All language subtitles for The Kid 2000 WEB-DL 1080p x264 AAC2.0-ChaosHD

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese Download
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:53,407 --> 00:00:57,654 I'm sorry. I can't seem to find my purse. I must have ten of'em. 2 00:00:57,745 --> 00:01:00,949 - Can you just ring mine first, please? - There's someone ahead of you, sir. 3 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,164 I usually keep my change in my little change bear, but... 4 00:01:03,251 --> 00:01:06,169 That's almost interesting. How much is hers? 5 00:01:07,673 --> 00:01:09,796 - 5.26. - Just add it on, please. 6 00:01:09,884 --> 00:01:12,801 Hold on, hold on. If it's not in this one, it'll be in another one. 7 00:01:12,887 --> 00:01:16,007 - That'll be 9.65. - Thank you very much. - How sweet. 8 00:01:16,099 --> 00:01:18,507 - You didn't have to do that for me. - I didn't do it for you. 9 00:01:18,601 --> 00:01:21,887 Check some bags next time. 10 00:01:21,980 --> 00:01:22,929 Jerk. 11 00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:40,840 - How can I help you, Governor? - Some dirtbag... 12 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,721 dirtbag... from the attorney general's office... 13 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:46,647 had dared to mention the word "jail." 14 00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:50,600 Waaah. 15 00:01:50,695 --> 00:01:53,696 Waaah! 16 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:59,654 - Somebody call the "waaambulance"! - What? What did you say? 17 00:02:08,464 --> 00:02:12,165 Governor, do you know what the number one killer of politicians under the age of 60 is? 18 00:02:12,260 --> 00:02:14,586 - No. - Self-pity. 19 00:02:14,679 --> 00:02:16,921 Now, Governor, I'll be more than happy to help you out of this mess... 20 00:02:17,015 --> 00:02:19,341 that you so willingly seem to have stepped into. 21 00:02:19,435 --> 00:02:22,471 - But you ought to do something. - What's that? 22 00:02:22,563 --> 00:02:25,185 - Stop crying. - I'll try. 23 00:02:25,274 --> 00:02:28,478 No, I mean right now. You're giving me a headache. 24 00:02:43,837 --> 00:02:48,131 Excuse me, folks, anything more to drink? 25 00:02:48,216 --> 00:02:50,790 - Do y'all have any single-malt scotch? - Sure do. 26 00:02:52,179 --> 00:02:54,670 So, what do you do for a living? 27 00:02:57,185 --> 00:03:01,432 You wanna tell me about it? You know, comfort of strangers and all that. 28 00:03:01,523 --> 00:03:03,432 No. 29 00:03:05,778 --> 00:03:07,687 Oh. Must be something on the Internet. 30 00:03:09,365 --> 00:03:11,654 Or finance. 31 00:03:11,742 --> 00:03:13,782 Genetic engineering, maybe, huh? 32 00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:18,034 - I'm an image consultant, okay? - Okay. 33 00:03:39,064 --> 00:03:41,141 So you sort of troubleshoot for folks? 34 00:03:41,233 --> 00:03:45,018 You know, give 'em makeovers when they need revamping, right? 35 00:03:46,072 --> 00:03:48,361 Right. 36 00:03:48,450 --> 00:03:50,359 Hey, look... 37 00:03:50,452 --> 00:03:53,786 I'm flying to L.A. to start an anchor job in the local news... 38 00:03:53,872 --> 00:03:57,822 and I do not think that it's an accident that I'm sitting next to you. 39 00:03:57,918 --> 00:03:59,876 I see. So the cosmic purpose... 40 00:03:59,962 --> 00:04:02,536 of our meeting is for me to give you free advice. 41 00:04:02,632 --> 00:04:06,962 - What do I get out of it? - We don't know yet. 42 00:04:07,054 --> 00:04:09,723 But I'll owe you. 43 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:29,784 - If I do it, will you shut up? - Quiet as the dead. 44 00:04:32,248 --> 00:04:35,000 Your hair's too big, your brows are too dark, your nails are too long... 45 00:04:35,084 --> 00:04:36,994 and your foundation's too orange. 46 00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:40,586 Your perfume's too sweet. It's the news, honey, not the prom. 47 00:04:40,674 --> 00:04:43,841 - I like your eyes... - Oh. Thank you. 48 00:04:43,928 --> 00:04:46,763 Bluer. Try the tinted contacts. 49 00:04:46,847 --> 00:04:48,805 But only when you're anchoring or in L.A. 50 00:04:48,891 --> 00:04:52,225 - When you're on assignment, take them out. - What about my accent? 51 00:04:52,312 --> 00:04:54,601 I'm always being warned to stop saying "y'all." 52 00:04:54,689 --> 00:04:58,106 Don't ever stop saying "y'all." Your "y'all" is your trademark. 53 00:04:58,193 --> 00:05:00,945 Say "y'all," and you'll be promoted in six months. 54 00:05:01,030 --> 00:05:04,114 Say "y'all" with a smile, you'll be famous in 12. 55 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:08,744 Well, thank you. 56 00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:10,372 You're welcome. 57 00:05:10,457 --> 00:05:14,206 Now, will you please shut up? 58 00:05:32,606 --> 00:05:37,103 All right, let me have him. Hello, Your Honour. How are you? 59 00:05:37,195 --> 00:05:39,567 Good. Thank you. 60 00:05:39,656 --> 00:05:41,447 Define "not exactly alone." 61 00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:46,241 Your Honour, was this mannequin inflatable? 62 00:05:49,208 --> 00:05:51,415 You know if the press... 63 00:05:51,502 --> 00:05:53,744 Dodged one bullet. 64 00:05:53,838 --> 00:05:56,080 Listen, this is all gonna blow over. 65 00:06:07,937 --> 00:06:11,141 Hey! Did you see the... 66 00:06:12,734 --> 00:06:14,015 the... 67 00:06:17,531 --> 00:06:18,646 Yeah. 68 00:06:22,078 --> 00:06:24,154 Twelve cream pies are on their way over to the stadium. 69 00:06:24,247 --> 00:06:26,572 Bob Riley expects you in the owner's box at 3:00. 70 00:06:26,666 --> 00:06:30,664 Amy will meet you there. And why are you wearing a yellow tie? 71 00:06:30,754 --> 00:06:33,921 Janet. How could you know I'm wearing my yellow tie? You can't even see me. 72 00:06:34,007 --> 00:06:36,250 I can hear the stress in your voice. 73 00:06:36,343 --> 00:06:38,087 Whenever you're stressed, you wear the yellow tie... 74 00:06:38,179 --> 00:06:40,931 which makes you feel all-powerful, so you're probably gonna yell at me... 75 00:06:41,015 --> 00:06:44,634 which I'm not in the mood for, so don't. 76 00:06:44,728 --> 00:06:49,307 - Nice tie. - I am not stressed. 77 00:06:49,399 --> 00:06:52,484 There is nothing wrong with me. I just didn't get enough sleep last night. 78 00:06:52,570 --> 00:06:55,986 - Can I have today's work, please? - Take your phone off. You're with a human now. 79 00:06:56,073 --> 00:06:59,110 I did the ones and twos. There's a three, a four. 80 00:06:59,202 --> 00:07:02,654 I flagged the five in your mail. There's an eight on your desk to sign. 81 00:07:02,748 --> 00:07:05,417 And there's a ten standing in your office. 82 00:07:16,846 --> 00:07:18,970 Why did you let him in my office, Janet? 83 00:07:19,057 --> 00:07:21,975 He threatened me with a machete. 84 00:07:22,061 --> 00:07:24,219 He's your father, Russ. 85 00:07:28,234 --> 00:07:32,018 Wait 60 seconds and come in and tell me I'm late for something. 86 00:07:32,113 --> 00:07:35,399 - I hate you. - Fight fair. 87 00:07:41,248 --> 00:07:46,588 - That's a nice photo of you, uh, and Al De Niro. - Robert De Niro. 88 00:07:46,671 --> 00:07:49,708 Oh, it's a nice photo of you and Robert De Niro. 89 00:07:49,799 --> 00:07:53,335 Well, it would be, except that's Al Pacino. 90 00:07:53,428 --> 00:07:54,424 Oh. 91 00:07:54,513 --> 00:07:57,218 So, Dad, what can I do for you? 92 00:07:57,308 --> 00:07:59,466 Did you get the cheque I sent over this morning? 93 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,968 Yes, yes, I did. 94 00:08:03,314 --> 00:08:06,102 But I didn't ask you for a cheque. 95 00:08:06,193 --> 00:08:08,766 I asked you to come over and help me lift a few things. 96 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,649 Well, time is money, Dad... 97 00:08:12,741 --> 00:08:14,615 and my time is worth a lot more than a mover's... 98 00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:17,620 so I'm afraid the cheque is gonna have to do. 99 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:23,124 Look, your sister and her family are coming over for dinner tomorrow night. 100 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:26,248 You haven't seen your niece and nephew in a long time. 101 00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:30,718 - Uh, you may want some of those things in the attic. - Like what, Dad? 102 00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:34,884 - Some more of my childhood memorabilia? - You never know. 103 00:08:37,894 --> 00:08:40,101 How many times in the last 20 years that you lived in that house... 104 00:08:40,188 --> 00:08:43,807 have I ever asked you for anything, hmm? 105 00:08:43,901 --> 00:08:45,977 Anything at all? 106 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:53,452 Um, you're late for a very big meeting. 107 00:08:53,537 --> 00:08:56,657 Dozens of irate and highly important people are clamouring for you. 108 00:08:56,748 --> 00:08:59,322 There is pandemonium, I'm sure, somewhere... 109 00:08:59,418 --> 00:09:02,253 and you really must go... right now. 110 00:09:03,756 --> 00:09:07,624 Good luck with the move, Dad. Let me know how it goes. 111 00:09:22,235 --> 00:09:26,233 Call Fred and see how the market closed. Check the NASD AQ Bye. 112 00:09:26,323 --> 00:09:27,272 That's perfect. 113 00:09:27,491 --> 00:09:28,356 You look brilliant. 114 00:09:28,450 --> 00:09:31,238 Completely and utterly gorgeous. 115 00:09:31,328 --> 00:09:33,286 Don't look at me. Look out there. 116 00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:35,531 Have we signed a new client? 117 00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:38,959 We made a bet. If I make him look handsome, I get a free hot dog. 118 00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:43,126 - You're going to starve. - Not a chance. 119 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,126 - Thank you. - My pleasure. 120 00:09:45,219 --> 00:09:48,255 - Just don't share it with jerko. - No way. 121 00:09:48,347 --> 00:09:51,017 Watch your cholesterol, hot dog boy. Let me have that for you. 122 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,176 Hey, I worked hard for that! 123 00:09:53,269 --> 00:09:55,392 Amy, those hot dogs will kill you. 124 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,389 Besides, we're about to have lobster in cream sauce. 125 00:09:57,482 --> 00:10:00,898 I don't want lobster in cream sauce. I want hot dog in mustard sauce. 126 00:10:00,986 --> 00:10:02,895 Please stop biting your nails, Amy. 127 00:10:02,988 --> 00:10:06,155 Nail. I only bite one. Why do you care anyway? 128 00:10:06,242 --> 00:10:08,151 I care because you work for me. 129 00:10:08,244 --> 00:10:10,735 When you bite your nails, you're advertising weakness. 130 00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:13,322 Really? Advertising weakness with one little nail? 131 00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:15,456 - What's this advertise? - Nice. 132 00:10:15,544 --> 00:10:17,750 - Hi, Mike. Is he in? - Waitin' for you. 133 00:10:17,838 --> 00:10:20,958 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 134 00:10:21,050 --> 00:10:22,758 Hello. 135 00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:26,545 - Hello. - I haven't seen you in a couple of days. 136 00:10:26,639 --> 00:10:28,798 - How have you been? - Fine. Now can we go in? 137 00:10:28,892 --> 00:10:33,435 No. This is the bit where you ask me. 138 00:10:33,522 --> 00:10:35,515 We're very late. I don't have time to... 139 00:10:35,608 --> 00:10:38,811 Go on. Give it a whirl. 140 00:10:43,032 --> 00:10:45,950 Hi, Amy. How are you doing? 141 00:10:47,454 --> 00:10:51,369 Fine. We're really late. 142 00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:56,328 Hey, the cavalry is here! 143 00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:59,340 Russ Duritz to the rescue! 144 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:02,842 Here to save my sorry behind. 145 00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:05,966 Josh, look after him. 146 00:11:06,058 --> 00:11:07,469 - Good luck. - Yeah. 147 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,517 Hi. I'm Josh, Mr Riley's assistant. 148 00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:11,596 - If you need anything... - I do. 149 00:11:11,689 --> 00:11:15,058 I need you to go up in the bleachers and find me a dozen 8- to 12-year-old kids. 150 00:11:15,151 --> 00:11:19,399 Eight boys, four girls. Five white, four Latino, three black. 