Original subtitles

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

You'll see that her fingerprint

matches exactly.

That's very nice.

So...

when will your buyer have the money?

He should have the money within a week.

You will do it in four days.

Four days, that's Sunday.

I've got something going on on Sunday.

No, Sunday will be fine.

I'll work out my schedule.

I'll juggle. Not to worry.

One more thing...

If I come to America with Olga,

you think you can get me tickets

to Celine Dion?

I will not only get you tickets, I will get you backstage,

and if we're really lucky,

you'll have coffee with her, okay?

[GUNSHOT]

Get down!

* You were young and your heart Was an open book *

* You used to say Live and let live *

* You know you did You know you did *

* But if this ever-changing World in which we live in *

* Makes you give in and cry *

* Say live and let die *

* Live and let die *

* Live and let die *

* Live and let die *

There's your guys.

See you in four days?

[***]

[GUNFIRE]

[SHOUTS IN RUSSIAN]

* You used to say Live and let live... *

How did it go?

Well, I had a minor snag.

* If this ever-changing world In which we live in *

* Makes you give in and cry *

* Say live and let die *

* Live and let die *

* Live and let die *

* Live and let die **

Not bad.

I would've liked to have gotten in

a double twist before the blow-up.

Head's up, babe.

[WEAPON FIRE]

Thanks, doll-face.

Any time.

You got any gum?

Put your thumb in there.

Cherkasov wants to do the deal on Sunday.

The wedding's on Sunday.

I knew that.

I wouldn't forget my only son's wedding.

We'll just have to juggle.

Don't think of it as a problem.

Think of it as an opportunity for a solution.

So have you met the bride's family yet?

No. I'm a little worried about that.

About what?

Well, the father, he's a doctor.

You know how they are.

Think they're better than all the rest of us.

He's probably a brain surgeon or something.

I need you to listen to me carefully now,

because it's getting very, very serious.

All right.

The fungus on your toes is coming back.

Are you putting the powder in your shoes?

Are you using the cream at night?

Sometimes.

If a piano was falling on your head,

you move out of the way "sometimes"?

It's a fungus. I wasn't worried.

Start worrying!

It doesn't hurt to worry.

Dr. Peyser, your daughter's here.

Oh.

I'll be right back.

Hey, Daddy.

Hi, sweetie.

What did you want?

The Mortons are bringing their children now.

You know their eight-year-old, Irwin?

Yeah?

He has a shoe fetish,

so I have them at the table

with Uncle Bernie and Aunt Thelma,

but I think this is a problem.

Thelma was beaten up in a shoe store.

My God.

So I don't want to put them together,

so I'm going to move Bernie and Thelma

to the 12-step table.

Fine. Whatever. Whatever you want, Dad.

I just don't want you

to get too anxious about the seating chart.

No, I'm fine.

I just want the best wedding in the world,

I know.

And Marc's only requirement

is that his parents are at separate tables,

facing away from each other, and out of earshot.

Uh-huh.

Don't forget, his dad's coming over at 7:00 tonight.

Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it.

Marc swears he'll be there this time.

Well, I'm making a veal.

Nice, Dad.

Okay, I'll sign off on this and fax it to the new caterer,

and we're done.

The "new" caterer?

Yeah, you knew that.

Daddy, you fired another caterer?

They weren't caterers.

It was a man and his wife and lettuce.

Okay, that's fine.

I didn't even want a caterer.

I just wanted six people and a beach, but...

Melissa, this is what you want.

This is the wedding you'll remember.

You're right.

Thank you, Dad.

Bye.

Get the beach out of your head.

It's overrated.

You'll be standing there in front of an E-coli sign.

[ALARM]

Aw, shit.

We've got to fire number one again.

Got any halon left?

Barely.

We're losing altitude.

We're coming up on Nova Scotia.

Where do we stand with Thibodoux?

You're meeting with his person tonight in Chicago.

I can't meet tonight. I've got the in-laws for dinner.

I've blown them off three times already.

I can meet with Thibodoux's person

and you can do the parent thing.

No, no, no. You're not ready yet.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

Who got you into this business?

I taught you everything you know.

When you're ready, you can take the lead.

I'll figure it out tonight.

I'll just...improvise.

Okay, here we go.

Mayday, mayday.

Lear Niner-Whiskey-Mike

approaching Cape Breton.

* It's now or never *

* Come hold me tight *

* Kiss me, my darling *

* Be mine tonight *

* Tomorrow Will be too late... **

And this is when Melissa went bungee jumping.

She's so crazy.

Is that my dad?

No.

Your father seems to be working all the time.

I had no idea

selling Xerox machines was so demanding.

Oh, it's a wild ride, yeah, but he loves it.

I have an announcement to make.

The glaze on the veal is now a laminate.

It's like a plastic jacket.

He doesn't usually cook.

He can't handle the pressure.

I'd just like to know what day we're going to eat.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

He's here.

Here we go.

I am sorry. I am so sorry.

My apologies.

Engine trouble.

Mea culpa. Mea culpa.

The 10th--

Are you Katherine?

Oh, my God. Marc said you were gorgeous,

but he didn't do you justice.

Come here, come here.

Oh, thank you.

Hello, beautiful. How are you?

Good. Good to see you.

Hiya, buddy. Sorry. Business.

Is she here?

No. She'll be at the rehearsal dinner.

Okay. Good.

Boy, do you have

a beautiful house here.

[SNIFFS]

What is that, veal jerky?

We passed jerky about an hour ago.

Oh...

this has got to be the doctor.

Come here. That's all right.

Oh, come here. Come on.

I don't like this.

Okay.

Well, thank you, Jer.

I don't need your watch.

I've already got my own, right here.

What are you talking about?

How did you do that?

I love magic tricks!

Good stuff, huh? That's so cool!

Breaks the ice a little bit, huh?

Gets that party going!

All right. Well, that's very entertaining.

Yeah, Dad,

does he get the watch back?

Of course he's going to get the watch back.

I just feel terrible about the meal,

so dinner is on me!

He who is tardy pays for the party, okay?

Jer, Katherine, what do you feel like, ethnic food?

How ethnic?

This place is going to knock your socks off!

Just go on, I'll meet you inside, okay?

Okay, Dad, can I just have a second here?

At least the dog looks fresh.

Just relax, honey.

The whole schmoozy salesman thing?

Yeah, how's that playing?

Let's just take it down a notch.

Yeah, okay, I got you. Thanks.

Good evening and welcome to Quan Lee.

Table for five?

Are you full tonight?

Expecting to be any moment, sir.

Hey! Hey!

Oh, Quan!

[CONVERSING IN VIETNAMESE]

This is Quan Lee.

He's the owner of the place here.

[SPEAKING VIETNAMESE]

Quan Lee and I did some copy-related work

in Vietnam together.

Katherine, why don't you sit over here?

