW ARE YOU?

♪ THE MORE YOU THRILL
ME-EE ♪

♪ IT'S MORE THAN
I CAN STAND ♪

♪ GIRL, WHEN YOU
HOLD MY HAND ♪

♪ I FEEL SO GRAND
THAT I COULD CRY-Y ♪

♪ AND I GET THE ♪

♪♪ [ Stops ]

[ In American Accent ]
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

HI THERE.

HEY!
HE'S CUTE,
ISN'T HE?

THAT ONE SAYS
"KILVARA."

SHOULD WE HIT
THAT ROAD?

[ Chattering ]

ARE YOU GONNA GET ON
OR WHAT?

♪ AND I GET THE ♪
♪ SWEETEST FEELING ♪

♪ MAMA, THE SWEETEST ♪
♪ SWEETEST FEELING ♪

♪ BABY, THE SWEETEST ♪
♪ SWEETEST FEELING ♪

♪ LOVING YOU-OOH ♪

♪ UH, THE GREATER
YOUR LOVE ♪

♪ THE STRONGER
YOU HOLD ME ♪

♪ BABY ♪

♪ THE STRONGER YOUR HOLD ♪

♪ THE MORE I NEED YOU-OOH ♪

♪ WITH EVERY PASSING DAY ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU MORE IN EVERY WAY ♪

♪ I'M IN LOVE TO STAY
AND I WANNA SAY-AY ♪

♪ I GET THE ♪
♪ SWEETEST FEELING ♪

♪ BABY, THE SWEETEST ♪
♪ SWEETEST FEELING ♪

♪ HONEY, THE SWEETEST ♪
♪ SWEETEST FEELING ♪

♪♪ [ Fades ]