All language subtitles for The Magicians - 01x06 - Impractical Applications

Previously on "The Magicians"...

I knew The Beast would come.

Get strong, learn fast,
any means necessary.

So that's it? That's all
you're gonna say to me?

I got into the school and you didn't.

I don't know what else to say.

Marina is a psycho.

You think Brakebills
cut you off from magic?

You don't know cut off.

Now the spells are missing
so I can keep going.

I want the new ones that she stole.

They're locked in the filing cabinet.

- You are a traveler.
- You can move between worlds.

Had the lecture yet on
sticking with astral projection?

It works by binding
your body to Earth.

Won't make the voices go away,
but it might keep you alive.

All I can say is
it was some kind of dungeon.

This was in the walls.

Penny, I think you were in Fillory.

You were in Fillory.

- You were in Fillory--
- Stop!

- Okay? Fillory is just a--
- Did you see any animals?

- Did they talk to you?
- I was at some dungeon,

you Hobbit-loving freak.

What's wrong with you?

There are no Hobbits in Fillory.

It--It doesn't matter.

Ah, the drawing, the crest,
it means that you were

in a certain Fillorian castle.

- Kill me.
- It was built by dwarves.

Ah, okay, let's not get
caught up in the details.

The--the point is that the--it's full of a--

a ton of incredibly magical shit.

Oh, yeah, The Beast
is really fucking magical.

Let me pop back over there

and see if he does birthday parties.

Let's go.
It's a waste of time.

I think you should listen to Quentin.

Because I'm assuming
you didn't travel to Fillory

on some planned vacation.

So you don't know how to control it yet.

Then educate yourself.

Nobody knows more about Fillory
than Quentin.

What if you end up back there again?

She makes a point.

Okay, fanboy.

Tell me what it says in the books

about not getting my face
eaten by The Beast.

The Beast isn't in the books.

How's that, if I was right
there staring him in the face?

The Chatwins, they mostly
get chased around

by this Time Witch,
the Watcher Woman.

She plants clocks in trees.

Ah, it's sort of surrealist.

Okay, I take it back.
This is a waste of your time.

The books were written for kids,

so maybe they skipped the monster

that rips out people's eyes.

- I don't know!
- Okay.

We're done here.

You love Fillory so much,
I hope you get to go.

I really do.

I guess I've been trying
to convince myself that

Penny's somehow wrong
about Fillory

despite having actually been there.

That's a pretty acrobatic
form of denial.

I really am sorry.

I'm sure Fillory got you
through a lot as a kid.

Yeah.

As a kid...

Sorry, the manager isn't in right now.

Would you like to place an order?

I know you know who I am.

Look, I'm sorry I insulted you guys.

But just who talked to you?
Marina? Pete?

I'm going to call the cops.

God, Rick, grow a pair!

Wait, wait, wait.

I'm sorry.

Please.

I don't know anyone else.

I'm not done with you.

Consider it as a warning.

Julia.

Julia, wait.
Just, just, wait.

Marina, okay?

No one wants a war.

Here.

It's about an hour by train.

Went there couple years back.

They're real.
They're good.

Just give them a try, but...

Please, don't come back here again.

How'd you learn all this anyway?

Me and a friend got deep
into ink spells in high school.

It's not the Mona Lisa, but...

I do have 20/20 vision in the dark.

And where was all this exactly?

I told you.

I'm basically from the 'burbs.

Actually, you never say
a damn thing about your life.

'cause it's boring.

What flavor of boring?

My mom died young.

And...

My dad is kind of embarrassing.

He wears Birkenstocks
and he sells weed.

But he loves me no matter
what kind of trouble I get in.

- That sounds nice.
- Yeah.

So, this symbol, it do anything
for the mind slut shit?

Yeah, you know,
Brakebills is good.

Everyone knows how to pull
their blinds down, you know?

Yeah.

I still hear her, though.

That girl from the dungeon...

I can't shut her out.

I just file that under

"Wish there was jack shit
I could do about it."

