Original subtitles

I can trust you, right?

No.

Because, um,

we're calling a vote of no confidence on my dad.

What the fuck...

You do this, you gotta look worst case.

Lawrence, Ewan, Ilona, all in play.

One more makes us sure winners.

Three years ago you were still in the nuthouse.

Dad, it's called rehab, and I'm in recovery.

You should be working for a winner like Gil,

with an exciting bastard like me.

I tried playing with you, you broke.

I'd like us to be...

exclusive?

It's obviously the dream.

If you wanted, you could live with me in New Mexico--

No.

Dad's not well.

-The only way he'll respect you is if you try to destroy him. -(SIGHING)

I love my father,

but he is currently unfit to run this company

and I'm calling for a vote of no confidence

in him as CEO and chairman.

Bullshit. No.

All in favor?

You better be smelling your fucking armpit, Romulus.

Against.

I'm chairman. Casting vote. It's fucking over.

What's the vote?

My son, that was your best shot. You lost.

( siren whoops in distance )

- Mr. Roy. - ( Logan grunts )

Hey, Logan Roy! Mind if I get a quick photo?

- I'm a big fan. - Step back.

Big, big fan. I-I love your work.

I love everything you do. I love all the racism, misogyny--

Step off.

- It's really cool stuff! - Security!

Woman: Logan, over here!

( all shouting )

Man: My fuckin' piss!

You're fuckin' monopolist scum!

- Did it get in your eye? - Man: I hope you die!

Colin: Can you open this up, please?

- I want no one else in here. - All right, stay back.

- ( turns on water ) - ( mutters )

Colin: Can we get another shirt down here?

We had an incident outside with Mr. Roy.

Stewy: How many people do you think pissed in that bag

to get all that piss?

I mean, it's just urine.

Logan: I'm good, I'm good.

No fuss, no fuss, I'm good. OK?

( sighs )

- Are you OK? - Logan: Fine.

Don't get all over me.

- OK? - OK.

These trust fund YouTube shits.

Ugh. God, we had a couple of these guys--

I'm here. OK?

Now, I understand

you want me to go through my every thought with you.

I appreciate finally getting a chance

to talk through these very major moves you're considering, yes.

We've become aware

of some very desirable assets that are available.

A block of local TV stations.

Highly undervalued.

Teevvvee--

Oh, I remember those.

We still have one of those in my gym.

Oh, it's so great to have the wisdom of my son's

college drinking buddy in the room.

I just love the way he asks me for money.

( laughs ) No, I get it.

But there is a pressing issue, right?

Well, it's part of a larger strategy.

No, I-- I get all that.

I'm just-- All right.

I think the issue here, sir,

is that everyone fucking hates you.

It's cloudy, it's sunny.

You want to push through a massive

politically sensitive buy-up,

and I'm reading this over my morning cappuccino.

It says your family is a horror show

and it's destroying America.

( clears throat )

Hmm.

- Maybe we should buy this. - ( Stewy chuckles )

Kendall launched a lawsuit against you.

You have fired half of your board.

- Your COO is a fucking joke. - Whoa.

Bro, that's what people are saying. Who cares if it's true?

People say that he's a coked-up dauphin

that doesn't know shit from Shinola,

and that the two of you aren't even talking to each other,

which I am getting a vibe of.

Now, I could care less,

but even the advance whispers of this local TV deal

have people so mad at you

that they're throwing piss at you on the street.

We don't know that it was actually piss.

It was piss.

You want to go on a shopping spree.

I trust you, but can we please fix the visuals?

This is a family business.

But the family is fucked,

and it's hurting the stock.

( theme music playing )

Gil Eavis ( on video ): Whenever war has tested this nation,

we have won out.

And that is what I believe we face right now.

Nothing less than a war

against human inequality,

a war we must fight

to stop unimaginably vast power and riches

falling into the hands

of an impossibly small number of men.

I'm not afraid of this fight.

I know you're not either.

This fight starts here.

I'm Gil Eavis, and I approved this message.

I don't know, this class war shit,

don't you find it a little jejune?

- Jejune? - Yeah. It means juvenile.

Yeah, I-- I know what it means.

I just thought only assholes said it.

- No, I do not find it jejune. - Is this you pulling my hair?

Because why did you bring me in for this? I'm not a good fit.

I genuinely believe he's gonna be the next president of the United States.

And you know me, I don't believe in anything.

Are you finished with Joyce now?

Yeah. That's as far as she'll go.

OK. Gil could really use someone like you.

And this wouldn't be a problem?

What?

The atmosphere.

I think as long as we have clarity.

- Yeah. Right. Clarity. - Right.

And to be clear,

at absolutely any place at any time,

with absolutely no consequences,

I would fuck you,

and will want desperately to fuck you.

And that is just a permanent state of affairs.

( short laugh )

I just want you to know that is my position.

You have all the power.

You can do whatever you want with it.

