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♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
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00:00:04,730 --> 00:00:07,840
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:11,493
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,573 --> 00:00:18,166
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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00:00:18,244 --> 00:00:21,353
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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New shirt, Cleveland?
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00:00:37,263 --> 00:00:39,741
Donna saw an unflattering
picture of me on Facebook
12
00:00:39,765 --> 00:00:42,190
and only lets me wear black now.
13
00:00:42,268 --> 00:00:43,617
Is the picture that bad?
14
00:00:43,693 --> 00:00:45,377
It was the worst thing
15
00:00:45,454 --> 00:00:47,582
I would ever want
to see myself be.
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00:00:47,606 --> 00:00:50,752
Problem with these dark
shirts is the dandruff shows.
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00:00:50,776 --> 00:00:52,420
But when I wear light colors...
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00:00:52,444 --> 00:00:54,756
The dandruff doesn't show,
but you look bigger in the shirt.
19
00:00:54,780 --> 00:00:57,108
- Yeah, it's called "Guillermo's Paradox."
- What's that now?
20
00:00:57,132 --> 00:00:59,558
Guillermo del Toro
theorized that a fat man's shirt
21
00:00:59,635 --> 00:01:02,561
cannot simultaneously
appear slimming and clean.
22
00:01:02,638 --> 00:01:05,800
Mm. That boy does
look like he be gettin' dry.
23
00:01:05,824 --> 00:01:07,269
All right, Peter,
what's going on?
24
00:01:07,293 --> 00:01:08,400
Well, truth be told,
25
00:01:08,477 --> 00:01:10,438
Meg wants me to give
her a bunch of money
26
00:01:10,462 --> 00:01:12,440
so she can go to college,
and I guess...
27
00:01:12,464 --> 00:01:15,056
I guess I'd rather spend
that money on alcohol.
28
00:01:15,134 --> 00:01:17,334
Listen,
I helped my daughter through college
29
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and it was the
best thing I ever did.
30
00:01:19,471 --> 00:01:21,633
Well, it was just kind of us talking,
but how so?
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Right after she graduated,
she got a real good job
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and bought me a new car.
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00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:28,807
Says she's gonna buy
me a house one day,
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00:01:28,831 --> 00:01:31,590
so I can sell this
place and retire.
35
00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:34,927
Man, imagine how great
it would feel to be retired?
36
00:01:35,003 --> 00:01:36,889
I knew a retired
kid in high school.
37
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All he ate was Tater Tots.
38
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He smooshed a turtle
like a ice cream sandwich.
39
00:01:41,327 --> 00:01:43,751
- He was severely retired.
- Okay, Peter.
40
00:01:43,829 --> 00:01:46,308
Guys, I've got to help
Meg get into a good college.
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Then I can have the golden
years I've always dreamed of.
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00:01:49,335 --> 00:01:51,646
I sure am gonna miss you, baby.
43
00:01:51,670 --> 00:01:54,738
New wife that's just
one giant freckle?
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00:01:57,767 --> 00:02:00,661
Come on, Florida,
cancer, let's go!
45
00:02:04,608 --> 00:02:06,291
What's going on? You okay?
46
00:02:06,368 --> 00:02:08,830
This-this squirrel, man...
47
00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:12,667
Yeah,
come down here and do it, huh?
48
00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:13,835
Come down here!
49
00:02:13,859 --> 00:02:15,375
Well, you're getting old, Bri.
50
00:02:15,452 --> 00:02:16,652
Might be time to pack it up
51
00:02:16,695 --> 00:02:18,340
and get out of the
squirrel gettin' game.
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00:02:18,364 --> 00:02:20,525
No way,
man. That little bastard comes down here...
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Hey.
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00:02:24,127 --> 00:02:26,052
Get him, boy.
55
00:02:39,218 --> 00:02:41,196
You've got to get in shape, man.
56
00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:42,864
You know,
you should meet my trainer.
57
00:02:42,888 --> 00:02:44,199
I think you'd really like him.
58
00:02:44,223 --> 00:02:45,383
- You have a trainer? - Yes.
59
00:02:45,407 --> 00:02:47,627
You think it's easy
looking zero for 20 years?
60
00:02:47,651 --> 00:02:49,537
All right, fine,
I'll give it a shot.
