Original subtitles

Hey, Pop, look at this, man.

This looks like the perfect campsite.

Isn't it beautiful?

Yeah, this is really a nice spot you picked here.

Well, here's your ducky. Bye.

Hey, wait a minute, Pop. Now, come on, man.

Now, we both agreed

we were gonna stay in the mountains,

just like we planned.

Now, let's set the camp up, all right?

Here, take it easy.

Here we go.

Okay, welcome to Camp Freddie!

All those going home in the red truck, fall in.

Come on, Pop, now you gotta get in the spirit, man.

Now just take a look around you.

Look at those the towering mountains.

Look at those swaying trees.

Look at this babbling son.

Pop, you gotta try and appreciate nature

a little bit, like Joyce Kilmer.

Who is she?

She was a he.

Joyce was a he?

Yeah.

He wrote "Trees."

Did they write back?

No, no, Pop. See, you don't understand.

He-he wrote the poem "Trees." You remember?

I think I shall never see A poem as lovely as a tree

A tree whose hungry mouth Is pressed

Against the earth's Sweet flowing breast

Sounds like Joyce might have been a little...

Yeah, and then there was Thoreau, Pop.

Who?

Yeah, the writer, Thoreau.

See, he left his mark on the world.

Oh, yeah, the mark of Thoreau.

Zip, zip, zip.

No, no, no, no.

See, Henry David Thoreau...

He lived in solitude for seven years,

and he wrote a poem about Walden Pond.

Big deal.

My cousin, Ernie,

lived in solitude for seven years.

He wrote a poem about San Quentin.

Come on, Pop.

Stop being so negative, man.

Now, when we left home, we both agreed...

We didn't agree on nothing.

That was you.

You insisted that we get away

so we have a chance to talk together

like father and son before you got married.

Yeah, that's right.

Okay.

Here's some father and son talk.

Okay.

Get your father out of these woods.

Pop, the least you can do

is help me unload the stuff from the truck.

If that's the least I can do, I'll do it!

Perfect campsite here.

Even got a fireplace.

I don't care about...

Here. Here's your sleeping bag.

Where's the box spring and mattress?

No, Pop, listen.

You're gonna love sleeping on the ground

in this sleeping bag, close to nature.

Speaking of nature... where's the outhouse?

Anywhere you want it to be.

I want it to be in the bathroom.

No, see, you don't understand.

You're in the woods now, Pop, and you gotta live like animals.

See, animals don't use bathrooms.

Well, I do.

I'm not forest-broken.

Hey, wait a minute. Who put this in here?

I put it in there.

Give it here. For what?

This is my snake-bite kit.

See, if a snake bites me this weekend,

I'm gonna lay this upside your copper head

and rattle it.

You get that?

Help me get the tent.

Tent?

I can't live in no tent. I can't sleep in...

I gotta have something more comfortable and roomy.

Pop, the thrill of camping is learning to overcome

Mother Nature's little challenges.

Now, look.

You read me the instructions, and I'll set up the tent.

Okay.

You're gonna love it, Pop.

I know it.

I'm beginning to love it now.

Keep this tent away from the heat, animals,

and the big dummy of the forest.

Pop, just read what the instructions say, please.

Okay, okay.

If you follow these instructions carefully,

even a small child can assemble this tent.

Step one:

drive to Watts and get a small child.

I'll see.

Pop, come on, man.

There, you see, Pop.

An hour of hard work has paid off.

The tent looks terrific.

You know, Son, it doesn't look too bad.

No. I told you, Pop.

Now, once we get everything set up,

we're gonna have a ball out here camping.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm gonna go inside and check it out.

Yeah, Son, you go on in there,

and I'll come in later.

Hey, Pop, you know, it's really great in here.

Is it warm?

Would you get in here?

Well, okay, I'll try to look in.

Now, look at this.

Wait a minute. Hey, this is really nice.

Isn't this nice?

It's great. It's really great.

We're gonna have some fun in here. Yeah!

Will you... What are you do... Oh, no!

Well, that's takes care of that.

I'll see you later, Pop. Where are you going?