Yeah.

Or were you talking about The Beast?

If I was you, I'd be curious.

He's full-on AWOL, not a peep.

So, I get this,

and I don't poke the bear.

Let's just hope the bear
has better shit to do.

Shit, shit, shit.

Hey!

Why are you following me, lady?

Easy.
I just want to show you.

I'm just like you.

The Magicians
01x06 - Impractical Applications
Original Air Date - February 22, 2016

Hello?

Is someone being creepy
on purpose?

Secure the sacrifice!

Oh, God damn it.
No!

Oh, Manon!

We offer up this virgin.

Flesh and blood.

Jesus, I'm not a virgin.

Huh.

Life is full of surprises.

What the hell, Margo?

Follow, follow.
Hurry, hurry.

Ow. Guys, the pine needles
are hurting my feet.

Shh.

Ow, ow.

Hello, first years.

At this appointed hour,

as tradition dictates,

it falls upon the upper class

to administer what is known
simply as "The Trials."

The Trials test your ability

to think and act like a Magician.

Pass, your journey begins.

Fail, you flunk out.

This is a test engineered
to thin out the herd.

Only those who should will survive.

Oh, nut up, this isn't Harvard.

It requires actual effort.

And don't bother to go
complaining to the faculty.

They're off on a luxurious retreat,

observing from a distance.

You are ours, miscreants.

Onward to glory!

Come on.
Go!

Go!

- Move, move, move!
- Hurry up.

Name, please.

Alice Quinn.

Hmm.

Let me see.

Alice Quinn.

Wow, you're really enjoying this
aren't you?

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

The Trials themselves
have the power, Alice.

They will pass or fail you
as the Dean created them to.

I merely keep a little eye
on each and every one of you.

Ah, there you are.

Report to the table on your placard.

Good luck.

Next!

Say one word about Fillory
and I'll kill you.

Don't get me kicked out.

Well, then we'd finally be even.

Now I get it.

Get what?

Why our team name is
"Horny Chupacabras."

I'm not a...

I don't even know
what a "chupacabra" is.

It's a spine-covered
goat-sucking primate

indigenous to Mexico.

I can already see
we are immensely handicapped

by your presence.

In 18th century England,

a secret society
known as "The Brethren"

encrypted hundreds of spells
to hide them from the church.

You may open your blue books.

Each team must decode and cast
their spell by 9:00 a.m.

Screw up,

and it's back to page one.

FYI, this test is pretty much impossible.

Begin!

Back in the day,
we'd travel the world.

We'd pay for spells,

trade for 'em.

And they weren't all the most
ambitious Hedges you ever saw,

but we looked out for each other.

It was like family.

First family I really felt
I belonged in, actually.

Okay, so what do you want exactly?

Well...

You know, our story with Marina,
it's not rare.

I have seen her chew people up
and spit them out.

Then what? You swoop in,
you buy us a milkshake?

Come on.

Not till today.

You are the first I believe
can really do things,

if...

given the opportunity to learn.

I mean, I can feel it coming off you.

You're not an amateur.

You're the real thing.

Yeah, well,
some think so, some do not.

Well, I think we can help each other.

How?

It's not much,

but, you know, they'll be
new to you, I think.

Wait a minute.

- How did you--
- All over.

- Where did you--
- You don't want to know.

But you're welcome to 'em.

In exchange for what?

Just do some with me.

I miss the feeling, you know.

Welcome...
à la Safe House Julia.

Can you make it colder?

Girl, you're strong!

Shit.

Was this the last of them?

I'm afraid so.

Well, hey, we'll hit the road.

Right? Find new stuff.

Try, at least.

But you know who
has a ton of new stuff?

Marina.

'Cause she got her memories back.

I helped her do it.

She has...

Brakebills.

So she has everything.

We're screwed.

How much time do we have left?

I don't know.

Who knows how
to read an hourglass?

This is impossible.

Even Eliot said it was impossible.

Wait, it's impossible.

