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1
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:08,578
Hey, dummy.
2
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:11,048
Hey, dummy, you down here?
3
00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:13,939
You calling me, Pop?
4
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:20,690
You calling me?
5
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:23,626
No, I was talking
to the couch... ouch!
6
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:24,627
How's your back?
7
00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:25,795
Not too good, Son.
8
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,597
You think you'll be
able to make it tonight?
9
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,166
Don't worry. I'll make it.
10
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,867
It ain't every day
a man gets named
11
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,969
Watts Businessman of the Year.
12
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,337
I'm real proud of you, Pop.
13
00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:35,472
Look here.
14
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:38,341
In honor of 35 years
15
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,743
of loyal service
to the community,
16
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,312
the Watts Businessman's
Association
17
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,747
will award you, Fred G. Sanford,
18
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:48,585
its traditional glass key
at a dinner in your honor.
19
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:53,278
You may purchase your
ticket for $10 at the door.
20
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,926
Yeah, I ran into
Mr. Graham this afternoon,
21
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,595
the president of
the association,
22
00:01:58,619 --> 00:01:59,996
and he said it's a sell out.
23
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,331
A sell-ou... ow!
24
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,467
Oh... Take it easy, Pop.
25
00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:05,368
Hey, Lamont, you
seen my heating pad?
26
00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:06,970
No, I thought you
had it last night.
27
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,605
Yeah, I did. I forgot.
28
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,140
I was thawing
out the TV dinners.
29
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,241
I'll get it.
30
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:13,543
I'll get it.
31
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:14,677
Listen.
32
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,279
If that's one of
Gabriel's Angels,
33
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:18,881
tell him to come back tomorrow,
34
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:21,651
because I'm too
sick to go today.
35
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,353
Okay, Pop. Just take it easy.
36
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:24,657
Oh, hi, Bubba.
37
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:31,495
How you doing, Lamont?
38
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:32,496
Pretty good.
39
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,364
Good. How are you, Fred?
40
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:35,698
Terrible.
41
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,167
Good.
42
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,802
Well, I just want to
wish the Man of the Year
43
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,271
the best of luck tonight.
44
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,806
I guess you're kind
of excited, eh, Fred?
45
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,509
Yeah, Bubba, I
can see it all now...
46
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:49,246
me making that triumphant
walk around the banquet room
47
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,614
with my glass key,
48
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,915
and shaking hands
with everybody.
49
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:54,984
By the way, that
key is beautiful.
50
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,386
Where are you
gonna display it, Fred?
51
00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:58,455
I'm not gonna display it, Bubba.
52
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,089
That wouldn't be humble.
53
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:01,591
I'm just gonna put it over there
54
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,627
in a little dark corner
right over there.
55
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:04,827
Why... hey, wait a minute, Pop.
56
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,630
Why are you gonna
put it in the corner?
57
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:07,830
Because I'm gonna
put a spotlight
58
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,099
right above it so
it shin... ah, ow!
59
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:11,134
Hey, take it easy.
60
00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:12,369
Now, just take it easy.
61
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:13,970
What is it? My
back. I can't move.
62
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,205
Quick, Bubba, help me.
63
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,206
Come on.
64
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:20,777
Ah... I knew it. I knew it!
65
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,680
My finest hour arrives
66
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,816
and I'm not gonna live
past the first five minutes.
67
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,418
Hold it, Lamont.
I've got an idea.
68
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:30,975
Bubba got an idea.
69
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:37,227
That means there's still
a chance for a miracle.
70
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:40,664
Yeah, my brother's back
used to lock up on him like this.
71
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,065
You just gotta know what to do.
72
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:43,866
Hey, Bubba, I don't think
we should fool around
73
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:44,867
with Pop's back.
74
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,069
Maybe we should call a doctor.
75
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:47,103
Oh, it's so easy.
76
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,905
See, all you gotta do
is stand behind him,
77
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:50,307
and then fold
his arms like this,
78
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:51,641
and then...
79
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,042
give him an adjustment... watch.
80
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,212
Bubba, I'm warning you.
81
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,613
If you hurt me,
82
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:58,877
and I'm gonna sue you
for malpractice of the brain.
