Original subtitles

You're late as usual.

Want a drink?

I'm not giving you those photos.

I've never trusted you.

Forget I ever existed. Don't contact me.

Otherwise I'll talk. And in full Dolby stereo.

I think you're sick.

You really need help but you won't admit it.

You're hurting me!

Stop!

WHO KILLED PAMELA ROSE?

- Agent Starling, you wanted me? - Here. We'll miss you.

- But that's... - It's lambskin.

Please, sit down.

Right. For this last class....

Thanks, kids. Open your books.

Today, we'll be looking at how to infiltrate

a ring of drug dealers: attitude during a transaction.

The first rule?

- Baccelli? - Pass yourself off as one of them.

Right!

Amigos! Make yourselves at home.

Have a good trip?

Loads of turbulence.

Team 1, position B.

Hungry? There's chili con carne, moussaka. Your national fare.

Let's just get down to business.

OK. Busyness is busyness!

Don't overdo it.

Sit down.

Exercise discretion during a deal.

You're there for the drugs, so don't ask questions.

Don't make them uncomfortable.

Your boss is nice. Where does he live?

He's Colombian? That's nice.

The dope?

Hold your horses! You're all work.

Team 2, position B.

Where's "Colombian" come from?

I bet it's Christopher Columbus. When he landed, he went "Wow!"

And he called you lot Colombians. - Let's storm it.

We need Mullan.

Don't fret, he's a pro.

Last month I was with Miguel Cola, head of the mandolin cartel.

His bodyguard Chico

says to me, "Got the coke?"

And I said,

"Course, mate. Cola's coke, innit!"

His name's Cola, and I give him coke.

Geddit? It's a pun, you see.

See a movie on the plane? What was it?

Lastly, the golden rule in a deal is never ever...

Let's taste it! Huh, Johnson?

I don't think...

This is good stuff!

He's gone berserk, your "pro". Give me the green light!

I'm starving!

- I'm hot! - Est� buena!

Let's go get laid.

Bullit, sure you're OK?

I'm doing just fine!

Can you hear me?

They'll suss you!

I know my job... 15 years in the FBI!

Team 1, go!

Team 2, go!

Shit!

Giddy up! Come on!

Agent Johnson down. Immediate evacuation.

- Well? - He's dead.

- He can't be! - Only kidding. I'm a painter.

- I'm Dr Sunday. - Hello.

These are your colleague's X-rays.

Johnson is pregnant!

Those are my mother's X-rays. I'm going to have a baby sister.

As you can see, the bullet entered

through the left kidney, then headed towards the prostate.

But there...

the pancreas was blocked, so it went through the aorta

before lodging itself in the left lung.

- What does that mean? - Sit down.

I shan't beat about the bush: he needs a bone marrow transplant.

- A compatible donor. - I can make a mean kebab.

But he has a very rare blood group: A alternative.

One in a hundred thousand.

I put a lab assistant on the case. He says it'll take 1200 years.

I'll find a donor.

Here's my email address: wherewastheschlep@FBI.com.

Thank you.

Can you save him?

I wish I could say yes.

Can I see him?

Yes. Room 607, between 406 and 205.

Johnson, it's Richard.

Nice room. You've got a great view, eh?

I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me...

I panicked.

Two days before you retire, you get shot. It's too bad.

But don't you worry. We'll go see the Buffalo Steaks.

This week they're playing in the final.

Against the Chicken Wings.

Right. I'll be off.

Have a good day, then. I mean, a good night. No...

A good coma, basically.

You've completed all the FBI training courses.

Except for nautical knots.

20 years as an instructor.

Why did you want to be posted here?

- To be a street agent. - You have been.

Only simulated stuff.

I don't know if...

Look Donuts, just trust me. I've always longed to do it.

May I get a coffee?

Recommended by Stevie Wonder, so I don't really have a choice.

You'll need plenty of support. You can team up with Bullit.

Richard Bullit?

The Bullit of the Colombian case?

I'd rather be with somebody else.

I don't think Bullit belongs in the FBI any more.

That's for me to decide, Ripper.

That must be Bullit. Come in!

- Hi, Donuts. - Hi, Bullit.

This is Agent Ripper.

He's replacing Johnson, just till he's better.

Donuts.

I need a bit of time.

No can do, Bullit.

You can see he needs a vacation.

Know what time it is? Same time as yesterday.

What about Johnson? How much time's he got?

Stop!

That's enough.

You're working together, period.

- You know Bornsville? - No.

A stripper was found dead in a motel.

I'll spare you the details.

You'll soon see why they called us. So long.