When did we start having to do this shit, Gerri?

The journalist is Leo Lorenzetti.

The piece will be, "After the turmoil, the coming together."

At your son's ranch.

A family, a dynasty,

an American story.

It'll be a very compelling package.

And what's this shit? Who's this guy Alon?

Karolina: Very highly regarded corporate therapist.

Harvard Business School.

Former CFO at a Fortune 500.

He just worked with the Sultan of Brunei,

and the Bolkiah family.

Do they all have to be there?

Does the traitor come too?

Well, obviously, that's your choice.

But the message, I think,

is a family reunited in the desert.

A time to reflect, regroup.

Family unity is kind of what you're going for.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Gerri: And frankly, Logan,

if you can get Kendall to drop the lawsuit,

everything becomes cleaner for us, acquisition-wise.

OK. Well, I'm not groveling.

Get Romulus on the phone.

Let's do the email.

Hey, Shiv.

It's Con. Listen, did you get this email from Dad

about therapy?

'Cause, I mean,

this is, like, wow!

So I just need to check that it's not

one of those spam things or something.

All right, so call me.

Tom: I like Gil-- people like Gil, he's great--

but I have a sneaking feeling that if he won an election

he'd probably like to line me up and everyone I know and shoot us.

- Holy fuck. No way. - What?

Hang on.

( phone chiming )

Hmm.

- Hey. - Have you seen this?

I can't believe it. Dad's doing therapy?

I thought you weren't talking to me because

I didn't tell you about the vote.

I'm not. But what the fuck.

Oh! Very much the fuck.

Very much the fuck indeed.

The big man is breakin' down, and everyone's invited.

Well, not Kendall.

- Everybody. - This is bullshit.

What's he doing?

- Gotta go. See ya. - Please, Mr. Roy--

- I need to talk to Kendall. - He's not available.

What do you mean he's not available?

What is he doing, playing with his fucking Legos?

He's nothing but available.

He isn't here right now.

Well, I know that's not true,

so just come on, OK?

He hasn't been here for weeks.

- I'm sorry. - Bullshit. OK, look,

will you just give him a message?

- No, thank you. - Tell him--

( laughs ) "No, thank you"--

Tell him to reply to the email,

that he has to come. OK?

Tell him that--

Hey. Dad wants--

Hey. Um, no.

No, I don't think he's gonna play ball.

He's not talking. No way he's gonna drop the lawsuit.

OK, that's fine, Roman.

- No? - No.

OK. Plan B.

Operation Black Sheep.

( phone chiming )

( continues chiming )

- Hey. - Rava: Hey. You OK?

Yeah, I'm fine. What's up?

Oh, what time are we doing the pickup?

Do you ever look at Sophie's Instagram?

I was monitoring,

and one of the older kids linked to that shitty article about you.

What article?

I haven't been looking at anything. Deliberately, Rava.

"Kendall Roy ran the streets of New York,

sweaty and incoherent,

ranting about a coup against his father,

but couldn't find his way to the board room to start said coup.

Is he back on drugs?

We couldn't possibly say,

but some people are saying that."

Rava, listen to me.

OK, that's-- That's not true.

- Yeah. - OK? That's not true.

Mm-hmm. It's just that's what you used to say

when it was true.

Jesus, I'm not using, Rava.

I-- I don't touch anything.

And you know that. Jesus Christ. Come on.

But look, unrelated,

this weekend Iverson's got his tests

and if we break his routine, it's gonna affect things.

- You know? - No. No.

Fuck, come on.

Please don't get angry.

I'm not-- I'm not fucking angry.

OK? I want to see my kids.

I'm not on drugs, I'm not touching drugs,

I don't use drugs anymore, I'm not on drugs,

I'm not on fucking drugs.

Yeah, it's the paranoid rant that's so convincing.

( magazine hits floor )

( sighs )

Tom: Well, I actually think

it's really brave to go.

Oh, thank you. I'm a hero.

- Hmm. - Ugh.

Can you imagine?

Connor, Dad, Roman, feelings?

It's gonna be like tossing a bag of Uzis into the soft play area.

I know your dad doesn't believe

you didn't know what Kendall was up to,

and he spoke abominably to you.

And, um, just for context,

do you think it would be appropriate this weekend,

in a bridge-building way,

for me to be speaking to Logan, or no?

Just do what you think is right.

Yeah, sure. I got it. I just, you know,

I want to have your back,

and, uh, there's also my back,

and, you know, we're a beast with two backs.

I get it. You're your own guy.

I won't judge you.

Yeah, sure, I know that. I know that.

- Willa: Hi! - Connor: Hey, Marcia!

( Connor laughs )

- Hi! - Hey, Dad!

Welcome to Austerlitz!

Logan: Thank you, thank you.

- Ah. It exists! - Yeah.

Marcia: Austerlitz? Was this the name when you bought it?

