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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:28,125 --> 00:00:29,692 Reverse Egyptian suplex! 2 00:00:29,728 --> 00:00:31,829 Reverse Egyptian suplex! 3 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,198 He's going for the pin! 4 00:00:33,235 --> 00:00:34,101 One|1 5 00:00:34,137 --> 00:00:34,835 Two|2 6 00:00:34,871 --> 00:00:36,005 Three|3 7 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,108 And it's all over! 8 00:00:38,146 --> 00:00:40,148 what an absolute war that was! 9 00:00:40,183 --> 00:00:41,836 Okay wrestling fans, 10 00:00:41,837 --> 00:00:43,787 it's time for the main event. 11 00:00:43,825 --> 00:00:46,828 After years of heartbreak, unfulfilled dreams and 12 00:00:46,863 --> 00:00:50,000 shattered confidence, this young man will finally 13 00:00:50,037 --> 00:00:53,274 have one last shot at the world title. 14 00:00:53,311 --> 00:00:54,911 Does he have any chance? 15 00:00:54,948 --> 00:00:57,719 If you ask this announcer, he's fucked. 16 00:00:57,755 --> 00:01:00,557 Dude, thanks for bogarting all these sweet wrestling 17 00:01:00,593 --> 00:01:02,126 DVDs from work. 18 00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:03,695 Yeah dude. 19 00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:04,932 I'd rather you have them than see them getting 20 00:01:04,968 --> 00:01:06,936 thrown out when the store closes. 21 00:01:07,641 --> 00:01:11,880 Keep an eye on dad tonight. 22 00:01:11,915 --> 00:01:14,317 He hasn't been the same since we moved into the garage. 23 00:01:14,355 --> 00:01:15,254 No problem. 24 00:01:15,290 --> 00:01:17,058 Good luck on your date. 25 00:01:17,093 --> 00:01:19,763 Maybe she'll let you sniff her butthole. 26 00:01:19,799 --> 00:01:21,634 It's just dinner, dude. 27 00:01:24,808 --> 00:01:27,945 Hey Mr. B, what you working on over there? 28 00:01:29,186 --> 00:01:31,722 Completing the perfect woman. 29 00:01:32,424 --> 00:01:35,094 I look forward to meeting her. 30 00:01:37,234 --> 00:01:39,837 I already got started, I hope you don't mind. 31 00:01:40,775 --> 00:01:43,277 Just need to get my drink on tonight. 32 00:01:43,314 --> 00:01:47,686 Well I get getting your drink on this evening. 33 00:01:47,724 --> 00:01:50,192 This is a really beautiful place you picked. 34 00:01:50,228 --> 00:01:52,162 I am starving. I mean I could eat a horse. 35 00:01:52,198 --> 00:01:52,963 That's funny. 36 00:01:54,069 --> 00:01:55,402 Let's see do they have horse, I'm checking. 37 00:01:55,439 --> 00:01:58,777 No, no! They have 30 dollar soup though. 38 00:02:04,893 --> 00:02:07,061 So, I feel like I've been totally talking 39 00:02:07,097 --> 00:02:08,396 your face off about me. 40 00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:09,231 No. 41 00:02:09,269 --> 00:02:12,873 Tell me more about you. 42 00:02:12,909 --> 00:02:15,812 I... work at a video store. 43 00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:18,350 People still rent movies? 44 00:02:18,385 --> 00:02:19,050 Well, no actually. 45 00:02:19,087 --> 00:02:20,888 That's kind of the problem. 46 00:02:20,925 --> 00:02:22,859 I dunno, I think it's kind of sad that people don't go 47 00:02:22,895 --> 00:02:23,928 to video stores anymore. 48 00:02:23,965 --> 00:02:25,932 It's kind of an Americana kind of, sort of thing. 49 00:02:25,967 --> 00:02:27,433 I dunno. Going... 50 00:02:27,471 --> 00:02:28,302 Brandon? 51 00:02:28,341 --> 00:02:29,307 No, I'm Denton. 52 00:02:29,342 --> 00:02:30,174 Shaniqua? 53 00:02:30,211 --> 00:02:31,076 Danielle! 54 00:02:31,112 --> 00:02:32,045 Holy shit, I don't care. 55 00:02:32,081 --> 00:02:33,949 Come here, come here. 56 00:02:33,985 --> 00:02:36,721 So good to see you! 57 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,825 -You look fucking amazing. -Thank you. 58 00:02:38,864 --> 00:02:41,098 -Hey, Brandon, this is Denton. -Denton! 59 00:02:41,133 --> 00:02:42,767 On a date with a real girl? 60 00:02:42,806 --> 00:02:43,939 Good for you, buddy. 61 00:02:43,973 --> 00:02:46,209 It's just kind of like a blind date sort of thing. 62 00:02:46,246 --> 00:02:47,745 It's going bad. 63 00:02:47,782 --> 00:02:49,149 I'm right here. 64 00:02:49,185 --> 00:02:50,217 I figured as much. 65 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,219 Hey, you know what, I made some improvements to the 66 00:02:51,256 --> 00:02:55,227 old choo-choo train, if you want to, come. 67 00:02:55,263 --> 00:02:57,197 For like a ride, you know. 68 00:02:57,234 --> 00:02:58,867 Meet me in the parking lot. 69 00:02:58,903 --> 00:03:00,037 That a girl. 70 00:03:00,073 --> 00:03:02,675 Okay so, thank you so much this has been really great. 71 00:03:02,710 --> 00:03:03,943 - Yeah. - And yeah. 72 00:03:03,980 --> 00:03:06,850 Good luck with the whole video store job thingy. 73 00:03:06,885 --> 00:03:08,186 -Thank you. -Okay, bye! 74 00:03:08,223 --> 00:03:10,024 Hey, cancel my drink? 75 00:03:13,467 --> 00:03:14,165 Later, Denton! 76 00:03:14,201 --> 00:03:16,070 Whenever you're ready, chief. 77 00:03:18,512 --> 00:03:20,747 It's all over folks! 78 00:03:20,782 --> 00:03:22,382 He fucked that one up! 79 00:03:25,759 --> 00:03:27,227 That was awesome. 80 00:03:27,895 --> 00:03:29,061 Dad. 81 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:31,467 Come on, come on. 82 00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:33,070 Let's go to bed? 83 00:03:35,012 --> 00:03:37,247 Come on, let's go to bed. 84 00:03:41,992 --> 00:03:44,895 So, how was the big date? 85 00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:47,100 It was not good. 86 00:03:47,137 --> 00:03:50,174 It was not, in fact, it was pretty terrible. 87 00:03:51,580 --> 00:03:56,186 Well, life is a series of miserable dates. 88 00:03:58,527 --> 00:03:59,927 Terrific. 89 00:04:01,332 --> 00:04:03,133 Now Batting, Jackson Price. 90 00:04:03,170 --> 00:04:04,037 I got one. 91 00:04:04,072 --> 00:04:05,772 Kendra McNulty. 92 00:04:07,544 --> 00:04:08,911 Kendra McNulty. 93 00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:14,123 She was fine and she would've got that root. 94 00:04:14,895 --> 00:04:16,495 That was a God damn ball! 95 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,199 Those fucks paid off the ump again. 96 00:04:19,237 --> 00:04:20,336 Ed, stat me. 97 00:04:20,372 --> 00:04:24,109 Well according to this, "Dyke Piazza," you're 0 and 4 98 00:04:24,146 --> 00:04:25,947 for the entire day, so it looks like all that money 99 00:04:25,983 --> 00:04:27,317 you spent on glare protection is really 100 00:04:27,353 --> 00:04:28,386 working out for you. 101 00:04:28,423 --> 00:04:29,956 Bullshit! 102 00:04:31,261 --> 00:04:32,160 What the hell is this? 103 00:04:32,197 --> 00:04:34,064 It's a list of all the hottest girls 104 00:04:34,101 --> 00:04:36,169 we went to school with. 105 00:04:36,206 --> 00:04:37,172 Kendra McNulty? 106 00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:38,174 Please. 107 00:04:38,209 --> 00:04:40,277 You want to talk about fine middle school puss? 108 00:04:40,312 --> 00:04:42,113 Hayley Matthews. 109 00:04:43,319 --> 00:04:44,418 Yeah. 110 00:04:44,456 --> 00:04:46,323 Hayley Matthews, yo, that was the first girl in our 111 00:04:46,358 --> 00:04:47,557 grade to have sex, right? 112 00:04:47,595 --> 00:04:49,261 Hell yeah. She sucked off Danny Clarke 113 00:04:49,298 --> 00:04:50,398 on the 8th grade field trip. 114 00:04:50,434 --> 00:04:52,302 No, that was Mikey Milligan. 115 00:04:52,338 --> 00:04:53,971 How do you know? 116 00:04:54,007 --> 00:04:56,142 'Cause I was sitting in between them. 117 00:04:56,180 --> 00:04:59,150 She leaned over your dick to suck his? 118 00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:01,320 Oof. 119 00:05:01,357 --> 00:05:03,325 I cannot believe you let her do a flyover. 120 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,495 Next time a girl tries to do that? 121 00:05:05,533 --> 00:05:07,032 Air pocket. Bring her down. 122 00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:08,502 If I could do it all over again, I would have a 123 00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:10,307 vault of vag to dive into. 124 00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:12,044 They would call me Scrooge McFuck. 125 00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:14,480 I literally don't think anyone would call you that. 126 00:05:14,517 --> 00:05:16,285 A couple people might. 127 00:05:16,321 --> 00:05:17,987 You guys talking Duck Tales? 128 00:05:18,024 --> 00:05:22,127 Wait, apologies for getting you wet with a cartoon analogy. 129 00:05:22,165 --> 00:05:23,565 But can you please not interrupt serious 130 00:05:23,603 --> 00:05:25,305 conversations about pussy? 131 00:05:25,339 --> 00:05:26,438 Hey Denton, what do you think? 132 00:05:26,475 --> 00:05:27,942 You wanna send one of your ladies out here so we can 133 00:05:27,978 --> 00:05:29,144 end this and go home? 134 00:05:29,180 --> 00:05:30,379 I got hot yoga! 135 00:05:30,416 --> 00:05:32,016 I want him dead. 136 00:05:32,053 --> 00:05:34,956 Wiggins, get up there and smash the ball down that 137 00:05:34,992 --> 00:05:36,125 motherfucker's throat. 138 00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:37,495 Will do, coach. 139 00:05:37,531 --> 00:05:38,497 Here we go. 140 00:05:38,533 --> 00:05:40,098 Do it, Ken Spiffy Junior. 141 00:05:40,136 --> 00:05:41,838 Two for two. 142 00:05:45,449 --> 00:05:46,615 Good hustle, good hustle, Wiggins. 143 00:05:46,649 --> 00:05:47,480 Good hustle. 144 00:05:47,517 --> 00:05:49,084 Dropping dimes, Brandon. 145 00:05:49,122 --> 00:05:51,224 Now batting, Wiggins. 146 00:05:51,261 --> 00:05:52,260 Come on dude, really? 147 00:05:52,295 --> 00:05:53,928 You're gonna text during the game? 148 00:05:53,964 --> 00:05:55,397 It's called sexting you fucking nerd. 149 00:05:55,435 --> 00:05:56,668 Yeah? Is it pre-paid? 150 00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:59,408 No. It's unlimited like your mom. 151 00:06:00,413 --> 00:06:02,045 -Strike! -Shit! 152 00:06:02,081 --> 00:06:04,084 Jackson, you gotta chill dude. 153 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,086 Have you forgotten? 154 00:06:05,122 --> 00:06:06,588 When old man Lucas shuts down the video store, 155 00:06:06,625 --> 00:06:08,024 our team goes with it. 156 00:06:08,060 --> 00:06:10,195 Look at that old fuck out there. 157 00:06:10,233 --> 00:06:12,268 Rubbing our faces in his shit. 158 00:06:12,303 --> 00:06:14,504 Our faces right in his shit! 159 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:15,507 Eddie, honey. 160 00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:17,512 I just finished my work out, but I'm going to go 161 00:06:17,548 --> 00:06:18,480 pick up a six pack. 162 00:06:18,516 --> 00:06:20,082 We're still watching the game tonight, right? 163 00:06:20,119 --> 00:06:20,950 Absolutely, baby. 164 00:06:20,987 --> 00:06:21,954 -Alright. -Alright, see you tonight. 165 00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:23,189 Love you! 166 00:06:24,495 --> 00:06:26,663 I would totally go big on your wife. 167 00:06:26,699 --> 00:06:28,300 Strike three! 168 00:06:28,336 --> 00:06:29,902 Goin' down swinging, like your girlfriend 169 00:06:29,939 --> 00:06:31,205 on my dick last night. 170 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,044 Joke's on you, I don't have a girlfriend. 171 00:06:34,081 --> 00:06:35,480 Horribly embarrassing. 172 00:06:35,517 --> 00:06:36,450 Bring it in. 173 00:06:36,487 --> 00:06:37,686 You guys suck dick. 174 00:06:37,721 --> 00:06:41,525 Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, madam, fuck you... 175 00:06:41,564 --> 00:06:43,331 You so want to bone her. 176 00:06:43,367 --> 00:06:44,567 Always have. 177 00:06:44,603 --> 00:06:46,103 Always will. 178 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,541 Hey. 179 00:06:48,577 --> 00:06:50,445 You checking out my mom's ass, perverts? 180 00:06:50,483 --> 00:06:52,184 -Yeah. -No. 181 00:06:52,218 --> 00:06:53,451 I thought that was your step mom's ass. 182 00:06:53,488 --> 00:06:54,520 Fuck you, Jackson. 183 00:06:54,557 --> 00:06:55,322 You fucking Ewok. 184 00:06:55,358 --> 00:06:56,692 By the way, I saw your game today. 185 00:06:56,728 --> 00:06:58,329 0 for 4, nice. 186 00:06:58,365 --> 00:06:59,598 What's this? 187 00:07:00,603 --> 00:07:02,871 Hand that to me. 188 00:07:03,709 --> 00:07:05,075 You're making a list of all the girls you wish you 189 00:07:05,112 --> 00:07:06,211 fucked in school. 190 00:07:06,247 --> 00:07:07,913 That's hilarious, 'cause I have a list of girls I did 191 00:07:07,951 --> 00:07:09,251 fuck in school. Serge here's seen it. 192 00:07:09,286 --> 00:07:10,252 It's a big fuckin' list! 193 00:07:10,288 --> 00:07:12,991 Hey, Denton could fuck every girl on that list. 194 00:07:13,026 --> 00:07:14,426 Let the man speak. 195 00:07:14,464 --> 00:07:15,930 So you think Denton could get through this whole list? 196 00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:18,170 Every name? Could you do that, Denton? 197 00:07:18,206 --> 00:07:20,206 I didn't say anything, I... maybe her. 198 00:07:20,242 --> 00:07:22,344 God, I smell a bet coming on. 199 00:07:22,380 --> 00:07:24,114 I wish any of you fuckers had anything of value. 200 00:07:24,151 --> 00:07:24,916 Anything. 201 00:07:24,954 --> 00:07:27,221 I'd drain you for every penny. 202 00:07:27,257 --> 00:07:31,060 In the meantime, we've got a train to catch. 203 00:07:31,098 --> 00:07:32,565 Enjoy tickling each others' pussies, ladies. 204 00:07:32,603 --> 00:07:35,072 Pussy! 205 00:07:40,119 --> 00:07:42,154 Woo woo! 206 00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:49,866 This place is jumping. 207 00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:51,504 How do you have any movies left? 208 00:07:51,541 --> 00:07:52,740 What's up guys, how you doing? 209 00:07:52,778 --> 00:07:56,114 Good, we're just doing some man stuff around the corner. 210 00:07:56,151 --> 00:07:58,286 Figured we'd stop by, say what's up. 211 00:07:58,322 --> 00:07:59,019 'Sup. 212 00:07:59,057 --> 00:08:01,225 We still on for Taco Tuesdays? 213 00:08:01,262 --> 00:08:02,694 God, yes, please. 214 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:05,033 Nice. Any chance we can push that up a little bit? 215 00:08:05,069 --> 00:08:06,603 I have a training sesh at night. 216 00:08:06,639 --> 00:08:08,204 A training "sesh?" 217 00:08:08,242 --> 00:08:10,511 Yeah, it's short for session. 218 00:08:10,548 --> 00:08:11,146 Okay. 219 00:08:11,182 --> 00:08:12,615 Who you training tonight? 220 00:08:12,653 --> 00:08:14,621 I haven't decided yet. 221 00:08:14,656 --> 00:08:15,688 Hi! Hey, how's it going. 222 00:08:15,725 --> 00:08:16,524 How's it going? 223 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,129 Yeah. 224 00:08:19,163 --> 00:08:20,463 Why don't you smell that. 225 00:08:22,305 --> 00:08:23,771 Smell it. 226 00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:26,110 What does that smell like to you? 227 00:08:26,146 --> 00:08:27,445 Kind of like an envelope. 