Original subtitles

[ ULTRASOUND MACHINE WHIRRING ]

-THERE'S THE BABY'S HEAD. SEE THE HEAD?

-[ Chuckling ] WHY IS IT NOT ATTACHED TO THE BODY, YOU KNOW?

-MISS GUIDRY, IT'S ATTACHED TO THE BODY.

LOOK, WE'RE GONNA GET THE DOCTOR IN HERE.

-OKAY, WHY DOES THE DOCTOR HAVE TO COME IN?

-WELL, I'M JUST THE TECHNICIAN.

HE'S GONNA COME IN TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE ULTRASOUND.

-SO SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.

-EVERYTHING IS FINE.

-YOU NEED TO RELAX, TAKE SOME DEEP BREATHS.

-[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

-IT'S OKAY TO BE NERVOUS. IS THIS YOUR FIRST BABY?

-YES.

-FROM THE BEGINNING OF TIME, WOMEN HAVE BEEN NERVOUS, OKAY?

DON'T BE SCARED.

-[ SIGHS ] OHH.

[ BUZZER, DOOR SLAMS ]

-[ MAN SINGING IN SPANISH ]

-[ SIGHS ]

[ MYSTICAL MUSIC PLAYS ]

-FROM THE DAY WE ARE BORN,

WHO WE ARE AND WHO WE WILL BECOME

IS SHAPED BY OTHERS.

IN THIS CHAPTER, WE WILL EXAMINE,

"WHO AM I, AND WHAT IS MY TRUE DESTINY?"

AND WE WILL BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND

THAT WHEN WE FULLY COMMIT WITHOUT QUESTION,

WITHOUT RESERVATION,

THE UNIVERSE WILL EMBRACE US FOR WHOMEVER WE CHOOSE TO BE.

[ MUSIC STOPS, DOOR SLAMS ]

-[ SIGHS ] [ MUSIC RESUMES ]

-WE HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE OUR OWN DESTINY.

IN THIS CHAPTER --

-YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT, EDDIE.

[ MUSIC STOPS, BUZZER ]

-WHAT THAT IS IS STINKIN' THINKIN'.

DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, EDDIE.

COME ON. THAT'S FOOLISHNESS.

COME ON. LET'S DO OUR MANTRA.

WHAT IS YESTERDAY?

-YESTERDAY IS HISTORY.

-HISTORY. WHAT IS TOMORROW?

-TOMORROW IS MYSTERY.

-A MYSTERY.

[ CHUCKLES ] AND WHAT IS TODAY?

[ BUZZER ]

TODAY IS A GIFT.

-ALLONS-Y, GUIDRY.

-THAT'S WHY WE CALL IT THE PRESENT.

COME ON. YOU GOT THIS, ALL RIGHT?

-[ SIGHS ]

-NAH, MAN. YOU KEEP IT.

-REALLY?

-I GOT THIS.

MANIFEST.

FOCUS. VISUALIZE.

[ LIVELY CAJUN MUSIC PLAYS ]

-HE'S AT THE 10. HE'S AT THE 5!

AND HE'S GONNA BE KNOCKED OUT OF BOUNDS

AT ABOUT THE TWO-YARD LINE.

-HONEY, COULD WE CLEAN UP ALL THAT STUFF

BEFORE EDDIE GETS HERE?

I GOT THE GAME ON INSIDE.

-I GOT TO PLANT THIS TREE.

-WHY NOW? THE BABY'S NOT EVEN HERE YET.

THE PLACENTA IS FOR THE ROOTS.

IT GOES IN FIRST.

-CAN'T WE SPREAD IT ON TOP?

-IF YOU WANT THE POSSUMS TO EAT IT.

-HOW MANY CONTAINERS OF THAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

-CAUGHT! IT'S CAUGHT!

[ CHEERING, SCREAMING ]

ALL RIGHT.

BYE-BYE.

-GOOD JOB, MAN. GOOD JOB.

-HEY, DUDE.

-LATER, EDDIE. GOOD LUCK, MAN.

-EDDIE, GOOD LUCK.

LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU GET THAT HARMONIC GIBBERISH GOING.

-OH, RESONANCE.

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

[ BROADCASTER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]

-CAJUNS MOVING INSIDE WHILE LOOKING TO PASS,

A LITTLE OUTLET PASS OUT TO MANDRY.

MANDRY'S GOT THE CATCH.

HE'S DOWN TO ABOUT THE 22-YARD LINE.

NOW ONE HAS TO HURRY UP. CAJUNS HAVE TO A HURRY.

CLOCK IS RUNNING.

LAST DRIVE OF THE SEASON,

CAN THE CAJUNS MAKE IT TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME?

[ POUNDING ]

-SAMANTHA! -WHAT?

-COME HELP ME, PLEASE, QUICK!

-JESUS CHRIST.

MOM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

-I'M TRYING TO CLEAN THIS UP.

I DON'T WHY I EVER LET YOUR FATHER

TEAR IT APART IN THE FIRST PLACE.

-WHY DID YOU?

-'CAUSE HE LOST HIS JOB.

HE HAD TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO.

-HE'S GOT PIZZI DOWN THE SIDELINES.

THE PASS IS COMPLETE AT THE 10, AT THE 5!

TOUCHDOWN CAJUNS! [ ALL CHEERING ]

THE ACADIANA CAJUNS HAVE JUST WON,

AND THE CAJUNS ARE MOVING ON

TO THE NATIONAL-CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!

THE CAJUNS HAVE DEFIED ALL ODDS AND ARE NOW ONE GAME AWAY

FROM NATIONAL-CHAMPIONSHIP GLORY!

-WHERE'S EDDIE GONNA SLEEP?

-OUT IN THE GUEST HOUSE.

-I THOUGHT YOU SAID ME AND DICKIE COULD STAY THERE.

-HONEY, THAT WAS MONTHS AGO, AND YOU NEVER CAME.

-WELL, WE'RE GONNA COME NOW!

I DIDN'T KNOW HIS ROOMMATES WERE GONNA BE SUCH ASSHOLES.

-[ CHUCKLES ]

-WHY DOES HE GET PRIORITY?

-BECAUSE HE SPENT THE LAST YEAR IN PRISON.

-OKAY, SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT --

I NEED TO COMMIT FRAUD, GO TO PRISON,

AND THEN WE CAN STAY HERE.

-YOU KNOW HE WAS INNOCENT, SAM.

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

[ ALARM CHIRPING ]

-AWW. [ TOY SQUEAKS ]

[ MUSIC SLOWS, STOPS ]

-HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU STAY IN YOUR OLD ROOM?

IT'LL BE FUN. COME ON.

-OKAY.

HEY. -HEY, HEY, HEY!

HOW YOU DOING, MISS PENNY?

-GOOD. -HI.

-HOW YOU DOING?

-GOOD. -MM!

-SHIT.

-[ CHUCKLES ]

-TASTE IT.

-[ SLURPS ] MMM!

-IT'S THAT BAD? -MNH-MNH.

-COME ON. -MM.

Y'ALL STILL WORKING ON THIS?

-I'M AFRAID SO.

OHH! -OHH!

-I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

-HONEY! OH, EDDIE!

-DAMN, EDDIE. -BE CAREFUL.

-I'M SORRY.

-WELCOME HOME! WELCOME HOME!

-HI!

-ALWAYS A WRECKING BALL.

-[ SIGHS ]

-WELCOME HOME, PARTNER.

-GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK.

-DADDY.

[ PILLS RATTLE ]

-EDDIE, YOU LOOKING GOOD, MAN.

-OH, THANK YOU, DICKIE.

-HE PREFERS TO BE CALLED "RICHARD" NOW.

-IT'S A WORK THING.

-ALL RIGHT, RICHARD.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SISTER?

-THAT'S PROCREATION, MAN.

-[ CHUCKLES ] NO, I'M TALKING

ABOUT THIS "DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES" GETUP.

-IT'S CALLED GROWING UP.

ALL RIGHT, Y'ALL.

PLEASE REMEMBER WHAT MAWMAW USED TO SAY --

"HUNGER MAKES THE BEST SAUCE."

-IT SURE DOES.

-HEY, NO PRISON-FOOD JOKES.

-ALL RIGHT. MMM.

-JOHN?

DINNER'S READY.

[ SPORTSCASTER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN YOUR UNDERWEAR?

-MY BACK'S KILLING ME.

-REALLY?

-YEAH.

-[ SIGHS ]

-...THROWING FOUR TOUCHDOWN PASSES.

-OKAY. -BRINGS THEM RIGHT BACK DOWN.

AT THIS POINT IN THE GAME, WHERE THERE'S FIVE...

-YOUR FATHER'S BACK IS HURTING HIM,

SO WE'RE JUST GONNA [Chuckling] GO ON WITHOUT HIM.

[ SIGHS ]

OKAY, HERE WE GO.

HEAVENLY FATHER, THANK YOU FOR THIS FOOD,

DELIVERING EDDIE BACK TO US IN ONE PIECE,

AND FOR BRINGING OUR WHOLE FAMILY

BACK TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN.

AMEN.

-AMEN. -AMEN.

[ ACCORDION PLAYING FOLK TUNE, CHILDREN LAUGHING ]

[ CHILDREN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]

-[ CLEARS THROAT ] [ MUSIC STOPS ]

[ SIGHS, SNIFFLES ]

-I'M SORRY, MAN. IT'S A BAD TIME?

-NO, IT'S COOL.

-[ SIGHS ]

DID SAM TELL YOU THAT I'M A SALES EXECUTIVE

AT ACADIANA DISTRIBUTING?

-YEAH, THAT'S GOOD, DICKIE.

-YEP. IT'S RICHARD.

-OH, YEAH. RICHARD.

-I CAN GET YOUR FOOT IN THE DOOR

IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.

-THAT'S COOL, MAN.

I APPRECIATE IT, BUT I'M THE HEALING ARTS NOW.

-THE HEALING ARTS?

-YEAH, DR. EDWARD GUIDRY, AMD.

-A DOCTOR? -ALTERNATIVE-MEDICINE DOCTOR --

THAT'S WHAT AMD STANDS FOR.

THEY GOT A CORRESPONDENCE COURSE WITH THAT.

-HARMONIC BIO TECH.

WHAT IS THAT?

-IT TAKES A URINE SAMPLE.

IT'LL PINPOINT THE CAUSE OF ANY KIND OF ILLNESS,

FROM CHRONIC FATIGUE TO LOW SPERM COUNT,

EVEN PARASITES IN THE INTESTINES.

-SO IT'S ACTUALLY THE MACHINE IS THE DOCTOR.

-YEAH. SOMEBODY'S GOT TO RUN IT, THOUGH.

IF I CAN GET PEOPLE TO SEND ME URINE SAMPLES,

I CAN DIAGNOSE THEM ON THE INTERNET.

I CAN TREAT THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.

LOOK AT THESE PROFITS.

[ FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS ]

-OOH. -OH, YEAH.

-NO, I'M SERIOUS, MAN. [ MUSIC STOPS ]

THESE THINGS ARE OFF THE CHARTS.

-YEAH, THAT'S -- THAT'S COOL, EDDIE.

I'M -- I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.

-DICKIE?

[ CHILDREN LAUGHING ]

-NOW LET'S SEE THESE PROFITS AGAIN --

NOT THOSE, THE OTHER ONES.

[ MUSIC RESUMES ]

OH, YEAH.

OH, SAUCY, SEXY.

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

UNH-UNH.

-[ SIGHS ]

-WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?

YOU DIG THAT? [ WOMAN MOANING ]

OH, YEAH.

[ ZYDECO MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ ALL SINGING IN FRENCH ]

-[ SINGING IN FRENCH ]

-* I'M GONNA DO THIS ON MY OWN

[ ALL SINGING IN FRENCH ]

-* EVEN IF I WALK ALONE

OH, MY GOD.

[ BOTH SINGING DISCORDANTLY ]

UH, GUYS, GUYS. CUT!

