All language subtitles for Life at the Top

(CAR ENGINE WHIRRING)

(CAR ENGINE REVVING UP)

(WIND WHISTLING)

(CAR HORN)

(EKG BEEPING)

(BUBBLING)

(BUZZING)

No! DefiniteIy no smoking.

Well, now, aren't we all disappointed?

MarveIous, the doctor said.
BIoody amazing, for a man of my age.

You're 65 years oId, Abe.

No matter how carefuI we are,

death duties couId account
for a high percentage of your assets.

So you're all agreed for once, are you?
I'm to become a public company.

We must re-open negotiations
with Hethersett Mills immediateIy.

Hethersett wears a trust beIt.

At the moment, Hethersett yieIds
six pounds one shilling.

The dividend twice covered.

Young man,
whllst you were stllI taking suck,

- I was out there up to my ass in wooI.
- I was a bottIe-baby, sir.

Abe, in a merger with Hethersett
you'd be chairman of the Board.

I've got two cats, plles and a son-in-Iaw.
Must I have a Board, too?

WllI your son-in-law, Mr Lampton,
be joining us for the meeting?

PIease, George.

I imagine Mr AisgllI mereIy supposed
that as you have no sons of your own...

- (MAN) Goodbye, Abe.
- Goodbye.

All these comings and goings.
Are they getting the computers in?

If they do, it wllI be
the breadllne for us and not J. Lampton.

He was cIever enough to knock up
the boss's daughter in days gone by.

And that, mate, is reaI sociaI security.

(MAN) See you Iater, George.
We' ll see you down at the pub.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

..You're cIear about that
cause we don't want him otherwise.

(PHONE RINGS)

(CHANTS)
In nomine Spiritus Sanctus,

Deus nomine Spiritus Sanctus,

Nomine fidello.

(BELLS CHIME)

Guess who, Daddy?

(WHISPERS) Oh, shh, Barbara,
your mummy's asIeep.

Come on now.

- Whoopty-whoop!
- (SHE GIGGLES)

Thank you.

Come on in, Iad.

You Iook haIf frozen.
Come in and have a cuppa.

Sit down, Iad.

HeIp yourseIf, Iad.

I used to have a newspaper round
when I was a Iad of your age.

Harry goes to boarding schooI.
Do you go to boarding schooI?

It's not a schooI.

It's an expensive sausage-factory
his grandfather chose for him.

(LAUGHS) Oh, Joe, honestIy.
But is Daddy really going publlc?

A famlly firm the size of Brown's
is no Ionger a viabIe unit.

Merging with Hethersett is a mistake.

We shouId go publlc, but on our own.

It's all there in my report.
Everything he has to know.

Oh, Joety, I hope so.

You hope so.
What do you mean, you hope so?

You' re so touchy! It's getting
impossibIe to say anything to you.

I see, it's just Iucky Joe Lampton.

Abe Brown llfted him out
out of the depths of the Town Hall,

cIeaned his fingernalls,
and made him socially acceptabIe.

Well, far from llfting me anywhere,
Abe Z Brown is now hoIding me back.

(WHISTLES)

Just because I'm married to you
doesn't mean I' ll spend my days

in IoyaI and cringing servitude.

There are bigger fish in the sea
than Abe Z Brown.

If you' re going to resign,
tell him, not me.

OnIy I want to be there, if and when.

- So you're saying I haven't got the guts.
- Once, maybe. Now, I don't know.

- Well, that's honest.
- Yes, it's honest.

(CAR HORN)

Most men wash their cars on Sunday.
Your father brainwashes my son instead.

Oh, Ieave Harry be.
You've aIready spolled Barbara.

(SHEEP BLEATING)

(CAR HORN HONKS)

You' re going to a sherry party with me,
but you'd rather go to a pub without me.

- Who said anything about going to...
- You.

You never say anything.

You onIy say
what you think I want to hear.

Now what's eating you now?

What you need
is another bun in the oven.

- I hate that expression.
- All right, '' become with chlld'' then.

- Preggers.
- Not llkeIy.

Anything to preserve mllady's figure.

If I had another chlld and came out
of it a big fat cow...what then, Joety?

Hm?

- Now pIease...
- CircuIate.

- And don't...
- Pick your nose.

..don't taIk shop with Daddy
or run after that HauxIey woman.

You were staring at her in church,
undressing her Iayer by Iayer.

Yes, dear, sorry, dear,
just as you say, dear (!)

(CHUCKLES) Sybll, darllng!

(JOE) Hello, Sybll.

Uh-oh. Something tells me
Mark's been straying again.

(JOE) What's the matter with Sybll?

The truth of the matter is,

Mark has aIways been drawn
to heavy-breasted women.

Oh, Susan, darllng,
don't Iook at me llke that.

It never crossed my mind
that you were heavy.

Full-ish, I'd say.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Do you mind? Thank you.

Where have
all the good domestics gone?

Emigrated
to the rich dominions every one.

Susan, you don't know
how lucky you are.

I'd swap husbands with you any day.

- Joe llves for his chlldren and his work.
- (MARK SNIGGERS)

An exampIe to all of us.

Mark just llves for his pIeasures,
his sordid pIeasures.

If it's IocaI background,
you must speak to our Sarah,

she's an absoIute treasure.

Oh Joe, there you are.
Dear, I'm showing Miss HauxIey around.

She's dying to see the grounds. Deirdre!

- My name is Joe Lampton.
- Mine is Norah HauxIey.

- Uh, this way.
- Thank you.

(CHATTERING)

- Do you llke it, Daddy?
- Very much, Iove.

Good,
cause I charged it to your account.

- Oh, did you?
- Mm.

All right, I' ll forgive you.

Yes, you' re much nicer than all those
horribIe human beings, aren't you?

Cutie llttIe daddy, aren't you? Yes!

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

But what exactIy
wllI you be doing here?

Anything to work my passage out
of the saIt mines and back to London.

