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This programme contains some scenes
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of a sexual nature from the
start and strong language
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- Here.
- Oh...
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CAR HORNS BEEP
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CAR HORNS BEEP
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Ready?
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As I'll ever be.
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Slow.
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What?
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No, it's good.
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- "Good."
- You know what I mean.
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Surely it ought to be better than "good."
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You're telling me, pal!
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SHE CHUCKLES
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- Joy, come on, if we can't...
- All right, all right, I'm sorry!
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Sorry, sorry, sorry.
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I'm just... I'm in a lot of pain,
and I'm just feeling
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- really self-conscious.
- That makes two of us.
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Well, if you just, I mean, if you...
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More of technique
to kind of get in that way.
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Sorry, "technique"?
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You know what I mean.
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No! No, I'm not sure I do, actually.
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I'm not the one with the problem,
Joy, so don't try and...
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- I'm not trying...
- ..needle away at my...
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...craft.
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Your craft?
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I am sorry, skilled woodsman.
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You're right, we really need
to work on it.
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You know what, how about
instead of making jokes...
31
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No, all right, all right, all right!
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No, I'd like to finish, please.
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I think you've been using
all this as an excuse.
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What?
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And I think you have been for months.
36
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,600
I don't think you want to
have sex with me, Joy.
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SHE SCOFFS
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ALARM CLOCK CHIMES
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Blimey, Neil's keen.
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♪ What would you do if you saw me dying? ♪
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00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,199
♪ What would you do? What would you do? ♪
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00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,439
♪ What would you do? What would you do? ♪
43
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:37,120
♪ What would you do if you saw me dead? ♪
44
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,239
♪ What would you do if ♪
♪ you know the story? ♪
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SHE MOANS
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00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,119
♪ What would you do? What would you do? ♪
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00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,449
♪ What would you do? What would you do? ♪
48
00:03:48,450 --> 00:03:52,679
♪ What would you do
if you were the only one? ♪
49
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,480
- DOOR OPENS
- Mum, have you seen my shoes?
50
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What?
51
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,159
Just... I wish you'd...
52
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SHE SIGHS
53
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:02,733
They're in the kitchen
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- by the back door.
- How come?
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Because I polished them.
56
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- Why?
- They were covered in shit!
57
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You're mental.
58
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♪ What would you do ♪
♪ if you caught me leaving? ♪
59
00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,679
♪ What would you do? What would you do? ♪
60
00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:20,359
♪ What would you do? What would you do? ♪
61
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:25,320
♪ What would you do if
I told you look away? ♪
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Bye.
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00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:35,319
♪ What would you do
if you heard me screaming? ♪
64
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,080
- Morning!
- Morning.
65
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:45,599
♪ What would you do ♪
♪ if you were the only one? ♪
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00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,440
♪ Oh, would you hesitate at all? ♪
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00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:53,199
♪ Or fear losing me to my misery? ♪
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00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,542
See you later, ya filthy animal.
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00:04:55,543 --> 00:04:58,199
♪ Cos I've already lost you ♪
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00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,519
♪ Already lost you ♪
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00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:06,239
♪ So I don't really care if you mind ♪
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♪ Got to lay it on the line. ♪
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00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,399
Oh, Neil, you punctual bugger.
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HE GASPS
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00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,060
Morning, Claire!
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00:05:58,840 --> 00:05:59,879
Ah...
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Ahhh...
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00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,400
- HE ZIPS UP HIS TROUSERS
- Um...
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Ahhh.
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00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,359
Oh, just, um...
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00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,279
...looking for a present for...
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...for Rita.
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It's, uh...
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It's hard to know where to start.
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HE SIGHS
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00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:04,839
- Morning, sir.
- Morning.
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00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,040
- Morning, sir.
- Morning!
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00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:13,799
Morning, Claire.
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00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:14,840
How goes it?
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00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,120
Everything all right?
91
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,440
Thank you!
92
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,559
Here's a question.
93
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,399
How often do you masturbate?
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00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,039
Nice.
SHE SCOFFS
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00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,199
I'm interested.
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00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,490
Why?
97
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,413
Once or twice a week.
98
00:07:40,113 --> 00:07:41,159
You're kidding?
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00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,779
I'm, like, once or twice
a day at this point.
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00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:45,080
Well, you're nothing if not thorough.
101
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,439
I think I walked in
on my mum having a wank.
102
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,799
Shit! I think that means the world
has to pretty much implode now.
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00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,119
I'm just saying.
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00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,759
She's allowed to masturbate!
105
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,919
But I thought old people
were supposed to go off sex.
106
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,159
It's, like, Darwin and shit.
107
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,400
Your mum isn't that old.
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She's pretty old.
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00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:07,919
What's up?
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00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,279
Tom's mum's been flicking the bean.
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THEY LAUGH
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00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,119
I'm in. Hit me. Details?
113
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,600
You flat out disgust me.
114
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:21,640
Either he was finishing up,
or he was just getting going.
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00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:23,760
Oh, my God.
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00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,879
SHE WHISPERS: He had a catalogue.
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00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,079
- Catalogue?
- Yeah, like, a...
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00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,279
As in, like a mail order
underwear catalogue.
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00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,599
Oh, Jesus.
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00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,519
I mean, he reached for his belt
and I was like,
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"What the actual fuck?"
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I'm so sorry, Claire.
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What do I do?
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00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,360
Presumably Janet's got to know?
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00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:53,600
Hmm.
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00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,940
How would you feel, in the first
instance, if I had a word with him?
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00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,839
And then, you know, of course, if we...
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00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,279
...if we feel, actually...
129
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,919
You know, if we decide we feel
a line has actually been... then...
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00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:10,959
Yeah.
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00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,960
We'll speak to Janet, no question.
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00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,079
SHE SIGHS
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I really am sorry, Claire.
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Urgh...
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Oh, no, gave up years ago.
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Oh!
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Sorry.
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00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,120
I knew that.
139
00:09:27,773 --> 00:09:28,813
Freak.
140
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,200
- Will you have some water?
- Thank you.
141
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,279
Elaine?
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00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,360
No? OK.
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00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,580
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
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It's a... It's a beautiful garden.
145
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,200
Aw, thank you.
