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1
00:00:00,515 --> 00:00:04,914
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed
.com
2
00:00:08,169 --> 00:00:11,203
Jesus Beverly Christ, I'm starving.
3
00:00:11,205 --> 00:00:13,705
- Do you want a juice box?
- Where was that an hour ago?
4
00:00:13,707 --> 00:00:14,906
- Ma'am.
- What?
5
00:00:14,908 --> 00:00:16,608
We have a lead on a
site for your library.
6
00:00:16,610 --> 00:00:18,110
Eastern Shore of Maryland.
7
00:00:18,112 --> 00:00:19,578
If it was any more Kennedy-esque,
8
00:00:19,580 --> 00:00:20,946
it would drive you into the ocean.
9
00:00:20,948 --> 00:00:22,814
Eastern Shore, very classy.
10
00:00:22,816 --> 00:00:25,817
Fittingly, I lost my
back-virginity in Assateague.
11
00:00:25,819 --> 00:00:27,251
I once lost my wallet in Denver.
12
00:00:27,253 --> 00:00:28,854
We need a down payment of five mil.
13
00:00:28,856 --> 00:00:30,849
- Yeah.
- Ma'am, Tanz at 2:00.
14
00:00:30,874 --> 00:00:31,982
Where?
15
00:00:32,006 --> 00:00:34,102
No, ma'am, you have a meeting
with Tanz at 2:00.
16
00:00:34,127 --> 00:00:36,260
- Oh, thank you very much, Richard.
- Absolutely.
17
00:00:36,262 --> 00:00:38,530
President Meyer! President Meyer!
18
00:00:38,532 --> 00:00:40,565
Can we get a few words
about the late Justice Tenny?
19
00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:43,234
Absolutely. He was a
friend to all people,
20
00:00:43,236 --> 00:00:47,771
especially corporations, who he
legally considered to be people.
21
00:00:47,773 --> 00:00:49,207
- Thank you.
- Madam President,
22
00:00:49,209 --> 00:00:50,508
any idea who President
Montez is considering
23
00:00:50,510 --> 00:00:52,243
for the open Supreme Court seat?
24
00:00:52,245 --> 00:00:54,778
No, no, no, no, no, there
is absolutely no validity
25
00:00:54,780 --> 00:00:58,482
to the rumor that the president
is being considered for the seat.
26
00:00:58,484 --> 00:01:00,818
- Do you mean President Meyer?
- Is that even a rumor?
27
00:01:00,820 --> 00:01:02,452
At this point, that's all we can say.
28
00:01:02,454 --> 00:01:03,420
- Bye.
- Ma'am!
29
00:01:05,591 --> 00:01:08,025
- What in the holy fuck was that, Mike?
- I'm so sorry, ma'am.
30
00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:10,427
I just habitually deny
everything these days.
31
00:01:10,429 --> 00:01:11,929
It gets me in trouble with Wendy, too.
32
00:01:11,931 --> 00:01:14,331
The other day, I flushed
a comb down the toilet.
33
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:17,567
You know what I don't need is examples.
34
00:01:17,569 --> 00:01:19,136
I do wanna hear the end of that, though.
35
00:01:19,138 --> 00:01:21,838
No, no, there's absolutely
no validity to this rumor...
36
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,408
Well, if you like, Jane, I can
float your name out there for you.
37
00:01:24,410 --> 00:01:26,410
You think I'd make a good judge?
38
00:01:26,412 --> 00:01:28,045
You do like throwing books at people.
39
00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:31,380
When we return, more of that
signature Danny Egan wit.
40
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,315
Plus, reading...
41
00:01:33,317 --> 00:01:36,318
could it be bad for
your child's self-esteem?
42
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:39,188
Why one Texas housewife
wants to phase it out.
43
00:01:41,125 --> 00:01:42,907
- And we are clear.
- That was funny.
44
00:01:42,908 --> 00:01:43,850
Not too far?
45
00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:45,394
No, no, I said it was funny,
I meant it was funny.
46
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:47,863
- Keep it up.
- Okay, here we go.
47
00:01:47,865 --> 00:01:49,765
I thought my charm campaign was
turning into a bit of a death march,
48
00:01:49,767 --> 00:01:51,800
but I think I breached her defenses.
49
00:01:51,802 --> 00:01:54,136
Stevie, when we throw to commercial,
50
00:01:54,138 --> 00:01:57,706
I want a full fucking
beaver shot with the legs.
51
00:01:57,708 --> 00:01:59,041
Otherwise, what is the point?
52
00:01:59,043 --> 00:02:00,509
Sorry, Jane. Beave and legs, got it.
53
00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:01,910
I don't see that much of a difference.
54
00:02:01,912 --> 00:02:03,579
I mean, she pretty much likes everyone.
55
00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:05,346
I need her to like me. Can we
go easy on the bronzer, please?
56
00:02:05,348 --> 00:02:07,015
I'm starting to look like
a diversity hire here.
57
00:02:07,017 --> 00:02:08,984
I mean, Jane calls the shots,
and I wanna be taken seriously.
58
00:02:08,986 --> 00:02:10,351
- I get ya.
- If I wanted people
59
00:02:10,353 --> 00:02:11,687
to think that I actually
still cared about them,
60
00:02:11,689 --> 00:02:12,888
I would've stayed in fucking politics.
61
00:02:12,890 --> 00:02:14,255
Here are the notes on the kid chefs.
62
00:02:14,257 --> 00:02:15,958
I'd be careful. A couple
of them have colds.
63
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,193
I'm sweating my balls off here.
64
00:02:18,195 --> 00:02:19,895
Is the air conditioning even on?
65
00:02:19,897 --> 00:02:21,296
- I'm gonna check.
- Look what time it is, ma'am.
66
00:02:21,298 --> 00:02:22,930
- What time?
- Memoir time.
67
00:02:22,932 --> 00:02:24,165
- Oh, God.
- Last time,
68
00:02:24,167 --> 00:02:26,000
you weren't comfortable just talking,
69
00:02:26,002 --> 00:02:27,602
so I made a list of questions.
70
00:02:27,604 --> 00:02:29,270
- Oh, okay, fine.
- First one...
71
00:02:29,272 --> 00:02:31,339
- as a female, do you feel that...
- Pass!
72
00:02:31,341 --> 00:02:33,441
- Ma'am, Sherman Tanz is here.
- Oh, my God.
73
00:02:33,443 --> 00:02:35,443
- All right, get out of here, Mike.
- Great session.
74
00:02:35,445 --> 00:02:38,178
- Sherman!
- Madam Pardoner.
75
00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:39,880
Don't mention it. Ever.
76
00:02:41,117 --> 00:02:43,651
- Come in, take a seat.
- Thanks.
77
00:02:43,653 --> 00:02:46,020
So, we have something to toast
78
00:02:46,022 --> 00:02:48,889
because we found
property for my library.
79
00:02:48,891 --> 00:02:51,792
Oh, wonderful! You know, I'm on
the board at the Nixon Library.
80
00:02:51,794 --> 00:02:53,827
- Oh, good for you.
- The miserable anti-Semite,
81
00:02:53,829 --> 00:02:55,929
- but a great friend of Israel.
- Yes, yes.
82
00:02:55,931 --> 00:02:57,464
So, how much do you need?
83
00:02:57,466 --> 00:02:59,266
Do you know, by the way,
84
00:02:59,268 --> 00:03:02,336
that my father was an
associate of Bebe Rebozo's?
85
00:03:02,338 --> 00:03:04,718
Uh-huh, you're stalling.
It must be a big number.
86
00:03:04,743 --> 00:03:07,007
- No, I don't want it.
- You have back trouble?
87
00:03:07,009 --> 00:03:08,375
You know what helps? Bananas.
88
00:03:08,377 --> 00:03:09,576
- Oh, is that so?
- The potassium.
89
00:03:09,578 --> 00:03:11,011
Oh, of course, yeah. That makes sense.
