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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:06,799 --> 00:00:10,469
♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:13,505 --> 00:00:16,844
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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We now return to the
extended director's cut
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00:00:35,996 --> 00:00:38,699
of Willy Wonka and
the Chocolate Factory.
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♪ ♪
14
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Charlie, don't forget what
happened to the boy
15
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- who got everything he ever wanted.
- What?
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He lived happily ever after.
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But he did have to earn it.
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Hint, hint.
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Do it, Charlie!
20
00:00:53,445 --> 00:00:55,915
I'm not going back to
that four-person bed!
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Hell, I'll do it, if you want!
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No! It has to be a child!
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What did he just say?
24
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Brian, this does not seem appropriate
25
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to watch in front of the baby.
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Not appropriate?
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You took me to see Magic Mike XXL.
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Uhp, this one's wet.
29
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Uh, this one, too.
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Also wet.
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Huh. This one's dry,
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but the back of the seat
in front of it is wet.
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Let's put on something
more child-friendly.
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Time to "Too-tooty-too"
with The Turtlenecks!
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00:01:25,578 --> 00:01:28,215
Oh, God, no. These guys are horrible.
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♪ Do you kazoo? ♪
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♪ I often do ♪
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♪ When I am blue ♪
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♪ I do kazoo ♪
40
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♪ Tootooty-Too ♪
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♪ Goes my kazoo ♪
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♪ I will kazoo ♪
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♪ Hey how 'bout you? ♪
44
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- (kazoos playing on TV)
- Uch. All they're doing
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is announcing that they play the kazoo,
46
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and then asking if
others also play the kazoo.
47
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This doesn't seem so bad.
48
00:01:49,468 --> 00:01:51,237
I mean, after all, it's
a song for babies.
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00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:52,710
Yeah, but-but that's the thing.
50
00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:55,608
Baby songs never
tackle real baby issues.
51
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You know, like... like loud noises.
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Or teething.
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Or when Dad uses me as a lumbar pillow.
54
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- Eh...
- Ow.
55
00:02:02,415 --> 00:02:04,051
- Eh...
- Ow. Ow.
56
00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:05,152
- (grunts)
- Ow.
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- (irritated grunt)
- Ow.
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00:02:06,319 --> 00:02:08,922
(sighs) This thing works
better in the car.
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00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:10,589
Well, how could
they address baby issues?
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00:02:10,623 --> 00:02:12,492
Children's songs are written by adults.
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And, dollars to donuts, white adults.
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I-I.. Who-who are you mad at, Brian?
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Uch, how much time you got?
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Not enough for that, but you're right.
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If you want a song a baby'll like,
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00:02:21,876 --> 00:02:23,413
you've got to get a baby to write it.
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Well, call John Mayer.
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He's a big, fat baby.
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No, I'll do it, and you can help.
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00:02:27,749 --> 00:02:28,818
Well, I... I did write
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00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:30,819
a musical about Alexander Hamilton.
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(chuckles) Not-not that one,
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but, uh, sure, I'm in.
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Ooh, I'm excited.
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00:02:34,189 --> 00:02:35,257
This'll be great.
76
00:02:35,290 --> 00:02:37,759
And those guys back at
the factory can suck it.
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00:02:37,792 --> 00:02:39,661
I'm gonna get out of this place one day.
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00:02:39,695 --> 00:02:40,697
Hey, Butch.
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Get a load of Stewie.
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00:02:41,897 --> 00:02:43,600
He says he's gonna get out of here.
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(laughing)
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You don't know me, man. I'm different.
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00:02:46,868 --> 00:02:47,869
I got ideas.
84
00:02:47,903 --> 00:02:49,706
Hey, Butch, you hear that?
85
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Stewie's got ideas.
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00:02:50,873 --> 00:02:51,840
Shut up!
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I'm gonna go across that river
88
00:02:53,308 --> 00:02:55,177
and make it to the
city on the other side.
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00:02:55,211 --> 00:02:56,612
I'm gonna be a singer.
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00:02:56,646 --> 00:02:58,947
Bublé over here says
he's gonna be a singer.
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00:02:58,981 --> 00:03:01,117
Hey, Bublé, I got a
tune for you to sing.
92
00:03:01,149 --> 00:03:05,288
It's called "Get Your Ass Back
on the Forklift, Lunch is Over".
93
00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:08,390
Hey, Stewie, don't listen to those guys.
94
00:03:08,423 --> 00:03:09,625
Follow your heart.
95
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Shut up, Butch.
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00:03:10,659 --> 00:03:11,737
You're the loser of this crew.
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Hey guys, you hear that?
98
00:03:12,795 --> 00:03:14,696
Butch told me to follow my heart.
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00:03:14,730 --> 00:03:16,632
(laughter)
100
00:03:21,937 --> 00:03:25,107
Dad, can I have 50
bucks for a shamrock tattoo?
101
00:03:25,141 --> 00:03:26,242
It's time.
102
00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,552
All right, but make sure you get it
103
00:03:27,576 --> 00:03:28,645
where everyone can see.
104
00:03:28,677 --> 00:03:29,645
Hold on, Peter.
105
00:03:29,678 --> 00:03:31,580
I-if Chris wants money for something,
106
00:03:31,613 --> 00:03:33,783
maybe it's time he got a part-time job.
107
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He could mow lawns or-or babysit.
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00:03:35,917 --> 00:03:36,885
I can't work.
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I'm too young.