146
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,720
Tricky time of year, er, um...
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00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:15,960
Autumn and...
148
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,000
...winter round the corner.
149
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,080
Coming frost.
150
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,560
So, how do...? Um...
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00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,239
What's the...?
152
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:32,199
I mean, do you want us to, er,
get this ball rolling or...?
153
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,239
It's up to you.
154
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,359
I can start by explaining
a little about myself. OK.
155
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:37,999
How I like to work.
156
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,799
The last 20 years,
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00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,159
I've been working with a mixture
of individuals and couples,
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00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:47,799
using primarily psychodynamic
and psychoanalytic techniques.
159
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,879
I like to work with
a small number of clients,
160
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,359
often over a period of years.
161
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,119
So, no quick-fixes here, I'm afraid.
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00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,799
And, if after this initial session
you decide to move forward,
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we should aim to meet at this time
and this location
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00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,079
each and every week.
165
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,799
And if you cancel or you're
unable to attend a session,
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you will, I'm afraid, still be charged.
167
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:08,840
ELAINE SCOFFS
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I'm conscious this might
sound a little mercenary.
169
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:16,559
But the purpose, or the aim,
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is to create a time and a space
which is entirely yours,
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week on week.
172
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,359
A private, safe, well-bounded space
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00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,240
where frank, intimate
discussions can take place.
174
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,319
But this might not be
what you two are after.
175
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,919
So, um, you know, in that case, let's...
176
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,359
Please, let's have
a conversation about that.
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00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,039
But the purpose or the goal
of this first session is very much
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to see if the three of us
might be able to work together.
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00:11:41,221 --> 00:11:44,460
So, feel free to size me up.
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00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,120
I think that all sounds...
181
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:50,399
Well, we...
182
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,879
Maybe a bit about us?
183
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:52,919
Mmm.
184
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:56,540
So, this was...
I was the one who suggested...
185
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,039
Um... Maybe that's a good...
186
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:05,319
So, some friends of ours, I said to
them, I said that Elaine and I...
187
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:07,919
I said that we've been having
a few... And he said,
188
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,599
"Well, have you thought about...?"
189
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,639
Cos him and his wife, they'd been...
190
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,679
You know...
Though they called it analysis,
191
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,239
I don't know if that...?
192
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Therapy...?
193
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,319
But they said, he said, um, my friend...
194
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,519
...our friend, um, that it was a godsend.
195
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,599
They're his words.
196
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:29,720
And he is...
he is a hard bloke to please!
197
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,519
Um, and then that got me thinking,
198
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,719
"Well, if it can work then why not?"
199
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,319
So, we looked at your website..
200
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:40,359
Great.
201
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,799
...and we both really
liked the look of that.
202
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,359
- Great.
- So...
203
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,439
You will tell me, won't you,
if I'm, um, talking too...
204
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:49,999
Or rabbiting on.
205
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:54,340
I don't, um...
I'm not trying to take over.
206
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:56,360
Um...
207
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:10,680
I suppose...
208
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:15,639
...in a nutshell...
209
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:16,680
...um...
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00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,800
...something seems to have...
211
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,000
...in... in the past year or so...
212
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,120
...and I, um...
213
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:46,480
...I think all I want, really, is for
us to just be able to get along...
214
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,080
...like we used to. You know?
215
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:10,039
Perhaps, James, you could say a
little more about what you mean by,
216
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,300
"getting along like we used to?"
217
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,720
Do you want an example?
218
00:14:15,026 --> 00:14:16,066
Yeah, great.
219
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:21,600
Um...
220
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,039
Hey, so, what're you doing tonight?
221
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,799
Just cos my dad's pretty much
going to be out, and I thought
222
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:32,120
we could finish that documentary
on the lactose intolerant Mormons?
223
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,279
Shit, do you like Franzen?
224
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:38,740
I love Franzen.
225
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,439
Sorry, were you talking to me?
226
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,519
I... I was just saying,
The Corrections is, like,
227
00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,919
- one of my favourite books.
- Oh, OK.
228
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,759
Have... have you read Purity?
229
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,369
It's his... It's his new one,
his newest one.
230
00:14:52,370 --> 00:14:53,389
I haven't.
231
00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:56,799
It's seriously, seriously, um...
I mean, the bits I've...
232
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,139
I haven't actually... I've only just...
But the bits I've...
233
00:14:59,164 --> 00:15:00,344
Oh, OK.
234
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,759
What the fuck was that?
235
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,519
It's called conversation.
236
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,460
Oh! I think we might need
a bucket to mop up all the semen.
237
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:27,999
Your coccyx, as you can see here,
is looking great.
238
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:31,559
Oh, well, I've always prided myself
on having a great-looking coccyx.
239
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:32,879
SHE GIGGLES
240
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:34,279
Any pain still?
241
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,900
Well, some.
242
00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:38,119
And where are we up to with physio?
243
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:39,679
I'm about to start hydrotherapy.
244
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:40,719
Great.
245
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,359
- Sports?
- I don't really do any sports.
246
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,502
I mean, should I? Should I be...?
247
00:15:44,503 --> 00:15:47,639
We generally advise against anything
too athletic at this stage.
248
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:48,695
- But...
- Cycling?
249
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:49,999
I'd like to start cycling again.
250
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,959
Regular, light, day-to-day
activities, absolutely.
251
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,120
What about sex?
252
00:15:56,473 --> 00:15:58,660
As long as the sex isn't too athletic.
253
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:02,760
SHE CHUCKLES
254
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,759
We'll schedule another check-up,
and in the meantime...
255
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,340
And these? What about these?
256
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,160
HE KNOCKS
257
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,360
EXHAUST SPUTTERS
258
00:16:48,736 --> 00:16:50,200
ENGINE ROARS
259
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:52,360
- WINDOW KNOCKS
- Oh!
260
00:16:53,633 --> 00:16:54,673
Oh...!
261
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,040
- Sorry.
- Stalker!
262
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:02,399
I spoke to Neil.
263
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:03,759
Oh, shit. And?
264
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,519
He wants to speak to you himself.
265
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:06,559
Oh, no.
266
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,319
Offer you an apology in person.
