All language subtitles for It Can Be Done Amigo 1972

How the hell did I ever get
stuck with a loser like you?

The minute you feel tired,
you drop to the ground

like you was dead.

That ain't natural in a horse.

What do you take me for?

You got the idea I'm
going to carry you?

There's no more
water, the sun's hot,

and this ain't no
place to lunch.

Well, look who's here.

A man with bullets
where his brains

ought to be...
Blackhearted Sonny.

Yeah, now you'll
get up, won't you?

Because you're scared.

You're a miserable
excuse for a horse.

Get out of here.

Huh?

Come on.

[NEIGH]

You want to go
that way, don't you?

[GRUNT]

I don't know anyone I ever
met as stubborn as you.

And don't you give me that look.

I'll move you
myself if I have to.

And I don't care takes all day.

There we are.

It was mighty fine. Z you put a
little heart and soul into it.

And by gum, anything
can be done.

You smell what I smell?

Go make friends.

MAN: Whose horses are these?

Huh?

Horses?

Well, what horses?

You know what happens
to horse thieves?

Can I help it if they
wanted to follow me?

The man's got a sense of humor.

Hang him to the
nearest tree you find.

Huh.

Looks like they're fresh out.

Well, I'll get one if I
have to plant it myself.

Maybe it's better this way.

Stop!

Stop!

Hey, mister!

Wait!

What did he do?

He stole them horses.

Well, whatever he
did, I'm not going

to let you hang a [INAUDIBLE]
with a little boy watching him.

Nobody asked the boy to look.

Get out or be quiet.

But you're not a sheriff.

And if you're not a sheriff,
you can't do what you're going.

You better get out.

The boy just happens to
be speaking the truth.

He's not been
given a fair trial.

You're committing
murder as plain as day.

I say the lawyer here is right.

That old man?

You bet!

He's one of the best!

All right.

We'll give you a trial.

And we'll hang you after.

Huh-huh.

Tastes good?

Ain't that the life...
Turkey with all the fixings.

Chest-nugget dress,
nice hot sweet potatoes.

Um, say, amigo.

MAN: Mm-hm?

Which side do you
reckon is longer?

This one here, or this one?

[INAUDIBLE] got a
stupid [INAUDIBLE] gift.

So which side is the long side?

This here, or up the side?

You must be crazy, mister.

The side's longer.

Hm.

I'll wager that fat
turkey of yours.

You're on.

Mm.

Now, first, we'll
measure it this way.

And then... nah.

You lose.

MAN: I lose, huh?

But even if I'd won,
what would I get?

Hm.

Your turkey.

Give me back that turkey.

Give me my turkey, I said.

No.

[GROAN]

[GRUNT]

MAN: Hey kid.

You hear in there?

Who's there?

MAN: It's us.

Get away from the wall!

Go on now!

Hurry up!

[EXPLOSION]

See him?

[? Get him!?]

Here he is.

He's just taking a little nap.

JAILER 1: What happened?

JAILER 2: Everyone to the jail!

JAILER 1: [INAUDIBLE]

JAILER 2: After him!

MAN: Somebody get the sheriff!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[GUNFIRE]

[NEIGHING]

Hello, fella.

Never guess what
I ate for supper.

Hold it.

It's obvious we
don't need a trial.

But we're going
to have ourselves

a hanging party tonight anyway.

Hey you!

I wouldn't do that if I was you!

You'll have to
come and stop me.

[LAUGHTER]

I think that spoils the party.

Coburn!

Coburn!

Hey!

Coburn!

Don't worry darling here.

He won't get far.

Huh?

Well, what's wrong?

OLD MAN: Help!

Help me please!

It's my heart.

Come over here.

Come closer.

Don't be afraid.

I'm dying.

Don't shoot.

I wasn't trying to aim at you.

I meant to get your attention.

Oh yeah?

Well, why didn't
you just shoot me?

That would really get me.

Eh.

Are you a man?

A man with a heart?

Mm-hm.

Please.

Please take this.

You take it down
to the little boy.

Chip, should be.

Boy's my nephew.

And you should tell him that
my heart won't hold out.

That's all that
I'm asking of you.

[SIGH]

See that the boy gets
to Westland, will you?

Is there a railroad
through Westland?

Yeah, two.

Well, now you
can, well, I mean,

don't worry about the kid.

Chip?

What kind of a name is Chip?

Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip.

Hey, Chip.

Chip?

[SIGH]

Hold your hands up.

[SIGH]

Don't get smart, Chip.

Do you hear?

Or...

You're too young to be
playing around with guns.

You might have killed
me, you know that?

What are you trying to do?

Gosh, I didn't recognize you.

I thought you were one of those
men who attacked my uncle.

Oh, he's your uncle, huh?

Come here.

I talked to your uncle.

And your uncle said, well,
uh, he said that he's going on

ahead and that, uh, ah, I should
take you with me to Westland.

Uncle's dead.

Well, I don't know if he's
dead, but... look, calm down.

There ain't nothing
you can do, you here?

He did it to save me... to keep
those bandits away from me.

And now...

[SIGH]

Now, now, now.

Stop it with your
waterworks, huh?