He had a copier

with a paper slot that was choked with paper.

So I destroyed the copier.

Dad's always got great stories.

Hey, Bia Hoi! Bia Hoi! Bia Hoi!

Bia Hoi!

Bia Hoi! Huh?

Bia Hoi! Bia Hoi.

Tastes like beer, but it's got an incredible buzz.

Man, this guy gets around.

He's chased across Prague by Interpol in the morning,

and has dinner with U.S. contacts that night.

So have you ever been to Vietnam?

No, but we hear it's lovely.

Jerry prefers to stay in one place.

He had an anxiety attack

watching an airline commercial once.

Honey, I did not have an anxiety attack,

and if I remember correctly,

that airline is now out of business,

so thank you very much.

Jer, I'm with you.

I like to be in control.

I like to be right there in the driver's seat.

In which case, pray you're not a passenger.

Marc doesn't like the way I drive.

I mean, am I wrong?

I look at traffic signals sort of as a suggestion.

Well, in that case, you would be wrong.

He would.

Who's that?

Which one?

The guy on the left.

Just a sec.

You got him?

I've got no ID.

He could be deep cover.

Menus.

Would you like me to bring you some arm extenders with that,

Mr. Steve?

No, I'm fine, thank you. I'm just, uh...

I'm stretching.

We'll have the house special, please.

Excellent.

Extra hot. Let me check and make sure they do it right.

Well, whatever you bring extra hot,

bring a mild too...

or eggs!

Can we hold this off for about two hours?

I have to wire my employer in 30 minutes.

Hey, Jer, wait till you see this special.

You are going to flip out.

We're very excited.

Jer, you all right?

You haven't even touched your food.

My food is still eating.

Well, I think it's time for a toast.

Hear, hear.

Marc,

buddy...

seems like, you know, yesterday you were just starting school,

and...

What was the name of that school?

Horton?

Horton. Horton, yeah.

Sorry.

I should have gotten there a little more often, but...

Look at you now, out of law school...

working with a brand new firm,

about to marry this beautiful girl.

Where did the time go, man?

I got to go to the john.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Cheers. Cheers.

Cheers.

Oh, you haven't even tasted it.

Have you seen the Discovery Channel?

This is one of the stars.

I might as well eat Barbara Walters.

I'm going to the bathroom.

I don't like to be kept waiting.

You know we're hot.

If we're going to do this, we have to do it now.

Take it out.

Should I put it in?

I'll do it.

Well, well. Good old Olga.

She's in pretty good shape for a 20-year-old runaway.

Where is she exactly?

I'll tell you when I get the money.

Bring the proof to Monsieur Thibodoux.

I'll wire him now and tell him you check out.

I'm not going to France. I just came back from Europe.

I'm barely adjusted to the time change.

This deal has got to go down by Sunday.

You are not serious

about brokering a deal for Olga.

I am serious--

[BANGING DOOR]

Hey, Jer...

You're not a stall-peeper, are you?

No. No.

Because they got a website for guys like you, you know,

I think you ought to take it online.

Actually, I dropped a quarter and...

It's not in there?

No.

I don't need it. I'm all right.

Yeah, could I do this alone?

You're not centered.

Would you mind?

It's too close for me.

I have a shy bladder.

Oh, great.

Talk to me on day six.

Hey, Jer, you still here?

Oh, you got that shy bladder-thing, huh?

Well, that's pretty common.

Buddy, you mind?

My friend here is trying to take a pee--

Well, well. What do we have here?

I'll come back.

No, you stay where you are, Jer.

This man's just about to leave.

Excuse me.

What is this?

Next time I see a woman in the men's room,

I'm calling management, all right?

Can you believe this?

MAN: Doug?

That's it. We're going home.

The wedding is off!

What? Dad, what are you talking about?

Jerry, what happened?

He just beat up a guy in the bathroom,

and he wasn't even going to the bathroom in the bathroom!

Dad, you're going insane!

Yeah, I'm already there.

I got it.

Ooh, an unconscious person.

You must be working.

The first thing I noticed about the guy is he supinates!

So?

Well, why would his shoes show medial heel erosion?

Only pronators have that!

Never mind. It's technical.

Marc is a wonderful guy...

but this is too much for me to handle.

Fine! Don't marry Marc. I will.

Jerry...

Don't "Jerry" me now. Let's go.

Oh, Sweetheart--

Honey, let's go. Let's go.

Now.

Mom!

I tried to push this--

It's bad enough that you screwed up your personal life.

I'm not going to let you screw up mine.

Listen, I'll make this up to you.

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, you listen.

Don't apologize to me. Apologize to them.

You fix this. You fix this.

Okay.

I hear you.

I'm sorry about my father.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry about my father.

Here.

Thanks.

I have an idea.

Yeah?

Let's you and me leave town immediately.

Let's escape our wedding.

There's no escape.

Really?

Really.

Isn't this supposed to be about us?

Oh, sweet, funny, whimsical Melissa.

Weddings aren't about the bride and groom.

Oh...

[CAR SCREECHES TO A HALT]

Hurry up! He's inside!

Let's move! Go!

[SPEAKING VIETNAMESE]

Move! Hey, hey, hey.

Get that out!

Now, some doctors like to operate,

but I believe in exhausting all non-surgical techniques first.

This gentleman, however, will need surgery.

What?

Oh, I'm sorry. That was my fault.

I should have told you that privately.

It slipped out.

It's not a big deal.

At worst, you'd lose a toe.

Oh, my God.

That rarely happens.

All right, gorgeous,

you arrange for the plane,

and I'll be right back.

Are you sure about this?

We've got the FBI on us like trailer trash on Velveeta.

Yeah.

No, I promised Marc.

Besides, I owe the guy an apology.

Okay, guys,

let's try and keep a low profile.

Since we're talking about the sesamoid bones,

let's see their role in the deformity

anatomically known as hallux abducto valgus

or what? The...

Bunion.

The bunion--

What are you doing here?

Listen to you. You're Mr. Medical Authority.

I asked you on the telephone not to come here.

I don't want to see you again.

I just wanted to apologize

and make sure that you don't have any problem with me

that would interfere with the wedding.

There's not going to be a wedding.

Would you like us to step outside, sir?

No, I wouldn't.

Do you know

what a remarkable teacher you have here?

This man was chosen

Chicago's Podiatrist of the Year

three years in a row!

So let's give him a hand, huh?

Would you please leave right now?

Five minutes, a cup of coffee.

I just want to iron out a couple of things.

If I give you five minutes, will you leave me alone forever?

Of course I will.

I need five minutes. All right?

Just relax. I'll be right back.

[WHISPERS]: Thank you.

This is where I work.

I don't bother you

when you're in the bathroom

with your hookers.

What are you talking about?

Oh, please. Olga, the 20-year-old runaway.

What are you doing?

No more magic tricks.