267
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,319
He's... he's been having a bit of a...
268
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:13,919
Anyway, let's see how you're feeling
once the two of you have...
269
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,639
- Spoken?
- ..and if you still...
270
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,679
...think that he shouldn't
be wanking himself off
271
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,959
- in the department office?
- If you... That's how you still...
272
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,080
...then, yeah, then...
273
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,719
...yeah, we'll absolutely speak to Janet.
274
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,279
Yeah, crazy thing is,
I don't know why he doesn't just
275
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,620
use the disabled toilet
like the rest of us.
276
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,800
Can I interest you in a drink?
277
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:39,320
My treat.
278
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:54,440
♪ The black above is dense with stars
279
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:02,440
♪ A million stars climb
280
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:13,000
♪ Each one in flames like all of us
281
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:22,720
♪ Glowing, slowly burning out
282
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:32,480
♪ I am floating in space and time
283
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:42,360
♪ In a mist of a million lights
284
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,920
♪ Can anybody hear me?
285
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,080
CAR HORN AND TYRES SCREECH
286
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,720
♪ Can you hear my heartbeat? ♪
287
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:02,788
Can you hear me?
288
00:19:02,813 --> 00:19:03,948
Whoa! Whoa!
289
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,319
Nice wheels.
290
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:11,799
Been given the all clear.
291
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:12,962
Thought I'd take the old girl for a spin.
292
00:19:12,987 --> 00:19:14,864
Congratulations, old girl.
293
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,440
- Here, gimme a hand.
- Please?
294
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:20,599
Please.
295
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,079
Does it hurt?
296
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,319
Oh, a bit.
297
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:24,599
How was your day?
298
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,719
Pretty, um, standard.
299
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,199
Yeah. Yours?
300
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,959
Yeah. Think I've probably
landed myself a new couple.
301
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,560
- Cool.
- Yeah.
302
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:40,058
We were going to Dublin, visit some
friends, we're on the plane,
303
00:19:40,645 --> 00:19:42,919
and he says he needs to piss
304
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,240
and he's gone for
what feels like an eternity.
305
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:50,439
So I'm thinking, you know,
either he's working his way through
306
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,839
a particularly truculent...
307
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,199
...Harry Plopper.
308
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,925
Harry Plopper? Wow, is that a...?
That's... that's really a...?
309
00:19:57,926 --> 00:19:59,799
I mean, Alan, if anything,
it's come and gone.
310
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,239
I am so out of touch.
311
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,959
Anyway, suddenly
this announcement starts up.
312
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,839
TANNOY: Ladies and gentleman,
this is your captain speaking.
313
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,479
I'd like to introduce you to
one of our fellow passengers
314
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,519
who has a very special
announcement to make.
315
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:13,999
- You're kidding?
- Swear to God.
316
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:19,348
This is a message for Claire Pascal
from your boyfriend Adam Cooper.
317
00:20:19,349 --> 00:20:22,959
He starts rattling off
all this corny as fuck shit
318
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:27,680
and I'm just thinking,
"Please, please let this be a hoax."
319
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,159
Please don't do this, I'm begging you.
320
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:42,340
Claire Pascal...
321
00:20:44,580 --> 00:20:46,060
...will you marry me?
322
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:51,239
It was the worst
hour and a bit of my life.
323
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:56,239
He wept, fucking uninterrupted
for the rest of that flight.
324
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,199
HE SOBS
325
00:20:58,200 --> 00:20:59,700
Ugh!
326
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,639
Well, I'm... I'm... I'm sorry, Claire.
327
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:07,599
Here's to not proposing,
OR wanking in public.
328
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,348
Or truculent Harry... What was it?
329
00:21:11,349 --> 00:21:13,239
- Ploppers?
- Truculent Harry Ploppers.
330
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:17,860
Wait a minute, I don't understand.
Are we toasting complicated shits?
331
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:50,880
What time do you call this?
332
00:21:50,905 --> 00:21:52,184
- What?
- Sit down.
333
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,160
Why, what's wrong?
334
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,080
Wha...
335
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,160
Tell me about your day.
336
00:22:15,817 --> 00:22:17,239
There was actually a bit of an issue.
337
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:18,469
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
338
00:22:18,494 --> 00:22:19,799
Was somebody misbehaving?
339
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,580
Um... yeah.
340
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:24,759
- Was it you?
- Me?
341
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,866
- Huh.
- No.
342
00:22:26,867 --> 00:22:28,159
No.
343
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,319
Oh, come on. You're always misbehaving.
344
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,079
I bet you've been really naughty.
345
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:34,520
Mm. Hm.
346
00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:39,900
Joy, I'm... I'm... I'm quite tired.
347
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:45,660
Well, good. Because I am going...
348
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,400
...to wake... you... up.
349
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,420
- Arms up.
- Can I just...
350
00:22:51,445 --> 00:22:53,199
Can I just ask a question before...?
351
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,304
No more talking.
352
00:22:55,645 --> 00:22:56,844
OK, get up.
353
00:22:56,845 --> 00:22:57,959
I thought you said no more talking?
354
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,740
Disobedience will not be tolerated. Up.
355
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,120
Ah!
356
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:08,279
Mm! Oh!
357
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,719
- Joy. Joy...
- Alan!
358
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,080
Joy. Claire walked in
on Neil masturbating.
359
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:22,639
I'm sorry.
360
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,239
I know. I'm sorry. I really...
I appreciate the...
361
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,359
...the... the attempt.
362
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:30,867
But there's an awful lot on my...
Playing on my...
363
00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:31,903
The attempt?
364
00:23:31,928 --> 00:23:33,479
You know what I mean.
You know what I mean.
365
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,400
It's... it's a lot to take in.
366
00:23:36,678 --> 00:23:40,319
It's... it's elaborate,
is all I'm saying.
367
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:41,667
Well, I'm sorry
368
00:23:41,668 --> 00:23:46,959
my effort to try and resuscitate
our flat-lining sex life...
369
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,799
Well, you... No, you're just
putting words into my mouth.
370
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,708
Well, I was planning on putting
something else in my mouth,
371
00:23:51,709 --> 00:23:53,071
but you should be so fucking lucky.