- Oh, it's not that deadIy here.
- Not if you' re a vegetabIe.

Anyway, they expect me
to compere some IocaI teIevision shows.

It's really quite impressive -
the house, I mean.

Ten bedrooms, four bathrooms,

a swimming pooI,
a tennis court and four acres.

All mod con, as they say.
If onIy Labour doesn't ruin it.

I'm something of a Labour
supporter myseIf, you know.

Well, at Ieast I was, untll...

Untll you reallsed
all this might be yours one day.

(MRS BROWN) Joe!

Joe!

- It's the...
- Mains.

- I was just going to say that.
- Sorry, onIy my uncIe's a pIumber.

(NORAH)
Hey, not that one! That one.

Heavens, what on earth is that on you?

Aftershave Iotion,
to kllI the vegetabIe smell.

(DISTANT CHATTERING
AND LAUGHTER)

Joe, I don't know what I
shouId have done without you.

Connelly is off duty today,
so I thought,

'' My God, what do them Iot know
about pIumbing? All those sllIy pipes!''

- Joe, you' re marveIous. MarveIous!
- A treasure.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Right'o, come and say hello
to Doctor Crandall.

(TRAIN WHISTLE)

(THEY GIGGLE)

Now, don't worry, son,
I won't embarrass you.

- Here, Harry.
- Thank you.

Don't spend it all on sweets.

NigeI!

- (MAN) Say goodbye to your mother.
- Goodbye!

I' ll give you a new bat,
if you make 50 runs.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye, Harry!

I'm not sure he's happy at that schooI.

But it's good for him, Joe,
and of course he Ioves it. They all do.

Maybe.

If Harry had met me when I was a Iad
dellvering newspapers,

he wouId have snubbed me.

- Pas devant...
- Pardon?

.. le domestiques.

- (SIGHS)
- Oh, Joety!

You've got to be IoyaI to something.

But it doesn't have to be councll schooIs
and bread and drippings.

Aren't you pIeased
Harry's getting a better start?

- You don't you understand...
- I don't understand your sort!

You say you want a better llfe
and when you step up

you hate yourseIf for it.

Gorgeous.

- Daddy.
- Can I Iook?

All right. That's the one.
Charge it to my account.

(SHE CHUCKLES)

I'm your husband.

If I can't afford eight-inch thick carpets,

it's embarrassing to me for you to ask.

Why shouIdn't I, if I want it?
Why shouIdn't I have it?

You onIy llve once -
isn't that what they say?

(SLOW PIANO)

No, no, no.
It works llke this, you see.

Each of them throws the car key
into the handkerchief.

The keys then get well shook up.

Each husband reaches for a key.

He then drives home
with whichever wife beIongs to that car.

I never suggested we do it.

I'm telling you
what I read in the magazine!

Under certain conditions
I might consider it.

No thanks!
I have got too much to Iose.

Councllor AisgllI,
I drive an Aston Martin.

Another day, another night
in WarIey-on-the-Muck.

You used to think
WarIey was everything.

I used to think you made babies
by kissing girIs.

It isn't what you expected, is it, Joe?

- Oh, Iet it ride.
- I don't mean 'us', I mean, everything.

It isn't what I expected.
Nothing is what I expected.

- I mean, isn't there anything more?
- A win in the pooIs?

A BentIey with a bullt-in telly?

- Have you ever had a coIored girI?
- Every Friday after the tea break.

It's an oId custom
at A. Z. Brown and Company (!)

Well, what if it's different?
What if it's better?

- What in the hell are you...?
- You' re soon going to be oId, Joety!

Mark was in Iove with another boy
at schooI, did you know that?

You might've toId me before
we sent our son to the same pIace.

- You don't understand!
- I'm trying to.

Well, there aIways
seemed time for this and time for that,

and you couId put some things off.

Joe...

Well, Daddy frightens me -
it's pllIs for this and pllIs for that.

I dream of coffins
and Iying under the earth.

- Oh, Susan!
- Oh, why don't you do it?

- What?
- Get myseIf a boy?

- Go on Indian hemp? Do what? What?
- Resign!

Mummy wouId give me the money
and we couId llve in the south of France.

Or Tahiti?

And what wouId we do all day
sitting in the sun?

TaIk to each other?

(SIGHS)

I've had a hard day today.

But we've never had any troubIe
getting an order from TiffieId before.

The awkward oId bastard's trying it on.
You'll have to go to London and see him.

Well, Iad, I want to know,
are you going to run for councll or not?

I haven't spoken to Susan yet.

I called in at the cIub Iast night.
They' re very keen. So am I.

You said the Park Ward
was so safe for the Tories

you couId run a cocker spanieI
and stllI be home and dry.

The CIub's agreed
you are the ideaI candidate.

Woof-woof.
What does councllor AisgllI say?

He'd llke to have a llttIe chat with you.

You' re not going on about something
that's been dead for ten years.

Oh, not me. I'm a treasure, I am.

Then you' ll Iet your name
go forward? Good.

Well, I'm gIad that's settIed.
Let's have a drink to ceIebrate.

This is not going to be
a reguIar thing, mind.

- So it's finished?
- Yes.

- CongratuIations.
- Thank you.

If you go publlc,
you' ll be forming a Board of Directors.

Now Iet me put it this way.

I can't promise anything,
but if I must have a Board,

I'd rather have my own son-in-Iaw on it,
than a bIeeding Hethersett.

Meantime, get the TiffieId order.

- Cheerio.
- Cheers.

'' If the onIy way I can make your
Board is by being your son-in-Iaw,

''then you can stuff it.''
That's what I said to him.

If I'm going to sit on that Board,
it's gonna be cause he needs me!

You haven't burst
at this hour to tell me that, have you?

I'm going. I've got to be
at the Exchange. I'm Iate.

- Bye, darllng.
- Bye, Iove.

(DOORBELL)

- Mark! What brings you here?
- Sybll's reproaches.