SORRY, I GOT TO --

I GOT TO SIT DOWN JUST FOR A SECOND.

[ FEEDBACK ]

[ Strained ] IF YOU DON'T MIND.

[ GROANS ]

WHAT?

-[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

SAM, YOU'RE SUCH AN INSPIRATION.

I MEAN, DOING ALL THE STUFF

THAT YOU DO WHILE YOU'RE PREGNANT, IT'S AWESOME.

BUT BEING A MOTHER IS SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT

THAN BEING IN A BAND.

-AND JAMIE HAS ALREADY LEARNED MOST OF YOUR STUFF,

AND SHE'S PRETTY MUCH GOT IT DOWN.

-YOU'RE JOKING.

GUYS.

[ Chuckling ] WE'RE -- WE'RE A FAMILY.

-WE WERE A FAMILY UNTIL THIS OTHER FAMILY POPPED UP.

[ ACCORDION PLAYS FOLK TUNE ]

-[ SCOFFS ]

-YOU KNOW, I OFFERED YOUR BROTHER A JOB TONIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?

-[ MAN SINGING IN FRENCH ]

-HE CLAIMS HE'S A DOCTOR NOW.

-[ SCOFFS ]

IS THAT WHAT YOU GUYS WERE DOING BACK THERE?

PLAYING DOCTOR?

-COME ON. I'M SERIOUS.

DR. EDWARD GUIDRY, AMD -- ALTERNATIVE MEDICAL DOCTOR.

CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?

-NOPE.

-SAM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-I'M NOT GONNA LIGHT IT.

-NO, SERIOUSLY.

-OKAY.

-THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF THE BABY IN THE BIRTH CANAL.

[ SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYS ]

I'M GONNA PASS IT AROUND SO THAT YOU CAN ALL TAKE A LOOK

AND WHY YOU'RE GONNA LEARN TO OPEN THAT PELVIS

SO THE BABY CAN COME OUT.

MOVING YOUR PELVISES THAT WAY --

SAME THING THAT GOT THE BABY IN IS GONNA

GET THE BABY OUT.

GOOD, NOW WE'RE GONNA GET EVERYBODY UP ON THEIR FEET.

SO, HOW MANY OF YOU ARE PLANNING ON A NATURAL CHILDBIRTH?

ONLY ONE COUPLE?

ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO IT AT HOME, OR IN THE HOSPITAL?

-AT HOME. -GOOD FOR YOU.

YOU ARE IN FOR ONE OF THE MOST INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCES

OF YOUR LIVES. -WE CAN'T WAIT.

-WE ARE GOING TO USE A POSITION THAT WOMEN HAVE USED

FOR HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF YEARS,

TO HAVE GRAVITY WORK WITH YOU.

WE'RE GONNA BREATHE A LITTLE MORE RAPIDLY LIKE THIS --

[ PANTING ]

[ ALL PANTING ]

GOOD. YOU CAN RELAX NOW.

YOU CAN RELAX.

-[ CONTINUES PANTING ]

-[ PATS BACK ]

-BABY, YOU CAN STOP NOW.

I DON'T WANT YOU HYPERVENTILATING ON ME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

HAVE Y'ALL THOUGHT ABOUT A HOME BIRTH?

-WE'RE LEANING MORE TOWARDS THE HOSPITAL.

-WE MIGHT.

-IT IS THE MOST AMAZING BONDING EXPERIENCE

FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY.

AND REMEMBER, WOMEN HAVE BEEN GIVING BIRTH NATURALLY

FOR HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF YEARS WITHOUT DOCTORS.

-We might?

-Yeah, we might.

What? We could do that.

I didn't even know it was an option.

-We should talk about it here. -Well, that's what we're doing.

-IS THERE SOMETHING THAT YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS?

-I MEAN, DON'T YOU THINK HOSPITALS HAVE ACTUALLY EVOLVED

OVER THE PAST HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF YEARS?

-I'M NOT SAYING SHE'S NOT STRONG ENOUGH.

-[ SIGHS ] -BUT JUST -- IT'S CHILDBIRTH.

-I JUST -- I DON'T THINK IT SHOULD BE TAKEN LIGHTLY.

-YOU'RE RIGHT. IT IS AN INTENSE EXPERIENCE.

BUT SHE CAN DO THIS.

I MEAN, PEOPLE ARE LIKE TEA BAGS --

YOU NEVER KNOW HOW STRONG THEY ARE

TILL YOU PUT THEM IN HOT WATER.

-[ SIGHS ]

-YOU GOT THAT? -YEAH, I GOT IT.

-I'M JUST -- I'M JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU AND THE BABY.

-[ SCOFFS ] YOU THINK THAT I'M A WEAK TEA BAG.

-TEA BAG? NO.

-[ SIGHS ]

-I'M JUST SAYING, W-WHAT IF YOU NEED A C-SECTION?

-DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE TOLD ME?

80% OF WOMEN HAVE C-SECTIONS ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON.

-YOU KNOW WHY?

-WHY?

-SO IT DOESN'T SCREW UP THE DOCTOR'S WEEKEND.

AND I'M NOT MAKING THAT UP.

-[ SIGHS ]

-AND I'M SURE AS HELL NOT GETTING SLICED OPEN

JUST SO SOME DOCTOR DOESN'T MISS HIS GOLF GAME.

-BABY, WHY CAN'T WE JUST TALK ABOUT THIS?

-YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE.

-WHAT DO YOU THINK, MR. HORACE?

-MAN, HE BARELY GOT STARTED.

-YEAH, I GUESS GETTING LAID OFF JUST PUT HIM IN A FUNK.

CAN YOU DO IT FOR US WITHOUT, YOU KNOW,

MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT?

-BABY, I SO SURE.

-OH, THANK GOD. OKAY. THANK YOU.

-[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

[ SLOW COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

-[ Chuckling ] DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

-[ Muffled ] * THAT SAVED A WRETCH

* LIKE ME-E-E

* I ONCE WAS LOST

* AND NOW I'M FOUND

[ SMOKE ALARM BEEPING ]

-SAM. -OH, GOD!

-* WAS BLIND -SHIT.

-OH, MY GOD!

-* BUT NOW I SEE

-SHIT! -WAIT, WAIT.

-SHIT! AAH!

-* AMAZING GRACE

* HOW SWEET THE SOUND

* THAT SAVED A WRETCH...

-[ SIGHS ]

-* LIKE ME

-EVERYONE.

-[ SIGHS ]

-BLESS US, OH, LORD, FOR THESE THY GIFTS,

WHICH WE ARE ABOUT TO RECEIVE FROM THY BOUNTY,

THROUGH CHRIST OUR LORD.

-AMEN. -AMEN.

-AND FOR OUR PRECIOUS ALICIA,

FOR BRINGING HER BACK TO OUR HOUSE

WITH THIS LOVELY, ANGELIC VOICE,

AND FOR OUR NEWBORN BABY ABOUT TO BE HERE.

DID YOU FIGURE OUT A NAME?

-IT'S NOE.

-"NO WAY"? -YOU SEE?

-MISS PENNY, IT'S FRENCH FOR "NOAH."

IT'S MY MIDDLE NAME.

IT'S MY FATHER'S MIDDLE NAME. -OH.

-AND I HAVE TWO GRANDFATHERS WITH THE NAME NOE.

-OKAY, AND HE'S JUST GONNA GET HIS ASS KICKED AT SCHOOL.

-OH, YEAH, LIKE JOHNNY CASH AND "A BOY NAMED SUE."

HE BECAM THE ASS KICKER.

-OKAY, CAN WE EAT?

-UH, AND FOR BRINGING US ALL TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN,

THANK YOU, LORD.

AMEN.

-AMEN. AND GOD BLESS THE COOK.

-YES, THANK YOU, SAM, FOR COOKING DINNER TONIGHT.

-THANKS, MOM.

SO, EDDIE.

I HEAR YOU'RE GONNA BE A DOCTOR.

-I'M IN THE HEALING ARTS, YEAH. -GOOD.

[ Chuckling ] DOES THAT MAKE YOU A DOCTOR OR AN ARTIST?

-COME ON, SAM. -I'M ASKING!

-I'M A HARMONIC-RESONANCE PRACTITIONER.

THE WORD "DOCTOR" IS JUST SHORTHAND

SO PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT I'M IN THE HEALING ARTS.

-OH, THAT SOUNDS INTERESTING, EDDIE.

HONEY, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?

-"DOCTOR" MEANS YOU HAVE A DOCTORATE.

-NOT THAT.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE HARMONY RESISTANCE.

-YEAH, HARMONIC RESONANCE -- IT'S POWERFUL MEDICINE.

[ UP-TEMPO ZYDECO MUSIC PLAYS ]

-* J'AI PARTIR DE LA MAISON *

* WHOA!

* J'AI PARTIR DE LA MAISON *

* J'AI PARTIR DE LA MAISON *

* OU EST LES BON TEMPS? *

* J'AI PARTIR DE LA MAISON *

-DAMN, EDDIE.

[ Chuckling ] DON'T HURT YOURSELF.

-SORRY.

-SO, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?

-I'M IN THE HEALING ARTS, PRACTICING MEDICINE.

-REALLY?

-HARMONIC RESONANCE.

-REALLY?

-YEAH.

-EDDIE, I HEARD THAT YOU WERE IN PRISON.

-UH, YEAH, FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

-EDDIE.

-BUT I-I GOT --

-YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S LATE, AND I HAVE A SITTER, AND...

IT WAS REALLY GOOD CATCHING UP.

AND YOU, UM -- YOU TAKE CARE, EDDIE, ALL RIGHT?

-* J'AI PARTIR DE LA MAISON *

* J'AI PARTIR DE LA MAISON *

[ SLOW BLUES MUSIC PLAYS ]

-[ Slurring ] ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE PULLED IN

OVER $500 BILLION LAST YEAR.

BUT THEN WITH SOME INTERNET COMMERCE, THE WAY IT IS --

-HEY, BABE, I'M ALL CLOSED OUT, SO I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW?

-ALL RIGHT, LADY. THANKS SO MUCH.

SEE YOU TOMORROW.

-I'M LOOKING FOR A PARTNER, SOMEBODY TO GO IN WITH ME,

SOMEBODY THAT'S GOT VISION AND BRAINS,

AND SOMEBODY WHO BELIEVES IN THEMSELF

AND CAN MANIFEST THEIR OWN POSITIVE DESTINY.

YOU KNOW ANYBODY LIKE THAT?

-WISH I COULD HELP YOU OUT, MAN, BUT SORRY.

-[ SLURPS ]

[ TELEPHONES RINGING ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

-WELL, JUST TELL HIM I'M SORRY.

TELL HIM I'LL MAKE IT UP TO HIM SOMEHOW.

YEAH. OKAY.

I'LL -- I'LL CALL YOU LATER. BYE.

HEY, RICHARD.

-HEY, MR. FONTINEAU.

-THANKS FOR STOPPING BY. APPRECIATE YOU TAKING THE TIME.

-[ CHUCKLES ] WELL, HEY, IT IS YOUR TIME.

-RICHARD, WHAT'S YOUR GOAL IN LIFE?

WHAT'S YOUR DREAM?

-I WANT TO BE A GOOD FATHER.

I WANT TO BE A GOOD PROVIDER FOR MY FAMILY.

-I MEAN YOUR DREAM JOB.

-WELL, I'D -- I'D SAY, UH,

TO MOVE UP IN THE RANKS OVER HERE, WORK REAL HARD,

BECOME A SENIOR EXECUTIVE LIKE YOU.

-LIKE ME? Y-YOU WANT TO BE LIKE ME?

WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER HERE AND SIT IN MY CHAIR,

AND YOU CAN SEE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ME.

COME ON, YEAH, GIVE IT A TEST-DRIVE.

JUST SIT RIGHT THERE IN THE CHAIR.