372
00:23:53,096 --> 00:23:55,399
I don't understand what's happening.
373
00:23:55,400 --> 00:24:00,079
So, what, you're annoyed at me
because what I'm... I'm... I'm tired?
374
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,839
No! I'm disappointed because
you're not prepared to...
375
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,119
What?
376
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:08,639
You said you didn't believe
I wanted the two of us to have sex.
377
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,559
- So?
- So I want it on record
378
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,399
that you are the one
actively resisting intercourse.
379
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,319
But this isn't sex.
380
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,505
If you, if you'd been in bed
and I'd come home
381
00:24:19,506 --> 00:24:22,475
and you'd been in bed
and... and you said,
382
00:24:22,476 --> 00:24:26,079
"Er, hello, Alan, shall,
shall we have sex this evening?"
383
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,884
I probably would've said
"Yes, Joy, let's. How lovely."
384
00:24:28,885 --> 00:24:30,999
But when I come home,
after the kind of day I've had...
385
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,799
God, you're so boring!
386
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:34,652
OK. Well, at least I'm not trying
387
00:24:34,677 --> 00:24:36,079
to start a brawl for no other reason...
388
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,799
I don't wan to have
the same old sex. In fact, I refuse.
389
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,521
Well, at least, if we were
having the same old sex
390
00:24:40,522 --> 00:24:42,519
we would, in fact, be having sex.
391
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,759
Why don't you want to try
something different?
392
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,740
- Because...
- Why can't you see
393
00:24:46,765 --> 00:24:49,479
this as an opportunity to try...
394
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,279
I'm more than happy to try something new!
395
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:52,579
I just don't want to try something
396
00:24:52,580 --> 00:24:54,900
completely and utterly
fucking ridiculous!
397
00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:17,520
♪ Whispered something in your ear
398
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:27,280
♪ It was a perverted thing to say
399
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:36,440
♪ But I said it anyway
400
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:47,200
♪ Made you smile and look away
401
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:57,639
♪ Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby. ♪
402
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,879
Kick! Kick!
Really nice. Looking great, guys.
403
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,479
OK. We're gonna turn it up a bit.
404
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:04,640
And a double kick.
405
00:26:05,100 --> 00:26:08,599
There we go! Really great. Keep it going!
406
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,039
Looking fantastic, guys.
407
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:12,480
And double kick.
408
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:14,839
Nice.
409
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,559
Really good.
410
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:20,599
And now we're going to go into
a really nice stretch down...
411
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:21,960
...and up.
412
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,160
OK. And to the side.
413
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,319
Great. And then back to the other side.
414
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,199
Really good, guys.
415
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:32,800
Once more.
416
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:35,980
You guys look great and...
417
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,048
OK. Er... not to alarm anyone,
418
00:26:39,049 --> 00:26:41,719
but it looks as if we might have
a little problem.
419
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,679
If we can just leave the pool.
If we can move to the side, guys.
420
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:48,319
Thanks, um, yeah,
we're going to take a break there.
421
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,119
Yeah, great. OK, guys??
422
00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:51,920
Great. Thank you.
423
00:26:54,371 --> 00:26:56,159
Well, that was quite an experience.
424
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,399
Oh, yeah.
425
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,399
I've always wanted to piss in a pool.
426
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:01,719
So you're the culprit.
427
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,480
- I wish.
- Ha-ha!
428
00:27:05,780 --> 00:27:07,279
I'm Marvin.
429
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:08,880
Joy. Hi.
430
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:12,519
Um, see you next week, then.
431
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:13,600
You will.
432
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:15,870
I'll make sure I bring my goggles
433
00:27:15,871 --> 00:27:17,919
in case you end up
pissing up a storm again.
434
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,160
Ha.
435
00:27:28,927 --> 00:27:30,207
How are you doing?
436
00:27:31,033 --> 00:27:32,273
How are YOU doing?
437
00:27:34,173 --> 00:27:36,373
Oh, it's going to be like that, is it?
438
00:27:38,146 --> 00:27:39,266
I'm interested.
439
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,960
- I'm interested in you.
- I'm interested in you.
440
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:55,900
Do you know something?
441
00:27:55,901 --> 00:27:57,902
This is not what I thought
therapy was going to be like.
442
00:27:57,927 --> 00:27:59,559
- Oh, no?
- No.
443
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,160
I mean, how long have
we been doing this now?
444
00:28:01,185 --> 00:28:02,145
Long time.
445
00:28:02,146 --> 00:28:04,021
Yeah, I'm still waiting for you
to wheel out one of those,
446
00:28:04,022 --> 00:28:06,297
er, what do you call it,
lying down things?
447
00:28:06,298 --> 00:28:07,285
Chaise longue?
448
00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:09,127
Is it? I dunno, the thing
with the... with the...
449
00:28:09,128 --> 00:28:10,547
...lying down and I'm looking up
450
00:28:10,548 --> 00:28:12,300
and you got a proper wiry beard going on.
451
00:28:12,301 --> 00:28:14,599
With your fucking
pocket watch or whatever,
452
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,679
and I'm telling some story about
my dad's pendulous cock and balls,
453
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,479
about how I've harboured some...
454
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,119
...you know cos I saw it
when I was eight,
455
00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:22,956
and I'm still trying to get
the image out of my head.
456
00:28:22,957 --> 00:28:24,410
We can talk about your dad's
457
00:28:24,411 --> 00:28:25,538
pendulous cock and balls
if you like, Jason.
458
00:28:25,563 --> 00:28:26,980
Well...
459
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,420
Or dreams. That's what
people talk about, innit?
460
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:38,000
Sometimes.
461
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:41,560
- I don't really dream.
- No?
462
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,560
You're more interested in
the small stuff, seems to me.
463
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,719
Which might be no bad thing, by the way.
464
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,399
Help me understand
what you mean by "small stuff".
465
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,119
What it means, for you,
the difference between small stuff
466
00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:58,439
and big stuff, what that is.
467
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,040
Why there needs to be a difference.
468
00:29:02,626 --> 00:29:03,986
Some things...
469
00:29:06,493 --> 00:29:08,173
...have to matter more than others.
470
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,120
Hm. What matters to you, Jason?
471
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,039
I do have the occasional dream,
truth be told.