I need feminine advice.

Women don't understand that men are
not naturally monogamous creatures.

Pour him a stiff one, Susan.
Sorry, I've got to fIy.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS UP)

- (MARK) Hello, Barbara.
- Hello.

It's Mrs Compton's day off.
I couIdn't get her to change it.

Well, how are you, then?

Ay, ay, ay!

- Barbara, why don't you...
- No.

Look, I've an idea.

- Let's pIay bllnd man's buff.
- Yes!

Yes.

- Found her yet?
- (MARK) Not yet.

- Found her?
- Not yet.

Where are you?

I'm going to catch you. Where are...

Found her?

(NORAH) It's surprising how
few people are familiar

with this gem of Victorian architecture.

The design is Gothic and Venetian,

but the traders on the floor
are pure Yorkshire.

For this is the Bradford Wool Exchange.
The only one of its kind.

Here, every Monday and Thursday,
spinners, top mak ers, wool brok ers

gather to buy and sell wool.

And their word is their bond.

The men you see here are on the floor
boast that there isn't

a single type of hair or wool
for which a buyer cannot be found.

They're watched over by the splendid
statue of Richard Crompton,

the apostle of free trade.

This, then, is a nerve centre,
a trading tempIe.

A Victorian bastion of free enterprise.

- Very good, Norah.
- I'll just be outside.

OK, break it up, fellas.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hello, Iove.

Oh, I forgot to tell you this morning.

Big Daddy threw me a bone.
He wants me to run for councllor.

Super... Now that the report's finished,
you can rush off to councll meetings.

Behind every man there's a woman.

We've been trying
to get Daddy off it for years.

Oh.

After the meetings,
you can booze it up with George AisgllI.

You can taIk over the good oId days
when you shared his wife,

Allce AisgllI... Of bIessed memory.
Your one true Iove (!)

That stllI gets you
on the raw, doesn't it?

You'll have to be
quicker than that, Cassius.

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

What, you on the dreary councll?
A Tory? Huh!

- Well, don't you vote Tory?
- Yes, but I was bIoody born to it.

It's a tribaI custom,
llke doing the Times crossword.

- No, don't do it, Joe.
- Well, why not?

Well, it appears to be a reward
for faithfuI service,

but what it actually amounts
to is the WarIey strait jacket.

One-way ticket
to pot-bellied pomposity.

I envy you. You do as you pIease.

Why not? I'm 40 years oId, with a wife
just this side of the menopause,

two dogs and a dogsbody's job.

I llve from overdraft to overdraft,
so what's the use of worrying?

Oh, Joe, what do you need
the councll for?

If you've got time on your hands,
do as I do.

Get yourseIf a Iady.

- What about Norah HauxIey?
- Ah, yes, Miss HauxIey.

Super, very super. But hard as nalls.
Don't even think of it.

- Of what?
- Ravishing her.

Every randy bastard in WarIey
has had a go, incIuding me.

- (JOE CHUCKLES)
- But it's no good.

Miss HauxIey sees us all
as provinciaI boors. She's a cllmber.

Once in more fastidious times,
I suited such creatures to a T,

but, uh, well, other ages, other Iadders.

It won't be a rake
with the right background llke me,

nor a grammar schooI boy llke you
who's going to enjoy miss HauxIey,

rather a highIy-pIaced telly producer.

StllI, not to worry -
pIenty more where she came from.

There must be someone eIse you fancy.

- Morning, sir.
- Nice to see you again.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- Uh-uh. A llttIe more brandy, I think.
- CertainIy, sir.

That's better.

I knew oId Abe when he was
courting your mother-in-Iaw.

I rather fancied her myseIf.
RemarkabIe woman. TireIess.

- Some wouId say exhausting.
- I was very Iucky he got her.

(CHUCKLES)

- Aren't you going to eat, Joe?
- I'm not hungry.

You don't know what you're missing!

CouId have done with
a touch more orange.

- Are you watching your figure?
- No, I'm watching my order book.

(CHUCKLES)

Whose figure are you watching?

Disgusting. I used to induIge
myseIf when I was a bit younger.

That's all over now, thank goodness.

Are you sure
you're not going to eat those?

Well, seems a pity to waste
the good things in llfe, doesn't it?

OId Abe did himseIf good
when he married your mother-in-Iaw.

She had a pedigree
as Iong as her tongue.

And quite a few skeIetons
rattllng in the cupboard.

(CHUCKLES)
Dellcious.

A coupIe of thieves, a murderer,
and that ambitious gentIeman,

who procured his
1 5-year-oId son for a royaI duke.

That was Peregrene, my favourite.
A sort of Joe Lampton pIus.

This contract, you know,
put your stock up with Abe, if you got it.

The question is
how high Abe's stock is with me.

Cheeky young fellow, aren't you?
Got your eye on higher things?

How about steallng oId Abe's son-in-Iaw
to head our SaIes Organization?

- Hm, why not?
- Are you offering me a job?

Well, you're not free to take one.
But if you were, you'd be head of the llst.

- (WAITER) Sir, your car's waiting.
- I must be getting on.

Thank you for a dellghtfuI meaI.

- What about the order?
- The order? Oh, yes.

We can't have oId Abe
becoming another skeIeton

in your mother-in Iaw's cupboard.

You'd better work out the detalls
with our Mr Mottram.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Now, uh...

Yes, well, we don't have
to take him too llterally.

I thought perhaps
a llttIe serious business first.

And now, direct from Hamburg,
Miss Stormy Trooper.

(J AZZ MUSIC)

Well, there's stllI a Iot
of IegaI IoophoIes to be pIugged.

On the other hand, if the sollcitors
wouId pull their fingers out,

the contract
couId be finished in a week.

Isn't it nice?

- Oh, yes.
- I mean, the way we do business here.

Last week I had a saIes executive
from an American company here

and he offered me what I belleve
they call a '' kick-back'' ...

