Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

When we posted our first video,

we never thought we would be here.

We're just four kids from Melbourne.

We started doing pranks to make ourselves laugh.

Hey guys, we're the Janoskians, and today we're doing...

What's our video called?

One view, multiplied into millions,

and the more views we got, the more we pushed the limits.

Then, came the music, the shows, and fans everywhere.

Why the hell do they like us anyway?

Because we're doing what we love,

and in it together.

Brothers always.

But as they say, you're only as good as your last video.

Hey, guys, we're the Janoskians!

And this is another fail video.

So, guys, what we're about to perform today

is one of the most dangerous stunts that we have ever done

across any of our channels.

You guys ready?

Let's do it.

Whoa!

Okay, you guys, so, as you know,

there's a jellyfish in this tank,

and we are gonna wrap it onto Beau's face for 15 seconds.

Are you all ready to see this?

No!

Oh, wow.

- Oh, my God. - Ready, Beau?

No! No!

Five, four, three, two, one!

Oh, shoot. Guys, what should we do?

- Guys, we need to pee on him! - Piss on his face!

- A million views in one day! - What?

- Check out the comments! - Whoa!

Your pee is way too yellow, you guys definitely should drink more water.

That's so true.

Gold shower, na, na, na!

It's so easy for you guys to be excited,

you guys weren't the ones being pissed on.

Seriously, give me my computer back!

Hey, Sophia! What's up, sweetie pie?

What's up, sweetie pie?

What's up is I am officially the most humiliated girlfriend

in the entire world, again!

- Hi, Sophia! - Beau, we need to talk, in private.

- What's up? - My roommate yanks me out of bed,

tells me there's a new video up of you

and your idiot friends, and I'm like,

"That's impossible, because he missed

my grandmother's 90th birthday yesterday

because he had to work!

Then, she shoved her phone in my face,

and shows me this disgusting video of your friends

peeing on your face!

Now everyone, including my own grandmother, has seen this.

Your grandmother saw it?

Did she think it was funny?

Are you serious?

You really need to think about what's best for you:

Beau Brooks, or the loser Janoskians?

You know what, Sophia, I don't think he needs to listen

to you anymore because you my friend, you suck!

- Seriously? - What?

Oh, Jai, you think you're such hot shit!

You do realize you're just a dick?

Luke, your claim to fame is that you win

all of the stupid dares!

Oh, my God, such an achievement!

You're an inspiration to jack asses everywhere!

What did I do to you?

You exist.

- Hey, Sophia, what about me? - You're just an idiot!

Beau! Beau!

I really fell for those green eyes of yours,

but then you opened your mouth, and your friends peed in it.

I can't do this, it's over.

You're seriously gonna break up with me over some stupid video?

Take care of yourself, Beau.

What, no, no! Sophia!

Hey, now you got us all to yourself.

- What do you wanna do first? - Aw, let's go to the bar.

Let's go film a video.

Don't be like that, come on.

Beau, put a smile on your doll.

♪ It's beyond nuts ♪

♪ It's beyond nuts ♪

It's been almost four days.

Oh, my God, that's just sad.

That's so sad.

I've known Beau my entire life,

and I've never seen him like this.

- Stop! - What a pussy.

So, you see, the problem with Beau is that,

he always thinks that he needs to be in a relationship.

What are you doing!

I just want the old Beau back, to be honest.

Yeah, baby!

Hey, guys, it's Beau here.

There comes a point in any person's life

when they look in the mirror, and they ask themselves,

are they truly happy?

All great things come to an end,

and I'm sad to say that...

I have to move on from the Janoskians.

Thank you guys for watching.

Man, what a bitch.

We can't just sit here and accept defeat.

We need a backup plan. We'll find a better Beau.

You know what, we should find a Beau with even greener eyes.

What are you doing, Daniel?!

Hey, what's up, boys?

So, what we're pretty much doing is we wanna replace Beau.

So, first off, what do you truly wanna get out of being a Jonaskian?

Where are you from?

- France? - Frenchmen!

Do you have any tattoos? No tattoos.

- Scars! - We wanna see them scars.

Yeah, we like scars.

I see you have a high pain tolerance.

Can you play a comedy side?

No?

Yeah, like that, see...

Pucker up like...

We wanna test your pain tolerance level,

so we're gonna see how well you can walk across these Legos.

While you're saying the first line of your script.

All right, can you do it with one fist in the air?

Weren't you already a client?

All right, very good, very good.

Turn your head to the side.

All right, now kiss me back.

- Yeah, did he get it right? - Perfect.

- Yeah, it looks good. - All right, awesome.

- All right, cool. - Can you count to three?

Aw, dig it right in.

Here's some oysters.

Let's see what you guys are made of.

Beau would not back down.

- That's a bit chewy. - Aw, yeah!

You gotta...

That was a buffalo testicle.

I think we'll definitely be in touch with you.

All right, see you boys!

This one's perfect, it looks exactly like a Dorito.

If you look at Beau's face closely enough,

you'll see it is indeed shaped as a Dorito,

like a perfect triangle.

Guys, I've gotta get to work,

and I'm running so, so, late.

Please tell me you've seen my boxers.

Come on, please, I'm running late. Anyone.

Daniel, stand up for a second.

- No. - Daniel, stand up!

I'm running late, seriously.

- What? - Are you wearing my boxers?

No! I'm just wearing ball protection.

Ooh!

- All of them? - Got ten, actually.

Seriously, Daniel? Take 'em off! I'm gonna be late!

Oh, there's one! There's two!

Incoming!

Show him dat ass!

Take 'em off!

Stop you little...

You guys are so funny!

- Smells like shit! - Judas over here!

You guys should consider getting a job, too.

I hope you get fired.

Uh-oh, an unknown number?

Uh, hello, who are you?

You don't know who I am?

Nope, no, I don't.

What planet you live on?

I'm from Earth, mate, what about you?

What cave do you dwell in? Everyone knows Barry Black.

- Cave? - Don't, don't...

You dummy, you don't know Barry Black?

- Black Entertainment! - What are you doing!

Black Airline, Black Records?

This is an honor, man!

Call him back!

All right, it's ringing.

Barry, man! Sorry, my friend he's a bit stupid.

We're big fans, bro, this is an honor!

It's an honor to meet you guys, too.

I'm gonna cut to the chase.