228 00:08:27,482 --> 00:08:30,152 It smells like a sweaty asshole. 229 00:08:30,187 --> 00:08:32,155 Here, try this one. 230 00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:37,332 Dude, all of your movies smell like a fuckin' asshole. 231 00:08:37,370 --> 00:08:39,605 -Smells like a butthole. -Really, I... 232 00:08:39,642 --> 00:08:42,110 Now my player smells like a fuckin' asshole. 233 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,781 You guys sitting on this shit? 234 00:08:45,687 --> 00:08:48,258 Delivery for Lucas Gourmet Condoms. 235 00:08:48,293 --> 00:08:50,094 You know what, actually that goes across 236 00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:51,596 the street to the company over there. 237 00:08:51,633 --> 00:08:54,100 They're not getting stuff here 'til the end of the summer. 238 00:08:54,135 --> 00:08:56,471 Those fuckers are getting packages here already? 239 00:08:56,509 --> 00:08:57,609 I don't give two shits. 240 00:08:57,644 --> 00:08:59,378 This is what it says on the package, 241 00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:01,014 this is where I'm dropping it. 242 00:09:01,051 --> 00:09:04,054 Hey, why don't you smell this thing? 243 00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:05,992 What does that smell like to you? 244 00:09:07,197 --> 00:09:08,264 Smells like... 245 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,168 wet dirty assholes. 246 00:09:12,375 --> 00:09:14,243 What the fuck are you guys doing here? 247 00:09:18,486 --> 00:09:20,521 Denton, what's up? 248 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:22,794 Hi, Br... 249 00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:23,595 Denise. 250 00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:26,200 That was close, you almost had it. 251 00:09:26,236 --> 00:09:28,471 Sorry, you guys are actually already having 252 00:09:28,509 --> 00:09:30,510 packages delivered to the video store. 253 00:09:30,547 --> 00:09:31,110 Sorry. 254 00:09:31,148 --> 00:09:32,279 Denise! 255 00:09:32,317 --> 00:09:33,650 One second. 256 00:09:34,386 --> 00:09:36,621 Okay, I'll send him back. 257 00:09:36,658 --> 00:09:37,658 Hey! 258 00:09:37,693 --> 00:09:38,826 Yes? 259 00:09:38,864 --> 00:09:40,163 Mr. Lucas wants to see you. 260 00:09:40,198 --> 00:09:41,298 He's in Brandon's office. 261 00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:42,533 Okay, just right around the corner. 262 00:09:42,571 --> 00:09:44,772 H-how does he know I'm here? 263 00:09:44,808 --> 00:09:48,380 'Cause they're watching, and you have your Taco 264 00:09:48,416 --> 00:09:51,419 Tuesday with your friends later at La Caba�a. 265 00:09:51,456 --> 00:09:54,125 H-how did you know that? 266 00:09:56,701 --> 00:09:58,234 Good luck with the old man, okay? 267 00:09:58,269 --> 00:09:59,269 It'll be fine. 268 00:10:05,251 --> 00:10:05,815 Hey! 269 00:10:05,851 --> 00:10:06,583 Denton! 270 00:10:06,620 --> 00:10:07,653 What's up, man? 271 00:10:07,688 --> 00:10:08,688 I meant to say congratulations 272 00:10:08,724 --> 00:10:10,224 on fucking Danielle. 273 00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:11,193 That's awesome. 274 00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:12,263 I didn't, I didn't. 275 00:10:12,298 --> 00:10:13,431 I'm sorry, wait, wait. 276 00:10:13,467 --> 00:10:14,265 That was me. 277 00:10:14,302 --> 00:10:15,369 I fucked her. Twice. 278 00:10:15,405 --> 00:10:16,338 We filmed it, actually. 279 00:10:16,374 --> 00:10:17,240 What was the movie called? 280 00:10:17,275 --> 00:10:19,610 "The Great Train Blowjobbery." 281 00:10:19,647 --> 00:10:21,581 Gimme all your cum, man! 282 00:10:21,619 --> 00:10:23,921 Did Danielle know you that you were filming her? 283 00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,389 What are you, fucking stupid? 284 00:10:25,427 --> 00:10:27,327 Like we asked permission to film her? 285 00:10:27,363 --> 00:10:28,194 Train porno. 286 00:10:28,231 --> 00:10:29,798 It's the world's fastest growing fetish. 287 00:10:29,836 --> 00:10:32,504 We're the Lucas and Sergeberg of the genre. 288 00:10:32,541 --> 00:10:35,278 "Shagheart Express," "Missionary: Possible," 289 00:10:35,313 --> 00:10:36,679 "Me Hard On The Orient Express." 290 00:10:36,716 --> 00:10:38,384 "Trains, Planes, and Cock Is Your Meal." 291 00:10:38,419 --> 00:10:39,451 Fucking classics, bro. 292 00:10:39,488 --> 00:10:40,253 Amen, sister. 293 00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:43,427 Tell him Mr. Lucas said "fuck you!" 294 00:10:44,364 --> 00:10:45,764 Denton. 295 00:10:45,801 --> 00:10:47,869 I'm glad you came by. 296 00:10:47,904 --> 00:10:48,870 It's a big day, man. 297 00:10:48,907 --> 00:10:52,244 After my groundbreaking career in the flavored 298 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:56,384 jimmy biz, I'll be retiring at the end of the summer. 299 00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:58,859 So Brandon's you're new point person in regards to 300 00:10:58,894 --> 00:10:59,927 the takeover. 301 00:10:59,964 --> 00:11:03,634 Now I want my product in that bullshit video store 302 00:11:03,672 --> 00:11:04,638 within ninety days. 303 00:11:04,673 --> 00:11:05,872 Yes, sir. 304 00:11:05,909 --> 00:11:08,478 We've started our move out and we will be out on time. 305 00:11:08,515 --> 00:11:09,682 You damn well better. 306 00:11:09,716 --> 00:11:12,254 You know, you should've just closed that shithole today. 307 00:11:12,291 --> 00:11:14,525 I mean, what the hell have you wasted your whole damn 308 00:11:14,561 --> 00:11:16,429 life for in there? 309 00:11:16,466 --> 00:11:19,570 Well it means something to me, sir. 310 00:11:22,442 --> 00:11:25,013 I can remember all of the best times growing up 311 00:11:25,048 --> 00:11:27,283 going to that video store and... 312 00:11:27,321 --> 00:11:28,921 I made all my best friends there. 313 00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:31,759 And I know people don't rent at a video store anymore. 314 00:11:31,796 --> 00:11:38,775 I know that's kinda in the past, but it's made me who I am. 315 00:11:38,811 --> 00:11:39,910 A huge pussy. 316 00:11:39,946 --> 00:11:40,912 Shit! 317 00:11:40,948 --> 00:11:42,048 Hit him with the low, dog. 318 00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:50,031 Alright, alright. Son, you're either born a loser or a winner. 319 00:11:50,067 --> 00:11:51,868 Take Brandon here. 320 00:11:51,904 --> 00:11:55,842 The day his momma shit him out of her vag hole... 321 00:11:55,879 --> 00:11:57,513 God rest her soul. 322 00:11:57,548 --> 00:11:58,716 He hit the ground a winner. 323 00:11:58,753 --> 00:12:00,821 Now, Serge on the other hand. 324 00:12:00,856 --> 00:12:02,222 I'm a real fuck up. 325 00:12:03,561 --> 00:12:07,499 Well, let me tell you what success is. 326 00:12:08,304 --> 00:12:12,043 You see, I wake up in the morning, I slam me down a 327 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:13,948 Red Bull and some vodka. 328 00:12:13,982 --> 00:12:15,816 Go clubbing with some young poon. 329 00:12:15,854 --> 00:12:17,655 Take me some viagras. 330 00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:21,461 And at the end of the night, I squeeze me some 331 00:12:21,499 --> 00:12:25,537 of the finest little young tatas money can buy. 332 00:12:25,575 --> 00:12:27,309 They're very big. 333 00:12:27,345 --> 00:12:31,384 You see, I can smells success. 334 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:36,692 Just like the old man? 335 00:12:36,730 --> 00:12:39,334 Not a friggin' wiff of it on you. 336 00:12:39,903 --> 00:12:42,337 You know what? 337 00:12:42,375 --> 00:12:44,410 Give these to your old man. 338 00:12:44,446 --> 00:12:46,848 That's barbeque flavor, that's his favorite. 339 00:12:48,019 --> 00:12:50,355 Give him something. 340 00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:51,625 Anything. 341 00:12:52,831 --> 00:12:56,369 As far as you two, don't forget, promotional party tonight. 342 00:12:56,404 --> 00:12:57,737 Peppermint Zebra. 343 00:12:57,774 --> 00:12:59,475 First lap dance is on me. 344 00:12:59,511 --> 00:13:00,610 Yeah, daddy! 345 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:03,617 The second lap dance is on me, too! 346 00:13:05,355 --> 00:13:06,989 Honey, it's 1 o'clock. 347 00:13:07,025 --> 00:13:09,495 It's time for our couples' mani-pedi. 348 00:13:10,032 --> 00:13:10,965 Hi, Denton. 349 00:13:11,001 --> 00:13:12,067 Hi, Kirsten. 350 00:13:12,102 --> 00:13:13,435 Hey, it's Mrs. Lucas to you. 351 00:13:13,472 --> 00:13:14,673 Mhm. 352 00:13:15,778 --> 00:13:17,946 Mani-pedi headache here we go. 353 00:13:17,981 --> 00:13:19,448 Woo! 354 00:13:19,885 --> 00:13:21,853 Baker! 355 00:13:21,890 --> 00:13:23,024 Where the fuck you think you're going? 356 00:13:23,058 --> 00:13:23,890 Sit down. 357 00:13:24,697 --> 00:13:27,865 Are you done being mean to me? 358 00:13:27,903 --> 00:13:29,671 I got a present for you. 359 00:13:32,780 --> 00:13:34,079 It's a go, bitch. 360 00:13:34,115 --> 00:13:36,418 You tell your little butt buddies at that stupid 361 00:13:36,455 --> 00:13:39,158 video store that the CEO of Lucas' Gourmet Condoms 362 00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:40,726 signed off on everything. 363 00:13:40,761 --> 00:13:41,827 Rosenburg drew it up in legal. 364 00:13:41,865 --> 00:13:43,967 He's a Jew so I assume it's binding and everything. 365 00:13:44,001 --> 00:13:45,534 You know? 366 00:13:45,572 --> 00:13:47,673 I'm gonna watch you fail and I'm gonna love every 367 00:13:47,711 --> 00:13:48,576 second of it. 368 00:13:48,613 --> 00:13:55,525 Every damn second of it. 369 00:13:57,999 --> 00:13:58,931 Is that... Did you... 370 00:13:58,966 --> 00:14:00,198 Can I go now? 371 00:14:00,235 --> 00:14:01,735 Get the fuck out of here. 372 00:14:02,139 --> 00:14:03,908 Let's the game begin. 373 00:14:05,613 --> 00:14:07,582 -Cocksmoker! -Better. 374 00:14:13,464 --> 00:14:16,100 What the hell is this? 375 00:14:16,136 --> 00:14:17,535 There he is! 376 00:14:17,572 --> 00:14:19,907 That you, lucky motherfucker, is a legal 377 00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,140 and binding document. 378 00:14:21,179 --> 00:14:23,447 That's right. Me and Jackson sat down with Lucas' legal team 379 00:14:23,482 --> 00:14:25,450 this morning and hammered out all the details. 380 00:14:25,488 --> 00:14:27,690 I have to sleep with twelve girls this summer 381 00:14:27,726 --> 00:14:29,694 or the Lucas' get my house? 382 00:14:29,730 --> 00:14:32,701 Well, you're renting your house to that asshole, Bob. 383 00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:34,806 Technically, you live in the garage. 384 00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:35,907 What are you guys lawyers now? 385 00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:38,980 Well I actually had a lawyer look over the details. 386 00:14:44,126 --> 00:14:46,161 Hello! Offices of Charles McDee. 387 00:14:46,198 --> 00:14:48,801 And he may or may not be my uncle. 388 00:14:48,836 --> 00:14:51,038 A contract? 389 00:14:51,073 --> 00:14:56,149 Yeah, yeah. 390 00:14:56,184 --> 00:14:58,019 You good, man. You're good. 391 00:14:58,056 --> 00:14:58,754 But don't worry, man. 392 00:14:58,791 --> 00:15:00,926 We did all the legwork for you. 393 00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:06,035 My god. 394 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:10,477 That, my friend, is nine of your school crushes. 395 00:15:10,514 --> 00:15:13,150 You actually picked out most of them yourself. 396 00:15:13,187 --> 00:15:15,456 Wait, what are the two empty slots for? 397 00:15:15,491 --> 00:15:17,693 You get to pick the two wild card bitches. 398 00:15:17,730 --> 00:15:19,730 That's right. As long as we can prove you went to school 399 00:15:19,768 --> 00:15:22,202 with them, you can decide whoever you want. 400 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,043 Well now I think it's time for a celebratory shake. 401 00:15:25,077 --> 00:15:26,511 -Gentlemen? Yeah? -No. 402 00:15:26,549 --> 00:15:28,617 100% alright. Thanks though. 403 00:15:28,653 --> 00:15:30,553 What the fuck's going on here? 404 00:15:30,591 --> 00:15:31,823 -Sorry, Bob. -Sorry, Bob. 405 00:15:31,857 --> 00:15:34,159 Sorry is right, you sorry motherfuckers. 406 00:15:34,197 --> 00:15:36,899 What's those white bitches doing on the wall? 407 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,237 These are all the girls that Denton went to school with? 408 00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:40,605 Yeah, he's gonna fuck them. 409 00:15:40,643 --> 00:15:41,408 He's gonna fuck them? 410 00:15:41,446 --> 00:15:42,812 That guy is going to fuck them? 411 00:15:42,847 --> 00:15:44,046 He's going to get fucked? 412 00:15:44,085 --> 00:15:46,052 You don't necessarily have to sleep with them so you know. 413 00:15:46,086 --> 00:15:48,288 No, you just gotta bust a fat nut. 414 00:15:48,326 --> 00:15:49,525 It doesn't matter how. 415 00:15:49,561 --> 00:15:51,830 Handy, beej, missionary. 416 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,871 Old country, doggie, bukkake. 417 00:15:54,907 --> 00:15:56,908 Gang bang, facial, 69. 418 00:15:56,943 --> 00:15:58,812 Cum dump truck, shitty kitty. 419 00:15:58,847 --> 00:15:59,913 Yo, I like that one. 420 00:15:59,951 --> 00:16:01,618 Shitty kitty, shitty kitty. 421 00:16:01,654 --> 00:16:02,954 Or Siberian jizzsicle. 422 00:16:02,990 --> 00:16:03,856 You know what I like? 423 00:16:03,892 --> 00:16:05,960 Fucking Nigerian cocksicle. 424 00:16:05,996 --> 00:16:07,129 That's what I like. 425 00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:10,201 The drill this shit out of your big dry fucking asses. 426 00:16:10,238 --> 00:16:11,036 -Bye, Bob. -Bye, Bob. 427 00:16:11,072 --> 00:16:13,173 -Thanks. -Fuck you. 428 00:16:13,211 --> 00:16:14,879 That's right. We just need to have solid evidence 429 00:16:14,914 --> 00:16:15,745 of each hookup. 430 00:16:15,783 --> 00:16:17,115 Guys, I can't do this. 431 00:16:17,153 --> 00:16:19,053 This is your chance, D. 432 00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:21,759 Your biological cock is ticking, man. 433 00:16:21,794 --> 00:16:24,731 Dude, if you do this, you get 100% of the Lucas 434 00:16:24,768 --> 00:16:26,201 Gourmet Condom company. 435 00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:27,067 You get everything. 436 00:16:27,106 --> 00:16:29,073 All associated properties and holdings. 437 00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:32,880 The video store stays open and we can still play ball. 438 00:16:32,918 --> 00:16:35,855 Can't lose the team, D. 439 00:16:35,892 --> 00:16:38,326 Jackson might kill himself. 440 00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:41,836 And after what Mr. Lucas did to your dad. 441 00:16:43,673 --> 00:16:45,240 Think about it. 442 00:16:55,230 --> 00:16:56,331 Hey, champ. 