All language subtitles for Loserville.2016.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

[uplifting music]

*

[rock music]

*

*

[crowd screaming]

[Vice Principal Kogiso]
Hey, get back, you get back!

[indistinct cheering]

*

-Over here, Chuck, over here!
-Okay!

*

[Chuck]
Thank you, guys, thank you!

-Get out of the way!
-Chuck, over here!

[Chuck]
Thank you so much, man,
thank you, keep the pen.

[shouting]

[fan]
He signed my tie!

-Can I have a selfie, please?
-Okay.

*

Being the most popular guy
in school has its advantages.

Everyone's waiting to
meet your every need.

-The jocks.
-Let's go, get money.

[Chuck]
The popular girls.

*

The stoners.

*

The power lesbians,

and of course, the
personal entourage.

As Thomas Jefferson said,

"No one man should
have all this power."

Maybe that was Kanye West,
but there's only one woman

who could be the
Angelina to my Brad.

Melissa Mercer.

[crowd chanting "Chuck"]

Gotta say, pretty
sweet to be me.

[Evelyn]
Chuck, Chuck, Chuck.

Chuck, are you listening?

Hey, honey, what was
I just saying to you?

Chuck, honey, I don't
talk for my health.

I was saying that
maybe--hey, when maybe

Casey and I get back
from the firm dinner,

he can help you with that, um,
skit you were talking about.

[Casey]
Yeah, buddy, I got
this great joke.

It's about a nun, a nurse,
and three slices of bologna.

-Kills every time!
-God help me.

You two really are in the
same demographic, aren't you?

You know, by tomorrow
you two will be

the next Tina Fey
and Amy Poehler.

Oh, I love it, listen, you guys
could make the skit about--

[Chuck]
Okay, Mom, it's
called a screenplay.

I'm writing a screenplay now,
but besides, I work alone.

[Evelyn]
Chuck, you know,
honey, I think Casey

was really looking forward to
doing something that you like.

[Casey]
Yeah, I am, you know, I was
thinking we'd get some s'mores.

We could make it
a cheat day, huh?

Wow, wow.

That would be
really fun, but, uh,

I just don't think
it'd be very productive.

You know, I'm trying to make
a statement about high school,

so I don't really
think you'd get

what I'm trying to
do artistically.

[Casey]
Oh, okay, I mean,
well, I don't know.

It could be cool to have
the perspective of a parent.

-What are you talking about?
-Figure, figure.

-A parent figure.
-A parent figure.

-Coach Harris.
-Buddy, come on, we've talked

about this, you only have
to call me that at school.

I mean, gym class
especially, but you know,

outside of school it's as
casual as casual can be.

Well, Casey.

Yes, Chuck?

You're not my dad.

[door opening and closing]

[Evelyn]
Okay, don't worry.

-That went well.
-He'll, he'll,

he'll come around.

He always does.

[Casey]
I'll make you come around.

-Hm, you will, huh?
-You always do.

[mellow music]

*

[male #1]
Did you hear Mary slept
with her sister's boyfriend?

-Yeah, that was sick.
-Isn't that--

Only Richie Covington
and Bruce Wayne

can have two sisters
back to back.

I never thought I'd like to
see Mary Mercer's sex tape.

-Well, she's like--
-You slut.

-What a loser.
-If I were Melissa--

[female #1]
I mean, like why would
he even get with her?

-I don't know.
-It makes no sense.

-What a slut.
-Richie could do so much better.

[female #1]
She's not even pretty,
like, I don't get it.

[female #2]
How could she even do that?

[moaning]

So awkward.

[girls laughing]

-Hey, Mary, do me next!
-There she is!

[female #1]
See ya, slut!

-Ryan sent that to everyone.
-Chuck.

-Hey, Jonas.
-What's up, man?

[Chuck]
I want the earth
to swallow me now,

and consume me
within its bowels.

Coach Harris spent
the night again?

Yeah, he's moving
in or something.

-He's not that bad.
-Hey, playas!

The playa-playas from
the Himalayas, right?

-Sup?
-Hey, guys.

Guys, what is everyone
laughing about on their phone?

Do you honestly think
they let us know?

Maybe it's 'cause they're
gonna legalize weed,

and then we'll be able
to smoke it at school.

-My dad said that would happen.
-Jesus, Franklin.

If it's not sex, it's
pot, I mean, come on.

How does one guy think of
two things so frequently

-when he's tried neither?
-Dude, look at Jasper Stonewall.

Exhibit Z.

He, he can't even open his eyes,

but he smokes, and he gets
all the ladies, my gangsters.

Wow, that is, that
is a smart theory.

You should publish that.

[Chuck]
Hey, guys, clearly
something's going on.

We're the only ones
who don't know.

Franklin, give me your
phone, mine's dead.

[Franklin]
My dad took it away

because I was playing
Mahjong online again.

[Jonas]
Why does it even
matter that we know?

-Everybody loves a good scandal.
-Yeah.

[Jonas]
You didn't when everyone
was talking about

-Coach Harris and your mom.
-Wow, okay, that's not funny.

[Franklin]
Oh, snap, you just gave
him the one-two punch.

[Jonas]
I wasn't trying to be funny.

[Jessica]
Damn, Mary Mercer
and Richie Covington?

-Jessica.
-Miss Rappaport.

[Miss Rappaport]
What, what do I have
to do to convince you

to audition for
the Scottish play?

Look, Janice, I'll
make you a deal.

I'm not auditioning,
per se.

Catch my drift?

So, Lady Macbeth.

Better find me a good
leading man, Janice.

[indistinct conversations]

[cackling]

[Ryan]
Richie, hey, Richie.

-So, how was it?
-How was what?

[Barry]
What, last night?

[Richie]
Uh, I drank way too much,
and then I went over

to Melissa's to try
and smooth things over

after the fight
we had yesterday.

-Mhm?
-That's it.

[Ryan]
What do you mean that's it,
after the video you sent me?

[Richie]
What video?

[Barry]
Wait, wait, wait,
did you black out?

[Ryan]
That makes this so much better.

[Barry]
Do you not remember calling
me at four in the morning?

[Ryan]
Do you not remember sending me
this video, Mr. Boogie Nights?

[Barry]
Oh, that's an on
point reference.

[moaning]

-I sent you that?
-Yeah.

[Barry]
With the caption "hfhjufud."

[Ryan]
I gotta say, the costar
was the big surprise.

Who would've thought Mary would
wear such a slutty pink bra?

Oh no, don't delete it, how
will I ever see it again?

[Richie]
You didn't send that
to anybody else, right?

[Ryan]
One or two hundred
people probably saw it.

[banging]

[Vice Principal Kogiso]
Do we have a problem,
Mr. Covington,

or did the locker hit you first?

[Barry]
All good, Vice Principal Kogiso.

-Dude.
-Hat!

[Richie]
Melissa, Melissa, wait!

[Alicia]
Don't, leave her.

[Ryan]
And this week on a
very special episode

-of How I Met Your Sister!
-Thanks, Ryan!

Barry, man, I expected
more outta you!

[Ryan]
What?

[bell ringing]

-What, you too?
-Yup.

In the dust, you're
gonna leave me in the dust.

Barry!

[Melissa]
Gotta say, when your
boyfriend cheats on you

with your younger sister
and sends out a video

for everyone to see
really puts it out there.

And I mean, just because
you hurt your knee

and lose a basketball
scholarship does not give you

the right to go out there and
have a free pass, get drunk,

and make mistakes
left, right, and center.

[Alicia]
So what can I do?

Do you want me to
go slash his tires?

-I'm not above that.
-No, Alicia, no, it's okay.

Thanks for, like, going out
there, and calling me,

and making sure that
I didn't see the video.

[Alicia]
Hey, come here.

Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry.

Oh, um...

Okay.

I can explain.

Melissa.

[Mr. Busby]
Okay, so,

who would like to read
this next section for us?

Anyone?

Any takers?

[Jasper]
Could I leave?

Mr. Stonewall, if you leave
you'll miss the next chapter,

and it's a good one.

Hey, uh, Mary.

Haven't heard from you in ever.

Will you read?

[chuckling]

[upbeat music]

*

I can't believe that Melissa
and Mary are sisters.

I keep telling Melissa that
Mary's just in need of, like,

like a, like a really
empowering makeover, you know?

Mary's a freak that makes
the rest of us nerds

look like we emerged
from a WB show circa 1999.

I find her aura to
be stifled, you know?

*

Like a tortured cat.

Students like Miss Mercer
who are loners and outsiders

often go on to become
incredibly well-adjusted people.

