Original subtitles

♪ ...go back ♪

♪ To my little grass shack In Kealakekua, Hawaii ♪

Aloha, son. Guess what?

What's going on, Pop?

Well, the Junk Dealers of America

are holding their annual convention in Hawaii,

and guess who's going.

Well, I can guess who's not going.

Us.

Why not?

We can't afford

to go to a convention in Hawaii.

We can't even afford a seminar in El Segundo.

But they sent all the information in the mail.

Reservation form, free drink tickets...

Uh-huh, and an acre of alfalfa.

Beautiful, isn't it?

They want me to get in the mood.

Hey, Pop...

Hey, Pop...

Would you stop it?

Look, we can't afford to go to Hawaii.

Now, you know that, don't you?

Son, I've been a member of the Association for 35 years,

and I never been to one convention.

Pop, it costs money to go to Hawaii. There's hotel bills...

Three hundred dollars.

But that includes three banquets,

tickets to the lectures,

and the theme this year is, "Junk as a way of life."

Plus a tour of the Islands

and roses in your room for you and your loved ones.

That's you, son.

We can't afford to go, Pop.

But it's nice thinking about it.

Waikiki, Diamond Head,

golden sand, the pounding surf.

Just relaxing, taking it easy,

waiting for the night to fall

and the bikinis to do the same thing,

hearing that great music,

running into the ocean, walking along the shore.

Oh, I wish we could go, son.

We interrupt this program

for a late news bulletin.

A daring daylight robbery at the Pacific Jewelry Company

has netted thieves over a million dollars in diamonds.

Police have no clues to the identities of the criminals,

but Hawaii Five-O reports that an all-out effort is being made

to make sure the diamonds do not leave the Island.

We'll have further reports as they become available.

We repeat, the Pacific Jewelry Company

was robbed today of over a million dollars in diamonds.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Oh, now that you stoled all of these diamonds,

can we go home now?

Right.

I'm really sick of this sun.

I miss Oakland.

Hey, did you check the airport?

Yep. Cops all over the place.

We'll never get past them.

What about the cruise ships?

It's the same thing.

Look, with our record,

they're going to search us from head to toe.

Oh, well that sounds like fun.

What this means is we're gonna have to find

some real clean pigeon

to get them diamonds back into California for us, huh.

But he's got to be stupid enough not to know he's carrying them

and to let us have them when we get there.

Well, all this work talk is very boring.

The Lions' Convention is still in town,

and so I am going down to the lobby.

Those Lions are cute.

And while you're at it,

the Junkmen's Convention's coming in soon.

You might get yourself elected "Miss Used."

What junkmen are coming?

I don't know.

It's the Associated Junkmen of America.

Then we're in business.

Consider those diamonds out of here.

Yes, I'm calling for Mr. Smith in Room 702.

Do you have a reservation

for a Mr. Fred G. Sanford for next week?

No?

You will.

Would you mind telling me what this is all about?

See, back in my neighborhood,

there's a junk dealer that's just the cat we're looking for.

This Fred G. Sanford?

That's him.

He is our pigeon?

He's better than a pigeon.

The "G" stands for gooney bird.

I'm coming.

I told you I'm coming, didn't I?

Are you Fred G. Sanford?

That depends. Depends on what?

On why you're here.

Now, if you're here to get, I'm not him.

But if you're here to give, you got the right man.

Well, I got a telegram for Fred Sanford.

Who's it from?

How do I know? Are you him or not?

Suppose it's from somebody asking for money.

Well, suppose it's from a relative who dies

and leaves you a fortune?

What if it's from my cousin telling me

he's coming to sponge off me for a month?

What if it's good news?

What if it's bad news?

Look, why don't you take it and don't open it?

Then how will I know if it's good news or bad news?

All right, then don't take it, then!

Are you crazy? It's for me!

Sign right here.

No, it's not raining.

Bye.

Man, I told you I don't give no...

Hi, Fred.

Bubba.

Hey, that Western Union guy sounded pretty upset.

What did he say?

Well, he said it stopped raining in the house,

but the drip was still there.

Well, now that you've given the weather report,

what do you want?

I saw the Western Union guy coming here,

and I figured he was probably bringing you a telegram

with some very important, personal and private news,

and I came over to see what it said.