443 00:16:56,366 --> 00:16:58,267 Hey, Mr. Blossy. How you doing? 444 00:16:58,303 --> 00:17:00,105 -Hey, kid. -Hi. 445 00:17:00,142 --> 00:17:02,076 Is your dad home? 446 00:17:02,113 --> 00:17:03,245 Nope. 447 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,082 Don't think he's, no. 448 00:17:05,118 --> 00:17:06,684 Is everything okay? 449 00:17:06,721 --> 00:17:08,789 No, no. 450 00:17:09,694 --> 00:17:14,869 Your dad's been stealing my son's Legos. 451 00:17:14,904 --> 00:17:16,171 What? 452 00:17:16,207 --> 00:17:17,774 Are you sure? 453 00:17:17,811 --> 00:17:19,579 I've been picking them up all day. 454 00:17:19,614 --> 00:17:20,613 Legos. 455 00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:23,117 From my house to your house. 456 00:17:23,154 --> 00:17:24,320 He's... 457 00:17:24,357 --> 00:17:25,957 He's had a rough go of it. 458 00:17:25,993 --> 00:17:28,730 Well I think he's getting worse. 459 00:17:43,198 --> 00:17:45,099 Maybe those assholes were right. 460 00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:47,969 Fuck yeah we are. 461 00:17:48,007 --> 00:17:49,307 Get up, man. 462 00:17:49,343 --> 00:17:50,409 You got chicks to do. 463 00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:53,682 Wait a minute, what is Scott Quaker doing up there? 464 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,055 You're gonna laugh at this. 465 00:17:56,088 --> 00:17:58,256 He's actually one of your dates. 466 00:17:58,295 --> 00:17:59,961 -No! No, no. -Okay, look! 467 00:17:59,998 --> 00:18:02,066 For two of the dates you only have to kiss. 468 00:18:02,102 --> 00:18:04,104 It's supposed to be twelve girls. 469 00:18:04,140 --> 00:18:06,676 You and Snot Shaker were inseparable in the third grade. 470 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:08,243 Everybody knows you had a crush on him. 471 00:18:08,281 --> 00:18:08,980 Lucas wouldn't budge. 472 00:18:09,017 --> 00:18:10,115 I didn't have a crush on him. 473 00:18:10,152 --> 00:18:12,955 Listen, guys didn't even like girls in the third grade. 474 00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:14,759 I loved pussy in the third grade. 475 00:18:14,796 --> 00:18:15,761 Ask Wiggins. 476 00:18:15,798 --> 00:18:17,364 Yeah, it was pretty gross. 477 00:18:17,401 --> 00:18:19,135 Here's the docs here for your first date. 478 00:18:19,172 --> 00:18:20,837 We pick the sluttiest one first. 479 00:18:20,874 --> 00:18:23,108 Seventh grade, Haley Matthews? 480 00:18:23,146 --> 00:18:26,016 I haven't even talked to her in like fifteen years. 481 00:18:26,051 --> 00:18:27,852 Surprise again. 482 00:18:27,888 --> 00:18:30,357 You've actually been talking to her all day online. 483 00:18:30,394 --> 00:18:31,661 We told her you ride a Harley though because 484 00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:32,628 she's into bad boys. 485 00:18:32,665 --> 00:18:35,868 You sold me as a bad boy to Haley Matthews? 486 00:18:35,904 --> 00:18:38,173 How am I actually gonna impress a girl like that? 487 00:18:38,211 --> 00:18:40,814 This, Denton, clearly isn't doing the trick. 488 00:18:40,849 --> 00:18:41,647 Fuck no. 489 00:18:41,683 --> 00:18:43,451 But, I mean, what's wrong with me? 490 00:18:43,488 --> 00:18:44,988 I'm fine, right? 491 00:18:45,025 --> 00:18:47,862 Okay, I guess I'll start.... 492 00:18:47,897 --> 00:18:50,701 You don't put any product in your hair. 493 00:18:50,737 --> 00:18:51,836 You're always talking about bands that 494 00:18:51,873 --> 00:18:53,038 no one's ever heard of. 495 00:18:53,074 --> 00:18:56,678 Like I'm sorry, guys, but who the fuck is Black Sabbath? 496 00:18:57,317 --> 00:19:00,086 Yeah, man. You live in a garage. 497 00:19:00,122 --> 00:19:03,660 Wiggins, you live in a garage with me. 498 00:19:03,695 --> 00:19:05,163 Yeah. 499 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,769 You're gonna have to shave your shaft. 500 00:19:07,804 --> 00:19:11,075 Your taint, your grundle, your satchel page. 501 00:19:11,111 --> 00:19:13,747 You gotta be as bald as a Scandinavian turtle. 502 00:19:13,782 --> 00:19:14,715 It's gotta fucking shine. 503 00:19:14,751 --> 00:19:17,253 I gotta see my face in your right nut, man. 504 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,994 Look, I'm dressed like a Crip's stepfather right now. 505 00:19:21,031 --> 00:19:22,097 Does it matter? 506 00:19:22,134 --> 00:19:24,469 No, because I'm confident. 507 00:19:24,507 --> 00:19:26,475 You just gotta be confident in who you are. 508 00:19:26,509 --> 00:19:29,981 Or in this case, who you are not. 509 00:19:34,894 --> 00:19:37,329 Look man, I get it. 510 00:19:37,365 --> 00:19:39,433 You're in a rut. 511 00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:41,972 Are you gonna do something about it? 512 00:19:42,009 --> 00:19:44,747 If you're not gonna do it for you... 513 00:19:52,530 --> 00:19:54,065 Alright, let's do it. 514 00:19:54,099 --> 00:19:55,398 -Fuck yeah. -Nice. 515 00:20:11,269 --> 00:20:12,935 Hi... 516 00:20:13,441 --> 00:20:16,277 I'm sorry, is this 264 Pacific? 517 00:20:16,313 --> 00:20:17,813 Denton! 518 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,367 -Hi. -Hi, Hailey! 519 00:20:28,404 --> 00:20:30,240 My god, you look so great. 520 00:20:30,276 --> 00:20:33,446 You look, I can't tell. 521 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,481 I know, right? I mean, who would've thought? 522 00:20:35,519 --> 00:20:36,818 Not me. 523 00:20:40,296 --> 00:20:41,394 Where's your Harley? 524 00:20:41,431 --> 00:20:44,537 Yeah, it's in the shop. 525 00:20:44,538 --> 00:20:47,208 Seat's broken. 526 00:20:47,242 --> 00:20:49,211 Well, we're all ready to go. 527 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:50,914 We? 528 00:21:33,172 --> 00:21:35,909 Rolling Rocks tonight, baby! 529 00:21:46,097 --> 00:21:47,530 My therapist thought it would be a good idea if I 530 00:21:47,567 --> 00:21:49,302 had a major life change. 531 00:21:49,338 --> 00:21:50,704 So here I am. 532 00:21:50,741 --> 00:21:52,375 This was... 533 00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:53,344 This is a big one. 534 00:21:57,623 --> 00:22:02,128 Yeah, started a pretty sweet softball team with my buddies. 535 00:22:02,164 --> 00:22:06,404 My dad's building a woman out of Legos. 536 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,149 I sell my sperm at a sperm bank. 537 00:22:12,184 --> 00:22:14,153 I thought you were a cage fighter. 538 00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:18,861 Yeah. 539 00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:20,499 Here's the interesting part of the story. 540 00:22:20,535 --> 00:22:22,168 Well... 541 00:22:22,204 --> 00:22:25,009 The best part of the story is coming right now. 542 00:22:25,046 --> 00:22:27,480 I was living in this apartment and there was 543 00:22:27,518 --> 00:22:34,194 this old Asian handyman who taught me to 544 00:22:34,231 --> 00:22:38,704 paint fences and wash cars. 545 00:22:38,740 --> 00:22:40,541 Stuff like that. 546 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,084 So you know what? 547 00:22:45,121 --> 00:22:47,523 I was like, this sucks. 548 00:22:47,558 --> 00:22:51,596 Being a teen with problems and no direction, this is 549 00:22:51,633 --> 00:22:53,299 not the life I want. 550 00:22:53,336 --> 00:22:56,272 But you know, turns out he was a martial arts master 551 00:22:56,309 --> 00:22:59,113 and he taught me a few things. 552 00:22:59,150 --> 00:23:01,251 A blonde kid with feathered hair gave me a 553 00:23:01,287 --> 00:23:03,255 rash of shit and I was like... 554 00:23:03,290 --> 00:23:06,028 Let's enter a tournament together of karate. 555 00:23:06,064 --> 00:23:11,272 And I craned kicked him in the face. 556 00:23:11,307 --> 00:23:14,009 And that sorta thing just, you know, naturally leads 557 00:23:14,047 --> 00:23:16,115 to cage fighting. 558 00:23:16,152 --> 00:23:17,384 That's so cool. 559 00:23:17,421 --> 00:23:18,553 Yeah. 560 00:23:18,589 --> 00:23:19,689 What's your finishing move? 561 00:23:20,594 --> 00:23:24,698 Finishing move, finishing move is the... 562 00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:28,507 head butt to the nuts. 563 00:23:28,544 --> 00:23:31,213 Yeah, I get a handful of those nards and just 564 00:23:31,249 --> 00:23:33,049 boom, boom, boom, boom. 565 00:23:33,085 --> 00:23:35,086 Six or seven times... 566 00:23:37,494 --> 00:23:42,400 So you have a girlfriend or a wife or something? 567 00:23:42,439 --> 00:23:44,307 Nah, I don't need the ag. You know? 568 00:23:44,343 --> 00:23:50,821 Yeah, it's just my chopper, cage, and tats. 569 00:23:50,856 --> 00:23:51,721 Tattoos? 570 00:23:51,758 --> 00:23:52,790 Yup, yup. 571 00:23:52,827 --> 00:23:54,461 Yeah, it's a full back piece. 572 00:23:54,498 --> 00:23:57,668 Yeah, hour's work. It's a yakuza tattoo. 573 00:23:57,701 --> 00:24:00,238 Yeah, but instead of a samurai, 574 00:24:00,275 --> 00:24:02,343 it's Arnold Schwarzenegger. 575 00:24:02,378 --> 00:24:07,453 Squat thrusting Mars. 576 00:24:07,490 --> 00:24:09,692 I've got to see that. 577 00:24:09,729 --> 00:24:10,760 Sorry, I can't, baby. 578 00:24:10,797 --> 00:24:11,663 No, can't do it. 579 00:24:11,698 --> 00:24:12,663 What? 580 00:24:12,700 --> 00:24:15,504 Yeah, it melted off in the explosion when I was 581 00:24:15,540 --> 00:24:16,506 escaping the state pen. 582 00:24:16,542 --> 00:24:20,747 My god, that is so hot. 583 00:24:25,260 --> 00:24:26,159 What is it? 584 00:24:26,195 --> 00:24:28,530 The sisters warned me this could happen. 585 00:24:29,703 --> 00:24:31,672 What? What could happen? 586 00:24:35,715 --> 00:24:37,349 Sisters. 587 00:24:38,421 --> 00:24:42,860 I will never forget the time we've spent together. 588 00:24:42,896 --> 00:24:45,197 Your life lessons and blessings will stay with 589 00:24:45,233 --> 00:24:48,504 me all the days of my life. 590 00:24:48,540 --> 00:24:52,544 Unfortunately, the exorcism performed on my 591 00:24:52,583 --> 00:24:56,521 devil pussy has failed. 592 00:24:58,662 --> 00:25:01,332 I want you to fuck me until I tap out. 593 00:25:01,368 --> 00:25:03,669 Holy shit. 594 00:25:03,705 --> 00:25:04,771 Hallelujah. 595 00:25:04,809 --> 00:25:06,811 Hallelujah! 596 00:25:08,217 --> 00:25:09,850 Your knee's on my neck. 597 00:25:09,885 --> 00:25:11,118 I'm sorry. 598 00:25:22,746 --> 00:25:24,581 Eleven to go, boys! 599 00:25:24,616 --> 00:25:25,682 -Yes! -Yes! 600 00:25:25,719 --> 00:25:26,317 Nice. 601 00:25:26,354 --> 00:25:28,489 Details, details, details! 602 00:25:28,525 --> 00:25:29,457 It was not real. 603 00:25:29,493 --> 00:25:31,762 She did like porno stuff. 604 00:25:31,798 --> 00:25:32,629 Of course. 605 00:25:32,666 --> 00:25:33,599 Butthole? 606 00:25:35,538 --> 00:25:37,172 Yours? 607 00:25:38,778 --> 00:25:41,548 Butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole, 608 00:25:41,584 --> 00:25:43,485 butthole, butthole! 609 00:25:45,424 --> 00:25:46,657 Yeah! 610 00:25:46,694 --> 00:25:49,196 Big D's gonna go big over all you bitches. 611 00:25:50,938 --> 00:25:51,736 It's everywhere. 612 00:25:51,772 --> 00:25:53,238 It's in your mouth. 613 00:25:53,273 --> 00:25:54,773 It's in your fucking mouth. 614 00:25:56,582 --> 00:25:58,550 I would tongue kiss Leo DiCaprio. 615 00:25:58,586 --> 00:25:59,619 What are you saying? 616 00:25:59,655 --> 00:26:02,259 He has supple lips, it's possible that whenever... 617 00:26:04,599 --> 00:26:06,467 D, straight up now tell me. 618 00:26:06,502 --> 00:26:08,737 Did you really fuck clap trap Matthews? 619 00:26:08,775 --> 00:26:09,740 That's disgusting. 620 00:26:09,778 --> 00:26:11,144 Hope you double bagged it, man. 621 00:26:11,180 --> 00:26:13,883 But because I'm a gentlemen and a scholar, 622 00:26:13,917 --> 00:26:15,852 I got you a little present. 623 00:26:15,890 --> 00:26:17,456 Rain jimmies on this bitch. 624 00:26:17,491 --> 00:26:18,557 No. Come on. 625 00:26:18,595 --> 00:26:19,729 Just stop it. 626 00:26:20,799 --> 00:26:23,167 Hey, gram this. I wanna keep it. 627 00:26:24,472 --> 00:26:25,705 Hashtag blessed. 628 00:26:25,741 --> 00:26:28,912 Hashtag clean these up you fucking idiots. 629 00:26:32,321 --> 00:26:34,924 Wiggins, hand me a condom. 630 00:26:37,232 --> 00:26:39,969 Brussel sprouts or Thai Sweet Chili? 631 00:26:40,005 --> 00:26:43,843 Thai Sweet Chili. 632 00:26:48,522 --> 00:26:49,655 Alright, guys. 633 00:26:49,692 --> 00:26:53,696 Let's throw some greenery on that scenery for Destiny. 634 00:26:53,733 --> 00:26:55,601 Welcome to church, gentlemen. 635 00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:01,346 Remember, Ed said smart girls want to be hot and 636 00:27:01,383 --> 00:27:03,684 hot girls want to be smart. 637 00:27:04,387 --> 00:27:05,486 What the fuck does Ed know? 638 00:27:05,525 --> 00:27:07,360 He's home with his wife. 639 00:27:53,324 --> 00:27:56,294 You must be really good at math to be able to count 640 00:27:56,329 --> 00:27:57,797 up all those ones. 641 00:27:57,833 --> 00:27:58,798 Yeah, I guess. 642 00:27:58,835 --> 00:28:01,805 I mean, it can be really hard to keep track of 643 00:28:01,842 --> 00:28:05,713 especially if people throw in fives when they really like me. 644 00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:07,550 That's a valid point. 645 00:28:07,586 --> 00:28:09,320 Did you wanna get a lap dance? 646 00:28:09,355 --> 00:28:11,523 They're two for one right now. 647 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,029 That means that you get two lap dances, but you 648 00:28:14,066 --> 00:28:15,900 only pay for one. 649 00:28:15,935 --> 00:28:18,805 You are good at math. That's... 650 00:28:18,842 --> 00:28:20,844 I would love one. 651 00:28:20,881 --> 00:28:22,047 Two. 652 00:28:36,046 --> 00:28:39,584 I've just received news from the other side. 653 00:28:39,618 --> 00:28:42,423 The dark lord has special instructions for us. 654 00:28:42,459 --> 00:28:44,560 No, how's he doing? 655 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,437 He's well and says thank you for asking. 656 00:28:50,541 --> 00:28:52,076 You're welcome. 657 00:28:52,112 --> 00:28:53,980 You're welcome. 658 00:28:57,020 --> 00:28:59,723 I'm getting a message from the dark lord himself 659 00:28:59,759 --> 00:29:01,326 right now. 660 00:29:01,364 --> 00:29:02,463 What news does he bring? 661 00:29:07,442 --> 00:29:11,379 He says that we should consummate our unholy 662 00:29:11,417 --> 00:29:16,090 tryst on this unhallowed ground this very eve. 663 00:29:16,128 --> 00:29:17,761 -He does? -Mhm, yes. 664 00:29:17,798 --> 00:29:19,500 Yes, he does. 665 00:29:21,873 --> 00:29:23,641 Then you must be the chosen one. 666 00:29:23,676 --> 00:29:26,111 I am totally that guy. 667 00:29:26,148 --> 00:29:28,583 Then we must commence this ritual immediately. 668 00:29:28,619 --> 00:29:29,752 Okay. 669 00:29:29,788 --> 00:29:31,355 Here, put this on. 670 00:29:31,393 --> 00:29:33,094 The neighbors are always complaining about the noise. 671 00:29:33,130 --> 00:29:34,663 It'll just take a minute. 672 00:29:40,579 --> 00:29:41,745 Don't worry. 