Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

Here we go, Bob.

Thanks, Lamont.

Let's get this thing taken care of right here.

I think we're taking care of it.

Hey, son.

Oh, hey, Pop.

What were you doing there?

I'm putting up a campaign poster.

Pop, I'd like for you to meet Bob Williams.

Hello, Mr. Sanford.

I don't shake nobody's hands.

Hey, that's you, ain't it?

That's right, sir.

And what... are you through nailing on my table?

Yes, I am.

Uh, do you mind, Mr. Sanford?

Oh, no, not at all.

Thank you, sir.

Not at all.

You see, that's why I'm in business.

Let me have this here.

Let's see. One table, $20.

And, uh, four nails at 10 cents apiece...

We'll make that a nice, round figure.

Hey, Pop, Bob is running for Congress

and I'm helping him with his campaign.

Son, I don't care if he's running for President.

Now, y'all just put four holes in my table.

It's my table too, Pop,

and I told him he can have it.

You're donating our table to a political candidate?

That's right.

Well, didn't you learn anything from Watergate?

Didn't you learn nothing at all?

Didn't you read that chapter

about campaign irregularities?

Would you stop?

If you want to stop campaign irregularities,

here's what you gotta do.

Take back the table,

give him a tablespoon full of castor oil,

and let him run for his office.

Listen, son, I'm telling you,

You cannot give

political candidates presents.

Uh, Mr. Sanford... I'm not talking to you!

It's candidates and politicians like you

that have soiled America.

You've ruined everything

that our forefathers and foremothers worked for.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Now, get off my property.

Here's $20 for your table.

Thank you very much and good luck in November.

Just wait right here, Bob, and I'll go get your $20.

No, Lamont. Please, man.

Then that would put the table in a category of a gift,

and your father would be right.

Well, that's not right, Bob,

because the table's not leaving the yard,

so it's not a gift.

Right, we're gonna keep it here

and use it as our sub-campaign office.

Yeah, well, you just lay there,

and I'll get your 20, all right?

Thanks, Lamont.

Hey, Pop, listen...

I don't want to hear nothing at all.

Yeah, but listen, man.

I feel that Bob Williams is a good man.

He's one of us, man. He's for the people.

And it would be to your benefit, just as much as it is to mine,

to get the brother in Congress.

The brother needs support.

Buy him a Living Bra.

Don't you have any sense of civic pride?

Certainly, I do.

Well, then what's wrong with letting Bob Williams

use our junkyard as a campaign site?

What this neighborhood doesn't need

is another campaign headquarters.

It needs a junkyard!

As long I got breath in my body and strength in my arms

and love in my heart for my fellow man,

I'm gonna give them junk.

That's wonderful, Mr. Sanford.

Told you I didn't shake nobody's hand,

didn't I?

Now I understand your point,

and I am pleased

to have heard it and the eloquent, yes, eloquent

manner in which you have expressed it.

I'm only sorry for my own thoughtlessness, sir.

Goodbye.

Wait a minute.

Here.

What's that?

That table wasn't worth no 20 bucks.

Here, put that in your pocket,

and take the table.

Thank you, sir.

You don't shake hands.

No.

See you later, Lamont.

That was a great thing you just did, Pop.

Sometimes, you surprise me.

Well, I'm not too old to realize when I'm wrong.

Well, I never thought

you'd give him that $20 back.

I didn't.

I gave him a buck.

[KNOCKING]

Someone's knocking at the door.

Yes, I know.

Well, answer the door.

Why should I?

If there's somebody knocking at that door,

they probably want to see the people whose house this is.

I'm not such a people.

I don't have any say around here

as to what table gets given to who,

or who campaigns where,

so this is obviously not my house.

I do not live in this house.

Would you like to die here?

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

Thirty-five years doing nothing.

Hello, Fred.

Don't tell me nothing about nothing going wrong

over at Sanford Arms.

Nothing's going wrong over at Sanford Arms.

It's not? No.

The roof's not leaking?

No.

And the wallpaper's not peeling?

No.

And the pipes haven't backed up? No.

George, I'm gonna have to raise your rent.

Hah hah!

"Hah-hah," hell.

I'm not laughing. I mean that.

Look, Fred, I couldn't help overhearing

what you said in the yard today.

Oh, you mean when the "Speaker of the House"

kicked out Bob Williams.

Right, and I'm glad you're campaigning

for John Ross instead.

Who's John Ross?

He's running against Williams.

Listen, Hutch, I'm not supporting anyone.

I'm running a junkyard, not a convention center.

Well, what you got to do with it, Hutch?

My probation officer suggested

that I get more involved in politics.