Actually he said, it was
practically impossible.

But maybe some genius can do this.

So what?
Geniuses can be magicians?

- Yeah.
- Really?

We have to cheat.

They want us to.
We've been Kobayashi Maru'd.

Whatever that means, yes.

No.

- No way.
- You're an idiot.

- We're cheating.
- Why would--

Why would they want us to cheat?

Because we're magicians.

No. No.

They're just want to see
how far we can get.

There is no such a thing
as half a spell.

You guys are insane.

Supply closet.

Five minutes.

I've got a plan.

Oh, man.

They really upped the security
since my day.

How much do you know
about those wards?

Enough to know they're strong.

But not enough to break them, so...

What do you think would happen
if we just ran in there

and grabbed the filing cabinet?

Oh, yeah, sure.

You ever see the movie "Scanners"?

Oh.

There's a way.

There's always a way.

Do you have a pen?

Here.

Mm, what we need...

Think of it like a fishhook.

We grab the cabinets
from the room,

without tripping wards.

There's wards all over the room.

Yeah, in this dimension, sure.

The one thing I can't figure out
is how to get the hook in.

You know, we need someone
inside for that.

And I sort of burned
all my bridges with that.

You think we can pay someone off?

No.

I know someone.

Took you long enough.

Okay, here is the question.

Do you believe what you said earlier,

that a genius could solve this by dawn?

Well yeah, I mean,
if they were--

Alice Quinn?

If anyone, she could.

Can you read her mind?

No.

Unlike you, she's airtight.

But I can do one better.

Just light the fucking thing.

Nicely done.

Perfect execution.

Too bad I know you cheated.

Congratulations, you two,

and on to the second trial.

Well, what about--

Thinning the herd.

So, are you gonna tell me
who we're meeting?

Yeah, she--she's not
a hedge witch exactly.

Well, her and I have some history.

So, I think--

What do you mean by "history"?

Hey, chickadee.

Mom, you shouldn't be here.

Ah, this is your daughter.

What's she doing here?

She's a friend.

Okay, come on, babe, please.
Sit.

How are you?
How you've been?

Just tell me what you want, Mom.

I want to give you something.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Yeah, my birthday
was seven months ago.

Kady, look, I was not in a good place

the last time you saw me,

- but my shit's together now.
- Oh, is it?

Is that why you're hanging out

with the angriest bitch
from the safe house?

Oh, if you want to insult me,
try again.

Just--

Listen.

I called because Julia and I
have a line on something.

Oh, my God, here we go again.

We're gonna start our own house.

Nothing crazy,
but it'll be safe...

from Marina.

So come with us.

Oh, my God, you're insane.

You actually think
that you can beat her.

Hey, Marina's strong,
but so are we.

Nothing like that at school, huh?

Protection charm.

It'll render a house literally invisible.

You know, the amazing thing

is you actually believe
that this plan could work.

Marina will never let me go.

Ever.

Oh, did Hannah give you
the whole sob history?

- Kady.
- No, no.

Marina didn't betray my mom.
She cleaned up her mess.

Yeah, Hannah, she wanted
to steal something.

Big heist, right?

Except she can't handle
her shit under pressure

and two people died.

Cut to now,
Marina gets to demand that

I steal shit ten times a week.

Yeah, no big.

Don't call me again.

- Hey, you can't take that.
- Let her have it.

- No, we need it.
- So does she.

If I had more,

I'd give you more.

Yeah.

But you don't.

You sold your daughter to Marina?

No.
Marina stole her.

Yeah, because of a really
bad judgment call that you made.

She said she had my back.
This is not black and white.

Yeah, well, Kady sure seems
to think that it is.

If this goes how we want,

I can fix that too.

If this--
Do you hear yours--

"If this works out"?
I'm out.

Oh, no, you don't.

You do not cut me off.

My daughter just got brought into this.

And I will share with you
everything I can.

But it is better that
I see this through alone.

This looks like a home brew.

Where did you get it?

Found it inside an old textbook.