Here, you open it, jump in, seal yourself up.

Then you'd be the world's biggest piece of junk mail.

Oh, come on, Fred.

Open it up.

All right.

What is it?

♪ I'm gonna go back ♪

♪ To my little grass shack In Kealakekua ♪

♪ Oooh ♪♪

Hey, Pop, I thought we were gonna forget

all about the convention.

But we didn't agree

to turn down a free trip to the Islands.

What are you talking about?

"Dear Mr. Sanford,

"you have been selected to appear on a panel

"to discuss the problems of the neighborhood junk dealer.

"Your ticket will be delivered if you accept this invitation

"for you and your loved one to come to Hawaii

"and attend this convention.

"Please confirm by calling area code 808-555-6767

"at noon, Los Angeles time.

Signed, Mr. Smith, Convention Coordinator."

Didn't I tell you it was good news?

Hey, that's hard to believe, Pop.

A free trip to Hawaii for two.

It's wonderful, isn't it, loved one?

He works hard, you know, doing the pickups and deliveries..

He deserves the trip.

Hey, thanks a lot, Pop.

I'll give you a good price for your ticket, son.

Why don't we get this guy Smith on the phone

to find out if this thing is legit?

Okay, it's just about noon now.

I don't know. You think this is gonna work?

Don't worry.

Now, remember what you got to say

and try to get it right.

I can do it, I can do it.

Now, would you like me

to sound like Cybill Shepherd or Faye Dunaway?

Just answer the phone,

or you're gonna look like Charles Bronson.

Junkmen of America Convention Headquarters.

Cybill speaking.

Hold on, please.

He wants a Mr. Smith.

That's me, me. Oh...

Hello, this is Mr. Smith talking.

Oh, Mr. Sanford.

You can, huh?

Well, we are delighted to hear that.

We knew that we could count on you.

Look forward to seeing you on the surf.

Yes, we'll just check in and wait to hear from you.

Aloha.

It's legitimate?

Just wait till everybody hears we're going to Hawaii.

♪ Da-dee ♪

I can't wait to see Esther's face.

Well, I can.

Esther... Esther, you better go down to the car wash.

What for?

You should get your money back,

because they must have had a broken bristle on the brush

when they spray-waxed your face.

Watch it, sucker.

Hey, Fred's going on a trip, Esther.

To Hawaii, Aunt Esther.

He's been invited.

Why? They running out of diseases?

Be nice to me, Esther.

I was gonna bring you back a grass skirt

for looking out for the place for me.

Oh, thank you, Fred.

But what would I do with a grass skirt?

Graze.

Now, would you two just stop, okay?

I'll get it. Come in!

Fred G. Sanford? FRED: Yeah.

Oh, I have your tickets for Hawaii

and all of your reservation information,

plus a small token of the Association appreciation

for your participation in the seminar.

Have a wonderful trip, sir.

I only travel first class.

Oh, but those tickets are two first-class tickets.

That's good.

Well, I guess that's about it.

Except Mr. Smith will contact you after you check in.

Goodbye, sir.

Goodbye.

Hey, that's unbelievable, Pop.

Man, they really got them tickets here fast.

Yeah, that Mr. Smith must have called right away,

wanted to make sure I didn't change my mind.

It's absolutely vital we catch these crooks

before they get a chance to get the diamonds off the Island.

Understand?

Now, you've all got mug shots

of every well-known heist artist in the business

and we got a line on every one of them.

They haven't made their move yet, but they will.

Well, suppose they get some stranger to help them,

you know, pull the old suitcase switch.

Ah, the old suitcase switch, hmm?

Well, just keep your eyes and ears open, you understand?

And I want you to know these men are armed and dangerous,

so if you see or hear anything suspicious,

shoot first, ask questions after.

Got it?

That's all. Go.

Hold it a second, Burke.

Just... Just what is the old, uh... suitcase switch?

Hey, your chauffeur is here!

That you, Rollo?

Right on, right on.

Don't touch anything,

keep your hands in your pockets,

and keep talking so I know where you are.

What's happening, Rollo?

Hey, look here, don't pay my father no mind, man.

See, he's so upset about flying in a plane

that he's got mouth lag.