My daughter, Alison, adores you, especially Beau.

Beau, yeah, yeah. He's a cool guy, he's our brother.

Where is he?

I think he's up in the bathroom.

- It is nasty up there, - Whew!

Anyway, my daughter Alison's having a sweet 16 party,

and I want you guys to perform some of those stunts,

like the ones you do on the internet.

You know that jump rope trick you guys do?

- Yeah, man. - I like that shit.

Too easy, bro.

We moved from the East Coast to LA,

so she's having a hard time adjusting.

You know how that could be.

So it better look real good, or else.

What do you say?

Yeah, man, 100 percent. We're down.

Yeah, I guess so.

I'm handing you over right now

to my assistant, Holly.

She'll take care of all the details.

Hello! You guys have some friends in LA that you can stay with, right?

We have mates everywhere, we're so popular!

Great, so I won't be booking you guys a hotel.

Look out for an e-mail that's coming in soon

with all of your flight information,

and boys, just a little word of wisdom,

Barry Black makes or breaks acts.

Okay, what is that meant to mean?

The last guys that came and performed here, they bombed,

and then they never got another gig in this town ever again.

Or in their home town for that matter.

It was a huge embarrassment

for everybody involved.

Um, okay Holly,

I think we'll be just fine.

Well, then we will see you soon.

Safe travels. Ciao!

- Adios! - Bye bye!

We're gonna need Beau back.

Janoskians.

Ew!

Always have to open that big, fat mouth of yours, then.

Mate, we could've been staying at The Four Seasons, or The W,

somewhere fancy, but no!

Yeah, okay, Jai, in your dreams.

- And why are you packing your warmest clothes? - We're going up North.

Right, California, it's pretty much a desert, bro.

- It's always hot there. - Shit!

Guys, I got us a spot to crash.

- No way! - Yep, I just sent a tweet out on Twitter

asking if anyone has a spare house,

and this guy named Cody replied, and offered us his.

- This is the house? - Yup!

Oh! That's a palace!

- Check it out! - That is sick!

How is this guy, Cody?

No idea.

I just DM'ed him our number

Oh, that's smart.

Oh, this is him. Guys.

Be nice.

Holy shit! This is really your number!

I can't believe you guys actually DM'ed me your number!

I could be a psychopath!

I'm not though!

So you guys need a place to crash, huh?

I really hope we're not intruding though.

Would you shut up?

Shut up right now, shut up.

No, man, it'd be an honor to have you guys!

Oh, my God, I got a dope crib, plenty a room.

You wanna come to LA, I'm the guy you wanna be with, all right?

I got LA on lockdown, okay? I got VIP service at all the clubs,

I got chicks on standby, bottle service!

Hey, listen, here. That's the address to my place, all right?

Well, our place. Me casa, su casa, fellas.

Hey, where's Beau?

Let's just get him fired,

that way he has to come to LA.

Order up!

So, what I actually didn't tell you was,

I'll give you a 20 percent discount back on the $10 drink,

so I'll actually pay you $2.73 to drink our drinks.

What do you think?

Beau, how could you!

What the did you put in there?

What kind of company are you guys running here?

This is just my brother, he's just playing a joke.

Did you have a shake, man? Did you have one?

- Stop! - This place is under quarantine!

- What are you doing! - Do not move, we are looking for patient zero.

Daniel, Daniel, it's a clear mask, I can see you.

I don't know you, and nobody can leave okay?

Nobody leaves! Nobody leaves!

Get patient zero out!

Hey, guys, how you guys doing, you looking for a couch?

Well, I'm Beau.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, man.

So, the good thing about these couches,

I'm just gonna do my pitch right now,

is that they're all made out of microfiber,

so if you get any spills, or anything on them,

they easily come off with a shampoo,

you could pee on it, and it'll come off.

This one is actually great, if you wanna take a seat.

And it comes with the leg rest.

Sit down and just relax, and...

Yeah, we've got them all in different colors,

we can get in purple, orange, magenta, red.

Tony, can we get this in a stone color, just like that?

This couch right here? We can? Yup.

Perfect, you guys just relax and enjoy.

This is my personal favorite.

My neck!

Oh, my neck!

Oh, my neck.

Um, Tony, Tony, is it, is it...

No, no, it's okay, the couch... the couch is built for that,

it's actually one of our joy rides.

You're gonna get me fired!

What if I actually broke my neck!

You know that got my neck!

- Shoot! - Shoot!

What?!

- Move! - Get out of the way!

- Why?! - Get out of the way!

Okay, yeah, you're gonna ignore me now?

Just put it down.

Beau, we've been invited to LA.

Barry Black invited us to his daughter's sweet 16!

So, we're gonna go to LA to see the Barry Black?

That's a good one, guys! Really good!

- I'm impressed actually. - We're leaving tomorrow.

- Tomorrow? - And you're coming.

Really, guys? I'm unemployed cause of you dicks!

You guys went and stuffed it all up for me, you know what?

Maybe if you went to LA, I'd be able to actually move on with my life.

So, yeah, guys, do me a favor, and just go!

Fine, Beau. Bye-bye plane ticket.

No, don't do it, don't do it!

You are such an idiot.

Daniel, wouldn't that plane ticket be online?

No, no, no, I printed that one out.

- Cool. - Listen, Beau.

I'm really sorry about Sophia.

I really am, but you need this. We need this.

Come on, man, come! It's LA, bro, come on!

Jai actually has a point for once.

Come on, man, what do you say?

Together.

Mmm, I think he's into it!

LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA!

♪ We got more bounce in California ♪

♪ Than all y'all combined ♪

♪ We got more bounce in California ♪

♪ We like to party all the time ♪

♪ We got more bounce in California ♪

Boys, Cody's not gonna be home

for a while, what should we do?

We're in LA, let's go mess around!

Welcome to LA, where are you guys from?

- Australia! - Oh, get outta here! Kiwis, huh?

We're from Melbourne, man.

That's actually New Zealand.

- You should take us somewhere cool like... - Venice Beach!

Venice is pretty cool, guys, I'm not gonna lie!

You got the beach, you got the sand, marijuana dispensaries,

you can just walk in there, make up an ailment,

"Oh, I have insomnia! Oh, I have back pain!

Oh, I have herpes!" It helps with that!

We just came here from Australia,

and we wanna know if you wanna be friends, or something.

