Original subtitles

Previously on Young Sheldon...

Checkmate. You lose.

5,730-year half-life of carbon-14

is used as a geochronometer.

Anything else you'd like to add?

I read this magazine.

Why won't you compete with me?

Because it's fun watching you get upset.

What's fun about it?

Everything.

I've never been good at sharing.

- I had to share a womb... - Ow.

Ow.

...a bedroom...

? Rico... ?

Even my train room had

Georgie's sweaty weight bench in it.

Come on, George. One more.

Feel the burn, big boy.

Feel the burn.

But when it came to academics, the spotlight was all mine.

Sheldon, having you here has been a real boon

to this university.

I did love basking in its glow.

So we could really use your help

in raising the school's profile even higher.

Of course. My intellect is at your service.

Excellent.

There is another young physics prodigy

we want you to help us recruit.

Her name is Paige Swanson.

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Why would you want Paige to come here?

You know her?

Oh, I know her.

Ah. Wonderful.

Just tell her how much you love the school

and convince her to enroll.

But you don't need another child prodigy.

You've already got me.

And you have been... so great.

Just imagine what it'd be like having two of you.

Well, why would you want two of me?

I mean, I've heard even one of me is a lot to handle.

Well, you're not afraid of a little competition, are you?

From Paige? Hardly.

But I should warn you, she can be very difficult.

Well, luckily I've had some practice with that lately.

And how do you handle it?

Usually I, uh, play to their egos.

You know, make them feel like the smartest person in the room.

And they fall for that?

Well...

not everyone's as smart as you, Sheldon.

Okay, have a great day. Love you.

Love you, too.

What are you doing?

I learned it in baseball.

When you don't want the other team to see what you're saying.

It's okay to love your mom.

At home. Here, you get the hand.

Hey, Mary.

Oh, Brenda.

Love the haircut.

Thank you.

I was always afraid to go short,

but I figured I already lost a husband.

What's a few inches off the top?

Well, you look like a new person.

I feel like a new person.

I just needed to do

something for me.

It was either this or get a tattoo on my thigh.

I think you made the right choice.

Well, I guess.

I mean, who's seeing me naked these days?

Well, I wouldn't know.

Hey, Mary. What are you doing here?

I don't know. I was just out running errands

and thought maybe I'd make an appointment.

Well, chair's free now. Come on, have a seat.

Oh, um, o-okay.

Okay. What can I do for you?

Well, I guess I'm just looking for a change.

Uh-oh.

What's "uh-oh"?

Well, nothing, it's just, when the women come in

looking for a change, it's usually relationship trouble.

Oh...

Well, not me. I'm fine.

Okay, but I got a perm and a divorce in the same week

and I only regret one of them.

Maybe this is a bad idea. I should come back.

No, no, no, no. Come on, you're already here.

Either way, there's nothing wrong

in a little change.

Okay. Uh...

What do you think I should do?

Well, when you look at yourself in the mirror,

who do you see?

I see a mom and... a wife.

Okay, that's the hair you already got.

Who do you want to see?

Oh, um...

Maybe we start with the nails.

- That's a great idea. - Yeah.

So now I'm supposed to talk Paige into coming to my school.

Maybe it'll be nice to have somebody

your own age to hang out with.

Sure, so the next time someone says,

"Hey, look what the kid genius did," people will say,

"Which one? There's so many."

I thought you and that little girl were friends.

Missy's her friend. I'm her rival.

Well, I think you're getting worked up about nothing.

Maybe she won't even decide to come to this school.

Oh, I see where you're going.

I should convince her it's a terrible school.

That's brilliant.

That's not where I was going.

Too late, I'm already there.

What are you doing?

Look at me and tell me what you see.

What?

Did you get a haircut? Looks great.

No, I didn't get a haircut.

'Cause you don't need one. Looking good, babe.

Lord.

Just tell me what you see when you look at me.

I don't know what's going on, but this feels like a trap.

I went to the salon to get a haircut.

Knew it, looking foxy.

But I didn't get one because I don't know what I want.

Oh.

You know who's got good hair? Charlene Tilton.

Who?

That little blonde one on Dallas.

People make a fuss over Victoria Principal,

but Charlene Tilton...

You're not helping me, George.

I knew this was a trap.