Hey, man, forget that. Man, you lucky, man.

Hawaii. All them beautiful chicks, mai tais...

Well, what do you think?

We think you look ridiculous.

This is what they wear on the Islands.

Yeah, but you're not on the Island now, Pop.

You on Central Avenue and you might not

make it out of this neighborhood in that outfit.

Hey, look here, Pops, I think you look great, man.

And those wahines, they gonna go wild over you, man.

Those who? Wahines, chicks.

Hey, man, look here, you're going to the land of paradise.

And leaving Lion Country Safari.

Just come on in, Aunt Esther.

We were just getting ready to leave.

Rollo's gonna drive us to the airport.

Yeah, man, let's put these bags in the truck.

All right.

Esther, I want you to know,

I appreciate you looking out after my empire.

That's okay, Fred.

I live by the Good Book.

Do unto others, and turn the other cheek.

You're not doing nothing to me,

and one of your cheeks looks just as bad as the other.

Hey, Pops, I think we better book, man. It's getting late.

All right.

Don't worry about a thing.

Thanks a lot, Aunt Esther.

Listen, as soon as we get to Hawaii,

we're gonna send you a postcard.

And Janet has promised me,

that she's gonna come over here on weekends

and help you and Woody out.

Don't worry about nothing.

Just have a good time.

Thank you.

And you too, Fred.

And take care of yourself.

Well, let's go, Pop.

Pop. I'm paralyzed!

Oh, get on out of this house.

This must be Air Harlem.

You sit down here.

You sit by the window. I already seen the sky.

Sit... Sit down here.

Leave my hat alone.

Whew.

Are we there yet? Hey, Pop, just relax.

Now, it's gonna be a fantastic flight.

Up here in first class, you get to have anything you want.

Well, I wanna go home.

Hey, pilot.

Yes.

We're in trouble, son.

How are we doing here? Oh, just fine.

Hey, you the pilot? That's right.

Well, this is my first long flight.

Mine too!

Uh, how long does it take to get to Hawaii?

I don't know. We've never made it.

Well, have fun!

Pop?

Pop?

Well, I figure at about this time

our pigeon is wending his way

through the wild blue yonder.

Uh-huh.

Oh, then you got everything arranged?

No problem.

I got the duplicate case in the car.

In that case, we better get changed

and get ourselves over to the airport

and make sure that our little pigeon lands safely.

I'm com... Wait a minute.

What do you think?

The way they've been hanging around,

it doesn't look like they're in a hurry

to get off the Island.

Maybe we're wasting our time.

Let's keep an eye on them anyway.

They're the only lead we have.

Would you like some more wine, Mr. Sanford?

Just a touch, if you don't mind.

If you'd like, you can take some of these leftovers

to the tourist section.

Well, I think they're getting along just fine.

Oh, that's good.

I like to see the ordinary people enjoy themselves.

We're serving fresh pineapple and "macadamians."

You like macadamians, don't you?

Yes, as long as they don't live next door.

Oh, no, macadamians, a famous nut of the Island.

You should meet Bubba Bexley, a famous nut of the mainland.

Well, you just ring if you need anything.

I need the washroom.

Well, it's to the back of the cabin, sir.

Hey, Pop, can't you wait?

Hold this. I don't wanna wait.

Hold my salad, will you.

I'm making a mess out of nothing.

Say, is this the first class line?

Yes, we're all first class.

Well, go to the back of the class, because I'm in a hurry.

Well, you'll have to wait like the rest of us.

All right.

Uh, have you been to Hawaii before?

Oh, yes, we go every season.

Ah, really?

I usually head for the South of France.

San Tropez, or Trini Lopez.

What made you choose Hawaii this year?

They have lovely washrooms on their flight.

Let me show you. Behind me.

No way.

I paid to sit up front, and I'm not going

to look at your tail section.

Well, I never.

Well, I have, but not since I left Watts.

Hey... Come... Sir! Sir!

Aw, sir nothing. No, lady, you wrong!

You are rude!

No, no!

Just in time. That's his plane.

I can't wait to see him.

He'll be easy to spot.

Wow, if that's the guy, man, we got it made.

We've got it made.

I think he's cute.

Do you believe that guy?