-[ SIGHS ]

-SO, NOW YOU'RE A SENIOR EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT

OF A MAJOR INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING CORPORATION.

FEELS PRETTY GOOD, HUH?

-YES, SIR.

-[ Chuckling ] ALL RIGHT.

BUT NOW YOU'RE LOOKING AT RISING FUEL COSTS,

AND YOUR SALES MANAGEMENT IS BLOATED.

W-WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO REDUCE YOUR COST.

SO WHERE ARE YOU GONNA START CUTTING?

-UH, SALES MANAGEMENT?

-OKAY. BINGO.

-NOW PRETEND LIKE I'M YOU --

RICHARD LeBLANC, MID-LEVEL SALES MANAGER.

SO, GO AHEAD. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY TO ME?

-UH, WE'RE GOING THROUGH DIFFICULT TIMES, UH...

-YOU MIGHT WANT TO THROW IN SOME, "I'M REALLY SORRY.

"IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL.

IT'S JUST A SIGN OF THE TIMES."

YOU KNOW, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

-MR. FONTINEAU, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

AM I FIRING MYSELF?

-UH, WE PREFER THE TERM "BEING LAID OFF."

I'M REALLY SORRY.

[ MID-TEMPO CAJUN MUSIC PLAYS ]

-[ SIGHS ]

-* OH, NO

[ SINGING IN FRENCH ]

-DO I HAVE TO KILL HIM?

-YEP.

-HE SEEMS SO HELPLESS.

-GO RIGHT THROUGH THE HEAD RIGHT HERE, HONEY.

GO ALL THE WAY DOWN. I'LL SHOW YOU.

-WHAT HAPPENS TO THE FISH WHEN THEY EAT THE WORM?

DOES THE HOOK GET CAUGHT IN ITS STOMACH?

-NOPE. IT GETS CAUGHT IN HIS MOUTH.

BUT FISH DON'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS.

-THEY DON'T? -NOPE.

THEY DON'T HAVE A FRONTAL LOBE.

THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE A CEREBRAL CORTEX.

-HUH?

-THAT'S WHERE FEELINGS COME FROM -- IN THE BRAIN.

[ RINGTONE PLAYS ]

-HELLO?

SURE.

-HELLO?

[ FIDDLE PLAYS ]

ALICIA.

[ FROGS CROAKING ]

-HE MADE YOU FIRE YOURSELF?

-[ SCOFFS ]

-I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S CRUEL OR BRILLIANT.

-I GAVE EVERYTHING TO THEM -- BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS.

-HOW LONG DID YOU WORK THERE?

-[ SIGHS ]

FOUR MONTHS, BUT, MAN, I WORKED MY ASS OFF.

-YOU GOT TO BE YOUR OWN BOSS, MAN.

-HERE, FISHY, FISHY.

-WHAT ABOUT MEDICINE? -WHAT ABOUT IT?

-YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A DOCTOR TO HAVE A CAREER IN MEDICINE.

THERE'S MARKETING AND MANAGEMENT,

ALL KINDS OF STUFF.

I'M LOOKING FOR A PARTNER RIGHT NOW.

YOU CAN DO ALL THOSE THINGS, AND YOU FAMILY.

REMEMBER THAT MACHINE I SHOWED YOU

WITH ALL THIS CRAZY STUFF IT CAN DO?

THE WHOLE FRANCHISE, WITH THE MACHINE INCLUDED,

MAIL-ORDER KITS, TURNKEY OPERATION,

IS ONLY $86,000.

-ONLY 86 GRAND?

-WE ONLY GOT TO COME UP WITH 10%.

THAT'S THE BEST PART.

THE REST OF IT WE PAY OFF IN INSTALLMENTS

WHILE THE MONEY'S ROLLING IN FROM THE MACHINE.

WE CAN'T LOSE, DICKIE.

I'M TELLING YOU, IF YOU GOT THE MONEY,

YOU SHOULD JUMP IN WITH ME.

-JUMP IN? LIKE IT'S THAT EASY?

SAM WILL NEVER LET ME TOUCH THAT MONEY,

ESPECIALLY WITH YOU INVOLVED, MAN.

LOOK, I'M SORRY. THAT CAME OUT WRONG.

IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

IT'S -- MAN, SHE'S SO FREAKED OUT.

-[ SIGHS ]

-I MEAN, YOU KNOW HOW THEY GET.

-IT'S COOL, DICKIE. I GOTCHA.

-SHE'S ON MY ASS CONSTANTLY.

I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT, BRO.

-HEY, GUYS!

GOT AN INJURY ON THE BOAT.

-BRING IT ON IN, MAN.

BRING IT IN.

-I-I THINK HE BROKE HIS ARM, MAN.

-[ GROANING ] -HE BROKE HIS ARM?

-WATCH. BE CAREFUL, CAREFUL, CAREFUL, CAREFUL,

CAREFUL, CAREFUL. -YOU'LL BE OKAY.

-JUST GET HIM UP HERE. I'LL TAKE A LOOK.

-YOU'RE A DOCTOR?

-THANK GOD.

-[ GROANING ]

-PUT HIM DOWN HERE.

[ GRUNTS ] LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT IT, SON.

[ INHALES SHARPLY ] OH. -IS THAT A BONE?

-YEAH, HE'S GOT A COMPOUND FRACTURE.

YOU NEED TO GET HIM TO A CLINIC, STAT.

DICKIE, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THERE'S A CLINIC?

-THERE'S ONE IN TOWN, NOT FAR FROM 328.

YOU KNOW WHERE IT'S AT? -328.

-GO.

-[ CRYING ]

-PHEW.

-MAN, IF I HAD THAT MACHINE,

I COULD REALLY HELP HIM OUT WITH THE HEALING PROCESS.

HARMONIC RESONANCE REALLY CAN DO A LOT TO HELP THOSE OSTEOBLASTS,

KEEP THEM IN PLACE.

-EDDIE, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

-DAMN IT!

-WE CAN GET THEM FROM OVER THERE.

-SHIT! -WAIT HERE, ALICIA.

-I COULD'VE HELPED THAT KID.

I'M TELLING YOU, ALL I NEED IS THAT MACHINE.

DID YOU KNOW ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE PULLED IN

OVER $500 BILLION LAST YEAR?

-PUT ME DOWN FOR THOSE ONE OF THOSE.

-ONE OF WHAT? $1 BILLION?

-SURE. WHY NOT?

-IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LAWS OF ATTRACTION.

"QUANTUM SECRET," LAWS OF ATTRACTION --

CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

JUST HANG ON. IT DON'T -- IT DON'T HAVE A KEY.

-THERE'S NO KEY? WHERE'S THE KEY?

-ANY PADDLE?

NO PADDLE.

-WHY DOES THAT NOT SURPRISE ME?

-LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING --

WHEN YOU WALK IN A RESTAURANT AND ORDER A HAMBURGER,

DO YOU HAVE ANY DOUBT IT'S COMING OUT?

-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN?

-YOU DON'T HAVE ANY DOUBT IT'S COMING OUT, RIGHT?

IT ALWAYS COMES OUT SOONER OR LATER, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

-I GUESS.

-DON'T GUESS.

YOU KNOW IT'S COMING OUT.

THAT'S THE ATTITUDE YOU GOT TO HAVE ABOUT EVERYTHING.

MY MONEY IS COMING.

MY CAR IS COMING.

MY MANSION IS COMING.

AND IT WILL.

THAT'S THE QUANTUM SECRET.

-EDDIE, THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN A HAMBURGER AND A MANSION.

-NOT TO THE UNIVERSE.

IT DOESN'T CARE ABOUT

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MANSION OR A SHACK

OR A BMW OR A V.W.

YOU THE ONLY ONE THAT MAKES THAT DISTINCTION.

YOU GOT TO BELIEVE IT, MAN.

YOU GOT TO KNOW IT.

-HEY.

HEY.

-HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE LAWS OF ATTRACTION?

IT'S THIS AMAZING THING. IT'S ABOUT THE UNIVERSE.

IT'S...BASED ON, LIKE, PEOPLE AND MONEY

AND ABOUT HOW, IF YOU BELIEVE IN SOMETHING,

IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE IN SOMETHING,

YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN,

BUT, I MEAN, YOU HAVE TO TRULY BELIEVE IN IT.

-I WANT TO HAVE THE BABY AT HOME.

-WHAT?!

LIKE -- LIKE RIGHT HERE?

-YOU DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT.

-NO, I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

SAM! COME ON.

-I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS NATURALLY, TOTALLY NATURALLY --

NO DOCTORS, NO DRUGS, NO NOTHING.

JUST ME AND THE BABY.

-WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?

-AND YOU AND THE MIDWIFE.

-ARE YOU SERIOUS?

-[ SIGHS ]

IT'S LIKE SOMETHING'S TELLING ME I HAVE TO DO THIS.

LIKE, I HAVE TO PROVE IT TO MYSELF.

-THEN WE SHOULD DO IT.

-REALLY?

-MM-HMM.

-[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

BUT I'M REALLY SCARED.

-DON'T BE SCARED. COME SIT.

COME OVER HERE.

-[ SIGHS ]

-SAM.

-[ SIGHS ] -DON'T BE SCARED.

-BUT WHAT IF THE UMBILICAL CORD GETS --

-YOU CANNOT START THINKING LIKE THAT.

-YOU HAVE TO KNOW, WITH TOTAL CONFIDENCE,

THAT EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.

-[ SIGHS ] -YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS.

I MEAN, IT'S GONNA BE FINE,

JUST LIKE IT HAS BEEN FOR MILLIONS OF YEARS.

-YOU'RE AN AMAZING WOMAN.

-[ SCOFFS ]

-YOU DON'T KNOW THAT?

YOU WERE BUILT FOR THIS.

IT'S GONNA BE INCREDIBLE, YOU HEAR ME?

-[ SIGHS ]

I KNOW.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE ]

-LET'S GO.

-AND I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF GUMBO.

-THANK YOU. HAVE A GREAT DAY.

WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH TODAY?

-I NEED A CERTIFIED CHECK.

-SURE.

-COME ON.

TRY AND GET THE ALLIGATOR OR THE GIRAFFES.

-OKAY. DROP IT. [ CLICK ]

-WE MIGHT GET THE PUPPY, BUT WE MIGHT GET THE ALLIGATOR.

-OHH! WE ALMOST GOT IT. -AW!

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

-LET ME TRY IT AGAIN.

-HELLO?

HERE HE IS.

-HELLO?

REALLY?

-PLAYED COLLEGE BALL.

HE HAD A RUN IN THE PROS, SO HE KNOWS...

-OH, THIS IS A GREAT ROOM, HON. -YEAH.

-IT LOOKS GENTLE, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK IT'S TOO SMALL.

-REALLY? -YEAH. COME ON.

MR. HORACE, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT'LL BE

BEFORE YOU GET FINISHED IN HERE?

-WITH THE WHOLE THING? -YES.

-[ SPEAKING FRENCH ]

-DEUX SEMAINES, MAYBE.

-IS THERE ANY WAY YOU COULD DO IT FASTER,

'CAUSE I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED THIS ROOM TO HAVE THE BABY.

-THIS HERE? -YEAH, WHY?

DOES THAT SEEM CRAZY? -NAH. MAIS NON.

LUCIUS WAS BORN THERE IN THE OLD HOUSE IN GRAND COTEAU.

-PAS DE PROBLèME?

-[ SPEAKS FRENCH ]

OH, YEAH, A LITTLE TROUBLE THERE,

BECAUSE THEY CALLED THE POLICE.

MARIE SCREAMING 36 HOURS.

-36 HOURS? -36 HOURS?

OH, BLESS HER HEART.

DON'T WORRY, HONEY. -OH, MOM.

-HONEY, Y-YOU -- IT WON'T... [ DOOR OPENS ]

HI, GUYS. SAY HI TO MR. HORACE.

-HEY, MONSIEUR HORACE.

WHAT'S UP, LUC?