I'm going to get some firewood for the fire.

No, Son, wait a minute.

Don't leave me out here in this barren wilderness.

Now, just relax, Pop.

Now, I'll be right back.

Now, just enjoy the peacefulness

and the quietness and the solitude of the forest.

I'll be right back.

Don't worry about a thing.

Come on out. I'm not afraid of you.

Come on.

Come on out, I...

I'll float like a butterfly and sting like a bee.

Nobody out in the forest meaner than me.

Come on, elephants, tigers, and gorillas.

I'll whip a hundred Godzillas.

Hey, Pop, I'm...

I'm sorry, Pop.

I didn't mean to scare you.

I just wanted your help with the firewood.

You didn't scare me, Son.

Let me loosen my belt.

For what?

I think my heart dropped in my drawers.

Just relax, Pop.

You're safe here with me.

Now get me a match so I can start the fire.

You don't need no match to start no fire.

All you have to do

is rub two pieces of wood together.

Now, go over there

and rub your head upside the tree!

I said I was sorry.

Now, I just wanted you to come camping with me, Pop,

so we could be alone.

I mean, who knows?

Once I get married and have a family,

and got all responsibility of a family,

we might not be able to spend any time like this alone.

Promise?

Why do we have to argue all the time, Pop?

We don't argue all the time...

Only when we're together.

Well, why can't we talk like normal fathers and sons?

Well, you start.

No, you start.

You start.

Why don't we talk about the first time

I went camping.

Oh, yeah.

I'll never forget that night.

I was afraid you'd be scared out there

sleeping in the backyard all by yourself.

Yeah, I told you I wasn't gonna be scared.

Well, woke up the whole neighborhood

screaming,

"I'm afraid to sleep by myself. I'm afraid to sleep by myself.

I'm afraid to sleep by myself!"

Yeah, and I had to come in the house

and calm you down.

You always was a good son.

Yeah. You see, Pop, that's what I miss.

We haven't talked about things like this

in a long time.

Yeah, this is kind of nice.

Peaceful, sort of relaxing... It's... it's...

It's a spider!

That's it. That's it.

That's as far as I'm going.

I'm going home in the morning.

I've had it!

Aw, come on, Pop.

Look, Pop, if you wanna go home, it's okay.

I should have known better

than to think that we could come out here

and spend a peaceful weekend together.

Start the truck and put this stuff on it.

I couldn't wait to get out here in the woods,

now I can't wait to get home. You're a pain...

I never should've come here with you.

I don't care what you say.

Go camping with you!

Well, I got good news, and I got bad news.

First, the bad news.

The truck won't start.

Well, what's the good news?

We'll always know where it is.

Son, if the truck won't start,

then... call the Auto Club.

Are you kidding me, Pop?

We're 50 miles from the nearest telephone.

Well, don't use the nearest phone.

Get one closer.

You don't even need a telephone.

Help.

Would you stop it?

We got food for a couple of days.

There's plenty of water in the brook.

It could be a lot worse, you know.

Worse? That's right.

Look, we ain't got no truck,

we fighting this cold weather,

and there's hardly any food at all.

Now, what could be worse?

Well, it could snow.

Uh-uh. Impossible.

Elizabeth, honey.

I'm coming to join you, baby.

I'll be the little white fella.

You catch anything?

Not even a nibble.

Yeah, you probably scared 'em all the way

dressed like that.

You said there'd be somebody here to help us.

That was two days ago.

Yeah, I know, Pop.

And we're out of food.

If we'd rationed the hot dogs like we were supposed to,

we'd still have some food left.

Maybe some bear ate them.

Yeah, sure, some bear ate them.

If some bear ate them,

there wouldn't have been a knife in the mustard jar.

Well, Son,

you know I can't miss my midnight snack.

Now, what are we going to do?

I guess we'll have to eat plants.

Good, good. We'll eat plants.

Are you crazy?

No, Pop, it says in the camper's manual

that plants provide a natural source of food.

I tell you, man, I'm starving.

I'm gonna try it.

I'm gonna try one of these boys here.

Hey, that's not bad.

What does your camper's manual say about dying?

