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Previously on "The Magicians"...
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Quentin...ughhh !
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I killed a god.
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Gods like Ember have parents, you idiot.
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When we're harmless, they ignore us.
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But when we become malignant,
they amputate.
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Magic is gone.
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What is it that you seek,
rude little Earth girl?
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The woman and child you stole.
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Fen wouldn't come because
they have your daughter.
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I had to warn you. They're coming.
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This contract initiates
our services in exchange for...
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Unlimited manual and magical labor?
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- You signed that insane contract?
- Yeah, it's okay.
15
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- Did you do this for me?
- Just say it.
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Cancer.
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- Call it Cancer plus.
- How long till I die?
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Two or three weeks.
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I need your help.
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If Penny's in the library,
he can be your mole.
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But to do that, he'd have to be alive.
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Deal.
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As a niffin, you made enemies.
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I am here to warn you
that one of them seeks you.
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The Lamprey. It knows you're weak.
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It knows you're here.
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He raped me.
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Your son.
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He turned me into a monster.
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You're a survivor.
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Why did you bring me back?
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I know what you're trying to do.
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There is no actual evidence
of magical surge.
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The best we can do is accept that
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and continue our theoretical studies.
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We all get flashes,
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and we can do it again.
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How?
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I have no idea.
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Nope. Nothing.
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No freeze, no boil.
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Shit.
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It's okay.
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You can still do other stuff.
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Q, I can't do anything real.
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It's like there's no pattern to this,
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nothing that we do can
make it stronger or better.
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I'm starting to feel like
it's all random, you know?
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Maybe it was a mistake.
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Come on, you don't mean that.
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What if this is, like, a smudge?
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A fingerprint left by OLU when
she gave me back my Shade,
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and she didn't even realize?
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You know, it's like,
whoops, speck of magic.
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She's a goddess.
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Does she seem like the accident type?
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Have you met her son?
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Look, I don't wanna be insensitive...
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But you still think I somehow
have this because of Reynard.
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I don't know why you have it.
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I just... I-I don't think
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that we should discount the possibility.
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I mean, you've had...
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More contact with gods than most.
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That's a nicer way of putting it.
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For the record, I'm still
leaning towards fluke.
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So it's a fluke. There's still something
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that could lead us to something.
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We have got to keep
chipping away at it, Jules.
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Big words coming from a guy who's mostly
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chain-smoking and binge-watching
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"Six Feet Under" when I got here.
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You fired me up.
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You showed me that
there's a fight to fight.
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Now I am the official sidekick
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to whatever it turns out you are, okay?
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So, get used to it.
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Wake up, asshole.
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What, were you a boy scout?
These are great.
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Not a good time to go with smart-ass.
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I'm not a killer, but times are strange
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and you're the one
who broke into my home.
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Yeah, well, I'm a librarian.
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You're ignoring our requests.
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That book was overdue.
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Overdue book? Come on.
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It's my job.
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What's the Library's real game?
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Books?
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Why do you care anymore?
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'Cause what the hell else
is there to do anymore?
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Man, hey, that thing...
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- Is not your business.
- It's Mayakovsky's spell, right?
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Little something the brew up current?
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It's fake.
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It does not make magic.
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It does blow up like a meth lab.
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You met Mayakovsky?
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I'd know his spellwork anywhere.
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Yeah, me too, and I'm telling you...
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All of this is his fault.
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It... by his, you mean...
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Made a bunch
of apocalypse-proof batteries,
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then did something to turn
it all off all over the world.
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Breaks his Incorporate Bond,
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screws us, he's got magic, he's free.
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Tell you what Mayakovsky
didn't think about...
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Creatures. They're fine.
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Whatever they are, it's DNA.
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So I hear.
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We're fish bait now.
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Thank God I got this place,
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'cause they're coming.
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I promise you.
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Well, karma is a righteous bitch.
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Karma's gonna be...
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we kill them all, son.
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If you can.
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I mean, some of them look just like us.
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You'd never know
they're not quite human.
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The Magicians
03x01 - The Tales of the Seven Keys
Original Air Date - January 10, 2018
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I like the little apron.
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Penny.
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Penny.
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You shouldn't be here.
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You don't have that kind
of time to waste.
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It's not wasted.
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They treating you okay?
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Everything's fine. It's all fine.
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Nothing is fine.
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I'm looking at you. There's that.
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You look good.
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White-knuckle sobriety
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and forced celibacy's my look.
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You need to go back.
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I-I was kinda thinking we were
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gonna grab a quickie in the car.
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Yeah, that sounds great,
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except I don't have a car, and...
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and you're fucking dying.
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Worth it.
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Go.
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I love you.
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Go.
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We don't have the funds to...
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We're just going to have to borrow.
147
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Begging Pardon, but Tick is right.
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Excuse me, Sire.
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Your Majesty?
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00:07:13,486 --> 00:07:15,288
Look,
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there is no unshitty answer
to any of this, people,
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so suck it up.
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Mmm.
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Yeah.
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We need to discuss the borders.
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Great.
157
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After lunch.
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Thank you. Dismissed.
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We have things to discuss, dear.
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- Fabulous.
- Not you.
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Your long-suffering high queen.
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You may go.
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Margo, stay.
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Lumbricus Campestris.
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Don't tell me.
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00:08:03,610 --> 00:08:05,579
Feather of a left-handed crow?
167
00:08:05,604 --> 00:08:08,374
Butterfly with PMS this time?
168
00:08:08,408 --> 00:08:12,294
Turtle semen with a rosemary garnish?
169
00:08:12,319 --> 00:08:14,180
It's a type of earthworm.
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It lives abundantly in the
grounds around the castle.
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Collect them all.
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Okay.
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Really enjoying our ongoing whimsy-fest,
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but I am a tad busy trying to
keep the country from starving,
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- so...
- Better hurry, then.
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You were gone too long.
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Was I?
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Thought I was...
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You have to move quickly out there.
180
00:09:03,154 --> 00:09:04,890
Every time you leave this branch,
you go where
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00:09:04,931 --> 00:09:06,933
time moves normally
and where time progresses...
182
00:09:06,966 --> 00:09:09,236
So does my super cancer, I know.
183
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It's a pity the best y'all could do
was a place where
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time stopped.
185
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You know, time going backward?
186
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That'd be better.
187
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I've been giving you assignments
188
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that shouldn't take more than an hour.
189
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- I don't want you...
- Me to die?
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How sweet of you,
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considering you poisoned me.
192
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You know that wasn't me.
193
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No one wants you to die.
194
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I know.
195
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You know, travelers? Hard to come by.
196
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I wish you wouldn't be so cynical.
197
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Thank you. You need to rest.
198
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How is it?
199
00:09:45,194 --> 00:09:46,796
Out there?
200
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Depressing.
201
00:10:02,688 --> 00:10:03,656
- Henry.
- Ah.
202
00:10:05,158 --> 00:10:08,094
Is that... is that Irene McAllistair?
203
00:10:08,126 --> 00:10:11,030
Well, it is good to see you.
204
00:10:13,598 --> 00:10:15,100
And how is the...
205
00:10:15,134 --> 00:10:16,436
The board of trustees?
206
00:10:16,468 --> 00:10:19,305
Oh, well, out of their minds.
207
00:10:19,338 --> 00:10:21,640
Well, I don't need to tell you
how many of their companies
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went belly up when magic died.
209
00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:25,806
You do not. I have stock in several.
210
00:10:25,831 --> 00:10:27,546
- Join the club.
- Yeah.
211
00:10:30,350 --> 00:10:32,052
And your family?
212
00:10:32,085 --> 00:10:33,320
Well, you know them.