You're coming with
me to Westland

like your uncle said, right?

Nice town, Westland.

Good railroads.

Rufus.

[NEIGH]

Rufus?

I'll ride on the wagon and you
can rest up a little, right?

All right.

See anything?

CHIP: Yes, I see a mean-looking
man driving a wagon.

And he's wearing two pistols.

He's following you, isn't he?

Why are you running away?

Put it up.

Here.

Time to go.

I'm not running away.

I'm just dying to see Westland
and those two railroads.

Ya!

[WOMEN SINGING]

Will you cut out that howling?

What's wrong with
a song, Sonny?

Ha!

It's boring back in here.

Yeah, while you're
busy being bored,

he's running further
away from us.

What do you mean, running away?

You were driving
him away from us

with that mean temper of yours?

Why don't you just try to
talk to him quiet and nice

instead of always taking your
guns out and shooting them all?

Oh.

All right.

All right, now go
ahead and sing.

Sing all you want.

Ah!

[WOMEN SINGING]

You know something?

My uncle wasn't a lawyer.

COBURN: What you trying to say?

That you saved my life?

It isn't that.

They didn't hang you
because they're good, right?

And the guy following
you is bad, right?

COBURN: Uh.

He's following you.

Yes, I know he's following you.

Why did you say he wasn't?

Why is he following you?

Listen, Chip.

I promised your Uncle
I'd take you to Westland.

Don't break my back
asking questions.

Here.

Eat your supper.

What's the matter?

Where's the [INAUDIBLE]

Huh?

That's the way, son.

[GUNSHOT]

[GASP]

Don't move, Coburn.

Who's moving?

Might I finish my supper,
or are you in a hurry?

Get up.

Hey, you are in a hurry.

Chip, I can't keep my promise.

What's that, a midget?

He's the nephew of a
lawyer friend of mine.

Hold it.

You can't kill a man
in front of a child.

You might mister, but you
can't kill a man who's unarmed.

It can be done, Chip.

[LAUGHTER]

Don't worry.

I ain't going to
kill him right now.

First, you've got to marry
my sister Mary, you...

Uh-huh.

You see, I ain't fixing
to marry anybody.

Let's get on with it.

That's just the kind
of guy you are, huh?

If I kill you right
now, my sister Mary

would live the rest of the
life in shame and dishonor.

But if I kill you
after the wedding,

he'd be a respectable widow.

I never laid a little finger
on your sister, you here?

Oh, that's lousy coffee
and you're a lying skunk.

Anyway, people around
here think different.

And what's true for
them is true to me.

So first, I reckon to marry you.

Uh, to her.

And then I want
to kill you, here?

Coburn!

You can live a hundred years!

It's easy!

All you do is not get married.

Right.

Hey, did you here what the
lawyer's nephew just said?

Hold this.

Look.

[LAUGHTER]

You know, I don't care if I have
to blast off your arms, both

of your friends, and
the back of your head.

But you are going
to marry my sister.

Hey, take a look at this.

Just take a look at...
At what I've got here.

This here's a... oh... well,
here's a marriage license.

Now, you and me are going to
hunt around for a preacher.

Could I look at that?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, no.

Uh uh!

I know.

Here, look.

[SCREAM]

Hey, Chip.

Let's get out of here.

You're just going
to leave him here.

Eh.

Don't worry.

We'll be seeing him.

Huh!

Huh!

Ya!

How come that sainted
uncle of yours

was so set on you coming
here to this cemetery?

He said it was the best place
for me to make my fortune.

You crazy.

This dump won't yield
you a wooden nickel.

My uncle was never wrong.

Anyway, I like it here.

Well, glad you're
staying, then.

Yes sir.

Because as soon
as you're settled,

I'm going to take the
first train out of here.

Stranger, it's an honor to
have you here in Westland.

May the Lord be with you.

To tell you the truth,
we come here alone.

Welcome to our little,
humble, and peaceful community.

Yeah.

Sure looks quiet.

And we do all we can
to keep it that way.

It's a treat to have
new people stop here.

Staying long?

Just until something
gets settled.

Then I'll be on my way.

And God's peace be with you.

The Lord's grace
be upon for head.

Come on.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Hey, what's happening?

TOWNSPERSON: Bolt the door!

Come on, [INAUDIBLE]
Give me a hand, here!

Inside!

Come on!

Let's get the hell out of here!

Oh.

Hey, what's going on?

The Sheriff's going
out for a ride!

So what?

I've been here two weeks now.

When the sheriff
goes for a ride?

You can be sure there's
trouble brewing.

Hey, what are you doing?

Eh?

Nothing.

Just eating some dirt.

Can't you see?

And you still reckon your
uncle was never wrong?

Never.

[GRUNT]

That's the $50 my
aunt Vera gave us

when my family left [INAUDIBLE]

That's a lot of
money for a boy.

I better go put
this in the bank.

You wait for me here.

Morning.

BANK CLERK: Sorry,
but we're closed.

Well, I only want
to put this money

and documents in a safe place.

Well, seeing it's
only a deposit.

Be quick about it.

Who's name is the deposit in?

Is the safe strong?

Whose name is the deposit in?

You know what's written here?

