Original subtitles

Man: ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE BIG APPLE,

IN A PLACE CALLED HARLEM...

- [ bass thumping ] - [ car alarm beeping ]

THERE LIVED A YOUNG MAN

WHO HAD A DREAM.

[ opera music playing ]

[ man singing in Italian ]

[ singing along ]

[ record stops, starts again ]

[ record stops, starts again ]

[ music continues ]

[ record stops, starts again ]

[ singing continues ]

- WHAT'’S THE MATTER WITH YOU, BOY? - [ music stops ]

IF YOU DON'’T TURN OFF THIS LOUD MUSIC THIS TIME OF THE NIGHT AND GO TO BED,

I'’M GONNA BE AFTER YOU, AS OLD AS I AM.

[ dog barking ]

[ opera music playing ]

[ singing ]

- ANTON! - [ music continues ]

Woman: ANTON, DID YOU WASH YOUR FACE THIS MORNING?

Anton: YES, MA'’AM.

YOU DIDN'’T DO A VERY GOOD JOB.

I CAN STILL SEE SLEEP IN YOUR EYE.

IT'’S NO WONDER, STAYING UP HALF THE NIGHT

PLAYING THAT OPERA MUSIC.

I DON'’T KNOW HOW YOU GOT INTO THAT FOOLISHNESS.

- WHERE'’S YOUR SWEATER? - RIGHT THERE.

IT AIN'’T SUMMER YET. THIS KINDA WEATHER'’S

AN EXACT WAY TO CATCH PNEUMONIA.

YOU WANT TO GET SICK AND CATCH PNEUMONIA?

- NO, MA'’AM. - HUH? ALL RIGHT.

DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH?

YES, BOTH SIDES.

ALL RIGHT, DID YOU PACK YOUR LUNCH IN YOUR BOOK BAG?

- YES, MA'’AM. - GOOD. I DON'’T WANT TO BE

FIXING LUNCH FOR YOU GOING OUT AND FORGETTING IT.

ALL RIGHT.

[ laughs ] GIVE AUNTIE A KISS.

OH, COME ON, GIVE ME SOME SUGAR.

"CLEAN YOUR ROOM, ANTON" "BRUSH YOUR TEETH, ANTON."

"WASH YOUR FACE, ANTON." I'’M NOT A LITTLE BOY ANYMORE.

GOOD GRIEF.

[ rap music playing ]

GIRL, I TOLD YOU SHE WAS PREGNANT.

I DON'’T KNOW HOW YOU DO.

- [ singing ] - HEY.

ANTON, YOU'’RE WORKING TOO HARD, BABY.

AIN'’T YOU GOING TO ENTERTAIN US TODAY?

HOW COME YOU DON'’T SING LUTHER VANDROSS NO MORE? I LOVE HIM.

I HAVE A FEW NEW SONGS I'’VE BEEN WORKING ON.

- OPERA. - OPERA?

AIN'’T NO BLACK FOLKS SINGING NO OPERA.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MARTHA?

I SAW THIS OPERA ON TELEVISION.

BLACK SINGERS. AND THEY WAS GOOD TOO.

THAT STILL DON'’T EXPLAIN HOW ANTON GOT INVOLVED IN THIS MESS.

JIMMY SOLD ME SOME RECORDS.

- HOW MUCH DID HE CHARGE FOR THIS OLD JUNK? - NOTHING.

HE'’S LETTING ME WORK ON SATURDAY SO I CAN PAY HIM OFF.

- YOU BELIEVE THIS? - $19.95 A DAY.

WHA?!

- YOU. - WHOA, WHOA.

YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ANTON LIKE THAT.

I'’LL CALL YOU BACK. WHAT'’RE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'’M TALKING ABOUT WHY YOU'’RE USING ANTON

TO CUT US OFF OUR OVERTIME.

- YEAH! - THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

I WONDER WHAT HIS WELFARE PEOPLE WOULD HAVE TO SAY?

DON'’T THREATEN ME, OR YOU'’LL FIND OUT

WHAT WELFARE HAS TO SAY WHEN YOU GO DOWN TO APPLY.

- GET BACK TO WORK. - YOU DON'’T SCARE ME, JIMMY.

THIS IS FAR FROM OVER. I CAN TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW.

- RIPPING US OFF. - GODDAMN IT.

I GOTTA DEAL WITH THIS SHIT?

I'’M TRYING TO BE THE GOOD GUY HERE.

I'’M TRYING TO HELP THE GUY OUT!

THAT RETARD HAS TO RUN HIS MOUTH!

WHAT THE HELL--

ANTON! HEY, ANTON!

- YO, ANTON. - [ mocking ] I'’M ANTON.

[ whispering ]

♪ BORN TO LIVE, NOW I'’M LIVING TO DIE ♪

♪ TRY TO DENY MY FATE, BUT THE TRUTH DON'’T LIE ♪

♪ I NEVER GOT HIGH BUT I'’M STILL A BAD GUY ♪

♪ TELL MY MOMMA DON'’T CRY, IT'’S NOT HER FAULT ♪

♪ THESE STREETS IS CRAZY, AND DON'’T NOBODY GIVE A FUCK ♪

♪ A LOT OF CATS GO BEFORE THEIR TIME IS UP ♪

♪ THERE'’S MONEY TO BE MADE, AND THE GANG WILL TEMPT YA ♪

♪ STAYING ALIVE IS A FULL-TIME JOB, NOT AN ADVENTURE... ♪

Jimmy: COME ON, LET'’S GO! BACK TO WORK!

HEY. BUENOS.

[ lighter clicks ]

- WHY BOTHER? - "WHY BOTHER?"

WHY YOU WANNA GO SOMEPLACE WHERE YOU AIN'’T APPRECIATED?

KNOW WHAT I'’M SAYIN'?

YOU WORK HARD EVERY DAY, RIGHT?

- YEAH. - SO WHY BOTHER?

WHY BOTHER?

EXACTLY.

[ laughs ]

SO WHAT YOU WANT OUTTA LIFE, MAN?

YOU GOT DREAMS AND SHIT?

I WANT TO BE AN OPERA SINGER.

[ laughs ] OPERA SINGER?

[ laughing ]

NIGGAS DON'’T DO THAT, MAN.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? WHO THE FUCK AM I TO JUDGE, RIGHT?

I'’LL TELL YOU WHAT--

LET ME HOOK YOU UP, MAN.

[ hip hop music playing ]

YOU LIKE THAT?

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT.

- [ opera music playing ] - [ singing in Italian ]

- WHAT UP? - LISTEN, MAN.

WHAT'’S UP WITH THAT?

MAN, WHAT THE FUCK?

- [ opera music continues ] - [ singing continues ]

YEAH. IT'’S NOT ALL BAD.

- [ loud rap music playing ] - [ opera music continues ]

WHO IS IT?

WHAT UP? WHAT UP? WHAT UP?

[ boys laughing ]

[ singing continues ]

[ loud rap music continues ]

- [ glass shatters ] - [ record scratches, stops ]

- Man: WHAT'’S UP, MAN?! - [ rap music continues ]

- HEY! - THAT'’S MESSED UP!

ANTON? PRECIOUS?

PRECIOUS, ARE YOU OKAY?

OH, COME HERE. OKAY.

PRECIOUS, OH.

- OH. - [ panting ]

ANTON...

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS TUXEDO?

AND THOSE SHOES?

WHERE DID YOU GET THE MONEY FOR ALL OF THIS STUFF?

MY FRIEND BOUGHT IT FOR ME.

- WHAT FRIEND? - LUKE.

THE GUY WITH THE BLACK BMW.

YOUR FRIEND?

THAT MAN IS FULL OF THE DEVIL.

HE'’S A DRUG DEALER, ANTON. HE'’S NOT YOUR FRIEND.

YOU WON'’T LET ME HAVE ANY FRIENDS.

IT'’S GOING BACK-- EVERY SINGLE THING.

- NO. - THIS OPERA FOOLISHNESS CAUSED THIS,

AND IT'’S GOING TO STOP.

- NO, NO, NO, NO. - DON'’T TELL ME NO!

- NO, NO, NO! - ANTON, I WON'’T HAVE YOU SASSING ME.

ANTON, YOU TRUST EVERYBODY.

THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT DON'’T MEAN YOU NO GOOD.

IT'’S MY RESPONSIBILITY TO LOOK AFTER YOU.

NOW, TOMORROW,

ALL THIS NONSENSE IS GOING BACK.

YOU CAN'’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.

I'’M NOT A LITTLE KID.

- [ scoffs ] - I'’M 28 YEARS OLD.

- YOU CAN'’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. - OH.

I'’M GONNA DO WHAT I WANT.

SHE CAN'’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

I'’M GONNA DO JUST WHAT I WANT TO DO.

WHAT'’S UP, BABY?

ANTON, BRING YOUR ASS OVER HERE.

YOU LOOK GOOD, DAWG.

YOU GOT A LITTLE DATE? YOUR TIE IS FUCKED UP THOUGH.

I'’M RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME.

I CAN'’T DO NOTHING HERE.

WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT, SON?

I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL?

I THOUGHT YOU WAS GONNA COME WORK FOR ME.

IT'’S JUST-- AUNTIE SAYS THAT YOU--

NEVER MIND.

AHH.

I KNOW WHAT SHE TOLD YOU-- THAT YOU'’RE TOO GOOD FOR ME, RIGHT?

IF YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT,

THEN FUCK IT, MAN. I HAD BIG PLANS FOR YOU.

KNOW WHAT I'’M SAYING? YOU AIN'’T GONNA DO SHIT WITH THAT OOO-PERA.

[ laughs ]

GO. YOU GONNA BE BACK THOUGH. MARK MY WORDS.

REMEMBER THIS-- I MAY NOT BE AS NICE

NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME. I'’LL SEE YOU AROUND.

- [ door closes ] - [ car engine starts ]

[ siren wailing ]

Aunt: ANTON?

ANTON, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, SLEEP ALL DAY?

ANTON?

EXCUSE ME, MISTER. COULD YOU HELP ME

GET SOMETHING TO EAT, PLEASE?

COULD YOU SHOW SOME UNDESERVED KINDNESS

AND HELP THE UNDESERVING PLEASE?

I'’M STARVING. PLEASE, I HAVEN'’T EATEN IN THREE DAYS.

- I'’M STARVING. - I'’M HUNGRY MYSELF.

PLEASE? YOU WILL BE BLESSED IF YOU HELP ME.

I'’M BEGGING YOU. I DON'’T EVEN DO THIS. THIS IS NOT ME.

I'’M BEGGING FOR FOOD. PLEASE CAN I HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT?

PLEASE? PRETTY PLEASE?

PLEASE? PLEASE?

THANKS. HERE, MAN, TAKE THAT SHIT.

WHERE YOU HEADED ALL DRESSED UP-- A FASHION SHOW?

I'’M GOING TO ITALY TO BECOME AN OPERA SINGER.

YEAH, RIGHT.

IT'’S A NEAPOLITAN CITY, YOU KNOW.

NEAPOLITAN. NO DOUBT, YO.

I WAS JUST OVER IN ITALY.

I WAS THERE LIKE A MONTH AGO.

I WAS HANGING OUT WITH THE MAFIA,

EATING PIZZA AND SPAGHETTI AND SHIT. ALL THAT ITALIAN SHIT, YO.

IT WAS DOPE. JUST SO EXPENSIVE TO GET THERE.

- REALLY? - TRIP LIKE THAT'’LL COST YOU A COUPLE Gs.

- A COUPLE OF Gs? - COUPLE THOUSAND DOLLARS.

WHERE YOU BEEN, UNDER A ROCK AND SHIT?

- YOU GOT IT LIKE THAT? - NO. NO.

ALL I HAVE IS...

#183.

$183.

YO, YOU'’LL NEVER GET THERE WITH THAT, MAN,

UNLESS YOU GET ONE OF THOSE DISCOUNT TICKETS AND SHIT.

DISCOUNT TICKETS? H-HOW MUCH WOULD THAT COST?

I THINK TOWER AIR'’S GOING THERE

FOR LIKE $250 NOW, MAN.

BUT STILL, YO-- YOU STILL AIN'’T GOT ENOUGH.

UNLESS... NAH.

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

WHAT? WHAT?

I GOT A FRIEND. HE WORKS IN A TRAVEL AGENCY.

HE'’S THE ONE THAT HOOKED ME UP SO I CAN GO TO ITALY.

