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1
00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:32,648
Albuquerque Police,
open the door, please.
2
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:37,410
- Open up.
- Daddy, wake up, wake up. Wake up.
3
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,539
Albuquerque Police, open up.
4
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,620
Fuck.
5
00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,916
All right, we gotta go. All right.
6
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,541
Unh. Get your shoes on.
7
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:51,833
Open up.
8
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,501
Okay.
9
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:57,218
He knocks me around, then steals
my Chanel purse. And it was real!
10
00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:01,351
I have Chanel loafers that I love,
so I get it. Open up. Right now.
11
00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,765
- Why am I doing this?
- Shh. Stop asking questions.
12
00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,604
That's good, that's good.
13
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,447
Oh, goddamn it.
14
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,577
- What's happening?
- Oh, goddamn it.
15
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,449
Inside that Bible
there is an address in Santa Fe.
16
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,492
Get in the cab and go there.
17
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:29,788
- N o!
- It's better than Child Protective Services.
18
00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:31,797
You gotta trust me on that one.
19
00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:33,299
All right, look at me.
20
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:36,802
I know I'm not the best dad in the world,
but I love you.
21
00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:43,597
Goddamn it. Hey!
22
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:47,810
- What the hell was that for?
- You fuck everything up!
23
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,896
Hey.
24
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,114
- Get on the ground!
- On the ground!
25
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,028
- I'm not resisting!
- On the ground.
26
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:09,043
Mmm.
27
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:17,339
Mmm.
28
00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:37,530
Oh, hello. And good morning.
29
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:41,613
If you've never been invited
to a ranchero breakfast, well...
30
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:44,450
...on this glorious day, you are in luck.
31
00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:46,159
- Because we...
- Are you okay?
32
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,666
- You're leaning.
- It's a Western saddle.
33
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,792
I can't sit forward like the English.
34
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:54,797
Cowboys sit back on their haunches,
against the cantle. Oh! Ugh!
35
00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,630
- Oh, God.
- Okay.
36
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,007
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I think so.
37
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,176
We don't have to do the scene
on horseback.
38
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,436
I want to. It's... It's important.
39
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,688
It adds to the masculinity,
to the grandeur.
40
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,519
Well, that's true.
41
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,229
- Are you being facetious?
- Mm-hm.
42
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,395
- Here you go.
- Thank you so much.
43
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:20,565
- You are a gentleman, you really are.
- Oh. Heh-heh.
44
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,405
God knows they're in short supply
around here.
45
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:26,571
Oh, my God.
Would you quit flirting with him?
46
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,660
It makes him feel awkward.
He's straight.
47
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,622
No, it makes you feel awkward.
And he's gay.
48
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:35,835
It makes everyone feel awkward
watching you act like a weird, old woman.
49
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,249
No, you're a weird, old woman.
50
00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:41,920
You wanna know something?
I could've worked for Rachael Ray.
51
00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,963
And she's nice.
52
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,764
How about we take it from the first line?
53
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,473
I'd be delighted.
54
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:53,105
All right, everyone, back to one!
55
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,782
Step aside, son.
56
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:36,353
This is a Basque oven paddle
that I have repurposed as a tapas tray.
57
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:40,736
I like to serve my stuffed piquillo peppers
from the back of a horse.
58
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:46,072
Mind you, a vaquero breakfast
need not be on a vast rancho.
59
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:50,363
When we return, I'll show you
how you can cook this gorgeous food...
60
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,452
...from your own little kitchen.
61
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:53,742
Ciao.
62
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:56,081
- Dig in, amigos.
- Looks good.
63
00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:58,496
Manny, you old cock-hound.
Didn't see you there.
64
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:01,165
You can't say cock-hound
on basic cable.
65
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,005
Cut.
66
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,719
Get rid of the terra-cotta pots.
67
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:09,223
Yuck. Ditto the galvanized tin.
68
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:13,181
Please, please remove
the ghastly bandanas from the goblets.
69
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:17,395
You, young man, put your camera there,
pointing that way.
70
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,683
Look at him.
71
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,977
He's like the gay Butch Cassidy.
72
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,361
Except, not butch.
73
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:25,319
If only we had a producer
who understood...
74
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:29,031
...that objects exist in a space.
Wouldn't that be wonderful?
75
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:32,868
If only you came to production meetings
to communicate your ideas in advance.
76
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:36,660
But that would cut into your rigorous
drinking and masturbation schedule.
77
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,958
Do you guys do this at home?
78
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:43,090
Oh, no, we don't get along
this well at home.
79
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,335
Why don't you leave him?
80
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,549
I probably will.
81
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:50,806
But, you know, part of me wants
to stick around just to watch him die.
82
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:06,565
Oh, can we call a truce?
83
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,108
Yes. Thank you.
84
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,948
Finally.
85
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,328
Finally?
86
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:15,035
When have you ever called for a truce?
87
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,417
You realize you're starting
an argument about a truce?
88
00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:22,581
I think you are manipulative
and passive-aggressive.
89
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:27,092
And the truce starts now.
Ah, my favorite Mexicans.
90
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:50,362
We just got back from Machu Picchu.
Nothing there.
91
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:53,152
Not impressed.
It looks like the Flintstones' village.
92
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:56,118
I'm like, "This is it?" Not impressed.
93
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:58,908
- What do you like? Ha.
- Zero stars. I like Epcot.
94
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:02,044
Bobby Flay. I like him as a person.
95
00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:04,876
- He's one of my best friends.
- Don't get me wrong. No.
96
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,417
He's got a wonderful, you know, face.
97
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:11,053
And, you know, marvelous chutzpah.
98
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:13,214
Are you from L.A.?
99
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:14,723
I'm the mayor.
100
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,680
- Wait, what?
- Of Santa Fe.
101
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:19,140
Oh, I love that.
102
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:22,807
This close to the border of Syria.
You can hear the gunfire.
103
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,192
You hear people screaming. Terrifying.
104
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:30,445
But the za'atar chicken was the best
I've ever had. Mouthwatering.
105
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,701
The screaming children
didn't bother the food at all?
106
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:35,702
- Apples and oranges.
- You gotta eat.
107
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,706
- It's The City of Holy Faith. Santa Fe.
- Oh.
108
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,538
That's so cool. I love that.
109
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,792
I'm like, "Hey, asshole,
the fucking Dalai Lama...
110
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,582
...gave me that prayer pillow."
111
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:53,004
Ladies and gentlemen,
please join me in a toast...
112
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:56,049
...to two of the finest hosts in Santa Fe.
113
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,388
What am I talking about? The world.
114
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,018
Paul, Erasmus.
115
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:04,899
And if I may interrupt there, Mr. Mayor,
let's not forget all the little people.
116
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,435
All the worker bees out there.
117
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:08,693
The little people.
118
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:11,196
- Hear, hear.
- Cheers.
119
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,982
I am with such an asshole.
120
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:17,286
I love an asshole, so to speak.
121
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:21,453
- Cheers to that.
- Cheers to that. Double cheers.
122
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:04,083
It is Santa Fe, right?
It's a little on the nose.
123
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,118
- I get sick of the turquoise.
- The vest.
124
00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:09,789
Yeah. It gets...
I mean, no disrespect, you look great.
125
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:12,083
Yeah. Oh, hello. Who are you?
126
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,558
Ohh. Erasmus.
127
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:27,440
Well, someone can't spell my name.
"Dear Erosmus, this is your grandson."
128
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,232
Is...? Is your father here?
129
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,198
Was he here? Has he gone?
What...? What...?
130
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,653
What's your name?
131
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,032
Do you have a name?
132
00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:46,709
- Um, can we get another chair?
- Yeah. Ha-ha-ha.
133
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:49,746
- Please.
- Is that all you have with you?
134
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,050
Well, we've got a Bible.
135
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,594
Some cash.
136
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,757
And a bag of cocaine.
137
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:01,970
Hmm.
138
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,930
All anyone really needs in life.
139
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,849
No clothes, I see.
140
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:09,310
I'll call the store. They're about to close.
141
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,644
Oh. Oh, good.
142
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:20,031
Ahem. Um, everyone, it would appear
this little chap is my grandson.
143
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:22,904
Huh.
144
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:25,915
You know, truth is,
Sandy Koufax had a huge dong.
145
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,575
- Really?
- Huge. Legendary.
146
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,618
- Legendarily huge dong.
- Is that true?
147
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,288
- That is true. For a Jew.
- Excuse me.
148
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,583
You have a grandson?
149
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,628
It's unbelievable, isn't it? I mean, look.
150
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:41,092
I've had no work done.
151
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,804
I only found out
you had a son a few years ago.
152
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:47,015
- He's estranged. I told you about him.
- Not really.
153
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:51,148
Well, back in the '80s
when I was experimenting, I had...
154
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:55,311
...a liaison with a woman
which resulted in a baby.
155
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,356
Yuck. Which she wanted to keep.
156
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,025
And this is all very murky.
157
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:05,537
I was probably off my tits on quaaludes.
Remember them? What a blast.
158
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:11,078
Anyhoo, before you came along,
darling, um, I had a son called Beau...
159
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:13,792
...who dropped out of school,
developed a drug problem.
160
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:16,878
He even OD'd
at my book launch in New York.
161
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:21,091
- No. How embarrassing for you.
- It was. Anna Wintour was there.
162
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:25,053
- Wait... Where's the father?
- According to the note, he's in jail.
163
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,558
Yes, he's in jail.
164
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,469
So he's moving in?
165
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,763
Ehh. Just keeping an eye on him.
166
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,147
We can't have a kid.
167
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,684
We couldn't even handle
that Yorkshire terrier.
168
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,148
Thank God for that coyote.
Problem solved.
169
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,063
- A kid's too much.
- Calm down.
170
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,529
Someone from Social Services
will turn up and tell us where we stand.
171
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,115
- Take one of your pills.
- Why don't you take yours?
172
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:48,372
That reminds me.
What are we going to do about this?
173
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:52,000
I don't do cocaine anymore,
but it seems such a dreadful waste.
174
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,378
We could put it
in Tatiana's charity auction.
175
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:55,958
- Perfect.
- I'm kidding.
176
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,873
We'd go to jail.
177
00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,459
Ah. Uh, do you want a blowjob?
178
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,636
- We have guests.
- Yes, you're right.
179
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,510
Have a good night. Thanks so much.
180
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:13,601
Hey. So people are going,
so you can deal with the kid.
181
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:14,982
No, don't go, Kate.
182
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:18,144
No, I have a bleaching in the morning,
for my teeth.
183
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:23,072
Everyone is leaving.
184
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,451
This is the worst thing
that's happened to me.
185
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:28,488
Just tell us what you want
and someone will make it for you.
186
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,076
I want Taco Bell.
187
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:33,118
- Let's go to the kitchen, maybe...
- Don't touch me!
188
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,660
It's all right. That's okay.
189
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:39,332
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
190
00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:42,172
You know what?
Would you nut up for a second?
191
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:44,803
Get the mayor
a shot of mescal...
192
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:48,683
...ask the editor of Elle Decor to dance.
I'll tell Gustavo to play tangos...
193
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,343
...and get Tino to take
that feral child to Taco Bell.
194
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:53,934
Go to the front door,
tell everybody to come back...
