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1
00:00:01,094 --> 00:00:02,445
Why don't you want
to kiss me?
2
00:00:02,494 --> 00:00:04,389
I'm kissable,
damn it!
3
00:00:05,140 --> 00:00:07,222
Are you even
listening to me?
4
00:00:07,585 --> 00:00:09,783
Yes, I just find
these tea bags
5
00:00:09,867 --> 00:00:12,996
need to be coaxed
in order to steep properly.
6
00:00:13,406 --> 00:00:14,643
Can we get back
to the fact
7
00:00:14,727 --> 00:00:17,126
that my husband never wants
to kiss me again?
8
00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:18,258
Is there a chance
9
00:00:18,342 --> 00:00:20,510
you're exaggerating
the situation?
10
00:00:20,624 --> 00:00:21,774
None.
11
00:00:21,858 --> 00:00:24,137
Shall I relive
the horror all over again
12
00:00:24,221 --> 00:00:26,439
now that your orange pekoe's
squared away?
13
00:00:26,523 --> 00:00:28,819
Yeah, sure,
relive.
14
00:00:31,188 --> 00:00:33,996
Ah, I can't wait to see
what you think of my sauce.
15
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:35,243
I went for sweet
16
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,306
with a little
bit of heat.
17
00:00:37,390 --> 00:00:38,844
And you're sure
the ribs are cooked enough?
18
00:00:38,928 --> 00:00:41,512
I know they were only
on there for 12 hours.
19
00:00:42,133 --> 00:00:43,399
It was six.
20
00:00:43,483 --> 00:00:45,184
You might need
to squeeze harder.
21
00:00:45,283 --> 00:00:46,321
Oh!
22
00:00:46,405 --> 00:00:48,588
Not that hard.
23
00:00:48,672 --> 00:00:50,407
- So this is my fault?
- Well...
24
00:00:50,491 --> 00:00:52,221
the goal was
to squeeze some sauce
25
00:00:52,305 --> 00:00:54,691
out of the opening,
not a child.
26
00:00:57,610 --> 00:00:59,680
What does this have
to do with kissing,
27
00:00:59,764 --> 00:01:01,097
you should be asking.
28
00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:05,105
Mmm.
29
00:01:07,857 --> 00:01:09,290
Oh, I see what happened.
30
00:01:09,374 --> 00:01:11,672
A little chunk of onion
got stuck in the nozzle.
31
00:01:11,756 --> 00:01:13,837
Well, what the hell's
an onion doing in there?
32
00:01:13,921 --> 00:01:16,257
It's developing
the depth of flavor.
33
00:01:16,341 --> 00:01:18,821
And ruining our breath.
It's date night.
34
00:01:18,905 --> 00:01:20,535
So much for kissing.
35
00:01:21,973 --> 00:01:24,182
What's that supposed
to mean?
36
00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:26,325
Eh. Kissing.
It's overrated.
37
00:01:26,409 --> 00:01:28,250
Excuse me?
38
00:01:28,334 --> 00:01:29,557
It's like salad.
39
00:01:29,641 --> 00:01:31,212
I mean, you're happy
to eat it but you really
40
00:01:31,296 --> 00:01:32,571
just want to get
to the main course.
41
00:01:32,655 --> 00:01:34,743
Oh, so what are we doing
for foreplay now?
42
00:01:34,827 --> 00:01:37,254
"Grab the sink,
I'm coming in"?
43
00:01:39,170 --> 00:01:41,774
I did not promise
to love, honor, cherish
44
00:01:41,858 --> 00:01:43,133
and never kiss again.
45
00:01:43,217 --> 00:01:45,050
That's nice.
46
00:01:45,795 --> 00:01:48,617
I've also decided to go back
to being a hopeless drunk.
47
00:01:48,701 --> 00:01:50,689
Good for you.
48
00:01:50,773 --> 00:01:52,313
Maybe even take up heroin.
49
00:01:52,397 --> 00:01:54,605
Sounds like a plan.
50
00:01:56,000 --> 00:02:02,074
Support us and become VIP member
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51
00:02:06,947 --> 00:02:09,103
*MOM*
Season 08 Episode 16
52
00:02:09,187 --> 00:02:11,346
Episode Title: "Scooby-Doo Checks
and Salisbury Steak"
53
00:02:11,430 --> 00:02:13,051
Aired on:
April 29, 2021
54
00:02:14,564 --> 00:02:15,906
Mm-hmm.
55
00:02:16,698 --> 00:02:17,805
All right,
what's up with you?
56
00:02:17,889 --> 00:02:19,477
You're totally distracted.
57
00:02:19,561 --> 00:02:21,023
You haven't taken
a single note.