213
00:10:33,352 --> 00:10:37,156
Stuffy, cautious... survive anything.
214
00:10:37,189 --> 00:10:40,192
But the rest of the board...
215
00:10:40,226 --> 00:10:44,596
Look, Henry, I came here
alone because I respect you.
216
00:10:44,630 --> 00:10:47,000
Well, you taught me
everything that I know.
217
00:10:47,033 --> 00:10:49,336
- No need to exaggerate.
- I'm not.
218
00:10:49,369 --> 00:10:52,404
And no one needs to convince me
that this school is important.
219
00:10:52,438 --> 00:10:55,074
I gather that's not the case
for everyone.
220
00:10:55,107 --> 00:10:57,109
They're panicked.
221
00:10:57,143 --> 00:10:58,478
They want magic.
222
00:10:58,510 --> 00:11:00,413
So too do we all.
223
00:11:00,446 --> 00:11:02,649
They believe that there's gotta be
224
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something out there somewhere.
225
00:11:04,716 --> 00:11:06,119
Mayakovsky.
226
00:11:06,152 --> 00:11:08,188
He was working on a-a battery.
227
00:11:08,221 --> 00:11:10,255
We searched Brakebills South...
228
00:11:10,289 --> 00:11:15,194
Still, they feel that, uh,
the resources of this school
229
00:11:15,227 --> 00:11:18,231
would be best spent
continuing to search for...
230
00:11:18,264 --> 00:11:21,067
I cannot stop my students
from searching.
231
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:23,135
But we are a school.
232
00:11:23,168 --> 00:11:24,537
We still teach here.
233
00:11:24,569 --> 00:11:26,638
It is perhaps more important than ever.
234
00:11:26,672 --> 00:11:28,308
If they don't learn it,
235
00:11:28,341 --> 00:11:30,710
I fear no one will ever again,
you understand?
236
00:11:30,742 --> 00:11:32,177
I fear that too.
237
00:11:32,211 --> 00:11:34,380
But if you don't find them something...
238
00:11:36,082 --> 00:11:39,152
The board is gonna
close down Brakebills.
239
00:11:39,184 --> 00:11:42,255
You have to give them something, Henry.
240
00:11:42,288 --> 00:11:43,623
Quickly.
241
00:11:50,717 --> 00:11:52,419
So, what do you think?
242
00:11:56,087 --> 00:11:58,489
Okay, say you were to do it.
243
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,688
Work your way through some
piddly little Earth gods,
244
00:12:00,730 --> 00:12:02,899
find a way to talk to an actual Old God,
245
00:12:02,932 --> 00:12:04,534
and you say what?
246
00:12:04,568 --> 00:12:06,270
Hi, please reconsider,
even though you are
247
00:12:06,302 --> 00:12:09,739
a billion times smarter than I,
and... and... more powerful,
248
00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:11,975
if you could please bring back
magic, that would be great.
249
00:12:12,008 --> 00:12:13,710
I don't know, I just...
I figured it couldn't hurt
250
00:12:13,743 --> 00:12:16,747
to get a little closer
and maybe meet someone
251
00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:18,716
who knew more than we do.
252
00:12:18,808 --> 00:12:21,584
- I hear you, Q, I do. I just...
- What?
253
00:12:21,618 --> 00:12:23,587
I wouldn't want what happened to me
254
00:12:23,619 --> 00:12:25,022
to happen to anyone else.
255
00:12:26,956 --> 00:12:29,526
Look, you don't have to come.
256
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:31,304
I just... I just wanted you to know.
257
00:12:31,329 --> 00:12:34,345
Okay, you're gonna do a summoning alone?
258
00:12:36,833 --> 00:12:38,202
Yeah.
259
00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:40,238
I don't... I don't know.
260
00:12:42,605 --> 00:12:44,140
Okay, say I was willing to risk it.
261
00:12:44,174 --> 00:12:47,177
I mean, it requires serious, big magic.
262
00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:48,980
Okay, well, cultures all over the world
263
00:12:49,005 --> 00:12:51,582
have believed in these gods.
How did they call them?
264
00:12:51,607 --> 00:12:53,317
Suffice to say, not quite the party
265
00:12:53,349 --> 00:12:56,637
I was expecting when
I came down here, but...
266
00:12:57,078 --> 00:12:58,647
I think I could help you.
267
00:13:00,056 --> 00:13:01,526
How can I help you?
268
00:13:04,927 --> 00:13:06,229
Yeah.
269
00:13:06,262 --> 00:13:07,897
I was gonna respond,
and then I remembered
270
00:13:07,930 --> 00:13:09,065
there's no point.
271
00:13:09,098 --> 00:13:10,968
You can't help Penny anymore.
272
00:13:11,060 --> 00:13:12,529
Says who?
273
00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:17,392
What is that?
274
00:14:03,252 --> 00:14:05,321
I have a job for you.
275
00:14:05,354 --> 00:14:06,394
Earthworms.
276
00:14:06,419 --> 00:14:07,925
Get anyone not actively...
277
00:14:07,958 --> 00:14:09,959
Our full team is required
to keep the castle safe.
278
00:14:09,993 --> 00:14:11,728
Okay, okay, so get like five
or six and do this for me.
279
00:14:11,762 --> 00:14:12,930
Quick and dirty.
280
00:14:18,969 --> 00:14:20,771
Ah, there you are.
281
00:14:20,804 --> 00:14:22,072
Come join.
282
00:14:22,104 --> 00:14:23,406
The southern province is
283
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,699
whatever the Fillorian word
for bankrupt is.
284
00:14:25,724 --> 00:14:26,925
I need a drink.
285
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,552
So quick, little queen.
286
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,047
Where are the worms?
287
00:14:30,072 --> 00:14:32,908
Don't tell me you sent
someone out to do your work.
288
00:14:34,417 --> 00:14:36,185
I'm a delegator.
289
00:14:36,219 --> 00:14:39,723
It's a leadership quality.
290
00:14:39,756 --> 00:14:41,892
You've clearly mastered it.
291
00:14:41,925 --> 00:14:43,960
I thought I was clear.
292
00:14:43,993 --> 00:14:47,263
They are to be plucked by female hands.
293
00:14:47,296 --> 00:14:51,000
And I desire those hands to be yours.
294
00:14:51,033 --> 00:14:53,303
But only if you wish to keep them.
295
00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:05,685
Shit!
296
00:15:05,781 --> 00:15:07,316
Now this is bad.
297
00:15:07,349 --> 00:15:09,887
I waited till I was sure none of those
298
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,289
creepy little no-eyebrow
fuckers were around
299
00:15:12,321 --> 00:15:14,223
before I delegated.
300
00:15:14,257 --> 00:15:16,126
So, how'd she know?
301
00:15:16,158 --> 00:15:18,828
And so fast?
302
00:15:20,363 --> 00:15:21,898
All right, so how do you know
303
00:15:21,931 --> 00:15:23,097
that he'll even be here tonight?
304
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:25,369
I mean, there's a million
parties happening all over.
305
00:15:25,401 --> 00:15:26,302
Easy.
306
00:15:26,335 --> 00:15:27,730
He's on social media?
307
00:15:27,755 --> 00:15:29,481
How else are followers
supposed to find him?
308
00:15:29,506 --> 00:15:32,309
Met him by total accident at Art Basel.
309
00:15:32,342 --> 00:15:35,045
He kept that party going
eight full days.
310
00:15:36,179 --> 00:15:38,781
Best eight days of my life.
311
00:15:38,815 --> 00:15:40,718
Anyway, that's his thing.
312
00:15:40,751 --> 00:15:44,221
Swing in, stoke the party,
soak in the worship, move on.