Willa: Oh, it was racially insensitive,

so he picked a new one.

Do you want me to show you inside?

Karolina: Hi, Connor.

Hi, Karolina.

So, son, have you got somewhere for them to set up?

So you're also working?

Just a few folks doing photographs and stuff.

- Oh? Uh-- - Chroniclers of everything.

OK.

OK. You bet.

- Great place. Plenty of space. - Yeah.

This works.

Oh, good.

Hey! I see you!

- Hey! - Tom: Hey!

Hi!

Hello to the metropolitan elite!

Welcome to the real America.

Tom: Oh, man of the people.

The people who work on his ranch.

- Hi! - Let me hug you.

Connor: What do you think?

Wow. Yeah.

- It's brown. - Connor: Yeah, it is.

- Is that a church? - Yeah, that's the chapel.

We're gonna be in there tomorrow.

That chapel dates to 1878.

- Cool! - It's a chapel.

Do you think Dad will be able to cross the threshold?

Or will be spontaneously combust?

Good question.

Why don't you guys get settled in,

and then join us for cocktails this evening.

Connor: Randall owns the next ranch over.

I told him to pop in. Just wanted to say hi.

He's very big in pesticides.

Logan: Uh-huh. I don't need any.

Ho! Yeah, that's what everybody says.

Nah, I'm always ribbing him.

Did you know that three out of every hundred bunches of grapes

has over the legal limit of pesticides?

So you wash 'em.

You can't wash your colon, Mr. Poison.

Why, I oughta--

( imitates James Cagney) Smart guy, put 'em up!

He thinks she knew about the coup.

So Logan will talk to Shiv as long as she says "sorry."

Well, I think that Shiv's position would be

that she's got nothing to be sorry for.

I mean, obviously she's sad,

you know, there's sadness.

We could offer that.

( phone buzzing )

OK. The entertainment has arrived.

This is like a-- like the first stages of an orgy.

Kind of exciting, but also super-awkward.

- There. I did it. - Did what?

I just iced your dad.

- Hey, Tom. - Hey.

Can I...

Uh, yeah, I'm not in charge of you.

But go get me a drink.

I'm joking.

Roman: So where's the actual head doctor guy?

I wouldn't know. No one tells me anything.

Well, hope he can cure your serious case of being a bitch.

Ow. Fuck.

( laughs ) Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Bet Dad's gonna try and win at therapy.

Well, he hasn't done therapy with me yet. I'm an expert.

- Oh, yeah? - Oh, yeah.

This is what it looks like when you resolve all your issues.

- Uh-huh. - Mm-hmm.

My guy says that if Dad had had therapy,

I wouldn't need so much.

My guy's surprised I got through at all.

I'm not sure you did make it through at all.

( mocking ) I don't think.... dee-dee, dah-doo, bah-dee...

See, I will have you know I am very well-adjusted.

You... you're just good at hiding it.

- Mr. Parfit is here. - Thank you.

OK, Randall,

I hate to kick you out,

but I have word Elvis is in the building.

- OK. - I'll see ya, buddy.

I just want you to know

I think I'm going to reveal to him

that you sexually abused me as a child.

- Excuse me? - Yeah. You just would not stop.

You are one sick puppy.

You're the one who kept trying to fuck me.

Why would you say that? Stop saying that.

You don't really think that, do you?

No. I'm fuckin' with you.

The way you fucked me as a baby.

What is wrong with you? You're exasperating.

This one is threatening to tell the family

that I diddled him when he was a little kid.

Oh. Right. Did you?

No, of course not, Tom.

- Connor. - Oh. Hi.

Alon Parfit.

- Hey. Hi. - Nice to see you.

- Happy you're here. - You must be Broman.

Yes, I am. Broman.

- And Shiv. - Yeah.

- Hey. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you...?

This is Tom. Shiv's fiancé.

Not important. To the therapy.

- Uh, Con? - Come meet Dad.

Yeah, please.

- Hi. - Logan Roy.

- This is Marcia. - Nice to meet you.

And this is my girlfriend Willa.

- Nice to meet you. - Hi, Willa, how are you?

Right. Family. Um...

we're all gathered here in this beautiful home

because there are things to address,

and I believe we should... address them.

I think I explained all around

that we'll also have

a small celebration of our coming together,

with photographs, tomorrow.

Nothing fancy. Simple. Simple.

Anyway, without more ado, let me introduce to you,

Alon Parfit.

Hi, everyone.

I look forward to us all sitting down tomorrow,

but I just want to say it takes a lot of courage,

and that is not lost on me.

Uh...

I'm very touched.

- Yeah, me too. - Connor: Thanks.

This family's broken, and that has consequences.

A missed phone call today,

a couple dozen kids lose their jobs in China.

Butterfly wings, but bigger.

Huge wings. Like a pterodactyl.

Or the Smithsonian.

So... let's fix our wings.

Barely comprehensible.

Kendall: Morning.

