All language subtitles for The Magicians - 01x13 - Have You Brought Me Little Cakes

Previously on "The Magicians"...

This was Fillory.

A land of magic.

The Chatwins, they must
have got chased around,

like this Timewitch, the Watcherwoman.

She plants clocks in trees.

This is where Fillory was born.

Where Plover told tales to Jane and Martin.

I saw something in there.
That poor kid.

They were just trying to
get a button to Fillory.

Yeah, so he could escape this monster.

We live in a world that is
one world among many.

The Beast you saw
was from one such place.

What does Jane have to do
with the Beast?

Still the same determined,
little Jane Chatwin.

Ember gave her the ability
to fuck with time,

and Jane used it
to create a time loop.

When she'd fail to stop The Beast,

she'd restart the loop.

What's different this time?

- I was at Brakebills?
- You were supposed to be.

I can't sit here now

and think it was anything but fate.

We summoned a goddess.

She touched all of us.
She granted every petition.

There was one time
we didn't all die--

when we went to Fillory.

I'll go to Fillory

on one condition.

The girl you saw in the dungeon?

We'll get her out.

We need some serious battle magic.

Spells only work
if you channel 100% clean.

Bottling our emotions literally.

Shall we go fuck some shit up?

You slept with two other people.

We broke up.
I was out of my mind.

I made a mistake.

My friends, I just--

I can't let them fight
The Beast on their own.

You want me
to come to Fillory with you?

Yeah.

Kind of been planning
this trip since we were nine.

"Fillory and Further.

Book Seven."

I will think of a great title later.

I knew it started as a blob
of crazy magic energy

floating in space that gave birth

to the gods, Ember and Umber,

that gave birth
to this amazing place: Fillory.

And I even knew that
that place was real.

What I didn't know was one day,

I would actually go there

and seek out the gods themselves.

Ember?

We need to talk to you.

Go on.
Put a little conviction in it.

Ember!

Okay.
Um, how did Martin summon him?

I don't know.
The books are all poetry.

It's like, "Martin's blood
sang to the gods."

Em.

Q.

What if it was literal?

That's worth a shot.

Damn it.

You okay?

No, I just stabbed my own hand.

Ah!

We were expecting something amazing,

and it--it was amazing.

Just more the shitty kind.

Smells like an outhouse in here.

Jeez, look at all this trash.

Someone's been holed up here a while.

It is customary to bow,

Children Of Earth.

Have you brought me little cakes?

The Magicians
01x13 - Have You Brought Me Little Cakes?
Original Air Date - April 11, 2016

You're probably a little confused,

so now I'm gonna do
that thing I kinda hate

where the book rewinds
to fill in all the blanks.

Sorry.
Let's do it.

Holy shit.

Our route to Ember started

when we traveled back in time to 1942

to follow Jane Chatwin through

a vaguely TARDIS-looking portal
to Fillory.

Here she comes!

We figured once we were
actually there,

we could get to the present
and back to my friends somehow,

'cause that's Fillory.

There's always a way.

There's Jane, and there's us,

and someone mysterious
watching us, by the way,

to follow us through.

Standing in Fillory was
the greatest moment of my life,

and not just because,
as I later found out,

the air is .02% opium,

which is a pretty unfair trick
to get you to love a place,

but, whatever, we loved it.

Oh, uh, oh, so--
if you're a real fan,

you totally recognize this
from the books--

this iconic scene, right?

Jane falls into a trap and
is saved by passing Magicians,

but you didn't know is
I am in that scene, bitches.

Struggle, struggle.
Tighter, tighter.

Okay, do you see them yet?

Nope, but they can't be
too hard to miss.

The Witch and The Fool.
Iconic.

How are The Witch and The Fool
supposed to see her--

Oh!

Ooh, which one do you think I am?

You don't look like any
witches or fools I've seen here.

Oh, wait.
Don't.

It's--it's enchanted.

It'll only make it worse.

What's the point of these anyway?

They're everywhere.

Well, some animals can talk,

so hunters have sort of
an ethical dilemma.

You know, you don't want to eat
something as smart as you,

so anything that can answer the riddle

is set free.

So, uh, "What is no sooner
broken than spoken?"