58
00:02:21,107 --> 00:02:22,219
Yes, I have.
59
00:02:22,303 --> 00:02:23,774
Hey, no...
60
00:02:23,858 --> 00:02:25,951
You have two squiggles
and a blob.
61
00:02:26,035 --> 00:02:27,626
The two squiggles are
you and Adam.
62
00:02:27,710 --> 00:02:29,058
And the blob is...
63
00:02:29,630 --> 00:02:31,319
your inner child.
64
00:02:31,732 --> 00:02:32,797
Okay.
65
00:02:32,881 --> 00:02:35,352
I apologize, you have
my undivided attention.
66
00:02:35,436 --> 00:02:37,113
Sure, when we're almost done
and I have to leave early
67
00:02:37,197 --> 00:02:38,593
for Tammy's sober
birthday.
68
00:02:38,677 --> 00:02:40,394
Okay, off you go.
See you next week.
69
00:02:40,637 --> 00:02:41,770
That's it?
70
00:02:41,854 --> 00:02:43,380
No tools to help me
deal with the fact
71
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:45,188
that Adam thinks
kissing is overrated?
72
00:02:45,272 --> 00:02:46,234
He does?
73
00:02:46,318 --> 00:02:47,156
Aah!
74
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,011
You're not getting paid today.
75
00:02:50,007 --> 00:02:51,342
Hold everything.
76
00:02:51,426 --> 00:02:53,534
What's that ceramic wizard
doing here?
77
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:57,047
Casting a positive spell
on your mental health.
78
00:02:58,007 --> 00:03:00,837
Sandra took that during
the divorce, and I remember
79
00:03:00,921 --> 00:03:02,781
because I was relieved.
80
00:03:02,874 --> 00:03:04,773
I didn't like the way
it used to stare at me
81
00:03:04,857 --> 00:03:06,651
during our sessions.
82
00:03:07,868 --> 00:03:10,237
You know, wizards can see
through clothes.
83
00:03:10,818 --> 00:03:12,463
How about that?
84
00:03:12,547 --> 00:03:14,367
All right,
tell Tammy congratulations
85
00:03:14,451 --> 00:03:16,594
on her sobriety
and drive safely.
86
00:03:16,678 --> 00:03:18,742
You know, if my kiss-less
marriage crumbles into the sea
87
00:03:18,826 --> 00:03:20,320
between now and next
week, it's on you.
88
00:03:20,404 --> 00:03:22,613
Okay.
89
00:03:24,691 --> 00:03:26,472
Don't listen to her.
90
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,822
I just need to get
into my safe deposit box.
91
00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,328
It's my friend's sober birthday.
92
00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:33,853
So I'm gonna give her
my little diamond pin.
93
00:03:33,937 --> 00:03:35,734
Oh, lucky friend.
94
00:03:35,818 --> 00:03:37,679
Yeah, well,
her dad killed her mom
95
00:03:37,763 --> 00:03:40,250
and she robbed a steakhouse
and spent seven years in prison,
96
00:03:40,334 --> 00:03:42,935
so, you know,
good days, bad days.
97
00:03:43,831 --> 00:03:46,500
Okay, I'll go get the key.
98
00:03:46,584 --> 00:03:48,448
Be right back.
99
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,384
Hey, you.
100
00:03:52,468 --> 00:03:54,470
Hey! Hey, Jill.
101
00:03:54,554 --> 00:03:56,258
Didn't expect
to run into you here.
102
00:03:56,342 --> 00:03:58,719
Hmm, looks like you didn't
expect to run into anybody.
103
00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,112
Oh!
104
00:04:00,272 --> 00:04:01,586
Yeah, these mighty calves
105
00:04:01,670 --> 00:04:03,680
are trapped in the prison
of long pants all week.
106
00:04:03,764 --> 00:04:05,680
I like to turn 'em loose
on my day off.
107
00:04:05,764 --> 00:04:06,944
I see.
108
00:04:07,028 --> 00:04:08,407
And your feet?
109
00:04:08,491 --> 00:04:11,109
Hey, it's everyone's day off.
110
00:04:11,193 --> 00:04:13,482
I'm just
teasing, you look good.
111
00:04:13,566 --> 00:04:14,828
Now go
get on that tram
112
00:04:14,912 --> 00:04:16,416
and enjoy
the Magic Kingdom.
113
00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:21,476
You done?
114
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:22,874
For now.
115
00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:24,265
So what are you doing here?
116
00:04:24,349 --> 00:04:26,703
I was just picking out
a new check design.
117
00:04:26,787 --> 00:04:29,141
Looks like the Raiders
are staying in Vegas.
118
00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:30,969
Looks like you're going
to Vegas.
119
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:32,705
I'm done now.