Aliens took all my reefer.

Is this spot taken?

- Yeah - Yeah! Woo!

Here, do you want a bite of my eggplant?

That sounds wrong, I didn't mean it like that!

Would anyone like some pasta?

Here take it, put it in your pocket.

- Does someone want some cabbage? - Salad time!

Those guys are ripped!

Go away! Go away!

We're just trying to have lunch.

You're not gonna find this in any of the guide books okay?

I'm gonna take you to Fairfax, it's like a mix of like,

cool, like, skater kids, and Hasidic Jews, and hipsters, and like...

I've never met a Jew before.

Well it's... you...

- No! Oh! No way! - You're Jewish?

- Go ahead, touch me! - Oh, whoa!

- Yeah. - Whoa!

Holy crap, yeah!

Yeah, yeah!

Faster, Luke. Go, faster.

Come on! Yes, we're beating you!

It's like a whole new world here!

And the paparazzi, like, they actually take photos

- of people and stuff? - Oh, they're, like, real aggressive.

Hey! Hey!

What's goin' on over there? Who's that, huh?

It goes down in the DM!

What's going on with sexy green over here?

You don't wanna know, man.

Beau, seriously, you're in LA, come on.

Hey, come on. We're friends now.

Well, not really, you still have to pay me but, tell me,

what's going on, what's the deal?

He doesn't wanna talk about it.

He doesn't wanna talk about it? Okay, you know what?

I'm tired of seeing his face like this,

and we're gonna meet some girls, let's go!

Yeah!

Are you a beaver, cause dam!

- Oh, my God, Jai. - Whoo!

Hey, my brother's single,

he just broke up with his girl!

- I'm so sorry. - And he wants a beaver!

Beau, next time we talk to a girl, get right up in there.

You guys are supposed to come grab me.

He needs to know, what it is to hug another lady!

Hey, excuse me. My brother has never held hands with an American girl.

At least hug him.

See, there! He is very shy.

- Thank you. - Don't you think he's cute?

Oh, thank you.

Hey can we have your number though?

Hello, can I have a moment of your time?

Okay, now, my friend here, he just got dumped,

and we heard that American girls...

And he's heart broken. Would you date him, or would you consider...

Oh, thank you so much!

I love you hair! It's so nice.

And he's still missing his peck on the cheek.

A little peck!

Come on, yeah!

You gotta get over your girlfriend, Beau, come on.

High five, high five.

We'll be here all night.

What's that guy doing?

Hello?

Bro, I think it's all right, man.

You know, oh, that's another LA thing.

People get road rage here, I don't, I center myself,

I do yoga, breathing exer... but that guys like, hello!

- It's kind of... - Don't worry about it.

No, it's fine, it's fine, I'm cool with it,

but like hello, we gotta get somewhere, we gotta get...

Move! Move! Move! You piece of shit!

- Why aren't you moving! - Dude!

Are you being serious?

Yeah, man. I'm trying to get him outta the way for you!

That guy... That guy didn't even flip you off!

- He stuck his thumb up to you! - Put your hands on the steering wheel!

Whoa, we're gonna give you one star, man. That's uncool.

Oh that was a thumb he was giving me?

- Yeah, that was a thumb! - Yes!

Oh!

You guys are making a big mistake all right?

You're making a huge mistake! This is my house, all right!

I grew up in this house!

I have a deed to this house!

My parents left me this house!

Okay, can I just ask you a question please?

Would Emilio Estevez be dragged off to jail for not paying property tax?

What about Johnny Depp, huh? No! They wouldn't!

And I grew up with both those guys, okay?

Why are you picking on me?

Hey, fellas! How ya doin'?

Guys, listen, I'm so glad you're here,

I have a little bit of a situation.

But I'm handling it, and it's gonna be fine.

Okay, hey, would you just give me a minute!

Okay, look, look, let me get in the car myself.

Give me the dignity of getting in the car myself.

Oh, my God, there's no... There's no place to put your...

Can I just... I don't even know where to put my legs.

Okay, would you please? You're making a big mistake.

Don't worry about it, all right, we're good!

What the hell just happened?

Whoa! Take a look at this place!

Hey, is this house about to drop?

I seriously think it's about to fall over.

It needs a little paint job, don't you think?

A little?

Well, let's make ourselves at home.

Shotty first room!

Whoo!

Hello?

Anybody here?

What the...

What the hell?

What is this?

What are you doing?!

What are you doing?! I live here!

- I'm taking a piss! - I'm taking a shower!

Guys, relax.

All we have to do is call Barry Black's assistant,

and tell her we need a place to stay.

She's not picking up, like,

we gotta get outta here, guys!

- We gotta get out! - Daniel!

Calm down, bro, it's almost midnight.

Of course she's not gonna pick up.

What the hell did you see upstairs anyway?

Just don't go up there. This place has bad vibes.

You guys are really cool.

Real, and raw, not fake and phony, like those other YouTubers.

I've seen all your videos, I love it!

This one's my favorite one.

Oh, yeah, that was pretty intense!

Yeah, that one hurt, dude. So, what's your favorite part?

I didn't see it.

Okay, so you are friends with Cody?

Oh, yeah. I know Cody, I met him years ago at a casting office,

it was for a movie called Barely Legal.

So, he told me to stay here, fix up the house,

that's what I've been doing.

So what's your name, man?

What's my name?

Chuck.

My nickname is Shit Outta Luck Chuck,

because everything I touch turns to shit.

Why are you laughing?

Chuck, I'm sure it's not as bad as it seems.

There's people who have it so much more worse.

Hey, man! You shouldn't FaceSwap before you go to sleep!

You'll get nightmares, everybody knows that!

Not to mention you idiots already have the same face.

- Goodnight, Chuck. - Goodnight, Chuck.

What's your name again?

Ah! Stop!

Oh, hey, good morning, guys! How'd you sleep?

Man, I slept like shit!

I swear, there was, like, this bug biting me, like, all night!

- What? - Oh, nothing, you're good.

Guys, Holly's not answering.

I just wanna get outta this house!

Holly doesn't care for us, bro.

Well, what are we supposed to do? The party's in two days!

Why don't we just go right to Barry's house, and talk to him there?

How hard could it be to go to Barry Black's house?

Are you being serious, like, you want us to, like, hop like kangaroos to his house?

How hard could it be?