90
00:03:11,013 --> 00:03:12,612
It's a little ache. It's nothing.
91
00:03:12,614 --> 00:03:14,580
- If you're not using that...
- Oh, absolutely!
92
00:03:14,582 --> 00:03:16,482
- I never turn down a warm compress.
- Then take it.
93
00:03:16,484 --> 00:03:18,118
Let's give Mr. Tanz a compress.
94
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:21,054
- Sir, of course.
- Okay, good.
95
00:03:21,056 --> 00:03:23,156
What, no massage?
96
00:03:23,158 --> 00:03:25,692
- Gary, massage him.
- Mm-mm.
97
00:03:25,694 --> 00:03:26,825
Mm-hmm.
98
00:03:29,564 --> 00:03:32,598
I believe you were about
to mention a number.
99
00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,034
- Yes.
- Ooh. Ah.
100
00:03:35,036 --> 00:03:37,637
Just go deep. Just go deep for him, yes.
101
00:03:37,639 --> 00:03:39,772
I was thinking in the ballpark
102
00:03:39,774 --> 00:03:41,774
of maybe five million.
103
00:03:41,776 --> 00:03:43,375
- That's a big ballpark.
- Mm-hmm.
104
00:03:43,377 --> 00:03:44,843
Thank you.
105
00:03:44,845 --> 00:03:47,479
But I think five million is swingable.
106
00:03:47,481 --> 00:03:51,684
Oh, bless your heart and
your deep pockets, Sherman.
107
00:03:51,686 --> 00:03:53,418
Now, listen, if there's anything
108
00:03:53,420 --> 00:03:55,888
- that I can ever do... okay, there we go.
- Actually,
109
00:03:55,890 --> 00:03:59,891
Madam President, because of the
actions of misguided reformers,
110
00:03:59,893 --> 00:04:02,026
our prison system is in grave danger
111
00:04:02,028 --> 00:04:05,463
of dropping below 135% occupancy.
112
00:04:05,465 --> 00:04:07,999
Well, I think that I'm
partially to blame for that
113
00:04:08,001 --> 00:04:09,934
because I let you out of one.
114
00:04:09,936 --> 00:04:11,836
Montez is pushing hard to put an end
115
00:04:11,838 --> 00:04:14,138
to for-profit prisons and privatization.
116
00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:15,740
- It's madness!
- It's insane.
117
00:04:15,742 --> 00:04:17,804
I wanna find somebody to
make sure it does not happen.
118
00:04:17,829 --> 00:04:18,781
Mm-hmm.
119
00:04:18,782 --> 00:04:20,232
Somebody from the Hill,
preferably high up.
120
00:04:20,257 --> 00:04:22,580
Yeah, we can find you a man or a woman,
121
00:04:22,582 --> 00:04:25,850
but it'll probably be a man
if you wanna get anything done.
122
00:04:25,852 --> 00:04:28,186
- Hang on a second. Richard?
- Yes, ma'am?
123
00:04:28,188 --> 00:04:32,090
Right, I want you to get in touch
with Ed McPherson on Judiciary
124
00:04:32,092 --> 00:04:33,857
'cause he's building an infinity pool.
125
00:04:33,859 --> 00:04:35,593
- On it. Too late.
- Okey dokey.
126
00:04:35,595 --> 00:04:38,095
Madam President, don't let
me take any more of your time.
127
00:04:38,097 --> 00:04:41,765
- It's always a pleasure.
- It's always a tonic for me to see you.
128
00:04:41,767 --> 00:04:44,000
- Keep your chin up.
- Thank you.
129
00:04:44,002 --> 00:04:45,603
- What's happening?
- Oh, my God.
130
00:04:45,605 --> 00:04:46,689
- What's this?
- My back.
131
00:04:46,714 --> 00:04:47,711
Okay, get me
132
00:04:47,736 --> 00:04:49,783
a clean compress now, please.
133
00:04:49,808 --> 00:04:51,574
- Ma'am, you're not gonna believe this.
- What?
134
00:04:51,576 --> 00:04:54,044
CNN just came out with
their speculative list
135
00:04:54,046 --> 00:04:56,346
of nominees for the open
Supreme Court seat...
136
00:04:56,348 --> 00:04:57,713
- Yeah.
- ...and
137
00:04:57,737 --> 00:04:59,483
they have you as a long shot's long shot.
138
00:04:59,484 --> 00:05:01,684
- You have gotta be kidding me.
- You're welcome.
139
00:05:01,686 --> 00:05:03,620
Gary, put CNN on right now.
140
00:05:03,622 --> 00:05:06,356
- Oh, it's CNN.com.
- Oh, well, nobody looks at that.
141
00:05:06,358 --> 00:05:07,624
Thanks for nothing, Mike.
142
00:05:07,626 --> 00:05:10,092
God damn it, you guys, I am so hot.
143
00:05:10,094 --> 00:05:11,561
Oh.
144
00:05:11,563 --> 00:05:13,996
My tits feel like these Hot Pockets.
145
00:05:13,998 --> 00:05:15,605
Do we have any Hot Pockets?
146
00:05:15,629 --> 00:05:17,306
Well, ma'am, have you seen
the doctor lately?
147
00:05:17,331 --> 00:05:21,771
- Because maybe it's meno...
- Hey, don't fucking say that, okay?
148
00:05:21,773 --> 00:05:23,438
It's not that. Seriously, that is like
149
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,875
a sexist-beyond-sexist reaction.
150
00:05:25,877 --> 00:05:28,277
I'm just tired, I'm uncomfortable,
151
00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:30,780
Mike's hair reminds me
of graham cracker crumbs.
152
00:05:30,782 --> 00:05:32,481
I can't get any air in here
153
00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:34,884
because all you people
are in here sucking it.
154
00:05:34,886 --> 00:05:36,185
Get out. All of you, out!
155
00:05:36,187 --> 00:05:38,154
We'll hit the book later.
156
00:05:38,156 --> 00:05:40,355
- Gary, where are you going?
- Nowhere. I'm not, I'm not.
157
00:05:40,357 --> 00:05:42,123
Good news is without the tampons,
158
00:05:42,125 --> 00:05:44,192
it's gonna free up some space in my bag.
159
00:05:44,194 --> 00:05:45,761
Where are you gonna put yours?
160
00:05:46,863 --> 00:05:48,397
- I'm serious.
- Okay.
161
00:05:48,399 --> 00:05:51,132
Well, I do understand that, Senator,
162
00:05:51,134 --> 00:05:52,801
but I know Sherman Tanz,
163
00:05:52,803 --> 00:05:54,903
perhaps in a way that you
don't know Sherman Tanz.
164
00:05:54,905 --> 00:05:57,205
- Excuse me.
- Oh, my God.
165
00:05:57,207 --> 00:06:00,308
I pardoned "Typhoid Moishe."
166
00:06:00,310 --> 00:06:02,443
Richard! Oh, I'm sorry.
167
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,312
It's all right, ma'am.
How's your temperature been?
168
00:06:04,314 --> 00:06:05,880
- It's hot flashy.
- It's totally normal.
169
00:06:05,882 --> 00:06:07,248
Ma'am, I tried everyone
on the Finance Committee...
170
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:08,616
- Yeah?
- ...and they all said no.
171
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:09,717
All of them?!
172
00:06:09,719 --> 00:06:11,152
They all said no very fast.
173
00:06:11,154 --> 00:06:13,053
You have to check this
out. This is insane.
174
00:06:13,055 --> 00:06:14,855
What is it?
175
00:06:14,857 --> 00:06:18,091
Do you actually think former president
Selina Meyer could be a good choice?
176
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:19,590
Reaching across the aisle...
177
00:06:19,614 --> 00:06:21,029
I'm gonna need normal breaths, please.
178
00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:22,530
I am breathing normally.
179
00:06:22,532 --> 00:06:25,566
Well, Meyer certainly would
be a super left field choice...
180
00:06:25,568 --> 00:06:27,335
Super left field?