120
00:04:32,795 --> 00:04:34,752
Do those shoes taste
like circus peanuts?
121
00:04:35,729 --> 00:04:37,166
I'm sorry.
122
00:04:37,498 --> 00:04:39,111
Done now.
123
00:04:41,679 --> 00:04:43,963
Did you see the wizard?
124
00:04:45,131 --> 00:04:47,507
You know, you have never
actually spoken to me before,
125
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:50,298
and I would not have predicted
those would be your first words.
126
00:04:50,442 --> 00:04:51,888
But while you're
in a chatty mood,
127
00:04:51,972 --> 00:04:53,919
why does the wizard
bother you, too?
128
00:04:57,252 --> 00:04:58,823
Are you gonna
put a curse on me
129
00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:00,899
and you need to touch me
to do it?
130
00:05:01,598 --> 00:05:03,517
The ex-wife.
131
00:05:03,601 --> 00:05:05,915
She's back?
132
00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:13,396
Hey, while I have you here,
133
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,752
what do you think about me
and Scooby-Doo checks?
134
00:05:15,836 --> 00:05:17,254
Cool that I like
to solve mysteries
135
00:05:17,338 --> 00:05:19,382
or creepy older guy
with a van?
136
00:05:19,644 --> 00:05:22,395
I think you just answered
your own question.
137
00:05:22,479 --> 00:05:24,050
Okay, what-what about
Snoopy,
138
00:05:24,134 --> 00:05:25,728
but as the Red Baron,
139
00:05:25,812 --> 00:05:27,692
not just laying on a house.
140
00:05:27,776 --> 00:05:29,433
Uh, we're ready
for you, Ms. Kendall.
141
00:05:29,517 --> 00:05:31,067
Okay.
142
00:05:31,656 --> 00:05:33,605
Well, it was fun
running into you.
143
00:05:33,689 --> 00:05:35,390
Enjoy the rest
of your day off.
144
00:05:35,474 --> 00:05:37,306
Everyone, get on the floor!
145
00:05:37,390 --> 00:05:38,657
Get down and stay down!
146
00:05:38,741 --> 00:05:39,896
Hit the dirt!
147
00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:41,246
What?
148
00:05:41,330 --> 00:05:44,046
- Get down.
- Oh!
149
00:05:44,130 --> 00:05:45,412
Is this really
happening?
150
00:05:45,496 --> 00:05:47,633
Yes, it's really happening,
just-just stay down.
151
00:05:47,717 --> 00:05:49,070
Did you bring your gun?
152
00:05:49,154 --> 00:05:51,669
No, I'm off duty.
Did you bring yours?
153
00:05:51,753 --> 00:05:53,779
Yeah, Andy, I always
bring my gun to the bank.
154
00:05:53,863 --> 00:05:56,403
Okay... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm-I'm nervous.
155
00:05:56,487 --> 00:05:57,804
You know, I haven't
seen you in a while.
156
00:05:57,888 --> 00:06:00,790
I'm wearing shorts
and now this.
157
00:06:02,934 --> 00:06:05,004
Hello and welcome to
the Tuesday speaker meeting...
158
00:06:05,088 --> 00:06:06,303
Where are they?
159
00:06:06,387 --> 00:06:08,162
Honey, they'll be here.
They're not gonna miss
160
00:06:08,246 --> 00:06:10,131
giving you a cake
for your sober birthday.
161
00:06:10,215 --> 00:06:11,771
But the meeting's
starting... Wendy,
162
00:06:11,855 --> 00:06:13,310
stall 'em...
you know what a heart attack
163
00:06:13,394 --> 00:06:15,073
looks like.
Fake one.
164
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:17,684
If I did it realistically,
no one would notice.
165
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:19,384
They're silent killers.
166
00:06:19,864 --> 00:06:21,608
You know, I didn't even
want to take a cake.
167
00:06:21,692 --> 00:06:23,388
Oh, come on,
it's nice to acknowledge
168
00:06:23,472 --> 00:06:25,565
how much time you've got
for the newcomers.
169
00:06:25,649 --> 00:06:27,127
Three years is a big deal.
170
00:06:27,211 --> 00:06:28,881
Nobody takes a
cake in prison.
171
00:06:28,965 --> 00:06:30,834
They're considered
weak, like books
172
00:06:30,918 --> 00:06:33,043
or conjugal visits.
173
00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:34,443
Bonnie pushed
me into this.
174
00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:36,113
Now I have to do
it without her?
175
00:06:36,197 --> 00:06:37,942
Well, Marjorie
and I are still here.
176
00:06:38,026 --> 00:06:39,784
What about a stroke?
Those are messy.
177
00:06:39,868 --> 00:06:41,162
Not always.