I have no idea.

Silence.

Silence.

How'd you know the answer?

I, uh...read it.

Brilliant.
Thank you, Witch and Fool.

Ta-ta!

Okay...
go.

Geek out.
We're in the books.

We are in the books.

So remember how someone
followed us into Fillory?

Hey, are you following us?

It's totally cool if you are.

Martin?

He's not even in this part of the book.

Still not sure I quite understand

why you were following my sister.

Well, why are you following
your sister?

'Cause Fillory stopped taking you?

Martin, I know you probably
think it's your fault,

but it's not.

You want to be here because
you don't feel safe at home.

And we want to help.

What do you mean?

Christopher Plover is
a very powerful Magician now.

Maybe the most.

We think we can stop him
if we find something.

Um, it's a Fillorian knife,

called the Leo Blade.

Have you heard of it?

No, but I know someone who might've.

Nope, never heard of it.

But it's something you're
more than capable of making,

given your reputation.

Though if you think it may be
too difficult--

What in Hades is difficult
about a blade?

- Well, this one...
- Has to kill a Master Magician.

And he's not even human anymore.

Six fingers, dark spells
you've never seen before.

Lad, fetch The Moonstones.

Thing like that

can only be killed
with a blade of Moonstones.

I have the only two in Fillory.

You couldn't even make
a needle with that.

These aren't just rocks.
They're alive.

I can mate them and breed more.

Then why haven't you?

Expensive.
Takes time.

Care, feeding.
Years.

And it's not often I'm called upon

to forge a Master Magician
murder weapon.

But you are from a place
that likes murder: Earth.

- Am I right?
- Yes, we're from Earth.

Good.
Then you know what I want.

We do, and we agree.

So what exactly did we promise
the knifemaker last night?

Well, he knew we were from Earth.

And the rulers of Fillory
can only be from Earth.

So he thinks we're...

Kings and Queen.
He wants a seat at court.

But years, it'll take him years.

How...

Holy shit.

Oh, my God.

Jules, it's Ember's Temple.

It was as beautiful
as it was in the books,

and standing there,
you could just feel

that the gods were real.

But in Fillory,
with magic comes danger.

She's coming!
The Watcherwoman!

Martin.
Wait.

Martin!

Holy shit.

In which we run into my
favorite random, scary villain

from the books and she turns
out to be the exact opposite.

Quentin?

You know The Watcherwoman?

Oh, my God.
I do.

Of course, I should have
put that together.

Uh, this is my friend, Julia.

Julia, this is Jane Chatwin
all grown up.

You're not supposed to be here yet.

Haven't even been born yet.

We know about time loops
that you keep making.

Well, as you should by now.

Right.

So there have been 39 others--

And you're the volunteer tomato.

I'm sorry, what?

In a garden, you pull everything up.

Sometimes a stray vine
just keeps coming back.

It volunteers.

That's really why you, Quentin,
you just keep coming.

Right.
Okay.

So, okay...I'm the tomato.

And this is the last time.

Why is this the last one?

Oh...

Uh, well you die this time.

Huh.

I see.

Do I die doing something brave?

- Very.
- Right, then.

If you survive, see to it that I get
a proper temple in my honor.

Granite statue, good likeness,
mind the chin.

I'll put that at the top of my list.

Can I ask a question?

Why are you the Watcherwoman
and she's a villain?

Am I?

I mean, you scared the hell
out of everybody.

Well, when I was a girl,
the Watcherwoman inspired me

to learn magic to fight her.

Indeed, I grew up to be

just a touch stronger
than that Watcherwoman.

That hurts my brain.

Apparently wasn't enough.

At least I learned some fun things,
like this.

Wait, what did you do?

Don't want her to hear us.

There's a patch in your
friend's memory, quite crude.

Made in haste, likely by a Hedge.

Could you remove it?

No, it's there for a reason.

Covering something...recent,
something tragic...

Replacing it with something
beautiful but false.

My children, you have summoned me

to shed your burdens

and so they shall be.

Julia.

I have a mission for you.

If you still care about her...

Of course.

Protect her.

I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.

That was never your job, Quentin.

Right, then.