61
00:02:49,561 --> 00:02:51,648
Right now I feel more
useless than a chiropractor
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00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,321
in an emergency.
63
00:02:53,399 --> 00:02:55,543
Excuse me,
is anyone here a doctor?
64
00:02:55,567 --> 00:02:57,212
I have a heating
pad in my office.
65
00:02:57,236 --> 00:02:58,880
What seems to be the problem?
66
00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:06,312
All right, Meg,
now if we're gonna get you
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00:03:06,336 --> 00:03:07,889
into a good school,
we're gonna have
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00:03:07,913 --> 00:03:09,193
to fudge your application a bit.
69
00:03:09,264 --> 00:03:10,764
Okay, how do we do that?
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00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,227
I don't know, I ate the fudge.
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00:03:12,251 --> 00:03:13,561
But the good news is
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00:03:13,585 --> 00:03:15,338
I got a letter of
recommendation for you.
73
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,604
It's from Big Bird
and I wrote it.
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00:03:17,681 --> 00:03:19,567
- "When I first met..."
- Read it as Big Bird, please.
75
00:03:19,591 --> 00:03:21,683
"When I first met Peter,
76
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,406
I was impressed at how
tall and handsome he is."
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00:03:24,430 --> 00:03:26,854
That's coming from Big Bird?
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00:03:26,932 --> 00:03:28,593
Think of all the
celebrities he's met.
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00:03:28,617 --> 00:03:31,246
Ryan Reynolds was
on Sesame Street.
80
00:03:31,270 --> 00:03:34,082
- Wow.
- "Also, have you ever noticed
81
00:03:34,106 --> 00:03:36,456
"that Grover and
Super Grover are never
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00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:38,792
in the same room
at the same time?"
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00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:42,221
As I said, Lois,
not two days ago.
84
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:47,095
Principal Shepherd,
what's it gonna take
85
00:03:47,119 --> 00:03:48,763
to get Meg into a college?
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00:03:48,787 --> 00:03:50,545
If Meg has any chance at all,
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00:03:50,622 --> 00:03:52,450
she's going to need
a little "extra help."
88
00:03:52,474 --> 00:03:54,452
We'll do anything.
Whatever it takes.
89
00:03:54,476 --> 00:03:58,528
Good. Now you do
understand how this works?
90
00:03:59,631 --> 00:04:01,073
We understand.
91
00:04:01,149 --> 00:04:04,054
I guess I'll, uh,
I'll meet you in the car.
92
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:06,238
He didn't mean you
have to sleep with him.
93
00:04:06,305 --> 00:04:08,708
There are a few options.
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00:04:15,905 --> 00:04:18,626
Now, Mr. And Mrs. Griffin,
every college
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00:04:18,650 --> 00:04:21,242
has spots set aside
for athletic recruits.
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00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:22,981
We can make Meg
look like a star athlete.
97
00:04:23,005 --> 00:04:24,205
With the click of a button,
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00:04:24,490 --> 00:04:27,340
we can make Meg look like
she played varsity lacrosse,
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00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:29,487
won the Quahog Marathon,
or had her head
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00:04:29,511 --> 00:04:31,770
roll down a temple
in Apocalypto.
101
00:04:33,332 --> 00:04:35,256
Lois, this is amazing!
102
00:04:35,334 --> 00:04:36,828
Meg's gonna look more successful
103
00:04:36,852 --> 00:04:38,922
than a businessman
in a hard hat.
104
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:42,022
Hey! I came down here from
the office to point at the plans,
105
00:04:42,098 --> 00:04:44,702
then at the building!
Plans! Building!
106
00:04:44,726 --> 00:04:46,579
Building! Plans!
107
00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:48,436
Yes, sir. Right away, sir!
108
00:04:50,699 --> 00:04:53,700
I come down to the
site once in a while.
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00:04:57,372 --> 00:04:59,673
Hi, uh,
you must be Stewie's trainer.
110
00:05:01,527 --> 00:05:04,339
Wh... How did you...? I thought
I was gonna meet your trainer?
111
00:05:04,363 --> 00:05:06,357
You're looking at him,
Bri. Look at my body.
112
00:05:06,381 --> 00:05:08,343
I'm jacked. You
want to get jacked?
113
00:05:08,367 --> 00:05:10,361
- Uh...
- Yeah, you want to get jacked.
