Original subtitles

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(static hissing)

- [Irwin] Test, one, two.

Check, check, test, test, one, two.

Check, check, one, two, test, one, two.

Check, check, test, check, test, test, one, two.

- So, I'm standing there in line, totally faded,

holding these bottles of water, you know,

ready to get my hydrating on, and it hits me,

I'm about to be like nasty sick.

So, I boogied out of line.

I run to the counter dude and I'm like,

"Yo, bathroom, now."

And he points to the back of the store.

So, I sprint my ass off there, throw open the door,

and, sorry to be gross, but puke just like shoots

out of my mouth.

- [Irwin] Ew.

- And I try my best to aim for the bowl

but

- [Ilona] what?

- There was this trucker dude already there,

like his fat ass on the bowl

and

- [Ralph] Damn.

- Yeah, I like booted all over his legs and feet.

- [Ilona] Jesus.

- I know, I know.

- [Irwin] So what then happened?

- I wiped my mouth, mouthed sorry to the guy,

and I got my ass out of there,

got into my car and ghosted the gas station.

- [Ralph] Bullshit.

- For reals.

Oh, and I forgot.

I like left the bottles of water there,

so, you know, he can clean himself up with.

- [Ilona] You're a saint.

- Probably gonna cut that part out.

All right, we got ourselves an extra-long life

super-charged battery in this mofo.

I'm about to document the shit out of

this woodland adventure.

- It's not an adventure.

We're just gonna drink our faces off.

You're not gonna win an Oscar with this one, Irwin,

you gigantic dopey dipshit.

(laughing)

- So, the house is gonna be empty.

You're sure, right?

- Yes, babe.

Don't worry about it.

Right, Meredith?

- [Meredith] Mm-hmm.

- [Ralph] How do you know about this place?

- Just know it from when I was a kid.

- [Ralph] Well, if there's any vagrants there

or squatters or anything,

we're turning right the fuck around and coming back.

- Duh.

- [Irwin] Yo, Lo, why couldn't we go to your dad's

dope ass beach house again this year?

- [Ralph] Which one?

- Shut up.

Look, it'll be a fun departure.

- Funny how people whose parents own every business,

factory, and thing in the state want to rough it.

- [Ilona] Shut up, thirsty bitch.

(kissing)

- Love you.

Do you wanna smoke a jay?

- [Irwin] Um, carpe weedum.

No time like the present to commence

with the smoking festivities.

- No, no.

- [Cici] Come on, Ralphie.

You're no fun.

- Right right right, I suck.

Only I'm the one driving who will get busted

and get his license suspended

if we get pulled over.

No.

- Why would you get pulled over?

Are you gonna start like swerving or something?

Ilona, are you about to give him rocky road head?

- Shut up, Cici.

Wait, what is that?

- It's where you smear chocolate ice cream

all over your man's junk and lick it off

while he's driving.

Duh.

- [Ilona] Sounds creative.

- [Irwin] Um, you're a little too good at that.

(scoffing)

- Practice makes perfect.

- And that's a cut, people.

(snoring)

Uh, is she like drooling?

(laughing)

Hey, Meredith, you wanna capture whatever's

like got your attention out there so much?

- Hmm?

- [Irwin] I don't know whatever's captivating you,

but if you wanna film, I'm more than happy to collaborate.

I'm not like some crazy auteur.

- [Ralph] You seem more autistic.

- [Meredith] Sure.

Why not?

Here.

- [Irwin] Just, careful.

- [Meredith] I got it.

- [Irwin] Yeah, we could totally like collaborate

on a project.

We could be like the next Wachowski Brothers.

I mean not brothers, 'cause obviously,

well, actually, they're not brothers anymore.

They transitioned.

They're like transformed their stuff.

I mean, so they're the Wachowski Sisters now.

Um, but that is more like us,

because, you know, I'm more in touch with my feminine side,

so, um, much more than some people.

- [Ralph] Irwin, Irwin.

- [Irwin] Yeah?

- [Ralph] Shut the fuck.

- [Irwin] Got it.

(laughing)

Damn, what's that smell?

- [Cici] Hey, Ralphie.

Can you pull over?

I gotta whiz.

- [Ralph] Can't you hold it?

I wanna get there while it's still light.

- No, I can't hold it.

I'm about to wet the seat back here.

- Aw, come on.

- [Ralph] Jesus.

- I know, right?

How dare I soil the designer upholstery

of this luxury Ford Fiesta.

- [Ralph] Ilona, your friend is a pain in my ass.

- [Cici] You love me.

(laughing)

(kissing)

- [Ilona] Fuck.

- Meredith,

you bring the environmental studies assignment with you?

- [Meredith] Um, yeah.

I brought all my schoolwork with me.

- Cool.

You don't mind if I take a look at yours later, right?

- [Meredith] Sure.

- Are you really talking about homework?

Aren't we supposed to be having a break?