151 00:11:19,489 --> 00:11:22,574 - Have 'em back here in three minutes. - Okay. 152 00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:24,699 I need to use your Hi-8 for this one. 153 00:11:24,787 --> 00:11:26,863 So why is everybody busting my chops? 154 00:11:26,956 --> 00:11:28,949 And the way I see this thing... 155 00:11:29,042 --> 00:11:32,909 it's just a little misunderstanding. 156 00:11:33,004 --> 00:11:35,044 Okay, Bob, let me see if I can explain to you... 157 00:11:35,132 --> 00:11:37,884 how other people see this little thing. 158 00:11:37,968 --> 00:11:40,542 You see, to Joe Baseball Fan out there, you're the guy that promised... 159 00:11:40,638 --> 00:11:43,343 you would give five percent of each ticket sold this season... 160 00:11:43,432 --> 00:11:46,387 to establishing a baseball camp for inner-city kids. 161 00:11:46,478 --> 00:11:49,183 You're also the guy that gave pictures to the press of kids... 162 00:11:49,272 --> 00:11:52,309 actually attending this camp which, in fact, does not exist. 163 00:11:52,401 --> 00:11:56,315 Yet. I was intending to get around to it, uh, eventually. 164 00:11:56,405 --> 00:12:00,190 - Ah. - I am a very busy guy. 165 00:12:01,494 --> 00:12:03,701 No, Bob, you're not a busy man. 166 00:12:03,788 --> 00:12:06,873 See, what you are is a "stoopid" man. 167 00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:10,244 A very stupid guy who only played Mr Charitable... 168 00:12:10,337 --> 00:12:12,247 because you wanted to suck up to city council... 169 00:12:12,339 --> 00:12:15,923 so they'd build you a brand new baseball park. 170 00:12:16,010 --> 00:12:18,252 But guess what. Bye-bye, ballpark. 171 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:22,639 Hello, jail. 172 00:12:22,726 --> 00:12:27,684 - So what's your big plan? - How do you feel about chocolate cream pie? 173 00:12:27,773 --> 00:12:31,771 Why? You gonna feed the kids cream pie to get me out of this mess? 174 00:12:31,861 --> 00:12:35,028 No. The kids are gonna feed you cream pie and get you out of this mess. 175 00:12:35,115 --> 00:12:37,606 - Huh? - Bob... 176 00:12:37,701 --> 00:12:39,610 prepare to be pied. 177 00:12:41,246 --> 00:12:43,738 I deserve it! 178 00:12:43,833 --> 00:12:45,825 More pie in the face! 179 00:12:45,918 --> 00:12:48,291 Bob, the press is gonna eat this up. 180 00:12:48,379 --> 00:12:50,337 Amy, what do you think? 181 00:12:50,423 --> 00:12:53,674 - Amy? Amy? - You want to know what I think? 182 00:12:54,594 --> 00:12:57,216 I think there's something very creepy about all this. 183 00:12:57,306 --> 00:13:00,390 Amy, Amy, I swear to you... 184 00:13:00,476 --> 00:13:04,474 I will make sure that the editing of this tape is handled tastefully, okay? 185 00:13:04,564 --> 00:13:07,316 - I'm sure you will. - No, I promise. 186 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,938 - We didn't do anything wrong today. - No. 187 00:13:10,028 --> 00:13:15,319 - We did the right thing by our client, Bob Riley. - I love him. 188 00:13:15,409 --> 00:13:20,652 Russ, today we shamelessly exploited innocent children... 189 00:13:20,748 --> 00:13:24,414 just to help some crook with his cash flow problems. 190 00:13:28,048 --> 00:13:30,835 Are you gonna finish this last piece of yellowtail? 191 00:13:30,926 --> 00:13:33,168 Russ, you should be concerned about this. You're turning 40 in... 192 00:13:33,262 --> 00:13:36,263 - Thank you so much for bringing that up. - You're at an age when... - What, and you're not at an age... 193 00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,342 Yes, we both are. 194 00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:43,013 Well, we can't go around any more talking about what we're going to be like when we grow up. 195 00:13:43,106 --> 00:13:44,684 We are up. 196 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:49,863 - Is that it? - Yeah. 197 00:13:49,947 --> 00:13:53,530 - You finished? - Yeah, I'm finished. 198 00:13:53,618 --> 00:13:56,156 Good. 199 00:13:56,246 --> 00:13:59,366 Toshiya, if you get called a jerk four times... 200 00:13:59,458 --> 00:14:01,534 in the same day, does that make it true? 201 00:14:01,627 --> 00:14:04,165 - What, only four? Did you get up late? - Excuse me. 202 00:14:04,255 --> 00:14:07,339 - I'm asking Toshiya. - Just four times, a pattern. 203 00:14:07,425 --> 00:14:09,881 It have to be five times to be a fact. 204 00:14:09,969 --> 00:14:13,884 - Thank you very much. You see? There is hope. - Jerk. 205 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,472 Thank you. 206 00:14:22,149 --> 00:14:25,353 Yo, Pedro, make sure this gets in the trash. 207 00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:35,992 Yes! 208 00:14:36,081 --> 00:14:41,040 That was fantastic! I can't believe you just did such a fantastic thing! 209 00:14:41,129 --> 00:14:43,122 Me neither. 210 00:14:43,214 --> 00:14:45,254 I must really be stressed out. 211 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,339 Probably still in there. 212 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:56,094 You are not going Dumpster diving to look for that stinky, fish-encrusted tape. 213 00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:59,391 You're right. I shouldn't go in there. 214 00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,938 I'm wearing a $2,000 suit. Come on. I'll give you a boost. 215 00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,735 Come on, come on, come on. Distract yourself. 216 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,608 Honour your instincts. Look at the moon. Look at it. 217 00:15:06,699 --> 00:15:10,649 - What? Look at what? - Look. 218 00:15:11,871 --> 00:15:15,703 Isn't it lovely? It's big, it's beautiful, it's... 219 00:15:15,792 --> 00:15:18,034 revolving around the earth, proving once again... 220 00:15:18,128 --> 00:15:21,295 that the universe does not revolve around you. 221 00:15:21,381 --> 00:15:23,421 It's worth a look, if you ask me. 222 00:15:24,802 --> 00:15:26,925 Are you looking? 223 00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:28,922 - I looked. - Look again! - Okay... 224 00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:31,423 Okay! Amy... 225 00:15:31,518 --> 00:15:33,427 Quit fooling around, all right? I looked. 226 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,429 Now can we go? 227 00:15:35,522 --> 00:15:38,726 - Come on, grumpy. - Hey, will you stop? 228 00:15:38,817 --> 00:15:41,522 I stopped. 229 00:15:41,612 --> 00:15:43,985 I want to show you something. Tell me if you think this is cute. 230 00:15:45,909 --> 00:15:50,452 Oh! Look at the moon! It's so big and round... 231 00:15:50,539 --> 00:15:53,291 and when I look at it, I'm all perky and excited and... 232 00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:57,160 no one would ever know that I'm almost 30! Ooh! 233 00:15:57,254 --> 00:15:59,331 What do you think? 234 00:15:59,423 --> 00:16:01,831 Cute or just stupid? 235 00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:10,427 You know, Russ, just when I think I've seen the worst... 236 00:16:10,519 --> 00:16:14,303 that there's no possible way you could be more of a jerk... 237 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:20,860 you outdo yourself. 238 00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,070 And then... 239 00:16:24,910 --> 00:16:28,694 just when I'm about to leave, you do something. 240 00:16:28,789 --> 00:16:33,167 Like tonight, when you threw that tape away. 241 00:16:33,253 --> 00:16:37,547 Then I get the tiniest, briefest glimpse of the kid in you. 242 00:16:39,468 --> 00:16:42,919 That's when I decide to hang around for five more minutes... 243 00:16:43,013 --> 00:16:45,053 see what happens next. 244 00:16:46,976 --> 00:16:49,099 Bye. 245 00:17:14,006 --> 00:17:17,126 Janet, I want you on the phone with the alarm company first thing in the morning, okay? 246 00:17:17,218 --> 00:17:19,887 There is no way anybody should ever get inside those gates. 247 00:17:19,971 --> 00:17:23,221 Ever! As a matter of fact, get 'em on the phone right now, and you tell them... 248 00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:25,550 - It's 3:00 a.m. - Janet, I don't care if it's 3:00 in the morning. 249 00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:28,562 They're supposed to be a 24-hour security service, okay? 250 00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:30,770 I want the sensitivity set on ten. 251 00:17:30,858 --> 00:17:33,894 I want electrocution. I want charred flesh. Do you understand? 252 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:37,272 - Write it down. Janet. - "Charred flesh." - Write it down! 253 00:17:37,365 --> 00:17:40,615 It was probably just some neighbourhood kid. I don't know why you're so upset. 254 00:17:40,702 --> 00:17:44,783 - I'm not upset. I'm just mad. - Okay. Mad. Not upset. 255 00:17:44,873 --> 00:17:48,207 - You know, maybe we should get a new security company, okay? - Uh-huh. 256 00:17:48,294 --> 00:17:50,915 I want rottweilers. I want big, scary rottweilers. 257 00:17:51,005 --> 00:17:54,125 I want the guy who trains the rottweilers to be afraid to come over here, okay? 258 00:17:54,217 --> 00:17:57,384 - I want a moat with lava. - "Moat with lava." 259 00:17:57,471 --> 00:17:59,547 Trolls with that? Evil ones? 260 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,131 No, Janet. No trolls. 261 00:18:02,226 --> 00:18:06,473 - Hello? Uh. Russ. It's Dad. Uh... - Hold on a second, Janet. 262 00:18:06,564 --> 00:18:10,016 - Honey, I'm so sorry. - I know I asked earlier... 263 00:18:10,109 --> 00:18:12,648 but. Um. It'd be nice to have you here for dinner. 264 00:18:12,737 --> 00:18:15,655 I know Joanne and the kids would love to see you. 265 00:18:15,741 --> 00:18:18,314 And. Uh. Well. If your schedule opens up... 266 00:18:19,995 --> 00:18:24,539 - Janet, I am going to bed. - Good idea. Me too. 267 00:18:24,626 --> 00:18:27,199 I do not wish to talk to you or anyone else... 268 00:18:27,295 --> 00:18:29,454 on this planet for the next three hours. 269 00:18:29,548 --> 00:18:31,505 - Guess what. Neither do I. - Goodbye. 270 00:20:13,704 --> 00:20:15,614 "Rusty." 271 00:20:15,707 --> 00:20:18,661 Dad, you are really gettin' weird. 272 00:20:56,835 --> 00:20:59,327 Hey! 273 00:20:59,421 --> 00:21:01,913 Hey! 274 00:21:02,008 --> 00:21:04,581 Hey, stop! Stop! Come back! 275 00:21:04,677 --> 00:21:08,011 Come back here! Hey! 276 00:21:08,098 --> 00:21:10,803 Gotcha! Ow! Ah! 277 00:21:15,314 --> 00:21:18,066 Hey! Hey! 278 00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:41,633 Hey! Hey! 279 00:21:41,718 --> 00:21:43,545 Get it outta here! 280 00:22:02,533 --> 00:22:04,490 Look out, idiot! 281 00:22:04,577 --> 00:22:07,329 Move it, you jerk! 282 00:22:09,582 --> 00:22:12,038 Hey! 283 00:22:36,195 --> 00:22:38,402 Hey! 284 00:22:38,489 --> 00:22:40,447 Hey! 285 00:22:46,415 --> 00:22:48,740 Hey! 286 00:22:48,834 --> 00:22:50,494 Hey! 287 00:23:21,829 --> 00:23:24,320 Uh, uh, good evening. 288 00:23:24,415 --> 00:23:27,500 Uh, a kid just... 289 00:23:27,585 --> 00:23:30,752 ran in here a moment ago, and, uh... 290 00:23:30,839 --> 00:23:33,412 Any of you see anything? 291 00:23:34,926 --> 00:23:37,500 Can any of you see anything? 292 00:23:37,596 --> 00:23:39,506 For we can fly 293 00:23:39,598 --> 00:23:44,640 'Cause this kid who, uh, was just here... 294 00:23:44,729 --> 00:23:46,686 Up. Up and away 295 00:23:46,773 --> 00:23:50,107 - He... - See you later. 296 00:23:50,193 --> 00:23:52,601 Hey! Officer! 297 00:23:56,701 --> 00:24:02,490 The world's a nicer place in my beautiful balloon 298 00:24:02,582 --> 00:24:04,990 It wears a nicer face 299 00:24:12,259 --> 00:24:14,798 Uh-uh. 300 00:24:24,523 --> 00:24:26,812 Good morning, Doctor. 301 00:24:26,901 --> 00:24:29,653 I'd like to get right to the point, if you don't mind. I've got a meeting in ten minutes. 302 00:24:29,737 --> 00:24:31,730 You're entitled to a 50-minute hour. 303 00:24:31,823 --> 00:24:34,065 Thank you, but I only require a five-minute hour... 304 00:24:34,159 --> 00:24:36,068 or however long it takes you to write a prescription. 305 00:24:36,161 --> 00:24:38,486 I see. 306 00:24:38,580 --> 00:24:40,988 Uh, we should talk about this. Why don't you sit down. 307 00:24:41,083 --> 00:24:43,455 No, thank you. I don't want to sit down. 308 00:24:43,544 --> 00:24:45,584 It all starts with sitting down. 309 00:24:45,671 --> 00:24:47,997 You sit down, and then before you know it... 310 00:24:48,091 --> 00:24:50,546 twelve years has gone by, and you're still talking about... 311 00:24:50,635 --> 00:24:52,544 the time you saw your mother naked in the shower. 312 00:24:52,637 --> 00:24:54,714 You saw your mother naked in the shower? 