MAYBE I CAN GO TALK TO HIM, SEE IF HE'’LL

HOOK YOU UP, MAN, WITH A DISCOUNT.

R-REALLY? YOU THINK H-HE WOULD DO THAT FOR ME?

I DON'’T SEE WHY NOT. YOU'’RE GOOD PEOPLE AND SHIT.

LET ME GO TALK TO HIM. GIVE ME THE MONEY,

I'’LL GO TALK TO HIM. I'LL GO, "I MET SOME GOOD PEOPLE. THEY WANNA GO TO ITALY."

- SEE WHAT HE CAN DO. - [ laughs ]

RE-- THANKS.

NO DOUBT, MAN. NO DOUBT, YO.

[ laughs ] THANKS.

WHERE YOU GOING, MAN?

YOU CAN'’T COME. '’CAUSE IF HE SEES YOU,

THEN HE'’S GONNA KNOW IT'’S NOT FOR ME.

HE DON'’T LIKE GOOD PEOPLE.

- ALL RIGHT? - O-OKAY. OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, DAWG. I'’LL BE RIGHT BACK.

Y'’ALL GIVE ME A HUG, MAN.

I LOVE YOU, MAN.

♪ WITH ALL THIS FUCK ON THESE STREETS, I'’M IN A WHOLE NEW CLASS ♪

♪ A TRUE ARTIST IN THE MAKING '’CAUSE I STARVE FOR MY CRAFT ♪

♪ LEFT HOME AT A AGE MOST CATS CONSIDER LATE ♪

♪ PUTTING MATTERS IN MY OWN HANDS, CONTROLLING MY FATE ♪

♪ ME, THE LOST SOUL WHO REFUSES TO FOLD ♪

♪ OUT HERE WITH ONLY THE CLOTHES ON MY BACK AND NO DOUGH ♪

♪ DON'’T POSSESS ENOUGH SKILLS TO ROB AND STEAL ♪

♪ SO NOW I'’M REDUCED TO BEGGING FOR MY MEALS ♪

♪ THESE COLD NIGHTS GOT ME MISSING MY BED ♪

♪ BUT THE MUSIC I HEAR PLAYING IN MY HEAD ♪

♪ KEEPS ME FROM GOING BACK TO THE LIFE I ONCE LEAD ♪

♪ HELPS ME SEE THE FUTURE AND WHY I FLED ♪

♪ NO GIMMICKS TO THIS TRICK, I FLIP IT UNCUT AND PURE ♪

♪ NEVER MOVE IN THIS WORLD UNLESS YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE ♪

♪ TRUE ARE THE WORDS I SPEAK, MORE PRECIOUS THAN JEWELRY ♪

♪ GIVING YOU TOOLS YOU NEED TO HELP YOU FOLLOW THESE RULES... ♪

- MA'’AM, IS HE RETARDED? - NO!

HE DOES GET CONFUSED SOMETIMES,

AND HE HAS A PROBLEM HANDLING MONEY.

HE TRUSTS EVERYBODY. BUT HE'’S BRILLIANT IN WAYS YOU'’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND.

YES, MA'’AM.

I'’LL POST THIS.

I'’LL LET YOU KNOW IF ANYTHING COMES IN.

- IS THAT ALL? - RIGHT NOW THAT'’S ALL I CAN DO.

[ sighs ] WELL, THANK YOU.

♪ SAY I LOST MY MIND ♪

♪ WHAT MAKE A MAN STEP OUT IN THIS WORLD TOTALLY BLIND? ♪

♪ WHAT'’S BEHIND YOUR REASONS FOR YOUR ASKIN'’ SUCH A FOOLISH MOVE? ♪

♪ WHAT'’RE YOU, STUPID? WHAT THE FUCK YOU TRYING TO PROVE? ♪

- ♪ YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE... ♪ - WHAT'’RE YOU LOOKING AT?!

♪ I GOT DREAMS TO PURSUE AND I CAN'’T DO IT AT HOME ♪

♪ MY FAMILY DON'’T SEE MY VISION SO I GOTTA DO THIS ALONE ♪

♪ ON MY OWN, SOLO, BY MYSELF ♪

♪ MAKE IT HAPPEN WITHOUT THE HELP OF SOMEONE ELSE ♪

♪ BUT I'’M WORKING WITH THE SHIT THAT SHAPES MEN, MAKES MEN ♪

♪ SOMETIMES IT EVEN BREAKS MEN ♪

♪ WANT MY NAME MENTIONED AMONG GREAT MEN, MEN OF RESPECT...♪

[ piano playing ]

- [ music ends ] - [ applause ]

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH.

AND NOW...

FOR THE GAME SHOW PORTION OF OUR PROGRAM,

"NAME THAT SONG."

IF YOU KNOW THE WORDS,

JUST SING ALONG.

[ opera music playing ]

- I-I KNOW THAT SONG. - [ music stops ]

YOU SEE THIS? THERE'’S ONE IN EVERY CROWD.

HE'’S EVEN WEARING THE RIGHT UNIFORM.

[ all laughing ]

COME ON. SING IT.

[ opera music plays ]

[ singing in Italian ]

DAMN, MY MAN CAN SING, HUH?

OH, YES, HE IS SIMPLY SUPERB.

HEY, YO, TELL TWEETY BIRD I SAID, "WHAT'’S UP?"

[ singing high notes ]

- [ song ends ] - [ applause ]

- WHEW. - [ whistling ]

THAT WAS FANTASTIC.

- WHO ARE YOU? - ANTON.

YO, THAT'’S IT? MY MAN PUT IT DOWN LIKE "NIGGARATTI"

AND THAT'’S ALL Y'’ALL GIVE IS PENNIES? WHAT'’S UP WITH THAT?

COME ON, NOW. Y'’ALL GOTTA HELP OUT HERE.

COME ON, MY MAN. YOU-- YOU WAS CRYING.

- WHO DO YOU SING FOR? - MOSTLY MYSELF.

- COME ON, WE TAKE FOOD STAMPS. - I DON'’T THINK SO.

IT'’S ALL GOOD. SUPPORT THE BLACK ARTIST.

- YOU MAY GROW UP TO BE BLACK TOO. - HE'’S VERY FUNNY.

- HEY, YO! - LET'’S GIVE SOME LOVE TO THE PIANO MAN.

- WE AIN'’T GIVE HIM NO LOVE. SHOW HIM THE LOVE. - [ applause ]

- GIVE ME THE BUCKET. - WHAT'’RE YOU UPTIGHT ABOUT?

- I'’M TRYING TO HELP YOU. - IT'’S ALL RIGHT, I'M DOING FINE BY MYSELF.

YO, MY MAN, YOU WAS PUTTING IT DOWN. YOU CAN SING, KID.

- YOU'’RE VERY FUNNY. - YOU GOT A WHOLE ROUTINE. YOU'’RE REAL SLICK.

WHAT'’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

THAT MEANS I'’M ONTO YOU, SO DON'’T COME LOOKING TO ME FOR MONEY.

WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT? LOOK AT ALL THE CABBAGE I COLLECTED FOR YOU.

YOU WOULD'’VE HAD BUTTONS AND PENNIES IF IT WASN'’T FOR ME.

- YOU OWE ME, MAN. - DON'’T I KNOW YOU?

- I'’M HANDLING MY BUSINESS. - I WOULDN'’T WANT IT SAID

I DON'’T CARE ABOUT THE UNDERPRIVILEGED.

- HERE YOU GO. - A DOLLAR?

WHAT'’S THAT, A JOKE? HA HA HA!

YO, MAN, YOU BETTER GET REAL, SON.

YOU ABOUT TO BE A HEADLINE IN "THE DAILY NEWS."

"WHITE BOY GETS HIS ASS STOMPED IN THE PARK."

YEAH? YOU'’LL BE READING THAT HEADLINE FROM YOUR CELL AT RIKER'’S ISLAND.

A COUPLE WEEKS OF TOSSING SALADS MIGHT BE THE VACATION A GUY LIKE YOU NEEDS.

- WHERE DO I KNOW YOU FROM? - SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I ASKED FOR WHAT'’S MINE, YOU GONNA CALL THE COPS ON ME?

IT'’S ALL GOOD. YOU IN MY WORLD, SON. I'’MA SEE YOU OUT HERE.

YOU CAN COUNT ON IT... MOTHERFUCKER!

I KNOW HIM FROM SOMEWHERE.

LUCKY YOU.

THANKS.

THANKS FOR HELPING ME GET THAT INSIDE.

I CAN TAKE CARE OF IT FROM THERE.

HERE, WAIT.

THAT'’S FOR YOU.

$20.

- YEAH. - THANKS.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

C-CAN WE DO THIS AGAIN TOMORROW?

OKAY?

YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

YEAH.

I CAN'’T QUITE FIGURE YOU OUT YET.

BUT YOU CERTAINLY CAN SING, RIGHT?

WHAT'’S UP, KID? WHAT YOU ALL HAPPY ABOUT?

HE SUCK YOUR DICK OR SOME SHIT?

HEY, YOU'’RE THAT GUY.

YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA BUY ME A TICKET AND YOU TOOK MY MONEY.

- AND YOU DIDN'’T COME BACK. - OH, THAT'’S YOU!

OH, SHIT! YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

I HAD THE TICKET, RIGHT?

BUT THEN I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU FOR TWO DAYS.

I COULDN'’T FIND YOU. THE TICKET WAS ONLY GOOD FOR ONE DAY.

I DON'’T BELIEVE YOU.

I WANTED TO GO TO ITALY AND YOU TOOK MY MONEY.

FORGET THAT, ALL THAT MONEY I COLLECTED FOR YOU TODAY.

[ scoffs ] YOU COULD BE OVER IN CHINA.

OR AFRICA, OR WAY OUT THERE IN BROOKLYN AND SHIT.

SO HOW MUCH HE GIVE YOU, YO?

$20.

$20? MAN, YOU THINK THAT'’S FAIR?

- HMM? - YES.

YOU SLOWER THAN I THOUGHT, KID.

- I'’M NOT SLOW. - IT'’S ALL GOOD.

YOU ARE SLOW. DON'’T GET ME WRONG, YOU'’RE SLOW.

IT'’S ALL GOOD, '’CAUSE YOU'RE GOOD PEOPLE.

ALL RIGHT? YOU'’RE JUST SLOW GOOD PEOPLE.

- WHAT'’S YOUR NAME, DAWG? - I'’M NOT A DOG.

MY NAME IS ANTON. I'’M A PERSON.

I MEANT LIKE, "DAWG," LIKE, "MAN'’S BEST FRIEND."

LIKE DAWG. "WHERE THE DAWGS AT?" KNOW WHAT I'’M SAYING?

YOU AIN'’T GONNA BE ABLE TO CONNECT THAT SHIT.

LISTEN, WHAT I WANT TO TELL YOU IS

WHILE YOU OUT THERE IN THE PARK SINGING AND SHIT,

YOU THE SHOW. YOU'’RE FUCKING MICHAEL JACKSON OUT THERE.

THAT MOTHERFUCKER ON THE PIANO, HE AIN'’T EVEN TITO.

HE'’S LESS THAN RANDY.

- RANDY? - THE LITTLE FAT ONE WITH THE TAMBOURINE

AND THE BONGOS AND SHIT.

BUT LISTEN, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I WANT TO GIVE YOU SOME BUSINESS ADVICE.

- ALL RIGHT? - OKAY.

ASK FOR MORE MONEY.

OKAY?

- OKAY. - COOL.

LISTEN, MY PROFESSIONAL ADVICE,

LIKE ALL THINGS IN LIFE,

IS GONNA COST YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING.

SO I'’M JUST GONNA TAKE A LITTLE SOMETHING.

- THAT SOMETHING. - THAT'’S MINE.

THAT'’S NOT FAIR.

YOU RIGHT, HERE. OKAY.

ALL RIGHT?

- HEY, UM... - NO, NO, NO, LISTEN.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'’RE THINKING, MAN.

EXPENSES ARE HIGH AND SHIT.

THAT'’S WHY YOU'VE GOT TO ASK HIM FOR MORE MONEY.

YOU GOT IT?

[ singing in Italian ]

- [ applause ] - [ whistling ]

BRAVO!

- I HAD A LOT OF FUN TODAY. - DID YOU? I DID TOO.

LOOK AT THAT. Y'’ALL RAKING IN ALL THE CHEDDAR.