313
00:15:44,253 --> 00:15:46,123
Inspiring, right?
314
00:15:46,156 --> 00:15:47,858
You guys are gonna love him.
315
00:15:55,232 --> 00:15:59,103
Josh The Animal Hoberman.
316
00:15:59,136 --> 00:16:01,223
Bacchus.
317
00:16:01,767 --> 00:16:03,670
My deity. How you living?
318
00:16:03,773 --> 00:16:05,308
So good.
319
00:16:05,535 --> 00:16:09,313
Um, get your fine ass in this bitch.
320
00:16:09,345 --> 00:16:10,623
Lucy.
321
00:16:10,726 --> 00:16:11,961
Bong hit.
322
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:18,889
Come back when you're fun.
323
00:16:28,663 --> 00:16:31,099
My mistress wishes that I tell you...
324
00:16:32,133 --> 00:16:35,570
Uh, and you can see here
325
00:16:35,602 --> 00:16:39,961
cracks from the swordplay
of King Boris The Softspoken.
326
00:16:39,986 --> 00:16:42,543
That is indeed fascinating.
327
00:16:42,577 --> 00:16:43,812
Mm.
328
00:16:44,946 --> 00:16:49,017
Abigail mentioned you have
many fairy guests these days.
329
00:16:49,455 --> 00:16:50,623
Guests,
330
00:16:50,648 --> 00:16:52,484
hostile occupying force,
331
00:16:52,539 --> 00:16:53,781
tomato, tomahto.
332
00:16:53,806 --> 00:16:56,331
I presume you wish to extend the most
333
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:59,499
elegant level of hospitality.
334
00:16:59,525 --> 00:17:00,643
Do I?
335
00:17:00,721 --> 00:17:02,829
For this reason, I make you aware of the
336
00:17:02,862 --> 00:17:05,933
corridor built by
High Queen ChenLi the Bookish,
337
00:17:05,966 --> 00:17:08,369
of rare stone from the Shivering Sea.
338
00:17:08,401 --> 00:17:09,937
Okay.
339
00:17:09,969 --> 00:17:11,071
Why?
340
00:17:11,103 --> 00:17:14,007
Unfortunately, certain species
341
00:17:14,041 --> 00:17:16,995
are allergic to the substance.
342
00:17:17,020 --> 00:17:18,545
How allergic?
343
00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:22,151
- Violently, your majesty.
- Good to know.
344
00:17:22,190 --> 00:17:24,825
We advise that your guests
cannot tolerate that area
345
00:17:24,852 --> 00:17:27,321
so if you are looking for them,
346
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:30,744
they will undoubtedly be
347
00:17:31,158 --> 00:17:33,394
somewhere else.
348
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,830
A-plus, Rafe.
349
00:17:37,452 --> 00:17:39,221
Huh.
350
00:17:39,246 --> 00:17:42,035
If Rafe says so, guess maybe
we're not the first royals
351
00:17:42,068 --> 00:17:44,571
living a 24/7 fairy reach-around.
352
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,848
So what the hell are we gonna do?
353
00:17:48,873 --> 00:17:50,611
About Queen Bitch and all
her spooky little bitches?
354
00:17:50,643 --> 00:17:52,179
Poison sounds nice.
355
00:17:52,211 --> 00:17:55,015
Shockingly,
all books on poison disappeared
356
00:17:55,047 --> 00:17:57,603
from the royal library right
around the time they arrived.
357
00:17:57,628 --> 00:17:59,452
They're armed, they're smart,
358
00:17:59,486 --> 00:18:00,854
they're multitudinous,
359
00:18:00,888 --> 00:18:01,989
they are invisible to the guard...
360
00:18:02,022 --> 00:18:03,457
When you put it that way.
361
00:18:03,489 --> 00:18:05,558
What if they know about this in Loria?
362
00:18:05,592 --> 00:18:07,561
If I send Idri a message...
363
00:18:07,593 --> 00:18:09,041
Worst case he comes here,
364
00:18:09,066 --> 00:18:10,965
you look at him naked
and cheer up a little.
365
00:18:10,997 --> 00:18:13,266
How dare you make me sound that shallow,
366
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,569
but yes.
367
00:18:18,861 --> 00:18:19,974
Hi.
368
00:18:20,006 --> 00:18:21,542
Great to see you, as always.
369
00:18:21,574 --> 00:18:23,244
I'll go write that letter.
370
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:24,444
To who?
371
00:18:24,477 --> 00:18:26,546
Not Idri of Loria?
372
00:18:26,580 --> 00:18:28,082
Actually, yes.
373
00:18:28,914 --> 00:18:31,651
Our crops are dying now that
we can't schedule the rain.
374
00:18:31,685 --> 00:18:33,587
I hope he can help.
375
00:18:33,620 --> 00:18:37,157
His library, like yours,
has of course been purged
376
00:18:37,189 --> 00:18:40,609
of any material
pertaining to our species.
377
00:18:40,928 --> 00:18:44,331
And any Lorian aware
of the existence of fairies
378
00:18:44,609 --> 00:18:47,668
has been instructed
to keep their mouth shut
379
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,336
or lose their tongue.
380
00:18:50,478 --> 00:18:53,986
Please don't underestimate me again.
381
00:18:54,641 --> 00:18:57,017
It hurts my feelings.
382
00:18:57,311 --> 00:19:00,147
We're gonna go take
a walk and have a good think
383
00:19:00,283 --> 00:19:01,973
about our behavior.
384
00:19:11,591 --> 00:19:13,227
Come on, we not fun yet?
385
00:19:18,098 --> 00:19:20,400
Yeah, do we not... do we not amuse!
386
00:19:20,432 --> 00:19:21,702
Do we not amuse?
387
00:19:25,272 --> 00:19:26,761
Hey.
388
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:30,110
I think I... I think I got it, Q.
389
00:19:30,142 --> 00:19:31,312
Okay. Oof.
390
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:33,146
Remember that time, 10th grade, right?
391
00:19:33,179 --> 00:19:35,615
And we made up that dance
and it was terrible.
392
00:19:35,649 --> 00:19:37,051
- Oh, God.
- Yes.
393
00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:39,687
So white and bad.
394
00:19:39,719 --> 00:19:41,516
Yeah, that might actually work.
395
00:19:41,541 --> 00:19:43,656
It was very, like,
hip thrusty if I remember.
396
00:19:43,689 --> 00:19:46,032
Oh, yeah. Oh, no.
I remember it, my friend.
397
00:19:46,057 --> 00:19:47,079
Uh...
398
00:19:47,104 --> 00:19:48,728
♪ Ay-yo ♪
399
00:19:48,860 --> 00:19:51,565
♪ I'm tired of using technology ♪
400
00:19:51,681 --> 00:19:52,814
Uh!
401
00:19:52,839 --> 00:19:55,010
♪ So why don't you sit in front of me ♪
402
00:19:55,134 --> 00:19:56,737
♪ Ay-yo! ♪
403
00:19:56,884 --> 00:19:59,672
♪ I'm tired of using technology ♪
404
00:19:59,706 --> 00:20:00,810
Uh!
405
00:20:00,835 --> 00:20:02,980
♪ I need you right in front of me ♪
406
00:20:03,005 --> 00:20:03,880
Uh!
407
00:20:03,905 --> 00:20:05,746
♪ She wants it, uh, uh ♪
408
00:20:05,778 --> 00:20:07,733
♪ She wants it, uh ♪
409
00:20:07,796 --> 00:20:11,187
♪ She wants it,
so I gotta give it to her ♪
410
00:20:11,212 --> 00:20:12,196
- Uh.
- Ow!