Seriously? Knock on the door.

- Hey, Barry! - Very attractive kids.

- We're the Australians! - Hey!

How are we supposed to go to Barry Black's house?

Why don't you guys try one of those celebrity tours?

They might be able to find where Barry lives.

Duh! How simple is that?

Chuck, smart man.

Who's heard of Sunset Boulevard?

Sunset Boulevard...

Sunset Boulevard is known for its many eateries,

a lot of its nightclubs, but what I know it best as,

is the location where Hugh Grant picked up Divine Brown, a two-bit whore.

Show of hands of someone

who's probably been in the same situation,

but luckily did not get caught.

Yeah, there's a couple of you, understandable.

Excuse me gentlemen, you have to sit down.

- Where does Barry Black live! - Everyone remain calm! Remain calm!

Can I get a choo-choo!

Choo-choo!

Can I get an address to Barry Black's place?

Are they part of this, bro?

Does anyone know where

Barry Black lives by any chance?

Hey, hey! We're trying to do a freakin' tour here!

You are not allowed to have that microphone!

- You are not an authorized tour guide! - Y'all can't do this!

What are y'all in a boy band, or some shit?

No, we're not a boy band,

we're just really attractive.

This isn't a joke, we need Barry Black's address.

Y'all can't do this shit, we doin' a tour man!

Barry, African American,

he did not mean anything by the Black...

This has got to stop! Not on my bus!

Not on my bus!

We just need to find Barry Black!

I know where he is! All right.

4573 Maple.

- What?! - Why didn't you say something?

4573 Maple.

Thank guys! Sorry about that, sorry about that.

Our next stop will most likely be a bar.

Barry, we made it, man!

Oy, Barry! What's up?

We came all the way from Australia for you, man!

Open up!

- Barry! - Barry!

Barry!

Why are you throwing rocks?

Guys, I got an idea.

Why don't we just jump the fence?

- You jump the fence. - Okay, help me up.

Oh, God, my hands up there.

Ah, you're stretching me!

Get up there, man!

Goddammit!

Guys, it's not Barry Black.

Y'all think the Barry's want to play? Huh?

If you ball sacs are with the real estate company,

tell them I'm not selling!

Yeah, you can sell these!

That was the biggest guy I've ever seen, he was holding a golf club!

But they were the tightest shorts I've ever seen.

He looked like a wrestler, or something.

Boys, why don't we go straight to Holly's office?

She sent me her address.

Hey, it's in this city called "downtown?"

- Downtown? - Yeah, downtown.

All right, bro. Call her number.

Hey, before man, we're broke.

Look at the chimpanzee!

Guys! Uber's here.

I got front!

- Why do you always get front? - Because I do!

Um, do you think you guys will fit?

Hi! It might be a little tight.

Oh, are we... am I scooching... okay.

Yeah, sure.

Have you got enough room back there?

Um, it's like a little tight,

but I think it's fine.

- I'm sorry. - It's great to meet you all.

I'm... I'm Beau... by the way.

Hi. I'm Casey.

This is, uh... definitely awkward.

Yeah.

So, where you headed?

Um... I'm going to work.

You guys?

We're going to go see Barry Black.

He owns Black Records, Black Entertainment, Black Airlines.

It's his daughter's sweet 16, so we're playing a gig.

Got it, like one of those, like, One Direction,

- sort of like, boy bands, with like the hair. - Oh, no.

- Definitely not. - Not... Not that.

But, I'm sorry, it's just like the skinny jeans, and the...

We actually do pranks and that type of thing.

Oh! That's cool.

You do pranks for, like... for a living?

Yeah, well, yeah, I guess you can call it a job.

We've been doing pranks for about four years,

and we haven't looked back since.

That's not true, you quit the group a couple of days ago.

Shh!

So what was the last crazy prank that you guys did?

Well, we actually got this huge jellyfish, and I put it on my face.

And then we all had to pee on him, and the internet called it,

"The Shower from Down Under."

Ow!

Oh, my God!

That is where I recognize you from.

That video was so funny!

- I sent it to all of my friends. - Are you being serious?

Yeah, no, I thought it was hilarious.

I mean, it was gross, it made me, like, laugh and cringe,

all at the same time.

It's a very unique talent you guys have.

If you get close enough to Beau's face,

you can smell the piss.

Mmm. He actually smells pretty good.

Much better than you.

Actually this is my stop right here. A little bit, ready?

Oh! Oh.

Sorry, sorry about that.

Hello!

- Hi. - Hi.

I was just thinking, you should totally

come to this party.

- Seriously? - Yes.

Be a part of scarring some poor 16-year-old for life.

Hmm, it's tempting.

- Um. - I mean, you pretty much

were on top of me the whole time.

Oh, my God.

Um, well, I guess that's true.

Okay, I'll tell you what,

if I can bring a friend, I might stop by.

- Bring all of them! - Got it.

So, do you think maybe I could give you my number?

Sure.

Now I have yours.

Clever.

- I guess... you'll... - I'll text you.

Okay. Bye, Beau.

- Text me. - I will!

He's back!

Excuse me? We're looking for Holly?

Holly?

Hello?

I'm hungry.

Yeah, me too.

Should we go to the... kitchen?

This is my favorite thing, check it out!

Look how big these freaking... are!

You can't find them this big in Melbourne.

Oh, my God!

They've got wrapped candy!

In a jar!

Think Upper East Side gallery opening.

Yes! Make it work.

Is this where you guys keep your snacks?

- On the floor? - Holly, right?

Yeah, and you guys are The Janos... Jano...

Janoskins... Janoskeens.

- Janoskians. - Don't "Jano" who we are?

- Get it? Ja know? - Yes, that's cute.

Holly, why have you been ignoring my calls?

I haven't been ignoring you, I got all ten of you voicemails,

and your 50 text messages, but I've been a little bit busy planning this party.

I'm sure, I mean, it's Barry Black!

Hey, we just wanted to run a few ideas by you.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you there.

I'm gonna shoot straight with you guys.

Barry tends to be a little bit impulsive,

and make rash decisions. And it's my job to reign it in.

So, we probably should've called you guys

before you boarded the plane, but your performance,

your act, whatever it is that you guys do,

has been pulled from the party...

unfortunately...

for you.

Pulled from the party, what do you mean?

We spoke to Barry Black last week.