I DON'’T WANT ANY TROUBLE FROM YOU TODAY.

- EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. - HMM?

IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID? I THOUGHT YOU SAID, "EXCUSE ME."

COME ON, ANTON, LET'’S GO.

ANTON, DON'’T LET HIM TALK TO YOU LIKE YOU HIS BITCH.

IS HE PAYING YOU EXTRA FOR THE JANITORIAL SERVICES?

OR IS HE JUST RIPPING YOU OFF AGAIN?

HE THINKS YOU STUPID.

WHITE BOY ALWAYS THINKS THE BLACK MAN IS STUPID.

EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE A LITTLE SLOW.

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SO MEAN?

I AIN'’T MEAN. I'’M JUST REAL.

I'’M THE REALEST NIGGA YOU KNOW.

THIS ONE HERE, THAT'’S WHO YOU GOTTA WORRY ABOUT.

- HE THE ONE RIPPING YOU OFF. - I'’M NOT RIPPING HIM OFF.

YOU GAVE HIM $20. WHAT'’S THAT?

EVEN A YOUNG REPUBLICAN LIKE YOURSELF

OUGHTA FEEL SOME GUILT BEHIND THAT TYPE OF SHIT.

REPUBLICAN? I'’M SUCH A BLEEDING HEART LIBERAL I VOTED FOR JESSE JACKSON--

TWICE. STILL DOESN'’T MEAN I'’M GONNA BEND OVER

AND LET YOU FUCK ME UP THE ASS.

YEAH? YOU PROBABLY LIKE IT LIKE THAT.

I'’LL PULL YOUR HAIR AND MAKE YOU CALL ME "MANDINGO."

- PUNK ASS WHITE BOY. - HAVEN'’T YOU HEARD?

THAT BLACK-WHITE STUFF WENT OUT OF STYLE

WITH PLATFORM SHOES AND POLYESTER JUMP SUITS.

YEAH? I KEPT MINE, '’CAUSE THE ANGRY BLACK MAN SHIT'’S MAKING A COMEBACK.

WHY DON'’T YOU FIND SOME OTHER WAY TO WORK OUT YOUR SHIT?

LIKE YOGA, MEDITATION, ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY? WHATEVER IT TAKES.

- JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. - [ laughing ]

WHAT THE FUCK YOU LAUGHING AT?

YOU TWO ARE JUST ALIKE.

OH YEAH? THE JOKE IS ON YOU, SON.

'’CAUSE HE'S TRYING TO BECOME ROCKEFELLER,

AND HE'’S KEEPING YOU STEPIN FETCHIT.

YOU THE ONE WITH THE TALENT, ANTON.

THIS MOTHERFUCKER HERE, HE'’S LINUS FROM THE PEANUT GANG.

YOU THE MAN, ANTON, REMEMBER THAT SHIT.

YOU GET A RAISE. [ laughs ]

$40?

THANKS.

I-I-I KNEW HE WAS WRONG ABOUT YOU.

YOU'’RE A GOOD GUY.

YEAH, WELL, THANKS.

HE TOOK MY MONEY YESTERDAY.

GOD, MAN, THAT FIGURES.

YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL, ANTON.

EVERYBODY'’S OUT FOR THEMSELF.

- [ thunder rumbles ] - EVERYBODY?

YEAH.

EVERYBODY.

[ clears throat ]

ANYWAY, I GOTTA GO,

- SO... - [ thunder rumbles ]

BOY, THAT CAME DOWN IN A HURRY.

YOU SHOULD HAVE AN UMBRELLA OR SOMETHING.

- YEAH. - YOU COULD CATCH A COLD OR SOMETHING.

YEAH.

YOU BETTER RUN.

YOU BETTER HURRY. YOU'’RE GETTING WET.

THE STREET'’S AROUND TO THE LEFT, THAT WAY.

[ thunder rumbles ]

I-I DON'’T LIKE LOUD NOISES.

COME ON IN.

IT'’S OKAY. COME ON.

A LITTLE FURTHER.

WOW.

THIS IS A REALLY NICE PLACE YOU HAVE HERE.

THANKS.

YOU SHOULD BE ON "LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS."

[ laughs ]

THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND'’S PLACE.

SHE SINGS OPERA TOO.

JULIA SIMONE.

YOU'’VE HEARD OF HER, RIGHT?

- JULIA SIMONE? - YEAH.

NO.

OH.

I GUESS YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF THOSE CLOTHES.

- OH, UM... - I'’LL PUT 'EM IN THE DRYER FOR YOU.

- THANKS. - SIT DOWN.

DON'’T WORRY ABOUT GETTING IT WET. IT'’S ALL RIGHT.

THAT'’S A NICE TUXEDO.

I HAD ONE. NOT AS NICE AS THAT, BUT...

[ thunder rumbles ]

OH, MAN.

- [ laughs ] - OH, I'’M SORRY.

MY SOCKS ARE KINDA STINKY.

YEAH.

MAYBE I SHOULD PUT '’EM IN THE WASHER

BEFORE I PUT '’EM IN THE DRIER.

OHH.

OH, UM... I'’M SORRY.

MY FEET ARE KINDA STINKY TOO.

YEAH. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE A SHOWER.

IN FACT, I INSIST.

I CAN'’T TAKE SHOWERS.

AUNTIE SAYS I'’LL SLIP AND CRACK MY HEAD.

CAN I TAKE A BATH?

I LOVE BATHS.

[ classical music playing ]

- [ sprays ] - [ sneezing ]

[ vocalizes ]

[ laughs ]

[ vocalizes ]

[ music ends ]

WOW.

THAT WAS AMAZING.

YEAH, IT SOUNDS EVEN BETTER WHEN YOU'’RE DRUNK.

BUT I DON'’T THINK THAT'’S GONNA HELP ME IN THE COMPETITION.

COMPETITION?

LIKE YOU WIN PRIZES AND STUFF IF YOU WIN?

[ laughs ]

YEAH, THE GRAND PRIZE

IS YOU GET TO KISS HIGH SOCIETY ASS

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

YOU DON'’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LOSE.

HEY, LOOK AT THAT. THE RAIN STOPPED.

YEAH.

GUESS THAT MEANS YOU CAN GO.

WHAT'’S UP, MAN?

YOU DON'’T LOOK TOO HAPPY TO SEE ME.

WHAT'’S THE DEAL, MAN?

YOU AFRAID OF BLACK PEOPLE NOW,

'’CAUSE YOU WAS UP IN THE MASTER'’S HOUSE CHILLING?

I DON'’T WANT YOU TO TAKE MY MONEY.

YO, MAN, I'’M NOT THE GOVERNMENT.

I'’M OUT HERE TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU, YO.

HOW MUCH HE RIP YOU OFF FOR THIS TIME?

H-HE DIDN'’T RIP ME OFF.

HE GAVE ME $40.

$40? YO, MAN, THIS GUY IS MAKING

HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OFF YOU.

- REALLY? - YEAH, AND THAT SHIT HE GAVE YOU

IS PROBABLY COUNTERFEIT, MAN.

LET ME SEE THE MONEY AND I'’LL TELL YOU

IF THAT SHIT IS FAKE. I'’LL DO THE SPIT TEST

AND TELL YOU IF IT'’S TRUE OR FALSE.

NO, I DON'’T WANT TO.

YO, DON'’T DISRESPECT ME OUT HERE, MAN.

I'’LL BUST YOUR ASS AND TAKE THAT SHIT. LET ME SEE.

- LET ME SEE THE MONEY. - [ screams ]

- [ screams ] - COME BACK HERE, MAN.

- COME BACK HERE, MAN! - [ screaming ]

- [ barking ] - MOVE THAT DOG BEFORE I THROW THAT SHIT ON THE ROOF.

♪ ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS LET'’S GO ♪

♪ SO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WAITING FOR? ♪

- ♪ NIGGA, LET'’S ROLL ♪ - ♪ LET'’S GO ♪

♪ YOU WON'’T RESOLVE DRY HOPES ♪

♪ RINGING IN YOUR SYSTEM, GOT YOU HOOKED LIKE DOPE ♪

♪ WE HERE TO LEAD ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, LET'’S GO ♪

♪ SO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WAITING FOR? ♪

ATTENTION! SALUTE!

AND MARCH!

LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT!

WHO WANTS ICE CREAM?

[ shouting ] ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM!

♪ LET'’S ROLL, LET'’S ROLL... ♪

[ kids shouting ] ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM !

♪ ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, LET'’S GO ♪

♪ WHAT THE FUCK YOU WAITING FOR? NIGGA, LET'’S ROLL... ♪

WHERE YOU THINK YOU'’RE GOING?

THERE'’S NOWHERE TO GO, RIGHT?

DIDN'’T I TELL YOU TO PAY MY MONEY?

- YO, COME HERE. - YOU'’RE NOTHING BUT A BULLY.

- COME HERE, MOTHERFUCKER. - FIRST MY TICKET TO ITALY,

- AND YOU TOOK MY MONEY. - GIMME MY MONEY,

YOU FUCKING RETARDED IDIOT.

MANAGER'’S SUPPOSED TO HELP PEOPLE.

I'’M GONNA MANAGE TO KICK YOUR ASS. COME HERE.

NOW YOUR ASS IS GRASS. COME HERE, YOU FUCKING CORKY FROM "LIFE GOES ON."

COME HERE. WHERE'’S MY MONEY?

WHAT'’RE YOU GONNA DO? YOU GETTING ME DIRTY AND SHIT?

- GIMME MY MONEY. - NO! YOU'’RE NOTHING BUT A BULLY.

GIMME MY MONEY, MAN! YOU BETTER GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY.

YOU'’RE STILL NOTHING BUT A BULLY.

Girl: YOU BETTER STOP THAT!

WHAT Y'’ALL LOOKING AT? BETTER GO GET AN EDUCATION.

Teacher: OKAY, KIDS, COME ON.

COME ON, LET'’S GO. EVERYBODY, LET'’S GO.

GET GOING NOW.

I WASN'’T GONNA HURT YOU, MAN.

IT'’S JUST ROUGH OUT HERE, YOU KNOW?

YOU KISSING UP TO WHITE BOYS, MAN.

WE'’RE BROTHERS. WE GOTTA STICK TOGETHER.

COME ON, LET'’S GO.

COME ON.

YO, COME ON, MAN.

A-ARE WE REALLY BROTHERS?

BECAUSE YOU WERE VERY MEAN TO ME BEFORE.

I TOLD YOU, MAN, WE'’RE BROTHERS NOW, ALL RIGHT?

I'’M GONNA LOOK OUT FOR YOU, YO.

[ water running ]

I NEVER REALLY HAD A BROTHER.

I NEVER HAD A SISTER.

I DON'’T EVEN REMEMBER MY FATHER,

BUT I HAVE A PICTURE OF HIM AT HOME.

ALL I HAD WAS MY MOM-- MOTHER

AND MY AUNTIE.

AND MY MOTHER DIED WHEN I WAS NINE.

YO, MAN, STOP LOOKING AT THE MONSTER, ALL RIGHT?

YOU'’RE GONNA RUIN YOUR CONFIDENCE WITH WOMEN.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU EVER GET SOME PUSSY?

I, UM...

[ stuttering ]

NEVER MIND. REMIND ME,

I GOTTA GET YOU SOME PUSSY, ALL RIGHT?

YO, LET ME HOLD YOUR COLOGNE.

MY BALLS STINK. COME ON.

YO, MAN, YOU EVER GOT KIDS?

NO.

WHAT AM I THINKING? HOW YOU GONNA CATCH KIDS

WHEN YOU AIN'’T EVEN CATCHED NO PUSSY YET?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. WHEN YOU DO GET A KID,

IT'’S THE GREATEST THING IN THE WORLD, SON.

- ARE YOU WORKING? - NO, BUT I GOT THIS THING HAPPENING.

THEN DON'’T EVEN THINK ABOUT BRINGING YOUR ASS INTO MY HOUSE.

- I'’M NOT HERE TO SEE YOU. I WANNA SEE MY DAUGHTER. - YOUR DAUGHTER?

YOU CAN START SEEING YOUR DAUGHTER WHEN YOU START SUPPORTING YOUR DAUGHTER.

CAN I HAVE JUST SOME TIME--

MUST BE THAT TIME OF THE MONTH, MAN.

WHAT TIME?

IF YOU GOT SOME PUSSY, YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT TIME.

CLARISSE, I'’M STRAIGHT. I'’M NOT EVEN HIGH.