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00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,221
Well, Will Smith's little kid
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00:03:39,255 --> 00:03:40,423
works as a movie star,
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00:03:40,456 --> 00:03:42,134
even though he looks
like a wet baby horse.
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00:03:42,158 --> 00:03:44,459
All right, I suppose I could get a job.
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Well, maybe even my old job as the guy
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racing through an airport
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at the end of a romantic comedy.
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Taxi! Taxi!
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(tires screech)
119
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Hey. Are you crazy?
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Crazy for love.
121
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The most amazing girl I've ever met
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leaves on a plane in five minutes.
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Get in.
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00:04:04,212 --> 00:04:06,648
♪ I get knocked down,
but I get up again ♪
125
00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:08,483
♪ You're never gonna keep me down ♪
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00:04:08,517 --> 00:04:11,354
♪ I get knocked
down, but I get up again ♪
127
00:04:11,387 --> 00:04:14,624
♪ You're never gonna keep me down... ♪
128
00:04:14,657 --> 00:04:16,358
What the hell's going on?
129
00:04:16,392 --> 00:04:17,659
This guy's in love.
130
00:04:17,693 --> 00:04:18,661
Is she worth it?
131
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:21,029
She's a once-in-a-life-time girl.
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I'll give you an escort.
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00:04:22,664 --> 00:04:25,200
♪ He drinks a whiskey
drink, he drinks a vodka drink ♪
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♪ He drinks a lager
drink, he drinks a cider drink ♪
135
00:04:27,303 --> 00:04:28,538
♪ He sings the songs... ♪
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00:04:28,570 --> 00:04:30,016
No charge.
137
00:04:30,178 --> 00:04:31,983
♪ That remind him of
the better times ♪
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00:04:32,007 --> 00:04:34,277
P.A. ANNOUNCER: Final boarding
call for Ashley's flight
139
00:04:34,310 --> 00:04:36,846
to stuffy New England
college. Final boarding.
140
00:04:36,878 --> 00:04:38,780
Ooh, whoa, whoa, whoa, child.
141
00:04:38,813 --> 00:04:40,148
What's the hurry?
142
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The love of my life, that's what.
143
00:04:42,250 --> 00:04:44,152
We got a code Romeo.
144
00:04:44,185 --> 00:04:46,856
Repeat, code Romeo.
145
00:04:46,889 --> 00:04:48,624
If you get there on time,
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00:04:48,657 --> 00:04:50,493
there's an extra 50 in it for you.
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00:04:50,525 --> 00:04:52,494
I love this job!
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00:04:52,527 --> 00:04:55,330
♪ I get knocked
down, but I get up again ♪
149
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,842
♪ You're never gonna
keep me down... ♪
150
00:04:56,866 --> 00:04:58,735
CHRIS: Ashley, wait!
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00:04:58,767 --> 00:05:00,902
(panting)
152
00:05:00,935 --> 00:05:04,673
I wouldn't miss this for all the
rush hour fares in Bigtown.
153
00:05:04,707 --> 00:05:07,409
Chris, you came. Oh, my God!
154
00:05:07,443 --> 00:05:09,445
Let me get my grandma.
155
00:05:11,546 --> 00:05:12,647
Chris?
156
00:05:12,681 --> 00:05:15,051
Ashley. I love you.
157
00:05:15,084 --> 00:05:17,087
(both grunting)
158
00:05:19,255 --> 00:05:20,589
(groaning)
159
00:05:20,623 --> 00:05:22,592
Oh, you're groaning at me?
160
00:05:22,625 --> 00:05:25,395
You paid $19 to fly Spirit Air.
161
00:05:25,428 --> 00:05:27,596
You get what you get.
162
00:05:31,534 --> 00:05:33,503
All right, Brian, I've
written a few songs,
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00:05:33,536 --> 00:05:36,038
all about stuff
babies actually care about.
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00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:37,739
No more rainbows and unicorns.
165
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,174
Real baby issues.
166
00:05:39,207 --> 00:05:40,743
Right, like heartworm and parvo?
167
00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:42,010
No, baby stuff.
168
00:05:42,044 --> 00:05:43,512
Oh, oh, human babies.
169
00:05:43,546 --> 00:05:45,782
I didn't... I didn't
realize there was an agenda.
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00:05:45,815 --> 00:05:47,582
Okay, look, just pay attention.
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00:05:47,616 --> 00:05:50,419
♪ Momma liked to party when
you were in her belly ♪
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00:05:50,452 --> 00:05:52,455
♪ Drinking, she did some ♪
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00:05:52,488 --> 00:05:54,857
♪ Momma liked to party when
you were in her belly ♪
174
00:05:54,890 --> 00:05:57,226
♪ That's why you are dumb. ♪
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00:05:57,258 --> 00:06:00,729
I call that "Momma Liked
to Party (Chris's Song)".
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00:06:00,762 --> 00:06:02,632
Stewie, that's good.
Hey, can I write one?
177
00:06:02,664 --> 00:06:04,299
Yeah, we need as many as we can.
178
00:06:04,332 --> 00:06:06,635
Our first gig is
Saturday. It's a birthday party.
179
00:06:06,669 --> 00:06:07,904
Wow, already?
180
00:06:07,936 --> 00:06:09,438
How'd you book a gig so fast?
181
00:06:09,471 --> 00:06:11,106
Easy. I figured out the perfect way
182
00:06:11,140 --> 00:06:13,575
to get the word out
to middle-aged moms.