See you tomorrow.

- Is this a Bucar? - It's mine.

Talk about a heap!

This "heap" is a classic car, a prestige car.

There are 3 in the world. I've got number 4.

What make?

A Fuego.

Been working for the Bureau long?

CIA junior university at 12.

Youngest instructor at the FBI school at 18.

I've specialized in 67 disciplines.

I know 15 combat sports, 3 of which have disappeared.

How about you?

- School certificate in business. - You rely on your instinct!

I just have to look out at you to know everything about you.

You're wearing an undershirt: you don't like verandas.

One ear bigger than the other: you were made to wear dresses.

- Shall I go on? - No. Don't bother.

Gentlemen!

Right. We don't get much crime in these parts.

But this one... How can I put it?

I've never seen anything like it.

Act like professionals

and do what it takes to get the bastard who did this.

And Washington doesn't reckon us lot are up to the job.

That's why they're sending...

No way!

- Hang on! Let me finish. - Sorry.

That's why they've decided to send the G-men.

The FBI takes all the credit and never pulls the chain.

Let's show 'em who's boss.

Don't give them a hand, don't ever say yes.

Get to it, guys.

I read the report on the Colombian case.

Wearing a bullet-proof vest is against regulations.

- I was cold. - You mean you were afraid?

It smells of bull in here.

- What are you playing at? - What? Scared?

As I was saying, it smells of bull in here.

Sir, I heard you say that it smells of bull in here.

We're actually transporting cattle, hence the smell of said animal.

As we can only wash at night, we smell at noon.

Please excuse us, sir.

You may not have time to wash, but it still smells of bull!

Enough, Bullit. You've won.

Yahoo! Do you love rodeos and dissecting crabs?

Come do both at the Grand Crab Rodeo, this Sunday,

at Cheese Bacon Ranch!

By the way, I've just heard

that the FBI is leading the Few Motel murder inquiry.

And if you don't know what FBI means,

I'll tell you: Fuckwit Blunderers Inc!

This is Phil Canon for WKDO!

Welcome to Bornsville.

Never yes. Never say yes.

Say, can I go see the dead lady, boss?

Your first inquiry?

- Never seen a corpse? - Yes, Bambi's mum.

You know, Ribisi, a corpse is someone like us,

who can no longer do stuff.

- Any ideas what? - Break-dance?

Another difference between us and corpses is their stench.

Ever smelt Ricardo's socks after training?

Imagine those same socks, only ten times bigger.

It's normal. Off you go.

Sorry.

- Ribisi. - Yes, boss.

Your pa would be proud of you.

Never say yes. Never!

FBI. Where's Sheriff Marley?

I don't know.

- Is he here or not? - That depends.

- Everything OK? - Maybe.

You've no business here.

- Sheriff Marley? - Yes. Who are you?

Agent Bullit, FBI. We're taking charge now.

We'll need you.

Go photocopy us the hotel guest list.

- Have you touched anything? - We have. Without gloves.

We washed the victim with bleach. Shouldn't we have?

I don't believe it!

Don't go putting spokes in our Wagon Wheels,

because you won't win.

You take us for country bumpkins,

but this here is my turf, and I sure didn't invite you.

You're probably the best cop to find out

how the cat got stuck on the hot tin roof.

But this is a murder, so let us handle it.

She's in the bedroom.

Name's Pamela Rose.

She was a stripper at the Solid Bar.

Thanks, gents.

Pamela Rose case. The crime scene. Few Motel.

Standard room, $15 a night.

Curtains are open and... It smells of burnt fat.

There are prints on this.

There's another one here. An antelope's footprint.

Pretty deep. Must be heavily pregnant.

Ringo!

You mean "bingo".

What's this?

Sperm perhaps...

No, definitely not.

Death by suffocation by strangulation.

The marks speak for themselves.

Before jumping to conclusions, why not examine the bullet hole?

May we ask you a few questions?

This is the cleaning lady. She discovered...

Thanks, sheriff.

Take this to the lab.

At what time did you find the body?

No hablo americano.

Leave this to me. I did Spanish in school.

Did you eat the room...

after driving the truck's corpse to the canteen?

Qu�?

Thanks, Ripper.

May I have two beers and a ham sandwich?

She knows nothing. Gracios.

You can remove the body.

- We need an office. - There's only mine.

That'll do.

- Thanks. - Don't mention it.

- Anything else? - No.

Actually, I've rounded up the restaurant staff for you.

Come on, Bullit.

I noticed two or three straaange...

- Huh, Ripper? - What?

- What do you reckon? - It's good.