No.

Wow.

That's our pigeon.

Wills and Davis seem to be interested in this flight.

I'll get the passenger list,

and we'll start checking them out.

Hey, that's a put-on.

He can't be as stupid as he looks.

He is.

Looks intelligent to me.

To you, a rock looks intelligent.

Are you sure he ain't gonna give us any trouble?

If he does, he won't need his return ticket.

No, he won't need nothing.

Well, Pop, we made it.

It's just like being on my honeymoon again.

That's nice of you.

But I think you had too much wine on the plane.

I don't mean you, dummy.

I mean the idea that we're on a real holiday,

free, on the house, paid for.

It's just like the honeymoon.

Well, who paid for your honeymoon?

Mom. LAMONT: Why?

I was broke.

You know, you're really something, Pop.

That's what she said, son.

Hey, there it is.

Look at that, son.

"Welcome Junkmen of America."

Hey, how many shells I owe you? What?

You know, shells, coconut chips,

whatever you use for money here.

Partner, you explain to this old guy this is America.

The fare is 6 bucks.

Here, I'll give it to him.

No, don't take it. I'll pay it.

It's a honeymoon.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Mahalo. Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, and you another one, and your momma.

Your air conditioning is here,

and you've got your radio and your television

controlled from here,

and if you take your elevator

down to the cabana level,

you can get your lounges and your towels.

If there's anything else you need,

just dial your number eight.

Oh, thank you very much.

Is there anything else you need?

Look, I know when you check somebody into

one of your fancy suites

you expect one of your big tips.

Oh, no, no. Not really, sir.

Thank you.

Will that be all?

Unless you want to sing us

two choruses of "Sweet Salami."

That's "Leilani." Yeah, that too.

What quiz show did you guys win for this trip?

The Dating Game.

Aloha.

Hey, Pop, do you believe this?

This is unbelievable.

What's unbelievable is that there are people

that can afford this.

Look at it.

This must cost 20, 25 a night.

No, Pop, $135 a night.

What, $135? That's right.

Well, don't step on the carpet.

Are they crazy?

That's more than the down payment on my first house,

and then they threw in a refrigerator.

You know, Pop, I'm really proud of you.

Being important enough to be asked

to come over here and speak,

and get all this for free.

Yeah, that's good.

But wouldn't it be something

if we could afford to travel like this any time.

I let you down, son.

Would you cut it out?

Now, we got an empire, remember?

That's no empire. It's nothing.

I'm nobody. I'm a failure, a loser.

And you better start disagreeing with me,

or else I'll give you five across your lip.

Come on, Pop, you're not a nothing,

and you're not a failure.

But I'm a loser and a nobody?

You're a somebody, Pop.

And you're my pop,

and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'll get it.

These were delivered for you, and forget the tip.

I'm writing you off as a tax loss.

He's pushy.

Look at this.

Hey, there's a card. What the card say?

Oh, hey, Pop, it's from the convention chairman, Mr. Smith.

He just wanted to welcome us to Hawaii,

and he said he'll be in touch with us later.

Well, let's go and unpack. Then head for the beach.

All right, I'm for that.

Hawaii is calling.

Hey, son.

Hey, Pop, where did you get that outfit?

Bubba gave it to me for a going away gift.

Oh, yeah? It looks adorable.

Yeah, his wife cut it down from a pair of her slacks.

Well, I guess if you live in a $135-a-day suite,

you can afford to wear outfits like this.

Yeah.

Hey what do you say we get some of them Hawaiian drinks?

I don't know, Pop. The sun and booze just don't mix.

It could hit you pretty hard.

Listen, son, you only live once.

Let's celebrate. Everything's on the house.

Waitress? Waitress!

May I help you, sir?

Oh, yes. I'd like to have two mai tais,

make them double, and heavy on the rum.

Right away, sir.

Just a moment. What do you want, son?

Well, I'll just have one of yours, Pop.

You can't have one of my mai tais.

You have to have one of your own "your tais."

Uh, give him a "his tai."

You know, Pop,

I'd like to bring Janet here someday.

Bring a girl here?

Sure.

You're crazy.

That's like taking a kumquat to the Garden of Eden.

Just stop that.

Sit down there.