195
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,815
...because you got me a birthday cake
and there's cocaine.
196
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,773
Yes, but I haven't,
and it's not your birthday.
197
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,529
It is your birthday.
198
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,692
Go. Go, go.
199
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:09,578
Hey, everyone!
I've got cocaine and birthday cake!
200
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,650
Well, this would be the point
where you say:
201
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:43,108
"Erasmus, it's marvelous!
202
00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:47,116
It's like staying at a five-star resort."
203
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,327
I look like a fucking asshole in these.
204
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,163
All right, come on.
205
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,325
Bedtime, let's go.
206
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,214
Lights on or off?
207
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,173
I don't care.
208
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,631
Hey, hey, never say that.
209
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:09,091
You should always care passionately...
210
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:12,724
...about every single choice
you make in your life.
211
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:18,097
Good night.
212
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:23,610
We're locking our doors.
That kid scares the shit out of me.
213
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,897
- Oh, I think he's sweet.
- Really?
214
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:28,031
People thought
Jeffrey Dahmer was sweet...
215
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,989
- ...till he raped them and ate them.
- Eww.
216
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,246
I'm sure it's a temporary arrangement.
217
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,452
What if it's not?
218
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:40,836
Well, would that be such a bad thing?
219
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:44,419
My parents were
such "drunkaholic" messes.
220
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,128
I was 11 before I realized...
221
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,965
...my father's name wasn't
"That Fucking Bastard."
222
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:53,048
You've told me that joke before.
223
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,390
I'm so sorry.
I'll try and work on some new material.
224
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,178
Thank you.
225
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:01,641
They were terrible parents.
I don't wanna be a terrible parent.
226
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,151
No one's asking you to be.
227
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:08,189
Oh, God. I feel like
I'm gonna have one of my things.
228
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:10,733
- What things?
- My panic things.
229
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,904
I shouldn't have done blow.
I'm such a douche bag.
230
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:18,245
- Well, take one of your pills.
- I did.
231
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:23,254
You know, the editor of Elle Decor was
dancing like her life depended on it.
232
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,336
If she'd gone home early,
the party would've been a disaster.
233
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:29,047
We should check in,
make sure everything's okay.
234
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:30,586
What, with the editor?
235
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,379
Hmm? No, the kid.
236
00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,093
Oh, he'll be fast asleep.
237
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:38,056
We should check in.
Make sure he hasn't stolen anything.
238
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,183
What the hell?
239
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,611
Oh...
240
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,655
Hey, kid? What's his name again?
241
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:57,321
I told you a dozen times, I don't know.
242
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,114
Kid?
243
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,703
Ugh... Should I call the police?
244
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,623
No, it's okay, they're all here.
They're safe.
245
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,883
No, not because
of your kachina doll collection.
246
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,635
- Because the kid is missing.
- Oh.
247
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,675
Paul.
248
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:20,890
One of us should take the car into town
and have a look around.
249
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:22,144
Meaning me?
250
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:26,434
- Well, one of us has got to stay here.
- Meaning you?
251
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:36,113
Erasmus.
252
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,954
Oh, thank God.
253
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,294
I need a drink.
254
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:54,344
Hey.
255
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:56,714
- Hey, hey.
- Mm!
256
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,382
It's okay.
257
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,551
You gave us a scare, kid.
258
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,095
Get away from me, you fag.
259
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,689
- What'd the lawyer say?
- Well, nothing.
260
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,483
The father is in custody,
the mother is dead.
261
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:18,653
They'll send someone
from Social Services...
262
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:21,788
We can't have a kid. We don't like kids.
263
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:24,541
Don't call him a kid, he's a child.
A kid's a baby goat.
264
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,793
I'd rather have a baby goat.
They're cute.
265
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:30,923
Baby goats won't come and visit you
when you're old and lonely.
266
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:34,593
Didn't you organize
that Mexican children's charity?
267
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:37,880
I love helping children in the abstract,
but I don't...
268
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,640
- I don't want one in the house.
- Hmm.
269
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:43,097
At any rate, we have to send it to school.
270
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:45,012
- Really?
- Yeah, it's the law.
271
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,806
And it gets him
out of the house for the day.
272
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,827
- Hello.
- Oh, hello.
273
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,713
We would like to enroll this young man.
274
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,214
All right.
275
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:16,172
And what is his name?
276
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,852
Would you excuse us, please?
277
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:32,605
Oh.
278
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:37,110
I see you've discovered
one of my favorite contraptions.
279
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,991
These are such fun. Let's have a look.
280
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:42,611
Hmm.
281
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,489
You might want to vary
your expression a bit.
282
00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:49,000
Now, scoot along.
And join in with me, if you like.
283
00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:53,330
I like to do one happy.
284
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:55,544
One angry.
285
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:57,926
One silly.
286
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,883
And one looking off
into the middle distance...
287
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,889
...thinking about something.
288
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,889
Ah.
289
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,812
Now we've got a bit
of an awkward wait.
290
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,817
Oh, look at those.
291
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,944
We're hilarious.
292
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,072
What would you like to do now?
293
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:40,923
Having a party?
294
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,214
No.
295
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,887
And where have you been?
296
00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:34,393
Ah. In the editing room.
297
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:39,562
Trying to make something viable
out of your insane on-camera ramblings.
298
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:45,071
Paul, do you know that huge store...
299
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,737
...called Waymart or Mallmart
or something, on Cerrillos?
300
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:51,702
Yeah, of course.
It's owned by crazy conservatives.
301
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:55,916
- You shouldn't shop there.
- I thought it was nirvana.
302
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:59,672
Everything was so inexpensive.
The effect was intoxicating.
303
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:03,051
As intoxicating
as that giant tumbler of tequila?
304
00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:04,552
Yes.
305
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,679
But in a different way.
306
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,684
- He should be in bed.
- Why?
307
00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:12,640
Because it's 2 in the morning.
308
00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:16,477
- He doesn't have school in the morning.
- Because we haven't enrolled him.
309
00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:18,687
Because we don't know his name.
310
00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:20,443
Have a tequila.
311
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,854
Ugh. I'm so tired.
312
00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:26,150
"Ugh. I'm so tired."
313
00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:33,702
- Ah.
- Hey, kid.
314
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:36,868
I know you're having fun,
but it's very late.
315
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:40,505
Why don't you turn off the TV?
Let's get you to bed.
316
00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:42,875
Thanks, buddy.
317
00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:45,714
Mañana, piranha.
318
00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:53,181
Are you mad at me?
319
00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:55,228
Paul?
320
00:22:04,615 --> 00:22:06,481
Getting a nightcap?
321
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:08,741
Some tea.
322
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:17,372
Did you see the photo
for the dust jacket?
323
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,545
Yes, I did.
324
00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:23,623
What do you think?
325
00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:28,003
This is why you need me.
326
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:31,548
You really, really should've let me
look over these...
327
00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:33,762
...before you chose the cover.
328
00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:38,601
Because you look like a person
with a mental handicap.
329
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:45,404
No creature smiles this hard
in all of nature.
330
00:22:47,950 --> 00:22:49,316
I do.
331
00:22:49,785 --> 00:22:51,276
When you make me laugh.
332
00:22:52,121 --> 00:22:53,828
Oh, bleh.
333
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:56,115
That was cruel.
334
00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:01,328
The kettle's boiling, so to speak.
335
00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:07,668
Fuck the tea.
336
00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:11,422
Yay.
337
00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:24,609
- Well, hello.
- I assume the kid got to you okay?
338
00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:28,613
- Yes, yes, he's here with me now.
- You brought him here?
339
00:23:28,782 --> 00:23:31,024
- Yes, he wants to see you.
- Are you insane?
340
00:23:31,201 --> 00:23:34,160
- He can't see me like this.
- Don't be ridiculous.
341
00:23:35,372 --> 00:23:37,238
Want a Rolo?
342
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:44,044
- That's littering.
- So?
343
00:23:44,214 --> 00:23:47,252
So we don't do that.
344
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:48,462
Pick it up.
345
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:51,924
Pick it up.
346
00:23:59,980 --> 00:24:02,393
Don't bring him,
it'll screw him up in the head.
347
00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:05,559
Like every decision you have made
already hasn't screwed him up.
348
00:24:05,736 --> 00:24:08,319
- I don't need any shit from you.
- You're gonna take it.
349
00:24:08,489 --> 00:24:10,731
Because Paul and I are
looking after your child.
350
00:24:10,908 --> 00:24:14,072
- Who's Paul?
- Paul is my male companion...
351
00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:17,112
...and he has been for the last 10 years.
352
00:24:17,498 --> 00:24:20,582
- Do you have a problem with that?
- No.
353
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:26,914
Oh. Well, anyway, we brought him here
so that you could see each other...
354
00:24:27,091 --> 00:24:31,005
...and to reassure you that he's being
well taken care of in your absence.
355
00:24:34,348 --> 00:24:35,634
You're welcome.
356
00:24:36,392 --> 00:24:38,384
What would I thank you for?
357
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,268
Where were you when I was 10?
I could've used you then.
358
00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:43,851
You come back
with your scarf around your neck...
359
00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:47,142
- ...and think you're saving the day?
- It's called a kerchief.
360
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:49,652
You're not the hero
of me and my son's story.
361
00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:51,814
You're a last resort.
362
00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:54,358
Wait.
363
00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:55,992
What...? What's his name?
364
00:24:56,954 --> 00:24:59,867
- I wrote it in the Bible.
- Wait, what?
365
00:25:06,797 --> 00:25:12,589
So, uh, it turns out the county
won't allow visits from children today.
366
00:25:12,761 --> 00:25:16,880
- But the lady out front said it was...
- Without additional paperwork.
367
00:25:18,058 --> 00:25:19,048
Oh.
368
00:25:22,229 --> 00:25:23,765
I have a great idea.
369
00:25:23,939 --> 00:25:27,057
Why don't we go to an arcade
and then get ice cream?
370
00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:28,270
Yeah.
371
00:25:28,444 --> 00:25:31,482
Or we could go
to the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum...
372
00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:34,113
...and afterwards, have a nice salad.
373
00:25:36,118 --> 00:25:37,700
- Die, fucker.
- Yes! Yes!
374
00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:41,204
- You saw that, didn't you?
- Nice shot, nice shot.
375
00:25:57,389 --> 00:26:03,260
Excuse me... Sweetheart,
we don't fold throws, it's too fussy.
376
00:26:03,437 --> 00:26:08,933
We want it to be more casual, so we
drape it like a woman reclining thus.
377
00:26:09,109 --> 00:26:11,772
You mustn't make it seem
as if you put thought into it.
378
00:26:11,945 --> 00:26:14,733
Exactly so. It shouldn't look
like it's been placed there...
379
00:26:14,907 --> 00:26:17,365
- ...but like it's just appeared. Yes.
- Just appeared.
380
00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:18,866
- Like a rainbow.
- Cyst.
381
00:26:19,036 --> 00:26:21,870
- Or a wildflower.
- Cancer cell.
382
00:26:23,290 --> 00:26:25,122
- Perfect.
- That's wrong.
383
00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:27,955
Excuse us. Uh... Excuse me.
384
00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:33,248
- Look, the Bible.
- Mmm.
385
00:26:34,551 --> 00:26:36,588
From Beau, remember?