Sorry, what were you guys saying?

So, Jane, um,
could you zoom us forward

to the present--our present?

Good-bye, Quentin.

Godspeed.

Jesus...

Welcome to Fillory 2016.

It's a lot colder.

It's like being in a fog that never lifts.

Yeah.

Ow.
Jesus.

"Enchanted this to find you
if you ever arrive.

"Hope you're not dead.

"Margo being such a bitch.

Follow map to find us.
El."

Come on.

Welcome to the Fillory of The Beast.

And this is what happens

to a world ruled by
the worst kind of predator--

the kind of monster
who destroys childhood.

Cheers, B.

As soon as I saw them,
I remembered,

"Oh, we kind of all slept
with each other

"and hate each other right now.

And that is largely my fault."

Really good to see you again, Q,

but, um, why am I looking
at the Hedgebitch

who tried to kill you?

We worked it out.

I wouldn't be here without her, so...

I'm here.
You don't have to like me.

Oh, don't you worry.

We don't.

So do you know where The Beast
is holding Victoria or not?

I think the dungeon is in
The Castle That Isn't There.

That's the stupidest name
I've ever heard.

You didn't just do shots with
a bulldog named Bristlycoat.

It's a kind of Phosphoromancy.
Alice, you could explain it...

um, better.

How much further to this knifemaker?

These shoes weren't cobbled
for a quest.

Right over here, I think.

Not another one.

What?

They're everywhere.

Plus headstones, unmarked graves.

Oh, no.

We'd hoped that Martin
was still out there somewhere,

that we could save him,
but we took too long.

We failed him.

All the Chatwins are dead.

Wow, your childhood fantasy
is a great big magical Dachau.

The knifemaker's house
was largely the same in 2016,

but now it was run by a stranger.

I remember you.

I must say, you've aged well,
the two of you.

Um...

I was eight.
Apprentice to my father.

Is he around?

He's out back.

Six feet under grass.

You know, he grew a little aggravated

waiting for you two to come back.

The Leo Blade, as promised.

Payment is due.

As promised.

Here's the thing:
all the Chatwins are dead,

Fillory has no rulers,
and the only people from Earth

left here now not locked
in a dungeon--

Oh, my God.
I'm going to be royalty.

Yeah, I mean,
we all are the next wave.

So what he wants is to become
future royalty by marriage.

Wait, he wants to marry one of us?

No, thank God.

He wants one of us
to marry her--his daughter.

Huh.

I mean, you know,
team player and stuff.

Hey, who says it's you anyway?

It's not a volunteer gig,
and she doesn't get to pick.

This blade draws one thing
and one thing only:

the pure royal blood
of the High King of Fillory.

I admit, I was 100% sure that
I was definitely the High King.

Hm.

I know! Shocking, right?

You may be wondering
why they set it up

that aliens must rule Fillory

and I'm sure there is a great reason

and nobody has any clue what that is.

Ember and Umber set it up

and they're not that into
explaining their big ideas

and, you know, you'd think

it would be centaurs
or something, right?

I would do centaurs, but nope.

So what exactly is supposed to--

Oh!

Get the fuck out.

Well, High King.

Makes certain instinctual sense,
I guess.

Your Majesty.

Oh, this'll make him easier to live with.

So there's a bump.

Bigger than marrying
a total stranger-ette?

Apparently marriage here
is different.

Really different.

Right, but as High King,

I can get, like, a royal annulment.

No, never.

Once you get married, you won't
be able to be with anyone else

literally for the rest of your life.

Here, but when I go back, I can...

I can never leave Fillory.

Jesus.

El, you don't have to do this.

No, don't.

I'm doing this.

- Eliot--
- Margo.

I am miserable.

My life, it doesn't work.

Nothing's ever fixed that.

Drugs, sex, food, booze.

Not even magic.

But maybe it all led to this, to now,

for a reason that's actually
finally going to make my life

not just about me,
and my thoughts, and my feelings.

- Something--
- Bigger.

How wise you are,

Queen Margo The Destroyer.

Um...

Is it okay if I hate
that you're getting married?

Shit.

I think you're the only person
that I can stand.

You know what that means?

You have to be my Best Man.