It looks underwhelming.

So how's Professor March's
research going?

Look, I tried, but he won't
take on first year assistants.

Well, you're just his type.

So I'm sure you'll figure it out.

"But where is the door, Martin?

"There is always a door to Fillory

"when we really need it,

"in the clock or the closet...

or my panties..."

Come on, celebrate.

You passed, you dirty cheater.

What's the problem?

Speak.

No offense,
you're just not exactly--

Warm and cuddly?

I know.

You ever want something so badly

and then realize that it's
nothing like what you thought?

And maybe that you are stupid

for ever actually even wanting it.

Every guy I've ever slept with.

Fillory is real.

Oh, come on.

It is.

Penny is a traveler.

And he went there.

And...

it's real.

You look like your head's
about to pop off.

I loved those books.

- You did?
- Why so surprised?

I'd pretend I was Ambassador
to the Fillorian Outer Islands.

But the real thing,
it's not like the story.

So, what, it's actually
totally shitty over there?

I don't know.
Maybe.

Yes.

At least a little.

The thing that attacked us
that ripped the Dean's eyes out,

seems like it might be from Fillory.

Jesus.

That is not tonally consistent
with the books.

No, it's not.

And that--
I just--I--

I find that...

devastating.

Were you planning a trip there?

No. Really.

Because, otherwise,
you're literally

torturing yourself over a fairy tale.

Quentin,
you passed the first trial.

You live to fight another day.
Drink up.

Go to the party.
Find someone to bang.

Celebrate the world you're in,
dummy.

Come on!

Okay.

Wow, I'm a little--

I am very--

Wow, I'm really, ah--

Margo, did you roofie me?

Can we just skip down
to where you realize

you no makey magic here?

Oh, cucumber.

Daddy's favorite.

And too much dill.

There they all are.

All those little fishies,
just like us.

Eating, shitting, breeding.

I require one.

It's over there.

Chop, chop.

I am literally losing the will to live.

So, this is my next test?

I'm supposed to...

spear a fish?

Do your lips move when you read?

Seriously? One arrow?

Eliot!

Bring him to me.

Why?

I want to get my
Catherine the Great on.

Google it.

Totally hilarious.

Oh, and to help you out...

No.

Just no.
Okay?

Okay.

Wait.

I'm seeing your future now.

Gay porn?

Oh, my favorito.

Liver.

Julia!
Julia, stop.

You're gonna blow yourself up.

I was getting it.

You really weren't, hon.

How did you get in?

I unpicked your ward.

I would go with Koyosegi next time.

Thank you for the advice.
Now, can you please leave?

We already agreed that
we're not partners, okay?

Well, it didn't work.

Because you need ten extra digits.

Actually, I don't.
I--

It's interesting
how you can't look at me.

You know why?

'Cause I'm too familiar.

I mean, we both made mistakes,
we live with them,

we go on, alone, if we have to.

But you do this alone,

and you will get hurt.

Come on.

We can help each other out.

Please.

I want my daughter back.

Kady?

Kady.
Hey, Kady.

- Kady, Kady.
- Stop it, stop it.

- Stop it. Let go, let go.
- Hey, no, no.

- I have to catch the bird.
- Hey.

This shit is dumb.
The school is not worth it.

No, I can't, you don't get it.

I can't get kicked out.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

- Jesus.
- Is it broken?

I don't know.

- Ow!
- Let me see, let me see.

- Ow.
- Let me look at it.

- It's not broken.
- Look, talk to me.

What's going on?

Look, it's just--

This is all I have.

Me too.

No, it's different.

I'm different.

Look, I need Brakebills.

It's life or death.
I have to be here.

Hey, what are you
supposed to get with that?

A pheasant.

- You?
- A horse.

These people are crazy.

Let's go find the others.

Come on.

Yo!

Whoa!

Seriously, dude, I almost had him.

We'll get him, son.

It's not about magic,
'cause it's about

talking to each other.

All right, you got that.