He said he left a note.
386
00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:39,379
Oh. Yeah, sorry.
I thought you'd found God. Um...
387
00:26:39,556 --> 00:26:44,221
"It's Beau. Remember me?
This is grandson. Mother is dead.
388
00:26:44,394 --> 00:26:46,602
I got trouble-slash-jail.
389
00:26:46,772 --> 00:26:49,014
Take care of him. He's Angel."
390
00:26:49,191 --> 00:26:51,774
He's really got something
against articles of speech.
391
00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:53,606
Angel.
392
00:26:57,199 --> 00:26:59,282
Is your name Angel?
393
00:27:02,246 --> 00:27:03,612
Why didn't you tell us?
394
00:27:06,750 --> 00:27:08,366
I don't like it.
395
00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:09,955
- No one likes their name.
- No.
396
00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:11,995
Can you imagine how I felt at school...
397
00:27:12,172 --> 00:27:14,664
...when the teacher called out
Erasmus Dickie Brumble?
398
00:27:14,842 --> 00:27:16,834
- What's wrong with Angel?
- It's gay.
399
00:27:18,011 --> 00:27:19,422
- Hmm.
- It is a little gay.
400
00:27:19,596 --> 00:27:22,714
- What would you like to be called?
- Bill.
401
00:27:23,016 --> 00:27:25,178
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Bill you shall be.
402
00:27:25,352 --> 00:27:27,719
You can't just change his name
because he wants to.
403
00:27:27,896 --> 00:27:30,183
- Why not?
- Yeah, why not?
404
00:27:31,066 --> 00:27:32,728
All right, fine. Bill it is.
405
00:27:32,901 --> 00:27:34,187
But, uh, one question.
406
00:27:34,361 --> 00:27:37,354
Why didn't you say you wanted
to be called Bill from the outset?
407
00:27:37,531 --> 00:27:39,397
Because I just thought of it.
408
00:27:39,575 --> 00:27:43,615
- I've been trying to think of a name.
- What difference does it make?
409
00:27:43,787 --> 00:27:46,746
Because for two weeks
we've been calling him "Kid"...
410
00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:49,157
...and we haven't put him in school.
No problem.
411
00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:52,577
- Just, from now on, communicate.
- "Yeah, communicate."
412
00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:57,294
Don't, don't, don't. Don't! Don't do that!
All the fucking time you do that!
413
00:27:57,467 --> 00:28:01,552
You make me look like an idiot
in front of the crew, in front of the kid!
414
00:28:02,014 --> 00:28:05,473
The kid's got a name.
He's called... What was your name?
415
00:28:05,642 --> 00:28:07,008
It's Bill!
416
00:28:07,561 --> 00:28:10,178
Uh, Paul? Paul, wait, we need you.
417
00:28:13,609 --> 00:28:17,273
Well, can you make an exception
in my case?
418
00:28:17,446 --> 00:28:22,237
Perhaps it would make a difference if
I told you my name is Erasmus Brumble.
419
00:28:23,577 --> 00:28:27,036
I present a cookery program and...
Oh, sod it.
420
00:28:27,206 --> 00:28:29,949
Taco Bell don't deliver,
and I can't get ahold of Paul.
421
00:28:31,877 --> 00:28:33,994
Hello, Paul. It's me.
422
00:28:34,421 --> 00:28:36,913
You made your point quite eloquently.
423
00:28:37,090 --> 00:28:38,956
Please come home.
424
00:28:41,345 --> 00:28:43,132
I have made you...
425
00:28:43,305 --> 00:28:46,673
...cochinita pibil with homemade tortilla.
426
00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:52,687
I've offered to make you anything
from the finest ingredients known to man.
427
00:28:54,816 --> 00:28:56,478
Taco Bell.
428
00:28:58,445 --> 00:29:00,937
Fine. All right.
429
00:29:01,114 --> 00:29:04,232
Total capitulation.
430
00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:11,038
Shit.
431
00:29:12,834 --> 00:29:14,746
This is raccoon.
432
00:29:16,213 --> 00:29:19,581
It's by the building that's brown,
and it's square...
433
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:24,173
- ...and it has these little logs on the roof.
- In case you hadn't noticed...
434
00:29:24,346 --> 00:29:28,511
...you just described
every fucking building in Santa Fe.
435
00:29:28,684 --> 00:29:32,177
- Wait, there it is!
- Oh, great.
436
00:29:40,070 --> 00:29:42,278
We finally made it to Taco Bell.
437
00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:45,030
Come on, come on, come on!
Let's go inside.
438
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:50,369
Welcome to Taco Bell.
My name's Leticia. How can I help you?
439
00:29:50,539 --> 00:29:56,035
Hello, Leticia. My name is Erasmus,
and this is my grandson, Bill.
440
00:29:56,211 --> 00:29:58,874
Can I have the Crunchwrap Supreme
and Nachos BellGrande?
441
00:29:59,047 --> 00:30:00,504
Sure.
442
00:30:02,384 --> 00:30:04,296
And for you, sir?
443
00:30:04,928 --> 00:30:07,466
I'm sorry... I am mesmerized...
444
00:30:07,639 --> 00:30:12,100
...by the divergent culinary concepts
at play here.
445
00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:14,556
Cheesy Gordita Crunch.
446
00:30:14,730 --> 00:30:18,849
Fiery Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme.
447
00:30:19,026 --> 00:30:21,564
I mean, it's like Mexican jazz music.
448
00:30:21,737 --> 00:30:23,649
Are you Erasmus Brumble?
449
00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:26,064
- I am, indeed.
- I heard that you called earlier.
450
00:30:26,241 --> 00:30:31,157
I love your books and your TV show and...
What are you doing here?
451
00:30:31,330 --> 00:30:34,823
If you like my books and my TV show,
what are you doing here?
452
00:30:35,042 --> 00:30:37,750
Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, um, are you gonna order something?
453
00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:40,206
I'd love to see the wine list first.
454
00:30:42,674 --> 00:30:44,210
He wasn't joking.
455
00:30:49,264 --> 00:30:52,223
- Do you like it?
- Oh, Bill.
456
00:30:52,392 --> 00:30:54,349
I've seen the light.
457
00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:55,600
What?
458
00:30:55,771 --> 00:30:57,979
Well, have a think.
459
00:30:58,148 --> 00:31:00,640
What's the happiest you've ever been?
460
00:31:03,445 --> 00:31:05,027
One time, with my dad...
461
00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:08,565
...he took me to the mountains
and we shot squirrels.
462
00:31:09,284 --> 00:31:10,320
Hmm.
463
00:31:11,953 --> 00:31:13,444
Well...
464
00:31:13,830 --> 00:31:18,666
...for me, sitting here,
sharing this taco with you...
465
00:31:18,835 --> 00:31:20,747
...it's that good.
466
00:31:27,636 --> 00:31:30,674
But there's got to be
a better table than this.
467
00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:40,020
How long have you been
sitting alone here in the dark?
468
00:31:40,273 --> 00:31:43,607
Uh... Ten years.
469
00:31:43,777 --> 00:31:45,985
It has been a nightmare
since you've been away.
470
00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:48,817
Bill and I have been crying
our eyes out. Right, Bill?
471
00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:52,108
No, it was fine. We went to Taco Bell.
472
00:31:52,285 --> 00:31:55,198
Okay, why don't you trot off to bed,
little man?
473
00:31:59,126 --> 00:32:02,790
We can't have a kid. We are kids.
474
00:32:04,089 --> 00:32:07,673
- Well, that's not true.
- You're more of a kid than me.
475
00:32:07,843 --> 00:32:11,757
Do I have a sense of play?
Oh, uh, yeah.
476
00:32:14,558 --> 00:32:15,799
But you're a man.
477
00:32:15,976 --> 00:32:20,141
You're a great, big, hulking,
Paleolithic beast of a man.
478
00:32:20,313 --> 00:32:22,976
You're talking about my ass.
479
00:32:23,150 --> 00:32:24,266
No.
480
00:32:24,443 --> 00:32:26,105
Look at me.
481
00:32:27,028 --> 00:32:31,398
You have the biggest heart
of any man I know.
482
00:33:01,605 --> 00:33:03,847
Is everything all right?
483
00:33:08,153 --> 00:33:09,894
Yes, everything's fine.
484
00:33:10,489 --> 00:33:12,697
Can I have Chunky Monkey?
485
00:33:14,034 --> 00:33:16,071
Yes, of course.
486
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:18,782
Where is it?
487
00:33:19,247 --> 00:33:22,911
- In the freezer in the kitchen.
- There isn't any there, I looked.
488
00:33:24,085 --> 00:33:26,623
No, it's in the freezer in the garage!
489
00:33:26,796 --> 00:33:30,665
It's in the garage! The one
with all the Kevin Costner magnets.
490
00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:33,880
- Who's Kevin Coster?
- He was in that film, what was it called?
491
00:33:34,054 --> 00:33:39,015
It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter!
It's the only freezer that's in the garage.
492
00:33:39,184 --> 00:33:40,220
Okay.
493
00:33:40,393 --> 00:33:42,601
Good night.
494
00:33:45,106 --> 00:33:46,187
You want some?
495
00:33:46,358 --> 00:33:47,940
- No, thank you.
- No, thank you.
496
00:33:49,110 --> 00:33:50,646
Okay.
497
00:33:53,073 --> 00:33:56,066
Oh! Dances with Wolves!
498
00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:05,453
We gotta make him lunch.
499
00:34:07,879 --> 00:34:10,087
We have to make him lunch.
500
00:34:12,926 --> 00:34:15,043
We have to make him lunch.
501
00:34:17,514 --> 00:34:18,925
Taco Bell.
502
00:34:19,099 --> 00:34:21,432
- Pepperoni pizza.
- No.
503
00:34:21,601 --> 00:34:23,968
Come on, man, look, it's got...
504
00:34:24,145 --> 00:34:27,559
...tongue twisters, jokes
and more mixed-up fun inside.
505
00:34:27,732 --> 00:34:29,223
No.
506
00:34:30,443 --> 00:34:32,560
Oh, God.
507
00:34:36,157 --> 00:34:37,819
All right, last offer.
508
00:34:38,451 --> 00:34:41,819
A 2-pound bag
of Sour Patch Kids for lunch.
509
00:34:41,997 --> 00:34:44,114
Candy is for dessert.
510
00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:47,078
Got all the flavors.
511
00:34:47,252 --> 00:34:48,538
Blue.
512
00:34:49,421 --> 00:34:50,457
Please?
513
00:34:59,556 --> 00:35:03,516
- Um, we're still serving breakfast.
- For how long?
514
00:35:04,519 --> 00:35:08,684
- Um... Another 45 minutes.
- Oh, fuck you.
515
00:35:14,904 --> 00:35:18,989
- Has it been 45 minutes yet?
- No, it's been two.
516
00:35:20,076 --> 00:35:22,568
I want 20 Crunchwraps with bacon,
please.
517
00:35:23,455 --> 00:35:25,367
- Twenty?
- Twenty.
518
00:35:25,540 --> 00:35:27,031
Why'd you get 20 of them?
519
00:35:27,208 --> 00:35:30,952
Because I'm gonna freeze them
and thaw them out every morning.
520
00:35:31,379 --> 00:35:32,790
That's...