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME?

-WELL, THEY GAVE US A HALF A DAY OFF OF WORK

BECAUSE ALL THE GUYS IN THE OFFICE ARE GOING TAILGATING.

-OKAY. WHATEVER.

I THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE THE BABY IN HERE.

-REALLY? -YEAH.

HE'S GONNA CLEAN IT UP AND EVERYTHING,

AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE THE BABY IN HERE.

-FANTASTIC IDEA. -REALLY?

-YEAH. AMAZING.

-I GOT PAPERWORK TO DO, SO I'LL SEE YOU ALL LATER.

-OKAY. -TAKE CARE, MONSIEUR HORACE.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

-SHE KNOWS.

[ SIGHS ] I SHOULD JUST TELL HER.

-NOT IF SHE'S GONNA FILL YOUR HEAD

WITH DOUBT AND FEAR, DICKIE.

-YEAH, ALONG WITH ANGER AND VIOLENCE.

-AW, SHE'LL ACTUALLY PROBABLY BE PROUD OF YOU.

YOU OUGHT TO BE PROUD OF YOURSELF, MAN.

-[ SIGHS ] I'LL BE PROUD WHEN THE MONEY'S BACK IN THE BANK.

-HERE SHE COMES.

-WHERE ARE WE GONNA PUT THAT?

-THAT'LL COME.

WHAT WE NEED IS AN INTERN.

-SO, WAIT.

YOU GUYS ARE BOTH DOCTORS?

-YEAH. -NO.

-WELL, WHY ARE WE MEETING IN A COFFEE SHOP?

-THAT'S AN EXCELLENT QUESTION.

WE'RE BETWEEN OFFICES RIGHT NOW.

BUT IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU'RE A BIOLOGY-PREMED MAJOR.

WELL -- WELL, WE'LL HAVE ONE SOON.

CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING TO WORK WITH THAT EVERY DAY?

NEGATIVE ATTITUDE.

-EDDIE, IN THE PAPER FOR THE AD,

DID YOU SAY WE WERE BOTH DOCTORS?

-MAYBE.

-I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DID NOT REFER TO ME AS A DOCTOR.

I DON'T WANT TO SOUND NEGATIVE, BUT --

-OH, NO, THAT'S NOT NEGATIVE. YOU'RE MARKETING AND MANAGEMENT.

I'M THE DOCTOR.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO BE THE CONTACT PERSON

FOR THESE REAL-ESTATE PEOPLE.

THEY TEND NOT TO LIKE TO SEE "EX-CON" ON AN APPLICATION.

-YEAH, [SIGHS] ABOUT THAT.

I NEED YOU TO BE STRAIGHT UP WITH ME.

DID YOU DO IT?

-[ SIGHS ]

TECHNICALLY, YEAH.

BUT NOT FOR MONEY.

I MEAN, IN THAT WAY, I GUESS I'M INNOCENT,

BUT I WAS JUST IN THE WRONG PLACE --

-DR. GUIDRY? DR. LeBLANC?

[ SIGHS ]

I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE.

I'M USUALLY NEVER LATE.

I'M ALWAYS ON TIME. -IT'S -- IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.

-YOU SURE? -SURE.

-'CAUSE, I MEAN, I WAS FREAKING OUT.

I MEAN, I WASN'T FREAKING OUT, FREAKING OUT,

BUT I MEAN -- -DO YOU HAVE A C.V.?

-WAS I SUPPOSED TO GET TESTED FOR THAT?

-CURRICULUM VITAE -- A RéSUMé.

-OH, A RéSUMé.

[ SIGHS ] UH, NO.

-WHAT'S THE PRESCRIPTION ON THOSE GLASSES?

-DO THEY HAVE LENSES?

-OKAY, UM...

-DO YOU HAVE ANY HEALTHCARE EXPERIENCE?

-NO.

-MANAGEMENT? CLERICAL? ANYTHING?

-OH, I TOOK A -- I TOOK A MARKETING CLASS LAST SEMESTER.

AND...

OH, I-I WORKED FOR MY DAD LAST SUMMER.

-DOING WHAT?

-UM, COMMERCIAL REAL ESTATE.

[ CASH REGISTER DINGS ]

-YEAH, THIS IS GOOD. WE DON'T WANT TO BEEN IN THIS.

THIS ISN'T EXACTLY A PRESENTABLE VEHICLE.

-ALL RIGHT. I HEAR YOU.

SO...DO WE EVEN HAVE A NAME?

-[ SIGHS ] NO.

HARMONIC DIAGNO-- WE DON'T HAVE TO STICK WITH IT.

JUST SOMETHING WE SHOULD TELL HIM.

-HARMONIC FAMILY DIAGNOSTICS.

-THERE YOU GO.

-YEAH. YOU READY?

-YEAH.

-LET'S GO, MAN.

-THIS THE PLACE?

-THAT'S THE ADDRESS DAWN GAVE US.

-HEY, SORRY WE'RE LATE.

WE WERE JUST WALKING AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD,

MAKING SURE IT WAS RIGHT FOR US.

-DR. GUIDRY, THIS IS MY FATHER, JAMES BRUSSARD.

-DR. EDWARD GUIDRY, HARMONIC FAMILY DIAGNOSTICS.

THIS IS MY PARTNER, RICHARD LeBLANC.

HE HANDLES MARKETING AND MANAGEMENT.

-IT'S GOOD TO MEET YOU, SIR.

-OKAY, LET ME SHOW YOU ALL AROUND.

-ALL RIGHT.

-ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT SOME PATIENT BATHROOMS HERE.

YOU GOT SOME SECRETARIAL ROOM THERE.

YOU GOT EXAMINING ROOMS ALL UP AND DOWN HERE.

AND RIGHT HERE -- X-RAY.

LEAD WALLS.

ALL RIGHT, WE GOT MORE TO SEE.

COME ON, GUYS. ALL RIGHT.

LOOK, YOU GOT ALL THIS NICE WALLPAPER.

EXAMINATION ROOMS.

YOU GOT FURNITURE AND FILING CABINETS.

USE IT, OR WE CAN MOVE IT -- WHATEVER YOU NEED.

YOU GOT BOOKKEEPING AND BILLING IN HERE.

-OOH!

DAD, CAN WE USE THE FAUX FLORA?

-SURE, DARLING.

THEN YOU HAVE A DOCTOR'S ENTRANCE THIS WAY.

THE NORTH WING WE USED FOR ORTHOPEDIC MEDICINE.

THE SOUTH WING WAS MAINLY THE INTERNAL MEDICINE.

THE FIRST AND THE SECOND FLOOR -- SAME FLOOR PLAN.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GONNA SUIT Y'ALL BETTER.

-BOTH. I LIKE THEM BOTH.

-EDDIE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MR. BRUSSARD, GIVE US A MOMENT, PLEASE.

-SURE. NOT A PROBLEM.

-DUDE, AREN'T WE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS?

-WELL, YEAH. LET'S TALK.

-OKAY, FIRST OFF, I NEED YOU TO SLOW DOWN.

THIS THING IS HUGE.

YOU'RE WANTING TO RENT OUT THE WHOLE MALL

WHEN ALL WE NEED IS A KIOSK.

-IF I WANTED A KIOSK, I'D SELL SUNGLASSES FOR A LIVING.

THIS IS WHERE WE'RE GOING. IT'S PERFECT.

WE GOT PLENTY OF ROOM TO GROW. -[ SIGHS ]

-WE DON'T WANT TO FAIL BECAUSE WE COULDN'T KEEP UP

WITH EXPANSION, DO YOU?

-YOU DON'T THINK THIS IS JUST A BIT OVERBOARD?

-WELL, YOU COULD CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT,

BUT I'M NOT MAKING THAT DISTINCTION.

-WE CANNOT AFFORD THIS.

-LOOK, W-WE WOULD LIKE TO HAVE IT OCCUPIED,

AND A MEDICAL FACILITY WOULD BE A REALLY GOOD FIT,

ESPECIALLY IF Y'ALL EMPLOYED DAWN.

I TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL THROW IN THE UTILITIES,

AND THE FIRST THREE MONTHS' RENT IS FREE.

-YOU KNOW, THESE ACADIANA CAJUNS,

IF ANYBODY CAN TAKE A LICKING AND KEEP ON TICKING,

IT IS THE CAJUNS.

LOOK AT THE HIT THAT SAVOIR RECEIVED FROM DARREN.

-GUY HAD A CONCUSSION. -YEP.

-THEY DIDN'T KNOW IF HE'D EVEN MAKE THIS GAME.

NOT ONLY IS HE MAKING THE GAME.

HE'S STARTING IN IT. HE'S RARING TO GO. YOU CAN'T STOP THESE GUYS.

-NO, THIS IS WHAT THEY LIVE FOR.

-YOU GOT TO IMAGINE HE'S BEEN SEEING THIS.

THIS HAS BEEN ALL OVER THE INTERNET,

THAT HIT WITH VARRO.

THAT WAS JUST SUCH A TREMENDOUS HIT.

HE HAD THE CONCUSSION, AND SOMEHOW,

HE'S GONNA BOUNCE BACK FROM IT, BUT HE'S GOT TO BOUNCE BACK

BECAUSE IT'S NATIONAL-CHAMPIONSHIP TIME.

-WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU GOT THESE GUYS

THAT PRACTICE AND PRACTICE AND PRACTICE EVERY DAY,

NEVER HAD ANY IDEA THAT THEY'D BE PLAYING

IN THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP, AND HERE THEY ARE,

REALLY STEPPING IT ON THE STARTING

DEFENSIVE-LINEBACKER CORE RIGHT NOW

FOR THE ACADIANA CAJUNS.

-HONEY, IF YOU USE THIS, NO ONE WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

-FINE.

-I'M HAPPY TO TEACH YOU TO MAKE IT FROM SCRATCH.

IT JUST -- IT TAKES A LONG TIME TO COOK.

-IT'S NOT THAT. IT'S DICKIE.

HE'S BEEN ACTING REALLY WEIRD,

AND HE HASN'T BEEN SLEEPING AT ALL.

-HONEY, HE'S ABOUT TO BE A PARENT.

THAT'S A LOT TO THINK ABOUT.

HE'S PROBABLY NERVOUS AS ALL GET-OUT.

I'M SURE YOU AND THE BABY ARE ALL THAT'S ON HIS MIND.

-AND PORN.

I CAUGHT HIM LOOKING AT PORN.

-HMM.

UM [SIGHS]

-WELL, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE, YOU KNOW,

YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER? -[ SIGHS ]

A WHILE.

IT'S NOT LIKE IT USED TO BE.

WITH THE BABY RIGHT THERE AND ALL, IT'S JUST GOTTEN WEIRD.

-YOU KNOW, HONEY, THAT CAN HAPPEN.

YOU GOT THE HORMONES.

THERE'S A LOT GOING ON DOWN THERE.

-I WOULD NOT WORRY ABOUT IT. -MM.

-ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO WE NEED?

-SOME PUDDING.

-ALL RIGHT, WE'LL GET SOME CHOCOLATE PUDDING.

YOU'RE NOT THINKING HE'S FOOLING AROUND, ARE YOU?

-DICKIE? NO WAY.

-GOOD.

-WHY? DO YOU THINK HE'S FOOLING AROUND?

-HEAVENS NO.

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU WERE THINKING THAT,

WHICH YOU SHOULD NOT BE.

DON'T GO THERE. THAT'S POISON.

THAT'S THE KIND OF THINKING THAT CAN MAKE A PERSON SICK.

I'M SORRY I EVEN BROUGHT IT UP.

WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T CONFRONT HIM ABOUT IT.

THAT'S NOT GONNA DO EITHER ONE OF YOU ANY GOOD.

[ MID-TEMPO JAZZ PLAYS ]

-[ GASPS ] HEY, BOO.

[ GIGGLING ]

-PLEASE TELL ME YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

-I'VE BEEN STUDYING THIS FOR OVER SIX MONTHS.

