Original subtitles

♪

The Pythagorean Theorem is probably the most

useful theorem in geometry.

We start by drawing the altitude

to the hypotenuse of a right triangle.

Now, we already know that either leg

is the geometric mean between the hypotenuse

and the segment of the hypotenuse

adjacent to that leg.

Adjacent to that leg. So we know that C/A equals A/P.

So we know that C/A equals A/P.

And C/B equals B/Q.

What's the next step?

Fuck you.

Isolate the hypotenuse.

Using the addition property A squared plus B squared

equals CP + CQ.

And using the distributive property;

A squared + B squared equals CP + Q.

By substitution; A squared + B squared

equals C squared.

♪

Pythagoras was right;

the square of the length of the hypotenuse

equals the sum of the squares of the other two legs.

For a love note, this lacks subtlety.

How would you know?

No one would ever fall in love with you.

Love is ephemeral.

Mathematics is eternal.

Love is arbitrary.

Mathematics is consistent.

Love is elusive.

Mathematics is available right here in this room.

When you're ready.

How would you feel if I wore a necktie

with a picture of Genghis Kahn?

That'd be cool.

Mmhmm.

Hi, Mrs. Lumpkin.

Hi, Nick.

I need a shirt.

I've got just the thing.

Thanks, Mrs. Lumpkin.

In problem number one, we have 7x + 3y equals 24.

We know that x is equal to y + 2.

So plugging in our x is unknown.

We have 7y + 2, + 3y = 24.

Now multiplying that out; 7y + 14 + 3y = 24

Or 7y...

Now the common variables there...

y is equal to 24 - 14 and 10.

Therefore y is equal to 1, to solve that,

Therefore y is equal to 1, to solve that, plugging it right in.

Plugging it right in.

Uh, 7x + 3 x y.

How about a little one on one tonight?

Oh, is dinner included?

That's a deal.

I'll be there.

Rom.

Hey, Carly.

Hello, Dinah.

♪

- Hi. - Hello.

Hi, Miss Groshardt.

Hey, Avery. How's it going?

Not too good.

Oh really? What's the matter?

Over population, destruction of the rain forests,

nuclear weapons, violence, player strikes,

acid rain, racism, child abuse.

The national debt...

The national debt... Come on back. Dinner's almost ready.

Come on back. Dinner's almost ready.

Killer bees, tongue piercing.

Hi.

Welcome.

Can I help?

I don't need any help.

Smells good.

What is it?

It's French.

Oh, I hope the wine goes with it.

I hope there's enough for everyone.

Val.

Yeah.

Miss Groshardt's here.

Hi, Miss Groshardt.

Hi, Val.

What? Oh. Where do I put it?

- On the table. - Oh.

Come on, coach...

♪

I'll be back.

Mind if I get a drink of water?

Thanks.

Um, thanks for dinner, Carly.

I really liked those French vegetables.

It's ratatouille.

Where'd you learn to make that?

The Frugal Gourmet.

It's cheap, easy and it makes good leftovers.

The recipe's enough to feed a family of four for two meals.

See?

Here, take it.

You can have it for lunch tomorrow.

- No, I can't. - Why not?!

♪

Hey, I brought you some ratatouille.

Avery, hot or cold?

One hot and one cold.

Mom, did you wash my bra?

Uh, what does it look like?

Two straps, two cups.

Two straps, two cups. Which one?

Which one?

The green one.

Why do you wear a green bra?

Forget it.

Green means go.

What are we talking about?

Sex.

- Does it ring a bell? - Ding-a-ling.

When you were her age, you didn't wear any underwear.

That was during the sexual revolution, which is over now.

We're supposed to try and prevent teenage sex.

Why?

I don't know. Because.

What's for dinner?

Fried chicken, creamed gravy, mashed potatoes,

and who-made apple pie?

Mom, that's fantasy. What's the reality?

I don't know.

Something good.

You can't wear that to school.

She's not.

She's just wearing it to breakfast.

Excuse me.

Don't worry.

Why shouldn't I worry?

It makes you eat more, then you gain weight.

♪

How's the team, Dinah?

Hmm, getting a lot stronger on defense.

We've got some good shooters too.

Rochelle's a scoring machine.

Val's got a good feel for the basket.

A chip off the old block.

No, good coaching.

I have a ghost of a husband.

I only know he's there because things

get moved from one place to another.

I'm getting fat.

I don't know whether I should go on a diet

or jump off a building.

Have an affair.