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00:06:14,909 --> 00:06:17,046
Musical
entertainment, available for parties.
184
00:06:17,079 --> 00:06:20,049
Musical
entertainment, available for parties.
185
00:06:20,082 --> 00:06:22,851
Hey. Where you drinking that Chardonnay?
186
00:06:28,022 --> 00:06:29,724
Oh, hey, Chris, how's
the job hunt going?
187
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,294
Terrible. I can't find a job anywhere.
188
00:06:32,327 --> 00:06:34,162
A lot of people seem to be turned off
189
00:06:34,195 --> 00:06:35,832
by my dishonorable discharge.
190
00:06:35,865 --> 00:06:37,066
What, from the Army?
191
00:06:37,099 --> 00:06:38,301
No, it's a euphemism.
192
00:06:38,334 --> 00:06:39,601
Oh, yucky.
193
00:06:39,635 --> 00:06:42,137
Uh, you guys, I need
help unloading the groceries.
194
00:06:42,171 --> 00:06:45,474
My undiagnosed mom injury is flaring up.
195
00:06:46,942 --> 00:06:48,611
These little things of applesauce
196
00:06:48,644 --> 00:06:50,580
better not be for desserts.
197
00:06:50,613 --> 00:06:52,615
WOMAN: Go to hell, Glenn Quagmire!
198
00:06:52,647 --> 00:06:54,983
I'm sorry, but Mondays are Asian only.
199
00:06:55,017 --> 00:06:56,419
Why is your last name Wong?
200
00:06:56,452 --> 00:06:58,187
It's my married name.
201
00:06:58,219 --> 00:07:00,322
Now I see why you're here.
202
00:07:01,322 --> 00:07:02,692
Geez, what was that about?
203
00:07:02,724 --> 00:07:04,125
Ah, a little scheduling mix-up.
204
00:07:04,159 --> 00:07:06,295
I am just so busy, I-I
don't have any time
205
00:07:06,327 --> 00:07:08,164
to organize my own life.
206
00:07:08,197 --> 00:07:09,765
Wait a minute, what if you had someone
207
00:07:09,798 --> 00:07:12,268
to help keep you
organized? Chris is looking for work.
208
00:07:12,301 --> 00:07:14,135
Maybe he can help you
out, be your assistant.
209
00:07:14,169 --> 00:07:15,337
Huh, maybe.
210
00:07:15,370 --> 00:07:16,772
You have any references?
211
00:07:16,805 --> 00:07:19,675
Uh, "cowabunga,"
"schwing," "yada, yada, yada."
212
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,142
Those are pretty good references.
213
00:07:21,176 --> 00:07:22,678
You're hired.
214
00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:24,713
(indistinct conversations)
215
00:07:25,714 --> 00:07:27,350
Look at that. Look at the cake.
216
00:07:27,382 --> 00:07:30,019
"Happy Birthday
Charlie and Uncle Craig."
217
00:07:30,051 --> 00:07:32,787
And Uncle Craig's
written in a different color.
218
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,657
Oh, poor Uncle Craig.
219
00:07:34,690 --> 00:07:36,959
Hey, is that your ex-girlfriend, Olivia?
220
00:07:36,991 --> 00:07:38,326
God, what's she doing here?
221
00:07:38,359 --> 00:07:39,995
She was always such a nightmare.
222
00:07:40,029 --> 00:07:42,832
(children laughing)
223
00:07:42,865 --> 00:07:44,800
Olivia?! Oh, my God, do I look okay?
224
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:46,969
I hate this shirt. Switch
shirts. Switch shirts!
225
00:07:47,002 --> 00:07:49,839
Stewie? Oh, I thought that was you.
226
00:07:49,871 --> 00:07:52,407
Hey, Olivia, hey, what brings you here?
227
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,142
Oh, the birthday boy and I met
228
00:07:54,176 --> 00:07:56,979
at Burt Reynolds' acting
camp in Jupiter, Florida.
229
00:07:57,012 --> 00:07:58,748
Well, I'm glad to
hear you're still acting.
230
00:07:58,781 --> 00:08:01,384
You know, the last
time I saw you, you were...
231
00:08:01,416 --> 00:08:02,274
Burning in a cardboard house?
232
00:08:02,298 --> 00:08:03,661
Yeah, burning in a
cardboard house, yeah.
233
00:08:03,685 --> 00:08:05,596
Uh, hey, listen, uh, I
don't know if you've heard,
234
00:08:05,620 --> 00:08:07,322
but we're the entertainment.
235
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:10,392
Aw, that's good. Good for you.
236
00:08:10,426 --> 00:08:12,161
Okay, great to see you.
237
00:08:12,193 --> 00:08:13,662
Come on, Stewie, it's not about her.
238
00:08:13,695 --> 00:08:16,332
It's about those six children
watching and the spazzy kid
239
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:17,609
who's just waiting for the snakes.
240
00:08:17,633 --> 00:08:19,736
BOY: Bring out the snakes!
241
00:08:22,071 --> 00:08:24,840
It's a hot crowd, have fun out there.
242
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,509
I'm gonna go feed
everything in my van to each other.
243
00:08:27,543 --> 00:08:29,845
Okay, kids, if everyone's
done washing their hands
244
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:32,213
from the snakes, we have
some fun music for y...
245
00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:34,250
No climbing on the boat!
246
00:08:34,283 --> 00:08:37,287
Okay, now please
welcome Red Shirt Blue Shirt.