411
00:20:12,221 --> 00:20:14,054
♪ She wants it, uh, uh ♪
412
00:20:14,086 --> 00:20:15,989
♪ She wants it, uh ♪
413
00:20:16,023 --> 00:20:17,424
♪ She wants it ♪
414
00:20:17,457 --> 00:20:19,727
♪ So you can fugging give it to her ♪
415
00:20:29,454 --> 00:20:30,771
♪ Where the dance don't cease ♪
416
00:20:32,506 --> 00:20:34,240
♪ East side, west side,
king of the ball ♪
417
00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:36,209
♪ North side, south side, all of y'all ♪
418
00:20:36,243 --> 00:20:37,778
♪ Yo, DJ, play my song ♪
419
00:20:37,811 --> 00:20:39,747
♪ Show these people how I roll ♪
420
00:20:39,779 --> 00:20:41,789
Hoberman!
421
00:20:42,215 --> 00:20:47,421
Ohhh!
422
00:20:57,086 --> 00:20:58,922
So, welcome.
423
00:20:59,065 --> 00:21:01,535
Magicians, right?
424
00:21:01,567 --> 00:21:02,669
Yeah, how can you tell?
425
00:21:02,701 --> 00:21:04,570
Your hands,
426
00:21:04,603 --> 00:21:07,408
and your crazy level of drama.
427
00:21:08,842 --> 00:21:10,511
Cheers to that.
428
00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:15,909
Ugh.
429
00:21:16,090 --> 00:21:17,224
Going again.
430
00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:21,455
Part deux.
431
00:21:23,531 --> 00:21:24,713
I just, I w...
432
00:21:24,738 --> 00:21:26,160
we would kind of really love to talk.
433
00:21:26,192 --> 00:21:27,627
Kid, I'm Bacchus.
434
00:21:27,775 --> 00:21:31,798
I am the god of not being
a wiggly, little anxious
435
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,499
wet dish rag that would
436
00:21:33,533 --> 00:21:35,401
kind of really love to talk to you,
437
00:21:35,426 --> 00:21:40,046
so I need you to unclench
your vagina and do that shot
438
00:21:40,077 --> 00:21:42,515
or I'm moving on.
439
00:21:42,741 --> 00:21:43,743
Just a little sexist.
440
00:21:43,776 --> 00:21:45,746
Five, four,
441
00:21:45,921 --> 00:21:48,195
three, two...
442
00:21:49,416 --> 00:21:51,351
Attaboy.
443
00:21:51,383 --> 00:21:52,852
Okay, what do you wanna do now?
444
00:21:52,885 --> 00:21:55,321
Twister? You wanna pierce something?
445
00:21:55,354 --> 00:21:56,856
Oh, I've got
446
00:21:56,890 --> 00:22:00,294
Trivial Pursuit Star Trek edition.
447
00:22:00,326 --> 00:22:01,761
Just... Mr. Bacchus, we...
448
00:22:01,795 --> 00:22:05,546
Magic, and how it's completely gone.
449
00:22:05,765 --> 00:22:09,328
Magic is gone for you little guys?
450
00:22:09,602 --> 00:22:11,270
You don't say.
451
00:22:11,304 --> 00:22:13,107
What is... all over the U.S.?
452
00:22:13,140 --> 00:22:14,708
All over everywhere, we think.
453
00:22:14,740 --> 00:22:16,576
I've been a little
454
00:22:16,743 --> 00:22:19,326
out of touch.
455
00:22:19,513 --> 00:22:21,279
Well, that sucks for you.
456
00:22:21,515 --> 00:22:23,201
Why?
457
00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:25,139
Well...
458
00:22:25,377 --> 00:22:27,142
I, um...
459
00:22:27,254 --> 00:22:28,828
Sort of killed a-a god.
460
00:22:28,853 --> 00:22:30,797
A minor... like, a very, you know...
461
00:22:30,822 --> 00:22:32,326
- We had to.
- A minor god.
462
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:34,455
Not because we wanted to,
but just because we had to.
463
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:35,562
- You understand...
- Who?
464
00:22:37,264 --> 00:22:39,699
Who the fuck did you kill?
465
00:22:40,873 --> 00:22:43,135
Um, Ember in...
466
00:22:43,503 --> 00:22:44,505
Fillory?
467
00:22:48,842 --> 00:22:51,837
I don't know that guy.
468
00:22:52,710 --> 00:22:54,513
Deserved it. I...
469
00:22:57,643 --> 00:23:00,108
Tough choices make a man, man.
470
00:23:00,133 --> 00:23:01,857
- Yeah.
- Open your mouth.
471
00:23:01,882 --> 00:23:04,725
- Sorry?
- Like, open your mouth.
472
00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:09,729
Happy birthday.
473
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:12,533
Okay, so this is gonna be
474
00:23:12,565 --> 00:23:15,201
a little bit more
challenging than we expected.
475
00:23:15,235 --> 00:23:16,803
What did you put in my mouth?
476
00:23:39,993 --> 00:23:41,528
Alice? Where are you going?
477
00:23:41,568 --> 00:23:44,405
I can't do this.
I can't study dead magic.
478
00:23:44,430 --> 00:23:45,970
- I can't...
- Can we just...
479
00:23:46,025 --> 00:23:48,401
go sit down somewhere and talk, please?
480
00:23:48,435 --> 00:23:50,617
Stop. Look, here's the deal.
481
00:23:50,642 --> 00:23:52,345
I thought if we hung out, maybe had sex,
482
00:23:52,372 --> 00:23:54,574
I don't know, went to school,
it would feel like it did.
483
00:23:54,608 --> 00:23:56,710
I thought I could forgive you,
but I can't.
484
00:23:56,743 --> 00:23:58,312
I just...
485
00:23:58,344 --> 00:24:01,095
Say good-bye and let me go.
486
00:24:01,848 --> 00:24:02,916
Good-bye, Alice.
487
00:24:04,346 --> 00:24:05,485
Alice?
488
00:24:09,956 --> 00:24:11,792
Nope.
489
00:24:15,259 --> 00:24:20,352
♪ I couldn't live by your laws ♪
490
00:24:21,087 --> 00:24:26,843
♪ I'm only human, what can I do ♪
491
00:24:27,340 --> 00:24:30,611
♪ I've tried to fight all the same ♪
492
00:24:32,778 --> 00:24:34,280
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you okay?
493
00:24:34,382 --> 00:24:37,351
Uh, yeah, sorry.
494
00:24:43,055 --> 00:24:46,693
♪ You are my heavenly fire ♪
495
00:24:48,928 --> 00:24:50,631
Hey.
496
00:24:50,663 --> 00:24:52,398
Sorry.
497
00:24:52,438 --> 00:24:54,148
- I am so...
- No, it's...
498
00:24:54,173 --> 00:24:55,384
- Very...
- Me too.
499
00:24:55,409 --> 00:24:56,769
Very high.
500
00:24:56,803 --> 00:24:58,639
I get it.
501
00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:02,743
Does your high ever turn on you
502
00:25:02,775 --> 00:25:05,344
and you go from happy to
503
00:25:05,378 --> 00:25:08,314
remembering you live in
a barren world devoid of magic?
504
00:25:08,348 --> 00:25:11,952
Mine more goes from okay to
505
00:25:12,166 --> 00:25:15,956
oh yeah, you have PTSD
from being sexually assaulted
506
00:25:15,988 --> 00:25:17,857
by a trickster god.
507
00:25:19,958 --> 00:25:21,797
Long story.
508
00:25:22,053 --> 00:25:24,078
I got time.
509
00:25:24,930 --> 00:25:26,732
Let's talk about something else.
510
00:25:26,766 --> 00:25:27,868
Sure.
511
00:25:27,900 --> 00:25:31,023
Sure, whatever you...