Sometimes they don't.

I heard that Mrs. Mercer drank
a lot when she was pregnant

with Mary, so I guess
it makes it sense.

You know, science.

Mary?

Mary who?

[Mr. Busby]
Mary, um, speak up now.

[Jasper]
I'm sorry, dude, I'm outta here.

[Mr. Busby]
Mr.--wait, okay.

[Jessica]
Mr. Busby, class is
almost over and you said

I could make my announcements
before we leave.

-Yes, Jessica, but I--
-Great, excuse me, Ted,

-this is important.
-All right, go ahead.

[Jessica]
Fellow seniors, it
is Spirit Month, woo!

And I noticed that some
of you did not feel

like participating in
Pajama Day yesterday.

Yeah, okay, now some of you
have reached the regrettable

mistaken conclusion
that this is a democracy.

As Senior Class Community
Captain, I would like to let you

all know if you do not attend
our upcoming senior events,

I will hunt you down.

[sinister music]

[screaming]

*

So, with that said, we
still have Senior Ditch Day,

the Lock-In, and we're
gonna be wrapping it all up

with the Viral Video Challenge.

And Mary has already
submitted her video.

-Slut.
-Jessica, that's really mean.

[Jessica]
Zip it, because the winner

gets a free limo
service to Homecoming.

I know, you can thank me.

-Class dismissed.
-Class is not dismissed.

Jessica, Jessica--
no, everyone, please.

Stay, stay in your
assigned seats.

Stay, stay please.

-Thanks.
-Peace!

Okay, uh, free period
until the bell rings.

[bell ringing]

[mellow music]

[Franklin]
So, Chubby Chuckers,

how's your, uh, viral video?

[Chuck]
It's good.

Just finished the scene
where Ned gets decapitated,

and I mean, I think
I'm probably gonna win.

And when I do, taking
Melissa as my date

to Homecoming in the limo.

[Ned]
Not to, like, rain on
your parade or anything--

I mean, Melissa's hot,
and you look like

the scarecrow from Oz,
but like instead of missing

a brain, you're
missing sex appeal,

so I mean, what's
your game plan?

Yeah, that's really funny, Ned,
except I don't need a plan,

'cause I have history
on my side, I mean, dude,

when we were six, who
were our best friends?

-Mary and Melissa.
-Mary and Melissa Mercer!

-When we were six.
-I mean, yeah, okay,

Melissa turned into a goddess,

and Mary turned into--

Uhhh.

Something else, but, yeah,

we still have that
foundation, that bedrock.

Chuck, when was the last
time you spoke to Melissa?

[Chuck]
I don't know, I wouldn't know
a specific date off the top--

-When was it?
-May 14th, 2007.

-Oh my God.
-Around 5:45 p.m.

[Jonas]
So how are you gonna get
close enough to talk to her,

let alone know what to say
when you're this close to her?

[Ned]
Wait, wait, wait.

You know who you should talk to?

Mary, look, seriously,
I know she's got like

the whole Wednesday Addams
thing going on, but like,

I don't know, maybe she could
give you the scoop on Melissa.

The scoop, what are you,
a 1920s newspaper man?

-Extra, extra!
-You got moxie, kid.

You're gonna go
far in this town.

This is how I hold my newspaper.

[Chuck]
That's actually
brilliant though, Ned.

-Yeah, I know.
-I mean,

after completely ruining
Melissa's life today,

Mary's gonna have to make
it up to her somehow.

So she could reunite her

with her childhood
best friend who is now

a pretty handsome
and dashing young man.

I thought we were gonna go stag.

[Franklin]
Yeah, everybody knows
bro-chachos before lady nachos.

We hang out every day.

I think we can handle
one night apart.

Sorry I'm late.

Apparently when a
student fails AP English

it's somehow my
fault, my apologies.

All right, notes from
yesterday's debate practice.

Chuck, great
concluding arguments.

You are sharp, you
cut like a knife.

-I affirm the resolution.
-Jonas.

O, Captain, my Captain.

I love the passion,

judges will love it too.

Ned, my boy.

Try not to call the
opponent "idiot."

-Wouldn't dream of it.
-Good man.

Also, I am digging
the toboggan though.

-Thanks.
-Mhm.

And Franklin...

Okay, well...

Just keep speaking
to the angel, champ.

Is there a certain one
I should be speaking--

[Coach Russo]
No, all right, I want you
testosterone factories

to take the next
15 minutes of lunch

to redraft
yesterday's arguments.

I want you to slaughter them,

like blood-thirsty wolves
chasing anorexic caribou

on the ANWR tundra
right after a new pipeline

has just depleted
the food supply.

-Okay.
-You feel me?

[together]
Yeah!

-Bring it in!
-Let's do it!

[Franklin]
Whatever that means!

Oh, it's hands.

-What do we live for?
-Debate!

-What are we doing tomorrow?
-Debate!

[Coach Russo]
What do you put at the
end of a fishing line?

[together]
Debate!

[cheering]

[dramatic music]

*

[Joni Fatora]
* The seasons used to crawl
like tired children *

-Hey, Chuck.
-Oh, hey.

-Have a good day, man.
-Yeah, you too.

*

[Joni Fatora]
* Can I stay just a
little bit longer? *

* So much more of the
kingdom to conquer *

* Swear I'll make this
day one for the books **

[Chuck]
All right, should we
keep waiting for Ned?

-No.
-He just texted.

Apparently he has to redo
his calc assignment.

What, what's going on, he's
been really flaky lately.

[Franklin]
Maybe he's in a secret sex cult.

Yes, a secret sex cult, that's
definitely what it is, Franklin.

[Franklin]
So, Mr. Chuck-a-doodle-doo.

Thank you--when are you gonna
make your big move, bro-diddley?

-What do you mean?
-Melissa.

She's not gonna
be single forever.

You should do it, you
should do it tonight.

Yeah, I'll do it soon.

[Franklin]
Well, let me know
when you go over there,

and I'll come with you,
and I'll pay my respects

to the other Mercer sister,
if you know what I mean.

-No.
-I mean sex.

-You're a virgin, Franklin.
-I know you are, but what am I?

-You're a virgin.
-You're a virgin.

[Franklin]
Yeah, it didn't work.

You know who I bet
aren't virgins?

Melissa and Alicia.

[electric guitar music]

[laughing]

*

*

[Melissa]
Hi, Chuck.

[Franklin]
I've had that dream too!

And at the end, Alicia was like,

"Let me show you
my pet unicorn."

[Evelyn]
Chuck, you in the living room?

[Chuck]
Yeah.

-Hello, Evelyn!
-Hi, guys.

You know I can hear every word.

Casey and I will be back
around 11, and, hey, you know,

he's really excited to work
on that screenplay after.

Hey, point taken, good chat.

Okay, so, honey, do I look okay?

-You look fine.
-Oh, stop, please.

-I'll drown in self confidence.
-You look really great, Evelyn.

[Franklin]
Yeah, score one
for Coach Harris.

[Evelyn]
Oh, thanks, guys, you should
take a look at my unicorn.

[Chuck]
You've gotta be kidding,
you've gotta be kidding!

What is wrong with you,
have some self respect!

-Oh, Chuck, it was a joke!
-Yeah, okay.

[Evelyn]
Charles MacDonald, are you
really gonna act like this

-with your friends in the room?
-I don't think I'm gonna have

any friends when everyone
finds out you're just doing

one of my teachers
all over town.

-Everyone already knows.
-Chuck, I'm seeing someone,

not hooking out of a
van down by the river!

[Chuck]
Do you ever think about
anybody but yourself?

Okay, I'm gonna resist the urge
to make a pot-kettle remark,

but I will say I think
that's a little melodramatic.

[Chuck]
Maybe that's why Dad left us!

[door slamming]

[melancholy music]

[Evelyn]
Goodnight, boys.

[Jonas]
Night.

*

[Melissa]
Alicia, do your parents care

that you're throwing
a party tomorrow?

[Alicia]
No, they really don't.

*

[Melissa]
Hey, if Mom and Dad
ask where I am tonight,

just tell them I'm at Alicia's.

*

[Alicia]
Is she okay?

*

[Melissa]
Yeah, she's fine.

Come on.

*

[Franklin]
I think Chuck really has
a chance with Melissa.

-I mean, why not?
-So I think you guys are right.

I think tonight's the night.

Get Mary to help
me with Melissa.

Yeah, go get her, buddy!

All right, I'm just gonna
put on some cologne first.

*

*

[Chuck]
Lucky to have you, she,

she would be
lucky to have you.

All right.