178
00:06:41,246 --> 00:06:43,171
You know, you brag all the
time about being a nurse,
179
00:06:43,255 --> 00:06:45,680
but when the chips are
down, where are you?
180
00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:49,848
Aha!
181
00:06:49,932 --> 00:06:51,657
Lean Cuisine!
182
00:06:52,231 --> 00:06:54,063
Oh, my God, we're not done?
183
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,295
A voice in my head said
184
00:06:55,379 --> 00:06:56,777
something wasn't right
about you.
185
00:06:56,861 --> 00:06:58,865
The wizard's back,
you're counting calories,
186
00:06:58,949 --> 00:07:01,709
and Marta explicitly said
Sandra was sniffing around.
187
00:07:01,793 --> 00:07:05,321
You add those clues up,
I think Sandra's sniffing around.
188
00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:07,256
That was one of the clues.
189
00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:08,599
So you're saying I'm right.
190
00:07:08,683 --> 00:07:10,552
No, I'm saying
it's none of your business.
191
00:07:10,636 --> 00:07:12,053
Okay, switch seats,
we need to talk.
192
00:07:12,137 --> 00:07:13,868
- I'm not...
- Sit!
193
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,388
Look, Bonnie,
I am your therapist.
194
00:07:21,472 --> 00:07:23,138
I'm not gonna talk to you
about my personal life.
195
00:07:23,222 --> 00:07:25,748
I'm the therapist.
I'm in the therapist chair.
196
00:07:25,832 --> 00:07:27,513
The chair really has
nothing to do with it.
197
00:07:27,597 --> 00:07:29,429
Yes, it does...
It's about who's in the chair
198
00:07:29,513 --> 00:07:31,043
and who's acting crazy,
and I'm in the chair
199
00:07:31,127 --> 00:07:32,467
and you're acting crazy.
200
00:07:32,551 --> 00:07:33,948
What am I doing
that's so crazy?
201
00:07:34,032 --> 00:07:36,255
You're letting the woman who
ruined your life back into it.
202
00:07:36,339 --> 00:07:38,092
We're just having
dinner tonight.
203
00:07:38,176 --> 00:07:40,706
And six months from now, you'll
be back in that corner crying,
204
00:07:40,790 --> 00:07:42,490
and I'll be the one
helping you blow your nose.
205
00:07:42,574 --> 00:07:44,334
Now, you may want
to go through that again,
206
00:07:44,418 --> 00:07:47,016
but I do not.
207
00:07:50,083 --> 00:07:51,599
What are they
doing over there?
208
00:07:51,683 --> 00:07:53,558
They're clearing out
the cash drawers.
209
00:07:53,642 --> 00:07:56,349
Hopefully one of the tellers
triggered the silent alarm.
210
00:07:56,433 --> 00:07:58,876
Well, how much longer do
you think they'll take?
211
00:07:59,487 --> 00:08:01,876
You want me to ask them
to move it along?
212
00:08:02,177 --> 00:08:04,842
It's just, you see this in
the movies all the time,
213
00:08:04,926 --> 00:08:06,825
but in real life it
goes a lot slower.
214
00:08:06,909 --> 00:08:08,654
Yeah, well,
we're in Napa.
215
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:09,849
Everything's slower.
216
00:08:09,933 --> 00:08:11,708
You know, if they decide
to go out the back exit,
217
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:12,816
they're gonna come
right through here.
218
00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:14,700
I don't want you to end up
being a hostage.
219
00:08:14,784 --> 00:08:16,943
Well, thanks for putting
that idea in my head.
220
00:08:17,027 --> 00:08:18,269
Shh!
221
00:08:18,353 --> 00:08:20,773
See? I won't make a good
hostage, I'm mouthy.
222
00:08:20,857 --> 00:08:22,614
- Jill.
- I'm serious.
223
00:08:22,698 --> 00:08:24,669
I'll complain about
the food too much.
224
00:08:24,753 --> 00:08:26,507
No, I got this.
225
00:08:26,768 --> 00:08:28,763
Oh, God, what are you doing?
226
00:08:28,847 --> 00:08:30,764
I'm shielding you
with my body.
227
00:08:32,189 --> 00:08:34,553
That's very sweet, but...
228
00:08:35,176 --> 00:08:36,572
you're squishing me.
229
00:08:36,656 --> 00:08:38,468
Oh, sorry, sorry.
230
00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:50,343
Hey! I said stay down!
231
00:08:50,427 --> 00:08:51,905
Was he just
yelling at you?
232
00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:54,156
He's right, I peeked.
233
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:55,768
I'm sorry, I've
just never been
234
00:08:55,852 --> 00:08:57,897
in this situation before.
You're the professional.