83
00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:01,585
Now!
84
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:02,952
Agh!
85
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:07,357
Ow, Bubba! Agh!
86
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,847
And presto!
87
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:17,200
Just give me strength...
give me strength.
88
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:20,937
I'll presto your head so hard
you won't know what hit you.
89
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,038
What's the matter?
90
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,306
Didn't the pain go away?
91
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:26,509
Yeah, for about two seconds
after I was unconscious.
92
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,978
Oh, Bubba, I'm
gonna knock you out.
93
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,347
Agh!
94
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,748
Wait a minute,
Fred. Wait a minute.
95
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:32,749
Wait a minute now.
96
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,150
Here, Pop, we gotta get this
97
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,752
on the right spot
for it to work.
98
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,321
Ow. Man, get that off of me!
99
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:39,456
Hey, come on, Pop.
100
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,491
Now, you know
what Dr. Garvey said.
101
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:44,527
Yeah, he said, "That
will be $25, please."
102
00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:47,029
No, he said you
should remain inactive
103
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,831
and apply a lot of heat.
104
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,167
Don't worry. I'm gonna
apply plenty of heat...
105
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:53,470
When his bill comes,
I'm gonna burn it.
106
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,772
Listen, I got an idea.
107
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:56,939
What?
108
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,743
Take my two hands
and put them together
109
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,778
as hard as you can.
110
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,380
Put them against each other.
111
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,181
All right, but I don't
know what you expect...
112
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,383
Used to work for my uncle.
113
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,384
Like this?
114
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:08,585
Yeah, that's it. Okay.
115
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,975
Dear Lord...
116
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:16,025
You don't know me too well,
but I'm Elizabeth's husband,
117
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:19,410
- and you know...
- Aunt Esther.
118
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:29,238
I don't believe it.
119
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,508
Hi, Aunt Esther.
120
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,577
Hello, Lamont. I just
heard about your papa.
121
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:35,578
Please, Lord.
122
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:39,949
This is no time to
get even with me.
123
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:42,519
Do my eyes deceive me
124
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,754
or is this Fred Sanford
125
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,489
asking the Good Lord for help?
126
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,426
Yeah, but it didn't work.
127
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,795
You walked in.
128
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,229
Now, you listen to me.
129
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:56,299
I came here to help
you, Fred Sanford.
130
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:58,201
Now, you yell me
where the pain is.
131
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:01,270
In my eyes, from looking at you.
132
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,772
What's that?
133
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,907
This is my corset,
134
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:07,176
to help relieve
some of your agony.
135
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,278
I got a better idea.
136
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:12,382
Why don't you just
walk on back out the door
137
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,818
and relieve all of my agony?
138
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:15,852
Help me get him up.
139
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,387
Help me. Come on.
140
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,856
Oh! Ow... My back.
141
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,124
I'm not gonna put this...
Just get your hands off me.
142
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:23,526
I don't want that stuff on me.
143
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,596
You're just as stubborn
as an old jackass.
144
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:29,855
And you're just
as pretty as one.
145
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:34,070
I know where I'm not wanted.
146
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:37,507
Well, when are you
leaving this planet?
147
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:41,400
Right after you, you astronaut.
148
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:46,783
By the way, Lamont,
how's your fiancée?
149
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,017
Janet's fine, Aunt Esther.
150
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:51,287
She's visiting her
relatives up in Sacramento.
151
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:55,792
Yeah, why don't you go out
to the zoo and visit yours?
152
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:58,094
Oh, shut up, sucker.
153
00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,530
♪ Lord, tryin' to help you ♪
154
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,365
♪ Oh, no! I can't help it ♪
155
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:05,101
♪ I'm putty In
your hands, Lord ♪
156
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,504
♪ Oh! Hallelujah! ♪♪
157
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,105
Pop, what'd you
go and do that for?
158
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,139
I don't know, Son.
159
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,642
I guess I wanted to die happy.
160
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:13,676
Now, you're not gonna die.
161
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,011
Would you stop
talking like that?