It's the most effective,

short-term pain reliever there is.

That's not very good advice, Albert.

Why not?

Because.

Who would have an affair with me?

Girls' basketball used to be a lot less important

to people than boys' basketball.

I think that's changing.

I predict that someday women's athletics

will be almost as important as men's.

Um, excuse me.

Do you have any toilet paper over there?

There's not any in here.

Um.

Sorry, there isn't any here either.

Um, there's something--

I already know!

I don't see how you possibly could know--

Stop beating around the bush.

I'm not beating around the bush.

You're having an affair with Rom.

No, I'm not.

- I saw the note. - The note?

"Fuck me after basketball."

That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

There's nothing you can say.

Val wrote that note.

I'm not the type to have affairs.

Val wrote that note?

Mhmm.

You know, she passed it Jamie Hooper.

I think she's in love with him.

She better not be!

Well, it happens to girls.

I know that!

Don't you think I know that? I know that!

It makes me so mad!

Love makes girls do stupid things

that they regret for the rest of their lives.

I have a class.

It's a fairy tale; Snow White, Cinderella.

It's a big crock!

There's no such thing as happily ever after.

Six months happiness...

...to slow death.

It can't be that bad.

Haven't you ever been in love?

No, not really.

Lucky you.

♪

Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day.

♪

Should we have a cigarette?

Yeah.

You don't smoke, do you?

I like a cigarette after sex.

Yeah, me too.

I'm sorry.

For what?

For accusing you wrongly.

And for going through your purse.

And for not giving you any toilet paper.

♪

Hello, Roosevelt High.

We're Automatic Assault Weapon

and we're gonna massacre your Valentine's Day with music.

Be careful down there in the mosh pit.

There are girls with nice dresses on.

One, two, three, four.

♪

Hey! You two!

This is a dance.

It's not a simulation exercise.

You can't dance to this music!

It must be why they invented moshing.

I wish I felt that young again!

Is that how, I just throw my body around like that?!

I guess I'm not too old for mash!

Need a man?

There's only one of me but I'm on duty.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, Mom.

Good night, Miss Groshardt.

Do you think Val's in love?

Mmm.

She's too young to be in love.

It won't last.

We lasted.

Hi, kids.

Hi, there.

Good morning.

That's it for today.

If you've got a hoop at home, practice.

If you don't, go to someone's house who does.

Hi.

Ooh, sorry.

I can't play ball.

You just need a good coach.

I can't play any sports. I'm not coordinated.

Oh, everybody can play ball.

Oh, everybody can play ball. It comes natural.

It comes natural.

Here.

Um, that was... That was...

Hold the ball like this.

Okay?

Keep your eye on the basket.

Forget about the ball.

Connect yourself to the basket through the ball.

Move a little closer.

I made it!

That's my very first basket.

Could we do this again sometime?

♪

Sorry.

I'm fine.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm fine.

♪

Coffee is the one thing we all have in common.

Even if the word coffee means the same thing

in every language.

And a cup of coffee means the same thing

in every culture.

Cloris was just telling us about the meaning of coffee.

You know, it means the same thing in every country.

What does it mean?

Communication.

Right.

Hey, Carly.

We're talking about coffee.

Hmm.

What's your opinion?

Is it a social lubricant or a dangerous stimulant?

I don't have an opinion about it.

It's just a drink.

Marcel Proust saw an entire web of memory in a cup of coffee.

That was tea.

Coffee, Henry.

Tea, Cloris.

I know it was coffee.

You're wrong. It was tea.

Let's change the subject.

Abel, what's happening with the fruit flies?

Uh, they're multiplying.

Any questions?

Yes, Philip.

What does this stuff have to do with real life?

Algebra is a system of logic which shows you

how to find the unknown when you have some information.

In real life, you have to do the same thing;

find the unknown with the information you've been given.

Do you see six months of happiness?

More than that.

♪

Wow.

What do you mean "wow"?

You're beautiful.

I am?

Perfect.

Wow.

How did we get here?

I don't know. I think it's a dream.

No, I never dream about sex.

I've tried but it never happens.

Hmm...

It's real.

What's the worst thing you've ever done?

This.

What's so bad about this?

Fried chicken?

Is it a holiday?

This dinner looks wonderful, honey.

Shall we say grace?

Grace?

Sure, let's say grace.

How does it go?

Thank you, God.

♪

It's distracting and demoralizing

and it's not fair to those students

who have their studies foremost in their minds.

It's wanton, obscene.