521
00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:34,546
...not gonna work.
522
00:35:34,716 --> 00:35:36,503
And it's weird.
523
00:35:36,676 --> 00:35:39,760
Why can't I take them to school
in the Taco Bell bag?
524
00:35:42,599 --> 00:35:46,058
Because I have written articles
for Saveur magazine.
525
00:35:46,227 --> 00:35:47,559
Know what that is?
526
00:35:47,729 --> 00:35:48,936
No.
527
00:35:50,065 --> 00:35:51,431
Get the fuck out of my car.
528
00:36:06,623 --> 00:36:07,784
Mmm.
529
00:36:12,545 --> 00:36:15,128
So the bartender says,
"No? You don't know?
530
00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:18,090
You walk him and pitch to the rhino."
531
00:36:20,220 --> 00:36:21,961
Why are you wearing chaps?
532
00:36:22,555 --> 00:36:24,842
These used to belong to Roy Rogers.
533
00:36:27,227 --> 00:36:29,844
- Please.
- Even if I don't believe in reincarnation...
534
00:36:30,021 --> 00:36:32,729
...I am becoming more convinced
that in a previous life...
535
00:36:32,899 --> 00:36:35,186
...I was a cattle rustler.
536
00:36:36,403 --> 00:36:38,235
You don't believe in reincarnation.
537
00:36:38,405 --> 00:36:42,524
- I can rustle cattle. I roped a steer.
- You couldn't rope Ethel Merman.
538
00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:46,694
Bill, do you like the place?
539
00:36:46,871 --> 00:36:49,204
- Tell them when you go to bed.
- Whenever I want.
540
00:36:49,749 --> 00:36:53,083
I want Erasmus and Paul
to be my granddaddies.
541
00:36:53,253 --> 00:36:56,337
- Do you like Erasmus' cooking?
- No. It's gross.
542
00:36:58,675 --> 00:37:01,759
- Where's your dad?
- He's in jail for beating up a hooker.
543
00:37:03,722 --> 00:37:07,636
- Where do you get this stuff?
- He's actually not kidding about that.
544
00:37:08,476 --> 00:37:10,217
Oh. Heh-heh.
545
00:37:10,395 --> 00:37:13,638
Um... Well, um, where's your mom?
546
00:37:14,816 --> 00:37:18,605
She was a drug addict.
And she took too many drugs one night.
547
00:37:20,113 --> 00:37:22,150
And she fell off the balcony.
548
00:37:23,116 --> 00:37:25,483
It was four stories high.
549
00:37:33,752 --> 00:37:35,493
Where were you when this happened?
550
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,752
In the next room.
551
00:37:49,934 --> 00:37:55,726
Well, the good news is,
I've made a pear tart.
552
00:38:23,593 --> 00:38:25,255
Hi.
553
00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:31,306
I'm Melissa Enright
with Child Protective Services.
554
00:38:34,145 --> 00:38:36,683
Hi, hey! Come... Come...
555
00:38:36,856 --> 00:38:40,224
- Come on in. Yeah.
- Thank you.
556
00:38:42,195 --> 00:38:46,280
This is the first of several mandated visits
by the CPS of New Mexico.
557
00:38:46,449 --> 00:38:47,906
- Fantastic.
- Um...
558
00:38:48,076 --> 00:38:53,071
When a single parent is arrested,
there's an inquiry initiated by CPS.
559
00:38:53,248 --> 00:38:55,490
He's been here for 10 weeks.
560
00:38:55,667 --> 00:38:57,124
We're backlogged.
561
00:38:57,293 --> 00:38:59,535
So is he here, or...?
562
00:38:59,712 --> 00:39:02,329
- Who's that?
- Erasmus, this is, uh...
563
00:39:04,425 --> 00:39:05,791
- Melissa.
- Melissa...
564
00:39:05,969 --> 00:39:07,961
...from Child Protective Services.
565
00:39:08,137 --> 00:39:09,844
Oh, shit. Heh.
566
00:39:10,014 --> 00:39:12,006
Hello, Melissa, I'm Erasmus.
567
00:39:13,810 --> 00:39:17,224
So Bill's around. You haven't seen...?
Did Tino clean up from last night?
568
00:39:17,397 --> 00:39:19,059
I don't know, I just got up.
569
00:39:19,232 --> 00:39:21,940
- Is anything wrong?
- No, Melissa.
570
00:39:22,110 --> 00:39:25,603
Um... Welcome to our
humble country abode.
571
00:39:25,780 --> 00:39:27,897
I'm just going to put some coffee on.
572
00:39:28,074 --> 00:39:31,112
Ooh. Sounds good, coffee.
573
00:39:31,286 --> 00:39:33,744
Yes, also good...
574
00:39:33,913 --> 00:39:36,371
...uh, if we find the child.
575
00:39:38,501 --> 00:39:40,788
Oh! Here he is.
576
00:39:40,962 --> 00:39:43,329
Right where we sometimes find him.
577
00:39:44,841 --> 00:39:48,755
- Hello.
- Oh, yeah, he likes to be called Bill. Heh.
578
00:39:51,723 --> 00:39:55,467
They take me to school every morning
and pick me up every afternoon.
579
00:39:55,643 --> 00:39:58,135
Together? They both go?
580
00:39:58,605 --> 00:40:01,814
It's usually Paul.
581
00:40:01,983 --> 00:40:03,895
No, it's always Paul.
582
00:40:04,485 --> 00:40:08,820
Has anything happened here at home
that frightened or disturbed you?
583
00:40:09,866 --> 00:40:10,902
No.
584
00:40:12,243 --> 00:40:13,575
Are you sure?
585
00:40:15,371 --> 00:40:16,532
Like what?
586
00:40:16,706 --> 00:40:20,700
Like any hitting or yelling.
587
00:40:21,878 --> 00:40:24,495
Uh... Not really.
588
00:40:24,672 --> 00:40:26,379
Not really?
589
00:40:26,549 --> 00:40:28,711
- You're not sure?
- I mean, no.
590
00:40:28,885 --> 00:40:31,673
Have you seen anything
that confused you?
591
00:40:31,846 --> 00:40:36,716
Certain kinds of touching
that made you uncomfortable?
592
00:40:37,685 --> 00:40:39,972
- No.
- It seems like something happened...
593
00:40:40,146 --> 00:40:42,604
...that you don't wanna talk to me about.
594
00:40:43,816 --> 00:40:45,182
But you can tell me anything.
595
00:40:48,738 --> 00:40:50,479
Can I just show you?
596
00:40:50,657 --> 00:40:52,023
Of course.
597
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:56,615
Those flat shoes. Flap, flap, flap.
598
00:40:56,788 --> 00:41:00,031
They're so flat,
it actually makes her shorter.
599
00:41:00,833 --> 00:41:02,574
It's not even an inch.
600
00:41:02,752 --> 00:41:04,288
It's completely flat.
601
00:41:05,088 --> 00:41:08,081
- Everything all right?
- Totally fine.
602
00:41:08,257 --> 00:41:10,499
What a large room.
603
00:41:12,637 --> 00:41:14,253
The hell does that mean?
604
00:41:14,430 --> 00:41:16,046
I hate her.
605
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:18,636
Excuse me.
606
00:41:20,228 --> 00:41:23,346
Would both of you come this way,
please?
607
00:41:25,066 --> 00:41:28,685
Do you think she heard us
calling her a dumb bitch?
608
00:41:32,949 --> 00:41:34,986
I hope she hasn't found the porn.
609
00:41:37,704 --> 00:41:41,948
Yeah, I mean, most of the places I go
are really horrific...
610
00:41:42,125 --> 00:41:45,664
...so when I saw this house,
I was like, "Lucky kid."
611
00:41:45,837 --> 00:41:50,582
- But you can't give a kid porno.
- Yes. The thing is, they are all Paul's.
612
00:41:50,758 --> 00:41:52,124
What? No, they're not.
613
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:53,835
Some of them.
614
00:41:54,012 --> 00:41:56,595
- We keep this locked up.
- The thing about a lock is...
615
00:41:56,764 --> 00:42:01,350
- ...it has no meaning if there's a key in it.
- Is that Confucius? Heh.
616
00:42:01,519 --> 00:42:04,637
- No, it's true.
- I was just trying to find E. T.
617
00:42:04,814 --> 00:42:08,228
- Hey. E. T. Classic Spielberg.
- Bill!
618
00:42:08,401 --> 00:42:09,892
- Aw...
- Weaver of dreams.
619
00:42:10,069 --> 00:42:12,937
- I love when his finger lights up.
- So you know he's an alien.
620
00:42:13,114 --> 00:42:14,650
- And his face.
- And his face.
621
00:42:16,492 --> 00:42:19,030
Bill, would you give us a moment?
622
00:42:23,207 --> 00:42:26,371
- Phantom Ass.
- Just a phase he was going through.
623
00:42:26,544 --> 00:42:29,537
- Yeah, I'm kind of a Star Wars guy.
- Ugh. Ugh.
624
00:42:31,507 --> 00:42:34,500
- Bareback Mountain.
- What they do is take a recognized title...
625
00:42:34,677 --> 00:42:37,169
...and give it a bit of a cheeky twist.
626
00:42:37,346 --> 00:42:38,712
- I get it.
- That's unusual...
627
00:42:38,890 --> 00:42:42,509
...in that the source material is also gay.
628
00:42:45,146 --> 00:42:47,809
Butt-Pluggerz.
We're throwing them all out.
629
00:42:47,982 --> 00:42:51,441
There's so much online.
What did I just say?
630
00:42:54,864 --> 00:42:56,651
Is it okay if I come back?
631
00:42:56,824 --> 00:42:57,940
Yes, any time.
632
00:42:58,117 --> 00:43:01,281
Great. Good. Because I will be back.
633
00:43:01,454 --> 00:43:05,789
We long for you to return.
Late mornings, generally, are best.
634
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:08,332
One last thing:
635
00:43:08,503 --> 00:43:11,621
It really feels like you should be
cooking something nutritious...
636
00:43:11,798 --> 00:43:15,963
...for Bill, not just grabbing fast food,
especially given your line of work.
637
00:43:16,135 --> 00:43:18,468
- It's not me, it's him.
- That's great advice.
638
00:43:18,638 --> 00:43:21,972
Thank you so much for that input.
639
00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:25,805
Have a good day.
640
00:43:28,147 --> 00:43:29,513
What a queer fish.
641
00:43:29,690 --> 00:43:31,682
Uh, yeah.
642
00:43:34,070 --> 00:43:38,155
Does he have friends outside of school?
643
00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:40,281
Two of us.
644
00:43:40,451 --> 00:43:43,444
Household employees, staff.
645
00:43:43,621 --> 00:43:45,362
Anyone his age?
646
00:43:45,665 --> 00:43:49,909
- Uh, well, there's Tino.
- Oh, good, Tino. How old is Tino?
647
00:43:50,086 --> 00:43:54,205
- Twenty-four.
- Twenty-four. No, he doesn't, really.
648
00:43:55,216 --> 00:43:57,378
I would like to refer you...
649
00:43:57,552 --> 00:44:00,841
...to a developmental therapist
here in Santa Fe.
650
00:44:01,389 --> 00:44:04,348
- Are you saying he's insane?
