Original subtitles

can we please stop fighting now clean

over Agra we can stop fighting when you

admit that I'm right about the GPS do

you even want to go to this couple of

sweet reading I mean it was your idea

are you the GPS lady is a lying robot

that's why real man not the gate with

maps

please enter if anything honey

you holding it upside down as I close it

that 56 miles away if you just listen to

me instead of the GPS lady we wouldn't

be late because of your lies the way

here in the first place

fine you want to listen to the robot GPS

lady then your flesh and blood wife

think that's your choice

the GPS lady robot wouldn't fuck my best

friend would she and I doubt that she

ever would that's probably why I trust

him more than you local rules we agreed

to love green in the past and move

forward isn't that why we're here in the

first place

come on Charles man what the hell why

are you so aggressive just because I'm

not a pushover like you doesn't make me

automatically aggressive Jesus not a

pushover just I don't like to talk what

the fuck man she told us about a chance

to come here and we were already

fighting and we're not even there yet

we're supposed to be making up we're

supposed to be actually working on our

relationship and no no you want to be

aggressive all the time you want to stop

what you want to play that's the game

okay I won't talk to you then right

whatever that's it

I'm done talk to my hand come on

blessed by my yoni blessed by the wisdom

of my will

we peace be with my oneááá this weekend

okay I think I just really need a break

from you okay

just from the arguing at least

what are you doing the house is right

there why don't you have a GPS lady

could use some road head you know to

pass the time

welcome everyone my name is Piper and I

will be your guide through this journey

of why Samantha once told me that all

roads lead to couples therapy and that

was Samantha this is my yoni

yeah you're yoni your abode your source

oh I think she means you're an

unbalanced yoni is the source of

unending marital discord it leads to

arguments bloc energies and especially

infidelity the key to a peaceful

marriage is yoni at peace with itself

now

couples retreat is all about rebalancing

the yoni in these bags are your very own

yummy eggs don't worry I bless them this

morning in a cleansing ceremony

here you go and there you go that's to

go inside me yeah

I am here to guide you through your

insertion ceremony inserting your yoni

eggs is the first step to marital

healing insertion sorry excuse me but my

yoni isn't the problem here my problem

is my cheating-ass husband in his

wandering s penis honey you say you keep

an open mind it doesn't matter why

you're here what's important now is

moving forward together it's important

that we stay committed to a weekend of

trust and absence while adjusting to the

balance of the yummy egg it's important

that you keep the yomi aid inserted for

the duration of the retreat no sex

allowed agreed okay then now let's

continue with the insertion ceremony now

let's find a position that's comfortable

for both you and your partner personally

I like the bridge pose and on all fours

I feel forward I love this

very good very good looking it but it

really helps slip it right in it gently

hmm

buddy Mayans isn't does anyone else need

help no no this is a private ceremony

between couples only is it slipping huh

yeah you're just in it yeah don't worry

you're gonna eggs won't fit snug as a

bug in here slippery rug now why don't

you guys all just pressed up and get

ready for group tomorrow honey that is

special ceremony it was kinda kinky what

are you doing I mean just earlier on

today you took a vow of abstinence and

you know you just can't commit to

anything

can you I mean is it just all about you

you don't you and your yawning sorry

god I just thought this weekend was

about you know dressing our sexless

marriage not some hippy vagina

reconstruction bullshit where are you

going now

relax I'm just gonna go brush my teeth

hey maybe what you ought to stop being

so dependent you know you can go to

bathroom alone so it's been in there for

15 minutes

really you to peeve I don't you always

want me to do I'll do something I'll be

right back steer

after painting already yes you're the

one who cheats right you know I've

really don't need this right now look I

appreciate that you're horny at all

probably like everyone else your partner

won't fuck but you're holding up the

line

you know there's line out there okay you

know it just don't tell my husband and

I'll get out of your hair okay fuck why

don't forget your egg you're really

annoying oh I don't want your wife to

think that I was like crying or

masturbating in here so don't let

anybody see you oh my god how'd you get