I GUESS I DO.

-WAS IT THAT MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE

JUST TO GET THEM TO COME AND SET IT UP?

-THIS IS AN EDUCATION. -OHH.

-THE BEST WAY WE'RE GONNA GET TO KNOW THIS MACHINE IS

BY SETTING IT UP, PUTTING IT TOGETHER OURSELVES.

DAWN, HAND ME A SCREWDRIVER, PLEASE.

-SCREWDRIVER?

-[ SIGHS ] OH, LORD.

AW, SHIT.

OHH.

GOD DAMN.

-HOLD THE ORB OVER THE ABDOMEN.

PLACE HANDS FIRMLY ON THE ORB.

[ MACHINERY WHIRRING ]

GOOD. OKAY, NOW KEEP YOUR FINGERS THERE.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS.

ON A SCALE OF ONE TO FIVE --

ONE BEING THE WORST, FIVE BEING THE BEST, ALL RIGHT? --

HOW WOULD YOU RATE YOUR OVERALL HEALTH?

-WELL, DOCTOR, MOST DAYS ARE GOOD.

[ MACHINERY BEEPING ]

BUT SOME DAYS I JUST FEEL LIKE I'M FALLING APART.

LIKE, ESPECIALLY IF MY DAD REALLY IS --

-ONE TO FIVE, PLEASE.

-OH, RIGHT. SORRY.

UH, I GUESS ABOUT A...

THREE.

-WHAT'S IT DOING?

-WELL, I'M ASKING HER SOME QUESTIONS OFF OF THIS SURVEY,

AND WHILE I'M DOING THAT,

THE ORB GENERATES A MAGNETIC RESONANCE.

AND THEN IT READS IT THROUGH THAT MACHINE

AS IF IT'S PHYSICAL STIMULI TO THE BODY,

AND THEN WE GET A N INTERPRETATION HERE.

-OKAY, SO, WE'RE CONCENTRATING ON STRESSORS.

-BUT WE CAN BALANCE IT OUT

WITH MEDICATION. -OKAY.

-RIGHT NOW I WANT TO CLOSE THIS AND GET TO THE GOOD STUFF.

LOAD PATIENT RICHARD LeBLANC URINE.

RUN ANALYSIS.

[ UPBEAT ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYS ]

-DR. GUIDRY, CAN WE ANALYZE MY PEE?

-WE'RE GONNA ANALYZE EVERYBODY'S PEE.

-OH, YEAH? EVERYBODY'S IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

[ GIGGLES ]

-THAT'S THE IDEA.

ON THE WHOLE INTERWEB AT LEAST.

-[ GIGGLES ]

[ Laughing ] OH.

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? -[ GIGGLES ]

-HAVE A DRINK WITH US, RICHARD.

-OH, YEAH.

-WE DID IT.

-AH!

-WELL, TO THE HEALING ARTS.

-UH-HUH.

-YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME, HUH?

-OH!

-THERE YOU GO. THAT'S FUNNY.

-AW. [ GIGGLES ]

-I GOT TO GO.

-NO, REALLY, CAN WE ANALYZE MY PEE?

[ DRUM PLAYS ]

-* YOU DON'T

* THINK ABOUT ME

* YOU TALK

* BUT YOU DON'T SEE

* WHAT KIND OF MARKETING

DO YOU DO AT 11:00 AT NIGHT?

-I KNOW. ALL RIGHT?

I'M TRYING MY BEST.

THAT'S ALL I GOT.

[ FOOTSTEPS DEPART ]

[ DRUMS BEATING HEAVILY ]

-* YOU DON'T

* THINK ABOUT ME

* YOU TALK

* BUT YOU DON'T SEE

* WHAT KIND OF...

-OKAY, SCALE OF ONE TO FIVE, FIVE BEING THE MOST,

WHAT'S YOUR STRESS LEVEL RIGHT NOW?

-[ SIGHS ]

UH, YOU WANT -- YOU WANT THE TRUTH,

OR YOU WANT ME TO BE POSITIVE?

-I WANT THE TRUTH TO BE POSITIVE.

IF YOU WANT TO MANIFEST A POSITIVE DESTINY,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO BE POSITIVE, REALLY BE POSITIVE.

-WHAT -- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?

-TELL ME THE TRUTH.

-[ SIGHS ]

OKAY.

-ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS, I GOT THE CAMERA.

BUT I SWEAR, IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THIS, MY DAD'S GONNA KILL ME.

HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW I HAVE IT.

-YOU ROLLING?

-I'M ROLLING. -OKAY.

-I NEED INTENSITY. -OKAY. GOOD.

-MOTIVATION. BRING IT.

-HI. I'M DR. EDWARD GUIDRY FROM HARMONIC FAMILY DIAGNOSTICS.

SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE HEARD ABOUT THE EXCITING HARMONIC IR 3000

AND ITS NEW BREAKTHROUGHS... IN WELLNESS,

USING QUANTUM PHYSICS AND GSR TECHNOLOGY.

THE IR 3000 SENDS DIGITAL WAVE FORMS

TO T-THE BODY WITH FLUCTUATIONS...

AS WELL AS MOVING PARTICLES.

-UH, CUT.

-ALL I'M DOING IS JUST WHAT THEY SAY TO DO.

-YOU NEED TO GET TO THE PISS PART.

-IT'S TOO TECHNICAL.

WHERE'S THE SECRET NOW?

-ROLL.

-AND ACTION.

-ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING ASPECTS OF THE IR 3000

IS IT CAN FULLY ANALYZE URINE SAMPLES,

GIVING YOU THE FREEDOM TO ENJOY STATE-OF-THE-ART WELLNESS

IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME.

-SEND IT. -SEND IT. SEND IT.

-E-MAIL... -IT'S ONLY BEEN A DAY.

157 HITS ISN'T THAT BAD.

-IT SUCKS.

-I SENT OUT THREE SAMPLE KITS TODAY.

-THIS IS "DR. PHIL" SHIT WE'RE DOING.

IT'S NOT WORKING.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO VIRAL.

AND FOR THAT, WE NEED HUMOR.

-AND HUMILIATION.

-WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH MEDICINE AND HEALING?

-IT DOESN'T MATTER.

LAW OF AVERAGES SAYS

ONE IN EVERY 11 HITS IS GONNA BUY SOMETHING.

WE JUST GOT TO GET THEM TO THE SITE.

WE NEED TO GO VIRAL.

-HE'S RIGHT.

-IT IS BIGGER IN HERE.

BUT...WOULD YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE HERE?

-YEAH, I MEAN, I GUESS.

-SURROUNDED BY LOVE?

-YEAH, SHE'S GONNA BE SURROUNDED BY LOVE.

-WHERE'S RICHARD?

-I DON'T KNOW. UM, HE'S COMING.

-[ SIGHS ] OKAY.

WE GOT TO CLEAR ALL OF THIS STUFF OUT.

DO YOU HAVE A TWIN BED THAT WE CAN MOVE IN HERE?

-MM-HMM. -YEAH.

-MAKE SURE IT'S COVERED IN PLASTIC.

THERE'S GOING TO BE SOME BLOOD.

AND MAYBE SOME BOWLS FOR THE PLACENTA

AND IF YOU NEED TO THROW UP OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

AND MAYBE YOUR MAMA CAN HELP YOU HANG SOME SHEETS ON THE WALLS.

-OKAY.

-AND BURN THIS WHENEVER YOU GET A CHANCE.

START GETTING RID OF THE NEGATIVE ENERGY

AND BAD SPIRITS.

I KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN CLEANSE THIS PLACE.

-GOOD. -ALL RIGHT.

-THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

-I'M SORRY. I KNOW I'M LATE.

-WELL, YOU'RE HERE NOW. -[ SIGHS ]

-RICHARD, I WANT YOU TO MOVE THE TWIN BED

AND PUT IT RIGHT HERE. -YES, MA'AM.

-LET'S START DECORATING THIS PLACE

WITH WHATEVER MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD AND STRONG.

I WANT YOU TO FIND AN IMAGE,

SOMETHING THAT MEANS SOMETHING TO YOU,

THAT GIVES YOU STRENGTH.

-[ SIGHS ] [ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

-WHEN YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT THAT IS,

WE'RE GONNA TACK IT RIGHT THERE ABOVE THE BED.

-OKAY.

-HELLO.

THIS IS SHE.

WHAT?

JOHN GUIDRY, PLEASE.

-AND YOU ARE?

-[ SIGHS ] HIS WIFE.

-PAGING DR. LOCKHEAD TO SURGERY,

DR. LOCKHEAD TO SURGERY.

-HOW'S HE DOING?

-WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING YET.

-MS. GUIDRY, DR. BROWN WILL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

IF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY COULD

STEP RIGHT HERE -- -YOU KNOW WHAT?

I-I REALLY JUST NEED TO STAY RIGHT HERE IF YOU DON'T MIND.

-MOM, COME ON. RELAX.

-DON'T TELL ME THAT. I--

-MS. GUIDRY?

-HOW IS HE? -HE'S FINE.

-OH, GOD.

-CAN I SEE YOU FOR A SECOND, PLEASE?

-YES. -EXCUSE US.

YOUR HUSBAND BELIEVES HE SUFFERED A HEART ATTACK.

-OH, MY GOD.

-BUT THERE'S NO EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT THAT.

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

-WELL, WE RAN A NUMBER OF TESTS --

CBC, CHEST X-RAY, TROPONIN --

AND THEY'VE ALL COME UP NEGATIVE.

-SO...

-THERE'S NO HISTORY OF HEART DISEASE IN HIS FAMILY.

-NO.

-SO, INDIVIDUALS WHO HAVE AN EPISODE LIKE THIS

ARE USUALLY, UH, EXPERIENCING

SOME SENSE OF ANXIETY OR PANIC.

-PANIC? -YES.

HAS HE BEEN UNDER A LOT OF STRESS AT HOME?

-WELL, WE'VE BEEN DOING SOME RENOVATION, OR TRYING TO,

AND, YEAH, THAT'S BEEN KIND OF STRESSFUL.

-ANYTHING ELSE?

-WELL, HE WAS LAID OFF, AND...

IT'S A LONG STORY, BUT, YEAH, T-T-THAT'S BEEN A BIG DEAL.

-RIGHT. THAT COULD DO IT.

WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS WE'RE GONNA KEEP HIM OVERNIGHT,

AND WE'RE GOING TO MONITOR HIM

AND THEN GIVE HIM A STRESS TEST IN THE MORNING.

BUT QUITE HONESTLY, I THINK HE'S GONNA BE JUST FINE.

-OH.

THANK YOU.

-[ CHUCKLES ] YOU'RE WELCOME. -CAN I SEE HIM?

-ABSOLUTELY. HE'S, UH, UP THERE IN ROOM SIX.

-ROOM SIX.

-OKAY, THANK YOU SO MUCH. -YOU'RE WELCOME.

-HEY, DOC, I'M JOHN GUIDRY'S SON.

-HI. -I PRACTICE MEDICINE, TOO.

-OH, OKAY, WELL, I CAN GET YOU HIS X-RAYS,

AND I JUST GOT HIS SECOND TROPONIN BACK,

AND THEN I CAN --

-OH, I'M ACTUALLY IN ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE.

-OKAY. -HARMONIC RESONANCE,

BIOFEEDBACK -- YOU'VE HEARD OF IT.

-MORE HOMEOPATHIC REMEDIES?

-THAT'S PART OF IT, YEAH,

BUT IT'S MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT, REALLY.

-[ CHUCKLES ] I GUESS I HAVEN'T HEARD OF IT.

-YEAH, IT'S CUTTING-EDGE STUFF.

LISTEN, YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO HAVE

ANY EXTRA URINE-SPECIMEN CONTAINERS LAYING AROUND,

WOULD YOU?

-HEY, HONEY.

[ MONITOR BEEPING ]

HOW YOU FEELING?