162
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,413
And you're not gonna
make that promenade
163
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:17,547
around that banquet hall tonight
164
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,382
if you don't let
somebody help you.
165
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:20,583
Son, I got to make it.
166
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:23,019
That's been my
goal for 35 years.
167
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,987
Yoo-hoo! Anybody home?
168
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:26,489
In here, Mrs. Hopkins.
169
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,047
Oh, there you are.
170
00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:35,097
How is the patient?
171
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,233
Oh, Mr. Sanford, I have
just heard the news.
172
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,301
Congratulations.
173
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,204
Did I say something wrong?
174
00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:43,406
No, no, his back. His back.
175
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:44,607
Oh, his back.
176
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,043
That is precisely why
I am here... your back.
177
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,077
Yes, indeed.
178
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:50,112
I have this absolutely
marvelous idea.
179
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,782
I know how badly you want
to go to this banquet tonight,
180
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,585
so I have brought this
wonderful man with me.
181
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:58,755
He has traveled the entire world
teaching a whole new concept
182
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:01,758
for curing the ills of mankind.
183
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:04,527
You got Henry
Kissinger out there?
184
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:05,695
May I bring him in?
185
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:06,796
Yeah, sure, bring him in.
186
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,833
Oh, good. You may
come in now, Panjib.
187
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:12,068
Hey, that's not Henry Kissinger.
188
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:15,772
That's Golda Meir.
189
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:19,408
Now, Mr. Sanford, Lamont,
this is Mr. Panjib Randipur,
190
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:23,212
under whom I have the honor
studying universal meditation.
191
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:24,681
It is my honor.
192
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,282
May your inner house
193
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,451
soon be free from bodily pain.
194
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:29,886
Thank you.
195
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:34,846
And may your outer skirt
soon be free from gravy stains.
196
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:40,497
Uh, universal meditation...
197
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:41,831
That's where you
separate the mind
198
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:42,832
from the body, isn't it?
199
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:43,833
Oh, exactly.
200
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,001
Only we refer to it
201
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,737
as the state of
transcendental consciousness.
202
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,005
In the old days,
203
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:53,376
we used to call that the
state of total drunkenness.
204
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,378
Now, pain such
as you are suffering
205
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:58,047
is frequently caused
206
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,550
by the physical
manifestation of social stress,
207
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,084
and can, therefore, be relieved
208
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,787
by perfect relaxation
of the mind.
209
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:06,088
Oh, that is just beautiful.
210
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:07,924
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
211
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:12,328
Well, good. Now take
his mouth out of my house.
212
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,130
Hey, Pop, the man
is here to help you.
213
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,932
At least listen to
what he has to say.
214
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:19,769
Okay, okay. Uh,
listen, Left-jab...
215
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,037
If it means picking up
216
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,539
my Man of the
Year award tonight,
217
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,073
then I'm all yours.
218
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,374
Come on. Relax away.
219
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,143
Thank you. May I sit down?
220
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,034
Sure, have a seat.
221
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,516
Say, you missed.
222
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,685
No, no, you must
sit down on the floor
223
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,386
as I am doing.
224
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,156
Man, that floor is cold.
225
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:43,760
I sure hope you're wearing
some warm drawers.
226
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:47,363
Now, this is called
the Lotus position,
227
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,432
after the flower of tranquility.
228
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:50,433
Huh.
229
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,035
You should try it, Mr. Sanford.
230
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:53,036
Yeah.
231
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:54,236
Take this leg, put it over...
232
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,674
Wait a minute. Wait a
minute. Wait a minute!
233
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:58,763
Hold it. Hold it!
234
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:04,413
Are you having trouble
235
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,148
with your flower of tranquility?
236
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:10,108
No, I'm having trouble
with my Fruit of the Loom.
237
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:20,563
Now then...
238
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,999
the next step is
to free the mind
239
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,166
of all conscious thought.
240
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,201
Now, this we do
241
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,904
by picking a word
to chant to ourselves.
242
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,906
Uh, what kind of word?
243
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:32,642
Well, a word that
best symbolizes
244
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,343
your inner state of mind.
245
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,812
I got it.
246
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:39,048
Ow!