Oh, I get it. Guys, come on.

Prank the pranksters, right?

- Where's the cameras? - We're on Punk'd! Ashton!

- Come on. We got you, man. - Where is he, where is he?

Listen! This party is going to be perfect, but she is 15 years old,

You know, I was a fan of all sorts of things when I was 15,

like, direct sunlight.

We came all this way.

Can't we at least appear as guests?

Look, listen!

This party has... it has simply classed up.

Classed up? I mean, she's 15, how would a...?

Okay, so we will be sending you guys back Premium Economy.

I'll make sure of it, and you know what?

Here is a little something for your troubles.

The Black family thanks you for your cooperation.

Wow. You're really gonna pay us to not go to a party?

Think of it this way, you guys got paid to do nothing!

That's not so bad, right? All right, well go have fun!

You know what, take that, go to a Dodger game,

see Disneyland. I've gotta get going,

so, take care of yourselves.

Mm-hmm. Thank you.

Man, seriously, what is with that woman?

I swear to God, she's got something stuck up her ass.

It's so deep, she tries to get it out,

but she just can't get it.

That's why she's so pissed off all the time.

How can she do that? We came all the way from Australia.

Boys...

People just don't get us.

People treat us like shit!

Sophia, Holly...

Maybe we're just average.

Well, at least we're going home.

You guys... Barry Black is at MCM right now.

- Man Crush Mondays? - No! Media Creative Management!

I cannot believe what I'm hearing right now.

Average? We are not average!

You guys are warriors! Beasts!

Creative people, okay!

Wake up! Beau!

You are like a sleeping dragon. Awaken the dragon, okay?

And you... wake up!

Now, I want you guys to repeat after me.

We are not average!

We are not average.

No! We are not average!

We are not average!

Stand up! We are not average!

- We are not average! - Come in! We are not average!

- We are not average! - We are not average!

- We are not average! - We are not average!

We are not average!

Hey, how're you doing?

Um, sorry, you have really beautiful eyes.

Really. Do you have a boyfriend by any chance?

I'm actually looking for Barry Black?

Hello, how are you?

I've gotta see Barry Black. I've got a piñata for him.

Do you judge people with piñatas always?

Is that what it is?

Flowers for Mr. Barry Black?

We got balloons for Mr. Barry Black?

Barry Black? Extension 303?

Enjoy the flowers.

He knows me, he knows me!

I'm just doing my job!

Get off me, get off me! Get off me!

Delivery for Barry Black, please?

- For Barry Black. - For... okay

- Barry Black. - Barry Black.

What we do at this company, Tim and I, we build brands.

- Okay. - We build careers.

Can you do, like, collaborations,

cause I really wanna do one with The Rock,

and I feel like he's interested in social media,

so that would be really cool.

To me... to me, and follow me on this,

I love what you do.

It's a hobby that is very exciting.

I wanna put you in the movies.

Ooh! What's in the box?!

- That's cool. - What is this?

The delivery guy said it was urgent.

- Who are you? - I work for you.

Why is there a big box in my office?

No way! Rose Farmhouse!

- You're so beautiful! - Who are you, and why...

- What are you doing here? - I don't know, just meeting a manager.

Wow! We're, like, huge fans of yours!

Gentlemen, who are you, and why did you just fall out of a big box?

Hey, man, we're the Janoskians, we do YouTube videos, and that type of thing.

I'm so sorry, can we look up who The Janoskians are? I have no idea who you are.

I'm really sorry for interrupting your meeting,

but we're actually looking for Barry Black.

Have you guys seen him? It's really important.

What? Barry Black left here hours ago.

Hey, Craig! I need security instantly!

Rose, I've seen all your stuff, I love it!

- Thank you! - Hey, Craig! I need you in here, now!

We have a few gentlemen that just popped out of a box!

Do you think maybe we can do, like, a collaboration or something?

I would love too, yeah! That would help grow my... finally!

- They're perfect! - No way!

- Awesome, can I get your number, or...? - Yeah!

- So... - Cool, yeah, I'll follow you.

- So, you're finding management? - Yeah. Wait, no, no!

I can handle myself!

It was nice meeting you!

Aw, so cool!

Can you get me in a movie with them?

Seriously? I thought that only happened at night clubs!

- What is this? - Wanker!

Now what?

Guys, I don't think we wasted our time with that one.

We know where Barry Black lives!

He can't keep us out now!

Check out Alison's photos.

Aw!

She looks super sad.

Money just doesn't buy happiness, Luke.

Speak for yourself! If I had that kinda money, I would throw the sickest party!

You guys thinking what I'm thinking?

Let's throw a party.

We gotta take this party back from Holly!

We're gonna give Alison the best party ever!

We'll take this party over!

Check it out, check it out, check it out!

Guys, we have 24 hours until we take over this party.

If we can pull this off, we're gonna be legends.

How the hell are we gonna get in?

There should be valet, so, I'll figure it out.

I just gotta figure out how to get Casey in.

I've got a backup entrance, it's right here.

You come through there, these are our positions.

This is a no-go zone, this is a no-go zone,

this is a no-go zone. You see Holly, run!

What are we gonna do once we're inside?

We need to make this party fun.

- What are we gonna do? - We're gonna go big!

- We gotta do something huge! - I wonder how much is on this.

There's only one way to find out.

- Give that to me. - Yeah, Chucky, come on!

- Give us something good, baby! - Come on, come on!

- So? - $30,000!

What are you doing

with all those invitations?

It's not a real party unless everyone can come.

We do this right, we're gonna have the best night ever!

Party time!

What's up, man?

Another box.

And another one!

The last one!

See that one right there?

- This one? - Yeah.

It's for me and Casey.

I'm taking her out on a date.

Nice.

- Take it. - Take it.

- All right, let's go! - Barry's gonna freak out!

Kinda looks like Sophia, eh Beau?

Beau?

- Hi! - Hey!

I didn't think you'd actually come.

I know, I went to the wrong pier, but,

I'm here to... fish with you!

Although I have to say, I'm kinda surprised that you wanted to go fishing

given the whole, you know, jellyfish situation.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. - Cause you know, if this goes bad,

I'm not gonna pee on you.

- Really? - I just... I don't think we're there yet.

Wow! I'm glad I got to know you early!

Okay, wait, am I doing this right?

So, if you feel a little bit of tightening, you do this.