114
00:05:10,385 --> 00:05:12,311
That's what having a trainer is.
115
00:05:12,387 --> 00:05:13,623
Just a couple of
guys getting jacked.
116
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,683
- Sometimes twice a day.
- Okay, you know what...?
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00:05:15,707 --> 00:05:18,317
All right, before we start in,
a little business to go over.
118
00:05:18,393 --> 00:05:20,872
I was just messing around
about the jacked stuff, by the way.
119
00:05:20,896 --> 00:05:23,191
Uh, did you want to sign
up for the full three years?
120
00:05:23,215 --> 00:05:25,376
Three years? Don't you
just do it by the session?
121
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,701
Yeah, no, we can do,
uh, sesh to sesh.
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00:05:27,736 --> 00:05:29,864
Not committed.
123
00:05:29,888 --> 00:05:31,832
Did you want to do
the supplement plan?
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00:05:31,856 --> 00:05:33,201
Uh. uh, no. No, thanks.
125
00:05:33,225 --> 00:05:35,203
Going through the motions.
126
00:05:35,227 --> 00:05:37,819
All right,
so what do you got going on for New Years?
127
00:05:37,896 --> 00:05:40,188
- What?
- 80% of being a trainer is
128
00:05:40,265 --> 00:05:41,709
asking clients what
they're doing for New Years.
129
00:05:41,733 --> 00:05:44,212
And then not seeming
interested when you tell me.
130
00:05:44,236 --> 00:05:46,138
I don't know,
I might go over to a buddy's house
131
00:05:46,162 --> 00:05:47,587
and watch the ball drop.
132
00:05:47,664 --> 00:05:49,422
Oh, right on.
133
00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:51,310
- So, uh, what do you do for work?
- I'm a writer.
134
00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,294
- Okay, so lot of sittin'?
- Yeah.
135
00:05:53,336 --> 00:05:55,239
Hang on, I got to make a call.
136
00:05:55,263 --> 00:05:58,560
Hey, Death? I got a guy
here just about ready for you.
137
00:05:58,584 --> 00:06:00,912
No, not really,
I'm just trying to make a point.
138
00:06:00,936 --> 00:06:03,103
All right,
and that is it for today.
139
00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:04,841
First sesh in the books.
140
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,515
Let's Ven' to the 'mo.
141
00:06:11,613 --> 00:06:15,690
♪ Mail time,
mail time, mail time, mail time ♪
142
00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:18,079
♪ Mail time. ♪
143
00:06:18,103 --> 00:06:20,081
The mail's here!
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00:06:20,105 --> 00:06:22,214
♪ Here's the mail
that never fails ♪
145
00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:24,419
♪ It makes me
want to wag my tail ♪
146
00:06:24,443 --> 00:06:29,170
♪ When it comes I
want to wail mail... ♪
147
00:06:29,205 --> 00:06:30,872
"To Meg Griffin."
148
00:06:30,949 --> 00:06:32,749
It's from Brown!
149
00:06:35,454 --> 00:06:37,879
I've been accepted!
150
00:06:37,956 --> 00:06:39,398
Hey, that's great news.
151
00:06:39,474 --> 00:06:41,641
Let's clap it up my
high school girlfriend
152
00:06:41,718 --> 00:06:44,528
and I still say I
love you in e-mails.
153
00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,773
I was hoping the good
news and the clapping
154
00:06:48,817 --> 00:06:50,650
would offset this secret.
155
00:06:50,727 --> 00:06:52,202
But yay, Meg!
156
00:07:13,325 --> 00:07:16,176
Wow, I remember when my
parents clapped their hands
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00:07:16,252 --> 00:07:18,139
after moving something one time.
158
00:07:18,163 --> 00:07:19,921
You never forget those moments.
159
00:07:19,998 --> 00:07:22,477
Now remember, Meg,
I want you to call us every week,
160
00:07:22,501 --> 00:07:25,146
and then every few weeks,
and then never.
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00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:26,497
I promise, Mom.
162
00:07:26,521 --> 00:07:28,407
Got to admit,
I'm kind of jealous you get to go
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00:07:28,431 --> 00:07:30,409
to college and live
in such a cool dorm.
164
00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:32,503
Look, they even have the
pay phone Denise Huxtable
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00:07:32,527 --> 00:07:34,580
would call from on
A Different World.