247
00:08:39,087 --> 00:08:40,755
All right, we're Red Shirt Blue Shirt,
248
00:08:40,789 --> 00:08:43,693
and here's a song we
call "Mommy and Daddy's Room."
249
00:08:43,726 --> 00:08:45,827
And we think it's one
you can all relate to.
250
00:08:47,663 --> 00:08:49,798
♪ When everybody's gone to sleep ♪
251
00:08:49,832 --> 00:08:51,801
♪ And you've said good night moon ♪
252
00:08:51,833 --> 00:08:53,635
♪ There's plenty of noise still coming ♪
253
00:08:53,669 --> 00:08:55,638
♪ From Mommy and Daddy's room ♪
254
00:08:55,670 --> 00:08:58,073
♪ Oh, Daddy says
"please," Mommy says "no" ♪
255
00:08:58,106 --> 00:09:00,375
♪ Daddy says "come on,"
Mommy says "whoa" ♪
256
00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:02,477
♪ Daddy goes... (grunts),
Mommy goes "ow" ♪
257
00:09:02,510 --> 00:09:04,779
♪ Daddy says "I'm done,"
Mommy goes "wow" ♪
258
00:09:04,813 --> 00:09:06,582
♪ Daddy rolls over and falls asleep ♪
259
00:09:06,615 --> 00:09:08,818
♪ Mommy drinks wine in the dark. ♪
260
00:09:13,355 --> 00:09:16,225
My God, did you hear
'em, Stewie? We're a hit.
261
00:09:16,258 --> 00:09:17,827
We got to go out and celebrate.
262
00:09:17,860 --> 00:09:19,428
Oh, he can't go out with you tonight.
263
00:09:19,461 --> 00:09:20,763
He's got a date with me.
264
00:09:20,795 --> 00:09:22,397
Really? Awesome.
265
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:24,299
Brian, I can't go. I'm not feeling well.
266
00:09:24,332 --> 00:09:25,809
Stewie, I've been standing
here the whole time.
267
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,345
But, you know-you
know what, that's fine.
268
00:09:27,369 --> 00:09:30,406
I'll just go have a
dog-style celebration by myself.
269
00:09:30,438 --> 00:09:32,073
Yeah!
270
00:09:32,106 --> 00:09:33,608
Awesome time!
271
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,477
This is very fun for me!
272
00:09:35,510 --> 00:09:36,611
- Hey!
- Oh, hey!
273
00:09:36,645 --> 00:09:39,136
- This is fun, right?
- The best!
274
00:09:39,305 --> 00:09:40,510
And me, too!
275
00:09:45,596 --> 00:09:47,432
Great crowd, babe.
276
00:09:47,465 --> 00:09:48,834
What are... What is this?
277
00:09:48,867 --> 00:09:51,137
Oh, Olivia's president of our fan club.
278
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:52,838
She's also doing half the band.
279
00:09:52,870 --> 00:09:54,306
Do you even know what that means?
280
00:09:54,339 --> 00:09:56,908
Uh, let's just say I
couldn't toddle right for a week.
281
00:09:56,941 --> 00:09:58,176
Okay, you don't.
282
00:09:58,210 --> 00:09:59,450
All right, if you'll excuse me,
283
00:09:59,478 --> 00:10:00,979
I have a poo poo diaper.
284
00:10:02,348 --> 00:10:04,291
You really think this Olivia
thing is a good idea?
285
00:10:04,315 --> 00:10:05,283
Why wouldn't it be?
286
00:10:05,316 --> 00:10:06,527
I don't know. It just seems like
287
00:10:06,551 --> 00:10:08,454
it always ends badly for you two.
288
00:10:08,487 --> 00:10:10,589
And it can be tricky working with an ex.
289
00:10:10,622 --> 00:10:12,491
Look at Kermit and Miss Piggy.
290
00:10:12,523 --> 00:10:13,825
How are you feeling, Miss Piggy?
291
00:10:13,859 --> 00:10:15,269
I heard you called in sick yesterday.
292
00:10:15,293 --> 00:10:17,362
Yeah, I had a frog in my throat.
293
00:10:17,396 --> 00:10:18,798
(short laugh) Right, Kermie?
294
00:10:18,830 --> 00:10:20,166
Eh? Right?
295
00:10:20,199 --> 00:10:22,335
Please stop drinking.
296
00:10:26,372 --> 00:10:28,940
Okay, Chris, I think
you're gonna be a great assistant.
297
00:10:28,974 --> 00:10:30,484
Your paperwork appears to be in order,
298
00:10:30,508 --> 00:10:31,853
but before we get started, do you own
299
00:10:31,877 --> 00:10:33,813
a pair of rubber boots
that you'd have to wear
300
00:10:33,845 --> 00:10:35,147
if you worked on a fishing boat?
301
00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:36,382
Uh, no, I don't think so.
302
00:10:36,415 --> 00:10:38,484
All right, I guess it'll
be a light day today,
303
00:10:38,517 --> 00:10:39,828
but tomorrow you should
come wearing those.
304
00:10:39,852 --> 00:10:41,053
Okay, got it.
305
00:10:41,085 --> 00:10:43,188
Now, the first thing I
need you to do every morning
306
00:10:43,221 --> 00:10:45,857
is punch me in the
stomach because I'm a bad person.
307
00:10:45,891 --> 00:10:47,660
Is this a trick?