-[ SIGHS ]

-HEY, DAD. DON'T GO DYING ON US, ALL RIGHT?

-[ SIGHS ] -YOU COMING HOME TOMORROW?

-I HOPE SO.

-[ Loudly ] HEY, MR. JOHN, IT'S DICKIE.

-HE CAN HEAR YOU.

-[ Normal voice ] GOT THAT BIG GAME COMING UP.

THE CAJUNS NEED YOU.

-DADDY. YOU OKAY?

-SO THEY SAY.

-I THINK THAT WAS SUCH A GOOD DOCTOR.

I REALLY LIKED HIM.

-YEAH, BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE A GOOD GRASP ON MODERN TECHNOLOGY.

-OKAY, I THINK WE SHOULD LET YOUR FATHER REST.

HE'S GOT A BIG STRESS TEST IN THE MORNING.

-AND YOU BETTER GET YOUR STRESSED ASS BACK HOME, OKAY?

-HOW'S YOUR BLADDER?

THINK YOU CAN GIVE ME SOME IN HERE?

-EVERYBODY OUT. I'LL BE OUT IN A SECOND.

-Okay, John.

I TALKED WITH THE DOCTOR.

AND HE SAID [SIGHS] HE THOUGHT YOU WERE SUFFERING FROM ANXIETY

AND MAYBE HAD A PANIC ATTACK.

AND I KNOW YOU DO NOT LIKE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.

BUT IT COULD REALLY HELP.

[ SIGHS ] I'M HERE FOR YOU. WE'RE ALL HERE YOU.

PLEASE, COULD YOU JUST TRY?

-[ CRYING ]

I CAN'T.

-YES...YOU...CAN.

JUST TRY, PLEASE.

THINK YOU CAN DO THIS FOR EDDIE?

[ PATS SHOULDER ]

GET SOME REST.

-[ SIGHS ]

[ MID-TEMPO JAZZ PLAYS ]

[ MACHINERY HISSING ]

[ COMPUTER BEEPING RAPIDLY ]

[ MACHINERY WHIRS ]

[ MACHINERY WHIRRING ]

[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ]

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-I'M WORKING. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-I SAW THE LIGHTS WERE ON.

AND I KIND OF NEED A RIDE.

-WELL, I DON'T HAVE A CAR.

YOU CAN HANG OUT IF YOU WANT.

-OKAY.

[ Chanting ] TWO BITS. FOUR BITS.

SIX BITS. A DOLLAR.

ALL FOR THE CAJUNS.

[ Weakly ] STAND UP AND HOLLER.

-YAY.

-[ Slurring ] DR. GUIDRY, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN

TO ONE OF THOSE PEP RALLIES?

GOD, THEY'RE SO LAME!

I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG -- I LOVE FOOTBALL.

JUST KIDDING.

[ CHUCKLES ] I ACTUALLY HATE FOOTBALL.

I JUST -- THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU,

SOMETHING THAT'S BEEN ON MY MIND,

SOMETHING THAT I FEEL LIKE

I NEED TO MANIFEST MY OWN INTENTION.

-GO AHEAD. DO IT. -OKAY.

[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

Harmonicfamilydiagnostics.com SUCKS.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT CATCHY. IT'S A MOUTHFUL.

IT'S NOT FUN. IT SUCKS.

-SO YOU DON'T LIKE THE NAME.

-[ Chuckling ] NO, I DON'T LIKE THE NAME.

-WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?

-I WAS THINKING...

youreincharge.org.

-YOU'RE IN CHARGE? -YEAH. LIKE "URINE."

LIKE "YOU ARE IN," BUT LIKE "URINE," LIKE -- LIKE PISS.

LIKE, "PISS IN THIS CUP, AND WE'LL DO OUR THING,

WE'LL ANALYZE IT, AND YOU CAN FINALLY TAKE CHARGE

OF YOUR HEALTH FOR ONCE," YOU KNOW?

-BUT WHY NOT .com?

-'CAUSE IT'S TAKEN.

.Org I THINK IS A MUCH BETTER FIT FOR US.

PEOPLE -- PEOPLE WILL PROBABLY THINK

IT'S A NONPROFIT, YOU KNOW?

OH. [ SIGHS ]

I ALREADY BOUGHT IT, SO...

-THE WEBSITE? -YEAH.

BUT, YOU KNOW, DR. GUIDRY, YOU CAN BUY IT FROM ME

FOR 1,000 LITTLE DOLLARS.

-I'M SO SHORT. -NO, I KNOW.

BUT I'LL TAKE A BEER.

DO WE HAVE ANY BEER HERE?

-HEY, GUYS. HOW'S IT GOING? -HEY.

WELCOME BACK.

-JOHN, EDDIE LEFT YOU THESE.

HE SAID THEY WOULD BALANCE THE HEART.

SAM.

WE'RE BACK IF YOU WANT THE CAR. HERE.

WHAT'S THAT?

-IT'S PEPPER. YOU CAN'T SEE THAT?

-[ Chuckling ] OUR OLD DOG?

-I'M TRYING TO PAINT THE IMAGE OF STRENGTH FOR THE CEILING.

-OH, WELL, THAT'S GOOD.

YEAH, I LIKE THE IDEA OF USING PEPPER.

NICE.

-SHE WAS ABLE TO HAVE 13 PUPPIES,

AND ALL I WANT IS ONE.

-I CAN SEE PEPPER IN THAT. -[ SIGHS ]

[ Laughing ] YOU DEFINITELY CANNOT SEE PEPPER.

-HELLO. I'M DR. EDWARD GUIDRY WITH youreincharge.org.

TODAY I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO A VERY SPECIAL YOUNG LADY.

COULD YOU TELL US YOUR NAME, PLEASE?

-ALICIA.

-AND HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY, ALICIA?

-MUCH BETTER.

-WHEN ALICIA'S MOTHER BROUGHT HER IN TO US,

SHE WAS SUFFERING FROM A.D.D., CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME,

AND A BROAD SPECTRUM

OF SEROTONIN-RELATED DEFICIENCIES.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT?

-THERE WERE DAYS WHEN SHE COULDN'T GET OUT OF BED.

IT'S AMAZING THE EFFECT THIS HAS HAD ON HER.

-ALICIA, COULD YOU SHOW US SOME OF THE THINGS

THAT YOU'VE BEEN ABLE TO DO SINCE TAKING THE OMNILIXER TH3?

-OKAY.

-GO AHEAD.

-[ CLEARS THROAT ]

* AHHHHHHH *

[ WAGNER'S "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES" PLAYS ]

[ WHOOSHING ]

[ GLASS SHATTERS, DOG BARKING ]

-GOSH! -DID I DO IT?

-OH, I'M SO SORRY! -NO, YOU DIDN'T DO IT, BABY.

-GET IN THE TRUCK. -SORRY. OHH.

-IT'S OKAY. NOT YOUR FAULT.

ALL RIGHT. IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

WE'LL GET OUT OF HERE. [ TIRES SQUEAL ]

-SAM, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

-YOU TRYING TO SMOKE US OUT? -I HADN'T BURNED ANY YET.

I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE COMING UNTIL NOW.

[ SMOKE ALARM BEEPING ]

OH, GOD. WOULD YOU TURN THAT OFF?

-WHAT'S THAT?

-IT'S FOR THE SPIRITS!

-SPIRITS?

-WEIRD ONES, DEAD ONES, RELATIVES.

-OH, WATCH OUT. WATCH OUT. -WHATEVER.

[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ] -SHIT!

-HERE. HOLD THAT.

-HI. COME IN. -HI.

-SAM, THIS IS LARITA.

-HI. HOW ARE YOU? -HI.

-I'M SORRY. WE KIND OF SMOKED Y'ALL OUT HERE.

-WELL, YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST ONE TO SET OFF A SMOKE ALARM.

-OKAY. DICKIE!

[ SMOKE ALARM CLATTERS ]

[ BEEPING STOPS ]

-HI.

-HI.

-THIS IS LARITA.

SHE'S COME TO CLEANSE THE HOUSE AND GIVE THE BLESSINGS.

-IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. -SAME HERE.

SO...WHAT IS THIS?

-THAT'S PEPPER, MY OLD DOG.

-THAT'S HER IMAGE OF STRENGTH.

-OH. OKAY.

-WHAT IS THAT?

-OH, JUST SOAKING UP

ANYTHING YOU MIGHT'VE MISSED WITH THE HERBS.

-UH, WHY DON'T YOU HELP AMY SET UP THE CANDLES, PLEASE.

-OKAY.

[ SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYS ]

-I THINK WE NEED TO MOVE ANYTHING OUT OF HERE

THAT DOES NOT BELONG, PLEASE.

I SEE WE'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

[ SIGHS ]

-YOU COMFORTABLE?

-YEP.

IS THIS GONNA HURT?

-OH, BABY, THIS IS JUST A FAMILY BLESSING.

NOW, WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS CLOSE YOUR EYES

AND THINK OF THE MOST PEACEFUL, RELAXING PLACE YOU CAN IMAGINE.

GO ON.

-[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

-You got the chain? Yes.

THIS PLACE YOU'RE IMAGINING IS A SPECIAL PLACE.

IT'S THE SAFEST PLACE IN THE WORLD.

ALL YOUR FAMILY IS AROUND YOU.

YOU SEE THEM?

GOOD.

AND I WANT YOU TO PLACE YOUR HANDS

RIGHT HERE ON HER STOMACH.

NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES.

YOU, TOO.

BREATHE DEEP.

[ ALL BREATHE DEEPLY ]

DEEP AND FULL OF LOVE FOR THE GUIDRY FAMILY AND THE...

What's your family, baby?

-LeBLANC.

-...AND FOR THE LeBLANC FAMILY.

THEY'RE ALL COMING TOGETHER NOW TO BLESS THIS BABY

AND BRING IT INTO THIS WORLD SAFELY.

THOSE OF THE SPIRIT WORLD AND OF THE LIVING WORLD,

YOU FEEL THAT LIGHT FROM THIS MAMA AND HER BABY.

YOU FEEL IT?!

-YES.

-EVERY PERSON IN THIS ROOM HAS THAT LIGHT.

AND WE'RE ALL CONNECTED.

SO LET IT RISE AND SHINE.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

WHO'S THAT?

-THAT'S OUR SON, EDDIE.

-GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE AND GET THIS CLEANSING!

COME ON, GET YOUR CANDLE.

I WANT YOU TO PLACE YOUR HAND RIGHT HERE.

THAT'S IT.

MR. LeBLANC, THIS WOULD BE A GOOD TIME

TO SAY A PRAYER FOR THE CLEANSING.

EVERYBODY CLOSE YOUR EYES.

OH, MY GOD, I'M SORRY.

I FIRMLY INTEND TO MAKE UP FOR MY SINS

AND LOVE AS I SHOULD.

AMEN.

-[ SIGHS ]

-WE'RE GOOD?

-[ SIGHS ]

I'M DR. EDWARD GUIDRY WITH youreincharge.org.

TODAY I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO A VERY SPECIAL YOUNG LADY.

[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

HMM.

-I THINK YOU'VE GOT A FISH. -[ CHUCKLES ]

-WHOA! -AAH!

-[ CHUCKLES ] -PULL IT UP.

[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

-WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE SOME FUN WITH A FIRE.

CAMPING IN THE WINTER CAN BE FUN.

-[ SCREAMING ]

-OW! -[ LAUGHING ]

-HELLO, DR. GUIDRY.

HOW ARE WE TODAY?

OH.

VERY FINE.

VERY CLEANSED.

BECAUSE YESTERDAY IS HISTORY.

TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY.

TODAY IS A GIFT.

THAT'S WHY WE CALL IT THE PRESENT.

[ SIGHS ]

THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING TO THIS EMERGENCY BOARD MEETING.

I THINK WE ALL KNOW

THAT OUR SALES ARE IN THE TOILET RIGHT NOW.

