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MY MORNING LAUGHTER

Did you eat all the pancakes?

I did.

How could you eat them when you knew that mom made them for me?

Last night, she passed on everything to me and you just ate it all!

No, c'mon!

-Those pancakes I ate, what's the price? -What?

I want to pay. How much are they?

You don't need to pay.

I found some eggs.

I need to eat and go to school. Just leave me alone.

Everything's fine. You ate the pancakes. Just let me eat this and that's it.

Just leave me alone now.

What's the price?

Please, just leave and shut the door. The house is getting cold!

Get out, leave me alone. Just let me eat this, do you hear?

Oh, my God...

Why are you looking at me like that?

What are you looking at? Please, leave and just let me eat!

I'm begging you. Let me finish this. I have to go to school.

I'll be late. Please, leave me alone.

I want to pay!

Oh, for fuck's sake...

Get away from me! I can't look at you!

You are too close! Get away from me!

Why are you doing this to me? Leave me alone!

Get out! Do you hear me?

Get out!

Get out, man!

Get out!

Get out! Get out!

Hello, mom...

Can you, please, come home?

Never mind why... Just, please come home.

Okay, bye.

Dejan...

What happened?

Dejan?

I just lost it.

What happened to your hand?

There... there...

What happened?

He provoked me.

Doesn't matter...

I'm glad you didn't hit him.

We can fix the glass anytime.

We have to find some studio apartment for you, quickly.

I don't mind paying rent 100 Euros a month

if it keeps you from having a nervous breakdown.

-Take this. -I don't want it.

Come on, take it. Sugar will do you good.

How many classes do you have today?

Two.

-Can you do it? -Yeah...

Okay, you decide...

-We should... come on. -Yeah, let's go.

-I have to get back to work. -Yeah.

Don't worry about the glass.

When I get back from work...

-I'll put some... Styrofoam. -Okay.

Or that plastic wrap that's left from when we painted the house.

-Okay, then. -Okay. You shouldn't have come at all.

Yes, I should have. Call me when you finish work.

-Okay, I will. Bye. -Bye.

Great singing, man.

-Hey... -Hey.

Can you see a couple of more people?

-There's more? -From Kragujevac. Mother and son.

Send them in.

I'll send them in once they finish their coffee.

Fine.

Come on.

Hi, Miloš. I am Radica. We spoke on the phone yesterday.

Was it easy to follow my instructions about getting here?

Yes. This is my son, Dejan.

-Hello. -Hello.

Why are your palms so sweaty? Are you nervous?

No need to be scared of me.

You wait outside, while we have a talk.

Oh, okay...

Have a seat, handsome.

What about the cup?

Leave it there, let the grounds settle.

Tell me your exact time and date of birth.

April 17th, 1988, 12:35 PM.

Alright.

Let's see... that's ten.

You are ten years ahead of everybody, Dejan.

Ten whole years. Ahead with your wisdom.

What your peers will grasp in ten years... you already have inside you.

You are quite a philosopher, Dejan.

Are you aware of that?

You are not only smart, but also wise.

Big difference.

-You got your BA a while ago, right? -Yes.

Back in 2012.

2012, yeah...

And what did you major in? Something to do with art?

I can see, you've got an artistic sense about you.

No. I majored in history. In Niš.

Okay. History.

But now you are worried about not being able to find a job?

Yes.

I mean, I do have a job at the moment. But only as a substitute.

It's not a permanent position.

The job at that school won't last much longer.

You will get another, permanent job, at another school.

That's gonna be...

Something close to your home. There's a...

Is there a school near where you live?

There's "Stanislav" and "Third Batallion". I don't know which one is closer.

You know a woman in that school who works as a clerk, right?

No, not sure that I do.

Yes, there is a woman. Your mother knows her.

That woman is going to do you a big favour and get you a job.

And you will be a good teacher. Real good.

Once you overcome your insecurity, you'll be stern, as a teacher should be.

You don't like rude children. You don't mind yelling at them, right?