673 00:29:41,780 --> 00:29:43,682 It only hurts a little bit. 674 00:30:25,605 --> 00:30:27,172 You ready? 675 00:30:27,209 --> 00:30:28,476 You ready? 676 00:30:31,719 --> 00:30:32,517 Let's go. 677 00:30:48,551 --> 00:30:50,017 Carly. 678 00:30:50,054 --> 00:30:50,952 Carly. 679 00:30:50,990 --> 00:30:52,124 Hey. 680 00:31:21,989 --> 00:31:23,856 That's a big dragon? 681 00:31:23,892 --> 00:31:25,860 These are big sharp teeth? 682 00:31:26,798 --> 00:31:28,064 What does he say? 683 00:31:28,099 --> 00:31:30,736 -Rawr! -Rawr! 684 00:31:31,942 --> 00:31:32,640 Excuse me, sir. 685 00:31:32,676 --> 00:31:33,609 Can I help you with something? 686 00:31:33,644 --> 00:31:36,248 No, I'm just checking out this hot chick. 687 00:31:37,653 --> 00:31:38,720 You know what? 688 00:31:38,756 --> 00:31:39,989 No, no, I love kids. 689 00:31:40,026 --> 00:31:41,125 I don't love... 690 00:31:41,161 --> 00:31:42,795 They love... 691 00:31:43,199 --> 00:31:45,968 Sh... Hey! 692 00:31:46,005 --> 00:31:47,172 Hi. 693 00:31:48,074 --> 00:31:50,075 My god, Denton? 694 00:31:50,112 --> 00:31:52,614 - My god. - Denton Baker? 695 00:31:52,651 --> 00:31:55,053 From Abrams Elementary, right? 696 00:31:55,088 --> 00:31:56,121 Yeah, Amanda Morrison. 697 00:31:56,159 --> 00:31:59,162 Look at... You got tall. 698 00:31:59,196 --> 00:32:01,198 You're, you're big. 699 00:32:03,138 --> 00:32:04,237 God, that is crazy. 700 00:32:04,276 --> 00:32:06,678 I can't believe you still hang out with those guys. 701 00:32:06,713 --> 00:32:09,817 What is Jackson up to? 702 00:32:09,853 --> 00:32:13,624 Jackson thinks he's a personal trainer. 703 00:32:14,364 --> 00:32:16,664 -Wait, what? -Yeah, yeah. 704 00:32:16,700 --> 00:32:17,799 He got in shape? 705 00:32:17,836 --> 00:32:19,202 No, no, he did not. 706 00:32:19,239 --> 00:32:21,607 He just he works the graveyard shift at the 707 00:32:21,644 --> 00:32:22,911 24-hour gym. 708 00:32:22,946 --> 00:32:25,248 So like one person comes in and he's like I'm 709 00:32:25,285 --> 00:32:26,784 personally training them. 710 00:32:26,819 --> 00:32:28,019 Okay, that makes more sense. 711 00:32:28,057 --> 00:32:29,289 Yeah. 712 00:32:29,326 --> 00:32:30,826 What about you? 713 00:32:30,862 --> 00:32:31,928 What have you been up to? 714 00:32:31,965 --> 00:32:32,964 Where are you working now? 715 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:37,941 I got into cage fighting. 716 00:32:37,978 --> 00:32:39,913 Really? Cage like... 717 00:32:42,688 --> 00:32:44,187 No, you didn't. 718 00:32:44,223 --> 00:32:46,625 Seriously, where are you working? 719 00:32:46,663 --> 00:32:48,832 Actually I'm in the movie business. 720 00:32:49,335 --> 00:32:51,068 That's even worse than cage fighting. 721 00:32:51,105 --> 00:32:53,240 Well, it's kinda true. 722 00:32:53,277 --> 00:32:55,846 I still work at Video Fun Time. 723 00:32:55,881 --> 00:32:56,948 Really? 724 00:32:56,984 --> 00:32:58,083 Still? 725 00:32:58,121 --> 00:32:59,254 Yeah. 726 00:32:59,288 --> 00:33:00,487 Well, not for much longer actually because the Lucas' 727 00:33:00,525 --> 00:33:05,163 bought out the building for their gourmet condom business. 728 00:33:06,169 --> 00:33:07,134 That is... 729 00:33:07,171 --> 00:33:09,606 -That's disgusting. -Yeah. 730 00:33:10,911 --> 00:33:13,346 Well this is me. 731 00:33:13,384 --> 00:33:18,992 So super cool bumping into you, Denton. 732 00:33:20,132 --> 00:33:22,100 You know what? 733 00:33:22,136 --> 00:33:25,608 Would you wanna continue this conversation sometime? 734 00:33:26,913 --> 00:33:28,079 Nope. 735 00:33:28,983 --> 00:33:30,149 Is that a... 736 00:33:30,185 --> 00:33:31,251 -What... -Yes. 737 00:33:32,191 --> 00:33:33,790 Yeah, I'd love to catch up some more. 738 00:33:33,826 --> 00:33:34,925 Cool, cool. 739 00:33:34,961 --> 00:33:38,164 How's 8 tonight? Is that... 740 00:33:38,202 --> 00:33:40,003 Yeah, sure! 741 00:33:40,038 --> 00:33:42,307 We can get that cup of coffee. 742 00:33:42,912 --> 00:33:44,278 Cool. 743 00:33:45,084 --> 00:33:46,717 Here, let me... 744 00:33:53,134 --> 00:33:54,733 Meet me here. 745 00:33:57,476 --> 00:33:59,009 Stop looking at my cock, man. 746 00:33:59,046 --> 00:33:59,811 I'm not. 747 00:33:59,847 --> 00:34:01,715 You're peeing on the bathroom side. 748 00:34:01,751 --> 00:34:04,019 I'm doing dishes on the right side. 749 00:34:05,157 --> 00:34:06,657 Where the fuck have you been? 750 00:34:06,695 --> 00:34:07,862 Well I'm sorry, Schwartzkopf. 751 00:34:07,896 --> 00:34:09,764 I was busy playing stalker at the daycare. 752 00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:11,701 In fact, I'm lucky I didn't get arrested. 753 00:34:11,737 --> 00:34:13,237 Yeah, that Morrison chick. 754 00:34:13,275 --> 00:34:14,775 How's she looking nowadays? 755 00:34:15,846 --> 00:34:16,778 Great, yeah. 756 00:34:16,815 --> 00:34:18,817 She seems really cool, too. 757 00:34:18,851 --> 00:34:19,851 Yeah? How'd you hit that? 758 00:34:19,889 --> 00:34:20,921 HJ? 759 00:34:20,956 --> 00:34:22,089 No, I did not. 760 00:34:22,126 --> 00:34:23,025 You know, BJ? 761 00:34:23,061 --> 00:34:24,260 No. 762 00:34:24,297 --> 00:34:25,730 - FJ? - Get off me. 763 00:34:25,766 --> 00:34:26,732 Did you get one of those FJ's? 764 00:34:26,769 --> 00:34:27,434 I did not get... 765 00:34:27,472 --> 00:34:28,405 I didn't get an FJ. 766 00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:30,875 I didn't have quite the time that I needed. 767 00:34:30,911 --> 00:34:32,210 I couldn't close the deal, but right now, 768 00:34:32,248 --> 00:34:33,949 I'm actually going to see Amanda. 769 00:34:33,983 --> 00:34:35,284 But this is a mandatory meeting. 770 00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:36,253 You can do this one without me. 771 00:34:36,289 --> 00:34:38,157 I swear to god, you're doing amazing work. 772 00:34:38,193 --> 00:34:39,427 Goodbye. 773 00:34:39,463 --> 00:34:42,366 Denton, remember to be the man, you have to beat off the man. 774 00:34:42,402 --> 00:34:43,501 It's beat the man. 775 00:34:43,539 --> 00:34:46,175 If you want to be the man, you have to beat the man. 776 00:34:46,210 --> 00:34:48,913 You don't wanna beat him off. 777 00:34:48,947 --> 00:34:49,846 Yeah. 778 00:34:51,954 --> 00:34:53,520 But do you remember that story that 779 00:34:53,557 --> 00:34:55,458 you got up in front of the entire second grade class 780 00:34:55,494 --> 00:34:57,229 and you read it out loud to everybody? 781 00:34:57,266 --> 00:34:58,132 Yeah. 782 00:34:58,166 --> 00:34:59,867 I can't believe you remember that. 783 00:34:59,903 --> 00:35:01,170 Of course I do. 784 00:35:01,206 --> 00:35:02,840 Donny the Lucky Donkey. 785 00:35:02,878 --> 00:35:07,048 Actually it was the Donny, the Down on His Luck Donkey. 786 00:35:09,858 --> 00:35:12,260 How come? How did you never get married? 787 00:35:12,297 --> 00:35:14,097 Well my dad was in the coast guard so we moved 788 00:35:14,134 --> 00:35:17,003 around a lot when I was a kid and then I guess after I got 789 00:35:17,041 --> 00:35:20,111 my teaching degree, I carried on the family tradition. 790 00:35:20,146 --> 00:35:21,379 So you're saying you're a gypsy? 791 00:35:21,416 --> 00:35:23,384 No, I'm not a gypsy. 792 00:35:23,418 --> 00:35:25,753 Sounds like what a gypsy would say. 793 00:35:25,791 --> 00:35:28,260 No, my girlfriends are all getting married and having 794 00:35:28,297 --> 00:35:30,965 kids and I'm just happy that I've finally found a 795 00:35:31,001 --> 00:35:32,301 place to settle down and write. 796 00:35:32,338 --> 00:35:33,237 So you're a writer? 797 00:35:33,273 --> 00:35:35,911 Well I'm writing a book. 798 00:35:35,945 --> 00:35:39,449 It's a self-help book about how parents aren't 799 00:35:39,485 --> 00:35:42,155 really instilling enough self-confidence in their 800 00:35:42,192 --> 00:35:44,929 kids and the affect that it has on them later on in 801 00:35:44,963 --> 00:35:46,463 their adult lives. 802 00:35:47,269 --> 00:35:48,302 What about you? 803 00:35:48,338 --> 00:35:51,508 It's hard to go out and date when you're living in 804 00:35:51,543 --> 00:35:53,478 a garage with your dad. 805 00:35:56,355 --> 00:35:58,891 That's hysterical. 806 00:35:59,626 --> 00:36:01,429 God, you're really serious. 807 00:36:01,465 --> 00:36:03,333 Kinda. 808 00:36:03,369 --> 00:36:04,402 How did that happen? 809 00:36:04,438 --> 00:36:07,407 God, I thought your dad was a successful inventor. 810 00:36:07,443 --> 00:36:10,081 Well he was until his greatest invention was 811 00:36:10,115 --> 00:36:12,016 stolen out from right underneath him. 812 00:36:12,052 --> 00:36:13,920 What was it? 813 00:36:13,958 --> 00:36:15,423 Gourmet Condom. 814 00:36:15,460 --> 00:36:17,060 -No! -Mhm. 815 00:36:17,097 --> 00:36:19,233 Wait, how did your dad even come up with the idea 816 00:36:19,268 --> 00:36:22,071 for a gourmet condom in the first place? 817 00:36:22,106 --> 00:36:22,737 I don't wanna do this. 818 00:36:22,777 --> 00:36:24,210 See, we're having a coffee. 819 00:36:24,246 --> 00:36:25,345 It's a really wonderful time. 820 00:36:25,380 --> 00:36:26,178 I don't wanna screw anything... 821 00:36:26,215 --> 00:36:27,281 Come on. 822 00:36:27,318 --> 00:36:28,251 I can't go back. 823 00:36:28,286 --> 00:36:30,021 You know, once I say it, it can't be unsaid. 824 00:36:30,057 --> 00:36:30,688 I dare you. Bring it on. 825 00:36:30,726 --> 00:36:32,526 Let's go. Gross me out. 826 00:36:32,563 --> 00:36:35,166 Well before I was born, my parents went on this kind 827 00:36:35,201 --> 00:36:37,436 of zany, wacky diet where they couldn't eat anything 828 00:36:37,472 --> 00:36:38,405 after midnight. 829 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:41,076 My mom goes off to the other room to put on 830 00:36:41,112 --> 00:36:42,512 something a little more comfortable. 831 00:36:42,550 --> 00:36:44,851 My dad seeing this as an opportunity to cheat on 832 00:36:44,887 --> 00:36:47,424 the diet, grabs BBQ chicken wing and starts 833 00:36:47,460 --> 00:36:48,393 mowing down on it. 834 00:36:48,429 --> 00:36:51,866 The fray of all of this, he gets the chicken 835 00:36:51,902 --> 00:36:54,037 drippings all over his junk. 836 00:36:54,074 --> 00:36:56,175 Fuck. 837 00:36:56,210 --> 00:36:59,447 My mom sneaks in, surprised the hell out of him. 838 00:37:00,353 --> 00:37:05,193 They're in a position where they're going to have relations. 839 00:37:06,298 --> 00:37:09,036 Phillip, you taste delicious. 840 00:37:09,072 --> 00:37:11,373 And my mom doesn't seem to mind it. 841 00:37:11,409 --> 00:37:12,474 I know. 842 00:37:12,512 --> 00:37:15,850 His wheels starting turning and the rest is history. 843 00:37:15,885 --> 00:37:17,384 My dad doesn't know how to balance a checkbook, let 844 00:37:17,420 --> 00:37:18,987 alone run a company. 845 00:37:19,023 --> 00:37:20,623 So Mr. Lucas offers his help. 846 00:37:20,661 --> 00:37:22,863 In the interim, my mom gets sick. 847 00:37:22,900 --> 00:37:25,034 Lucas says, you know what? Don't worry about it. 848 00:37:25,070 --> 00:37:27,405 While you're gone, I will get this business started 849 00:37:27,443 --> 00:37:28,376 and running. 850 00:37:28,411 --> 00:37:30,378 So we're watching TV a couple weeks later. 851 00:37:30,414 --> 00:37:34,286 And there's an ad for Lucas' gourmet condoms. 852 00:37:34,324 --> 00:37:36,125 Didn't you guys get a lawyer? Anything? 853 00:37:36,159 --> 00:37:37,559 We got a lawyer, we tried to do all that, 854 00:37:37,597 --> 00:37:39,130 but my dad didn't have any copyrights. 855 00:37:39,166 --> 00:37:41,369 He didn't have any proof like solid evidence. 856 00:37:41,405 --> 00:37:45,309 And from then on, it's just been this downward spiral. 857 00:37:45,347 --> 00:37:48,484 My god. That is so fucked up. 858 00:37:48,519 --> 00:37:49,485 But you know what? 859 00:37:49,521 --> 00:37:52,324 This actually would make a really great example 860 00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:53,326 for my book. 861 00:37:53,362 --> 00:37:57,133 Hear me out, your complete and utter lack of 862 00:37:57,170 --> 00:37:59,471 self-confidence has led you to be not only 863 00:37:59,509 --> 00:38:03,213 jobless, but homeless and girl-less as well. 864 00:38:03,251 --> 00:38:04,617 My god, thank you! 865 00:38:04,652 --> 00:38:06,653 No, seriously! 866 00:38:06,690 --> 00:38:10,061 Yet the only thing that you are lacking is 867 00:38:10,097 --> 00:38:11,463 testicular fortitude. 868 00:38:11,498 --> 00:38:12,464 What are you talking about? 869 00:38:12,501 --> 00:38:14,436 Balls, Denton. 870 00:38:15,072 --> 00:38:18,577 Look, I am, I am very confident. 871 00:38:18,614 --> 00:38:19,680 Really? 872 00:38:19,717 --> 00:38:21,452 Hi. 873 00:38:21,487 --> 00:38:23,120 I'm Denton. 874 00:38:23,157 --> 00:38:25,025 Would you maybe like wanna, I don't know, 875 00:38:25,061 --> 00:38:26,193 go on a coffee date with me? 876 00:38:26,230 --> 00:38:28,498 Even though all I'm gonna do is drink peppermint tea. 877 00:38:28,536 --> 00:38:31,072 That was a C minus impression at best. 878 00:38:31,106 --> 00:38:32,574 Really? 879 00:38:32,610 --> 00:38:35,045 What is this pussy ass drink? 880 00:38:35,081 --> 00:38:38,685 It's filled with antioxidants and fights cervical cancer. 881 00:38:38,724 --> 00:38:41,226 So you look kinda dumb right now. 882 00:38:41,262 --> 00:38:46,001 Look, this is gonna be the summer that I change your life. 883 00:38:46,038 --> 00:38:48,507 And I get to document it in my book. 884 00:38:48,543 --> 00:38:51,513 I Have the Balls of an 8-Year-Old. 885 00:38:51,550 --> 00:38:53,284 Elegant, yet sexy. 886 00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:54,286 I'm gonna go to the bathroom. 887 00:38:54,322 --> 00:38:55,322 You think about it. 888 00:38:55,358 --> 00:38:57,092 I'll be back. 889 00:38:57,128 --> 00:38:58,461 Scream that title again. What was it? 890 00:38:58,496 --> 00:38:59,562 Shut up. 891 00:39:00,199 --> 00:39:01,365 Denton. 892 00:39:01,402 --> 00:39:03,403 You're my fucking hero, man. 893 00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:06,110 It's been an honor watching wet your kilt tonight. 894 00:39:08,050 --> 00:39:09,985 I know you're gonna fuck all these hot bitches. 895 00:39:11,590 --> 00:39:14,126 How do you know about that? 896 00:39:14,163 --> 00:39:16,097 Sensei Jackson didn't tell you about me? 897 00:39:16,132 --> 00:39:18,300 I'm his star pupil, man. 898 00:39:18,338 --> 00:39:20,039 Remember a couple years back when that guy had to 899 00:39:20,074 --> 00:39:21,574 be cut out of his house. 900 00:39:21,612 --> 00:39:22,443 Yeah. 901 00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:23,545 That was me. 902 00:39:23,581 --> 00:39:26,418 I weighed 750 fucking pounds. 903 00:39:26,456 --> 00:39:30,594 I had to prop my titties up on a towel rack just to dry them off. 904 00:39:30,630 --> 00:39:33,065 That's about when Sensei Jackson found me. 905 00:39:33,103 --> 00:39:35,571 Put me on a grueling training reg. 906 00:39:35,608 --> 00:39:40,347 Had me sucking in his sweet, delicious power shakes. 