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1
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:11,070
Sixty-four minus 81.
2
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:16,875
Twenty-three minus 107.
3
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,111
Minus...
4
00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:28,731
What are you up to, Pop?
5
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,300
I'm up to here in debt.
6
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:33,437
Lamont, the Sanford
and Son empire's
7
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,338
on the brink of
a financial ruin.
8
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:36,839
If we don't do something fast,
9
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:38,697
we gonna fall
right on our assets.
10
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,079
I know, Pop.
11
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:44,081
We haven't had a customer
in over three days, man.
12
00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,482
But I don't want you to panic,
13
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:47,484
because I'm gonna go
get some stuff on the truck
14
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,428
that I know will
sell. All right?
15
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:53,990
Now, where was I?
16
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:58,049
Thirty-six minus...
17
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:03,455
Minus 23...
18
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:09,306
How do you do? I'm
Timmy, the Sign Man.
19
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:10,695
My sign.
20
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:14,377
I'm Freddy, the junk man.
21
00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:15,601
My fist.
22
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,855
Go away!
23
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,480
Okay, but it's gonna
cost you money!
24
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:31,228
Cost me money?
25
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,831
You see, this week,
I'm having a sale.
26
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:37,501
All my signs are inexpensive.
27
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:40,137
Even if they were free,
I couldn't afford one.
28
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:42,772
Ah, I know. Things
are slow all over.
29
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,007
You can say that again.
30
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,675
Don't have to.
31
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,513
Shall I stick it in the ground?
32
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:50,802
You're close.
33
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:58,788
Sir, I can see you're
a desperate man.
34
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,823
I think I can help you.
35
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:01,946
How can you help me?
36
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,763
Have you ever heard of
the lucky number contest?
37
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:09,098
You mean, that's
where a proprietor,
38
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,833
uh, gives away stuff, free?
39
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,068
That's right.
40
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:14,337
Those gimmicks never work.
41
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,072
A friend of mine
had a gas station.
42
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:19,709
He used to give away
silverware, dishes and glasses.
43
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,110
And?
44
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,379
And he went broke.
45
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,113
That's just it.
46
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,316
He didn't make the
gimmick attractive enough.
47
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:28,585
What do you call attractive?
48
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:31,655
Let's say $200.
49
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,823
Let's say goodbye.
50
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,925
Wait a minute. You
don't understand.
51
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,794
No, you don't understand.
52
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:41,864
You see, "goodbye" means that
someone is leaving the house.
53
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:45,001
And since this is my
house... You understand?
54
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:48,471
But $200 will draw
the customers like flies!
55
00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:51,430
When I want flies, I leave
out some sour ham hocks.
56
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,513
But it won't cost you $200.
57
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:58,815
All it would cost you
is a small printing fee.
58
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,049
What?
59
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,618
Listen, sit down. Please.
60
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:06,122
You see, I make up a sign
for you and put your name on it.
61
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:10,227
In the middle, there's a flap
with the lucky number under it.
62
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:13,230
Then I print up the lucky
number tickets for your customers.
63
00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,832
With every purchase,
you give away a ticket.
64
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:19,001
Then, in a month,
you remove the flap,
65
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:22,004
and there's the lucky number!
66
00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:24,140
And there's where I kill myself,
67
00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:27,076
because I don't have the
money to pay the winner.
68
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,112
But you don't need the
money to pay the winner,
69
00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:30,614
because there isn't
gonna be a winner.
70
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:33,783
You mean when I take the flap
off and show the lucky number,
71
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,352
nobody's gonna have it?
72
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:36,353
That's right.
73
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:40,145
You mean the
flap-off is a rip-off?
74
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:44,661
And the beauty of it is
that no one is gonna know.
75
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,095
How do you figure that?
76
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,565
Because no one ever knows
who wins these contests.
77
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,355
Everybody checks
for their own number.
78
00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:56,495
Who ever bothers
to find out who won?
79
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,068
The police.
80
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,991
And if they find out,
81
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,660
they gonna give
me a unlucky number
82
00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:17,827
across my chest.