Man: It is gassed up and ready to go.

- Your key. - Thank you.

Big plans while you're here?

Maybe.

Patricide? Fratricide?

OK. Sounds like fun.

- Enjoy. - Oh, yeah.

( phone buzzing )

- Yeah? - Nate: Good morning.

We're here. You ready to do this?

What?

- No, wait. Now? - No shit.

I'm in a hotel in Santa Fe.

Well, I c-can't now.

I mean, the whole reason I came down here is to do this family thing,

and that's today. So...

So?

Can he reschedule?

He's pretty fuckin' busy.

Ahh. Oh, fuck.

Doesn't look good, turning him down.

Well, obviously I want to--

Come on, Shiv, this is huge.

- But I can't. Right now. - Tom: Hey, honey,

the pressure on the faucet's moderately intense, so go easy.

- I gotta go. - Shiv--

Fuck.

Tom: Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, it's gonna be OK.

It's going to be OK.

Want me to come in there with you?

Into the emotional swamp? Huh?

Pretty soon I'm gonna be part of this whole genetic carnival.

- It's OK. - You sure?

Yeah.

Alon: Morning.

OK. Let's do this.

The therapy? This way for the therapy.

Whoo.

( chuckles )

( Roman humming funeral dirge )

Like waving your kids off to school.

They better not gang up on him.

He's still frail.

Roll up, roll up,

for the festival of grievances.

- Logan: OK, son? Good. - Connor: Yeah.

OK. Great.

So, welcome, welcome.

I like to begin these things

with a little prayer.

Uh, they fuck you up, your mom and dad.

They do not mean to, but they do.

They fill you up with faults they had

and add some extra just for you.

Now, I always think that's an interesting way

to start these things,

but what I'd like to know is,

how you feel you would like to start this.

So...

who's going to tell us why we are here today?

Come on. Does no one want to take a pop at the champ?

- Can I just say-- - Alon: Sure.

I never touched Roman inappropriately.

If he says I did, I didn't.

Shiv: Glad to clear that up.

He was gonna make a horrible joke, so I'm preempting.

Alon: OK. OK.

But I think the best way to start this--

Uh. I'll start if you'd like.

Alon: Yeah, Please.

Um... everything I've done in my life,

I've done for my children.

I know I've made mistakes,

but, um,

I've always tried to do the best by them...

because... they mean everything to me.

OK. That was great.

Thank you.

- Well, that's nice. - It is nice.

Yeah, sure. Agreed.

So, what do we feel about what we just heard here?

I mean, I hear it.

I hear it.

Uh-huh. Big words.

Good words.

Oh. I'm still... processing,

but yeah.

Logan, do you realize how much power you wield in this room?

What do you mean?

He has a lot of power everywhere.

Alon: What I guess I'm asking is,

how do you feel about what you just said?

Look, everything I've done in my life

I've done for my children.

- I know I've made mistakes-- - Uh, Dad,

you can't just use the one sentence.

But that's how I feel, Siobhan.

I can make this shit up if you like.

Sounds like you already are.

- Shiv? - Look, I'm...

I guess where I'm coming from is

I'm having a hard time diving in because

honestly, I'm wondering why he brought us here in the first place.

I mean, was it for this photo opportunity?

Logan: No, no, of course not.

I wouldn't have brought you here for a photo and an interview--

Sorry. Excuse me? There's an interview now?

- Well, I told you, photo and-- - No, you didn't.

What, so this is essentially a publicity event?

It's optional. There won't be questions.

This is not OK.

I have a publicist for this stuff.

Fuck. Con, did you know about this?

I think the picture is OK.

I think it's nice.

Rome?

I don't mind.

Alon: Logan, have you thought about the possibility

that your children are actually scared of you?

Aw, fuck off.

After what they've done to me? Fuck off!

Tell me, do you think

you'll always do what you do?

What, the theater?

Yes, and what you do for money.

Uh-huh.

Uh, well, you know, I like my life,

and kind of just go with the flow,

so yeah, I think I'll just slide more over

into producing or writing or directing.

I knew a woman in Paris, she did what you do.

She was very intelligent.

Oh, thank you.

And do you want children?

Um, I don't know. Maybe one day.

Don't wait. That's all I will say.

The old biological clock starts a-ticking.

You could always freeze.

That's a way of putting off life.

I'd like Shiv to freeze. Embryos, not eggs.

A little bit of me in the bank.

Thought about that?

Ahh, so much advice! Wow!

You know, my friend from Paris who was your way?

She actually was murdered.

It was nothing to do with her being a prostitute,

it was to do with a restaurant that went poof!

What?

( car alarm chirps )

( chatter )

( billiard balls clack )

Hey, do you have any non-alcoholic beer?

No. Sorry.

OK. How about sparkling water?

Mm-hmm.

You a tourist?

Uh, kind of.

Hmm.

Oh. Fancy.

Kendall Roy?