It's a deed to a house
called Welldigger's Roost.

About half a mile out of town.

It's a deserted house.

It gives exclusive
rights to the house

and property to Chip Anderson.

Right.

Chip Anderson?

Chip Anderson.

I was expecting this.

All right, get them
up in the air, folks.

You ought to know by now.

You know you shouldn't be here.

How many times have we told
you to get out of town?

I'm going.

But listen.

First, I've got to
liquidate the bank.

You leave that to us.

[LAUGHTER]

Hurry it up, boys, while
I go over to the saloon.

I got dust in my throat.

All right, let's go to work.

[INAUDIBLE]

Ain't I sen you
some place before?

Hard to say with that
thing on your face.

BANDIT: How much
you reckon we got?

I don't think I
had the pleasure.

Come on, I'm thirsty.

Hold it.

That's mine.

This money's mine.

It was yours, fat boy.

Amigo, I don't give a
hoot about robbing banks.

But that $50 don't
belong to the bank.

It's mine.

Are you looking for
trouble, fat boy?

I'm not looking for trouble.

[GROANING]

Put your guns there.

Now lock them up.

I ain't putting this
money in the bank.

Ain't safe.

Hey, this too.

[GRUNT]

[GROAN]

[INAUDIBLE]

[SCREAM]

[GROAN]

[LAUGHTER]

[GROAN]

[YOWL]

[GROAN]

[GRUNTING]

[GROANING]

That's two.

That's enough!

This started out to
be a simple robbery

and you've turned it
into a major disaster.

You can't do that!

Can be done, amigo.

Watch out, Coburn!

Stop right there.

Shall I put my hands
up, or is this OK?

It don't matter.

It's an informal execution.

[SIGH]

[GUNFIRE]

Oh, Coburn!

Jumping catfish!

Here she is again!

Hey!

SONNY: Get back in the wagon!

But I just wanted to
say hello to Coburn!

Get back in the wagon, I said!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

WOMAN: Hey handsome!

Hey!

I'm right over here.

See if you're
standing over there.

I'm going to find the preacher.

Don't worry, Sonny.

Ya!

Heh!

Whoa!

Now look at that.

CHIP: Why?

Don't you like it?

So this is that
famous well, huh?

It sure is.

Well, Chip.

Let's get some water.

I think Chip, that
your uncle was

a little touched in the head.

My uncle told me to
settle in Westland.

I'm settling in Westland to
make my money off irrigation.

Water, huh?

Nothing but stinking black mud.

See for yourself.

MAN: Hey, you two.

Get out of here.

COBURN: Out of where?

It's private property.

COBURN: I know.

He owns it.

The owner's dead.

So the land reverts
to the community.

There must be some mistake.

This kid is the owner.

It's written down right here.

Well, see for yourself.

Get out.

Those are my papers!

You can't do that!

The boy's absolutely right.

You might have read them
before you tore them up.

We told you to get, understand?

Say, you're handy with those.

Do that again.

Now clear out.

See that, Chip?

The left, the right, and back.

The left, the right, and back.

[GROAN]

Take their guns, Chip.

[MOANING]

Now we throw the rascals out.

Get up!

Get up!

Get!

How long have you been myopic?

What?

Myopic.

You know, short-sighted.

I see very well.

Then why do you
use eye glasses?

They help me to think.

Will you help me
unload my stuff?

Well, you know.

Seeing old Sonny's
out of the way,

I guess I'll make
that train tomorrow.

- Nasty bump.
- Yeah, well...

Looks like you've
been kicked by a horse.

I would say it was
more like a mule.

MARY: Hm.

Sit over there, will you?

I don't want you to watch this.

Now, no hollering,
if you please.

If you make a noise,
you'll make me nervous.

I could make a mistake and that
would be the end of your neck.

Are you kidding?

Nobody can make me holler.

Let's go.

That it?

Go ahead.

[GROANING]

He stays inside for a week.

And keep a towel around
his neck at all times.

I know how to
handle him, doctor.

I'm an expert.

Good day.

Good day, doctor.

[INAUDIBLE] Stupid pig
Coburn got away again

and I got to keep following him.

I've got my old work to do.

Oh, don't be silly.

He said he was going
to look for a preacher.

Honest.

Sonny, I don't know
what's gotten into you.

What have you got
against him, huh?

Mary.

Hm?

Will do please go
back to your own room?

Seduced, abandoned, and
she's still an idiot.

Poor Coburn.

Hm.

Girls!

Here we are!

Oh, Sonny, baby!

Are you feeling any better?

Oh, poor dear.

Let me hold you.

And what did the doctor...

All right, all right.

That's enough.

That's enough!

Now go and find a piano player.

I want you to all to get
down to work right away

and bring me all your
money every, morning, eh?

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

And when will
you be getting up?

One more thing.

I want to know where Coburn is.

So find out.

Probably he skedaddled by now.

I want to know
where's he's gone to.

Now get out of here all of you!

All of you, go ahead!

All of you, go ahead!

CHIP: Wowie you're strong!

[GRUNT]

But who's stronger!

You, or a buffalo?

Ever see a buffalo?

No, but I got a feeling
that you are stronger.