83
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:21,420
See, what you
talking about is illegal.
84
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:25,524
Maybe theoretically,
but not morally.
85
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,272
That's very good.
86
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,274
So, you see, no one
is getting cheated.
87
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:34,611
Meanwhile, you've
made them happy.
88
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,780
You've given them
something to look forward to,
89
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,081
something to dream about.
90
00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:41,318
You've made hundreds happy.
91
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:44,086
And only one of them
could have won anyway.
92
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:46,523
You know, you're right.
I'd be a good Samaritan.
93
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,858
I'd be doing those
poor fools a favor.
94
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,160
Putting a little
hope in their lives.
95
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,996
How much is this
hope gonna cost me?
96
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,898
I can give you the
whole thing for $25
97
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,300
and have it here in the morning.
98
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:58,568
It's a deal. Good.
99
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,037
Hey, Timmy, look.
100
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,039
Since it's really not going
to cost me any money,
101
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:06,175
let's make the prize $500.
102
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,510
$500?
103
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,869
Yeah, I don't want to
think I'm a cheapskate.
104
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,417
You got it.
105
00:06:14,441 --> 00:06:15,719
I'll have it in the morning.
106
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:26,896
Well?
107
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,799
He bought it. He went
for the lucky number con.
108
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:31,634
Oh, that's great!
109
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:33,603
Greater than you think.
110
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:38,375
This joker upped the
prize money himself. $500!
111
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,577
Oh, $500, that's fantastic!
112
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:43,446
Now we wind up with
$25 for the printing,
113
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:47,350
plus the 500 you're
gonna win with this...
114
00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:49,386
The winning ticket!
115
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,359
Good morning, Mr. Sanford.
116
00:06:56,383 --> 00:07:00,296
Here's your lucky number sign
and your lucky number tickets.
117
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,999
And here's your $25.
118
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,768
Thank you, Mr. Sanford.
119
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,537
Hey, listen.
120
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,138
You know, Timmy,
this is a great idea
121
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:10,640
and I haven't told my son yet,
122
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:13,665
but I bet he's really gonna
be surprised at the results.
123
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,313
I think you'll
both be surprised.
124
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:22,419
Well, I've got a lot to do. I
have to be running along. Bye.
125
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:23,523
Bye.
126
00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:25,655
Hey, son, come here a minute!
127
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:26,890
What is it, Pop?
128
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,324
I got a surprise here.
129
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,828
Yeah? What's...
What's happening?
130
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:36,165
Here you go. That's
what I want to show you.
131
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:40,269
What's so funny, dummy?
132
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,104
It's just that the... The
printer made a mistake.
133
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,506
But don't worry, he can fix it.
134
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:44,741
Fix what?
135
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,476
Well, see, he left
a decimal point out
136
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:50,580
and instead of saying $5.00,
it says $500, you know?
137
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:51,981
That's what I ordered.
138
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:54,250
Pop, are you crazy? No.
139
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:57,754
This idea's gonna
put us on easy street.
140
00:07:57,778 --> 00:08:00,044
Is that where the
poorhouse is located?
141
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:04,093
That's your trouble, son.
142
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,496
You think too small
and worry too big.
143
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,031
I'm gonna take this
outside and see how it looks.
144
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:10,335
All right.
145
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,228
♪ Easy ♪
146
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,722
Hi, Fred. What's that?
147
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,691
Oh, it's the sign I had made up
148
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,593
announcing my
new contest, Bubba.
149
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,094
What kind of contest?
150
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,496
Ah, see, all you have to do
151
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,097
is buy something
at the regular price
152
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,832
and I give you a
lucky number ticket
153
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,667
and you get a chance
at the grand prize.
154
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,190
Well, what's the grand prize?
155
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,139
$500?
156
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:51,875
That's right, Bubba.
You see this flap here?
157
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,242
Yeah.
158
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,744
Well, under that
flap is a number.
159
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:57,380
And when the contest
is over, I lift up the flap
160
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,448
and if you've got the
number on your ticket,
161
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:00,884
you are the winner.