it there I'm time three we go

I must've enjoy him through something so

nobody was in there

all right good morning everybody

has everybody been keeping their yoni

eggs warm in their pink little basket

okay then

so we're gonna go on a little jog

jogging with your yoni egg is perfectly

safe and some would actually say

perfectly stimulating are we all ready

yes I have no idea where my wife is

well that is perfectly okay because I

think that time we address our

dependency issues anyway so Michael why

don't you hang back and wait for Charles

wife and we'll get going all right

where's your it'll be totally fine this

is a great exercise okay yeah all right

we'll see you guys later

yes occupied I'm on say you were you

gonna just keep locking yourself in

every bathroom of the house I'm having

trouble with my aide what I said I'm

having trouble with my fucking a do you

need help

I said I'm nervous about my egg

Oh

Oh

you go first

I wanna watch as you leave great run

guys great job all right guys just pull

down and stretch okay I'm gonna go use

the bathroom

Oh lyric keep squeezing that yoni Hague

oh do I need a rinse off this veg sweat

off my egg it starts to be unsanitary I

think

what the hell

so without wearing their aid this is a

really good first yeah totally

it's awesome right the trails are so

pretty I can't believe you made me go on

this hike by myself uh Emma and I must

have went down the wrong trail yes what

trail well you know Trail wait what did

you want time to shower I can't believe

you shower without me hmm hey guys

someone here is not wearing their yummy

egg seriously guys

hey yo the eggs are for your benefit if

somebody just forgot to put it in you

please speak up now it's me it's mine

oops I forgot Cantonese come with me

sure I don't understand why didn't you

just put your egg back in it's just I'm

not used to having something so big

inside of me

I understand it's an adjustment but I

need you to take this seriously now it's

for your yoni hey no it's just I get

nervous you know putting the egg in I

don't really know what I'm doing and I

don't trust my husband down there he

really doesn't know what he's doing

okay I guess I can show you okay

all right ready open real wide so get it

deep in hey wait a minute your egg is

still in this isn't your age it's not

wait what are you doing you're here with

your husband I need you to focus on that

no don't go I will see you in group

I know that one of you here is not

wearing your yoni egg but I'm here to

talk when you already to explain

yourself

moving on today's group is about

building trust using a game called

minefield hidden prizes throughout the

house

I don't think house is coming oh well

why don't you join Michael and Mira I

know that she's good with sharing right

yeah anyway each couple will split into

teams I have assigned a price for each

team the wife will be blindfolded

yeah and it's up to the man to lead the

woman to the prize using his words Ollie

how do you put your phone away this is

an important text yeah I don't like to

be the bad guy but okay now men choose a

location from the bowl it is up to the

man to make sure thank you guide your

wife to the price safely

in

good turn your right turn the story is

the strength from your right

we gotta get back I know but first we

have to get rid of your wife yeah let's

go straight honey

yeah I'm looking for getting over keep

going to go to the go to the right a

little bit

left or right

oh you're getting one word keep going

straight are you even paying attention

yeah you're so warm honey

what the fuck what show me a clue

dad's cheating guys up show me the clue

know the cartoon you know what if you

want to work go ahead

we're coming you want Network

you're not leaving us I've always owned

oh it's nothing come on step step down

perfectly no just stay right there

making around so hot let me in this is

not fun thank goodness sounds like Oh

how's that possible well I think my

husband actually locked me out hey

listen I've got my own issues and stuff

to deal with I got already involved with

that so he's joking he doesn't mean it

okay no it's actually let's let's go for

a walk do you smoke

you're lucky to be locked out it's

perfect outside today you know yes

should be anything you get these fools

down here lost have no idea what they

want and yet my husband is nowhere in

sight

this dress looks really good on you

thank you we gotta just finish trip oh

yeah you know we're on this trip and it

had me thinking that sometimes all we

need in a relationship is change of pace

what do you mean something to mix it up

go in a different direction I had some

sparked like what

this is wrong

I feel sorry

you sure

I haven't felt Oh

yes yes yes oh my god uh-huh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

