All language subtitles for The Magicians - 02x11 - The Rattening

Previously on "The Magicians"...

My hands won't cast.

- We can help you, Penny.
- What's the catch?

"Bound in service to the library

up to and after my death"?

- That isn't just any door.
- Then what is it?

The Poison Room.

There is knowledge
behind that door

that could destroy
more than just people.

It could destroy worlds.

"The Ars Deicidium"?

"The art of killing gods."

King Idri is our honored guest.

We're getting married.

One big, royal polyamorous family.

The fairies can bring back
the wellspring?

They can.

And in return?

The child that grows in the womb

of the High King's wife.

Some friends and I
summoned a goddess.

You may address me
as Reynard the Fox,

trickster of the very stupid.

Reynard's son is John Gaines?

My son...

Jules, I talked to your shade.

She's not gone.

So where is she?

Shades go to the Underworld.

The living can access
the Underworld

with the help of a Gatekeeper.

An Ancient One.

I think I figured out
what an Ancient One is.

Look, Q, you don't
have to come with me.

In fact,
I don't think that you should.

Noted, but I'm coming.

You feel the energy coming off that?

Yeah, also the stink.

I don't know,
my ancient Greek is a little rusty.

"The old reveals itself to the new

at the fall of milk teeth."

Milk teeth?

Oh, baby teeth.

You think we have to
stick one in to open it up?

I mean, I could write a spell.

Uh, we could find
the nearest child's house

expecting the Tooth Fairy
and--

Break in and steal their teeth?

I'd leave money.

Uh, I hate to bring this up,
but I actually--

I still have one...

a molar that never came in.

Oh, I know an extraction spell.

Ah!

- Fuck!
- Sorry.

This dragon better be fucking cool.

Hmm...

Or not.

I wouldn't have guessed baby teeth.

Why would a dragon want baby teeth?

- Shit.
- I collect baby teeth.

As I collect many things,
little mammal.

Uh, greetings, your Ladyship.

"Your Ladyship"?

I am a Queen of the Great Worms.

Of course you are.

Uh, that's awesome--I wasn't
suggesting that you weren't.

Your manner does not
endear me to you, human.

We seek passage to the
Underworld, oh Ancient One.

Hmm.
You seek to die.

Uh, no, actually, we were
hoping to come back after.

Suit yourself.

I require a gift.

A gift?
Um...

yeah, I mean, name it,

and we'll get it for you.

You already have it.

It's in your pocket.

No.
Pick something else.

No, if it gets you your Shade back--

No.

Fillory is your home.

And what about your friends?
What if they need you?

We can't.

Queen of the Great Worms.

What if I, uh, needed to borrow it

in the future, just super briefly?

No.

If you wish to return home,

you must find other means.

The first door remains open,
little mammal.

Great, um, I super love riddles.

Are you giving me the button or not?

Your bodies will stay here,
and your souls will travel.

You have 24 hours
to return to the portal.

Or?

I sit patiently,
waiting for you to come back.

No, I eat you--I'm a fucking
dragon, what do you expect?

Great, good to know.

Then it's settled.

Jesus,
a little warning next time.

Really.

Q, look.

Time to go.

Fucking millennials.

Welcome to the Underworld.

Please take a number.

The fuck?

The Magicians
02x11 - The Rattening
Original Air Date - April 05, 2017

Idri is almost here.

And does anyone know
where Fen is?

I present King Idri of Loria.

My life is perfect.

Hello.

Josh--wine, canapés.

I said have it ready.

We have a lovely blend of--

Ahem. Okay.

And where are the fire dancers?

I don't know.

I'm sorry,
I had a whole thing--

Your Majesty, this presentation

is beautiful, but...

It would be so much better
with fire dancers, I know.

I hope my arrival isn't
causing undue stress.

Stress?

- I'm not stressed--
- Eliot.

- I don't care about ceremony.
- You don't?

- But--
- But I came here for you.

Oh.

Well...

the feeling's mutual.

Take me somewhere we can
become a bit better acquainted.

Alone.

Congratulations, you're dead.

You've passed through the veil
to the Underworld.

Is this your final destination?

No.

It's the first leg of your journey.

We designed this part
of the Underworld for you,

based on your life
and personal expectations

to facilitate a
comfortable transition.

You've been grouped with others
who have similar expectations.