If onIy I poured honey
into TiffieId's ear, so to speak.

This American had come
from the Portobello Road,

he'd just bought a piano, Victorian.

He was going to make it into a bar.
IncredibIe Iot, aren't they?

Then out of nowhere, so to speak,

he offered me this so-called '' kick-back'' .

To push the sollcitors...

..so to speak.

How much did he offer you?

(CHUCKLES)
This is embarrassing, rather.

500 pounds.

(UPTEMPO J AZZ MUSIC)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(MAN) I've done it a dozen times.
It's the easiest fiver I've ever won.

Let the dog see the rabbit.

(WOMAN) George, don't do it.
You'll make yourseIf llI.

I'll bet you another fiver
you can't do it under a minute.

- Let's get on with our own business.
- There's a teIephone call for you.

- Excuse me, wllI you?
- Right'o.

- Mark, are you timing me?
- George, pIease...

- You ready?
- Yeah.

Go!

Good! We'll make
a proper saIesman yet.

Oh, one thing.

There's a small question of a kick-back
to Mottram to hurry the contract through.

How much?

- 7 50 pounds.
- (TO Y BARKS)

(SIGHS) Well, all right.

Can you get back tonight
instead of tomorrow?

- I have to see the computer peopIe...
- I know, but this is very important.

- Have you ever read my report, then?
- Uh...well...

I've got young Hethersett down here.

His father sent him here for a few days.

(CHEERING)

Smashing brew! I'll have another one!
Hey, that's ten quid you owe me.

- See you Iater, alligators.
- In a whlle, crocodlle.

(ALL LAUGH)

(CAR HORN)

- I appreciate your coming back tonight.
- Obllging, that's Lampton.

It's George AisgllI.

Now Iook, I want you on that councll,

but he and one or two others
at the CIub are being a bit awkward.

That's why you must see
George AisgllI tonight.

- Oh, Abe, Iet's forget it.
- My mind's made up.

Now Iook, it may be ten years ago,
but you did bed the man's wife.

And she did commit suicide
on your account.

At Ieast so most peopIe said.

- What about the others?
- Leave them to me.

(AISGILL) Come on, Joseph. Go ahead.

It's not a question
of brute strength at all.

Karate's a matter of...bellef,
determination.

You see, you pretend the brick
isn't there at all...

And then...you sllce right through it.
There's no pain.

- Come on, you try it.
- No, it's not for me.

If you're to be our new
conservative candidate,

I want to be sure you'll be happy
with us, uh, reactionary vermin.

Wasn't that how you put it?

- Isn't this the new CanaIside?
- Yes.

I thought the councll were gonna bulld
masses of cheap housing on it.

What do you think?

- Gorgeous.
- We're going to be married.

I'm dellghted for your sake.

For my sake?

Look, Joseph, when Allce died,
I was gIad.

- Didn't you know that?
- No.

She was a nymphomaniac,
didn't you know?

I don't mean to be crude, but the truth
is she couId never get enough.

Didn't you know that?

Whatever's worth doing,
Joseph, is worth doing well.

When I come across something
that interests me, I study it.

From all angIes. Like karate.

What I'm trying to get at is
I'm a very proficient Iover.

I mean, I've read all the texts, you know.

She was insatiabIe, that woman.

It didn't matter who, as Iong as he...

well, measured up to her requirements.

- I really must be getting home.
- Do you ever think of her?

Do you ever think of her, Joe?

- Sometimes.
- She wouIdn't have been good for you.

She'd have eaten you allve.

She's dead.
OK, Iet's Ieave it at that.

- You're happy now, aren't you, Joseph?
- SwimmingIy.

Good. SpIendid.

I'm gIad things have worked out
so frightfully well for you and Susan.

Joseph, one minute.

It wasn't you and Allce
between the sheets that I minded.

No, it was the chaps having a giggIe
about me in the CIub, on the goIf course.

Because I have my pride,
Joseph...llke you.

We're two of a kind, aren't we?

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

(DOG HOWLS)

(SWING MUSIC)

Woof!

(APPLAUSE)

Well, that was stunning,
it really was.

When it comes to the quick-step,
you'd have to go some to beat that pair.

(DISTANT GIGGLING)

(WOMAN GIGGLING)

Come on, then, come on.

Come on, then.
Go on, shoo-shoo!

- Go on, you!
- (BARKING)

- You want a drink?
- Yes.

- Scotch?
- Yes.

Oh!

Joe, you...you
mustn't jump to concIusions.

Not me.

Not a grammar schooI boy llke me!

I'm sorry, Joe. It's my fauIt entireIy.

Well-said...my dear oId friend.

Well-said.

HeIp yourseIf.
Anything you want (!)

And now that you've had my wife,
the llquor hardIy matters!

Joe, pIease.

Why don't you go
comb your hair or something?!

Joe, she Ioves YOU. OnIy you.

Sure, but she needs
the odd work out to keep her in shape!

- Fllthy...
- I'm fllthy, I suppose I shouId apoIogise!

- I said I was sorry.
- (MOCKINGLY) '' I said I was sorry!''

Sllmy bastard!

- Open it.
- Go to hell!

I said, open it!

Do you llke it? Do you approve?

You've had so much experience,
such good taste! Hasn't he, Iove?

- I hate to spoll your fun, but I'm tired.
- Oh, I bet you are!

Well done, oId boy, well done.
She's tired.

- I'm going.
- No, no. PIease, wait. Sit down.

I was gonna make some sandwiches.

Or maybe you'd prefer something
a llttIe more substantiaI.

Well, come on, oId boy,
how wouId you rate her?

WouId you say she was ''super''?
Very ''super''?

- Or not so...
- PIease, Joe, pIease.

Don't say things you'll regret Iater.

Goodnight.

Everybody's so pollte around here.
So sporting!

Everybody but Iower-decks Lampton.
Goodnight and goodbye!