Sexual isn't the same as obscene.

I know what obscene means.

Oh, even the Supreme Court can't decide

what obscene means.

Constitutionally speaking, it means

whatever turns you on.

Fuck the Constitution.

Is nothing sacred?

Uh, Rom, what about you?

What?

No, I don't think I've noticed anything.

They're humping in the hallways.

We've got to do something.

These are powerful libidos we're trying to control.

We simply can't quash their carnal energy.

You have to channel it into art, into drama.

Well, they sexualize everything anyway.

We might as well give them something useful to sexualize,

then you'll get something interesting out of them.

The question is should we prohibit physical contact

of a sexual nature between boys and girls

on school grounds?

Why not?

Why not? We prohibit between teachers.

We prohibit between teachers.

If I can't feel up Miss Paul on the premises,

why should my students get to have all the fun?

I, uh, I think that's settled.

♪

You bragged to your friends, didn't you, Jamie?

Did you do it with me because you wanted to

or just so you could get points for it with the guys?

I asked you first.

Yeah, I wanted to.

I didn't think when we did it,

you were going to spread it all over school.

Jamie!

Yeah, of course you gotta go.

Bye!

Is something wrong?

No.

Oh.

You look like you might have something on your mind.

Like what?

I don't know.

S-E-X?

Mhmm.

It's not all it's cracked up to be, that's for sure.

It's not like in the movies.

It's like, it's kind of weird, the...

What you gotta actually do, you know?

I know.

They should give lessons.

I mean, it's not as simple as it looks.

That's true. It's true.

And then there's diseases and pregnancy

And then there's diseases and pregnancy and all kinds of shit to prevent.

And all kinds of shit to prevent.

It's like life or death every time you do it.

To tell you the truth, Mom, it's a big mess.

I thought it was gonna fix everything.

It may seem like now is the time, you know, but...

Sex will be there when you're older.

Even when you're my age.

Do you love him?

Yeah.

I like his music... and his clothes.

And the way he smells.

That's love, isn't it?

No, really, marriage is a great institution.

Yeah, I think people should get married...

Rom?

Hmm?

I'm having an affair.

Did you hear me?

With whom?

With, uh...

Dinah.

That's a good one.

You had me going there for a minute.

I'm serious.

Come on, Carly, I've got to finish these papers.

I'm not joking.

You're having an affair with Dinah Groshardt?

How did it happen?

It just, uh...

...happened.

It just happened that you...

You're with a Geometry teacher who is a woman.

It's a little weird, I guess.

It's very weird.

It doesn't feel that way.

Jesus, Carly.

Sorry.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.

I guess I was hoping you could help me decide.

Just stop doing...

...whatever it is you're doing with her.

I don't know if I can do that.

You can't stop having an affair with Dinah Groshardt?

It may be funny, but it isn't a joke.

Hi.

Hi.

What happened?

- He laughed. - He laughed.

What's so funny?

I don't know.

We are.

- We are? - Mmhmm.

Mom!

Hi, Avery.

Hi.

Did daddy tell you where I was?

He said you were staying with a friend.

I'm, uh, staying with Miss Groshardt.

Oh.

Why?

Well, that's what I came to tell you.

I came home to talk to you.

And then you're leaving again?

A funny thing happened to me.

I fell in love with somebody.

And the person I fell in love with is someone you know.

It's your geometry teacher - Miss Groshardt.

Miss Groshardt?

It's pretty shocking, isn't it?

Mom, how could you fall in love with her?

She's a lady.

Well, that's what's funny about it.

Ha! Ha!

Our mom's a lesbian.

I guess you could put it that way.

What about dad? Is he a lesbian too?

Moron!

A lesbian's a woman who does it with women.

Does what?

Oh, boy.

Your Dad and I love each other very much.

But it hasn't been romantic between us

for a very long time.

Miss Groshardt and I--

Gross.

Do you still love us?

Of course I do.

I love you two more than anything.

Bullshit!

Mom.

What's for dinner?

This is great.

It's cheap, easy, makes great leftovers.

I said that, didn't I?

When you made that delicious French vegetable dish.

Ratatouille?

Mhmm.

I, I love you.

I love you too.

What's up, bud?

Nothin'.

Marital troubles.

How did you know?

A guy starts looking depressed, eating extra desserts,

he's gotta be having female trouble.

You make it sound like I have PMS.

Huh.

I guess men could have some kind of biological,

hormonal kind of cycle.

Nah.

What's the problem?