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00:07:34,604 --> 00:07:36,507
Hi, Dad. College is great.
167
00:07:36,531 --> 00:07:38,601
I'm doing what I
want to actresses
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00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:41,604
and will get support
from my wife Camille.
169
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:44,629
That stuff was more out in
the open than I remember.
170
00:07:46,708 --> 00:07:48,467
Well, I guess that's it.
171
00:07:48,543 --> 00:07:51,172
Our baby is all grown
up and living at college.
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00:07:51,196 --> 00:07:52,690
I know! She's so lucky!
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00:07:52,714 --> 00:07:54,288
This place is awesome!
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00:07:54,366 --> 00:07:56,511
You think I'll go to
college one day?
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00:07:56,535 --> 00:07:58,218
Oh... yeah.
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00:07:58,294 --> 00:07:59,478
Sky's the limit, champ.
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00:07:59,596 --> 00:08:01,182
Lois,
I'll meet you down at the car.
178
00:08:01,206 --> 00:08:02,700
I got to take a
dump that will live on
179
00:08:02,724 --> 00:08:05,358
in story and song.
180
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,302
No, I don't have a roommate.
181
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:10,115
I guess he, like,
died or something.
182
00:08:10,139 --> 00:08:12,306
So I've got a
double all to myself.
183
00:08:12,384 --> 00:08:14,159
A double? Hey, roomie.
184
00:08:14,236 --> 00:08:16,364
Want to listen to The
Doors for the next six months
185
00:08:16,388 --> 00:08:18,199
and then never again
for the rest of your life?
186
00:08:18,223 --> 00:08:20,073
Wait, you're my roommate?
187
00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:22,000
You're Ashok Chandrasekhar?
188
00:08:22,077 --> 00:08:24,055
- God bless you. -
189
00:08:24,079 --> 00:08:26,487
Classic Ashok.
190
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,830
Hey, why'd you tell me to
meet you at Meg's room?
191
00:08:31,903 --> 00:08:33,472
Well,
now that Meg is in college,
192
00:08:33,496 --> 00:08:35,588
I turned her room into a gym.
193
00:08:35,665 --> 00:08:37,599
Oh, my God.
194
00:08:39,745 --> 00:08:42,187
- How'd you do this?
- Took a Limitless pill
195
00:08:42,264 --> 00:08:44,505
and played "Old
Town Road" on loop.
196
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:46,577
All right,
why don't we start off with a plank?
197
00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:48,843
One minute,
and I'm gonna go call my girlfriend
198
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,232
and the forget
about you. And... go.
199
00:08:51,256 --> 00:08:53,681
- - Hey.
200
00:08:53,759 --> 00:08:55,419
- I'm at the gym, why? - Stewie?
201
00:08:55,443 --> 00:08:57,739
Babe,
you know I can't deal with your sister.
202
00:08:57,763 --> 00:09:00,446
Hey, babe... babe? Baby girl?
203
00:09:00,523 --> 00:09:03,168
- Stewie!
- Babe! Babe, I'm not... baby babe,
204
00:09:03,192 --> 00:09:04,876
ba-babe, baby, baby, come on.
205
00:09:04,953 --> 00:09:07,431
-... Babe, I'll call you back.
206
00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:11,435
Okay, right on,
so you remember I was telling you
207
00:09:11,459 --> 00:09:13,755
about the magnesium
supplement with the bone boost?
208
00:09:13,779 --> 00:09:16,257
So this is why you
want to try and take that.
209
00:09:16,281 --> 00:09:18,241
- Right on?
- No, not "right on"!
210
00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:19,443
My arm feels like it's broken!
211
00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:21,429
Oh, it's gonna need some P.T.
212
00:09:21,453 --> 00:09:23,281
Let me give you the card
of my physical therapist.
213
00:09:23,305 --> 00:09:24,615
He's the best.
214
00:09:24,639 --> 00:09:27,065
This is gonna be you in another shirt,
isn't it?
215
00:09:27,142 --> 00:09:29,045
Hey, what's the problemo?
216
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,885
Give me the rundown, go ahead.
217
00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:36,611
H-Hey, Meg?
218
00:09:36,635 --> 00:09:38,076
Hi, I'm Xander.