I must tell you that Sheldon was very excited

to hear that you might be joining us.

Well, isn't he sweet?

He's a peach.

All right, I'm here. Hello, hello.

Hello.

Hi, Sheldon. I'm so excited for you

to show me around campus today.

The only reason I'm doing it is because...

He's excited to do it, I'm excited he's doing it.

- Are you excited? - Sure.

Everyone's excited. Yay.

Come on, let's go.

You and me, together again.

It just feels right, doesn't it?

There's the cafeteria.

If you like tuna salad with hair in it.

Over there is the quad. It's a nice place to relax,

if you like getting hit in the head with Frisbees.

- I know what you're doing. - No, you don't.

You have nothing to worry about.

I don't want to come to this school.

I'm just looking at it to make my mom happy

since it's close to home.

Well, that's wonderful news.

Besides, I've got offers from way better universities.

What do you mean? What's wrong with this school?

It's fine. It's just nowhere near as good

as Harvard or Columbia.

It is too.

If you like a substandard science department

and hair in your tuna.

Paige had made me look at East Texas Tech

in a whole new light.

Of course.

She said she doesn't even want to come to this university.

Well, I hope you convinced her otherwise.

She said she'd rather go to Harvard or Columbia.

T-Those are all perfectly fine schools,

but we have a lot to offer here, too.

I told her that, but she said I was settling

because I want to live close to my mommy.

Well, that's ridiculous.

That's why I came here to tell on her.

Well, the important thing is you're here and you're happy.

I thought I was, but why does Paige

get to go to a better school than me?

Hey, I know what'll solve your problem.

Convince Paige to come here.

Yeah. Wait.

Sometimes I think George doesn't even see me.

And it's not just him.

My daughter's embarrassed of me,

my boys think all I'm good for is food and clean clothes.

You start feeling like a ghost, right?

Yes.

I get it, I'm a mom.

So did that feeling ever go away?

Yeah.

I realized I was doing everything for everyone else,

and I didn't have anything left for me.

So, here we are.

When I was younger, I used to love making my own clothes.

- Mm-hmm. - I always thought I'd do

something with that.

Maybe I should get back to it.

You definitely should.

Okay.

Okay. So, what are we thinking?

Actually, I don't think I need a haircut anymore.

Thank you so much.

Oh, my pleasure.

I got to start charging by the hour.

What are you doing?

I'm sewing.

Why?

Because it's a thing I like to do.

I ain't never seen you sew.

Well, you're seeing it now.

What you making?

A dress for Missy.

Did you lose your job?

No.

Did Dad lose his job?

It's about me doing something for myself.

All right, don't get sassy.

Hey.

What's going on in here?

She's making clothes for Missy.

Uh-oh. Did you lose your job?

No.

She's doing something for her.

I don't get it, either.

Ooh, maybe I'll transfer

to the University of Zurich.

I thought you liked your school.

I did, until Paige ruined it.

Why do you care what she thinks?

I don't.

Sure sounds like you do.

I can't help it. She makes me crazy.

Then stop thinking about her.

I wish I could.

Ooh, maybe you have a crush on her.

That's ridiculous.

I don't know.

I don't.

You care what she thinks, you can't stop talking about her.

I don't have a crush on her!

Are you sure?

I don't know!

Okay, here we go.

"Is it a crush? Take this juicy quiz and find out.

Do you think about them when they're not around?"

Lately, yes.

"Are you jealous when other people give them attention?"

I suppose I am.

"Do you get nervous when you're around them?"

How could I not? Last time she punched me, in the face.

That was so great.

"Do you talk about them all the time?"

That's a big fat yes.

"Do you dream about them?"

Oh, dear.

Just last night I had a nightmare that she solved

the Einstein field equations ahead of me.

That's five out of five.

"You're crushing harder than Zack on Kelly Kapowski."

Uh, what does that mean?

Trust me, that's a big deal.

My sister had gotten into my head, but I needed

a more reliable opinion than a magazine that included

the Hottest Tips for Pouty Lips.

Georgie?

What?

Can I ask you a question about girls?

Go ahead, but I find them very confusing.

Missy thinks I have a crush on Paige.

Do you?

I don't know, but I know that I don't want to.

Well, you don't get to choose.

It's just something you feel.