247
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,917
Maybe you should pick
another word, Mr. Sanford.
248
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,218
I'll give you another word!
249
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,887
Yes? Out!
250
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:45,955
I cannot.
251
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,857
You are stepping on my skirt.
252
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:48,992
Oh.
253
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:52,461
I think perhaps we
better go now, Panjib.
254
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,263
I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Sanford.
255
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,531
We did our best.
256
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:56,532
What are you doing, Pop?
257
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:57,667
What's the matter?
258
00:10:57,691 --> 00:11:00,637
May the river of your
rage soon spend itself out
259
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:01,771
and dispose you
260
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:04,240
on the sands of
eternal well-being.
261
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:07,510
And may the muddy
waters of the Mississippi
262
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:11,836
run up your Taj
and out your Mahal.
263
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,218
Hey, Pop, just take it easy now.
264
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:18,521
Now, why don't you
just try and sit down?
265
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:19,656
How can I sit down?
266
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,090
Can't you see my lap has locked?
267
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,491
Well, what are you gonna do now?
268
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,793
I don't know, Son.
269
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:25,461
If I don't get to that dinner,
270
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,429
I'd just as soon be dead.
271
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:28,798
Now you're talking like a child.
272
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:31,534
Well, what do you expect
from somebody four-feet tall?
273
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,437
Just relax. I'll get it.
274
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:36,539
Hello?
275
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:37,807
Oh, hi, Ah Chew.
276
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:40,242
No, Pop's the same.
We tried everything.
277
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,344
No, we didn't try that.
Thanks a lot, Ah Chew.
278
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,746
You know, Pop, that was Ah Chew.
279
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,014
You know what he said?
280
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,116
We should try something
we never thought of.
281
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,384
Acupuncture.
282
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,752
Acupuncture?
283
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,754
You mean with all them
little needles sticking in you?
284
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:53,222
Yeah. Uh-uh.
285
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,423
I think we should
try everything,
286
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:55,758
including acupuncture.
287
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:58,061
Acupuncture's a
well-respected old Chinese cure.
288
00:11:58,085 --> 00:12:00,029
That's all I needed to know.
289
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,197
Then you're coming?
290
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,688
As soon as I get an old
Chinese disease, dummy.
291
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,939
Take it easy, Pop. Take it easy.
292
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,340
Take it easy.
Watch it. Watch it.
293
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,675
Take it easy.
294
00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:14,232
Oh...
295
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:18,815
Hey, wait a minute,
Son. Wait a minute.
296
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:22,051
Huh? I just remembered.
297
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,053
I gotta go visit a sick
friend across town.
298
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,121
Who?
299
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:26,422
Me! Bye.
300
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:27,790
Hey, wait a minute, Pop.
301
00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:29,892
Now, you've got an appointment
for acupuncture treatment
302
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,094
and you're gonna keep it.
303
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:32,394
Listen, Son... but
you don't understand.
304
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,197
Do you want to pick
up that award tonight
305
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:35,531
and promenade around the room?
306
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,466
Yeah, but, see, there's
something about needles
307
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:38,735
that I can't stand.
308
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,536
Pop, everybody
has that same fear.
309
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,138
Not like me, Son.
310
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,740
I used to have to leave the room
311
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:46,375
every time my mother
entered with her knitting.
312
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,077
Aw, come on, Pop.
313
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,078
That's right.
314
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,679
I was the only kid who threw up
315
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:52,481
when they played Pin
The Tail on the Donkey.
316
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:53,883
Now you stop it.
317
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:56,318
And last week, I was
down at the bus station,
318
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:58,554
and I couldn't even
watch that arrow
319
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,657
that points to the men's room.
320
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:03,592
And now look at you,
321
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,262
my own son trying to
get me shish-kebabed.
322
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,597
Look, Pop, now, just relax.
323
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,699
Now, come over here
and try to sit down, okay?
324
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:11,801
Now, just relax.
325
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,836
Now, relax and try to
sit. Take it easy. Okay?
326
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,604
Aunt Esther told me
that Reverend Spike
327
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:16,839
comes over here all the time
328
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:18,141
for his arthritis.