181
00:06:27,337 --> 00:06:28,735
I mean, is that even a position?
182
00:06:28,737 --> 00:06:30,270
Mm-hmm, that was my
position in Little League.
183
00:06:30,272 --> 00:06:32,172
- I was a pitcher's helper.
- Aw.
184
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,641
- This is insane, isn't it?
- I know! It's fucking absurd!
185
00:06:34,643 --> 00:06:37,044
Well, you don't have to
agree with me that strongly.
186
00:06:37,046 --> 00:06:39,346
Don't you guys have
something to do for Tanz?
187
00:06:39,348 --> 00:06:41,048
And if you don't find
anyone in the Senate,
188
00:06:41,050 --> 00:06:42,649
lift up the sewer grate to the House.
189
00:06:42,651 --> 00:06:44,718
- Madam President.
- What? Oh.
190
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,353
Okay.
191
00:06:46,355 --> 00:06:48,521
It's menopause? Just get it over with.
192
00:06:48,523 --> 00:06:50,423
Write me a prescription
for Eileen Fisher
193
00:06:50,425 --> 00:06:52,392
and Fosamax and lube.
194
00:06:52,394 --> 00:06:53,860
It's a common mistake among women
195
00:06:53,862 --> 00:06:55,628
with the sweating and
back pain at your age.
196
00:06:55,630 --> 00:06:57,397
Careful.
197
00:06:57,399 --> 00:06:59,999
Could you please just go and pack
everything up for me in that other room?
198
00:07:00,001 --> 00:07:01,911
- Go.
- Bye, Gary.
199
00:07:01,936 --> 00:07:02,974
Whew, oh, boy.
200
00:07:02,998 --> 00:07:05,481
I suspect that this may be
myocardial ischemia.
201
00:07:05,506 --> 00:07:07,473
It's a lack of oxygen
to the heart muscle.
202
00:07:07,475 --> 00:07:11,076
It's usually caused by a
partial arterial blockage.
203
00:07:11,078 --> 00:07:13,144
What, I'm so sor... what?
204
00:07:13,146 --> 00:07:16,815
- What are you telling me?
- I think you had a small heart attack.
205
00:07:16,817 --> 00:07:18,617
- A heart attack?
- Yes, ma'am.
206
00:07:21,088 --> 00:07:23,255
So, I'm not menopausal?
207
00:07:23,257 --> 00:07:25,290
Well, no, but this is far more serious.
208
00:07:25,292 --> 00:07:28,093
Well, hand me a
cracker and spread it up with
209
00:07:28,095 --> 00:07:30,195
"I Can't Believe It's Not Menopause."
210
00:07:30,197 --> 00:07:32,597
- We need to get you to a hospital.
- You wanna knock me up, Doc?
211
00:07:32,599 --> 00:07:35,300
- Just 'cause I can do it.
- Ma'am, time is of the essence here.
212
00:07:35,302 --> 00:07:37,602
It's just a heart attack! Gary! Gar...
213
00:07:37,604 --> 00:07:40,237
- Oh, Jesus.
- What is that?
214
00:07:40,239 --> 00:07:42,407
Maybe my uterus is just wonky.
215
00:07:42,409 --> 00:07:45,242
No, Catherine. It's
porcelain and perfect.
216
00:07:45,244 --> 00:07:46,310
Aw.
217
00:07:50,417 --> 00:07:52,784
You know what I like about you two?
218
00:07:52,786 --> 00:07:55,319
- It's not clear who's the top.
- I am.
219
00:07:55,321 --> 00:07:57,087
Oh, yeah.
220
00:07:57,089 --> 00:07:58,422
Maybe we're just doing this wrong.
221
00:07:58,424 --> 00:08:00,357
I mean, all these tubes and jars.
222
00:08:00,359 --> 00:08:02,426
It just... it doesn't feel organic.
223
00:08:02,428 --> 00:08:05,562
Well, we could streamline the process.
224
00:08:05,564 --> 00:08:08,799
You could have direct sexual
intercourse with the donor.
225
00:08:08,801 --> 00:08:10,967
- Really?
- That's interesting.
226
00:08:10,969 --> 00:08:13,837
I mean, I guess if you
think that that would work.
227
00:08:13,839 --> 00:08:15,238
I'm... I'm willing to try anything.
228
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,574
Why don't we just puppy pile, okay?
229
00:08:17,576 --> 00:08:20,009
Then we'll all get a bite
to eat afterwards, you know.
230
00:08:20,011 --> 00:08:22,245
See a movie or something.
You know, we'll make it nice.
231
00:08:22,247 --> 00:08:24,414
- It could be interesting.
- Yeah.
232
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:26,983
He does have very delicate features.
233
00:08:26,985 --> 00:08:28,184
- Thank you.
- Mr. Egan?
234
00:08:28,186 --> 00:08:29,718
- Yes, hi.
- Is it okay with you
235
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,554
to discuss the results
altogether or would you...
236
00:08:31,556 --> 00:08:34,757
Sure, whatever. I'm just the
cream filling in this gay-claire.
237
00:08:36,227 --> 00:08:38,194
Well, your sperm count looks normal,
238
00:08:38,196 --> 00:08:40,663
but the motility is abnormally low,
239
00:08:40,665 --> 00:08:42,398
which means... I'm sorry to say...
240
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:46,134
it may be virtually
impossible for you to conceive.
241
00:08:46,136 --> 00:08:48,437
- Seriously?
- I'm so sorry, Dan.
242
00:08:48,439 --> 00:08:51,039
So, I've been pulling out
this entire time for nothing?
243
00:08:51,041 --> 00:08:52,675
Well, that has nothing...
244
00:08:52,677 --> 00:08:55,511
Oh, I am gonna save a fortune
in morning-after pills.
245
00:08:55,513 --> 00:08:58,246
There are, like, three girls
that owe me an abortion refund.
246
00:08:58,248 --> 00:09:00,048
Ladies, I am Danny Egan,
247
00:09:00,050 --> 00:09:01,984
and I will see you in the tomorrow.
248
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,087
Doctor, can you give us a minute?
249
00:09:05,089 --> 00:09:06,421
Certainly.
250
00:09:07,524 --> 00:09:08,756
Marjorie, I really think...
251
00:09:08,758 --> 00:09:10,859
Your mother had a heart attack in DC.
252
00:09:15,499 --> 00:09:18,666
Oh, my God, I can't
believe I just did that.
253
00:09:18,668 --> 00:09:24,772
Um, uh, so we should go to
Washington probably, I guess.
254
00:09:24,774 --> 00:09:26,440
I guess.
255
00:09:31,414 --> 00:09:33,214
- Did I die?
- Here we go again.
256
00:09:33,216 --> 00:09:37,184
- Is this heaven?
- Yeah, he keeps waking up and asking that.
257
00:09:37,186 --> 00:09:40,154
You had a heart attack, Gary.
258
00:09:40,156 --> 00:09:42,623
For the third freaking time.
259
00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:44,225
- Oh, Jesus.
- Madam President?
260
00:09:44,227 --> 00:09:46,093
- Yes?
- You should really lie down.
261
00:09:46,095 --> 00:09:47,828
- Oh, I, you know...
- What happened? What happened?
262
00:09:47,830 --> 00:09:49,363
You had a heart attack, too?
263
00:09:49,365 --> 00:09:51,297
No, I had a heart episode
264
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,266
and they're just gonna
pop a stent in there
265
00:09:53,268 --> 00:09:54,535
just for fun, and it's...
266
00:09:54,537 --> 00:09:56,169
- Here you go.
- Thank you so much.
267
00:09:56,171 --> 00:09:58,405
Can we get something
for Mr. Walsh, please?
268
00:09:58,407 --> 00:10:01,408
Because he's the one who's
really ailing and at death's door.
269
00:10:01,410 --> 00:10:03,476
- I'm... I am? I'm at death's door?
- Yes, Madam President.
