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There's all the difference in the world

between a real gambler

and someone who just has an occasional flutter.

The real gambler either doesn't mind losing his money,

or he's able to forget about his losses

by the next day.

I'm a mad gambler. I'll bet on anything.

I once got 25 to 1 against my wife having twins,

and 5 minutes later, I called up the bookie again

and said, "Hey, about that bet I just made--

I'd like to make another one."

"Certainly," he said.

"I'd like to bet you I'll lose it," I told him.

He didn't mind in the least, and we made the second wager.

I write stories about betting

because I'm fascinated by how people behave

when there's a big bet on.

Here's one of them.

For two days, the Atlantic voyage

had been sailing through a storm,

but on the morning of the third day,

the sea calmed.

Even the most delicate passengers,

those who had not been seen around the ship

since sailing time,

emerged from their cabins and crept onto the sun deck,

where the steward gave them chairs

and tucked rugs around their legs

and left them lying in rows--

their faces upturned to the pale,

almost heatless October sun.

Good morning. My name is Renshaw.

This is, uh, my wife.

Botibol.

I'm sorry?

Botibol.

"B," Brooklyn, "O," Oliver,

"T," Tommy, "I," Idaho,

"B," Brooklyn, "O," Oliver,

"L" as in love.

RENSHAW: Ha ha! Glad to meet you.

Hi.

Mr. Botibol here.

Hello.

Mmm, isn't the sun simply heavenly?

I thought if that storm had gone on another minute,

they just could have dropped me over the side,

and I would have said, "Thanks, fellas."

Ha ha!

I told her it would take her a couple of days

before she got her sea legs.

Oh, come on now, hon.

I mean, you make it sound as if it's the first time

I've ever been aboard a ship,

which, as a matter of fact,

just happens to be true.

Ha ha.

Are you a good sailor, Mr. Botibol?

Just average.

Steward.

Yes, sir?

Steward,

have the tables been allocated yet?

Some of them have, sir.

Uh, I guess the captain's table

is by invitation only, right?

Oh, yes, sir. But, uh,

there's also the first officer's table, sir,

and the purser's.

Purser?

Yes, sir.

Purser?

I'd like to be at the purser's table.

Let's drink to the hope expressed

by Mr. Renshaw.

Calm seas from now on.

ALL: Calm seas.

Pardon me.

Would you mind telling me how much

was in the ship's pool last night?

MRS. RENSHAW: What was that about a pool?

Whew. I'm not going swimming

until it gets really warm.

No, dear.

It's not a swimming pool. It's an auction pool.

Oh. What's that?

MAN: Ah. Well, highly exciting.

Each evening, there's an auction

in the smoking room.

The captain estimates how many miles

he thinks the ship will do by midday tomorrow,

and we auction numbers either side

of the captain's estimate.

Hey, this sounds like a lot of fun.

Mr. Botibol was asking me

about the prize money.

It's always roughly the same.

Last night, the pool was worth

about 7,000 pounds.

[Gasping]

I figure that should be about $12,000.

Are you thinking of bidding on a ticket, Mr. Botibol?

I'm not quite sure yet.

[Thunder]

Uh-oh.

[No audio]

Oh, my God.

It's going to be a very dirty night.

Steward, I should serve the next course at once.

You'll enjoy the fish, Mrs. Renshaw.

It's turbot with hollandaise sauce.

Hon. What?

Next time, we go by plane.

Uh, if you'll excuse me,

I think I'll go see how she is.

MAN: Excuse us, please.

Par--

Pardon me. Could I ask you something?

What's the trouble, Mr. Botibol?

What I--

What I want to know is...

will the captain have already made

his estimate on the day's run--

you know, for the auction pool--

before it got rough like this?

Well, I should say so. Yes.

About how long ago do you think he did it?

Oh, sometime this afternoon, I imagine.

He usually does it in the afternoon.

About what time?

I don't know.

Around 4:00, I should think.

When it was calm.

Well...

do you think the captain knew

there was bad weather coming on this evening?

I couldn't tell you, Mr. Botibol.

I wouldn't know.

Yeah, but, I mean,

if it gets any rougher,

the ship slows down.

Then it would be worth buying

some of the low numbers,

wouldn't you think?

Perhaps it would.