Here, let's get some of this sun.

Hi there.

Fred G. Sanford...

Sanford and Son, Los Angeles.

We're with the junkmen.

How about you?

My son and I were invited here by the committee.

We got a great big suite upstairs.

Well, at least he's alive.

There's a hurricane gonna hit here

in about an hour and a half.

Gonna kill everybody.

Hey, your swimming trunks are on fire!

Will you stop annoying that man?

I'm not annoying this man. He's enjoying it.

Look how happy he is.

Say, uh, what are you gonna tell all your friends

when you get back to Tokyo?

It's Brooklyn.

And I'm gonna tell them

some jerk's been bugging me at the pool.

They're starting the hula lessons now, sir, on the beach,

if you'd like to get in on it.

Come on, son, let's go.

We don't want to miss nothing.

Come on.

That old turkey's gonna dance.

He'll be busy for a while.

This would be a good time to make the switch.

Yeah, I'll get the suitcase out of the car.

I'll make sure he don't leave the beach.

Are you ready? Go.

♪ I wanna go back ♪

♪ To my little grass shack In Kealakekua, Hawaii ♪

♪ I wanna be with ♪

Oh, sure come in, join us.

Stand over there. It's free.

Take two steps to the left.

Two to the left.

And make your 'okole a little loose.

This is your 'okole, okay?

Really make it loose like this, okay?

That's good, okay. Now... You like that? Look like that?

Okay, follow me.

Okay, follow you. Where you going?

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, okay.

♪ It won't be long till my ship ♪

This is a ship.

♪ Back to Kona ♪ Kona.

It's a grand old place.

♪ Then you're the one ♪♪

And they say, "Come, come."

Come, come, come. Come, come.

That's it.

Oh, you're pure Hawaiian, pure Hawaiian.

What do you think?

Let's pull him in and see what we get.

Sir.

What's going on?

You want to come along with us, please.

Let's get in!

Come on, let's row!

Wait a minute! Watch that water!

Row! Row!

Row! Row! Wait a minute!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Hey, look, Pop, don't try to do everything the first day.

Oh, son, I was born for the beach.

I got sand in my veins, and I got water on my knee.

Look, why don't we go up to the hotel room

and rest before the luau?

Why don't we have another mai tai just for luck?

Pop, you've had five of those things already.

I know it tastes like fruit juice,

but they're gonna hit you pretty hard.

See, I'd like to try that.

What?

Surfing. Can't you see me now, riding the wave?

No, but I can see you drowning in the waves.

Who, me?

I can give Buster Crabbe and Mark Spitz lessons.

In what?

Crabbing and spitting.

Hello, fellow surfer.

You surf?

Yeah.

Banzai Pipeline Sanford.

That's what they call me.

Can I use your board?

Pop, are you crazy?

You got to be a little crazy to surf. Go ahead.

Now, look, son, try to get a camera,

because I wouldn't want Donna to miss this.

Hold that for me.

Easy, Pop.

Oh, that surfing was tough, son.

Sure is.

But I did ride that wave in, didn't I?

Like a dream, Pop.

I must have hit my head on something.

Years ago.

I got this headache.

It must have been the pounding.

Yeah, the ice against the straw.

Maybe I'll just lay down here for a while.

Now, that's a good idea. Just relax.

I... I'll get it.

Yes? Mr. Sanford?

I'm Mr. Sanford. He's my son.

Well, that makes him Mr. Sanford too.

See, son, the police are the same everywhere.

They pick up one clue, and before you know it,

they've figured out the whole thing.

May I come in? Yeah, sure, come on in.

Uh, wait a minute. Do you have a warrant?

Pop, would you stop sounding like a crook?

Come on in. Thank you.

Well, this is, uh...

This is quite a layout.

Okay, okay, let's have it.

Have what?

The ticket for drunk surfing.

No, that's Water Traffic Division, Mr. Sanford.

I'm from Five-0.

Hawaii Five-0?

That's right.

How's McGarrett's hair?

Well, what can we do for you?

Well, there's been a big jewel heist,

and we know the thieves are trying

to get the diamonds off the Island.

So?

Well, we just arrested a suspect outside the hotel,

and we're just checking with all the guests

to see if they saw him going into any of the rooms.