235
00:08:57,981 --> 00:09:00,351
It's okay, the important
thing is to just stay calm.
236
00:09:00,435 --> 00:09:02,472
Okay, you know
I don't do that well.
237
00:09:02,556 --> 00:09:04,026
Well, just, you know what?
238
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,780
Focus on your breathing, okay?
Look-look into my eyes.
239
00:09:10,931 --> 00:09:12,375
I'm sorry, I'm sweaty.
240
00:09:12,459 --> 00:09:13,902
Did you work out?
241
00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:16,409
No, we're being robbed
by men with guns.
242
00:09:16,493 --> 00:09:18,412
Damn it, there goes
my breathing!
243
00:09:18,496 --> 00:09:20,738
Okay, you got to do something
to help me keep my mind off
244
00:09:20,822 --> 00:09:21,581
what's really going on.
245
00:09:21,665 --> 00:09:24,244
O-Okay, okay, uh, let's see,
what's been going on with me?
246
00:09:24,328 --> 00:09:27,098
Oh, I had my fantasy baseball
draft about a week ago.
247
00:09:27,182 --> 00:09:29,066
I waited too long
on a catcher so I ended up
248
00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:30,417
with the White Sox backup.
249
00:09:30,501 --> 00:09:32,318
That's not gonna go well.
250
00:09:33,327 --> 00:09:34,951
Also, um...
251
00:09:35,424 --> 00:09:38,242
I've been thinking
about you a lot lately.
252
00:09:40,437 --> 00:09:41,571
Really?
253
00:09:41,655 --> 00:09:42,747
Yeah.
254
00:09:42,831 --> 00:09:45,037
What exactly were you thinking?
255
00:09:45,623 --> 00:09:48,482
That-that maybe
I made a mistake.
256
00:09:48,825 --> 00:09:51,701
That maybe I was crazy
to let you go.
257
00:09:51,785 --> 00:09:53,709
Well, I thought so.
258
00:09:58,353 --> 00:10:00,584
Yeah, I definitely
made a mistake.
259
00:10:00,843 --> 00:10:03,029
You're making another
one now by talking.
260
00:10:04,652 --> 00:10:06,326
Let's get moving!
261
00:10:06,791 --> 00:10:07,979
Okay, they're gone.
262
00:10:08,063 --> 00:10:09,475
We can get up now.
263
00:10:14,226 --> 00:10:16,111
Why would you let
a woman who called you
264
00:10:16,195 --> 00:10:18,679
a toxic narcissist
back into your life?
265
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,558
I don't think you get
her sense of humor.
266
00:10:21,951 --> 00:10:24,766
She's called me many things,
but she's changed.
267
00:10:24,850 --> 00:10:26,203
Has she,
or did she find life
268
00:10:26,287 --> 00:10:28,717
without a doormat husband
more challenging?
269
00:10:28,984 --> 00:10:30,702
Wow, you really don't like her.
270
00:10:30,786 --> 00:10:33,357
That's because
I'm Team Doormat.
271
00:10:33,441 --> 00:10:35,924
Okay, you know,
that's hurtful stuff, too.
272
00:10:36,008 --> 00:10:39,291
Was it as hurtful as when she
cleaned you out in the divorce
273
00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:41,681
and moved to Oregon
to start her soy milk empire?
274
00:10:41,765 --> 00:10:43,846
How could she have known
there was a cold wind blowing
275
00:10:43,930 --> 00:10:46,457
and its name was oat milk?
276
00:10:47,445 --> 00:10:48,752
It's so good.
277
00:10:48,836 --> 00:10:50,504
It really... it-it's so foamy.
278
00:10:50,588 --> 00:10:53,368
Soy, oat, it's...
It doesn't make a woman change.
279
00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:55,030
But she has changed.
How?
280
00:10:55,114 --> 00:10:56,496
So many ways.
281
00:10:57,171 --> 00:10:59,974
I also realized I was doing
something wrong, too.
282
00:11:00,058 --> 00:11:01,824
Stick to her.
283
00:11:02,945 --> 00:11:04,722
Well, she's taken up cycling.
284
00:11:04,946 --> 00:11:07,806
Oh, my God, and here I am
standing in the way of love.
285
00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:09,036
Go to her, Trevor.
286
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,568
Buy matching spandex shorts
287
00:11:10,652 --> 00:11:13,038
and cycle off into the sunset.
288
00:11:13,125 --> 00:11:15,493
You know,
that sarcasm isn't exactly
289
00:11:15,577 --> 00:11:17,111
right out
of the therapy handbook.
290
00:11:17,195 --> 00:11:20,756
Oh, you want the handbook?
Why are you lying to yourself?