[panting]

Okay, okay.

[knocking]

Hello?

[frantic music]

-Holy ...
-Oh God, oh ...

..., ..., uh, Mary, Mary!

Ah, hey, Mary!

Uh, um, Mary!

Mary!

*

*

[coughing]

...

I think we should call
your parents or, or someone.

[Mary]
Can you please just go?

[Chuck]
Okay, fine, if you want me
gone just tell me who to call.

Okay, uh, okay.

I won't, I just...

What do you want me to do?

I can't just leave
you alone here.

Yeah, well, regardless,
I'm taking this with me.

Why do you even care?

Oh, okay, uh, okay.

Mary, Mary, life
is worth living,

'cause life is a
collection of experiences.

Many good, some bad, and, uh,

when combined, these
experiences form a person.

Unique, and infinite,
and irreplaceable.

And when we take our own lives
we don't just deprive ourselves

of these experiences,
we deprive countless others

-of future experiences--
-Okay, okay, enough, stop, stop!

What the hell was that?

I'm on the debate team.

We have a debate team?

[Chuck]
Well, the point is

that I know that people were

destroying you at school today,

but you can't let people
get to you like this.

I mean, lots of people
say mean things about me.

I like to think that people
just need to get to know me.

You gotta let 'em
get to know you too.

And how am I
supposed to do that?

I'm involved now.

You want someone
to help you?

Here I am.

Just like
the old days.

So will you let me
do that for you?

Mary, questions, comments?

General points of inquiry?

-You can't tell anyone.
-What?

That's the deal, you can't
tell anyone about all this,

what I did, not anyone.

Not Melissa, not
my parents, no one.

You wanna help me?

Total silence,
those are the terms.

[Chuck]
Only if you hang out
with me at school,

and you gotta eat lunch
with me, and you gotta meet

some new people, and I promise
you're gonna feel better.

And you promise you
won't tell anyone?

I cross my heart
and hope...

[sighing]

[muffled voices]

Oh God.

You did look handsome,
your tie's a little--

It's a clip-on.

Oh, honey!

You didn't say you were
having company over.

-Hi, Chuck!
-Chuck, big guy!

[Chuck]
Mrs. Mercer, Mr. Mercer,
how you guys doing?

-I hope it's okay I stopped by.
-Of course.

You know I was just thinking
the other day how much

I missed seeing you
and Jonas around the house.

-Yeah.
-Well good evening, young lady.

[Melissa]
Good evening, why are you guys--

[Chuck]
Oh, you're back,
you made it back!

-I just got back.
-Where are you coming from?

-I went to the library.
-At 11 o'clock?

-Yup.
-Yeah, you were--

She was returning a book
for me, because of late fees,

and I can't drive,
so how would I do that?

-Yeah, I returned a book, uh--
-I'm glad you recommended the--

-Yeah, it's good.
-That was so good.

[Mrs. Mercer]
Is this the kind
of makeup you wear

to the library?

[Melissa]
Mom, can we not tonight?

Thanks for trying, Chuck.

[melancholy music]

*

Mom, I had a really bad day!

[indistinct shouting]

*

[muffled voices]

[knocking]

[Casey]
Hey, Chuck, hey, buddy.

[calm music]

*

[car engine starting]

*

*

-Hey, Melissa.
-Chuck, hi!

-Hi.
-Where did you come from?

-I was just in the ditch.
-Right.

[laughing]

Chuck, I wanted to thank you so
much for everything last night.

It was very admirable of you.

[Chuck]
Yeah, well, you know, any time.

[Melissa]
So why were you at my house?

[Chuck]
Oh, I was just
hanging out with Mary.

[Melissa]
Oh, okay.

Well, don't be a
stranger with me, Chuck.

[Chuck]
Of course I won't.

[laughing]

[kissing]

You're the best.

You are.

-You look good today.
-I--yeah?

-Yeah, blue is your color.
-Every color's your color.

-Oh, Chuck.
-Really.

-I'll see you later, bye.
-All right.

How come you didn't
ride with Melissa?

Didn't feel like it.

-Where are you going?
-Class.

[Chuck]
All right, are you
feeling okay today?

[Mary]
Yeah, great.

[Chuck]
Hey, hey, hey!

We have a deal, lunch today,
you are at my table.

[Mary]
Dude, you can really
let it go, okay?

[Chuck]
Come on, hey!

[Mary]
Okay, okay, fine, I'll,
I'll have lunch with you.

[Richie]
Hey, Chuck.

Hey, bud.

-Hey, bud.
-How are they doing?

-Who?
-Melissa and Mary, how are they?

[Chuck]
Why do you wanna know?

[Richie]
No real reason, just, uh,

if something comes up with them,

would you mind telling me?

It'd mean a lot, man.

It's just, I don't...

I don't really have
anyone to talk to.

Like anyone.

I guess I just need a friend
right now who isn't--

Yeah, I, I, just don't know.

[Richie]
Listen, Chuck,
I'm not a bad guy.

I just, I...

You know what, never mind.

I'm sorry, man, don't
even worry about it.

Oh, okay, I--

If something comes up, fine.

[Richie]
Thanks, man, I appreciate it.

[Casey]
Full jumping jacks,
ladies and gentlemen.

Especially the gents.

[Franklin]
So, I heard you made out

with Melissa in
front of everybody.

[Chuck]
Yeah, pretty much, I don't
know if actually we made out,

-but she definitely kissed me.
-Oh yeah, dude,

I can definitely
feel the connection.

[Chuck]
Oh hey, you're just jealous,
because no one's loved you ever.

-How's that matter?
-Chuck, you know the rules.

No talking during
warm-ups, take a lap.

[Chuck]
Everyone was talking, why
are you singling me out?

[Casey]
Chuck, I asked
you to take a lap.

-Take a lap, please.
-No, 'cause that's not fair.

-Chuck, take a lap now.
-Just because you're sleeping

with my mom, that doesn't
mean you're my dad.

[exclaiming]

[Barry]
Oh snap.

[snickering]

[Casey]
No, but I sure as hell
am your gym teacher so,

so gimme ten laps.

Twenty laps or I send you
to Vice Principal Kogiso.

Chuck, now!

Anyone else lookin' to run?

-Melissa, what're you doing?
-Hey, running buddy.

[laughing]

Come on, Chuck,
you gotta keep up.

I can't be that much
faster than you, come on.

[Chuck]
Okay.

Oh man.

Are you gonna eat your chips?

[Mary]
Hey, sorry, it took me
a second to find you guys

out here in no man's land.

Yeah, I invited Mary
to have lunch with us.

[Ned]
You did, huh?

[Mary]
Yeah, is that a problem?

[Ned]
No, no, not a problem at all.

[Franklin]
Pop a squat.

[Barry]
Someone's out of
her natural habitat.

[Ryan]
Damn, dude.

He's pulling the Richie
Covington shuffle, man.

Melissa for breakfast,
Mary for lunch.

Dude, I heard Melissa
practically blew him

-on the front steps.
-Man, would you shut up?

That never happened, I was
in the parking lot and I saw

the whole thing, she
kissed him on the cheek

like you would an aunt,
so why don't you just

leave 'em both alone, this is
why people don't like you.

[Chuck]
So anyway, I was thinking
maybe, maybe you could come

to debate with us after school?

[Mary]
You know, I still can't
believe we have a debate team.

Is it, is it like just
the four of you or...

[Jonas]
Yeah, it's pretty much
all you need for a debate.

But we could always
use more, you know?

-Yeah, the more the merrier.
-Okay, uh, yeah.

No, no, no, I could
come today, sure.

[Ryan]
Well, dude, all
I'm saying is I'd be

a little scared of
McLovin over there.

[Richie]
Chuck, he's her neighbor.

They went to elementary
school together.

Well, they can't be
too good of friends

if he's sitting with Mary.

-Weren't vendettas sworn?
-See?

-He's pulling a Richie.
-Uh-huh.

-Ryan, shut up!
-Cool.

[Mary]
I, uh, gotta do some
homework before class.

I'm really sorry
to run, but, uh,

-it was nice seeing you guys.
-I'll walk out with you.

-See you guys later.
-Later, Chuck.

[Franklin]
Later, gator.

Dude, what was up with that?

[Ned]
Chuck's just taking my advice.

Mary's the secret weapon.

[Jonas]
Yeah, Franklin, Chuck
has the master plan.

-I know it's wrong.
-I don't think it's right--

[Jonas]
I don't think it's right
that he's using Mary.

[Ned]
Okay, everybody's
using everybody.

[Jonas]
Alicia Daniels
just looked at me.