I doubt whether the old man

allowed for a really rough night.

It was pretty calm this afternoon

when he made his estimate,

as you pointed out.

Well, that means the storm

could slow us down, doesn't it?

Oh, come on.

And the captain will have estimated

too high a number, right?

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, it's time for the auction.

Now, the captain's estimate for the day's run,

ending at noontime tomorrow,

is 515 miles.

As usual,

we take 10 numbers either side of that

to make up the range,

so it's 505 to 525.

And for those of you who feel that the true figure

will even be further away,

we have a low field

and a high field sold separately.

So let's take the first number out of the bucket.

Remember, the captain's number is 515,

and the first number is 512.

$90. I have $90 to start with.

MAN: 100. 100.

350.

$350.

$400.

AUCTIONEER: Sold to the man for $200.

Let's take another number out of the bucket.

Ah. It's the low field.

Now let me remind you. The low field

covers every number below the smallest number

in the range,

and in this case, that means every number below 505 miles.

So what am I bid?

MAN: $100. $100.

$100. I have a bid for $100.

DIFFERENT MAN: $150.

$150.

200. 200.

Any bets on $200?

250.

250. Any bets on 250?

WOMAN: $300.

$300. I have $300.

MAN: 350. 350. Thank you.

Any bets on 350?

$400.

$400.

450.

Any bets on 450?

500.

500 high. 500. 500. Any bets on 500?

$550.

$550! Any bets on 550?

$600.

$600. $600.

700.

700. I have a bid of $700.

Any advance on $700?

750.

A bid for 750.

Any advance on $750?

800.

$800 I have. $800!

$900.

$900. I've got a bid for $900.

Any advance on $900?

950.

Thousand!

$1,000.

I have a bid for $1,000. Any advance on $1,000?

Going once at $1,000.

Twice.

Sold to the man for $1,000.

"B" as in Brooklyn.

Oh, good.

It's great to see a friendly face.

So, what are you looking so happy about?

Low field. That's me.

Low field. Can't lose.

I heard.

It's a pretty good-sized pool, too.

A little over, what, $13,000, right?

14,000.

[Chuckling]

I'll bet you had to pay plenty for it, though.

$1,000. Oh, oh.

That's some low field ticket.

Want to know something else?

What?

It was my last $1,000.

It was all I had in the world.

Yeah? Well, was that smart?

Smart?

[Chuckling]

Smart? Are you kidding?

I just got through telling you.

I can't lose. I mean, I--

I can't lose.

You see, the--

the captain figured on a good, calm sea,

but then...

[Whooshing]

Slowed us right down.

[Laughing]

Blow, blow, thou winter "wined," huh?

"Wined?"

Wind.

Uh, "wined" is more poetic, old boy.

Poetic.

Ahh, yeah.

My love is like a red, red rose...

that's newly sprung in June.

Robert Burns.

My love is like a red, red rose.

Yes, sir.

And my love, sir, is my wife,

and my wife, sir, is Ethel.

Now--now that-- that, sir, that.

That is unusual, don't you think?

My love is my wife,

and my wife is my love,

and Ethel is her name, sir.

And have I got a surprise for Ethel.

Oh...boy.

A surprise?

When I get the $14,000

in my hand from the auction pool,

all in crisp $100 bills,

you know what I'm gonna do?

What?

I'm gonna buy the finest car I can find.

I'm gonna pick it up

on the way from the ship,

and I'm gonna drive it all the way home just--

just for the pleasure of seeing Ethel's face

when she walks out the front door

and looks at it.

Now, wouldn't that be something?

Hmm?

Hello, Ethel, honey.

I have a little present for you.

Yeah. I saw it in the window

as I was passing by, and I said to myself,

"That's the car you always wanted."

You like it, honey? You like the color?

[Thunder]

And you know what I'm gonna do?

What?

I'm just gonna stand there and watch her face.

[Wind blowing]

Oh, my God.

[Knock on door]

Come in.

Good morning, sir.

And a very nice day it is, too.

When did the weather change?

Just before dawn, sir.

But it's only 9:00.

Yes. That's right, sir.

We'll make up for all the time we lost last night.

We'll fare boldly along now, sir.

Oh, my God.

What am I gonna do?

Good God, what am I gonna do?

Oh, my God.