I JUST WANNA SEE HER. PLEASE?

OKAY, BUT IF YOU START ANY SHIT UP IN HERE,

I'’M CALLING THE COPS ON YOUR ASS.

WHY YOU ALWAYS THINKING I'’M GONNA START SOMETHING?

LETICIA, YOUR DADDY'’S HERE.

THERE'’S MY LITTLE GIRL. COME HERE, BABY.

- OHH! - HI, DADDY.

HI, HOW YOU DOING?

- GOOD, I MISS YOU. - HI, I'’M ANTON.

- I MISS YOU TOO. - A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

- HELLO. - COME HERE, I WANNA SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

THIS IS A PICTURE I MADE IN SCHOOL.

THIS IS ME AND MOMMY INSIDE OUR HOUSE

AND YOU INSIDE YOUR HOUSE.

WOW, THAT'’S BEAUTIFUL.

CAN I HAVE THIS? I'’M GONNA PUT IN MY HOUSE.

OKAY.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE INSIDE YOUR COAT?

I DON'’T KNOW IF I WANNA SHOW YOU.

- YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU? - MM-HMM.

OKAY, TAKE A PEEK. BOW!

- IT'’S A LION. - YEAH, THAT'’S A LION.

- THIS IS THE BADDEST MOTHER-- - [ clears throat ]

THE BADDEST CAT IN THE WHOLE JUNGLE.

HE KICKS EVERYBODY'’S BUTT.

- EVERYBODY'’S? - EVERYBODY. ANYBODY.

IS IT A GIRL LION OR THE BOY LION?

THIS ONE IS A DADDY LION.

WAY YOU CAN TELL IS BY THE MANE, YOU SEE?

HE'’S GOT THE MANE HERE, LIKE DADDY'’S GOT THE MANE.

FEEL THAT. [ growls ]

HIS JOB IS TO PROTECT THE FAMILY.

'’CAUSE IF SOMEBODY TRIES TO BOTHER THE FAMILY,

HE GOES CRAZY. HE GOES LIKE,

"PUT '’EM UP, PUT '’EM UP!

I'’LL FIGHT YOU WITH ONE HAND. PUT '’EM UP!"

SEE? EVEN THOUGH THE MOMMY, SHE KICKS A LITTLE BUTT TOO.

ON THE REAL, YOU KNOW? BUT THINGS WORK BETTER

WHEN THE MOMMY LION TAKES CARE OF THE BABIES

AND THE DADDY LIONS TAKE CARE OF THE BUSINESS.

- THE BUSINESS? - THE BUSINESS.

YOU WANT TO TALK IN CODE?

WHY DON'’T YOU TRY BRINGING HOME SOME GAZELLE?

I'’M JUST TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO HER

THAT THERE'’S RULES EVEN IN THE WILDERNESS.

HAKUNA MATATA AND GOODBYE TO YOU.

LETICIA, YOUR DADDY HAS TO GO.

BYE, DADDY.

BYE, BABY. I LOVE YOU, OKAY?

- LOVE YOU TOO. - BE GOOD FOR YOUR MOMMY, ALL RIGHT?

- OKAY. - I'’LL SEE YOU SOON.

ALL RIGHT.

LOOK, CLARISSE, COME HERE.

WHY DON'’T YOU GIVE US A LITTLE SPACE, YO?

HUH?

YEAH.

HEY, CLARISSE, LISTEN,

I'’M SORRY ABOUT HER. I WASN'’T TRYING

TO PISS YOU OFF OR NOTHING.

I'’M TRYING TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH US, ALL RIGHT?

- YES. - I GOT THIS THING DOWN AT THE PARK

WITH MY MAN. I LIKE MANAGE HIM.

- WOW. - I'’M SERIOUS.

THIS GUY, HE CAN SING. HE'’S LIKE CHICO, DEBARGE

AND FUCKING PAVAROTTI ALL MIXED UP IN ONE.

WHOOPTY-DAMN-DO, OKAY?

YOU'’VE HAD YOUR VISIT. YOU CAN LEAVE NOW.

WHY YOU CUTTING ME OFF? YOU DON'’T EVEN HEAR ME OUT.

- YOU DON'’T RESPECT WHAT I SAY. - WESLEY, STOP IT.

- YOU SAID YOU WEREN'’T GONNA START ANY SHIT. - FINE.

HOW THE FUCK WE END UP HERE?

HUH?

NICE MEETING YOU.

OKAY.

- WHY AREN'’T YOU WITH-- - I DON'’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

BUT WHY DON'’T YOU JUST TRY TO TALK--

BECAUSE SHE DON'’T WANT TO BE WITH ME, OKAY?

I THINK SHE REALLY DOES.

WHO ASKED YOU WHAT YOU THINK? JUST SHUT UP.

Y-YOUR DAUGHTER'’S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.

YEAH, SHE TAKES AFTER HER MOM.

YO, BE CAREFUL COMING IN, ALL RIGHT?

'’CAUSE I HAVEN'T FINISHED BUILDING THE REST OF THE STEPS.

CAREFUL, YO. CAREFUL.

LEAVE THAT OPEN, MAN. THAT'’S A FRENCH DOOR.

IS THIS WHERE YOU LIVE?

NO, MAN, I JUST KEEP A LITTLE STASH HERE, YOU KNOW?

GRAB A SEAT, YO. MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME AND SHIT.

YO, YOU SEE THIS SHIRT?

I WORKED AT MIDNIGHT EXPRESS. I WAS MAKING $12.50 AN HOUR.

WORD. ME AND CLARISSE,

WE WERE ALL RIGHT BACK THEN.

SHIT WAS TIGHT, YOU KNOW?

THIS MOTHERFUCKER FIRED ME

FOR COMING IN LATE A COUPLE TIMES AND SHIT.

TALKING ABOUT, "YOU LOOK HUNG OVER."

GETTING ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS.

WHAT THAT GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING, HOW I LOOK?

I'’M THERE AT LEAST, RIGHT?

YEAH. YEAH, I GUESS.

I KNOW I'’M RIGHT, MAN.

'’CAUSE THE WHITE BOYS, THEY COME IN,

BE LAUGHING AND GIGGLING AND SHIT.

ALL BY THE COFFEE MACHINE. NOBODY SAY NOTHING TO THEM.

I TAKE A NAP ON THE CONVEYOR BELT,

MOTHERFUCKER GOT ME BOUNCED OUT THE DOOR AND SHIT.

THAT AIN'’T EVEN RIGHT, YO.

THAT SHIT AIN'’T EVEN RIGHT.

I SHOULD'’VE PUNCHED HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE

AS SOON AS I SAW HIM, MAN.

DURING THE FIRST DAY, JUST TO NEUTRALIZE HIS ASS.

THEN I WOULDN'’T BE HAVING THESE TYPE OF PROBLEMS AND SHIT.

I GET PISSED OFF JUST TALKING ABOUT IT, MAN.

PULL UP A ROCK AND GET COMFORTABLE, MAN.

HERE.

CATCH SOME Zs, MAN.

- [ sniffs ] - IT STINKS A LITTLE.

- [ coughs ] - JUST BREATHE THROUGH YOUR MOUTH.

IT MAKES IT MORE BETTER AND SHIT.

[ sighs ]

NO WAY, ANTON. HE'’S JUST TRYING TO RIP YOU OFF.

WHY YOU TALKING TO HIM LIKE HE'’S STUPID?

HE AIN'’T STUPID. GO AHEAD, ANTON.

- TELL HIM YOUR BIG PLAN. - OKAY.

YOU COULD PLAY THE PIANO,

I COULD SING, AND UM...

AND WES CAN MAKE US A LOT OF MONEY.

TELL HIM WHY, YO. TELL HIM WHY.

- '’CAUSE HE'S VERY FUNNY. - MM-HMM.

YOU TOLD ME YOURSELF HE STOLE MONEY FROM YOU.

THAT WAS BEFORE. HE'’S DIFFERENT NOW.

TELL HIM WHY, YO. TELL HIM WHY.

- '’CAUSE WE'RE BROTHERS. - YUP.

'’CAUSE WE'RE BROTHERS.

YOU'’RE UNBELIEVABLE, YOU KNOW THAT?

ANTON, YOU CAN'’T TRUST PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

I'’M SURPRISED YOU'RE TRYING TO GET OVER ON THIS YOUNG MAN.

LOOK AT THAT FACE-- WITH A SMILE.

HOW COULD YOU GET OVER ON THAT?

I THINK YOU GOT THIS CONFUSED.

I'’M LINUS FROM THE PEANUTS GANG, REMEMBER?

YOU'’RE THE ONE THAT'’S TRYING TO GET OVER.

FORGET THIS. I DON'’T NEED THIS SHIT.

FINE, GET OUTTA HERE. WE DON'’T NEED YOU.

- WE DO OUR OWN THING, ANTON. - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. OKAY.

OKAY, I'’LL SING,

AND YOU CAN PLAY THE PIANO

AND I'’LL GIVE WES MY MONEY.

I JUST WANT TO SING.

YOU WOULD DO THAT? YOU WOULD GIVE HIM

YOUR SHARE JUST SO YOU COULD SING?

YES.

HE'’S JUST LIKE ME.

HE DOESN'’T HAVE NOTHING.

OKAY, WE'’LL DO IT.

BUT DON'’T GIVE HIM ANY MONEY. I'’LL PAY HIM.

- ALL RIGHT? - [ laughing ]

DON'’T DO THE SMILE SO MUCH.

[ piano playing ]

[ singing in Italian ]

MY LAST DOLLAR.

I WAS GONNA BUY SUSHI WITH THIS.

WHO NEEDS FRESH FISH

WHEN YOU HAVE NOURISHMENT TO THE SOUL?

THAT'’S RIGHT.

EXCUSE ME. I HAVE TO SUPPORT THIS.

Woman: YEAH, HE'’S GOOD.

DO THE RIGHT THING.

THIS KINDA MUSIC BRINGS BLACK PEOPLE TOGETHER.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.

I'’M NOT AFRAID TO SAY IT.

FINALLY, BLACK UNITY.

[ applause ]

Wes: YO, SLOW DOWN, SON.

YOU GOT TO TREAT THAT LIKE THE TITTY.

YOU JUST TAKE LITTLE PULLS.

YO!

SO, YO, IS LIKE, PLAYING THE PIANO IN THE PARK

YOUR ONLY GIG OR WHAT?

YEAH, DO YOU DO CONCERTS AND STUFF?

I USED TO, MAN.

I USED TO. I'’D BE INVITED TO GIVE PRIVATE RECITALS.

THESE RICH OLD LADIES WOULD COME UP TO ME

AND TELL ME HOW GOOD I WAS

AND WHAT A PROMISING CAREER I HAD IN STORE.

BUT THEY WERE NEVER INTERESTED IN MY PIANO PLAYING.

WHAT WERE THEY INTERESTED IN?

MAN, THEY WANNA HAVE SEX WITH HIM, YO.

OH.

SO YOU BUSTED OUT THOSE OLD BITCHES, YO?

- YEAH. - HA HA!

- [ laughing ] - A COUPLE TIMES, A COUPLE TIMES.

BUT FOR SOME OF THOSE HAGS, NO AMOUNT OF MONEY IN THE WORLD

COULD MAKE IT WORTH IT.

THAT'’S WEAK, YO. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING--

MONEY ITSELF IS ENOUGH TO MAKE MY DICK HARD.

FOR THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF MONEY, I'’LL EAT OUT THAT BITCH

- ON "MURDER, SHE WROTE." AND BE LOVING IT. - [ laughing ]

I'’LL BE DRIVING AROUND IN HER MERCEDES, ROCKING RONNIE'’S ROLEX.

I DON'’T NEED ALL THAT.

I DON'’T HAVE ANYTHING,

AND I'’M HAPPY.

I GOT TWO GOOD FRIENDS,

AND EVEN THOUGH I THOUGHT YOU WERE A DOOKIE HEAD--

[ laughs ]

GIVE ME THAT BOTTLE. YOU'’RE CUT OFF, MAN.

"DOOKIE HEAD," SHIT.

- WHY YOU DO THAT? - YOU ON PUNISHMENT, MAN.

- YOU'’RE DRUNK. - I'’M DRUNK, REALLY?

- I'’M DRUNK? - I GUESS SO.

I-I-I'’VE NEVER BEEN DRUNK BEFORE.