That's as it should be,

because politicians are getting more involved

with their probation officers.

George, what's on your mind?

The same thing that was on Bob Williams' mind,

to use this place as a campaign headquarters,

only for John Ross.

How much?

Let me put it this way...

Mr. Ross has no budget for campaign headquarters.

Well, since you put it that way,

let me put it this way...

You can leave that way.

Fred, maybe you should speak to one of my coworkers,

who's better at this than me.

Speak to your coworker?

Well, how about the fifth of never?

That convenient?

I'll tell her to stop by.

Good. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Did you say, "Tell her?"

I said "Her".

FRED: Is it a pretty her?

GEORGE: She certainly is.

Well, that changes

the whole complexion of the matter now.

See, what I was... You see?

All he has to do is mention a girl,

and you go for that, man.

That's what your political ideals

are all about.

You don't care anything about government, or politics,

or community service, or ecology.

Just bring on the girls.

I'll vote for that.

Hey, listen, Hutch.

Tell me more about this her.

Well, I think you've seen her, Fred.

It's Della Reese.

Oh, come on. Della Reese.

Della Reese is my niece.

If Della Reese is your niece, Attila the Hun is my son.

Well, I'll tell her to stop by tomorrow.

Okay, tomorrow.

You lying...

[KNOCKING]

All right. I'm coming.

[KNOCKING]

Come on in, come on in.

Hello.

I'm Della Reese.

Della, Della, Della!

I mean, Miss Reese.

That's all right, That's all right.

You can call me Della, Della, Della.

And you can call me whenever you want to.

I'll come!

Can I call you Fred?

Fred!

Did you hear that, Elizabeth?

Della called me Fred.

Uh, honey, can you find

something to do for a couple hours?

Della and I have some business to talk over.

Come right in. Have a little sit-down.

Thank you.

Excuse me, my strange attire.

You see, since my wife passed,

I have to be both a father and a mother

to my son.

Oh, that's just wonderful.

Yeah? You think so?

Yeah.

Well, I've been thinking seriously of remarrying

so my son can have the warmth of a mother around the house.

Well, that sounds wonderful and right.

Yeah? Certainly.

Well, would you like a small wedding

or something big and fancy here?

You're wonderful, Fred, and I love your sense of humor.

There's just one thing I want to ask you.

Is George Hutton your uncle?

Yes, he is,

and we're both campaigning for John Ross.

Why?

Well, he's a great man.

I think he'll make a wonderful congressman,

and I'd like to do all I can to help get him elected.

So you want to use my place here for campaign headquarters?

Yes. Is that possible?

Well, I've already said no to your uncle.

Well, I understood that, but I thought maybe if...

Well, no, see, my no is a no, and my yes is a yes.

Well, I can understand that.

Goodbye.

Well, wait a minute.

My yes could be a maybe if your maybe could be a yes.

I don't understand, Fred.

Well, see, if I say yes, will that mean...

Will that mean... you'll be coming around...

often?

Well, yes, I would be in and out.

Our main headquarters is at the Hollywood Diplomat Hotel,

where I'm performing,

but I would be dividing my time between here and there.

I see... So, what is your answer, Fred?

Si.

The answer's yes.

You can bring

your pennants and your stickers,

and your placards, and telephones,

anything you want.

Well, that's great.

One condition.

What is that?

If you see a tall fella with a big, thick mustache...

Yes... Telling people he's my son... Yes...

Don't you believe him, because he's lying,

so call the police and have him locked up.

Well, who is he?

Attila the Hun.

Hey, son.

Look, I fixed your favorite dinner...

French-fried potatoes, onion rings,

steak, and string beans.

You did it, didn't you?

Sure, and them string beans are just right.

I don't mean that.

I mean this. What?

You sold yourself out to vote for this John Ross

all because of whoever "her" was.

Listen, son...

No, Pop, listen. I... No stories.

I'm your son.

Now, just tell me honestly.

Now, did a woman come over here this afternoon?

Well... Honestly.

Yes.

And did she work for John Ross?

Uh, well... Honestly.

Yes.

And did she convince you to let John Ross use this place

as his campaign headquarters?

Honestly?

Honestly.

Yes.

Well, I don't know why you did it, Pop,

but at least you're honest.

I never lied to you.

It was Della Reese.

[DISHES CRASHING]

Why don't you just stop making up stories?

No, son, I swear.

Della and I were standing over there by the door

with an apron on.

Della Reese in an apron? Come on.

No. I had on the apron.

Why don't you just stop it?

I swear, son, she looked up at me

with them big, beautiful brown eyes

and all I could think of was yes.

I'll see you later, Pop.

But you didn't eat your dinner

I'll go over and eat at Rollo's.