You here visiting family?

Connor Roy?

What?

No, it's OK, I probably think the same.

- Yeah. There's just stories. - Like?

Like, he came in here one night,

he had this dog with cancer that he couldn't let the vet kill

but he couldn't watch it die either,

so he dragged that thing around the whole bar

asking somebody if they'd take it and give it a good life.

He said, "I'll pay you. I just can't watch."

Anyway, Skunkhead Tanner over there

took three grand, shot her in the parking lot.

Jesus.

- What? - None of your business.

I was talking about Skunkhead.

Don't talk shit about me, Janelle.

Oh, really? ( laughs )

Hey, also, can I get a double Smirnoff rocks?

- Lime? - No.

Keep it open.

Heard you killed my brother's dog.

Alon: Look, can we go back to our agreement

where we put aside our cell phones,

just focus on what's going on this room?

Can we do that?

I'm trying to buy a number of television stations.

OK, but could you do it later?

Fine. Tell me what more you want and I'll dance the dance.

I guess what I want is for you to tell us

how you are feeling?

- How I'm feeling? - Mm-hmm.

I feel...

I need to check my emails.

That's not a feeling, Dad.

Maybe don't deny Dad's feelings, Shiv.

I turned down something huge to be here, and you're gonna tank it.

- I'm doing therapy. - I don't think you are.

Logan: I am.

Now you're denying their feelings, Dad.

Look, what I think we should really have a conversation about

is the fact that Kendall's not here.

And that's because there are reports of him

running around taking drugs.

And I, for one, don't know where those have come from.

You don't have to worry about that.

What does that mean?

I'm not getting into that today. It's beyond the remit.

I don't really think there is a remit, Dad.

I had nothin' to do with those stories.

Shiv, do you believe your father?

- Well... - Alon: Go on.

Honestly, no.

I think this whole thing is fake.

Alon: Roman?

I don't know.

I don't know.

- No. - Roman: I mean,

he might not have meant to, but...

- no, I don't believe him. - I'm sorry!

I'm sorry!

All right?!

I'm finished.

I'll apologize as much as you fuckin' like,

but I can't get into everything.

That's it.

Alon: You know, Logan,

if I'm asked if I thought that you participated in this family therapy

in an earnest way,

I don't think that I could answer in good conscience

that you have.

Fine. I apologize.

Maybe I'm hungry.

I got nothin' to hide.

OK.

How about we take a break

and begin again, clean slate, this afternoon?

Hmm?

So come on, come on, tell me.

What did everybody say in there? Huh?

Was it nothing too horrible or upsetting?

Was it just disgusting?

Hey, I'm gonna go down to Santa Fe to meet Gil.

Oh. What? So everything has been resolved in there?

Yeah. Totally.

We're all completely sane. All resolved.

Uh-huh. Come on.

- Can I take a car? - What's up?

- Wait. What are you doing? - The Tesla.

I'm going into town. I've got a meeting.

I'm not gonna take this seriously if no one else is.

Connor: But we're getting somewhere, Shiv.

I can feel it. He's breaking down.

You're sweet and I love you, but you're delusional.

Well, you can't do that. Is that allowed?

Well, I think Shiv is capable of making an adult decision.

But here's what I was thinkin'.

Why don't we all take a break? Huh?

Just get out of our heads and into our good bodies.

You know? Let's go for a swim.

Everybody. You know? Get your dad out there.

- Dad can't swim. - Shiv: Yeah.

He doesn't even trust water.

It's too wishy-washy.

Can I have the keys?

- Thank you. - Seriously?

Yeah.

- Hey, Willa. - Yeah?

Hey, honey,

do you know about the family photo for later?

Yeah, it'll be nice.

Yeah, well, um,

there was an idea that maybe you should sit it out.

- Uh-huh. - I'm sorry.

No, no, it's OK. I'll probably end up getting murdered anyway.

Nobody's murdering you.

- ( sighs ) - You're adorable.

You're unmurderable. ( laughs )

Um... Look, you know--

You know I appreciate you.

I appreciate you, too.

And I think you're better than all of them.

Th-Thank you.

Look, I know that we talked about this before,

but I was just wondering

if you could...

well, would you...

I don't know how to say this,

except to say that love is a strange and peculiar affliction.

It's-- It's like a virus.

So could you please just stay here for a while...

- and maybe you'll catch it. - Con.

What I mean is that you would have an allowance

and you would continue to write

and you continue to travel to New York,

and I would help you build a life in the theater.

Gosh, that's a lot.

Yeah, but we have so many great ideas.

Yeah. Sure. No, we do.

So we could do family, but we could do it different.

I mean...

we could try.

Exactly! Why not? Yeah?

Yeah!

- Yeah? - Yeah. ( laughs )

Hey, I love you.

And... I, um...

I love you.

See? That wasn't so hard, was it? ( laughs )

OK. Lot of wolf stuff.