- It's good to sleep with your mum? - No. I mean, I don't think so.

Evening, gents.

Phil Canon.

From WKDO! Ho ho!

Aren't you the two agents from the...

FBI.

You know very well what it means, Mr Canon from WKDO,

as in Wanted Karate Kid's Dog...

Otoroute.

I thought FBI agents had a sense of humour...

Hang on, gents.

Answer my questions.

Quasimodo, you don't get it. You're too ugly to talk to.

Get back up your bell tower.

Your dad must've thought your mum had it off with...

a Spotted Dick.

I never knew him.

The kids used to call me freak.

The freak.

They made me wear a hood so I wouldn't scare the kiddies.

I ran away when I was 13. I worked in a circus.

Pedro, the Tapir Kid... That was me.

The audience chucked shoes at me when I came on stage.

The only day I didn't hide was Halloween.

Canon.

Sorry...

I'm used to it.

We can't discuss the case.

But here's a small gift.

It's a pin from the FB... I!

FBI. Everyone freeze! Aaahhh!

For an ugly git, you're a helluva guy.

The interviews.

If we start now, we'll be finished by 5 a.m.

High-priority email arrived.

- Bullit, it's 8 a.m. - OK. Won't be a minute.

- Sleep well, Ripper? - Yes.

Come on! We don't have all day.

I've a call to make.

You don't know how it works?

- Hello? - Gracinda, it's Richard.

How's Johnson?

That's why I'm calling. Find me a Dan Nuggets.

Right, what's he done wrong?

Nothing. He could save Johnson's life.

He's a potential donor.

OK. You know my motto?

"If your couscous is too lumpy, you skimped on the water."

Say, Gracinda...

I'll be back in Washington soon. We could meet up.

What for?

I don't know. To... talk.

- Maybe. I'll call you. - OK. Ciao for now.

Where are you hiding, Nuggets?

She can't be home!

This mess isn't normal.

Pamela Rose case. Victim's home.

That isn't how chairs go.

Tut... tut...

Hmm... Sorry, I'll start again. Tut... tut..

I get the feeling someone got here before us.

Have you covered this sort of homicide?

You take me for a rookie?

My last condemned man was called John Pizza Pan.

Electrocuted for eating Beatles.

- For eating creepy crawlies? - No. John, Ringo and Paul.

- Well, well. - What, what?

Twingo.

It's "bingo", not "twingo". What is it?

A satanic figure.

It's made of wax, the sort used to wrap certain cheeses.

Ah!

- Bloody hell! - Wot?

You won't believe this: she's got a photo of me.

What are you on about?

No. That's incredible. It's a photo of me.

No, it's a photo of us!

We're closed.

- It's me, Mum: Phil. - I'm feeding the animals.

Sit down.

Where's my peanut butter?

Joe had run out. I'll try tomorrow.

You're just like your dad. Totally incapable!

Ugly!

Don't call me ugly, Mum.

Calm down, Mum.

Do you know where Dad kept his bottles of hydrolium?

I'll take care of him.

You really think it's time to...

This is Ginger Norwell, from the Solid Bar.

She organised the whole thing.

She's my best friend.

28 years old today, and still single.

And I won't find a man in this dump.

Thomas, stop that. Don't film my feet.

Don't touch the controls, Thomas.

Come on, Ginger. It's my birthday, you have to.

All right.

Right, Pamela Rose... Rose: R...

- Want a hand? - Yes.

- Don't we get an encore? - Found her. There.

The smell.

- Done the test? - No.

Go on.

How do we know Barry White borrowed your car?

Wait. Go on.

Because he left hair gel on the headrest!

OK. She's dead. We can get started.

Oh, Pamela!

She died from jugulo-ridal compression.

Can you be more explicit?

She was smothered with a pillow, or possibly a guinea pig...

He knew what he was doing.

- Meaning? - It just sounds good.

Drew, zip up the body.

There, gentlemen. Ah, I almost forgot...

That white substance is anti-plaxomillar Theranol.

In other words?

A haemorrhoid cream, for the treatment of sore bums.

- She had a sore bum. - No, you don't get it.

It's only prescribed for male anal trouble.

You'll have the list of Theranol users in a minute.

- Is it for Pamela? - You're well informed.

Hi, all.

Hi, kids. Do you have my Memorax?

And don't forget: two in the morning, two at night.

I know. It's been 15 years.

What a nerve!

He's got IML.

- Wot? - Instant Memory Loss.

He was a quarterback. Got concussion.

He can't remember a thing since. That's the 30th time today.

That's funny! It's sad too though.

It's fad.

Hi all.

