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1
00:00:01,929 --> 00:00:03,531
I hope Que's still here.
2
00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:05,740
My bladder's about to burst.
3
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,051
Well, it's your own fault.
4
00:00:08,135 --> 00:00:10,303
I've never seen a restaurant
cut a guy off
5
00:00:10,387 --> 00:00:12,430
from bottomless lemonade.
6
00:00:12,894 --> 00:00:14,461
It's a medical thing.
7
00:00:14,545 --> 00:00:16,673
Dry tongue runs in my family.
8
00:00:19,112 --> 00:00:21,358
Hey, Calvin, Dave.
What's up?
9
00:00:21,442 --> 00:00:23,693
Uh, your toilet seat
in about three seconds.
10
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:28,693
Eh, sorry about that, Que.
I'm still potty training him.
11
00:00:28,777 --> 00:00:30,513
When I did that with my dog,
12
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,673
I used to whack him
with a rolled-up newspaper.
13
00:00:32,756 --> 00:00:34,932
I tried that. It didn't work.
14
00:00:36,987 --> 00:00:38,505
Oh, sorry, man, we're closed.
15
00:00:38,588 --> 00:00:40,091
I'm not here for a haircut.
16
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,630
I'm here for the money.
Now hand it over.
17
00:00:42,713 --> 00:00:43,834
What?
18
00:00:43,917 --> 00:00:45,567
Why would he give you any money?
19
00:00:45,652 --> 00:00:48,918
Because right now
I'm asking nicely.
20
00:00:50,207 --> 00:00:53,457
Oh.
I mean, he did ask politely.
21
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,219
Well, don't just stand there,
Que. Do something.
22
00:00:57,302 --> 00:00:58,264
Good call.
23
00:00:58,347 --> 00:01:00,865
- See ya!
- Seriously?
24
00:01:00,948 --> 00:01:04,146
If you didn't cut my hair for
free, I would change barbers!
25
00:01:04,527 --> 00:01:05,487
All right, you.
26
00:01:05,572 --> 00:01:06,825
Empty the cash box.
27
00:01:06,909 --> 00:01:08,614
No problem.
After what he just did,
28
00:01:08,698 --> 00:01:11,810
I'd give you the tip jar, too.
29
00:01:12,388 --> 00:01:14,481
Ooh, that feels much better.
30
00:01:14,566 --> 00:01:17,832
And who put my phone number
above the urinal?
31
00:01:18,097 --> 00:01:20,402
Uh, uh, Dave?
32
00:01:20,793 --> 00:01:22,766
Oh, hey.
Dave Johnson.
33
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,406
You just stay right there.
34
00:01:24,490 --> 00:01:27,376
Don't worry, I washed my hands.
35
00:01:28,111 --> 00:01:30,688
He doesn't care
about your hygiene, Dave.
36
00:01:30,771 --> 00:01:32,414
He's here to rob the place.
37
00:01:32,710 --> 00:01:36,733
Oh. Well, in that case, uh,
I take my handshake back.
38
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,484
Get over there
with your friend.
39
00:01:38,569 --> 00:01:41,742
I think you mean
best friend.
40
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,400
Dave,
41
00:01:43,484 --> 00:01:44,789
now is not the time.
42
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,616
Okay, all right, well,
43
00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:49,180
let me just go over here
so I can...
44
00:01:49,265 --> 00:01:51,085
powder your nose!
45
00:01:51,168 --> 00:01:52,820
Quick, Calvin, call the police!
46
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:54,855
I will.
But first let me grab his gun.
47
00:01:54,939 --> 00:01:57,406
What...
He has a gun?
48
00:01:58,069 --> 00:01:59,766
Dave, get over here
and hold him down!
49
00:01:59,850 --> 00:02:02,915
Okay!
50
00:02:03,593 --> 00:02:05,790
Thank God this happened
after I peed.
51
00:02:07,206 --> 00:02:09,501
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
52
00:02:09,585 --> 00:02:11,288
♪ Welcome to the hood.
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*
53
00:02:11,372 --> 00:02:12,834
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*
Season 03 Episode 14
54
00:02:12,918 --> 00:02:15,544
So then the cops came,
they took the dude away
55
00:02:15,628 --> 00:02:17,201
and asked us
for our statements.
56
00:02:17,286 --> 00:02:18,974
Yeah, which was hard
for me to give,
57
00:02:19,058 --> 00:02:22,082
because my dry tongue came
back with a vengeance.