- No. Of course not.
651
00:44:04,517 --> 00:44:08,852
But treatment can benefit someone
who's lived with an unstable personality.
652
00:44:09,021 --> 00:44:12,310
- Maybe I should get some treatment.
- Of course, if you feel that...
653
00:44:12,483 --> 00:44:15,191
- He's joking.
- I am. I'm not.
654
00:44:15,361 --> 00:44:18,024
In any event, I have a very important...
655
00:44:18,197 --> 00:44:21,736
...harvest-abundance episode
of my TV program to record.
656
00:44:21,909 --> 00:44:25,323
If you have nothing further to say,
I'll leave. If you find the time...
657
00:44:25,496 --> 00:44:29,957
...to teach him how to spell,
add and subtract, that would suffice.
658
00:44:35,173 --> 00:44:38,632
- Un-fucking-believable.
- She's just trying to do her job.
659
00:44:39,427 --> 00:44:43,216
- Not her. You, you dumb dick.
- What?
660
00:44:43,389 --> 00:44:46,132
He should be making friends.
After all he's been through...
661
00:44:46,309 --> 00:44:49,222
- What concern is it of yours?
- Excuse me?
662
00:44:49,395 --> 00:44:52,103
You've expressed
how little interest you have in him.
663
00:44:52,273 --> 00:44:55,266
- I pick him up every day.
- I appreciate your efforts.
664
00:44:55,443 --> 00:44:58,311
But you don't want to be saddled
with the responsibility.
665
00:44:58,487 --> 00:45:00,570
I am saddled with the responsibility.
666
00:45:00,740 --> 00:45:03,198
When he arrived,
I thought, "I don't know how... "
667
00:45:03,367 --> 00:45:07,361
Can you make a mental note of this,
and we can sort it out over a cocktail?
668
00:45:07,538 --> 00:45:10,406
- I have something at stake here.
- What?
669
00:45:10,583 --> 00:45:12,950
When he got here,
I thought, "Great, you know what?
670
00:45:13,127 --> 00:45:16,245
I'm gonna be stuck
with all the responsibility." And surprise!
671
00:45:16,422 --> 00:45:20,086
I am stuck with it.
But I will not wake up early every day...
672
00:45:20,259 --> 00:45:22,717
...wake him, pack his lunch,
help him with homework...
673
00:45:22,887 --> 00:45:24,844
Yeah. By the way, he has homework.
674
00:45:25,014 --> 00:45:27,927
...and have you tell me
it has nothing to do with me!
675
00:45:28,351 --> 00:45:33,016
Oh, you know what,
I am so sick of being this furious, I...
676
00:45:33,439 --> 00:45:35,101
I give up.
677
00:45:35,775 --> 00:45:37,141
What am I doing?
678
00:45:37,318 --> 00:45:39,856
You have to tape,
I have to stay and pick him up.
679
00:45:40,029 --> 00:45:42,191
- No, Tino can pick him up.
- I'll pick him up.
680
00:45:42,365 --> 00:45:45,699
- Don't be a martyr.
- Oh, God, this...
681
00:45:47,620 --> 00:45:51,079
This I never imagined for myself.
I went to Wesleyan.
682
00:45:51,249 --> 00:45:53,741
My contemporaries are scions
of industry.
683
00:45:53,918 --> 00:45:57,082
I should be living in New York,
running the Food Network...
684
00:45:57,255 --> 00:46:01,795
...not sitting in this dusty pueblo,
babysitting the boy from The Shining.
685
00:46:01,968 --> 00:46:04,255
Yeah, and I went to Oxford
and all my friends...
686
00:46:04,428 --> 00:46:06,795
You went to a cooking school
in the town of Oxford.
687
00:46:06,973 --> 00:46:09,886
- What's your point?
- It's a very different thing.
688
00:46:10,059 --> 00:46:13,769
My friends at The Rachael Ray Show...
689
00:46:13,938 --> 00:46:16,055
...called me again.
690
00:46:16,232 --> 00:46:20,442
And told me there's still a job
there for me if I want it.
691
00:46:21,529 --> 00:46:23,395
Idle threat.
692
00:46:25,366 --> 00:46:26,527
Mmm.
693
00:46:27,743 --> 00:46:29,826
- Wait up!
- Wait up!
694
00:46:31,747 --> 00:46:34,034
Wait. What do we do best?
695
00:46:34,208 --> 00:46:36,040
Drink and argue.
696
00:46:36,210 --> 00:46:39,328
Throw parties. We just need
to give Bill a proper birthday.
697
00:46:39,505 --> 00:46:41,667
- It's his birthday?
- Doesn't matter.
698
00:46:41,841 --> 00:46:45,585
We do need to freshen up the genre.
We need a theme. Something stunning.
699
00:46:45,761 --> 00:46:49,095
- We were in the middle of a fight.
- What?
700
00:46:52,143 --> 00:46:56,103
Forget pin the tail on the donkey.
Try pinning the tail on Ganesh...
701
00:46:56,272 --> 00:47:00,357
...the elephant-headed Hindu deity,
at your next children's party.
702
00:47:00,526 --> 00:47:02,813
I'm taking you
to the Indian subcontinent...
703
00:47:02,987 --> 00:47:06,230
...where we're discovering
the secrets of tandoori lobster dogs...
704
00:47:06,407 --> 00:47:10,071
...saffron cupcakes
and tamarind ice cream.
705
00:47:11,996 --> 00:47:14,534
This is your passage to India.
706
00:47:14,707 --> 00:47:20,044
I'm Erasmus Brumble
and this is Ideal Home.
707
00:47:25,092 --> 00:47:27,630
One of the staples
of authentic Indian cuisine...
708
00:47:27,803 --> 00:47:30,591
...is, of course, naan,
the indigenous flatbread.
709
00:47:30,765 --> 00:47:32,757
I need someone
to help me roll the dough.
710
00:47:32,933 --> 00:47:34,925
- Heather?
- It's not Heather, it's Whitney.
711
00:47:35,102 --> 00:47:36,183
That's all right.
712
00:47:36,354 --> 00:47:38,721
Bill, would you help me
grind tamarind paste...
713
00:47:38,898 --> 00:47:41,641
- ...with this pestle and mortar?
- No. Let's get Taco Bell.
714
00:47:41,817 --> 00:47:43,683
- Yeah!
- Cut!
715
00:47:43,861 --> 00:47:48,447
Taco Bell! Taco Bell! Taco Bell!
716
00:47:54,413 --> 00:47:56,029
- Hey.
- What?
717
00:47:56,207 --> 00:47:57,448
Is this your party?
718
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,036
Yeah.
719
00:47:59,210 --> 00:48:00,792
Do you have two dads?
720
00:48:02,296 --> 00:48:05,789
No. Well, I don't know.
721
00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:07,332
Sort of.
722
00:48:09,762 --> 00:48:12,129
- That's littering.
- So what?
723
00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:14,263
We don't do that here.
724
00:48:32,743 --> 00:48:37,078
- Wow.
- Oh, my gosh, this has been so amazing.
725
00:48:37,248 --> 00:48:39,865
- Chelsea's got a birthday next weekend.
- Oh.
726
00:48:40,042 --> 00:48:43,706
And we would so love
to have you guys come.
727
00:48:45,089 --> 00:48:46,455
- Fantastic.
- Yeah?
728
00:48:46,632 --> 00:48:47,964
- Try and keep us away.
- Ha.
729
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,889
So the Spurs need to stick
to what they do best, work as a team.
730
00:49:00,062 --> 00:49:02,645
I mean, you got Ginóbili,
you got Leonard.
731
00:49:02,815 --> 00:49:04,431
Small ball. Thanks, honey.
732
00:49:04,608 --> 00:49:07,692
I don't really know who you...
Who those people are.
733
00:49:07,862 --> 00:49:09,979
I don't know
what sport you're talking about.
734
00:49:10,156 --> 00:49:12,819
- Think it's baseball.
- That's the one with a small ball.
735
00:49:12,992 --> 00:49:14,699
I know that.
736
00:49:14,869 --> 00:49:16,952
- Sorry, we're not really sporty types.
- Yeah.
737
00:49:19,999 --> 00:49:24,744
Holy shit! Heh-heh. I got my first blowy
when this song was playing.
738
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:26,127
Uh-oh.
739
00:49:29,425 --> 00:49:31,587
Um... She was...
740
00:49:33,220 --> 00:49:34,836
She was...
741
00:49:35,556 --> 00:49:37,092
A girl?
742
00:49:38,100 --> 00:49:39,136
Yeah.
743
00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:41,643
Did she have big old tits?
744
00:49:44,773 --> 00:49:46,059
We just got the couch.
745
00:49:46,233 --> 00:49:49,522
You can have ice in there, beer in there.
You can sit back, relax.
746
00:49:49,695 --> 00:49:54,736
Functional, stylish, comfy.
What more could you ask for?
747
00:49:55,743 --> 00:49:59,157
- It's not like on your TV show, but...
- Oh, no.
748
00:49:59,330 --> 00:50:01,697
But, I mean...
749
00:50:04,877 --> 00:50:07,665
- Everyone's different.
- The world would be pretty dull...
750
00:50:07,838 --> 00:50:10,455
- ...if we were the same. Right?
- Hear, hear.
751
00:50:10,633 --> 00:50:14,673
Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Would you...?
Would you rather have white wine?
752
00:50:17,473 --> 00:50:18,930
Uh...
753
00:50:19,725 --> 00:50:22,263
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Okay. Sorry about that.
754
00:50:22,686 --> 00:50:26,020
Well, they seem like a nice family.
They seem happy.
755
00:50:26,190 --> 00:50:31,276
Yeah, well, I'd rather be all fucked up
and live in a nice house.
756
00:50:31,445 --> 00:50:34,313
Well, then dreams really do come true.
757
00:50:35,157 --> 00:50:39,242
- And that song has invaded my mind.
- Oh, that fucking song.
758
00:50:44,875 --> 00:50:48,835
- All right, bye. See you tomorrow, Bill.
- Bye.
759
00:50:49,630 --> 00:50:53,123
Well, they seem like nice boys.
What are their names?
760
00:50:53,300 --> 00:50:57,510
One is named Lantham...
Latham... Latham.
761
00:50:57,680 --> 00:51:01,299
And the other's named, uh... I don't know.
762
00:51:02,142 --> 00:51:03,178
Okay.
763
00:51:03,352 --> 00:51:07,562
Well, here, I had to park on the
other block. It was a little crowded.
764
00:51:09,525 --> 00:51:10,766
Idiot!
765
00:51:13,028 --> 00:51:16,021
- Not... Not you, him. Are you all right?
- Yeah.
766
00:51:16,198 --> 00:51:17,359
Oh.
767
00:51:17,658 --> 00:51:21,026
- Why don't you hold my hand now?
- No.
768
00:51:21,203 --> 00:51:22,739
- Take my hand.
- I don't want to.
769
00:51:22,913 --> 00:51:24,745
- You were almost killed.
- I don't care!
770
00:51:24,915 --> 00:51:26,781
I do! I'm the adult, you're the child!
771
00:51:26,959 --> 00:51:29,497
- You're gonna do as I say!
- Fuck you!
772
00:51:37,219 --> 00:51:39,256
What's the matter?