God.

♪ Be my husband ♪

♪ And I'll be your wife ♪

♪ Be my husband ♪

This is taking forever.

♪ Be my husband ♪

Penny!

♪ Outside you,
there is no place to go ♪

Eliot.

Fen.

Nice to meet you.

Will you marry me?

♪ Ooh, Daddy,
now, now, love me good ♪

Okay, okay, where are you?

Where is this?

♪ Stick to the promise, man,
that you made me ♪

♪ Please don't treat me
so doggone mean ♪

♪ Please don't treat me
so doggone mean ♪

The blade is yours.

♪ You're the meanest man
I have ever seen ♪

- Ha!
- What?

That's hot.

Here, maybe it's just for High Kings.

Oh, Jesus!

Okay, Father-in-law,
why is this blade 1,000 degrees?

It may only be handled by
Master Magicians.

Are none of you Masters?

Okay, I found the castle.
We can--

Oh, cool!

I hate this place!

There has to be a trick, right?

We can't trick it into
thinking we're powerful.

I mean, the trick is
we have to be that powerful.

I gather the crowd
you usually hang with

nods like you're smart when
you say incredibly obvious shit,

but what we need is ideas.

That's a good idea.
We need the power of a god.

Yeah, or gods.
Ember and Umber.

Who haven't been seen for
decades, so good luck with that.

Okay, I have a much less idiotic idea.

Why don't we use a Magician

who's actually been around
The Beast--

the girl from his dungeon.

So much less idiotic it's almost good.

I'm with Penny.

Eliot?

Yeah, according to the fine
print not actually written down,

I have a virgin farm girl
to impregnate.

Right this second?

This very one.

Best of luck, all.
You're welcome.

Mrs. Me?

If I die while he's balling himself limp,

I will haunt the shit out of his ass.

You're fucking kidding me.

That's why they call it
The Castle That Isn't,

'cause it's invisible.

The truth is,
the castle was constructed

to be invisible primarily
for budgetary reasons.

The royals had spent their
entire seasonal allowance

and then realized they still
had a castle to build,

so they figured builder's grade
material is just fine

if you can't see it.

You guys run, I'll distract 'em.

Don't be stupid.
They're men.

My sister!
Please, help!

She just fainted.
Can one of you do something?

Hey, hey.

I need help.

You all right, miss?

Where am I?

Victoria.

Whoa--hey, hey.

Hey, we're here to get you out.
Okay, we're here to get you out.

The cuffs...
I can't--

They keep you from Travelling.

Yeah.

We'll get 'em.

Can you walk?

There's someone else
in the next cell.

Ember?

We need to talk to you.

So here we are at the temple,

hoping against hope and all that.

Ah!

It is customary to bow,

Children of Earth.

Have you brought me little cakes?

- No.
- Uh...

We didn't really know
that we were supposed to.

Oh.

And I am so tired of eating mice.

No matter.

And you are?

Uh, I'm Quentin Coldwater.

And Julia Wicker.

Huh.

Spank my cheeks.

You're usually dead by now.

He kills you

and I'm left here to hide
like an animal

in horrid, arid,
cake-deficient Loria,

but you're here.

What happened?

What are you--
what are you doing here?

He lured me into a trap, of course.

The Beast?

As you call him, yes.

He snared me
and my dear, departed Umber.

Wait, Umber's dead?

It's unseemly, all of it.

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to disrespect,

but how could a Magician
put the drop on you?

Fillory's magic belongs to no one,

not even a god.

A Magician with enough determination

can harness its forces and make
haggis of any one of us.

Hm.

So now I just wait till he is slain.

I'm so fucking bored,
Children of Earth.

Ha!

I've had sex with every nymph
in the kingdom.

Well, we're here to help.

But you're not a nymph.

No, I'm--

What the fuck is wrong with you?

- Pray pardon?
- What are you doing here?

You're just gonna let The Beast
trample the shit out of Fillory?

You think that I want to be here?

I think you're being kind of a whiny bitch.

Q, maybe don't insult--

No, does he care or not?

You're right.

Years trying to outwit him.

Greatest failure, deepest shame.

And now he is prepared
for anything I do.