- Oh, you need a break, do you?

(laughing)

- Give it a rest, you frisky kittens.

Uh, mademoiselle Meredith, I can not wait to see

the footage you have captured.

- [Ralph] Could you be any cornier?

(laughing)

- Yes.

(laughing)

- Irwin, what the fuck?

- [Irwin] Oh, shit.

Attack of the pissing princess.

- [Cici] You're dead.

- [Irwin] Um, hey guys.

What up?

- [Cici] You enormous fucker.

(laughing)

(blinker clicking)

- [Irwin] Ralph.

(laughing)

I know there's a car on your ass, but just fuck them.

Whatever.

- [Ilona] Let 'em pass.

- [Cici] Are we there yet, dad?

Are we, are we?

- [Ralph] Yeah, we're almost there.

See it up ahead?

And god fucking help me if I ever have a daughter like you.

(laughing)

Dang, son.

This place is busted.

- [Cici] Your face.

Oh.

- [Ilona] That's the thing to turn.

- [Ralph] Let's see.

Maybe over here.

- [Ilona] There's a driveway at the right

and there's, I don't know what's on the left.

- Dude, there's a spider.

It's big.

- [Ilona] This place is creepy.

- Come on, Ilona.

Where's your sense of adventure?

- [Ilona] I got it, I got it.

- Remember roughing it?

- [Ilona] Yes, I remember.

- Yolo.

- Yolo?

You offer liberal oral?

- You wish, Irwin.

- Whatev.

All right, are we going in or what?

- Great.

- Maybe another entrance?

- Another entrance?

- [Ralph] I got this.

Let me see.

- [Irwin] All right.

- [Ralph] This one's locked too.

- [Irwin] Well, what are we gonna do?

- [Ilona] God, guys.

- [Ralph] I got an idea.

- [Irwin] All right, Ilona.

Stop wasting film.

Is it working?

- [Ralph] I got this.

Come on.

(laughing)

- [Ilona] Ah.

- Let's do this.

- My hero.

- [Ilona] Yes.

- Up top.

- Ladies.

Guys, I'm sorry, but I just don't think that the maid here

is that committed to her job.

- Why do you just assume the maid is female?

- [Irwin] Um, it's a joke.

Remember those?

- This place is nasty.

- So, where's your sense of adventure now?

- Girl, this is your damn idea.

I'm just being supportive.

That's just the kind of bad bitch I am.

- Do not blame this entirely on me.

- I guess just make the most of it.

- [Irwin] Yeah, like the time my Tinder date showed up

with only one eye.

- Too bad she wasn't missing both.

You might've got a shot.

- Oh.

- [Ralph] Ouch.

(laughing)

Sick burn, bro.

- Duck face.

- [Irwin] Duck face, still?

That's a thing?

- Yeah, of course.

(laughing)

- Oh, god.

It is hot in here.

- [Irwin] Yeah, I know.

I'm sweating my nips off.

- [Cici] I call master bedroom.

- [Ilona] Oh, no.

That's for me and Ralph.

- [Cici] Too late.

Called it.

- [Ilona] Come on.

- [Irwin] Oh, Meredith, where's your sleeping bag?

- Oh, I don't need one.

- [Irwin] Suit yourself.

You know you're totally welcome to share mine.

It's really nice and cozy.

What?

I'm just being helpful.

- Just being a perv.

- [Irwin] I am simply a gentleman,

a humble servant to the fairer sex.

- Perv.

- [Irwin] Whatever.

- [Ilona] God.

- [Irwin] Ooh, I can get a nice upskirt shot

of this girl with the ducks.

- [Ilona] Really?

So weird.

Come on, Irwin.

God.

(whispering)

- [Irwin] What are you two whispering about?

- We're gonna go check out the grounds.

- [Ilona] See you soon, campers.

- [Irwin] The grounds?

All right.

Be safe.

- [Ilona] Mm-hmm.

- [Irwin] What is going on here?

So, just chillin', huh?

Um, so you wanna like christen this room?

(laughing)

Just some doobage.

- Sure

- [Irwin] All right, here.

Hold this.

Okay.

Watch.

This is how the pros do it.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, your turn.

Oh, give me that.

Oh, yes.

That is my girl.

Good pull.

All right, Meredith.

So now, I've got you smoking weed on record.

So, you know what that means, right?

You basically have to do everything I say

from now on for forever.

- Oh, is that so?

- [Irwin] Yeah, it's like, you know, the law.

- Damn, that shit smells good.

I didn't know you had Loki-quality bud, Irwin.

- [Irwin] Great timing, Cici.

- What?

Give me that shit.

Irwin, I knew you served some sort of purpose.

- [Meredith] Excuse me.

- [Irwin] No, wait.

You don't--

- Peace.

- [Irwin] Thanks a lot, Cici.

- What, loser?

Please, you couldn't even get laid in a women's prison

with cigarettes stuffed in your underwear.