Carly left me.

Anything I can do?

I don't think so, Rick.

She'll come back.

A woman like Carly has got to have a man.

She didn't leave you for another man, did she?

No.

Now?

Naked?

♪

Something fishy is going on in this school.

I guess my question is - what's going on

between Carly Lumpkin and Dinah Groshardt?

Carly is staying with Dinah because

she and Rom are having problems.

I know amore when I see it.

It's written all over their faces.

There's Bill Borden.

♪

- Well, hello again. - Hi.

Separate or together?

- Separate. - Together.

- Together. - Separate.

Separate.

You know, Dinah never seemed too interested in men?

How would you know?

She never looked at me that way.

There aren't enough good men these days.

Sapphic love does not correlate to the availability

of acceptable men,

however big a problem that may be.

What's sapphic love?

Women.

Together.

Intercourse?

Technically no.

Right.

You're never too late for sex education.

What are we going to do about it?

The only cure for being in love

is to fall in love with someone else.

♪

It never would have occurred to me

in a million years that you would steal my wife.

I'm sorry.

I don't want to hear that.

I don't want to hear that.

I, I want you to explain it to me because

I don't understand it.

I can't explain it, Rom.

I fell in love with her.

I never, uh...

I never knew you were like that.

Like what?

Queer.

I love Carly.

Whatever that makes me.

Your Mom is living with Miss Groshardt?

She's just staying there.

She's having problems with my Dad.

I'll tell you the problems they're having is

she's aardvarking with the hypotenuse.

Shut up, Jamie.

No way... That's it?

I don't know. What if it is?

My girlfriend's Mom is a dyke.

My parents would cut off my allowance if they found out.

My fucking friends are going to make fun of me.

And my fans...

Oh, it's all about you, huh?

No, I'm...

You're going to look pretty stupid too.

Thanks, Jamie. You're a big help.

I'm sorry, Val.

This whole thing is just way too weird.

How do you think I feel?

How do you feel?

Weird.

Yeah.

Maybe nobody will find out.

Miss Lumpkin?

A bush bumper?

A muff diver?

That's intense.

That a girl!

Go inside...

Foul, ref!

Didn't you see that?

You're not qualified to watch basketball on TV!

2-3! 2-3 zone!

Can I come over?

You want to come over?

Yeah.

I'll give you a key.

Angie, we've got to do something about 41.

Next time down, I want you to front her.

Make them lob it to her.

Val, if you see the lob, slide over from the weak side

and double-team her. Got it? Alright!

1, 2, 3, Cougars!

Set it up. Set it up!

Woo-hoo!

What kind of mother could do that to her children?

How can you show your face?

Come on, Avery. Let's go.

But what about the game?

It's almost over. We have to go.

Angel!

Excuse me.

You ought to have a little more respect for her.

Alright, we can win this one without Angel.

We've got the ball.

Sherry, Rochelle will inbound to you and pick for you.

Look for Val or Cindy across half court.

Once we get setup, we'll run number 3.

Let's go.

1, 2, 3, Cougars!

Sir, excuse me.

Uh, you better not go in there.

Why?

They're not dressed.

♪

No boys allowed?

Hi, Rick.

Hi, coach.

Aah, they just lost their concentration.

Yeah.

Hey there... Chin up.

No, Rick.

No, Rick. Don't try to cheer me up, okay?

Don't try to cheer me up, okay?

Okay.

I won't even shoot for a smile.

But you don't mind if I help you relax a little?

♪

Relax.

Game's over.

There.

A lot of tension hides out in the deltoids.

Mmm, traps too.

Good definition.

- Nice lats. - Uh, Rick.

Relax. You've got a knot right down here.

I'm just going to work on it.

- Relax, Dinah. - Rick, what are you doing?

I'm just trying to make you feel good.

If you loosened up a little, I think you'd like it.

Like what, exactly?

The touch of a man.

I'm an expert.

What's going on?

I want you.

Oh, come on.

Come on.

I do.

I have feelings for you.

I don't, I don't understand.

It's natural, Dinah.

A man like me.

A woman like you.

Let me finish the job.

The job?

What - someone put you up to this?

Of course not!

I'm just trying to help.

Oh, God.

People were saying things.

We lost.

Avery could hear them.

- What happened? - I don't know.

But I could feel it.

It felt like everybody hated me.

It'll blow over.

In a few days, people will get bored

and find something else to talk about.

You really think so?

No.

What will happen?

I don't know.

But it's already started.