-No, she didn't.
-Or maybe she looked at you.

[Ned]
She definitely didn't look
at either of us, okay?

[Jonas]
I don't know, Ned, something
weird seems to be going on.

[Ned]
This way, come on.

You think that it's possible
that the Mercer sisters

are like trying to use
Chuck against each other?

Yeah.

Ned?

[serene music]

Ned, Ned!

[Jessica]
In thine ear and
chastise with the valor--

[Jonas whispering]
Ned, are you in here?

Ned?

[Jessica]
Which fate and
metaphysical aid

doth deem to have
been crowned with all.

[Janice]
Jessica...

I continue to be in awe.

Who wouldn't be?

I'll see you at tech, Janice.

[Janice]
Well, well, well.

-Hi, Miss Rappaport.
-This is fantastic!

Brave soul has entered.

Oh, no, I'm actually
not here to--

[Janice]
Have you had a chance
to review the material?

No, no.

No problem, little bit
of iambic pentameter,

you'll pick it right up.

[Jonas]
Thanks.

Oh, Jonas, Jonas.

[Janice]
Jonas.

[Jonas]
Yeah.

Now are you aware
of how often in life

one is presented
with an opportunity?

Rarely.

I'm gonna tell you a little
something about myself.

I had an opportunity
to play the lovechild

of Marlon Brando
and Demi Moore,

the great Demi Moore.

Wow.

[Janice]
In a very gritty

independent feature film,

but instead I was
a camp counselor

in a Wisconsin drama camp,

and I thought, "I'll have
so many other chances."

No, no chances.

There are really never
any other chances.

So, please, I would like
to welcome you, sir,

to the stage.

Look at you, huh?

Take center stage, sir.

Uh-huh, uh-huh,
shake it a little,

shake it a little.

Shake it all out.

Shimmy those shoulders just
a little, just shimmy, shimmy--

I don't really--

[Janice]
Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy.

There you go, there you go.

What is that sound?

What is that sound?

What is it, Jonas?

[Jonas]
I think it's a fan.

I think it's a little something

that I call opportunity.

Opportunity!

Say it with me, honey.

Say it with me.

[both]
Opportunity!

[Janice]
Lift your arms.

[both]
Opportunity!

Yup.

[Janice]
Let's read, let's read.

Agh, ...!

[groaning]

Chuck!

How's it going, man?

Fine, you?

[Richie]
All right, I saw you
eating lunch with Mary.

How's she doing?

Uh, actually, she's
coming to debate with me,

which is where I'm
heading right now, so.

We have a debate team?

Yeah, that seems
to be the consensus.

Well, it's not my
business anyway.

Have you talked to Melissa?

[energetic rock music]

*

[cheering]

I really don't have that many--

Richie, I mean, I'm
not your errand boy.

I'm not your way back into
Melissa's pants or Mary's.

You got it wrong, Chuck.

Bye!

I affirm the resolution
that federal government

should legalize gay
marriage nationwide.

Gay marriage is one
of the most hotly debated

issues of our time,
the rights of men

and women are being restricted,
as they aren't allowed to marry.

Ireland has recently legalized
gay marriage nationwide,

setting a precedent for
the rest of the world.

Ireland has a large
Catholic population,

so, while many cite
gay marriage as

a religious issue,
I see it more as

a moral issue.

The 14th Amendment states,
"No state shall make or enforce

any law which shall
abridge the privileges

or immunities of citizens
of the United States."

There can be no such thing
as a second-class citizen

if we ever hope
to make progress

as a nation.

[debate judge]
And the winner is Thomas
Thornton High School, bravo!

[Coach Russo]
Yeah, woo, woo!

[cheering]

[pleasant music]

That is my boy, that's right!

I know where you live, Clarence.

Your ponies are
afraid of our hawks!

What?!

I love you boys!

That was awesome!

[female singer]
* Of course she
makes you hesitate *

* You hesitate, you're lost

* So, take your opportunities

* And never count the cost

* Roller coaster,

carousel *

[Evelyn]
Try it, you'll like it.

[Casey]
Really?

[laughs]

Yeah, you better
hold onto it.

God, Casey, you goofball!

[female singer]
* You can ring the bell *

[Evelyn]
Guys, my men of academia,
how was school today?

[Casey]
Um, I don't know, it was pretty
uneventful, right, Chuck?

You tell me, Casey.

Um, okay, Chuck, do you
want to tell your mother

what happened today in
gym class or should I?

[Chuck]
You know what, screw you, Coach.

[Evelyn]
Young man, apologize now.

Are we really gonna argue
at the staircase again, huh?

Do you want me to yell
at you like I yell at

the people at work?

Because I can!

Do you know what the paralegals

call me at the firm?

The Empress of Bitch Mountain!

Do you want to take a train ride
to Bitch Mountain, young man?

Because it's a
one-way ticket, Chuck!

Evelyn, it's okay.

What?

It's fine.

No, it's not.

[melancholy music]

*

[phone vibrates]

Hello?

[Franklin]
Look out your window!

We're going to a house
party, dude, come on!

I can't, I just royally
pissed off my mom.

I can't just go walking
out the front door!

[Franklin]
Melissa's gonna
be at that party.

Okay, one second.

[Franklin]
Okay, he's coming.

[Jonas]
Always wondered
what the fall

of Western Civilization
would look like.

[Chuck]
How exactly did we get invited

to Alicia's party?

[Franklin]
Ned said he would get us in.

[Ned]
Hey, guys!

[Jonas]
All right, let's go.

[Alicia laughs]

I wanna party with you!

Hey, guys!

[Jonas]
Hello.

I'm so glad that you're here
and we can, like, talk,

and, like, hang out
together, you know?

[Ned]
You know what,
you can go ahead.

Guys, get in there,
I'll deal with this.

[Franklin]
High-five.

[Alicia]
Go have fun, yes!

Bye, have fun!

They're nice people.

Hey!

[Ned]
Not in front of--okay, come on.

Here, I got you.

[Alicia]
Wow, you're so strong.

So, can I, like,
finally hang out

with your friends tonight?

We'll stop all this
secret girlfriend stuff?

[Ned]
We will definitely
talk about it, yeah.

[Alicia]
Why do you take so long?

[Ned]
I'm sorry.

[Alicia]
It was a really long time!

[Franklin]
I'm gonna get a drink.

Go get that.

[Jonas]
All right.

[Chuck]
Has he ever drank before?

[Jonas]
Have any of us?

[Chuck]
All right, I'll be right back.

[rock music]

*

Hey, Melissa.

[Melissa]
Hi, stranger.

[Chuck]
How's it going?

-Good.
-What are you drinking?

[Melissa]
Beer. How did you get in here?

Who did you come with?

[Franklin]
Where is the booze?

I don't know, Franklin,
why are you asking me?

[Jasper]
Hey, brother, 'sup?

Do you want a hit?

[Franklin]
What?

A hit of the glorific herb.

[Franklin]
Uh, I mean...yeah?

[Jasper]
Yeah! Come on.

[cheering]

[laughter]

[Melissa]
And she walks away a winner.

[Chuck]
That was impressive.

[Melissa]
Oh, well, you know me,

I'm an overachiever.

[Chuck]
Yes, you're top of

the class in AP Shots.

So, before we begin,

is there, like, anything
that you wanna share with us?

I...am Franklin.

I'm Siobhan.

Wicked-cool Mohawk.

Thanks, I, uh,
I actually shaved it

when my parakeet's cage broke,

hit me in the head,
and I needed stitches.

Yeah, man, pets can
definitely break things.

When I was seven, I broke
my hymen riding a St. Bernard.

I love honesty.

[Melissa]
You know, Chuck, I gotta say...

I didn't realize it,
but I've missed you.

[Chuck]
I missed you, too...a lot.

[Melissa]
Isn't it funny how you
can just lose people?

I mean, even if you don't
do anything wrong somehow,

you just drift.

[Chuck]
And then, you
come back together.

So, tell me, who do I need
to be your wing woman for?

'Cause I definitely owe
you after the other night.

[Chuck]
Well, I don't...
I guess I was thinking--

[Melissa]
Chuck, I was afraid
you were gonna say that.

[Chuck]
Afraid I was gonna say what?

You and Mary, you're
not dating, are you?

Because, Chuck--

[Chuck]
Oh, no, we are not dating.

We're just friends.

[Richie]
Chuck!

[Melissa]
This should so not
be my job anymore.

Can you watch him for me?

[Chuck]
Yeah, yeah, I got it.

[Melissa]
Thank you so much.

[Richie]
Chuck, I'm so glad
you're here, man.