162
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:03,520
Hey Fred, can I buy something
now, so I can get my ticket?
163
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:04,587
Yeah, Bubba. Let's see...
164
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,589
Oh, here's something.
165
00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:10,092
Here's a $2 worth of
outstanding sewer pipe.
166
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,529
That's worthless, Fred.
167
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,731
Bubba, this isn't just
any kind of sewer pipe,
168
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:17,567
this is from the
sewers of Paris.
169
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:20,503
You see, the French underground
used this in World War II
170
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:21,738
for an escape route.
171
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:23,595
Oh, yeah? Let's see.
172
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:28,945
Hey, them Frenchmen
sure were skinny.
173
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,246
I'll take it.
174
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,948
Okay. Here.
175
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,182
Here's your money.
176
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,117
Now, give me my ticket.
177
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:38,577
Here's your ticket.
One to a customer.
178
00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,909
Well, how's it going, Pop?
179
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,411
Oh, great, son. I'm making
money hand over fist.
180
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,755
And why don't you put
a fist over your face?
181
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:09,273
Why don't you shut up, you
old fish-eyed weasel face?
182
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:14,223
I mean, weasel-eyed fish face.
183
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:17,115
Look who's talking,
Jaws' mother.
184
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,066
Will you guys stop it?
185
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,267
Now, Aunt Esther came over
here to look for some junk,
186
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,669
so that she can take a chance
187
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:28,471
on winning the lucky
number contest for the church.
188
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:31,340
We figured if we win the $500,
189
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,310
we could put on a
bicentennial play for the church.
190
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,345
Yeah, and you
can be the rear end
191
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:37,836
of what Paul Revere was riding.
192
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,951
Aunt Esther, why don't
you look around the yard
193
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,553
and see if the church could
use any of this stuff. Okay?
194
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,455
All right, Lamont.
195
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,690
I'm gonna go inside
196
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:49,291
and get myself something
cold to drink, Pop.
197
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,515
Go ahead. Take your
time, son. I can handle it.
198
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,734
Pardon me, may I help you?
199
00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,335
Yes, as a matter
of fact, you can.
200
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:00,703
I'd like to buy this table.
201
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:03,405
Uh, fine. Do you mind
if I ask you a question?
202
00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:05,241
Uh, no. What...
What... What is it?
203
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,776
Well, I'm taking
kind of a survey.
204
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,077
And I'd like to know,
205
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,579
did you come because of
our lucky number contest?
206
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:11,981
Uh, yeah. As a matter of fact,
207
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,582
a friend of mine
told me about it.
208
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,051
But I tell you, this table,
209
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,686
I have been
searching high and low
210
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,677
for exactly such a table.
211
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,946
Uh, how high?
212
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:26,228
Well, 11.18, right?
213
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:27,819
You didn't look high enough.
214
00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:30,989
81.11.
215
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:41,265
And $2 for exercise tax.
216
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:46,716
Exercise tax? Don't
you mean excise tax?
217
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,051
No, exercise.
218
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:49,285
The exercise I'm gonna get
219
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,109
helping you put
this in your car.
220
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:54,157
Okay, I'll take it.
221
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:56,959
And here's your money, sir.
222
00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:58,249
And 11 cents.
223
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:01,964
There you go.
224
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:03,432
Your lucky number ticket.
225
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:06,057
It sure is.
226
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,547
You're not even the least
bit concerned, are you?
227
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:19,782
About what?
228
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:21,718
When was the last
time you gave up $500
229
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:23,519
without getting
something in return?
230
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:26,823
Last April, when I
paid my income tax.
231
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:27,824
Here.
232
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,358
What's this?
233
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:31,942
That's your half of the profits
we made in the past three weeks.
234
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,632
There's $175 here, Pop.
235
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,935
You mean to tell me
we've only made $350
236
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:40,236
since this contest started?
237
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,470
That's right.
238
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,372
That's just great, Pop.
239
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,474
We hold a lucky number
contest to make money,
240
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:47,509
and it ends up costing us.