313 00:24:54,806 --> 00:24:58,674 No! I'm just saying I'm happy to stand, okay? 314 00:24:58,769 --> 00:25:00,762 Look, I-I-I don't want therapy. 315 00:25:00,855 --> 00:25:04,438 - I don't need therapy. - Why do you feel that way? 316 00:25:04,525 --> 00:25:07,895 Because I'm not like the other nutballs that roll through here, okay? 317 00:25:07,988 --> 00:25:10,479 I don't have a smoking problem. I don't have a drinking problem. 318 00:25:10,574 --> 00:25:13,065 I don't have a closet full of ladies' undergarments. 319 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:17,953 Sit down, Mr Duritz, and tell me what the problem is. 320 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,789 - No, you don't! - Mr Duritz, I'm not trying to trick you. 321 00:25:21,878 --> 00:25:24,286 I'm trying to understand your issues. 322 00:25:24,381 --> 00:25:27,964 Issue. Issue, singular. Just one. 323 00:25:28,051 --> 00:25:30,969 All right. What is it? 324 00:25:35,184 --> 00:25:38,139 For the last few weeks... 325 00:25:38,229 --> 00:25:41,396 I have been seeing a guy in a plane. 326 00:25:41,483 --> 00:25:43,974 Oh, I see. 327 00:25:44,069 --> 00:25:46,477 Not that kind of seeing! I mean... 328 00:25:46,572 --> 00:25:50,072 I've been hallucinating a guy in a plane. 329 00:25:50,159 --> 00:25:54,537 And these delusions, or whatever it is you people call them... 330 00:25:54,622 --> 00:25:56,331 seem to be getting worse. 331 00:25:56,416 --> 00:26:00,366 Anyway, now I'm seeing a kid. 332 00:26:00,462 --> 00:26:05,801 And you think this kid is a hallucination too? 333 00:26:05,885 --> 00:26:07,545 Yes. 334 00:26:07,637 --> 00:26:11,849 Is he someone you knew from your past, from your childhood? 335 00:26:11,933 --> 00:26:15,219 No, not from my childhood. I've forgotten my childhood. 336 00:26:15,312 --> 00:26:17,768 My childhood is in the past, where it belongs. 337 00:26:17,856 --> 00:26:21,356 But doesn't want to stay in the past, does it? 338 00:26:24,489 --> 00:26:27,656 Mr Duritz, I notice your eye is twitching. 339 00:26:27,742 --> 00:26:30,660 - I don't have a tic. - I didn't say you had a tic. 340 00:26:30,746 --> 00:26:34,530 It's not a tic. I have dry eyes. Why are you asking me about my dry eyes? 341 00:26:34,625 --> 00:26:37,875 - Why are you so upset? - Because I'm having hallucinations! 342 00:26:37,962 --> 00:26:40,536 And I'm asking you to make them go away... 343 00:26:40,632 --> 00:26:44,712 with very powerful medication that I can pick up on my way to work. 344 00:26:46,471 --> 00:26:49,010 Please, ma'am. 345 00:26:51,977 --> 00:26:56,687 Mr Duritz, you will pick up your powerful medicine... 346 00:26:56,774 --> 00:26:59,562 and then you will... 347 00:26:59,653 --> 00:27:02,144 go home and take the rest of the day off. 348 00:27:02,239 --> 00:27:06,486 - Yes, ma'am. - This is for a total of four pills. 349 00:27:06,577 --> 00:27:09,662 They will help to keep you calm until tomorrow at 4:00... 350 00:27:09,747 --> 00:27:13,033 at which time I expect to see you back here in my office... 351 00:27:13,126 --> 00:27:16,162 for an appointment, which you must promise to keep. 352 00:27:16,254 --> 00:27:18,496 Yes, ma'am. 353 00:27:18,590 --> 00:27:21,924 You're having these hallucinations for a reason. 354 00:27:22,011 --> 00:27:24,632 - Yes, ma'am. - And Mr Duritz... 355 00:27:24,722 --> 00:27:27,593 you need to figure out what that reason is. 356 00:27:29,352 --> 00:27:31,261 Thank you. 357 00:27:35,901 --> 00:27:38,060 The woman in question. if I understand it correctly... 358 00:27:38,153 --> 00:27:40,442 she was your pilates instructor. 359 00:27:40,531 --> 00:27:44,399 - Um. Well... - Yeah, are you watching this? 360 00:27:44,494 --> 00:27:47,032 - Unfortunately, yes. - I mean. Not beautiful like you are. Honey. 361 00:27:47,122 --> 00:27:50,787 - Oh, that's good. - Why won't hejust say what I told him to say? 362 00:27:50,876 --> 00:27:53,545 - He's an actor. He's improvising. - Give me his cell phone number. 363 00:27:53,629 --> 00:27:55,456 They won't let him take his cell phone to the set. 364 00:27:55,548 --> 00:27:58,217 Well, just get me any number, okay, Janet? 365 00:27:58,301 --> 00:28:00,293 Coast Guard, the police. 366 00:28:00,386 --> 00:28:02,925 Just get me a number before he spontaneously combusts. 367 00:28:03,014 --> 00:28:05,137 Let me see if I can get the power taken out in Atlanta. 368 00:28:06,435 --> 00:28:08,760 Okay, go. 369 00:28:08,854 --> 00:28:11,891 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 370 00:28:11,982 --> 00:28:14,225 Okay, got it. Bye. 371 00:28:40,013 --> 00:28:42,931 - You! - Don't get mad. I'll clean it up. 372 00:28:45,645 --> 00:28:47,020 Don't move! 373 00:28:50,608 --> 00:28:54,607 Look, look, this has just gotta stop, okay? This is... This is wrong! 374 00:28:54,696 --> 00:28:57,532 You can't just go around breaking into people's houses like this! 375 00:28:57,616 --> 00:28:59,656 It's against the law! 376 00:28:59,744 --> 00:29:02,579 I'm just gonna call the police now, all right? 377 00:29:02,663 --> 00:29:04,656 Tell them... 378 00:29:20,475 --> 00:29:22,514 Do I know you? 379 00:29:22,602 --> 00:29:24,761 I don't know. 380 00:29:31,362 --> 00:29:33,271 Why do you keep comin' back here? 381 00:29:37,619 --> 00:29:39,528 I came back to get my plane. 382 00:29:40,831 --> 00:29:44,745 - And then I saw the popcorn. - Your plane? 383 00:29:44,835 --> 00:29:48,418 My mom gave it to me for Christmas. How'd you get it? 384 00:29:48,506 --> 00:29:51,293 That is my plane, okay? 385 00:29:51,384 --> 00:29:54,219 My dad just dropped it off over here. 386 00:29:54,304 --> 00:29:59,180 Okay? It was in his attic for a long time. I've had that plane for 30... 387 00:30:11,615 --> 00:30:13,773 thirty years. 388 00:30:13,867 --> 00:30:15,611 Then why does it have my name on it? 389 00:30:15,702 --> 00:30:18,787 Look. Right here. "Rusty." 390 00:30:21,459 --> 00:30:23,452 Russell Morley Duritz. 391 00:30:23,544 --> 00:30:26,961 I hate that stupid name! 392 00:30:27,048 --> 00:30:29,456 How'd you know my name? 393 00:30:29,551 --> 00:30:34,973 - Mother's name is Gloria. Your father's name is Sam. - How do you know all that? 394 00:30:35,057 --> 00:30:37,809 - Your sister's name is Joanne. - But everybody calls her... 395 00:30:37,894 --> 00:30:40,301 - Josie. - Josie. 396 00:31:23,861 --> 00:31:25,854 Hi. 397 00:31:27,782 --> 00:31:30,154 Hi. 398 00:31:30,243 --> 00:31:34,111 Are you who I think you are? 399 00:31:34,206 --> 00:31:36,662 I don't know. 400 00:31:36,750 --> 00:31:40,001 How did I get here? 401 00:31:40,087 --> 00:31:41,795 I don't know. 402 00:31:44,259 --> 00:31:46,501 Holy smokes. 403 00:31:46,594 --> 00:31:49,549 How old are you? 404 00:31:49,639 --> 00:31:52,510 Forty in a couple days. 405 00:31:52,601 --> 00:31:56,302 That is old. 406 00:31:57,648 --> 00:32:00,982 I'm turning eight in a couple days. 407 00:32:01,069 --> 00:32:04,236 Eight. 408 00:32:04,322 --> 00:32:06,315 You're eight. 409 00:32:07,826 --> 00:32:09,024 I'm eight. 410 00:32:09,119 --> 00:32:11,361 This is scary. 411 00:32:11,455 --> 00:32:14,243 No. 412 00:32:14,333 --> 00:32:16,540 This is hilarious. 413 00:32:31,602 --> 00:32:36,942 All right. I'm just going to the kitchen. I'm gonna make a sandwich. 414 00:32:37,025 --> 00:32:40,311 There's safety in sandwiches. 415 00:32:40,404 --> 00:32:44,484 See? There's safety in sandwiches, see? 416 00:32:44,575 --> 00:32:49,617 It's funny how he knew that we called Joanne "Josie." 417 00:32:49,706 --> 00:32:54,202 But only I know the secret name... 418 00:32:54,294 --> 00:32:59,040 I had for Aunt Cathy when she was having her epileptic spells. 419 00:32:59,133 --> 00:33:01,126 Aunt Spazzy! 420 00:33:03,304 --> 00:33:06,305 Safety. Safety in a sandwich. 421 00:33:06,391 --> 00:33:08,467 Safety in a sandwich. 422 00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,561 Safety in a sandwich. Safety... 423 00:33:14,024 --> 00:33:15,223 Get out! 424 00:33:15,317 --> 00:33:17,606 Okay, hallucination? Get out! 425 00:33:17,695 --> 00:33:19,604 - Am I having a nightmare? - No. 426 00:33:19,697 --> 00:33:21,820 You are not having a nightmare, you see. 427 00:33:21,908 --> 00:33:24,826 You do not exist. 428 00:33:24,911 --> 00:33:29,490 I am having a nightmare, okay, and my nervous breakdown. 429 00:33:29,583 --> 00:33:32,253 This is my first nervous breakdown, so I'm not quite sure how they're supposed to go. 430 00:33:32,336 --> 00:33:35,172 But I'm pretty sure that I'm dreaming, you understand? Dreaming! Dreaming! 431 00:33:35,256 --> 00:33:37,794 Dreaming! Dreaming! Okay? 432 00:33:37,884 --> 00:33:40,007 I don't think you're dreaming... 433 00:33:40,095 --> 00:33:42,847 'cause you're talking, and your eye is sort of twitching. 434 00:33:42,931 --> 00:33:47,510 Hey! I don't have time to go crazy, okay? 435 00:33:47,603 --> 00:33:50,355 So if you want me to go crazy, you're gonna have to get on the phone... 436 00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:54,485 and call Janet just like everybody else and schedule an appointment! 437 00:33:56,071 --> 00:33:58,443 Ah. Ah, good. Okay. 438 00:33:58,532 --> 00:34:00,857 Make contact with the outside world. 439 00:34:00,951 --> 00:34:03,988 - Hi, Janet. It's Russ. - Hi. You okay? - No, no, good. 440 00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:08,078 Uh-huh. Nothing. Fine. No, I just came upstairs to return my calls. 441 00:34:08,167 --> 00:34:11,667 You wanna hear something funny? I was downstairs and now I'm upstairs. 442 00:34:11,755 --> 00:34:13,379 - Hey. - You see... 443 00:34:13,465 --> 00:34:17,000 - You dropped this. - Russ. Hello? 444 00:34:17,094 --> 00:34:20,795 Safety in a sandwich. Safety in a sandwich. Safety! 445 00:34:20,890 --> 00:34:23,761 Safety in a sandwich. 446 00:34:28,565 --> 00:34:31,139 You are just a hallucination! 447 00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:33,773 One that is about to disappear. 448 00:34:36,157 --> 00:34:38,648 Prepare to disappear! 449 00:34:43,373 --> 00:34:45,413 Prepare to disappear. 450 00:34:47,544 --> 00:34:49,454 I'm sitting on the floor. 451 00:34:49,546 --> 00:34:52,216 I'm taking the very powerful medication. 452 00:34:52,300 --> 00:34:55,669 Just waiting for it to kick in. Prepare to disappear! 453 00:35:08,192 --> 00:35:10,766 Disappeared? 454 00:35:10,862 --> 00:35:13,697 Very powerful medicine seems to be working. 455 00:35:16,910 --> 00:35:19,235 I'm still here. 456 00:35:51,949 --> 00:35:54,321 I'm not throwing your dismembered enemies into the Dumpster. 457 00:35:54,410 --> 00:35:56,319 I've got my limits. 458 00:35:58,915 --> 00:36:02,331 Do you remember when I had you sign those confidentiality papers at the office? 459 00:36:02,419 --> 00:36:04,826 - Yeah. - And do you remember me telling you... 460 00:36:04,921 --> 00:36:08,789 that if you ever said anything to anyone about anything that happens in this company... 461 00:36:08,884 --> 00:36:12,716 that I would not only sue you, but I would bring you to financial ruin? 462 00:36:12,805 --> 00:36:15,676 Snore. 463 00:36:15,767 --> 00:36:17,759 Okay, then. 464 00:36:34,621 --> 00:36:38,666 You can, uh... You can see him? 465 00:36:40,002 --> 00:36:43,585 Yes, I, um, can. 466 00:36:43,672 --> 00:36:46,424 You could see a little boy standing there? 467 00:36:46,509 --> 00:36:49,000 Yes. 468 00:36:49,095 --> 00:36:51,302 I'm pretty sure. 469 00:36:52,557 --> 00:36:54,550 Okay. 470 00:36:58,355 --> 00:37:01,522 This little boy is me at age eight. 471 00:37:01,609 --> 00:37:04,017 And I want you to make him disappear. 472 00:37:04,112 --> 00:37:05,820 - He's you? - Yeah. 473 00:37:05,905 --> 00:37:07,020 - At age eight? - Mm-hmm. 474 00:37:07,115 --> 00:37:11,030 And you want me to make him disappear? 475 00:37:11,119 --> 00:37:13,907 Please. 476 00:37:13,998 --> 00:37:16,406 - How was the therapist this morning? - Do it, Janet! 477 00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:20,830 - How am I supposed to make a kid disappear? - Hey, you are the assistant! 478 00:37:20,922 --> 00:37:22,831 Figure it out, okay? 479 00:37:22,924 --> 00:37:25,083 You yelled at me! That is great. That... That helps. 480 00:37:25,177 --> 00:37:26,885 I feel I'm thinking more clearly. 481 00:37:26,970 --> 00:37:31,265 I-I feel I-I'm just more in touch with my, my magic assistant powers. 482 00:37:32,393 --> 00:37:35,727 Alakazam, alakazam. Dalakazam kazoo. 483 00:37:35,813 --> 00:37:38,305 Boom! Presto! Ha! 484 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:42,729 - Hi. - Didn't work. 485 00:37:42,821 --> 00:37:45,063 I should've worn my magic bra and panties. 486 00:37:46,450 --> 00:37:48,277 Get in the car. 487 00:37:49,871 --> 00:37:52,623 - I'm really disappointed in you, Janet. - Oh, fired, I hope. 488 00:37:52,707 --> 00:37:56,326 - No. Forget about your bonus. - Oh, boo hoo. What about my dental? 