Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

[dramatic music]

[intense dramatic music]

[Narrator] I once had a big dream

about making a really big Hollywood movie

with a really big budget.

Instead, I had to make this film with only 10 cents.

All right. It wasn't exactly 10 cents,

but we had very little money and no script.

Where's the script?

Nobody got no scripts here.

[laughing]

[Narrator] The seed for this film was planted years ago.

As I gradually got to know my dear friend, Mark Rydell.

One of the most acclaimed film directors of all time.

Having to his credit such films as On Golden Pond,

The Rose, The Cowboys.

[Director] Mark.

[snoring]

Hey, hey come on.

Hey, hey Mark.

Come on, we have to start shooting today.

What? We have to shoot?

[Director] It's you, it's Ed Asner, Helen Reddy,

Charlie Robinson, Marion Ross from Happy Days.

My God, how terrific?

[Director] Don't be funny.

You're belittling us,

you're not treating this seriously, man.

We're making a movie.

Oh my God.

This is ridi...

All right, I'm up, I'm up, I'm up now what?

[Director] I have a confession to make.

Yeah. Oh.

[Director] We went to the Sundance film festival

without you.

? Standing by the wall in the back of the club ?

? She's a beauty with the face of an angel ?

? Get out on the floor, so sexy, turn me on, put your body in motion... ?

[Director] I wanted to take you.

I was hoping we'd meet up with your old friend,

- Robert Redford. - And?

[Director] I got shot down.

Who shot you down?

[Director] It's high elevation,

there snow slippery ice.

I couldn't risk you falling.

I never heard such bull..[beep]

You mean because there was snow and ice,

I couldn't come?

You thought I'd fall?

[Director] You have fallen.

I have seen you fall.

Don't bull..[beep] I have seen you fall.

No, no-

- [Director] Yes I have.

It must be somebody else.

[Director] No, no, no. I have seen you fall.

[Mark laughing]

[Director] You're laughing.

[Mark laughing]

I am laughing! You're so full of...[beep]

I don't fall!

[Narrator] Mark's robust physical appearance can fool you,

but the fact remains he's 90.

We had already booked our flights and condo

and couldn't get a refund.

So we decided to go to Sundance anyway.

? Thinkin' about the music ?

? Hey ?

? The way you cut the rug ?

? Yeah ?

? Just like music ?

? Hey ?

? I can't get enough ooh ?

? Got me feelin' stupid ?

? I feel so out of place ?

? Yeah ?

? I love how you're moving ?

? Yeah ?

? So let go all the way yeah ooh ?

? Baby can this night get any better ?

? I've got to know ?

? Better ?

? I've got to know ?

? Better ?

? I wanna know ?

? Better ?

? Ooh ?

? Baby we can do whatever ?

? Together ?

? Forever ?

? Forever ?

? Get your ass up off the wall ?

[Director] What happened to Dick Shawn?

Yeah, he died on stage.

Onstage.

[Director] Tell me that story.

In the middle of his act,

there was like 40 people in the audience

and he lied down the stage,

we thought it was part of the act.

And then he laid down,

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Went on too long, and finally a stage manager came out,

he was dead.

[Director] How about you?

You wanna go like that?

No.

[Director] You wanna go in my movie?

You want it?

Would you rather die in bed with a young hot sexy nurse?

So far sounds good.

[Director] You're liking this idea?

Yeah [Mark chuckles]

[Director] [indistinct]

So far I'm smiling.

[Director] You're liking that scene.

Yes, I do like that scene.

[Narrator] Wow.

You see the cross.

You see me, take a guess.

What am I gonna be?

Oh yes, you're right,

the sexy hot nurse.

[Narrator] So then I brought in Mark's dear old pal,

Charlie Robinson.

[jazz music]

Mark had hired Charlie years ago

to play a role in his film, The River.

What the hell am I doing

in a movie called Senior Entourage

and ain't nothing ain't no script?

[Mark] Charlie, what is with him?

My agent called me,

says, "Charlie, you got a meeting at Universal Studios."

I said, "With who?".

And he said a man by the name of Mark Rydell.

Mark's got snapshots of pictures all over the place.

So he said, "Sit down."

I said, " Yeah, what's going on?"

He said, Look I'm getting ready

to do a movie called The River.

I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Yeah."

And it's gonna be with Sissy Spacek and Mel Gibson,

And I said, "Wow!"

I said, "Who is Mel Gibson?"

I'll tell you what,

he sees himself as Francis Coppola.

That's what he sees.

So he thinks if you Francis, you don't need a script.

Well he's full of [beep]

[Charlie chuckles]

- Francis, you're full of [beep] - What are talking about?

How am I gonna make it right for this crew?

This is a man who has done this for years and years.

Fifty [beep] years.

[Charlie] And he's brilliant at it.

[Director] Yeah, I know he is great.

[Charlie] So he understands what it takes

to do a good important film.

Listen to him.

He knows what he's talking about.

You gotta write the thing.

I can't, I wrote for Doris Roberts,

I wrote for Paul Mazursky, both of them died.

I was walking through Washington DC one day,

he grabs his heart.

[Charlie] Okay, yeah. Who?

Then he says he needs Tums or something like that.

But I though he was having a heart attack.

I don't want the guy to die on me.

What heart attack?!

I'm trying to get money for.. [beep] years.

And now I hear you're not happy with your five points

and everybody else's got five points.

This whole thing was my idea.

No, no [beep]

It was your idea?

Oh, God!

[men chattering] [Mark laughing]

What about me?

[Mark laughing]

I got the final cut on this movie!

Yeah you [indistinct]

I have final...

That's right

[beep]

Give him the hot nurse.

You want a sexy hot nurse?

I wanted to say you back to that I'm back.

[all laughing]

He wants a sexy hot nurse.

I thought you liked-

- I almost forget you get to that point on my hands up.

[Mark and Charlie laughing]

[air whooshing]

Father.

Yes, my son.

Please help me.

What's the problem?

I have been living a very very strange life.

What's your name, sweetheart?

I'm your sexy hot nurse Mark.

You sure are, huh?

Yes.

Oh My God, how lovely?

Oh.

Wow! I'm so glad to meet you.

Very nice meeting you too.

What's your name?

I have a special invitation from my friend, Vladimir.

Yeah.

Who organized a very good trip for us.

Where are we going?

To St. Petersburg.

I want to go immediately.

Making love to women I don't even know.

Oh God bless you.

- I know it's wrong- - I'm sorry.

But I enjoyed it.

You did?

I did.

A little bit of comfort, that's what I'm here for.

I'm here to comfort you, not you.

[Mark laughing]

I'd love some comfort too.

I'd like to know more about the filthy things

that you've done and the dirty things you've done

in your life.

If you could tell me some of them.

Do you wanna hear my confession?

Certainly, certainly, let's go.

[Mark chuckles]

In the name of the Father and the Son

and the Holy Spirit, son, tell me the sins.

Bless me father for I've sinned.

Ah.

It's been a long time since my last confession.

How long?

It's been a bunch of years.

Oh B'jesus.

What have you done during that time?

Well, I've committed a lot of sins.

Right.

But the one I'm most concerned about right now is

Yeah

Just this making this movie.

You there.

Me here in the tub.

You in the tub.

[speaking in Japanese language]

[laughing]

[speaking in Japanese language]

You wanna join us? Come on join us.

Come on in, come on in. [nurse laughing]

[speaking in Japanese language]

[all laughing]

[Narrator} Okay. Enough of this delightful debauchery.

I was trying desperately to assemble an arsenal

of actors to make this thing work.

Without money I had to rely on favors.

So we dragged in Ed Asner.

[trumpet upbeat music]

[Director] Any chance you can help us get Dick Van Dyke

into this movie?