Did you have a crush on your girlfriend?

Yeah, I guess.

How did you know when you did?

Well, one day she came to school in these soccer shorts,

and that was it.

What happened, you played soccer with her?

No, dummy.

Then what was the significance of the shorts?

I don't think I can help you.

Fine, I'll ask Dad.

Good luck. The only thing

he has a crush on is beer.

I wasn't getting the help I needed,

so I turned to the smartest resource I knew.

Love is a funny thing.

They say, "The heart wants what the heart wants,"

but I think it should be,

"The limbic system wants what the limbic system wants."

Finally, someone's making sense.

Well, not to brag, but when it comes to unrequited love,

I'm kind of an expert.

Well, when I talk to Paige, all she does is drive me crazy.

There's a thin line between affection and aggravation.

The Roman poet Catullus said,

"I hate and I love and I know not why."

I'm not sure what to make of that.

Perhaps it'd be more useful in Latin.

"Odi et amo..."

I just want to know if I have a crush.

Well, does your heart rate elevate

when you're in her presence?

I suppose.

Does your stomach flutter?

Yes.

Sounds like your limbic system might be doing its thing.

Oh, dear.

- Hey. - Hey.

That's a lot of fabric.

Oh, it's not just fabric.

I also got pattern books and an accessory kit.

Can I ask how much that all cost?

Well, it's hard to say, because in the long run

I'm gonna save us money.

Well, what did it cost in the short run?

I don't know, a hundred dollars?

A hundred dollars? What is wrong with you?

Why would you say that?

That is a good question.

I mean, what is wrong with you?

Why is it okay when you say it?

'Cause clearly there's something wrong with you.

So you think it's fine that she spent

a hundred dollars on thread?

I think it's fine that she has something that makes her happy.

What are you looking for?

Anybody but you.

Look, I get it.

One time, Darlene got all into scrapbooking.

Overnight, our den became her scrapbooking room.

What did you do?

I said, "Whatever makes you happy, dear,"

and made love to her in the scrapbooking room.

Ha.

Maybe if you had three kids, you'd worry more about money.

Oh, we can't wait to have babies.

I just love the way their little heads smell.

Does anybody in here want to be my friend?

Anybody?

Look, Sheldon, you're not gonna convince me to come here.

You're wasting your time.

I'm afraid we have a bigger problem.

What are you talking about?

I'm a scientist, and I have to follow the data

wherever it leads, whether I like it or not.

Get to the point.

It seems I have a crush on you.

What?

I'm as surprised as you are.

But I have all the symptoms according to both Dr. Sturgis

and the editors of Sassy magazine.

Uh, Sheldon,

I'm really glad that you told me this,

'cause... the truth is, I feel the same way about you.

You do?

I mean, I've been trying to hide it,

but now I don't have to anymore.

This is such a relief.

Oh, dear. This is new information.

I had been operating under the assumption

that my crush was unrequited.

Oh, it's requited, Sheldon. It's very requited.

Hmm.

What are you doing?

We have a crush on each other.

So?

Well, now we have to kiss.

We do?

I mean, it's where the data has led us.

I suppose.

Okay.

Now close your eyes and pucker up.

This might tickle.

What's happening? Are we kissing?

You bet.

How was that?

I didn't feel anything romantic.

Hmm. Me, either.

I guess it wasn't a crush after all.

I guess not.

Hmm. That's a relief.

It is.

I went to three classes before I figured it out.

Good thing I look spiffy in a mustache.

Hi.

Oh. Three days in a row.

If you were a man, I'd think you was in love with me.

Well, this time I'm actually gonna get a haircut.

I had a little accident.

Uh-oh, what happened?

Well, I was sewing and got to daydreaming...

I love it.

You can make all my clothes from now on.

I'm-a wear this to the prom.

I was wrong, honey, you really are good at this.

Boy, am I dumb.

George!

George! Help!

What?

- What's the matter? - My hair got tangled in the machine.

So pull it out.

Don't you think I thought of that?!

Well, what do you want me to do?

All right, don't move.

And here we are.

Okay. Let's get that hat off and see what we're dealing with.

- I don't want to. - Oh, come on.

I've been doing this a long time.

I promise you I've seen worse.

Oh...

That's not bad at all.

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