907 00:39:40,384 --> 00:39:42,284 He fucking saved my life, man. 908 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:43,686 The dude is a saint. 909 00:39:43,724 --> 00:39:45,459 Hey, will you autograph my cock? 910 00:39:45,494 --> 00:39:47,195 Nope! Hey! 911 00:39:49,068 --> 00:39:51,336 You wanna get out of here? 912 00:39:51,371 --> 00:39:54,275 Yes, let's. 913 00:39:55,181 --> 00:39:57,115 Hope you two had a great night. 914 00:39:57,552 --> 00:39:59,320 You're the shit, dude. 915 00:39:59,356 --> 00:40:01,090 The shit! 916 00:40:01,126 --> 00:40:03,428 Free video, free video, free video, free video, 917 00:40:03,465 --> 00:40:04,565 free video, free video... 918 00:40:04,601 --> 00:40:07,369 Wiggins, Wiggins! Who's that for? 919 00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:08,572 Me. 920 00:40:08,610 --> 00:40:10,108 Free video, free video... 921 00:40:10,144 --> 00:40:11,778 You work here. Why would you... 922 00:40:11,815 --> 00:40:13,616 Dude wait, one of your crushes are coming. 923 00:40:13,652 --> 00:40:14,416 Who? 924 00:40:14,454 --> 00:40:15,452 D man! 925 00:40:15,489 --> 00:40:16,253 What's up, dog? 926 00:40:16,291 --> 00:40:17,457 High. 927 00:40:17,492 --> 00:40:18,625 Low. 928 00:40:18,663 --> 00:40:20,128 Let me see if you're my bro. 929 00:40:20,166 --> 00:40:21,533 So new release day. 930 00:40:21,568 --> 00:40:22,835 Talk to me. 931 00:40:22,871 --> 00:40:24,873 Any new jizz flicks drop? 932 00:40:24,909 --> 00:40:26,576 Everything new is in the back, Scott. 933 00:40:26,612 --> 00:40:27,846 Alright, sweet. 934 00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:30,215 I'll be back in a sec because it only takes me 935 00:40:30,253 --> 00:40:31,353 a minute to sin it. 936 00:40:31,389 --> 00:40:33,524 You remember now, come on. 937 00:40:33,561 --> 00:40:35,228 He seems like a power top. 938 00:40:35,264 --> 00:40:36,597 You into that? 939 00:40:36,634 --> 00:40:37,599 Wiggins. 940 00:40:37,635 --> 00:40:39,570 Dude, I am not hooking up with a dude, dude. 941 00:40:39,606 --> 00:40:42,175 Okay, well first of all, if you did, I'm a good 942 00:40:42,210 --> 00:40:43,677 enough friend that I wouldn't tell anybody. 943 00:40:43,715 --> 00:40:45,449 Second of all, all you have to do is give him a 944 00:40:45,483 --> 00:40:46,616 little bit of tongue and just... 945 00:40:46,652 --> 00:40:47,919 I'm not gonna do it, man! 946 00:40:47,956 --> 00:40:48,855 I don't care. 947 00:40:48,893 --> 00:40:50,324 Jackson's gonna have to figure this out. 948 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:51,192 I'm not gonna do it. 949 00:40:51,230 --> 00:40:52,094 I'll lose the whole bet. I don't care. 950 00:40:52,132 --> 00:40:54,266 Hey, what bet you boys talking about? 951 00:40:54,302 --> 00:40:55,100 Nothing, nothing. 952 00:40:55,137 --> 00:40:57,440 Alright, fuck it well, I got my MMA. 953 00:40:57,474 --> 00:40:58,807 I got my porno. 954 00:40:58,846 --> 00:41:01,615 I'm ready to jack and jack off right there, you know. 955 00:41:01,650 --> 00:41:02,382 Hit me. 956 00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:04,253 That's pretty literal. 957 00:41:04,291 --> 00:41:05,824 Okay, we got Ben Her. 958 00:41:05,860 --> 00:41:06,826 Citizen Came. 959 00:41:06,862 --> 00:41:08,697 Woodfellas. 960 00:41:08,733 --> 00:41:09,599 Deep Impact. 961 00:41:09,635 --> 00:41:12,338 No, actually this one's not a porno. 962 00:41:12,373 --> 00:41:13,071 Did you know that? 963 00:41:13,108 --> 00:41:15,242 I'm a pervert, not an idiot. 964 00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:16,914 Scott, man. 965 00:41:16,951 --> 00:41:18,117 I can't rent you these. 966 00:41:18,152 --> 00:41:20,822 You've had Stop or My Mom Will Squirt out for two years. 967 00:41:20,858 --> 00:41:22,927 Man, Denton your my brother and you know the 968 00:41:22,963 --> 00:41:25,666 last decade's been a bit of a buttfuck for me. 969 00:41:25,701 --> 00:41:28,536 You know, my MMA career was going great then I got 970 00:41:28,572 --> 00:41:31,376 busted for being on the juice and cycled off to 971 00:41:31,413 --> 00:41:33,481 lose the titties and then I started getting my ass 972 00:41:33,516 --> 00:41:34,782 kicked real bad. 973 00:41:34,820 --> 00:41:36,955 Had to tap out on the dream. 974 00:41:36,990 --> 00:41:38,023 Listen, okay. 975 00:41:38,059 --> 00:41:39,692 You can rent these, but you gotta bring them back 976 00:41:39,730 --> 00:41:41,798 before the store closes, okay man? 977 00:41:41,833 --> 00:41:45,239 You have my word as a retired man of the cage. 978 00:41:45,275 --> 00:41:46,875 I'll bring these back safely. 979 00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:49,447 Knock on my wood. 980 00:41:49,485 --> 00:41:50,718 He's full of those, isn't he? 981 00:41:51,855 --> 00:41:52,853 Hey, Denise. 982 00:41:52,891 --> 00:41:53,889 -Hi. -Hey. 983 00:41:53,927 --> 00:41:55,393 You know what, these packages keep getting sent 984 00:41:55,429 --> 00:41:56,596 over the video store. 985 00:41:56,632 --> 00:41:58,733 I'm sorry. It's just those guys messing with you I'm sure. 986 00:41:58,771 --> 00:41:59,937 Sure is, motherfucker. 987 00:41:59,972 --> 00:42:01,440 Boom, bitch! 988 00:42:01,474 --> 00:42:04,243 Dikembe says not in my house. 989 00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:05,780 Hey, Serge, you wanna go old school on this 990 00:42:05,817 --> 00:42:06,614 little baby pussy? 991 00:42:06,652 --> 00:42:07,552 -Yeah. -Hey, guys! 992 00:42:07,588 --> 00:42:09,522 Come on! No, no, no, no, no! 993 00:42:10,661 --> 00:42:12,195 Does it feel good? 994 00:42:12,231 --> 00:42:13,297 Higher! 995 00:42:13,333 --> 00:42:14,666 Higher! 996 00:42:14,704 --> 00:42:16,237 Hey, hey! 997 00:42:16,273 --> 00:42:17,271 No wonder you've only at four girls. 998 00:42:17,307 --> 00:42:18,775 You're wearing boxer shorts. 999 00:42:18,811 --> 00:42:20,746 Bitches love briefs now. 1000 00:42:20,782 --> 00:42:21,681 Come on, man. 1001 00:42:21,717 --> 00:42:22,982 We're going to H&M. We'll buy you some. 1002 00:42:23,989 --> 00:42:25,288 Clean this shit up, Denise. 1003 00:42:25,324 --> 00:42:26,456 Yeah, clean that shit up, Denise. 1004 00:42:26,492 --> 00:42:28,427 Denton, I'm so sorry! 1005 00:42:28,463 --> 00:42:29,529 Let me help you. 1006 00:42:29,565 --> 00:42:30,865 Thanks. 1007 00:42:32,438 --> 00:42:35,442 You know, Denton, we had homeroom together. 1008 00:42:35,478 --> 00:42:36,377 That's right. 1009 00:42:36,416 --> 00:42:37,314 -In eleventh grade. -In eleventh grade. 1010 00:42:39,387 --> 00:42:40,420 Yeah. 1011 00:42:40,454 --> 00:42:43,357 So I'm gonna take my fifteen minute break now. 1012 00:42:43,394 --> 00:42:44,561 Yeah, okay. 1013 00:42:44,597 --> 00:42:48,268 Yeah, and that's just enough time for me to suck you off. 1014 00:42:48,304 --> 00:42:48,969 What now? 1015 00:42:56,456 --> 00:42:57,689 Bring it up. Let's dig deep! 1016 00:42:57,724 --> 00:42:58,690 Dig in! 1017 00:42:58,726 --> 00:42:59,925 Dig in, let's get it! 1018 00:42:59,963 --> 00:43:01,831 Let's get it, you little bitches. 1019 00:43:01,867 --> 00:43:02,632 Come on, grandpa. 1020 00:43:02,668 --> 00:43:03,900 Pick it up. Pick it up, Wilfred. 1021 00:43:03,936 --> 00:43:04,869 I am number one, you're right. 1022 00:43:04,907 --> 00:43:05,840 Thank you. 1023 00:43:05,876 --> 00:43:07,275 Why don't you hop on a bike, Uncle Jemima? 1024 00:43:07,311 --> 00:43:08,744 -Here we go. -Jesus Christ, man. 1025 00:43:08,780 --> 00:43:09,846 Calm down. 1026 00:43:09,882 --> 00:43:11,817 What are you rushing the bloods and the crips, dude? 1027 00:43:11,853 --> 00:43:13,989 I'm wearing both colors to signify unity. 1028 00:43:14,025 --> 00:43:16,327 That's kinda cool. 1029 00:43:16,362 --> 00:43:17,894 Come on, grandpa. You can do it. 1030 00:43:17,931 --> 00:43:20,266 So funny bit of news. 1031 00:43:20,304 --> 00:43:22,572 I just got surprise fellatio from the 1032 00:43:22,608 --> 00:43:23,842 receptionist that works at Lucas... 1033 00:43:23,876 --> 00:43:25,443 Denise Davids? 1034 00:43:25,481 --> 00:43:26,648 - Yes! - Shit. 1035 00:43:26,684 --> 00:43:28,619 You are so screwed. 1036 00:43:28,655 --> 00:43:29,586 What? 1037 00:43:29,623 --> 00:43:31,925 World class psycho stalker. 1038 00:43:31,961 --> 00:43:33,929 You know in school when those girls made those 1039 00:43:33,965 --> 00:43:36,300 origami things to predict who their soulmate was? 1040 00:43:36,338 --> 00:43:37,571 -Yeah? -She rigged hers. 1041 00:43:37,608 --> 00:43:40,544 Rigged the fucking thing, dude. 1042 00:43:40,579 --> 00:43:41,578 Gross. 1043 00:43:41,614 --> 00:43:43,815 Yeah, she had one of those things where like... 1044 00:43:43,853 --> 00:43:47,490 You know when one person loves another person like a lot, 1045 00:43:47,528 --> 00:43:50,666 but the other person loves the other person more. 1046 00:43:50,701 --> 00:43:52,534 She got a restraining order against her. 1047 00:43:52,570 --> 00:43:53,938 Okay, okay. 1048 00:43:53,974 --> 00:43:55,775 She's nuts for real. 1049 00:43:55,811 --> 00:43:57,711 She had her dog baptized. 1050 00:43:59,918 --> 00:44:01,418 Hello? 1051 00:44:02,692 --> 00:44:03,824 It's her. 1052 00:44:07,467 --> 00:44:08,400 Gotcha. 1053 00:44:08,438 --> 00:44:11,809 You've reached the voicemail of Denton. 1054 00:44:11,844 --> 00:44:12,910 Leave a message. 1055 00:44:14,617 --> 00:44:15,917 Beep. 1056 00:44:16,721 --> 00:44:18,021 Not convincing. 1057 00:44:18,056 --> 00:44:19,991 I didn't do a good job at all. 1058 00:44:20,028 --> 00:44:20,927 No. 1059 00:44:25,905 --> 00:44:27,572 No one's home. 1060 00:44:29,614 --> 00:44:30,813 God. 1061 00:44:30,849 --> 00:44:32,751 What is that smell? 1062 00:44:37,563 --> 00:44:38,829 Denton, Denton, Denton. 1063 00:44:38,865 --> 00:44:40,835 You've been busy, girl. 1064 00:44:42,007 --> 00:44:43,006 Hey, Serge, Go wet that bed. 1065 00:44:43,041 --> 00:44:44,009 Alright. 1066 00:44:46,516 --> 00:44:48,418 Think the tall fuck's got it in him? 1067 00:44:48,454 --> 00:44:50,655 -Nah. -I'm gonna piss on top. 1068 00:44:52,829 --> 00:44:54,730 What the fuck's going on here? 1069 00:44:54,766 --> 00:44:55,698 Who the fuck are you? 1070 00:44:55,735 --> 00:44:56,835 What are you doing here? 1071 00:44:56,869 --> 00:44:58,536 Tell him what we're doing here. 1072 00:44:58,574 --> 00:45:00,074 We broke in. 1073 00:45:00,112 --> 00:45:02,012 Obvious yes, you're fucking break in. 1074 00:45:02,047 --> 00:45:03,080 -Can I talk to you? -I got this, B. 1075 00:45:03,117 --> 00:45:04,583 Can you come here a little bit? 1076 00:45:04,619 --> 00:45:05,819 Are you fucking sure? 1077 00:45:05,856 --> 00:45:07,122 He's got a knife. 1078 00:45:07,159 --> 00:45:07,856 Yeah, I see that. 1079 00:45:07,893 --> 00:45:08,958 It's fine, it's fine, it's fine! 1080 00:45:08,994 --> 00:45:10,394 Well why are you here? 1081 00:45:10,432 --> 00:45:11,965 I need information about this bet. 1082 00:45:12,001 --> 00:45:13,936 I wanna ruin their lives, alright? 1083 00:45:13,972 --> 00:45:14,704 I hate Denton. 1084 00:45:14,742 --> 00:45:16,542 -I hate him, too. -Good, good! 1085 00:45:16,577 --> 00:45:18,980 Maybe there's a way we both get what we want. 1086 00:45:19,818 --> 00:45:21,619 Two blowjobs. 1087 00:45:22,489 --> 00:45:24,089 He's touching my dick. 1088 00:45:24,126 --> 00:45:24,891 Here's the deal. 1089 00:45:24,929 --> 00:45:26,964 I need information about this bet. 1090 00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:30,137 Every time you find something out, you give me a call. 1091 00:45:30,173 --> 00:45:32,541 I give you cash. 1092 00:45:37,621 --> 00:45:41,726 I present to you Sarah Dawn Samuels. 1093 00:45:46,806 --> 00:45:49,910 What is she doing here? 1094 00:45:49,947 --> 00:45:52,215 Well auditioning for reality TV all day, 1095 00:45:52,251 --> 00:45:54,721 only time she has to work out is at night. 1096 00:45:56,827 --> 00:45:58,630 During my shift. 1097 00:46:00,769 --> 00:46:02,871 I'm her personal trainer so to speak. 1098 00:46:02,907 --> 00:46:04,875 We've spent some time together. 1099 00:46:04,911 --> 00:46:07,179 Through all that bonding, I've learned her deepest 1100 00:46:07,215 --> 00:46:09,617 desires and darkest secrets. 1101 00:46:09,653 --> 00:46:15,463 Her scent is that of a rose garden after a midsummer's rain. 1102 00:46:15,500 --> 00:46:17,434 She's a siren in the water. 1103 00:46:17,471 --> 00:46:20,673 She calls to me and only I hold the key to her 1104 00:46:20,710 --> 00:46:22,811 soul's relaxation. 1105 00:46:27,958 --> 00:46:30,193 It pains me to betray my lady, but it's for the 1106 00:46:30,230 --> 00:46:32,097 good of the bet. 1107 00:46:32,134 --> 00:46:35,538 I hold in my hand her one Achilles' heel. 1108 00:46:35,574 --> 00:46:38,211 Or should I say, Achilles' crotch. 1109 00:46:39,750 --> 00:46:42,150 That's a serious pre-op moose knuckle. 1110 00:46:42,188 --> 00:46:44,523 It looks like six dollar burger. 1111 00:46:44,559 --> 00:46:46,260 If it ever gets out, she's ruined. 1112 00:46:46,297 --> 00:46:47,697 Really, Jackson? 1113 00:46:47,733 --> 00:46:49,233 We're resorting to blackmail now. 1114 00:46:49,269 --> 00:46:51,637 Yeah, super. Now we're sexual predators. 1115 00:46:51,672 --> 00:46:52,972 Sexual predators? 1116 00:46:53,010 --> 00:46:54,677 What are we just walking the streets looking for 1117 00:46:54,713 --> 00:46:57,750 houses for teddy bears in the window to wander into? 1118 00:46:57,786 --> 00:46:59,688 Not in my wildest dreams. 1119 00:47:00,827 --> 00:47:02,227 Sorry, baby. 1120 00:47:05,204 --> 00:47:06,637 Jackson, just give me... 1121 00:47:07,608 --> 00:47:09,041 -Stop, stop it! -Hi, Sarah. 1122 00:47:09,077 --> 00:47:11,079 Stop it! 1123 00:47:11,115 --> 00:47:12,648 Jackson! 1124 00:49:01,074 --> 00:49:02,274 Hi, Denton. 1125 00:49:11,931 --> 00:49:14,032 Hey, dad. What are you doing up so early? 1126 00:49:14,369 --> 00:49:16,103 No time for sleep. 1127 00:49:16,139 --> 00:49:18,909 Your stepmother is getting close. 1128 00:49:19,646 --> 00:49:21,680 Yeah, she's... 1129 00:49:21,717 --> 00:49:22,817 She's looking sharp. 1130 00:49:22,853 --> 00:49:24,152 You know, actually grab a seat. 1131 00:49:24,188 --> 00:49:26,190 I've been meaning to talk to you. 1132 00:49:29,134 --> 00:49:30,032 Is everything okay? 1133 00:49:30,068 --> 00:49:31,368 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1134 00:49:31,405 --> 00:49:32,771 I'm fine. 1135 00:49:34,043 --> 00:49:37,213 So you and second grade... 1136 00:49:37,250 --> 00:49:38,282 Amanda Morrison. 1137 00:49:38,318 --> 00:49:40,788 Yeah, Amanda. 1138 00:49:40,824 --> 00:49:42,893 You guys are spending a lot of time together this summer. 1139 00:49:42,929 --> 00:49:47,835 Yeah, she's she's really great. 1140 00:49:47,871 --> 00:49:49,839 You think she'd be okay with this whole bet thing 1141 00:49:49,876 --> 00:49:51,911 you got going on? 1142 00:49:56,724 --> 00:49:58,356 What the hell do I know? 1143 00:49:58,393 --> 00:50:01,697 A guy making a woman out of plastic, right? 