270
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,345
Oh, I'm at death's door?
271
00:10:05,347 --> 00:10:07,414
- Listen, if I don't make it...
- Gary, you're gonna be fine.
272
00:10:07,416 --> 00:10:09,782
- You have plenty to live for, too.
- I do?
273
00:10:09,784 --> 00:10:11,317
Of course!
274
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:16,056
Just think... next year, you
get to go to my library opening.
275
00:10:16,058 --> 00:10:19,725
- And you get to buy my book.
- Can't you just give me a copy?
276
00:10:19,727 --> 00:10:22,529
Well, I can't be giving
out free copies of the book
277
00:10:22,531 --> 00:10:24,597
'cause think of the position
that that would put me in.
278
00:10:24,599 --> 00:10:26,231
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
279
00:10:26,233 --> 00:10:29,802
And you're gonna have
a birthday next, um...
280
00:10:29,804 --> 00:10:31,804
- August.
- ...August.
281
00:10:31,806 --> 00:10:33,906
Good for you. That's right.
And you're gonna be...
282
00:10:33,908 --> 00:10:35,240
- 40.
- ...40.
283
00:10:35,242 --> 00:10:38,343
- You remembered.
- Yeah. You're only 40?
284
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,580
And I'm gonna... I'm gonna have a party.
285
00:10:41,582 --> 00:10:43,248
- Oh, really?
- In Alabama.
286
00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:45,250
Oh, Alabama.
287
00:10:45,252 --> 00:10:46,918
If I make it, will you come?
288
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,488
Yes.
289
00:10:49,490 --> 00:10:51,790
- I will come.
- Madam President.
290
00:10:51,792 --> 00:10:54,193
- Yes?
- Ron Addis, Head of Cardiology.
291
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:55,660
Oh, Head of Cardiology for him?
292
00:10:55,662 --> 00:10:57,762
No, ma'am. I'll be placing your stent.
293
00:10:57,764 --> 00:11:01,432
Okay, thank God. Yeah,
let's get that done.
294
00:11:01,434 --> 00:11:02,734
Gary, you okay?
295
00:11:02,736 --> 00:11:05,570
Mm, yeah, good. Thank you.
296
00:11:05,572 --> 00:11:09,321
Okay, if anybody asks, you just say I'm
in a routine closed-door meeting, okay?
297
00:11:09,346 --> 00:11:10,729
- Absolutely.
- If they're wondering why
298
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:12,009
I'm at the hospital,
299
00:11:12,010 --> 00:11:15,213
you just put that on Gary 'cause he
had a massive heart attack, luckily.
300
00:11:15,215 --> 00:11:17,348
- He's good, though, right?
- Yes, ma'am.
301
00:11:17,350 --> 00:11:18,949
'Cause I don't know the alarm
code to get back into my house.
302
00:11:18,951 --> 00:11:20,918
Marjorie and Catherine are on their way.
303
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,954
- Just tell them I'm in a meeting, too.
- All right, got it.
304
00:11:23,956 --> 00:11:27,225
- No photos!
- I was accessing her medical history.
305
00:11:27,227 --> 00:11:28,826
Ma'am, Sherman Tanz called again.
306
00:11:28,828 --> 00:11:30,728
Oh, God. Where are we with that?
307
00:11:30,730 --> 00:11:32,730
- All nos.
- Yeah, just like his face.
308
00:11:32,732 --> 00:11:34,531
We need to give him
a name or we lose him.
309
00:11:34,533 --> 00:11:37,001
- All righty, time to go.
- Okay.
310
00:11:37,003 --> 00:11:39,703
Just give him that
whale dong Jonah, my God.
311
00:11:39,705 --> 00:11:41,839
- Oh, good luck.
- I'm fine.
312
00:11:41,841 --> 00:11:44,241
- Get well soon.
- Thank you so much, Richard.
313
00:11:44,243 --> 00:11:46,243
Hey, I have...
314
00:11:48,313 --> 00:11:50,247
You can just... just close that, okay?
315
00:11:50,249 --> 00:11:52,048
She never stops talking.
316
00:11:52,050 --> 00:11:54,751
No! No, no, no. That's
not what I want...
317
00:11:54,753 --> 00:11:56,453
she didn't even...
318
00:11:57,889 --> 00:11:59,456
- What are you doing?
- I'm calling Jonah.
319
00:11:59,458 --> 00:12:00,624
No.
320
00:12:00,626 --> 00:12:01,958
Well, well, well.
321
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,726
If it isn't the prodigal traitor
322
00:12:03,728 --> 00:12:06,462
come back home to suck on
my giant congressional ball.
323
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:07,997
No, it's Richard Splett.
324
00:12:07,999 --> 00:12:10,099
I'm calling on behalf of
President Selina Meyer.
325
00:12:10,101 --> 00:12:11,934
- You remember her. She's the former...
- Hold on.
326
00:12:11,936 --> 00:12:14,570
- I have a more important call coming in.
- Oh, okay.
327
00:12:16,174 --> 00:12:17,439
Well, well, well.
328
00:12:17,441 --> 00:12:19,175
If it isn't the prodigal ex-girlfriend
329
00:12:19,177 --> 00:12:20,742
come home to suck on my giant...
330
00:12:20,744 --> 00:12:23,078
Listen, jizz clot, I can't
believe I'm saying this,
331
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,247
but you're gonna have a
meeting with Sherman Tanz.
332
00:12:25,249 --> 00:12:26,715
Is this the same thing that
Richard's calling about?
333
00:12:26,717 --> 00:12:28,750
No idea. Just stay on with me.
334
00:12:28,752 --> 00:12:31,153
This is your chance to get back
in President Meyer's good graces.
335
00:12:31,155 --> 00:12:32,421
Hey.
336
00:12:32,423 --> 00:12:33,922
Who is Sherman Tanz?
337
00:12:33,924 --> 00:12:36,457
Private prison and pay
day lending magnate,
338
00:12:36,459 --> 00:12:38,593
Israel hyper-enthusiast, billionaire,
339
00:12:38,595 --> 00:12:40,128
convicted of tax fraud.
340
00:12:40,130 --> 00:12:42,030
Yeah, when people think about
what's wrong in Washington,
341
00:12:42,032 --> 00:12:43,932
they think of him and you.
342
00:12:43,934 --> 00:12:46,334
Association with Tanz spells disaster.
343
00:12:46,336 --> 00:12:47,435
So, I shouldn't meet with him?
344
00:12:49,239 --> 00:12:52,440
Well, for you, Congressman,
disaster would be a step up.
345
00:12:52,442 --> 00:12:55,009
Are you asking Ben and Kent who he is?
346
00:12:55,011 --> 00:12:57,612
No. He's a prison magnet.
347
00:12:57,614 --> 00:12:59,247
Hello?
348
00:12:59,249 --> 00:13:01,316
Oh, someone has call waiting.
349
00:13:01,318 --> 00:13:02,983
- This is Splett.
- Hey, buddy.
350
00:13:02,985 --> 00:13:05,353
Help me out with this Selina
Ross and the Supremes insanity.
351
00:13:05,355 --> 00:13:08,655
Apparently, someone saw President
Meyer's name on McPherson's call sheet,
352
00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:10,457
and he's the chair of
the Judiciary Committee.
353
00:13:10,459 --> 00:13:12,426
I'm sorry, could you repeat
everything after "Hey, buddy"?
354
00:13:12,428 --> 00:13:13,894
- Oh, shit, hold on one sec. Jane?
- Yeah?
355
00:13:13,896 --> 00:13:15,562
Chocolate chip walnut
cookies from Levain.
356
00:13:15,564 --> 00:13:17,531
Mm-hmm.
357
00:13:17,533 --> 00:13:20,667
You're lucky I have such a great ass.
358
00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:22,903
All right, so tell me, is
there any truth at all to this?
359
00:13:22,905 --> 00:13:25,572
All I can tell you is that President
Meyer is in a closed-door meeting.