Eleanor B. Roosevelt High School.

Yes, he's in.

It's Anthony Haynes.

Anthony, what can I do for you?

That sounds like an ugly rumor to me.

I, uh...

Eleanor B. Roosevelt High School.

Yes, of course I have concern for your daughter.

I have concern for all of the students

at Roosevelt High School.

But I don't see what the...

Excuse me.

The principal will be with you in a moment.

Chapter 16, Congruent Triangles.

Come home.

We're not a family without you.

Why is there only one way to be a family?

I thought I knew you.

I'm changing.

You can't just start changing after all these years!

I'm sorry.

My timing was bad.

Your whole concept was bad.

But my intentions were good.

But my intentions were good. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I'm not going to hell for trying to fix a problem.

You just assume, like everybody else,

that the problem is me and Carly.

Well, maybe the problem is you.

It's not me.

Yeah? What makes you so sure?

For one thing... I'm not the subject of

a special PTA meeting tonight.

We're going to be crucified.

It won't be like that. Times have changed.

Not for us.

We've called this special meeting of the PTA tonight

because some of you have expressed concern

over the relationship between

Dinah Groshardt and a member of our staff.

I need cookies.

I certainly hope we can discuss this reasonably as adults.

We have to take a stand against this kind of thing.

Otherwise we might as well say that homosexuals are safe,

normal authority figures for our children.

Well, if they're normal then what are we?

Dinah Groshardt coached my daughter

to a college basketball scholarship....

What else are they teaching those girls?

That's what I'd like to know.

We got AIDS from men sleeping together.

Women like them will probably start some

new disease for us to die from.

AIDS was not created by homosexuals.

AIDS was not created by homosexuals. That's just the kind of ignorant, bigoted opinion

That's just the kind of ignorant, bigoted opinion

that makes people like you dangerous.

I'm a Christian.

The Bible says that what they do is an abomination

in the eyes of Lord.

That's scripture.

It's in the book of Leviticus, chapter--

Actually, Leviticus, chapter 18, verse 22

states that it's an abomination for man to lie with man.

It doesn't say anything about women.

Well, man means woman.

Chapter 15, verse 29 instructs us that on the

eighth day after the onset of menstruation,

a woman shall take two turtles to the temple for sacrifice.

Chapter 19 mentions something about

no shaving, no tattoos--

Never wearing a garment made from linen and wool blend.

Also not gossiping or spreading stories about others.

And doing no unrighteousness in judgement.

And not standing up against your neighbor.

♪

In California, they had a special prom for gay students.

The girls danced with girls and the boys danced with boys.

Is that what you want to happen here?

I don't like homosexuals any more than the next man.

But God dammit, we've got a winning basketball team!

Can't we wait and fire them after the season?

I don't understand how any self-respecting mother

could do this to her children.

A mother should put her children's happiness

before her own.

I don't think anyone here really knows how this

will affect her children.

Our children.

Can't they just go back the way they were?

If they did, I'd like to think that we could

forget the whole matter.

We could go back to the way we were.

Act like it never happened.

And everybody would be happy.

Except me.

And me.

I've known Dinah Groshardt a long time...

...and Carly Lumpkin too.

I've always thought the world of them both.

Right now I don't know what to think.

Fire them!

They're a disgrace to the community!

That's right!

You're the devil!

Sit down!

Everyone just sit down and put your heads on your desks!

And, just, uh...

...get control of yourselves.

Let's go to bed.

There are 12 mistakes in this.

There are 12 mistakes in this. See if you can find them.

See if you can find them.

The triangles you will be studying are regular triangles.

Um...

- Hi. - Hi.

Smells good.

What's for dinner?

Chicken Dijon.

Chicken Dijon?

Frugal Gourmet.

Mind if I stay?

I can do it.

You don't need me anymore.

That's not what I said.

I saw a lawyer today.

We're getting divorced?

It's better that way.

I don't know if I can go through this whole thing, Rom.

Yes, you can. You have to.

Why?

Because I can see you again.

You're beautiful and you're strong.

And it really makes me love you again.

You can see all that?

Yeah.

Do you think Val and Avery can see it too?

They've got eyes.

Can we talk?

What's there to talk about?

You.

And me.

Why don't you just go away, Mom?

Go away!

Go away!

Go away! Go away!

I don't need you as badly as they do.

What are you saying?

I'm saying you can leave.

I'm not holding you prisoner.

I didn't say you were.

I don't, I don't want to feel like this.