219
00:09:38,153 --> 00:09:39,781
I'm-I'm in your bio
class. I'm not a stalker.
220
00:09:39,805 --> 00:09:41,373
Either way.
221
00:09:41,397 --> 00:09:44,231
Listen, me and my roommates
are having people over tonight,
222
00:09:44,309 --> 00:09:46,563
and I was wondering if
you'd want to come by.
223
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,253
Yeah. I'd love to.
224
00:09:48,330 --> 00:09:49,087
Awesome.
225
00:09:49,164 --> 00:09:51,238
Keeney, 325.
226
00:09:51,316 --> 00:09:52,643
Heads up!
227
00:09:54,519 --> 00:09:56,836
Dad? What the
hell are you doing?
228
00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:58,671
I'm going to college now.
229
00:09:58,748 --> 00:10:00,265
Wait, what? What about Mom?
230
00:10:00,342 --> 00:10:02,303
Well,
I had to have a tough conversation
231
00:10:02,327 --> 00:10:04,269
with her by the lake.
232
00:10:10,335 --> 00:10:13,019
I'm just not a fan of
long-distance relationships.
233
00:10:13,096 --> 00:10:14,782
Peter,
I need to know if you're gonna
234
00:10:14,806 --> 00:10:16,263
pick Stewie up from school.
235
00:10:16,341 --> 00:10:17,690
I'll be home for Thanksgiving.
236
00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:19,654
We'll see where we're at then.
237
00:10:22,697 --> 00:10:24,530
Hi, I'm Serena.
238
00:10:24,607 --> 00:10:25,790
This is Lily and Grace.
239
00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:27,252
- Weet up. - Hyai.
240
00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:29,664
Are you interested in
pledging for Alpha Delta Pi?
241
00:10:29,688 --> 00:10:32,500
Yeah! I hear you guys
throw all the best parties.
242
00:10:32,524 --> 00:10:35,169
Well,
we've been waiting for you all summer,
243
00:10:35,193 --> 00:10:38,136
and we're so glad
you're finally here.
244
00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:45,104
Boom, boom, I wanna go A D Pi...
245
00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:46,514
Meg,
you gotta get me out of here.
246
00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:48,349
These people are
out of their minds.
247
00:10:48,373 --> 00:10:51,298
Do not go A D Pi,
Meg. Do not join this thing.
248
00:10:51,376 --> 00:10:53,559
They don't let
us out of the pile.
249
00:10:53,636 --> 00:10:56,299
They're so mean,
Meg. They're so mean.
250
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:59,243
I wanna go A D Pi, don't you?
251
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:09,075
Hey, Meg, I'm a hippie now,
and I'm feeling the burn.
252
00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:11,873
- Bernie Sanders?
- No, none of my hippie girlfriends shower,
253
00:11:11,897 --> 00:11:13,224
and my crotch itches.
254
00:11:13,248 --> 00:11:15,300
You know,
despite what we're doing here,
255
00:11:15,324 --> 00:11:17,228
- I'm still your daughter.
- Right, right.
256
00:11:17,252 --> 00:11:18,321
Hey, uh,
would you sign this petition
257
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,086
to help save the spotted owl?
258
00:11:20,163 --> 00:11:21,883
- Yeah, sure. - Awesome.
259
00:11:21,907 --> 00:11:23,660
You're our 50th signature.
260
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,403
So what happens now?
261
00:11:25,427 --> 00:11:26,685
Buck, wait!
262
00:11:26,761 --> 00:11:28,669
- - Buck!
263
00:11:28,747 --> 00:11:31,189
They got 50 signatures.
264
00:11:31,266 --> 00:11:32,432
That's 50 all right.
265
00:11:32,508 --> 00:11:35,897
Well,
let's get back in the truck.
266
00:11:38,273 --> 00:11:41,511
You don't have to
be afraid anymore.
267
00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:43,184
I'm still itchy.
268
00:11:43,261 --> 00:11:45,853
Dad, I'm holding the ladder!
269
00:11:50,602 --> 00:11:53,712
There he is,
the big dog. You ready to sweat?
270
00:11:53,788 --> 00:11:56,148
Today we got legs,
and I'm gonna tell you everything
271
00:11:56,199 --> 00:11:57,752
I've ever watched on Netflix.