Yeah, man, I love the wolves.

Uh-huh.

- He really likes the wolves. - Yeah. Cool.

My mom says I was a wolf child.

That's 'cause she never bothered to take care of you, Chang.

That's just fuckin' salesmanship of her neglect.

- ( imitates wolf howling ) - Kendall: Nice.

- You get wolves here? - Nope.

- No? OK. - Fuckin' wish.

I never did meth.

And I'm technically sober,

so this is kind of an experiment.

( laughs )

There we go.

Wow. ( clears throat )

There's a thing now that Type A's actually can't get addicted.

Ya know? 'Cause we are addicted.

You know, if it wasn't for wolves, we couldn't speak.

It's from having to tell dogs what to do

that we actually had a need to talk out loud,

you know, to command 'em?

You guys, come on. We got a real person.

Let's not attack his brain.

We should get some more.

- Chang: Fuck, yeah. - Yeah?

And, uh, maybe some weed.

- Right. - Some Oxys, some...

some goodies.

So, you like it?

Experiment successful.

I am interested in becoming a meth head.

Chang: Yeah.

Tanner: Well, we're the fuckin' right people, dude!

- Alon: Hey. - Hi. You comin' in?

- Oh, yeah. - Good.

Roman: Don't be afraid of what's down there.

Pretend it's our subconscious and just go for it.

I know how to dive.

Yeah, you gotta jump.

- You want me to jump? - All: Jump! Jump! Jump!

- Jump, ya fuckin' pussy! - Jump! Jump! Jump!

Excuse me, there's been an accident in the pool.

Logan: What did he say?

Marcia: An accident in the pool.

We don't know if he got a head injury, or...

He just dived in and he hit the bottom.

- Did you hit your head? - ( Alon mumbling )

- He hit his teeth? - His teeth are in his head,

Connor, it's kind of a central feature.

It's clearly signed. What were you thinking?

Shall I call an ambulance?

I didn't think he'd jump in headfirst. Hi, Karolina.

Hey, Roman. Don't let him go to sleep.

( muffled ) I don't want to go to fuckin' sleep!

Let's take a look. The bleeding always

makes it look worse than it actually--

Jesus Christ!

Let's take him to the hospital.

- Really? - Roman: No, you're OK, man.

It's OK. You look OK.

It'll be faster if I just take him myself.

No, no, no, send your guys. Send Colin.

- We should stay. - No, I want to help him ou--

I want to make sure he's not litigious.

Fuckin' great! And I was about to take advice from a clown

who dives headfirst into the shallow end of the pool! And now everyone's fucking off!

It's OK. I got you.

Roman is here.

He's here for the photos, for everything.

- Sure. I give good cheekbone. - Logan: OK.

Nate: Gil.

Siobhan Roy.

The acceptable face of the worst family in America.

Yeah. Gil Eavis. Stalin in a plaid shirt.

( laughs )

OK. Well, happy meeting.

So... how are you?

Really?

Well, my family's fucked.

I'm not talking about to my dad, and my brother's suing my dad.

Sorry. If family isn't right, nothing feels right.

Yeah. And how are you?

You gonna go for it?

I'm feeling really good.

Suffered some depression last year after everything,

but, um... I'm good.

And so, what, you want me to handle the message on that?

No. That's just the truth.

Look, Siobhan,

I'm not gonna make you do a dance.

I'm finalizing. Nate and me want you on the team.

What do you think?

Well, I think you're too radical.

( laughs )

I'm not telling you anything you don't know.

The good politician, he figures out what people need

and then he sells it back to them as what they want.

So... this is a job offer?

Well, yes.

But there's an issue.

What, my name?

One section of my base would be outraged for me even meeting with you.

Yeah, well, that section has nowhere else to go, so fuck 'em.

( softly ) Yeah.

Look, if I'm gonna win big the way I want to,

to remake this country for the better--

Ooh! La-dee-dah.

I need to spike your father's guns.

The papers, the news channels.

I can't help with that.

No, no, no, of course. Of course.

But I'm gonna go for his throat.

Legally, legislatively,

hearings, referrals.

I thought I should tell you.

It'll be ugly.

And how do you know that I won't betray you?

Well, I guess I trust you.

I can work with Nate, but I can't work for Nate.

It's fine, it's just a-- it's a preposition thing.

We can figure all that out.

The bigger question is,

do you want this enough to go to war with your family?

( camera shutter clicks )

Can we do the walking and talking?

- What? - Walking and talking.

- He wants us to be talking. - Oh.

- That looks good. - Thank you.

- We look great, apparently. - Uh-huh.

I want you to call Japan.

We got the office set up here.

I'm tickling Sandy on local.

I want you to get into the government issues

- of the launch detail. - Right. Sure.

Do you actually want me to do that, or are you just

- saying shit for the camera? - No.

You're a COO, aren't you?

- Huh? - Yeah.