Is he still alive?

[Narrator] The other problem I had was that I promised

Ed Asner that Dick Van Dyke would be in the movie too.

Well, Dick signed a letter of intent

but I wasn't actually able to get him

because, well we didn't have a script.

Brian, Dick Van Dyke is not one of my strong impressions.

What about Robert De Niro?

Robert De Niro, he calls him up

and Ed's got a question

and Robert De Niro has the answer,

go back and forth, they have a little conversation.

I told him he'd be calling Dick Van Dyke

and I don't even know if Ed knows.

- Oh, Yeah. - De Niro

Okay.

Well how about George W. Bush?

Why couldn't he call him?

Old leftist, calling and old ambidextrous.

You should have this conversation going on.

That could be pretty [chuckles]

Pretty classical.

[chuckles]

I can't imagine Ed's gonna believe

that George Bush is gonna take his call [indistinct]

He's got a good imagination.

How about Tommy Lee Jones?

Tommy Lee Jones call him up

or take his call, Ed Asner.

It's good Tommy Lee Jones worked very short.

Ed, Ed, just pick up the phone.

[Director] Will you call him for us?

I said I would, yeah, call

but I don't think Dick listens.

Dicky, Dicky is that you?

Yes Ed I'm here. What do you want?

Well you don't have to be so abrupt do you?

Mark and I are involved in selling this idea,

it's called Senior Entourage.

[dog roaring]

What do you think?

Well I guess so. [dog roaring]

We've never worked together, have we?

What?

I said we'd never really worked t ogether, have we?

You and me?

[dog roaring]

I remember watching you with Mary Tyler Moore

and I learned a lot from watching you and Mary Tyler Moore.

I consider you two my tutors.

So what do you say? Are you in or not?

Oh, I'm gonna have to see a script first.

You wanna what?

I said I gotta see a script first.

Well, we'll send it to you on email.

Yeah, I'm not too big on email.

Send me a hard copy.

I got your hard copy.

[farts]

You bastard?

[Dick] All right Ed, we are done here.

Why do you make such problems Dick?

'Cause you're older than everybody else?

Why?

Answer me that.

Hello,

hello?

Dick?

You still there?

[Phone operator] If you'd like to make a call

please hug up and try again.

Sore head.

[Narrator] And one thing that every film needs

is an investor.

[drumbeats]

It's an honor to meet you sir.

He wrote us, he's helping paying for the show.

[Narrator] You see that guy with was a baseball cap

and a scruffy beard,

that's David Lockhart, our executive producer.

He's the guy who fooled me

into thinking we could make a movie for 10 cents.

Okay. Got you.

It's an honor to meet you sir.

It's an honor to meet you.

I've been following your career since I was a little kid.

when I used to watch a Mary Tyler Moore Show and-

- Mary Tyler Moore Show.

Yeah. Yeah.

I was on that.

That's that's right. You were on that.

What do you do?

Yeah, I'm a friend of Brian's,

he brought me on board with this.

Why?

I wanna see this project succeed.

What Project?

[Director] Senior Entourage.

Senior Entourage. That's it.

[Director] We're gonna make a lot of money.

We're gonna make a lot of money.

That's what Brian told me.

Huh?

What?

You're repeating everything he says,

don't you have an original idea?

No I don't.

[chuckles]

This one I don't.

What?

He's one of our investor treat him nice.

I'm one of the investors.

Oh my God, Ed Asner's chair.

Hey, what the heck do you think you're doing?

Well, I just wanna-

- You're ganna put your dirty ass on my clean chair?

No way pal.

Who are you?

I'm one of the investors on your project.

How much you invest?

Talk to Brian about that.

Who?

Mark Rydell and Helen, they just came,

they are at the door.

That's great.

Helen Reddy.

[audience cheering]

Come on in.

Oh thank you so much.

Do you need more light?

Hello?

Nice to see you.

Nice to see you too.

? Cause it only serves to make me ?

? More determined to achieve my final goal ?

? I am strong ?

? strong ?

? I am invincible ?

? Invincible ?

? I am woman ?

[audience cheering]

Yeah.

You're invisible.

[audience cheering]

That was the highlight of my life.

Who's directing?

I am.

What You?

[Ed guggling]

Can I sit over here is this all right?

Sit in his chair.

You have one with my name on it?

What are you doing in my chair?

What?

Get out of my chair.

You're gonna have to drag me out of this chair.

My is chair sacred.

That's right, and I'm a sacred person.

Get him out of here.

[laughing]

No chance, this is my chair from now on.

He is not leaving.

[Director] Hey Helen, are you ready for this?

I am now.

Where's the script?

I keep telling you, there is a script.

There is a script somewhere.

[Director] Mark, I wrote a script,

I gave it to you

but not everyone in this cast can remember lines, right?

Well, I remember everything.

What's my name again?

[Director] Mark Rydell.

Oh Yeah I'm Mark Rydell.

Your comments about the writing being bad.

I'm one of the investors.

I mean, you weren't serious were you?

You didn't write this, did you?

No, but I put money in it.

How much?

Enough.

Enough?

Oh, I'm so worried about your investment.

Do you think you're gonna be okay?

That's what I'm asking you.

I think you're..[beep]

I do think you're.. [beep]

If you can get the money back at all, try and get it.

Try and see if you can get half of it back.

[snoring]

[Phil] Do you think that has anything

to do with the writing?

[laughing]

That's what happened when the guy sat

down to write this thing, he fell asleep like that.

[snoring]

I did a film that didn't really have a script either.

Kinda like this, kinda like this, only it was a little bit bigger scale.

Just a little bit.

And it was called Apocalypse Now, a little bit bigger.

You guys are close.

[Narrator] Now that It looked like we might pull this off.

Lockhart and I needed another producer.

I knew this terrific actress, producer, Dahlia Waingort.

Who had performed My Plays In The Park with Doris Roberts.

Oh gosh. I missed Doris.

She was hilariously funny and such a sweetheart.

I am the producer of the film,

I'm also I guess acting in it.

I don't know.

I'm Brian's therapist.

I'm wearing way too many hats.

Oh my God.

What the hell are you doing in here?

Guys I don't have any makeup on,

I'm doing laundry.

What the heck are you doing in my house?

Okay. Did Brian put you up to this?

Who's Brian?

I don't know.

Ian come on.

He's been asking me to produce this film.

He called me as last night at 11 [indistinct]

They're having lunch.

I have three kids.

I don't have time to do it.

Don't worry we'll cut it out.

What's going on with you guys.

You've been together like four years or something.

Come on are you gonna get married?

Why Is it about us now?

Well, because you don't have to film me

so it doesn't have to be about me, right?

It has to be about you guys.

Actually I would like to have an answer on that.

What?

Are you like surprised?

Oh, so now you're taking sides against me?

No, why don't you answer the question?

What question?

Ian.

Yes I will marry you okay?

Then let's not do it, then I'm gonna cut, all right?

Okay, Brian, I'll do it

if my kids can be in the film, okay?

[Brian] Oh my God!

No, no seriously, they're great.

No, no, my daughter's a legit blue singer

and my other one is a drummer.

[Brian] Why are you springing on this now?

Your kids have to be in the movie?

Yeah.

[Brian] Oh my God.

Brian, please, please.

- [Ian] They're actually good. - No, they're really good.

Seriously, Ian knows.

He knows, he filmed them

when they were performing

in Santa Monica a couple of weeks ago.

[Brian] All right. Give me a break.

Leave me alone, I gotta go.

Okay.

[Brian] Come on let's go.

Okay, guys leave my laundry room please.

So I've been together with my boyfriend, Ian

for three and a half years.