1144 00:50:01,733 --> 00:50:03,099 Give me the glue, will you? 1145 00:50:08,981 --> 00:50:09,980 Planet of the Apes. 1146 00:50:10,016 --> 00:50:11,416 No. No, no, no. 1147 00:50:13,289 --> 00:50:15,291 Planet of the Apes with Marky Mark? 1148 00:50:15,329 --> 00:50:18,066 God, God, no! 1149 00:50:24,079 --> 00:50:25,179 Sloth from the Goonies! 1150 00:50:25,215 --> 00:50:26,782 No, no! 1151 00:50:26,818 --> 00:50:27,717 I'm Harry. 1152 00:50:27,755 --> 00:50:29,956 I'm Harry from Harry and the Hendersons. 1153 00:50:29,992 --> 00:50:31,425 I've never seen it. 1154 00:50:31,461 --> 00:50:32,394 You're kidding me. 1155 00:50:32,431 --> 00:50:33,864 You've never seen Harry and the Hendersons? 1156 00:50:33,900 --> 00:50:34,766 No. 1157 00:50:34,802 --> 00:50:37,338 God, that was on my favorite VHS tape. 1158 00:50:37,375 --> 00:50:38,541 What are you talking about? 1159 00:50:38,576 --> 00:50:39,608 Yeah, no. Okay... 1160 00:50:39,646 --> 00:50:42,081 When I was growing up, my dad he made us this VHS 1161 00:50:42,117 --> 00:50:44,085 tape that had like six movies on it. 1162 00:50:44,121 --> 00:50:46,256 It was made in that super poor person's speed. 1163 00:50:46,293 --> 00:50:47,959 I guess you weren't poor, okay. 1164 00:50:47,996 --> 00:50:51,032 Well it had Blackstar Fighter, Flight of Dragons, 1165 00:50:51,068 --> 00:50:55,807 Beast Master, Monster Squad, and Harry and the Hendersons. 1166 00:50:59,117 --> 00:51:01,253 Hey look... 1167 00:51:01,291 --> 00:51:03,293 I've been thinking. 1168 00:51:03,327 --> 00:51:07,097 Summer's almost over and I've had a really great 1169 00:51:07,135 --> 00:51:09,171 time hanging out with you. 1170 00:51:10,240 --> 00:51:15,246 I know that we are just friends, but what if we... 1171 00:51:15,284 --> 00:51:16,250 We went? 1172 00:51:16,289 --> 00:51:17,455 -What if you and I... -What if you and I... 1173 00:51:17,489 --> 00:51:19,257 -Went out? -If you wanted... 1174 00:51:19,293 --> 00:51:21,996 What if you and I went... 1175 00:51:22,032 --> 00:51:23,031 On a date? 1176 00:51:23,068 --> 00:51:23,766 Are you? 1177 00:51:23,804 --> 00:51:25,171 You are, you're asking me out. 1178 00:51:25,206 --> 00:51:26,539 Are you asking me out on a proper date? 1179 00:51:26,577 --> 00:51:28,812 What if I was? 1180 00:51:28,847 --> 00:51:31,315 I'd really have to do the maths on that. 1181 00:51:31,351 --> 00:51:32,786 I don't know. 1182 00:51:33,255 --> 00:51:34,154 Probably think about it. 1183 00:51:34,192 --> 00:51:36,927 Quite frankly, I'm not attracted to you. 1184 00:51:36,963 --> 00:51:38,898 It would be me doing you a favor. 1185 00:51:40,101 --> 00:51:40,866 Really? 1186 00:51:40,903 --> 00:51:41,668 You know, were you in a grease fire 1187 00:51:41,706 --> 00:51:42,940 or something because your face... 1188 00:51:47,619 --> 00:51:49,854 Maybe I can change your mind. 1189 00:51:50,992 --> 00:51:52,993 Denton! 1190 00:51:53,028 --> 00:51:54,931 Where have you been? 1191 00:51:54,967 --> 00:51:56,600 Grab me some cans of beer and a handful of those 1192 00:51:56,637 --> 00:51:59,039 grapes and let's get the hell out of here. 1193 00:51:59,077 --> 00:52:00,110 It's cool. 1194 00:52:00,144 --> 00:52:03,047 We can pick up where we left off later on tonight. 1195 00:52:03,485 --> 00:52:06,455 -Tonight? -Yeah! 1196 00:52:06,492 --> 00:52:08,327 On our first official date. 1197 00:52:09,264 --> 00:52:11,333 Where? 1198 00:52:11,367 --> 00:52:13,034 It's a surprise. 1199 00:52:14,141 --> 00:52:16,576 Just pick me up here later after work. 1200 00:52:16,612 --> 00:52:17,611 Okay. 1201 00:52:26,264 --> 00:52:27,262 Well thanks a lot, man. 1202 00:52:27,300 --> 00:52:28,533 I was just about to kiss her. 1203 00:52:28,570 --> 00:52:30,170 You haven't hooked up with her yet? 1204 00:52:30,206 --> 00:52:32,342 You've seen her fifty times this summer. 1205 00:52:33,246 --> 00:52:35,213 You're gonna fuck this up. 1206 00:52:35,251 --> 00:52:37,219 How? What are you talking about? 1207 00:52:37,255 --> 00:52:39,456 You're in love with her. 1208 00:52:39,492 --> 00:52:40,492 I am... 1209 00:52:40,527 --> 00:52:42,361 That is not... 1210 00:52:42,398 --> 00:52:46,069 How would one know though if they were in love? 1211 00:52:47,076 --> 00:52:48,307 Close your eyes. 1212 00:52:48,344 --> 00:52:49,978 Okay. 1213 00:52:50,681 --> 00:52:53,618 -Imagine yourself fucking her. -Okay. 1214 00:52:53,655 --> 00:52:57,126 Her pants are around her ankles, she's bent over the bed. 1215 00:52:57,163 --> 00:52:59,632 It's really hot, her hair's kinda tussled. 1216 00:52:59,668 --> 00:53:01,402 You just blew a load right inside her. 1217 00:53:01,436 --> 00:53:02,469 -Epic. -Okay. Alright. 1218 00:53:02,507 --> 00:53:04,307 I mean, you've stained her soul. 1219 00:53:04,344 --> 00:53:06,379 What do you wanna do next? 1220 00:53:08,552 --> 00:53:09,618 I kinda just wanna cuddle. 1221 00:53:09,655 --> 00:53:11,289 Fuck. 1222 00:53:12,260 --> 00:53:14,095 How are you supposed to focus, man, when you're 1223 00:53:14,130 --> 00:53:16,565 all fucking puppy dogs and ice cream upstairs? 1224 00:53:16,601 --> 00:53:18,369 Where are we going even? 1225 00:53:19,141 --> 00:53:19,872 Hey, guys. 1226 00:53:19,909 --> 00:53:22,444 This fucking guy's gonna do it. 1227 00:53:22,481 --> 00:53:25,451 He has eight or nine fucking bitches there already. 1228 00:53:25,487 --> 00:53:26,520 Yeah, I'm telling you. 1229 00:53:26,556 --> 00:53:29,693 The guy has a cock like a fucking gold cock, man. 1230 00:53:29,728 --> 00:53:31,663 That's very unfortunate news, Bob! 1231 00:53:31,699 --> 00:53:33,233 It's like a fucking broken fire hydrant. 1232 00:53:33,271 --> 00:53:34,269 You should see the kid spraying. 1233 00:53:34,304 --> 00:53:36,672 This is fucking jizz fucking city. 1234 00:53:36,710 --> 00:53:39,280 And one of these fucking children, the mother came... 1235 00:53:39,315 --> 00:53:41,283 She slipped on the jizz. 1236 00:53:42,722 --> 00:53:46,161 You okay? Because if you're not okay, I'm not okay. 1237 00:53:46,197 --> 00:53:48,431 He's doing much better than I thought he would. 1238 00:53:48,467 --> 00:53:51,505 I can't lose this bit to that lanky fuck. 1239 00:53:52,143 --> 00:53:55,180 We gotta get serious, real serious. 1240 00:53:55,215 --> 00:53:57,616 Operation Derailment Serious. 1241 00:53:57,655 --> 00:53:59,457 Denise! 1242 00:54:00,460 --> 00:54:01,593 Sit down. 1243 00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:08,339 You nervous? 1244 00:54:08,376 --> 00:54:09,409 No. 1245 00:54:09,443 --> 00:54:10,643 -You look nervous. -Nope. 1246 00:54:10,679 --> 00:54:11,511 She look nervous to you? 1247 00:54:11,548 --> 00:54:13,014 Definitely looks nervous. 1248 00:54:13,052 --> 00:54:14,385 I'm not nervous. 1249 00:54:15,356 --> 00:54:16,456 I'm gonna cut to the chase. 1250 00:54:16,492 --> 00:54:18,227 We know you know about the bet. 1251 00:54:18,264 --> 00:54:19,163 We know you're one of the girls. 1252 00:54:19,199 --> 00:54:20,464 And we know you blew Denton in the lobby. 1253 00:54:20,501 --> 00:54:21,701 There's a video. Serge here has seen it. 1254 00:54:21,737 --> 00:54:24,204 Yeah, it was a sweet fucking BJ. 1255 00:54:24,242 --> 00:54:25,442 -Thank you. -You're welcome. 1256 00:54:25,478 --> 00:54:27,413 Here's what you need to do for me. 1257 00:54:28,784 --> 00:54:30,685 Help me win the bit. 1258 00:54:30,722 --> 00:54:32,356 How do I help you win the bit? 1259 00:54:32,393 --> 00:54:34,060 I can't unblow him. 1260 00:54:36,134 --> 00:54:37,400 Well you're a crazy super stalker, right? 1261 00:54:37,438 --> 00:54:38,671 You got his passwords and shit. 1262 00:54:38,706 --> 00:54:40,707 Just his social media info, email accounts, 1263 00:54:40,742 --> 00:54:42,644 social security number, home phone, home address, 1264 00:54:42,681 --> 00:54:43,612 parent's phone, parent's address. 1265 00:54:43,648 --> 00:54:44,748 I'm gonna stop you right there. 1266 00:54:44,786 --> 00:54:46,787 We actually just need you to log into one of his 1267 00:54:46,822 --> 00:54:49,257 email accounts and send an email to Amanda Morrison. 1268 00:54:49,293 --> 00:54:50,226 Alright? Pretend to be Denton. 1269 00:54:50,262 --> 00:54:52,030 Say it's an emergency. I don't give a fuck. 1270 00:54:52,067 --> 00:54:53,266 However you do it. 1271 00:54:53,302 --> 00:54:56,204 Get her over to that garage battle station that they have. 1272 00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:58,608 When she sees what he's really up to, she's never 1273 00:54:58,646 --> 00:55:00,079 gonna talk to him again. 1274 00:55:00,115 --> 00:55:02,050 Let alone fuck him, am I right? 1275 00:55:02,086 --> 00:55:03,420 And then we got this in the bag. 1276 00:55:03,456 --> 00:55:06,292 Paper or plastic! 1277 00:55:06,329 --> 00:55:09,566 Or bring your own bag and save the environment or something. 1278 00:55:09,603 --> 00:55:10,802 He's just such a good guy. 1279 00:55:10,838 --> 00:55:14,108 I don't feel comfortable like messing up his whole thing. 1280 00:55:14,146 --> 00:55:15,713 That's so cute she thinks she has a choice. 1281 00:55:15,748 --> 00:55:17,414 You're gonna feel comfortable with it or 1282 00:55:17,452 --> 00:55:18,652 you're gonna be fired. 1283 00:55:22,563 --> 00:55:23,463 Go now psycho. 1284 00:55:23,498 --> 00:55:24,530 What are you doing? 1285 00:55:24,565 --> 00:55:26,032 Do my bidding. 1286 00:55:26,070 --> 00:55:27,303 What are you doing? 1287 00:55:28,541 --> 00:55:29,306 Just get the fuck out of here. 1288 00:55:29,344 --> 00:55:30,777 -Okay! -Get the fuck out of here. 1289 00:55:30,813 --> 00:55:32,547 -You just had to say that. -Go! 1290 00:55:33,585 --> 00:55:36,155 I don't understand you two. 1291 00:55:37,460 --> 00:55:38,425 Yo, did you watch that tape? 1292 00:55:38,463 --> 00:55:39,429 Yeah. 1293 00:55:39,465 --> 00:55:40,631 Crazy ones can really suck a dick, am I right? 1294 00:55:40,666 --> 00:55:43,436 I know, I'm going to the psych ward for my next blowjob. 1295 00:55:55,864 --> 00:55:57,164 Well this is the place. 1296 00:55:57,199 --> 00:55:59,802 Looks like a fucking shithole. 1297 00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:02,376 Wait, Kendra lives here? 1298 00:56:02,411 --> 00:56:05,014 Yeah, and she thinks you're a doctor. 1299 00:56:05,485 --> 00:56:07,553 So you're gonna want to suit up. 1300 00:56:08,157 --> 00:56:09,657 I'm getting a disease just looking at this place. 1301 00:56:09,693 --> 00:56:11,260 Are you packing jimmies? 1302 00:56:11,762 --> 00:56:12,628 No. 1303 00:56:12,666 --> 00:56:14,568 That's okay. I got plenty in the glove. 1304 00:56:17,376 --> 00:56:20,112 Wait a minute, why do you have a water pistol in your... 1305 00:56:20,148 --> 00:56:22,350 That's not an ordinary water pistol. 1306 00:56:22,385 --> 00:56:23,686 It's filled with your seed. 1307 00:56:24,925 --> 00:56:27,461 Why do you have a water pistol filled with my seed in here? 1308 00:56:27,496 --> 00:56:30,366 Well, you know that place you donate sperm? 1309 00:56:30,402 --> 00:56:31,368 Yeah? 1310 00:56:31,405 --> 00:56:32,371 Well yeah, I snuck in in the middle of the night 1311 00:56:32,407 --> 00:56:34,275 and grabbed a bunch of your cum and filled up 1312 00:56:34,309 --> 00:56:35,844 this water pistol here. 1313 00:56:37,248 --> 00:56:38,281 Why? 1314 00:56:38,318 --> 00:56:41,523 Well, you know, just in case there was some chicks 1315 00:56:41,559 --> 00:56:42,390 you couldn't pull down. 1316 00:56:42,427 --> 00:56:43,460 It's a contingency plan. 1317 00:56:43,496 --> 00:56:44,362 Okay. You know what? 1318 00:56:44,398 --> 00:56:45,063 Just give me that back. 1319 00:56:45,099 --> 00:56:46,266 -It's my cum. -I need it. 1320 00:56:46,302 --> 00:56:47,668 You know what? I got money... 1321 00:56:47,704 --> 00:56:48,737 -This is important? -Can I have my... 1322 00:56:48,775 --> 00:56:50,809 Give me my cum back! 1323 00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:56,153 -Geez. -Sorry. 1324 00:56:57,125 --> 00:56:59,427 You know, I always knew you'd be successful. 1325 00:57:00,532 --> 00:57:03,202 I have great intuition with men. 1326 00:57:04,306 --> 00:57:06,307 Except for the ones that I marry. 1327 00:57:09,516 --> 00:57:11,115 You got a little one, do you? 1328 00:57:13,324 --> 00:57:14,390 -Seven. -No shit. 1329 00:57:14,427 --> 00:57:15,794 Four boys, three girls. 1330 00:57:15,829 --> 00:57:18,164 But they're with their respected fathers tonight. 1331 00:57:19,271 --> 00:57:21,539 I thought that it'd be nice to give us a little 1332 00:57:21,576 --> 00:57:24,679 privacy since you were so kind to take a house call, doctor. 1333 00:57:24,715 --> 00:57:25,480 Doctor... 1334 00:57:25,516 --> 00:57:26,616 Mhm. 1335 00:57:26,652 --> 00:57:28,519 Is so formal. 1336 00:57:28,556 --> 00:57:29,822 You know, just call me Denton. 1337 00:57:29,860 --> 00:57:31,693 Just regular old Denton will do. 1338 00:57:31,728 --> 00:57:35,699 So what seems to be the situation? 1339 00:57:35,737 --> 00:57:36,703 Yeah. 1340 00:57:36,739 --> 00:57:37,638 My wrist. 1341 00:57:37,675 --> 00:57:39,876 It's like really been giving me trouble. 1342 00:57:39,914 --> 00:57:41,615 - It really hurts to... - Take a look. 1343 00:57:41,648 --> 00:57:42,514 Think it could be? 1344 00:57:43,989 --> 00:57:45,389 Do you think you could help? 1345 00:57:45,423 --> 00:57:46,922 I do, I do.... 1346 00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:49,362 Let's have a... 1347 00:57:49,398 --> 00:57:52,302 listen to the old ticker. 1348 00:57:55,378 --> 00:57:57,346 Yeah, yes. 1349 00:57:57,382 --> 00:57:58,682 Yeah. 1350 00:57:59,753 --> 00:58:00,619 I've heard this before. 1351 00:58:00,657 --> 00:58:02,992 I'm afraid you have poor circulation. 1352 00:58:03,027 --> 00:58:04,827 And I think you could be in immediate danger. 1353 00:58:04,865 --> 00:58:05,898 My! What should we do? 1354 00:58:05,934 --> 00:58:07,936 Well I think we should probably start by getting 1355 00:58:07,971 --> 00:58:10,373 you out of that tight, restrictive top. 1356 00:58:10,409 --> 00:58:12,844 Yeah, maybe even those tight, tight, tight pants. 1357 00:58:12,882 --> 00:58:14,717 Are you sure? 1358 00:58:14,751 --> 00:58:16,452 Yes, very sure. Very sure. 1359 00:58:16,487 --> 00:58:20,759 It's the first thing we learn in doctor school. 1360 00:58:20,797 --> 00:58:22,798 That must have been so hard. 1361 00:58:22,833 --> 00:58:23,933 It was. 1362 00:58:23,969 --> 00:58:25,068 Yes, it certainly was. 1363 00:58:25,106 --> 00:58:30,280 But when you see the look of pure laughter on a baby 1364 00:58:30,317 --> 00:58:33,420 child's face after a successful brain 1365 00:58:33,458 --> 00:58:35,860 appointment it makes everything worth it. 1366 00:58:35,896 --> 00:58:37,730 You know that you're doing the lord's work. 1367 00:58:37,766 --> 00:58:39,968 These hands, I'll tell you, they've seen some stories. 1368 00:58:56,503 --> 00:58:57,670 Denton! 1369 00:58:58,809 --> 00:59:01,012 Denton, it's me! 1370 00:59:01,047 --> 00:59:02,380 Amanda? 1371 00:59:02,416 --> 00:59:03,849 Denton, I got here as fast as I could. 1372 00:59:03,885 --> 00:59:05,753 Is your dad okay? 1373 00:59:07,525 --> 00:59:08,591 Mr. B, Mr. B, Mr. B! 1374 00:59:08,630 --> 00:59:10,631 -Wake up, wake up, wake up! -Damn you, Phil Collins! 