241
00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:49,345
Not true. It's not
gonna cost us a penny.
242
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,613
And how do you figure that?
243
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,414
Well, I didn't want
to tell you this before,
244
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,016
but I made a deal
with the printer,
245
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,218
and there isn't
any lucky number.
246
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:56,853
The only numbers
you have to worry about
247
00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:58,855
is the numbers on
them green ones.
248
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,289
The number under the flap
249
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,358
doesn't match
any of the tickets.
250
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,983
Pop, are you kidding?
That's against the law.
251
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:08,486
Only theoretically...
252
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:10,789
but not morally.
253
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:15,037
Well, I can see that somebody
put those words into your mouth.
254
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,438
What are you gonna
tell Bubba, Pop?
255
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,674
The man's got his heart
set on winning this contest.
256
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:21,210
Bubba knows that all of his life
257
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,566
the odds have been against him.
258
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:27,716
Pop, if this thing
were legitimate,
259
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,418
he would at least
stand a chance.
260
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,287
I don't know how
to tell you this, Pop.
261
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,554
What?
262
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,490
I'm ashamed of you.
263
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,114
That's how to say it.
264
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:41,330
Come on out, Fred Sanford!
265
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,354
Show us your flap!
266
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,871
Yeah, Fred! Today's the day!
267
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:51,440
All right, all right, all right.
268
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:52,809
Here it is.
269
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,977
Let's get ready for the
lucky number drawing.
270
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,346
We've been ready, fool.
Just show us the numbers.
271
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:58,614
All right, all right.
272
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,883
But first, if anybody
wants to change his mind,
273
00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:03,119
just return your
purchase with your ticket
274
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,887
and I'll refund your
money, of course.
275
00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:08,191
Of course, you'll blow your
chance of winning the $500.
276
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:09,658
Come on. Pull the flap, Fred!
277
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,493
Yeah, let's get
on with it! All right.
278
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,728
Good luck, everybody.
279
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,297
Of course, everybody
can't have good luck,
280
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:15,664
but what I really wanna...
281
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,356
Why don't you just shut
your trap and open your flap?
282
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:24,540
You ready?
283
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,075
The lucky number is:
284
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:29,946
76987.
285
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,347
If you got it... Anybody got it?
286
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,949
Bring it right up.
Claim your money.
287
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,183
Aw, nuts.
288
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,451
Come on, let's go, Esther.
289
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,554
Oh, cheer up, Bubba.
There's always bingo.
290
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,323
Aw, bingo.
291
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,624
76987 going once...
292
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,426
Well, I guess the
winner isn't here.
293
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:46,229
Excuse me, Mr. Sanford?
Sorry that none of my...
294
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,563
Excuse me, Mr. Sanford?
295
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,265
I got it. I won. There it is.
296
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,499
Oh, I don't need that.
297
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,501
You can take the losing
ticket and tear it up.
298
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,403
No, no. No, hold on.
Hold on, Mr. Sanford.
299
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:55,938
Mr. Sanford, hold it.
300
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:58,140
This is not the losing one.
This is the winning one.
301
00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,208
It's the what?
302
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,309
The winning one.
303
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,080
What are you talking about?
304
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:07,683
The winning number: 76987.
305
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,785
That's not the winning number.
306
00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:13,555
The winning number is 76987...
307
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,857
That's what I got!
308
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,292
The winning one!
309
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,626
And guess what I got!
310
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,117
The big one!
311
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:27,503
Look, Mr. LaDuke, there
must be some mistake.
312
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:28,737
Look, there's no mistake.
313
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,140
I mean, I got the winning
ticket, and I want my money.
314
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:32,708
Don't worry, you're
gonna get your money.
315
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:35,111
It's just that we don't keep that
much cash around the house.
316
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,145
Well, look, I understand.
317
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,214
I just wanna know,
when am I gonna get it?
318
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:39,615
Let's give it to him now, son.
319
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,951
I tell you what, you
come back later,
320
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,619
and I promise you
you'll get your money.
321
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:46,255
Yeah. Oh, I know I will.