And I think for two years,

he's been talking about he wanted to propose.

We've been looking at rings and it's been at talk.

But he just needs to do some X amount of it.

So I'm just waiting.

The clock is ticking.

So if he doesn't start to get going

then let see what happens.

This is an homage.

This is an homage to Mark and Helen and Ed

and it's an homage to these great actors.

Charlie Robinson is in it

and then Marion Ross, you've got these incredible people

that wanna be involved in this movie

and then we have to pay respect to them.

And as they come out, we have to pay respect,

we have to be able to put food on the table

and we have to pay.

Do you understand we have to pay them.

How many times are you gonna talk

about Senior Entourage?

I thought you finished filming that like years ago.

[Director] No, we finished filming,

but we still we had to clear music.

It took a long time.

We had to raise some extra money.

Yeah, and then this whole thing came on set

with me and Katherine, my girlfriend,

we've been dating for a while

and I've been looking for rings

and everybody's giving [beep]

why I'm not proposing and what's going on and like...

[Director] We have some of your

other clients in the movie.

Who?

Oh, yeah, yeah that's right.

Marion

[Director] Marion Ross?

Yeah, yeah.

[Director] And Jim Meskimen.

Yeah great.

Talented impressionist.

[Director] Yes.

Very good.

[Director] He does De Niro.

He does-

- De Niro, I do De Niro.

[Director] Let's hear your De Niro?

Let's move a little bit, a little bit.

It's gonna happen.

I mean like soon, 'cause I am working on it.

Just I have my own plan.

I wanna do it my own way.

And not just like when people say,

"Hey, why don't you do it?"

I'm gonna do it when it feels right.

That's how it is.

The thing is, I actually, I don't believe in God.

I'm an atheist.

- Oh an atheist? - Yeah.

So does that make you like freer in your sexual life?

If you're like, you can just do anything you want

in your sex life because God's not gonna punish you, right?

[laughing]

You're free to do sex, sex free, is that wonderful?

It's a wonderful thing, I wish I could do that.

I wish I could do that.

You're a priest, you can't do stuff like that?

No, I can't do that, I'm sorry, I can't.

I want to, but I can't. I'm not free.

But you are free and you're beautiful.

Look how beautiful you are.

So did you go out there and you have free sex everywhere?

I wouldn't say that.

No?

No, 'cause I have a boyfriend.

A boyfriend?

Yes.

Oh, that's too bad.

I've been with them for a very long time now.

Really?

Hmm.

Is he having sex all over the place

with other people?

I hope not.

Oh, well, we'll see about that won't we?

If he comes in and confesses to me, I'll find out.

But I'm not allowed to tell you, that's the law.

That's the law.

That's the church law, I can't.

If he comes in and says,

"Look, I've been screwing around."

What's your name by the way?

Katherine.

I have been screwing around on Katherine, all the time.

I got all of these women out there.

I can't say anything.

It's the confessional seal.

It's called the confessional seal,

I can't tell you that he's been screwing

around at everybody.

[Narrator] Now back to the issue

of Dahlia's musical munchkins.

Have you ever tried to deal with a mom

who wants her kids in a movie?

Brian, my kids have performed in front of 3000 people.

They're professionals as well.

Okay. So just because they're young

doesn't mean that they're not talented

or they don't know what they're doing.

You didn't come to our concert in Santa Monica.

Okay. You have no freeking clue what they can do.

And listen, they do originals

so you don't have to worry about the clearances.

[Narrator] Suddenly I found myself wishing

I was someplace else.

Any place else?

Ah, this is better, much better.

I just needed to speak to someone who really understands me.

All right. All right.

She can have her kids in the movie.

Just not the brat with the hat.

He'd steal the whole show.

Brian come on.

[Brian] He's ganna piss

off Asner and Rydell I know it.

Do you know how many people are gonna wanna see him

in this film?

He's a star.

He wakes up in the morning to play,

to play the guitar.

He gets up in the morning

and he's like guitar center guitar center,

I wanna go play music.

[Brian] All right, he's in the picture

but don't let him wear that hat.

I hate that stupid hat he's wearing.

Oh no the hat?

The hat makes the whole thing.

[Brian] No, no, I don't want him wearing the hat.

Okay, well it's up to Erica. I'm sorry.

[Brian] Oh God, I have no right no power.

[laughing]

Bye.

[upbeat music]

Where's the script.

Yeah where is the [beep] script.

What do we have to do to get a script around here?

[air whooshing]

I was hoping to get laid on his show.

Yes. Well I'm not up for that.

- You are not? - No, I'm sorry.

I mean, I like you,

but it's a little pushy.

Now you go to the movies

and it's all about vampires and zombies.

[Ed] Yeah, yeah.

I hope that there are no vampires or zombies.

No, no, none that I know.

[Narrator] Come on a few vampires

and zombies never hurt anybody.

[woman screaming]

I guess that's not exactly true.

I've looked at Mark lately

and he's got some of those qualities,

if you wanna call them that.

He looks like a blood sucker.

And your wonderful movie,

the wonderful movie when you played the old guy

with the balloons.

Yeah, that's UP

What are you doing next?

You.

Yeah.

[laughing]

What are you doing?

I'm looking at your ear lobes.

Why?

Because they're so long and funny.

Pendulous.

Pendulous, I like that, that's good.

[laughing]

I had invested in a helicopter.

It was gonna save me a lot of tax money.

Well, after a while,

the guy didn't want it anymore

and I'm stuck with that helicopter.

Oh.

So now I thought, how am I gonna get rid

of this helicopter?

Yeah.

And it's eating me alive.

I'd like [beep]

So what I did was, I said

"I'm gonna go on that plane,

up to Hamilton Island with Conrad Hilton

and the duck hunters."

And I'm gonna sell this.

[laughing]

You never did?

I finally did.

Who's the sucker.

Some guy up in Canada.

[people shouting]

The cast list was in the VARIETY

and there my name is in it.

I said, "what? I'm in the movie."

This is even before we got...

My agent didn't know.

All the names from Brando to mine.

From Brando all the way down to my name down there.

Which was the one that we had in the film.

So have her sing in the film.

[Brian] I want her to sing in the film.

Okay, so bring her over my house,

my husband Martin is a musician.

[Brian] Why didn't you tell me that.

I didn't know that.

Brian come on.

[Brian] I thought he was a director.

He's a director, but he's a musician.

You haven't seen him perform?

[Brian] No you never told me that.

I never knew that.

Well, he's a musician

and I have a beautiful piano in the house.

Bring her over to the house,

we'll make her feel comfortable, she'll sing

and I can sell the movie.

I need a hook.

I need an angle to be able to sell the film.

If I could sell the soundtrack, I could sell the movie.

[piano music]

I stumbled upon this tune that she did

that I forgot it was hers which I loved.

[piano music]

? Delta Dawn what's that flower you have on ?

And yeah, I mean, I gravitate towards blues and gospel.

So that might be..

I'm gonna throw that at her and see if she'd be open to it.

I still haven't learned it,

but it's not that difficult the song,

I just want to understand the nuances of it.

So I was thinking that might be

the right one to do sort of.

Brian Connors and his crazy [beep] ideas.

Hello, how are you?

Thanks for coming.

My pleasure.

You got a beard. I shaved mine.

Well, you're much more feminine than me.

Thank you.

In nun's outfit you have them,

two Jewish and nuns outfits?

What's the hell is the matter with you?

Have you gone crazy Brian?

Oh my God, please,

I need a shot when I talk to you, I need a fecking drink.

I'll tell you that when I talk to you.

How long have I known you? Oh my God.

[car engine roaring]

Why he is a year older than I am

How come I look so much younger than you?