472
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:22,919
- Really?
- Mm. Yeah, yeah, well...
473
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:23,960
...sometimes.
474
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:28,720
A'ight, there's this one.
475
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:31,480
OK, I'm coming home.
476
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:36,679
I'm coming home, and I get in,
477
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,460
and the power's off.
478
00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:44,679
Except the fridge.
479
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,360
Fridge is the only thing
that seems to be...
480
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,280
- And who do the shoes belong to?
- Fuck knows.
481
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:57,999
Shoes aren't even the weird bit.
482
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,479
The weird bit is
when I turn around and...
483
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,220
...and there's a fucking...
484
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,120
- Goodness.
- And she... I mean, she's ripped.
485
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,160
I can feel it.
486
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,199
I can feel my eyes...
487
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,260
...fucking, starting to, you know...
488
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:20,840
Drifting.
489
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,040
And then what happens?
490
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:28,280
I wake up.
491
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,400
And can you tell? Is it possible
to see who the intruder is?
492
00:30:37,193 --> 00:30:38,313
No.
493
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:47,080
But I'm saying, generally speaking,
I don't really dream.
494
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:54,080
- OK, look.
- Let me see.
495
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:01,640
Holy shit.
496
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:07,399
Have you heard of The Kraus Project?
497
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:08,799
Yeah, yeah, sure.
498
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,159
It's great.
499
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:11,519
It's a bunch of essays?
500
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:12,906
Yeah, sort of, yeah.
501
00:31:12,907 --> 00:31:15,449
Franzen, like, slaved over
translating these long, dense
502
00:31:15,450 --> 00:31:17,119
Austrian essays by this guy called Kraus
503
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,799
who was like a satirist in the early
part of the 20th century.
504
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,959
- Is this actually happening?
- Have you read it?
505
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:23,159
Most of it, yeah.
506
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:25,720
I mean, not all of it but most of it.
507
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,520
Cool. Thanks.
508
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,220
Holy fuck!
509
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,879
Was that me or did some
actual flirting just occur?
510
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:39,224
That was some of the dullest flirting
511
00:31:39,225 --> 00:31:41,879
I've literally ever seen
in my entire life.
512
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:43,159
No way.
513
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,039
- She wants you.
- What?
514
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:47,000
You essentially just copulated.
515
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,239
Anyway, so I was, like,
"Well, listen, I didn't come
516
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,839
"to Amsterdam solely to get stoned
and hook up with randomers.
517
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:00,959
"I can do that at home for free.
518
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,640
"I want to be with you."
519
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,400
And she was, like,
"Well, that was never the deal."
520
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:13,799
And then she said something about
521
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,799
getting stoned
and hooking up with randomers
522
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,660
is pretty much the raison d'etre
of Amsterdam.
523
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,940
And I thought about making
a joke about the Dutch Masters...
524
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,679
...but then I didn't, so then we just...
525
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:30,880
...stood there.
526
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,279
Mum, please spare me
the silent therapist thing.
527
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,959
I wasn't aware that's what I was doing.
528
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,720
That's because it's, like,
your default factory setting.
529
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,400
Stop. I'm sorry.
530
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:54,159
I really liked Mel.
531
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:55,420
Me too.
532
00:32:57,146 --> 00:32:59,280
I would've come and picked you
up at the station, you know.
533
00:32:59,305 --> 00:33:00,530
It's cool.
534
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,380
So what's new, how's Dad?
535
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:19,919
Try it now!
536
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,160
ENGINE FAILS TO FIRE
537
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:30,840
Ooh!
538
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:38,959
Now, look, I don't know how
you're going to feel about this,
539
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,820
so I'm just going to put it out there.
540
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,119
I'm going to smoke a joint...
541
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:49,119
...and you'd be very welcome to join me?
542
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:54,020
Or if you'd rather sit this one out
then that would also be fine.
543
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:59,479
Whatever floats your particular... boat.
544
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,580
Or not. Either way.
545
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:08,439
Oh!
546
00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,279
Hi! Hello, Naomi.
547
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,119
- Rita, hey.
- Hi, how are you?
548
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:14,559
- I didn't realise you were back.
- It's true.
549
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,839
How... how... how was it?
Erm, did you, erm...
550
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,279
- Yeah.
- It was, er, Europe, wasn't it?
551
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,759
- Yes. We were sort of all over.
- Oh, right.
552
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,140
It was cool.
553
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:25,880
- Cool hair.
- Oh.
554
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:29,999
Obviously how you had it before was...
555
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,280
Oh, no. Thanks.
556
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:35,540
Erm... Oh, can I interest you
in a cannoli?
557
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,020
"Leave the gun, take the cannoli!"
558
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:43,718
God. Erm...
559
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:45,519
Please, er, it's...
560
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:46,840
Er...
561
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:56,439
Oh, my God!
562
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:57,820
What, too much limoncello?
563
00:34:58,560 --> 00:34:59,719
Perfect.
564
00:34:59,720 --> 00:35:01,800
Ah, great.
565
00:35:04,117 --> 00:35:05,689
- You after Mum?
- Er, well, yes.
566
00:35:05,690 --> 00:35:07,520
- Only if she's, er...
- She's with a client, but...
567
00:35:07,545 --> 00:35:09,672
Oh, well, erm...
568
00:35:09,673 --> 00:35:10,620
Oh, it's nothing.
569
00:35:10,645 --> 00:35:12,704
Welcome to come in and wait if you want.
570
00:35:14,166 --> 00:35:15,526
Right, thanks.
571
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:17,800
Thanks.
572
00:35:21,522 --> 00:35:28,980
I find it unfathomable that you
have never heard of Warren G.
573
00:35:30,380 --> 00:35:33,340
I mean, if this doesn't
blow your mind, I mean,
574
00:35:33,365 --> 00:35:35,005
I-I don't know what will.
575
00:35:35,030 --> 00:35:36,870
HE CHUCKLES
576
00:35:36,895 --> 00:35:40,215
MUSIC: Regulate by Warren G & Nate Dogg
577
00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:41,439
♪ Regulators
578
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,079
♪ Regulate any stealin' of this property
579
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:45,839
♪ We're damn good, too
580
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,479
♪ But you can't be any geek
off the street
581
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,879
♪ You gotta be handy with the steel
if you know what I mean
582
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:52,479
♪ Earn your keep
583
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:56,039
♪ Regulators, mount up!