- [Irwin] Ha-fucking-ha.

- Can I use the camera for a bit?

- [Irwin] What?

No.

Oh, I know.

You wanna set up a web-cam business here.

Got it.

- Shut up.

Just let me see it.

- [Irwin] No.

Do you have any idea how expensive this was?

- Jesus, I'm not gonna break it.

I'm feeling inspired.

Plus, I'll get cool shots for you outside.

- [Irwin] Fine.

You know you're lucky you have a nice rack.

- I know.

- [Irwin] Give me that.

All right, just take it easy.

- [Cici] I know.

- [Ralph] Hey, we'll take a hit of that.

(laughing)

- All right.

All right, are you done yet?

- [Cici] Yeah, I'm bored with it.

Question, how do you make it so the camera stays steady?

- Um, by not doing coke all the time.

- [Cici] I don't do coke all the time.

- Right.

- [Cici] I just like sniffed some addy sometimes,

you know, like for my studies.

- Yeah, of course.

Here give me it.

(laughing)

Real nice, Cici.

- [Ilona] How many cards do you have?

- I forgot I had these.

- [Irwin] What do you have?

- Bubbles.

- [Irwin] Oh my god.

- Stop.

It's not fair.

- [Irwin] All right, guys.

Who's winning?

- Not me.

Cici.

This game sucks.

Baby, I'm hot.

Can you grab me a water?

This gin sucks.

- Yeah, it's stifling in here.

Anybody else want?

- I'll take one.

My throat is a desert.

- All right.

- [Irwin] Grab me one too.

- [Ralph] Nope.

- Cici, what's with the bubbles?

God.

(laughing)

- [Irwin] 'Cause she's so bubbling.

- [Ralph] I don't know.

Maybe the faucet has water in it.

Did you even try it?

Cici, try the faucet.

See if it works.

- [Cici] No.

- How the fuck do you forget that?

That's the one thing we problem need.

- Dude, I'm sorry.

I could've sworn I put the whole case in the trunk.

- And the mixers too?

Shit, see, if you wasn't so high all the time--

- Look, I said I'm sorry, all right?

I'll just, I'll just drive to the store and--

- The last store we saw was two hours away.

You're gonna pay for all that gas?

- It wasn't that far.

- It was.

- Guys, just chill, all right?

I saw a stream outside, okay?

Maybe the water's good enough to drink.

- Yeah, in the back.

I saw that too.

- You think that's a good idea?

- [Meredith] Well, it can't hurt to try.

- Yeah, let's just go see.

- Perfect, see?

- If we die of dehydration,

I will kill you.

- You don't make any sense.

Guys, tell me if there's like a rock

or some sort of an otter in my way or something.

- This doesn't look that bad.

- [Ilona] I don't know.

Be careful, babe.

- All right.

The problem's if this water's actually drinkable.

- It may be.

- [Irwin] Guys, everything out here is totally natural

and it's like organic, gluten-free.

It's like a free Whole Foo--

- Well, it doesn't actually look bad.

- [Irwin] Let me see.

- So, who's gonna test it?

- Obviously, it should be Irwin.

- [Irwin] What?

Oh, I mean, you know I would.

It's just my, my stomach is sensitive.

I have that IBS thing that flares up

and nobody wants to be around for that.

- God, you're such a pussy.

Give me.

Not only is this good, but this water is freezing

and tasty as fuck.

- [Irwin] Oh, nice.

- Well, help a sister out.

- We didn't even need the water bottles.

- [Irwin] See?

I knew.

I had a master plan.

Okay, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Verdict?

- That's not bad.

- [Ralph] Give me some of that.

- It must be from like a natural spring.

- Want some?

(coughing)

- [Ilona] Geez.

- [Irwin] All right.

- All done.

Want me to get another cup for you?

- [Irwin] Yeah, please.

My hands are full.

- Do it yourself, punk.

- [Irwin] Uh, with the mic drop.

That was extra.

Okay, help your girlfriend.

Be careful, guys.

We're roughing it.

We're almost to the good part.

Those dinguses.

Who needs water when I've got stashed

some nectar of the gods?

Oh, yeah.

Irwin is about to get his hydrate on

like nobody's business.

Oh, yeah.

That is the stuff.

Ah.

(burping)

Let's do it.

Where you guys at?

Yo yo, where's everybody?

You in there?

Oh, shit.

What is that?

Oh my god.

These nasty ass bugs.

Ew.

What the hell?

Um.

Gross.

Hello?

Where is everybody?

Let's get this party started.

Ew.

What the hell?

What the hell is that?

Ew.

Oh my god.

I am gonna puke.

Ew.

Oh my god, this is so gross.

This is so gross.

Oh.

Oh my god.

What is going on?

Where you guys at?

Are you playing a prank on me,

because I do not scare easy, you fools.

Ah!

Oh.

(laughing)

It's just that handsome devil.

Hello there, sir.