272
00:11:57,776 --> 00:12:00,254
Stewie, listen, I don't want
you to take this the wrong way,
273
00:12:00,278 --> 00:12:02,462
but I got a new trainer.
274
00:12:02,538 --> 00:12:04,305
New trainer? Who?
275
00:12:06,785 --> 00:12:08,429
Doug? Ugh.
276
00:12:08,453 --> 00:12:11,804
That's right, Stewie,
it's an ugh-Doug moment.
277
00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:13,231
No hard feelings.
278
00:12:13,308 --> 00:12:15,269
I think Brian here
just wants to rev up
279
00:12:15,293 --> 00:12:17,551
- to a higher octane.
- See you around, Stewie.
280
00:12:17,629 --> 00:12:21,406
So it might take me a little
longer to train you, Brian.
281
00:12:21,483 --> 00:12:24,369
You're going to have to unlearn
everything Stewie taught you.
282
00:12:24,393 --> 00:12:26,819
Fortunately,
that was almost nothing.
283
00:12:28,397 --> 00:12:30,823
Oh, man.
284
00:12:35,238 --> 00:12:36,307
Heads up.
285
00:12:36,331 --> 00:12:40,127
Ow! Dad, what the hell?
286
00:12:40,151 --> 00:12:41,462
Did you join a frat?
287
00:12:41,486 --> 00:12:43,481
I tried to,
but I got the letters mixed up
288
00:12:43,505 --> 00:12:45,221
and joined a fart.
289
00:12:49,418 --> 00:12:53,087
Hey, everyone, I'm in college,
but here's a test for you.
290
00:12:53,164 --> 00:12:55,348
We just gave you
the easiest joke setup
291
00:12:55,424 --> 00:12:58,737
Peter joins a fart house.
292
00:12:58,761 --> 00:13:00,695
Is the correct punchline A?
293
00:13:02,765 --> 00:13:04,699
B?
294
00:13:07,362 --> 00:13:09,329
Or C?
295
00:13:12,608 --> 00:13:15,329
Good luck to you. And
now back to our story.
296
00:13:15,353 --> 00:13:19,258
Hey, ladies,
toga farty tonight at I Delta PU.
297
00:13:19,282 --> 00:13:21,162
- Tell your friends. - Ew, no.
298
00:13:21,209 --> 00:13:23,170
Heh, they all say that.
299
00:13:23,194 --> 00:13:25,339
- Hey, what are you reading?
- Boning up for an exam.
300
00:13:25,363 --> 00:13:28,047
I boned up yesterday when I
walked into the girls' shower.
301
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,528
Dad, please!
302
00:13:30,552 --> 00:13:32,680
Sorry, Meg,
I've been smoking doobies all morning.
303
00:13:32,704 --> 00:13:34,698
Talk about higher education.
304
00:13:36,391 --> 00:13:38,558
That's it. I can't
take this anymore.
305
00:13:38,634 --> 00:13:40,354
Dad, get out of here.
306
00:13:40,378 --> 00:13:42,320
What? This is what college is.
307
00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:44,823
How do you know? You're
not even a student here.
308
00:13:44,899 --> 00:13:46,377
You're a total fraud.
309
00:13:46,401 --> 00:13:48,309
Me? You wouldn't even be here
310
00:13:48,386 --> 00:13:49,327
if your mother and I didn't
311
00:13:49,404 --> 00:13:51,382
- pay someone to get you in.
- What?!
312
00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:53,643
Yeah,
your whole application was fake.
313
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,316
Meg, is this true?
314
00:13:55,393 --> 00:13:58,539
What? No, of course not,
Dean Nearby.
315
00:13:58,563 --> 00:14:02,415
Well, if it is,
you're going to be suspended.
316
00:14:02,491 --> 00:14:03,653
Oh, no.
317
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,229
Well, that weekend on the Cape
318
00:14:05,253 --> 00:14:07,595
with Principal
Shepherd was a waste.
319
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,312
I know I said I
wouldn't get clingy,
320
00:14:13,336 --> 00:14:15,395
but when can I see you again?
321
00:14:21,252 --> 00:14:23,564
I can't believe they
suspended Meg.
322
00:14:23,588 --> 00:14:27,176
Suspended Meg? Peter,
you and I could be going to jail.
323
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,683
I can't go to jail. Me
and my fart brothers
324
00:14:29,761 --> 00:14:31,830
are supposed to
streak the quad later.