[Chuck]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, careful.

[Richie]
I've been wanting
to talk to you.

I got something
important to tell you.

[Chuck]
Okay, step away from the pool.

[Richie]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.

[casual reggae music]

*

Oh, my God.

You guys.

Do you realize that, like,
somewhere in the world

right now there's, like,
there's this kid that can

play the piano,
like, really well.

[Franklin]
That person might
even be in this room.

[Jasper]
Dude...oh, my God.

You are so right.

I'm right? That's the first
time anyone's ever told me that!

Oh, sorry, I just--

Dude, you're a nice guy,
that's not what I was asking.

[Chuck]
You don't have to apologize.

But--but I have to, man,
because that's not who I am.

I'm a protector, man,
that's all I ever wanted

my whole life, I wanna
protect people, you know?

And with everything going on
with Melissa, I just feel like

a goddamn loser, you know?

I get that.

[Richie]
Yeah, well, no, man,

you're not a loser,
you've got a girl now!

I saw you and Mary
eating lunch together.

You're dating, right?

No!

Why does everybody
keep asking me that?

[Richie]
I don't know, I'm sorry,
man, I just assumed.

You guys look--you guys make
a good couple, I don't know.

But, when...when you see her--

So, if you see her,
can you do me a favor

and just tell her
that I'm sorry?

Can you do that, please?

Because I'm honestly so sorry.

She did not deserve that.

Okay, Richie, are you okay?

Yeah, yeah...no, we
need more beer, Chuck!

[Chuck]
No, no, we do not!

Hey, let's play the
Drink More Water game!

Stop, what are you doing?

Where are you going?

[Richie]
Beer, beer!

[Chuck]
Not now!

[Jessica]
Well, that sucks.

The biggest nerd here
just dumped you publicly.

[Jonas]
I'm really not in
the mood, Jessica.

[Jessica]
Get used to it, hubby.

I'm gonna be bossing
you around a lot.

[Jonas]
What do you mean?

You just got cast as MacB.

The cast list was emailed
out, like, 10 minutes ago.

I got cast in the play?

[Jessica]
I know, shocking.

But hey, drama geek's better
than nothing at all, right?

But I'm in the debate club.

I'm the captain.

[dance music]

*

[easygoing rock music]

*

[Barry]
Hey, Jonas, where you going?

[Jonas]
Not really my scene.

[Barry]
What do we need to do
to make it your scene?

I'm sorry, what are you...
what are you doing?

Well...you're cute.

Excuse me?!

[Barry]
I said you're cute.

I get cast in one play--

Look, just let me get you
one drink, okay, what?

Barry, wrong tree,
barking up it, okay?

Hey, hey, man, whatever
you say, seriously.

But...I tend not to
misread these things.

Good night, Barry.

[Barry]
Hey, come on!

Let me be the popular
douchebag of your dreams, huh?

[Jonas]
Definitely not my dreams, Barry.

It's a good offer...maybe.

*

[Chuck]
Richie...hey, Richie,
where'd you go?

[sentimental ballad music]

*

[Franklin]
Franklin.

[Siobhan]
Yeah, we'll see you tomorrow.

[Chuck]
Whoa, thank you,
okay, good night.

[Franklin]
Hey, Mr. Kind Eyes.

[Chuck]
Okay, did you just
drink all of this?

Did you drink all that?

[Franklin]
I did, I think I did!

[Chuck]
Hey, hey, what happened?

You okay?

[Franklin]
Jasper Stonewall
made me the king.

My grandma said I'd
find my mother ship,

and I think I did.

[Chuck]
Okay, okay, yeah.

Whoa...whoa, whoa!

Okay, you okay?

Thank you.

*

[Evelyn]
Why is Franklin sleeping
in my tomato garden?

[Chuck]
Oh, uh...he's been
sleepwalking again.

It's been happening
a lot lately.

[Evelyn]
Well, get him in the house.

The poor kid looks
like he's been shot.

Look, I've gotta run in to work;

a deal of ours
just fell through

at the last minute,
on Saturday, of course,

but Casey's here
if you need anything.

[Chuck]
Coach Harris spent
the night here?

Well, yes, Chuck, it shouldn't
be a surprise at this point.

I don't want him here, he's
always been a dick to me.

[Evelyn]
Hey, language!

Chuck, he has been
bending over backwards

to make you like him.

He's been trying harder than--

Than--than who?

Than Dad?

You know, this is
the first time I've

ever brought anyone
home to meet you, ever!

To meet me?

He's one of my teachers!

[Evelyn]
Yeah, well, you know what,

Chuck, Honey, being
a single female lawyer

with a kid isn't exactly like
an episode of The Good Wife.

I have never had
anyone respect me,

or admire me for my career
and for being a mom and who

makes me feel like...

I don't know, I haven't
stopped being a person.

You're not a person;
you're my mom.

I wasn't aware the two had
to be mutually exclusive.

[melancholy music]

*

*

[Franklin]
So, she said,
"I, too, like mahjong,"

and that's the only person

I've ever met who
likes mahjong, too,

except for Fred
and he's 72

and doesn't remember
my name ever.

That's awesome.

Well, sounds like maybe
you met your soul mate.

-Really?
-Yeah, it's possible.

So, Romeo, did you
get to hang out

with anyone special last night?

[Franklin]
Yeah, he did.

[Casey]
Melissa Mercer, maybe?

Yeah, buddy.

Yes, you know, honestly,
I think maybe you owe me

for making you
run those laps.

Anyway, you know,
victories aside,

you guys were out
pretty late last night.

Frankie, you can barely stand.

Sorry.

[Casey]
It's okay.

Your mom was really
worried, Chuck.

I was about to start driving
around the neighborhood

looking for you when
you walked in last night.

I know it's senior year and all,
but maybe save those wild nights

for college, huh?

Anyway, I gotta run
to the grocery store

and get some stuff for your mom,

so if you can clean up
the kitchen when you're done.

Don't tell me what to do.

What'd you say?

He said don't tell him what--

[Casey]
Yeah, Franklin, I got it.

[Franklin]
Well, this is awkward,

so I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go-go, my bro-chachos,

and I'm gonna take
some of that, okay?

[Casey]
Yeah.

Yup, no worries, bud,
I got the dishes.

So, just relax.

[Chuck]
So, you're gonna
start staying here,

like, every night?

Would that bother you?

Yes.

Chuck, I know you probably
think I'm some, um...

dumb jock, especially
compared to a woman

as smart as your mom,
and sometimes

I think I'm that dumb
jock, too, you know?

But, your mother, she's...

She's the best thing
that ever happened to me,

and I look at you

and I just wanna help.

Sometimes I think back
to who I was in high school

and, I mean, I guess
it wasn't that long ago,

but...

[pensive music]

*

I just don't want you making
the same mistakes that I did.

*

Chuck, I'm trying.

I know.

I just don't care.

*

Aw, look at you, look at
you, you're wearing pink!

Chuck, hey, um, actually,
I have a question or you:

The topic at the debate next
week, it's bullying, right?

I know I'm new, but do
you think Coach Russo

would let me do
the closing argument?

I mean, I vote yes.

Don't tell him I said it, you
couldn't be worse than Franklin.

[Mary]
Okay, can you please
just not anymore?

[Chuck]
So, where'd your parents go?

[Mary]
Tennis at the country club.

And Melissa?

The diner with Alicia.

How's she been dealing
with the Richie breakup?

She's fine,
she always is.

Have you guys
talked about it?

[Mary]
Yeah, she tells me everything.

We sit around braiding
each other's hair,

gabbing about boys,
eating gobs of cookie dough!

[Chuck]
Hey, I get it.

[Mary]
Melissa doesn't talk
about her problems.

She wants everyone
to think she's perfect,

so they do.

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

Did you really
sleep with Richie?

Ugh, I'm sorry,
you don't have

to answer that.

You know, you're the
first person who's

actually asked me.

Everyone else just assumes.

[door closes]

[muffled voices]

All right, come on.

We are getting out of here.

Okay, I...I've gotta put,
like, clothes on.

[Chuck]
Yeah, get clothes on,
we're leaving.

[female singer]
* Show me what I used to be

* Show me what I used to be

* Offer me your darkest day

to release me, release me *

* Offer me your darkest day

to release me, release me *

*

* Show me what I used to be

* Show me what I used to be *

*

[chuckling]

[Chuck]
Do you ever regret skipping
that grade and ending up in

the same class as all of us?

[Mary]
What's the point?

Game pretty much
played out, right?

[Chuck]
What do you wanna do
after high school?