YES, SIR? YOU IN THE FRONT ROW.

-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

-YES.

-WE HAVE HAD 13 SALES.

-THANKS, DAWN.

[ SIGHS ]

LIKE I WAS SAYING,

OUR GREAT COMPANY HAS FALLEN ONTO HARD TIMES.

-CAN WE -- CAN WE BE SERIOUS?

-YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?

THIS IS OUR FIRST BILL --

YOU KNOW, THE ONE WE GOT TO PAY EVERY MONTH

TO KEEP THIS FRANCHISE AND THE MACHINE.

IT'S DUE IN TWO WEEKS.

WE GOT TO SELL 350 UNITS JUST TO COVER THIS.

WE'LL NEVER MAKE IT AT THIS RATE.

AND IF WE DON'T, THEY'RE GONNA GO LEGAL ON US.

-[ SIGHS ]

-IT DOESN'T HAVE TO COME TO THAT.

WE'VE JUST BEEN AIMING TOO LOW.

THAT'S PARTLY MY FAULT.

IF WE HAD THE MONEY TO SPEND ON ADVERTISING

LIKE OTHER PEOPLE COULD, WE'D HAVE DONE IT.

WE DON'T HAVE THAT LUXURY.

WE HAVE THE INTERNET.

WE NEED EBOLA. WE NEED THE PLAGUE.

THAT'S HOW VIRAL WE HAVE TO GO RIGHT NOW.

WHAT THIS COMPANY NEEDS IS A HERO WHO CAN TAKE CHARGE.

WE NEED A SUPERHERO.

-[ LAUGHING ]

YOU'RE -- YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT?

-DO I LOOK LIKE I'M JOKING?

WHAT'S TODAY?

IT'S FRIDAY.

-ARE YOU SERIOUS?

-WHAT'S TONIGHT?

-FRIDAY NIGHT.

-AND WHAT'S THE BIGGEST GODDAMN

THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED IN THIS TOWN

THAT'S GONNA BE ALL OVER NATIONAL TELEVISION TONIGHT?

-THE GAME?

-THE GAME, THE NATIONAL-CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.

YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE WATCHING THAT?

-LIKE MILLIONS.

-MILLIONS.

THIS IS OUR CHANCE.

DO YOU WANT TO TAKE IT?

-THIS IS BRILLIANT.

-BRILLIANT?

WHAT THE HELL'S BRILLIANT ABOUT THIS?!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN?!

-YEAH, ACTUALLY, WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

-YES, I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I'M CALLING.

THERE SHOULD AT LEAST BE ABOUT $9,500 IN THERE.

THERE MUST BE A MISTAKE.

IS IT POSSIBLE THAT ANOTHER RICHARD LeBLANC --

WHAT, LIKE, WAS THERE FRAUD OR IDENTITY THEFT OR SOMETHING?

-OH, LORD.

-NO, I'VE NOT SPOKEN WITH MR. LeBLANC.

I JUST FOUND THIS OUT.

FINE.

THIS IS CRAZY.

[ SIGHS ]

HI. RICHARD LeBLANC, PLEASE. UM, SALES.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

HE'S NOT AN EMPLOYEE AT THE COMPANY ANYMORE?

WELL, THEN WHERE IS HE?

OKAY, UM [SIGHS] THANK YOU.

-SAM, WHAT'S GOING ON?

-I GOT TO GO OUTSIDE, MOM.

-HONEY, WHAT JUST HAPPENED? -DON'T -- DON'T TOUCH ME.

-DON'T! JESUS.

-[ Crying ] OHHHHH!

I CAN'T DO IT!

-HONEY! I ASKED YOU NOT TO GO THERE!

-I CAN'T DO ANYTHING! -YOU DON'T HAVE THE FACTS YET.

PLEASE, DON'T GO TO THE POISON ZONE.

-JUST CALM DOWN, SAM.

-OH, MOM, STOP!

-OHH! AAH!

SON OF A BITCH!

-OHH! SAM!

-[ SOBS ]

-HONEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-OH, SAM, PLEASE DON'T.

-[ SCREAMS ] SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

-AW. OH, HONEY.

-[ SOBBING ]

-COME ON, MAN.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU?

A SLAP ON THE WRIST? MAYBE A NIGHT IN JAIL?

IF I DO IT, I'LL GO BACK TO PRISON.

THIS IS DEFINITELY A MAJOR VIOLATION OF MY PAROLE.

-THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR, EDDIE!

-THIS IS COMPLETELY INSANE.

-IT'S NOT THAT INSANE.

IT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD IDEA.

-THEN HOW ABOUT YOU DO IT?

-'CAUSE MY DAD WOULD DISOWN ME.

-WELL, HOW ABOUT MY FATHER, HUH?

OR HOW ABOUT MY FATHER-IN-LAW?

EVEN BETTER. BIGGEST FAN EVER.

WHAT ABOUT MY WHOLE FAMILY?

-I'M FAMILY.

WHAT THE HELL?

DUDE, THIS IS OUR MOMENT.

WE'RE GONNA GO VIRAL, AND WE'RE GONNA GET RICH.

WE NEED YOU, DICKIE. PLEASE.

-WHY DON'T YOU JUST WEAR A MASK?

DUH.

-IT'S ALL ABOUT THE NATIONAL-CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

FOR THE ACADIANA CAJUNS.

-I HAVE NO IDEA,

BUT THERE'S GOT TO BE A GOOD EXPLANATION.

-YEAH, LIKE HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-[ SIGHS ]

-WHERE'S EDDIE? -I HAVE NO IDEA.

-HE'S BEEN USING OUR DAUGHTER IN HIS LATEST SCAM.

-I'M IN A COMMERCIAL, MAWMAW.

-WELL, THAT'S GOOD, HONEY. -NO, IT'S NOT.

-YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S HAVE SOME ICED TEA, OKAY?

-AND -- AND WE'LL JUST SIT DOWN AND TALK THIS OVER.

-[ GROANING ]

-OH, GOD. WAIT.

-[ CONTINUES GROANING ]

-DOES IT MATTER IF IT'S A COP UNIFORM

OR A SECURITY UNIFORM OR...

I MEAN, WE HAVE SOME REALLY GREAT COP STUFF.

-OH, YEAH, LET'S JUST IMPERSONATE POLICE OFFICERS

WHILE WE'RE AT IT.

-WHAT'S THE PLAY ABOUT?

-AMERICA AND, UH, COPS AND...

AND FAMILY VALUES.

-NO, IT'S REALLY ABOUT TWO BROTHERS

SET TO BECOME FAMOUS ON THE INTERWEBS,

ONLY TO REALIZE IT'S EACH OTHER THAT THEY NEED THE MOST.

STARRING RICHARD LeBLANC AND --

-WE'LL GO AHEAD AND LOOK AT THE SECURITY UNIFORMS

IF YOU DON'T MIND.

-OKAY, THEY'RE RIGHT OVER HERE.

LET'S SEE.

-[ SIGHS ] YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.

-ARE YOU KIDDING?

THIS IS GONNA LOOK AWESOME ON MY CURRICULUM VURRICULUM.

-[ CHUCKLES ]

I'LL MAKE SURE TO GIVE YOU A GOOD REFERENCE LETTER.

-MM, THANK YOU, DR. GUIDRY.

-DO YOU GOT ANY WRASSLIN' MASKS BY ANY CHANCE?

-[ SCREAMING ]

-SAM, JUST THINK OF PEPPER.

-[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]

[ Crying ] OH, GOD! AAH!

[ SCREAMING ]

-HONEY, TRY YOUR BREATHING. TRY YOUR BREATHING.

-OHH! I CAN'T. -YES, YOU CAN. COME ON.

TRY IT. IT'LL FEEL BETTER.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-HOW FAST ARE THEY COMING?

-ABOUT TWO MINUTES APART.

-OHH, THEY HURT.

-I KNOW THEY DO, BABY.

-OH, THEY REALLY HURT.

-AND YOU CAN DO THIS. I KNOW YOU CAN.

WHERE ARE YOU FEELING THE PRESSURE?

-[ INHALES SHARPLY ] IN MY BACK.

-MAMA, WHEN SHE HAS A CONTRACTION,

YOU CAN GIVE HER SOME COUNTERPRESSURE, OKAY?

WE NEED YOU ON YOUR BACK FOR JUST A MINUTE.

WE NEED TO CHECK THE BABY NOW, OKAY?

-THIS WAS A REALLY BAD IDEA.

-YOU'RE STILL EARLY YET.

-OHH! OW!

-YOU'RE ONLY ABOUT THREE CENTIMETERS.

-OW! OW! NO!

-BABY, YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

THAT'S A SWEET BABY. -OH, I CAN'T DO IT.

-WE'LL GET YOU BACK ON YOUR SIDE.

-[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

I THINK I'M GONNA NEED SOME DRUGS.

DO YOU -- DO YOU HAVE DRUGS?

-I KNOW Y'ALL HAVE SOME JUST IN CASE.

-THERE ARE NO DRUGS.

-JUST IN CASE. -YOU'RE DOING FINE.

-OHH. I CAN'T. -WHERE'S RICHARD?

-I DON'T KNOW. -WHAT?

-FUCK HIM! -OKAY.

-YOU CAN DO THIS ON YOUR OWN THEN, BABE.

-LET'S GET YOU UP AND MOVING. -I CAN'T.

-YES, YOU CAN. LET'S GET YOU UP AND MOVING.

-SECURITY IS GONNA BE OUR BIGGEST CONCERN,

BUT ONCE WE GET PAST THIS TIER,

I DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA BE MUCH OF A PROBLEM.

-YOU GOT THE BATTERIES CHARGED? -CHECK.

-WHAT ABOUT I.D.s? -CHECK.

-HEADSETS? -YEP.

-WHERE THE HELL AM I GONNA CHANGE?

-WE'RE GONNA DEAL WITH THAT

ON THE FLY.

EVERYBODY KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING?

-MOM, YOU CAN HELP. -I CAN'T.

-WE'RE GONNA GET YOU WORKING WITH GRAVITY HERE, ALL RIGHT?

-ALL RIGHT, HONEY. -GRAVITY.

-YES, YOU CAN DO IT.

THERE YOU GO. WE'RE GONNA HELP YOU.

-[ GROANS ] -THERE YOU GO, SWEETHEART.

-OH, GOD, IT REALLY HURTS.

-I KNOW. -OKAY.

-JUST GET BEHIND HER, MAMA. -ALL RIGHT.

-HOLD HER UP. -OKAY.

-THERE YOU GO. GOOD JOB.

-[ SCREAMING ] -JOHN. JOHN.

-OH, GOD! OH, GOD! -BREATHE, SWEETHEART.

-OH, IT'S COMING! AAH!

-BREATHE, BABY. YOU'RE DOING IT. -[ SCREAMING ]

-BREATHE, HONEY. -OH, GOD.

-YOU'RE DOING IT.

-[ SCREAMING INTENSIFIES ]

-BREATHE, BABY.

LET'S DO SOME DANCING, OKAY?

-YEAH.

-DID YOU PICK SOME MUSIC?

-YES.

-YEAH? YOU DID? OKAY.

Get some music for her. Okay.

-[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]

[ ZYDECO MUSIC PLAYS, WOMEN SINGING IN FRENCH ]

-[ CONTINUES CRYING ]

-WE'LL DANCE THAT BABY OUT, OKAY?

-LET'S DO A VISUALIZATION BEFORE WE GO, ALL RIGHT?

GET OUR ENERGY BALANCED IN THE RIGHT PLACE.

[ SIGHS ]

EVERYTHING'S GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN.

THERE'S THE MAIN ENTRANCE.

SEE IT.

WE WALK THROUGH IT.

HEY, OFFICER. GOOD EVENING.

NOBODY SUSPECTS A THING.

GOING SMOOTHLY, WE ROUND THE CORNER INTO THE CORRIDOR.

WE BELONG HERE.

HEY, GUYS. GOOD LUCK.