Seeing you feel so sure.

You know something?

I thought she was pretty nice.

Who?

Your fiance.

I ain't engaged to nobody.

Then why is she
so stuck on you?

Don't start with all that
why business, eh, Chip?

Sorry, Coburn.

How are you this
nice, fine morning?

[SIGH]

The lord bless
you and keep you.

Good honest work, eh?

May got grant you the
health to keep it up.

Ain't you Sheriff around here?

The fact is,
we've been recently

deprived of our pastor Fischer.

Grant him eternal rest.

And those that were his
sheep beg to become mine.

Sorry, we don't have
any sheep in this place.

Well, I wanted to act as a
pastor today, bearing gifts.

Here, it's for you.

For me.

FRANCISCUS: Yes.

And candy for the boy...
Big bite jawbreaker.

No?

Hm.

Let me put this
simply and plainly.

Because simply and plainly... are
you paying attention, brother?

Oh, yeah.

Excuse me, Reverend Sheriff.

Yes, simply and
plainly is the best way,

as I don't know that
Westland is quite

the perfect town
for little children.

Yes, you're right.

We already ran into
some bank robbers.

How's that?

Uh-huh.

I heard another story.

I heard there was a brawl
in the bank started by you.

No, no.

It's not true.

I...

FRANCISCUS: $1000 is the price
we set to buy up the debris,

as I can hardly call
it the home, can I?

For the child, may
I suggest that he go

and be with other good
boys in another place?

Didn't you hear what the
Reverend Sheriff said?

He wants to buy this house.

He'll give you candy, too.

I don't like candy.

[GRUNT]

I don't like him.

And why does he want it?

He's offering us $1000.

And this house isn't worth $50.

If he's offering
$1000, it's worth more.

My uncle was never wrong.

We could take the $1000
and we'll stay here anyway.

That's dishonest, Coburn.

Uh, the owner isn't selling.

- I'm terribly sorry, Mr.
- Coburn, for your sake,

as I came here hoping I
might be able to perform

an act of charity.

You don't want it, apparently.

As for the future,
may God help you.

I feel that maybe
you might need him.

You know, Chip.

We've got to find out
what's behind all this.

[COUGH]

Gad!

The smoke of Beelzebub.

[COUGHING]

May I come in?

Oh, excuse me.

I thought you were the man
divine providence has sent us.

But I see I was wrong.

SONNY: Oh, no.

You ain't mistaken.

A preacher... just the
man I was looking for.

Son, I came up
here today hoping

you might be able to help me.

But I'm afraid.

And in your
condition, you're not

capable of performing the
small favor I wanted to ask.

Really?

Now, what small favor
do you have in mind?

The ways of the lord
God are infinite.

SONNY: Ain't it the truth.

Amen, brother.

Thank you.

An exchange of favors.

I am going to let you
and your pretty ladies

perform here in the
limits of decency.

And you may rid my town
of a bad influence.

His name is Coburn.

Do you have to
keep up this noise

all the time, for God's sake?

The minute I get
off to sleep, you've

gone shooting those
darn guns again.

Oh, God.

Not again.

A preacher!

Coburn sent you, right?

FRANCISCUS: Mm,
you might say that.

You here that?

Hell.

I knew Coburn was
telling the truth.

Look, why don't you go back
to bed and sleep, darling?

I'll, uh, talk to
the pastor, here.

After all, I am the
head of the family.

Right, reverend?

Oh, yes.

Surely, surely.

The almighty will show
us the way for you.

You may sleep...

MARY: But I wanted to...

Mary, go lie down, darling.

Go ahead.

I must say.

This is very puzzling.

I think I missed the point.

Yeah, well maybe
it's better that way.

Look, I won't need this.

And I'll take care
of Coburn for you.

But you've got to marry
her for me please.

I'll be delighted.

Who's the husband to be
of this charming lady?

Coburn.

And as soon as you
got them married,

I'll shoot him for you.

No charge at all.

Son, you'll be marching in.

The saints will praise the day.

Amen, brother.

Amen.

Now then, when's the wedding?

Well, we're going to have to
wait a... a little while yet.

But only for a day or two.

Now, I don't want a thing to
happen to Coburn at the moment.

And they mustn't be
allowed to leave town.

See it Coburn?

Look at that!

Ha ha.

MAN: Citizens of Westland!

Keep your mouths closed
and open your ears

and hear the most amazing
money-making offer

of all your born days!

$2 for a bucket of dirt.

That's right, two
honest to God greenbacks

for one bucket of
dirt Read it, folks.

It's written down.

$2!

It's ridiculous, but it's true.

Two US government dollars
for a bucket of dirt!

It's the offer of a lifetime.

Hey, sir.

That's what I said. $2!

Can't you keep away
from that stuff?

No sir.

Ain't it kind of
hard on the digestion?

Why should it be?

$2!

$2 a bucket.

That's my offer, folks.

And you get to keep the bucket.

All I want is dirt, friends.

And I know you got plenty.

So bring it to me in the saloon.

Don't crowd, Sonny.

You too can be the lucky
winner Come one, come all.

Young and old.

If you can handle a
shovel and carry a bucket,

two bonafide US
dollars are yours.