Perfect, right?

- Ow.
- What?

Settle into this next stage
of your existence.

In the unlikely event
you're missing your Shade,

please report to
a bellhop immediately.

Enjoy your wait.

I guess we need to find a bellhop.

Security,
we have a Shade-less patron!

What?
Hey!

- Take him away.
- Why? Where are you taking me?

- Thank you, thank you.
- Read me my rights!

Hey, let go!
Wait, ow!

Or, you know, we take a beat.

173.

I'm 173.

Place your hands on the counter

for identification, please.

Hey, do you know where they
were taking that guy just now?

Oh, his soul is missing a little piece.

They just took him somewhere where

he would be more comfortable.

So he could be reunited with it?

I doubt it, that's very difficult to do.

Especially after
a prolonged separation.

Yeah,
but you can't just take--

I assure you, all the Shades

are safe and well protected
for their eternity.

Nothing to worry over.

Ah, here we are.

Wicker and Coldwater.

Oh.

Oh, my.

- What?
- You've both died 39 times.

Aha--time loop.
Thought so.

Our computers
do not handle these well.

This will take a bit to sort out.

Once you're in the system,
we'll reunite you

with your immediate karmic circle,

but until then, I'll need to
stick you somewhere.

Do you like skiing?

Look, I thought this was
just a waystation.

- We're kind of in a hurry--
- Oh, it is.

But souls do stay a while,

until they're ready to...

move on.

Snorkeling?
Art museums?

Actually, is it possible
to check on a few names?

I think I might have
a karmic circle we could visit.

You're making progress.

Am I?

Nothing's happening.

It's an exceedingly
difficult way to do magic.

Trying to isolate muscles not
generally associated with--

Call it what it is.

Sphincter magic.

Gets me there, no shame.

And if it doesn't,

we all need a healthy pelvic floor.

Now, I'm afraid study time is over.

I have your next job.

- Re-shelving books.
- Great.

Any questions,
direct them to--

where'd she go?

- Sylvia!
- What?

Shh!

Penny, Sylvia.
Sylvia, Penny.

So what, I'm babysitting now?

Oh, no.

Sylvia is your supervisor.

Good luck, I'll check back.

Nice scarf.

Anyway, I married Fen
because I had to.

But I didn't know her at all.

And now...

I don't know you.

My wife used to say,
there's one way

to learn to be with another person.

The hard way?

Actually, yes.

Stand up.

Would you mind removing this?

Buttons, too, please.

- What are you doing?
- Shh.

This is a lesson.

All of them.

Please.

I really hate to bring this up,

but you do realize there's
nothing we can actually do.

Oh, I know.

And yet,
there's so much we can do.

I can't touch you,

you can't touch me,

but I can tell you
how I want to touch you.

And you can show me
how you like to be touched.

I admire your
commitment to education.

If you're waiting for
my permission, don't.

What the fuck?

Eliot, Heloise just turned into a rat!

Who is that?

I'm not getting laid tonight, am I?

- This is all of them?
- We can't be sure.

So many people have vanished

and there are so many rats
in the castle already.

Well, one of 'em has to be Fen.

Okay, bottom line it for me.

What the fuck is going on?

I'm sorry, Your Highness.

But this magic,
I've never seen it before.

Abigail?
If you can hear me, squeak.

Let me know you're okay.

Why didn't I study
how to speak rat in school?

Okay, search the castle.

Find every rat.

And then Council meeting.

Or what's left of the Council.

What do we call that?

Mm...

In-sex-tion?

Inter-cepti-course?

Incepti-sex.

"Incepti-sex."

I like that.

That said,
I like real life better.

Mm.

But at least this way, we
don't have to get up for beers.

Thank you.

So, no pressure,

but...

any word on the Poison Room?

Believe me,
I want to get in there.

It's--it's above my pay grade.

I need a code to get in.

Well, what about that librarian?

Oh, man, if she has the code,

it is locked down tighter
than a nun's pussy.

Right, of course it is.

Hey, does she have a book of her?

Everyone has a book.

You're thinking...

If the room is that important--

It's in her book.

Okay.

I can work on that.

Hey, what's up with the Senator?

He went back to work.

He made up some bullshit excuse

about the kidnapping.

All the news outlets bought it.

But hey, get this--

I saw Reynard in the back of
a press photo.