308
00:10:47,692 --> 00:10:49,627
It's the furthest
thing from a trick. Go ahead.
309
00:10:49,661 --> 00:10:50,963
And it should be pretty hard,
310
00:10:50,995 --> 00:10:53,198
I'm a worse person than you think.
311
00:10:53,232 --> 00:10:55,000
(grunts) Okay, that's really good.
312
00:10:55,032 --> 00:10:58,570
Now I need you to call Time
Warner about my cable bill.
313
00:10:58,604 --> 00:11:01,574
(indistinct conversations)
314
00:11:01,607 --> 00:11:04,243
All right, this one is
for all the mommies out there.
315
00:11:04,276 --> 00:11:07,179
This is what we're really
saying when we're crying.
316
00:11:07,211 --> 00:11:10,383
♪ Please put some butt
paste on my button ♪
317
00:11:10,416 --> 00:11:12,417
♪ Butt paste on my button ♪
318
00:11:12,450 --> 00:11:15,687
♪ Smear it on my button
for the fire down below ♪
319
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,423
♪ Oh, oh, oh, butt
paste on my button ♪
320
00:11:18,456 --> 00:11:19,758
♪ Butt paste on my button ♪
321
00:11:19,791 --> 00:11:21,594
♪ Need it on my button 'cause it ♪
322
00:11:21,627 --> 00:11:23,596
♪ Cools and quells me so. ♪
323
00:11:26,864 --> 00:11:29,435
♪ Stay away, stay away ♪
324
00:11:29,468 --> 00:11:32,472
♪ From the big kid
in the baby swing. ♪
325
00:11:35,641 --> 00:11:37,610
♪ There's a little metal box ♪
326
00:11:37,642 --> 00:11:39,512
♪ At the top of the stairs ♪
327
00:11:39,545 --> 00:11:41,914
♪ In the back of the closet ♪
328
00:11:41,946 --> 00:11:43,916
♪ And a tiny little key ♪
329
00:11:43,949 --> 00:11:45,918
♪ That's hidden in a book ♪
330
00:11:45,950 --> 00:11:47,753
♪ In the drawer with the socks ♪
331
00:11:47,786 --> 00:11:50,256
♪ And I know how to use it ♪
332
00:11:50,288 --> 00:11:53,359
♪ To open up the box ♪
333
00:11:53,392 --> 00:11:56,496
♪ And that's where the gun is. ♪
334
00:12:00,065 --> 00:12:01,267
♪ ♪
335
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:04,236
You know, I talk a lot of
smack, but at the end of the day,
336
00:12:04,268 --> 00:12:05,370
these guys are pros.
337
00:12:05,403 --> 00:12:09,207
Even Broken Arm Coyote with Washboard.
338
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:10,285
Hey, let's keep this party rolling.
339
00:12:10,309 --> 00:12:11,911
I'll go get us another badly-scratched
340
00:12:11,944 --> 00:12:14,647
plastic pitcher of soda.
341
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:17,248
Ugh, finally, he's
doing something useful.
342
00:12:17,282 --> 00:12:18,617
What? What do you mean?
343
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:20,953
Nothing. It's just, you
write all the songs,
344
00:12:20,985 --> 00:12:23,655
you've got a better voice,
you've got the sweet bod...
345
00:12:23,689 --> 00:12:26,158
Oh, my God, babe.
346
00:12:26,190 --> 00:12:29,228
Plus, you've got all the cool catchphrases
like "damn you all"
347
00:12:29,261 --> 00:12:31,464
or "what the dude" or whatever.
348
00:12:31,497 --> 00:12:32,574
Uh, it-it's "deuce." But, uh,
349
00:12:32,598 --> 00:12:34,274
but yeah, you're-you're
right, it... I-I do.
350
00:12:34,298 --> 00:12:35,800
Does it-does it sound through the mic
351
00:12:35,834 --> 00:12:38,103
like I'm saying "dude"?
Should it be "dude"?
352
00:12:38,136 --> 00:12:40,415
Meanwhile, everyone thinks Brian
is the star of the group.
353
00:12:40,439 --> 00:12:41,640
Who thinks that?
354
00:12:41,672 --> 00:12:42,941
I don't know. I'm just saying,
355
00:12:42,974 --> 00:12:44,985
after every show, the
fans are always petting Brian,
356
00:12:45,009 --> 00:12:46,412
and not you.
357
00:12:46,445 --> 00:12:47,988
No one's allowed to
pet me. It's illegal.
358
00:12:48,012 --> 00:12:49,348
I just hate to see Brian
359
00:12:49,381 --> 00:12:52,351
getting all the
attention that you deserve.
360
00:12:52,383 --> 00:12:54,419
You should really watch your back.
361
00:12:54,453 --> 00:12:57,323
Wow, it's hard to
believe Brian would betray me.
362
00:12:57,355 --> 00:13:00,158
I mean, he was there for
me when I hit rock bottom.
363
00:13:00,191 --> 00:13:01,594
See, Brian?
364
00:13:01,627 --> 00:13:03,262
That's a rock bottom.
365
00:13:03,295 --> 00:13:04,597
Thanks for being here for that.
366
00:13:04,629 --> 00:13:07,365
Now get out of here, we're
about to drink some Chardonnay.
367
00:13:12,403 --> 00:13:14,349
Chris, could you please
get Hannah a thank-you basket
368
00:13:14,373 --> 00:13:15,617
and schedule her next appointment?