You look like you're worried.

Why?

What's the matter.

There's a tie between the
dirt that fool there is buying

and the Sheriff's knack for
running folks out of town.

Better get busy around this
burg and ask some questions.

[HONKY TONK PIANO]

Hi, Coburn!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Oh!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[INAUDIBLE] girls.

Come on, don't be greedy.

Oh!

He's cute.

Where'd you get him?

Truth, he picked me up.

Oh, he's the little
sweetest little.

[INAUDIBLE] cutie
I ever did see!

I wish he was mine!

What's your name, honey?

Annette, you told Sonny
that I made a mistake.

You told him how
Mary came to my room

and that I thought it was you.

Sure I did, Coburn.

But seeing everybody got
to hear about it anyway,

well, Sonny says it's a scandal.

And, well, it's got
to be put right.

Well, he must be as
crazy as a hoot owl.

No, Coburn.

You're wrong.

Mary was a... well, you know.

And her brother's got
to defend her, right?

I guess you were
as crazy as he is.

Come on, girls!

Whisky.

Stuff's home-made.

With the water on the premises?

You betcha.

I don't want it.

Hey friend.

Any girls around here?

In town, you mean?

Uh.

Yeah, but they don't
normally come in the saloon.

I know, I know.

But I mean women.

Sure, over there.

No, those girls that do
just a little bit business.

You know, around town.

How's that again?

Chip, why don't you
go dig a bucket of dirt

and maybe that old nut will give
you a couple of dollars for it.

I get what you mean.

Come on.

WOMAN: What do you want?

I'd like to come in
and talk with you.

Hm.

That's what they all say.

It's the truth.

I need, well, some...
Some information.

You don't have nothing
to be scared about.

I'll just sit down here.

It's better here, I think.

Much better.

Information, I think
it was you said.

Um, well, I'm new here in town.

And, well, I... I use
a bit of filling in.

You probably know the right
people here real good.

Made friends here.

I mean, I think
that... well, you must

know about every
man in town by now.

WOMAN: If there's
anything I do for you...

Well, someone in this
dried-up waterhole

keeps trying to run
people out of town.

Oh, brother.

You're telling me.

What are you talking about?

Franciscus.

He's the judge, the
preacher, and Sheriff.

Franciscus is judge here, too?

WOMAN: Yeah, since
the old judge died.

Poor McClairen.

He was a pretty
good friend of mine.

Mm, God rest his bones.

COBURN: Then there's
something here in Westland

that has a pretty special
interest for Brother Francisus.

Hey, when you get talking
here with your friends,

you know, don't they
ever discuss business?

Never.

But that don't stop me from
getting an idea occasionally.

Come on.

Tell me.

Gold.

What else could it be?

Of course.

It must be gold.

They're looking for the
vein... the deposits!

Heh.

Uh, excuse me, Mrs...

Warren.

Oh, Warren.

You are nice, you are.

Pretty also, yeah.

Well, thank you for everything.

Wait, big boy.

Yeah?

[LAUGHTER]

Next!

Let's see it!

Would you see that!

Is it sweet?

I've never seen anything
like that before.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

What's the matter?

That's good [INAUDIBLE]

Yeah, that's exactly
what it tastes like.

Next, please.

There he goes again.

Yes, this is it.

All right.

Very good!

Yep.

What's your name?

CLEM: Uh, Clem Sawyer.

Clem Sawyer.

Yeah, put that there.

He must have the
tastiest dirt in town!

Much obliged!

Next?

Next!

No, only one, son.

Hm.

Good!

Very good!

Hold that, honey.

This is the real thing!

What's your name, son!

Where are you from?

Chip Anderson,
Welldigger's Roost.

MAN: Ah, do tell.

What's going on?

What are you doing?

All right, old timer.

Pack up and go home.

No wait, you don't understand!

Get out of here!

Skedaddle, son.

No, I told you to clear out.

Hold it.

One thing I can't stand is to
see a man pushing a kid around.

Oh, can't you?

Well, let's get started on
someone that's grown up.

Well?

I remember you!

Come on, Coburn!

Hit him!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

CHIP: Faster, faster!

Got him, Coburn!

Hooray!

Coburn, [INAUDIBLE]

Watch out, Coburn!

[GUNSHOT]

No, Big Jim.

Please excuse him, Mr. Coburn.

Jim is part Irish
and part Injun,

so he's apt to get a nice
[INAUDIBLE] Pray the lord will

help you keep your
temper from now.

You can breathe easier, Coburn.

Nobody will bother you.

Not while I'm still mayor.

Come on, Chip.

FRANCISCUS: Oh yes,
the little boy.

Don't worry.

He'll be protected.

He's right, we could
use more lads like him.

Fine boy.

Mm-hm.

Hey.

Where's my horse gone to?

Who took him?

They were your men!

I saw them here before!

Did you?

You're not only bright,
but you've got sharp eyes.

COBURN: Were they your men?

Uh, yes they were.

I must say, there
was no harm intended.

We want you both to stay.

You mean it?

First you want to
chase me out of here.

And now...

It's nothing serious.

Just to settle that
business at the bank.