You didn't say that.

I can't stay here.

I could have understood it, Pop,

if it hadn't been something as important

as a congressional election.

And I'll admit that John Ross isn't a bad candidate,

but you're voting for him for the wrong reason,

all because of some woman.

Not some woman. Della Reese!

I don't want to talk about it.

You said yourself

that John Ross wasn't a bad fellow.

Yeah, but you didn't take the time to find that out.

You just sold yourself out and your son

because of some pretty face.

It wasn't just some pretty face.

It was Della Reese's pretty face and the rest of her.

Well, even if I am crazy enough

to believe that Della Reese was here,

it was still wrong, Pop.

Well...

Pick one candidate, I lose my son.

Pick the other one,

and Della might not come back no more.

Torn. I don't know what to do.

I know my s... Della over here...

She's so nice.

But my son...

I think I'm gonna stick with my son,

because I don't know if Della can drive a truck.

♪ Feel like it's time... ♪♪

Marvin, it's right there.

It's something about that chord. I just don't like that.

Try this, Della.

♪ Feel like it's time... ♪

♪ Feel like it's time ♪

What did you do?

I moved up half a step.

Well, let's just do that

all the way through the beginning.

Okay.

♪ Feel like... ♪

♪ It's time ♪

♪ Feel like it's time ♪

♪ Feel like it's time ♪

♪ Feel like it's time... ♪

♪ To ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Ease on down Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Now, don't you carry nothing ♪

♪ 'Cause that might be A heavy load ♪

♪ You can just ease on down Ease on down the road ♪

♪ I said ♪

♪ Just ease on down Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Watch you say We ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Oh, now don't you Carry nothing ♪

♪ 'Cause that might be A heavy load ♪

♪ Just want to ease on down Ease on down the road ♪

First verse.

♪ Now, there may come a time ♪

♪ When you think You've lost your mind ♪

♪ Because every step you take ♪

♪ Leaves you Three, four steps behind ♪

♪ But just keep right on moving On the road that you choose ♪

♪ Don't give up walking ♪

♪ Because you ain't got No shoes ♪

♪ Just ease on down Ease on down the road ♪

♪ I say you can ease on down Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Now, don't you Carry nothing ♪

♪ That might be a heavy load ♪

♪ Just ease on down Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Pick your left foot up ♪

♪ When you put Your right foot down ♪

♪ Just keep movin' Now, don't lose no ground ♪

♪ I admit right now ♪

♪ We're having Some very hard times ♪

♪ But you just Keep on steppin' ♪

♪ Everything's Gonna be just fine ♪

♪ Just ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down the road ♪

♪ I say you can Ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Now, don't you Carry nothing ♪

♪ That's gonna be A heavy load ♪

♪ Just ease on down Ease on down the road ♪

One more chorus, Marvin.

♪ I say ease on down Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Ease on down Ease on down the road ♪

♪ Now, don't you carry nothing That might be a heavy load ♪

♪ Ease on down, Ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down Ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down ♪

♪ Ease on down the road... ♪♪

All right, Fred!

All right.

Ah, Della, let me ask you a question?

Of course.

Now, I don't have no good voice,

and I don't have no terrible voice either,

and all my friends tell me...

I want to ask you,

do I remind you of Billy Eckstein?

Only when you mentioned his name.

What are you doing here, Fred?

Well, I came down here to tell you

that you and my son are both

on different sides of the political coin,

and he's ahead of you two to one.

I don't understand, Fred.

Well, see, you're supporting Ross,

and he's supporting Williams and me.

I still don't understand, Fred.

Well, see, when he leaves to go to work in the morning,

I'll be watching...

I'll be sitting on the couch,

or something like that, and what-what, see...

Um...

Why're you taking all that stuff down?

Well, son, I thought about what you said,

and it made a lot of sense.

Really?

Yeah, and I want you to know I'm proud of you

for being interested in politics.

Well, I'm proud of you too, Pop,

especially since you probably lost the friendship

of whoever she was.

Oh, what does that make a difference about?

One thing don't have nothing to do with the other.

That's the way I feel too. Hey, let's have some dinner.

Okay, I'll fix you something.

No, no, no, you sit down here and relax.

I'll fix it. Really?

Well, you fix what you want to.

Now, you know I'm not fussy. I know.

I like my French-fried potatoes real crisp.

I like my steak medium-well on the rare side

and rare-to-medium on the well side.

Okay.

Look, Pop, I gotta tell you.

I know why you lied about Della Reese.

I want to apologize for being so hard on you.

Listen, it don't make no difference, son.

Don't apologize when you do something that's right.

Now, don't back off now. Stick to your guns.