In a suit,
like an advisor or something.

Are you kidding me?

He's a trickster.

Guess that includes his own son.

Jesus Christ.

We can't get one more vote?

We're in touch with
Matthews, Bauer, Wheeler.

Just give 'em a couple of days,
they'll come to their senses.

Call in Senator Cowden.

Why bother?
He won't budge.

We can change his mind.
Trust me.

How?

Everyone, give us a minute.

So they're taking your orders now?

Have been for a while.

I controlled their minds.

Just like you have,
many, many times.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

You know you have that power.

You've been using it
your whole life.

I always thought
I had some kind of...

god-level good luck.

True,
you've only used it instinctively,

but I'm here now.

I can teach you how to use it at will.

Easy.

And once you've mastered it,

that's how you get Cowden's vote.

I don't know that I want to do that.

- It feels like cheating.
- They all don't cheat?

Everyone uses
whatever they've got, John,

and the bad ones don't hesitate.

So someone like you,

someone who wants to do some

actual good in the world,

how can you not?

Here's all you have to do.

Look at me.

You look him straight in the eye,

and you tell him, plainly.

Directly.

That's it?

It's that simple.

Good luck with the meeting,
Senator.

Why would anyone want their afterlife

to look like a terrible
middle school birthday party?

Is this about your "incident"?

- I moved on.
- Have you?

- Julia?
- Julia!

- Julia!
- Oh, welcome!

Welcome!

Where's Bender?
Is he okay?

He's great.
He moved on.

Uh, who's your friend,
and what's his shoe size?

Uh, we're not really here to bowl.

Kid, the first rule of being dead,

if you're here, ya bowl.

We're actually not dead, either.

Uh, we're here because
we need your help.

Julia?

What?

Nothing.

It's--it's good to see you,
Richard.

- I mean, the real you.
- The real me?

What happened?

I need your help.

I need to find my Shade.

Okay.

The underworld is massive.
There's every ecosystem.

Nearest we can tell,
about 2,000 islands

built to look like Hawaii.

And you went with a bowling alley?

Fuck yeah.

And the powers that be

are into whatever helps us settle in

so that we can move on.

Ow, yeah!
Whoo!

- "Powers that be"?
- Yeah. Gods.

We were right about
them being real.

Hades created the Underworld,

runs it with his wife,
Persephone.

They live in a big house
way over here.

It's a beautiful area
called Elysium.

Apparently, they used to
come and go like clockwork

every fall and spring,
but a while back,

they just disappeared.

Wait, why are you
doing all this, Richard?

I know you.
This is a project.

I'm trying to find my son.

I don't know where he is,
if he's even still here.

But he's got to be somewhere.

And they won't tell me
a damn thing.

Why not?

I'm flagged as culpable
in his death.

There are rules.

And friends to help me break them.

Okay, so wait, so where
do they keep the Shades?

Sorry, we don't know that yet.

So we're flying blind?

Hun, you're gonna have to bowl.

No, look, I had an incident
when I was a kid.

- My fingers got stuck in the--
- Oh, get over it.

Your girl would.

- She's not my girl.
- No shit.

She's tough as granite.

And you're afraid to bowl.

Fine.

How long before the dragon
eats you and Quentin?

Tomorrow morning.

Always the one to tell the impossible

to go fuck itself, huh?

Yeah, well,
it doesn't always listen.

They'll know where the Shades
are kept at reception.

I don't know,
they didn't seem too keen

on helping out a person
who looked like this.

Shit, it seems to be closing up

much faster down here.

Okay, so we hurry.

But just--not for nothing,
reception isn't keen

to help much of anyone--I can't
count the number of times

I've been kicked out of there,
trying to find my little boy.

- I have an idea.
- Oh, my God, Julia!

I--I got a strike.

Whoo!

Yeah, Q!

The thing about the
Underworld is, the first week,

it's always a strike.

Let him have this one.

Whoo!
Go, Q!

Ow!

- You wanted to talk?
- You lying son of a bitch.

You turned Fen into a rat,
along with half the castle.

Fen is in her human form,

in the Fairy Realm.

And she was taken
because you tried to

get clever with our deal.

So you turned half my staff
into snake food?

- That wasn't the fairies.
- Oh.

Well, it sure smells like
their whimsical bullshit.