'Cause of all that surgery you had.

Anyway that's, beauty's in the eye of the beholder.

If certain people think you're beautiful fine

they can have you.

I don't care for you that way.

I'm excited about the fact that you don't care for me.

Oh, no, no. That way.

Oh that way.

Yeah.

Sexually, is that what you are trying to say?

Are you referring to me sexually?

Yeah.

And you are not interested?

No.

What the [beep] does that mean?

And that nun's outfit certainly isn't flattering.

What's the matter with my nun's outfit?

[sighs]

What's with the nun outfits Brian?

[Brian] What?

It doesn't make any sense.

Why do you have them in nun outfits?

[Brian] Nothing about this movie makes sense.

I'm much more of a Jew than Mark.

He probably wasn't even Bar mitzvahed.

Are you kidding?

My Bar mitzvah was the talk of the Bronx.

I looked out at the world and said, today I am a man.

The only problem is I don't have any pubic hair.

[Ed Laughing]

[Brian] What's the movie?

SOME LIKE IT HOT, with Jack Lemon and...-

- But that's funny, they're in women's outfits.

[Brian] Well, these guys are in women's outfits.

They're two old Jewish guys and nun's outfits.

It's not looks like it's a bib.

It looks like it's just a schmatta on him.

[Brian] It's not schmatta, they are nuns.

He's got a do-rag on his head and a schmatta around

like a bib

like he's going to the cafeteria.

Doesn't look like a nun.

You put him in a wig.

You put him in like lipstick

and that's a woman's outfit.

This is not, this is a bib with a do-rag.

As little as I saw you as an actor,

you had a certain magic, a certain excitement as an actor.

Maybe it was that evil grin, that Nazi grin you have.

[laughing]

But it was that-

- I appreciate the compliment.

Whenever I got close to you,

'cause when you hired me for The Virginian.

Gunsmoke, no no no Virginian

[laughing]

[Narrator] Now here's the grand pop quiz,

"Did Mark Rydell direct Ed Asner

in an episode of The Virginian or was it Gunsmoke?"

If I get the episode of Gunsmoke.

You get it.

And your name is on it.

Yeah. put your-

- How much do I get?

Put your footage where your mouth is.

[Mark] Truth is it was Gunsmoke.

[Ed] It was Virginian.

[Mark] Gunsmoke.

[Ed] That's too bad, Virginian.

On the weekend, one weekend he saw me, he says,

"What are you doing this weekend Charlie?"

I said, "Not much of anything."

He says, "I want you to do something."

He says, "I love this character that you were working on."

He said, "Would you do me a favor?"

I said, "What is?"

He said, "Go to your room tonight, whenever you get a chance."

And he said, "Put some of this stuff

down on tape that you put that

how you feel about this guy."

I said, "Really?"

He said, "Yeah."

And I put the stuff down on tape.

I felt because he was kinda wild eyed and kind of crazy.

And I gave it to him and he listened to it

'cause he wanted to put it in the script

because he had like you, he had no script.

[Director] Ed, you fell off the horse?

Yeah.

He fell off the [beep] horse.

Knocked off the horse, I didn't fall off.

They switched horses on me.

[Horse whining sound]

Unfortunately, he did a right turn when he was supposed to.

[indistinct] went under a low hanging branch

and it knocked me off the horse.

I thought it was very exciting.

And as the director Mark said,

"As I got up, back on that horse

Print, print.

He said "It's all right Ed,

a lot of guys wouldn't get back up on a horse."

and I thought well, that will get me

to the store on time.

Yes I remember it now, as you remind me.

[Ed] Well you thought it was The Virginian

The Gunsmoke.

? Da-Da-da-da ?

Thank you.

This glass of water is on the key of G.

[laughing]

You're wrong it's M.

[laughing]

From the top

Ready, one, two, three, four

? Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on ?

? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? ?

? And did I hear you say he was a-meeting you here today ?

? To take you to his mansion in the sky? ?

? She's forty-one and her daddy still calls her, 'baby' ?

? All the folks around Brownsville say she's crazy ?

? 'Cause she walks down town with a suitcase in her hand ?

? Looking for a mysterious dark-haired man ?

? In her younger days they called her Delta Dawn ?

? Prettiest woman you ever laid eyes on ?

? Then a man of low degree stood by her side ?

? And promised her he'd take her for his bride ?

? Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on ?

? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? ?

? And did I hear you say he was a-meeting you here today ?

? To take you to his mansion in the sky? ?

? To take you to his mansion in the sky? ?

[all clapping and cheering]

I have no idea what happened,

but there was some human bones on the set.

Boy, I tell you right now.

My career will be over... after I leave this place.

Yeah, yeah.

What are you laughing at?

He's got that German quality,

I told you about.

I told you am Irish Would you stop that [beep]

[indistinct] before the war they used to ask Jews.

Oh, "You're Jewish" and the response would be,

"I'm a German."

Not necessarily.

I'm a German Jew.

Is the answer.

He posed as a German Jew wherever he could.

with that Nazi grin.

You wanna see my..[beep]?

Yeah. Oh, That's a twisted [beep].

[Mark] What do you think?

You don't got any pants on? Oh that's funny.

He goes on at me and the guy

and three other actors are sitting around

and here comes Francis.

Listen, Joe,

he says, "I wanna tell you something."

Now you, you said no, let me explain something to you.

You are [ beep] an actor.

He says, and Marty Sheen is [beep] actor

he says whatever goes on this is set is my set.

Okay?

This is [beep] set.

[laughing]

So, anyway, now what happens is,

Mr. Brando shows up [laughing]

Mr. Brando shows up and so they say,

Marty goes to Mr. Brando

and says Marlon, there's human bones on the set.

The next day there bones are gone!

[laughing]

the bones are gone!

[laughing]

Oh, this has been such fun.

[All] Yeah.

? Cause I've heard it all before ?

? And I've been down there on the floor ?

? No one's ever gonna keep me down again ?

[audience cheering]

? Oh yes I am wise ?

? But it's wisdom born of pain ?

? Yes, I've paid the price ?

? But look how much I gained ?

? If I have to, I can do anything ?

If I have to, I can do anything. I am strong.

I can't sing it.

[upbeat music]

Hello, everyone,

I'm on the set of Senior Entourage,

today, Ed Asner, Mark Rydell and Helen Reddy.

We have your director.

He wants to do a lot of things, right?

I just need some direction from you.

[indistinct] you're asking the wrong person

about direction on this one.

I don't know.

Okay.

I don't know if there's zombies,

there's vampires, there's whacked out.

[Narrator] Dahlia just didn't understand how badly

I was scrambling to pull this off.

Belly dancers. I don't know.

You just gonna have to go with the flow.

- Okay. - Sorry.

You're gonna have to go through everybody's stuff

- and just- - Okay.

Pick the best things and what you think

are gonna be the best things.

Okay.

I don't know.

Should I coordinate with Brian the director?

Because I'm just having a hard time getting to him.

'Cause he's very busy.

[Narrator] Well, it was a really frustrating morning.

I had to get Ed and Mark dressed up as nuns.

That was no easy task.

Then Mark goes on this long search for his keys,

then his wallet, then his phone.

And of course Ed was grumpy as usual.

I though you said I was getting my own car.

Why is he in it if it's my car?

[Brian] We can't afford two cars Ed.

[beep]

[Narrator] It took Ed 20 minutes

to put the nun's costume on

and when I come back, I see he's got it on backwards.

[Brian] And did anybody tell you,

you have your nun's outfit on backwards

that's your t-shirt we can see.

Yeah.

Do you want to get back?

I like it better this way?

[Brian] Okay. Fine.

I wanna be different from him.