[Mary]
Um, college, I guess.

Honestly, I have
no idea what I'll do.

[Chuck]
Come on, you're obviously

really smart, so I'm sure
you've thought about what

you wanna do.

What is it?

Is it that embarrassing?

Is it really bad?

Oh, come on, tell me,
tell me, tell me, tell me!

Oh, God, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay!

But you have to promise
you won't make fun of me.

Yeah.

I'm serious.

Yeah!

[chuckling]

[Mary]
Okay, uh, well, I...

always wanted
to be a writer.

Well, a poet, actually.

[ragtime music]

*

[chuckles]

What?

Just so ironic,
it's perfect.

[Mary]
But you promised

you wouldn't make fun of me!

-Are you kidding?
-You're like a moody poet!

[Mary]
I said nothing about
being a moody poet!

[Chuck]
I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh.

Honestly, I believe that anyone
can be anything they want to be.

That's nice.

[Chuck]
My dad, he wanted to be

the next Richard Gere,

so he left for LA,
and, you know,

I will never forget the last
words that he said to me.

He said, "Give 'em hell, kiddo."

"Give 'em hell, kiddo"?

That's not really
how he left, is it?

[Chuck]
That's how I remember it.

You know, my mom laughs
at me for wanting to be

a comedy writer.

[Mary]
Oh, you'd be so great,

you're so funny!

Sometimes in an
unintentional way, but still.

[Chuck]
Thank you.

My dad always thought so, too,

and he loved nothing
more than movies.

So, I guess that's
where I get it from.

I'm actually working
on a screenplay right now.

[Mary]
Oh, cool.

[Chuck]
For the Viral Video Talent Show,

and I love thinking
about all the possibilities,

like...like detectives
and vampires and musicals!

[Mary]
Oh, boo.

[Chuck]
All the ways that things

could be better.

[pop music playing]

*

Hey, guys.

Hi, Chuck.

Mary, do you have a sec?

*

[Mary]
Melissa, I'm glad
you wanna talk.

[Melissa]
What are you doing to Chuck?

[Mary]
What...I'm not doing anything

to him, he's my...

he's my friend.

Why do you suddenly
care about Chuck anyway?

He's not exactly in
your circle of people.

[mellow music]

*

[Melissa]
You know what, Mary?

Just leave Chuck alone.

[Mary]
Melissa.

[Melissa]
Leave me alone!

[Alicia]
So, what are you guys doing
on Senior Ditch Day on Monday?

I don't know, we were
talking about maybe watch--

[Alicia]
Because there's this party

at Barry's stepdad's beach house

that we're all going to.

Super private.

You guys should definitely come,

and bring your friend,
uh, ooh, what's his name?

Ned, yeah!

Oh, so you're
inviting me and Ned out?

[Alicia]
No, I mean like, whatever,

bring whoever you want.

So, are you coming?

Yeah, I think so.

[Alicia]
Really? Oh, my God!

[squealing]

That is so great!

You just made my day!

Oh, oh!

[Alicia]
Okay, oh my God,
Senior Ditch Day!

It's gonna be so much fun!

Get excited, get excited!

[Chuck]
I'm excited.

Mary, Mary, we're gonna go
to the party on Ditch Day.

[Alicia squeals]

[unintelligible]

[Chuck]
All right, come on.

You know we both need
to work on our tans.

Hey, mine's coming
along pretty well,

but you need
some work on yours.

[Mary]
Chuck, I really
don't want to be here.

Can we please leave?

[Chuck]
Really?

Well, I mean, the guys
are already on their way.

[Mary]
I'd rather drink toilet water

forever than stay here.

[Chuck]
Ooh, yum.

Uh, okay, well, would
you rather just head home?

Maybe we could hang
out a little later?

[Mary]
Yeah, sure, sounds good.

I should probably
keep practicing

for the debate anyway.

[Chuck]
Okay, cool.

Call me if you need any help.

[Mary]
Okay.

[Chuck]
Hey.

[Mary]
Oh, no.

[Chuck]
I'll see ya later.

[Mary]
Okay.

[Richie]
Oh, hey.

[Mary]
Hi.

-I'll head out.
-Hey, no, I'm leaving.

No, you should stay,
have a good time.

I was leaving anyway.

I guess I thought
it was 'cause of me.

God, Richie, I--

[Richie]
Mary, I didn't wanna

do this here.

About that night,
I'm so sorry.

I was so drunk
and had no idea

-what I was doing.
-Oh, just please stop.

Mary, I hate what
you must think of me.

I want you to know
that I don't know

how it happened, I don't
know how the video got out.

You didn't, you didn't.

I-I let it happen,

if I'd really
wanted to stop you,

I could have.

Wow.

[Mary]
I didn't stop you, okay?

You're in the clear.

I feel like this
whole mess is my fault.

[Mary]
I let it happen.

That's the truth.

Look, I may be
a lot of things,

but I'm not a victim,
not in that way,

I'm not somebody else's victim.

Right now, implying
that I might be is

just insulting, so don't.

Look, you don't
need my forgiveness,

but if it really makes you
feel any better, here you go:

I forgive you.

I'm just really trying
to forgive myself,

and I think that's
probably what we both

need to do.

So, I'm gonna do what I
should have done that night.

Goodbye, Richie.

[soft music]

So, are we friends again?

We were never friends.

I guess I always
thought we were.

[Mary]
I think you might need to be
your own friend for a while.

So, hey, don't let your "friend"
get totally wasted, okay?

*

[peppy music]

*

[male singer]
* Love is just a dance

* Keeps stepping on my feet

[Chuck]
Whoa, hey!

[Melissa]
Hi, hi.

[Chuck]
You made it!

[Melissa]
I made it!

Wow, are you having fun?

[Chuck]
Yeah, now I am.

[Melissa]
Oh, Chuck, you really
give me too much credit.

[Chuck]
Are you having fun?

[Melissa]
Uh, yeah, yeah,
you know, living the life.

What more could a girl want?

[Chuck]
I really wouldn't know.

[laughter]

[Melissa]
Right.

So, um...where's Mary?

[Chuck]
She went home.

[Melissa]
It's for the best, Chuck.

[Ryan]
Well, if it isn't the Ice Queen
and her little bitch?

[Melissa]
Okay, and isn't it
the amateur porn mogul?

Did you enjoy your glimpse
of the future when you

sent out that email
and video to everyone?

[Ryan]
Melly, seriously, cut my bro
a little slack, all right?

Wouldn't you rather
be with a real man

than a castrated jackass?

[Melissa]
What is your problem?

[Chuck]
Yeah, that doesn't actually

makes sense because mules

are not castrated,
they're sterile.

[Richie]
What the hell are you doing?

[Ryan]
What, you're still scared of

this chick and her pet terrier?

I'm trying to help
you out, bro.

-Oh, help me out?
-Yeah.

[Richie]
Let me make one thing
explicitly clear, Ryan:

Never help me out, ever.

And stay away from my friends.

[Ryan]
Are you kidding?

These are your friends now?

[Richie]
Yeah, they are,

'cause I can't really
depend on you, can I?

Back up.

*

[Ryan]
It's like that?

*

[Melissa]
What does the point mean?

Sorry, guys.

[Melissa]
Yeah, that's okay.

Thanks, Richard.

Um, okay, well, I gotta
go check on Alicia.

[Chuck]
Oh, I could come with you?

[Melissa]
Oh, it's okay, you stay here.

Enjoy your time.

Bye, Chuck.

*

[Chuck]
She talked to me.

Now...I need another beer.

[Richie]
Already?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay,
just because...

you had sex with my mom,
that doesn't mean you're my dad!

And--

[Richie]
Chuck, Chuck, hey, man.

I think you've had enough.

[Chuck]
Do you know a joke

about a nun and a port-a-potty--

[Richie]
No, I don't, here,
give me the wood.

[Chuck]
Me neither.

[Richie]
Where did you get that?

[Chuck]
Stop it.

What are you doing?

[Richie]
I don't want you to
do anything stupid, man.

[Chuck]
You're drinking, too!

[Richie]
Chuck, I haven't
had a drink at all.

[Franklin]
Chuck, Chuck, Chuck!

[Richie]
Come on, man, I'm just
looking out for you.

[Chuck]
You're not sober.

Time for another
beer, beer time!

[Richie]
Chuck!

[Franklin howls]

Hello, my pack!

[Siobhan]
Hey.

[soulful pop music]

*

[Barry]
So, I guess we can finally
have that one drink.

[Jonas]
Uh, one drink by myself.

[Barry]
Can I watch you
have one drink, then?