"Whimsical."

It's the mark of the stupid
and the arrogant

to attack what you can't comprehend.

Fine.

Get it out of your system.

Then if you know what's going on,

just tell me.

I take it back.

You're not entirely simple-minded.

There's another power,

which you made the mistake
of overlooking.

You want to be specific, or not?

A power without logic.

A power that acts, not for gain,
but solely because it can.

That's the true danger.

Face that.

Or face the end of your kingdom.

Uh, hey.

- I got a question for you.
- Of course.

How can I help?

You know, I never got your name.

You may call me Head Librarian.

And, uh...

what do I get to call you
outside of work?

I see what you're getting at.

But interoffice courtship
is expressly prohibited.

I'm flattered,
but rules are rules.

Are they?

Always?

Penny,
please don't take it personally,

but you're not my type.

You're a touch emotionally insecure,

for which you compensate heavily
with boisterousness

and foul language.

I'm here if you need anything else.

- Hey, guys.
- Mr. Corrigan.

Uh, Mr. Corrigan, you have
no need to be in here.

Just a couple of questions.

- I'm gonna take a number.
- Please, sir.

Um, you know what, I'm gonna
take a couple of numbers,

just in case I don't--
I don't hear the first number.

Yeah, wow, you guys got
a lot of numbers.

Mr. Corrigan,
I beseech you.

Oh, no, does this thing
run out of numbers?

- There we go.
- Playtime's over, Mr. Corrigan.

I'm not playing,
I really have questions.

Quite the jokester you are.
That is it.

- Security!
- Don't call security, Thomas.

- Security!
- Oh, no, security.

- They're on their way.
- No, no, no.

I'm just getting a number here.
Ha ha, very funny.

Does this thing
run out of numbers?

It's locked.

Security!

- "Disconnected Shade."
- Where?

It doesn't say.

Just says "E."

Another one,
"disconnected Shade, 'E.'"

Wait, if they all say "E"...

- Elysium.
- Yes.

Okay, great, it's the complete
opposite end of the Underworld.

Take him away for
disciplinary processing.

- Thank you.
- There's no need, guys.

Okay, you got me.

Hope you had some fun to make
your confinement worthwhile.

Oh, what's a few weeks
out of eternity?

This is books for school kids.

If it's so important,

finding me that five mil
can't be too hard.

I'm not adding another amendment.

You invited me in.

You knew what you were getting into.

Right.

You're going to support this bill.

In fact, your yes will be
the first vote cast.

John, this bill should've been
passed a long time ago.

And I'm sorry for trying to
drag you into the ditch on this.

You have my vote.

Then I thank you for your help.

You all right?

Let me get you some water.

I--I must've
stood up too fast.

Here you go.

I--I need to make a--

Becca!

Becca, get the doctor.
Get the doctor now!

John, I'm sorry but

I think you're overestimating
yourself, here.

No, honey,
I'm being 100% literal.

I am not human, Cindy.

And I know it sounds ridiculous,
but it is true.

Okay...

I think that you have
been working too hard--

No, I haven't.

I haven't.

I am telling you the truth.

Because you are the one I trust.

You are the only one, really.

And I really just need
your support right now, babe.

Of course, honey.

I apologize.

I know that you always find
a way to do the right thing,

and I am here for you.

Whatever you need.

Now come on.

Let's go home.

It's like a Shade orphanage.

We should hurry.

We're running out of time.

We should split up.

I kind of have a thing about
splitting up in houses

full of creepy kids.

Hey, can we ask you a question?

- Sure.
- What was that?

That you just did with the money?

For the little boy?

What little boy?

The little boy with the shitty dad.

He ran away.

And now he's cold and hungry.

He'll find it on the sidewalk
any minute.

And that...

She's in a hospital room.

She's making them bloom.

It's a really obvious miracle,
but that's okay.

The girl in the room
is gonna die anyways.

So you're all making miracles.

Just little tiny ones, though.

Cool.

Um, we were looking for a Shade.

- Her name's Julia.
- Yeah, uh, she looks like her.

Kind of.
Um, and--

Well, she's a--
she's a mess.

We all were when we got here.

Anything else?

Um, she's brave.

And funny,
and she probably made friends

with some of the most shy,
maladjusted Shades.

She's curious, and she won't
take no for an answer.