[ laughing ]

MAN, THIS HAS BEEN REAL.

YO, MAN, WHERE YOU GOING? HANG OUT.

- CHILL AWHILE, Y'’ALL. - YEAH, YEAH.

- NO, I GOTTA GO. - LET ME USE YOUR BATHROOM.

COME ON, I'’M NOT GONNA STEAL NOTHING.

IN FACT, I MIGHT LEAVE A LITTLE SOMETHING BEHIND.

- YOU'’LL LEAVE SOMETHING? - TAKE A SHIT, MAN.

[ laughing ]

LET THE DOGS LOOSE.

THAT'’S WHERE YOU GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM SO BAD,

SOON AS YOU SIT DOWN IT COMES OUT LIKE THIS-- [ barking ]

JUST FULL UP THE TOILET, Y'’ALL.

- [ laughing ] - ALL RIGHT, BUT JUST FOR A MINUTE.

A MINUTE.

YOU REALLY LET THE DOGS LOOSE.

[ laughing ]

SHUT UP, MAN.

YO, MAN, YOUR PLACE IS TIGHT.

YOU LIVING UP HERE ALL BIG WILLY STYLE.

- SHIT IS ROCKEFELLER, MAN. - NO, THIS IS MY LADY'’S PLACE.

MATTHEW'’S GIRLFRIEND IS THE ONE IN THE PICTURE.

SHE'’S SINGING IN EUROPE.

WORD. YO, SHE'’S BLACK.

REALLY?

NO.

MAN, YOU'’RE RIGHT.

MAN, WHAT YOU DRINKING, YO?

SCOTCH. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME?

I'’D OFFER YOU SOME MALT LIQUOR,

BUT BILLY DEE DRANK IT ALL LAST TIME HE WAS UP.

THEN I GUESS I'’M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE SOME OF THE GOOD SHIT THEN.

I WANT SOME GOOD SHIT TOO.

GO CHECK THE TOILET, I THINK I MIGHT'’VE

LEFT SOMETHING IN THERE.

SO, YO, THIS YOUR GIRL'’S PLACE, HUH?

- YEAH. - SHE GOT IT LIKE THAT, HUH?

YEAH, SHE'’S GOT IT LIKE THAT.

SO WHAT YOU GOT GOING ON, MAN?

YOU LIKE HER GIGOLO OR SOME TYPE OF SHIT?

- I'’M NOT A GIGOLO. - DON'’T KNOCK IT, YO.

GIGOLOING IS A HARD FIELD TO BREAK INTO, MAN.

NOT LIKE YOU CAN GO DOWN TO DEVRY TECHNICAL INSTITUTE

AND TAKE THAT SHIT UP.

THAT'’S AN ART. PERSONALLY,

I THINK I'’D BE GOOD AT IT.

'’CAUSE I GOT THIS BIG OL'’ MONSTER HERE.

HE LIKE TO COME OUT AND PLAY AND SHIT.

W-WHAT'’S A GIGOLO?

WHERE BITCHES PAY FOR YOUR DICK.

FOR SEX, RIGHT?

NO, TO PLAY BACKGAMMON.

- YEAH, OF COURSE FOR SEX, MAN. - [ laughs ]

YO, KILL THE SMILE, MAN.

THAT SHIT'’S TOO BIG.

LET ME ASK YOU, MAN. THIS GIGOLOING THING-- DOES IT PAY ONCE A WEEK,

OR IS THAT LIKE WELFARE, COMES ONCE A MONTH?

I'’M NOT A GIGOLO.

WHAT DO YOU CALL ALL THIS SHIT?

JULIA IS HELPING ME WITH MY CAREER.

I'’M GOING THROUGH A SLOW PERIOD RIGHT NOW.

MATTHEW'’S REALLY GOOD AT THE PIANO.

YOU NEVER REALLY HEARD HIM PLAY.

- [ hiccups ] - WHY DON'’T WE PARTNER?

YOU HIT IT FROM THE FRONT, I'’LL DICK IT FROM THE BACK,

WE BOTH GET THROUGH THIS SLOW PERIOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

- YOU GUYS GOTTA GO. - I WAS JUST FUCKING WITH YOU.

WHY YOU GETTING ALL "ATTITUDINAL," MAN?

BUT YOU SAID I COULD LISTEN TO YOUR RECORDS.

ANTON, I DON'’T HAVE TIME. WE'’LL DO THIS LATER.

- TOMORROW. - FINE.

Anton: SO WE'’RE GONNA GET TOGETHER TOMORROW?

YEAH, YEAH, TOMORROW.

- [ vomiting ] - YOU SEE THE WAY THAT MOTHERFUCKER'’S LIVING?

FUCK, I DON'’T BELIEVE THAT SHIT.

LOOK AT THAT MOTHERFUCKER.

YOU CAN TELL HE'’S NEVER WORKED A DAY IN HIS LIFE.

I HAD A NICE HOME.

IT WASN'’T AS FANCY AS MATTHEW'’S,

BUT IT WAS NICE.

IF YOUR HOUSE WAS SO LOVEY-DOVEY,

WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING OUT HERE FOR?

TAKE YOUR ASS ON BACK HOME, MAN.

I DON'’T WANT TO GO HOME LIKE THIS.

THEN THEY'’LL SAY, "YOU SEE? I TOLD YOU SO.

I TOLD YOU YOU WERE STUPID.

I TOLD YOU YOU WASN'’T GONNA BE NOTHING."

BUT WHEN I BECOME A BIG AND FAMOUS OPERA STAR,

AND I'’M BIG

AND I'’M FAMOUS,

THAT'’S WHEN I'’LL GO HOME.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK, MAN.

'’CAUSE YOU CAN SING, SON. YOU SING YOUR ASS OFF, KID.

I DON'’T EVEN LIKE THAT SHIT, AND I BE LIKING THAT SHIT.

- [ groans ] - COME ON.

LET'’S BOUNCE. YOU NEED TO LAY DOWN YOUR HEAD.

COME ON.

WHAT'’S UP, DAWG? YOU ALL RIGHT?

DON'’T WORRY, I'’M GONNA HOOK YOU UP.

[ burps ]

IT'’S ALL RIGHT. HOLD ON, BABY.

I'’M GONNA HOOK YOU UP WITH THIS.

IT'’LL PULL ALL THOSE TOXINS OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM.

HERE, DRINK THAT.

WAIT, LET ME PUT A LITTLE SOMETHING

TO GET RID OF THE NASTY TASTE.

- YOU SURE? - YEAH.

THAT'’S THE WAY WE SPELL RELIEF OUT HERE.

I GOT THE RECIPE FROM MY MAN ETERNAL DEVINE RIGHT THERE.

HURRY, BEFORE THE FIZZ STARTS TO FUZZLE.

OH.

I GUESS YOUR BOY MATTHEW'’S GONNA DISS US, HUH?

HIS TRUE COLORS-- OR SHOULD I SAY HIS TRUE COLOR?

--IS STARTING TO SHOW.

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK THE WORST ABOUT PEOPLE?

IT'’S EXPERIENCE, YO.

I GOT EXPERIENCE IN LIFE, MAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,

"YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE IN THIS LIFE."

MAN, THAT'’S THE STUPIDEST SHIT I EVER DONE HEARD.

I'’VE BEEN GETTING MY ASS KICKED SINCE I CRAWLED OUT THE PUSSY, MAN.

JUST ONCE I WISH I COULD KICK A LITTLE ASS BACK.

I'’D KICK EVERYBODY'S ASS THAT EVER PISSED ME OFF.

I'’M GONNA GO SEE FOR MYSELF.

I'’D KICK NEWT GINGRICH'’S ASS.

I'’D KICK CHRISTOPHER DARDEN'’S ASS.

I'’D KICK RONALD REAGAN'’S ASS--

I'’D DO THAT SHIT TWICE '’CAUSE HE GOT ALZHEIMER'S

AND HE'’D FORGET THE FIRST TIME.

I'’D KICK GARY COLEMAN'’S ASS,

'’CAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT HEIGHT TO KICK AN ASS.

I'’D KICK BOB DOLE'S ASS.

I'’D TAKE THAT PLASTIC ARM OFF AND BEAT HIM WITH THAT SHIT.

I'’D KICK WILE E. COYOTE'’S ASS

FOR TRYING TO GET THE ROADRUNNER WHEN HE KNEW HE WAS TOO SLOW.

I'’D KICK MONICA LEWINSKY'’S ASS

FOR NOT SWALLOWING THE EVIDENCE.

I'’D KICK FRED FLINTSTONE'S ASS FOR HAVING THREE TOES

AND THINKING NOBODY WOULD NOTICE THAT SHIT.

- [ knocking ] - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

JESUS.

- WHAT? - HI, MATTHEW.

- WHAT'’S UP, MAN? - I THOUGHT THIS WAS A DELIVERY.

IT IS, YOU GOT TWO BROTHERS TO GO.

AREN'’T YOU COMING DOWN TO PLAY?

ANTON, I DON'’T FEEL UP TO IT TODAY, ALL RIGHT?

NO DOUBT. I'’M GLAD YOU THOUGHT ENOUGH OF US

TO COME DOWN AND SAY SOME SHIT LIKE THAT.

YEAH, WHERE'’S MY HEAD BEEN LATELY?

I'’VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF MY OWN NEEDS

OVER THOSE OF A COUPLE OF GUYS I BARELY KNOW.

I MUST GET MY PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.

T-THAT'’S OKAY, MATTHEW. WE CAN PLAY TOMORROW.

ANTON, I DON'’T HAVE TIME TO DO THIS EVERY DAY, OKAY?

OH.

W-WHAT'’S GOING ON?

WE'’RE STILL GONNA BE FRIENDS, RIGHT?

DON'’T YOU GET IT, MAN? HE'’S NOT OUR FRIEND.

HE'’S NEVER GONNA BE OUR FRIEND.

I'’M YOUR FRIEND. COME ON, LET'’S BOMB OUT.

- WE'’RE FRIENDS, RIGHT? - YEAH, WE'’RE STILL FRIENDS.

SO I'’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW, RIGHT?

SURE, TOMORROW.

[ mocking ] "SURE, TOMORROW."

DON'’T WORRY, WE KNOW OUR WAY OUT. COME ON.

- [ bell rings ] - YO, LISTEN,

YOU GO AHEAD. I FORGOT SOMETHING UPSTAIRS, ALL RIGHT?

GOTTA GO DO SOMETHING.

- [ Matthew singing in italian ] - [ shower running ]

[ phone ringing ]

- Machine: Hi, leave a message. - [ beeps ]

Woman: Hey, baby. Sorry I missed you.

Barcelona'’s been canceled.

So I'’m coming home early. I arrive tomorrow

at JFK at 9:20 on American flight 203.

I miss you.

- [ singing ] - THAT'’S ALL THE DICK YOU GOT?

- JESUS. - I THOUGHT A GIGOLO HAD SHIT THAT JIGGLED LOW.

- WHAT? - YOU SPECIALIZE IN MIDGETS AND SHIT?

HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET IN HERE?

SOMEBODY LEFT THE DOOR OPEN, MAN.

I CAME BY TO TELL YOU THERE'’S NO HARD FEELINGS,

AND THAT YOU AND I, WE GOTTA TRY AND GET ALONG AND SHIT.

DON'’T FUCKING BULLSHIT ME.

YOU'’RE NOT INTERESTED IN GETTING ALONG.

SO CUT THE BULLSHIT.

OKAY.

I AIN'’T INTERESTED IN BEING YOUR FRIEND.

WE GOTTA KISS TOO MUCH ASS TO BE DOWN WITH YOU.

YOU'’RE A FUNNY MOTHERFUCKER, YOU KNOW THAT?

YOUR LIBERAL GUILT KICKS IN FOR ONE MINUTE,

AND YOU GOT ANTON THINKING YOU'’RE SUPER WHITEY AND SHIT.

THEN YOU GET TIRED OF PLAYING "SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL NEGRO,"

SO NOW YOU'’RE READY TO KICK HIS ASS TO THE CURB

LIKE SOME DOGSHIT ON YOUR BRUNO MAGLIS.

YOU KNOW WHAT? HIS SILLY ASS DON'’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

TOMORROW HE'’S GONNA BE OUT IN THE PARK WAITING ON YOU

'’CAUSE HE THINKS YOU'’RE HIS FRIEND.

I JUST WANTED TO LOOK YOU IN YOUR EYE AND TELL YOU THAT SHIT.