489 00:37:56,419 --> 00:37:59,374 My boss appears to have lost his mind. 490 00:37:59,465 --> 00:38:02,086 Sure you wouldn't rather stay here with me? 491 00:38:02,176 --> 00:38:03,670 I'll be okay. 492 00:38:08,391 --> 00:38:13,303 Waaah! Waaah! Somebody call the "waaambulance"! 493 00:38:14,857 --> 00:38:17,099 What are you crying about anyway? 494 00:38:17,192 --> 00:38:18,817 I just wanna go home. 495 00:38:18,903 --> 00:38:21,109 Well, I'm trying to get you home, okay? 496 00:38:21,197 --> 00:38:23,984 - Am I in trouble? - You're gonna be in trouble if you wipe that snot... 497 00:38:24,075 --> 00:38:27,160 on my calfskin seat... Don't do it. 498 00:38:27,245 --> 00:38:29,285 Just try and remember where you live, okay? 499 00:38:29,373 --> 00:38:33,418 - You should know that. - Well, I don't know that. We moved 12 times. 500 00:38:33,502 --> 00:38:35,495 We move a dozen times? 501 00:38:35,588 --> 00:38:40,381 - Yes. A dozen is 12. We moved 12 times. - What happens? 502 00:38:40,468 --> 00:38:42,508 What happens? A big truck comes... 503 00:38:42,595 --> 00:38:45,597 they put all your stuff inside, and you move to another house. 504 00:38:45,682 --> 00:38:49,098 - Twelve times. - Look! There it is right there! Remember it now? 505 00:38:58,613 --> 00:39:02,825 - No. - Look, that's where we fell off the roof last year. 506 00:39:02,910 --> 00:39:08,616 That's the bush we fell onto. And that's where the really big possum crawled under the house. 507 00:39:08,708 --> 00:39:11,709 - Remember? - Yeah, that was one of life's big events... 508 00:39:11,794 --> 00:39:13,752 when the possum crawled under the house. 509 00:39:13,838 --> 00:39:17,671 - How could I forget? - You don't remember the possum? 510 00:39:17,759 --> 00:39:19,752 It was, like, this big! 511 00:39:19,845 --> 00:39:23,131 And it had really long teeth. 512 00:39:23,224 --> 00:39:27,436 He took our sneaker in his mouth and ran off with it. You've gotta remember that. 513 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,727 Hey, I don't remember the possum, okay? 514 00:39:30,941 --> 00:39:33,099 I hardly remember living here at all. 515 00:39:33,193 --> 00:39:36,360 But you do, and that's all that counts. Get out. 516 00:39:39,241 --> 00:39:43,571 Wait. The house. It's different. 517 00:39:45,248 --> 00:39:48,333 - Bye, honey. - Who are they? 518 00:39:53,424 --> 00:39:56,129 What am I gonna do? 519 00:39:59,597 --> 00:40:00,842 What now? 520 00:40:03,476 --> 00:40:06,478 Hey, will you knock off the waterworks, okay? 521 00:40:06,563 --> 00:40:10,858 You know what the number one killer of kids under the age of 8 is? Self-pity. 522 00:40:10,943 --> 00:40:13,019 And you're already pitiful enough. 523 00:40:13,112 --> 00:40:15,401 Well, at least I don't do this! 524 00:40:18,326 --> 00:40:20,153 Nice. 525 00:40:22,789 --> 00:40:28,413 Chester! Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 526 00:40:28,504 --> 00:40:30,912 Chester! 527 00:40:31,007 --> 00:40:34,376 Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 528 00:40:35,929 --> 00:40:38,218 Chester! 529 00:40:38,307 --> 00:40:41,723 Come on, Chester! Chester! 530 00:40:41,810 --> 00:40:43,720 Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 531 00:40:43,813 --> 00:40:46,185 - Chester! - Kid, will you stop that yelling? 532 00:40:46,274 --> 00:40:49,192 - Chester! - Hey! Now! 533 00:40:50,570 --> 00:40:52,777 Where's Chester? 534 00:40:52,864 --> 00:40:55,901 - Who is Chester? - My dog. 535 00:40:55,993 --> 00:40:58,318 The dog I'm going to get when I grow up. 536 00:40:58,412 --> 00:41:02,660 - Oh. - The world's greatest dog. 537 00:41:02,750 --> 00:41:05,123 The one who rides in the back of my truck... 538 00:41:05,211 --> 00:41:08,213 plays Frisbee, goes everywhere I go. 539 00:41:08,298 --> 00:41:12,130 - Chester! - Bad news, kid. 540 00:41:12,219 --> 00:41:15,968 - No dog here. - What do you mean? 541 00:41:16,057 --> 00:41:19,177 I mean no dog. There's no dog here. 542 00:41:19,268 --> 00:41:23,480 - I don't own a dog. - No dog? No dog? 543 00:41:23,565 --> 00:41:27,515 - I grow up to be a guy with no dog? - That's right. 544 00:41:27,611 --> 00:41:31,526 - Why don't I have a dog? - Because I don't want a dog, okay? 545 00:41:32,742 --> 00:41:35,909 I can't take care of a dog. 546 00:41:35,995 --> 00:41:38,284 I travel all the time for work. 547 00:41:38,373 --> 00:41:40,580 You travel for work? 548 00:41:40,667 --> 00:41:43,419 I grow up to fly jets, right? I knew it! 549 00:41:43,504 --> 00:41:46,291 I knew I would grow up to fly jets! 550 00:41:46,382 --> 00:41:48,375 Uh, no. 551 00:41:48,467 --> 00:41:52,003 - No, I don't fly jets? - Not really, no. 552 00:41:52,096 --> 00:41:55,715 - What do I do then? - You're an image consultant. 553 00:41:55,809 --> 00:41:59,012 What's that? 554 00:41:59,104 --> 00:42:00,931 Uh, it's... 555 00:42:01,023 --> 00:42:04,226 - What does a consultant do? - Consult. 556 00:42:04,318 --> 00:42:07,106 But what do I do? 557 00:42:07,196 --> 00:42:09,901 You don't do anything. You tell other people what to do. 558 00:42:09,991 --> 00:42:12,031 That's the fun of it. You boss people around. 559 00:42:12,119 --> 00:42:14,076 Like this. Stop talking! 560 00:42:19,210 --> 00:42:22,294 Shouldn't there be a lady here somewhere? 561 00:42:22,380 --> 00:42:26,295 What do you mean, a lady living here? No. I live alone. 562 00:42:26,384 --> 00:42:29,339 I thought you said you were 40. 563 00:42:29,429 --> 00:42:32,466 I said I was almost 40. So? 564 00:42:32,558 --> 00:42:35,594 So, I'm 40, I'm not married... 565 00:42:35,686 --> 00:42:38,641 I don't fly jets, and I don't have a dog? 566 00:42:41,025 --> 00:42:43,314 I grow up to be a loser. 567 00:42:45,906 --> 00:42:49,524 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 568 00:42:49,618 --> 00:42:52,655 That's my name too 569 00:42:52,747 --> 00:42:56,282 Whenever we go out the people always shout 570 00:42:56,376 --> 00:42:58,415 There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 571 00:42:58,503 --> 00:43:00,330 Da na na na na na na 572 00:43:00,422 --> 00:43:03,838 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 573 00:43:03,926 --> 00:43:06,880 That's my name too 574 00:43:06,971 --> 00:43:10,091 Whenever we go out the people always shout 575 00:43:10,183 --> 00:43:12,508 There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 576 00:43:12,602 --> 00:43:15,520 Da na na na na na na 577 00:43:15,605 --> 00:43:19,140 Wow! Look at it! Man! 578 00:43:19,234 --> 00:43:23,315 Gee! Holy smokes! Holy Moses! 579 00:43:23,406 --> 00:43:25,315 Look at the moon! 580 00:43:27,118 --> 00:43:29,574 - Wow! Far out! - Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Stop that yelling! 581 00:43:29,662 --> 00:43:31,821 - Holy Moses! - What are you doing up? 582 00:43:31,915 --> 00:43:33,991 Look at it! It's huge! 583 00:43:34,084 --> 00:43:37,619 What is with you people? It's the moon, okay? 584 00:43:37,713 --> 00:43:40,121 You travel 30 years across time... 585 00:43:40,216 --> 00:43:43,087 and all you can do is stand out here and scream about the moon coming up? 586 00:43:43,177 --> 00:43:47,128 But you can see the man in the moon really good tonight! 587 00:43:47,224 --> 00:43:49,347 Well, did he speak to you? 588 00:43:49,434 --> 00:43:51,511 Did he invite you up for a little bit of cheese? 589 00:43:51,603 --> 00:43:54,095 Did he blow fart bubbles out of his butt, huh? 590 00:43:54,190 --> 00:43:56,182 Because if he didn't, then there really isn't any reason... 591 00:43:56,275 --> 00:43:58,351 to be excited about the moon, is there? 592 00:43:58,444 --> 00:44:01,979 Sorry. I'll never get excited again. 593 00:44:02,073 --> 00:44:03,983 Obviously. 594 00:44:05,369 --> 00:44:06,863 Wait! 595 00:44:06,954 --> 00:44:09,196 Can I ask you a question? 596 00:44:11,125 --> 00:44:14,909 Why does the moon get, like, orangy sometimes? 597 00:44:18,258 --> 00:44:22,303 Because there is a, uh... 598 00:44:22,387 --> 00:44:24,961 a band of, uh... 599 00:44:31,314 --> 00:44:35,526 Just shut up and go to sleep, okay? 600 00:44:35,610 --> 00:44:37,733 Or better yet, go away! 601 00:44:37,821 --> 00:44:42,199 I knew it! I grow up to be a guy who doesn't know anything! 602 00:44:43,869 --> 00:44:46,574 And who doesn't have a dog! 603 00:44:52,295 --> 00:44:55,795 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 604 00:44:55,883 --> 00:44:58,884 That's my name too 605 00:45:04,684 --> 00:45:06,677 Kid? 606 00:45:18,866 --> 00:45:20,575 Good. 607 00:45:27,251 --> 00:45:31,083 Maybe Russ here can explain it a little bit better than I've been able to. Russ? 608 00:45:31,172 --> 00:45:33,129 Here's how we see things, Mr Vivian. 609 00:45:33,216 --> 00:45:35,754 Call me Vivian. 610 00:45:35,843 --> 00:45:37,753 Okay. Vivian. 611 00:45:37,846 --> 00:45:40,171 You're going public, you're making an IPO... 612 00:45:40,265 --> 00:45:42,174 your software's brilliant, and that's all great. 613 00:45:42,267 --> 00:45:45,434 But if you wanna make Fortune 500, you have to understand... 614 00:45:45,521 --> 00:45:48,059 that at a certain point, people are gonna want to get a good look at you. 615 00:45:48,149 --> 00:45:49,727 And that's where things get a little dicey. 616 00:45:49,817 --> 00:45:52,487 Dicey. That's right. Very, very dicey. 617 00:45:52,570 --> 00:45:55,774 I don't see why I have to change a thing. 618 00:45:55,866 --> 00:45:58,238 Okay. Let's look at this. 619 00:45:58,327 --> 00:46:00,735 - You live in a cabin... - I won't cut my hair... 620 00:46:00,829 --> 00:46:03,784 and I won't shave my beard. 621 00:46:05,710 --> 00:46:07,786 Let me give it to you straight, Z.Z. 622 00:46:07,879 --> 00:46:10,880 If you wanna ride your cow to Farm Aid, you don't have to change a thing. 623 00:46:10,966 --> 00:46:12,875 But if you wanna make the front page of the Wall Street Journal... 624 00:46:12,968 --> 00:46:15,506 there is one thing you're going to have to change. 625 00:46:16,931 --> 00:46:18,639 The, uh... 626 00:46:21,269 --> 00:46:24,970 To, um... Uh... 627 00:46:28,402 --> 00:46:31,107 - Someone you know? - What? 628 00:46:31,196 --> 00:46:34,400 - Friend of yours? - No! 629 00:46:34,492 --> 00:46:36,781 It... It's a little boy. 630 00:46:36,869 --> 00:46:39,740 - Hello! - I don't know any little kids. 631 00:46:39,831 --> 00:46:42,239 - I'm starving! - Just tragic that parents... 632 00:46:42,334 --> 00:46:44,326 would send their kids out to beg like that. 633 00:46:44,419 --> 00:46:46,542 - Very, very sad. - I can't believe it. - Russ! 634 00:46:46,630 --> 00:46:49,501 Russ Duritz, I'm hungry! 635 00:46:49,592 --> 00:46:53,886 Feed me! Ugh! I'm hungry! 636 00:46:53,971 --> 00:46:58,301 If you'll excuse me for just a moment, please. 637 00:46:58,393 --> 00:47:00,931 What are you doing here? I thought you disappeared. 638 00:47:01,021 --> 00:47:04,355 - I don't know how to disappear. I'm hungry! - Hello. 639 00:47:07,153 --> 00:47:09,442 I'm Amy. Who are you? 640 00:47:09,530 --> 00:47:11,523 I'm Rusty. 641 00:47:12,867 --> 00:47:15,822 And who is Rusty? 642 00:47:15,912 --> 00:47:17,870 - My nephew. - Your nephew? 643 00:47:17,956 --> 00:47:19,830 Yes. My sister's kid. 644 00:47:19,917 --> 00:47:24,045 - The one who's going to college in the autumn? - No. The other one. 645 00:47:24,130 --> 00:47:27,250 Melissa? 646 00:47:27,342 --> 00:47:30,259 Yes, Amy. This is Melissa. 647 00:47:30,345 --> 00:47:32,302 No, it is the other one. 648 00:47:32,389 --> 00:47:35,556 - The one she doesn't like to talk about. - Oh, I see. 649 00:47:35,642 --> 00:47:37,801 Which completely explains why you never told me about him. 650 00:47:37,895 --> 00:47:40,351 Maybe I don't tell you every thing. 651 00:47:43,192 --> 00:47:45,185 So are you having fun with your uncle? 652 00:47:45,278 --> 00:47:48,861 Not really. He made me sleep outside... 653 00:47:48,949 --> 00:47:51,107 he didn't give me any breakfast... 654 00:47:51,201 --> 00:47:53,278 and he doesn't have a dog. 655 00:47:53,370 --> 00:47:55,280 That is a problem. 656 00:47:55,373 --> 00:47:58,160 - You made him sleep outside? - He slept in a tent. 657 00:47:58,251 --> 00:48:00,374 - You've got a tent? - It was his tent. 658 00:48:00,462 --> 00:48:03,167 You didn't give him any breakfast. 659 00:48:03,256 --> 00:48:07,385 He can stand to miss a meal. 660 00:48:07,469 --> 00:48:11,514 Rusty, are you hungry? 661 00:48:11,599 --> 00:48:14,635 - Starved. - Let's go and get some bacon and eggs. 662 00:48:14,727 --> 00:48:17,016 No, no, no, no. Rusty can't have bacon and eggs. 663 00:48:17,105 --> 00:48:19,014 I've gotta get him back to his mom right now. 664 00:48:19,107 --> 00:48:21,349 Don't forget Kenny's this afternoon. 