1375 00:59:10,666 --> 00:59:12,501 Amanda Morrison is here. 1376 00:59:12,536 --> 00:59:14,270 -Who? -Second grade! 1377 00:59:14,307 --> 00:59:15,875 Denton, are you in there? 1378 00:59:15,911 --> 00:59:18,378 No, no! 1379 00:59:18,414 --> 00:59:20,550 What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? 1380 00:59:20,588 --> 00:59:21,286 One second. 1381 00:59:21,322 --> 00:59:22,589 I gotta put my pants back on. 1382 00:59:22,625 --> 00:59:24,559 Me too, me too. 1383 00:59:28,036 --> 00:59:29,804 Denton, are you home? 1384 00:59:40,061 --> 00:59:41,996 What the hell is this? 1385 00:59:47,009 --> 00:59:49,311 Fuck me, Scott. 1386 00:59:49,347 --> 00:59:51,081 No, I'm Denton. 1387 00:59:51,117 --> 00:59:54,421 No, no, Scott's my fianc�. 1388 00:59:54,456 --> 00:59:55,455 Did you just finish? 1389 00:59:55,492 --> 00:59:56,726 No, I don't... 1390 00:59:56,762 --> 00:59:58,864 Wait, you have a fianc�? 1391 00:59:58,900 --> 01:00:00,000 Of course you have a fianc�. 1392 01:00:00,036 --> 01:00:01,503 Kendra, I'm home. 1393 01:00:01,539 --> 01:00:02,705 Give me a beer. 1394 01:00:02,740 --> 01:00:05,777 Make sure it's cold as shit from that new fridge, you know? 1395 01:00:06,983 --> 01:00:08,516 Hey, Denton! 1396 01:00:08,552 --> 01:00:09,718 What ya doing here, boy? 1397 01:00:09,755 --> 01:00:11,556 It's great to see you. 1398 01:00:11,592 --> 01:00:14,061 Wait a minute, you're not here for them movies, is ya? 1399 01:00:14,099 --> 01:00:16,100 Because you know, I really do need a little more time 1400 01:00:16,135 --> 01:00:19,072 on those, you know, but... 1401 01:00:19,108 --> 01:00:23,380 Wait a minute, why is she in her undies? 1402 01:00:24,152 --> 01:00:27,956 And why does grandpa have a chubbie? 1403 01:00:29,831 --> 01:00:31,064 Bing! 1404 01:00:31,099 --> 01:00:32,099 Grandpa! 1405 01:00:32,135 --> 01:00:34,570 Did my woman suck this man's cock? 1406 01:00:34,608 --> 01:00:35,539 No. 1407 01:00:35,577 --> 01:00:36,944 Sucked it real good. 1408 01:00:36,978 --> 01:00:38,077 -You! -You seen it? 1409 01:00:38,114 --> 01:00:40,449 Licked his pooper hole, too. 1410 01:00:40,485 --> 01:00:41,618 His butthole. 1411 01:00:41,655 --> 01:00:42,353 No, Scott. 1412 01:00:42,389 --> 01:00:44,858 My butthole is unlicked today. 1413 01:00:44,894 --> 01:00:47,597 You little adulterer, coming into my beautiful home, 1414 01:00:47,632 --> 01:00:50,535 making my angel eat at your gas station. 1415 01:00:50,572 --> 01:00:52,607 I got some bad, bad news for you, boy. 1416 01:00:52,643 --> 01:00:55,479 Your timing's all sorts of shit because I'm back on 1417 01:00:55,516 --> 01:00:56,715 the juice, motherfucker. 1418 01:00:56,753 --> 01:00:57,818 I'm sorry, doc. 1419 01:00:57,855 --> 01:00:59,021 He's gonna fuck you up. 1420 01:00:59,057 --> 01:01:00,625 -Yeah, that's right. -Scott, Scott! 1421 01:01:00,661 --> 01:01:02,562 Just calm down for just a second. 1422 01:01:02,597 --> 01:01:03,496 Yeah, yeah. 1423 01:01:03,532 --> 01:01:04,632 What you got, what you got? 1424 01:01:04,670 --> 01:01:06,003 Fuck that shit, boy. 1425 01:01:06,039 --> 01:01:07,038 Come on, bring it on. 1426 01:01:07,074 --> 01:01:08,641 Come on, dog. 1427 01:01:09,612 --> 01:01:11,815 Cool your motherfucking jets, Scott. 1428 01:01:11,851 --> 01:01:12,983 What are you gonna do? 1429 01:01:13,018 --> 01:01:14,685 Shoot me with a water gun? 1430 01:01:14,724 --> 01:01:16,592 Do not make me pull this trigger. 1431 01:01:16,628 --> 01:01:17,561 Go time! 1432 01:01:40,543 --> 01:01:42,009 Wiggins! Dad! 1433 01:01:42,045 --> 01:01:43,011 You're not gonna believe this. 1434 01:01:43,047 --> 01:01:45,082 I just hooked up with Kendra and I shot a load 1435 01:01:45,119 --> 01:01:46,085 into Scott's mouth. 1436 01:01:46,121 --> 01:01:46,987 What? 1437 01:01:47,023 --> 01:01:48,222 Well not technically I didn't shoot... 1438 01:01:48,259 --> 01:01:49,893 No, no, no, technically I did. 1439 01:01:49,929 --> 01:01:50,661 It doesn't matter! 1440 01:01:50,697 --> 01:01:51,730 The point is... 1441 01:01:51,768 --> 01:01:54,670 I'm about to win this fucking... 1442 01:01:54,706 --> 01:01:56,541 Bet? 1443 01:01:57,143 --> 01:01:58,676 I'm part of a bet? 1444 01:01:58,713 --> 01:02:00,246 Look, look, look... 1445 01:02:00,284 --> 01:02:02,786 - I can explain. - You can explain? 1446 01:02:02,822 --> 01:02:05,659 I don't think that needs explanation. 1447 01:02:05,695 --> 01:02:07,094 This is disgusting. 1448 01:02:07,130 --> 01:02:08,498 Are you kidding right now? 1449 01:02:08,534 --> 01:02:10,000 Don't touch me! 1450 01:02:10,036 --> 01:02:12,004 I am so freaked out right now. 1451 01:02:12,041 --> 01:02:14,177 I never want to see you again. 1452 01:02:14,211 --> 01:02:15,679 Don't say that. Amanda, please... 1453 01:02:15,717 --> 01:02:16,983 Don't. 1454 01:02:25,068 --> 01:02:26,770 Who are you? 1455 01:02:32,650 --> 01:02:35,219 Yeah, man... Who are you? 1456 01:02:47,315 --> 01:02:49,115 Heard the big news. 1457 01:02:49,152 --> 01:02:50,617 You fucked it all up. 1458 01:02:50,655 --> 01:02:52,723 I gotta admit, for a second there you had me 1459 01:02:52,759 --> 01:02:53,958 genuinely concerned. 1460 01:02:53,994 --> 01:02:55,161 Nine girls, one guy. 1461 01:02:55,197 --> 01:02:56,297 Not bad. 1462 01:02:56,335 --> 01:02:58,036 I tip my dick to you, sir. 1463 01:02:58,670 --> 01:03:02,308 You actually came here just to be a dick to me? 1464 01:03:02,347 --> 01:03:03,846 Listen to me, you quivering pussy. 1465 01:03:03,882 --> 01:03:05,784 This bet was your shot. 1466 01:03:05,820 --> 01:03:07,721 I gave it to you on a silver fucking platter. 1467 01:03:07,755 --> 01:03:10,925 But you, as you do, kept up the family tradition. 1468 01:03:10,963 --> 01:03:11,996 Failure. 1469 01:03:12,032 --> 01:03:14,000 So I think my family can't take anything else from 1470 01:03:14,036 --> 01:03:15,135 your family. 1471 01:03:15,170 --> 01:03:17,005 My dad takes your dad's company. 1472 01:03:17,041 --> 01:03:19,877 I take this shithole you call a video store, and 1473 01:03:19,914 --> 01:03:22,217 then tomorrow when you lose that bet, I'm gonna 1474 01:03:22,253 --> 01:03:23,885 make you and daddy homeless. 1475 01:03:23,922 --> 01:03:24,955 You know why? 1476 01:03:24,992 --> 01:03:27,929 Cause you and all your little friends, you're all 1477 01:03:27,965 --> 01:03:29,766 a bunch of fucking weirdos. 1478 01:03:29,802 --> 01:03:32,772 I win, you lose. 1479 01:03:32,807 --> 01:03:34,240 Suck my dick. 1480 01:03:38,153 --> 01:03:39,119 See you at the game tomorrow. 1481 01:03:39,155 --> 01:03:40,588 You can sick my dick. 1482 01:03:44,164 --> 01:03:46,632 ...watching anime porn and I catch the dude... 1483 01:03:46,670 --> 01:03:48,103 What the fuck are you doing, man? 1484 01:03:48,139 --> 01:03:49,306 What's it look like I'm doing, Jackson? 1485 01:03:49,342 --> 01:03:51,077 Okay, dude, chill. Clearly you just need to talk about... 1486 01:03:51,112 --> 01:03:52,612 Talk about what, Ed? 1487 01:03:52,650 --> 01:03:54,250 How you two ruined my life? 1488 01:03:54,286 --> 01:03:56,086 Dude, you were this close to winning the bet. 1489 01:03:56,123 --> 01:03:57,891 Don't you dare back out now. 1490 01:03:57,927 --> 01:03:59,093 I don't fucking care about the bet. 1491 01:03:59,130 --> 01:04:00,028 I don't care about the bet. 1492 01:04:00,067 --> 01:04:02,300 I've lost the only person I wanna be with. 1493 01:04:06,010 --> 01:04:07,043 -Scott Quaker. -God... 1494 01:04:07,079 --> 01:04:08,012 It's not, I didn't... 1495 01:04:08,047 --> 01:04:09,680 God damnit! 1496 01:04:10,788 --> 01:04:12,320 What? She'll understand, right? 1497 01:04:12,356 --> 01:04:13,824 We'll just go by her house, explain the 1498 01:04:13,860 --> 01:04:15,626 situation she'll get it. 1499 01:04:15,663 --> 01:04:17,364 She'll understand what, Ed? That she was right? 1500 01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:20,204 She's part of some stupid bet that my friends got me into. 1501 01:04:20,239 --> 01:04:23,610 I cannot believe I let you guys convince me to do this. 1502 01:04:26,418 --> 01:04:27,885 Fuck you. 1503 01:04:27,922 --> 01:04:29,021 Fuck me? 1504 01:04:29,057 --> 01:04:33,027 Dude, you sit here all day bitching and moaning about 1505 01:04:33,065 --> 01:04:35,300 your life and things that happen to you. 1506 01:04:35,338 --> 01:04:37,073 Be it girls, or your job. 1507 01:04:37,108 --> 01:04:38,641 Man, fuck, even us! 1508 01:04:38,677 --> 01:04:40,778 And when shit doesn't go your way, you go on the 1509 01:04:40,815 --> 01:04:43,952 fucking rag and just bitch about how shit Denton's life is. 1510 01:04:43,989 --> 01:04:45,255 Back me up on this, Wiggins. 1511 01:04:45,293 --> 01:04:46,057 I still wet the bed. 1512 01:04:46,094 --> 01:04:47,929 I can't really talk. 1513 01:04:47,963 --> 01:04:49,096 God damn shame. 1514 01:04:49,132 --> 01:04:50,098 Are you kidding me? 1515 01:04:50,137 --> 01:04:51,871 How shit my life is? 1516 01:04:51,905 --> 01:04:54,173 Jackson, when's the last time you hooked up with a chick? 1517 01:04:54,210 --> 01:04:54,974 What was it years? 1518 01:04:55,010 --> 01:04:56,143 And by the way, your shakes suck. 1519 01:04:56,179 --> 01:04:57,212 And you, Ed? 1520 01:04:57,248 --> 01:04:59,449 You are so full of shit. 1521 01:04:59,485 --> 01:05:01,688 You're this love guru, but except the only girl 1522 01:05:01,724 --> 01:05:03,860 you've ever been with you married. 1523 01:05:03,896 --> 01:05:06,865 You two have been living vicariously through me, 1524 01:05:06,902 --> 01:05:09,137 but it's not you who has the shit life. 1525 01:05:09,173 --> 01:05:10,606 It's me! 1526 01:05:11,179 --> 01:05:13,113 Get out. Just get out of here. 1527 01:05:13,148 --> 01:05:14,148 All of you. 1528 01:05:14,184 --> 01:05:16,052 And take this trash with you. 1529 01:05:21,699 --> 01:05:22,431 Come on, Wiggins. 1530 01:05:22,469 --> 01:05:23,867 Wiggins, get out here. 1531 01:05:23,903 --> 01:05:25,271 -Get the fuck out! -Wiggins! 1532 01:05:25,309 --> 01:05:27,344 Wiggins, get the fuck out of here! 1533 01:05:27,378 --> 01:05:28,444 You've upset Wiggins. 1534 01:05:28,481 --> 01:05:29,814 Wiggins, go. 1535 01:05:29,851 --> 01:05:31,952 He's a fucking mess. 1536 01:05:31,987 --> 01:05:32,953 I'll leave you one. 1537 01:05:32,989 --> 01:05:33,888 I'll leave you one. 1538 01:05:33,925 --> 01:05:34,690 Go! 1539 01:05:34,726 --> 01:05:36,693 Wiggins is my friend now. He's... 1540 01:05:36,731 --> 01:05:38,365 Get out, get out! 1541 01:05:48,989 --> 01:05:50,155 D-dad. 1542 01:05:50,190 --> 01:05:52,292 Not you, you don't have to go. 1543 01:05:54,266 --> 01:05:58,170 I refuse to let the lovely Legos lose her virginity 1544 01:05:58,208 --> 01:06:00,411 in this den of sadness. 1545 01:06:00,447 --> 01:06:03,350 You need to be alone right now anyway, son. 1546 01:06:03,385 --> 01:06:05,820 You got a lot to think about. 1547 01:07:33,003 --> 01:07:33,869 Your dad's coming. 1548 01:07:33,905 --> 01:07:35,105 Yeah. 1549 01:07:35,141 --> 01:07:37,778 How'd it go with lady Lego? 1550 01:07:38,983 --> 01:07:40,350 It was horrible. 1551 01:07:40,385 --> 01:07:42,519 We all went to the field last night. 1552 01:07:42,557 --> 01:07:45,195 He got butt naked and made us all gather around her 1553 01:07:45,230 --> 01:07:47,865 as he mounted her right over there on home plate. 1554 01:07:47,902 --> 01:07:51,539 On first thrust, she exploded into a million pieces. 1555 01:07:51,576 --> 01:07:56,315 He just sat there defeated as his bruised old boner went limp. 1556 01:07:56,353 --> 01:07:58,855 Saddest shit I've ever seen. 1557 01:07:59,291 --> 01:08:01,027 Well, well, well... 1558 01:08:01,630 --> 01:08:03,230 Look at these video fun fucks. 1559 01:08:03,266 --> 01:08:04,299 You guys excited? 1560 01:08:04,336 --> 01:08:07,539 You like the smell of the field, the cut grass, 1561 01:08:07,576 --> 01:08:10,278 the stands full of quivering lady pussies waiting 1562 01:08:10,315 --> 01:08:13,184 for the B dog to satisfy them?? 1563 01:08:13,221 --> 01:08:15,957 God, I wanted to see you guys lose, but to see you 1564 01:08:15,993 --> 01:08:18,362 lose in front of a packed house, life is fucking sweet. 1565 01:08:18,398 --> 01:08:20,565 Like brown sugar on white pussy. 1566 01:08:20,601 --> 01:08:23,974 Hey look, y'all, President and CEO of Goldman Nutsucks. 1567 01:08:24,010 --> 01:08:26,177 Sorry, guys, I don't speak poor person. 1568 01:08:26,216 --> 01:08:27,248 Mary Kate. 1569 01:08:27,283 --> 01:08:28,516 Ashley. 1570 01:08:28,552 --> 01:08:30,119 You ladies eighteen yet? 1571 01:08:30,155 --> 01:08:31,957 Jackson, I know you're gonna miss this most so 1572 01:08:31,993 --> 01:08:34,228 really try and enjoy it, okay? 1573 01:08:34,262 --> 01:08:35,896 Good luck out there, ladies. 1574 01:08:42,448 --> 01:08:44,115 He almost hit that truck. 1575 01:08:54,273 --> 01:08:55,672 Gentlemen. 1576 01:08:55,707 --> 01:09:00,414 It's been an honor serving with you on that battlefield. 1577 01:09:00,453 --> 01:09:06,195 You fought like warrior poets in the days of old, 1578 01:09:06,230 --> 01:09:13,242 but I ask you one last time to fight with me. 1579 01:09:13,278 --> 01:09:14,511 Can you do that? 1580 01:09:14,546 --> 01:09:17,516 Fight with me! 1581 01:09:20,658 --> 01:09:22,893 Spit on me. 1582 01:09:22,930 --> 01:09:24,430 I got some in my mouth. 1583 01:09:24,466 --> 01:09:27,269 Thanks for coming out, folks, to the last game of the season. 1584 01:09:27,307 --> 01:09:29,409 It's gonna be a doozey. 1585 01:09:29,444 --> 01:09:32,581 Now batting, Jackson Price. 1586 01:09:34,655 --> 01:09:35,988 What's in this? 1587 01:09:36,024 --> 01:09:37,692 Jackson's shake masterpiece. 1588 01:09:37,729 --> 01:09:39,897 The final cuntdown. 1589 01:09:41,572 --> 01:09:43,072 That was a good pitch. 1590 01:09:43,106 --> 01:09:44,707 There's something I need to talk to you about. 1591 01:09:44,743 --> 01:09:46,076 Yeah? 1592 01:09:46,112 --> 01:09:47,078 What is that? 1593 01:09:47,114 --> 01:09:48,213 Balls on chin. 1594 01:09:48,252 --> 01:09:50,486 Dude, I'm not in the mood for jokes right now, man. 1595 01:09:50,520 --> 01:09:53,190 Remember the tri-county little league championships? 1596 01:09:53,228 --> 01:09:54,493 Yeah, yeah. Who could forget? 1597 01:09:54,529 --> 01:09:57,132 You got hit in the face twice in one game. 1598 01:09:57,167 --> 01:09:59,435 Taking those two balls to the chin was the best 1599 01:09:59,472 --> 01:10:01,106 thing I ever did. 1600 01:10:01,143 --> 01:10:02,542 Why, what do you mean? 1601 01:10:02,581 --> 01:10:05,516 Everyone knew I wasn't gonna get on base and if I 1602 01:10:05,551 --> 01:10:07,353 struck out, which I was going to, the game 1603 01:10:07,390 --> 01:10:09,024 would've been over, right? 1604 01:10:09,060 --> 01:10:12,297 My only option to get on base was to get hit by a pitch. 1605 01:10:12,333 --> 01:10:14,167 Wait a minute, you did that on purpose? 1606 01:10:14,204 --> 01:10:17,141 Yeah, I had to drink through a straw for three months and 1607 01:10:17,177 --> 01:10:18,476 it was worth it. 1608 01:10:18,512 --> 01:10:20,547 We won because I didn't accept the shitty hand of 1609 01:10:20,582 --> 01:10:22,216 cards that fate dealt me. 1610 01:10:22,253 --> 01:10:24,454 I took destiny into my own hands. 