360
00:13:25,574 --> 00:13:27,708
Wait, so this Supreme Court shit's real?
361
00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:32,912
All I can tell you is President
Meyer is in a closed-door...
362
00:13:32,914 --> 00:13:34,281
hello?
363
00:13:34,283 --> 00:13:36,450
Oh, I better get back to Mr. Ryan.
364
00:13:41,623 --> 00:13:44,190
Hey, guys, I have insider confirmation
365
00:13:44,192 --> 00:13:47,526
that Selina Meyer is being considered
for the open Supreme Court seat.
366
00:13:47,528 --> 00:13:49,095
To what, reupholster it?
367
00:13:49,097 --> 00:13:50,596
Write it up real quick and
then, Jane, you can lead with it.
368
00:13:50,598 --> 00:13:53,399
Actually, I think Danny
should run with it.
369
00:13:53,401 --> 00:13:55,268
It's his source, it's his story.
370
00:13:55,270 --> 00:13:57,470
- Really?
- But I will take the zoo animal segment.
371
00:13:57,472 --> 00:14:00,172
- Professor Parrot, yes.
- Jane, are you sure? This is huge.
372
00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:01,974
If I am speaking, I am sure.
373
00:14:01,976 --> 00:14:03,942
Sorry, Jane. Of course
you're sure. Okay.
374
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,379
Danny is my man.
375
00:14:06,381 --> 00:14:09,047
- Jane, thank you.
- Mm.
376
00:14:10,551 --> 00:14:13,218
Oh, also, can we do
something about my makeup girl
377
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,254
and her Hinckley-esque
obsession with bronzer?
378
00:14:15,256 --> 00:14:17,422
She's not going anywhere. She's
the head makeup artist's niece.
379
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,624
I'm starting to look like I should
be auditioning for a telenovela here.
380
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,160
Why don't you talk to
Jane? You're her man.
381
00:14:21,162 --> 00:14:23,195
Yeah, right.
382
00:14:23,197 --> 00:14:25,931
Which is actually great because I have this
really killer piece I wanna do on Rwanda.
383
00:14:33,607 --> 00:14:35,072
Hi.
384
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:37,342
Hi. What... what is my
password for my phone?
385
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,910
- Hello, ma'am.
- Hi!
386
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,645
- How are you feeling?
- Oh, honey.
387
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:43,881
Oh! You got me some bodega flowers?
388
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,551
They're actually from a
very expensive boutique.
389
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,752
Oh, okay, well, I like
them, wherever they're from.
390
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:51,488
- We can just give them to Gary.
- Aw, thank you.
391
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:54,058
- Ma'am, more Court questions.
- Ma'am, this is getting silly.
392
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:57,561
Montez is not gonna name someone from
the opposite party to the Supreme Court.
393
00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:01,032
- We need to all just chill out and...
- Uh, Montez is on TV.
394
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,900
I can't comment on
the nomination process.
395
00:15:03,902 --> 00:15:07,971
However, I remain committed
to reaching across the aisle.
396
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:11,675
- Fuck my ears.
- She just said reaching across the aisle.
397
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:13,944
Whoo, that Montez is
a Latin piece of ass.
398
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:17,113
Okay, he's hallucinating. Come
here, come here, come out here.
399
00:15:17,115 --> 00:15:19,683
What... what is going on
here? What is our next move?
400
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:23,153
Ma'am, Senator Hallowes from Judiciary
wants to set a meeting to pre-vet.
401
00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,755
No! This means I'm on the short list?!
402
00:15:25,757 --> 00:15:30,193
- What? I'm on the short list!
- Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo!
403
00:15:30,195 --> 00:15:33,196
Madam President, may I say from
one vet to another, congratulations.
404
00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:34,865
Oh, God, this is the second act
405
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:37,700
that Selina Meyer finally deserves.
406
00:15:37,702 --> 00:15:39,134
And we gotta play this smart.
407
00:15:39,136 --> 00:15:41,371
- Madam President.
- Hello. How are you?
408
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:43,205
- Gary Walsh?
- Yeah.
409
00:15:43,207 --> 00:15:46,409
- If you will just sign here, please.
- "Yas," queen.
410
00:15:46,411 --> 00:15:48,177
We'll go over your discharge plans,
411
00:15:48,179 --> 00:15:49,979
- your after care, your medications.
- Okay.
412
00:15:49,981 --> 00:15:50,913
Okay.
413
00:15:50,915 --> 00:15:52,815
- Um, Gary?
- Hmm?
414
00:15:52,817 --> 00:15:56,085
Do you have someone at home
who can take care of you?
415
00:15:56,087 --> 00:15:59,922
Yes, my roommates
Stashelle, Lark, and Boosh.
416
00:15:59,924 --> 00:16:00,990
You have three roommates?
417
00:16:00,992 --> 00:16:03,525
We share a studio in Hoboken.
418
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:04,994
Your mom doesn't think you're pretty,
419
00:16:04,996 --> 00:16:06,661
but I think you're stunning.
420
00:16:06,663 --> 00:16:08,830
Thank you.
421
00:16:08,832 --> 00:16:10,632
This isn't unprecedented either,
422
00:16:10,634 --> 00:16:13,368
because President Taft was on the
Supreme Court after he was president.
423
00:16:13,370 --> 00:16:15,515
Yeah, and what's the first
thing you remember about him?
424
00:16:15,540 --> 00:16:16,546
He got stuck in a bathtub?
425
00:16:16,570 --> 00:16:18,388
No, well, the second thing
you remember about him.
426
00:16:18,413 --> 00:16:20,876
- He was buried in a piano case.
- No, that's not right.
427
00:16:20,878 --> 00:16:22,176
- Mom?
- What?
428
00:16:22,178 --> 00:16:23,278
Gary's gonna stay with
us in the brownstone
429
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:24,579
until he gets better.
430
00:16:24,581 --> 00:16:26,547
Okay, what's happening right now?
431
00:16:26,549 --> 00:16:28,816
I'm... go call Hallowes
432
00:16:28,818 --> 00:16:31,252
and tell her Selina will
meet with her next Monday.
433
00:16:31,254 --> 00:16:33,297
- Your Hallowes impression.
- It's spot-on.
434
00:16:33,322 --> 00:16:34,360
It's hilarious.
435
00:16:34,385 --> 00:16:36,493
Ooh, Monday, it's the day
after Daylight Saving Time.
436
00:16:36,518 --> 00:16:37,425
It's my favorite holiday
'cause it's like living
437
00:16:37,427 --> 00:16:39,093
in a tiny version of
"Back to the Future."
438
00:16:39,095 --> 00:16:41,296
He can't go all the way back to Hoboken.
439
00:16:41,298 --> 00:16:42,730
- Hi!
- New Jersey?
440
00:16:42,732 --> 00:16:44,498
What are you talking about?
You live in New Jersey?
441
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:45,933
You're at the brownstone by 6:00.
442
00:16:45,935 --> 00:16:47,234
I leave a little after 4:00,
443
00:16:47,236 --> 00:16:49,269
- I catch the 4:28 PATH...
- Okay.
444
00:16:49,271 --> 00:16:51,939
...then I take the F to the
6, and then I do a quick jaunt,
445
00:16:51,941 --> 00:16:54,074
and I'm there in time
to steep the tea...
446
00:16:54,076 --> 00:16:55,476
- Mom.
- What?
447
00:16:55,478 --> 00:16:57,144
What... oh, my God, fine!
448
00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:58,512
Put him in the basement.
I don't give a shit.
449
00:16:58,514 --> 00:17:00,680
Fine, the basement. Who gives a shit?
450
00:17:00,682 --> 00:17:02,916
- I love the basement.
- What is my password?
451
00:17:02,918 --> 00:17:05,384
Okay.
452
00:17:06,654 --> 00:17:08,520
Give my regards to everybody
453
00:17:08,522 --> 00:17:10,423
on the Judiciary Committee.
454
00:17:10,425 --> 00:17:12,224
Oh, of course, Madam President.