512
00:25:31,737 --> 00:25:34,466
Hey, you ever, uh...
513
00:25:35,574 --> 00:25:36,919
I'm sorry.
514
00:25:37,110 --> 00:25:40,372
I just really loved doing magic.
515
00:25:40,972 --> 00:25:42,450
And I was good at it.
516
00:25:42,881 --> 00:25:44,959
You should have tasted my tomatoes.
517
00:25:46,986 --> 00:25:49,553
And just, the air
smelled different, right?
518
00:25:49,756 --> 00:25:51,958
And I could turn into a bird,
or... or... or...
519
00:25:51,990 --> 00:25:54,216
make a rose bloom.
520
00:25:54,460 --> 00:25:57,138
And I saw actual Fillory.
521
00:25:57,363 --> 00:25:59,365
And I banged a werewolf, yes.
522
00:25:59,443 --> 00:26:02,636
That is weird, but also rad,
because who gets to do that?
523
00:26:04,403 --> 00:26:07,628
And I wasn't just some
extremely average nobody.
524
00:26:07,873 --> 00:26:10,284
I was gifted.
525
00:26:10,810 --> 00:26:12,198
I didn't just belong somewhere.
526
00:26:12,223 --> 00:26:15,701
I belonged anywhere
because I was a Magician.
527
00:26:20,354 --> 00:26:21,693
I just...
528
00:26:23,357 --> 00:26:26,093
I don't even know what
anything is even about anymore.
529
00:26:31,797 --> 00:26:34,034
Maybe there's a way to get it back.
530
00:26:34,066 --> 00:26:36,102
Look, no offense,
531
00:26:36,126 --> 00:26:38,212
I've been researching, and...
532
00:26:38,470 --> 00:26:40,712
Stick a fork in it.
533
00:26:51,148 --> 00:26:54,305
♪ Come here and visit my world ♪
534
00:26:55,977 --> 00:26:58,124
♪ Come here and visit my world ♪
535
00:26:58,158 --> 00:27:00,888
♪ Did the street shining stars ♪
536
00:27:01,036 --> 00:27:04,224
♪ Our love is the only way ♪
537
00:27:05,294 --> 00:27:07,734
♪ Don't get lost 'cause I'm waiting ♪
538
00:27:07,841 --> 00:27:09,468
♪ Summer feelings are waiting ♪
539
00:27:09,502 --> 00:27:11,972
Please tell me you're not just really,
540
00:27:12,114 --> 00:27:13,774
really good at smoke rings.
541
00:27:13,918 --> 00:27:15,441
Mm-mm.
542
00:27:15,475 --> 00:27:17,677
No, I can't even blow one.
543
00:27:17,709 --> 00:27:18,844
How?
544
00:27:21,180 --> 00:27:23,516
I don't know yet.
545
00:27:24,717 --> 00:27:26,468
Julia.
546
00:27:27,491 --> 00:27:28,626
Q!
547
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:30,589
♪ You and me ♪
548
00:27:30,622 --> 00:27:32,926
Stop, Q, you're giving me the spins...
549
00:27:32,989 --> 00:27:34,660
Look, I know that you're blasted, but...
550
00:27:34,684 --> 00:27:36,387
- You're blasted!
- Yeah, but even I know that
551
00:27:36,412 --> 00:27:38,474
you cannot show people that.
552
00:27:38,499 --> 00:27:39,701
Why not?
553
00:27:39,726 --> 00:27:41,200
Because if the wrong people found out...
554
00:27:41,234 --> 00:27:43,602
He is not the wrong people.
555
00:27:43,635 --> 00:27:45,905
I can't go through the rest of my life
556
00:27:45,939 --> 00:27:47,140
just not trusting anyone.
557
00:27:47,165 --> 00:27:48,667
I feel fucked up enough.
558
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:51,372
I get that.
559
00:27:51,397 --> 00:27:55,047
Just put yourself in my shoes
just for one second, Q.
560
00:27:55,081 --> 00:27:56,983
I have magic.
561
00:27:57,016 --> 00:27:58,951
And what does it do?
562
00:27:58,985 --> 00:28:00,187
More or less jack shit.
563
00:28:00,219 --> 00:28:02,655
And I see someone whose entire life
564
00:28:02,835 --> 00:28:04,890
would change if he could just see it.
565
00:28:07,202 --> 00:28:09,062
I have to be able
to do something with it.
566
00:28:09,094 --> 00:28:11,198
And if that's cheer up Josh Hoberman,
567
00:28:11,230 --> 00:28:12,598
then I'll take it.
568
00:28:12,631 --> 00:28:14,459
Because I can't... you know,
569
00:28:14,484 --> 00:28:17,036
I can't be so precious with
something that is so small.
570
00:28:17,070 --> 00:28:19,201
It's not small, it's the...
571
00:28:19,506 --> 00:28:22,267
it's the biggest magic, Jules.
572
00:28:22,609 --> 00:28:24,493
'Cause as far as we know,
573
00:28:24,744 --> 00:28:28,247
for us little guys,
it's the only magic out there.
574
00:28:35,822 --> 00:28:37,524
Oww! What... oww.
575
00:28:37,556 --> 00:28:39,124
Dude, you're gonna leave
a mark and I don't like that
576
00:28:39,158 --> 00:28:40,727
in a non-sexual context.
577
00:28:40,759 --> 00:28:43,229
Okay, okay, okay, okay, um...
578
00:28:44,771 --> 00:28:47,276
You watched "Battlestar," right?
579
00:28:47,323 --> 00:28:49,134
Yeah, I love when they
do terrorism allegory
580
00:28:49,159 --> 00:28:51,315
- with mostly white people.
- Mm-hmm.
581
00:28:51,340 --> 00:28:52,972
You remember Grace Park in season one?
582
00:28:53,006 --> 00:28:54,140
Of course, best storyline.
583
00:28:54,172 --> 00:28:55,275
- Why?
- Duh...
584
00:28:55,307 --> 00:28:56,542
because she was actually...
585
00:28:56,575 --> 00:28:58,178
You're Grace Park.
586
00:28:58,210 --> 00:28:59,578
Okay?
587
00:28:59,612 --> 00:29:02,516
You're Grace Park, Margo.
588
00:29:06,218 --> 00:29:07,821
I'm Grace Park.
589
00:29:07,853 --> 00:29:09,021
Yeah.
590
00:29:09,054 --> 00:29:10,623
And we have ourselves a bit of a
591
00:29:10,657 --> 00:29:12,058
Gene Hackman in "The Conversation."
592
00:29:12,091 --> 00:29:15,303
- I didn't see that one.
- Yeah, right, um...
593
00:29:15,661 --> 00:29:19,499
Someone is "xoxo,
Gossip Girl"-ing our shit.
594
00:29:20,566 --> 00:29:23,936
Remember James Marsden in X-Men, hm?
595
00:29:23,969 --> 00:29:26,605
Your Marsden is xoxo-ing us
596
00:29:26,639 --> 00:29:28,742
full on that great song by The Police.
597
00:29:29,575 --> 00:29:33,337
That Fairuza Balk in "The Craft."
598
00:29:33,746 --> 00:29:36,698
Yeah, more Cersei Lannister.
599
00:29:36,882 --> 00:29:40,627
Hey, glad I made you read those.
600
00:29:41,086 --> 00:29:42,655
Well, I read the Wiki.
601
00:29:42,689 --> 00:29:44,623
What? Those books are
like a million pages long.
602
00:29:44,657 --> 00:29:45,958
- I have a life.
- Okay.