322
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:49,780
Because if not, I'll just have
a little talk with the police.
323
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:54,630
Now what are we gonna do, Pop?
324
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,432
We don't have
that kind of money.
325
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,989
Let's start speaking Portuguese.
326
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,203
Then what?
327
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,294
Then we apply for foreign aid.
328
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,276
There's something
fishy around here, Pop.
329
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,877
First you make a
deal with this guy
330
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,112
for this lucky number contest,
331
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,481
then this joker shows up
with the winning number.
332
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:15,484
I think we've been had, Pop.
Those guys are working together.
333
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:18,087
Well, I'm sorry, son.
Business was bad...
334
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,271
Let me look at these tickets.
335
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:22,992
Now, these are
just ordinary tickets
336
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,661
that you could have made
up at any stationery store, Pop.
337
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,896
Those guys are working
together and we've been had,
338
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,498
and we can't even
go to the police
339
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,900
because you were a party
to the fraud in the first place.
340
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,169
Hold it. Hold it right there.
341
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,403
Listen to this.
342
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:37,006
"In case of a tie, the
awarding of the prize
343
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:39,041
is left to the
discriminating judge."
344
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:41,265
That's "discreetion"
of the judge.
345
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:46,148
So we haven't
anything to worry about.
346
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,416
How do you figure that?
347
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,385
I'll tell you when I get
back from shopping.
348
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,354
Shopping? What
are you gonna buy?
349
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:52,543
A judge.
350
00:16:58,084 --> 00:17:00,062
Pop, are you sure
this is gonna work?
351
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:01,763
Don't worry, son.
Everything's gonna be all right.
352
00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:02,965
Here he comes now.
353
00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:04,566
You answer the
door and look happy.
354
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:05,590
All right.
355
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:10,739
Come in, Mr. LaDuke.
356
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:11,974
You got my money?
357
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,558
Yeah, just, uh, right over here.
358
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:23,019
I'll get it, son. I wonder
who that could be.
359
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,521
Nobody's supposed to come here.
360
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,823
Well, hello, stranger.
361
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:31,827
Praise the Lord!
Today is my lucky day!
362
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,291
Why? Because you looked in
the mirror, and it didn't break?
363
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:37,333
What do you want?
364
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:40,102
I'm the winner of your
lucky number contest
365
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:41,603
and I want my money.
366
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:43,105
What are you talking about?
367
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:44,573
I'm talking about the money
368
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:47,843
I've got coming on
this ticket, turkey!
369
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,078
Call me a turkey again
370
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,414
and I'll baste you
with a couple of these.
371
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,083
Son, there seem to be
a little confusion here.
372
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,118
What's the matter, Pop?
373
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:58,587
Well, this lady says she's
got the winning ticket too.
374
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:00,189
Wait a minute.
That's impossible.
375
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:02,358
Well, you must be
reading that wrong.
376
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:03,662
Let me have a look at that.
377
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:08,097
76987.
378
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,898
This is really strange.
379
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,201
There are two tickets with
the same winning number.
380
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:13,436
Yeah, and I get the feeling
381
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,071
somebody's trying to pull
something around here,
382
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,305
and I don't understand it.
383
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:17,573
I don't understand either,
384
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,575
but it looks like this lady
has a legitimate ticket,
385
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,976
and you got a
legitimate ticket too.
386
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,011
Uh, your ticket is
legitimate, isn't it?
387
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:24,313
Well, of course it is.
388
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,715
You gave it to me yourself
when you sold me that table.
389
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:28,384
Oh, that's right. I remember.
390
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:31,342
And you gave me
mine too, bingo brain.
391
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:34,756
Well, there's only
one way to settle this.
392
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,658
We're gonna have
to go by the rules.
393
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:38,227
Rules? What rules?
394
00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:39,828
The rules on the
back of the ticket.
395
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:42,198
"In case of a tie, the
awarding of the prize
396
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,400
is left to the 'discreetio
" of the judge."
397
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:47,035
Well, there's no judge here.
398
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,270
Oh, yeah?
399
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,705
Oh, judge? BUBBA: Yeah?