And don't forget what
happened just now.

Because you could get
put in jail for less.

[GRUNT]

But I know what type
of person you are.

And you're not about to try
anything like skipping town.

Ain't it a fact?

How are you going to
make it without a horse?

There's no trouble about that.

There's a railroad.

There should be two, right?

According to your uncle.

Oh yeah, sure.

Don't worry, Chip.

They won't lay a finger on you.

We've got the
Sheriff on our side.

Oh, I'm sure you'll
be all right.

Didn't you notice the change
that's come over the Sheriff?

I know you've got to go.

That brother-in-law
of yours is going

to get better sooner or later.

Brother-in-law, huh?

Well, that's what you say.

Sorry, Coburn.

COBURN: Come on, now.

Here you are.

Eat.

Where will you be going?

Far as I can get from here.

12,500 miles.

That isn't far.

Why ain't it far?

This is the earth, OK?

Do you know that
the earth is round?

No.

Well, we're here.

The farthest place you
can get is here, huh?

As soon as you take another
step, you start coming back.

Then there's Mary.

You like her, don't you?

COBURN: Course I like her.

Why don't you marry her?

Oh, it's one thing
just to like a girl,

but another thing to marry them.

Explain.

Oh shut up, won't you?

If I shut up, how can
I finish my dinner?

Blah blah blah blah.

We'll make a bet.

Man to man.

If you win, you get
to talk all you want.

If I win, you don't get
to open your mouth again

before tomorrow
morning. You here?

All right, Coburn.

Now, you were just
drawing me circles, hm?

Now Chip, which is longer?

This, or around here?

Well, that's easy.

Anybody knows that the longest
is the perimeter of the base.

Peri-what?

Ah.

Well, talk all you want.

CHIP: No matter.

I won't bother you
because I'm going to bed.

Good night, Coburn.

Well, everybody's
a Sheriff here.

[INAUDIBLE] ya.

Thanks for bringing
back my horse.

[GUNS COCKING]

Hey, what do you want?

But why have they
got you tied up?

To restrain my enthusiasm.

That's no way to get married.

You were the one to tell him!

And you tied him up!

I saw you.

We're in church, my boy.

We don't talk.

Well, this morning,
you're both convened here

to be united in rightful
wedlock... Mary Bronston

and, uh, Coburn.

Coburn, hm.

Your first name?

I got the contract
right here, Reverend!

Ah, you brought it with you.

That makes everything legal.

Now then... ah, the Lord
shows us the true way.

Now, do you, Mary Bronston,
take for your lawful husband.

Hiram Coburn, here present?

Yes, yes, oh yes!

My dear, I'm most
happy to hear it.

And you, Hiram Coburn, take for
your lawful wife Mary Bronston,

here present?

Hm?

Well, yes.

You see?

It's painless.

Well, as county
justice of the peace,

I pronounce you man and wife.

Good.

Now, dearly beloved,
let us proceed

to the religious service.

Forget it!

Forget it.

It's OK just as it is.

What?

Have you gone completely
out of your mind?

I want to be married
by the preacher.

And I said that's enough!

Untie him!

For the Lord's sake, Sonny.

Don't go on like that.

He's my husband now, isn't he?

Sonny, I beg you.

Will you stop all that
hate and bitterness please?

Get back to your room!

Please take a walk.

Outside.

What do I do with this?

Sorry about your wedding night.

Sorry about mine.

Good luck, Chip.

Just a minute.

What do you want?

CHIP: You can't kill him now.

I can't?

No, you can't.

Coburn isn't only
your sister's husband.

He's the father of your nephew.

Nephew?

[CHUCKLING]

What nephew?

She's expecting a baby.

Is that true, Mary?

Yes, he's right.

Now, hold on.

Yes?

I guess you've
forgotten we made a deal.

I made it, I thought,
with a gentleman.

You're right.

Now I'm going to teach
you a lesson so that you

never forget your
brother-in-law.

No, Sonny!

Stop it!

You must stop this
dreadful imposition.

You're both Christian!

MARY: No!

Stop it!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[SCREAM]

[GASP]

Sonny!

[LAUGHTER]

You animal!

I'll take care of
you, you beast!

Oh, Sonny!

Sonny!

Where are you?

Help me!

Oh, somebody help me!

Please!

Well now you know why I
didn't want to get married.

Oh, Sonny.

Oh, darling.

How do you feel?

Hey, he broke my cigar.

[LAUGHTER]

[BELL RINGING]

Hey.

Hey, she getting in?

Getting in?

The train.

Oh... hm?

Then what about the bell?

[LAUGHTER]

[BELL RINGING]

Well, that bell goes
ding a ling a ling.

Well, when's the
next train coming in?

Are you going west?

Yeah, west is
all right with me.

Oh.

Well, when's she get in?

West?

Never.

Well, the east is
all the same to me.

Oh.

Follow me, then.

[SINGING INCOHERENTLY]

Yep, this is the road where
that big old locomotive was

supposed to highball
it here and go...

[TRAIN SOUNDS]

Boom.

And she's standing
there waiting forever.

Nobody goes east.

Two companies.

It was a question
of competition,

monopoly, and position.