All right.

All right.

Okay, let's check this bad boy out.

Hello?

Anybody here?

What is this weird shit?

Does this barn function?

Any cows in here?

Moo.

Any bovine?

Is there any um, like, bacon?

No?

All right, later.

Did they go up here?

Oh, shit.

What the fuck?

This is one weird chick.

I totally dig it.

(mumbling and breathing)

Oh, shit, where'd she go?

What the fuck?

What the hell is she on?

What the fuck?

- Ahh.

- [Irwin] Oh my god, this is so hot.

Oh, shit.

- Ahh.

- [Irwin] Oh, shit.

There they are.

(laughing)

- [Irwin] What the fuck is that?

Oh shit.

Oh my god.

What the fuck?

- [Ralph] What?

I thought I heard someone.

- [Ilona] Where?

Where?

- [Irwin] Holy shit.

(moaning)

- [Ilona] Yes, baby, yes.

- [Ralph] Fuck.

Baby.

- [Irwin] Shit.

- [Ralph] What's up?

- [Ilona] Those things.

- [Ralph] What?

- [Ilona] There's things growing on me?

- [Ralph] You're right.

Shit.

(screaming)

All over you.

You hear that?

It's rattling.

Oh, get up.

Something is wrong.

Let's go.

- [Irwin] Oh, shit.

- [Ilona] Let's finish.

- [Irwin] What?

What the fuck?

Oh, geez.

Shit.

- Something's fucked, man.

What the fuck was in that weed?

- [Irwin] Dude, it's just normal shit.

I mean, I'm not seeing anything weird.

- Bullshit.

- [Irwin] Or hearing anything.

- Hey, guys. What's up?

- [Ilona] Are you okay?

- I don't know.

- [Ilona] Come here.

- [Ralph] You're sick too?

- [Irwin] Shit.

- Goddamn it.

You're sure you don't feel anything off?

Your ears, your eyes, your stomach?

- [Irwin] No, I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry.

- Shit.

Shit.

You didn't drink any of that water, did you?

- [Irwin] No, why?

- [Cici] Do you think it's--

- Yeah, it's fucking contaminated.

Who knows with what.

Shit.

Fuck.

- Anybody seen Meredith?

- [Irwin] Oh, um,

yeah I saw her walking in the woods before.

- How did she seem?

- [Irwin] I mean, honestly, messed up.

- Come on.

I wanna check out that goddamn water.

- God.

- [Irwin] Fuck.

All right, let's go.

Careful.

- Yes, yes.

It smells like chemicals.

It's faint, but it's there.

- Well, what are we gonna do?

- I really don't feel well.

- God, I don't have any reception.

- I didn't either.

I was trying to text my mom earlier.

- Fuck, a fucking dead zone.

You gotta be kidding me right now.

- [Irwin] Guys, just stay calm, okay?

You just have to stay calm--

- This is all your fucking fault.

- Let's just go.

I saw a sign for a hospital a ways back.

I'm not gonna risk this shit.

Irwin, you drive.

- [Irwin] All right, let's go, man.

You're the boss.

- [Ilona] We can't just leave.

We have to find Meredith first.

- Meredith.

Meredith.

- Meredith, come on.

We're leaving.

- [Irwin] Meredith, are you okay?

- Damn it.

So thirsty.

- [Irwin] Meredith, this is shitty timing

for hide and seek.

Let's go.

- Meredith, please.

Should we go looking for her further in the woods?

- Ilona, it's gonna get dark soon.

We're not gonna--

- But we can't just leave her out here

for whatever wild animals may be out there.

God.

- Just calm down.

We gotta think about the bigger picture.

- Shit.

- [Irwin] What?

- [Ralph] Cici, no.

- [Irwin] What's she doing?

Did you just drink that?

- What's wrong with you?

- That was a real fucking dumb idea.

- Aren't you guys thirsty?

Ilona, I know you want some.

Just dip you head in and have a sip.

- [Irwin] This is so messed up.

- [Ilona] Cici, please, you have to pull it together.

- Irwin, Irwin, you good to go?

- [Irwin] Yeah, let's go.

Whatever you want.

- Come on.

Ilona, Cici, come one.

We're leaving now.

- [Irwin] Fuck.

You okay?

- [Ilona] Hey, what did I say?

We're not leaving without Meredith.

(keys jingling)

- [Irwin] Fuck.

Shit.

- We'll go to a hospital and Irwin can lead an ambulance

back here--

- No, I'm not abandoning her.

- [Irwin] Guys.

- I'm the one who basically invited you all out here to--

- [Irwin] Guys.

- What?

- [Irwin] There's no reason to fight about this right now,

because the car won't start.

- Try it again.

- [Irwin] I did.

- Pop the hood.

- [Irwin] Fine.

- [Ilona] God.

You got it?

- Fuck you.

What the fuck?

- [Irwin] What?

- [Ralph] Jesus.