369
00:13:15,641 --> 00:13:17,476
I'd like to see her again in two weeks.
370
00:13:17,508 --> 00:13:19,878
Of course. Mr. Quagmire can fit in you
371
00:13:19,912 --> 00:13:21,479
at 3:00 a week from Thursday.
372
00:13:21,512 --> 00:13:22,514
That works.
373
00:13:22,547 --> 00:13:24,315
And you know to fast the night before?
374
00:13:24,349 --> 00:13:25,450
Yup.
375
00:13:25,484 --> 00:13:27,394
And would you like to leave
your panties in the fishbowl
376
00:13:27,418 --> 00:13:29,421
for a chance to win a free lunch?
377
00:13:32,423 --> 00:13:33,391
Good luck.
378
00:13:33,425 --> 00:13:35,227
When you gonna do that drawing anyway?
379
00:13:35,259 --> 00:13:37,495
Oh, there's no drawing, I
just like smelling the bowl.
380
00:13:37,528 --> 00:13:39,464
You know, you're
doing a great job, Chris.
381
00:13:39,498 --> 00:13:42,066
Why don't you jerk the
rest of the day off.
382
00:13:42,099 --> 00:13:43,835
Man, this is the best job ever.
383
00:13:43,868 --> 00:13:47,038
And to think I almost took
that pop-up restaurant gig.
384
00:13:48,105 --> 00:13:50,041
- Hi, you hungry?!
- Aah!
385
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:58,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
386
00:13:59,685 --> 00:14:00,986
Check, check, Malia.
387
00:14:01,018 --> 00:14:02,220
Check, Obama.
388
00:14:02,253 --> 00:14:04,056
Check, check, check, Malia, Obama.
389
00:14:04,089 --> 00:14:05,566
All right, that's a creepy mic check.
390
00:14:05,590 --> 00:14:07,710
Let's just do a quick run-through
of "Little Brother."
391
00:14:09,927 --> 00:14:13,865
- ♪ I want a little brother ♪
- (humming the tune)
392
00:14:13,898 --> 00:14:16,568
♪ On second thought ♪
393
00:14:16,602 --> 00:14:18,871
♪ I think I'd ♪
394
00:14:18,903 --> 00:14:21,272
♪ Kill him dead. ♪
395
00:14:21,306 --> 00:14:22,941
Could-could we just cut Brian's mic?
396
00:14:22,974 --> 00:14:25,277
His humming sounds like my
table's ready at Chili's.
397
00:14:25,310 --> 00:14:26,844
Stewie, what the hell is your problem?
398
00:14:26,878 --> 00:14:29,248
I'll tell you what my problem is:
I'm doing all the work
399
00:14:29,281 --> 00:14:30,748
and you're just riding my coattails.
400
00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:32,292
What are you talking
about? I'm just as big a part
401
00:14:32,316 --> 00:14:33,451
of this group as you are.
402
00:14:33,484 --> 00:14:34,954
Oh, really? You're writing about
403
00:14:34,987 --> 00:14:37,389
all your authentic baby experiences?
404
00:14:37,421 --> 00:14:38,923
You asked me to do this with you.
405
00:14:38,956 --> 00:14:40,124
Why you being such a dick?
406
00:14:40,157 --> 00:14:42,728
Because I lost the baby!
407
00:14:42,761 --> 00:14:44,063
What was that?
408
00:14:44,095 --> 00:14:46,397
I don't know, he saw
that in a movie or something.
409
00:14:46,431 --> 00:14:48,300
Brian, this seems as good a time as any.
410
00:14:48,333 --> 00:14:51,203
I think it's time to talk
about your future with the band.
411
00:14:51,235 --> 00:14:52,437
Are you serious?
412
00:14:52,470 --> 00:14:54,472
You're actually kicking
me out of the band?
413
00:14:54,506 --> 00:14:55,908
Not at all. In fact,
414
00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:57,743
I think you and I should
kick Stewie out.
415
00:14:57,776 --> 00:14:59,545
And I'll take his place.
416
00:14:59,578 --> 00:15:02,257
- What?
- BOY: Bring out the snakes!
417
00:15:02,409 --> 00:15:04,235
Does he just come to all of our shows?
418
00:15:09,726 --> 00:15:11,628
So, you want to fire Stewie
419
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,296
and be Red Shirt Blue Shirt with me?
420
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,698
Absolutely.
421
00:15:14,731 --> 00:15:17,034
You're the whole reason the
fans even like the band.
422
00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:18,835
Kids love dogs.
423
00:15:18,867 --> 00:15:21,037
Besides, we've both
seen what Stewie's become:
424
00:15:21,071 --> 00:15:23,340
an impossible diva.
425
00:15:23,372 --> 00:15:24,974
Yeah, but he's my friend.
426
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,209
Yeah, well, your friend
427
00:15:26,242 --> 00:15:28,844
has been talking about kicking
you out of the band.
428
00:15:28,877 --> 00:15:30,847
Wait, what? He has?
429
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:32,749
And I don't know if you've
considered this,
430
00:15:32,781 --> 00:15:34,917
but the clock is
ticking on Stewie's cuteness.
431
00:15:34,951 --> 00:15:36,086
Huh. I guess you're right.
432
00:15:36,118 --> 00:15:38,154
I mean, I wouldn't be
surprised if he ends up
433
00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:41,058
looking like an exact mash-up
of Lois and Peter.