665 00:48:21,443 --> 00:48:24,148 - Bye, Rusty! - Bye! 666 00:48:24,238 --> 00:48:26,646 Nice to meet you. 667 00:48:33,289 --> 00:48:37,240 - Just get that moony look off your face. - I like that Amy lady. 668 00:48:37,336 --> 00:48:40,005 I bet she likes dogs. 669 00:48:40,089 --> 00:48:42,461 I don't know what's worse, the fact that I'm stuck with you... 670 00:48:42,550 --> 00:48:44,459 or the idea that I don't know what to do about it. 671 00:48:44,552 --> 00:48:46,509 Why don't we eat something? 672 00:48:46,596 --> 00:48:50,345 Why? Because you don't know what to do, you just wanna stuff your face? 673 00:48:50,433 --> 00:48:53,933 No, because it says to up there in the sky. 674 00:48:59,026 --> 00:49:02,941 Okay. Why don't we eat something? 675 00:49:06,785 --> 00:49:08,694 What can I get ya? 676 00:49:08,787 --> 00:49:11,907 Um, I'll have French toast, pancakes and bacon. 677 00:49:13,042 --> 00:49:15,959 - Just bring him something healthy, okay? - Sorry, sir. 678 00:49:16,045 --> 00:49:18,667 We only serve starchy, sugary, salty food... 679 00:49:18,756 --> 00:49:22,208 high in fat and cholesterol that tastes delicious. 680 00:49:22,302 --> 00:49:24,591 Comforts people deep down inside. 681 00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:27,385 Okay. I'll have French toast, pancakes and bacon. 682 00:49:27,474 --> 00:49:30,392 - You want a milk shake with that? - Chocolate, please. 683 00:49:30,478 --> 00:49:33,395 Extra whipped cream. 684 00:49:33,481 --> 00:49:37,978 - And for you? - You know, I think I'd just like the magic bean omelet. 685 00:49:38,069 --> 00:49:42,566 Aw, did somebody not get their coffee today? I'm gonna go get it! 686 00:49:42,658 --> 00:49:45,114 Maybe you can bring it before the diner disappears. 687 00:49:45,202 --> 00:49:47,325 What are you lookin' at, Sparky? 688 00:49:48,497 --> 00:49:50,407 Oh, man. 689 00:49:52,836 --> 00:49:56,252 - What are you doing here? - Having French toast, pancakes and bacon. 690 00:49:56,339 --> 00:49:59,839 That's not what I'm talking about. What did you come here for? 691 00:50:01,136 --> 00:50:04,054 I don't know. My model aeroplane? 692 00:50:04,140 --> 00:50:06,975 Well, you already got that, and we're still screwed up. 693 00:50:07,060 --> 00:50:10,263 We're even more screwed up than we were before. 694 00:50:12,357 --> 00:50:15,561 - What am I gonna do with you? - What do you wanna do with me? 695 00:50:15,652 --> 00:50:17,729 I want to put you on a diet, chubby! 696 00:50:17,822 --> 00:50:20,574 Fix you up so you aren't such a pathetic loser. 697 00:50:20,658 --> 00:50:24,407 This is what I do for a living, okay? 698 00:50:24,496 --> 00:50:28,280 Making people look good is what I do. 699 00:50:28,375 --> 00:50:31,625 Problem is... 700 00:50:31,712 --> 00:50:35,081 there's so much to do with you, I don't know where to start. 701 00:50:35,174 --> 00:50:38,045 Well, I'd like to not get my butt kicked so much. 702 00:50:38,136 --> 00:50:40,888 Kids are always laughing at us. 703 00:50:40,972 --> 00:50:44,804 It sorta hurts my feelings. 704 00:50:44,893 --> 00:50:46,637 Why didn't I think of this before? 705 00:50:46,728 --> 00:50:49,765 This is what you came for, okay? 706 00:50:49,857 --> 00:50:53,309 I just gotta teach you how to fight. By the way... 707 00:50:53,402 --> 00:50:55,312 they're not laughing at us, they're laughing at you. 708 00:50:55,405 --> 00:50:57,481 When you get to be me, they laugh, they die! 709 00:50:57,574 --> 00:51:00,361 - They laugh, they die? - Yes. 710 00:51:00,452 --> 00:51:03,406 You laugh, you die! You laugh, you die! 711 00:51:03,497 --> 00:51:05,704 You laugh, you die! Pow! Pow! 712 00:51:05,791 --> 00:51:09,836 Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! 713 00:51:09,921 --> 00:51:13,088 - Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! - Okay, okay. Okay, okay, shut up! Shut... 714 00:51:13,174 --> 00:51:16,294 - Hey, guess what. - What? - I gotta pee. 715 00:51:16,386 --> 00:51:20,301 Are you sure you know someone who can teach me how to fight? 716 00:51:20,391 --> 00:51:23,012 Yeah, I think I could find somebody. 717 00:51:25,563 --> 00:51:28,517 Isn't it cool how we both have to go at the same time? 718 00:51:28,608 --> 00:51:32,653 Yes. I'll cherish this moment for a lifetime. 719 00:51:44,355 --> 00:51:46,893 - I'm just gonna have one more piece. Just one... Just one more piece. - What do you think of this one? 720 00:51:46,982 --> 00:51:48,975 - Hey! - It's too short. - Oh, God. 721 00:51:49,068 --> 00:51:52,402 Please tell me that's not... Hey. 722 00:51:52,489 --> 00:51:54,481 You're five weeks away from defending your title. 723 00:51:54,574 --> 00:51:56,567 - What are you doing eating pizza? - But I... I'm a nervous eater. 724 00:51:56,660 --> 00:51:59,116 - Beat it. - You'd be nervous too if you was getting married tomorrow. 725 00:51:59,204 --> 00:52:03,867 Yeah, I'd be nervous that my bride would dump me because I'm a big, fat tub of lard. 726 00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:06,712 - Hi, Giselle. - Hi, Russ. 727 00:52:09,674 --> 00:52:13,008 - What is that? Is that 20 more pounds? - No. 728 00:52:13,095 --> 00:52:16,546 - Hey! Put the... - Damn, he won't even let you eat, huh? 729 00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:18,966 - Does he look like he needs any pizza? - Who is he? 730 00:52:19,060 --> 00:52:21,218 This is Russ's nephew, Rusty. 731 00:52:21,312 --> 00:52:24,978 Oh, I didn't know you had two nephews. 732 00:52:25,066 --> 00:52:27,522 - How do I look, baby? Look. - Mmm, like Adonis. 733 00:52:28,945 --> 00:52:31,733 Hey, hey, Adonis. Adonis. 734 00:52:31,824 --> 00:52:34,529 - What? - Can I use your boxing ring? 735 00:52:34,618 --> 00:52:36,695 I wanna give pudge-boy here some lessons. 736 00:52:36,787 --> 00:52:40,702 - Maybe you could step in, show him a few moves. - Yeah, I would be glad to. 737 00:52:42,210 --> 00:52:47,003 That way, you can punch his lights out the next time he tries to call you pudge-boy. 738 00:52:47,091 --> 00:52:49,083 Groovy! 739 00:52:51,721 --> 00:52:54,888 First things first. You tryin' to get knocked out or something? 740 00:52:54,974 --> 00:52:57,810 All right, well, then get your hands up then. You gotta protect that chin. 741 00:52:57,894 --> 00:53:00,017 I pop you on that chin, that's it. 742 00:53:00,105 --> 00:53:04,020 Remember, this is number one, this is number two. You punch one, two. 743 00:53:04,109 --> 00:53:07,479 One, two. Go ahead. Try it. One... That's it. That's it. 744 00:53:07,571 --> 00:53:09,944 - Get out of the way. - Come on. 745 00:53:11,409 --> 00:53:13,735 Come on. Good. Come on. Come on. 746 00:53:15,914 --> 00:53:19,533 - You hit me. - Yes, unfortunately, I did hit you... 747 00:53:19,626 --> 00:53:22,034 and I'm not gonna beat myself up about it. 748 00:53:22,129 --> 00:53:24,288 Or maybe I will. Come on. 749 00:53:24,382 --> 00:53:26,458 Fight. Yeah. Come on. Come on. 750 00:53:26,551 --> 00:53:29,635 Come on, kid. Fight. Come on. Come on. 751 00:53:29,721 --> 00:53:33,589 - Hit him. One, two. One, two. - Go on, Rusty. Punch his lights out! 752 00:53:33,684 --> 00:53:35,926 - Hey. Whose side are you on? - Throw it. Throw it. 753 00:53:42,068 --> 00:53:44,524 Whoa, whoa! Take it easy, little Tyson! 754 00:53:44,612 --> 00:53:47,020 What are you gonna do next, bite his ear off? We don't hit 'em when they're down. 755 00:53:47,115 --> 00:53:50,650 - They hit me when I'm down. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Who? Who? Who? 756 00:53:50,744 --> 00:53:54,577 - The kids at school. - Kid's havin' some trouble at school. 757 00:53:54,665 --> 00:53:57,203 Well, why didn't you say that, Russ? I'm teachin' the boy boxin'. 758 00:53:57,293 --> 00:53:59,286 He don't need that. He needs street fightin'. 759 00:53:59,379 --> 00:54:01,835 Why don't you show him that WWF scissors hold? Show him that one. 760 00:54:01,923 --> 00:54:04,711 - Here we go. Ready? - Whoa! 761 00:54:04,801 --> 00:54:07,340 Now that I can use. 762 00:54:08,264 --> 00:54:10,470 Get off me. 763 00:54:17,649 --> 00:54:19,558 Have you noticed how alike those two are? 764 00:54:19,651 --> 00:54:21,727 Makes sense. They're related, right? 765 00:54:23,530 --> 00:54:25,523 I suppose so. 766 00:54:29,454 --> 00:54:32,027 Russ Duritz's office. How may I help you? 767 00:54:32,123 --> 00:54:34,081 - Yeah, it's me. What's up? - Oh. It's you. 768 00:54:34,167 --> 00:54:37,085 I hadn't heard from you in four hours. I'd assumed you were dead. 769 00:54:37,170 --> 00:54:39,626 - Hey, how's mini-you? - That's hilarious, Janet. 770 00:54:39,715 --> 00:54:42,467 - What's up? - You got 19 messages, last count. 771 00:54:42,551 --> 00:54:44,129 - You want 'em? - Let me have 'em. 772 00:54:44,220 --> 00:54:47,720 Let's see, uh... Bob Riley. 773 00:54:47,807 --> 00:54:51,390 Bob Riley. Not Bob Riley. Not Bob Riley. Bob Riley. 774 00:54:51,478 --> 00:54:55,143 Bob Riley. I'm sure there's another one in here. Just a second. Here's Bob Riley. 775 00:54:56,066 --> 00:54:58,059 Hey! 776 00:55:00,112 --> 00:55:01,939 Hey, Amy. Where are you going? 777 00:55:02,031 --> 00:55:04,024 My place for some ice cream. See you there. 778 00:55:04,117 --> 00:55:06,275 - Ice cream? - Bye! 779 00:55:14,462 --> 00:55:18,127 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 780 00:55:18,216 --> 00:55:20,292 Are you our girlfriend? 781 00:55:22,470 --> 00:55:25,222 That's a funny way of putting it. 782 00:55:25,307 --> 00:55:27,466 Mostly, no. 783 00:55:28,686 --> 00:55:31,259 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 784 00:55:31,355 --> 00:55:34,025 Are you our nephew? 785 00:55:35,568 --> 00:55:37,561 Mostly... 786 00:55:39,614 --> 00:55:41,691 no. 787 00:55:43,577 --> 00:55:46,495 - But you are related, aren't you? - Uh-huh. 788 00:55:47,957 --> 00:55:50,365 - How close? - Pretty. 789 00:55:50,460 --> 00:55:52,583 How close is pretty close? 790 00:55:53,588 --> 00:55:55,213 Pretty darn. 791 00:55:58,969 --> 00:56:01,176 Oh, my God. 792 00:56:01,263 --> 00:56:02,971 - Hi. - He's your son. 793 00:56:03,057 --> 00:56:05,679 - What? - He's your son! You have a son! 794 00:56:05,768 --> 00:56:08,390 Hey! Whatcha... Get off! Hey! 795 00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:10,519 And all this time you never even breathed a word! 796 00:56:10,607 --> 00:56:15,234 And you're some deadbeat dad who had visitation rights today or something. 797 00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:17,444 - Amy, do you know how... - And who's the mother, anyway? 798 00:56:17,531 --> 00:56:21,529 Don't tell me. I don't wanna know. I know. It's that Swedish chick, isn't it? 799 00:56:21,619 --> 00:56:24,324 Yeah, that Ingesborg or Smorgasbord or whatever her name is. 800 00:56:24,414 --> 00:56:28,246 - Inga? - Not that I care, of course, about who or where or what you do! 801 00:56:28,335 --> 00:56:32,547 - Amy, he is not Swedish. - And I'm not his son. 802 00:56:32,631 --> 00:56:34,375 Honest. 803 00:56:36,552 --> 00:56:39,470 Then who are you? 804 00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:48,012 Russ? 805 00:56:49,608 --> 00:56:54,271 Because I've been watching the two of you together, and I swear to God... 806 00:56:54,364 --> 00:56:56,356 there's something very... 807 00:56:57,325 --> 00:56:59,069 strange going on. 808 00:57:00,746 --> 00:57:03,581 - We have to tell her. - We are not going to tell her. 809 00:57:03,666 --> 00:57:06,418 - Tell me what? - Come on. Do it! 810 00:57:06,502 --> 00:57:09,622 Hey! Zip it! We're not gonna tell her, okay? 811 00:57:09,714 --> 00:57:12,751 Besides, she won't believe us anyway. She'll just think you take after me. 812 00:57:12,842 --> 00:57:15,381 - Then do the knuckle. - That's not gonna convince her. 813 00:57:15,470 --> 00:57:18,922 Then tell her something only I would know, and then she can ask me about the same thing. 814 00:57:19,016 --> 00:57:22,681 - Like Aunt Spazzy. - How is that gonna work? Think about it. 815 00:57:22,770 --> 00:57:25,641 - Then show her the scar. - Anybody could have a scar. 816 00:57:25,732 --> 00:57:28,519 - What about the birthmark? - Well, that could be a coincidence too. 817 00:57:28,610 --> 00:57:31,148 - I know she'll believe us. - She is not going to believe us. 818 00:57:31,238 --> 00:57:34,155 - I know she'll believe us. - She is not going to believe us. 819 00:57:34,241 --> 00:57:36,068 - She will! - She won't! - She will! - She won't! 820 00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:38,069 - She will! - Hey! 821 00:57:38,162 --> 00:57:40,238 I wish I was standing on a carpet. 822 00:57:46,755 --> 00:57:49,542 - Told ya. - Amy. 823 00:57:50,884 --> 00:57:55,179 ...aboard that ship in... ...which process the potatoes into a variety of products. 