ALL RIGHT, DICKIE, THIS IS WHERE YOU'RE BE CHANGING.

YOU LOOK AMAZING.

YOU'RE REALLY IN CHARGE.

-OH, COME ON, MAN. LET'S GET THIS SHIT DONE WITH.

-OKAY, WE'LL TAKE MY MOM'S MINIVAN.

YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH MURDER IN THOSE THINGS.

-[ SCREAMING ]

-DON'T WORRY, SWEETHEART.

-OH, GOD.

-* HELP US, HOLY MOTHER

-YOU'RE GETTING CLOSE.

-HOW LONG? HOW LONG, HOW LONG?

-CLOSE. ABOUT EIGHT, ALMOST NINE CENTIMETERS.

-SOON. -OKAY.

-OH, MY GOD! SAM!

-HOW COULD YOU?

-OH! HONEY!

-WHAT THE HELL?!

-SAM! -JESUS CHRIST, SAM!

-[ CRYING, SCREAMING ]

-SAM, I WANTED TO TELL YOU.

I DID, JUST NOT WHILE YOU WERE GOING THROUGH THIS.

-SAM, IT'S TRUE. I HEARD HIM SAY IT.

-YOU SHUT UP!

BECAUSE THE BABY?

IS IT 'CAUSE OF THE BABY?

-OF COURSE IT'S BECAUSE OF THE BABY, SAM.

-OF COURSE IT IS.

-OHH.

-SAM, I WAS SO DESPERATE.

-OH!

WHO IS IT?

-WHO'S WHO?

-IS IT HER? OHH. -ME?

-YOU THINK I'M UNFAITHFUL TO YOU?

-YEAH.

-THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT? -YEAH.

-ARE YOU GONNA DO AN EPISIOTOMY?

-NO.

IF ANYTHING, WE WOULD LET HER TEAR NATURALLY.

-OH, GOD.

UH, I THINK I NEED TO GO FOR A WALK.

I NEED TO WALK AROUND.

CAN I WALK AROUND?

-HONEY, I DON'T KNOW.

-HELP ME. -WE'LL HELP YOU.

-SEE? THAT'S GOOD.

-ALL RIGHT. I DON'T LIKE THIS.

I-I'M NOT CRAZY ABOUT THIS IDEA.

-YOU GOT HER?

-[ BREATHING DEEPLY, CRYING ]

OKAY.

UM, OUTSIDE.

I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE. -SOME FRESH AIR?

-REALLY? -MM-HMM.

-AAH. OKAY.

I WANT TO GO ALONE.

-YOU GOT HER?

-YEAH, I GOT HER.

-[ GROANS ]

-Are you sure about this?

-SLOW. TAKE IT EASY. -I KNOW. I KNOW.

-TAKE IT EASY, TAKE IT EASY. -OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

-OKAY. TAKE IT EASY. -SLOW. SLOW.

-WE GOT TO GET -- WE GOT TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL.

GET IN THE TRUCK.

THE TRUCK. GET IN THE TRUCK! -WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-GET IN THE TRUCK!

-OH! OH, MY GOSH!

[ UP-TEMPO CAJUN MUSIC PLAYS ] -[ SCREAMING ]

-NO!

JUST GO! RUN! RUN! GO!

-SAM! BABY, COME ON!

[ TIRES SQUEAL ]

-OH!

[ ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY ]

[ TIRES SQUEAL ]

GET IN THE CAR.

-I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU.

NEVER. I'VE NEVER CHEATED. YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME.

-[ GROANING ]

[ GRUNTS ]

OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!

-WHAT? -OH, MY GOD! IT'S COMING!

IT'S COMING!

I FEEL HIS HEAD!

I FEEL -- PULL OVER!

-WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? -PULL OVER!

-WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? -PULL OVER!!

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

-AAH! AAH!

-LET'S GO IN THE HOUSE. COME ON. -OH, NO! OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD.

-[ CRYING ] -LET'S GET TO THAT HOUSE.

-TOWARD THE HOUSE. -I CAN'T!

[ SCREAMING ]

-BABY'S COMING.

-[ CONTINUES SCREAMING, CRYING ]

-HE'S COMING! PUSH!

-[ GRUNTING ]

-I GOT HIM! KEEP PUSHING!

HE'S COMING!

-[ SCREAMING INTENSIFIES ]

-PUSH!

-I GOT HIM! PUSH!

-I'M PUSHING!

-PUSH!

-[ GROANS ]

[ MUSIC STOPS ]

-HE'S GOT -- HE'S AT HIS SHOULDERS. COME ON!

-I CAN'T. -COME ON! DON'T QUIT ON ME!

DON'T QUIT ON ME! COME ON!

-PUSH! PUSH! -I'M CALLING THE POLICE!

-KEEP COMING! KEEP COMING, BABY!

COME ON! ONE MORE!

-[ SCREAMING ]

-PUSH!

-OH, MY GOD.

-[ CRYING ]

-OH, MY GOD.

-OH, IS HE OKAY?

[ NOE CRYING ]

OH.

AAH.

IS HE OKAY?

[ CRYING CONTINUES ]

LET ME SEE HIM.

[ SIGHS ]

OH, MY GOD.

-[ SIGHS ]

-TO ALL THE GUIDRYS AND TO ALL THE LeBLANCS,

MAY THEY BEAR WITNESS...

I WILL NEVER BE UNFAITHFUL TO YOU,

NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS.

[ NOE COOING ]

-OKAY.

-SWEET JESUS.

[ NOE CRYING ]

-[ CHUCKLES ]

-STEP ON IT! GOOD GOLLY!

WAIT A MINUTE.

JOHN, IS THAT HIS TRUCK UP THERE?

CAN YOU SEE? CAN YOU SEE RIGHT UP THERE?

THAT'S THEM! GET UP THERE!

[ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD. WHAT IS GOING ON?

[ NOE CRYING ]

OH, MY GOD.

YOU HAD THE BABY!

WILL YOU PUT THAT GUN DOWN? HERE.

OH, CAREFUL.

OH, LOOK AT NOE!

HE'S ADORABLE!

-I TOLD YOU YOU COULD DO IT.

-SORRY FOR THE FREAK-OUT BACK THERE.

-YOU DIDN'T FREAK OUT. YOU DID GREAT.

[ CRYING CONTINUES ]

-HE KIND OF LOOKS LIKE EDDIE WHEN HE WAS A BABY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

-[ SIGHS ] -CONGRATULATIONS.

-[ Chuckling ] THANKS, UNCLE EDDIE.

-Hey, congratulations, man. -Thank you.

-This worked out perfect.

We've got plenty of time to get there for half time.

-It'll be perfect. -I'm not leaving, Eddie.

-Man, this is it, dude.

If we don't do this, we're gonna lose the machine.

They'll take the whole franchise.

-We just had a baby.

-Come on.

I'm sorry.

I can't do it.

-DO YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT?

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

-[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]

-EDDIE. ARE YOU OKAY?

-[ Crying ] NO.

[ SOBBING ]

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME, DAD?

EVERYTHING I TOUCH TURNS TO SHIT,

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT ANY OTHER WAY.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

I-I DON'T KNOW.

[ SNIFFLES ] I'M SORRY, DAD.

[ CONTINUES SOBBING ]

[ CROWD CHEERING ]

-WE'RE AT HALF TIME

IN THE NATIONAL-CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.

THE CAJUNS VERY MUCH IN THIS GAME,

BUT TEXAS IS SHOWING ITS MIGHT.

WHAT DO THEY HAVE TO DO, ESPECIALLY SAVOIR,

A KID THAT -- THAT NEEDS SOME CONFIDENCE NOW?

BRUSSARD IS NOT HELPING THEM. THE CAJUNS ARE IN TROUBLE.

-I'M ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT THE COACH IS GONNA DO

IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS.

-WHEN YOU GUYS MADE YOUR RUN TO THE NATIONAL TITLE,

I REMEMBER ONE THING --

YOU SAID A FOOTBALL TEAM IS A FAMILY.

IN THAT VEIN, DOES SAVOIR HAVE TO TRUST HIS TEAMMATES

AND GET THE SUPPORT OF THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM,

LIKE HE DID BEFORE THIS GAME,

WHEN HE'S JUST BEEN BLOWING UP THE BALL?

-THAT'S WHERE IT GOES BACK TO WHERE WE TALK ABOUT A FAMILY

AND TRUSTING ONE ANOTHER.

THEY GOT TO PUSH FOR EACH OTHER,

AND RIGHT NOW IT JUST DOESN'T --

I DON'T HAVE THAT FEEL FROM THESE GUYS.

I'VE BEEN IN THAT LOCKER ROOM AT HALF TIME.

I THINK COACH IS GONNA GIVE THEM

ONE OF THE BEST RAH-RAH SPEECHES.

THEY'RE GONNA COME OUT AND BE FINE.

-WE'LL BE BACK FOR THE SECOND HALF

IN A GAME THAT THE CAJUNS HAVE GOT TO COME BACK IN.

[ DRUMS BEATING RAPIDLY, CROWD CHANTING ]

-[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

ALL RIGHT.

BATTERIES CHARGED? -MM-HMM.

-AND YOU KNOW HOW TO USE THAT THING, RIGHT?

GOOD.

PHEW.

ARE YOU READY?

YOU GOT ENOUGH WATER?

-I SURE AS HELL HOPE SO.

-OKAY, FINISH THAT ONE JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE.

MANIFEST YOUR POSITIVE INTENTIONS.

WE'RE GONNA GO OUT THERE.

WE'RE GONNA SHOW THE WORLD.

THEY'RE GONNA LOVE YOU, DAD.

-AHH.

-LET'S DO THIS. -ROLLING? GOOD.

READY?

-LET'S DO THIS.

-[ CHUCKLES ]

[ CROWD CHEERING ]

[ CHEERING INTENSIFIES ]

-JACK, WE'RE TRYING TO PIECE IT TOGETHER

WHAT EXACTLY WE SAW HERE TODAY.

-UNBELIEVABLE! -THE AUDACITY!

RUNNING OUT ON THE FIELD TO START THE SECOND HALF.

-A MAN RAN OUT INTO THE FIELD, ALMOST NAKED.

-A MAN WEARING A YELLOW CAPE AND, WELL, NOT MUCH ELSE...

-BLACK SPEEDO.

-WELL, AT FIRST, ALL WE COULD SEE

WAS "CHARGE" ACROSS HIS CHEST AND THEN HIS YELLOW CAPE SAYING,

"youreincharge.org."

-PROMOTING HIS NEW COMPANY...

-...youreincharge... -...youreincharge...

-Youreincharge.org OFF THE BACK.

WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN, JIM?

-HE DROPPED HIS PANTS AND PEED IN A CUP.

-AND IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT ON YouTube ALREADY,

GET A CHANCE TO SEE IT...

[ ALL CHATTER ]

-Youreincharge.

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

[ ENGINE REVVING ]

-ALL RIGHT, LOOK, FIX HIS SHIRT SO I CAN SEE.

-HEY, BOO. HEY. [ ZIPPER UNZIPS ]

-WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS GOING ON OUT HERE?

-NOTHING.

-IT'S NOT NOTHING.

SAM, YOU BETTER COME OUT HERE AND SEE THIS.

-[ SIGHS ] BUSTED. -WHAT'S GOING ON?

-DUCK, DUDE. -WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-IS HE DRIVING THE CAR?

[ SCOFFS ] COME HERE, BUDDY.

COME HERE, MY BUDDY.

HANDSOME YOU.

I CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

-IT'S FOR THE COMPANY. -OH, MY GOD.

-JOHN, WHY DID YOU LET THESE BABIES IN THIS CAR?

-IT'S JUST A VIDEO.

-NO. I DON'T CARE.

-IT'S A VIDEO FOR THE COMPANY.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

[ UP-TEMPO CAJUN MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

[ MID-TEMPO BLUEGRASS MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]