No. No, Jer, Jer, you don't want to--

Thank you.

[ALARM SOUNDING]

What happened? What is that?

You! Freeze!

What? What happened?

I said, freeze!

How'd it go?

Patch things up with the family?

Well...not really.

Watch your head, sir.

You took my picture?

Jerome Allen Peyser, 200 Rector Place.

Subject was apprehended

in possession of 9.4 ml of fissile nuclear waste.

Fissile what? Yeah, right.

Next you're going to tell me you've never heard of Olga.

The 20-year-old runaway.

Hey, I don't know what that means.

I overheard it.

Listen, I'm a foot doctor.

Mm-hmm.

I want a name. What's your name? I want names!

Hutchins!

Now I get to ask a question.

Where'd you get that canister from?

This man?

[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]

That's him!

That's the guy!

That's who I got it from!

The homeless guy?

Great. An arms dealer and a smart-ass!

Arms dealer? What happened to pimp?

Fine, you're a pimp too.

No, I'm nothing!

It's him!

Who?

The meter maid is the hostess!

Nobody is who they are here.

It sounds you're tripping on drugs, pal.

Look, he's talking to me!

Hi there.

I think I breathed a little.

God, don't be such a pussy.

Don't call me a pussy.

You just made me radioactive

with your fissile nuclear waste in my pocket!

Bet you never said that sentence before

in your life, Jer.

Of course, because I don't even know what it means!

Some things you shouldn't know.

You probably gave me leukemia!

You're going to be fine. Hop in.

I'm not hopping anywhere with you.

Jer, we are family,

and don't make me do something I don't want to do.

We're not family.

There's not going to be a marr--

I'm going! I'm going!

Now, you hold on tight.

Tight? It's a Cushman. It goes five miles an hour.

Not this one.

Whoa! Slow down!

So, listen, while I've got you here,

I just want to tell you

I'm so sorry I had to drag you through all this.

Okay, wait a minute!

Is that a fanny pack?

Yes.

[GIGGLES]

What's so funny?

Hey, there's a taxi! Oh, my God!

Whoo!

This isn't funny! There's a girl!

Stop this!

Stop the little thing!

Jer, I'm worried about you.

You just don't look good.

Let me get you a glass of water.

So what's the plane situation?

Am I going make it to Thibodoux's in time or not?

It shouldn't be a problem.

You have tailwinds over the East coast.

He's expecting you at 3:00.

You want me with you there, I can rejig.

Here you go, Jer.

No, I need you here.

I want to make sure Cherkasov is okay with the Chicago drop.

Jer! Jer, don't go there, Jer.

You're really going to have to work

on your listening skills.

Mr. Xerox.

Well, a great supply of copiers you have here.

I like the one shaped like a rocket launcher.

Does it collate?

Is that a fanny pack?

It's cute, isn't it?

It's adorable.

Yeah, it's a fanny pack.

I'm a doctor, something you know nothing about.

I'm riveted. Go on.

I have a phone in here, and a pager,

and Lorna Doone's in case I get hungry...

and I also have a personal attack alarm,

and if you come near me again, I'm going to use it!

She hit me!

[BLARES ATTACK ALARM]

Did you like it?

What is wrong with you?

Something's really wrong.

So just tell me what you are.

You're a smuggler, a pimp? You deal in Russian runaways?

Yeah, well, all those things and more.

We are deep undercover.

We're the CIA.

Great...

Now we have to kill him.

Ang, enough already.

Fine...

I'm going to go salvage what's left of my personal life.

I don't believe anything you're saying.

Well, maybe it's better that way.

The one thing you should know is that we are the good guys.

Okay, well, look, I didn't see anything.

I'll never tell a soul, so take me home, and I'm done.

We'll talk about it on the plane.

I don't fly. There's no plane.

Doctor, do you know what a roofie is?

Yeah, I know what a roofie is.

Frat boys give them to girls at parties.

Oh, no, no.

Oh, don't rape me.

Hello?

[FRENCH RADIO TRAFFIC]

[SCREAMING]

Hey, Jer?

We're on a plane!

Yes, we are,

and you're doing quite well, I might add.

I'm making myself an omelet. You hungry?

I feel sick.

Hey, how'd that stuff work out that I put in your drink?

Gives a hell of a kick, doesn't it?

People say

they wake up so refreshed.

You gave me a roofie.

There's nobody flying!

No. Gulfstream 5, top of the line.

This baby flies itself.

This one, I think,

belongs to Barbra Streisand.

What kind of omelet fillings do you want?

You stole Barbra Streisand's plane?

I borrowed it, all right?

It's not like we're going to the Bahamas or anything.

I mean, this is official business.

I'm going to throw up!

The bathroom's right behind me.

You know, I'm really proud of you, Jerry.

You know I think you've really conquered this flying thing.

You're my hero.

[MUZAK VERSION OF "THE WAY WE WERE" PLAYING]

You have dialed an invalid country code.

Marc is such a wonderful guy...

And you are so lucky.

I'm going to get so drunk!

Whoo!

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

I'm totally fine!

I fall all the time, you guys.

I fall every day.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Marc?

Melissa, it's your father.

Dad? Honey?

Dad, I can't hear anything.

You're breaking up.

Jerry?

Katherine, I am in the bathroom of Barbra Streisand's airplane.

Steve is taking me to France.

Honey, your father's going to France

with Barbra Streisand!

What?

Babs!

I'm not going to France with Barbra Streisand.

So what's she like? Is she nice?

She's not here.

I love Barbra Streisand.

They're taking me against my will!

Jerry, this doesn't make any sense at all.

These things don't have to make sense, Katherine.

Call everyone.

All the authorities.

Do it now!

Is Melissa okay?

She said something to me in the office.

I'm worried about her. Put her back on the phone.

Wh--Jerry?

Yeah?

Hey, Jer, you fall in?

Yeah, I did. I fell in.

I'll be out in a minute.

Hello? Hello?

[TURNS OFF PHONE WITH BEEP]

Mom, can you come here for a minute?

Oh, no. This is about the tax return, isn't it?

You ever been to France, Jer?

No.

I think we're flying way too low.

Well, we've got to stay under the radar.

It makes things a little less...

complicated.

Yeah, but this is just too low.

So let me tell you about this guy we're going to see.

His name is Jean-Pierre Thibodoux.

Now, he is a smuggler of the worst kind,

but not to worry, all right?

We're just going in and out.

Got to pick up a $170 million,

hopefully broker a deal

where I can, you know, bust both buyer and seller,

put them in jail.

You're getting a $170 million?

Yeah, it's chump-change for a guy like that.

Once he's got Olga...

he can control the black market

in the U.S., Russia, and the Middle East.

So everybody wants this Olga.

Mm.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no. What's this shaking?

What is that?

That's too much!

Oh, Jer...

do you know anything about flying a G-Five?