Just, um...

- Okay. - And as hard as you can,

you just gotta wind it up.

Okay, so just, move it that way?

I think so, I think that's it.

Ah! Okay!

- I think we should make things interesting. - How?

I think if you catch a fish, then I will eat it raw.

- Oh... - And if I catch a fish, you should eat it raw.

- You're challenging me! - I am.

- Well! - What, are you afraid mister prankster?

No, I never said I was afraid, I love a good challenge!

I didn't know you were into challenges, let's do it.

Deal!

- I feel like there's a little, it's pulling or something. - Oh, hold on.

- Yeah, you got something! - I did?

- Yup! Uh-huh. - Oh, my God.

- We got one! - Okay, really?

Yeah, yeah. We got one!

- Is it big? - Is it big?

Yeah.

Beau, you have to eat it raw.

Oh my God, I can't!

He won't, he's not gonna do it.

Oh my God, he did it!

Wow.

I had so much fun today.

It was definitely a different experience for a first date.

Going fishing and all, but, it was really fun.

Definitely the most, craziest date, I've ever been on.

- Yeah, well.... - That was definitely memorable.

You know, if you ever wanna eat sushi with me,

not at the pier, I know a lot of great places.

If, you know, you decide to stay in LA, or whatever.

Maybe.

Hmm.

Um... so, tomorrow night, I'll see you at the party, yeah?

I think the party's gonna be a bust,

- we're probably just gonna head home. - What? I mean, come on,

it can't be a bust, it's like a Barry Black party,

- people die to get into that! - Yeah.

Unless... unless you don't want me to come anymore,

- which is totally okay, it's not a big deal. - No, no.

- I really do want you to come. - Are you sure?

- Yeah. Yes. - You're sure?

- Yes. - Okay. So, tomorrow night.

At the party?

Tomorrow night.

I'll see you then, Beau.

Goodnight, Beau!

Barry, hi! So, it looks like you're still in the air,

do you know how much longer till you're on the ground?

Well, approximately two hours, I'll be landing.

How's Alison doing? Is she happy?

She's wonderful, everything is perfect.

Is she smiling?

I mean, Barry, you know your daughter,

she's not much of a smiler, but you know,

I think I saw something happen. Can you help him?

What about The Janoskians, are they ready to go?

What stunt are they gonna do, anyway?

Unfortunately, The Janoskians aren't able to make it.

One of them has to have emergency surgery, some sort of bum shoulder.

Wait up! I'm just hearing this shit now?

Come on, Holly! God damn!

Barry, look, everything is going to be perfect!

This is going to be the party of the year!

This is our coming out party to LA,

and besides I have a lot of other entertainment,

that's much better than anything The Janoskians would have done.

Wait, wait, wait, did I just hear our party?

This is not our party.

This is Alison's sweet 16, I want what Alison wants.

- You still like working with me, don't you? - Yes!

- Do I take care of you? - Yes.

- Do I show you the money? - Yes, of course.

- Am I your best boss, you ever had? - Yes.

So can you just make my daughter happy

- on this one special day? - Barry, it's covered!

By the end of this, your daughter's going to be the toast of her new school.

I mean, how many years have I been working for you?

Too damned long! And I treated you better than anybody

that you ever worked for, especially Diddy!

This party better be all that and a bag of chips,

or this is your ass... Holly!

Where the hell are my Monkey Orchids!

What are we doing, man?

All right, big night here, boys.

Holly and her staff are on channel one,

we're on channel nine.

Channel one and nine, got it.

Wait, do these work?

Hello? Mic check, hello? Is anyone there?

Who is it, and why are you just now checking your walkie?

- What are you doing, man? - Shh! Checking my mic!

- Channel nine! - Hello?

I need you to state your name now.

Hey, this is Brad with the delivery,

listen we've just pulled up front, and we want someone

to meet us out there, that would be totally gnarly, dude.

Thank you so much.

It worked! How was the accent?

- That was really good. - It was?

All right boys,

everything that we've done,

up until this point,

is for this moment right now.

Are we ready to give Alison the best birthday party?

- I'm ready. - We can do it.

- Do a dance for me, would you? - Any dance.

- Yeah, nice! - Daniel, give me a cockatoo face!

Yeah, boy! Gimme a... yeah nice!

Everyone, hands in, hands in!

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance!

Shhh.

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance.

- Jai, leave the sword. - Why?

- You're not gonna stab someone. - All right.

All right, boys...

We love you!

What kinda drugs are you selling?

Whoo!

What the hell was that!

Who's in charge here, who?

First of all, put your hands down.

That's a quarter million dollar car,

what kind of employees you got here?

Whoa, whoa, what happened?

The valet took off with my car,

like he's a Formula 1 driver.

Which one of your guys did this?

Hey, you guys, why are you just getting here?

What's happening?

Holly, there's a problem with a valet.

- We need to deal with it right now. - Oh, great, of course.

Soon as everyone's supposed to arrive.

Frankie, go to three!

Excuse me, where are you taking those?

Hello! Welcome!

We are so happy to have you here, thank you so much for making it!

We are also serving rose, and champagne...

Jai, Holly's right below you. Get down!

That is it, I do not wanna see anything else.

Phase one, complete.

The party's so boring, we have to do something.

We gotta wake this party up.

Hey, I'm Luke, and this is my ugly twin.

Hey, I think I'm the better looking one here.

Excuse me, which party do you think you're at?

This is a sweet 16!

Come on, Beau, am I the nut, have a drink!

Have a drink, have a drink.

I just want to try it on.

Is it a turtle neck? Oh, sweet!

I got myself a new... Jai, Luke, he gave me this.

- No way! - He gave me this.

- Is that his? - Yeah, thanks man!

Swish!

Hey! It's a sweet 16! So, don't leave!

- Hey, man! - I think that's enough drinks for you.

I gotta get you some water.

Come on, Alison, try and have some fun.

Yo, yo. Want something to drink?

Hi, Jay, how are you?

- How you been? - Thank you so much for making it!

- What's going on, what we doing tonight? - This is Barry's daughter,

- Alison's 16th birthday party. - Okay, weird.

You know, I didn't want this to be like the typical

16-year-old birthday party, so I took over the whole thing.

- This is a big ass party. - And...

You got Snapchat?

I don't have Snapchat.