Well, I don't know. Sometimes.

However...

Because of your job situation, you have neglected your private life.

Why don't you have a girlfriend?

You're handsome, smart. Why not?

What's the problem? Let me see here...

I know what it is. You lack the number 3.

There is no 3 here...

You know, sex life, love life.

What is it with you? You don't have any sex drive?

You are well hung, I can see.

Nothing to be ashamed down there, so why do you keep it locked away?

-Tell me, how often do you beat off? -What?

I said how often do you beat off? How often?

I... I really don't know.

-What do you mean you don't know? -I don't...

How can you not know? Is it twice a week?

Is it three times... a day? I don't know, which is it?

I don't know.

I see that whenever you do that, you rush through it.

You don't savour those moments. No enjoyment.

You are rough with it. Why, are you mad at your dick?

It's not to blame. Come on, Dejan.

You can use your imagination. Don't just watch stuff on the internet.

Make up a story, a believable plot.

Fondle it. Fondle it gently. And don't rush.

You have to unload, man.

That's why you're so tense. You never unburden yourself.

Listen, Dejan, you are Aries sun, Leo ascendant.

That's energy. Whole lot of energy!

You are going to incinerate yourself!

You have a self-destructive side to you!

You want to see yourself destroyed! Why? Why do you want that?

When you are alone at home, turn everything off.

Everything! Computer, TV, cell phone, everything.

Your brain. No thoughts. As if you're gonna meditate.

Slow down, understand?

And then you start fondling yourself. Here, over your crotch.

Slowly, slowly.

Your fingers have to feel the blood flow.

Then, it will get hard.

You have to turn off your brain.

That's why you have trouble getting an erection.

Again I ask you, why are you ashamed of this?

You are looking away the whole time. You look stupid.

Stupid!

It is stupid that you are ashamed of your own body!

You're 28 and haven't done it yet.

Shame on you!

Shame...

Here, I see there were opportunities.

But you've missed them all.

What happened, you failed?

Couldn't get it up? Or you came too fast?

Dejan, I'm asking again, is there something embarrassing about this?

You keep looking away, what's the matter with you?

You gotta talk to me, man!

If you won't talk, we can end this right now.

Okay, then.

You are quite a sissy, Dejan. Quite a sissy.

One would never tell by the look of you, such a big guy.

But you're a sissy on the inside. Go then...

-Good... good bye. -Good bye.

-Tell your mother to come in. -Okay.

C'mon.

-What happened? -He wants to talk to you now.

I must disappoint you right away.

You brought your son to find out what's his problem.

And I'm gonna tell you, you're his biggest problem.

The biggest!

Why do you treat him like a kid and not a man who's thirty?

As if he is ten years old, that's how you treat him.

What is he going to do when you die?

He shut himself in the house, no friends, no girlfriend, nothing.

What's he gonna do once you're gone? Get a shovel and bury himself next you?

You act like that because you're lonely.

I can see that you have no husband.

I don't know if he's dead or you got divorced.

But he's gone. You're alone. I see it.

That's why it would be best if you found someone.

You have to redirect the care and energy from your son to someone else.

Don't think you're too old for that stuff.

You're quite a cougar. Look at you.

Good looking, smart.

A lot of guys would come knocking. A lot of guys.

You think you can be on your own. But you know that you can't.

You need someone to love you.

My husband is alive, you didn't see it right.

Why are you here, if you know everything? What did you want me to tell you?

You're just incapable of believing anything I say.

I don't believe you.

Why did you come here, then?

Who told you to come?

Someone persuaded me, it doesn't matter.

Okay! Do as you please and God will judge.

-When I grow up, I'll be tall. -You'll be tall.

Just like me.

You'll be this tall... then, this tall.

Then, this tall... then, this tall.

Let's go, honey. Come on.

Take me!

-Have a safe trip! -C'mon, let's go. Goodbye.

-Take me! -Okay.

Grandpa is going to see you now!

Coming!

Coming, I'm coming!