[Thinking] What's Ethel gonna say?

I can't tell her I spent 6 months' savings

on a bet on the ship's pool.

I can't keep it a secret.

Well, I'll just have to tell her

to stop drawing checks.

What about those monthly installments?

Oh. That look when she gets really mad.

The eyes gray instead of blue.

Oh, my God.

What am I gonna do?

Morning.

Well, there's no telling

about the weather, is there?

You can't win now

unless this ship turns around

and starts to go backwards.

Ha! Hey, that's an idea.

Why don't you go up and ask the skipper

to put the ship in reverse

and go full steam astern?

You can offer him 10% of the profits.

Ha ha ha.

Hey, now, that's better, old buddy.

You've just got to face it.

There's nothing you can do

to slow this ship down,

so you just got to grin and bear it.

I guess so.

Good man.

You know, I was kind of worried

when I saw you standing that close

to the ship's rail.

Ha ha ha!

Good morning.

Ah, Mr. Botibol. Good morning to you.

I thought--I guess I might as well

tear this up now, huh?

Yes. Bad luck.

Ship's picked up a lot of speed.

Hey, could you tell me something?

How close do you think I got?

I mean, how long

would the storm have to have blown

before I had a chance of winning?

Oh, about an hour, I suppose.

Yes, if the storm had lasted for another hour,

We'd never have made up the time.

[Thinking] Well, why not?

Why ever not?

The sea is calm,

and I won't have any trouble keeping afloat

until they pick me up.

Let's see. The ship would have to stop,

and the lifeboat would have to go back

maybe a half-mile to pick me up, and--

and then it's still got to return to the ship.

Now, all of that has to take at least an hour.

It'll knock 30 miles off the day's run and...

that will do it.

The sooner, the better.

Do it now and get it over with.

You have to do it soon

because the time limit is noon.

Yeah. She'll probably do.

She would probably give the alarm

just as quickly as anyone else.

But wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Take your time, William Botibol.

Take your time.

Check her out.

Make sure.

Hello.

Hello.

My name is Botibol.

"B," Brooklyn, "O," Oliver,

"T," Tommy, "I," Idaho,

"B," Brooklyn, "O," Oliver,

"L" as in love.

Mr. Botibol.

You heard.

I was barely speaking above a whisper.

Oh, yes. I have excellent hearing.

I'm often told I hear things I shouldn't.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

I'll bet you have 20/20 vision, too.

20/20 vision?

Well, I mean, uh--

I'll bet you could see

the tiniest speck at sea.

Why, maybe I could.

What I mean to say is,

you don't have to use glasses, do you?

Oh, only for reading,

but then, I really don't like reading.

In the evenings,

Maggie-- we travel together--

she reads to me before I sleep.

I find it so restful.

Do you have any interest in the ship's auction?

Auction? No. What auction?

You know, that funny old thing after dinner?

They sell tickets for the bet

on the ship's daily run.

I'll bet if you had a ticket

with a high number, you'd be very pleased

if we would make up some time.

Oh, well, I-- see, I'm very lazy.

I always go to bed early.

I have my dinner in bed.

It's so restful to have dinner in bed.

Well, I have to do my morning exercises now.

You'll forgive me?

I never like to miss my morning exercises.

It was nice meeting you.

Very nice to see you.

Good-bye.

Bye-bye.

Aah!

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help!

[Fading] Help!

Hellllp!

Oh, there you are.

I've been searching for you everywhere.

I hope you've been behaving yourself.

It's very odd.

A man jumped overboard just now

with his clothes on.

Whatever will you think of next?

He wanted to get some exercise,

so he jumped in and didn't bother

to take his clothes off.

He called out, too.

You're hearing things again.

No, I'm not, Maggie.

Well, you better come down now,

and please,

don't go wandering about on deck

without waiting for me.

Come along. It's time for your pills.

Yes, Maggie.

I think he took a liking to me.

Yes. Yes, I expect he did.

He wanted to know all about me.

I do believe he was flirting.

Whatever you say, dear.

Oh, such a nice man.

He waved to me, you know?

He waved to me

from the water, he did.

He did.

Now, wasn't that kind?

Yes. He waved.

He waved, waved, and he waved.

It was kind, Maggie.

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Captioned by the National Captioning Institute

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