773
00:51:40,889 --> 00:51:43,757
I can't... I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
774
00:51:45,185 --> 00:51:46,801
I can't breathe.
775
00:51:48,397 --> 00:51:49,933
I can't...
776
00:51:55,988 --> 00:51:57,399
I need an ambulance.
777
00:52:06,665 --> 00:52:08,873
- Are you having chest pain now?
- Yeah.
778
00:52:09,043 --> 00:52:11,080
Are you gonna be okay?
779
00:52:11,587 --> 00:52:13,453
I don't know.
780
00:52:15,591 --> 00:52:18,208
Your blood pressure is a little high...
781
00:52:18,385 --> 00:52:21,594
...but I don't see anything else.
782
00:52:23,182 --> 00:52:24,889
Ever had a panic attack?
783
00:52:27,311 --> 00:52:28,301
Hmm?
784
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:32,764
Do you have any history of anxiety
or panic attacks?
785
00:52:34,026 --> 00:52:36,769
I do. I, uh... I...
786
00:52:37,196 --> 00:52:41,406
I think I'm having a... I think
I'm having a heart attack, and then...
787
00:52:41,825 --> 00:52:43,817
...it turns out to be anxiety.
788
00:52:44,328 --> 00:52:46,991
So you've called an ambulance before?
789
00:52:48,874 --> 00:52:50,490
- Yeah.
- How many times?
790
00:52:55,005 --> 00:52:57,793
Nine times, maybe. Less than...
About nine times.
791
00:52:58,300 --> 00:52:59,416
Wow.
792
00:53:01,178 --> 00:53:02,635
Yep.
793
00:53:03,639 --> 00:53:05,221
But you saved his life.
794
00:53:05,766 --> 00:53:10,636
You get a coupon for redemption
when you arrive at the gates of heaven.
795
00:53:10,813 --> 00:53:15,558
It was so disturbing,
watching the kid almost get killed.
796
00:53:15,734 --> 00:53:19,273
And then the screaming match.
And then I had one of my things.
797
00:53:21,365 --> 00:53:23,698
- What things?
- My panic things.
798
00:53:24,201 --> 00:53:25,988
You didn't call an ambulance.
799
00:53:27,996 --> 00:53:30,329
Oh, no.
800
00:53:30,999 --> 00:53:33,491
It was humiliating.
We didn't make it to the hospital.
801
00:53:33,669 --> 00:53:38,881
- The EMT just told me to take it easy.
- And death is cheated once more.
802
00:53:39,049 --> 00:53:43,134
- Away, you shadowy specter.
- Where are my pills?
803
00:53:43,303 --> 00:53:48,139
Hey, hey. Just, you know, have a tequila
and think pleasant thoughts.
804
00:53:48,308 --> 00:53:52,018
Oh, God, I can't. Every night
my dreams end in the apocalypse...
805
00:53:52,187 --> 00:53:56,272
- ...alien invasions and mega-tsunamis.
- Your dreams are so big budget.
806
00:53:56,442 --> 00:53:59,526
I just dream I'm naked
and people are laughing at me.
807
00:53:59,695 --> 00:54:01,527
I dream that too.
808
00:54:01,864 --> 00:54:04,607
You know, eventually...
809
00:54:04,783 --> 00:54:09,653
...you just
have to make a decision to be happy.
810
00:54:12,291 --> 00:54:14,749
Never do that voice again.
811
00:54:22,676 --> 00:54:24,838
Rise and shine.
812
00:54:25,679 --> 00:54:27,511
Come on, kiddo. Time to get up.
813
00:54:29,183 --> 00:54:31,846
School. Did you finish your book report?
814
00:54:32,019 --> 00:54:33,635
Yes.
815
00:54:55,667 --> 00:54:59,581
Wanna tell me what my anxiety
medication is doing in your backpack?
816
00:55:04,551 --> 00:55:06,338
Have you taken any of these?
817
00:55:06,512 --> 00:55:07,923
No.
818
00:55:08,639 --> 00:55:11,302
Where are they?
The entire bottle is missing.
819
00:55:11,475 --> 00:55:12,556
I don't have them.
820
00:55:12,726 --> 00:55:14,809
What have you done with them?
821
00:55:17,773 --> 00:55:21,062
Out with it, young man. This is serious.
822
00:55:24,696 --> 00:55:28,030
I sold them to this kid
in the middle school.
823
00:55:28,992 --> 00:55:31,450
- Thank God for that.
- Thank God?
824
00:55:31,620 --> 00:55:33,907
At least he hasn't taken them himself.
825
00:55:34,081 --> 00:55:36,869
Where would you get an idea
to do something like that?
826
00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:38,499
His father.
827
00:55:38,669 --> 00:55:39,785
What?
828
00:55:39,962 --> 00:55:41,419
His father.
829
00:55:41,588 --> 00:55:45,332
- Your father.
- Oh, well, yeah. I mean... Yeah, okay.
830
00:55:45,801 --> 00:55:48,965
Why did you feel the need to do this?
831
00:55:50,639 --> 00:55:53,222
- I needed money.
- For what?
832
00:55:53,392 --> 00:55:56,226
Don't we buy you everything
you could ask for?
833
00:55:57,521 --> 00:56:00,355
I need money in case.
834
00:56:01,608 --> 00:56:03,440
In case what?
835
00:56:05,571 --> 00:56:07,483
In case I'm not here.
836
00:56:07,656 --> 00:56:11,696
In case that Melissa lady takes me
or something.
837
00:56:19,585 --> 00:56:20,701
Listen to me.
838
00:56:21,128 --> 00:56:24,087
You're not going anywhere, okay?
839
00:56:24,715 --> 00:56:27,708
I won't let it happen.
We won't let it happen.
840
00:56:28,218 --> 00:56:29,834
Look at me.
841
00:56:30,596 --> 00:56:32,087
We promise.
842
00:56:32,264 --> 00:56:34,221
Do you understand?
843
00:56:36,310 --> 00:56:39,269
And if you promise not to deal drugs...
844
00:56:41,023 --> 00:56:44,061
- ...we'll give you $100 a week.
- Wait, no.
845
00:56:44,234 --> 00:56:46,066
Fifty.
846
00:56:46,236 --> 00:56:50,731
Okay. I'll do it for a hundred.
847
00:56:52,451 --> 00:56:53,783
Okay. All right. Yeah.
848
00:56:53,952 --> 00:56:57,195
- Okay. Great. Great. All right.
- Hey!
849
00:56:57,372 --> 00:56:58,954
High fives all around.
850
00:57:01,084 --> 00:57:03,952
- Good job.
- Crisis averted. Bring it.
851
00:57:04,129 --> 00:57:05,210
We did it.
852
00:57:05,380 --> 00:57:06,496
Yay!
853
00:57:19,978 --> 00:57:21,014
Stop it.
854
00:57:49,633 --> 00:57:51,215
Good meal. Good.
855
00:58:29,464 --> 00:58:30,875
- Come on, Bill!
- Aah!
856
00:58:33,677 --> 00:58:35,339
No, no, no. Stop it.
857
00:58:47,607 --> 00:58:50,816
"In conclusion, my parents have
taught me about recycling...
858
00:58:50,986 --> 00:58:53,444
...because they love me
and they love the Earth.
859
00:58:53,613 --> 00:58:54,694
The end."
860
00:58:54,865 --> 00:58:56,572
All right.
861
00:58:58,744 --> 00:59:00,406
Thank you, Symphony.
862
00:59:00,579 --> 00:59:03,743
And next is Bill.
863
00:59:10,338 --> 00:59:12,876
"I live with Paul and Erasmus."
864
00:59:13,050 --> 00:59:16,259
Bill, remember,
look your audience in the eye, okay?
865
00:59:16,428 --> 00:59:18,420
And let's try it a little louder.
866
00:59:22,225 --> 00:59:24,137
"I live with Paul and Erasmus.
867
00:59:24,311 --> 00:59:28,396
They are not my dads,
but they do all the stuff dads do.
868
00:59:29,024 --> 00:59:32,563
They are gay. In the olden days,
it was illegal to be gay.
869
00:59:33,028 --> 00:59:35,065
There are some words
you should never use...
870
00:59:35,238 --> 00:59:37,525
...when you are talking
to someone who is gay.
871
00:59:39,117 --> 00:59:40,983
Never say 'faggot.'
872
00:59:42,746 --> 00:59:46,160
- Never say 'cocksucker.'
- Bill!
873
00:59:48,585 --> 00:59:51,919
- And never, ever, ever say...
- Bill, please stop. No!
874
00:59:52,506 --> 00:59:53,747
...butt-fucking."
875
00:59:59,387 --> 01:00:02,596
"In the olden days,
it was illegal to be gay." Indeed, it was.
876
01:00:02,766 --> 01:00:05,304
"There are words you never say
to someone who is gay.
877
01:00:05,477 --> 01:00:08,060
Never say 'faggot.'
Never say 'cocksuck... "'
878
01:00:10,398 --> 01:00:12,139
Unfortunately, the school district...
879
01:00:12,317 --> 01:00:16,311
...doesn't find quite the same sense
of humor in this situation.
880
01:00:16,780 --> 01:00:19,488
He, uh... He said this aloud in class?
881
01:00:19,658 --> 01:00:24,369
Up to, and including, that word.
882
01:00:26,957 --> 01:00:29,540
Did he say "butt-fucking"?
Did he say "butt-fucking"?
883
01:00:32,254 --> 01:00:35,418
- "Never, ever say 'butt-fucking.'"
- Gentlemen.
884
01:00:38,885 --> 01:00:41,127
Where do you think
he's learning these terms?
885
01:00:42,139 --> 01:00:44,381
It's not... It's... We...
886
01:00:44,558 --> 01:00:47,972
We don't make a habit
of using words like that, I have to say.
887
01:00:48,145 --> 01:00:52,310
Um... Unless it...
Unless it's in context.
888
01:00:52,732 --> 01:00:53,893
I see where he gets it.
889
01:00:54,067 --> 01:00:56,810
Don't you think
this is the pot calling the kettle black?
890
01:00:56,987 --> 01:01:00,776
I did notice the word "felching"
on your classroom wall...
891
01:01:00,949 --> 01:01:03,737
...which I thought was inappropriate
in a classroom.
892
01:01:04,786 --> 01:01:06,493
That is "felting."
893
01:01:07,164 --> 01:01:11,955
Oh. Yeah. That makes more sense.
Felching isn't until middle school.
894
01:01:12,127 --> 01:01:13,868
I am so not into that.
895
01:01:14,045 --> 01:01:16,253
- I can't speak for him.
- Guilty as charged.
896
01:01:17,591 --> 01:01:18,832
This is serious.
897
01:01:19,509 --> 01:01:21,466
- Hello?
- Does.
898
01:01:21,636 --> 01:01:23,002
Oh, yes.
899
01:01:23,180 --> 01:01:25,923
We were wondering
when we were going to hear from you.
900
01:01:26,683 --> 01:01:31,018
- How's it going, Angel? How you doing?
- Tell him how you're doing, Bill.
901
01:01:31,188 --> 01:01:33,771
- Good.
- He likes to be called "Bill."
902
01:01:34,399 --> 01:01:35,765
Bill?
903
01:01:35,942 --> 01:01:37,524
Is that right?