584
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:59,799
♪ It was a clear black night
A clear white moon... ♪
585
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:01,879
- Yes!
- See?
586
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:05,799
- Yes! Ah!
- Mind blown!
587
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,759
♪ Just hit the east side of the IBC
588
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,839
♪ On a mission, tryin'
to find Mr Warren G... ♪
589
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,820
Warren, Warren, where have you been?
590
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:18,980
Neil apologised.
591
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:21,719
He did.
592
00:36:21,720 --> 00:36:23,240
- He did.
- Did he?
593
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,799
Are you asking me a question?
I just... I wasn't sure?
594
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:30,079
What did... what did I say?
595
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:31,279
"He did."
596
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,679
I'm sorry, I don't know.
I think I'm quite...
597
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,180
...stoned.
598
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:42,559
He said, er, he's been having
a little bit of trouble...
599
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:43,759
...at home.
600
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,040
- HE EXHALES
- Hm.
601
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,700
Maybe we ought to just...
let him keep wanking?
602
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,560
THEY CHUCKLE
603
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:02,319
What time is it, please?
604
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,119
What time do you need to leave?
605
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,480
I don't know.
What time do you need to leave?
606
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:10,559
Erm, this is my...
607
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,160
I live here, so...
608
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,759
I suggested trying... something.
609
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:51,679
Suggested we try, erm...
"Now, I'm open," I said.
610
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:56,199
If there's anything in-in
particular you'd like to try,
611
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,279
would like the two of us to try...
612
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,479
MAN AND WOMAN MOAN
613
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:05,039
I'm not suggesting that, erm,
that we enjoyed it.
614
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:08,839
I-I think we both felt that all the
screaming and the panting and the...
615
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:12,319
...relentless pounding
really wasn't our cup of tea.
616
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:15,999
But, erm, one of the women, erm...
617
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:21,054
Well, one of the women in particular,
618
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:23,039
erm...
619
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:28,519
And, historically, porn isn't
a turn on for me, but this,
620
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,959
this one woman in particular,
621
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:33,700
I...
622
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,479
...I couldn't...
623
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:41,140
Joy, erm, I couldn't...
I couldn't take my eyes off her.
624
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,559
And I love, I love Neil.
625
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:48,319
God, he's terrific, he really is.
626
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:51,719
But I-I think sometimes to myself...
627
00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:55,119
I have thought to myself, erm,
628
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,760
what if?
629
00:38:59,753 --> 00:39:01,233
You know?
630
00:39:47,806 --> 00:39:49,446
- Hey.
- Hi.
631
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,319
- Listen, I'm sorry...
- I'm sorry about...
632
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,199
I promise I'll try to be
more civil next time
633
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:58,840
you reject me outright.
634
00:40:00,006 --> 00:40:01,180
Um...
635
00:40:01,866 --> 00:40:04,020
I'm joking. That was a joke.
636
00:40:09,053 --> 00:40:10,093
And I-I'm...
637
00:40:13,346 --> 00:40:14,866
...I'm sorry, too.
638
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,240
I think Neil and Rita
might be separating.
639
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:31,920
Shit.
640
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:40,960
♪ Freedom
641
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,480
♪ Balance
642
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:52,319
♪ So many friends
643
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,960
♪ Wish that for me... ♪
644
00:40:57,760 --> 00:40:59,719
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?
645
00:40:59,720 --> 00:41:01,000
Wet.
646
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,600
- Joy, wasn't it?
- Yeah. Marvin.
647
00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:09,600
The Martian.
648
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:13,319
Well, I'll see you next week.
649
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:14,360
You will.
650
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:27,320
Hiya.
651
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:49,680
Oh, yes!
652
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:53,400
HORNS HONK
653
00:42:19,740 --> 00:42:20,780
Tea?
654
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:26,239
So that's your office?
655
00:42:26,240 --> 00:42:27,999
It is, mm-hm.
656
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:31,279
What happens if you bump
into a, you know, client,
657
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,959
someone you're working with,
out and about?
658
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:37,679
- Not a lot.
- God, I'd be mortified.
659
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:39,420
Are you in therapy, Marvin?
660
00:42:39,993 --> 00:42:43,353
I could imagine being
hypothetically mortified.
661
00:42:43,739 --> 00:42:45,059
Antonia, my...
662
00:42:46,345 --> 00:42:49,519
...ex, she wanted us to.
663
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:51,420
- What did you want?
- Not that.
664
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:54,822
Although if I'd known it could be
as relaxed as all this
665
00:42:54,823 --> 00:42:55,770
then who knows?
666
00:42:55,795 --> 00:42:58,180
You're very welcome to
take a closer look.
667
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,200
- Any good?
- Oh.
668
00:43:07,510 --> 00:43:09,279
It's great.
669
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:10,389
Out of ten?
670
00:43:10,390 --> 00:43:12,999
Oh, at least a solid nine and a half.
671
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:14,320
- High praise!
- Mm-hm.
672
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:20,039
What's the...
I don't know what you'd call it,
673
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:21,878
the most common, like, complaint?
674
00:43:21,879 --> 00:43:24,279
You know, cause for concern.
675
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,620
Hm. It varies.
676
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:28,880
I bet.
677
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:32,319
I mean, I get lack of desire a lot.
678
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:34,199
Lack of passion.
679
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:36,045
"How can we get it back?
What happened? Where did it go?
680
00:43:36,046 --> 00:43:38,860
"It used to be so natural,
now it's almost impossible."
681
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:44,599
I mean, generally speaking, we are
very bad in this country at, erm,
682
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:46,680
discussing our private lives in public.
683
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:50,120
We feel tremendous shame.
684
00:43:51,293 --> 00:43:53,013
Too ashamed of our needs.
685
00:43:54,526 --> 00:43:57,926
Which means a lot of the time,
by the time people make it to me,
686
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:01,000
often their relationship is, erm...
687
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:03,860
...haemorrhaging...
688
00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:05,740
...very...