Like, I'll stand back
a couple feet and just...

it's gonna be weird, but--

Barry, I'm not gay.

Neither am I.

Okay, sure.

Well, I'm bi.

And, honestly, Jonas,
who else do you really

have to talk to right now?

I mean, I...I can understand
if I'm not, like, the absolute

pick of the litter
for you here.

On the other hand,

I can be very
charming, obviously.

Yup, and, well, I might be

a bit of a jackass sometimes,

but...I'm not a heartbreaker.

-You're funny.
-Yeah.

There we go.

Does this count?

[Barry]
Yeah.

[Jonas]
All right, one drink.

[Barry]
One...cheers.

[Jonas]
Cheers.

[Barry]
So, may I regale you

with my six-pack abs

or my storied collection

of knock-knock jokes?

[soft music]

[Chuck laughing]

*

-Hey, Melissa.
-Hi, Chuck, whoa, hey,

-be careful.
-Hi.

[Melissa]
Hi, you have had a lot to drink.

-Yup.
-Hi.

[Chuck]
Do you wanna know a secret?

[Melissa]
Uh, after these past few
days, not really, but okay.

I love you.

Uh...

-Chuck.
-I reall--

I have loved you for
the last seven years.

It's just taken me
this long to tell you.

So--so I was hoping...

[laughing]

...maybe you wanna go
to Homecoming with me?

-Chuck.
-Um, "Yes" or "Maybe"

are your choices.

*

You know what,
answer me this:

Why do you like me?

-What?
-No, I mean it, Chuck.

Why do you like me?

I mean, why does anyone,
'cause it feels like

I can't find anyone anywhere

who likes me for a reason
that actually matters.

So is it my 4.21 GPA,

is it the fact that I made
All-State last year in tennis,

or is my sparkling personality

just a kick in the pants?

Why do you like me, Chuck?

Well, I mean, I love you.

[laughing]

[Melissa]
Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck,

Chuck, listen to me.

I think that you're drunk.

-Mm-mm.
-Yeah,

and I think that you...

you have a crush on me, okay,

and I think that
you care about me,

but I think one day you decided

that I was the prettiest
girl you knew,

so you selected me by default.

*

Still love me, Chuck?

You hardly even know me.

I know I do, though.

Chuck.

*

I want you to get
home safe, okay?

Take care of yourself.

*

[male singer]
* I'll still love you

*

* I'll still love you *

[Franklin]
I'm getting another
beverage real quick.

[Jasper]
Okay, but just...

-remember your mantra.
-My mantra!

-Your mantra.
-Hey, bro!

[Ryan]
What's up, bitch?

-Yeah?
-Whoa, whoa!

[Ryan]
Where do you think
you're going, asshole?

-I'm just trying to get--
-Oh, hey, dude, hey!

[Ryan]
Think you and your stupid
friends belong here?

You don't. Why don't
you just get out of here?

No one wants you here,

you're just a pathetic
bunch of losers.

[yelling and smacking]

[yelling]

[Richie]
All right, enough,
enough, calm down!

Chuck, get Franklin out of here!

Chuck?

[Jonas]
Let's go.

[male]
Isn't Chuck going with them?

I thought they were friends.

[Siobhan]
Are you okay, Franklin?

[discordant music]

*

Uh, hey, Mary?

Mary?

[circus music]

[laughing]

*

Oh, hi, loser.

[laughing]

*

[Chuck]
Jonas?

-Have a good dream.
-Yeah, have a good dream.

Don't worry about me.
I'm not here.

[laughing]

*

[Chuck]
What are you doing?

[Mary]
Wouldn't you like to know.

Better get a move on, Casanova.

I think she wants you.

[Melissa]
Oh, thank God, there you are.

-Hi, Melissa.
-We would like two piña coladas

and some guacamole.

[Chuck]
What?

[Melissa]
Oh, are you not our waiter?

Oh.

[laughing]

Did you think you and I--?

[laughing]

No, no, no.

Blegh.

[Richie]
Don't beat yourself up, champ.

You never actually
had a chance with her.

[Melissa]
No, Chuck.

I would never date
a loser like you.

[Richie]
I mean, really!

[laughing]

-Oh, Chuck.
-Chuck.

Poor, disgusting Chuck.

Richie, he actually thought
that he had a chance!

[laughing]

*

[groaning]

[acoustic guitar music]

*

[Chuck]
Hey, you ready for debate?

*

I feel like such
a piece of ...

Is that why you're
talking to me now?

Because the cool kids
don't like you anymore?

Did you know that I'm
the lead in the school play?

On top of that,
someone might like me.

I've never been happier, Chuck.

[soft piano music]

*

But you don't know any of this

because it doesn't
matter to you.

[Franklin]
Oh, hey, my debate gunslingers.

[Ned]
I guess the gang's
all here, huh?

[Jonas]
Yup.

[Ned]
We all cool or whatever?

[Jonas]
Ice cold.

[Mary]
Hey, team!

[Jonas]
Mary, you look really nice!

[Mary]
First debate,
figured I'd get fancy.

[Coach Russo]
All right, my warriors,
let's pow-wow.

Mary!

Now that is how to sell it!

Tigress!

Okay, let's go.

[Hector]
Teachers can't be
held accountable

for bullying outside
of school walls.

It's up to parents
to teach their children

what is right and what is wrong,

not the responsibility
of school administration.

In a colloquial conclusion,

man up, America.

[Mary]
Well, most parents aren't aware

of how their children
behave on a daily basis.

Fact: Approximately
160,000 teens

skip school every
day due to bullying.

It's not acceptable for students
to feel unsafe going to school.

If you consider
the recent number

of suicide attempts
due to bullying,

teachers need to be equipped

to deal with bullies
in their classrooms.

Students in these halls are sad.

Incredibly sad for
all sorts of reasons.

Some are making huge mistakes

for the first time
in their lives.

Some have body image issues,

some have been abused.

No one can know what secrets
people carry around with them,

and while that's not solely
the school's responsibility,

school bullying
certainly compounds it all

as a cultural manifestation
of their internal issues.

Fact: Many bullying victims

claim they do not
have a single friend,

and those are the ones who
resort to hurting themselves.

We need to guarantee

that everyone has
someone they can turn to

when the pressure is too much.

And that's everyone's
responsibility.

[soft guitar music]

*

[judge]
Excellent work, teams.

And a beautiful final
argument, young lady.

We declare the winner
Thomas Thornton High School!

[cheering]

[Mary]
We did it!

[Chuck]
Oh, I'm so proud of you.

*

[sniffling]

Hey, sweetheart.

[Chuck]
Hey, Mom.

You okay?

[Evelyn]
Oh, yeah, honey, just fine.

It's just this stupid deal.

[Chuck]
Aren't you gonna go out
with Coach Harris tonight?

Um, not anymore.

We, uh, we had a--

we had a disagreement,
but it's fine.

I'm sorry.

Okay, I'll just get
a ride to the lock-in

with Jonas's parents.

Just need you to pick
me up in the morning.

Oh, of course, honey,
just call and I'll come.

-Thanks.
-Goodnight, sweetheart.

Hey!

I love you.

I love you too, Mom.

[soft music]

*

[clearing throat]

[Casey]
All right, seniors.

Welcome to the annual lock-in!

[cheering]

[Mr. Busby]
So, everyone,

since this is a lock-in,

please put your car keys in
the designated bowls by the door

and then, um, break up--
uh, break up into teams--

I am a failure.

[Mary]
Poor Mr. Busby.

Sometimes I know how he feels.

[Jonas]
Yeah.

[Mary]
Hey, I think
someone's lookin' at ya.

[Jonas]
I think someone is.

[piano music]

-Hey, Barry.
-Jonas.

[Jonas]
Why'd you dress
so nice for this?

[Barry]
You've got something
in your hair.

[laughing]

*

[indistinct conversations]

*

*

[Chuck]
Hey, Coach.

[Casey]
Hey, Chuck.

Um, what's up?

[Mr. Busby]
Oh, uh, okay, I'll just--

[Chuck]
Um...so--

Uh, so my mom
is pretty upset.

[Casey]
Chuck, I would never do anything

to intentionally
hurt your mother.

Sometimes adults, relationships
get in disagreements--

[Chuck]
Oh, no, no, no, I know.

I just, uh...

Could you call her?

Or maybe just head over
there and check on her?

I don't know what
the problem was or what--

Okay, well, I guess
that's not exactly true,

but I just really think it
would make her feel better

if you went over there.

And I would really
appreciate it.