-Hey! -I'm here.

Thank you so much!

Sorry! Come in.

-Sorry for calling like this, Dejan. -It's fine.

I really didn't know who else to call.

First I wanted to call my parents, but it would take an hour for them to get here.

The whole thing would only scare them.

Don't worry about it. It's all good.

So, tell me... How are you? How do you feel?

I don't know.

I mean, it still hurts, but...

I can't...

I'm not sure what hurts. It's really weird.

It started all of a sudden while I was standing there.

I was paying my bills and it just started.

It's something like...

I've never felt this kind of pain. Like a weakness that's spreading.

Going down the side of my leg, to my knee.

By the time I got home, it spread to my inner thigh

and lower abdomen.

I got home and had no idea what to do.

I tried to find a position where it doesn't hurt as bad.

I couldn't. Cold sweat was pouring out of me.

I felt weakness in my legs, like I'm going to faint.

That's what scared me the most and I called you.

I didn't know what to do. If I fainted, no one would find me.

Very unusual pain.

I can't even...

I can't stand still.

It's so bad. I can't even sit.

I don't know.

-Do you need a glass for the beer? -No, I don't want beer.

First I was gonna take this painkiller,

but then I realised it has expired.

That's why I asked you to bring beer. To loosen me up a bit.

It's just that... I've never felt this kind of pain.

I've had back pain before, but never like this.

I don't know where it's coming from. I don't understand.

I was terrified by the thought that it might be my ovaries.

Because the pain came to the front.

Then I remembered it that it started in the back, so it couldn't be that.

It's most probably from that injury.

I hurt my big toe.

I couldn't even step on my foot.

That's what my uncle said. I called him before you showed up.

For a few of days I kept stepping on my heel.

I couldn't step on my foot. From that irregular walk...

-There's a tendon connected to this muscle. -I understand.

When you step on your heel you can feel that muscle work.

-You get it? -Yes.

He told me he was certain that is what's causing the pain.

There's a medical term for that.

Both the nerve and the inflammation.

I mean, that...

The inflammation of that muscle.

I really can't sit still, it's so...

I can't even...

I have to lay down. Excuse me, Dejan. I have to go to bed.

Go ahead, go ahead! Lay down.

I just don't fucking know how to help you. What can I do?

I just need it to pass till the morning.

-I need to give a test, first period. -It will.

It will pass for sure.

Dejan, could you please just press these two spots here with your fists, press hard.

-Do you have room? -Yes, I do.

There and there. You can use your thumbs or fists.

Just press hard.

Just press it.

-Right here? -Go ahead.

Don't stop, Dejan!

I'll tell you when to stop. Keep pressing hard!

Go ahead.

Alright, alright, enough.

-Feeling better now? -Much better.

It's okay.

Good. So the pain is gone?

It only hurts where you pressed, but...

-I'm sorry, I didn't know how to... -No, no. That's the way it should be.

It's okay, it's okay.

-It will get better. -Okay.

I'll be going now.

Okay. Wait, I'll see you out.

No, don't get up.

-Maybe I shouldn't get up. -Of course, stay there.

-See you. -Okay.

-Bye! -When do you have classes tomorrow?

Second and third period.

I have the first, so we'll see each other.

Right, okay.

-Bye! -Bye!

If you need anything else just give me a call!

-Okay. -Just so you know.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

Okay...

Rajko? Rajko!

Rajko! Rajko!

Rajko? Radica! Deki!

-What happened? -I don't know, he's down.

Good afternoon.

-Good afternoon. -Good afternoon.

Hey.

What's up?

Listen...

You know what?

Mom's gonna drop by later to bring you lunch and stuff.

How are you feeling?

Young man, did you watch Partizan play last night? Basketball game...

I didn't.

Do you have a phone? Can you check the score online?

Okay, sure.

Hey...

C'mon. Stop. What's with you?

Do you need anything, or...

Fuck...

I gotta get someone...

Not in there, Mire. There's no heating in there.