Are you looking for
the kind of new one,

who's always getting in trouble
and sneaking into

Ms. Persephone's room--
because, you know,

we're never supposed to
go in there.

Yeah.
Yeah, that does sound like her.

I just saw her.
This way.

Up those stairs.

Last door.

- Eugene?
- Yeah?

Who's that?

That's Ms. Persephone.

She hasn't been here
for a really long time

and no one knows where she is.

Thank you so much for all your help.

That's Our Lady Underground.

What?

The one that you...

So you were real all along, huh?

Just completely AWOL.

Self-centered bitch.

We were so stupid to love you.

Jules...

- I'm sorry.
- For what?

Look, I'm glad I know.

It's always better to know, Q.

You keep watch.

I'll sneak in and find the part of me

that already snuck in.

Hmm.

We're under attack.

The Rattening, now reports of
upside down rain.

Correct--as well as ant hills
turning into volcanoes,

the Balmy Sea turning to acid,

and the mysterious disappearance
of all blondes

in the province of Crickety Cove.

The talking animals report
this includes palomino horses.

Also, every chicken in Fillory
has laryngitis.

Is there a pattern to any of this?

None that we can tell.

Only that whatever it is,
it is increasing.

Idri's turned into a rat,
so it isn't the Lorians.

We've incapacitated
the Foo Fighters.

That leaves...

the people in this room.

Your Highness?

If anyone has anything to say...

I'm embezzling funds
from the royal treasury.

- Why did I just say that?
- Hah!

Because there's truth serum
in this wine.

I've truthied you.
Anyone else?

Abigail and I have been using
the castle guards

to run an escort service.

Gross.

But clever.

Doesn't help us.

Should've made this stronger.

It was me.

I made a deal with the fairies
and I know where Fen is.

You got to be kidding me.

It's not your break.

So what?
You, uh--you gonna report me?

Answer a question,
maybe I'll forget to.

What's your question?

You trying to fuck that librarian?

No!

I saw you.
You want to fuck her.

You want to lick her butthole, huh?

Whoa, Jesus, no!

Then why are you
scamming her so hard

that I nearly blew you?

I just need her name, okay?

Oh, why didn't you ask?
Here.

The "S" stands for Shot,
or maybe it's Schiff.

Let me know if you find
anything gross in her book.

I have a feeling she's a total
freak in the sack.

Okay.

What's your deal?

- I have no deal.
- You're a child.

Okay, Grandpa,
that's a little--

What are you even doing stuck here?

What do they have on you?

Nothing.

Okay, fine, they're protecting me.

Protecting you from what?

My dad is a businessman

and sometimes his competition
can get a little rough,

so he sent me here.

- Like, he's a--
- Legitimate businessman.

Can we please not talk about it?

My God, you're like
that whiny little kid

in "The Sopranos," Willow.

Jesus Christ, you are so lame.

Please.

And her name was Meadow.

You truthied me?

I can't lie.

Eliot, I did this for you.

- There was no other way.
- Don't.

You started this
when you declared war.

Now my wife and child are gone.

I need to deal with the rats.

I can't risk having to
clean up your next mess.

Guards.

No, Eliot.

- What are you doing?
- I don't know what else to do.

- Take her to the dungeon.
- No!

Eliot...

I'll fix this.

Make sure she gets
the best room.

And see that she gets
her coconut oil.

Good-bye, Margo.

Oh, shit!

I know you're in there.

Come out.

It's okay.

It's me.

Oh, my God.

Julia, I found her she's...

Quentin.

I missed you so much.

Oh, my God.

Hi.

Are you okay?

Yeah.
Are you?

Not really.

Without you.

Did you get Reynard yet?

I'm trying.

She talks about him all the time.

Says he's a good guy.

Stupid sometimes, but good.

Is there any way
we can take her with us too?

I know you told security
to keep me out,

but then I suggested
they let me in.

Stalemate, I guess.

Is this about Cowden?

I think you just
overwhelmed him a little.

I know it's a lot,
but it's worth it.

My wife.

Is anything about our
relationship real?

I've been controlling her
from the day we met, right?

Yes.
Lucky her.

How is that?

She's a person.

Yes.

And you're not.

The sooner you wrap
your head around that--

No, no.

I don't want it.

You want to be President

of this entire idiotic country.