Hi, kids. Do you have my Memorax?

Do you have my Memorax?

Bullit?

I found Nuggets, your donor. He's in Cheyenne City.

Cheyenne City. All right. Thanks. Ciao for now.

Ripper, I gotta go.

- Might I know where? - It's personal.

An FBI agent must always put his mission first.

But I can manage just fine without you.

Miss?

- Are you Ginger? - Yes.

Agent Douglas Ripper, FBI.

- What do you want from me? - Tell me about Pamela.

What will that change? She's dead.

- To arrest the... - She were murdered...

"Was murdered." You made a minor grammar mistake.

I make them too sometimes.

You don't know what it's like to lose your pal.

A bit like losing your keys when you don't have a car.

Exactly.

- Where did you meet? - At university.

In the same class?

No, we used to mow the lawn. University costs too much.

And I'm not smart enough.

Don't say that. You underestimate yourself.

For example, what's the capital of China?

Berlin. Isn't it?

Well done. See, it isn't so hard.

I used to come here with Pamela.

We can learn a lot from animals.

Did you know Muscovite ducks have carafe-shaped genitalia?

Ginger?

Sit!

Yes?

Dan Nuggets?

He isn't here. Not anymore, anyways.

- Who wants him? - Agent Bullit, FBI.

Know where I can find him?

Don't have a clue. He was the old tenant.

Come in.

- So you're from the FBI? - Yes.

He could save my partner.

I used to have a partner, a long time ago: John Karsher.

We were in Along Bay, at point 7.0.

We didn't hear them coming. 60,000 guys.

Karsher got hit first.

A rocket tore off his head.

I put it in my pack, and ran for hours and hours.

All the time, I could hear Karsher groaning in my pack.

Bloody Vietnam.

Your legs. Was it a mine?

No! They're mine.

I've still got them. I like sitting on my knees.

What?

So I wasn't there. Declared unfit.

But I could've been. That's what counts.

- Understand? - Yes.

I was declared unfit, too. I've got twin feet.

They're identical, except for the right foot.

Your man Nuggets... He left a trunk in the attic.

Thanks.

It's cold in here.

Ah no, it's my cigarette.

"Center of Demi."

Demi Moore?

Demi Moore has a centre?

Everybody now!

Ginger?

Detective.

Why did you leave so fast?

- Didn't want to be seen with me? - I lived with a cop for 6 years.

At 3 a.m. the phone rings. It's his partner.

I hang up.

End of story.

I'm sorry. I had no idea.

Be right back.

All right, Ginger?

All right?

Yes, yes.

That "yes, yes" sounds like a "no, no".

- Detective... - Yes?

You smell like the restroom.

- Fancy one? - No, alcohol makes me fart.

- Any news? - Yes.

We've identified the prints found on the glass.

Thomas Filbee.

A bit of a retard, delivery man at Spencer Pressing,

which works with all the motels, including the Few Motel.

Interesting.

You went to the pharmacy. Anti-plaxomillar Theranol?

Yes, we've got the list of users.

It's useless.

Ah... Why's that?

All the users died in a bus crash.

They were on their way to the sore bum congress in Denver.

They were hit by a toilet-roll truck.

Fate.

One man did not take the bus that day.

Ribisi.

Sitting comfortably?

Thomas Filbee, our fingerprint man.

He's more than a suspect, he's a stack of evidence!

I've issued a description.

- We've got a problem. - What?

Your Filbee is chromastosic.

He's what?

Chromastosic: a rare allergy to acrylic.

Touching paint can prove fatal.

Sure you don't want a drink?

In 100 metres, turn right.

Right.

At the next intersection, Turn right.

Er no, sorry. Left.

- Mine's a Bud, please. - Coming right up.

Ginger, I've got a joke for you.

I have a pal who loves Indians. You know what sort of car he got?

A Cadillac!

Just a minute.

After-gags service, hello.

Hi. Do you want my password?

Jojo's dick.

It's Kad and Olivier. When's the film out, then?

That's just it. I've got a major gag problem.

The reference, please.

K 2000.

The one about the pal who loves Indians.

It usually works fine.

Maybe it's an editing problem. Tell me.

I said...

No, that isn't it. I'll tell you again.

Ah, right. OK. My mistake. Thank you.

Thanks.

Ginger, I've got a joke for you.

I have a pal who loves Indians. You know what sort of car he got?

A Cherokee.

A Cherokee jeep!

It's a good one.

Do you have anyone in your life?

No.

I was married for 25 years, and she left me for my dentist.

When I brush my teeth, I think of her.

Once a month. How about you?