- [Ilona] What is this?

- [Ralph] Somebody's fucking with us.

- [Irwin] Shit.

Ralph, can you fix this?

- Even if I had the tools and the parts,

I can't actually see right now.

- [Irwin] Even with the light?

- I mean my vision is messed up right now.

That's why I wanted you to drive.

- [Irwin] Shit.

- [Cici] What the fuck is happening?

Can we just go?

Hey, get off of me, okay?

- [Irwin] Fuck.

Who do you think did this?

- Obviously it was that bitch Meredith

fucking with us for some reason.

- Why would she?

- [Irwin] Yo, when I saw her before,

she looked mad fucked up, like actually crazy.

- Wait, you saw her when?

- It definitely was her.

- You don't know that.

- Who the hell else is there?

No one else is around for miles.

- [Cici] You guys think there's like someone watching us

in the woods, like some like sick pervert or something?

- Fuck.

- [Ilona] What if she's right.

- Cici, use your head.

- [Irwin] Just calm down, guys.

Just calm down.

Uh, oh my god.

- [Ilona] Cici.

- I'm fine, I'm fine.

- [Irwin] You don't look fine.

- It doesn't matter.

It's all right.

We'll be all right, all of us.

It's like that time when we took those shitty mushrooms.

Remember?

Ilona, you were freaking out.

Cici, you got sick, but it passed.

We just gotta ride it out.

- You're right.

- [Irwin] All right, should we go back inside?

Just--

- No, I don't wanna be in that creepy ass house.

- All right.

I'll start a fire, so we can at least see

what the hell is going on.

Irwin, come on.

Help me.

- [Irwin] Okay.

Fuck.

What is this?

(coughing)

- [Ilona] Oh, god.

- Lighter.

- Here.

- Lighter.

- Take it.

Just nevermind.

I'll do it.

Don't worry, I got it.

Just go relax.

- [Ilona] We need to find Meredith.

- [Ralph] She'll be all right.

Maybe the light from the fire will draw her back.

- [Ilona] Mm-hmm.

If my parents find out about this,

they're going to kill me.

- [Ralph] Baby, it's going to be all right.

Just stay calm.

- [Ilona] I just, they're always telling me

to take more initiative, be more self-reliant,

out of my comfort zone.

I'm just so used to going along with whatever they say,

whatever they plan for me,

and look, look what happens.

I try one new thing on my own.

I can't believe it brought us all here

so we, for this.

This is all my fault.

I'm so, I'm so weak it's pathetic.

- [Ralph] Listen to me, Ilona.

It's not true.

You're strong, more than you know.

And this isn't your fault at all.

We're gonna be all right, okay?

All of us.

- [Ilona] I just,

I don't know about that.

Say it again, bitch.

- How do we know you didn't fuck with the car

or put poison in the fucking water?

- [Ilona] Why would I do that?

You ratchet bitch.

- Girls, just relax, okay?

- Yeah, 'cause the little rich girl gets everything

handed to her, once to be a judge-y,

goody-goody two-tits.

- [Ilona] Please.

- She's probably the biggest freak in the bunch.

- Cici, she didn't do anything.

- How do you know?

- Because she wouldn't have had time to.

Her and Ralph were, you know--

- What?

- I just mean we were all together mostly and--

- You see something?

- No, what?

- [Ilona] You fucking watched us, didn't you?

- No.

I mean, I was walking in the woods.

I mean I may have saw you guys--

- You watched us, you sick little--

- [Ilona] Did you film us?

- No, I maybe--

No no no, Ilona, Ilona, don't, look, you don't--

Ow, stop, Ralph.

What the fuck?

Ow.

(punching)

Ow

- [Ilona] Kill him, baby.

Kill him.

- [Irwin] Fuck, get off me.

- Stop it, you motherfucker.

You two are acting crazy.

- Irwin, you all right, man?

- [Ilona] Help her.

- [Ralph] Fuck.

- [Ilona] Cici.

- [Irwin] What's wrong?

Shit.

Oh, shit.

- Cici.

Cici.

Cici, listen, Cici.

(moaning)

- Cici, Cici.

- [Irwin] Shit.

- Cici.

We gotta tie her down before she wakes up

and tries this again.

- Why is this happening?

It's getting worse.

- Baby, we're gonna get through this.

Look at me.

Okay?

- [Irwin] Oh, shit.

- Just stay with her for a second.

- You can't leave me.

Don't leave me.

- I'm gonna go get some rope, all right?

There should be some rope in the barn, right?

- [Irwin] Yeah, yeah.

I saw some before when I was in there.

- All right.

Irwin, come on.

I need the light.

- [Irwin] All right.

Shit.

Fuck.

Fuck, shit.

Shit, what was that?

Ralph.

- Got it.

- [Irwin] Shit.

Scared me.

- What?

You're scared of the dark?

Come on.

- [Irwin] Wait.

Are you feeling all right?