58
00:02:24,465 --> 00:02:27,359
I still can't believe
you guys got robbed at gunpoint.
59
00:02:27,443 --> 00:02:29,522
I'm just so glad
you're both okay.
60
00:02:29,606 --> 00:02:32,616
Yeah, me, too.
Aw, baby.
61
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,045
I don't want you
going back to the barbershop.
62
00:02:35,129 --> 00:02:37,451
I'll cut your hair
from now on.
63
00:02:38,646 --> 00:02:43,295
Thanks, babe, but I'd rather
take my chances with the gun.
64
00:02:44,021 --> 00:02:46,304
It's so cool
what you did, Dad.
65
00:02:46,388 --> 00:02:50,061
You're like Batman,
except with a much lamer car.
66
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:54,865
It was not that big a deal,
and, Grover,
67
00:02:54,949 --> 00:02:57,703
there is nothing lame
about a reliable hatchback
68
00:02:57,787 --> 00:03:00,469
that gets 30 miles
to the gallon.
69
00:03:00,810 --> 00:03:03,169
Y-You know what?
Grover's right.
70
00:03:03,325 --> 00:03:04,788
You're a hero, Dave.
71
00:03:04,872 --> 00:03:06,586
Just because
you got a boring car
72
00:03:06,669 --> 00:03:08,397
and an unintimidating physique
73
00:03:08,481 --> 00:03:11,442
and a pretty squeaky
voice, uh...
74
00:03:11,526 --> 00:03:13,745
w-where was I going with this?
75
00:03:14,959 --> 00:03:16,133
Uh, well,
76
00:03:16,216 --> 00:03:18,014
I think you were
complimenting me.
77
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:19,913
Oh. Yes. Right.
78
00:03:19,997 --> 00:03:22,795
Look, the point is
is I owe you one.
79
00:03:24,318 --> 00:03:26,366
Well, in that case,
why don't you finally let me
80
00:03:26,450 --> 00:03:28,592
teach you to play Frisbee golf?
81
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:33,326
Like I told Tina, I'd rather
take my chances with the gun.
82
00:03:35,793 --> 00:03:37,093
Oh, hey, Gemma.
83
00:03:37,177 --> 00:03:38,304
Hi, Marty.
84
00:03:38,388 --> 00:03:39,343
You know,
it's pretty crazy what happened
85
00:03:39,426 --> 00:03:40,819
to Dave and my dad
last night, huh?
86
00:03:40,903 --> 00:03:43,203
Crazy?
More like horrifying,
87
00:03:43,287 --> 00:03:47,069
or terrifying or
"I didn't sleep a wink" -ifying.
88
00:03:47,209 --> 00:03:49,677
Oh, so school principals
can just make up words now?
89
00:03:51,781 --> 00:03:53,179
I'm just so freaked out.
90
00:03:53,263 --> 00:03:55,125
I know they're okay,
but I keep imagining
91
00:03:55,209 --> 00:03:56,655
all the things
that could've gone wrong.
92
00:03:56,739 --> 00:03:58,546
You know, I do the same thing
whenever I'm thinking
93
00:03:58,631 --> 00:04:00,753
of asking a girl out,
but it always winds up okay.
94
00:04:00,837 --> 00:04:01,866
Really?
95
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,234
Yeah, 'cause I never do it.
96
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,350
Ugh, I just wish
there was something
97
00:04:07,435 --> 00:04:09,578
that could help me
take my mind off of it.
98
00:04:09,662 --> 00:04:10,715
Well, if you want,
you can come help me
99
00:04:10,799 --> 00:04:11,804
work in my vegetable garden.
100
00:04:11,888 --> 00:04:13,099
I always find it's relaxing.
101
00:04:13,183 --> 00:04:14,328
- You do?
- Yeah,
102
00:04:14,412 --> 00:04:17,483
it's peaceful, quiet,
it helps me clear my head.
103
00:04:17,637 --> 00:04:18,968
All right, I'll give it a shot.
104
00:04:19,052 --> 00:04:20,250
Great.
105
00:04:20,334 --> 00:04:22,031
It'll be fun-tasterrific.
106
00:04:22,115 --> 00:04:23,317
Nice try, Marty,
107
00:04:23,401 --> 00:04:25,910
but leave the fake-titious words
to the professionals.
108
00:04:29,380 --> 00:04:32,810
Hey, hey, y'all.
Here's the man of the hour.
109
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,288
And I also brought Dave.
110
00:04:35,872 --> 00:04:37,608
Whoa, I wasn't
expecting all this.