455
00:17:12,226 --> 00:17:14,260
- Be well.
- Oh, I'm well. I'm Weller than well.
456
00:17:14,262 --> 00:17:16,295
- I love your scarf.
- Eileen Fisher.
457
00:17:16,297 --> 00:17:18,097
- Oh, it's so chic.
- Buh-bye.
458
00:17:18,099 --> 00:17:19,565
Buh-bye.
459
00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:21,400
I feel like my chest has been trampled
460
00:17:21,402 --> 00:17:23,301
in a Puerto Rican nightclub fire.
461
00:17:23,303 --> 00:17:26,371
It's like I'm breathing
through a tiny straw, you know?
462
00:17:26,373 --> 00:17:29,508
Oh, a straw. Yeah, I
want a water with a straw.
463
00:17:29,510 --> 00:17:31,209
- Uh-huh.
- So, that went well.
464
00:17:31,211 --> 00:17:33,211
- That went really well.
- Ma'am, Sherman Tanz called.
465
00:17:33,213 --> 00:17:36,081
Well, tell Sherman Tanz I
don't need a library anymore.
466
00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:38,383
- Ma'am, I'm sure it'll be fun.
- No, a library is good for you.
467
00:17:38,385 --> 00:17:40,852
No, my legacy, guys, is me in a robe,
468
00:17:40,854 --> 00:17:44,356
taking guns from this guy, giving
the death penalty to that guy.
469
00:17:44,358 --> 00:17:48,093
And they can't vote me
out, right? It's for life.
470
00:17:48,095 --> 00:17:49,560
They're gonna have to
carry me out of there
471
00:17:49,562 --> 00:17:52,530
with the gavel clenched
in my cold, dead twat.
472
00:17:52,532 --> 00:17:56,133
Oh, Gary, I need you to move
all of these law review boxes.
473
00:17:56,135 --> 00:17:57,401
- Love to, yeah.
- Ow!
474
00:17:57,403 --> 00:17:59,871
See, now it hurts for me to point.
475
00:17:59,873 --> 00:18:02,006
That muscle's called the
brachioradialis. At least it is in cats.
476
00:18:02,008 --> 00:18:04,141
Do you want me to get
you some arnica ointment?
477
00:18:04,143 --> 00:18:05,977
- Yeah, that would be good.
- And for the vetting...
478
00:18:05,979 --> 00:18:08,112
- Yeah.
- ...the Judiciary Committee
479
00:18:08,114 --> 00:18:10,147
has asked to send them everything
that you've ever written on abortion.
480
00:18:10,149 --> 00:18:12,149
Well, I can give them my actual abortion
481
00:18:12,151 --> 00:18:13,950
if I could find it lying
around here somewhere.
482
00:18:13,952 --> 00:18:15,285
I'll check the freezer.
483
00:18:15,287 --> 00:18:17,087
Ma'am, picked by the Supreme Court.
484
00:18:17,089 --> 00:18:19,089
I mean, that's a twist
ending to the book.
485
00:18:19,091 --> 00:18:20,657
I know. Although, you know what?
486
00:18:20,659 --> 00:18:22,192
If I'm going to be a Supreme,
487
00:18:22,194 --> 00:18:24,328
I don't really think we
need to finish this book.
488
00:18:24,330 --> 00:18:26,196
Oh, we do. We do, ma'am.
489
00:18:26,198 --> 00:18:28,231
Oh, no, it isn't upstairs, Gary.
490
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,066
It's in the bathroom off of the kitchen.
491
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,535
- 'Cour... yeah, sure.
- Everybody reads.
492
00:18:31,537 --> 00:18:33,803
Now, ma'am, we can get
this book done so fast.
493
00:18:33,805 --> 00:18:35,349
Not at the rate you guys are going now.
494
00:18:35,373 --> 00:18:36,674
- It's in the bathroom upstairs.
- What's in he bathroom?
495
00:18:36,675 --> 00:18:40,276
- Yeah.
- Just forget that for right now, okay?
496
00:18:40,278 --> 00:18:41,277
Give that a break.
497
00:18:42,347 --> 00:18:44,247
- Oh, my God.
- Whoo!
498
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:47,483
I'm sorry, Mama. Bunny's
late for middle school.
499
00:18:47,485 --> 00:18:49,618
I'll see you later.
500
00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:51,387
Uh, Gary?
501
00:18:51,389 --> 00:18:52,955
Okay, okay, okay.
502
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:56,225
Do you know where my
water with the straw is?
503
00:18:56,227 --> 00:18:58,428
Good morning, Team Ryan.
504
00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:00,229
Tell me what gets this
Tanz guy's dick hard.
505
00:19:00,231 --> 00:19:02,431
Being on time, Congressman Dachau.
506
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,833
You're an hour late. He's been
sitting in your office the whole time.
507
00:19:04,835 --> 00:19:06,902
- 10:00 AM.
- Was an hour ago.
508
00:19:06,904 --> 00:19:08,203
58 minutes.
509
00:19:08,205 --> 00:19:11,239
Do I need to timesplain
clock reading to you two?
510
00:19:11,241 --> 00:19:13,609
The big hand points to the noon
511
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:16,045
and the little hand points to the...
512
00:19:16,047 --> 00:19:19,247
Well, fuck, it's the...
God, it's 10:00 AM.
513
00:19:19,249 --> 00:19:21,083
You didn't set your watch forward.
514
00:19:21,085 --> 00:19:22,951
- Happy Daylight Savings Time.
- Saving.
515
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,719
- Whatever.
- Oh, shit, Daylight Savings Time is today?
516
00:19:24,721 --> 00:19:26,754
Saving, and it started yesterday.
517
00:19:26,756 --> 00:19:30,225
Okay, well, there is literally
no way that I could've known that.
518
00:19:30,227 --> 00:19:32,727
- Hello, sir.
- 59 minutes.
519
00:19:32,729 --> 00:19:34,228
That's how long I've been sitting here
520
00:19:34,230 --> 00:19:36,497
waiting for a man that
nobody should wait for.
521
00:19:36,499 --> 00:19:38,265
- Sir, I'm so sorry. My senior staff...
- Never apologize.
522
00:19:38,267 --> 00:19:41,102
Sorry betrays a weak spirit.
Have a seat, Congressman.
523
00:19:41,104 --> 00:19:43,771
Okay, but you're in...
524
00:19:46,114 --> 00:19:47,255
Fine.
525
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,552
Nice of you to fit me into
your busy schedule.
526
00:19:49,577 --> 00:19:52,679
Okay, see, when you say that, it makes
me think that I should be apologizing.
527
00:19:52,681 --> 00:19:56,417
Don't worry, I like to judge a man
by looking him right in the eyes.
528
00:19:56,419 --> 00:19:58,219
Okay.
529
00:20:02,558 --> 00:20:05,426
Are you gonna make a
campaign contribution or what?
530
00:20:05,428 --> 00:20:07,628
You know what? I am.
531
00:20:07,630 --> 00:20:10,063
Getting paid, getting laid, son.
532
00:20:11,133 --> 00:20:13,734
Congressman Jonah Ryan.
533
00:20:13,736 --> 00:20:18,739
- R-Y-A-N.
- Zero dollars and one cent.
534
00:20:18,741 --> 00:20:21,608
Did you have a stroke,
you weird asshole man?
535
00:20:21,610 --> 00:20:24,477
You stuck around here for
an hour just to be a dick?
536
00:20:24,479 --> 00:20:25,878
I did.
537
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,480
You didn't even sign this.
538
00:20:27,482 --> 00:20:29,048
Maybe you should've apologized.
539
00:20:29,050 --> 00:20:30,850
You told me not to!
540
00:20:30,852 --> 00:20:34,120
- Ding-dong! Dinner is served!
- What?
541
00:20:34,122 --> 00:20:36,122
You should not be in
the maid's quarters.
542
00:20:36,124 --> 00:20:37,823
- I know.