-Go to the kitchen. -Oh, okay.

-Don't need to take your shoes off. -Alright.

-Do you want some coffee, Mire? -Sure.

-How about you, Dejan? -No.

-We should arrange for a priest. -Fine, go ahead.

-Should we call Zare? -Yes, sure.

Hallo? Father Zare?

Miroslav Pavlović speaking. Mire.

My brother, Rajko, has died.

Today. He had a stroke.

Thank you very much.

We've arranged the funeral for 2 o'clock, tomorrow, at the Stanovo cemetery.

We would like you to do the service.

If you can't make it, you can send someone else, but...

Rajko held you in great regard. It would be nice if you could manage.

Alright. I'll call in the morning. Have a nice day.

He said he is busy tomorrow, but he'll try...

We're gonna need a picture for the obituary.

I don't have any.

-You don't? -No.

How about the one on his ID?

That one I do have.

Try and find it in there.

My poor Rajko.

I'll just cut it out.

Basically, she's not well.

She's on her second dose of cytostatics.

But that cannot stop the progression of the illness.

They don't cure you. They just postpone death.

It was better when she was doing chemo.

She was born in 1943.

-Hi, Dejan! -Hi, how are you?

-Where are you? -Oh, you know.

I didn't see you the last couple of days.

Yeah, I was sick.

Oh. So, are you feeling better now?

-I am, yeah. -Great.

I was gonna invite you for slava at my place on Thursday.

This Thursday. After the school celebration.

-Okay, sure. -We'll have a little get together.

No big deal. My sister will come and bring some food from my folks, so...

Sneža will come, too...

Also... I have to move out by the end of the week.

-You're moving? -Yeah.

It will be a farewell party for the apartment, also.

Why so suddenly? What's...

-Well... -Never mind.

The landlord has sold the apartment.

I have only by the end of the week to find...

I've already found one apartment, but it's kinda big.

So I might have to find a roommate.

Or maybe a smaller apartment might turn up, which would be even better.

Okay...

I'm sorry, you're taking the test.

-I'm not, I'm grading them. -Right, grading them!

-I also have something to... -Sure, yeah, yeah.

Ok, so I'll come to your... Ok, great.

No, it's like: 10 days on the medication, then 11 days off. And so on.

She made it through two of those cycles. But she felt sick all the time.

Cytostatics, those are the cytostatics.

Yeah, all of her hair is gone.

I don't know.

Yeah, sure, but it's the quality of life that counts.

And what kind of life can you have with 10 days on the meds, then 11 days off.

I guess people like to live. Okay. Can I call you back later?

Okay, bye.

Sure.

Bye!

Wanna come with?

-Not now. No, I can't. -Just one? A quick one?

I can't. Gotta finish this.

-I can barely make it in time. -Okay.

Dejan, sorry for interrupting. I just wanted to give you this, before I forget.

I've been carrying it for days, hoping I'll run into you.

What is that? What's the occasion?

It's for the other night... I didn't get a chance to thank you.

Oh, come on...

I was all flustered and ashamed because of the whole thing.

I'm sorry for making such a big fuss.

-No need to apologize. -I do. I really need to.

I'm closed off and sealed shut.

Situations like that... It's as if I can't think straight.

I really did want to thank you then, but... I don't know... Somehow I didn't.

I built the whole thing up in my head. I thought I was dying.

That's been happening, lately.

Because my folks are far away, I guess.

I'm scared to live alone.

It's all connected, I suppose.

Which doesn't mean that you should put up with me.

That's all.

I'll stop talking about myself. I wrote you an inscription.

You don't have to read it now.

I marked a page which reminded me of the other night.

Because it has a red circle... Big red circle, somewhere in the middle.

And you have those red shoelaces.

One made me think of the other.

That I've been reading just that... And somehow...

Somehow that makes sense to me. I don't know.

There are so many things we are not aware of.

Sorry, once more. That's all I wanted to say.

-Thank you for this. -I'll let you get back to work.