[KNOCKING]

That's the way I like to hear my old man talk.

I'll get that. I'll get it.

Oh, Hutch. Come on in.

Hi, Fred. Hey, Lamont.

Have you met my niece?

Della Reese!

And you must be Attila the Hun.

Uh, no, it's my son, Lamont.

Hi, Fred.

Hello, honey. Good to see you.

See? I told you I knew her.

Hey, I can hardly believe it, man.

You wasn't lying.

That was Della Reese.

It still is, honey.

Fred, Uncle George is taking me out to dinner,

and I thought maybe you'd like to come along.

How about it, Fred?

No, see, Lamont was just gonna throw on a few steaks.

Why don't you join us?

Oh, Pop, we don't...

We only have enough food for two.

Oh, I apologize, Della.

You know, my son had promised to cook,

and it'd be a shame to leave him here

to eat alone.

Hey, Pop, you don't... You don't have to do that.

Yes, I did.

Uh, Hutch, enjoy my steak.

Come on, Della, we'll be late for dinner.

Let's ease on down...

♪ Ease on down Ease on down the road ♪

Hey, son.

Hey, Pop, you're back.

Yeah.

You waited up for your father

to return from his big date?

Yeah, tell me all about it.

Well, son, first,

we went to this fancy restaurant.

Uh-huh.

And we split a B.L.T. and a root beer float.

That fancy, huh? Yeah, fancy.

Then we walked up Hollywood Boulevard, arm in arm.

Della Reese and me, arm in arm.

Her arms were folded like this...

and mine were folded like this...

arm in arm.

That sounds good.

Then what'd you do?

Then we went by that famous Chinese theater.

You know, where the stars' got

their names and feetprints and handprints

in the cement. Right.

That's where I took her, there, see,

because that was that show business stuff.

Well, that makes sense to me.

Then I told her I was thinking

about dropping into show business and stuff.

I'd get in in a minute, because I dance,

and I just move... And sing.

Sing, yeah.

Right there, you know what I did?

Sang "If I Didn't Care."

♪ And would I be sure... ♪

I know the song.

I sang that.

Did two choruses and a reprise.

And she left?

No, she didn't leave.

She told me that I had as much talent

as anyone that had his handprints

and name in the cement.

She said I shouldn't wait any longer

to show people what I can do.

She said that?

Yeah, she said... and she said,

look, tomorrow, for me to go get a bunch of cement

and stick my mouth in it.

Okay. How do you like that.

I mean, this woman, she just loves me.

She just... Oh, Della, Della, Della!

♪ And would I be sure That this is love ♪

♪ Beyond compare? ♪♪

What is this?

What does it look like?

Have you eyes and see not?

Have you brains but think not?

Have you mouth that talk not?

What is this?

My campaign poster. I'm running for congressman.

Pop, it's too late

to file a petition to run for congress.

You'll never get on the ballot.

I don't want to get on the ballot.

I'm running as a right-hand candidate.

Right-hand?

Right on.

Pop, what do you know about politics?

Everything. I've been studying, son.

And I know a lot more than I thought I knew.

Go ahead, ask me something.

All right.

What would you do about the oil situation?

I'd let it slide.

Come on, Pop.

That's right, that's right.

I think we're putting too much stress on oil,

and not enough on vinegar.

Okay, well, what do you think about...

What do you think about wheat sales to Russia?

I think all sales to Communist countries

should take place in the evening.

Why?

Because I believe in... ♪ Red sails in the sunset ♪♪

Okay, now tell me,

what are some of the issues that you feel strongly about?

Well, I'm in favor of gay power.

Is that right?

That's right.

And if elected,

I'm gonna do everything in my power

to get Marvin Gaye to sing in the White House.

You're ridiculous. You know that?

No, I'm not, son. I'm serious.

Now, look, it's time

there was someone in Washington

who came from the people.

Someone with something to say

about capital punishment.

What do you know about capital punishment?

Plenty. Plenty. I'm in favor of it.

I think they should punish everybody in the capital.

Well, as a congressman, would you keep Kissinger?

Keep kissing who?

Kissinger, Pop. The Secretary of State.

Oh, her.

Him.

Oh, him. Yeah. He's all right.

Pop, you know, I really don't think

you're qualified to break into politics.

Yes, I am, son, and I'm running.

Well, good luck.

Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?

Hey, wait a minute. What are you doing?

What are you...

You want to run, Pop? You want to run?

Run some place else.

This is a junkyard, not a convention center.

The people in this neighborhood don't need politicians, Pop.

They need junk, and I'm gonna tell you,

as long as I've got strength in my body,

I am going to give them junk.

[♪♪♪]