325
00:14:33,264 --> 00:14:35,144
Now stop that. You're not in
326
00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:37,078
whatever you think
college is anymore.
327
00:14:37,102 --> 00:14:38,746
I can't believe you
two did this to me.
328
00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:40,361
Maybe if you believed in me,
329
00:14:40,438 --> 00:14:42,266
none of this would
have happened.
330
00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:44,527
Meg, honey,
nobody wanted you out of this house
331
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,625
more than we did.
332
00:14:45,743 --> 00:14:47,126
You know, maybe there's a way
333
00:14:47,203 --> 00:14:48,422
none of you gets in trouble.
334
00:14:48,446 --> 00:14:49,721
What are you talking about?
335
00:14:49,839 --> 00:14:51,222
Well, you said you can do
336
00:14:51,299 --> 00:14:52,610
all those things
on your application.
337
00:14:52,634 --> 00:14:55,262
If you show you actually
can do those things,
338
00:14:55,286 --> 00:14:56,597
you're all in the clear.
339
00:14:56,621 --> 00:14:57,765
And then I can get back to
340
00:14:57,789 --> 00:14:59,138
hustling drunk women upstairs
341
00:14:59,215 --> 00:15:00,434
with Tobin and Squee.
342
00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:02,418
Well,
I better get to work, then.
343
00:15:02,460 --> 00:15:05,236
But I seriously doubt that
I'll be able to pull this off.
344
00:15:05,313 --> 00:15:07,550
Hey,
come on. Anything's possible.
345
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,283
Like when that Starbucks cup
made it onto Game of Thrones.
346
00:15:10,318 --> 00:15:12,438
This is it. Here it comes,
here it comes.
347
00:15:12,487 --> 00:15:15,396
- Hey! -Oh, my gosh.
- That's so cool.
348
00:15:15,473 --> 00:15:18,060
I can't believe this.
What's the Internet saying?
349
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:21,419
They-they thought
you were great.
350
00:15:24,315 --> 00:15:26,627
Okay, Brian, this many.
351
00:15:26,651 --> 00:15:29,463
- - This many.
352
00:15:29,487 --> 00:15:31,429
Come on, Brian, you can do it.
353
00:15:33,658 --> 00:15:37,584
And that's as many as I know. Good job,
Brian.
354
00:15:37,662 --> 00:15:40,141
Hey, Stewie,
congratulate your friend.
355
00:15:40,165 --> 00:15:42,423
He just did this many sit-ups.
356
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,403
What? There's
nothing after that.
357
00:15:44,427 --> 00:15:47,148
- That's as high as it goes.
- Yep.
358
00:15:47,172 --> 00:15:49,280
Are you crazy,
pushing him that hard?
359
00:15:49,357 --> 00:15:51,098
You're playing a dangerous game.
360
00:15:51,176 --> 00:15:53,154
Yeah, it's dangerous.
361
00:15:53,178 --> 00:15:55,328
And that's the way I like it.
362
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,166
Listen, Doug,
I've been meaning to talk to you.
363
00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:08,708
I just got this new job,
and the commute is... ugh.
364
00:16:08,784 --> 00:16:10,337
I can work around your schedule.
365
00:16:10,361 --> 00:16:12,545
Well,
that's the thing. I don't have one.
366
00:16:12,621 --> 00:16:15,122
That's the way the
suits figured it anyway.
367
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,216
What exactly is this job?
368
00:16:17,293 --> 00:16:19,180
I know, right? Anyway,
you've been terrific,
369
00:16:19,204 --> 00:16:20,461
and I'm gonna keep at this.
370
00:16:20,538 --> 00:16:22,296
But I'm afraid this is goodbye.
371
00:16:22,373 --> 00:16:24,143
What if I went down
to $300 a week?
372
00:16:24,167 --> 00:16:26,442
- You're paying him?!
- I'm sorry.
373
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:33,194
Hey, whoa, whoa,
whoa. There's no need for that.
374
00:16:35,236 --> 00:16:37,811
- Thank you for that, Brian.
- You're welcome, Stewie.
375
00:16:37,889 --> 00:16:40,868
You know, this whole thing has
taught me an important lesson.
376
00:16:40,892 --> 00:16:42,645
I hate exercise.