If you show that spineIess, well-bred,
mllk-fed face around here again,

I'll smash a cricket bat over it.
Now, out!

- (DOOR SLAMS)
- I shouId have kllIed that bastard.

You're not his onIy bit of spare,
you know.

I wonder how he can tell
you apart in the dark.

Oh, you...

How Iong has this been going on?

- Well, it wasn't the first time tonight.
- How Iong?

- Since May.
- Is he better in bed than I am?

You think that's the answer
to everything.

- I want to know why you went with him.
- I don't know.

Why?

Maybe it was raining,
or there was nothing on the telly,

or Barbara was sick on the fIoor,
or you weren't here...

- What's the bIoody difference?!
- It makes a difference to me!

You're worried that you'll have
to find another drinking chum.

He never was your chum.
You amuse him.

Had Iong discussions about me
in bed, I suppose?

- I want to know why you went with him.
- Because - that's why.

- Because. Because.
- Oh, you're a bIoody chlld.

You mean I don't have an uIterior
motive for everything I do, llke you do,

well, then I am a chlld, and gIad of it.

Whose notion is that?
Yours or his?

I'm going to scream!
If you don't stop, I'm going to scream!

Oh, what's the use?

What's the bIoody use in anything?

DyIan! Here, boy!
DyIan?

(WHISTLES)

Brendan! Brendan!

It's daddy!

I couIdn't sIeep.

How was your trip?

Did you get the order?

Yes.

As a matter of fact,
TiffieId offered me a big job.

You must be
very pIeased with yourseIf.

Dellghted...

Beside myseIf with joy (!)

Fancy. Oh, very fancy.

- Is that one of Mark's speciaIties?
- PIease, Joety.

''Oh, pIease, Joety...''
'' Did you get the order, Joe'' (?)

See you in next week's
News of the WorId.

If you want a divorce...

Mummy wouId go around the bend.

All those years of charity work,
waiting to be noticed on the Honours List

a right juicy scandaI
wouId ruin it, wouIdn't it?

No titIe for Abe,
200,000 pounds gone down the drain.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(CHILDREN SHOUTING)

- Get home!
- (BO Y) Get home yourseIf.

Don't come in here!

(CHILDREN CHATTERING)

- Hey! Are you from the councll, sir?
- It's the HeaIth Inspector.

(BABY CRIES)

We've been waiting ten years
for a councll fIat.

We've been on the llst 1 4 years, sir.

But...I'm not from the councll.

Hey, it's the bIoody rat bites.

They come from the canaIs,
smell mllk on the babies!

If eIected, I ask that each one
of you watch me llke a hawk.

Question me. Criticise me.

But best of all,
join me in working for the publlc good.

(COUGHING)

Thank you.

Mr Lampton has very kindIy agreed
to answer your questions.

CouId Mr Lampton expIain
why committee meetings

of our Tory-controlled Councll had been
cIosed to the publlc and the press

on no Iess than three occasions
in the Iast 1 2 months?

And on each occasion,
a specific probIem was discussed -

the CanaIside deveIopment.

Our so-called housing committee,

or shouId I say,
George AisgllI and Company,

otherwise known
as the Iand specuIator's...

I'm sorry to interrupt you, Miss,
but that's hardIy a question.

Is there anyone eIse who has any
questions to ask Mr Lampton,

before refreshments are served?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- (NORAH) I don't belleve that's true.
- But the statistics prove it.

I suppose the peopIe who llve
by the canaI are onIy a statistic to you.

There's nothing
very speciaI about them.

There are three mllllon houses
in EngIand without bathrooms.

Oh, you want to watch this one!

It's not that she has a sociaI conscience,
it's just that her uncIe's a pIumber.

I was brought up in a house
without a bathroom too.

But you went to night schooI,
put your shouIder to the wheeI,

and made something
of yourseIf - a treasure.

- What about...
- You're adorabIe.

- What about the CanaIside Estate?
- Go and Iead a protest march!

- Answer his question.
- I'm not on the councll yet.

I'm sure Abe Brown won't Iet you down.

I'm Joe Lampton, remember that,
son of a bitch! I've got a name. Use it.

I'm sorry.

You don't really think
it's important, do you?

Like what? Ballroom dancing?

As Iong as there's four acres
in your future, you're all right.

You're drunk!

How very, very perceptive of you (!)

Come aIong, Norah.

If he's got to hurry off , we couId
continue this in a pub.

WouId your wife be joining us?

(WHISPERS) I've got to see you.
I want to taIk to you.

Norah.

# Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday, dear Harry

♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪

- (ALL) Hurray!
- Make a wish.

- Go on, Barbara, bllndfoId him.
- No peeking.

There you are, Harry.

We picked it out especially for you.
We thought it was what you wanted.

Thank you very much, sir.

''Thank you very much, sir'' .

Nobody thought of buying
me one when I was...

God in Heaven! Don't pIay
that staIe seIf-pitying record again!

Daddy!

We can't go on not seeing
Mark and Sybll.

Why not? How much do they
see each other, anyway?

The onIy thing that keeps them together

is who's going to get custody
of the dogs.

- Where are you going?
- Out.

What are we going to do, Joe?

Invest in Unit Trust so we can be
content and happy in our sunset years.

But it's all over between Mark and me.

Why? Has he given you up
for a younger piece aIready?

(DOOR CLOSES)

(RINGS DOORBELL)

Then he Iooks at the bIeeding bicycIe
and says, ''Thank you very much, sir'',

in that nancy-boy accent
that costs me 450 quid a year.

If you don't llke the accent,
send him to a state schooI.

Nobody consuIts me. I'm nothing
in the Iarger scheme of things here.

Modesty is one thing
I never suspected you of.

No, not nothing.

Father of the future Lord Major.
The stud.

If you disllke it so much,
why don't you Ieave?

What? Just llke that?

Well, it wouId mean saying
goodbye to the four acres.

My son probabIy
wouIdn't even notice my absence.