- You have a lovely face. - Thanks.

I wish I could say the same thing to you.

Would you agree to...

...polish his dick!

You know, life on a sub gets pretty boring.

And, among guys, it's natural. Don't you reckon?

I don't know. I wasn't in the army.

- My feet are... - ...black.

My dad had a black moustache.

He looked like a...

...wart hog. It was 10 metres away, and I missed it.

We could go hunting together when we've wrapped this up.

I've got a cabin in the woods.

- We could spend the night there. - Yes. Why not?

In 500m, do a U-turn to the left. No, the right.

Find your own bloody way!

I wanted to be a singer.

It's a white boat With no no no...

Ginger, I...

How can I put this... I want to eat your bum.

I want to, too. Yes?

No, nothing.

I knew I'd find you here.

There's nowhere else in this dump.

This is Bullit, my partner, when he's not too busy.

You're in Pamela's video.

Did you watch the whole thing?

Being a pro, I imagine you've asked the routine questions?

Er, I haven't had time...

- Did Pamela have a boyfriend? - No.

And Thomas Filbee?

- Who? - Leave this to me.

What about him?

You know him?

Pam looked after him. He's retarded.

He's a dringo.

No, he's different. That's all.

The sheriff suspects him.

He'd never have touched her.

He's still our prime suspect.

That'zimpossible! Pam taught him to write.

Thanks to her, he got work. Not him.

I believe you.

- Look, you ought to... - Wot?

- Well, to... - Ginger.

Are you afraid to talk?

I've told you what I know.

You know you know more than you know.

What?

Ginger, as far as you know, did Pamela have any enemies?

The iguana?

- Cold. - It freezes.

- Cactus. - It pricks.

- Cheese. - It stinks.

- China. - It's far.

- The plate. - It's here.

No!

Last chance.

Yes.

- Who is it? - Marley.

Obviously.

Come in.

Were you followed?

No. I wiped out the tracks with a broom.

That's why I'm late.

You handed over the dossier?

- You know, Phil... - You're going to spout rubbish.

A problem?

They're smart.

I followed them. They're experienced.

They'll never believe me.

Listen to me.

If they mess things up, we'll get rid of them.

For good.

We can't kill two FBI agents!

In the States, we can do what we like.

Even assassinate the president.

- We can... - No. We have no choice.

You have no choice.

For Filbee, we do like we said.

What did we say?

Ah yes.

Disguise it as a blunder.

The case will be closed. It's as simple as that.

Got it?

Do we have to kill them both?

Pamela.

You're going to see your Pamela.

Say, Thomas, I bet she told you a few secrets.

Where did she hide her diary?

Her jewellery, her photos?

Pamela.

If you talk, your Pamela will come see you.

He doesn't know anything.

We'll see about that.

Please stop!

Think hard.

A little cupboard, a hidden drawer, a box.

I don't know, ma'am.

Enough, Canon. He doesn't know anything.

The Boiaboikanjboi.

What's that you said? Bloody loony!

What?!

Right.

Anti-plaxomillar Theranol,

the pharmacist's list, Filbee's prints,

Ginger's note: the iguana, the satanic figure, extinguisher,

the police calendar, the switch, the mahogany wardrobe.

The police calendar.

Come see.

The satanic figure.

- Jeannie Longo! - No, it's "bingo".

- Let's go see Canon. - You think...

At this hour, I don't.

It's late, let's sleep here.

Nice work, Ripper. Well spotted.

Thanks, Bullit. When you left, was it for Johnson?

Yes.

Sorry. I had no idea.

Drat! There isn't a bed.

Right, take the couch. I'll take the armchair.

Thanks, Bullit.

- Goodnight, Ripper. - Goodnight, Bullit.

Can you leave the light on?

Come off it. You're not five years old.

There aren't any crocodiles in here, or ravenous wolves.

Listen, there isn't a sound. So there's no monsters.

There aren't any monsters, huh?

Morning, Ripper. Morning, Richard.

I'll air the room. The janitor's cat must've peed in here.

Yes. She must have.

- Coffee, sheriff? - Please.

- One and a half lumps? - That's right.

We paid Ginger Norwell a visit.

Filbee delivered stuff to Few Motel, and he was Pamela's prot�g�.

- She was a mum to him. - She was scared of someone.

- And? - Nothing. She said nothing.

She just gave us this strange note. Look.

The girl gave you that? The iguana?

There's been no trafficking in hides in these parts.

I took a look at the archives.

Look what I found.

- The photo of Pamela at the motel. - Look at the date.

8 October 1972.

It was taken in Marie Filbee's room.