The usual dirty politics.

Yes sir, I tell you
that's what it was.

That's all.

I say, kill them all.

All of them.

They all must go!

Then we could take
over the world!

Not one crook left.

Not one, hear?

No, no.

Then a man will really be
able to drink in peace.

Two railroads, huh?

That's what your uncle told
me... your sainted uncle who

was never wrong and
in his whole life.

Hey.

You knew all the time
there were no railroads.

You mean you would
doubt my uncle?

No railroads anywhere.

No horses in the whole town.

Even mine's disappeared!

Eh.

But there's the mule.

I'll go on that.

Anything.

Sit down and have something
to eat before you go.

Chip told me you haven't had
anything since the other night.

I'm not hungry.

Why are you eating, then?

Because I'm nervous.

Is there any way
to eat your dinner?

Will you please sit
down and eat like

a proper and civilized person?

Mary, you know you're
a married woman, now.

Nobody can say those awful
things about you anymore.

So will you just let me
eat the way I want to?

Like a hog?

Yeah, like a hog.

Because it's the way I
like eating, understand?

We're only just married!

And that's no way to
talk to your wife!

I never want to set
eyes on you ever again!

And what's more, a husband
goes to bed with his wife!

I didn't promise to do that.

Hey you.

Why didn't you kill me?

Because I want
to see you suffer.

But don't worry.

I'll kill you soon as he's 21.

COBURN: Who?

The kid.

What kid?

CHIP: [LAUGHTER]

You're the father.

What the...

Yeah.

Uncle Sonny.

Heh.

Scuse me.

I don't eat with hogs.

Heh.

Heh.

Nope.

Chip Anderson.

Welldigger's Roost.

Hm.

Ah!

That's it!

I found it.

Yeah.

Oh!

Chip Anderson,
Welldigger's Roost.

I found it at last.

Hey!

I found it!

I found it!

Chip Anderson!

[LAUGHTER]

Oh, happy day!

Here we are.

[PANTING]

Hey, Chip.

Open up!

Ah, there you are, young fella.

Hi.

What do you want?

Good morning to you, my boy.

May I... may I come in?

What do you want?

Some more dirt?

Oh, no.

I mean, yes.

Me, in a way, well,
I suppose I do.

Well, may I?

Come in.

[LAUGHTER]

You see, I thought I might stay.

Here.

Yep, and settle
down in Westland.

[CHUCKLES]

And so I took a look around.

And I saw this nice
little house of yours.

Heh heh.

Ey, you are the owner of
this place here, aren't you?

I sure am.

Ah.

That's mighty fine.

I like this house.

I really do.

It's light and airy.

And there's no noise and
a fine little garden.

I'm an old man now and I
like a bit of peace and quiet

to end my days.

You know what I mean, son?

You want to buy it?

Ah, hey.

Good morning.

Is he a relative of yours?

No, my partner.

Ah.

Glad to know you.

I was just saying,
heh heh, as to how

I'd like to... to buy this house.

[SIGH]

Yeah.

Well, I could make you, hm,
an offer of, hm, I don't know.

Let's say, well, $5000?

What you say?

$5000?

Uh-huh.

What are you looking for?

Nothing, nothing.

Just peace and
quiet, nothing more.

Like I told the boy.

You know, your uncle was right.

Your fortune is
here in Westland.

He said $5000, huh?

I heard.

We're not selling.

[SIGH]

He heard you, but
he's not selling.

Well.

Well, now.

Let's see.

If I was really pressed,
and as a great sacrifice...

Huh?

I... I'll give you
one final offer.

Huh?

$10,000.

[GASP]

[MUMBLING]

No?

Aw.

[BABY CRYING]

Now we can go on
with the ceremony.

Bless this fine new boy,
this fledgling arrival

to our flourishing parish.

Whoa now.

Whoa.

What name shall we
baptize the baby with?

John.

John.

No, Alfred.

No, John.

Alfred.

I might be able to
accommodate both of you.

Now, I would say John Alfred.

I hereby baptize this
boy with the name of...

[INAUDIBLE] found
what he wanted.

I'm sorry, I have to go.

MOTHER: But pastor!

FATHER: Emily, let
me have Alfred.

Where's big Jim?

In the saloon.

MOTHER: We're naming him John.

FATHER: Alfred!

And we're going home.

[HONKY TONK PIANO]

Jim!

Jim!

Ah, pay a visit to Coburn.

Now pour it in.

Nothing.

That old man wanted
to give us $10,000.

Yeah, he wanted to, Chip.

And there's no gold.

What are they looking
for around here?

BIG JIM: I'm Looking for you.

Oh, it's you again.

Well, what do you want?

If you're a man,
defend yourself.

Come on.

If you can't remember the
last time, I can help you out.

Pick up the gun.

I'll count to 10.

[LAUGHTER]

One.

Two.

Three.

Coburn doesn't have a
pistol and can't shoot!

BIG JIM: Four.

Yeah, ain't that too bad.

Five.

Well, seeing I'm back
in business again, uh...

$100?

Six.

How much?

$200?

SONNY: Uh-uh.

Seven.

One third of
Welldigger's Roost.

One third.