I'm gonna look into, you know... If I can think of anybody...

Who is looking for an apartment... In case you can't find...

Oh, thank you! I'm sure it's gonna work out...

-But thank you anyway. -Thank you for this.

-You're back? -Yeah.

-What's up? -Nothing.

What are you doing?

Nothing, waiting to see if you would like me to fix you something to eat?

-I ate already. -What did you eat?

-Just, you know... A slice of pizza. -Dejan, why?

I was hungry.

How about I make us some fruit salad?

-Sure. -Okay.

It'll take just a minute.

I have to pop out to the store for another tangerine or an orange.

Don't! What does it matter?

I'll get some more milk. This won't be enough for the whipped cream.

It doesn't matter. Use what you've got.

Nothing ever matters with you, Dejan. Do you want a fruit salad or some trash?

By the time I get back, the raisins will swell up all nice.

Not like last time, when I put them in dry. It wasn't good.

-I'll be back in a minute. -Okay.

Here I am.

You know... I wanted to tell you...

-You hear me? -Yes?

-I... I found an apartment. -What?

I found an apartment, if your offer for the 100 Euros still stands...

I'll pay the bills myself.

When did you see it? Where is it?

It's too big for that girl from work, she asked if I want to split the cost.

-Which girl is that? Your colleague? -Yes, yes.

-From Kraljevo. -The one you helped when she was sick?

Yeah, that's her. So, if you can spare the 100 Euros.

Where is she living now? I mean, in which apartment?

She's in her old apartment now. But the landlords are selling it.

She needs to move by the end of the month.

Okay, sure, we can see about that...

Can you get me the mixer?

Wait, let me...

Put it there.

That's right.

Doesn't work...

Here, it works.

Okay.

Dejan?

Do you like that girl?

No.

-No? -No.

Then stay out of that.

Why do yourself a disservice like that?!

Even if something were to happen between you two...

To start living together right away... Is that a good idea?

Nothing will happen. We'll each have our own room. It's a big apartment.

Yes, but you'll rub up against each other in passing.

I mean, that's how that goes... It's inevitable, you know...

Give me a couple of days and we'll find you an apartment.

A nice studio apartment where you can live alone.

I will pay extra, if need be. And done deal.

Don't feel weird and uncomfortable about the whole thing.

You are like that. You always want to help everyone out.

Forget about that.

Okay, great.

There we go.

Dejan, where are you going? Don't you want to eat here with me?

I can't. I have to go upstairs to grade the tests.

-When are they due? -Tomorrow.

Okay. Fine. I'll put the rest in the fridge.

-You can help yourself later to the rest. -Okay.

Serb churches and schools Glorify Him!

Serb pride-protector of schools Good shepherd, St. Sava,

Let us praise Him, O Serbs Let us sing His hymn thrice!

How are you?

Let the God protect us.

-You okay? -Yeah, fine.

...When suspicion comes out of a bush

At the time When everyone suspects each other

Where are we now?

Where are those big words?

Where are we now?

From Australia to America

Where is that bird, that had a voice?

That always brought us good news

Oh, are we born evil?

Or have we become that along the way?

Or are we the same as others?

I always cover up my fear with a smile

When I discover that you're happy

Far away from me, at the end of the world

Where everyone Weaves sadness for themselves

I always cover up my fear with a smile

When I discover that you're happy

Far away from me, Well hope you're all right

That the rose Doesn't wither when I wither

-Here. That's it. -Let me see.

It's not bad in the back of your head.

-Really? -Yeah, really.

-But this, here... It's... -Yeah, hairline is definitely receding.

Gone to shit.

Don't fuck around with it like that.

You're just making it greasy like that.

I got some new lotion. My mother got it for me.

You can throw that away, it's useless.

I've had the same exact problem.

Then I met this doctor. Just randomly. He's a dermatologist.

You know what he told me? The dermatologist!

He said, 'Any cream or lotion you apply onto your head is a waste of time.'

'The change begins in the mind.'