111
00:04:37,692 --> 00:04:38,944
Looks like word
spread pretty fast.
112
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,461
Yeah, almost as fast
as Que ran his ass out of here
113
00:04:41,545 --> 00:04:42,550
when he saw that gun.
114
00:04:43,966 --> 00:04:46,117
Hey, I ran to call the cops,
115
00:04:46,201 --> 00:04:47,858
'cause I just get
better phone reception
116
00:04:47,942 --> 00:04:49,841
hiding underneath my bed.
117
00:04:50,343 --> 00:04:51,819
So, come on, Dave.
118
00:04:51,903 --> 00:04:53,100
Give us the details.
119
00:04:53,185 --> 00:04:54,975
Oh, yeah, and you ain't got
to start from the beginning.
120
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:57,225
Que filled us in on
the first ten seconds.
121
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:01,492
I mean, come on, guys, it-it
really was not that big a deal.
122
00:05:01,576 --> 00:05:03,952
I, just, was in the right place
at the right time.
123
00:05:04,036 --> 00:05:06,093
Dave, stop being so modest.
124
00:05:06,177 --> 00:05:07,836
This might actually
be the only time
125
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,451
somebody really wants
to hear what you got to say.
126
00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:13,896
Yeah, man, tell us
how you took this fool down.
127
00:05:14,079 --> 00:05:15,475
Okay, look, I...
128
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,000
I guess it all started
when I looked at the menu
129
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,968
and I saw the words
"bottomless lemonade."
130
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:22,312
Okay, Dave, you have been cool
for, like, 12 hours.
131
00:05:22,396 --> 00:05:23,959
Don't blow it now.
132
00:05:25,146 --> 00:05:27,069
Okay, look,
there's not that much to say.
133
00:05:27,153 --> 00:05:29,100
You know, I came out
of the bathroom, I saw the guy,
134
00:05:29,185 --> 00:05:30,858
and I could sense
that something was wrong.
135
00:05:30,942 --> 00:05:32,514
Ooh, like Spider-Man.
136
00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:35,064
I told y'all
Spidey-senses was real.
137
00:05:37,872 --> 00:05:40,779
Come on, Randy,
I'm not Spider-Man.
138
00:05:41,646 --> 00:05:42,961
Although...
139
00:05:43,045 --> 00:05:45,586
a lot of people
have been comparing me
140
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:48,146
to...
Batman.
141
00:05:49,012 --> 00:05:50,858
They've all been
under the age of ten,
142
00:05:50,942 --> 00:05:52,615
but ain't lying.
143
00:05:53,028 --> 00:05:54,819
Keep going, man.
144
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,211
All right, well, I mean,
I guess I could tell you
145
00:05:57,295 --> 00:05:59,021
what I did to the guy or...
146
00:05:59,175 --> 00:06:00,350
I could show you!
147
00:06:00,434 --> 00:06:02,233
Hey, hey!
148
00:06:08,788 --> 00:06:10,053
You were right, Marty.
149
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:12,139
This is really
helping me calm down.
150
00:06:12,223 --> 00:06:13,444
Yeah, I know.
151
00:06:13,528 --> 00:06:15,812
I just love getting my
hands down in the earth,
152
00:06:15,896 --> 00:06:18,177
nurturing my little
baby vegetables.
153
00:06:18,343 --> 00:06:20,199
It helps me stay grounded.
154
00:06:20,497 --> 00:06:21,807
Plus, their
dependence on me
155
00:06:21,891 --> 00:06:24,427
makes me feel like a god.
156
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,327
Oh, hey, Gemma.
What are you doing out here
157
00:06:28,411 --> 00:06:31,170
with Marty
and his Cabbage Patch Kids?
158
00:06:31,606 --> 00:06:33,882
Well, Marty thought gardening
might help take my mind
159
00:06:33,966 --> 00:06:36,437
off what happened last night,
and he was right.
160
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,576
It is so nice
to only be thinking about
161
00:06:38,661 --> 00:06:39,898
what's right in front of me.
162
00:06:39,981 --> 00:06:42,367
Carrots and radishes...
Oh, my God!
163
00:06:42,451 --> 00:06:44,148
What?!
Did you see a potato bug?
164
00:06:44,231 --> 00:06:46,935
Show me and I will
smite him!
165
00:06:47,771 --> 00:06:49,711
No, my wedding ring is missing.
166
00:06:49,795 --> 00:06:52,250
It must have fallen off
somewhere in the garden.