You know, when he Iooks at Brown,
his face shines with respect.

He has ''earIy struggIes and the schooI
of hard knocks'' written all over him.

I'm just the cIever boy who
married the rich man's daughter.

- I've heard the gossip.
- Who hasn't?

(THUNDER)

The Iast time I was in London
I saw a gorgeous pink Thunderbird.

Something eIse I wanted,
something eIse I couIdn't afford.

I decided I didn't want a Thunderbird.

I wouIdn't refuse one,
that's not the same thing.

I've just stopped wanting,
well...things.

Do you know,
I never mention my parents?

CertainIy not in the Brown house -
they'd have the pIace fumigated.

But not even in my own house.

I'm sure my chlldren wllI grow up
thinking I was dellvered by post.

Barbara takes riding Iessons now.

Strikes the fear of God in me
to pick her up there.

I'm sure they think I'm Iooking for a job
and came to the wrong entrance.

Every year my father used to go
down to London for the Cup FinaI

and keep all his money in his shoe.

(BOTH LAUGH)

''They're all thieves
down there, you know, Iad'' .

Imagine waIking into a pub and pulling a
damp 1 0-shllllng note out of your shoe?

(BOTH LAUGH)

All his spare money
wouId go on his pigeons.

They have a funny smell, pigeons -
used to drive Mother up the wall.

And at schooI there was a priest
who heIped me win a schoIarship.

- Are you Cathollc then?
- Lapsed.

Which doesn't stop you
yieIding to temptation.

Just prevents you from enjoying it.

I had the same probIem,
onIy my parents were atheists.

Very strict.
No drinking, no smoking, no nothing,

just to prove to the church-goers that
you can have morallty without rellgion.

You better get dressed.

(WHISPERS) I'm sorry.

Don't apoIogize to me.

OnIy one thing
I ask from you, be honest.

I wllI, I promise.

(WHISPERS) Promises.

Who the hell
doesn't start out with promises?

(TOILET FLUSHING)

We needn't go on seeing
Mark and Sybll, if you can't bear it.

- It's no use dodging it.
- Joety, come here.

It's onIy you I've ever wanted.

Oh, it's aIways so super with you.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- Hey, that's mine.
- I beg your pardon, it's mine!

I beg yours. That was my chip.

I aIways pIay 24.
I remember where I put it,

and I'm sure this gentleman
will bear me out. Croupier!

Croupier or no croupier,
it's my money.

Oh, they're not such a bad Iot.

They're shallow, gross, and seIfish.

Rotten to the core, llke me.

SeriousIy, Joe, take a good Iook,

because this is what's in
store for you if you stay here.

As opposed to accepting
saIvation from Sister Norah.

Twenty years from now you might
even be Lord Mayor.

Steady on, now.
I've got to win the Park Ward first.

At night you couId fllI in
the emptiness at the tabIes llke this Iot.

Or you couId buy
yourseIf a bird haIf your age.

The onIy reason most middIe-aged
men don't have birds haIf their age,

is not because they have
better taste that this Iot.

but because they can't afford it.

- You're a pollticaI ignoramus.
- Sex-crazed.

Totally without conscience.

If I go on llke this, we're llkeIy to be
arrested for publlc indecency.

If onIy you couId stay all night,
just once.

When I get everything settIed, we'll go
to a hoteI and won't get up for a week.

- Room service all the way.
- Let's not pretend.

- I'm serious.
- Susan wllI try everything to stop you.

- Are you prepared for that?
- I Iove you, you fooI.

What about the chlldren?
It couId be harder than you think.

(MAN OVER LOUD HAILER)
Vote Conservative.

It's your standard of living,
don't throw it away.

Vote conservative.
The polls close at nine.

It's your standard of living.
Don't throw it away. Vote conservative.

It's your standard of living.
Don't throw it away.

Vote conservative.

- It's your standard of living.
- Not here, you fooI!

# For he's a jolly good fellow

♪ And so say all of us

♪ And so say all of us

♪ And so say all of us

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow

♪ And so say all of us ♪

(ALL) Hurray!

(CHEERING)

(MAN) You did very well. Best of Iuck.

- (MAN) CongratuIations.
- Thank you.

- Sybll, darllng.
- Hello, Susan.

Hello, oId man, Iong time no see.

- How are you, Iove?
- Full of beans.

- But Mark...
- Oh, it's nothing.

- Just a touch of maIaria again.
- You want to watch that.

I toId him he shouIdn't be out of bed,

but he couIdn't bear to miss
Susan's birthday party,

Not to mention your eIection, councllor.

- CongratuIations.
- Now, that's a genuine tribute.

Oh! Many happy returns
from us both, Susan, darllng.

Darllng, you're very sweet,
but you really shouIdn't have done it.

- Oh, it's IoveIy! Just what I wanted.
- Good.

Hm.

Pity you won't see her in it, isn't it?

It was Sybll's idea, actually.
She went out and bought it.

You Iook a bit rough, oId man.
Let me get you another drink.

Thanks, whiskey.

- CongratuIations, we're all proud of you.
- Thank you.

- WouId you llke another drink?
- Thanks.

Well, the truth is things
couIdn't be rosier now.

But Iet's face it, darllng,
Mark is irresistibIe.

And they're forever after him,
that sIuttish Iot at the CIub,

with their dreary nine-to-five husbands.

The truth is I don't bIame him,
I don't bIame them.

Well, that's jolly understanding of you,
but you know what the others say,

'' Poor oId Sybll,
it's her onIy way of hanging on to him.''

They envy me. Mark's not onIy
handsome, he's interesting.

And those fading llttIe bitches, well,

''Gather ye other woman's husbands
whlle ye may'' - that's their phllosophy.

But weren't you the same,
Iove, at our age?

Mark tells me all about it afterwards.

- How bIoody crueI of him.
- One's the same as another.

- He aIways comes back to me.
- (LAUGHS) To reallty.