That's not funny!

No, I'm serious, Jer.

There's something wrong here!

[ALERT BUZZER SOUNDING]

What are you doing? Why are you banging that?

Do you know how you put the landing gear down in this?

You don't know where the landing gear is?

How can you not know that?

I got you so good, didn't I, Jer?

You son-of-a--

[HONKING]

My husband couldn't possibly be buying a--

Could you please repeat that?

A stealth nuclear submarine,

missing since 1998.

The commander of the fleet, one Alexei Cherkasov,

now a kingpin with the Russian mob,

has been selling off stolen military equipment.

This is his big-ticket item,

and we found a sample of her fissile nuclear waste

in your husband's possession.

Fissile nuclear-what?

Each submarine emits a kind of radioactive waste,

which bears a unique imprint to that particular sub,

a proof of possession, if you will.

You guys, my dad wouldn't buy a Russian sub.

I mean, he won't even buy a foreign car.

Place is clean.

Thank you.

We'll be in touch.

Guys, let's go.

When I opened the door,

I thought they were strippers!

So I'm in France because of submarine piss.

Yeah, it's nutty, isn't it?

Think what you'll be able

to tell your grandchildren.

Of course, you'll be sworn to secrecy,

so you won't be able to, but...

Bonjour.

Who're these guys?

[SPEAKS FRENCH]

Hi. How are you? Nice hair.

I don't understand something.

Why would a smuggler want a--

Large, armed, virtually undetectable transport vehicle?

Right.

He moves drugs, munitions, everything.

World falls apart, this guy makes a fortune.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

I see a lot of guns.

Did you ever think

it's because you want to see the guns, Jer?

I mean, I look around,

I see birds, flowers, beautiful girls.

The cup is half full.

You know, you've got to stop,

smell the roses.

Arms up.

Please be careful. I have very sensitive underarms.

I just don't...

Don't do that, please. Please!

Fanny pack?

[LAUGHING]

By the way, this fanny pack comes from France.

Take a good look, boys.

I've been known to shoot tranq-darts

from my knees.

[SPEAKS FRENCH]

Look at you.

You're just an old guy

pretending to be a little kid.

Knee brace...

The brace is for getting through metal detectors.

Distracts them from the knife in my shoe.

Steven!

Jean-Pierre!

Come on.

One little thing I almost forgot,

you know, I've been known

to travel with some dangerous types,

so he might think

that you're an arms dealer, you know,

or a deadly assassin,

so you just play along with it.

What?

Just play along at being a deadly ass--

Silent, but deadly.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

But we must hold our introduction.

Please,

gentlemen, walk with me.

This man was caught stealing from me.

Now, were this one year ago, I would torture him to death,

but, I have made some personal growth.

You notice it, right?

You know, I noticed right off the bat, Jean-Pierre.

Yeah, well, I'm calmer now. I am more centered.

I spent some time with Deepak Chopra.

He wrote Molecules of Emotion

and Natural Healing for Anxiety and Depression.

I have learned how to forgive.

[SPEAKS FRENCH]

M. Thibodoux,

[SPEAKS FRENCH]

[WHISPERS]

Run for your life!

I know I need to do more work on myself.

You're doing great, J.P.

I did not get your name.

Jerry.

You don't know who this guy is? No.

[WHISPERS]: The Fat Cobra.

Well, I am honored.

And I hope we shall get to know each other better.

Follow me.

Exactly who am I?

A legendary crime leader

known only as the "Fat Cobra."

"Fat Cobra"?

Mm-hmm.

So what does that refer to?

A snake? Slithery? Venomous? What?

No, not exactly.

It refers to...

Oh. Shit.

Bon.

Your contact will meet the seller in Chicago on Sunday.

Then he'll give him Olga's location.

It was Nova Scotia on Wednesday.

It's Chicago on Sunday.

What do you want from me?

I'm the middleman here.

170 in cash and bearer bonds,

but I don't usually hand over cash

before first seeing the merchandise.

J.P., who gave you the rocket launchers

last month on credit?

How long have we known each other? Years!

All right. I trust you.

Besides, if you try to screw me,

I will kill you and everyone you've ever met.

That's great, huh?

That's great-- Oh, shit, that knee.

So you want to wait here while I count the money,

or you two want to take a walk?

We'll wait here.

No!

I would love nothing more

than to share a drink with the legendary Fat Cobra.

Those mosquitoes are bad this time of year.

So you're buying a submarine.

Well, that'll be nice.

Wonderful.

Now, I can take anything anywhere.

Cocaine, nuclear devices.

Whatever you want, I will move it.

That's terrific.

We just got another Towne Car.

Please make yourself comfortable.

Okay, we're going to lay here together...

[WHISPERS]: Thank you.

To Fat Cobra...

In the flesh.

So tell me...

How many kills do you have?

Kills?

Six.

Six only?

Since Christmas.

People think we are insane.

They don't know the joy of holding a man's beating heart

in the palm of your hand.

Oh, that's a good feeling.

Let's take a walk.

No, I walked too much today.

Besides, I have a little pain,

here behind my ankle.

Let me take a look at it.

What do you mean?

I'm a foot person.

Just like me.

All right, tell me something here.

Is it tender right there?

Yes!

You have plantar fasciitis in the heel.

You should go soak that.

Did you say "soak"?

[***]

Voila.

I didn't mean soak the whole body.

I'll grab a bathing suit.

Which would you like, American or French?

Soviet.

I'll be right back.

Psst!

I'm going to kill you. Kill you.

That's great, Jerry.

You're getting into character.

I got to download his client list,

find out what he's smuggling, and where it's traveling to,

so keep him looking the other way!

Fat Cobra?

Did you hear what he's calling me? Fat Cobra?

Ah...

Listen...

I have to talk to you.

No, hey!

I can't go in there with you, but I'm happy to watch.

Why?

It's-- I have a childhood problem, disease.

Sort of rare.

I-- I am not waterproof. My skin will let in water.

I can't be in a situation where...

I submerse myself.

So as a child, I couldn't do anything.

I couldn't even play with a hose.

You know the Slip 'n Slides?

Yeah.

I couldn't have that.

No. No.

And even sno-cones.

But anyway,

if I got in there and it happened,

then I could really get sick.

In other words, what would happen

is the water goes

all the way through the skin...

because I got a--

I got what they call "wet bone."

I'm curious to know more about "wet bone."

Well, the money's all there!

You okay?

You're looking a little dizzy.

I'm married.

You're married?

Yeah, I'm married.

Well, actually, we're separated.

Okay, I killed her.

Well, my wife is still very much alive.

It's very nice to have a wife.

But as a man,

there are certain things

I can only do with other men.

Like golf?

No, I am not gay!

It's just, occasionally,

I need the company of a man.

Just because I'm big, it doesn't mean I'm easy.

Wow.