400
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:50,828
You're on!
401
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:55,133
Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!
402
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:01,650
Come to order!
403
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,852
Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute!
404
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,087
I mean, what's going on here?
405
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:06,555
And who's this supposed to be?
406
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:07,956
Well, like it said
on the ticket,
407
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,159
in case of a tie, you've
got to have a judge.
408
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:13,195
Mr. LaDuke, this
is Judge Bexley.
409
00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:16,086
Just call me "Your Bubbaship."
410
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,768
Well, Your Honor,
411
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,570
I get the feeling somebody's
trying to cheat me.
412
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,173
Is this man calling me a crook?
413
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,807
Well, hold it, Aunt
Esther. Wait a minute.
414
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,476
Wait a minute.
415
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,878
Now, everybody,
just cool it, okay?
416
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,547
Now there appears
to be two tickets
417
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:32,648
with the same number.
418
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,250
What do you... What
do you say, judge?
419
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:38,287
Well, seeing that the printer
who printed those tickets
420
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:40,722
is probably the cause
of this whole mess,
421
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:43,292
we'll all adjourn to
his place of business
422
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:44,527
and have a talk with him.
423
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:47,129
And we'll pick up a
policeman along the way.
424
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:48,430
A policeman? Wait a minute.
425
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:50,732
Mr. Sanford, we don't
need a policeman, do we?
426
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:52,034
Sure we do.
427
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,302
And an ambulance.
428
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:55,204
With my heart condition,
429
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:57,348
I could have the
big one any minute.
430
00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:00,142
It would be the
printer's fault too,
431
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:02,144
and that's murder
in the second degree.
432
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,445
Uh, m-murder? Hold it.
433
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:05,381
Look, Your Honor, there's
gotta be something else we...
434
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:06,715
We can work out.
435
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,884
Alright, lady, how about
if we just split the money?
436
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,519
So be it.
437
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:15,357
$250 to Mr. LaDuke and
$250 to Mrs. Stranger.
438
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:18,026
Mr. Sanford, you'll
pay Mrs. Stranger
439
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,962
and Mr. LaDuke, you'll get
your half from the printer.
440
00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:22,198
The printer?
441
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,865
Case closed!
442
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,133
Now, wait a minute, Mr. Sanford.
443
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,368
You can't allow this to happen.
444
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,237
Oh, I feel the big
one coming on.
445
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,806
All this aggravation
is killing me.
446
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,040
Killing?
447
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,609
I'll call the police!
448
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:34,843
Hold it. Hold it, Your Honor.
449
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:36,144
Okay, fair is fair.
450
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,646
I mean, when you're
right, you're right.
451
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,848
And the lady has
got the $250 and...
452
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:42,884
Anybody wanna buy a table?
453
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,275
I didn't think so.
454
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,089
Yeah, y-yeah, yeah.
455
00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,102
OK, Esther. Now give
me my money back.
456
00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:03,261
I ain't giving you nothing,
you old heathen crook!
457
00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:07,443
I'm trying to win something
here for the church,
458
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,111
and you're here
running a crooked game.
459
00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:11,880
This money's already
been earmarked
460
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:13,682
to do the work of the Lord.
461
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:14,805
Oh, glory!
462
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,488
If you don't give me my money,
463
00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:22,212
you're gonna be earmarked
for some intensive care.
464
00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:27,296
What about me,
Esther? I helped too.
465
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,865
That's right.
Here's $50 for you.
466
00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:32,501
And the rest is for my church.
467
00:21:32,525 --> 00:21:33,736
Praise the Lord.
468
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:34,970
Thank you, Esther.
469
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:37,373
Hey, Fred, when's
your next contest?
470
00:21:37,397 --> 00:21:38,607
Right now.
471
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:40,208
How would you
like to take a chance
472
00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:42,811
on getting out of
here with my money?
473
00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:44,713
Pop, just hold it, Pop.
474
00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:46,715
Now, let Bubba keep the
money, because you were wrong.
475
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:49,084
At least this way,
you're halfway honest.