- Yeah, I didn't drink as much water as they did.

- She just jumped up and ran into the woods.

- Goddamn it.

- Ralph, you have to find her.

- Okay, I'll go.

- Irwin, go.

Go with him, so you guys can see.

- I'm not gonna leave you here alone.

- No, it's fine.

I'll be fine.

You need the light.

I shouldn't have talked to her like that.

I wasn't, please, just find her.

She went in that direction.

- [Irwin] All right, maybe we'll see Meredith there too.

- Fuck her.

Crazy bitch.

You're right, Ralph.

She's the one who must've messed with the car.

I mean, right?

I barely know that bitch.

She was just helping me pass environment class

this semester.

I'm not even friends--

- Okay, all right all right.

Irwin, let's go.

- [Irwin] Okay.

- Just hurry up, honey.

Please.

- [Irwin] All right, all right.

Ow.

- [Ralph] Let's go.

- [Irwin] Okay.

Shit.

Ow, there's a hole.

Shit

- [Ralph] Cici.

- [Irwin] Fuck.

Let's go up further.

- [Ralph] Cici, come on, Cici.

Where are you?

Cici.

Cici.

- [Irwin] Cici.

- [Ralph] Cici, where are you?

- [Irwin] Dude, we are not gonna find her out here.

- [Ralph] We're gonna find her.

Come on, Cici.

- [Irwin] She's not out here, man.

I don't know where the fuck she is.

Oh shit.

- [Ralph] Fuck.

Cici.

(growling)

- [Irwin] The fuck?

- [Ralph] Come on, Cici.

Stop playing.

Just come down, all right?

Cici, come on.

- [Irwin] Oh shit.

(Growling and screaming)

- [Irwin] Shit, shit, shit.

What happened, what happened?

- [Ralph] Crazy.

- [Irwin] Fuck, are you okay?

- I'm fucking fine.

Come on.

- [Irwin] Fuck, shit, shit.

Fuck.

- Come on.

(coyote howling)

(coughing)

- [Irwin] Shit.

What the fuck?

- [Ralph] Ilona.

- Please, just stay back.

You found her.

Thank you.

(coughing)

- Ilona, please.

Are you okay?

- You need to tie her up.

- [Irwin] Shit.

- And me too.

- What?

- Please.

I just, I don't know what I'll do.

Just do it, please.

- Help me.

- [Irwin] Shit, all right, all right.

- Come on.

(moaning)

- It's gonna be okay.

You just gotta wait it out.

- [Irwin] All right,

I'm gonna get some more wood for the fire.

- Just gotta wait it out.

Did you hear that?

- [Irwin] What?

I didn't hear anything.

(rustling)

- You didn't hear that either?

- [Irwin] Shit, it could be an animal.

We're in the middle of the woods.

- It could be fucking Meredith.

- [Irwin] So what?

I mean, I'm not about to go looking for Meredith right now.

- Don't be a pussy.

She could need our help.

- [Irwin] Our help?

- Or she could be trying to attack us.

- [Irwin] Shit.

- Come on.

- [Irwin] Shit, all right, all right.

Fuck.

All right, just wait wait wait.

Okay, okay.

- You ready?

- [Irwin] Yes.

Wait, just be careful.

Shit.

(banging)

Sorry, sorry.

Ralph, watch.

What's this?

Shit.

- [Ralph] There's nothing here.

- [Irwin] What?

- You know, I used to love fishing as a kid.

- [Irwin] Oh.

- My father would take me.

We'd go on these trips up north, just the two of us.

It's funny.

I'd never catch anything.

And every time he'd reel one in,

he'd let me hold onto the rod,

so I could feel like I was reeling it in.

He, obviously, was doing it all.

This one time,

he pulled this big fish,

I mean like gigantic one

and we were on this little rowboat out in the lake.

So, he hands me the rod and the fish

and it was so powerful.

It must've just took off,

swimming with everything it had

through the dark water

and its survival instinct just kicking in,

hardcore, you know?

And I was so excited and I knew I couldn't drop the rod.

I was holding onto the rod so tight,

'cause if I did my father would be mad.

Anyway, um,

the force of the fish,

its, what you call it,

its inertia.

- [Irwin] Yeah.

- It must have just woo,

it, uh, pulled me so far,

I thought I was gonna fall off the boat

and I thought I was gonna drown

and--

(laughing)

You know, I get itnow .

There's no hope for us, for any of us.

- [Irwin] Ralph.

- We just have to take matters into our own hands,

you know?

- [Irwin] No, Ralph.

Shit, no.

Fuck, shit, shit, fuck.

Goddamn light.

Shit shit shit.

Oh, fuck fuck fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Shit.

Fuck.

Oh, shit.

What is he doing?

Fuck.

No.

No, Ralph.

No.

(screaming)

Oh my god, oh my god.

Shit.

Oh shit.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Shit

(crying)

what am I gonna do?