Thomas found his mum dead, aged 8.

Poor woman fell from a ladder while painting the ceiling.

Are you saying Filbee re-enacted his mum's death with Pamela Rose?

"Pamela was a mum to him."

The Theranol, the prints, his mum. No doubt in my mind, it's him.

We'll get him, dead or alive.

Identical, except for the socks.

Pamela Rose is wearing socks, and Filbee's mum isn't.

He can't have forgotten.

He's a loony.

90% of re-enacted murders are identical.

One detail, the ritual's abortive.

Meaning?

Maybe Filbee isn't the culprit.

- What now? - We go see Canon.

He must have seen Pamela before she died.

Richard?

No, nothing.

Yes?

Listen to me.

All right.

What is this?

Sorry. I thought it was the end. I'm off.

Phil Canon.

Right now on WKDO...

Phil Canon.

The FBI!

When the red light's on, you stop talking.

We had the same at home.

Great!

Ho ho! Hi buddies!

Phil Canon on WKDO, Bornsville.

For swimming, I wear a Winnar cap.

With a Winnar cap, my hair doesn't look crap.

Here's Peter McGray, Take me wannagain first, whoo, baby!

What can you tell us about Pamela Rose?

Nothing.

But I know plenty about the folks of Bornsville.

- For instance? - Nothing very interesting.

The local hairdresser...

- Highlights, as usual? - Yes.

Reckons he is the reincarnation of Geronimo.

Geronimo!

In the same vein,

Jimmy Apple Pie, the pharmacist. He has a thermometer up him 24/7.

And Pamela Rose?

I said I didn't know anything.

That's nice.

An error of youth.

You do that often?

Yes, it helps me relax.

We found this in Pamela's room.

OK.

I met her 3 or 4 months ago.

I was at the Solid Bar. We got chatting.

Then I had a drink at her place.

And?

That's it. Wasn't my type.

Your alibi?

A radio show. Ask my witnesses. All 10,000 of them.

Nice scar. Did you have your appendix out?

No. My mum's iguana bit me when I was 12.

Right, gents. I'm on again. Sorry.

- See you soon, Canon. - Yes, see you.

Hey, buddies!

Phil Canon on the mike, on WKDO, Bornsville.

Getting bitten by an iguana. That Canon's an unlucky guy.

The iguana is the serial killer of the jungle.

I've already eaten it, in Africa.

It tastes like Treets. Ah, the iguana!

Slept with Ginger?

She's a witness. You know she's off limits.

We're not just FBI agents, we're men with a capital M.

My mum's iguana bit me when I was 12.

As far you know, did Pamela have enemies?

Ginger's note: the iguana.

- Gin... -...ger.

She has to explain.

Hang on tight. We're doing a U-ey.

Put the wipers on. It's filthy.

- I can't see. - Washer.

Goddamnit!

No more water. I filled her up.

Hang on!

I've got an idea.

Try to swerve the car.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Someone wanted to bump us off.

To prevent us from living.

The worst thing is,

you can't get this sort of hose any more.

Good job, Ripper. You're a very brave guy.

I owe you one.

Herpes? Pussy?

Herpes?

Watch out!

- Was it a mosquito? - Yup.

- A second later, you'd had it. - Right. Well, thanks.

I reckon we're quits.

Ginger? Miss Norwell?

Ripper!

- She doesn't appear to be home. - She's in the bath.

She's under the water.

She must be holding her breath.

What's the world record?

Two hours twenty-eight, I think.

- Twenty-eight what? - I don't know.

Minutes. It can't be litres.

Two hours twenty-eight litres doesn't mean anything.

Not really.

Yeah, that's it.

Bloody hell!

Same goes for the elephants.

Who do you think did this?

In five.

- Canon. - Suspect.

- Verb. - Banana.

- Subjunctive. - Accomplice.

He wouldn't have time. Canon has to have an accomplice.

Did you find her?

You saved her. 1 more minute...

- World record? - Cardiac arrest.

- Can we talk to her? - Not for long.

Thanks, doc.

- Ginger? - Herpes?

I recommend Zovirax.

- Herpes, my pussy? - Fraid I'm not qualified.

Ginger, it's Ripper and Bullit. Who did this to you?

I didn't see his face.

- Did he try to touch you? - No.

Why take a bath naked?

- Did it go on long? - I'm not sure. A minute.

- He saw everything. - Stop. This isn't the time.

After this, you don't have the choice.

The iguana, that's Canon. What's he got to do with this?

Pamela had been participating in special parties since Thanksgiving.

She needed the money.