YOU'’RE GOOD.

YOU'’RE REAL GOOD.

I'’M A LITTLE CHOKED UP RIGHT HERE.

YOU REALLY AREN'’T LIVING TO YOUR FULL POTENTIAL.

YOU COULD BE LIKE A BIG TIME HUSTLER.

SORT OF STOREFRONT PREACHER, COTTON COMES TO HARLEM KIND OF HUSTLER.

YOU REALLY AREN'’T LIVING UP TO YOUR FULL POTENTIAL.

MAYBE I NEED TO TAKE SOME LESSONS FROM YOU IN "POTENTIAL-NISM."

YOU SEEM TO GOT IT ALL DOWN. LOOK AT THIS.

YOU'’RE LIVING UP TO YOUR POTENTIAL, HUH?

THERE'’S THE DOOR. USE IT.

I KNOW WHERE THE DOOR IS. I LIVE OUT THERE.

THAT'’S MY HOME OUTSIDE.

I'’M GOING HOME TO THE STREET, SON.

[ door slams ]

LET ME GET A TASTE OF THAT APPLE.

YOU HAD YOURS ALREADY.

I KNOW, BUT AS YOUR MANAGER,

I GOTTA TEST YOURS TO MAKE SURE THAT SHIT AIN'’T POISON.

- REALLY? - YEAH.

YOU'’RE AN IMPORTANT GUY NOW.

PEOPLE'’LL BE TRYING TO ASSASSINATE YOU.

YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO KENNEDY, RIGHT?

I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK YOU WEREN'’T GONNA SHOW UP.

SEE, WES, I TOLD YOU.

YEAH, IT'’S A GOOD THING I'’M NOT A GAMBLING MAN.

IF YOU BET, YOU'’D BE POORER THAN YOU ARE NOW.

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, YO.

[ mutters, laughs ]

IS THE APPLE POISONED?

I DON'’T KNOW, MAN. I GOTTA FINISH THE OTHER HALF.

GOTTA GET IT IN MY SYSTEM.

I'’LL LET YOU KNOW.

I GUESS YOU'’RE FEELING FUNNY, HUH?

HERE YOU GO.

I'’LL LET YOU TASTE ITS SEED.

- HOW DO YOU FEEL? - I FEEL GOOD. HERE.

START OUT SLOW WITH THE SEED,

SEE IF THAT SHIT AFFECTS YOU.

COME ON.

[ laughs ]

[ clapping rhythmically ]

[ singing in Italian ]

[ cheering, applause ]

LET'’S GO BACK TO YOUR PLACE

AND HAVE A PARTY, MAN.

MY PLACE? NO WAY, MAN.

COME ON, MAN. SOMETHING TO WRITE IN YOUR JOURNAL.

YOU KNOW, THE DAY YOU HUNG OUT WITH THE NIGGAS.

- FUCK IT. ALL RIGHT. - NO DOUBT.

I DON'’T WANT TO DRINK ANY MORE BEER THOUGH. I WANT ICE CREAM.

- YOU GET WHATEVER YOU WANT. - NO DOUBT.

EVERYBODY GONNA GET A LITTLE SOMETHING WHAT THEY WANT.

EVERYBODY.

- LET ME HELP Y'’ALL. - ALL RIGHT.

- GOT THE BUCKET. - GIVE ME THE CASH.

- [ music playing ] - WHOOO!

OW!

YO, TAKE A HIT OF THIS.

THIS SHIT'’LL STOP YOUR HEART.

- [ giggling ] - IT'’S THE GOOD SHIT.

YO, YO, YO,

BE CAREFUL WITH THOSE FINGERS, YO.

HE'’S A WORLD CLASS PENIS--

AND A GIGOLO TO GO.

WHY DON'’T YOU TRY "PIANIST?" PIANIST!

PIANIST. ALL RIGHT, I'’LL BE THE PENIS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? I'’M THE PENIS?

Woman: OH, DADDY, YOU THE PENIS.

OOH, I GOT THE HOT DOG!

YOU GOT THE MUSCLE!

OOH, WHAT'’S THE MATTER WITH HIM?

HE'’S JUST QUIET. WHY DON'’T YOU GO TALK TO HIM?

HEY.

HEY.

WHAT'’S UP?

WANT A HIT OF THIS?

NO, THAT'’S DRUGS.

YEAH, IT'’S DRUGS. YOU WANT A HIT OF THIS?

HE LIKES ICE CREAM. HE ONLY LIKES ICE CREAM.

COME HERE. YOU LIKE ICE CREAM, RIGHT?

YOU LIKE ICE CREAM. HERE.

LOOK, ICE CREAM. YOU LIKE THAT, RIGHT?

- OH, YOU LIKE ICE CREAM? - Y-YEAH.

- ICE CREAM, MM-MMM. - GO ON, GET THAT.

COME ON, BABY.

OH, HE'’S A HAPPY MAN NOW.

MISS SIMONE, HOW NICE TO SEE YOU.

OH, MANNY.

[ laughing ] OOH-WEE!

YOU LIKE THAT, DON'’T YOU?

COME ON, BABY, COME ON.

COME ON, MOVE YOUR THING. HOW'’S THAT?

COME ON, GET IT ON.

- HIT IT! HIT IT! - RAISE THE ROOF UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

YO, YO, HERE. YOU HIT ON THIS.

LET ME HIT ON THIS FOR A MINUTE.

YEAH, SHAKE THAT LITTLE ASS, GIRL.

THAT'’S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

Woman: OOH, HE LIKED THAT.

YO, MATT. YO, MATT.

WE GOT COMPANY, YO.

JULIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHAT AM I DOING HERE? YOU BASTARD!

JULIE, THIS IS NOTHING.

- THIS IS NOTHING?! - IT'’S NOTHING.

YOU'’RE SMOKING POT, FOOLING AROUND WITH FLOOZIES

AND YOU CALL THIS NOTHING?!

I KNOW SHE'’S NOT CALLING ME A FLOOZY. '’CAUSE I'LL WHIP HER ASS!

- SHUT UP! - WHAT?!

DON'’T TELL MY SISTER TO SHUT UP. I'’LL WHIP YOUR ASS.

- DON'’T TAKE THAT. - CAN I HAVE AN AUTOGRAPH?

I WANT THIS TRASH OUT OF MY HOUSE!

- I'’M GONNA WHIP THIS-- - Matthew: SHUT UP!

[ shouting, screaming ]

Matthew: COME ON, HOLD UP!

Y'’ALL COULD USE SOME DRINKS AND SHIT UP IN HERE.

- Matthew: HOLD ON! - CAN I HAVE AN AUTOGRAPH?

WHAT'’RE YOU TALKING ABOUT AUTOGRAPH?!

CAN'’T WE ALL GET ALONG?

- [ glass shatters ] - [ woman screams ]

[ groans ]

WHAT YOU DOING, MAN? YOU'’RE DISTURBING MY THOUGHT PROGRESS.

Y-YOU THINK MATTHEW'’S IN A LOT OF TROUBLE?

NO DOUBT.

THAT'’S A SISTER HE WAS FUCKING WITH UP THERE, MAN.

I DON'’T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.

IT SEEMS LIKE YOU INSIST ON THROWING YOUR LIFE AWAY.

IF THAT'’S WHAT YOU WANT, GO RIGHT AHEAD AND DO IT!

I CAN'’T STOP YOU. I CAN'’T TELL YOU HOW TO BE A MAN.

- UNTIL YOU KNOW, THERE'’S NO WAY YOU'’RE GONNA LOVE ME. - I'’M NOT MAN ENOUGH, JULIA?

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU-- NO MAN IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!

YOU WANT A FAN CLUB. YOU WANT THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE RUNNING AROUND

- CALLING YOUR NAME, KISSING YOUR ASS! - THAT'’S NOT TRUE.

AS CUTE AN ASS AS IT MAY BE,

I DID HAVE SLIGHTLY HIGHER EXPECTATIONS OF MYSELF.

TAKE THAT.

I DON'’T WANT TO DRAG YOU DOWN

OR STAND IN THE WAY OF YOUR BRILLIANT CAREER.

WHY DON'’T YOU JUST DO WHAT YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD DO,

AND GET YOUR SHIT AND LEAVE?

SPEAKING OF THE DEVIL.

ARE YOU RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME TOO?

[ exhales ]

YEAH. YEAH, MY MAMA GAVE ME A SPANKING.

REALLY?

I'’M SORRY ABOUT WHAT WENT DOWN UP THERE, PLAYBOY.

WOMAN COMING HOME AND EVERYTHING.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD HER IN CHECK, YO.

IT'’LL BLOW OVER. IT'’LL BLOW OVER.

Y-YOU CAN STAY WITH ME AND WES.

WE'’LL TAKE CARE OF YOU.

THAT'’S ALL RIGHT.

I'’VE STILL GOT HER PLASTIC.

- [ car stops ] - [ chuckles ]

YOU KNOW, YOU'’RE LIKE A CAT, PIANO MAN.

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS YOU SEEM TO LAND ON YOUR FEET.

Y-YOU GONNA BE OKAY?

WHY YOU ASKING IF HE GONNA BE OKAY?

YOU THE ONE WALKING WITH SKATEBOARD SHOES ON.

COME ON, LET'’S BOUNCE. WE AIN'’T GOT NO PLASTIC.

YO, ANTON, HOW WOULD YOU GUYS LIKE TO SPEND A NIGHT

IN A REALLY NICE HOTEL?

NO DOUBT. LET'’S DO THAT.

Man: HERE IS YOUR SUITE, MR. ROLAND.

ON YOUR RIGHT WE HAVE THE MASTER BEDROOM

WITH AN ADJOINING BATH, WHICH IS EQUIPPED WITH WHIRLPOOL

- AND SAUNA FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE. - THAT'’S MY ROOM.

AHEAD WE HAVE THE PARLOR WHICH CONVERTS

TO AN ADDITIONAL BEDROOM, ALSO WITH AN ADJOINING BATH.

- YOU SLEEP THERE. - CONTINUING ON, GENTLEMEN,

ON OUR LEFT WE HAVE THE DINING ROOM AND FULL SERVICE KITCHEN

WHICH IS STOCKED WITH A VARIETY OF LIGHT FARE

- COMPLIMENTS OF THE HOTEL... - WHAT'’S FARE?

- FOOD. - FOOD, MAN, FOOD.

...AND CUBAN SEED CIGARS.

- FOOD IS FARE? - FARE IS FOOD.

OUR EXTENSIVE SELECTION OF INTERNATIONAL CUISINE

IS AVAILABLE 24 HOURS A DAY.

WHOO! THAT'’S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

"FREEDNESS." FREE THE WORLD, YO.

- WHAT'’RE YOU DOING? - THIS IS FREE.

IT'’S NOT FREE. I PAID FOR THIS.

IT'’S STILL FREE TO ME.

...A LARGE SELECTION OF MOVIE FARE

INCLUDING ADULT ENTERTAINMENT.

YOU MEAN LIKE WITH TITTIES AND SHIT?

YES, SIR, I IMAGINE SO.

[ chuckles ] I KNOW WHAT I'’M DOING LATER.

GENTLEMEN, MY NAME IS BRIAN.

IF YOU SHOULD REQUIRE ANYTHING ELSE,

PLEASE DON'’T HESITATE TO CALL.

- THANKS A LOT, BRIAN. - THANK YOU, SIR.

YO, BRIAN, THAT'’S FROM ALL OF US.

- WE APPRECIATE IT. - THAN--

- THANK YOU. - GOOD LOOKING OUT.

- THANK YOU, SIR. - TAKE CARE.

GET YOURSELF A BRIM FOR THAT HAT.

YES, SIR, THANK YOU.

YOU GAVE BRIAN $5, MAN.

TO BE VANNA WHITE. I COULD'’VE DONE THAT SHIT FOR YOU.

BEEN LIKE, "THAT'’S THE TV RIGHT THERE.

THAT'’S THE THING AND THAT'’S A BOOK." GIVE ME $5.

YOU DON'’T HAVE THE ACCENT.

IT TAKES YEARS TO CULTIVATE THAT.

YOU WORK ON IT. YOU MIGHT GET IT.

- CULTIVATE IT. - I GOT A ACCENT. I GOT A "BLACKCENT."

RIGHT.

[ farts ]

WHERE'’S THE DRAIN?

LET'’S SEE HOW YOU DO THIS SHIT.