167
00:06:52,334 --> 00:06:54,490
Okay, don't worry, i-it's got
to be in here somewhere.
168
00:06:54,574 --> 00:06:56,276
Uh, we'll just dig around
until we find it.
169
00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,581
Uh, well, yeah, yeah, yeah,
but-but please be careful.
170
00:06:58,665 --> 00:07:00,206
Remember, these are my babies.
171
00:07:00,290 --> 00:07:03,615
The hell with that. One
of your babies stole my ring.
172
00:07:08,002 --> 00:07:11,242
So I looked the guy
straight in the eye and I said,
173
00:07:11,326 --> 00:07:13,523
"We can do this the easy way
174
00:07:13,606 --> 00:07:15,406
"or we can do it the hard way.
175
00:07:15,490 --> 00:07:18,887
And F.Y.I.,
I like it the hard way."
176
00:07:20,341 --> 00:07:22,038
I think they
get the picture, Dave.
177
00:07:22,122 --> 00:07:24,545
Especially after
you drew them one.
178
00:07:25,262 --> 00:07:26,393
I got to give it to you, Dave,
179
00:07:26,476 --> 00:07:28,547
I-I had no idea
you were such a tough dude.
180
00:07:28,630 --> 00:07:30,367
Hey, I don't
go looking for trouble,
181
00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:32,281
but when I hear
it's looking for me,
182
00:07:32,365 --> 00:07:36,694
I raise my hand and I say,
"Dave Johnson, who dis?"
183
00:07:37,317 --> 00:07:39,694
Ooh! Hey, yo, Calvin,
how come you ain't never tell us
184
00:07:39,778 --> 00:07:42,230
Dave know how to throw
them hands, man?
185
00:07:42,314 --> 00:07:44,617
I guess I never
really had the time.
186
00:07:44,701 --> 00:07:48,716
Because clearly it takes
an hour and a half.
187
00:07:49,816 --> 00:07:52,218
Hey, Dave, now that I know
you can hang,
188
00:07:52,302 --> 00:07:55,391
I run a little private casino
situation a few times a week.
189
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,810
You know, poker, shooting pool,
throwing dice.
190
00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,288
- You should come by tonight.
- Uh, actually,
191
00:08:00,387 --> 00:08:03,091
Trey, I don't believe that
that's Dave's scene.
192
00:08:03,175 --> 00:08:05,898
What are you talking about,
Calvin? I love a good dice game.
193
00:08:05,982 --> 00:08:08,317
You know, I don't want to brag,
but I once threw
194
00:08:08,401 --> 00:08:10,382
three Yahtzees in a row.
195
00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:15,177
Man, you're funny.
196
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,646
But don't make
any jokes tonight.
197
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,569
Laughing always leads to fights.
198
00:08:18,935 --> 00:08:20,024
Why?
199
00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:23,444
I never asked.
Questions also lead to fights.
200
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,408
Hey, Dave, can I talk
to you for a minute?
201
00:08:26,492 --> 00:08:29,358
Yeah, uh, hold on.
What's up?
202
00:08:29,723 --> 00:08:31,994
Look, trust me,
you do not want
203
00:08:32,077 --> 00:08:34,475
any part of Trey's "casino."
204
00:08:34,558 --> 00:08:35,749
Why not?
205
00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:37,838
It's a rough crowd, man.
206
00:08:37,923 --> 00:08:40,952
You say the wrong thing in there
and they'll whup your ass
207
00:08:41,037 --> 00:08:43,769
till you're as bottomless
as those lemonades.
208
00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:47,764
Okay, Calvin,
I appreciate your concern,
209
00:08:47,847 --> 00:08:51,677
but I think I've proven
that I can handle myself.
210
00:08:51,802 --> 00:08:54,145
Okay, all right,
look, I get it.
211
00:08:54,230 --> 00:08:57,235
Uh, y-you're feeling yourself,
and that's cool, man.
212
00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,803
But we both know
things didn't go down
213
00:08:59,888 --> 00:09:02,366
exactly the way
you've been telling those guys.
214
00:09:02,451 --> 00:09:04,677
Name one thing
that didn't happen.
215
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,967
You running up the wall
to do a flying kick.
216
00:09:10,403 --> 00:09:12,381
Okay, well, name another.
217
00:09:12,466 --> 00:09:16,186
You running up that wall
to do a second flying kick.
218
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:18,432
Come on, man.
219
00:09:18,515 --> 00:09:19,796
I'm just trying
to protect you here.