- Well? - Sure. I got it.

I mean, I was just checking.

( camera shutter clicks )

Thank you, gentlemen.

That's really grand.

- Yeah? - This looks imperial here.

- Thank you. - Thank you very much.

- Did he say "imperial"? - Imperial.

What the hell does that mean?

( exhales )

Yeah, he's good.

- Yes. - Yeah.

So?

( laughs ) I don't--

I don't know.

I--

OK.

- OK? - OK.

Right?

Fuck, yes.

I mean, I told him that he would have to fire you

if he was gonna hire me, but...

- It's fine. - OK.

- For the good of the country. - Right.

My Airbnb has a, um...

memory foam mattress.

( laughs )

How 'bout we...

give it some... memories?

Ooh. Wow.

( starts engine )

Turn it off.

Turn it off.

( engine off )

Let's just... ( clears throat )

sit here a minute and--

so I can think.

( dog barks in distance )

Chang: He sees Oprah walkin' down the street,

he's like, "Oprah, you get a car. You get a car."

He's so rich he needs a golf cart to pass the salt.

- ( snorting ) - He's so rich

his goldfish wear furs.

Yeah, yeah, fish fur.

He's so rich that his sperm has little top hats

and monocles and shit.

Yeah. "Good day, vagina.

May I enter thou?"

You know, I don't even care that you're richer than us.

I mean, who's better off, ultimately?

I mean, clearly, you are, but... fuck it, who cares?

I do.

Guys, I gotta make a quick call.

- Yeah, go for it. - Yeah.

( phone chiming, buzzing )

- Uh, hey. - Kendall: Bro.

I've got a lot of important information in play.

- What? Where are you? - I'm in New Mexico.

- What? - I realize now.

Are you high?

No. I'm at some guy's house.

I mean, yeah, we been taking drugs,

but I'm very clear.

Uh, can you drop me a pin so I know you're OK?

We're OK. There-- That's nothing wrong with us.

Just drop me a fucking pin. I'm not gonna come get you.

Do it now. Are you doing it?

Yeah, OK. Hold on.

Here ya go.

OK. I'm comin' to get you, man.

Are you doing the call?

Uh, yeah, uh, yes. I will.

But, um, I'm going to get Kendall.

He's here, and he's not great.

OK, go. Go. Go.

Yeah, OK. But no, I will. I'll make the call.

( knock on door )

- Who the fuck is that? - Oh.

- Roman: Kendall. - ( knocks )

- Who the fuck is that? - It's cool, it's my brother.

It's cool. Let him in.

Jesus. Fuck.

Chang. Let him in, man.

Thank you.

Oh! Wow. Hi.

Gonna offer me a cup of tea?

I like what you've done with the wolves.

Yo, Chang, show him-- show him your wolf tattoo.

Do the howl, Chang.

( howls )

Wow. Funny and cool.

Yo. This is Chang, Tanner,

that's Mac.

Roman: So great to meet you guys.

Let's get outta here. Come on.

You know, I was thinking I probably shouldn't talk to you

given the ongoing situation

apropos of my legal action against you

as a board member for your failure to fulfill your fiduciary duty

and breaching my employment contract,

but then, I don't know, but then I thought, "Who fucking cares?"

What-- Is this--

What is this?

What is this, fuckin' crank?

We've been having a lot of fun, Mom.

( snickers )

Yeah. That's good.

Yo, seriously. You should try this.

I would love to, some other time.

I hear that shit makes you crash like an airbus full of eggs.

Not if you stay high.

Tanner makes good points.

I think this lighter is fucked.

That is a really good point.

You know what? Let's get the fuck out of here.

Come on.

That's enough. I can fix that. Here.

- ( lighter clatters ) - Oh, hey,

how's the family therapy?

Oh, the therapy? It was total bullshit.

He didn't even do it.

- He didn't do it? - No. He didn't.

- Come on. - I'm coming. Let's do it.

Hey, man, your friend sucks.

- That's my brother. - Your brother sucks.

He's actually-- You know what?

- He's OK. - Roman: Thanks.

Our people will reach out to your people.

Hey, Kendall! Tell Bill Gates

my computer's fucked up from all the fuckin' updates, man!

You OK?

Yeah, I'm-- I'm fine.

Should I call a doctor? Rava?

You want me to hit a kid so I can steal his kidneys?

- ( phone chimes ) - Fuck. I'm sorry.

I have to make a call. It's the...

It's the launch in Japan thing.

Um, is that cool?

It's OK.

Yeah?

You do your call.

OK.

♪ Eee-eee-eee-um-um-aweh ♪

No. No Lion King.

( singing along with "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" )

♪ ...eee-um-uma-wey ♪

Yeah, could you--

♪ A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh ♪

♪ A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh ♪

♪ A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh ♪

( turns off car stereo ) Sorry.

- ( turns music back on ) - ♪ A-weema-weh, a-weema-wey ♪

What, are you fuckin' four? Will ya knock it off?