1611 01:10:24,492 --> 01:10:26,694 Old man opportunity knocked, the sixth grade 1612 01:10:26,730 --> 01:10:31,036 version of myself answered the door, and then I took 1613 01:10:31,072 --> 01:10:33,274 his two balls on my chin. 1614 01:10:37,085 --> 01:10:38,351 No, no! No, no, no! 1615 01:10:38,389 --> 01:10:39,255 Run, run. 1616 01:10:39,291 --> 01:10:40,257 Where's your glove? 1617 01:10:40,292 --> 01:10:41,592 Where's your glove? 1618 01:10:43,197 --> 01:10:44,230 Safe. 1619 01:10:46,805 --> 01:10:48,472 Good lead off, red. 1620 01:10:48,509 --> 01:10:51,846 Fuck all your mothers. 1621 01:10:51,882 --> 01:10:53,382 All of them. 1622 01:10:54,118 --> 01:10:55,318 You're up, D. 1623 01:10:56,157 --> 01:10:57,623 Let's light this bitch up. 1624 01:10:57,659 --> 01:10:59,260 On your games, boys. 1625 01:11:03,439 --> 01:11:06,542 Now batting, Denton Baker. 1626 01:11:06,578 --> 01:11:08,380 Son of a bitch. 1627 01:11:08,716 --> 01:11:09,748 Dude, you suck. 1628 01:11:09,784 --> 01:11:11,487 Strike. 1629 01:11:12,224 --> 01:11:13,056 You know what, Lucas? 1630 01:11:13,092 --> 01:11:14,492 You want some esse? 1631 01:11:14,529 --> 01:11:16,297 According to this contract, the bet's not 1632 01:11:16,332 --> 01:11:18,167 over til the end of this season, right? 1633 01:11:18,203 --> 01:11:19,302 Yeah. 1634 01:11:19,340 --> 01:11:21,740 Well there's still eight innings left to win this thing. 1635 01:11:21,777 --> 01:11:24,279 -Okay, okay. -Hey, Jackson. 1636 01:11:24,315 --> 01:11:26,483 Game's not over, boys! 1637 01:11:28,324 --> 01:11:30,126 You're right. 1638 01:11:30,161 --> 01:11:31,761 I have been a pussy. 1639 01:11:35,872 --> 01:11:39,410 I need you to stall this game. 1640 01:11:45,190 --> 01:11:46,090 Help! 1641 01:11:46,127 --> 01:11:48,896 My jockstrap is twisted around my balls. 1642 01:11:48,932 --> 01:11:50,565 Come on. Delay of game, blue! 1643 01:11:50,603 --> 01:11:53,373 You know, I wanted to wear it like Maris did during 1644 01:11:53,408 --> 01:11:56,179 his 61 homerun season. 1645 01:11:56,215 --> 01:11:58,885 I read that he did that on the back of his baseball card. 1646 01:11:58,921 --> 01:11:59,920 This is bullshit, Jackson. 1647 01:11:59,956 --> 01:12:02,358 I'm a bit of a card collector. 1648 01:12:02,395 --> 01:12:03,528 Tops. 1649 01:12:03,564 --> 01:12:05,398 Hey, focus! Don't look at him! 1650 01:12:05,435 --> 01:12:06,468 Look at me. 1651 01:12:06,502 --> 01:12:07,568 Don't look at me. 1652 01:12:07,605 --> 01:12:10,542 Fleer, Waxpacks. 1653 01:12:10,578 --> 01:12:11,577 Where you going? 1654 01:12:11,613 --> 01:12:13,748 To take a set of balls on the chin. 1655 01:12:13,784 --> 01:12:15,418 What? 1656 01:12:15,889 --> 01:12:16,887 What, is he gay now? 1657 01:12:16,922 --> 01:12:18,590 No, no, it's a metaphor. 1658 01:12:18,627 --> 01:12:21,130 Honis Wagner of the Honis Wanger card. 1659 01:12:21,166 --> 01:12:22,399 Blue! 1660 01:12:22,436 --> 01:12:23,635 -Delay of game. -Wayne Gretsky. 1661 01:12:23,671 --> 01:12:25,606 God! 1662 01:12:25,643 --> 01:12:28,279 It's like a hangman's noose! 1663 01:12:47,219 --> 01:12:50,591 And that was the Sneeches by Dr. Seuss. 1664 01:12:51,662 --> 01:12:53,730 Do you guys know what the moral of the story is? 1665 01:12:53,766 --> 01:12:57,271 The moral of the story is that there was this one 1666 01:12:57,309 --> 01:12:59,244 boy sneech who was confused. 1667 01:12:59,679 --> 01:13:00,912 What are you doing? 1668 01:13:00,948 --> 01:13:06,925 There was this girl sneech who was amazing and beautiful and 1669 01:13:06,961 --> 01:13:12,403 funny and confident in who she is and he thought to himself. 1670 01:13:12,440 --> 01:13:14,442 He thought, you know what? You know what I need? 1671 01:13:14,476 --> 01:13:17,346 I need, I need, I need a couple stars under my belt 1672 01:13:17,382 --> 01:13:18,949 to really impress this girl. 1673 01:13:18,985 --> 01:13:21,487 The girl sneech. 1674 01:13:21,521 --> 01:13:23,724 So he goes over to his boys in Whoville and he says to them... 1675 01:13:23,761 --> 01:13:24,961 They were like, you know what, dude? 1676 01:13:24,997 --> 01:13:27,498 You need, you need to be confident. 1677 01:13:27,537 --> 01:13:29,872 You need to be like the Cat in the Hat. 1678 01:13:29,907 --> 01:13:31,875 So he goes over and he slams some beers with 1679 01:13:31,911 --> 01:13:34,914 Thing 1 and Thing 2, he hits the town, he hooks up 1680 01:13:34,952 --> 01:13:36,653 with a bunch of chicks. 1681 01:13:37,524 --> 01:13:40,594 That's not who he is. 1682 01:13:40,630 --> 01:13:42,364 That's not what he's about. 1683 01:13:43,436 --> 01:13:46,907 He's more like the Lorax in reality. 1684 01:13:46,943 --> 01:13:50,014 Planting grickle grass, and climbing truckular 1685 01:13:50,051 --> 01:13:52,987 trees, and smoking cheese with the Barbaluts. 1686 01:13:53,024 --> 01:13:54,859 What are you trying to say? 1687 01:13:56,595 --> 01:13:59,633 Amanda, I fell in love with you this summer. 1688 01:14:01,974 --> 01:14:05,679 I screwed it up. I just screwed it up. 1689 01:14:06,984 --> 01:14:09,854 But you need to know that the man that I was when I 1690 01:14:09,890 --> 01:14:13,429 was with you, that's who I really am. 1691 01:14:14,265 --> 01:14:16,268 Yeah, the sneech may have stolen a blind girl's 1692 01:14:16,304 --> 01:14:18,305 glasses and shot a jizz pistol in a dude's mouth. 1693 01:14:18,341 --> 01:14:18,939 That happened. 1694 01:14:18,975 --> 01:14:20,542 That did. 1695 01:14:20,579 --> 01:14:23,382 I'm not asking you for a second chance. 1696 01:14:23,418 --> 01:14:26,288 If this is the last time I get to see you then I 1697 01:14:26,324 --> 01:14:31,699 understand, but you need to know that from now on 1698 01:14:31,735 --> 01:14:34,939 I'm gonna be who I really am. 1699 01:14:34,975 --> 01:14:37,478 Who I always was. 1700 01:14:39,318 --> 01:14:42,655 The sneech knows where his real star is. 1701 01:14:45,497 --> 01:14:46,731 Okay. 1702 01:14:49,105 --> 01:14:50,672 Okay. 1703 01:14:56,052 --> 01:14:58,055 I'm so lonely. 1704 01:15:01,663 --> 01:15:03,029 How we doing, boys? 1705 01:15:03,068 --> 01:15:06,506 Good, man. Bottom of nine, all tied up. 1706 01:15:06,541 --> 01:15:08,007 How'd it go? 1707 01:15:08,046 --> 01:15:12,819 Not the smoothest actually. 1708 01:15:12,853 --> 01:15:14,921 But atleast I came clean to her. 1709 01:15:14,958 --> 01:15:18,563 Yeah, well you're a better man for it and all that. 1710 01:15:18,600 --> 01:15:19,966 Right. 1711 01:15:20,002 --> 01:15:21,335 You're up, D. 1712 01:15:21,372 --> 01:15:22,371 Here we go! 1713 01:15:22,407 --> 01:15:23,440 Here we go! 1714 01:15:23,475 --> 01:15:24,708 Big D. 1715 01:15:25,447 --> 01:15:26,413 Here we go. 1716 01:15:26,449 --> 01:15:27,882 Move it back. Here we go. 1717 01:15:27,917 --> 01:15:29,483 -Big hitter, big hitter! -Denton. 1718 01:15:29,521 --> 01:15:31,524 Let's go. 1719 01:15:31,560 --> 01:15:32,993 Dead man walking. 1720 01:15:36,804 --> 01:15:38,538 Everyone's getting fucked in the ass. 1721 01:15:38,574 --> 01:15:40,509 I'm gonna fuck so many bitches in your house, 1722 01:15:40,546 --> 01:15:41,779 it's gonna be disgusting. 1723 01:15:41,814 --> 01:15:44,885 Every single one of these fucks is getting fucked in the ass. 1724 01:15:44,921 --> 01:15:48,426 Yeah, you're whole bedroom is gonna be painted in my semen. 1725 01:15:49,896 --> 01:15:51,564 Time out! 1726 01:15:56,476 --> 01:15:57,743 Are you... 1727 01:15:58,582 --> 01:16:00,048 Hey, hi, hi! 1728 01:16:01,119 --> 01:16:03,389 Denton, did you really mean what you said? 1729 01:16:04,895 --> 01:16:06,796 It's the most honest I've been all summer. 1730 01:16:06,832 --> 01:16:08,065 This is bullshit. 1731 01:16:08,100 --> 01:16:10,068 Is this bet really that important to you? 1732 01:16:10,105 --> 01:16:11,338 No. 1733 01:16:11,375 --> 01:16:12,274 Come on. 1734 01:16:12,310 --> 01:16:14,311 It's not as important as being with you. 1735 01:16:15,516 --> 01:16:17,418 Let's play ball. 1736 01:16:29,712 --> 01:16:31,880 I gotta full on Louisville Chubber. 1737 01:16:31,917 --> 01:16:33,050 Me too. 1738 01:16:35,658 --> 01:16:37,626 -Now go win this game. -Okay. 1739 01:16:41,704 --> 01:16:42,903 Hey, Amanda? 1740 01:16:42,939 --> 01:16:45,108 Hi, Amanda Morrison? 1741 01:16:45,145 --> 01:16:46,778 -Yeah. -I'm Denise Davids. 1742 01:16:46,814 --> 01:16:47,645 You don't know me. 1743 01:16:47,684 --> 01:16:49,685 Listen, I'm not gonna hurt you, okay? 1744 01:16:49,720 --> 01:16:52,790 I do have to show you something right now. 1745 01:16:52,827 --> 01:16:53,993 It's important. 1746 01:16:54,029 --> 01:16:55,462 You may not like it. 1747 01:16:55,500 --> 01:16:57,001 But you might. 1748 01:16:58,003 --> 01:16:58,801 Here we go, D. 1749 01:16:58,840 --> 01:17:00,875 Knock his cock right off of his body. 1750 01:17:00,911 --> 01:17:02,210 We want pain, we wanna see blood. 1751 01:17:02,246 --> 01:17:04,715 -Here we go! -Alright. 1752 01:17:04,752 --> 01:17:06,419 Let's see what you got. 1753 01:17:09,796 --> 01:17:10,929 This one's for you, daddy. 1754 01:17:10,965 --> 01:17:12,800 Son, I'm so proud of you. 1755 01:17:12,836 --> 01:17:14,168 Here we go, D. Right in his pussy. 1756 01:17:14,204 --> 01:17:15,837 Right in his pussy. 1757 01:17:15,875 --> 01:17:17,108 Here we go. Here we go. 1758 01:17:17,145 --> 01:17:18,411 Big hitter, big hitter. 1759 01:17:20,185 --> 01:17:23,122 You always made me proud, and you know what, 1760 01:17:23,157 --> 01:17:25,025 your momma was proud, too. 1761 01:17:34,514 --> 01:17:35,880 Yo, B, we got a problem, dog. 1762 01:17:35,914 --> 01:17:36,980 Don't answer it. Shut up. 1763 01:17:37,018 --> 01:17:38,184 Last night's movie leaked. 1764 01:17:38,220 --> 01:17:39,654 Are you shitting me? 1765 01:17:40,958 --> 01:17:43,528 Is this train going to Paris? 1766 01:17:43,564 --> 01:17:44,896 Why indeed it is, ma'am. 1767 01:17:44,935 --> 01:17:45,934 All aboard. 1768 01:17:45,970 --> 01:17:48,204 Next stop, the Eiffel Tower. 1769 01:17:48,240 --> 01:17:49,875 I love big, erect things. 1770 01:17:49,912 --> 01:17:52,915 Well you are in luck, ma'am, because we have two. 1771 01:17:57,793 --> 01:18:00,229 Let's get a moving here. 1772 01:18:00,266 --> 01:18:01,900 My god. 1773 01:18:09,252 --> 01:18:10,852 Full steam ahead! 1774 01:19:23,104 --> 01:19:24,603 Fuck what you stand for! 1775 01:19:24,640 --> 01:19:26,675 Fuck everything that you like! 1776 01:19:26,712 --> 01:19:27,578 Yes! 1777 01:19:31,287 --> 01:19:32,253 You fucking... 1778 01:19:32,288 --> 01:19:34,557 You little son of a bitch! 1779 01:19:35,262 --> 01:19:36,695 Shut the fuck up, old man! 1780 01:19:36,733 --> 01:19:37,599 Hey, you know what, Jackson? 1781 01:19:37,635 --> 01:19:38,900 You can have the game. 1782 01:19:38,935 --> 01:19:40,871 You'll never play in this league again. 1783 01:19:40,908 --> 01:19:42,241 Denton lost the fucking bet. 1784 01:19:42,277 --> 01:19:44,846 Actually, Lucas, no, he didn't. 1785 01:19:44,882 --> 01:19:45,948 You're bitch 11. 1786 01:19:45,985 --> 01:19:47,219 He's still one bitch shy. 1787 01:19:47,255 --> 01:19:48,755 That means your house is mine. 1788 01:19:48,791 --> 01:19:50,692 And I'm gonna burn it to the goddamn ground right 1789 01:19:50,729 --> 01:19:53,865 after I take a huge shit in it. 1790 01:19:53,902 --> 01:19:55,234 Denise. 1791 01:19:55,273 --> 01:19:58,143 I think you have one more text message to send. 1792 01:19:58,176 --> 01:19:59,342 What? 1793 01:20:09,064 --> 01:20:14,071 For our next motion picture, the Pole Her Express. 1794 01:20:16,014 --> 01:20:18,349 Is this train going to the south pole? 1795 01:20:18,384 --> 01:20:23,024 It isn't, ma'am, but you can go south on my pole. 1796 01:20:23,061 --> 01:20:24,895 Let me slide on down here. 1797 01:20:31,180 --> 01:20:32,914 Lord, here we go. 1798 01:20:32,948 --> 01:20:35,183 Santa's dropping his load. 1799 01:20:35,921 --> 01:20:38,021 That's a whole lot of egg nog. 1800 01:20:38,059 --> 01:20:40,929 You're welcome. Merry Christmas to you. 1801 01:20:40,965 --> 01:20:44,836 Twelve girls in one summer. 1802 01:20:44,873 --> 01:20:45,907 Damn! 1803 01:20:45,942 --> 01:20:49,813 As my first official act as the new CEO of Mr. B's 1804 01:20:49,850 --> 01:20:51,751 Gourmet Condoms... 1805 01:20:52,255 --> 01:20:55,726 Mr. Lucas, you're fucking fired. 1806 01:20:55,762 --> 01:20:59,333 Brandon, you are super fucking fired. 1807 01:20:59,368 --> 01:21:01,871 What the hell is going on? 1808 01:21:01,908 --> 01:21:06,381 The contact signed by Brandon himself. 1809 01:21:08,154 --> 01:21:10,055 Daddy, I can explain. 1810 01:21:12,762 --> 01:21:13,895 You goddamn fucking moron! 1811 01:21:13,932 --> 01:21:15,432 Daddy, I'm sorry! 1812 01:21:15,470 --> 01:21:16,369 You greedy little shit. 1813 01:21:16,405 --> 01:21:18,340 -I'm sorry, I'm sorry! -Jesus fucking... 1814 01:21:18,375 --> 01:21:20,109 Yeah, that's right. 1815 01:21:20,145 --> 01:21:22,414 You guys can suck our black dicks. 1816 01:21:22,451 --> 01:21:25,453 Yeah, man. You can suck all our black dicks. 1817 01:21:25,490 --> 01:21:26,524 That's right, boy. 1818 01:21:26,560 --> 01:21:29,931 Now as my second official act as the CEO, I intend 1819 01:21:29,966 --> 01:21:33,770 to return the company back to its original owner and creator. 1820 01:21:33,806 --> 01:21:36,275 The world's greatest inventor. 1821 01:21:36,313 --> 01:21:37,378 My dad. 1822 01:21:37,416 --> 01:21:38,515 -Me? -Yes. 1823 01:21:38,551 --> 01:21:40,051 -You're giving it to me? -Yes 1824 01:21:40,087 --> 01:21:42,824 - Me? My god. - Yeah. 1825 01:21:43,261 --> 01:21:46,065 I kinda have a thing for inventors. 1826 01:21:48,002 --> 01:21:50,037 -And you. -No. 1827 01:21:50,074 --> 01:21:54,514 But there's still something that I owe you. 1828 01:21:54,548 --> 01:21:55,515 Boom! 1829 01:21:55,551 --> 01:21:56,784 Dad! Dad? 1830 01:21:56,822 --> 01:21:58,122 That's right, Brandon. 1831 01:21:58,158 --> 01:22:00,126 We throw low around here. 1832 01:22:03,001 --> 01:22:05,002 Rain jimmies on these bitches. 1833 01:22:05,038 --> 01:22:07,340 Get 'em up! Throw 'em up! 1834 01:22:07,377 --> 01:22:08,376 All of them! 1835 01:22:08,412 --> 01:22:09,912 Get all of them! 1836 01:22:09,949 --> 01:22:12,418 Look, Amanda, about these last couple months. 1837 01:22:12,454 --> 01:22:14,789 Screw your past. 1838 01:22:20,171 --> 01:22:24,444 Besides, I still haven't told you about my summer. 1839 01:22:24,479 --> 01:22:25,345 What? 1840 01:23:43,375 --> 01:23:45,109 So let me get this straight. 1841 01:23:45,145 --> 01:23:46,478 You own the company. 1842 01:23:46,515 --> 01:23:47,347 Yup. 1843 01:23:47,384 --> 01:23:48,550 You stole the company. 1844 01:23:48,586 --> 01:23:49,552 Yup. 1845 01:23:49,587 --> 01:23:53,192 You won it back because your son won a bet where 1846 01:23:53,229 --> 01:23:56,231 he had to sleep with twelve girls in a summer. 1847 01:23:56,269 --> 01:23:57,435 A whole summer. 1848 01:23:57,470 --> 01:23:59,070 You nailed it. 1849 01:24:03,483 --> 01:24:04,617 Gluten free. 1850 01:24:05,523 --> 01:24:06,889 Gluten free. 127359