[Narrator] So we finally get everyone loaded up

in the van and we're all ready to film.

We're gonna drive down to the 405

and get started with our day.

And then Ed announces that he's got to take a pee.

Well, Liza handed me Ed's plastic pee bottle.

But as we're driving down the 405,

guess who has to pour out the pee,

me, the director.

[Narrator] But enough about that

let's get back to the movie.

Hi, it's me the sexy hot nurse again.

[Brian] And my executive producer, David Lockhart

well his Tom Cruise fantasy is cruising way out of control.

You had me at hello.

Tokyo fever!

[Narrator] This is what happens

when you give actors artistic freedom.

Now, does it bother you,

that people could think that you're Tom Cruise?

I've had it since I was eighth grade,

homeless people to little kids to grandma's and grandpa.

They think I'm him.

So I think I grew up

sort of like imitating him

Are you fit?

Can you do all those things?

Can you swing from a skyscraper at 20,000 feet -

- You have a skyscraper?

Let's go. Let's do it.

[laughing]

You might get Tom Cruise in this movie?

[Director] Yeah.

Oh my God.

I'd like to meet Tom myself.

[Director] Favorite nations.

He's getting the same deal.

He's getting what I'm getting?

[Director] Yeah.

How did you do it?

You bought him lunch?

Oh my God.

Look who's here.

Look Who-

- Charlie.

Look hey, y'all look who we got here.

Look at this.

Oh my goodness!

I'm a big fan.

Give you a big kiss.

All right, my man Tom, my man Tom.

All right, Good to see you Tom.

Hey, come on back and talk to me.

I will. I will.

You made my day.

If I knew anything about this project,

I would be glad to tell you,

but all I know is they picked me up.

He's the one who organized it.

Brian Connors

and we came out here, which is a very nice place.

I'll be honest with you.

I've always wanted to be a player in Hollywood.

So this is my chance and I figure,

this is a baby step.

But then this other dude comes

and he says "I need the camera operator can you operate?"

And I'm looking at him.

Then he says, "There will be food and drinks."

And I'm looking, still looking at him.

And he says, "And hot girls."

and I said, "Yeah, I'm in."

Senior Entourage.

How could you not like Senior Entourage?

Just the name.

You don't even have to say who's in it or anything.

Just say, "Hey, we're making a movie,

it's called Senior Entourage.

And people were like, "I wanna be a part of it."

I have no clue what's going on in this movie.

It makes no sense to me whatsoever.

Look who's involved in this,

Ed Asner Seven, eight, Emmy Awards.

That's incredible.

Absolutely incredible.

Yeah. I know he's a little abusive to me,

but that just goes with the territory

I met Ed Asner doing a show called,

Mr. Ricky Calls a Meeting and it was for LA Theater Works.

Some crazy, crazy, crazy people, it's just wild.

But I like it.

See what happens in the editing room.

[Brian] We'll figure it out and post.

We are in post.

[Brian] All right, we'll figure it out.

Your are the director.

[Narrator] Meanwhile, back on the set trouble was brewing.

One of my investors was walking dangerously

close to the edge.

This was the last thing I needed.

I don't know if you know this or not?

I'm one of the producers in this project.

Okay.

How about a trailer?

Well, I have to talk to the head boss about that.

Okay.

What about hair and makeup.

I think you're doing just fine.

Okay.

You don't need much hair work or makeup.

My hair is getting frizzy.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Okay.

You probably get that all the time though, don't you?

Well, so what's your part of being producer?

Are you getting money or?

Well, the head honcho and I are, I like this

and I, I've invested some money in the project.

Yeah.

Okay.

Where the money goes.

Sorry.

Where's the money.

Show me the money. I love black people!

Show me the money!

Just joking, I'm just joking, continue.

Ignore him.

Yeah.

I want the money from this show.

I want the money from this show Brian.

Show me the money.

All right.

I love black people.

Oh, I love that he loves black people.

I like white people.

[Tom laughing]

All right good to see you Tom get out of here, go.

[Tom laughing]

Oh, Tom Cruise is totally hot.

[laughs]

The first time I saw him, I said,

"Hey I did not know you were this short in real life."

He's like, "What? I'm short."

I'm like, yeah, because the screen makes you look so big.

[laughing]

My private jet is coming to get me.

Private jet?

Yeah.

Wow you scored big.

You must really be big in Japan.

Aha.

You really are a lovely woman.

So.

[speaking in Japanese language]

[footsteps pattering]

I hope that was good.

[Narrator] I don't think that was good Phil.

[speaking Mandarin language]

Hi, it's Dahlia.

Hey, would you like to be in a movie?

[Narrator] On Golden Pond was a huge success in China

and has remained popular there ever since.

Every Chinese know Golden Pond.

I'm very proud of that.

Yeah, so if I tell them,

Oh, this is Golden Pond Director,

the whole China will clapping.

Oh, let's go where they can clap.

Yeah.

I'd love to hear some applause.

Hey, Marion What's this?

Oh Kathy, that's that's me,

and this is my hometown of Albert Lea, Minnesota

and I came there to be open up this theater.

And that theater has been there forever.

But I was performing in a play and they honored me

by calling it the Marion Ross Performing Arts Center.

Ah.

I was thrilled.

Thank you for asking.

Okay.

[Narrator] I always loved the scenes On Golden Pond

between the young boy, Billy and the elderly character,

Norman played by Henry Fonda.

That's why it was so special

for me to see Mark teaching a young girl

from China how to play piano.

What's your name?

My name is Catherine.

Catherine.

What a beautiful name.

I love the name, Catherine.

Oh, that's a pretty name.

How do you spell it?

C-A-T-H-E-R-I-N-E

C-A-T-H-E-R-I-N-E.

I got it?

Yeah.

You play something.

Okay.

Okay.

[piano music]

Very good.

We learned how to play together.

[Narrator] In On Golden Pond,

the young boy asks Norman played by Henry Fonda,

"Norman, are you afraid of dying?"

Well, when young Kathy posed that same question

to Marion Ross their spontaneous exchange

really took me by surprise.

Nice rhythm. Nice tempo.

Who's that?

Ah, that's my Paul.

My Mr. Paul Michael.

And this is how we looked when I first met him.

This was him when he was young on Broadway.

Oh, so handsome.

So handsome and a great singer.

Where is he now?

Well, he went to heaven.

Because he was like 80, almost 85 years old.

So that was a good life.

We had a wonderful life together.

Are you afraid of dying?

No, no, I'm not.

I find that's a natural cycle of everything in life.

And I have a feeling, I'm not ready to go yet

but when the time comes,

you probably are ready somehow, somehow

because who knows what the next phase is.

And maybe I will want to go somewhere else

or become a piece of atomic energy out in the universe.

Who knows, who knows.

Is that all... where you are going to be

after you go to heaven?

I don't know.

And I don't know anybody who's been to heaven.

None of us knows the answer to that.

And I can live with not knowing the answer

and nobody knows the answer

but I think that the structure of the universe is so orderly

that I think it's going to be all right

and maybe something more wonderful

than we can have ever imagined.

Are you going to have a new adventure in heaven?

I think so. I'm sure of it.

[calm music]

So what's the schedule today?

The schedule is we're gonna be shooting

some rather unorthodox shots.

I'm just trusting the director.

He's the one comes up with all

the great ideas.

What's your name by the way?

...Kathrine.

Kathrine, What are you doing behind the camera?

You're very beautiful.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Why don't you put that down a second.

[Ian] Hey man don't even think about it now.

No, Just no, no, no.

And your interest in this is?

Man no, don't go there.

I'm writing your paycheck.

I will cut your head,

right here.

This is between me and her not you.

I'm cutting your head right now.

Let's say that's what's happening.