She wanted to stop. She felt her life was in danger.

What went on at these parties?

From what she told me,

two masked men would handcuff her to...

Luigi...

Why are they filming us?

I asked them to. I know the producer.

No way! I'm not prepared.

Don't worry.

Act natural. It won't last long.

- They're going back up. - Cool, wasn't it?

Now you know everything.

Two days before she died, Pamela gave me this key.

She asked me to look after it.

Thanks, Ginger. You're safe now.

With two cops by the door, Like in the movies.

- Did he fondle your boobs? - Ripper!

I wash sixty times a day,

because the aliens are coming for me,

and I'll have to be clean.

- An ape would've done better. - They just got lucky.

We'd better quit now.

You can't turn back. We'll just speed things up.

You want to tell your husband that you're sleeping

with Jimmy Carter?

They're on to us.

They know nothing! Stick him in the mobile home.

We'll just speed things up.

- Go get Filbee, now! - Easy. I'll go.

Please call us if you've got a moustache on the soles...

Where are you going?

Your neighbour cooks in a tutu.

He can dress like a Bee Gee.

And you can discover your homosexuality at forty.

Call us and come on the show.

Any ideas about the key that Ginger gave us?

Have you forgotten something?

- Go to Pamela's, I'll meet you. - How?

Take my car. I'll manage.

FBI! I'm requisitioning your car.

It splutters in second.

Pull the choke and change up to third slowly.

And don't smoke, they're leather seats.

The Boiaboikanjboi.

Le bois aboie quand je bois.

It's the wrong key.

Unless it's the wrong box.

Of course! "The wood barks when I drink."

What barks?

A dog barks.

I have to find a wooden dog.

It's hollow.

Thanks. That's a fast car you've got.

Normal, it has six gears.

I'm in no mood for jokes today.

Agent Bullit, FBI. I'm after Dan Nuggets.

He's training. Shouldn't be long now.

- Training to do wot? - Defuse a charge.

How are you doing?

You didn't pull your punches with the charge.

- Stop! - Impossible, it's the final phase.

There are enough explosives to make King Kong's grave.

Nuggets, are you all right?

- You're the iguana! - You're the sheep!

- What are you doing? - The iguana.

- For I am the iguana! - And I'm the sheep!

Stop! Untie me.

Canon.

Sorry.

Hello?

- Marley? - He's on a mission.

- Who's that? - Ribisi.

Bullit, FBI. What mission?

It's top secret.

It's my first arrest, I want to make my dad proud.

Easy, son. Where's your dad?

I never met him.

No, it'll never work.

Luke?

I'm your dad.

Dad?

Tell me, pumpkin. Where's the sheriff?

Dad!

Excellent, Nuggets.

Tell him we're on our way.

Sir?

He's done.

Where is he?

Over there.

Thanks.

Nuggets!

What?

No!

I knew a man who went into a coma, but at the age of 8.

He woke up 40 years later.

He was wearing shorts, a cap, and carrying a satchel.

So?

Just to tell you that there's always hope.

Canon has vanished.

We watching the stations, the airports and the vivariums.

He won't get far.

- And the 2nd man on the photo? - No idea.

- Got a scanner on your laptop? - A wot?

- What's your password? - I don't know.

- Your favourite food? - Potatoes.

That's it.

What are you doing?

Zooming in to see who she is looking at.

Nothing.

What we see is reflected on our retina.

Her eye will talk. It's a Greek technique.

Those Greeks are smart.

You heard me, Ribisi.

Filbee is a dangerous loony.

Don't hesitate to shoot.

Don't hesitate to shoot. Don't hesitate to shoot.

Stop.

Can't you go any faster?

Right. Give me the red tape in the glove compartment.

What is it?

It'll make us go faster.

Dad!

Shit!

Come on, you.

Idiots! You could've been killed.

By Filbee, I suppose. Look.

He's been drugged.

We're taking him to Bornsville.

Dad.

See you later... son.

How can you tell... when you're really in love?

Love is a like a microwave.

Put your feelings on the tray, turn the dial to 4, 900 watts...

Hang on!

- Go left. - There's a fence.

The tunnel. We'll lose him.

A tank truck. We won't make it.

- Height of the car? - 140cm.

That'll do. Go under the axle.

Go left.

But that's Carlson, and all its wonderful stores!

- Any better ideas? - There! The pizza joint!

There! A cowboy boot store!

The road is under construction.

- Take the bridge. - It isn't built yet.

Really?!

Get out, with your hands up.

- Guns on the ground. - It's over.

- We know everything. - You didn't have to kill her.