You want me to leave?

♪

If I were a man, I know what I'd do right now.

You'd ask me to marry you.

Good morning.

Good morning.

You think we'll live happily ever after?

No.

How much longer?

A while.

We've still got time.

For what?

For the good stuff.

♪

Everybody got one?

This, I believe, is real life.

Let's try to find the unknown

using whatever information we've been given.

Philip, what information do we have?

That Miss Groshardt and Mrs...

Miss Lumpkin are getting married.

What else?

They got fired.

What is it that we don't know?

Why they're getting married.

And why they got fired.

This is what we have to deduce.

Now just think logically.

Why do people get married?

Because they love each other.

Makes sense to me.

Why did these two people lose their jobs?

Because they set a bad example for us.

Is love a bad example?

Ever?

Are you sure it isn't too romantic?

What could be more romantic than a wedding?

Thanks for sticking up for us at the meeting.

When you're gay, you hear a lot about Leviticus.

So we took The Bible to bed with us

every night for a month.

Learned it forward and backward.

Don't worry, if you stay together long enough,

straight people will forget that you're gay

and you'll be respectable.

You'll have to act gay to remind them.

I've never made an alternative wedding cake.

It's the same kind of cake.

Isn't it?

Yeah.

Nothing funny?

Nothing funny.

Nothing funny.

Think of it as theatre.

Avant-garde theatre.

Oh, I have the perfect hat.

We're no fools. Love rules!

Is love ever a bad example?

Read my comments.

Find the unknown.

Think for yourself.

Your Mom is really cool.

What, are you crazy?

They're like martyrs.

They sacrificed their jobs and everything for love.

I've tried, you know, but it's just not working.

What do you mean?

You and me, Val. It's not working.

We fuck, we hangout, we get high.

What's not working about it?

Well...

Why don't you say what you really mean?

How would you like it if one of my parents

did something that was totally sick.

It's not sick, okay?

Maybe it's fucked up, but it's not sick!

Okay, but what do you want me to do?

I mean, I can't go out with a girl who's Mom

is getting married to another woman!

Yeah, I see your point.

Hey, you're cool and all...

I really like you a lot.

Spare me, Jamie.

I was going to break up with you anyway.

What do you think?

It's okay.

I prefer short skirts.

This is actually okay with you?

Oh, yeah.

Lesbian chic.

I know all about it now.

It's the new big thing.

♪

Love is believable.

Keep that as a smooth stone for sometimes,

you may be the only one to love.

For sometimes, you will be hated.

And all the love within reach will have to be your own.

And would we could tap from the spirits

who fly to be with us at those moments

and lend us their wings.

Who land on the lamps to give us comfort and courage

when we think we have nothing to say.

When we have nothing to say,

perhaps it is the time to listen.

To take dictation from the saints of the past,

without judgement can one say that, saints,

without judgement can one love.

Seek out people who make one feel good.

Love is free sometimes and costly other times.

We may only have each other.

When it comes, will it come without warning

just as I'm picking my nose?

Will it knock on my door in the morning

or tread in the bus on my toes?

Will it come like a change in the weather?

Will its greeting be courteous or rough?

Will it alter my life altogether?

Oh, tell me the truth about love.

You have to know what it felt like

to be me before...

...to understand what it feels like to be me now.

Um...

I know what love is now.

It's me squared plus Carly squared.

One human being multiplied by itself

and added to another...

Equals the unknown.

The mystery.

It's a simple equation.

With only one answer.

Finally, a love has come which would

cause me more shame or rumor to conceal it

rather than lay it bare for all.

Those are the first lines of a 2,000-year-old poem.

And they express my whole reason for being here today.

I would feel more shame for hiding this love

and happiness from the world than I could ever feel

for having it revealed.

Dinah, these are the promises I make to you.

Of my own free will...

and before these people as witnesses.

- To always be on your-- - To always be on your side.

- To see you and love you... - To see you and love you...

...for who you are.

The light and the dark inseparable.

...and the dark inseparable.

To honor our differences.

- And to stay with you. - And to stay with you.

As long as we breathe love...

...breathe love into each other's hearts.

- And life into... - ...into each other's souls.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dinah and Carly.

♪

You know, Jamie, I really...

I really like those drawings that you did.

The hypotenuse and... the other one.

Yeah, I guess I was a jerk.

I could give you a recommendation for art school.

Art school?

I'm-- I'm sorry I didn't speak up for you.

It's okay.

No...

No, it's not.

♪