Snapchat, so you can send me some snaps,

you know what I'm saying, the boobs,

you know what I'm saying?

Oh, oh, that will not be happening.

But you could...

Sorry, Holly we just ran out of all of our amuse-bouche.

I'm sorry, how did that happen? The party just started.

That guy over there with the green eyes, he ate everything.

He's walking away.

I'm sorry, I'll be right back.

What the hell you got on, man?

I don't know, I'm just trying to make a living.

Sorry we're late, guys.

Hey buddy, you're at a sushi restaurant, eat up!

Can you just, aah!

- Oh! - No, you need to do it more in the middle,

grab some of this pink stuff, there we go.

Like that, there we go.

You have to take a lick. Like that.

You outta try this, biggest sushi roll in the world. Come on!

Eat it! Come on, eat the... eat it.

This is called the look away.

Yeah, hey, put your finger in, yeah.

Have you guys ever heard of champagne Jenga?

Okay, if I can get this cup out, without breaking it.

I get to drink it, okay?

If it falls, well, no one gets anything.

I did it! I actually did it!

Holly, we need you over at the sushi bar.

Great, of course.

Guys, Casey's here.

Nope, not on the list.

Who invited you? Are you kidding me?

Anybody here actually invited to the party?

So, apparently, I am in Hell's Kitchen.

The three of you have not done anything that I have asked.

We are supposed to be prepared for any, and all situations!

Holly?

Wait, so who's party is this again?

Okay, remember that crazy Uber ride that I took,

and I met that Australian guy who was really cute?

- Right. - His party.

Guys.

Hey, I was just inside, I'm gonna be right back.

Skip to the end of the line, please.

Your breath smells disgusting, just step back.

How does he know Barry Black?

Um, that's kind of complicated to explain, but he has cute friends!

- Hi. Whoa. Hi. - Casey! Hey!

This is a total shit show,

do you think we'll be able to get in?

Yeah, of course, yeah.

- You sure? - Come on.

They're friends.

Hey, Maria! How you doing, Maria?

- No, Chloe. - Chloe, Chloe.

Um, so I was just inside, and these are my three friends,

I was just wondering if I could bring them in.

Holly?

I don't know if you can hear me

but we have a ton of uninvited guests out front.

Yeah, we need you out here.

No, no, no, we're getting you guys in.

No worries, I'm gonna call Barry right now,

and be right back, okay.

Thank you, peace, yeah, thanks.

Let's go this way.

Boys, I can't get Casey and her friends in.

I look like an idiot! I need some help. ASAP.

Where are we going?

This is just like a quicker way to get to Barry,

so we're gonna go this way.

Right, so you're telling me I'm about to enter this party

through the backyard, okay, makes a lot of sense!

Hey, you gotta appreciate the nature sometimes.

See, Americans don't do that, Australians love nature.

I could be at the club right now, y'all.

Not even gonna lie.

Um, Beau, is that gonna be a problem?

He looks kinda intense.

Oh, no, not at all! I'm great with dogs.

Yeah, but it's at Barry Black's house.

He's probably a good guard dog, I don't know.

Good boy!

- Beau, are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.

Guys, there's a dog at the side gate.

I need someone to come distract it, quick!

Got you, Beau.

Open the gate!

Was he wearing bacon?

After you, ladies.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

This is a sweet 16?

I know, it's disgusting.

I swear that guy over there looks like he's about to die.

There's like no teenagers here.

Tell me about it.

I have to go do something really quick.

- I'll be right back. Sorry. - Okay.

- I'll just... see you inside? - Go on in the house.

- Yeah. - Okay.

What's going on in here?

Passing the time.

Well, the best sequence of the...

...is about to start.

- Can I go now? - Yeah, you can go, you can come with me,

and enjoy the party that I've thrown for you.

I'm gonna call Jerry.

It's three in the morning there, it's three in the morning there.

He is not gonna pick up the phone!

You sound crazy, you sound crazy!

- I don't know how to calm you down. - All I wanna do is go home!

- We can't go home. - Can I have more, please?

No... she can't.

I'm so sorry, I am so sorry.

We are just, we are a little bit out of our element.

We don't know anybody here.

- I... - Can I?

Uh, Vodka does weird things to her.

I... I...

I feel calm right now.

Oh, this is good.

Do you guys wanna go upstairs?

Yeah.

Hey, you smell like bacon, I like it.

Do you know how many 16-year-olds can say

that they have witnessed the most respected play

from the kabuki tradition performed by one of the original actors' descendants?

We're gonna go hang out in my room.

Let go of me.

You know, I'm actually feeling a little underappreciated by you.

I have worked tirelessly to make this the perfect party,

and this entire room is full of esteemed guests

that I have invited myself.

I'm 16.

Yeah, and it is never too soon to start networking,

so you need to start enjoying your party.

You mean your party.

You know how small it was, and now it's so big.

Oh, my God, it's so big!

- Can I film this? - Yeah, film it.

- Do you guys care if I film it? - No, man.

- I can't believe... - It almost came down!

- Did you blow on it? - No, I didn't blow on it.

- Did you blow on it? - I didn't blow on it.

Monica's really good at blowing.

Someone call 911!

This isn't supposed to happen, this is a perfect party!

Holly, Barry's pulling up right now.

We need you out here, ASAP.

Oh, my God, I can't...

I can't believe this is happening.

I can't believe this is happening.

Daniel, is it working? Is it inflating Daniel, come on!

Talk to me!

- What happened to the lights? - Chuck!

Daniel, do you copy?

Daniel, talk to me, why isn't this working?

You idiot! Talk to me, you're ruining this!

It's alive!

Oh.

- We should go. - Okay.

- It was so nice to meet you. - Have a good night.

- Bye. - Bye.

Get the hell out!

I did not invite any of these people.

Oh, please, excuse me, did you really think that you were gonna get inside?

Go back to whatever Burning Man village you came from.

All of you! Who are you people?

Barry! Welcome. How's it going? Good to see you!

- Welcome, this is the party! - What is...

You know, actually, I'm totally sorry,

but I am gonna call the cops, and this is nothing

it's just a little beef tartar incident, don't worry about it.

- Where's Alison? - Alison is somewhere,

but we will find her in just a minute.

I wouldn't worry about that right now.

Actually, there's something I would love to show you

really quick if you would let me show you.

- No, I wanna see Alison. - No, I think that...