689
00:44:06,893 --> 00:44:08,093
...badly.
690
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:12,760
- Jesus.
- Yeah.
691
00:44:16,020 --> 00:44:17,340
What about if...
692
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:23,560
Sorry.
693
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:41,520
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
694
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:11,039
I think I need to change hands.
695
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:12,599
No, no, no, don't worry about it!
696
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:15,280
No, it's my bad hand.
It's not allowed to be athletic.
697
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:24,879
I don't even know what you do.
698
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,079
I-I work for
the Hertfordshire Constabulary.
699
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:28,893
- No, you don't.
- CID.
700
00:45:28,918 --> 00:45:29,999
No, you don't!
701
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,640
- It's true, I do!
- Shit!
702
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,279
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
703
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,359
Oh!
704
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:43,120
Ahhh!
705
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:36,080
I'm staying with my brother.
706
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:40,080
It's been hardly any time at all, but...
707
00:46:42,060 --> 00:46:43,100
...I miss her.
708
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:49,100
I thought I'd feel really angry,
but it's not, erm...
709
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:53,820
It's like a much purer form of sadness.
710
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:00,480
Oh, do you want?
711
00:47:00,505 --> 00:47:01,545
Oh...
712
00:47:02,786 --> 00:47:05,140
Oh, Alan, can I ask you something?
713
00:47:05,691 --> 00:47:07,771
How would you feel about accompanying me
714
00:47:07,796 --> 00:47:09,956
to a session of kung fu?
715
00:47:10,243 --> 00:47:12,239
I've got a lot of excess
energy at the moment,
716
00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:15,719
I'm feeling,
and I've always loved Bruce Lee.
717
00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:17,160
Um...
718
00:47:19,099 --> 00:47:22,139
...Neil, I don't really know
anything about martial arts.
719
00:47:22,164 --> 00:47:23,860
Well, it's beginners.
720
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,378
Website says you just need
a tracksuit and, er,
721
00:47:27,379 --> 00:47:29,940
a T-shirt and a willingness to try.
722
00:47:30,953 --> 00:47:33,913
Yeah, anyway, it's, erm... You don't
have to give me an answer now.
723
00:47:33,938 --> 00:47:36,660
It's, you know, it's just a thought.
724
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:51,880
Joy.
725
00:47:54,240 --> 00:47:55,400
Yeah?
726
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:07,359
Joy, I'm really sorry,
but me and Claire, we had sex.
727
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:11,879
She was having trouble.
She couldn't get her car started.
728
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:13,580
It was raining, and...
729
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:16,839
...and we smoked a joint
730
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:19,340
and then we listened to some Warren G
731
00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:21,479
and then she went down on me, Joy.
732
00:48:21,480 --> 00:48:24,380
She went down on me and then we had sex.
733
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:29,200
Joy, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
734
00:48:41,180 --> 00:48:43,780
Alan, I tossed off a man
from my hydrotherapy group.
735
00:48:49,779 --> 00:48:51,220
What?!
736
00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:53,599
Jesus fucking Christ, Joy!
737
00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:55,239
I mean, when?
738
00:48:55,240 --> 00:48:56,600
This afternoon.
739
00:48:56,625 --> 00:48:58,199
I mean, I mean, how? I
mean who, who even...
740
00:48:58,200 --> 00:48:59,919
Well, he offered me a lift home
741
00:48:59,920 --> 00:49:01,879
and, in order to say thank you,
I invited...
742
00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:03,239
What, you grabbed his dick?!
743
00:49:03,240 --> 00:49:05,479
You know what? We are both culpable.
We've both...
744
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:08,399
The difference is I've been feeling
really guilty ever since!
745
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:09,398
So have I! What makes you think...
746
00:49:09,399 --> 00:49:11,670
To me right now, you look like
the opposite of guilty.
747
00:49:11,671 --> 00:49:12,938
Oh, you mean I'm innocent, then.
748
00:49:12,939 --> 00:49:15,646
There is a world of difference
between tossing someone off
749
00:49:15,647 --> 00:49:18,273
- you hardly even know...
- Yeah, but don't you see...?
750
00:49:18,274 --> 00:49:19,386
No, what happened,
751
00:49:19,387 --> 00:49:21,889
the difference between what happened
between me and Claire is...
752
00:49:21,890 --> 00:49:23,200
- Worse? Is more duplicitous?
- No!
753
00:49:23,225 --> 00:49:24,999
Is arguably more of a betrayal?
754
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,039
I opted to toss him off
because I was aware
755
00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:28,439
that doing anything more was...
756
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:29,889
Sorry, you opted?
What, you happened to be passing
757
00:49:29,890 --> 00:49:31,243
a selection of penises and you opted...?
758
00:49:31,268 --> 00:49:32,275
You know what?
759
00:49:32,276 --> 00:49:35,100
No, you know what?
I think you're behaving...
760
00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:39,719
You are angry and upset,
and I can understand that,
761
00:49:39,720 --> 00:49:43,079
but can we at least try and...
762
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:46,820
...at least try and acknowledge
that we are both at fault?
763
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:53,799
OK, OK, OK, fine, fine. I'm sorry.
764
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:55,100
You should be.
765
00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:58,039
You fucked a colleague, stoned!
You should be sorry!
766
00:49:58,040 --> 00:49:59,160
Yeah, and that...
767
00:50:00,286 --> 00:50:01,446
HE SIGHS
768
00:50:01,471 --> 00:50:04,500
...that's what I've been trying to say.
769
00:50:09,787 --> 00:50:11,147
Why did you do it?
770
00:50:11,172 --> 00:50:12,212
Why did YOU?
771
00:50:13,253 --> 00:50:14,513
Honestly?
772
00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:17,760
What else is there at this point?
773
00:50:27,026 --> 00:50:29,306
I don't enjoy having sex with you.
774
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:41,319
I think, in the last, recently,
in the last, I don't know, two,
775
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:43,180
maybe four... I just...
776
00:50:44,720 --> 00:50:46,920
I haven't really been
enjoying our sex life.
777
00:50:49,359 --> 00:50:51,140
I think we've stopped having fun,
778
00:50:51,980 --> 00:50:55,839
and I think perhaps we stopped
communicating, in a way,
779
00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:58,279
about what we...