Excuse me. I don't want to interrupt.

I wanted to tell you the money's good,

I talked to the supplier,

and he'll be there on Sunday.

Would you guys like me to go?

No! We're done!

That was a good soak, and I thank you very much.

[SINGING IN THE SHOWER]

WOMAN: Bonjour?

Bonjour. Oui?

The international operator. Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

Could you hold, please?

Peyser is on line one.

He's crazed.

Something about Steve Tobias

and the Fat Cobra.

Mr. Peyser?

It's Dr. Peyser!

You are in trouble.

Where you calling from?

How could I be in trouble? I didn't do anything!

Steve Tobias gave me that-- that--

fissile waste!

Did you say Steve Tobias?

Yes.

He's one of you guys, right?

Mr. Peyser, this is the FBI.

Tobias was with the CIA, but he was let go.

He's a rogue agent.

What does that mean?

He went bad.

He's mentally unstable and extremely dangerous!

And what's this about the Fat Cobra?

Please, I'm innocent.

Why don't you come tonight?

We're going to be in Chicago at 8:00

at the Marriott Marquis.

We're in the Eleanor Roosevelt Function Room.

There's no Eleanor Roosevelt Function Room at that hotel.

One of the Roosevelts!

Who you talking to?

Just an operator. Nobody.

Are you lying to me, Jer?

Because that'll upset me. You don't want to upset me.

No, no. No, I don't.

Good.

So let's get going, huh?

Last one to the plane's

going to take a 170 mil through Customs.

I'm used to dealing with Dr. Peyser, okay?

What do you have to do with this affair?

Nothing. I'm the bride.

Congratulations.

Now, what do you want me to do with the spray of freesia?

Buddy, I'll show you

where you can put the spray of freesia. Okay?

Gloria, what'd you do

with the table card seat assignment thingies?

What thingies?

I'm a little muzzy.

I think the devil's playing drums in my head.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

That better be my dad.

"Streisand. Private."

That would be me. Yeah.

Where are you? Melissa's just really freaking out,

and her dad's not even here,

and he's the one who planned the whole thing.

No, he's right here.

He's fine.

Listen, buddy,

I want to give you the heads-up on something.

We've changed the location of the rehearsal dinner.

We're going to meet you at the Signature Room

at the Hancock Tower instead of the Marriott.

You moved the rehearsal dinner?

Well, the Hancock Tower owed us a favor,

and they'll set us up really nice.

If you get there before I do, and there's any kind of problem,

you ask for Artie.

Reference the Alabaster incident.

He'll know exactly what you're talking about.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry about this, buddy, but it's important.

And this isn't?

You've got to trust me on this, all right?

Have I ever let you down?

Well, as a matter of fact...

Don't answer that.

I'll make it up to you.

What was the name of that song you guys sung

at that karaoke club on your first date?

What?

"Get Down Tonight" by K.C. and the Sunshine Band.

Why?

I was just curious.

I'll talk to you later.

Super.

Oh, my God.

So you went and called the FBI.

I know all about you now.

You're a liar.

You lie about everything.

I did not lie to you, Jer.

I do not lie to family.

Don't call me family!

We're not family!

He did what?

It's fine.

He switches things around sometimes for his work.

How could he just go and do that?

Because he's Steve Tobias,

and Steve Tobias is an emotional fascist,

but I'd like to say something.

Just because I hate Marc's father...

it's not going to be uncomfortable

here at the wedding.

Hello, everyone!

Hi, Mom.

Oh, hi, honey.

Oh, I'm so happy to be here,

and I'm so proud of you.

And finally...

the daughter I never had.

You complete me.

You know, Marc was supposed to be a girl.

Oh! And this is Po Po.

Po Po?

Hi.

He's doing the ceremony with the rabbi!

He is?

[***]

The Signature Room?

What happened to the Marriott?

It's closer to the ground.

Come on.

The Signature Room.

I've always wanted to come here,

but Jerry gets vertigo.

Thank you so much for the surprise.

This would be Steve's doing.

He doesn't have a soul,

so he has to compensate

by making extravagant gestures.

Well, marriage is difficult.

But we had fantastic sex.

Fantastic, angry, crazy, crazy, crazy sex.

[DING]

We're here.

My God.

Your dad must sell a lot of toner.

Roosevelt! This is it!

[COUGHING]

Freeze!

Hey.

What's up?

Got Carlucci! He found them.

They're over at the Hancock Tower.

Peyser set us up! Son of a bitch!

I want the whole unit regrouped downstairs in two minutes!

Let's go!

You're doing great, Jer!

First, an airplane,

now one of the tallest buildings in the world!

I'm proud of you.

Has the elevator stopped?

It's too high!

Here, please.

Water.

What's this?

My collapsible cup.

You're a piece of work, Jer.

If it's tap water, let it run at least 20 seconds!

Melissa! Melissa!

Daddy, where the hell have you been?

You plan this whole thing without me,

and then you disappear when it's coming together!

I don't know anyone here!

Honey, I'm sorry. I went to France.

It wasn't my fault.

I just want everything to be wonderful, that's all.

Hi!

Are you having a good time, at least?

I'm trying to.

WOMEN: Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots!

Are you okay? No!

The FBI came to the house!

It's Steve! I talked to them.

He's a rogue agent.

He's unstable!

Who? Steve.

He's a rogue Xerox agent?

No, no! CIA!

I'm lucky to be here.

I had a roofie! I was on a plane!

That's right, you flew!

I did. I did fly!

Isn't that something?

The thing is, you've got to go private.

Yeah?

[SIRENS WAILING]

Oh, God.

Oh, there you are.

Judy, Judy, Judy!

How are you?

You look great.

It's the work at the ashram.

Ah.

And the therapy.

Really?

And the several powerful prescription drugs.

I'm kidding about the drugs.

Or am I?

At any rate,

let's give ourselves

permission to be honest with each other...

so that we can have some closure this weekend.

Let's not.

Question--

Why do you enjoy moving rehearsal dinners

and having everyone hate you?

Another question--

On your birthday,

why do you always end up in the bathtub

in the fetal position clutching a firearm?

Oh, and one more--

Why did you always

weep like a little girl during orgasm?

Answer to all of the above--

Fear of intimacy!

Judy...

You're heading for a crash, Steve Tobias,

into a mountain called self-awareness.

You have been running away from yourself your whole life.

No, I have not. I've been running away from you!

Because I'm the only one that's got your number!

[HUMMING]

Let's go! Hurry.

Well, you're here, and you seem fine.

I seem fine?

Have you heard nothing?

What, am I not talking English?

This is fine to you?

Hey, Katherine, hi.

Hi, Steve.

Get away from me.

I brought you your water.

Okay, thanks.

Come on, let's go. No, I--

Get help! Get some help!

Let's do it!

What the hell is this?

I said, "Signature Room!"