oh yes oh my god oh you're so good

Oh

Oh oh my god oh this is so good

Oh

we should get cleaned up before my

husband gets here yeah

who's not wearing their egg sorry guys I

need references Molly holed up in the

bathroom again can anybody explain the

meaning of this that's not mine what

about you is it's yours

hell no mine is still intact I just want

my coffee get ready for yoga for your

legs Molly Molly are you in there I know

you're in there

let me guess

you're the genius who thought that you

would remove your egg to entice me to

take you up on your previous offer what

are you talking about I know you want me

but this is a very juvenile way to go

about it

that's not my egg then whose is it you

don't believe me what are you doing come

see where my head gets I can take it out

if you want

okay let's do it all right

they make these hard to get out that

feel good yeah yeah I'll do that any

wasn't mine

yeah oh good he's so wet

girl

so what did see me I knew it I knew you

prefer pussy over me what's wrong my

dick huh well I'm fucking hard to please

you on it's not you it's not you it's me

coming crap yeah I've heard all that

shit before all right you know maybe

this is a good thing for you and your

wife how is my wife referring women over

me a good thing perhaps this is a once

in a lifetime opportunity I mean maybe

letting your wife explore her desire for

pussy well benefit your marriage I mean

maybe holding her back isn't the best

thing to do right now honey it's fine

it's hot watch

because there Freddie you're exploiting

her desires explore your desires to

you know do you have or not I don't have

it well it's just I felt my pocket and

what why do I say it's important you

know that I can talk or anything I know

I'm just a ditz wait okay stuff like

what you hear something I think your

morning collect and we don't need to

worry about being the only people having

sex - yes

you know that was very therapeutic

wasn't it think we should get bad hey

back in your pussy hello how's everyone

doing day right great ok well I thought

there would be more people today but

it's better than nothing I guess

my name is Josh Kai and today will be

kind

seeing a trust exercise through the

practice of yoga so everyone take a

blindfold now we're gonna hike up to a

little spot where I like to do my

practice so it's quite beautiful

everyone follow me we uh so my husband

isn't here yet and I think I should

probably just like stay here and wait

for him that's okay you can share

Charles with his wife Oh lovely so

everyone put your blindfolds on and hold

each other's hands hold your partner

hands okay and we're going to hike up to

a little spot where I like to do my

practice is quite beautiful

we've arrived great job everyone I'm

very proud of all of you you've taken

your first steps towards peace and

tranquility this whole exercise means

nothing if your partner isn't with you I

he's not even gonna be able to find us

we're like 20 miles away I'm exhausted

no no no no not yet our journey isn't

quite over yet

Joe can't you be patient for two fucking

minutes God everyone keep your

blindfolds on we're gonna go into a

downward dog position starting everyone

spread your legs hip length apart hands

on the ground

but to the sky it's okay if your heels

don't touch the ground breathe in deeply

inhale exhale inhale exhale Charles

we're the middle of practice sorry sorry

okay

now we're going to meditation for ten

minutes

keep your blindfolds on and we're gonna

inhale deeply inhale and exhale

inhale and exhale it's very calming

right oh you guys are doing great inhale

exhale inhale

see this egg

Oh

Oh

Oh

oh my god you Robbie

Oh

everybody oh I like this style of yoga

better than that

my god okay right well well we back get

dressed

all right let's get our stuff no inhale

exhale inhale this is very calming

inhale we're in the middle of a session

exhale inhale

screw this shit

inhale exhale where have you been is

that what I think it is well I have mine

you know I don't know what the fuck is

going on here but Molly and Lera go find

her husband's now the rest of you meanie

in the kitchen we're having an emergency

meeting

you're mad at me

has everyone here been removing their

yoni eggs

removing them in order to have sex sex

with someone other than their spouse

clearly there is a lot of negative yoni

energy here but luckily it's not too

late is everyone here ready to keep an

open mind to really address the core

issue yeah yeah okay then we're going to

play a game called stripped everybody

takes a turn admitting one sexual act

that they intensely enjoy as you do so

you remove one piece of clothing what's

the point of this then the point is to

stand figuratively and symbolically

naked in front of your spouse speaking

to your deepest desires I I mean nothing

else has worked this weekend I'll give

it a try what do you have to live

I love it when a guy motorboats my tip

you never let me know about your kiss

maybe I don't like how you do it

everybody just breathe this is all just

about sharing yeah well I like having my

bull's coped hmm with a hand or a tongue

both maybe if you didn't smother me with

your balls I would look at them more

often

I like being smothered well I like how

my ass licked I love having my pussy

eaten out

I like having my feet sucks

I like licking feet it's funny because I

like licking pussy so what do we do now

I wanted you to invite your partner to

watch but you're seeing your deepest

desires so you want me to watch my wife

cheat on me I want you all to watch your

partner receive pleasure and learn what

it is that they like I want you all to

watch your partner receive pleasure and

learn what it is that they like well

there's one other thing that I didn't

mention I like I've always wanted to be

with a woman oh that's good

your wife

Oh

Oh

this weekend really saved my marriage

I know keep that yoni calibrated I

really want to keep my eggs I'm sorry

look at your very own egg the second we

go home he really is the greatest yeah I

can see that now

what a filthy bunch of bad eggs we

almost forgot