Isn't it hatefuI for you to be something
of a mother-image to him?

No marriage is what it appears to be.
Take the Harrises, for instance.

He onIy married her for her money, and
I find that humlliating. WouIdn't you?

You and Susan
must come to dinner soon.

Perhaps Mark and Sybll
wllI come aIong, too.

- Smashing idea.
- Super.

This is your first party meeting,

so I recommend
you be more seen than heard.

Excuse me for butting in, but Arthur
is worried about the CanaIside item.

Arthur, stop Iooking
as if you've wet your breeches.

The councll fIats
are stllI on our program

- but why has it got to be the CanaIside?
- We've given our word.

Why can't you trust your Chairman to do
the best he can for everyone concerned?

- I'm not voting bllndIy.
- Why can't you be llke Joseph?

- Joseph doesn't rock the boat.
- If I did, it might sink.

Now come on, Arthur.

(BALLROOM MUSIC)

Look, there's daddy!

That was unbeatabIe, I thought,
but you have two points to make up.

Now here is WarIey's answer.

Frances and Howard Chapman
in the pasodobIe.

How can you be Ieaving
for London now?

- Not now, next Friday.
- Why didn't you Iet me know?

If you're serious about starting all over,
you can't do things by haIf measures.

Come on, have to get back. Quick.

(BIRDS SQU AWKING)

- Do you really have to go tomorrow?
- Yes, I must.

- Why so soon?
- I'm not running away.

The job I've been waiting for
in London has fallen vacant - that's all.

I don't know what I'd do
if we couIdn't see each other again.

But how many times has it been?

And I'm not counting
that damned eIection party.

Watching you with her making
pollte conversation.

Just once a week in my fIat.
And then llke thieves.

A wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am,
in the back of the car.

- It's the first time.
- And the Iast.

You'll find somebody eIse
in London and forget me.

That depends on you, doesn't it?

If you think I'm going to llve
llke a nun for a year or two

whlle you vacllIate about a divorce, no.

But don't you understand?
I need you.

If you need me,
you'll come to London.

(DISTANT TYPEWRITER)

Well, Joe...

we've been studying your report,
young Mister Hethersett and I.

That report is confidentiaI.
RaIph doesn't work for us.

There's going to be a merger
with Hethersett.

We're moving with the times, Joe.

- Well, what about my report?
- A well-argued piece, I have to say.

The merger makes it useIess.
You've made a fooI out of me!

- Joe, Joe!
- I think I'd best toddIe.

Oh, one thing, oId man.

I hope we're all going to stroke together
on the good ship Brown and Hethersett.

(DOOR CLOSES)

I worked my guts out over that report.

You Iet me go on hoping all this time.

You said you'd rather have me
on the Board than a Hethersett!

What I'd rather have
and what's possibIe...

You shuffIed me off to London,
got me out of the way!

Oh, don't start crying (!)
Now cIean your ears and llsten!

As you've noticed - with satisfaction,
my heaIth's not been too good IateIy.

It's time for me to consider
your wife and chlldren.

AIso I'm badIy in need of
fresh capitaI for new equipment.

I've aIways feIt that nobody knew
the wooI trade llke A. Z. Brown.

But you're past it!
Merging with Hethersett is a mistake.

Merging with him?! I'm absorbing him!

I'll have to put up
with a Board full of dummies,

but there's stllI
onIy going to be one boss here!

As Iong as I'm here,
there'll aIways be a pIace for you.

I promise you that.

I'm not exactIy in need of a handout.
Not yet.

You Iet me know what sort of a pIace
and I'll think about it.

You tried.

You tried hard, Joe.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(BELL CHIMES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(BELL CHIMES)

So I put it to you to,
to abandon the CanaIside Estate

is to succumb to the most naked
sort of profiteering.

(SHOUTS OF DISAPPROVAL)

Neither can we of the Labour Party
accept it as coincidence

that George AisgllI of AisgllI Projects
is on the Housing Committee.

We demand a recorded vote
on this question.

Now any further questions?
Any comments? Any amendments?

(JOE) My Lord Mayor...

..I assume that as a newIy-eIected...

(MAN) Speak up, Lad!

(SPEAKS LOUDER) I assume that as
a newIy-eIected Conservative Councllor,

I am expected to endorse
what Mr Graffham has called,

''the most naked kind of profiteering'' .

(ALL LAUGH)

I further assume that...

I'm expected to hoId to the Tory Party
llne llke a well-trained pet.

I say pet, advisedIy, because
as AIderman Brown once put it,

''The Park Ward is so safe for the Tories

''you couId run a cocker spanieI
and stllI be home and dry'' .

(SHOUTS OF DISAPPROVAL)

Shame on you!

Or as councllor...
Or as Councllor AisgllI...

(EX CITED CHATTERING)
PIease!

Or as Councllor AisgllI put it even
more recentIy, '' Don't rock the boat'' .

UnfortunateIy, I'm not a cocker spanieI

and I feeI strongIy that sometimes
it is necessary to rock the boat.

I have feellngs of my own, a conscience!

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- A Tory with a conscience, eh?

And don't assume for one moment
that I'm the onIy man

sitting on this side of the Councll
Chamber with a conscience!

I know what it is
to wait for a councll fIat.

My father was a coaI miner in Dufton,

and he waited and waited
and died waiting!

And there is no excuse for the same
thing to happen here in WarIey.

(MPs ) Quite right, quite right!

Our party is...

- (EX CITED SHOUTING)
- GentIemen...

Our party...

Our party is pIedged
to the CanaIside deveIopment scheme.

PIedged to bulld a community center.

To bulld councll fIats,
instead of yet another shopping center.

It's part of our publlshed program,

and honour demands
that we fuIfllI that pIedge!

(SHOUTS OF DISAPPROVAL)

Wait, pIease, one moment. Wait...

PIease, wait one minute.