- Oh, let me help, let me help.
543
00:20:37,825 --> 00:20:39,759
- No, no, no, Gary, sit.
- No, no, no, you sit.
544
00:20:39,761 --> 00:20:42,528
- No, Gary, sit!
- All right, let's both sit.
545
00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:44,630
Lookie looksters!
546
00:20:44,632 --> 00:20:46,832
- Oh, my gosh!
- Yeah.
547
00:20:46,834 --> 00:20:49,068
This looks delicious. What is it?
548
00:20:49,070 --> 00:20:52,638
Oh, I cut up a chicken sandwich
and I put it into pasta.
549
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,406
What?
550
00:20:54,408 --> 00:20:57,676
Is this the chicken sandwich that
was in the fridge before the hospital?
551
00:20:57,678 --> 00:21:02,481
Wow, and you left the
bun on it when you cut it.
552
00:21:04,585 --> 00:21:06,485
Well, you don't have to finish
it if you don't think it's...
553
00:21:06,487 --> 00:21:10,489
No, no, no, I can't wait to
swirl my fork in there and get in.
554
00:21:10,491 --> 00:21:13,758
Let me see. Mm.
555
00:21:15,395 --> 00:21:17,595
Smells sort of funky, though, no?
556
00:21:17,809 --> 00:21:20,354
It's the bleu cheese.
557
00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:22,100
No, but there isn't any bleu cheese in it.
558
00:21:24,604 --> 00:21:27,305
You must be...
559
00:21:27,307 --> 00:21:29,340
starving yourself, though.
560
00:21:29,342 --> 00:21:30,675
- Oh, no, I ate.
- You did?
561
00:21:30,677 --> 00:21:32,943
Yeah, a chef made me some grilled salmon
562
00:21:32,945 --> 00:21:34,945
and some asparagus
with a béarnaise sauce.
563
00:21:34,947 --> 00:21:37,481
- It was heavenly. It was really delicious.
- Okay.
564
00:21:37,483 --> 00:21:39,517
I mean, I couldn't finish
it. I just threw the rest out.
565
00:21:39,519 --> 00:21:40,651
You did? Okay.
566
00:21:40,653 --> 00:21:42,420
Where is your water?
567
00:21:42,422 --> 00:21:45,989
Ugh, I don't have any. There's
just bottles in the kitchen.
568
00:21:45,991 --> 00:21:48,192
Oh.
569
00:21:48,194 --> 00:21:49,960
- Yeah, I'll go.
- No, no, no, I'll go.
570
00:21:49,962 --> 00:21:51,494
No, no, no, I'm gonna go, really.
571
00:21:51,496 --> 00:21:53,764
Okay? I'm just... I
just wanna wait a minute.
572
00:21:53,766 --> 00:21:57,601
Okay. That's really sweet.
573
00:21:57,603 --> 00:21:59,002
We've got full queen
574
00:21:59,004 --> 00:22:01,371
and king pillow top sets for 599,
575
00:22:01,373 --> 00:22:02,872
and a king memory foam...
576
00:22:02,874 --> 00:22:04,774
Apparently, the state senator
577
00:22:04,776 --> 00:22:06,276
was against gay marriage
578
00:22:06,278 --> 00:22:08,978
and paying his gay escort.
579
00:22:08,980 --> 00:22:12,415
- We'll be right back.
- And we're clear. Great.
580
00:22:12,417 --> 00:22:15,277
No. Unless it's an eraser, go away.
I don't want it.
581
00:22:15,302 --> 00:22:18,043
Danny, I saw that piece that
you did on Rwanda. It's very powerful.
582
00:22:18,068 --> 00:22:19,332
You did? Fantastic!
I'm so glad you like it.
583
00:22:19,357 --> 00:22:21,624
- Oh, you know what? Real quick...
- A lot of research.
584
00:22:21,626 --> 00:22:23,760
- Very powerful.
- You gotta try one of these.
585
00:22:23,762 --> 00:22:25,327
Just say yes.
586
00:22:25,329 --> 00:22:27,063
You will be the death of me.
587
00:22:27,065 --> 00:22:28,231
Ugh!
588
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,200
- Cookie?
- Is that what she calls you
589
00:22:31,202 --> 00:22:33,535
when she puts her penis in your vagina?
590
00:22:33,537 --> 00:22:35,537
What? What are you talking about?
591
00:22:35,539 --> 00:22:37,873
We all know about you and
Jane. You guys are together.
592
00:22:37,875 --> 00:22:39,608
Come on, I haven't slept with
a woman over 30 since I was 14,
593
00:22:39,610 --> 00:22:41,109
and that's 'cause I needed the grade.
594
00:22:41,111 --> 00:22:43,612
Bronzina's fired. You're welcome.
595
00:22:43,614 --> 00:22:45,414
You're so tapping that.
596
00:22:45,416 --> 00:22:47,149
Okay, camera two.
597
00:23:37,366 --> 00:23:38,833
- Where have you been?
- Why?
598
00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:40,434
Did I miss the French
toast dippy things?
599
00:23:40,436 --> 00:23:42,402
- You're two hours late.
- No, that's impossible.
600
00:23:42,404 --> 00:23:44,404
I set my watch back for
Daylight Savings Time.
601
00:23:44,406 --> 00:23:46,573
- Saving, not savings.
- You set your watch the wrong way.
602
00:23:46,575 --> 00:23:49,309
- It's neither a plural, nor a possessive.
- No, it's spring.
603
00:23:49,311 --> 00:23:51,645
- I "springed" backwards.
- No, you spring forward!
604
00:23:51,647 --> 00:23:54,514
Have ever watched girls
gymnastics? That makes no sense.
605
00:23:54,516 --> 00:23:56,717
You could just get the
correct time from your phone.
606
00:23:56,719 --> 00:23:58,084
Oh, could I?
607
00:23:58,086 --> 00:24:00,320
Well, guess what, my
phone fell in the toilet,
608
00:24:00,322 --> 00:24:02,521
so who's the fucking
smart guy now, Kent?
609
00:24:02,523 --> 00:24:04,690
Hey, hey, hey, listen to me,
you plus-sized homunculus.
610
00:24:04,692 --> 00:24:06,259
- Plus-sized what?
- Homunculus.
611
00:24:06,261 --> 00:24:08,027
A human-shaped creature
of medieval legend
612
00:24:08,029 --> 00:24:10,997
that Paracelsus claimed was
created from putrefied sperm.
613
00:24:10,999 --> 00:24:12,665
- How do you both know that?
- Not now, not now.
614
00:24:12,667 --> 00:24:15,033
If you don't want that
reporter to write a story titled
615
00:24:15,035 --> 00:24:17,936
"Granite State Represented
by Twinless Tower,"
616
00:24:17,938 --> 00:24:20,806
then you better get over there,
dip his cock in some maple syrup,
617
00:24:20,808 --> 00:24:22,207
- and start sucking.
- Fine.
618
00:24:22,209 --> 00:24:24,343
Hey, Union Leader, come here.
619
00:24:24,345 --> 00:24:26,679
Take this down.
620
00:24:26,681 --> 00:24:28,313
I'm not gonna suck your dick.
621
00:24:28,315 --> 00:24:30,583
The only one who should
be sucking your dick
622
00:24:30,585 --> 00:24:31,816
is Daylight Savings Time.
623
00:24:31,818 --> 00:24:33,752
And I don't give a fuck if that means
624
00:24:33,754 --> 00:24:37,722
that some farmer in Kansas has to milk
his cow using a fucking flashlight.
625
00:24:37,724 --> 00:24:39,992
I've had my own bedtime since I was 17.
626
00:24:39,994 --> 00:24:42,127
I didn't need a babysitter
then and I don't need one now,
627
00:24:42,129 --> 00:24:45,998
and it's high time that the government
stop trying to babysit all of us.
628
00:24:48,635 --> 00:24:50,301
That was all off the record.