Oh no.

What do I do?

Shit.

Come on, there's gotta be something here to help them.

Come on, Irwin.

Think.

Fuck.

Irwin, help them.

Goddamn it.

There's gotta be something.

Come on, come on.

Don't be a pussy.

Go help them.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Where are you?

Come on.

Oh, no.

No no no no.

Shit, where is she?

Oh, fuck.

(screaming)

Shit, shit.

Shit.

(crying)

Shit.

(sniffing)

(growling) (screaming)

(coughing)

Shit.

Shit, shit.

Fuck, Cici, no.

You're too hot to die.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

(crying)

This wasn't our fault.

If I end up dead and someone finds this,

it wasn't our fault.

It was that goddamn water.

Someone's gotta fucking put dam up or something.

We didn't deserve this.

Why didn't we just go to a water park or,

maybe not a water park.

Why did this happen?

Who am I even talking to?

Shit, shit.

Who's here?

Oh god.

Oh god, are you dead?

Oh, shit.

Thank god.

Oh, god.

Oh, god.

Thank god you're alive.

Shit.

(screaming)

Stop, get off.

Stop.

(snapping)

oh, shit.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, oh, no.

I didn't mean to, I didn't meant to.

Shit, shit.

Fuck, fuck.

Shit.

Who's there?

Who the fuck is there?

Who is it?

Shit.

Oh, oh god.

Oh, no.

Oh god.

- Irwin, you okay?

- [Irwin] Um, yeah.

I'm all right.

- Where's Ilona?

She okay?

See, I told you.

You just have to wait it out.

I feel so much better.

- [Irwin] Oh, shit.

- Now we just have to--

What happened?

- [Irwin] I'm so sorry, Ralph.

- What happened?

- [Irwin] She came at me.

She was trying to kill me.

I had no choice.

I was just defending my--

(screaming)

I'm so sorry.

Ralph, Ralph.

I don't wanna fight you.

- There' won't be no fight.

I'm just gonna kill you.

- [Irwin] No no no.

No.

(heavy breathing)

Shit.

Shit.

(crying)

(door creaking)

- [Ralph] Irwin, I know you're in here.

I'm gonna find you.

Think you're just gonna take her from me like that?

Just like that?

You think your life is worth anything?

You human piece of garbage.

I'm gonna hurt you.

I hear you, Irwin.

(scuffling)

- [Irwin] Shit.

(Ralph choking and coughing)

Fuck.

Fuck it.

Holy fucking shit.

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What happened?

(laughing)

Cici, I guess you were really looking out for me.

(laughing)

Well, I guess, not looking, right?

(laughing)

Oh, shit.

Come on.

I gotta get outta here.

Gotta get outta here.

Shit.

Oh god.

Where am I even going?

Where am I going?

This is so stupid.

Goddamn it.

Goddamn it.

Goddamn it, Goddamn it.

Oh, shit.

Shit.

Well, it can't get any worse, right?

Hello?

Who's there?

Hey, I said who's there?

Hey hey hey, who's that?

Who's there?

Hey, stay the fuck back, man.

Stay back.

- Easy there.

Just relax, fella.

- [Irwin] Whoa whoa whoa.

Whoa are you?

- My name's Reginald.

Pleased to meet ya.

- [Irwin] Just stay back, all right?

- You sure are skittish, son.

- [Irwin] Well, Reggie, I've had kind of

a rough fucking night, okay?

- Pardon?

- [Irwin] Well, just stay back.

What the fuck are you doing out here?

- You sure do cuss a mean streak, son.

- [Irwin] Just answer the question.

- I do what?

- [Irwin] Why the fuck are you out here all alone,

just walking around?

- Oh, I'm just out for my night time walk.

I traverse 2.8 miles every night.

It keeps me fit as a fiddle.

I live alone,

so most things I do are in that state.

- [Irwin] Huh?

- Alone.

- [Irwin] Oh, all right.

- I could ask you the same thing, son.

- [Irwin] What?

- Why on earth are you out here all alone,

except for with that there camera contraption.

- [Irwin] Well, my friends were back--

- Oh, was that you making that ruckus?

I was wondering who was out in these parts.

- [Irwin] I thought you said

that you just went for your walk now.

- I do.

I live about a couple miles away.

I go back and forth.

Are you all right, son?

Do you need some help?

- [Irwin] I mean, you don't have a phone

at your place, one that works?

- I sure do.

- [Irwin] Maybe, do you think I could,

I don't know if you mind if I make a call?

- Sure, sure.

Come with me.

You can use it, boy.

- [Irwin] All right.

Okay.

- I got a cabin about a mile down the road.

- [Irwin] All right.

- In that direction.

Follow me.

We don't get many visitors in these parts.

What brings you by?

- [Irwin] Look, I'd rather not get into it right now,

if you don't mind.

- Sure, sure.

I won't push you, boy.

It's just that we don't get much action around here, either.