I did! I swear! Top floor.

Look, there are only three buttons.

Signature Room!

Is this not a beautiful evening?

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]

Well, I stand before you this evening

as a very, very happy man.

Not only has the Almighty seen fit

to provide me with a beautiful new daughter...

[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

And I am blessed with this man here on my left.

A man who has given so much to so many.

A man who has a taste for adventure...

This is your father, right?

My dad?

Who is willing to try new things...

[DING]

Damn it!

Let's take the stairs! Now!

But most importantly,

a man who I know

will always be close in my heart.

A man who I--

He is mentally ill!

[LAUGHING]

No, I mean it, he's dangerous!

Listen, he gave me a roofie!

He took me on a plane to France!

[LAUGHING]

Yeah! I took him to France!

Oui, oui, oui, oui.

Stop it! He's a rogue agent!

He works for the other side!

Call somebody!

Enough of the hearts and flowers, huh?

We're here to have a good time, right?

Here we go!

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome K.C. and the Sunshine Band!

Oh, my God.

* Baby, babe Let's get together... *

Honey, this is the song we sang on our first date!

* And do the things *

* Oh, do the things *

* That we like to do *

* Oh, do a little dance *

* Make a little love *

* Get down tonight *

* Get down tonight *

* Do a little dance *

* Make a little love *

* Get down tonight... *

You are one slick bastard!

Look, leave me alone!

Find somebody else to torture!

Okay.

Thank you!

Dr. Peyser.

Agent Hutchins, thank God!

Freeze! You're under arrest.

What are you doing?

Stay where you are, Dr. Peyser.

Or should we call you "Fat Cobra"?

I'm not the Fat Cobra!

If necessary, shoot to kill.

You got the wrong guy! I'm--

There's 100 guns pointing at my head!

They think you're the Fat Cobra.

But you told them.

No, I didn't!

You told them.

No, I didn't!

Melis?

It may not be the best time to tell you this...

but a couple of years ago, I slept with Marc,

and I think I'm still in love with him.

* Oh, do a little dance *

* Make a little love *

* Get down tonight *

* Get down tonight *

What?

* Oh, do a little dance *

* Make a little love *

* Get down tonight... *

Yesterday, I was a respected man in my community.

Today, they want to kill me!

My life is ruined!

Jerry, I am sorry I ruined your life,

but you know what?

This case is my life.

I'm on a roof.

I don't do roofs.

Peyser, down on the ground!

On the ground now!

Well, buddy, I guess this is it, huh?

We tried.

Give me a hug.

What, are you crazy?

Fine, I'll hug you.

No! What are you--

Wait!

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Holy Mother of God!

Oh, God!

STEVE: Now, you're going to feel a slight jerk.

You're so much more than a slight jerk!

That's not very nice.

Jerry! Jerry, listen to me.

I need you to keep your weight centered!

My weight's fine!

Help!

We're fine!

Have a good night!

[PEYSER SCREAMING]

Get control!

Get control, you shlump!

You're not exactly helping things, Jer.

Helping how?

Unwrap your legs.

What? Unwrap your legs!

Unwrap your legs! All right!

Thank you.

I guess I forgot to take parachute etiquette

when I went to medical school!

This isn't fun.

You've got to stop and smell those roses.

Don't ever use that expression again!

Ever!

We're about to get impaled by that!

What the hell is that?

I don't know. I've always hated it.

Jer?

Hold on to me. I'll hold on to you!

It's okay. We're down.

Get it off me!

I'm choking!

All right! All right. We're safe and sound.

We're neither!

We are.

Okay, let's get the hell out of here.

No, no! I am done!

I'm finished with you! I mean it!

What do you mean?

When I thought I was going to die,

you want to know what image is in my head?

No.

I'm thinking of that look my daughter gave me up there.

Uh-huh?

I've given her all these things she doesn't want,

and the one time she needs me, where am I?

I'm with you!

Something you should work on, Jer.

What did you say?

I said--

I have to work on that?

The worst father in the universe is telling me

I got to work on something?

Do you know in the last three months

I have spent almost every day with your kid?

Do you know that?

Have you seen him even once?

Were you even there for conception?

I bet you mailed your sperm in.

I may be bad, granted, but you're worse!

Way worse!

And you know I'm right!

You're way off course, and what is he doing here?

My least favorite person.

You want to do something about it, fanny boy?

I do. I really do.

Let's go.

Come on, bring it on!

You want to fight me? Three rounds.

Let's do it the right way.

He'll referee, we'll--

It was before I even met you.

It doesn't bother me

that you went out with someone

before you met me!

I went out with other guys!

Yeah, but that's not even-- You went out with other guys?

I've told you about them,

and that's the thing!

You weren't as honest with me

as I was with you!

And by the way...

can you just tell me what your dad really does,

because he's got a few too many

Prada and Gucci outfits

to be a Xerox salesman!

I can't say.

What?

I mean, I really...

I'm not allowed to say.

He made me vow...

and I gave him my word.

How good is your word?

Okay. I think you're feeling

a little nervous about the wedding.

Don't tell me what I'm feeling! My father does that!

* ...I'll come back To your room again *

* With my carnation Hidden by the packages *

* I'm carrying something *

* I'm carrying Something for you... *

So what are you doing?

Just confirming.

Cherkasov's got her in position

five miles offshore.

Thibodoux's guy is en route,

and they're both set for a noon exchange time.

I guess I can squeeze it in

between the I do's and the appetizers.

Unless you think I'm ready to take the lead.

Excuse me.

That's what I thought.

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Don't worry, I'm used to it.

* ...I'm carrying *

* Something for you *

Push everything back.

Meaning what?

The whole exchange.

Cherkasov, Thibodoux, the money, everything.

Put it off until tomorrow night

when the kids are on their honeymoon.

I thought you were going to juggle both. You always do.

Ang, I am tired of juggling.

Cherkasov and Thibodoux are not going to like this.

They can kiss my ass.

Fair enough.

Did you get the tuxedos from the dry cleaners?

I sure did.

What about the pictures?

Jacket pocket. Anything else?

You look very nice this evening.

Thank you.

Ow.

What are you doing?

I'm just waiting for you, Mr. Bright-Eyes.

You dressed me?

Yes, I did.

So, Jer, we've got to talk.

I know we've had our differences,

but our son and daughter are going to be married,

and, you know, whether we like it or not,

we're stuck with each other.

Yeah...

So you knocked some sense into me father-wise,

and I'm going to be changing my lifestyle.

No more shenanigans.

And I'm not working today.

Does the FBI know about this?

It's not going to be a problem.

This wedding is going to be

as normal as butter on mashed potatoes.

Come on, let's go.

* Be wise, be smart Behave, my heart *

* Don't upset... *

Freeze!

Like butter

on mashed potatoes, huh?

That lasted about 10 minutes.