603
00:29:45,991 --> 00:29:47,192
Anyway,
604
00:29:47,226 --> 00:29:49,295
whatever your Marsden would xoxo,
605
00:29:49,329 --> 00:29:50,664
Cersei xoxo's.
606
00:29:50,697 --> 00:29:52,571
So, we have to keep it very
607
00:29:52,596 --> 00:29:54,524
- best episode of "Buffy."
- Musical?
608
00:29:54,549 --> 00:29:56,175
The other one.
609
00:29:56,201 --> 00:29:57,269
Okay.
610
00:29:57,303 --> 00:29:59,205
How do we Lizzie Borden
611
00:29:59,237 --> 00:30:01,674
the shit out of this thing?
612
00:30:01,708 --> 00:30:06,525
'Cause I am about ready
to go full '07 Britney.
613
00:30:06,879 --> 00:30:10,183
Maybe we could've back when
this place was Pottered up.
614
00:30:10,216 --> 00:30:11,351
Still.
615
00:30:11,383 --> 00:30:13,152
Even without a wand,
616
00:30:13,186 --> 00:30:15,054
Harry would figure some shit out.
617
00:30:16,922 --> 00:30:19,325
Honestly, I didn't quite
finish those books either...
618
00:30:19,359 --> 00:30:21,229
Our Harry, I mean.
619
00:30:21,260 --> 00:30:23,924
Oh! Him.
620
00:30:24,330 --> 00:30:25,365
Well, he'd...
621
00:30:27,166 --> 00:30:28,268
Mm-hmm.
622
00:30:28,301 --> 00:30:30,270
Consult the creepy pedophile.
623
00:30:31,863 --> 00:30:32,898
Mmm.
624
00:30:44,497 --> 00:30:46,199
We're close, I think.
625
00:30:46,231 --> 00:30:48,768
I thought this excursion was
mostly about drinking heavily.
626
00:30:48,802 --> 00:30:50,603
I needed to imply that
627
00:30:50,644 --> 00:30:53,781
so we could get away
without extra eyes on us.
628
00:30:55,208 --> 00:30:57,143
Fairies, Tick.
629
00:30:57,177 --> 00:31:00,213
When magic died, they pounced.
630
00:31:00,246 --> 00:31:01,782
Full occupation.
631
00:31:01,814 --> 00:31:05,089
This explains so much.
632
00:31:05,285 --> 00:31:07,054
What will we do?
633
00:31:14,693 --> 00:31:17,387
The white lady was spotted
somewhere near here.
634
00:31:17,412 --> 00:31:18,763
We're going to shoot her,
635
00:31:18,788 --> 00:31:20,590
and then we're going
to wish those fairies
636
00:31:20,615 --> 00:31:22,318
to the fucking cornfield.
637
00:31:22,368 --> 00:31:24,644
Oh, excellent.
638
00:31:25,097 --> 00:31:27,340
Whatever a cornfield is.
639
00:31:35,647 --> 00:31:37,515
Oh, whoa!
640
00:31:37,549 --> 00:31:39,484
There he is!
641
00:31:41,153 --> 00:31:43,622
Man... or, god, I just...
642
00:31:43,655 --> 00:31:45,764
Look, I thank you.
643
00:31:45,789 --> 00:31:47,391
I just... I feel...
644
00:31:47,559 --> 00:31:49,122
you know, whatever you
put in my mouth...
645
00:31:49,147 --> 00:31:50,830
I just... I feel like...
646
00:31:50,967 --> 00:31:53,398
you know, like a sugary cereal
647
00:31:53,432 --> 00:31:54,600
in the good way.
648
00:31:54,632 --> 00:31:56,401
You know? It's like,
649
00:31:56,435 --> 00:31:57,837
- whoa!
- Haha, whoa.
650
00:31:57,862 --> 00:31:59,401
- All right.
- Okay.
651
00:31:59,426 --> 00:32:01,440
Hey, hey, shots, right?
652
00:32:01,473 --> 00:32:03,442
Shots, shots, shots, shots.
653
00:32:03,475 --> 00:32:05,410
You and me. Shots, shots.
654
00:32:05,444 --> 00:32:06,846
I love you, I love you.
655
00:32:06,878 --> 00:32:09,148
♪ I'm falling on my knees ♪
656
00:32:09,243 --> 00:32:12,555
♪ In worship of you ♪
657
00:32:12,818 --> 00:32:15,821
Yeeeah.
658
00:32:15,853 --> 00:32:17,122
Look, so, anyway,
659
00:32:17,156 --> 00:32:18,823
I was thinking, while we're here,
660
00:32:18,857 --> 00:32:20,806
maybe I could ask you a few questions.
661
00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:22,027
Dude.
662
00:32:22,060 --> 00:32:23,829
You're a vibe-killer.
663
00:32:23,861 --> 00:32:25,598
- No.
- Yes, you are.
664
00:32:25,630 --> 00:32:28,416
And historically,
I do smite vibe-killers.
665
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:29,869
No, look, I'm a vibe-supporter.
666
00:32:29,894 --> 00:32:32,705
I just also happen to be
a concerned Magician individual
667
00:32:32,737 --> 00:32:35,039
who would like to get
a word in with your parents.
668
00:32:37,176 --> 00:32:38,410
My parents?
669
00:32:38,444 --> 00:32:41,301
Yeah, the Old Gods.
670
00:32:42,013 --> 00:32:46,584
Are imperious and distant dickwads
671
00:32:46,618 --> 00:32:48,686
who I haven't spoken to in a millennia.
672
00:32:50,455 --> 00:32:51,956
Rambo!
673
00:32:51,990 --> 00:32:54,582
Let's get that foam gun loaded, baby.
674
00:32:54,732 --> 00:32:56,254
Um...
675
00:32:56,434 --> 00:32:59,697
Look, I know that this
really wasn't on your radar
676
00:32:59,731 --> 00:33:01,200
until you met us, but we've lost
677
00:33:01,233 --> 00:33:03,431
our most precious resource.
678
00:33:04,034 --> 00:33:06,227
Dude, stop, okay?
679
00:33:06,290 --> 00:33:08,180
If fixing magic is,
like, so important to you,
680
00:33:08,206 --> 00:33:10,074
then you should just talk
to this crazy guy
681
00:33:10,108 --> 00:33:11,811
that I met back in Athens one time.
682
00:33:11,843 --> 00:33:14,179
Rambo! Rambo!
683
00:33:14,213 --> 00:33:16,215
What was the name of that guy
that I met in Athens,
684
00:33:16,247 --> 00:33:18,149
that up-with-humans guy?
685
00:33:18,183 --> 00:33:19,518
Fit bod.
686
00:33:19,558 --> 00:33:20,626
You mean Prometheus?
687
00:33:20,651 --> 00:33:21,753
Prom...
688
00:33:21,786 --> 00:33:23,521
That guy loved Magicians,
689
00:33:23,554 --> 00:33:25,557
and he would want to help you.
690
00:33:25,590 --> 00:33:26,625
He's dead.
691
00:33:26,657 --> 00:33:28,127
What?
692
00:33:28,159 --> 00:33:32,197
Prometheus died,
like, 1,500 years ago, man.
693
00:33:32,238 --> 00:33:33,506
Sorry.
694
00:33:33,532 --> 00:33:34,733
Damn it.
695
00:33:35,922 --> 00:33:38,704
Well, he lived
a pretty tortured existence,
696
00:33:38,729 --> 00:33:42,800
so, dying was probably a relief for him.
697
00:33:44,243 --> 00:33:47,146
But, still, uh, he would've helped you.
698
00:33:47,185 --> 00:33:49,789
He told me this crazy story one time
699
00:33:49,814 --> 00:33:53,017
about how there's like...
700
00:33:53,051 --> 00:33:56,850
like, a secret back door to magic.