329
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,143
He don't mind getting them
holes punched in his body?
330
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,744
No, he says it
doesn't hurt at all.
331
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:25,081
That's why he's got that
holier-than-thou look, huh?
332
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,283
Ow!
333
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,473
Son...
334
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:33,089
Mr. Sanford?
335
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,323
Over here, doctor.
336
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,591
Oh, please, don't get up.
337
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:38,861
What do you mean, don't
get up? I'm already up.
338
00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:41,430
Dr. Tillis, would
you please explain
339
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:42,865
the procedure
involved in acupuncture,
340
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:44,934
so my pop won't
be so frightened?
341
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:48,504
You see, your body
contains certain key points
342
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:49,605
that control pain.
343
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:50,840
What I intend to do
344
00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:52,942
is manipulate those key points
345
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,300
by inserting needles
into your body.
346
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,782
Doctor, I'm beginning
to feel better now.
347
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,483
I think I'll go home
348
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,453
and take a couple of
thumbtacks and go to bed.
349
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:06,588
Please, Mr. Sanford,
350
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:08,791
at least let me give
you an examination,
351
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:11,393
after which you can
decide for yourself
352
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:12,995
whether or not you
want to proceed.
353
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,063
How's that, Pop?
354
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,531
Is that fair enough or what?
355
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,471
That's it. I just
made up my mind.
356
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:23,806
I'll see you later, doc.
357
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:24,941
Wait a minute.
358
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,142
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
359
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,211
Mr. Sanford, please.
360
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:30,579
That is a patient
we are yet to treat.
361
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,950
Now, once we treat
him with our needles,
362
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:37,854
you won't hear a
sound out of him.
363
00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:40,389
What you gonna do,
sew his mouth up?
364
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:41,457
Out of my way.
365
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:42,791
I'm not letting you leave here!
366
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,394
Ain't nobody gonna stick no
needles in me. Let me go now.
367
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,596
Now, this is final now. I'm
not sticking needles in me.
368
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,387
Ow! Ah! Ah! Ah!
369
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:03,479
Ooh... Ow!
370
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:04,747
Easy does it.
371
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,415
It's too late, Son.
372
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,284
I'm going fast.
373
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:11,087
Oh... oh, I'll bleed to death.
374
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,122
Murdered by a cactus.
375
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:15,191
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
376
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,225
Look at you, Pop.
377
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,094
What? Huh?
378
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:20,318
You're standing up straight.
379
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:30,094
Look at that. As good as new.
380
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:34,076
You'll be able to go
to that dinner tonight
381
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,878
and promenade around the room.
382
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:38,281
This is most remarkable.
383
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:41,984
A total-body acupuncture cure.
384
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:45,254
That's right, Doc. And
by a cactus, not you.
385
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,556
So?
386
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,881
So, I suggest you
acupuncture your bill.
387
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:54,096
I don't understand.
388
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,886
Stick it.
389
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:10,479
And now to the purpose
for which we came tonight...
390
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,681
Hey, this is it, Pop,
the glass-key award.
391
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,417
Yeah, look at that thing.
392
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:15,684
It's beautiful, ain't it?
393
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,987
And it's crystal and it's mine.
394
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:21,023
As you know, we
have gathered here
395
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:23,392
to pay tribute to this
year's Man of the Year...
396
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:26,284
our own Fred Sanford.
397
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,237
And, as is our custom,
398
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:38,407
we have asked each
honored guest on the dais
399
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:42,044
to say a few words about
this very special man,
400
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:45,214
beginning with the newest
member in the Watts Community,
401
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:47,950
Mrs. May Hopkins.
402
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,874
Oh, ho.
403
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:58,861
Tonight, we have come
to praise Fred Sanford,
404
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,063
not to bury him...
405
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:03,721
though the vote
was close, I must say.
406
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:08,837
I salute you, Fred Sanford,
407
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,172
and if I may say
408
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,508
in the vernacular
of the ghetto...
409
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:15,500
Right on, sucker!
410
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:25,787
And now one of
Mr. Sanford's long-time friends,
411
00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:28,391
a man who might himself deserve
412
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:31,293
the Watts' Businessman
of the Year award...