It's not I who can defeat him,

not directly.

I'll do it.

I volunteer.
I'll kill The Beast.

I love Fillory.
I don't know why.

But I am supposed to be here.

I'm supposed to fight for it.

Can you be the champion
we've been waiting for?

I want to be.

I'm ready to be.

I'll do whatever it takes.

You love Fillory.

And you never stopped.

Julia stopped.

I mean, maybe in college,
but now I totally--

Yes, you see, she stopped.

But you never did.

Only the best and the purest
can face The Beast,

and that is you.

Right, okay, so here's the thing,

I can't really touch the knife
that can kill The Beast.

Yes, you need my strength.

I will infuse you with...

my essence.

I have gifted you my Bestowal,

my Largesse, the seed of my power.

When you are ready to face The Beast,

imbibe it.

Is that semen?

Thank you.

Thank you.

And you, Daughter of Earth.

Hm.

Your mind is encumbered.

A shroud.

- No--
- What?

- Crudely made.
- Ember, no, it's okay--

- I shall remove it.
- Remove what?

No, no, don't!

Oh, God.
Jules!

You're welcome.
No need to thank me.

Best of luck.

- Jules--
- Please.

Please, don't--

please don't touch me,
please don't--

Hey, hey.
Jules, come on.

What happened?

Just tell me, please.

Can you take my memory?

Please, take my memory.

I don't know how.

I may have to go.

I knew Julia wouldn't tell me
until she was ready,

but that might be never.

Here.

Thank you.

Any time.

Honestly, I was getting pretty sick

of hearing your voice in my head.

I wanted to help you so badly.

I'm sorry I--

Don't be.

You found me.

Look, is there some trick?

How do you take people along?

Any of us can.

Well, I-I can barely
Travel me.

They're a spell.

Ew.
Literally?

So the dungeon?

Roaring success, and a twofer.

Sorry?

We should see if he's awake by now.

Oh, my God.

- That's Christopher Plover.
- What?

We were wrong about everything.

Plover's not The Beast.

No.

Martin Chatwin is.

I loved Martin.

But there's something black
inside him I failed to see.

Look at the markings on his face.

Age suspension magic,

so every day he can start over.

Yeah, poor you.

We need to find Martin.

Why?
You can't stop him.

Tell us everything or
I'm going to feed you to him.

When he was still a child,

Fillory stopped taking him.

Once he found his way back,

he made it his mission to stay.

He'd heard about The Wellspring,

the most ancient location in Fillory.

Which is what?

The source of all magic.

It's not only stronger than
Ember and Umber,

it created them.

Fillory runs on it.

Martin goes every night
to drink from it,

draining it a little more each time.

The Wellspring's magic is so strong

it killed...

every human thing in him.

There's only The Beast now.

So he goes to the Wellspring
every night,

but it's not on any map.

Guess I can start asking around.

Or cast some kind of locator maybe?

Or ask me.

He never could hide his mind from me.

Our connection.

Okay, I vote we test the knife
out on him.

We gotta be careful with this.
Shhhhh.

Josh come on we gotta go.

Yeah, Josh and Victoria bailed.

On one hand, fuck 'em,
on the other hand,

you can't really blame 'em.

So I was writing this down

because I didn't know much,

but I knew that I was the hero
of this story.

It all just felt like
the exact moment

that my entire life
had been building up to,

all of the reading, and dreaming,

and loneliness, and magic.

All of it.

And then...

well, and then this story
actually happened.

And I started to realize the truth.

It's so insignificant--

us being together and falling apart,

I mean, it just doesn't matter.

I made a mistake.

I know you don't want to
hear it, but I love you.

You're right, I don't.

But I'm not gonna go in there
angry at you.

Okay, I've got your back, Quentin.

We all do.

You know, my entire life,

ever since the first time I read
"Fillory and Further,"

I've been waiting for some
powerful being

to come down and say,
"Quentin Coldwater,

you are The One."

Every book, every movie,

it's about one special guy.

He's chosen.

In real life, for every one guy,

there are a billion people
who aren't.

Almost none of us are the one.

Ember said--

Ember is a little out of touch, I think.

You're a better Magician.