But I grew up in Florida,

so I actually know how to use it
to get your fish.

But I'm after a horse.

- Seriously?
- What?

Junior Cowboy Camp.

Pheasant.

Tree.

You're bleeding.

I hated Junior Cowboy Camp.

Timber!

Bravo!

Brava!
Brava.

That's it, we passed.

After you chop the tree into firewood,

whip us up a little grilled salmon...

Some honeyed pheasant.

And take turns blowing the horse.

Did you see the look
on Quentin's face?

Like, "Fine,
but I am not going first."

I'm sure by now you've realized

Brakebills teaches us to be arch
and ironic about magic.

But this one plays it serious.

You must bare yourself

in the presence of
another magical adept

and expose your highest-governing
internal circumstance,

which is to say,

your utmost truth.

You have till midnight.

Ready?

Oh, shit!

Shit.

No!

Okay, it's a two person spell.

Both must succeed to unlock it.

You bind your hands with this rope.

How am I gonna survive?

It'll fall off once you've
reached transcendence.

It's gotta be some
kind of scheme, right?

To record us playing
naked truth or dare,

so they can blackmail us
or something.

Unfortunately,
Margo wasn't lying.

It's arcane and a bit unorthodox,

but secrets magic is a real thing.

Basically, there is no trick
or cheat to this.

It's kind of the exact opposite.

Focus.

I'm trying.

All clear.
Good to go.

Hey.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, no.

Run.

Hannah.

Hannah!

You--you said it was all clear.

You said it was gonna be okay.

Run!
Marina is coming.

We need to get help.
We need to get help.

911.
What is your emergency?

I know it's not part of the spell,

but I think it could make things easier.

You know, I always thought
when...

I partook in a nude magic ritual,

that I'd be sort of in a mystical trance.

Tell that to the girl
who lost her virginity

with all her clothes on.

Okay.

♪ Hide the sun ♪

♪ I will leave your face
out of my mind ♪

♪ You should save your eyes ♪

♪ A thousand voices
howling in my head ♪

Okay.

Okay.

Ah...

I've been institutionalized
more than once.

Maybe we shouldn't drink.

Or we should drink more.

Yeah.

William.

Really?

Ask me something harder

if you want us to get somewhere.

♪ Away, ey, ah Away, ey, ah ♪

Ask me why I'm nice to you.

I had noticed you're a tad
brusque with everyone else.

And why is that?

Penny, you don't have to.

Look, I'm not...
scared to tell you this

because it's true.

Shit!

Okay.

Truth.

I am scared to tell you this,

because it's true.

I'm falling in love with you.

♪ All the stars are shining bloody red ♪

I-I can't do this.

I can't--I can't do this.

Kady, I'm not--
I'm not gonna chase after you.

You won't have to.

What does that mean?

Look, I'm a liar!

Okay?

Okay, I flirted with you that first day

because you looked useful,
and you were.

We stole a lot of shit,
so there it is.

I've been using you this entire time.

It's all a lie.

♪ Black out days ♪

♪ I don't recognize you anymore ♪

Penny.

Five,

four,

three,

two...

One.

I need to sit.

I really didn't see this coming.

How could you?
You're the best.

You know what?

I try so hard not to be.

Why?

I'm already pretty damn unpopular.

Can you imagine
what they would think

if they knew how good I really am?

"Spinster magician dies alone,
eaten by cats."

I always hold back, Quentin.

Every single day.
I mean...

I have no idea
what I'm even capable of.

And I'm just trying so hard
to be anything close to normal.

My friend Julia said
that I--

I couldn't run away hard enough.

She's right.

I run and I...

I find secret doors--

Whether I'm alone or in a group,
it doesn't matter.

I--Like, I'm here.

I'm in this amazing place.

I have literal magic in my life
and I'm still running.

I'm still this person that I fucking hate.

Sorry.

I think I'm really drunk right now.

It's okay, Quentin.
I get it.

Your ropes are gone.

Yeah, so are yours.

Alice, I--