291
00:11:20,969 --> 00:11:23,361
Bonnie, this is somebody
I once loved.
292
00:11:23,445 --> 00:11:24,841
I'm giving her the benefit
of the doubt
293
00:11:24,925 --> 00:11:26,691
that it's gonna be different
this time.
294
00:11:26,775 --> 00:11:28,651
I think you're going back
to what's familiar
295
00:11:28,735 --> 00:11:30,306
because you're scared
of being alone and you think
296
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,040
you're never gonna meet
anyone else ever again.
297
00:11:35,713 --> 00:11:38,809
May I please eat
my Salisbury steak in peace?
298
00:11:41,017 --> 00:11:44,856
♪ Happy birthday, dear Tammy
299
00:11:45,086 --> 00:11:49,121
♪ Happy birthday to you
300
00:11:49,205 --> 00:11:52,300
♪ Keep coming back.
301
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,484
Oh, thanks. Uh, hi.
Tammy, alcoholic.
302
00:11:58,568 --> 00:11:59,500
Hi, Tammy.
303
00:11:59,584 --> 00:12:01,352
Uh, you know, thanks to
everyone who actually did
304
00:12:01,436 --> 00:12:02,531
show up for my birthday.
305
00:12:02,615 --> 00:12:04,373
It's my first time
taking a cake.
306
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:07,534
It's not even real,
and I prefer pie, but thank you.
307
00:12:07,858 --> 00:12:10,425
The only reason I'm doing it
today is because it's important
308
00:12:10,625 --> 00:12:12,361
to someone who couldn't
even be bothered to be here.
309
00:12:12,445 --> 00:12:13,953
I mean, you feel me, Jim.
310
00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:16,846
You're always saving a seat
for someone who doesn't show.
311
00:12:18,023 --> 00:12:19,663
You know,
one of the things that AA
312
00:12:19,747 --> 00:12:21,057
has taught me is,
you show up for people.
313
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:23,412
If you say you're gonna be
somewhere, you're there.
314
00:12:24,771 --> 00:12:26,679
Oh, look who's texting me.
315
00:12:26,763 --> 00:12:28,169
We're supposed
to turn our phones off.
316
00:12:28,253 --> 00:12:30,683
I just want to sit.
317
00:12:31,077 --> 00:12:32,824
So, Bonnie said
she's gonna be late,
318
00:12:32,908 --> 00:12:34,554
and we all know what that means.
319
00:12:36,912 --> 00:12:38,990
Hang on, I'm texting her back.
320
00:12:40,361 --> 00:12:42,715
Well, I'm not even getting the
three dots. That's real nice.
321
00:12:42,799 --> 00:12:46,374
Anyway, you know,
I'm not here to complain.
322
00:12:46,458 --> 00:12:49,580
I'm here to celebrate the fact
that I have three years
323
00:12:49,664 --> 00:12:51,930
of sobriety, which is
pretty freakin' awesome.
324
00:12:52,014 --> 00:12:54,149
Oh, hang on, three dots.
325
00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:56,021
Nope.
326
00:12:56,105 --> 00:12:58,752
Bottom line is, I'm
really grateful to be sober.
327
00:12:58,836 --> 00:13:00,101
Thanks a lot.
328
00:13:05,126 --> 00:13:07,744
Uh... I don't know anything about
the road that led you to Sandra.
329
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:09,481
Tell me about that.
330
00:13:10,113 --> 00:13:11,658
Not much of a road.
331
00:13:11,742 --> 00:13:13,604
More of a driveway, really.
332
00:13:13,688 --> 00:13:15,994
Uphill, had a basketball hoop,
need to shovel the snow?
333
00:13:16,078 --> 00:13:18,086
W-What-what does that mean?
334
00:13:18,170 --> 00:13:21,380
It means Sandra was the first
relationship I ever had.
335
00:13:22,046 --> 00:13:23,225
Ever?
336
00:13:23,309 --> 00:13:25,184
Well, there was somebody
in high school,
337
00:13:25,268 --> 00:13:27,356
but that was more
of a friendship with a girl
338
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,388
that I liked
who didn't notice me.
339
00:13:29,986 --> 00:13:33,139
So you had one unrequited crush,
then a wife,
340
00:13:33,223 --> 00:13:35,739
and yet you're guiding me
through life.
341
00:13:35,844 --> 00:13:38,029
Yes, and I meant to tell you,
I'm raising my rate.
342
00:13:38,113 --> 00:13:40,430
So, this crush,
you ever ask her out?
343
00:13:40,514 --> 00:13:42,038
Oh, God, no.
344
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:44,765
But once,
I gave a report on Alaska
345
00:13:44,849 --> 00:13:48,704
and I said that I'd like
to someday kayak the fjords,
346
00:13:48,788 --> 00:13:53,683
and she said,
"Wow, pretty cool."