Come on, Pop. Stop talking like that.

Hey, listen, I saw a movie once

where two guys had a chance to escape from Iwo Jima,

and one of them was a young guy, and he was strong,

and the other guy was old and weak.

Old man turns to the young man,

he said, "Listen...

"I know I'm slowing you down

"and I know you could make it if I wasn't slowing you down,

so just leave me the rifle and one bullet."

Pop...

And when the Japanese were only about 100 yards away,

the young guy gave the old man the rifle and one bullet,

and ran... and, Son, I'm gonna tell you,

that young fella hadn't got no more

than about 20 yards away

when he heard that rifle shoot.

The old man killed himself?

No, he shot the young man in the behind.

We're gonna make it out of here, Pop.

Listen, I know what.

While we're waiting, why don't we, uh...

play a little cards?

That might, you know,

take our mind off the situation.

How about some gin?

You brought some along?

Oh, oh, gin! Yeah.

We'll play for $10 a point.

Ten dollars a point!

One of us should die rich.

Would you stop talking like that?

You know, Son, while you were gone fishing,

I got to thinking about all the things

we've never said to each other...

and if I die without talking to you,

I'll feel awful.

Listen, Pop, we're gonna make it out of here.

No, we're gonna die

without even knowing each other

because we don't talk.

We talk.

We talked a couple of weeks ago.

You gave me advice

on how to propose to Janet, remember?

Don't talk about that now.

You know, you were real cute

in what you said, Pop,

and what you said made a lot of sense.

I always make a lot of sense.

Yeah, I can see it now.

We were sitting at the dinner table...

Well, Son. Tonight's the big night, ain't it?

I bet you're really excited.

I'm excited, and I'm nervous, Pop.

See, we're gonna go back to Janet's apartment,

and I'm gonna pop the big question,

and if she accepts, I'm gonna buy the ring tomorrow.

Know what you're gonna say?

No, but I know I won't get down on one knee,

because you know, I don't like that corny stuff.

Well, when you get back here tonight,

I got a big surprise for you.

A surprise?

Yeah, I can hardly wait.

Can I give you a little bit of advice?

No. Good.

Now, when you ask her, be tough, be firm.

Let her know who's the boss right away.

Say, "Look, baby,

"you and I are getting engaged,

"and that's the way it is,

and we'll be that way all the time."

Is that what you told Mom?

No, that's what your mom told me.

That was something. Yeah.

And... And how about the time I taught you

how to drive a car?

Yeah, even after the second accident I had,

you made me get right back in the car

and drive it till I did it right.

Yeah, and when you did do it right,

you'd driven through

the front wall of the house four times.

You remember how we laughed? Yeah.

It was Bubba's car and Esther's house.

Well, I'll tell you something, Pop.

There was something even weirder

than Bubba's car in Esther's house.

What was that?

The time you brought that thing

into the house.

Sit down, Son, I got a little surprise for you.

I don't want no surprises, Pop.

I'm starving. I've been working all day.

I want food.

Pop, what's that horse doing in the kitchen?

How should I know?

You saw him last.

You know, we sure have had

some crazy, dumb times together, Pop.

Yeah, that's right.

They weren't all my fault.

Oh, I suppose some of them were mine.

No, some of them were nobody's fault.

I mean, you remember the time...

Oh, what's the matter, Pop?

I had a break-in.

Nobody broke in here.

Well, what is this, a self-inflicted wound?

Well, there was a small earthquake

last night,

and a few things got shook around.

I must've slept right through it.

Thank goodness, it was just an earthquake.

What do you mean, just an earthquake?

Well, just an earthquake.

This place is solid as a rock, a fortress.

Like they say,

In time, the Rockies may tumble Gibraltar might crumble

They're only made of clay... but...

♪ My junk Is here to stay ♪

♪ Buh, buh ♪

Help!

Well...

It's all over, Pop. How do you feel?

Fine, thank you. How are you?

You know, Pop,

I guess the times we remember most

were the times we spent together.

You're right, Son. Yeah.

Gin! I got you.

Hey, wait a minute,

you're only supposed to have 10 cards.