780
00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:01,479
About the things we enjoy
or what we want, or might want,
781
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:03,480
or might have wanted to try or...
782
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:08,319
And I think perhaps we're both...
783
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:09,520
I don't know...
784
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:16,580
I think, somehow, we've become
unacceptably boring in bed.
785
00:51:19,667 --> 00:51:22,587
I-I didn't go looking, if that's
what you mean, I wasn't actively...
786
00:51:22,612 --> 00:51:24,040
- Neither was I!
- And I feel awful,
787
00:51:24,065 --> 00:51:25,252
I feel fucking awful about it.
788
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,999
I know. Listen, I'm not
angry with you, I don't...
789
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,919
Well, maybe you should be.
790
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:33,508
Maybe the fact that you're not,
maybe... maybe it makes me think,
791
00:51:33,509 --> 00:51:36,680
well, is this something
you wanted to happen?
792
00:51:40,720 --> 00:51:43,639
I don't want to re-invent the wheel
every time we go to bed, no.
793
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:45,439
No, nor do I, but, you know, sometimes,
794
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:47,359
I feel like doing something different.
795
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:49,199
I have felt like doing
something different.
796
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:52,400
Well, then, I think
we just need to be more...
797
00:51:52,793 --> 00:51:54,193
...organised.
798
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:57,239
Why?
799
00:51:57,240 --> 00:52:03,359
Because I feel happier knowing
what my day is going to entail.
800
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:05,749
Yeah, and if that makes me
unadventurous, you know what...?
801
00:52:05,750 --> 00:52:07,482
No, no it doesn't make you unadventurous.
802
00:52:07,483 --> 00:52:11,660
All it makes us, I think, is...
different.
803
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:22,679
Tell me what you did with Claire.
What you and Claire did.
804
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:23,919
I already have, haven't I?
805
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:27,320
- No, in detail.
- What? No!
806
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:31,600
- You're serious?
- Hm.
807
00:52:33,240 --> 00:52:37,000
How did being with her
compare to being with me?
808
00:52:38,253 --> 00:52:42,340
I can't even... What... What is this?!
809
00:52:43,739 --> 00:52:46,259
I'd like to enjoy having sex
810
00:52:46,284 --> 00:52:48,884
and, ideally, I'd like to
have more of it...
811
00:52:50,240 --> 00:52:51,720
...outside of this room.
812
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:54,759
You know, not just below these sheets,
813
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:58,240
keeping our voices down once or
twice a month if we're lucky.
814
00:52:59,973 --> 00:53:01,213
But if you don't...
815
00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:07,020
...if you don't mind
the way it is then I think...
816
00:53:07,640 --> 00:53:09,480
...I think you need to say something.
817
00:53:15,606 --> 00:53:18,180
Sounds to me like you're saying
you've had enough.
818
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:20,360
Of us. Of me.
819
00:53:20,385 --> 00:53:22,000
- No, that has nothing to do with...
- The sex is boring.
820
00:53:22,001 --> 00:53:24,039
We've not been honest. In fact,
we've been lying to each other.
821
00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:26,439
OK, yeah, those are all statements
of fact, but I'm not...
822
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:27,919
As is the fact that, for most people,
823
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:29,229
this would mean
the end of their marriage.
824
00:53:29,230 --> 00:53:30,945
I don't give a shit what
this would mean for most people.
825
00:53:30,946 --> 00:53:33,605
So then you tell me,
how do we come back from this?
826
00:53:33,606 --> 00:53:36,900
OK, I am not saying
I've had enough. Look at me.
827
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:39,660
I am no way near having had enough.
828
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:42,340
I love you.
829
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:44,319
I love being with you.
830
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:46,488
I love the fact that we've been
together as long as we have.
831
00:53:46,489 --> 00:53:47,860
I love that.
832
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:51,759
But, yeah, we have a problem because...
833
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:53,479
I love you, too.
834
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:54,520
So you should.
835
00:54:02,693 --> 00:54:05,860
OK, so when you say you
want to have more sex,
836
00:54:07,420 --> 00:54:12,140
do you mean more sex with me...
837
00:54:13,220 --> 00:54:14,620
...or do you mean...?
838
00:54:17,033 --> 00:54:18,793
Well, do you want to have sex with me?
839
00:54:23,877 --> 00:54:28,040
Well, for crying out loud,
let's not! Let's just stop!
840
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:31,900
Stop?
841
00:54:32,360 --> 00:54:36,980
I don't know, I mean... Maybe?
842
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:44,799
Stop having sex with each other,
you and me?
843
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:45,974
I don't know, why not?!
844
00:54:45,975 --> 00:54:49,599
I mean, for once in our lives, we
could do whatever the fuck we want
845
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:51,279
and see what happens.
846
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:55,359
You know, without agonising
over it or feeling guilty or...
847
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:57,919
...sheepish or punishing ourselves
848
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:00,279
for happening to want different things.
849
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:03,200
I'm not sure I understand
what it is you're getting at.
850
00:55:05,300 --> 00:55:06,839
SHE EXHALES
851
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:10,999
OK, would you like to have sex
with Claire again, yes or no?
852
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:13,559
I'm not answering that. No!
853
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:17,759
There is... There is no answer to
that question that can end well.
854
00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:18,919
No.
855
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:23,559
The only way this can end well is if
you answer that question honestly.
856
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:25,119
Would YOU like...?
857
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:26,639
To have sex with Claire? No.
858
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:27,880
You know what I mean.
859
00:55:30,073 --> 00:55:31,713
Would I like to see Marvin again?
860
00:55:31,738 --> 00:55:34,178
- His name's Marvin?
- Yes.
861
00:55:34,203 --> 00:55:37,820
Yes, I would.
And don't steer this off course.
862
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:49,960
Yes, fine. Fuck, yes. Of course I would.
863
00:55:52,367 --> 00:55:53,927
Then why don't we?
864
00:55:53,960 --> 00:55:56,919
♪ Come take my hand
865
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:59,239
♪ Walk with me
866
00:55:59,240 --> 00:56:02,199
♪ Mmm-hmm
867
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:04,880
♪ Come take my hand
62064
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