824 00:58:00,895 --> 00:58:03,469 - Stop biting. - Leave me alone. 825 00:58:04,858 --> 00:58:08,393 I'm advertising terror and bewilderment. 826 00:58:08,487 --> 00:58:14,491 Holy smokes. Ninety-nine channels, and there's nothing on. 827 00:58:16,121 --> 00:58:18,612 How can this be? 828 00:58:21,627 --> 00:58:23,619 I have no idea. 829 00:58:25,589 --> 00:58:27,582 Look at him. 830 00:58:27,675 --> 00:58:29,964 He's so embarrassing. 831 00:58:31,471 --> 00:58:34,342 You're not embarrassing. 832 00:58:34,432 --> 00:58:35,975 You're adorable. 833 00:58:39,355 --> 00:58:42,024 Then. You're adorable then. 834 00:58:44,735 --> 00:58:47,191 Stop picking! 835 00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:50,815 Look at that haircut. I look like Herman's Hermits. 836 00:58:50,909 --> 00:58:55,287 And I "shpeak" like I got a mouth full of "shpit." 837 00:58:55,372 --> 00:58:57,282 Well, of course you do. 838 00:58:57,374 --> 00:59:01,075 Doesn't the fact that I'm a pathetic dweeb make you despise me? 839 00:59:06,468 --> 00:59:08,924 No. 840 00:59:09,012 --> 00:59:11,254 Why? 841 00:59:11,348 --> 00:59:13,424 Do you despise you? 842 00:59:16,562 --> 00:59:19,647 When I look at him, all I see are awful memories. 843 00:59:19,732 --> 00:59:22,650 Memories I have been spending most of my life trying to forget. 844 00:59:26,573 --> 00:59:28,946 I'm sorry. 845 00:59:42,382 --> 00:59:44,921 Hello? Kenny. 846 00:59:45,010 --> 00:59:47,584 Nauseous about the wedding tomorrow? 847 00:59:47,680 --> 00:59:50,171 My God, the wedding tomorrow. Hang on a minute. 848 00:59:50,266 --> 00:59:52,804 Wedding tomorrow. What am I gonna do with him? 849 00:59:52,894 --> 00:59:55,266 - We'll take him with us. - What? 850 00:59:55,355 --> 00:59:59,567 To an important event? Are you out of your mind? Take him with us? 851 00:59:59,652 --> 01:00:02,855 This is an important event with people who respect me. 852 01:00:02,947 --> 01:00:05,521 - He's gonna humiliate me. - Hey! 853 01:00:05,616 --> 01:00:10,030 - Ohh. - Hey! I forbid you to bond with this boy! 854 01:00:10,121 --> 01:00:13,870 What, Kenny? Who got sick? 855 01:00:29,685 --> 01:00:33,683 Thank goodness your nephew replaced little James. 856 01:00:33,773 --> 01:00:37,901 None of the other children was fat enough to fit in his clothes. 857 01:00:45,369 --> 01:00:48,536 It's okay. It's okay. Don't worry about it. 858 01:00:48,622 --> 01:00:53,368 - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah - Yester-me. Yester-you 859 01:00:53,461 --> 01:00:57,791 - Yesterday - Ooh-ooh 860 01:00:59,509 --> 01:01:01,668 What happened to 861 01:01:03,514 --> 01:01:05,922 The world we knew 862 01:01:07,894 --> 01:01:11,061 When we would dream and scheme 863 01:01:11,147 --> 01:01:15,477 -And while the time away - Don't worry. 864 01:01:15,569 --> 01:01:20,361 Just take it off and shove it under the table when no one's looking. 865 01:01:20,449 --> 01:01:21,943 - Really? - Yeah. 866 01:01:24,996 --> 01:01:28,864 - Where did it go - Where did it go 867 01:01:28,958 --> 01:01:32,126 That yester-glow 868 01:01:32,212 --> 01:01:33,375 - Ha-ha. - Hello. 869 01:01:33,463 --> 01:01:37,877 - How are you? - When we could feel the wheels of life 870 01:01:37,968 --> 01:01:40,127 Turn our way 871 01:01:40,221 --> 01:01:44,515 Yester-me Yester-you 872 01:01:44,601 --> 01:01:46,225 Yesterday 873 01:01:47,938 --> 01:01:51,224 - I know. Ohh... - I had a dream 874 01:01:51,317 --> 01:01:52,894 So did you 875 01:01:52,985 --> 01:01:57,398 Life was warm and love was true 876 01:01:59,033 --> 01:02:04,490 - Two kids who followed all the rules - Holy smokes. 877 01:02:04,581 --> 01:02:06,241 - Russ! Russ! - Yester-fools 878 01:02:06,333 --> 01:02:09,003 -And now. Now it seems - Excuse me, Clarissa. 879 01:02:09,086 --> 01:02:12,538 - You're interrupting us. We're dancing. - But it's really important. 880 01:02:12,632 --> 01:02:16,001 - Not now, kid. - But it's really, really, rrrr... 881 01:02:16,094 --> 01:02:22,299 Werejust a cruel and foolish game we had to play 882 01:02:22,392 --> 01:02:25,228 - Drivin' you crazy, huh? - Yeah. - Yester-me. Yester-you 883 01:02:25,312 --> 01:02:27,934 - It's different when they're your own. Speaking of which, - Yesterday 884 01:02:28,024 --> 01:02:30,859 when you gonna give up your evil ways and settle down? 885 01:02:30,944 --> 01:02:32,983 - As soon as you become available again, Clarissa. - When I recall 886 01:02:33,071 --> 01:02:35,278 - I'm serious. - So am I. - What we had 887 01:02:35,365 --> 01:02:39,446 I feel lost I feel sad 888 01:02:41,455 --> 01:02:46,450 - With nothing but the memory of - Amy, I have a question. 889 01:02:46,544 --> 01:02:48,667 - Oh. Yester-love - A big one. 890 01:02:48,755 --> 01:02:51,756 - Okay. -And now. Now it seems 891 01:02:51,842 --> 01:02:53,881 What about that pretty woman you came with today? 892 01:02:53,969 --> 01:02:56,258 - You mean Amy? Nah, we work together. - Those yester-dreams 893 01:02:56,347 --> 01:03:01,093 - I've known her for a really long time. - I know we haven't known each other very long. 894 01:03:01,185 --> 01:03:05,433 Don't worry about me. When I meet the right person, I'm sure I'll get around to asking. 895 01:03:05,523 --> 01:03:07,979 - Yester-me. Yester-you - In case I never get around to asking... 896 01:03:09,862 --> 01:03:11,854 - Yesterday - Somebody's making a move right now. 897 01:03:11,947 --> 01:03:15,613 Oh. Come on and sing it Yester-me 898 01:03:15,701 --> 01:03:17,445 - Yester-you - Amy... 899 01:03:17,537 --> 01:03:20,988 - Yesterday - Will you marry me? 900 01:03:21,082 --> 01:03:24,037 Oh. Yester-me 901 01:03:24,127 --> 01:03:26,286 - Yester-you - Okay, let's go. - Hey! 902 01:03:26,380 --> 01:03:29,417 - Yesterday - Let me go, you big jerk! 903 01:03:30,551 --> 01:03:32,591 Wait a minute. Stop. He asked me a question. 904 01:03:32,678 --> 01:03:34,387 - Don't you want to know what I was going to say? - No. 905 01:03:34,472 --> 01:03:37,723 - No? - No. He had no right asking you what he did, okay? 906 01:03:37,809 --> 01:03:40,016 - You and I aren't even... - Well, we are! - Since when? 907 01:03:40,103 --> 01:03:42,677 - MYOB! - What? 908 01:03:42,773 --> 01:03:48,016 Mind your own beeswax. Do you or do you not want to know what I was going to say? 909 01:03:48,112 --> 01:03:51,528 - What were you gonna say? - Yeah, what were you going to say? 910 01:03:51,616 --> 01:03:54,487 Try it again. Less practised indifference. 911 01:03:54,578 --> 01:03:57,448 More warmth. 912 01:03:57,539 --> 01:04:00,457 - What were you going to say? - What were you gonna say? 913 01:04:00,543 --> 01:04:02,950 So you want to know what I was going to say. 914 01:04:05,506 --> 01:04:08,673 - Take a walk. - I'm the one who asked her. - Just go away. 915 01:04:20,940 --> 01:04:23,692 - What were you going to say? - I was going to say... 916 01:04:24,861 --> 01:04:27,233 - I'll have to think about it. - Oh, really? - Yes. 917 01:04:27,322 --> 01:04:30,526 Because, impossibly, what had previously seemed to me... 918 01:04:30,617 --> 01:04:34,069 to be the worst idea in the universe has, over the last 12 hours... 919 01:04:34,163 --> 01:04:36,571 transmogrified into not such a terrible idea... 920 01:04:36,666 --> 01:04:39,916 opening a very small window of opportunity for you. 921 01:04:40,003 --> 01:04:41,996 - For me? - Yeah. 922 01:04:42,088 --> 01:04:46,965 Ah. And what if I didn't want to take advantage of this opportunity? 923 01:04:47,052 --> 01:04:51,347 A part of you obviously wants to, and it is that part of you that is causing me... 924 01:04:54,227 --> 01:04:56,303 to think about it. 925 01:05:09,494 --> 01:05:11,570 Are you... 926 01:05:11,663 --> 01:05:14,284 asking me... 927 01:05:14,374 --> 01:05:16,533 to think about it? 928 01:05:18,754 --> 01:05:21,541 Wait. Wait a minute. 929 01:05:21,632 --> 01:05:23,755 If you'll just wait, I... 930 01:05:23,843 --> 01:05:25,836 I'm gonna go get the valet... the car... 931 01:05:25,928 --> 01:05:28,680 the car from the... 932 01:05:31,560 --> 01:05:35,143 But now. Now he was ready to start feeling the love. 933 01:05:35,230 --> 01:05:37,519 Oh. Yeah. Before the game this afternoon with the visiting Orioles... 934 01:05:37,691 --> 01:05:41,440 Riley invited a dozen kids to barrage him with chocolate cream pies... 935 01:05:41,529 --> 01:05:45,610 as a way to say. "I'm sorry. " for what he claims is a simple case of miscommunication. 936 01:05:46,868 --> 01:05:49,823 Uncle Bob knows how to party! 937 01:05:53,125 --> 01:05:55,201 This is so much fun! 938 01:06:00,508 --> 01:06:04,803 - Some of these guys... - So you crawled through the Dumpster behind the bar after I left. 939 01:06:12,355 --> 01:06:16,139 I shot that. I'm part of this. 940 01:06:17,277 --> 01:06:19,649 Tell me, do you know for certain that he turned the funds over... 941 01:06:19,738 --> 01:06:21,731 or is he maybe still sitting on them? 942 01:06:24,285 --> 01:06:26,361 Poor little Amy. 943 01:06:26,454 --> 01:06:28,779 Mixed up with a rotten boss... 944 01:06:28,873 --> 01:06:31,032 who feels obligated to his clients. 945 01:06:32,460 --> 01:06:35,497 - Do you know that the number one killer of young men... - Russ! 946 01:06:35,589 --> 01:06:38,709 The person I am pitying here is not me. 947 01:06:41,178 --> 01:06:43,420 Look, it's all my fault. 948 01:06:43,514 --> 01:06:46,136 I made the big, stupid mistake. 949 01:06:49,145 --> 01:06:50,556 I thought you'd change. 950 01:06:57,405 --> 01:07:00,110 I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. 951 01:07:03,077 --> 01:07:06,328 Do you want to know what the saddest part of this whole thing is? 952 01:07:11,962 --> 01:07:14,454 You could have been great. 953 01:07:54,259 --> 01:07:56,715 Man. Man! 954 01:07:57,888 --> 01:08:00,973 When do we ever stop blowing it? 955 01:08:02,101 --> 01:08:05,138 Russ, we've gotta change. 956 01:08:06,898 --> 01:08:08,891 We have to change. 957 01:08:19,412 --> 01:08:22,081 That's pretty cool, how we both have to, uh... 958 01:08:39,434 --> 01:08:42,768 - It's our birthday tomorrow. - Yeah, I know. 959 01:08:42,854 --> 01:08:45,939 - Could I ask you a question? - Sure. 960 01:08:46,024 --> 01:08:48,563 - What happens next? - What do you mean? 961 01:08:48,652 --> 01:08:50,645 I mean to me. 962 01:08:51,781 --> 01:08:56,242 Between being me and becoming you. What happens? 963 01:08:56,328 --> 01:09:00,990 - Do I ever do anything right? - Well, sure you do. You do a lot of things right. 964 01:09:01,083 --> 01:09:03,621 - Like what? - Well... 965 01:09:05,171 --> 01:09:08,088 you make it through grade school alive, barely. 966 01:09:09,258 --> 01:09:12,877 In high school, while you're still a loser... 967 01:09:12,971 --> 01:09:15,213 you're no longer stupid. 968 01:09:15,307 --> 01:09:18,557 You work your butt off and you get good grades. 969 01:09:18,644 --> 01:09:22,345 Very good grades. You end up winning a scholarship to UCLA. 970 01:09:23,482 --> 01:09:26,353 - I'm smart? - Very smart. 971 01:09:26,444 --> 01:09:28,567 But you're still a loser. Hop in. 972 01:09:35,162 --> 01:09:37,784 Scoot over. 973 01:09:37,873 --> 01:09:41,457 In college, things start to get a little bit better. 974 01:09:41,544 --> 01:09:45,791 You join the track team, find a speech therapist... 975 01:09:45,882 --> 01:09:47,958 you continue to work your butt off... 976 01:09:48,051 --> 01:09:50,721 and you graduate at the top of your class. 977 01:09:50,804 --> 01:09:53,509 You eventually go after a master's degree in business. 978 01:09:53,599 --> 01:09:56,007 Where I work my butt off. 979 01:09:56,102 --> 01:09:58,723 Story of your life, kid. 980 01:09:58,813 --> 01:10:02,348 The good news is that, while you are currently a pathetic dweeb... 981 01:10:02,442 --> 01:10:04,435 eventually you grow up to be me... 982 01:10:04,528 --> 01:10:07,101 a high-powered, affluent chick magnet. 983 01:10:07,197 --> 01:10:09,190 Who doesn't have a dog or a chick. 984 01:10:11,160 --> 01:10:14,743 Is that how you see me? A dogless, chickless guy? 985 01:10:14,831 --> 01:10:18,034 - With a twitch. - Right. 986 01:10:18,126 --> 01:10:22,171 - When do I get that? - I forget. 987 01:10:22,256 --> 01:10:24,498 - When do I learn how to drive? - When you're 16. 988 01:10:24,592 --> 01:10:26,750 - When do I get a car? - When you're 18. 989 01:10:26,844 --> 01:10:28,636 When do I get a hickey? 990 01:10:29,681 --> 01:10:32,848 - When you're 17. - When do I find out what a hickey is? 991 01:10:34,394 --> 01:10:36,470 Not tonight. 992 01:10:41,318 --> 01:10:43,892 Russ? 993 01:10:43,988 --> 01:10:47,689 - Yeah, kid. - I get what you do now. 994 01:10:47,784 --> 01:10:50,240 I mean, I get what I do. 995 01:10:50,328 --> 01:10:52,405 When I grow up, for a living. 