[ gagging ]

THEY GOT AN ELECTRIC ASS WASHER UP IN THIS PIECE, MAN.

- HE'’S VERY FUNNY. - YEAH.

[ water running ]

[ shrieking ]

[ shrieking continues ]

OH, SHIT, I GOTTA GET ONE OF THESE SHITS.

I-I BET JULIE'’S BEEN A LOT OF PLACES, HUH?

YUP, ALL OVER THE WORLD.

I BET SHE'’S BEEN TO ITALY, HUH?

YEAH, SHE'’S BEEN TO ITALY.

OH.

I WANT TO GO TO ITALY.

YEAH.

I-I BET SHE'’S BEEN TO FRANCE, HUH?

YES, ANTON, SHE'’S BEEN TO FRANCE.

HOW ABOUT...

ENGLAND? HAS SHE BEEN TO ENGLAND?

ANTON, LIKE I SAID, SHE'’S BEEN ALL OVER THE FUCKING WORLD.

HOW COME YOU DON'’T GO WITH JULIA?

I MEAN, SHE'’S SO PRETTY AND SHE SINGS SO GREAT.

I WOULD WANT TO BE AROUND HER ALL THE TIME.

SOMETIMES YOU GET TIRED OF BEING "MR. SIMONE,"

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

WELL...

NOT REALLY.

MAYBE WE COULD TALK TO JULIA TOMORROW.

OKAY? I'’LL TELL HER--

ANTON, THIS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, OKAY?

OKAY.

BUT IF YOU DON'’T HAVE A PLACE TO GO,

OR IF YOU CAN'’T GO HOME,

MAYBE WE CAN GET A HOUSE

AND WE CAN ALL LIVE TOGETHER.

[ laughing ]

W-W-WHAT'’S SO FUNNY?

NOTHING. NOTHING. [ chuckles ]

NO. YOU NEVER KNOW.

- MAYBE. - [ banging on door ]

WILL SOMEBODY GET THE DOOR, MAN?

COME ON, I ORDERED SOME PANCAKES AND SHIT.

- WE GOT A FEAST COMING. - ALL RIGHT.

WASSUP?

HURRY UP.

- YES? - MR. ROLAND,

I AM SORRY TO DISTURB YOU,

BUT YOUR CREDIT CARD HAS BEEN REFUSED.

IT HAS, IN FACT, BEEN LISTED AS STOLEN.

THERE MUST BE A MISTAKE.

I'’LL BE RIGHT DOWN TO CLEAR THIS UP.

THANK YOU.

♪ THIS IS A MAN'’S WORLD... ♪

- HEY! - SORRY.

SHE NEEDS SOME SIT-UPS, YO.

YO, GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE.

SLOW DOWN, MAN.

YOU DRINKING YOURS AND THROW THAT SHIT AWAY.

YOU SHOULD'’VE GOT MORE WHEN YOU WAS AT THE HOTEL.

FUCK YOU, I PAID FOR THE ROOM, EH?

NO, FUCK YOU, BECAUSE TECHNICALLY,

THESE ARE JULIA'’S.

SO THE NEXT TIME I SEE JULIA, I OWE HER A SIP.

SO I GUESS I GOTTA ADD UNGRATEFUL SON OF A BITCH

TO YOUR ALREADY EXCESSIVE LIST OF CHARACTER FAULTS.

IF YOU'’RE GONNA START ACTING ALL BABYISH AND SHIT,

HERE, TAKE ONE.

DON'’T LET IT BE SAID I DON'’T GIVE TO THE UNDERPRIVILEGED.

I HOPE THAT SHIT MAKES YOU VOMIT.

WHAT DID ONE BALLOON SAY TO THE OTHER BALLOON?

Both: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

NO.

"MY POP IS BIGGER THAN YOUR POP."

MY DICK IS BIGGER THAN YOUR DICK,

AND I'’M GONNA HIT YOU WITH IT IF YOU DON'’T SHUT THE FUCK UP.

YOU GUYS ARGUE TOO MUCH.

WE'’RE BROTHERS. WE SHOULD TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER.

HOW MANY TIMES I GOTTA TELL YOU?

WE'’RE THE BROTHERS, ALL RIGHT?

SEE? THE BLACK SKIN, THE BLACK SKIN.

SEE THAT? THAT'’S WHITE SKIN.

ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE '’NOTHER.

MAN, AREN'’T YOU TIRED OF THIS BLACK AND WHITE SHIT ALREADY?

NOPE, NOT TIRED OF THE BLACK-WHITE SHIT.

BECAUSE AS LONG AS YOU MOTHERFUCKERS GOT ME OUT HERE ASSED OUT,

AND YOU CAN GO WHEREVER YOU WANNA GO

AND BUY WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANNA BUY

AND FUCK WHO THE FUCK YOU WANNA FUCK,

I'’M NOT TIRED OF IT.

YOU MOTHERFUCKERS? WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I AIN'’T GOT SHIT. AT LEAST YOU'’RE BLACK. YOU GOT AN EXCUSE.

NO ONE'’S EVER GIVEN ME A SECOND OF SLACK IN THIS WORLD

WITHOUT ME PAYING FOR IT ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.

YOU SEE THE TEARS? I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.

WHITE GUY LIVING IN A FANCY APARTMENT

OFF OF SOME BEAUTIFUL-ASSED SISTER.

OH DAMN, THE TEARS KEEP FALLING.

I CAN'’T KEEP THIS SHIT INSIDE MY EYEBALLS.

I DON'’T NEED THIS SHIT.

FUCK THIS. I UNDERSTAND YOU DON'’T APPROVE

OF A WHITE BOY LIKE ME BEING WITH A SISTER,

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'’T GIVE A FUCK.

JULIE IS THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT'’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME

AND I DON'’T HAVE THAT. YOU DON'’T HAVE A CLUE WHAT IT MEANS.

TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, I DON'’T EXPECT YOU TO FEEL SHIT.

GOOD, '’CAUSE I DON'T EVEN FEEL A LITTLE TURD.

- FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU! - FUCK YOU.

- FUCK YOU. - I FEEL FOR YOU, MAN.

SIT YOUR ASS DOWN. YOU SUPPOSED TO FEEL FOR ME.

HOW MANY TIMES I GOTTA TELL YOU THAT?

IT'’S KIND OF OUR FAULT HE'’S HOMELESS AND EVERYTHING.

DAMN STRAIGHT IT'’S OUR FAULT. I PLANTED THAT SHIT.

I DON'’T UNDERSTAND. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I KNEW JULIA WAS COMING BACK.

I BROUGHT THEM STANK HOS UP THERE JUST TO THROW HIS SHIT OFF.

W-W-WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

WHY? BECAUSE THAT'’S A SELFISH

MOTHERFUCKER

THAT LOOKS DOWN ON US.

THAT'’S NOT TRUE.

♪ I KNOW YOU IN HERE, ARE YOU IN HERE? ♪

♪ I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS, FEEL THIS... ♪

- ♪ THIS IS A MAN'’S WORLD... ♪ - [ man muttering ]

GODDAMN IT.

NO! M-MATTHEW, NO! THAT'’S WRONG!

STOP IT! STOP IT!

- STOP IT! - [ shouting ]

- NO! - Matthew: FUCK OFF!

GET BACK HERE HELP!

POLICE!

HELP! POLICE!

♪ CALL IT FEMALE INTUITION ♪

♪ I STAY INDEPENDENT AND I KNOW THAT KEEP YOU FISHIN'’ ♪

♪ TRYING TO GET ME HOOKED, BABY, LOOK ♪

♪ ONCE I TOUCH YOUR SOUL, YOU GONNA BE SHUSHED ♪

♪ THIS IS A MAN'’S WORLD... ♪

[ groaning ]

- GIVE ME THE MONEY. - CHILL OUT, MAN.

- GIVE ME THE MONEY! - EVERYBODY'’S GONNA GET PAID.

CHILL OUT. YO, MATTHEW, MAN,

THAT WAS SOME BEAUTIFUL WHITE ON WHITE CRIME.

WE DON'’T SEE ENOUGH OF THAT IN THE COMMUNITY.

GIVE ME THE MONEY. WE HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK.

YOU CRAZY SON? I AIN'’T GIVING THIS-- LOOK AT THAT.

THAT'’S $100 BILLS. YO, YOU BETTER GET IN A TIME CAPSULE

AND BACK THE MOTHERFUCK UP, SON.

JUST CHILL. RELAX.

LOOK, YOU JUST A LITTLE NERVOUS, MAN.

COME ON, LET'’S GET OUTTA HERE BEFORE THE COPS COME.

NO!

- ANTON, COME ON, MAN. - I SAID NO.

I'’M NOT GOING WITH YOU GUYS.

I DON'’T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE

WHO DO STUFF LIKE THIS.

YOU'’RE SOME STRANGE MOTHERFUCKER.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU THEN. - GIVE HIM THE MONEY.

FUCK YOU TOO. YOU THE ONE THAT ROBBED HIM.

- NOW YOU'’RE GETTING HIGH AND MIGHTY? - THAT'’S RIGHT.

SO GIVE HIM THE FUCKIN'’ MONEY.

YOU BETTER GET OUTTA MY FACE!

- WHAT YOU GONNA DO? - STOP IT!

- STOP IT! STOP! - YO, MAN.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, SON?

DON'’T YOU NEVER STEP TO ME LIKE THAT, MOTHERFUCKER!

HERE, TAKE THE FUCKING MONEY.

LET'’S GO BACK TO THE PARK.

EVERYTHING WAS GREAT WHEN WE WERE SINGING IN THE PARK.

I CAN'’T GO BACK THERE, MAN.

CAN'’T WE JUST GET JOBS OR SOMETHING?

WHAT KIND OF JOBS, MAN?

HUH? MOPPING UP A PORNO HOUSE?

FLIPPIN'’ BURGERS?

TONGUE KISSIN'’ SOME CRACKER'’S ASS FOR MINIMUM WAGE?

SHIT. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, KID.

THAT AIN'’T NO WAY TO LIVE LIFE, YO.

THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE, EITHER.

I WANTED TO BE AN OPERA SINGER.

BUT WE'’RE LIVING ON THE STREETSBEGGING AND STEALING.

IT'’S LIKE WE'RE GIVING UP.

AND I'’M ASHAMED OF MYSELF.

AND YOU, YOU'’RE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF TOO.

AND YOU.

I DON'’T KNOW WHY YOU TWO GUYS FIGHT SO MUCH.

YOU TWO ARE JUST ALIKE.

[ siren wails ]

HANDS IN THE AIR!

- DOWN ON THE GROUND. - DAMN, 5-0 GOT HIM.

YOU WANNA GET YOUR ASS KICKED IN THE BACK OF A POLICE CAR?

THAT WOULD FEEL ALL RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

- YEAH? WELL, I DON'’T. - [ police radio chatter ]

YES, CAN I HELP YOU?

HE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY.

GO AHEAD, TELL HIM.

EXCUSE ME, MISTER...

OFFICER. MR. OFFICER, SIR.

OFFICER, SIR.

THERE WAS A GUY WHO WAS ROBBED LAST NIGHT.

YEAH, YEAH, WHAT ABOUT IT?

- ALMOST. ALMOST. - YEAH.

- HE WAS ALMOST ROBBED. - WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

WHAT HE'’S TRYING TO SAY IS ONCE AGAIN YOU ARRESTED THE WRONG BLACK MAN.

IS THAT A FACT?

PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE TO ELABORATE.

- ME? - YEAH, YOU.

YEAH, GO AHEAD. YOU TALK NOW.

[ clears throat ] OKAY.

THERE WAS THIS GUYS AT THE "M.T.M." MACHINE.

AS THE YOUNG GENTLEMEN WAS DESCRIBING.

- YEAH? - THERE WAS ALCOHOL INVOLVED,

BECAUSE THERE WAS DRUNKENNESS IN HIS MOUTH.

THEN HE HAD MONEY IN HIS HAND.

HE SAW US WALKING DOWN THE STREET MINDING OUR OWN BUSINESS--

'’CAUSE THAT'S HOW WE DO THINGS.

WE WAS ON OUR WAY TO A PEACE RALLY.

- A PEACE RALLY? - YES.

TO HELP ALL THE KIDS IN THE NEIGHBORHOODS.

- REALLY? - YEAH.

HE SAID, "COULD YOU FINE SAMARITANS HELP US OUT?

'’CAUSE I'M TRYING TO CATCH A CAB

TO GET HOME WITH MY $700."