Jer, just relax.

Hutchins, do you have kids?

I have a Jack Russell Terrier.

Well, then you'll understand.

You've got to give me two hours.

You're kidding me!

This is my son's wedding.

You can do anything you want to me afterwards.

You can take me out back, shoot me, be a hero,

but let me see my boy get married.

Or...

Hey, hey!

Well, maybe you ought to just see this.

Where'd you get--

This was in college, man! I was pledging!

Wow.

Stand down!

That's a big pair of heels.

Hutch, thanks so much.

Yeah, thank you.

We'll send out some cake later.

Yeah, we'll be right here!

That was fun!

Yeah. Blackmail. It's terrific.

Jerry! Uncle Ben!

Mazeltov! Thanks.

Where's Marc and Melissa?

Where are they?

Where are they?

No, I don't know. Where are they?

I don't know. Where are they?

Ben, I'm asking you. I'm asking you.

All right, stop!

We're turning into Abbott and Costello.

I'm sure they're here.

Dr. Peyser.

How are you, Rabbi?

I notice we're already behind schedule,

and I do have two other ceremonies this afternoon.

That Buddhist monk--

That was not my idea.

What's wrong with him?

He's an idiot.

Okay, well, let me talk to him.

Thank you.

I don't know one person here!

Not one person.

That's right, because it's not an arms convention.

Talk to these guys.

Hey, guys!

Who are you?

Marc's frat brothers. Who are you?

I'm Marc's dad!

No, seriously?

Marc never mentioned he had a dad.

Like, not ever.

Well, I'm traveling a lot.

I assumed that you were dead or in jail.

Me too.

Fuck you very much and have another beer.

Thank a lot.

Mr. Monk...

if you two can't work this out,

the planet is doomed!

What can I do?

Just talk to her.

Excuse me, Dr. Peyser!

Gloria from before.

Yeah, I know you. Hi, Gloria.

Have you seen Melissa?

No, where is she?

I'm a little worried.

I got really wasted last night,

and I did this kind of My Best Friend's Wedding thing

and told her I dated Marc one time.

You what?

I think she may have bolted!

So, I thought you'd like to know

the wedding is off.

Why? What happened?

Marc and Melissa have vanished. They're not even here.

Jerry, calm down.

It's all going to be all right.

Melissa?

Melissa!

Hey! I'll be right ba--

Melissa...

I know you're a little stressed out.

Well, so am I.

You know, it's a big day, and you're confused.

I was confused on the day I got married.

Obviously.

Anyway, I've never seen Marc happier in his life,

and I know it's because of you,

and I get down on my knees and thank the big man up there

for you coming into his life.

To tell you that the second I saw you, I knew.

You're the best girl in the world.

Hi, Steve.

Oh, my God!

What are you doing in that dress?

I won't be the bridesmaid anymore.

Do you understand?

No! No, not really! No!

"I taught you everything you know.

When you're ready, you can take the lead."

Well, I'm ready, and I'm taking the lead.

I don't want to end up like you.

No personal life.

A family that hates you!

I choose happiness!

It's really a breakthrough for me!

Now, where's the money?

It's in a case in the warehouse.

The case in the warehouse is empty.

We want the money.

We?

Jesus Christ.

God.

What a lovely setting.

I see your touch in the decor, no?

I worked with the designer a little.

Why, it's wonderful.

I was on my way here, excited about my submarine,

and then I realized something.

Do you want to know what it was that I realized?

Sure.

I was more excited to see you.

Oh.

I cannot get you out of my mind.

Okay.

I am attracted to you physically,

which for me is very strange,

because I find homosexuality disgusting.

This is a big subject...

and, you know, the wedding,

so I-- I actually have to find my family.

I'll talk to you later.

I have them.

You what?

What are you doing in that?

Steven, I see you have met my partner.

Yeah, you make a... lovely couple.

So where's Cherkasov?

Dead.

What about Olga?

Steven Tobias, you son of a bitch!

If we don't die, I'll kill you!

What the hell is going on?

Where have you been?

She's wearing my dress!

Quiet!

If I give you the money,

will you leave everybody here unharmed?

Of course.

MAN: Uh, hi, uh...

since we can't find the bride and the groom,

we're just going to open up the bar,

so everybody have a cocktail!

[CHEERING FROM RECEPTION ROOM]

Oh, that would've made a great gift.

Now get out.

Are you coming, sweet Cobra?

Daddy, this is weird.

Where you going, Jerry?

I'm sorry, Katherine.

Can I talk to you alone for one second?

It's about us.

We don't have time to dilly-dally.

Pull around the boat.

What is it, darling?

What am I to you exactly? A plaything? Or a toy?

No, no, no, no.

No.

Okay, so let's do this the right way.

Jean-Pierre, I love you,

and I want you to be...

my wife!

How's the plantar fasciitis now!

Help!

Jean-Pierre, come on, we have to go!

Jean-Pierre...

I keep making myself vulnerable.

Focus on revenge.

Revenge...

Well, Steve...

you have ruined this darling girl's wedding.

No, no. I'm--I'm okay.

No, you're not.

You will carry the scar of this day until you die.

All right, I guess I am kind of sad.

Judy, how is this helpful?

Would both of you please just stop it!

Why don't you give me a break, huh?

Ooh! I'll break your neck!

That's good, Marc. Express your anger!

You want a piece of me?

Oh, you bet I do!

Here it goes!

Take that!

Oh, my God!

What was that?

The one time my dad showed up at Cub Scouts,

I earned a merit badge

in Covert Evasion Techniques.

What happened?

We broke up.

Oh.

What is that?

That, my friend...

is Olga.

In Lake Michigan?

So much for homeland security.

Uh-oh.

I'm excited to go on a submarine!

What was your name again?

It's Angela.

Ah.

Goodbye, Angela.

What are you doing?

Taking preventative measures.

To prevent what?

Maybe a torpedo heading towards the wedding.

What?

Well, I'm going to come with you.

Sorry, buddy. It's a one-man job.

You drag me halfway around the world

when I don't want to!

I want to, you say "No"?

It's my family too!

I'm going! You can't stop me!

Wow. Jer.

Get on.

On this?

Oh, jeez...

Okay.

Ah!

What is the plan?

The Juliet Class torpedo

has an acoustic guidance system.

It tracks whatever's making the most noise,

so if he pulls the trigger,

we've got to divert the torpedo.

Towards what?

Let me rephrase the question.

What does the torpedo wind up hitting?

You said you wanted to help!

Oh, my God, that's before I knew the plan!

That's a terrible plan!

How you doing?

You doing okay?

Um... Yeah.

You know...

I've got a few... questions... like...

What the hell is happening?

My father is in the CIA. He works deep undercover,

and I've spent my entire life

hiding that fact, but that's the truth.

I dated a few skanky girls before I met you.

I don't really like being a lawyer.