Barry, Barry!

What the hell?

Kabuki?

- Daddy. - Oh, Alison, Alison...

It's okay.

I'm so sorry I'm late. I disappointed you, I know.

What happened to that kabuki dancer?

Oh, she ran off. It was all a prank, it was actually pretty awesome.

It was awesome, I mean, the party kinda sucked.

But we're having fun.

- See, I have been taking great care of her, Barry! - I'm not talking to you, Holly!

Okay?

This was a prank?

Are they still performing?

I don't know.

I don't think he's breathing.

I'm gonna say we should definitely take this sword.

Well, definitely looks interesting.

- Oh, yeah, very interesting. - Shh.

- You did a great job up there. - Thank you.

Gotta go.

It's okay, I'll find you, or something.

Okay.

He's just busy, we'll find him.

I had no idea Holly was trying to throw a party for herself,

- can you believe that shit? - She does it every time, Dad.

I mean why does she still work for you?

Hey, listen, there's some people with certain qualities

that I don't have, that I need, and she is one of them.

Next year I just want it to be me, you, and my friends.

- Really? Okay, I promise. - Okay.

- I'll make sure that happens. - Okay.

- I love you. - I love you too.

Oh, my God!

Whoo!

The Janoskians!

Hey, guys, we're The Janoskians!

And we've come all the way from Australia

to celebrate Alison's sweet 16!

Where are you, Alison, are you out there?

For you, we hope you have a special night, baby!

Let's do it!

♪ Here's to the kids that feel like they are all alone ♪

♪ And here's to the ones that do it all when they say don't ♪

♪ Outside the lines you will find a sec ♪

♪ Come mess with us cause we don't care ♪

♪ We will see the better days ♪

♪ The ones that they can't take away from us ♪

♪ Together nobody can take us down ♪

♪ They try but remember we are us ♪

♪ And everybody told us no way ♪

♪ But here we stand cause we are love ♪

♪ And anybody that needs it can come ♪

♪ Guaranteed you can be if you believe it ♪

♪ You better believe it you gotta believe it ♪

♪ Cause we are us ♪

♪ Bop ba da bop ba ♪

♪ We get messed up ♪

♪ Bop ba da bop ba ♪

♪ They say to turn it down ♪

♪ And we just turn it up ♪

♪ Cause we are us ♪

♪ Together nobody can take us down ♪

♪ They try but remember we are us ♪

♪ And everybody told us no way ♪

♪ But here we stand 'cause we are love ♪

♪ And anybody that needs it can come and receive it ♪

♪ You can take a piece or you can leave it ♪

♪ But you best believe it you gotta believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause we are us ♪

♪ Bop ba da bop ba ♪

♪ Everybody sing along now ♪

♪ Bop ba da bop ba ♪

♪ Come on, come on, jump now ♪

♪ Bop ba da bop ba ♪

♪ And we just turn it up ♪

♪ Come on, turn it up ♪

♪ 'Cause we are us ♪

♪ Bop ba da bop ba ♪

♪ We get messed up ♪

♪ Bop ba da bop ba ♪

♪ They say to turn it down ♪

♪ And we just turn it up ♪

♪ 'Cause we are us ♪

Happy birthday, Alison, this is all for you.

♪ She got a tootsie roll let me see you shake it for me ♪

♪ She got a tootsie roll let me see you shake it for me ♪

♪ She got a tootsie roll let me see you shake it for me ♪

♪ Unwrap that candy, baby ♪

♪ And roll it ♪

♪ She got 'em goin crazy ♪

♪ And she know it ♪

♪ Unwrap that candy, baby ♪

♪ Unwrap that ♪

♪ Get it girl get it girl ♪

♪ Unwrap that candy, baby ♪

Barry, man. So sorry about ruining this party, man.

What?! Are you insane?

Best party I ever had in my life!

Look at my baby, she's happy!

Look at Alison.

Excuse me, may I have my daughter back for a moment, please?

I know you DJ's, I know what you're up to.

Try to get the room moody, so you can get the booty.

I should go DJ.

- Yes, you should. - Yeah.

Holly, I have to admit.

You fooled me with this kabuki shit.

- Well... - You fooled me, you fooled me.

- Um... - This is the greatest party ever.

I have a confession.

None of this would have happened without The Janoskians.

I had nothing to do with any of this.

Barry, if it wasn't for her,

we wouldn't all be together.

Whatever it is, guys, it doesn't matter.

My baby girl is happy.

Alison, you're gonna remember this party

till the last day of your life.

- I am daddy, I am! - Fella's, whoa!

Cody!

What's going on?

Listen, I handled that whole police situation,

so the house is good, all right?

Plus, Cody never misses a party.

Speaking of which, why the hell

didn't I get an invite to this party?

You were in jail!

I handled the jail shit, I just told you.

Those cops are nothing, man!

Oh, my God.

You are actually, completely out of your mind.

Um, thanks.

This is so crazy.

Guys! You know you missed half the party!

- What are you doing? - What are you doing?

Um, just, uh...

- Party! - Let's go, let's go!

Is there a problem officers?

Yeah, we need to speak to whoever owns this house.

Can someone please let Barry know that the police

would like to speak to him in front of the house?

He'll be out shortly.

Hello, officers.

Been getting a lot of complaints.

There's a major public disturbance going on.

Do you know who I am?

Mr. Black.

That's what I thought.

This my baby girl's party,

and she can cry as loud as she wants.

Shit, I'll cry as loud as I want!

You know, we're just gonna act like

this whole thing never even happened.

Oh, hey, can you do a quick selfie?

It'd be my pleasure.

You don't even have to bother with the 911, you know.

Just call me, I'll come down, and I'll cut a bitch.

You know, I'll take this riff raff on outta here.

You know what I'm saying, pew, pew, pew!

- Just like that. - Protect and serve.

- Call me! - I will!

Let's go. All right, bye.

All the time, it never fails.

Do you know who I am?

- What have you been doing, man? - Man, I just had to shut down some haters outside.

It's all groovy.

Hey! I spent millions of dollars on my pool,

and no one's in it!

Boys, how the fuck did we get here?

I just wanna say I'm sorry, and like you know we love you.

Seriously, guys, if it wasn't for you,

we wouldn't be here right now.

Wait, where did Chuck go?

Where did he go?

Subtitles by explosiveskull