- UH-HUH. - THERE WAS A NORTH-EASTERLY FLOW OF WIND

THAT CAME AND PUSHED THE MONEY DOWN THE STREET.

WE SAID, "HEY, LET'’S GO GET

THE POOR MAN'’S MONEY AND GIVE IT BACK."

WE STARTED HEARING SOUNDS OF BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.

HIS HEAD WAS GETTING BANGED--

MATTHEW, WES. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?

- HOLD ON A SECOND. - THOSE ARE MY FRIENDS. THEY CAME TO GET ME OUT.

YOU WERE SAYING?

- THE GUY... - THE GUY.

THE GUY YOU'’RE REALLY LOOKING FOR

- HE'’S CHINESE. - HE'’S REALLY J-JAPANESE.

- COMBINATION. MIXTURE. - REALLY?

- SORT OF ASIAN. - REALLY?

MRS. POTTS, WE HAVE SOME PAPERWORK

FOR YOU TO FILL OUT, PLEASE.

H-HI, AUNTIE.

THIS IS REALLY ALL MY FAULT, MRS. POTTS.

YUP.

NO, IT'’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

OF COURSE IT IS, RIGHT?

- YEAH, ANTON. - I TOLD YOU.

I WAS JUST THINKING OF MYSELF, YOU KNOW?

HE'’S A SELFISH MAN. HE NEEDS TO WORK ON THAT.

- THIS IS OUR BUS. - TAKE CARE, ANTON, OKAY?

[ bus door hisses ]

YO, ANTON,

YOU THE MAN, KID.

NO DOUBT, DAWG.

[ laughs ]

ANTON, WHAT DID I EVER DO EXCEPT

LOVE YOU AND TAKE CARE OF YOU

THAT'’D MAKE YOU WANT TO LEAVE YOUR HOME?

NOTHING.

I-I JUST--

I JUST WANTED TO DO THINGS FOR MYSELF.

HERE YOU GO, DAWG.

GOOD LOOKING OUT.

ANTON CRACKS ME UP, TALKS ABOUT WE BOTH ALIKE.

YOU GOTTA USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

SHIT, IT TAKES MORE THAN IMAGINATION FOR THAT.

IT TAKES SOME SPRAY PAINT AND A HARRY CONNICK, JR. HAIRCUT FOR ME.

[ laughs ]

WHAT YOU GONNA DO FROM HERE, YO?

I DON'’T KNOW.

TRY TO GET MY LIFE BACK.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

NOT ME. I DON'’T WANT MY LIFE BACK.

MAYBE I'’LL GO TRY AND GET YOUR LIFE BACK.

YOU WERE DOING ALL RIGHT, KID.

- I GOT A BEAUTIFUL-- - JULIA. JULIA.

STEP OFF BEFORE YOU GET HURT.

COME ON, MANNY, JUST LAY OFF.

YOU'’RE NOTHING BUT A LOWLIFE PIECE OF TRASH.

- SHOW SOME LOVE, MANNY. - MANNY, IT'’S OKAY.

I'’M SORRY.

HI.

YO, ANTON, WHAT'’S UP, BABY?

HOW YOU LIVING, SON?

IT'’S ME, MAN. WHAT THE FUCK I TOLD YOU?

AIN'’T EVEN LISTENING TO ME.

DIDN'’T I TELL YOU YOU WAS GONNA END UP RIGHT BACK WHERE YOU STARTED?

I'’M NOT RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED.

BECAUSE I'’M NOT THE SAME PERSON.

I'’M VERY DIFFERENT.

T-TOO BAD FOR YOU YOU'’RE THE SAME PERSON.

SIR, WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME CALVIN KLEIN SOCKS?

THEY'’RE 100% NATURAL FIBERS. GUARANTEED TO ABSORB

LIKE, TOXIC ODORS AND STUFF

THAT COULD BE IN THE SNEAKERS.

EXCUSE ME, BUT ARE THESE REALLY CALVINS?

HEY, CLARISSE, HOW YOU DOING?

FINE.

IT'’S GOOD TO SEE YOU DOING YOUR THING.

I'’M TRYING TO MAINTAIN AND VISUALIZE

ON WHOLE '’NOTHER LEVELS.

I'’M TRYING TO HOOK UP WITH MY OLD LADY TOO, MAN.

- OH, YEAH? - I MISS HER, YO.

- I DIDN'’T KNOW THAT. - I MISS MY FAMILY.

THAT'’S COOL, THAT'’S COOL.

WE USED TO LIGHT THIS SHIT UP, REMEMBER?

YEAH, MAN.

WE SURE DID.

YOU SEE ANTON, MAN?

YEAH, HE'’S WORKING IN A LAUNDRY OR SOMETHING.

HE'’S WORKING IN A DAMN LAUNDROMAT?

- YEAH. - THAT'’S SOME FUCKED UP SHIT.

YEAH, I KNOW, MAN.

[ laughs ] DOESN'’T SEEM RIGHT.

Wes: YO, WHAT'’S UP, PUDDIN'’ HEAD?

WHAT'’RE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?

QUESTION IS, WHAT'’RE YOU STILL DOING HERE?

- I-I-I WORK HERE. - YOU GONNA WORK HERE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE,

OR YOU READY TO GET OUT?

IF YOU'’RE READY TO GET OUT, WE GOT A JOB FOR YOU.

- WHAT KIND OF JOB? - YOU WANT TO SHOW HIM?

- NO, YOU SHOW HIM. - COME ON, YOU SHOW HIM.

- Both: WE BOTH SHOW HIM. - YOU GET THE LEGS.

- CARLA? - WHAT?

THIS IS ANTON, THE GUY I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.

- THAT'’S MY MAN. - I'’M SORRY.

HE MISSED REHEARSAL, I PUT SOMEBODY ELSE IN HIS SPOT.

- WHAT? - WHAT'’S THE BIG DEAL? HE JUST STANDS THERE.

THIS IS MY ASS, ALL RIGHT?

YO, YOU CAN'’T SMOKE ON THE SET.

CAN'’T YOU SEE THE FUCKING NO SMOKING SIGN?

- CARLA, COME ON, LISTEN. - GUYS, I'’M SORRY.

- THERE'’S NOTHING I CAN DO. - JUST PUT HIM IN.

- I'’M SORRY. - SORRY?

- WHY YOU GONNA WALK AWAY? - TALK TO YOU LATER, OKAY?

- LET'’S GO. I'’M SORRY, CARLA. - THIS IS BULLSHIT.

YO, YOU WAIT HERE, MAN.

COME ON, LET'’S WALK.

YO, VIKING.

YOU KNOW AL B. SURE'’S IN TOWN?

- HE'’S PLAYING OVER HERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PARK. - YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.

REALLY? YOU EVER BEEN DOWN ON CHRISTOPHER STREET?

I'’M MISSING A WARRIOR. THERE'’RE ONLY THREE WARRIORS.

THERE'’S SUPPOSED TO BE FOUR WARRIORS--

WHAT--

YOU, GET OVER HERE!

WARRIOR! COME ON!

JESUS.

COME ON, YOU'’RE A WARRIOR.

[ muttering ] YOU A MAN OR WARRIOR? LET'’S GO.

OVER THERE.

[ singing in Italian ]

HEY.

COME ON, COME ON. DO YOUR CHANGE, IT'’S GREAT.

COME ON.

[ softly ] COME ON, COME ON. PSST!

[ singing in Italian ]

YO, MAN, IS HE SUPPOSED

TO BE THERE LIKE THAT?

I...

- I DON'’T THINK SO. - THINK HE'’S SUPPOSED TO LEAVE

WITH THE OTHER RUSSIANS.

RUSSIANS?

OR PUERTO RICANS, I DON'’T KNOW.

IS HE SINGING?

I DON'’T THINK HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THAT.

HE'’S SINGING THE FAT GUY'’S LINES, MAN.

[ singing in Italian ]

[ stops singing ]

OH MY GOD.

HE'’S RIPPING SHIT, YO.

LISTEN TO THAT MOTHERFUCKER SING, KID.

THAT'’S MY MAN.

[ crowd whispering ]

5-0 IS UP HERE. 5-0.

TWO GUYS JUST CAME AND TOOK MY CLOTHES!

THAT'’S THE GUY RIGHT THERE. THAT'’S THE GUY.

[ both singing in Italian ]

- [ singing finishes ] - [ applause ]

- ENCORE! - [ applause continues ]

I WISH AUNTIE AND THE FOLKS BACK HOME COULD SEE ME NOW.

NO ONE WOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE FUN OF ME,

BECAUSE I SANG ON A BIG STAGE WITH FABIANO GRAZZI

AND THERE WAS LIGHTS AND EVERYTHING.

AND EVERYBODY LOVED ME.

DON'’T YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING?

I AM. I'’M PRAYING RIGHT NOW.

MR. ROCKWELL, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU AND YOUR BUDDIES ARE GETTING OUT.

OH, I'’M SORRY.

WOULD THE CAST OF "GAYWATCH" PLEASE MOVE OUT THE WAY?

BYE, SWEET BABIES.

WHY DON'’T YOU TAKE THAT STUPID OUTFIT OFF?

YOU LOOK LIKE A GAY NINJA TURTLE.

- I LIKE MY HAT. - COME ON, MAN.

[ Italian accent ] YOU.

FABIANO GRAZZI!

I WANTED TO MEET YOU BUT THE POLICE TOOK ME AWAY.

THE POLICE SHOULD PUT YOU AWAY ON ONE LIFE SENTENCE CONSECUTIVE.

YOU ARE THE ONLY MAN IN THE WORLD TO EVER UPSTAGE FABIANO GRAZZI.

WHO THEY ARE?

THESE ARE MY FRIENDS. THIS IS MATTHEW AND WES.

I'’M A HUGE FAN. HUGE FAN.

- VERY INTELLIGENT. - NO DOUBT. LOVE YOUR WORK.

WHEN I WAS LITTLE, MY MOTHER TALKED ITALIAN TO US.

SHE USED TO SAY, "YOU WANT MORE PARMESAN ON YOUR RAVIOLI, BENNY?"

BENNY WAS MY COUSIN.

BEAUTIFUL. COME ON, WE TAKE A RIDE, WE TALK ABOUT.

IN THE LIMO? WHAT'’RE YOU WAITING ON, KID?

GET IN THE LIMO.

YOU TAKE A TAXI. I TIRED OF YOU.

GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE. GO ON. VAI! VAI! VAI!

NOW WE HAVE A LITTLE FUN.

WHAT TRIO YOU ARE, EH?

YOU '’CAUSE BIG BUDS AROUND TOWN.

- BUDS? - BUDS, LIKE WEED.

NO, HOW YOU SAY? THE BUDS. BUDS.

- BZZZ. BZZZ. - OH, BUZZ, BUZZ.

OH, BUZZ. THAT'’S NOT WEED.

LAST NIGHT PERFORMANCE WAS A SENSATION.

- REALLY? - YOU MEAN I'’M GONNA BE FAMOUS?

NO, YOU ALREADY ARE FAMOUS.

YOU ARE THE TALKING OF THE WHOLE TOWN.

HOW HE GONNA BE FAMOUS? HE'’S A YOUNG BLACK KID FROM HARLEM THAT SINGS OPERA.

WHAT KINDA CHANCE THAT GUY GOT, MAN?

I PROPOSE ANOTHER QUESTION FOR YOU.

YOUNG BLACK KID FROM HARLEM,

WHAT CHANCE HE HAVE?

[ Brooklyn accent ] WHAT CHANCE DOES A YOUNG KID FROM BROOKLYN

HAVE FROM BENSONHURST? GOT AN ANSWER FOR THAT ONE?

- SHIT. - OH, SHIT.

SEE? YOUS NEVER KNOW UNTIL YOU TRY.

THIS KID'’S DESTINY AIN'’T BEEN WRITTEN YET.

I'’M GONNA TEACH YOU HOW TO SAY THAT IN ITALIAN.

[ speaks Italian ]

[ Anton repeating Italian ]

Fabiano: ZI BELLA.

LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION, MAN.

WHEN THE NINO HITS THE STREET-N-O,

WHAT KINDA CASHO FLOW-O

TO THE WALLITO?

IF HE SINGO REALLY LOUD-O

LOTS OF CASHO GO IN THE WALLITO.

[ laughing ]

[ speaking Italian ]

[ shouting Italian ]

[ rap music playing ]