And you're a better person.

And I think that if he'd met you,

he wouldn't be so sure that it's me.

But you're the one that they say

shows up every single time, it's you.

I want to be the one.
I do.

It's just...

it's the adult part of me,

the part of me that understands
how magic works,

it just--it just keeps screaming

that it's you.

Every time that Jane reset the loop,

she changed something.

So what if I change something?

What if I give the blade to you?

You're not as good as I hoped,
Quentin Coldwater.

But you're better than you know.

- Alice, you okay?
- Come on, hon.

Pretend it's prom night and
you just want to shut him up.

Did you Bogart the whole thing?

Alice?

Q, uh, can I--
can I talk to you?

Jules.
Talk to me.

I did something.

Me and my friends.

We followed all the clues.

We thought that she was
leading us to her.

We summoned her.

You know, I actually believed
Our Lady Underground chose me.

Guys, stop.
We should stop.

Julia.

You dumb little witch.

You can't unring a bell.

Richard.

Move!
Richard, move!

- Stop her!
- Do something.

- Nothing's working.

Oh, God.

You'll find I've taken away your magic,

so there's no point in trying.

My thanks for opening the door.

You may address me
as Reynard the Fox,

Trickster of the faithful,

the pure of heart,

the very stupid.

Richard...

No, no!

Kady...

Julia, run, run.

Kady, that was my hermit
who healed your heart.

And now, I'm going to taste it.

Don't you fucking touch her.

When you address me...

avert your gaze.

I said, "Don't you fucking touch her."

Fine.
I'll take you first.

Kady, go.
Go!

I chose you, Julia.

From the first moment you prayed,

I felt your body.

I lifted it in my hands.

I can give you the greatest
pleasure of your life.

I can make you...

Ow!

I need your help.
Something happened.

Jesus.

Thank you for coming.

- Whoa--
- I got you. I got you.

The thing, where is it now?

Gone.
Got what it wanted.

I didn't know who else to call.

You called the right person.

I'm gonna help you clean this up.

I'm gonna need another favor.

And I know it'll cost me,
but I don't care.

Jesus, Julia, I want to help.

What Brakebills did to your memory?

I need you to do it to me.

Please.

Jules.

Yeah, I know.
What the fuck were we thinking?

You were trying to do good,

and you got duped.

It's not your fault.

Jules, you saved Kady.

Yeah, but what about everyone else?

You know, what...

Hey.

I'm going to help you.

I promise, whatever that means.

It means find him.

It means kill him.

And somehow I doubt that that's easy,

or even possible.

Well, impossible shit
is sort of our thing.

The Wellspring of all magic?

It's a truck stop shit-house.

He'll be here soon.

Let's go.

The fuck?

It's Plover's writing room.

All that power,

and he can't stop thinking about
where it happened.

Fillory needs meds
way more than magic.

Okay, so.

Where's the actual Wellspring?

Poor Martin.

Okay, so...

Quentin.

Is it time for this already?

Hi, Martin.

We know it's you.

Mm.

Well, you made it a good
long way this time around.

But this is it, Quentin.

I know you're still in there.

Look at this.

You still feel, you're still hurt,

and you should be
after what happened to you.

You mediocre are always
so sentimental.

Although, must say,

most wouldn't walk to certain death

40 times in a row.

You're no quitter.

Mm.

Right.

Let's get this over with.

Wait.

I have an offer.

Jane gave me a message for you,

a--a gift.

She said that you would want it,

that--that you would understand.

Your stupid bloody cards.

Your stalling tactics haven't
gotten any less pathetic.

Next time, put something useful
in your pocket.

Oh, that's right.
No next time.

Shit!

You're stronger than you were.

Haven't learned to cast
while you're bleeding out?

Oh, for the love of Christ,
children...

Aah!

Now...

Quentin Coldwater.

Wait.

I need--

I need your help.
Something happened.

Ow!

Something's still happening.

Stronger as well, I see.

So many surprises.

So.

What do you want?

Jules.

You killed Umber.

And you trapped Ember.

You know how to deal with gods.

You know how to fuck up their shit.

Julia.

- No.
- I want to make a deal.

Let's.

Oh, God.