629
00:24:50,303 --> 00:24:52,404
Ma'am, "New York Times" says Montez
630
00:24:52,406 --> 00:24:53,805
is naming the nominee today.
631
00:24:53,807 --> 00:24:55,006
- Eh.
- "Buzzfeed" confirms.
632
00:24:55,008 --> 00:24:57,208
- Oh, my God, really?
- Yeah.
633
00:24:57,210 --> 00:24:58,403
We should be getting
a phone call any minute.
634
00:24:58,427 --> 00:24:59,987
Ooh, my heart is racing!
635
00:25:00,012 --> 00:25:01,312
I bet this time, it's just menopause.
636
00:25:01,314 --> 00:25:03,014
- President Meyer's office.
- Ooh.
637
00:25:03,016 --> 00:25:05,016
Yep, she's right here.
It's Candi Caruso.
638
00:25:05,018 --> 00:25:07,351
- Don't say that I'm here.
- You are here, though.
639
00:25:07,353 --> 00:25:09,153
Candi? Uh-huh.
640
00:25:09,155 --> 00:25:11,522
Oh, that's fantastic!
641
00:25:11,524 --> 00:25:14,091
Okay, thank you. Bye-bye.
642
00:25:14,093 --> 00:25:17,328
Get Shylock Tanz on the phone right now!
643
00:25:17,330 --> 00:25:20,264
- What?
- I don't know who Montez picked,
644
00:25:20,266 --> 00:25:21,698
but it sure as tits wasn't me.
645
00:25:21,700 --> 00:25:23,901
I need that money for
the library ASAP. Go!
646
00:25:23,903 --> 00:25:25,636
I think his name is Sherman Tanz.
647
00:25:25,638 --> 00:25:28,539
Fuck Montez and that
fake bur... burrow...
648
00:25:28,541 --> 00:25:31,107
whatever you call those
donkeys they ride in on.
649
00:25:31,109 --> 00:25:32,776
- Bureaus.
- Burro?
650
00:25:32,778 --> 00:25:34,845
It would've been a shame to
hide that body under a robe.
651
00:25:34,847 --> 00:25:36,179
- You know?
- Okay, yes.
652
00:25:36,181 --> 00:25:37,513
Sherman Tanz on line one.
653
00:25:37,515 --> 00:25:41,318
All right, here we go. Sherman, hello!
654
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,286
I wanna give you some exciting news.
655
00:25:43,288 --> 00:25:46,222
We have secured the property
for the Meyer Library.
656
00:25:46,224 --> 00:25:49,159
Ugh, that's sensational! Listen,
I have something to tell you.
657
00:25:49,161 --> 00:25:50,860
- I get it.
- You do?
658
00:25:50,862 --> 00:25:52,295
And I want you to remind me
659
00:25:52,297 --> 00:25:54,063
what it is exactly that you're getting.
660
00:25:54,065 --> 00:25:56,599
Jonah Ryan. He's young, he's raw,
661
00:25:56,601 --> 00:25:58,634
he's a fresh, if slightly deformed, face
662
00:25:58,636 --> 00:26:00,470
that I can ride like a hobby horse.
663
00:26:00,472 --> 00:26:03,305
Did you see his nonsense
about the Daylight Savings?
664
00:26:03,307 --> 00:26:05,942
- I love this guy.
- We all do.
665
00:26:05,944 --> 00:26:07,012
This coastal property...
666
00:26:07,036 --> 00:26:09,651
Selina, I can't do the whole
five mil by myself anymore.
667
00:26:09,653 --> 00:26:12,402
- Seriously?
- I am all in on Jonah Ryan,
668
00:26:12,426 --> 00:26:13,986
- and I owe you one. Okay?
- Yeah.
669
00:26:14,011 --> 00:26:16,181
- That was the fucking point, Sherman.
- I'll talk to you soon.
670
00:26:16,206 --> 00:26:18,320
- Bye!
- Okay?
671
00:26:18,322 --> 00:26:21,957
- Oh, here it is.
- ...has nominated President Stuart Hughes
672
00:26:21,959 --> 00:26:24,026
for the Supreme Court seat left empty
673
00:26:24,028 --> 00:26:26,428
by the death of Justice Tenny.
674
00:26:26,430 --> 00:26:27,996
Ow.
675
00:26:27,998 --> 00:26:30,832
Aw, well, at least you
made the short list.
676
00:26:32,135 --> 00:26:33,635
How are you feeling, by the way?
677
00:26:33,637 --> 00:26:34,669
Good.
678
00:26:34,671 --> 00:26:36,371
- Then shut the fuck up.
- Uh-huh.
679
00:26:36,373 --> 00:26:38,106
On the bright side,
it's gonna be an amazing
680
00:26:38,108 --> 00:26:39,440
new exhibit at the Hughes Library.
681
00:26:39,442 --> 00:26:40,642
Turn this off.
682
00:26:40,644 --> 00:26:43,111
Danny Egan takes an unflinching look
683
00:26:43,113 --> 00:26:45,779
at Rwanda 20 years later.
684
00:26:45,781 --> 00:26:47,181
Thank you, Jane.
685
00:26:47,183 --> 00:26:49,783
The Rwandan genocide
ended over two decades ago,
686
00:26:49,785 --> 00:26:51,752
but for Jean Pierre Magambo,
687
00:26:51,754 --> 00:26:54,088
the nightmares never end.
688
00:26:54,090 --> 00:26:55,890
Good morning.
689
00:26:55,892 --> 00:26:57,558
Good morning.
690
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,327
Look, it's 9:00 AM, right?
691
00:27:00,329 --> 00:27:01,662
- Yes, it is.
- Mm-hmm.
692
00:27:01,664 --> 00:27:04,632
Okay, great. Who are all these people?
693
00:27:04,634 --> 00:27:06,566
I told you I didn't
wanna meet with anybody.
694
00:27:06,568 --> 00:27:08,200
They are from Tanz.
695
00:27:08,202 --> 00:27:10,469
You've got economists, staffers,
696
00:27:10,471 --> 00:27:12,471
even a couple of scientists, right?
697
00:27:12,473 --> 00:27:17,309
And they have written you
a piece of legislation.
698
00:27:17,311 --> 00:27:18,645
Oof.
699
00:27:22,017 --> 00:27:23,115
Cool.
700
00:27:23,117 --> 00:27:25,017
Wait, do I have to read all this?
701
00:27:25,019 --> 00:27:27,486
- Your choice.
- Fine.
702
00:27:28,856 --> 00:27:30,756
Hello. Thanks for this.
703
00:27:30,758 --> 00:27:32,658
Thank you.
704
00:27:32,660 --> 00:27:34,160
Mr. Speaker,
705
00:27:34,162 --> 00:27:38,964
Daylight Saving... not plural... Time
706
00:27:38,966 --> 00:27:42,034
has never saved us from anything,
707
00:27:42,036 --> 00:27:45,136
certainly not the higher energy costs
708
00:27:45,138 --> 00:27:46,538
it promised to lower.
709
00:27:46,540 --> 00:27:48,807
Statistically, there is proof
710
00:27:48,809 --> 00:27:51,109
that the twice yearly time change
711
00:27:51,111 --> 00:27:54,446
leads to increased accidents.
712
00:27:54,448 --> 00:27:56,414
And furthermore,
713
00:27:56,416 --> 00:28:00,185
the mish-mash of time
zones and time changes
714
00:28:00,187 --> 00:28:01,986
is just another example
715
00:28:01,988 --> 00:28:05,523
of the government
overextending its reach.
716
00:28:05,525 --> 00:28:09,327
This bill will be a
call for less government
717
00:28:09,329 --> 00:28:11,429
from our clocks
718
00:28:11,431 --> 00:28:14,665
to our privately built
for-profit prisons
719
00:28:14,667 --> 00:28:18,502
to the very watches on our wrists.
720
00:28:18,504 --> 00:28:21,271
Thank you, Mr. Speaker.
I yield the floor.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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