904
01:01:37,861 --> 01:01:40,274
Angels were one
of your mom's favorite things.
905
01:01:40,447 --> 01:01:42,404
That's why we named you Angel.
906
01:01:42,574 --> 01:01:45,112
That's still his name, legally, of course.
907
01:01:45,285 --> 01:01:48,653
Um... But he's been doing great
at school. Uh...
908
01:01:48,830 --> 01:01:51,538
A whole spate of friends. Um...
909
01:01:51,708 --> 01:01:54,951
Would you like to tell your father
about your new friends?
910
01:01:55,128 --> 01:01:56,585
No.
911
01:01:58,715 --> 01:02:01,082
It sounds like you're doing really good.
912
01:02:01,259 --> 01:02:04,878
I've been doing really good in here.
I've been going to church.
913
01:02:05,055 --> 01:02:08,014
I feel a lot better now.
I'm so clearheaded.
914
01:02:08,433 --> 01:02:11,267
The big news is,
the minister's gone all out for me...
915
01:02:11,436 --> 01:02:14,770
...to get an early release,
so I'll be out of here before New Year's.
916
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:17,147
- Bravo.
- And the church set me up...
917
01:02:17,317 --> 01:02:20,185
...with a sponsor in Arizona.
So when I do get out of here...
918
01:02:20,362 --> 01:02:24,447
...me and Angel are gonna go to Arizona
and work for a ministry there.
919
01:02:25,951 --> 01:02:29,035
- Arizona?
- Yeah, that's right.
920
01:02:29,204 --> 01:02:33,824
I think we need to consider how the boy
has settled in at school here in Santa Fe.
921
01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,582
He has a lot of friends.
922
01:02:35,752 --> 01:02:37,789
There's a school there,
he'll make new friends.
923
01:02:37,963 --> 01:02:41,001
I think we need
to consider all this very carefully.
924
01:02:41,174 --> 01:02:44,918
He's my boy.
I thank you both for taking care of him.
925
01:02:45,512 --> 01:02:48,004
But there is a plan in place...
926
01:02:49,224 --> 01:02:51,261
...and it's a good plan.
927
01:02:52,394 --> 01:02:54,226
What if I wanna stay?
928
01:02:54,396 --> 01:02:56,433
All is well and all will be well.
929
01:02:56,606 --> 01:02:59,519
- But do I have to go?
- Okay, look.
930
01:02:59,943 --> 01:03:02,276
If I tell you something,
promise to remember it...
931
01:03:02,445 --> 01:03:05,529
- ...for as long as you can?
- Yeah.
932
01:03:06,950 --> 01:03:10,409
Everything is temporary.
933
01:03:18,670 --> 01:03:20,707
Except herpes.
934
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:23,372
- What's herpes?
- Paul.
935
01:03:27,262 --> 01:03:29,094
I'm not arranging permanent custody...
936
01:03:29,264 --> 01:03:32,428
...I'm trying to see if I can
somehow delay the child going to him.
937
01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:35,343
He finally has some stability,
it must count for something.
938
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:37,512
There isn't a court in the country...
939
01:03:37,689 --> 01:03:40,602
...that is gonna separate a child
from its parent.
940
01:03:40,775 --> 01:03:44,143
Unless the child is in some kind of
quantifiable danger...
941
01:03:44,321 --> 01:03:46,813
...I'm sorry,
you don't have any leverage.
942
01:03:46,990 --> 01:03:50,984
Thank you for what has effectively been
a $400 phone call for you to say no.
943
01:03:51,161 --> 01:03:52,697
- Piss off.
- Eras...
944
01:03:52,871 --> 01:03:55,079
- Assholes, the lot of them.
- What?
945
01:03:55,248 --> 01:03:57,331
We should watch our language here.
946
01:03:57,500 --> 01:03:59,617
- Why?
- Because it's a fucking church.
947
01:03:59,794 --> 01:04:02,411
I'm trying to get that boy away
from his idiotic father.
948
01:04:02,589 --> 01:04:05,832
You might not get that.
You might not get what you want.
949
01:04:06,009 --> 01:04:07,420
Well, why not, Paul?
950
01:04:08,553 --> 01:04:10,089
Because God hates you.
951
01:04:12,432 --> 01:04:16,722
Look, we have him
through the holidays, all right?
952
01:04:18,897 --> 01:04:21,560
Now, come on. Let's put on a show.
953
01:04:21,733 --> 01:04:24,567
- I was going to say that.
- I know.
954
01:04:31,034 --> 01:04:33,742
In Mexico
and many Latin American countries...
955
01:04:33,912 --> 01:04:37,451
...Christmas Eve is celebrated
even more than the day itself.
956
01:04:37,624 --> 01:04:41,618
In my home, I like to prepare
a flavorful Mexican supper...
957
01:04:41,795 --> 01:04:45,254
...of freshly made green-corn tamales,
whole roast pig...
958
01:04:45,423 --> 01:04:48,916
...and buñuelos con cajeta for dessert.
959
01:04:49,094 --> 01:04:53,464
Afterwards, we'll attend a traditional
pageant known as Las Posadas...
960
01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:56,804
...which retells the story of
Mary and Joseph looking for shelter...
961
01:04:56,976 --> 01:04:58,262
...in Bethlehem.
962
01:04:58,436 --> 01:05:02,897
Then, we cross the Atlantic
for a proper English dinner.
963
01:05:03,066 --> 01:05:07,356
- There? Or there?
- No, further out. Further out.
964
01:05:07,529 --> 01:05:10,112
- Just here.
- That's fine. Look at you.
965
01:05:10,782 --> 01:05:14,492
Oh, so handsome.
Fantastic. All right, here's the deal:
966
01:05:14,661 --> 01:05:17,529
We're going to dinner,
and you're allowed to take one present.
967
01:05:17,705 --> 01:05:20,698
- Well, how about three?
- Oh, okay.
968
01:05:20,875 --> 01:05:22,411
Okay.
969
01:05:42,188 --> 01:05:44,646
- Yeah?
- OMG.
970
01:05:44,816 --> 01:05:47,058
- Do we have more?
- Oh, sure.
971
01:05:47,235 --> 01:05:48,771
Wow.
972
01:06:08,423 --> 01:06:10,085
Okay, cue the halo.
973
01:06:13,720 --> 01:06:15,837
And heavenly glow.
974
01:06:32,906 --> 01:06:34,192
Hey.
975
01:06:55,470 --> 01:06:58,383
This really is
the land of enchantment.
976
01:06:58,556 --> 01:06:59,797
So nice.
977
01:07:05,438 --> 01:07:06,554
They let you out.
978
01:07:07,941 --> 01:07:10,524
- Yeah, Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
979
01:07:10,693 --> 01:07:12,434
Hey, bud.
980
01:07:13,696 --> 01:07:15,938
Wanna come over here
and give me a hug?
981
01:07:18,618 --> 01:07:20,029
Thattaboy.
982
01:07:21,746 --> 01:07:24,113
How you doing? You okay?
983
01:07:24,290 --> 01:07:26,953
- Oh, God.
- This is absurd.
984
01:07:27,126 --> 01:07:29,118
It's the way it is.
It was never permanent.
985
01:07:29,295 --> 01:07:31,662
Why are you doing this?
You trying to infuriate me?
986
01:07:31,839 --> 01:07:33,956
Trying to cause
as much anguish as you can?
987
01:07:34,133 --> 01:07:36,341
Oh, stop it.
The world doesn't spin around you.
988
01:07:36,511 --> 01:07:39,424
No, it spins around the boy.
You're trying to yank him away...
989
01:07:39,597 --> 01:07:42,931
...from the one decent Christmas
he's had, in the middle of the night!
990
01:07:43,101 --> 01:07:45,889
That's what this is all about, isn't it?
Some big spectacle.
991
01:07:46,062 --> 01:07:48,475
Do you know that presents
and all the decorations...
992
01:07:48,648 --> 01:07:51,482
- ...that doesn't make Christmas.
- For a little boy, it does.
993
01:07:51,651 --> 01:07:54,644
No, family makes Christmas.
And I am his father.
994
01:07:54,821 --> 01:07:57,359
Well, you seem to have forgotten
that I'm your father.
995
01:07:57,532 --> 01:07:58,773
Ohh.
996
01:08:00,451 --> 01:08:01,908
Do you wanna go there?
997
01:08:02,287 --> 01:08:03,778
No.
998
01:08:05,081 --> 01:08:09,416
Please. At least, stay the night.
999
01:08:15,216 --> 01:08:17,253
Why's the music so loud?
1000
01:08:17,427 --> 01:08:18,588
You were shouting.
1001
01:08:18,761 --> 01:08:19,797
What?
1002
01:08:21,139 --> 01:08:23,131
- You were shouting.
- Oh, yes.
1003
01:08:23,516 --> 01:08:25,178
Yes!
1004
01:08:25,351 --> 01:08:29,220
- Yes.
- Well, this Christmas looks epic.
1005
01:08:29,397 --> 01:08:31,263
Santa has come early.
1006
01:08:31,441 --> 01:08:33,774
I'll believe in Santa
if this is what it gets me.
1007
01:08:33,943 --> 01:08:35,104
Smoking board.
1008
01:08:35,278 --> 01:08:38,862
Why don't we have
a proper breakfast tomorrow? Um...
1009
01:08:39,032 --> 01:08:40,989
We should start a brioche.
1010
01:08:41,159 --> 01:08:43,697
And perhaps something sweet.
A nutty, sticky bun.
1011
01:08:43,870 --> 01:08:47,409
That means, Paul, go make brioche
and a sticky, nutty bun.
1012
01:08:48,708 --> 01:08:49,789
Don't I know it.
1013
01:08:50,376 --> 01:08:52,038
Who would like a drink?
1014
01:08:52,211 --> 01:08:53,702
Beau?
1015
01:08:54,547 --> 01:08:55,708
I'm sober.
1016
01:08:55,882 --> 01:08:58,465
Ah, yes. So am I.
1017
01:08:58,635 --> 01:09:01,969
Unlike you, however,
I'm going to do something about it.
1018
01:09:03,306 --> 01:09:05,423
- I'll have a...
- I know.
1019
01:09:16,611 --> 01:09:20,195
- No.
- What...? Wha...? What is it?
1020
01:09:24,285 --> 01:09:25,992
They're gone.
1021
01:09:27,622 --> 01:09:29,158
They're gone.
1022
01:09:36,756 --> 01:09:39,590
I didn't even get to say goodbye.
1023
01:09:40,426 --> 01:09:43,214
I know. Me either.
1024
01:10:00,863 --> 01:10:04,277
We drove 200 miles to get here.
You said you would meet us.
1025
01:10:04,450 --> 01:10:08,194
We've been here for hours.
We look like child predators.
1026
01:10:08,746 --> 01:10:11,659
The only thing we're missing
is a white van.
1027
01:10:13,084 --> 01:10:15,497
I apologize for my friend.
1028
01:10:15,670 --> 01:10:17,957
We're quite normal.
1029
01:10:18,589 --> 01:10:20,672
Do you want some candy?
1030
01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:26,632
Are you all right?
1031
01:10:27,390 --> 01:10:30,599
Well, you sound like
you may have relapsed.
1032
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:35,934
No, don't get me wrong.