413
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:34,563
Except he's been out
of work for 12 years...
414
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:37,266
Mr. Grady Wilson.
415
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,623
Yeah!
416
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:46,509
Let me say that I'm proud
to be Fred Sanford's friend.
417
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,911
Look at him.
418
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:52,437
I know it's hard after
you've just eaten...
419
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:57,586
But look at him.
420
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:02,391
He's one of the best in
the world at his profession.
421
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:05,594
I love it when
Grady tells it like it is.
422
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,963
When you think
of Fred Sanford...
423
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:10,521
you think of junk.
424
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:15,593
You ain't never lied.
425
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:20,443
I'll never forget
the first time,
426
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:23,279
the first time I
met Fred Sanford.
427
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:25,448
I was down on my luck
428
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,649
and I asked him
to loan me $2.00,
429
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:31,053
and he did, without hesitation,
430
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:33,055
and to this very day,
431
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:36,158
has never asked me
for that $2.00 back.
432
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:40,884
Well, tonight, I'd like to
give him that $2.00 back.
433
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:47,869
Thanks, Grady.
434
00:18:47,893 --> 00:18:52,363
Now, Fred, will you
please release my mother?
435
00:18:55,568 --> 00:19:00,438
And now another good
friend, Mr. Bubba Baxley.
436
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,689
Thank you and good evening.
437
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,492
I think I can honestly say
438
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:12,228
that I'm the Man of
the Year's best friend.
439
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:15,119
Now you know what
kind of year I'm having.
440
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:17,788
But seriously, folks...
441
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,972
Speaking of World War II,
442
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:27,042
Fred was the first
in this neighborhood
443
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:29,411
to volunteer.
444
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:36,285
He volunteered me...
Grady, and Esther.
445
00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:41,023
And Esther was the only
one who passed the physical.
446
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:42,291
If Bubba don't sit down soon,
447
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:43,626
I'm gonna have second thoughts
448
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,350
on what to do
with that glass key.
449
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,999
In closing, I'd like to take
a moment to be serious.
450
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,735
The man that we are
here to honor tonight
451
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,172
is one of the
greatest guys alive.
452
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:58,507
A man who doesn't
know the meaning
453
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,442
of the word "disloyalty,"
454
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:03,679
A man who doesn't know the
meaning of the word "anger,"
455
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:04,980
a man who does not know
456
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,715
the meaning of
the word "neglect,"
457
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:09,652
but a man who has
earned this honor tonight
458
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,053
despite the fact
459
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:14,723
he doesn't know the
meaning of too many words.
460
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:17,781
Congratulations and good luck.
461
00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:27,102
Mrs. Esther Anderson.
462
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:28,226
Yeah!
463
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:35,010
Say, Bubba, I know
the meaning of gorilla.
464
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:36,500
Yeah! Hah, hah!
465
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,716
Lord only knows
466
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,785
I've had my differences
with Fred Sanford,
467
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:47,523
but tonight is a happy occasion,
468
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:51,493
so rather than speak
on his bad points,
469
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:54,918
I'll just dwell on
his good points.
470
00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:58,656
Thank you.
471
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,779
And now, the son of
the Man of the Year,
472
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,803
Lamont Sanford.
473
00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:19,455
Uh, I'm not very good
at public speaking, Pop.
474
00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:20,956
Ah, that's okay, Son.
475
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:23,792
You don't speak too
good in private either.
476
00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:25,093
Pop, I'll just say
477
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,828
that you've been
my Man of the Year
478
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:27,963
every year of my life.
479
00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:29,831
Hey, ain't that nice?
480
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:31,722
All right.
481
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:39,642
And now, the moment
we've all been waiting for.
482
00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:41,009
You can say that again.
483
00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:43,979
The presentation of the award
484
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:45,180
to our Man of the Year,
485
00:21:45,204 --> 00:21:47,816
who will take the award
and walk around with it,
486
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,319
shaking hands
with all of his friends.
487
00:21:50,343 --> 00:21:52,343
Bring it in, sir,
please. Right here.