You've got over 30.

I got three gins, but I'm only counting one.

Pop, did I ever tell you

the great job that you did in bringing me up by yourself?

Well, thanks, Son, and you did a great job too.

At what?

Getting me lost up here in the Arctic!

Now get me out of here.

Come on, Pop. Don't give up.

I'm not gonna give up, Son.

You know, if we do die out here,

they might write a song about us,

like Davy Crockett.

♪ Freddie, Freddie Sanford ♪

♪ Father Of this dummy here ♪

Hey, you know what? Hey, wait a minute.

What are you... I got an idea.

What are you doing, Pop?

You know Robinson Crusoe?

He wrote a note for help, and then...

Oh, here's that bottle I had.

And he put a note in the bottle

and threw it in the ocean and help came.

What are you, some kind of a nut?

The ocean is 50 miles away from here.

Might be a high tide tonight.

What's that? I don't know.

Oh! It worked, Son.

We've been saved!

Are you Lewis and Clark?

No.

Oh, it's the Red Cross.

I mean, are you part of the party

that's looking for us?

I'm Ms. Barnes,

leader of Girl Scout Troop number 104.

Girls!

This way!

Girl Scouts? Jeez.

You mean you're not part of the team looking for us?

I don't know what you gentlemen

are talking about.

My girls and I...

are out on one of our nature hikes,

and we accidentally came across your camp.

I'm sorry if we disturbed you.

Oh, no, listen, you didn't disturb us.

You saved us.

That's right. Oh.

Our truck won't start, and we're out here

in the middle of this wilderness

with nothing but that old measly tent there.

We got no food, fighting cold weather

with all the strength that's left... left in us.

You got any cookies?

Any Girl Scout can tell you,

the thrill of camping

is learning to overcome the challenges

of Mother Nature.

Pop...

Mind if we take a look at your truck?

Don't even bother. It's not gonna do any good.

I checked it out.

There's nothing that can be done for that truck.

We don't need no help.

I mean, remember, Son...

man is the king of the jungle.

That's what I thought. We can handle it.

Well, if you can handle it,

why didn't you take a walk

to the other side of the hill?

The other side of the hill?

That's right.

Just about a quarter mile that way

is a small town with telephones,

gas station, and a lodge.

But his map...

Got your truck started.

Didn't really seem to have anything wrong with it.

Maybe your carburetor was flooded.

You little...

Yeah, I knew that all the time.

I just didn't have the right tools.

Well, gentlemen,

it looks like the Girl Scouts

have saved the day once again.

Glad we could help the kings of the jungle.

Why don't you go take a hike?

Girls, head 'em up.

Move 'em out.

You see that? A town over the hill.

We starved for nothing.

Well, maybe it wasn't for nothing, Pop.

Think of all the things that we talked about, man,

the closeness that we achieved...

Now, come on, Pop. Wasn't it worth it?

You knew where we were all the time, didn't you?

Be honest.

Yeah, I knew where we were,

but I didn't wanna tell you

because I wanted to spend some time with you alone.

I thought so.

I thought... I thought you knew all along.

I knew you knew from the beginning.

Well, then if you knew,

why did you complain about starving to death?

Well, that's my nature.

I mean, I was never really starving.

You want a super burger?

See... Where did you get that?

Well, last night while you were sleeping,

I sneaked into town and got it at the coffee shop.

Yeah,

and they forgot to put ketchup on it.

Oh, that's okay.

Take mine. I don't like ketchup.

Get in the truck!

Pack this stuff up, you dummy.

I love you too, Pop.

Help me load the truck, and then we'll go home.

Well, listen, Son. Wait a minute.

Huh? Loan me a dime.

For what?

I got to use the forest.

I was only kidding. I'll be right back.

Oh, wonderful!

Ah, beau-ti-ful.

Ooh, how lovely!

What are you doing over there?

Will you keep your voice down?

Well, what are trying to do...

What do you wanna do, wake up the forest?

You want to disturb the squirrels?

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about communing more

with nature, communicating more with my son

and looking more into the backyard...

of the Idlewild Nudist Colony.