701
00:33:56,955 --> 00:33:58,989
Wait, I'm sorry, what?
702
00:33:59,014 --> 00:34:02,927
I don't remember the deets,
okay, my face was melting off.
703
00:34:03,131 --> 00:34:05,883
Secret back door.
704
00:34:06,031 --> 00:34:09,243
- Just, something...
- Mm-hmm.
705
00:34:09,478 --> 00:34:11,508
Wait!
706
00:34:11,969 --> 00:34:14,555
Might've been a brothel.
707
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:16,215
Shots.
708
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:24,749
Tick?
709
00:34:27,553 --> 00:34:29,184
Tick?
710
00:34:29,579 --> 00:34:30,848
Shit.
711
00:34:45,574 --> 00:34:47,810
Not the best idea, Eliot.
712
00:34:50,274 --> 00:34:51,309
Um...
713
00:34:53,278 --> 00:34:55,648
I was looking for the White Lady.
714
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:56,849
Is this she?
715
00:35:06,057 --> 00:35:08,059
Look, if you don't come out of there,
716
00:35:08,093 --> 00:35:09,595
I'm going to have to shoot you.
717
00:35:09,628 --> 00:35:10,488
Gods!
718
00:35:10,513 --> 00:35:12,263
Have you never given a compliment?
719
00:35:12,296 --> 00:35:13,565
For example,
720
00:35:13,599 --> 00:35:16,135
my, my, High King Eliot.
721
00:35:16,277 --> 00:35:20,171
Your long legs look
so well in those breeches.
722
00:35:22,740 --> 00:35:24,416
Thank you.
723
00:35:24,709 --> 00:35:26,044
Your turn.
724
00:35:27,778 --> 00:35:30,737
You sound like a...
725
00:35:31,668 --> 00:35:33,163
very attractive Creature.
726
00:35:33,251 --> 00:35:34,352
You think so?
727
00:35:34,385 --> 00:35:36,220
I've met many non-humans,
728
00:35:36,254 --> 00:35:37,923
and your voice is
729
00:35:38,043 --> 00:35:39,942
by far the...
730
00:35:40,325 --> 00:35:41,359
sexiest.
731
00:35:41,392 --> 00:35:43,661
- Really?
- I mean, you sound noble.
732
00:35:44,903 --> 00:35:47,840
- I didn't mean...
- You're wise,
733
00:35:48,238 --> 00:35:49,840
for I am, indeed,
734
00:35:49,975 --> 00:35:52,524
the sexiest in the land.
735
00:35:52,637 --> 00:35:53,938
It is I,
736
00:35:54,110 --> 00:35:57,079
the Great Cock of The Darkling Woods.
737
00:35:57,235 --> 00:35:59,079
The Great...
738
00:35:59,245 --> 00:36:00,415
Cock.
739
00:36:00,548 --> 00:36:02,748
Have you never beheld one,
child of Earth?
740
00:36:02,826 --> 00:36:05,817
No, no. No, I've beheld one or two.
741
00:36:06,952 --> 00:36:08,921
But you are, by far, the most majestic.
742
00:36:08,954 --> 00:36:11,084
I'm diligent about hydration.
743
00:36:11,284 --> 00:36:15,075
All right, petitioner, let's chat.
744
00:36:42,934 --> 00:36:44,502
I like your style.
745
00:36:44,548 --> 00:36:46,918
What is the point of hearing a petition
746
00:36:47,078 --> 00:36:48,879
if the aesthetics are shit?
747
00:36:52,569 --> 00:36:54,527
I need help with a fairy thing.
748
00:36:56,438 --> 00:37:00,576
Tribal matriarchies
are the absolute worst.
749
00:37:00,610 --> 00:37:04,122
So, I was just hoping in
750
00:37:04,380 --> 00:37:07,717
your great, benevolent handsomeness
751
00:37:07,742 --> 00:37:10,821
that you would see fit to grant me
just one little wish.
752
00:37:10,853 --> 00:37:12,321
That's the sort of thing my sister,
753
00:37:12,355 --> 00:37:13,990
The Winter's Doe, specializes in.
754
00:37:14,023 --> 00:37:16,960
Also, when was the last time
a petitioner didn't get
755
00:37:16,992 --> 00:37:20,222
utterly assfucked by a wish-granting?
756
00:37:20,383 --> 00:37:22,319
Yeah.
757
00:37:22,422 --> 00:37:23,724
And yet...
758
00:37:23,867 --> 00:37:25,469
I'll do you better.
759
00:37:25,501 --> 00:37:27,871
There's a problem
far greater than fairies.
760
00:37:27,903 --> 00:37:30,373
Solve it, they're nothing.
761
00:37:30,407 --> 00:37:35,539
I'll send you on an epic quest.
762
00:37:35,911 --> 00:37:37,758
That's...
763
00:37:38,267 --> 00:37:39,302
Ahh.
764
00:37:39,445 --> 00:37:41,814
Wow, that's great. Thank you.
765
00:37:41,918 --> 00:37:45,021
It's just...
766
00:37:45,054 --> 00:37:46,355
My people need help.
767
00:37:46,389 --> 00:37:48,207
- They sure do.
- Today.
768
00:37:48,366 --> 00:37:50,469
The Fairy Queen is sitting
on my throne as we speak.
769
00:37:50,534 --> 00:37:52,468
Do you want your magic back or not?
770
00:37:52,494 --> 00:37:54,330
Will it not solve all your problems?
771
00:37:54,364 --> 00:37:56,355
I mean, yes, but,
772
00:37:56,565 --> 00:37:57,843
it's just...
773
00:37:58,101 --> 00:38:00,320
how long does a quest like this take?
774
00:38:00,570 --> 00:38:02,539
A good season.
775
00:38:02,572 --> 00:38:03,707
Right.
776
00:38:03,739 --> 00:38:06,156
My kingdom is in trouble now.
777
00:38:06,775 --> 00:38:09,529
You are a good king.
778
00:38:09,746 --> 00:38:11,654
But it is time
779
00:38:11,947 --> 00:38:14,451
to become a great one.
780
00:38:14,675 --> 00:38:17,921
In order to do that,
you must travel to a land
781
00:38:17,954 --> 00:38:21,197
where you are no king, no Magician,
782
00:38:21,824 --> 00:38:25,244
just a vulnerable man.
783
00:38:25,929 --> 00:38:27,423
Honestly,
784
00:38:27,697 --> 00:38:30,067
that sounds like something
I might really fuck up.
785
00:38:30,176 --> 00:38:33,450
Yes, or it wouldn't be a quest.
786
00:38:34,938 --> 00:38:36,958
You have friends, don't you?
787
00:38:39,909 --> 00:38:41,232
I used to.
788
00:38:41,411 --> 00:38:43,561
The one-eyed conqueror,
789
00:38:43,746 --> 00:38:46,693
the traveler, the warrior,
790
00:38:46,842 --> 00:38:49,240
the fool, the god-touched,
791
00:38:49,393 --> 00:38:50,694
the lover of tomatoes,
792
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:52,755
and the torture artist...
793
00:38:52,789 --> 00:38:54,358
Wait, which one is that?
794
00:38:54,382 --> 00:38:56,017
- You lost me there.
- Nevermind.
795
00:38:56,059 --> 00:38:58,128
You have a brother of the heart
796
00:38:58,161 --> 00:39:00,030
with the foppy hair.
797
00:39:00,071 --> 00:39:02,714
- That would be Quentin.
- You're parts of one whole.
798
00:39:02,931 --> 00:39:05,385
No one can do this alone.
799
00:39:05,542 --> 00:39:06,978
Okay.