220
00:09:19,879 --> 00:09:21,145
Oh, you mean like the way
221
00:09:21,230 --> 00:09:23,857
that I had to protect you
last night?
222
00:09:24,005 --> 00:09:25,256
Excuse me?
223
00:09:25,341 --> 00:09:26,868
Yeah, that's right.
224
00:09:26,951 --> 00:09:28,528
While I was taking care
of business
225
00:09:28,613 --> 00:09:30,092
and you were just
standing there doing nothing.
226
00:09:30,177 --> 00:09:32,741
Oh.
Oh, oh, okay.
227
00:09:32,826 --> 00:09:33,960
All right.
228
00:09:34,043 --> 00:09:36,403
So that's the way
you feel about it?
229
00:09:36,488 --> 00:09:39,096
Yeah.
That's the way I feel.
230
00:09:39,599 --> 00:09:41,716
All right, then fine.
231
00:09:41,799 --> 00:09:44,211
Knock yourself out.
Or better yet,
232
00:09:44,294 --> 00:09:47,171
take Yahtzee
and somebody else will.
233
00:09:56,418 --> 00:09:58,457
Hey, Dave, glad
you made it.
234
00:09:58,542 --> 00:09:59,676
Oh, me, too.
235
00:09:59,759 --> 00:10:02,480
Wow, Trey, you've got
a nice setup here.
236
00:10:02,663 --> 00:10:04,424
You even have
a coat check guy.
237
00:10:04,509 --> 00:10:06,658
We don't have a coat check guy.
238
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:10,248
Well, in that case it looks like
I don't have a coat.
239
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:14,576
Uh, I brought some red wine
and a charcuterie tray.
240
00:10:14,660 --> 00:10:17,091
Uh, you might want
to give the guys a heads-up.
241
00:10:17,174 --> 00:10:19,715
The Roquefort
is a little robust.
242
00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:21,903
Great. I'll let
Mad Dog know.
243
00:10:21,986 --> 00:10:25,269
For a tough dude, he has
very delicate taste buds.
244
00:10:26,447 --> 00:10:28,269
Okay, what should I do first?
245
00:10:28,354 --> 00:10:30,817
I've got a hundred bucks
burning a hole in my coat po...
246
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:33,543
Ah, damn it.
247
00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:35,558
It's cool.
I got you, Dave.
248
00:10:35,643 --> 00:10:37,534
But next time, if somebody
offers to park your car,
249
00:10:37,619 --> 00:10:39,543
we don't have
a valet either.
250
00:10:40,463 --> 00:10:42,519
Yo, guys, this is my boy Dave.
251
00:10:42,604 --> 00:10:44,590
That's Carlos, Ricky and Eddie.
252
00:10:44,673 --> 00:10:48,067
I'd shake your hands but,
uh, I have cheese fingers.
253
00:10:50,855 --> 00:10:52,115
Yeah!
254
00:10:53,245 --> 00:10:54,385
What's up with you, Eddie?
255
00:10:54,470 --> 00:10:55,730
You just got out of jail.
256
00:10:55,861 --> 00:10:58,159
That usually puts a smile
on your face.
257
00:10:58,518 --> 00:11:01,347
I know, but my favorite
cousin just went in.
258
00:11:01,432 --> 00:11:03,981
He got busted last night
trying to rob a barbershop.
259
00:11:11,668 --> 00:11:13,787
What's that you say?
260
00:11:14,043 --> 00:11:16,397
Yeah, some clown jumped him
with a broom
261
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,412
and held him
till the cops showed up.
262
00:11:20,644 --> 00:11:22,163
What a crazy story
263
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:26,153
that I am definitely hearing
for the very first time.
264
00:11:26,870 --> 00:11:28,770
Crazy's gonna be what
I do to the guy
265
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,857
if I ever find out who did it.
266
00:11:30,942 --> 00:11:33,288
I would do the same thing
267
00:11:33,371 --> 00:11:36,231
if I ever found me...
I mean him.
268
00:11:37,652 --> 00:11:39,841
Trey, why would you
invite me here?
269
00:11:39,926 --> 00:11:42,107
Dave, I swear, I didn't
know they were related.
270
00:11:42,192 --> 00:11:43,544
But you gotta go.
271
00:11:43,629 --> 00:11:45,065
If I get any blood stains
in this place,
272
00:11:45,149 --> 00:11:47,763
I'm gonna lose my
cleaning deposit.Okay. Okay, okay.
273
00:11:48,221 --> 00:11:50,169
I... Look, I'm out of here.