I played with Legos until I was 17,

and I go to a colorist because I'm prematurely gray.

It's a rinse.

Really?

You see, I don't want to hide anything from you anymore,

because I don't care!

All I care about is you!

Marc! What?

I love you.

What are we doing now?

Why are we turning?

Make noise!

Quiet!

No noise!

Hi!

Wait! Wait! I've got something...

in my fanny pack!

Look!

I'll never make a crack again!

Yes, because we'll be dead!

[BLARES ATTACK ALARM]

[ATTACK ALARM BLARING]

* No matter what you are *

* I will always be with you *

* 'Cause no matter What you do, girl... *

Oh...

Hold on. Hold on!

I'm going to throw up!

* No matter what you do... *

It's coming at us!

* I will always Be around *

Boop-ba ba-da bee-ba ba-da.

* Won't you tell me What you found, girl-- *

Could you stop that please?

Touchy.

* Oh, girl, won't you... *

[***]

All in all, I'm glad I met you!

Me too, buddy! I mean it!

You're the real thing!

I'm sorry I called you

the worst father in the world!

I really didn't mean it!

Thank you, Jer!

I'm sure there's at least two or three guys

that are worse!

* If you would give me all *

* As I would give it to you *

* Nothing would be Nothing would be *

* Nothing would be *

* No matter where you go *

* There will always be a place *

* Doesn't matter What you do, girl *

* Ooh, girl, you girl Want you *

* Ooh, girl, you, girl Want you **

* Raindrops keep falling On my head *

* And just like the guy *

* Whose feet are too big For his bed *

* Nothing seems to fit *

* Those raindrops Are falling on my head *

* They keep falling *

* So I just did me Some talking to the sun *

* And I said I didn't like The way he got things done *

* Sleeping on the job *

* Those raindrops Are falling on my head *

* They keep falling-- *

[SCREAMING]

* But there's one thing I know... **

Whoo!

That's so awesome!

Marc? Marc? Honey?

Honey? Honey? Are you okay?

Sweetie? Are you okay?

Yeah, but there's cake in my shorts.

Oh...

Wait.

We're going to go freshen up.

Are you guys all right?

Steve?

We just wanted to let you know

this was the worst wedding we have ever been to.

You should thank Jerry.

He put it all together.

Thanks for coming.

We've got to do something about this.

Come on.

I know you've all got a lot of questions,

but listen up.

I am deep cover CIA, case number 3924.

Peter Markell's my sole contact at the Agency.

All right. Well, we're going to check that out.

You know, you almost blew my cover a few times,

but I don't want an apology,

because I think I've got a way that you can make it up.

And do you, Melissa, take Marc

to be your wedded husband,

to have and to hold

from this day forward,

for better or worse, for richer or poorer,

in sickness and in health, till death do you part?

I do.

By the power vested in me,

by the Federal Bureau of Investigation,

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Mazeltov.

You know how I run around

and try to save the world?

Dad, it's okay.

No, no.

What I want you to know is...

you are my world, Marc.

I'm so proud of you.

Congratulations.

I know we fought a lot, Judy,

but we must have done something right.

He's a great kid.

And you're a... very good mother.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

And I still hate you...

But I do have a room back at the club.

I'm so sorry about the wedding.

What are you talking about?

Daddy, don't you realize?

What?

This is exactly what I wanted.

Six people on a beach.

I love you.

Thank you.

I love you too.

Thanks.

Six people on a beach.

I could have saved a fortune.

Jer, you're going to be fine.

As a matter of fact...

The whole family, they're going to be just fine.

[SHOUTING]

Ah, Cobra! Fat Cobra!

It's all right, darling!

I forgive you!

Call me!

You know something?

He might actually like prison.

Like it?

He's going to love it!

* Oh, oh, oh-oh *

* When you met me, oh-oh *

* Everything was rosy Ah-ah *

* If you let me, oh-oh *

* Everything must surely Work out fine *

* If you go, oh-oh *

* Everything that's rosy Turns to pieces *

* You know, oh-oh *

* Everything will go under Believe me *

* Where will I run to? *

* Where will I hide? *

* If you ever leave me By my side *

* Where will I run to? *

* What would I do? *

* I really am, I really can I really do *

* I really have a love for you *

[***]

* Now, if you get me, oh-oh *

* That could save A thousand conversations *

* Don't upset me Oh-oh *

* Everything is cozy Here tonight *

* If I move, oh-oh *

* You'd be standing by It would make a difference *

* Is it true, oh-oh *

* Are you coming through Or were you just leaving? *

* Where will I run to? *

* Where would I hide? *

* If you ever leave me By my side *

* Where will I run to? *

* Baby, what can I do? *

ANGELA: Hey!

A little help would be nice!

Anybody?

* Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah That's right *

* Baby, baby Baby, baby, baby *

* Baby, baby, baby, baby Baby, baby, *

* Baby, baby, I do *

* I really have A love for you, yeah *

* I have a love for you, yeah *

* I have a love for you, yeah *

* I have a love for you, yeah *

* I have a love for you... *

[***]

* We both acknowledge What we came here for *

* We take each other And walk through the open door *

* From the first time That I saw you *

* To the way you look tonight *

* I was shaken by your spirit *

* I was blinded by your light *

* And the world That I used to see *

* Is gone without a trace *

* Replaced by your eyes And the smile upon your face *

* And I will not turn away *

* 'Cause you might disappear *

* I was haunted by your heart *

* And I felt That you were here *

* And funny When the time is right *

* When lightning strikes *

* You're not alone *

* Baby, I will pray for you My whole life through *

* This day *

* We'll be together *

* Husband and wife *

* Now and forever *

* The rest of our lives *

* Well, take me to heaven *

* Take me tonight *

* There is nothing Words can say *

* On this our wedding day *

* Oh, now is the hour *

* Now is the sowing Of the seed *

* I will take tomorrow *

* I will lay it at your feet *

* And the two of us escape from the sadness of the world *

* From the thunder And the darkness *

* From the hunger and the hurt *

* You know I will remember well The mission bell *

* That rings your name *

* And, baby There could never be *

* A memory like you *

* We'll be together *

* Husband and wife *

* Now and forever *

* Lovers for life *

* Well, take me to heaven *

* Take me tonight *

* There is nothing Words can say *

* On this our wedding day *

* This is my pledge to you *

* I will follow through To the end *

* And we will find Another plane *

* We'll be home again *

* And tonight I'm going to find true love *

* True love *

* We'll be together *

* Husband and wife *

* Now and forever *

* Lovers for life *

* Well, take me to heaven *

* Take me tonight *

* There is nothing Words can say *

* We'll be together *

* Husband and wife *

* Now and forever *

* Lovers for life *

* Well, take me to heaven *

* Take me tonight *

* There is nothing Words can say *

* On this our wedding day *

* This our wedding day **