800
00:39:07,082 --> 00:39:10,051
FYI, I can't contact them
or reach them in any way.
801
00:39:10,315 --> 00:39:13,442
You must find the book with no author.
802
00:39:13,630 --> 00:39:15,857
A tale for children,
but they're hardly that.
803
00:39:16,012 --> 00:39:18,286
There is the key... or, the keys...
804
00:39:18,630 --> 00:39:21,107
in a place called...
805
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:23,329
Public Library.
806
00:39:23,519 --> 00:39:25,738
In the shire of Chester
807
00:39:25,889 --> 00:39:29,659
in the land of New Jersey.
808
00:39:29,692 --> 00:39:31,460
Again, that sure sounds like Earth.
809
00:39:31,494 --> 00:39:33,997
Eliot, the quest I bestow on you
810
00:39:34,030 --> 00:39:36,066
is the task you were born for.
811
00:39:36,099 --> 00:39:37,634
Claim it.
812
00:39:47,844 --> 00:39:48,945
Abigail,
813
00:39:48,978 --> 00:39:50,012
talking-animal question.
814
00:39:50,045 --> 00:39:52,782
So, bunnies.
815
00:39:54,751 --> 00:39:57,421
Her Sluggishness has noted
that you are aware
816
00:39:57,454 --> 00:39:59,567
of their messenger abilities.
817
00:39:59,789 --> 00:40:01,758
So, that is what the
Fairy Queen uses them for?
818
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:05,130
Bunnies move easily between worlds.
819
00:40:05,605 --> 00:40:07,741
And do they serve her?
820
00:40:07,931 --> 00:40:10,166
And if so, how loyally?
821
00:40:10,199 --> 00:40:12,635
Every bunny for itself, Majesty.
822
00:40:14,198 --> 00:40:15,434
Thank you.
823
00:40:29,496 --> 00:40:30,764
Need help.
824
00:40:30,883 --> 00:40:32,518
Love, Eliot.
825
00:40:51,700 --> 00:40:52,500
Q.
826
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,800
I think this is it.
827
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:57,000
The Tale of the Seven Keys.
828
00:40:57,154 --> 00:41:00,000
No author, I mean, I can feel
something coming off of it.
829
00:41:06,664 --> 00:41:08,734
Interesting.
830
00:41:25,550 --> 00:41:27,146
Interesting.
831
00:41:27,365 --> 00:41:31,568
Yeah, if by interesting,
you mean, blank, sure.
832
00:41:31,722 --> 00:41:33,691
Quests never give away the farm.
833
00:41:33,724 --> 00:41:36,160
You've gotta earn everything.
834
00:41:37,928 --> 00:41:39,697
Jules, this is our quest.
835
00:41:41,273 --> 00:41:42,864
And we're already on it.
836
00:41:45,482 --> 00:41:46,699
- Epic Quest.
- We have to.
837
00:41:46,738 --> 00:41:47,715
- Map from the book.
- Work together.
838
00:41:47,740 --> 00:41:49,379
- Also I think...
- Eliot.
839
00:41:49,404 --> 00:41:51,182
- Epic Quest.
- The Great Cock.
840
00:41:51,209 --> 00:41:53,611
- It's called After Island.
- A back door to...
841
00:41:53,651 --> 00:41:54,819
- The Great Cock.
- Epic quest.
842
00:41:54,845 --> 00:41:56,079
- Keys.
- Here's the deal.
843
00:41:56,113 --> 00:41:58,149
- Epic quest.
- All seven keys.
844
00:41:58,203 --> 00:42:01,151
- Here's the deal.
- Epic quest.
845
00:42:01,222 --> 00:42:04,126
Just shush for one second, please.
846
00:42:05,088 --> 00:42:06,090
Oh.
847
00:42:08,758 --> 00:42:10,975
Uh, that one.
848
00:42:11,128 --> 00:42:12,530
Put him first.
849
00:42:14,231 --> 00:42:17,534
Your father and I are so proud of you.
850
00:42:20,111 --> 00:42:23,022
Okay...
851
00:42:24,941 --> 00:42:27,678
We are go for epic quest.
852
00:42:27,720 --> 00:42:29,717
You are indeed a brave king.
853
00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:32,584
I am indeed a guy with not much choice,
854
00:42:32,617 --> 00:42:35,225
but thanks for rounding up.
855
00:42:35,785 --> 00:42:37,187
We're looking for keys.
856
00:42:37,459 --> 00:42:40,824
Q and Julia believe
whatever the keys unlock,
857
00:42:41,003 --> 00:42:42,707
will help restore magic.
858
00:42:42,927 --> 00:42:46,371
And they think the first key
is here in Fillory.
859
00:42:46,597 --> 00:42:47,865
Excellent.
860
00:42:47,898 --> 00:42:50,152
Some place called After Island?
861
00:42:50,276 --> 00:42:51,711
Oh.
862
00:42:51,941 --> 00:42:56,040
It lies beyond our border, Majesty.
863
00:42:56,301 --> 00:42:59,952
You would be venturing
to strange lands not your own.
864
00:43:00,167 --> 00:43:02,071
So, not the friendliest?
865
00:43:02,113 --> 00:43:04,682
It is said that even
the Outer Sea itself
866
00:43:04,715 --> 00:43:07,117
wishes ill upon our king.
867
00:43:07,158 --> 00:43:08,827
Some have sailed before you...
868
00:43:08,852 --> 00:43:10,255
Oh, and how'd that go?
869
00:43:10,287 --> 00:43:11,655
They drowned.
870
00:43:11,689 --> 00:43:13,331
Oh.
871
00:43:13,745 --> 00:43:16,994
Well, how do we prevent that?
872
00:43:17,143 --> 00:43:18,663
I wish I knew, I only...
873
00:43:18,695 --> 00:43:20,612
I know.
874
00:43:20,987 --> 00:43:24,068
I know exactly the boat you need.
875
00:43:38,631 --> 00:43:40,951
Ugh, okay! That's enough.
876
00:43:40,985 --> 00:43:43,568
Let's talk.
877
00:43:44,220 --> 00:43:47,040
So transactional.
878
00:43:47,691 --> 00:43:49,927
What do you want with a Lamprey anyway?
879
00:43:50,064 --> 00:43:52,130
It's more what
the Lamprey wants with me.
880
00:43:52,162 --> 00:43:53,764
Oh, shit.
881
00:43:53,798 --> 00:43:55,667
You poked the wrong bear, sweetness.
882
00:43:55,700 --> 00:43:57,656
Just tell me what you know.
883
00:43:58,150 --> 00:43:59,452
Please?
884
00:43:59,477 --> 00:44:00,638
Well, if you could do magic...
885
00:44:00,671 --> 00:44:02,547
Yeah, well, I can't.
886
00:44:03,173 --> 00:44:04,500
So...
887
00:44:04,909 --> 00:44:07,927
So, you're down to
an early warning device.
888
00:44:07,952 --> 00:44:09,314
An alarm, if you will.
889
00:44:09,444 --> 00:44:11,428
So, just maybe,
890
00:44:11,916 --> 00:44:14,217
you still got time to run.
891
00:44:14,285 --> 00:44:16,288
Okay, fine, I'll take it.
892
00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:24,536
What, is that a joke?
893
00:44:24,695 --> 00:44:26,349
I gave up jokes 80 years ago.
894
00:44:26,396 --> 00:44:29,218
Tired of being misunderstood.
895
00:44:29,473 --> 00:44:30,975
So get one,
896
00:44:31,235 --> 00:44:34,218
and keep it on your person at all times.
897
00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:36,974
Buena suerte.
898
00:44:58,749 --> 00:45:01,342
Just a side of bacon, please.
60585
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