Cutting your head.

All right.

- I'm a professional. - She is taken.

Sorry, Sorry.

It's fine, all good?

All right.

All good, just not that one. You see her?

You are a lovely lady.

Yeah. You're a very lucky man.

I know.

You're a very lucky man.

No harm. No foul.

Thank you.

[country music]

? I'd like to find a place where I could settle down ?

? And I could do it too with you around ?

? And I never thought that I would wanna share my life ?

? With a girl I'd want ?

? To call my wife but you are the one ?

? I never thought that I could wanna share my life ?

? With the girl I'd want ?

? To call my wife but your the one ?

? You're the one ?

? You're the one ?

? You're the one ?

Did you bring this or is this our wardrobe?

I brought it.

Okay. Did you-

- It's how I normally dress.

Okay. Did you bring anything else?

Yeah, it's outside.

Okay, great.

'Cause this one's a little busy for camera.

You know, I'm one of the producers.

Oh, you are, okay.

Are you in the film as well?

- Yes. - Okay.

So I'll just check with Dahlia

because she brought me on.

But I know that there's a lot of disrespect

coming from you towards the talent.

So I just need to get you in dressed properly.

And then I'll check with Dahlia

on what else I'm supposed to do with you.

Who said that about me?

Just a couple of the talent

that came to get some breakfast in the kitchen.

I respect every attractive woman on this set.

Okay.

What's your name?

Erica.

Phillip.

So what are you gonna wear in the scene?

Well, you've just told me I can't wear this.

Okay. So let's grab some other Stuff.

I'm 'onna check with Dahlia.

And what's your name again?

- Phillip. - Phillip, okay.

There's a guy on set

that is being very disrespectful to all the talent.

He's really like crossing the line.

Okay. Who?

He says, he's the producer.

[Erica laughing]

So I told him that I would talk to you.

Phil.

Don't know his name?

Maybe Phil.

Phil. Yeah.

Look, he put in some money for the film.

He's an investor.

He's not really the producer obviously, right?

Okay. I'll talk to him.

- Okay, cool. - I'll talk to him.

You're a little inappropriate

with some of the women on the set.

You have to be careful, okay?

'Cause I'm producing this movie and it's my reputation

and I really don't want it to go sour for Brian.

Wow. That's that's pretty hurtful thing to say.

No, you're a really nice guy.

Okay. So maybe it's just you being friendly,

but a couple of the girls,

I don't know the crew girls

and some of the extras have just said

that you're hitting on them.

I'm just being friendly.

Okay. Friendly's fine.

But on a set, there are ways in which people feel

like they're crossing the line

and you just have to be careful

'cause you're an investor on this movie

and you wanna be in a position of respect

and courtesy, but I'm the producer.

And you really have to understand

that I like to hire women on my crews

because then it shows that women are working in the industry

and that we should be treated with the

same equal respect as men.

And we should be paid the same amount

of money as men, right?

Okay. I'm getting a lot, a lot of hostility here.

I'm a loving kind of guy.

You've got me completely wrong.

I give out positive vibes to everybody.

People are just... maybe you're just misreading me.

I mean, you are a charming woman.

I'm also a married woman Phil.

I don't know if you saw my kids on the set.

They were in the band there.

Brian.

[Narrator] Meanwhile, Ed was really starting to worry me.

Not only was he back in that nun's outfit,

he started growing a beard.

[Brian] Hey Ian, I need a favor.

Yeah, what's up?

[Brian] Yeah. I need you to play Dracula

in this next scene.

Dracula?

[Brian] Yeah, you can do it.

Mark is doing Dracula.

[Brian] No, no, no Mark's tired, he took a nap.

and now he just wants to go home.

You know Mark, he's just he's gone.

Yeah, but he has to play Dracula.

[Brian] we're not gonna get 'em to play Dracula

this is our last day.

So get someone else. Why me?

[Brian] What do you mean why are you?

You've got the Romanian accent,

the whole thing-

- Is because I'm Romanian?

[Brian] Yeah. Yeah.

Oh it's like a racist thing?

[Brian] No, Romanian isn't a race,

that's like a country or-

- Come on, forget it.

No, I'm not playing a vampire, come on.

[Brian] Ian come on, I need a vampire.

Okay then get someone, you have a lot of people on set.

[Brian] I need a real Dracula.

So because I'm Romanian, I'm playing a Dracula.

[Brian] No, you look like Dracula for God sake.

Come on what everybody's against me here.

Like the Dahlia wants to be to like propose now.

And I'm like...

[Brian] Yeah, you should do that.

You're crazy if you don't propose.

Okay. That's nothing to do with that,

[Brian] There's other five guys on the set

that would if you don't.

Yeah, well okay. I'm working on it.

Okay. But there's no hell I'm playing Dracula.

[Brian] You are playing Dracula.

All right, listen, Listen it very good,

there's just no way I'm playing Dracula.

[Brian] You are playing Dracula!

No, way.

[organ music]

[Narrator] I don't know.

There's something about vampire movies

with everyone getting their necks bit

and their blood sucked.

So I was hoping there was a way that we could work

in the vampires and keep my investors happy.

Perhaps even use some green screen

in case we need to find sponsors or get product placement.

We need to raise some money to finish post.

[Announcer] Welcome to Al's discount center,

where our prices won't scare you like our competitors.

I guarantee you, you won't walk out

of here feeling like somebody sucked the blood out of you.

So come on down and check out our prices.

[woman screeming]

[Narrator] Vampires really suck.

[dramatic music]

[grunts]

Phil. Is that his name? Phil?

[Brian] Yes Phil.

Okay.

So he's a nice guy, but he's really like-

- [Brian] He's a very nice guy.

No, no, no.

[Brian] He gave us a check.

That's the kind of guy-

- So that's why I wanna be cordial to him,

but he's [beep] not up on the set with the girls.

Okay. With the women on our...

[Brian] He's a little, I don't know.

He's lonely.

Okay. But he can't use this like a dating service.

We're not not here to satisfy his whims,

did he pay for us to be able to get him a date?

I don't know.

He's trying to hit

on our crew and our cast.

What's going on, man?

What's your name?

I'm Phillip.

Hey Phillip.

I hear you're looking for some action.

Hey.

I think you got the wrong guy buddy.

No, you look like the right guy.

Hey Phil. Where'd you go?

Phil, come on take on someone your own size.

[snoring]

Are you on a mission here in America?

On a mission?

No, I'm a MacGuffin.

I have nothing to do with anything.

I'm a MacGuffin.

I have nothing to do with the whole plot of this damn thing.

I don't even know why I'm involved,

but I'm so happy to see you.

I have a confession to make.

Oh, really?

Yes.

I'd love to hear it.

I was playing the victim for too long.

Oh, look at the eye patch going back.

Oh my God, look at you.

I told Mr. Rydell.

Yeah.

That I was tortured.

Tortured?

That's why I lost my eye.

Oh really?

But I just wanted to be a victim.

I wanted his sympathy.

All right, I can see that.

I wasn't tortured.

No.

I torture people.

You torture, you torturing me right now.

I'm getting very excited.

Is excitement torture?

This is my very first confession ever.

Oh really?

What can you give me the quickie one?

Oh, I like a cookie.

I like a quickie too.

Is it the one from Amsterdam with the stuff in it?

I don't know what the hell are you talking about?

Oh, in Amsterdam we only have cookies with stuff in it.

- Oh really? - Yeah.

Well would you confess your sins now?

Oh yeah this was confession.

So ever since I saw Jude law in The Pope,

I can't get over him.

Wow. Could you get into him?

Yeah. No.

I mean, no, this is a confession...