She had photos, she was blackmailing me.

She threatened to tell the press.

You wouldn't understand. But I loved her!

- Not with an iguana mask. - What would you know?

Ever wept for a woman?

Stayed up watching her sleep?

Tried to fast-forward time to be with her?

Hit a pizza boy? Fallen when climbing Mr Spud Head?

Calm down.

I am calm.

So you'd kill cops?

I can't hide anything from you.

Seeing as we're all going to die, may we know who your accomplice is?

Yes. It's the least I can do.

Right, my accomplice

is Ma...

- Thomas, drop that gun! - It's ma...

- He killed Pam. - Give me the revolver.

McGiver, Ma Baker, Man United...

He'll have to explain himself to Pam, up there in Heaven.

With E.T.

Thomas.

Go wait for us in the car, and put your finger away.

- What happened? - It's Canon.

Manu Dibango...

- Is he dead? - Yes. We had no choice.

- Are you hurt? - No...

Me neither.

He tell us his accomplice's name.

- Who? - The 2nd guy on the photo,

who wanted to kill Ginger and who saw her naked.

Canon tried to incriminate Filbee.

In the car!

What?

Him. He's in the car.

On the photo.

Just try it!

Youou?

Sorry, Richard. I didn't have the choice.

He had me in a corner.

We won't be able to go hunting. I'll be going to jail

for a long time.

But I'm sure glad I met you.

- Want me to fix you up? - Read him his right.

Sheriff Marley, you're under arrest.

- Anything you say can be... - I know!

I'll use that.

- You have the... - Enough!

That's for seeing Ginger's boobs.

And this is for my nephew. He's a huge fan.

- What's he called? - Kevin.

For Kevin. Best regards.

- Thanks. - Don't mention it.

Appointment!

With death!

Geronimo!

For our honeymoon, I thought of France.

Where the Eiffel Tower is?

Do you know Cr�teil? It's really pretty. You'll love it.

- Have you told Bullit? - This isn't a good time.

- Agent Bullit? - Hello, doctor.

I saw Johnson's personal file at the FBI.

You've got durable power of attorney.

Wot does that mean?

You get to decide what happens to Johnson.

His brain is irreversibly damaged.

Even if he wakes up one day, He'll never be the same.

- You want to pull the plug? - It's up to you.

- I want a coffee. And you? - A tequila sunrise.

- They don't have that! - Nothing, then.

- Can I have a soda? - Yes.

This is for you and Bullit.

Thanks, Thomas.

- What do you want? - That or that.

All right?

Here, it's a gift from Filbee for the two of us.

The colours are nice.

- We've found a donor. - Wot?

He's saved?

It isn't that simple.

China has come up with an A alternative, but...

there's no reference number on the platelet.

We don't know his identity.

He's in your data bank, but you don't know who it is?

I don't get it...

- It's me. - This isn't the time for games.

It is him.

What?

I'm an A, A alternative.

Wait.

It may be too late already.

I knew I'd find you here.

How's Johnson?

OK. He's enjoying life again.

We took the stabilisers off his bike yesterday.

When's the wedding with Ginger?

It was last weekend.

Congrats.

She got married to Filbee.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Hi, pumpkin. How are you?

No. That's the crisper. The cheese is in the door.

On the left, yes.

Listen, I...

Yes. No. I'll be home at 7.

- I love you, Dad. - I love you too.

That was Ribisi. We've so much catching up to do.

Bullit.

I've been made a special agent. It's thanks to you.

So, here. This is for you.

- A key? - Just push it.

Ha! What fun! A musical key.

Turn around and press it.

It's an 83 diesel turbo.

With four alloy wheels.

It's number six.

It's yours, Bullit.

A woman's body was fished out of the East River,

with 5 boxes of Monopoly as ballast, and...

a mountain bike saddle in her larynx.

Let's go.

You've got hot and cold air.

- It's incredible. - Wot?

They're filming from a distance, but you can still hear us.

Ribisi is now head of the FBI.

After 6 years in jail,

Marley became a contortionist

in Wichita, Oregon.

The pharmacist has 38.2�C today.

Canon's mother plays drums with the Eagles.

The extra in sequence 8 is shooting Julie Lescaut.

Grimmin does air traffic control.

Doddles got the Nobel Peace Prize for his work in Switzerland.

Canon is buried in Vancouver's tropical animal cemetery.

And Ginger and Thomas Filbee own a Golden Bun bakery

in Cr�teil, Val-de-Marne.

Subtitles - Susannah Rooke for TELETOTA

Hey, gamin! Where is he?

Yes?

You didn't see that, OK?