488
00:21:56,215 --> 00:21:57,660
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
489
00:21:57,684 --> 00:21:58,827
This is the glass key
490
00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:00,862
that I'm supposed
to walk around with.
491
00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:02,398
I can't carry that...
That thing's heavy.
492
00:22:02,422 --> 00:22:03,565
Wrong, Fred.
493
00:22:03,589 --> 00:22:05,467
Look, that old key's being used
494
00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:07,303
as second place from now on.
495
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,237
First place is this first-annual
496
00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:11,173
Otto J. Cradshaw
Memorial trophy.
497
00:22:11,197 --> 00:22:12,308
Go on, Fred.
498
00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:13,809
Take the traditional
acceptance walk.
499
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:16,273
Yeah, go ahead, Fred.
500
00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:21,617
Wait a minute, Pop.
501
00:22:21,641 --> 00:22:23,352
I think I should
help you carry that.
502
00:22:23,376 --> 00:22:24,353
Aw, come on, Lamont.
503
00:22:24,377 --> 00:22:26,087
Let your father have
his moment of glory.
504
00:22:26,111 --> 00:22:27,088
Yeah, you said it.
505
00:22:27,112 --> 00:22:29,458
I mean, this is my
moment of glory
506
00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:32,260
and I've waited 35
years to make this walk.
507
00:22:32,284 --> 00:22:33,595
I'm gonna make it alone.
508
00:22:33,619 --> 00:22:34,596
All right!
509
00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:35,597
Yeah!
510
00:22:35,621 --> 00:22:36,598
Go right ahead. Bravo.
511
00:22:36,622 --> 00:22:37,902
Go on, Fred. Yeah!
512
00:22:46,766 --> 00:22:48,344
What's the matter with you?
513
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:49,345
What's the matter?
514
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:51,902
My back! My back!
515
00:22:57,744 --> 00:22:59,287
Hey, how's your
back feeling, Pop?
516
00:22:59,311 --> 00:23:00,322
A little bit better, Son.
517
00:23:00,346 --> 00:23:01,557
You made the soup?
518
00:23:01,581 --> 00:23:02,791
Yeah, I got it right here.
519
00:23:02,815 --> 00:23:03,792
Is it nice and hot?
520
00:23:03,816 --> 00:23:04,793
Yeah.
521
00:23:04,817 --> 00:23:07,685
Okay. Give it here.
522
00:23:13,693 --> 00:23:14,970
Here.
523
00:23:14,994 --> 00:23:17,005
That's good, Son.
524
00:23:17,029 --> 00:23:19,307
You know, Pop,
you never did tell me
525
00:23:19,331 --> 00:23:21,109
how you hurt your
back in the first place.
526
00:23:21,133 --> 00:23:22,511
I know I never told you, Son,
527
00:23:22,535 --> 00:23:24,913
but I think you're old
enough to know now.
528
00:23:24,937 --> 00:23:29,150
See, when I was a
young man in St. Louis,
529
00:23:29,174 --> 00:23:31,353
I was quite the ladies' man.
530
00:23:31,377 --> 00:23:37,782
In fact, they used to call
me Rudolph Vaseline-o.
531
00:23:39,619 --> 00:23:42,664
I think that's "Valentino."
532
00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:44,833
Yeah, him too.
533
00:23:44,857 --> 00:23:46,268
Anyway, one Saturday night,
534
00:23:46,292 --> 00:23:50,806
I took this girl, uh, Rosalyn
Wilson, to the movies.
535
00:23:50,830 --> 00:23:52,340
It was dark and romantic
536
00:23:52,364 --> 00:23:55,811
and after a while,
I made my move.
537
00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:58,113
Then she made her move.
538
00:23:58,137 --> 00:23:59,448
Then I made my move.
539
00:23:59,472 --> 00:24:00,949
Then she made her move.
540
00:24:00,973 --> 00:24:04,453
Then I made my last, big move...
541
00:24:04,477 --> 00:24:07,022
That's how you hurt your
back, making your last big move?
542
00:24:07,046 --> 00:24:09,958
No, I hurt my back when
she made her last big move
543
00:24:09,982 --> 00:24:12,115
and threw me off the balcony.
37695
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