[dramatic sounds]

[screaming]

[Dahlia sighs]

[door bangs]

[Brian] Hey, Dahlia.

Oh, Brian please.

[Brian] One more thing-

- I Just need five minutes.

[Brian] Just one more thing, please.

I know you've worked hard,

but I need one more thing.

What?

[Brian] I don't know where Ian is

and I don't know where the hard drives are.

We don't have back ups

and I think we're screwed if Ian's pissed off at me.

Ian's not pissed off, he is finally getting married.

He's okay.

[Brian] He didn't like doing that vampire thing.

...and he's pissed off at me.

It's okay.

He's an actor as well

[Brian] There's a couple of things

I'd like you to do one more scene.

One more scene, are you crazy?

[Brian] Yes one more scene.

No, I've given you three weeks of my life for this.

You know, whatever I had to-

- [Brian] You had fun too.

Okay, I had fun but your degree of toxicity,

I'm trying to sweat it out right in here

and you're not even giving me five minutes.

[Brian] Now am toxic, right?.

Now you say that to me after-

- Okay, you're not toxic, okay?

It's just Phil and everything that-

- [Brian] What about Phil? He wrote us a check.

We wouldn't be making this movie...-

- He wrote us check but I almost got fricking sued

by sexual harassment case with one of our wardrobe people.

Can you please close the door

so that I can relax for five minutes?

Okay. I'm trying to sweat it out.

[Brian] Come down, all right? For God sake.

Just close the [beep] door!

[Brian] Come down!

[door bangs]

Stop filming me.

I can see you're a beautiful woman.

I think men have been ravaging you

probably for years, have they?

I have three children.

Oh, really?

I don't think that I should be talking

to you about that stuff.

Oh no.

Yeah. Brian-

- I have several children myself

and I am a priest, do you believe that?

Priests can't have children?

Oh, well I can, I'm a different kind-

- Yeah, of course you are, right?

[laughing]

I'm a bit of a womanizer, you know what I mean.

I have a couple of drinks like this

and well, I'm not going...

I'm really...

Really you too.

Yeah.

Are you kidding me? All right.

Oh, thank you.

...Jack.

Yeah.

Oh right. There you go.

Oh my God.

Yeah. It always gets me a little jacked off,

when I drink this, you know?

Wow. Wow.

Isn't that good?

I could use two more tonight.

I think you and I might be an item...

if you think of it.

Oh, I wouldn't mind getting in the bathtub.

I actually have been wanting-

- Oh God, this is what I've been hoping for all of my life.

This is a really nice one.

Isn't this nice?

It's very comfy, isn't it?

Oh, I never thought I'd be in a bathtub with a Jewish women.

I really didn't.

You're the second one to come in here.

The first one was a Jew.

Tell me story father.

[Narrator] Sorry. This part is only available

in the special features menu due

to explicit language and content.

[people chattering]

Okay, so I convinced Brian

that you guys can be in the movie, okay?

But you have to play music.

You have to play the drums and you have to sing.

What type of movie is it?

Does it have like zombies?

No, it doesn't have zombies.

What are you talking about?

This is a movie about Ed Asner and Mark Rydell,

it's a movie about old guys.

They don't have zombies.

Come on everybody is driving me crazy.

I'm just trying to get this movie done, all right?

Easy buddy, easy.

No more kids in the movie.

No more kids in the movie?

No more kids in the movie.

[speaking in Vietnamese language]

[Commercial announcer] Hello folks here at Ray's

audio and video, we understand budgets.

And we'd like to help put you

into a new entertainment center that you can afford.

So don't be a zombie.

Get on up out of that chair and come on down.

We're here until 10 o'clock tonight.

You wouldn't want to end up looking like this guy.

Oh my God.

I'm worried about getting sued.

We're gonna need a lawyer.

Hi, I'm Melissa Centeno from Canteno Law Firm.

I am a partner and founder of the firm

where we specialize in corporate,

and mergers and acquisitions.

[wind whooshing] [footsteps pattering]

[door bangs]

How do you know when a lawyer is lying?

Her lips are moving.

Come on. Let's go see the cast.

Oh my God.

Are you kidding?

Jimmy this is the greatest.

- Hi, how are you? - I'm good...

What are you doing.

What are you doing?

[footsteps pattering] [heavily breathing]

I want to suck your blood.

Oh yeah.

[Brian] Cut, cut.

I said cut.

[piano music]

? No matter what the future brings ?

? As time goes by ?

? It's still the same old story ?

? A fight for love and glory ?

? A case of do or die ?

? The world will always welcome lovers ?

? As time goes by ?

"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day.

To the last syllable of recorded time.

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

the way to dusty death.

Out, out brief candle,

life's but a walking shadow.

A poor player that struts and frets his hour

upon the stage and then is heard no more.

It is a tale told by an idiot full

of sound and fury signifying-

- Signifying nothing, nothing".

Ian actually just got a new dog

and he wants the dog in the film.

[Brian] What?

It's a really cute puppy.

People will actually come to see a movie

because of dogs...

[Brian] Oh, come on what are we a YouTube video here?

[calm music]

[dog barking] [car hoots]

What's with Ian?

He wants his dog?

And why is he telling us now?

But I think it would be really cute,

you can have the dog sit on Mark's lap or Ed's lap.

[Brian] We already have enough dogs in this movie.

We don't need another dog in this movie.

Or maybe Ed's dog and Ian's dog, can you know...

No, can do what!?

What are you suggesting? What kind of movie is this?

Are these dogs in the union?

Are they SAG dogs?

[air whooshing]

[footsteps pattering]

[chatter]

[piano music] [chatter]

Ready? Come on.

[music]

The things a producer has to go through.

My God.

Right over here, right there.

This is, what we've been promising him.

[chuckles]

This is how we got him to get in the shoot.

[laughing]

[chattering]

[laughing]

Okay. So we don't have any more money for a wrap party.

You have to get another investor.

Another cameo?

I'm Henry Penzi, I'm from the original Entourage.

I was called in by Brian, the director on this movie.

And I was a big fan when he brought up

the great name as Senior Entourage.

So I am still a big fan of Senior Entourage.

[Director] Hey Henry, is Wahlberg gonna sue us

for using the title Senior Entourage?

No, he's not gonna sue us actually

because I'm part of it so

[applauding]

My name is Greg, I'm in one of the gym scenes.

Henry brought me in

and I just had a couple of minutes to think.

And I think Senior Entourage is the best one

or maybe... Age Before Beauty.

[cast and crew affirm]

The title, you want to title, right?

Senior Fever.

I'm George I'm here for dessert.

[laughing]

[clapping]

I was part of Brian's Entourage when he was 17.

In fact, a little bit earlier,

I went to high school with Brian

and certain stories are sealed

but for enough money, I will...

[laughing]

I have a Chinese name already for this one

[speaking Mandarin language]

It's like, direct translation will be Senior Again.

[calm music]

I can see Russia.

Where is the [beep] script?

[laughing]

Where is the script we were supposed to do something,

clearly we had an idea.

Where is the script?

[Narrator] Since I couldn't wake Ed up from his nun nap,

I asked their old buddy writer,

Jerry Sedley to stand in for the sunset shot.

[laughing]

[calm music]

[Narrator] So it was finally time

to see if Dahlia's musical munchkins had the right stuff.

Hi everybody.

Today, I'm ganna sing an original

and this is sister Rebecca.

This is my brother Noah.

And this is my dad Martin.

[audience cheering]

[soft rock music]

? Oh baby I love you all the time ?

[audience cheering]

? Oh baby ?

[Ed snoring]

? 'Cause it's you and me baby ?

? It's you and me baby ?

? You and me baby ?

? You and me baby ?

? It's you and me baby ?