434
00:15:41,091 --> 00:15:42,759
(giggles)
435
00:15:42,791 --> 00:15:44,327
Groceries.
436
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:47,664
Hey. I had a thought about our
costumes for today's show.
437
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:50,000
I could wear a shirt that's
both red and blue,
438
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,102
and you can do spin
art with all the wussy kids
439
00:15:52,135 --> 00:15:53,937
who are afraid to go on rides.
440
00:15:53,970 --> 00:15:55,213
Yeah? Well, how about this, Stewie?
441
00:15:55,237 --> 00:15:57,006
- You're fired.
- Pardon?
442
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,443
That's right. Olivia's taking
your place in the band.
443
00:15:59,476 --> 00:16:02,044
You are looking at the
new Red Shirt Blue Shirt.
444
00:16:02,078 --> 00:16:05,048
What the dude? Uhp, you
know what, "deuce" was right.
445
00:16:05,081 --> 00:16:06,958
Come on, Brian. You and
I should probably rehearse.
446
00:16:06,982 --> 00:16:08,952
We've got a show in 20 minutes.
447
00:16:08,985 --> 00:16:11,455
Fine, go ahead! It's
not gonna be the same!
448
00:16:11,487 --> 00:16:14,624
Like Cheers wasn't the same
when they brought in Kirstie Alley.
449
00:16:14,658 --> 00:16:16,360
ALL: Norm!
450
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:19,262
No, I'm-I'm Rebecca.
451
00:16:24,433 --> 00:16:26,736
Meg, do you know how to
use Microsoft Excel?
452
00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:28,371
Yeah. I'm actually pretty good.
453
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,140
Yeah, you would. Dork.
454
00:16:31,174 --> 00:16:34,778
But I do need to make
that spreadsheet or I'm fired.
455
00:16:34,810 --> 00:16:36,579
Oh, my God.
456
00:16:36,612 --> 00:16:38,982
Peter, our
dishwasher is full of sex toys.
457
00:16:39,015 --> 00:16:40,817
Oh, yeah, Chris put those in there.
458
00:16:40,850 --> 00:16:42,919
It's for his job. He's workin'
for Quagmire now.
459
00:16:42,952 --> 00:16:45,555
He's washing sex toys for Quagmire?
460
00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:47,491
Not just that. He also takes pictures
461
00:16:47,523 --> 00:16:49,959
of Quagmire's
genitals to track sore growth.
462
00:16:49,992 --> 00:16:51,962
So, brace yourself when you open iPhoto.
463
00:16:51,994 --> 00:16:53,763
It's on the "Griffin Family" account.
464
00:16:53,797 --> 00:16:56,165
Peter, my parents have access to that.
465
00:16:56,199 --> 00:16:59,068
What's wrong with this worm?
466
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,670
And you knew about this?
467
00:17:00,703 --> 00:17:02,972
How could you let him do
this disgusting stuff?
468
00:17:03,005 --> 00:17:05,341
What? You're the one who
wanted Chris to get a job.
469
00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:07,844
Yeah, like mowing
lawns or trimming bushes.
470
00:17:07,876 --> 00:17:10,681
Oh, he's doing one of those.
471
00:17:10,713 --> 00:17:11,914
That's it.
472
00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:14,817
I'm calling Quagmire right
now and putting an end to this.
473
00:17:16,853 --> 00:17:17,921
(line rings)
474
00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:20,456
CHRIS: You have reached Glenn Quagmire.
475
00:17:20,490 --> 00:17:22,925
Neither he nor his
assistant is available.
476
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,861
To schedule a liaison, press one.
477
00:17:24,894 --> 00:17:27,030
To cancel a liaison, press two.
478
00:17:27,062 --> 00:17:29,665
If you're calling to report
a pregnancy, please fill out
479
00:17:29,699 --> 00:17:32,936
our online form, and we
will mail you a check for $180.
480
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,337
Thank you, and have a giggity day.
481
00:17:34,370 --> 00:17:35,604
(beep)
482
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:36,939
Chris, this is your mother.
483
00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:40,210
Get these dildos out of the dishwasher.
484
00:17:43,847 --> 00:17:45,883
(cheering, applause)
485
00:17:47,916 --> 00:17:50,220
♪ When everybody's gone to sleep ♪
486
00:17:50,252 --> 00:17:52,188
♪ And you've said good night moon ♪
487
00:17:52,222 --> 00:17:54,156
♪ There's plenty of noise still coming ♪
488
00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:56,126
♪ From Mommy and Daddy's room ♪
489
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:58,861
♪ Oh, Daddy says "please",
Mommy says "no" ♪
490
00:17:58,895 --> 00:18:01,131
♪ Daddy says "come on",
Mommy says "whoa" ♪
491
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,842
♪ Daddy goes... (grunts),
Mommy goes "ow" ♪
492
00:18:02,866 --> 00:18:05,202
♪ Daddy says "I'm done",
Mommy goes "wow" ♪
493
00:18:05,234 --> 00:18:07,045
STEWIE, BRIAN & OLIVIA: ♪ Daddy
rolls over and falls asleep ♪
494
00:18:07,069 --> 00:18:09,039
♪ Mommy drinks wine in the dark. ♪
495
00:18:09,071 --> 00:18:10,039
(cheering, applause)
496
00:18:10,072 --> 00:18:11,841
Thank you, Quahog.
497
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,645
That was great. They loved us.
498
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:17,847
Yeah, I guess, but
did you see what I saw?