996 01:10:52,497 --> 01:10:55,914 - I figured out how to explain. - Let me hear it. 997 01:10:56,001 --> 01:10:59,003 You help people lie about who they really are... 998 01:10:59,088 --> 01:11:02,540 so that they can pretend to be someone else, right? 999 01:11:05,345 --> 01:11:06,756 Yeah. 1000 01:11:07,723 --> 01:11:10,759 See? That's not hard to explain. 1001 01:11:12,102 --> 01:11:13,680 That's pretty good. 1002 01:11:14,814 --> 01:11:18,100 - Good night, buddy. - Good night, kid. 1003 01:11:26,118 --> 01:11:30,615 This is ABC-7 Los Angeles. Now. Eyewitness News. 1004 01:11:30,706 --> 01:11:33,957 Good evening. Everyone. And welcome. I'm Harold Greene. 1005 01:11:34,043 --> 01:11:36,083 Good evening. Y'all. I'm Deirdre Lafever. 1006 01:11:36,171 --> 01:11:40,963 Tonight's top story: Another high-speed chase on a Los Angeles freeway... 1007 01:11:41,051 --> 01:11:44,503 this time involving a mother of eight in a stolen minivan. 1008 01:11:44,597 --> 01:11:47,966 The chase started about 8:30 this evening when police first no... 1009 01:11:50,311 --> 01:11:53,016 I know. Thanks, Don. See you tomorrow. 1010 01:11:54,149 --> 01:11:56,307 I heard the "y'all." 1011 01:11:57,444 --> 01:11:58,939 It works. 1012 01:12:03,034 --> 01:12:04,825 Well, it's Mr Image Consultant. 1013 01:12:06,496 --> 01:12:08,987 So, what do you think? 1014 01:12:09,082 --> 01:12:11,241 Don't tell me. My hair's still too big. 1015 01:12:11,335 --> 01:12:13,790 No, it looks good. 1016 01:12:13,879 --> 01:12:17,462 Can I buy you a cup of coffee? Comfort of strangers and all that? 1017 01:12:19,552 --> 01:12:22,090 If what you're telling me is true... 1018 01:12:22,180 --> 01:12:25,680 that has got to be the strangest thing I've ever heard. 1019 01:12:25,767 --> 01:12:27,843 Makes perfect sense to me. 1020 01:12:29,104 --> 01:12:31,560 - It does? - Why wouldn't your 8-year-old self... 1021 01:12:31,649 --> 01:12:33,309 time travel here to give you a hand? 1022 01:12:33,401 --> 01:12:37,066 I mean, you're obviously in trouble. It'd straighten you out. 1023 01:12:37,155 --> 01:12:39,444 You think he's here to straighten me out? 1024 01:12:39,532 --> 01:12:43,400 Well, of course. You didn't think it was the other way around, did you? 1025 01:12:47,750 --> 01:12:51,036 Maybe he's here for you to teach him some things... 1026 01:12:51,128 --> 01:12:54,961 but maybe he's here for you to remember some things. 1027 01:12:55,049 --> 01:12:57,375 Ever thought about that? 1028 01:13:00,222 --> 01:13:02,215 Not till just now. No. 1029 01:13:03,517 --> 01:13:04,893 Darlin', look. 1030 01:13:07,063 --> 01:13:09,732 You're turnin' 40 tomorrow. 1031 01:13:09,816 --> 01:13:14,644 You haven't acquired a single thing of real value in your life. 1032 01:13:14,738 --> 01:13:16,731 - And no, no, money doesn't count. - Hey... 1033 01:13:17,950 --> 01:13:21,864 You're virtually friendless, you barely talk to your family... 1034 01:13:21,954 --> 01:13:25,454 and you've just lost the only woman in the world who's ever meant anything to you. 1035 01:13:25,541 --> 01:13:28,626 Who? Amy? Please. 1036 01:13:28,712 --> 01:13:32,579 Look, she's not the only woman in the world, okay? 1037 01:13:32,674 --> 01:13:34,667 She... She works for me. 1038 01:13:34,760 --> 01:13:37,845 She's neurotic. She bites her nails. 1039 01:13:37,930 --> 01:13:39,970 Nail. 1040 01:13:42,143 --> 01:13:43,935 This one. 1041 01:13:45,856 --> 01:13:47,932 Oh, my God. 1042 01:13:52,446 --> 01:13:57,192 Excuse me. Um, while he's gettin' a clue, could I... could I get a warm-up, please? Thank you. 1043 01:14:00,830 --> 01:14:03,666 Okay. Don't stop. Go on. 1044 01:14:03,750 --> 01:14:07,583 - What's it like? - He keeps asking about his future... 1045 01:14:07,671 --> 01:14:09,296 my past. 1046 01:14:09,382 --> 01:14:11,789 - Haven't really told him much. - Good. 1047 01:14:11,884 --> 01:14:14,007 "Good"? You think that's good? 1048 01:14:15,430 --> 01:14:17,968 Why? What would you do? 1049 01:14:18,058 --> 01:14:20,596 Wh... If little Deirdre was suddenly here... 1050 01:14:20,686 --> 01:14:24,137 burstin' out of her St Mary's uniform, askin' me what comes next? 1051 01:14:24,231 --> 01:14:26,473 Yeah. 1052 01:14:26,567 --> 01:14:31,313 I'd say, "Baby, don't you worry about a thing. 1053 01:14:31,406 --> 01:14:34,027 Everything is just gonna be great." 1054 01:14:36,328 --> 01:14:40,409 I-I mean, how many of us turn out the way we think we will when we're kids, really? 1055 01:14:43,085 --> 01:14:47,499 I-I mean how many of us grow up to be astronauts? 1056 01:14:47,590 --> 01:14:50,675 Or prima ballerinas? 1057 01:14:52,596 --> 01:14:55,846 We just all do the best we can. 1058 01:15:05,777 --> 01:15:08,019 Time for me to take big Deirdre home. 1059 01:15:10,366 --> 01:15:12,857 You know, if you wanna learn about your childhood, seems like you're online... 1060 01:15:12,952 --> 01:15:15,823 with a pretty good source, you know what I mean? 1061 01:15:15,913 --> 01:15:20,375 Yes, I am. Deirdre, thanks for taking the time to help. 1062 01:15:23,213 --> 01:15:25,539 Well, don't ever stop asking for help, Russ. 1063 01:15:27,551 --> 01:15:29,176 You just might get it. 1064 01:15:31,639 --> 01:15:33,715 - Thanks. - You take care. 1065 01:15:36,102 --> 01:15:38,807 Bye, y'all. 1066 01:15:38,897 --> 01:15:41,056 Bye. 1067 01:15:53,288 --> 01:15:56,622 Hi, Janet, it's me. I'm sorry to call so late. 1068 01:15:56,708 --> 01:15:58,832 It's okay. Russ. I think I'll recover. 1069 01:15:58,919 --> 01:16:02,502 I just want you to cancel all my appointments tomorrow and move 'em to Friday. 1070 01:16:02,590 --> 01:16:05,876 -Anything else? - No, that's it. 1071 01:16:05,969 --> 01:16:08,804 - Okay. You've got it. - No, wait. 1072 01:16:08,889 --> 01:16:10,965 There is something else. 1073 01:16:12,267 --> 01:16:15,767 I want you to find out why the full moon looks orange sometimes when it rises. 1074 01:16:17,064 --> 01:16:20,564 - Okay. Sure. - Thanks, Janet. Good night. 1075 01:16:38,671 --> 01:16:42,123 Hey, kid. Rusty. 1076 01:16:44,928 --> 01:16:48,298 - Hi. - Hey. 1077 01:16:50,017 --> 01:16:54,763 Wanna help me with something? I think it might get you back to your time. 1078 01:16:54,856 --> 01:16:57,312 - Sure. - Good. 1079 01:17:00,153 --> 01:17:02,230 Anything about me? 1080 01:17:03,282 --> 01:17:05,358 Yeah. Anything that'll take me back. 1081 01:17:08,079 --> 01:17:10,653 You know how I like to find caterpillars... 1082 01:17:10,748 --> 01:17:12,872 and put 'em in jars and feed 'em... 1083 01:17:14,127 --> 01:17:16,203 and watch 'em make cocoons? 1084 01:17:20,926 --> 01:17:24,510 - No. - And then one day... 1085 01:17:24,597 --> 01:17:27,005 they break out, and it's really cool. 1086 01:17:29,519 --> 01:17:31,761 No. Not a clue. 1087 01:17:31,855 --> 01:17:34,525 But keep goin'. Tell me some more stuff. 1088 01:17:34,608 --> 01:17:37,146 Remember last summer at Josie's birthday party... 1089 01:17:37,236 --> 01:17:40,403 when I got Parmesan cheese stuck up my nose? 1090 01:17:42,450 --> 01:17:45,985 - Got any sixes? - Nope. Go fish. 1091 01:17:47,706 --> 01:17:50,873 - Got any fours? - Negative. Go fish. 1092 01:17:54,714 --> 01:17:56,623 Got any sevens? 1093 01:17:59,052 --> 01:18:01,258 Tell me some more about Dad. 1094 01:18:03,098 --> 01:18:05,091 Sometimes... 1095 01:18:05,184 --> 01:18:07,260 he lets me help him work on the car. 1096 01:18:07,353 --> 01:18:11,481 But if I do something wrong, he yells at me. 1097 01:18:13,192 --> 01:18:15,980 Sometimes he buys me ice cream afterwards. 1098 01:18:16,071 --> 01:18:19,155 But still, I don't like messing up. 1099 01:18:20,367 --> 01:18:23,037 Like last week, I lost a screw. 1100 01:18:24,705 --> 01:18:26,579 I was afraid to tell him. 1101 01:18:28,418 --> 01:18:31,123 I found it later on in my pocket. 1102 01:18:31,212 --> 01:18:33,501 Look, I still have it. 1103 01:18:38,679 --> 01:18:41,431 I'm afraid to give it back to him. 1104 01:18:43,726 --> 01:18:46,348 Got any nines? 1105 01:18:49,357 --> 01:18:51,481 No. 1106 01:18:51,568 --> 01:18:54,688 My homeroom teacher last year was fat Mrs Kinkelman. 1107 01:18:54,780 --> 01:18:57,615 She was so much better than Mr Lupus. 1108 01:18:57,700 --> 01:19:00,072 He had that purple bump on his face. 1109 01:19:00,161 --> 01:19:02,403 I don't remember the bump guy. What grade was that? 1110 01:19:02,497 --> 01:19:04,905 How come you're asking me all this stuff? 1111 01:19:05,000 --> 01:19:06,660 'Cause I'm forgetting something. 1112 01:19:06,752 --> 01:19:09,373 I'm forgetting this one event that meant something to me... 1113 01:19:09,463 --> 01:19:12,464 and if I can remember that one thing, maybe I can get you home. 1114 01:19:12,550 --> 01:19:14,922 Are you sure it's not the purple bump? 1115 01:19:15,011 --> 01:19:17,763 - It's not the bump, kid. - It was a pretty big bump. 1116 01:19:17,847 --> 01:19:19,887 - Tell me more about second grade. - Why? 1117 01:19:19,975 --> 01:19:22,051 Nobody had a bump in second grade. 1118 01:19:24,354 --> 01:19:27,521 My best friend was Tim Wheaton, until a few months ago. 1119 01:19:27,608 --> 01:19:29,565 Remember him? 1120 01:19:29,652 --> 01:19:33,152 - No, I don't. - His house smells like fish sticks. 1121 01:19:34,240 --> 01:19:36,233 - No. - Well, he was my best friend... 1122 01:19:36,326 --> 01:19:38,782 until he started hanging out with Vince... 1123 01:19:38,870 --> 01:19:41,492 and these other creepy guys. 1124 01:19:41,582 --> 01:19:44,998 He threw a rock at me, and we haven't been friends since then. 1125 01:19:45,086 --> 01:19:48,419 - He threw a rock at us? - Oh, yeah. 1126 01:19:48,506 --> 01:19:50,997 - Why? What happened? - Oh, those guys get together... 1127 01:19:51,092 --> 01:19:53,666 every recess in the corner of the playground yard... 1128 01:19:53,762 --> 01:19:55,802 where they like to pick on kids. 1129 01:19:57,349 --> 01:19:59,306 Back behind the kindergarten. 1130 01:20:00,394 --> 01:20:02,850 Yeah. Where the yard monitor can't see you! 1131 01:20:02,939 --> 01:20:05,430 - Where that big sliding board is? - Yeah, the really huge one! 1132 01:20:05,525 --> 01:20:07,814 - You remember it! - Go on. Don't stop. 1133 01:20:07,902 --> 01:20:10,608 There's four of them, and if they don't like you... 1134 01:20:10,697 --> 01:20:13,153 they make your life a nightmare! 1135 01:20:20,333 --> 01:20:23,833 And the worst thing about them is they're really mean to animals. 1136 01:20:23,920 --> 01:20:26,127 Especially this one three-legged dog. 1137 01:20:28,592 --> 01:20:30,336 Tripod! 1138 01:20:30,427 --> 01:20:32,919 Tripod! The dog's name is Tripod! 1139 01:20:33,014 --> 01:20:36,217 I know the dog's name! I know everything, kid. 1140 01:20:36,309 --> 01:20:38,302 I know why you're here! This is the event! 1141 01:20:38,394 --> 01:20:40,553 Vince Kajinski, the fight! It's the fight! 1142 01:20:40,647 --> 01:20:44,645 It was my eighth birthday. It was 32 years ago. 1143 01:20:44,735 --> 01:20:47,273 Today! Ha-ha-ha! 1144 01:20:54,245 --> 01:20:56,997 Holy smokes. 1145 01:20:59,042 --> 01:21:01,284 Look at the car! 1146 01:21:03,005 --> 01:21:05,330 Look at your clothes! 1147 01:21:08,428 --> 01:21:10,420 Holy smokes. 1148 01:21:11,598 --> 01:21:14,136 - Holy smokes! - Holy smokes! 1149 01:21:14,226 --> 01:21:18,390 - We did it, kid! - Am I home? Is it really 1968? 1150 01:21:23,361 --> 01:21:25,769 No doubt about it, kid. What time's recess? 1151 01:21:25,864 --> 01:21:28,781 - 10:30. - Hang on, kid. 1152 01:21:28,867 --> 01:21:31,738 We've got 15 minutes to change our life. 1153 01:21:31,828 --> 01:21:33,868 Okay, now listen. This is gonna happen real fast... 1154 01:21:33,956 --> 01:21:35,830 so you gotta remember what Kenny told you, all right? 1155 01:21:35,916 --> 01:21:39,831 - One, two, one, two. - One, two... - Keep your head down, keep swingin'. 1156 01:21:49,765 --> 01:21:53,680 Look, look, look! There's the really big slide, remember? 1157 01:21:55,980 --> 01:21:58,934 It used to be a lot bigger. 1158 01:21:59,025 --> 01:22:00,769 Here's what I remember: 1159 01:22:00,861 --> 01:22:04,859 Some really bad guys tie up that three-legged dog, Tripod. 1160 01:22:04,948 --> 01:22:06,906 When you try to stop 'em, you get really thrashed. 1161 01:22:06,992 --> 01:22:09,365 Oh, no. Do I save him? 1162 01:22:09,453 --> 01:22:12,241 No. You go down after only one punch... 1163 01:22:12,332 --> 01:22:14,408 thereby solidifying your reputation as a loser... 1164 01:22:14,501 --> 01:22:17,074 for the next eight years, all the way through high school... 1165 01:22:17,170 --> 01:22:19,377 and ruining our life from that moment on. 1166 01:22:19,464 --> 01:22:21,920 Oh, holy smokes. 1167 01:22:22,009 --> 01:22:25,793 Any second now, Vince Kajinski and his cohorts are gonna come around that corner. 