You're a crock!

Eight.

Nine.

Stop the count.

You keep your big
nose out of this.

Now look, I ain't
got a big nose.

I've got a little one.

But I'm sticking it in anyway.

Now, you get out of
here or I'm going

to drill you an extra
button hole, you hear?

I got plenty of button holes.

SONNY: Now get out of here.

Run!

Thank you, brother.

You're welcome, partner.

And you too, you little midget.

Can't a body have
a bit of peace

about here for a single minute?

Get inside.

And wash up for lunch.

You too, Chip.

[HONKY TONK PIANO]

[CLAPPING]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[GOOSE CALL]

FRANCISCUS: Coburn?

Sonny.

He's helping the
boy to avoid trouble.

I want him out right now.

Come here!

Now listen carefully, boys.

This is what we've got a do.

Come on, everybody.

Come with me.

It's all right.

We've got permission.

Sam!

OK.

Come on.

[INAUDIBLE] you
stay here and watch.

All right.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

No, Mary.

Wait, I can't quite get the
hang of this fandanoing.

I can't tell my left
foot from my right.

Oh, you're a fine
dancer, Coburn.

Hm.

And you're sure making
me proud and happy.

Eh.

Now, don't you go getting
ribe and sour with me.

I know you love me.

Is that right?

Mm-hm!

[MUMBLE]

That's enoguh.

Now, don't you go
tiring yourself.

You've got to think of the baby!

[GASP] I do!

Come on.

Hey.

Mmm.

Heh.

Hm.

Come on!

Hey Chip.

Go on, dance.

One day, you're going
to find yourself

ruined for the
rest of your life.

[LAUGHTER]

Oh, don't take any notice
of what Coburn tells you.

He's as grumbly, grouchy,
and crotchety as an old bear.

So all and all, I think
you'll make a good husband.

The only trouble
will be when he finds

out I'm not [INAUDIBLE] way.

Sooner or later, women
get children, don't they?

Yes, Chip.

You're right!

I will be.

Hey.

Look at your brother.

[SIGH]

Honey, why are you cleaning
your gun here at my party!

What do you need
them for, anyway?

Well, you never can tell.

I don't want to end up like...

[CLICK]

Like Coburn.

[GUN SOUND EFFECT]

Women and children inside!

Go ahead and shoot
the two of them.

Don't stand there gaping.

Shoot!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Why can't you hit
them, for god's sake?

Shoot them!

Shoot them, I tell you!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Faster, Sonny!

Coburn [INAUDIBLE]

Fight, Coburn!

Hey, like the party?

Yeah!

Yeah!

Oh!

Hey!

I told you not to look anymore!

OLD MAN: Eh?

Eh?

Uh.

It's oil!

Oil!

Ah.

[LAUGHTER]

Hey kid, come out here!

Yahoo!

Look at that
[INAUDIBLE] Hey, Chip!

Look at your will!

Oh boy, look at that stuff!

Look at that!

Thank you, father!

Thank you!

There you are.

You're millionaires now!

You finally caught on, huh?

That's oil!

What's oil?

There's another word for that.

[BLECH]

Yeah, but what a
beautiful for a...

[BLECH]

What the devil
is all this filth?

It must be your doing, Coburn!

Can't you just brawl
like other men No.

You have to go and
get yourself messed up

and make a hog of yourself.

Just look at that filth!

Hello, you all.

It's us, Sonny!

We're leaving!

Yeah, I'm coming.

I'm coming!

Oh, now Sonny's girls
on top of everything!

Hey.

Where are you going?

Now that you're
married to my sister,

I'm going to have some fun.

And seeing that
from now on, you're

going to be wishing
you were dead,

I ain't going to
kill you anymore.

WOMAN: Come on, Sonny.

Let's go.

You can't go!

Stop him somebody!

Beverly.

Why oh why did I have to
have a brother like that?

Take care of my
one third, you hear?

WOMAN: Are you
coming or not, Sonny?

The moment my back is turned,
you start making trouble!

It's a complete disaster.

My party's ruined... ruined!

Well, don't just
stand there, you fool!

Can't you put a plug
in that darn well?

Can't you?

Uh, Sonny... Sonny, hold on.

Wait a minute.

Heh.

Uh, I must say.

You beat me at my own game.

But let me make a suggestion.

We join forces and work
together, all right?

Hey, you ride in the back.

Heh heh.

[LAUGHTER]

No.

And you ruined the
party all by yourself.

You got everything messed up.

Heh.

[OOING]

Hot stuff, eh?

WOMAN: Goodbye, Chip!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

WOMAN: Have fun!

Bye-bye!

Bye!

That's what you
wanted, wasn't it?

Ruining my housewarming party.

You oaf!

You dirty, no good skunk.

That's all you are!

A monster.

That's what you are!

A heartless monster!

OK

She wasn't expecting a baby.

But there is no baby.

We lied to y But
you can't do that.

This situation, I sure can.

Yeah.

Can do, amigo.

MARY: No, Coburn!

I didn't mean it!

I got carried away!

No don't, Coburn!

You can't do this!

[GLASS SHATTERING]

Remember, Coburn.

I'm your wife!

Exactly.