347
00:13:53,814 --> 00:13:55,539
What ever happened to her?
I don't know.
348
00:13:55,623 --> 00:13:57,324
Oh, come on, you got divorced.
You never looked her up?
349
00:13:57,408 --> 00:13:59,117
She sells real estate
in Mendocino.
350
00:13:59,201 --> 00:14:00,801
Has a pet turtle.
351
00:14:02,296 --> 00:14:05,231
You've been lonely for a whole
year and you didn't call her?
352
00:14:05,315 --> 00:14:07,614
You can't just pick up the phone
and call somebody
353
00:14:07,698 --> 00:14:08,985
you haven't talked to
in that many years.
354
00:14:09,069 --> 00:14:10,944
Yes, you can.
You pick up the phone,
355
00:14:11,028 --> 00:14:13,011
you dial the sequence
of numbers, they say, "Hello,"
356
00:14:13,095 --> 00:14:14,477
you say, "Hi, it's Trevor,
the guy you caught
357
00:14:14,561 --> 00:14:16,088
staring at you
all through high school."
358
00:14:16,172 --> 00:14:17,289
And then she hangs up.
359
00:14:17,373 --> 00:14:18,485
Or...
360
00:14:18,569 --> 00:14:20,980
she's been waiting
for your call for 30 years.
361
00:14:21,982 --> 00:14:23,038
You think?
362
00:14:23,122 --> 00:14:24,980
No, probably not.
363
00:14:25,438 --> 00:14:26,618
But there is a good chance
364
00:14:26,702 --> 00:14:28,831
she won't call you
a toxic narcissist.
365
00:14:29,281 --> 00:14:30,960
And I'm not leaving
till you do it.
366
00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:32,149
And you know I'm stubborn,
367
00:14:32,233 --> 00:14:34,293
'cause you gave me a book
about it, which I never read.
368
00:14:34,377 --> 00:14:36,107
And you can't make me.
369
00:14:39,184 --> 00:14:40,750
Thanks for giving me a ride.
370
00:14:40,834 --> 00:14:42,492
My hands are still shaking.
371
00:14:42,576 --> 00:14:44,706
Oh, yeah, that was
a pretty good kiss.
372
00:14:46,258 --> 00:14:47,905
So...
373
00:14:48,249 --> 00:14:50,918
was what you said in there
just adrenaline talking
374
00:14:51,002 --> 00:14:52,602
or did you really mean it?
375
00:14:54,450 --> 00:14:57,643
Because... I don't want to go down
that road again
376
00:14:57,727 --> 00:15:00,436
if-if it's not real.
377
00:15:01,322 --> 00:15:03,431
Look, I've b... I've
been thinking a lot
378
00:15:03,515 --> 00:15:05,941
about our relationship,
and, um...
379
00:15:06,581 --> 00:15:08,583
...I was just scared.
380
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,908
Not "bank robbery with guns"
scared.
381
00:15:10,992 --> 00:15:12,258
"Getting married
and having kids" scared,
382
00:15:12,342 --> 00:15:14,989
which is way worse.
383
00:15:16,811 --> 00:15:19,643
But you're not scared anymore?
384
00:15:19,727 --> 00:15:22,023
Oh, are you kidding?
I'm terrified.
385
00:15:22,758 --> 00:15:25,600
But I-I realized in
that bank that...
386
00:15:27,599 --> 00:15:29,076
...I'd die for you.
387
00:15:29,855 --> 00:15:32,896
So, yeah, let's do this.
388
00:15:33,262 --> 00:15:35,471
I'm in.
389
00:15:37,634 --> 00:15:39,566
So, where are you
taking me, anyway?
390
00:15:39,650 --> 00:15:40,917
I actually have no idea.
391
00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:43,545
I can't drive and be emotionally
honest at the same time.
392
00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:48,473
Well, how about we just
pull over and kiss some more?
393
00:15:48,557 --> 00:15:51,272
That's a solid idea.
394
00:15:51,362 --> 00:15:53,464
I do like kissing.
395
00:15:53,548 --> 00:15:54,998
Me, too.
396
00:15:58,511 --> 00:16:00,881
- Well, pull over.
- Oh, right, right.
397
00:16:02,649 --> 00:16:04,311
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
398
00:16:04,395 --> 00:16:06,040
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
399
00:16:06,124 --> 00:16:07,757
She's divorced and miserable.
400
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,117
Yes.
401
00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:11,410
Well, if you ever need
someone to talk to...
402
00:16:11,494 --> 00:16:12,480
No.
403
00:16:12,564 --> 00:16:15,176
You want a new girlfriend,
not a new patient.