I'm trying to drive the car and not have a-weema-weh in my fucking face.

- ♪ The mighty jungle ♪ - That's enough!

- ♪ The lion sleeps-- ♪ - ( Kendall laughing )

( indistinct chatter )

- Tom: Hey! - Shiv: Oh, hey!

- Hey. - Hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

You're late.

So, what happened with the fake therapy?

Any pretend breakthroughs? Any good performances?

Nothing. Our therapist died.

- What? - Metaphorically speaking.

He smashed his teeth out in the pool.

Oh, my God.

Freud would have had a field day.

Where you been?

I was meeting about a prospective job.

With your father's enemy?

OK, I'm gonna go to bed.

I keep an eye on things, Siobhan.

I keep an eye.

What is that supposed to mean?

I mean, I had a meeting.

You do whatever the hell you like,

on everything, forever--

Why don't we chat this over in the morning?

Marcia: And he has to hear it from his so-called friends,

on the phone, dripping poison in his ear.

Kendall: Fami-ly therapy!

- ( beating rhythm on window ) - Connor: Kenny.

Fami-ly therapy! ( beating rhythm )

Fami-ly therapy!

Kendall: Hey, hey, hey!

What up, motherfuckers!

Sorry I'm late. What are we arguing about?

- What's wrong with him? - Oh, where do we start?

I'm off my nut, folks.

- Off my fuckin' nut. - Shiv: Oh, my God.

Like all the papers said.

Your dreams have come true. Congratulations.

Just so you know, I think things are good with the launch.

- I talked to the guy-- - Kendall: He doesn't care.

He doesn't even fuckin' notice.

Dad, give him a high five.

Cone on. He's waiting. Dad?

You'd do that to me? Eavis.

The one senate member who wants to fuck me ragged.

On the same side as those animals

that hit me with a bag of piss.

It's my work, Dad. You of all people ought to understand that.

Work?! It's rebellion! Sabotage!

Shiv: Yeah, of course, 'cause it's all about you.

Not that I might be in agreement with his points about the purchases,

or just maybe his whole philosophy.

Philosophy?

This is nothing but a miserable deliberate attempt

to undermine my whole business strategy.

Kendall: ( laughs ) You don't have a business strategy, Dad.

Your whole business model is based on seducing presidents.

You're a really high-class hooker.

- No offense. - Connor: Hey.

Fuck off.

It's fine. My aunt's an addict.

It's been a long day. It's been really nice

getting to know you all a bit better.

- Tom: Good night. - Good night.

I gotta say I feel a little bit used today, Pa.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Not you too.

Where we are and all that's happened,

and then even tonight you have to go off and work?

I made some calls. Jesus. Can't you wait?

Can I wait for you to finish a few calls?

Yeah, I think so, Pa. I've had a bit of practice.

- Connor. - Quite a bit.

Connor, your father has been busy

dealing with these two traitors.

Disagreeing with Dad is not treason.

But trying to make one of his biggest enemies president is kind of a "fuck you."

Oh, hey, Dad. Dad.

I like those stories you planted about me.

That was...

- Yes. You forced my hand. - There it is.

Yes! And he's fuckin' lucky that was all.

What you kids do not understand,

it's all part of the game.

Kendall: Oh, it's all part of the game.

Come on, everybody.

It's a rootin'-tooti'' super fuckin' fun game

for all the family!

Step right up!

You run towards politics to prove that you're your own man.

Fine. But that's not principle.

You're scared to compete.

You're marrying a man fathoms beneath you

because you don't want to risk being betrayed.

You're a fucking coward.

Wow.

Wow, you are just beyond.

You know... I was born lucky.

I'm a lucky person.

I realize that.

And you're so fuckin' jealous, aren't you?

You're so fuckin' jealous of what you've given your own kids.

You can't handle it.

You c-- You can't work it out.

If I had spoken to my uncle like that...

What? Hmm? What would evil Uncle Noah do?

Calling your daughter a coward till she cries?

- Big man. - Logan. Logan. Logan.

Logan. Logan!

You are a fucking nobody.

Fuckin' nobody.

- As always. - Good to see you.

I'm sorry. You know.

- No. It's fine. - Well...

you know, it wasn't great.

But you had some fun, right?

- Yeah. - You had some fun here?

- OK. You come back and see me? - Yeah.

- It was really fun. - Buddy, I'm sorry.

- No, don't. - It was just such a drag.

No, no. It was good fun.

- You had some fun, right? - Yeah, absolutely.

- All right, bye. - OK. Bye.

- Tom: Bye-bye. - Call me.

It's funny, I wanted 'em all here.

But I feel relieved they're starting to go.

Hmm.

It'll be nicer when it's just us.

How far is it to a Starbucks?

- I have pods. - OK. Great.

( snorts )

Marcia: That's it. There you go.

All right.

( music playing )