No, I mean, I used to love cocaine.
1033
01:10:36,107 --> 01:10:37,973
Let's talk about
what we have in common.
1034
01:10:40,611 --> 01:10:42,147
All right, let's not.
1035
01:10:42,321 --> 01:10:46,065
I'm just saying that if you need help,
I know a good rehab facility...
1036
01:10:46,242 --> 01:10:48,450
...in Tucson, Arizona. Um...
1037
01:10:48,619 --> 01:10:51,032
It has a high failure rate,
but the food's terrific.
1038
01:10:51,205 --> 01:10:54,369
The group sessions, heh, are hilarious.
Hello?
1039
01:10:57,295 --> 01:10:58,911
Hello?
1040
01:11:18,775 --> 01:11:20,482
Shall I move the orchid?
1041
01:11:21,611 --> 01:11:23,477
It's fine.
1042
01:11:34,332 --> 01:11:37,245
There's a cloud that
follows him around wherever he goes.
1043
01:11:37,418 --> 01:11:41,002
It's so depressing. He feels like he has
to pass it on to other people.
1044
01:11:41,172 --> 01:11:43,630
- Yeah, like there's a broom up his ass.
- Ha-ha-ha.
1045
01:11:43,800 --> 01:11:46,588
You and me, what's getting on...?
1046
01:11:46,761 --> 01:11:47,922
Hello.
1047
01:11:50,139 --> 01:11:51,471
What's going on here?
1048
01:11:51,641 --> 01:11:55,180
I was in the kitchen
and I suddenly got very upset. Didn't I?
1049
01:11:55,353 --> 01:11:58,721
- Yeah.
- And Tino was comforting me.
1050
01:12:00,358 --> 01:12:01,974
Why is the door closed?
1051
01:12:02,944 --> 01:12:05,061
It's not like that, Paul.
1052
01:12:07,532 --> 01:12:11,025
- Why is the door closed?
- Nothing happened, Paul.
1053
01:12:30,763 --> 01:12:33,722
I'm bereft about the child being gone.
1054
01:12:34,684 --> 01:12:36,550
So am I.
1055
01:12:38,104 --> 01:12:40,721
You didn't even want him here.
1056
01:12:41,357 --> 01:12:43,314
How can you say that?
1057
01:12:44,151 --> 01:12:45,358
Shame on you.
1058
01:12:46,237 --> 01:12:49,947
You know, you dismiss me left and right,
but I did all the work.
1059
01:12:50,116 --> 01:12:52,403
I was the parent, you clowned around.
1060
01:12:53,202 --> 01:12:55,910
- All right, then.
- You know what? It doesn't matter.
1061
01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:58,823
We're not talking about the kid.
This is about that.
1062
01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:00,912
Has it been going on
since you hired him?
1063
01:13:01,085 --> 01:13:02,951
I didn't touch Tino. Nothing happened.
1064
01:13:03,129 --> 01:13:06,418
- He was just a shoulder to cry on.
- I'm your shoulder to cry on.
1065
01:13:08,968 --> 01:13:12,678
It doesn't matter what happened in there.
It happened before, which you admit.
1066
01:13:12,847 --> 01:13:15,305
- With that gardener. You admit.
- Yes, I admit.
1067
01:13:15,766 --> 01:13:17,849
Well, it's gonna happen again.
1068
01:13:18,019 --> 01:13:19,760
It won't happen again.
1069
01:13:21,439 --> 01:13:24,398
Look, I think you and I both know...
1070
01:13:24,567 --> 01:13:27,776
...things have been pretty fucked up
between us for a long time.
1071
01:13:27,945 --> 01:13:32,565
And when the kid showed up,
I pretended everything was fine.
1072
01:13:32,742 --> 01:13:35,826
But I can't pretend anymore. I can't.
1073
01:13:36,454 --> 01:13:38,411
- Paul.
- Listen to me.
1074
01:13:38,581 --> 01:13:40,994
You know that if you were dying...
1075
01:13:41,167 --> 01:13:45,707
...I would cut the heart
out of my chest for you.
1076
01:13:45,880 --> 01:13:50,090
I would die so that you would live.
That's how much I love you.
1077
01:13:50,551 --> 01:13:52,918
That's how much I worship you.
1078
01:13:53,638 --> 01:13:57,678
And I think that you actually know.
You know that.
1079
01:13:59,810 --> 01:14:02,268
- And it doesn't matter to you.
- It does matter to me.
1080
01:14:02,438 --> 01:14:06,352
It doesn't matter.
And I can't stand it anymore.
1081
01:14:28,839 --> 01:14:32,298
You know, I, uh... I didn't tell you...
1082
01:14:32,468 --> 01:14:35,506
...but I got a call the other day
from Rachael Ray.
1083
01:14:37,723 --> 01:14:38,839
Oh.
1084
01:14:39,850 --> 01:14:43,184
What's she like?
I hear she's really nice.
1085
01:14:43,354 --> 01:14:47,769
No, not from her, from my friends
who produce her show.
1086
01:14:48,442 --> 01:14:51,276
They, uh... They offered me a job...
1087
01:14:51,445 --> 01:14:53,357
...in New York.
1088
01:14:57,660 --> 01:14:59,526
I'm gonna take it.
1089
01:15:14,427 --> 01:15:16,589
Well, I'm almost done up here.
1090
01:15:16,762 --> 01:15:19,596
I just need to get my books
from your office.
1091
01:15:19,765 --> 01:15:21,757
I boxed them all up last night.
1092
01:15:23,144 --> 01:15:24,385
Thanks for your help.
1093
01:15:28,024 --> 01:15:29,515
Did you get a spray tan?
1094
01:15:31,110 --> 01:15:32,567
No.
1095
01:15:33,654 --> 01:15:38,069
Jemimah, you had me at ski-in, ski-out.
1096
01:15:38,242 --> 01:15:40,359
I'll be there Friday.
1097
01:15:40,536 --> 01:15:43,654
No, I can't come Thursday,
I've got to see my lawyer.
1098
01:15:43,831 --> 01:15:46,744
Oh, just stupid stuff.
1099
01:15:47,334 --> 01:15:49,917
Yeah, you can have all these bags.
1100
01:15:50,087 --> 01:15:52,329
I don't really need them.
1101
01:15:52,506 --> 01:15:55,465
Good, because they're mine.
1102
01:15:55,968 --> 01:15:56,958
Oh.
1103
01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:09,183
I think this might be the best thing
for both of us.
1104
01:16:09,774 --> 01:16:12,187
Well, we had a good run.
1105
01:16:12,902 --> 01:16:15,269
Remember to keep an eye
on the tile guy tomorrow.
1106
01:16:15,446 --> 01:16:17,312
I think he's overbilling us.
1107
01:16:18,741 --> 01:16:22,655
I don't give a fuck what you think about
the fucking tile guy, you fucking cunt!
1108
01:16:23,454 --> 01:16:24,990
Oh.
1109
01:16:25,331 --> 01:16:27,789
And you were doing so well.
1110
01:17:05,121 --> 01:17:06,862
Please don't leave me.
1111
01:17:07,039 --> 01:17:08,701
I can't live without you.
1112
01:17:08,874 --> 01:17:10,285
Don't go.
1113
01:17:10,459 --> 01:17:13,998
Don't go. Please, please, please.
1114
01:17:14,171 --> 01:17:16,083
I love you.
1115
01:17:19,593 --> 01:17:21,755
I sure hope he's not talking to me.
1116
01:17:35,526 --> 01:17:37,267
Keep driving.
1117
01:18:41,342 --> 01:18:43,800
Fuck!
1118
01:21:37,893 --> 01:21:41,682
And this motion will be accepted
by the court at this time.
1119
01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:54,114
The child shall remain in the custody...
1120
01:21:54,284 --> 01:21:58,278
...of Erasmus Brumble and Paul Morgan.
1121
01:22:00,707 --> 01:22:04,121
Ugh. Well, I must say...
1122
01:22:04,294 --> 01:22:07,002
...all that courtroom melodrama...
1123
01:22:07,172 --> 01:22:09,915
...makes a man very hungry.
1124
01:22:10,092 --> 01:22:12,926
- How are you doing?
- I'm hungry too.
1125
01:22:13,095 --> 01:22:15,178
So, what should we eat?
1126
01:22:24,356 --> 01:22:26,598
Let's not do a whole thing,
I'm exhausted.
1127
01:22:26,775 --> 01:22:28,107
Why don't we get some sushi?
1128
01:22:28,277 --> 01:22:31,941
You know, supermarket sushi
is like God shitting on mankind.
1129
01:22:32,114 --> 01:22:35,073
- Everything wrong with this country.
- I didn't say supermarket.
1130
01:22:35,242 --> 01:22:37,029
I've never had supermarket sushi.
1131
01:22:37,202 --> 01:22:40,115
Unless it was late, I was blackout drunk
and don't remember.
1132
01:22:40,289 --> 01:22:42,656
- That probably happened.
- I could make sushi.
1133
01:22:42,833 --> 01:22:46,577
I did train with one
of the world's leading sushi chefs.
1134
01:22:46,753 --> 01:22:50,292
That was at a demo at Williams-Sonoma
in Albuquerque. I was with you.
1135
01:22:51,091 --> 01:22:55,301
You know, your version of events
is so pedestrian.
1136
01:22:55,471 --> 01:22:58,964
- Also known as reality.
- Blah, blah, blah.
1137
01:22:59,141 --> 01:23:01,554
Why don't we just do a pasta at home?
1138
01:23:01,727 --> 01:23:03,764
I'm trying to avoid wheat and dairy.
1139
01:23:03,937 --> 01:23:07,101
Really? Is that since you had
the grilled-cheese sandwich for lunch?
1140
01:23:07,274 --> 01:23:11,769
- It's a constant struggle.
- Yes, it most certainly is.
1141
01:23:13,238 --> 01:23:16,402
Guys, why don't you ask me
what I want for dinner?
1142
01:23:16,575 --> 01:23:20,285
- Well, we just assumed it was Taco Bell.
- No. I still love it...
1143
01:23:20,454 --> 01:23:23,743
...but I'd like something else tonight.
1144
01:23:23,916 --> 01:23:26,249
- Really?
- What would you like?
1145
01:23:26,418 --> 01:23:29,001
I'd like to have pork tenderloin...
1146
01:23:29,171 --> 01:23:32,209
...with caramelized apples and ginger.
1147
01:23:32,382 --> 01:23:33,714
What the hell?
1148
01:23:34,259 --> 01:23:36,376
What the fuck?
1149
01:23:37,471 --> 01:23:40,555
All right, let's get this kid
a pork tenderloin.
1150
01:23:41,308 --> 01:23:45,473
And maybe some polenta
with goat cheese.
1151
01:23:45,646 --> 01:23:48,810
Oh, my God. We've created a monster.
1152
01:23:49,983 --> 01:23:51,895
I created a monster.
1153
01:23:52,069 --> 01:23:54,356
No, you are a monster.
1154
01:23:54,530 --> 01:23:58,023
And now I have to contend
with two of you. Good God.
1155
01:24:00,202 --> 01:24:02,159
Oh, Jesus.
1156
01:24:02,329 --> 01:24:05,743
There's a fucking rainbow.
89168
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