274
00:11:50,254 --> 00:11:52,419
Uh, guys, it was
very nice meeting you.
275
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:55,148
Whoa, whoa. Hold on, man,
you can't leave.
276
00:11:55,231 --> 00:11:58,224
House rules.
New guy always rolls.
277
00:11:58,307 --> 00:12:00,184
Well, that's very thoughtful
of you,
278
00:12:00,269 --> 00:12:01,769
but I-I really should be going.
279
00:12:01,852 --> 00:12:05,214
But feel free to help yourself
to some charcuterie
280
00:12:05,298 --> 00:12:07,964
and a very oaky merlot.
281
00:12:08,345 --> 00:12:11,260
I wasn't asking you.
I was telling you.
282
00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:14,980
New guy rolls.
283
00:12:20,447 --> 00:12:22,192
Okay, but, uh...
284
00:12:22,277 --> 00:12:24,042
I warned you
about the cheese fingers,
285
00:12:24,125 --> 00:12:26,807
so if these dice get stinky,
well...
286
00:12:27,652 --> 00:12:29,000
that's on you!
287
00:12:31,013 --> 00:12:33,236
Oh, yeah.
288
00:12:38,115 --> 00:12:40,371
Oh, my ring has to
be here somewhere!
289
00:12:40,456 --> 00:12:41,764
Keep digging.
290
00:12:41,849 --> 00:12:43,943
Oh, okay, okay.
But-but take it easy.
291
00:12:44,028 --> 00:12:45,838
You are destroying
my entire garden.
292
00:12:45,923 --> 00:12:48,756
Oh, that's not true.
Your carrots are still safe.
293
00:12:48,841 --> 00:12:51,302
Oh, my God, it might be
in the carrots.
294
00:12:52,067 --> 00:12:55,344
Uh, okay,
this is a disaster!
295
00:12:55,427 --> 00:12:58,216
All I have left
is two strawberries,
296
00:12:58,299 --> 00:12:59,538
some kale and a beet.
297
00:12:59,621 --> 00:13:01,139
If you'll excuse me,
I'm going inside
298
00:13:01,224 --> 00:13:03,644
to make the world's
saddest smoothie.
299
00:13:05,931 --> 00:13:08,671
I feel so bad for Marty.
300
00:13:08,918 --> 00:13:11,229
I think it's gonna be
a long time before
301
00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:13,836
I'll be able to eat
a vegetable again.
302
00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:15,869
Nice try, Grover.
303
00:13:15,956 --> 00:13:17,830
It was worth a shot.
304
00:13:23,474 --> 00:13:25,677
Hey, Calvin, what are
you doing home?
305
00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:27,724
I thought you were
hanging out with Dave tonight.
306
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,423
Change of plans.
307
00:13:29,506 --> 00:13:32,948
Dave went to Trey's
underground casino.
308
00:13:33,033 --> 00:13:35,504
So I decided to stay home
309
00:13:35,588 --> 00:13:37,803
and do something fun
with you instead.
310
00:13:37,888 --> 00:13:39,961
Are you crazy?!
311
00:13:41,148 --> 00:13:44,056
You let Dave go to
Trey's by himself?
312
00:13:44,304 --> 00:13:47,517
Okay, so maybe I should have
gone bowling.
313
00:13:48,326 --> 00:13:50,255
Calvin, how could
you do that?
314
00:13:50,340 --> 00:13:52,072
You know how rough
things get over there.
315
00:13:52,155 --> 00:13:54,857
Hey, I tried to warn him,
but he wouldn't listen.
316
00:13:54,942 --> 00:13:57,563
So now he's got to learn
the hard way.
317
00:13:57,648 --> 00:14:01,095
Because apparently,
that's the way he likes it.
318
00:14:02,535 --> 00:14:04,105
What are you
talking about?
319
00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:07,186
Hey, you should have heard him
down at the shop
320
00:14:07,269 --> 00:14:09,511
bragging about how tough he is.
321
00:14:09,596 --> 00:14:11,744
So? So?
322
00:14:11,827 --> 00:14:15,376
This is the same Dave
whose favorite season is autumn
323
00:14:15,461 --> 00:14:18,759
because he loves to jump
in leaf piles.
324
00:14:19,849 --> 00:14:23,501
Come on, Calvin, give
him a break. You know?
325
00:14:23,586 --> 00:14:25,155
He's just excited
'cause he's finally
326
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,331
getting some shine.
327
00:14:26,416 --> 00:14:27,639
What do you mean?