You have always sensed your place.

Julia and Kady, they said
you did terrible things.

I should've looked you up on the spot.

You didn't because I
gently suggested you don't.

It's for your own good, kid.

So it's all true.

Those poor women.

Those women were hardly victims.

They said they were just
trying to summon a little help

from some kind of goddess--

They were summoning
an evil bitch!

You looked me up,
says trickster.

See, that's honest.

Yes, I fuck with the weak.

You know what that does?
Improves the herd.

I help the same little creatures
you want to help.

It's not surprising,
you're my son,

how else could it be but her?

The benevolent
"Our Lady Underground."

It is all about her.

Power, attention, grinding men
and gods into the fucking dirt

and then she leaves!

You loved her.

Guess there's some things
you can't control, after all.

I can see you're upset.

But I need you to move past that.

Stop worrying about humans.

They're beneath you.

This is your birthright, son.

We're gonna do so much together.

How'd you do it?
You know, turn me back?

A special Fillorian mint.

And about 50 straight
minutes of casting,

so I'm gonna need a
minute to recharge.

You sure you don't want
any clothes, or...

Eh.

Can't you get Margo to help?

You know, give you a break?

I kind of threw her in the dungeon.

Got ya.

Well, you'll run yourself dead,

doing everything on your own.

Believe me, I know.

Pass some shit down the chain
to the governors

or the dukes or whatever.

You don't have any governors?

No dukes?

- Get you some delegates, son.
- Right, really good idea.

Select governors.

Yet another task for the High King.

Or you just hold an election.

Let the people pick their own,
you do nada.

- That's--
- Stupid, is it stupid?

- I'm sorry.
- Brilliant, Josh.

I think you just invented democracy,

and it's going to save Fillory.

Well, high five, brother.

- Eliot?
- What the hell?

Dude,
I thought you were off being, like,

the High King of Fillory?

I am.

I was.

I think I just got kicked out.

Of course her book is relocated

to the Poison Room.

Okay.

So what's our next move?

Admit I'm fucking cursed?

Is this all you guys do?

Talk about your fee-fees?

I was kind of hoping
you'd get to fucking.

How did you--

Oh, hopped into your mind
when you hopped into hers.

It's a little trick
my dad's friends taught me.

Your dad's friends are perverts?

Thugs.
Magic mobsters.

- No, they're not.
- Jesus.

Which is why I'm leaving.

- So's Willow.
- Meadow, doofus.

Fine, kick me out.

You really don't need my help.

Help with what?

Trying to break into
the Poison Room.

I've been in your crappy Nolan
movie for, like, 20 minutes.

I heard everything.

Been trying to get in there
myself, 'cause, you know,

I'm curious about a few things.

So you can either start from
square one on your own,

or you can hop the line and join...

Well, the pervy mob girl has a point.

No.
It's dangerous.

You know what's safe?
Nothing.

You're not responsible for me, okay?

Free will, I exercise that shit.

I'm gonna hate this.

You hate everything.

That's why I like you.

Kady.
Kady!

Kady, wake up.

- Kady.
- Hey.

- What?
- Hey, you, uh, you got a guest.

Professor Lipson told me
to bring him here.

If you're still after Reynard,

I want in.

Eliot?

Oh, you.

I shouldn't be here, but...

Please.
Your Majesty.

- Be careful.
- So not a nice scotch, then?

It will transport you
to the fairy realm.

I must warn you, few return.

But it is a chance to save Fen,

the baby.

I would go, but--

You're a pussy who's
in love with a sloth,

who's currently a rat.

And end of the day,
it's my mess to clean up.

Tell Eliot that.

Q, it's time.

This is it.

It's why I couldn't make
the math work.

What math?

Uh, the spell to bring Alice back.

I knew something was missing,
I just didn't know...

It was me.

You have to go now.

There's a portal in there,

back to reception.

And I'm glad
we got to say good-bye.

Um, I'm gonna be back
here for good one day,

and I am going to find you.

Okay.

You first.

- Jules, what the hell?
- This isn't up for debate.

We came here so that you could--

Yeah?
So?

Things change.

- If you do this--
- I know.

This is my one shot.

And this is what I want to do with it.

I found them!
Stop!

Come on, or we'll lose her, too.

You can't take that Shade!

It's all going to be okay,
Quentin.