? It's you and me baby to the end of time ?

[audience cheering]

[Narrator] Well, I'm very happy to say that

Dahlia's kids certainly proved me wrong.

[piano music]

[audience cheering]

? Don't be scared girl ?

? Don't be scared ?

? oh no ?

? Don't be scared girl ?

? Don't be scared ?

? I'll give all my heart ?

? my heart ?

? So we don't leave love torn apart ?

? Torn apart ?

? I love you each and everyday ?

? Everyday ?

? And this is why I say ?

? I say ?

? Don't be scared girl ?

? Don't be scared ?

? Of me ?

? Don't be scared girl ?

? don't be scared ?

? Don't be scared girl of me ?

? Don't be scared ?

? Don't be scared girl ?

? Who-Oh ?

Don't you be scared girl.

[all cheering and clapping]

Excuse me, are you Andy Dick?

If there's money in it, yes.

No really, are you Andy Dick?

Not exactly, no.

You probably get that a lot, don't you?

I get that from time to time?

[snoring]

I think he's alive. Oh B'jesus.

Let me give you a little...

There you are. There you are.

Come on, get up.

Who the hell are you?

You gotta to confess your sins to me.

Come on, get up.

Don't give me a hard time now.

Want me confess what sins?

Sins, the sins of your unholy life.

What are doing with that vodka?

[beep]

Come on now, get up.

What are you doing in this room?

What the hell?

I don't even know where we are.

- For God's sake- - What are you a pervert?

I thought you were dead.

Are you a pervert?

Come now, come on get up.

[Narrator] You know what I need right now?

Some forgiveness and grace.

? I'm so glad Jesus lifted me ?

? I'm so glad Jesus lifted me ?

? I'm telling you ?

? I'm so glad Jesus lifted me ?

? Singing glory hallelujah Jesus lifted me ?

[singers vocalizing]

? Amazing Grace... ?

? How sweet... the sound... ?

There you go know

Oh, sister, sister.

Get off me.

Get of me, get of me now, I don't want you near me.

Oh my God.

All right now let me bless you.

All right.

The name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Now relax and just tell me your sins

so if you do kick the bucket

very soon, you'll go straight to the hereafter, okay?

I'm not gonna kick any [beep] bucket.

Well you don't know what that means?

What?

It mean you go up to heaven.

I'm not...

You see the Lord, you see all the angels

No, no, no.

Oh for goodness sakes.

You got the wrong party.

Yeah, there's a good pick me up.

? Amazing grace ?

? How sweet the sound ?

? That saved a wretch like me ?

? I once was lost ?

? Was lost ?

? But now I'm found ?

What do you want?

I want to hear your sins

that I can give you absolution,

forgive you and go straight to heaven if you die.

You're gonna go out that window before I die.

? I say Martha ?

? I say Martha ?

? I say Martha ?

? I say Martha ?

? I say Martha ?

? Martha don't you moan... ?

? Martha Don't you moan... ?

? Martha Don't you moan... ?

? Martha Don't you ?

[singers vocalizing]

[audience cheering]

Are you really a priest?

Of course I'm a priest.

I'm Father MacGuffin,

Don't you know me? For God sake, I'm famous.

I'm not a nun.

You're not a nun?

No.

What the hell are you then?

I'm out to have a good time.

Really?

Yeah.

You like my shade?

Oh. And it's very very become becoming what?

I don't know, but it's very becoming.

They make the outfit-

- Really beautiful.

Yes. You're a handsome nun.

I will have to say that.

[Narrator] All right, this scene is getting really

...just a little bit too bizarre.

I think it's time to wrap this movie up with a party.

? You're at the party of the year and the only thing that matters ?

? Is filling up your cup, lost in the moment, it's on... ?

? You'll have the time of your life ?

? No matter where you come from feeling your best ?

? Lost in the moment, it's on... ?

? Have the time of your life ?

? Take it all inside ?

? Can't believe your eyes, must be something... ?

? It's so good to be you ?

? It's so good to be you ?

? It's so good to be you ?

? Oh-Oh ?

? It's so good to be you ?

? Tattooed on your shoulder ?

? Far from reality ?

? Free in the moment ?

? Don't it feel good ?

? Don't it feel good ?

? The party is on stupid ?

? You found the way out ?

? Loving yourself ?

? Don't it feel good ?

? Don't it feel good ?

? Have the time of your life ?

? Take it all inside ?

? Can't believe your eyes, must be something... ?

? It's so good to be you ?

? It's so good to be you ?

? It's so good to be you ?

[fireworks rumbling]

[upbeat music]

[Narrator] We recently caught up

with well-known Academy award nominated

Director, Mark Rydell, Emmy winning actor,

Ed Asner, an actress and animal activist, Lauren Maddox.

They afforded us a peek into their discussions

about their new venture Senior Vegan Vacation.

[Ian's voice] Vegan vacation the movie take two.

So I was thinking for the next movie.

Yes.

We could call it Vegan Vacation

and this could be a sequel to Senior Entourage

and the Schnooks could be included.

So this is already a sequel?

Well, we're thinking about doing a sequel

once this is finalized.

What is this a sequel too?

Yes, we would have like even more fun.

So, even more fun.

'Cause I know this one will great.

That dog could be as big same Saint Bernard by then.

[upbeat music]

[Narrator] Yeah, I once had a big dream

about making a really big Hollywood movie

with a really big budget.

Instead, I had to make this film

and I'm really glad that I did.

[upbeat trumpet music]

? They may be old but they still got it ?

? It's the Senior Entourage ?

? Paparaaah ?

? Life so grand and they know it ?

? Paparaaah ?

? They got no script but they don't need it ?

? When they have dialog we all like to hear it ?

? And even if the sky is blue or the sky is gray ?

? Sure feels good seeing you today ?

? No bad news we don't wanna here it ?

? No, no, no bad news ?

? Good vibrations we're sure gonna give it ?

? We all know they got a lot of spirit ?

When are we doing the nun scene?

Like that we're dressed as nuns?

When are we doing that?

[Brian] You just did it.

We did it?

[Brian] This is it.

A full frontal, but I really would never expose my front.

That's for the Oscar.

You look like Tom Cruise.

You can't handle the truth.

Did you order the code red?

Just joking, it's uncanny.

I don't remember...

You eyes are pretty... translucent.

Just like yours

They're translucent.

They're not real.

They're not real.

? I love you so ?

[cheering]

Gary Marshall.

He just had such a wonderful wonderful way

he was with us.

He would say...

we would just make some nice shows here.

It's not serious. It's not serious.

And he was always kind to everybody.

And we had a softball team.

Oh Whoa.

What I would do, was I would run with my arms

like this.

Oh.

So they were overthrown first base.

Yeah.

So then I get on and the guys

would get me in.

I see Mark Rydell as a rebel.

[Brian] Rebels without a wheelchair

[laughing]

So you are embracing this...

You're so sexy.

[laughing]

Why don't we shoot the wrap party?

Why don't you go down

to the Shangri-La, that's a great place.

It's right down the street from my place.

And ask them for a freebie?

A freebie, yeah,

We'll put it, plug them in the movie.

Why don't you explain it?

That was your job.

Well, I'm MacGuffin...

There's no reason for this thing

to be in the plot, just like me.

There's no reason, it doesn't go anywhere.

It doesn't mean anything.

You just look it up! Hitchcock

Hitchcock talked about it all the time.

He made it up the MacGuffin.

But you're the MacGuffin.

I'm the MacGuffin.

Don't you understand? I'm Father MacGuffin

not McMuffin.

[Upbeat trumpet music] [singers vocalizing]

So, where do we go from here?

[Upbeat trumpet music] [singers vocalizing]

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