476
00:21:49,108 --> 00:21:51,787
And besides, we got a pretty
nice profit to show for it, Pop.
477
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,322
You're right, son.
478
00:21:53,346 --> 00:21:56,091
That's right. You a fine
young man, Lamont.
479
00:21:56,115 --> 00:21:59,094
Fred Sanford, you
ought to thank the Lord
480
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:01,530
for sending you such a wise son
481
00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:05,501
and two wonderful
friends like Bubba and me.
482
00:22:05,525 --> 00:22:08,304
She's right, Pop. She's right.
483
00:22:08,328 --> 00:22:09,427
Yeah.
484
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:14,343
Thanks for sending
me such a wise son
485
00:22:14,367 --> 00:22:18,580
and for sending me
two wonderful friends
486
00:22:18,604 --> 00:22:20,783
like Bubba and Esther.
487
00:22:20,807 --> 00:22:22,384
That's wonderful, Fred!
488
00:22:22,408 --> 00:22:25,242
But since I only need
one wonderful friend...
489
00:22:26,646 --> 00:22:28,123
please, Lord,
490
00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:30,715
pick up the tall, ugly
one at your convenience.
491
00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:44,261
It's the "Guess how many
jellybeans in the jar" contest.
492
00:22:48,067 --> 00:22:49,645
Well, how many
beans are in there?
493
00:22:49,669 --> 00:22:51,380
How should I know?
494
00:22:51,404 --> 00:22:53,003
The winner of the
contest will tell us.
495
00:22:54,139 --> 00:22:55,651
You know what?
496
00:22:55,675 --> 00:22:59,254
There's only one way to tell
how many beans are in that jar.
497
00:22:59,278 --> 00:23:01,111
Start counting.
498
00:23:04,517 --> 00:23:10,198
One, two, three...
Hi, Fred. Hi, Lamont.
499
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:12,501
Oh, hi, Bubba. What
you so happy about?
500
00:23:12,525 --> 00:23:15,738
I just bowled my
highest game: 185!
501
00:23:15,762 --> 00:23:21,377
186, 187, 188...
502
00:23:21,401 --> 00:23:23,979
Bubba, why don't you
stick a 7-pin in your right ear,
503
00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:27,805
and put a... Stick a 10-pin
in your left ear and split?
504
00:23:29,475 --> 00:23:31,353
What are you so mad about, Fred?
505
00:23:31,377 --> 00:23:32,521
Because I'm counting these...
506
00:23:32,545 --> 00:23:34,022
These beans here
for a new contest
507
00:23:34,046 --> 00:23:35,824
and you keep throwing me off.
508
00:23:35,848 --> 00:23:37,726
Oh, I'm sorry. What
does the winner get?
509
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:41,096
The bowl and the
jellybeans that are left.
510
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:43,799
One, two...
511
00:23:43,823 --> 00:23:46,101
Hey, Lamont, did you see
the football game last night?
512
00:23:46,125 --> 00:23:48,136
No, I went out last
night, Bubba. Who won?
513
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,672
The Rams pulled it out in
the last quarter, 31 to 27.
514
00:23:50,696 --> 00:23:54,610
28, 29... Only 45
seconds left to play.
515
00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:57,713
46, 47... Over 70,000 fans!
516
00:23:57,737 --> 00:24:01,104
70,001, 70,002...
517
00:24:02,742 --> 00:24:03,952
Bubba.
518
00:24:03,976 --> 00:24:05,654
Oh, I'm sorry, Fred.
519
00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:07,389
That's okay, Bubba.
520
00:24:07,413 --> 00:24:09,691
Hey, you're losing
weight, aren't you?
521
00:24:09,715 --> 00:24:11,259
See!
522
00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:12,494
Hold it right there, Bubba.
523
00:24:12,518 --> 00:24:15,063
That gives me an
idea for a new contest.
524
00:24:15,087 --> 00:24:17,065
What? Guess how
much weight I've lost?
525
00:24:17,089 --> 00:24:19,668
No, guess how many
beans in Bubba's pants.
37769
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