We just got up here a minute ago ourselves.

Would you, uh... Would you mind taking a look at his photograph,

and see if you find his face familiar?

I don't know.

It seems a little familiar, but I can't be too sure.

Look, we don't know him,

and we don't know anything about no diamonds.

I'm here as a guest speaker for the Junkmen of America,

and I'd like to be treated

with all the respect that junk deserves.

Well, we have to check with everyone.

See, we know he's trying to get somebody

to take the jewels back to the mainland.

Well, you can search the place if you want to.

Search? Without a warrant.

What about our rights?

I've traveled all over the world.

I'm Fred G. Sanford and the "G" is for Greyhound.

All right, Mr. Sanford,

but if either one of you

see or hear anything, would you please let us know?

We will, but honestly,

if you want to search the place, you... You're free to do this.

That's not necessary.

When... When will you be leaving the Island?

Well, right after the convention.

It starts tomorrow.

I'll be seeing you.

He got some nerve thinking that we were with some thieves.

Don't tell him that you know Rollo.

Hey, Pop, I don't know what you got so excited about.

He seemed like a pretty nice guy.

Sure, that's the way they do. Nice and polite.

"Yes, sir. No, sir.

Nice to meet you. Thank you."

Then, pow!

Twenty years up the river without a surfboard.

Son, I'm beginning to feel very homesick.

Why, Pop?

Because the main course reminds me of Esther.

Hey, Pop, did you taste this?

What is it?

Poi.

Poi, oh, poi.

Mr. Sanford,

since you did so well with your lesson on the beach,

would you like to join us for a number?

Oh, no, thank you.

Where do I stand? Right here.

Way to go, Pop!

Everybody, now, we know what most of us learn the hula

when we're very young,

but once in a while, we find a visitor

who catches on so quickly

that we like to show him off a little.

Please, please.

Uh, now, tell us some more.

Well, Mr. Sanford took only one lesson

and already he's learned

to tell beautiful words with his hands.

Yeah, and I learned how to write numbers with my hands.

703. What's that?

My room number.

All right, our prize pupil, Mr. Fred Sanford.

Yeah!

♪ Back to my little grass shack ♪

♪ In Kealakekua, Hawaii ♪

Good, good.

♪ I wanna be With all the kanes ♪

♪ And wahines ♪

Good. That's serious. Good.

♪ I can hear the old Hawaiians saying ♪

♪ Komo mai no kâua i ka hale welakahao ♪

♪ Sailing back to Kona ♪♪

Hit it, brother!

♪ And would I be sure ♪

♪ That this is love beyond compare? ♪

♪ Would all this be true ♪

♪ If I didn't care for ♪

♪ Bah-bah-dah-der-dei- bah-oooh-aah? ♪♪

We've got trouble.

You can say that again.

I have run out of cuticle remover.

Gladys, you have taught me one great thing.

Oh, that's nice. What?

Never to answer an ad in The Free Press again.

You are always so gloomy.

Mmm.

Well, they picked up Wills, and sooner or later,

that guy is gonna talk,

so what you got to do is get dressed,

get down to the Sanfords' room

pick up that case with the diamonds.

Meantime, I'll go down to the luau

and make sure that he gets off the Island

before they can connect us with him.

And I'll get our boys

and figure out some way that we can get off the Island.

What should I wear?

Just get the case with the diamonds.

I don't care what you wear.

But if you don't hurry, you'll be wearing stripes.

Uh-uh, stripes make me look fat.

You know, Pop, I got to tell you, man,

man, your singing and dancing was just great.

I know.

But, you know you don't look so good, Pop.

I know it, son. I don't feel too good.

Maybe I had too much sun and mai tais and poi pois.

Why don't you go upstairs and lie down for a while?

I think I will.

You stay down here and have yourself a good time.

Are you sure? Sure, I'm sure.

Aloha. Okay.

Hey... Hey there.

You are... You are Mr. Sanford?

Well, yes, sir.

I'm Mr. Smith, from the convention.

Oh, hey, Mr. Smith. I'm glad to meet you.

Say, listen, me and my pop, we're having a great time.

Yeah, well, I'm afraid

we've got a little trouble, though.

What's the problem? Well, it's the agenda.