Last time something on this site happened was,

oh, probably 10 years back.

- [Irwin] Yeah, that so?

- Yeah, but that was not pleasant.

No, no.

- [Irwin] What do you mean?

- Well, such a sad thing,

tragic.

Such a waste of lives.

- [Irwin] Are you deliberately

trying to freak me the fuck out, man?

- Oh, no no, boy.

I didn't mean to ruffle your feathers.

I'll be as quiet as a church mouse.

Let's just keep moving.

- [Irwin] Fine.

- Now, don't you worry, boy.

I'll make sure that you get the help that you need

for yourself and those girls too.

- [Irwin] Wait, what?

- Oh, uh, I mean, uh--

- [Irwin] How the fuck do you know about the girls?

- Oh, you said you had some friends that needed--

- [Irwin] Were you watching us?

- Oh, no no.

I mean, I might've caught a peek

when I was passing through--

- [Irwin] Were you the one who fucked with our car?

(laughing)

What the fuck are you laughing at, man?

- I never seen a scaredy cat in all my days.

- [Irwin] Just answer the question, you old asshole.

- Hey, you are being a genuine pussy.

Getting all worked up over--

- [Irwin] Why the fuck were you watching us?

- Hey, hey.

- [Irwin] Ow, ow.

(screaming)

What the fuck?

Give me that you, fuck.

(screaming) (hitting)

- I ain't done nothing wrong.

You're fucking crazy kid.

(moaning)

- Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit.

Fuck, shit, shit.

Oh, shit.

(crying)

Shit.

Where am I going?

Where am I going?

Shit, all right, god, please help me.

I'll look go to church and shit

if you help me just this once, just this once.

All right.

What goes, this goes green before red,

it's in your head.

Ow, shit.

(bat hitting and dropping)

(body dragging)

Fuck.

Shit.

What is this?

- [Meredith] What do you think this is, Irwin?

What do you think this is, Irwin?

- I don't know, Meredith,

but fucking untie me, right now.

(laughing)

- [Meredith] I'm sorry, Irwin, but I just can't do that.

- Meredith, tell me what's going on.

- It's just us two now.

Just like you wanted.

Be honest, Irwin.

This is what you wanted

and now it's your turn.

- My turn for what?

- I hope you're thirsty, Irwin.

- No.

- It's your turn to drink.

- No no no.

(laughing)

Meredith, how fucking crazy are you?

- Well, they said I was cured,

so apparently not that crazy.

- Meredith, listen, listen, listen to me.

You're not making any sense right now.

You're still sick from the water

and look, I won't say anything.

No one has to know about this,

what you're doing right now.

We can get out of here together.

- No.

I'm the only one who leaves here.

- What?

No.

- That's how it was before

and that's how it has to be now.

- What are you talking about?

- I thought you saw my album, Irwin.

- Huh?

- You sure love to snoop, don't you, Irwin?

Doing your little investigative work.

Think.

- That photo album?

- We drank it before.

We lived off it, off the land.

It was good.

It was always,

until that plant opened

and the water went bad.

- What plant?

- We passed it.

- Oh my god.

- You lived here?

- My brothers, my sister, my parents,

they were good.

Then they went bad.

- Oh my god.

- They lost their lives, all of them.

They turned on each other.

I watched them all, one by one,

my own flesh and blood.

I was the only one.

- What did you do?

- I hid in the barn.

I got out.

- Meredith, that is really truly awful

and I'm sorry, but why are you doing this now?

- Her daddy.

- What, who?

- That cunt, Ilona.

It was her daddy, his manufacturing plant,

his chemicals.

So, now she had to pay,

just like I did.

(laughing)

- She was your friend.

- She was not my fucking friend.

She was a profiteer of her daddy's greed.

She was a spoiled, rich bitch who had it all.

Now, well, you saw.

- You're fucking crazy.

So, why did you bring us here?

Just so--

- So, we could have a shared experience.

I drank the water too, Irwin.

- [Irwin] I know.

I saw you.

Why?

- I could handle it.

I've been through it before.

It's not pleasant, but truly does pass.

- Oh shit.

But why?

- 'Cause that makes us all innocent.

Don't you see?

Just a big accident, just like before.

When they check the bodies,

they'll see we all drank the water,

except you.

- No, Meredith, please.

- It's your turn.

- Listen, listen, what you're saying,

it doesn't make any sense, okay?

I understand you want your vengeance or whatever,

but if everyone winds up dead, except for you,

they're gonna ask why you brought us here

and why you drank this water again.

- I guess they never did fix me after all, huh?

- No, no.

(choking and gurgling) (laughing)

- Oh, you really were thirsty.

- [Irwin] Oh, god.

(gagging and choking)

(laughing)

- [Meredith] Oh, wow.

(banging)

- And now you go for a little dip.

(humming)

(screaming)

(choking and gagging)

(crying)

(birds chirping)

(light guitar music)