1168 01:22:27,014 --> 01:22:29,802 - Look. There they are. - Hey, boo! 1169 01:22:31,436 --> 01:22:34,141 They're gonna say something to you to get you to come over there. 1170 01:22:34,231 --> 01:22:37,018 Once you get back there, they have Tripod tied up. 1171 01:22:38,652 --> 01:22:42,271 - Any questions? - Yeah. What's a cohort? 1172 01:22:43,533 --> 01:22:45,490 Hey, Rusty, come over here. 1173 01:22:45,577 --> 01:22:49,028 It's your birthday, right? We got a present for you. 1174 01:22:49,122 --> 01:22:52,990 Look, kid. You don't have to do this at all. 1175 01:22:53,085 --> 01:22:56,834 - You don't have to fight today. - Come on. Hurry up! 1176 01:23:00,343 --> 01:23:03,712 No. If I don't go against them today... 1177 01:23:03,805 --> 01:23:06,723 I'll have to fight tomorrow or the next day... 1178 01:23:06,808 --> 01:23:09,382 and today, you're here with me. 1179 01:23:09,478 --> 01:23:13,061 That's right. I'm here with you today. 1180 01:23:14,901 --> 01:23:16,940 I can do this. 1181 01:23:18,154 --> 01:23:20,728 You can do it. Don't be afraid. 1182 01:23:20,824 --> 01:23:22,817 Here I come! 1183 01:23:24,411 --> 01:23:26,404 I'll be right here. 1184 01:23:36,132 --> 01:23:37,543 What took you so long? 1185 01:23:37,634 --> 01:23:40,125 - Come on, Rusty. - I just saw it... 1186 01:23:40,220 --> 01:23:42,676 - Yeah, hurry up. - A big surprise. 1187 01:23:42,765 --> 01:23:45,256 It's really far out. 1188 01:24:04,288 --> 01:24:06,910 Come on, man. It'll be great. Why don't you go? 1189 01:24:07,000 --> 01:24:10,535 - Yeah. - It'll be fun. There's your present. - Cool, huh? 1190 01:24:13,090 --> 01:24:15,877 - What are you doing? - This stinkin', three-legged dog is worthless. 1191 01:24:15,968 --> 01:24:18,969 We'll see him run. Light the firecrackers. 1192 01:24:19,055 --> 01:24:23,005 Let the dog go. You guys are dirtbags. 1193 01:24:23,101 --> 01:24:26,601 - What did you call us? - Dirtbags! 1194 01:24:26,688 --> 01:24:29,358 - Good shot. - Look at flabby. - We rule. 1195 01:24:29,441 --> 01:24:32,146 What a dope. 1196 01:24:32,236 --> 01:24:35,321 - That was far out. - Right on. - Yeah, right on. 1197 01:24:35,406 --> 01:24:37,198 - We rule. - Wait, Vince. 1198 01:24:37,283 --> 01:24:39,241 Turn around. 1199 01:24:40,704 --> 01:24:44,287 Oh, that's how it's gonna be. 1200 01:24:44,374 --> 01:24:46,913 - Come on, Vince. Get him! - Stop it! 1201 01:24:49,046 --> 01:24:51,004 Come on! 1202 01:24:51,090 --> 01:24:54,210 - Get him! - Come on! Get him! 1203 01:24:56,513 --> 01:24:59,004 - Up against the wall! - Come on, Vince! 1204 01:24:59,099 --> 01:25:01,590 - Stop! - Come on, wimp! 1205 01:25:01,685 --> 01:25:04,437 Are you gonna cry? 1206 01:25:04,522 --> 01:25:07,606 - One, two. - Gonna run to your mom? - One, two. 1207 01:25:07,692 --> 01:25:09,981 One, two! 1208 01:25:12,030 --> 01:25:14,604 - Say uncle! Say uncle! - No. 1209 01:25:14,700 --> 01:25:16,942 - Apologize! - No. 1210 01:25:17,035 --> 01:25:19,278 Say uncle! Apologize! 1211 01:25:19,371 --> 01:25:21,115 Uncle. I'm sorry. 1212 01:25:27,422 --> 01:25:29,415 Yes! You won. 1213 01:25:29,508 --> 01:25:33,007 - Holy smokes! You did it! - Yabba-dabba-doo! 1214 01:25:33,095 --> 01:25:35,088 Ha-ha! Yabba-dabba-doo is right. 1215 01:25:35,181 --> 01:25:38,348 - You won the fight. You really did it. You won the fight. - I did it. I did it! 1216 01:25:38,434 --> 01:25:40,842 That's all! I did what I had to do. 1217 01:25:40,937 --> 01:25:42,930 Everything's gonna be different now. 1218 01:25:44,190 --> 01:25:45,934 Yeah, I guess so. 1219 01:25:46,026 --> 01:25:49,276 Over. That is all. Yes. 1220 01:25:51,323 --> 01:25:53,031 That's all, right? 1221 01:25:56,245 --> 01:25:58,737 - Oh, no. - What? 1222 01:26:01,042 --> 01:26:02,703 It's not over. 1223 01:26:03,545 --> 01:26:06,463 This gets worse, kid. Much worse. 1224 01:26:06,548 --> 01:26:08,921 What are you talking about? I won the fight. 1225 01:26:09,010 --> 01:26:11,631 It wasn't the fight. That wasn't it. 1226 01:26:16,268 --> 01:26:18,260 It's not over. 1227 01:26:22,775 --> 01:26:24,768 Ice on the eye, son. 1228 01:26:28,531 --> 01:26:31,449 Mr Branch, I put all the reports on your desk. 1229 01:26:41,212 --> 01:26:43,999 Mom. I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry. 1230 01:26:44,090 --> 01:26:47,874 Oh, it's okay. It's okay. 1231 01:26:47,969 --> 01:26:50,507 I'm sorry you had to come in, Mrs Duritz. 1232 01:26:50,597 --> 01:26:53,385 We all know you haven't been well. 1233 01:26:53,475 --> 01:26:58,304 Please, don't punish him, Mr Branch. 1234 01:26:58,397 --> 01:27:00,390 It's his birthday today. 1235 01:27:08,992 --> 01:27:11,828 - Mom, Daddy's home. - Daddy? 1236 01:27:11,912 --> 01:27:13,490 Gloria. 1237 01:27:13,581 --> 01:27:16,155 What are you doing? Are you out of your mind? 1238 01:27:16,250 --> 01:27:18,042 - I'm fine. - Come on, dear. - I'm fine. 1239 01:27:18,128 --> 01:27:21,082 Shh, shh, shh. Get you inside. 1240 01:27:21,173 --> 01:27:23,878 You stay there! 1241 01:27:23,967 --> 01:27:26,838 Please don't scare him. He's had a hard day. 1242 01:27:26,929 --> 01:27:30,096 Gloria, the doctor said you weren't to leave the house. 1243 01:27:42,363 --> 01:27:44,854 - What is the matter with you? - I'm sorry. 1244 01:27:44,949 --> 01:27:48,532 How could you do this to your mother? What are you trying to do, kill her faster? 1245 01:27:48,620 --> 01:27:51,407 - What? - We're gonna lose her. 1246 01:27:51,498 --> 01:27:55,626 God, and you pull some stunt like you did today. You're killing her! 1247 01:27:55,711 --> 01:27:58,380 I found the screw, Dad. The screw. 1248 01:27:58,464 --> 01:28:01,465 - Stop cryin'. - Here's the screw, Dad. 1249 01:28:01,550 --> 01:28:04,256 Look! Here it is. Here it is. I found it. 1250 01:28:04,345 --> 01:28:07,465 - Just stop cryin'. - Please, Dad, look at the screw. 1251 01:28:07,557 --> 01:28:10,179 - Here it is. - Stop crying! 1252 01:28:10,268 --> 01:28:12,510 Stop. 1253 01:28:12,604 --> 01:28:15,559 You gotta grow up, now. 1254 01:28:15,649 --> 01:28:17,642 Do you understand? 1255 01:28:17,735 --> 01:28:20,689 - Yes, sir. - Grow up. Grow up! 1256 01:28:45,057 --> 01:28:47,631 Mom's dying. 1257 01:28:49,353 --> 01:28:52,520 - I know. - Soon? 1258 01:28:53,775 --> 01:28:56,444 Yeah. 1259 01:28:56,528 --> 01:28:58,271 Before your next birthday. 1260 01:28:58,363 --> 01:29:00,107 Did I do it? 1261 01:29:03,452 --> 01:29:06,122 No. 1262 01:29:06,205 --> 01:29:08,198 No, you didn't do it. 1263 01:29:10,960 --> 01:29:13,630 It's not your fault. 1264 01:29:13,713 --> 01:29:16,549 Dad was just saying those things because he's scared. 1265 01:29:18,761 --> 01:29:21,845 'Cause he knows that he has to raise you alone, and he doesn't know how to do it. 1266 01:29:25,685 --> 01:29:27,974 I thought you never cried. 1267 01:29:31,441 --> 01:29:33,481 Not since my eighth birthday. 1268 01:29:35,154 --> 01:29:37,775 Guess I'm starting up again. 1269 01:29:37,865 --> 01:29:41,484 - How come? - 'Cause I just figured out where I got that twitch from. 1270 01:29:42,620 --> 01:29:44,779 Somebody call the "waaambulance." 1271 01:29:46,124 --> 01:29:49,375 Yeah. Yeah. 1272 01:29:49,461 --> 01:29:51,501 Gonna need 'em now, huh? 1273 01:29:57,178 --> 01:29:59,930 Come on. You wanna get outta here? 1274 01:30:01,475 --> 01:30:03,514 Let's go. 1275 01:30:07,857 --> 01:30:09,849 Let's go get something to eat. 1276 01:30:09,942 --> 01:30:13,146 Okay. But I'm eating whatever I want. 1277 01:30:17,909 --> 01:30:20,579 This is disgusting. Let me have some of yours. 1278 01:30:20,662 --> 01:30:21,943 - Hey! - Hey! 1279 01:30:24,083 --> 01:30:26,788 - You don't seem all that mad. - About what? 1280 01:30:28,004 --> 01:30:30,080 That we didn't change anything. 1281 01:30:30,173 --> 01:30:32,747 Like the fact that we're still gonna have to fight Vince Kajinski... 1282 01:30:32,843 --> 01:30:34,716 every week all through grade school? 1283 01:30:35,846 --> 01:30:38,171 - Yeah. - And we'll still be ugly through high school? 1284 01:30:38,265 --> 01:30:40,591 - But not stupid. - Not stupid. 1285 01:30:41,978 --> 01:30:44,136 And that we spend our college years... 1286 01:30:44,230 --> 01:30:47,516 as a chickless, dogless jerk with a twitch? 1287 01:30:47,609 --> 01:30:50,230 And still not have a family when we're 40? 1288 01:30:53,240 --> 01:30:54,699 Yeah. 1289 01:30:55,951 --> 01:30:58,075 What's done is done. 1290 01:30:59,205 --> 01:31:01,114 Yeah. 1291 01:31:02,917 --> 01:31:07,746 But, hey, this is our birthday. Okay? 1292 01:31:08,674 --> 01:31:11,343 Happy birthday, kid. Cheers, kid. 1293 01:31:19,227 --> 01:31:21,469 Hello, boy. How are you doin'? 1294 01:31:21,563 --> 01:31:23,852 - Who are you? - Chester, come on, boy. 1295 01:31:33,243 --> 01:31:37,739 Did you hear what he just called his dog? 1296 01:31:37,831 --> 01:31:39,456 Chester. 1297 01:31:52,806 --> 01:31:54,633 Can that... 1298 01:31:55,767 --> 01:31:58,140 be that? 1299 01:31:58,228 --> 01:32:02,096 - No way. - Can't be. 1300 01:32:06,738 --> 01:32:09,229 Here you go. 1301 01:32:31,599 --> 01:32:34,516 You like the old plane? 1302 01:32:37,188 --> 01:32:39,514 Uh-huh. 1303 01:32:40,859 --> 01:32:42,650 Yeah. 1304 01:32:43,779 --> 01:32:45,772 You did all this. 1305 01:32:47,783 --> 01:32:49,776 You put that plane on my doorstep. 1306 01:32:49,869 --> 01:32:54,282 Yeah. Yeah, I thought that was a particularly nice touch. 1307 01:32:55,875 --> 01:32:58,331 Yeah. It was. 1308 01:32:58,420 --> 01:33:01,207 I bet you got a lot of questions. 1309 01:33:03,008 --> 01:33:05,844 - Yeah. - Well, I wouldn't worry about it. 1310 01:33:05,928 --> 01:33:09,262 You got 30 years to figure 'em out. 1311 01:33:09,349 --> 01:33:12,469 Right now I gotta go. Family's waitin'. 1312 01:33:36,420 --> 01:33:38,793 It was especially nice seeing you again. 1313 01:33:41,426 --> 01:33:44,961 - I'll see you. - See ya. 1314 01:33:47,683 --> 01:33:49,676 Bye. 1315 01:33:54,357 --> 01:33:56,848 Holy smokes. 1316 01:34:12,251 --> 01:34:14,624 We did it. 1317 01:34:21,387 --> 01:34:24,056 - Holy smokes! - Holy smokes! 1318 01:34:24,140 --> 01:34:26,263 - We did it! - We did it! 1319 01:34:26,350 --> 01:34:28,509 Yeah-ho-ho! 1320 01:34:28,603 --> 01:34:31,640 - I'm okay! We're okay! - We're okay! 1321 01:34:31,731 --> 01:34:34,139 We're okay! 1322 01:34:34,234 --> 01:34:36,357 - You're a pilot. - You're a pilot. - You're a pilot. 1323 01:34:36,445 --> 01:34:39,363 - No, you're a pilot. - I'm a pilot. - We grow up to be pilots! 1324 01:34:39,448 --> 01:34:42,403 We grow up to be pilots! Hey! 1325 01:34:42,493 --> 01:34:44,901 - Did you see our dog? - What's his name? - Chester. 1326 01:34:44,996 --> 01:34:48,579 - Chester, the world's greatest dog! - The world's greatest dog! 1327 01:34:48,667 --> 01:34:52,118 Yes! Hoo-Ha, Hoo-Ha... One, right, left, left... 1328 01:34:52,212 --> 01:34:54,538 - Did you see our family? - Yeah. 1329 01:34:55,674 --> 01:34:57,667 Wild. 1330 01:34:59,053 --> 01:35:01,260 That old lady looked familiar. 1331 01:35:02,390 --> 01:35:05,345 Yeah. I thought so too. 1332 01:35:18,116 --> 01:35:21,366 - Look at us go. - Yeah. 1333 01:35:21,453 --> 01:35:23,280 Look at us go. 1334 01:35:28,628 --> 01:35:33,124 I am not a loser! 1335 01:35:47,315 --> 01:35:49,308 Look at us go. 1336 01:35:53,947 --> 01:35:55,940 Kid? 1337 01:36:08,255 --> 01:36:10,247 Bye, kid. 1338 01:36:17,098 --> 01:36:19,091 Thanks. 1339 01:36:39,289 --> 01:36:41,958 Hello? 1340 01:36:42,042 --> 01:36:43,750 I'm here. 1341 01:36:45,754 --> 01:36:48,328 Russ? 1342 01:36:48,424 --> 01:36:52,007 - Russ? - Hi, Janet. I'm back here. I'll be out in a second. 1343 01:36:52,095 --> 01:36:55,345 Hey, a couple of questions. Why am I not at the office? 1344 01:36:55,432 --> 01:36:57,425 Why are you not at the office? 1345 01:36:57,517 --> 01:36:59,925 - And where have you been? - Did you call my dad? 1346 01:37:00,020 --> 01:37:02,690 Yes, I told him you'd be there Sunday to help him move. 1347 01:37:02,773 --> 01:37:06,024 He almost had a heart attack, if that was your intention. 1348 01:37:06,110 --> 01:37:08,068 What about the plane tickets to Hawaii? 1349 01:37:08,154 --> 01:37:11,440 I booked 'em. Two first-class seats. You leave at 2:00. 1350 01:37:14,536 --> 01:37:17,241 Thank you. Got a pen? 1351 01:37:17,331 --> 01:37:21,376 Change these names on here. Use my credit card. 1352 01:37:27,592 --> 01:37:30,510 Russ! Ha-ha-ha! 1353 01:37:30,596 --> 01:37:33,513 - I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it. - Aloha, Janet. 1354 01:37:33,599 --> 01:37:37,893 I love Hawaii. I love Hawaii! 1355 01:38:42,967 --> 01:38:45,803 Do you want to come in? 1356 01:38:45,887 --> 01:38:47,880 Yes. 106896

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.