499
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:19,081
That kid with the cane?
500
00:18:19,115 --> 00:18:21,017
Yeah, what do you
think is wrong with him?
501
00:18:21,049 --> 00:18:23,052
No, Stewie was out there.
502
00:18:23,086 --> 00:18:24,587
- So?
- So?
503
00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:26,255
We're singing a song he wrote.
504
00:18:26,289 --> 00:18:28,224
This whole thing was his idea.
505
00:18:28,258 --> 00:18:29,826
Brian, don't mess this up.
506
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:32,028
We've got a good thing going.
507
00:18:32,060 --> 00:18:33,996
I-I hate to tell you
this, but I'm afraid
508
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,331
Red Shirt Blue Shirt is done.
509
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,099
I can't do this. I'm out.
510
00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:38,835
I don't care. I don't need you.
511
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:42,105
I can get a hundred dogs to
fit that stupid blue shirt.
512
00:18:42,137 --> 00:18:43,572
You're a monster.
513
00:18:43,606 --> 00:18:46,108
Like Frankenstein, when
he became a loan officer.
514
00:18:46,142 --> 00:18:49,011
So, I'm looking for
money to open a small business.
515
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,580
We plan to sell antique lamps.
516
00:18:50,613 --> 00:18:51,847
(intrigued grunt)
517
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:52,848
Handmade blankets.
518
00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:54,084
(intrigued grunt)
519
00:18:54,116 --> 00:18:55,351
And pitchforks.
520
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,421
(furious grunt)
521
00:19:03,259 --> 00:19:05,228
Chris, there you are. We need to talk.
522
00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:06,762
What, are you walkin' a horse?
523
00:19:06,796 --> 00:19:08,198
Did Quagmire get a horse?
524
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,732
Oh no, here we go.
525
00:19:09,766 --> 00:19:10,967
I want a horse!
526
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,568
Peter, it's not a horse.
527
00:19:12,601 --> 00:19:14,203
Chris, what the hell is that?
528
00:19:14,237 --> 00:19:16,706
Oh, this is Mr. Quagmire's horse gimp.
529
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:18,040
What is a "horse gimp"?
530
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:20,544
It's a sexual fetishist who
derives erotic pleasure
531
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:22,878
from dressing in
horse-themed leather gear.
532
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:24,548
Want to see me feed him a carrot?
533
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,081
- Absolutely not.
- Hell yes.
534
00:19:26,115 --> 00:19:28,585
Chris, this is no job for a teenage boy.
535
00:19:28,617 --> 00:19:30,619
You have to quit right now.
536
00:19:30,653 --> 00:19:33,222
I can't quit. I'm
actually good at this job.
537
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,990
Plus, I'm making decent money.
538
00:19:35,023 --> 00:19:36,334
MORT: You could work at the pharmacy.
539
00:19:36,358 --> 00:19:37,593
Quiet, Triscuit!
540
00:19:37,626 --> 00:19:39,895
Ooh, hook me to the plow!
541
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:42,398
Chris, I have $1,100 in
a paint can in the garage.
542
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:44,472
Just take that, and we'll
never speak of this again.
543
00:19:44,501 --> 00:19:45,734
Okay.
544
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:49,005
Great. Now let's all go home.
545
00:19:49,038 --> 00:19:51,708
Well, that's what I
get for horsing around.
546
00:19:53,041 --> 00:19:55,178
Ah, your joke wasn't funny enough.
547
00:19:58,213 --> 00:20:00,183
(indistinct conversations)
548
00:20:00,215 --> 00:20:01,650
Stewie?
549
00:20:01,683 --> 00:20:03,286
Oh, hello, Brian.
550
00:20:03,318 --> 00:20:04,988
I'm here to apologize.
551
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:07,089
And to let you know I quit the band.
552
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,191
You did?
553
00:20:08,223 --> 00:20:10,092
Yes. It's nothing without you.
554
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,293
You were the band.
555
00:20:11,327 --> 00:20:13,329
Those were your songs.
556
00:20:13,363 --> 00:20:16,132
And I'm sorry if I let
Olivia manipulate me.
557
00:20:16,164 --> 00:20:18,835
(sighs) I guess she
manipulated both of us.
558
00:20:18,867 --> 00:20:22,505
There's just something about
her flat chest and muscular legs.
559
00:20:22,539 --> 00:20:25,442
Look, I never should've treated
you the way I did.
560
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,010
I suppose I didn't treat
you so well either.
561
00:20:28,043 --> 00:20:30,546
So, what do you say? Can
we put this all behind us
562
00:20:30,579 --> 00:20:31,856
and go back to the way things were?
563
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,315
Of course we can.
564
00:20:33,348 --> 00:20:35,452
Hey, I wonder if she's gonna
keep the band going.
565
00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:36,619
Probably. She told me
566
00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:38,722
she was just gonna replace
me with another dog.
567
00:20:38,754 --> 00:20:39,989
Yes, but who?
568
00:20:40,022 --> 00:20:41,357
I don't know. Probably some dog
569
00:20:41,391 --> 00:20:43,393
neither you or I have ever met.
570
00:20:43,425 --> 00:20:45,294
(cheering)
571
00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:47,797
All right, listen up, you
little pieces of garbage.
572
00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:50,466
This song's about gettin'
heartburn from baked clams.
573
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,269
And other kid stuff.
574
00:20:52,607 --> 00:20:56,631
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
574
00:20:57,305 --> 00:21:03,566
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