328
00:14:27,722 --> 00:14:30,375
I mean, when you and Dave
go down to the shop,
329
00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:31,912
you know, you're always
the big dog.
330
00:14:31,995 --> 00:14:35,548
The one in the spotlight
getting everyone's respect.
331
00:14:36,392 --> 00:14:37,647
What do you think that's like?
332
00:14:37,730 --> 00:14:41,052
Oh, I know what it's like.
It's amazing.
333
00:14:41,754 --> 00:14:43,462
I meant for Dave.
334
00:14:43,615 --> 00:14:45,802
Come on, Calvin,
think about it.
335
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,115
He doesn't get
to experience that.
336
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,715
So can you blame him for
getting carried away?
337
00:14:51,527 --> 00:14:52,851
Eh, I guess not.
338
00:14:52,936 --> 00:14:54,570
- See?
- You know what?
339
00:14:54,653 --> 00:14:56,986
I better get down there
and make sure he's okay.
340
00:14:57,071 --> 00:14:59,264
Oh, good. Take your coat
'cause it's cold out.
341
00:14:59,347 --> 00:15:02,033
Oh, I'm taking two,
'cause ten bucks says
342
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,841
Dave already lost his.
343
00:15:08,517 --> 00:15:11,091
It's no use.
We've looked everywhere.
344
00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:12,485
We're never gonna find it.
345
00:15:12,568 --> 00:15:14,831
Oh, don't worry, Gemma,
I'm sure it'll turn up.
346
00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:17,615
Look, maybe one day Marty
will be eating a salad,
347
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:20,397
and boom... "Ah, chipped tooth.
348
00:15:20,518 --> 00:15:22,198
There it is."
349
00:15:24,489 --> 00:15:26,929
I know you're trying to help,
but I just feel terrible.
350
00:15:27,014 --> 00:15:28,490
First I almost lose Dave,
351
00:15:28,575 --> 00:15:31,278
now I lose the ring he gave me
when we got married.
352
00:15:31,361 --> 00:15:34,841
Okay, that's true, but
think about it this way.
353
00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:37,615
You didn't lose Dave.
He's totally fine.
354
00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:39,959
All you lost was
a piece of jewelry.
355
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:43,990
You're right. I'm focusing
on the wrong thing.
356
00:15:44,075 --> 00:15:46,644
Dave's okay,
and that's all that matters.
357
00:15:46,729 --> 00:15:48,154
Exactly.
358
00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:50,953
I mean, if you think about it,
the ring was just a symbol
359
00:15:51,038 --> 00:15:54,957
of what's really important:
The love we have for each other.
360
00:15:55,042 --> 00:15:57,607
As long as we have that,
who needs a silly little...
361
00:15:57,692 --> 00:15:59,524
Mom, Mom, Mom!
I found your ring!
362
00:15:59,607 --> 00:16:01,982
Oh, thank God!
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
363
00:16:04,379 --> 00:16:07,030
It was in a little tray
next to the kitchen sink.
364
00:16:07,115 --> 00:16:09,799
That's right, I took it off
to wash the dishes
365
00:16:09,884 --> 00:16:11,870
right before I came
over here to...
366
00:16:12,474 --> 00:16:15,350
Murder every one
of Marty's veggie babies
367
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,115
for no reason.
368
00:16:18,371 --> 00:16:21,113
That is a very harsh...
369
00:16:21,227 --> 00:16:23,873
yet accurate way to say it.
370
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:25,736
So...
371
00:16:25,821 --> 00:16:27,385
what are you gonna tell Marty?
372
00:16:29,403 --> 00:16:31,397
Well, sweetie, as
hard as it may be,
373
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,226
when you make a mistake
and you hurt somebody,
374
00:16:34,311 --> 00:16:36,317
you always have to
tell them the truth.
375
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:37,826
Oh, the truth about what?
376
00:16:37,911 --> 00:16:40,811
That I just found my ring
right here!
377
00:16:41,514 --> 00:16:44,177
- But you just said that...
- Hey, hey, hey, kid,
378
00:16:44,261 --> 00:16:46,009
play your cards right
and you won't have to
379
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:48,216
eat a vegetable for years.
380
00:16:55,924 --> 00:16:58,404
Man, you're on the hottest
streak I've ever seen.
381
00:16:58,489 --> 00:16:59,561
Yeah, man, you can't lose.
382
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,817
Yeah, lucky me.
It's like I couldn't even
383
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:04,336
get out of here if I wanted to.
384
00:17:04,546 --> 00:17:07,377
No way, man, you ain't
going anywhere. I'm up big.