You see, that... That panel discussion

that we were supposed to have,

that's the reason we invited you here,

and we ain't gonna have no time for it,

so, uh, I'm afraid

we can't continue to pick up the check

for your accommodations.

Well, who's gonna pay for it?

Hey, that is a problem, ain't it?

Mr. Smith, my pop and I, we can't afford $135 a day.

Oh...

Well, there is a plane leaving for the mainland

in an hour.

Well, that's some association.

What am I supposed to tell my pop now?

How about, "Start packing, Daddy"?

Uh, hi.

I thought we just got the room and the meals.

Uh, well, I'm your new chambermaid,

and, um, these are our new outfits.

Kind of cute, aren't they?

Look, you must have the wrong room,

and I don't feel so good,

so go clean up somewhere else.

Um, okay.

Um, fine... I think.

Um... Welcome to the Islands.

Aloha.

Aloha.

Hello. Hi.

I think you better sit down, Pop.

I got some bad news.

Aha, we got our first big break.

Thank you.

Wills talked... told us the whole scheme,

how they figured on getting the diamonds

off the Island and everything, huh?

Now, half of you guys get out there,

run down Davis and his boys.

Burke, you go talk to Sanford.

Tell him we understand

we know he was just being used by Davis, a patsy.

He should still have the diamonds.

Me, I'll call McGarrett,

give him time to get his hair teased

before we meet with the press.

Chop, chop and chop.

Hello, Fi... Dial nine first?

Thank you, operator.

I'll sue them, that's what I'll do!

Hey, Pop, just try to calm down, okay?

Calm down? Are you kidding?

Dragging us all the way over here and canceling the panel.

Some junk association.

I'll just resign.

That's what I'll do.

Either I broke my glasses,

or we in Zsa Zsa Gabor's old room.

Pop, you didn't bring your glasses.

These are the diamonds

that everybody's been looking for.

Then by the process of elimination,

we in big trouble.

With all these carats, I may never need glasses again.

Hey, wait a minute, now I remember.

That picture that the police showed us,

that was Freddie Wills, Pop.

We went to high school together,

until he graduated to San Quentin.

He knows us? Sure he knows us.

And that Mr. Smith is a phony.

Pop, they got us to Hawaii,

so we could smuggle these diamonds back to the mainland.

Because we're stupid.

No, because nobody would suspect us.

We're smugglers.

We're not anything, Pop, but innocent.

You think anybody's gonna believe that?

Well, we can try. I'm gonna call Hawaii Five-0.

No, you call the airport,

because there's only two cops

I'm gonna give this stuff back to.

Hoppy and Smitty.

These cops won't believe we're innocent.

After all, I threw them out of here,

wouldn't give them a chance to search the place.

Well, what are they gonna think,

if they catch us trying to smuggle these diamonds?

Uh, then we'll pretend that you knew and I didn't,

and you'll go to jail, and I'll go to Watts.

Would you put those back?

All of them.

They've checked out.

If they've discovered the diamonds,

Davis will kill them in a second.

Wills is out on bail. He must be with Davis too.

Let's get to the airport.

We've got to protect those junkmen.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think this gonna work out all right.

They're going to take them diamonds home

without even knowing they got them.

Just hope the cops don't get here

before the plane leaves.

You had to go tell them everything.

Well, they were hollering at me.

Uh, we'd like to check these bags.

Okay.

Excuse, please. Is this the flight to San Francisco?

Uh, no, sir, next counter. Thank you.

Now, sir, checking these through to L.A.

Not the black one.

Hey, Pop, you can't take that bag on board the plane.

I'm not letting it out of my sight.

The bag'll be safe.

I'm carrying it. ATTENDANT: But you can't, sir.

I'll check it for you. No, wait a minute, look.

You can't. Don't tell me what I can't...!

Hey, Pop, that's not our bag!

Hey, the diamonds ain't in that bag.

They must've stashed them someplace else.

Uh-oh, we better get out of here, son.

Let's get them! Is this dress okay?

Uh...

Remember, they don't get off this island alive.

Next week in the conclusion

of the "Hawaiian Connection,"

Fred Sanford, using all the intelligence at his disposal,

finds himself in deeper trouble.