I mean, Casey--

she misses you and I--

well, you're missed.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can do that, no problem.

Thanks.

[somber piano music]

*

[Mary]
Melissa, do you think we could--

[Jessica]
Mercer number two!

*

[Chuck]
Melissa.

-Hi, Chuck.
-You have to talk to Mary.

-I don't--
-I should've told you this

a while ago.

Chuck?

Mary tried to kill herself.

What?

Chuck.

[Chuck]
Mary, she needed to know.

Mary!

*

Mary, stop, I'm sorry!

[Mary]
I don't wanna hear it,
I don't wanna--

don't touch me!

You promised!

That was the one
thing I asked you for,

that you not tell anyone,
and you tell her.

Are you kidding me?

You said you could
make everything better.

-You've only made things worse.
-I'm trying, I'm trying,

I just wanted to
make her understand!

[Mary]
Why? Why? Why do
you care so much

what Melissa thi--

I am so sorry.

You're just as bad as
all of them, aren't you?

I think you should go.

[soft music]

Just go, Chuck!

-Mary--
-I don't wanna hear it!

*

*

[Alicia]
Ned.

Ned, Ned.

-What's going on?
-It's just me, don't worry, hi.

I just--I just wanna
talk to you for a second.

Um...

Alicia, you might
wake everyone up.

I wanted to talk about this
secret relationship thing,

'cause like I'm ready.

Like send me on top of the roof,

and I'll proclaim
it loud and clear.

I love you.

I think you're amazing.

Thank you.

[Ned]
But, um, I'm about
to go to college,

so I don't--I don't wanna
get into anything too, uh,

-you know.
-Yeah.

-Yeah.
-I understand.

Okay.

Um, I'll go.

Is it because
you think I'm dumb?

Not at all.

[Alicia]
Okay.

Okay.

What was that about?

I don't know.

Whatever.

[phone ringing]

[suspenseful music]

*

[Mary]
Hey, it's Mary.

You know what to do, so do it.

[Chuck]
Melissa!

-Chuck.
-Mary's gone.

[Melissa]
We gotta find her!

-We need to hurry.
-I'm coming with you.

[Chuck]
Call me as soon as you get this!

I'll be at the Mercers, okay?

It's an emergency, please!

[Richie]
Melissa, where are your parents?

[Melissa]
Aspen!

-Oh, God!
-Mary!

[yelling "Mary!"]

[up-tempo music]

*

[Mary]
Guys?

What the hell?

[panting]

[Richie]
Mary, we thought--

[Mary]
Yeah, I bet I know
what you guys thought.

[Melissa]
Thanks, guys.

We have it from here.

-Okay.
-Yeah, okay.

[Richie]
You did good, Chuck.

[Chuck]
Just trying to do my part.

[Evelyn]
Chuck, Chuck.

[Chuck]
We're fine, everything's fine.

[Evelyn]
I just got your message!
You scared me to death!

[Casey]
You sure you don't need us
to call anyone or anything?

[Chuck]
No, no, no, we're all good.

[Casey]
All right, well, back
to sleep then, I guess.

[Richie]
Yeah, I'm gonna head
back to the lock-in.

-Goodnight all.
-Richie?

You could crash with
us tonight if you want.

-No, it's all right, man--
-Yeah, no, come on.

At this point,
I practically run a hotel

-for misfit lost boys.
-Yeah, living proof.

All right, thank you.

[Casey]
I'll see you guys.

[Evelyn]
You okay, honey?

[Chuck]
Yeah. Yeah, why?

I don't know.

You just--you look
different somehow.

Older than when you last left.

[soft guitar music]

*

Thanks.

[Chuck]
I love you, Mom.

[Mary]
First, you need to know
I never meant to hurt you.

You remember that night you
and Richie had been fighting

and he came by the house,
you wouldn't see him?

Yeah, 'cause he was drunk.

He just sat in his
car still drinking

for over an hour texting you.

How did you know
that he was texting me?

[Mary]
You left your phone
in the living room.

He sounded so sad.

It was almost like poetry.

So I went out to his car,

and he was sobbing and I'm--

you know, I'm not even
sure he knew it was me.

But he looked at me,

and I just wanted to
know what it felt like

for someone to...

Just once, even
if it wasn't real.

[soft music]

So I kissed him.

And he kissed me back.

And I am so, so sorry.

[Melissa]
It's okay.

[crying]

*

Shh.

*

[male singer]
* We built our home
out on the slopes *

* Pompeii beneath,
she lay above *

* And how she haunted our home

* How she haunted our home

* You took me walking
through the town *

* Showed me the
statues underground *

* Said just don't
they look at peace *

* Sometimes I wish that was me

* And I was the son
you always had *

* Tugging at your coat
while you were sad *

* I was the son you always had

* I was the son you always had

[soft guitar music]

*

* You said stay in
the car and wait *

* There's just some
things I have to say *

* Don't you know
I miss her, too? *

* I miss her just
as much as you *

* So my father and my son

* As you end what she's begun

* You'll lie patient
by her side *

* With roses red
come lilies white *

*

* Don't cry, hold
your head up high *

* She would want you to

* She would want you to

* Please, just don't cry

* Hold your head up high

* She would want you to

* She would want you to *

[Chuck]
I'm really sorry about how I--

[Mary]
Chuck, it's okay.

I'm the one who
should be apologizing.

[Chuck]
Wait, what?

Why?

[Mary]
You know better than anyone

I've been going through
a rough patch lately,

to say the least.

Thank you for being there.

I mean it, I feel...

very lucky to know you, Chuck.

So you're not mad at me

for telling Melissa?

[Mary]
I know why you did it,

even if you made a mess of it.

[laughing]

So, how's your screenplay going?

[Chuck]
You know, I think I'm
gonna put that on hold

for a bit, actually.

I think I need to live
a little more life first.

Speaking of writing,

I've been writing
every day this week.

That's actually
why I came over here.

I wrote you a poem.

What?

Should I read it now?

[Mary]
Yeah, I hoped you would.

[Chuck]
All right.

"Learning How to Speak,
a poem by Mary Mercer!"

-Whoo!
-Yeah, yeah.

[soft rock music]

"I hurt like the past,

when everything you knew
starts to leave you behind.

I hurt like the future

that you endlessly
wish you could rewind.

*

I hurt like the mothers
when a boy becomes a man.

*

I hurt like the travelers
that begin the journey

only to hide in the map.

*

I hurt like the secrets

that have long
been left unsaid.

*

I hurt like the lovers

after sparks have
burned both hands.

*

I have learned to speak,

to speak in a tongue
that licks wounds anew

and heals.

I have wanted to love,

to love with a heart
that won't break in two.

I have learned to live,

to live a life
that I know is true.

And all of this
I've learned from you."

*

Thank you.

[male singer]
* In the tempest
of our thinking *

* Our futures are erased

* How all the roads that
lead from there grow strange *

*

* While we wait
with folded arms *

* For the moment to ring true

* Walls spring up where
what was green once grew *

*

* And all the while the wind
calls out your name *

* Whispers we're as different
than we are the same *

*

* But there's no distance
so far or so wide *

*

* That could put us
on two different sides *

*

*

* And all the while the wind
calls out your name *

* Whispers we're as different
than we are the same *

*

* But there's no distance
so far or so wide *

* That could put us
on two different sides **

*

*

[rock music]

*

[female singer]
* Restless nights in a haze

* Find the world
outside seems wrong *

* Why can't I say

* All the right words
at the right times? *

* And in a way,
it's my mistake *

* To think that I
could just be strong *

* But there's no way

* Without you, look how
useless I've become *

* Open my eyes to the dark
that's all around *

* You're reaching out,
but we never make a sound *

* Not one sound

* But I've been
dreaming about you *

* Though memories all fade

* Don't know just how you

* Found a home
in me and stayed *

* The hell we've been through

* With time heals all in
the turning of the days *

* The morning's here, but I
can't find the words to say *

*

* Nightmares seep
into my sleep *

* And even dreaming
feels all wrong *

* But there you stay

* Saying the right
words at the right times *

* It was late and
misplaced hate *

* Left you feeling all undone

* How can I say
that I was wrong? *

* I'm always wrong

* Open my eyes to the dark
that's all around *

* You're reaching out,
but we never make a sound *

* Not one sound

* But I've been
dreaming about you *

* Though memories all fade

* Don't know just how you

* Found a home
in me and stayed *

* The hell we've been through

* With time heals all in
the turning of the days *

* The morning's here, but I
can't find the words to say *

* Always shouting in the dark

* In the dark

*

* The morning's here

* But I can't find
the words to say **

*