385
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,592
Come on, man,
keep rolling.
386
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,490
Okay, uh, anything but a seven,
right, guys?
387
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:16,162
Okay. Please, God, a seven.
Please, God, a seven.
388
00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:19,085
Yes! I win again.
389
00:17:19,169 --> 00:17:21,654
Get over here,
cheese fingers!
390
00:17:23,954 --> 00:17:25,919
Damn, I knew he was in
over his head.
391
00:17:26,002 --> 00:17:28,337
Hey! Get your hands off of him!
392
00:17:30,253 --> 00:17:31,651
What's your problem, man?
393
00:17:31,734 --> 00:17:35,115
I'm not the one
with the problem, you are.
394
00:17:35,278 --> 00:17:38,346
Do you have any idea
who you're messing with?
395
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:44,220
No, he does not, and I would
really love to keep it that way.
396
00:17:44,317 --> 00:17:47,541
Nah, Dave, this fool
needs to know
397
00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:50,987
that you single-handedly
took down an armed robber
398
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,070
at Que's barbershop
yesterday.
399
00:17:53,227 --> 00:17:54,624
What?!
400
00:17:54,708 --> 00:17:56,193
Yeah, that's right.
401
00:17:56,278 --> 00:17:57,788
He whupped the dude's ass
so bad,
402
00:17:57,873 --> 00:18:00,424
he sent him crying to his mama.
403
00:18:01,691 --> 00:18:03,373
Aunt Lorraine?
404
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:08,112
So you're the guy that
got my cousin busted.
405
00:18:08,195 --> 00:18:10,089
Cousin?
406
00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:12,250
Oh, damn.
407
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,471
Okay, well, Eddie, yes.
408
00:18:15,555 --> 00:18:18,519
Technically, I am the one who
got your cousin busted,
409
00:18:18,603 --> 00:18:20,972
but let's not forget
that I'm also the one
410
00:18:21,057 --> 00:18:22,237
who brought the
charcuterie plate
411
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,538
that everyone has been
raving about.
412
00:18:24,767 --> 00:18:26,853
That's it, you're a dead man.
413
00:18:26,936 --> 00:18:29,412
Oh, no, he's not.
Ha!
414
00:18:34,424 --> 00:18:37,605
Calvin! You said you didn't
know how to play Frisbee.
415
00:18:37,690 --> 00:18:42,005
No, I said Frisbee golf.
Big difference, Dave.
416
00:18:44,115 --> 00:18:45,356
Hey, I'm just gonna take this.
417
00:18:45,441 --> 00:18:47,645
It's probably too oaky
for you guys.
418
00:18:52,637 --> 00:18:55,269
I told you, Dave, you didn't
have to give me a gift.
419
00:18:55,387 --> 00:18:57,842
I know, but it's just my way
of saying thank you
420
00:18:57,925 --> 00:18:59,322
for saving my life.
421
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,019
Look, if I hadn't gotten
such a big head,
422
00:19:01,103 --> 00:19:02,724
none of this would have
ever happened.
423
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,923
Well, when you put it
like that,
424
00:19:05,007 --> 00:19:06,949
why isn't this bigger?
425
00:19:09,653 --> 00:19:13,336
Yahtzee?
You got me Yahtzee?
426
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:14,865
Okay...
427
00:19:15,965 --> 00:19:19,516
Look, I know it's not cool,
like Trey's dice game,
428
00:19:19,599 --> 00:19:22,593
but it's actually really fun
if you give it a chance.
429
00:19:22,676 --> 00:19:23,928
You know what, Dave,
430
00:19:24,012 --> 00:19:26,430
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
431
00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:29,445
And that's only because of
what you did at the barbershop,
432
00:19:29,529 --> 00:19:30,865
but...
433
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:35,451
I love Yahtzee, too, man!
434
00:19:36,286 --> 00:19:39,248
What?! First I find out
you Frisbee, and now this?
435
00:19:39,332 --> 00:19:41,232
I know,
I should have told you.
436
00:19:41,317 --> 00:19:44,098
Are you kidding me?
Yahtzee and Frisbee?
437
00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:46,117
You throw in a cheese tray,
and this is gonna be
438
00:19:46,201 --> 00:19:47,796
the weekend of my life.
439
00:19:48,868 --> 00:19:51,441
I hope you like a smoked Gouda.
440
00:19:51,541 --> 00:19:53,952
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
441
00:19:54,037 --> 00:19:55,644
Synchronized by srjanapala
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