404
00:16:15,260 --> 00:16:17,878
I mean, not as a therapist,
I mean as a friend.
405
00:16:17,962 --> 00:16:20,694
M-More than a friend.
I mean, start as friends
406
00:16:20,778 --> 00:16:21,761
and see what happens.
407
00:16:21,845 --> 00:16:24,333
If it happens, it happens.
You know, boy-girl stuff. Uh...
408
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:27,924
Hey, pull it together
or the wizard dies.
409
00:16:28,008 --> 00:16:29,712
How about dinner?
410
00:16:29,796 --> 00:16:32,179
With wine?
Like a date.
411
00:16:32,860 --> 00:16:36,664
Uh, lunch with wine
could work. Sure.
412
00:16:36,748 --> 00:16:38,360
Sometimes
I have eggs for lunch.
413
00:16:38,444 --> 00:16:40,090
Uh, like a frittata.
414
00:16:41,353 --> 00:16:43,715
I don't know why
I'm telling you this. Uh...
415
00:16:43,909 --> 00:16:45,759
Let's do Saturday.
416
00:16:45,843 --> 00:16:48,301
Sounds great.
I'll call you.
417
00:16:50,711 --> 00:16:53,213
Yeah!
That's how it's done.
418
00:16:53,297 --> 00:16:54,907
No, it's not,
but it worked.
419
00:16:54,991 --> 00:16:56,287
Wait.
420
00:16:57,395 --> 00:16:58,907
Hand me that wizard.
421
00:17:05,741 --> 00:17:08,476
Now you are free.
422
00:17:18,116 --> 00:17:20,032
I mean, it was eerie.
423
00:17:20,116 --> 00:17:22,668
Like a Stephen King
level of eerie.
424
00:17:23,166 --> 00:17:26,743
Trevor smashed the wizard,
it got ten degrees colder,
425
00:17:26,827 --> 00:17:31,128
and then Marta turned
into a crow and flew away.
426
00:17:31,346 --> 00:17:33,004
Seriously?
427
00:17:33,088 --> 00:17:35,648
I didn't see it, but I
went inside to get my keys
428
00:17:35,732 --> 00:17:39,116
and when I came back out,
there was just a bird.
429
00:17:40,355 --> 00:17:42,671
I'm sorry, who's Marta?
430
00:17:43,172 --> 00:17:45,067
Exactly.
431
00:17:45,416 --> 00:17:48,285
All right, look, since it
seems you saved Trevor's life,
432
00:17:48,369 --> 00:17:50,929
you're forgiven for
missing my birthday.
433
00:17:51,355 --> 00:17:53,191
You're not gonna believe
what happened to me.
434
00:17:53,275 --> 00:17:55,106
Just know you're gonna
have to top a human
435
00:17:55,213 --> 00:17:56,951
who turned into a crow.
436
00:17:58,605 --> 00:18:00,168
Andy and I were in
a bank robbery.
437
00:18:00,252 --> 00:18:02,444
He saved my life and
we're in love again.
438
00:18:05,472 --> 00:18:07,812
They're really
different stories,
439
00:18:08,327 --> 00:18:10,362
but I think Jill wins.
440
00:18:13,947 --> 00:18:18,401
Uh, so... Trevor's taking
a three-month leave of absence?
441
00:18:18,485 --> 00:18:20,158
Yeah. He went to lunch
with his high school crush,
442
00:18:20,242 --> 00:18:22,630
and now they're going
to kayak the fjords.
443
00:18:23,179 --> 00:18:25,304
So...
444
00:18:25,517 --> 00:18:28,839
the guy who grounds you
e-emotionally
445
00:18:28,923 --> 00:18:34,095
twice a week is gone
for th-three months?
446
00:18:34,885 --> 00:18:37,892
He said I'd be okay without him.
What do you think about that?
447
00:18:37,976 --> 00:18:42,077
I'm thinking
you could still Zoom with him
448
00:18:42,161 --> 00:18:43,898
if there's an emergency, right?
449
00:18:43,982 --> 00:18:45,378
Oh, yeah, definitely.
450
00:18:45,462 --> 00:18:47,787
And I apologize in advance
for the bad choices
451
00:18:47,871 --> 00:18:50,083
I might make during this period.
452
00:18:50,418 --> 00:18:52,126
Apology accepted.
453
00:18:53,676 --> 00:18:55,837
Ha. You don't mean that.
454
00:18:59,673 --> 00:19:01,548
Still not buying it.
455
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:15,281
Okay, that one counted.
456
00:19:21,017 --> 00:19:23,202
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
457
00:19:23,286 --> 00:19:25,606
Synchronized by srjanapala
458
00:19:26,305 --> 00:20:26,607
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