377
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,076
Gay-men.
378
00:16:44,153 --> 00:16:47,321
Somebody has to help
me walk down the stairs.
379
00:16:53,404 --> 00:16:56,233
Everyone,
if I could have your attention.
380
00:16:56,257 --> 00:16:59,553
I'm Dean Distant Faraway,
and we're here today
381
00:16:59,577 --> 00:17:02,890
to determine whether or
not Meg Griffin can justify
382
00:17:02,914 --> 00:17:05,431
her admission to our university.
383
00:17:05,508 --> 00:17:07,652
- And we're Mom and Dad. Hi.
- Go blue.
384
00:17:07,676 --> 00:17:10,898
What
did they say? I-I'm very far away.
385
00:17:15,777 --> 00:17:17,777
Strike.
386
00:17:34,203 --> 00:17:36,554
Ah... Dr. Nassar?
387
00:17:36,631 --> 00:17:40,433
- - Oh, my stars.
388
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:46,633
Okay, I'm gonna try to kill
two birds with one stone here.
389
00:17:46,657 --> 00:17:48,435
I'll be singing "Love
is a Battlefield"
390
00:17:48,459 --> 00:17:51,069
- by Pat Benatar. -
391
00:17:51,145 --> 00:17:52,719
In Russian.
392
00:17:54,315 --> 00:17:56,482
- Hit it. -
393
00:17:57,635 --> 00:18:01,728
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
394
00:18:01,806 --> 00:18:03,998
♪ My sil'nyy ♪
395
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:07,805
♪ Nikito Nam Ne Skazhet chto ♪
396
00:18:07,829 --> 00:18:10,904
♪ My ne pravy ♪
397
00:18:10,982 --> 00:18:12,717
♪ Dolgo ishchen vy ♪
398
00:18:12,741 --> 00:18:15,835
♪ Nashix serdtsa ♪
399
00:18:15,911 --> 00:18:19,263
♪ My oba znaem chto ♪
400
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:25,419
♪ Lyubov eto battlefield. ♪
401
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:31,087
Well, it appears you can
do pretty much everything
402
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:33,111
you claimed on your application.
403
00:18:33,187 --> 00:18:35,833
So that's it? I'm
back in school?
404
00:18:35,857 --> 00:18:37,281
I think all you have to do now
405
00:18:37,358 --> 00:18:40,409
is prove you can windsurf
over Providence Falls.
406
00:18:43,439 --> 00:18:44,675
Oh, right.
407
00:18:44,699 --> 00:18:46,791
You prove that, you're back.
408
00:18:46,868 --> 00:18:49,680
Wait, did we check that she
can get dunked on by her dad?
409
00:18:49,704 --> 00:18:50,755
Dunked on by my d...?
410
00:18:50,779 --> 00:18:52,713
Oh!
411
00:18:53,858 --> 00:18:56,175
You gotta get big, Meg.
412
00:19:03,534 --> 00:19:06,385
Guys, no matter what happens,
I just want you to know
413
00:19:06,462 --> 00:19:08,721
that I forgive you
for what you did.
414
00:19:08,797 --> 00:19:11,298
I know deep down you
were just looking out for me.
415
00:19:11,376 --> 00:19:13,445
Whatever you think
the lesson is here
416
00:19:13,469 --> 00:19:14,560
is fine by us.
417
00:19:16,898 --> 00:19:19,490
Good luck, Meg. We love you.
418
00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:39,343
Aah...
419
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:41,715
Aw, so close.
420
00:19:45,243 --> 00:19:46,645
Peter, call an ambulance.
421
00:19:46,669 --> 00:19:49,687
Can you do it? My
number's blocked by 911.
422
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,088
Come on,
you can do this. Stewie does it every day.
423
00:20:21,112 --> 00:20:22,423
- He does? - Yep.
424
00:20:22,447 --> 00:20:23,971
Just put one hand on the rail.
425
00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:29,763
Damn it, I can't.
426
00:20:29,787 --> 00:20:31,562
Uppies.
427
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,270
Adios, Doug.
428
00:20:36,294 --> 00:20:40,071
From hell's heart
I stab at thee.
429
00:20:40,147 --> 00:20:45,317
With my last breath,
I spit upon...
430
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,249
Ha! What a baby.
431
00:20:51,273 --> 00:20:53,273
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