Then he asked if I had a girlfriend. Back then, we weren't together.

I also had other troubles, family problems, you know.

He said, 'Take care of all that and then your hair will grow back.'

It's all in the mind!

He also said, 'Walk for an hour every day...'

-Do you want anything else to drink? -No, I don't want anything.

How about you, Dejan? There's more wine if you want?

-I'm done... For good! -No, no, nothing for me.

That's the main thing. Plus, long walks and a proper diet.

No sugar, no soda. But the main thing is the psyche, your mind.

To not worry about every little problem, you know...

Look at my hairline now...

It's not perfect now, but it used to be horrible.

Now I wash my hair every three days.

Before, if I washed it in the morning, it would get greasy by afternoon.

Listen, buddy, I didn't catch a thing of what you said last.

It's all I can do to keep my eyes open. I'm falling asleep here.

Don't worry about it. Go lie down.

-Where? -There, in the bedroom.

-I don't know. You think? -Go ahead, man.

Five minutes is all I need. Just to rest my eyes.

Could I... Kaća?

Could I lie down just for five minutes, to shut my eyes for a little bit?

My eyes are heavy, I feel sorry for the guy...

Go ahead and lie down, Dejan. If you want, get under that blanket.

-Sorry, buddy. I just can't... -It's fine, man. Go ahead.

Dejan.

Hey, Dejan.

Excuse me. I'm sorry for waking you.

I just wanted to make up the bed so that we can lie down properly.

-What time is it? -It's almost 5AM.

Oh, I'm sorry!

-Wait, where's your sister? -They left for Rača.

They couldn't stay because I took the bed?

No, no. They weren't planning to stay.

Where are you going at this hour?

You can sleep over and we can go to school together in the morning.

No, no, I have to go home. I'm really sorry about this.

-I didn't mean to... -Good bye!

Wait! Your phone. Dejan? You forgot your phone.

-Your mother called. -Thank you.

You don't have to leave because of me. I really don't mind.

No, no, thank you. I'm really sorry.

I'm sorry. It's five o'clock in the morning. I don't know if I should go home.

Come in, Dejan.

That's what I told you. You should stay.

Come on in.

Come on, get in here.

I'm gonna get into bed because I'm cold.

I'll just go to the toilet.

I made you the bed here for you.

This pillow might be too small for you. We can switch if you want.

-No, it's perfect, it's great. -Alright.

At home I sometimes sleep without a pillow, so this is great.

When do you have classes tomorrow?

Second and third period.

Then you should set the alarm and I'll wake up at the same time as you.

Okay.

What time should I set it for? Eight?

We'll only sleep for three hours.

Actually I'll only sleep for three hours. You've already slept.

Right.

-Okay, good night. -Good night, good night.

What did you that for?

I don't know.

C'mon, do it again.

Your hands are so delicate. I never would have guessed.

Your back is gigantic!

Hold on!

Wait, wait, wait.

Hold on.

Let me move this out of the way.

-Sorry, my hands are cold. -No, no, it's fine.

Not so fast!

-Slowly, slowly... -You show me how to do it.

Is this rhythm okay?

Wait, wait, wait.

Easy, Dejan!

Easy, easy. It's alright, it's alright.

Easy, easy, easy.

Dejan! Stop, Dejan, stop!

Stop! Something's wrong!

Something is... what is this?

What is this?

What is this?

Look at all the blood!

Dejan, it doesn't seem like it's my blood.

It's too thin, like from a cut.

Are you in pain?

I don't know.

Wash up and check it out.

It's coming out, but it must be cleaned quickly,

because it's getting inside fast. It needs to get dry.

The blood is mine, I just want you to know that.

Are you okay now?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Did you stop the bleeding? Do you know what exactly happened?

Nothing, really. My foreskin tore down there.

It was too narrow, so...

-It's fine now. -So, it's fine now?

It doesn't hurt, anymore?

Only a bit, but it'll pass and that's it.

If it tore, this means that the problem is solved.

So, we made it?

We made it.