(SHOUTING STOPS)

I want to tell you that I wllI not onIy
vote against my party's motion,

but I ask any man sitting on
this side of the Councll Chamber

who feeIs as I do, to vote with me,
and damn the consequences.

(SHOUTS OF DISAPPORVAL)

(CHEERING
AND SHOUTS OF APPROVAL)

Why don't you resign?

(SIGHS)

- You shouIdn't have opened it.
- Go on, say it wasn't cricket.

I Ieave that kind of remark
to Iover boy.

- He's in the hospitaI.
- Good. I hope it's fataI.

- That's more llke it. That's the reaI you.
- Ta.

Oh... You're not really
going away with her, are you?

Why? Haven't I got the guts?

Oh, Joety, admit it,
she terrifies you, really.

She's so bossy. You'd be far
better off with your empty llttIe wife.

I'm Ieaving you and WarIey.

I've had enough, my belly-full.

That was a gift from me.
Our fifth anniversary.

- WouId you rather I Ieft it?
- She's not to use it.

I mean, on her big,
smelly, hairy armpits.

- Do you want it back?
- Stuff it!

Mine... Yours.

Mine.

Mine, mine...

Mine!

And what about the chlldren?

- A cIean break is heaIthier for them.
- (SHE LAUGHS)

How much does
Harry see of me anyway?

What about your darllng, Barbara?

- I'll be visiting.
- It might unsettIe them!

They're my chlldren, too!
Of course I want to see them.

- ''Of course I want to see them'' (!)
- Cut it out, wllI you, Susan?

'' Cut it out, wllI you, Susan'' (?)

I see no point
in continuing this discussion!

I'm going to see them and that's finaI.

All right, now what's eating you?

- You'll onIy want to visit Harry.
- What do you mean?

- You'll onIy want to see your own chlld.
- My what...

You're mad.

(SHE PLAYS THE PIANO:
'' CHOPSTICKS'')

Who was it?

Let's see now...

Let me think...

(SHE CONTINUES
PLAYING THE PIANO)

Who was it?

You take a good Iook at her, Joety.
You guess!

(DOORBELL)

- (DOOR OPENS)
- (ABE) Hello, Susan. Where's Joe?

- (ABE) What the hell's going on here?
- (SUSAN) Joe's leaving me, Daddy.

- Who's the whore this time?
- That HauxIey woman.

- He's gonna llve with her in London.
- You can't go too soon for me.

Why don't you take
some llquor, too, Joe?

They're my cigarettes and my llquor.

Don't Iet me keep you. Send your
resignation from the councll by post.

You made a right fooI of me,
haven't you?

You can't make me resign.

I can vote how I pIease
and there's nothing you can do.

We're very cIever, aren't we?
How are you proposing to llve?

Upright. After ten years with A. Z. Brown
my knees are beginning to ache.

I've bIoody well carried you
for those Iast ten years.

You're stllI a llttIe Town Hall cIerk
at bottom and aIways wllI be.

We'll see how our hothouse
fIower gets on out in the coId.

Abe, there's something I've been
wanting to tell you for years.

You've got bad breathe, halltosis.

It's the taIk of the company.
They Iaugh behind your back.

- Everybody? Who?
- Everybody.

Do you remember
that Christmas party in '61 ?

We all know what happened
between you and Miss Berryman

and why that bitch got a bonus.

It was aIso the year
when 1 00 workers were sacked,

because they were
regrettabIy redundant.

You brainIess Iap dog! I never had any
intention of putting you on the Board.

We've aIready got
somebody to serve the tea!

- Now, out of my house...
- It's not your house. I made sure of that!

You're a Iodger here,
you no-good, cheap womanizer.

- I'm giving you notice!
- I'm going now.

- Good. Just in time for 1 0:30 train.
- I'm driving down.

No, you're not! That's the firm's car.
The keys, pIease.

WllI you Iend me your car, Susan?

No. I gave you that car.
He's not going to use it.

You're tired, Joe.
Wait untll morning.

(ABE) ''You're tired, Joe.'' (!)
Let the bastard kllI himseIf!

I think you'd better go!

Love, you're overwrought. You don't
know who your reaI friends are.

I warned you
against him from the first.

If you hadn't tried so hard,
I might've never married him.

- But Susan...
- Daddy, pIease go.

I'll make you some coffee
for the journey.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(BELL CHIMES)

I've never been so happy anywhere.

It's an awfuI dump, isn't it?

As a matter of fact
I've got a new fIat in Hampstead.

But I can't have it for a few weeks.

I haven't been so happy since
I skipped schooI one day in Dufton

and went to see
'' Ladies Night in a Turkish Bath'' .

I stllI can't belleve it.

You gave it all up.

Susan, A. Z. Brown...

..everything...for me.

No, no, no,
of course the job's stllI open.

There are other candidates,
but don't you worry.

- Sit down.
- Well, thank you.

Before you tell the others that the job
is fllIed, shouIdn't we discuss terms?

Just a moment.
I do have a Board of Directors

and a personneI seIection service.

- I thought you did your own barking.
- No, no.

I do my own biting.
I pay other peopIe to bark for me.

You'll be interviewed by our
industriaI psychoIogist.

It's onIy a formallty.
We're very on the ball here.

I see.

I may have other
tempting offers to consider.

But what wouId happen to poor oId
TiffieId and Company

- if you took another appointment?
- That's a chance you're taking.

Don't worry about it, Joe,
don't worry about a thing.

(LAUGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

My God, is she going to drag
him everywhere with her?

A few more dos llke this one

and he'll be shuffllng back
to the underdeveIoped North.

I think he's rather nice, actually.

It's stllI there, Joe.

Now don't worry, darllng,
I'll arrange for it to be returned.

- You might as well take it back yourseIf.
- I'm not going to see her again.

Maybe she needs the car back again.

HonestIy, darllng, she doesn't give
a damn about the car.

She couId use my car,
or rather, the firm's car.

Well, she's on the payroll
of Brown's anyway.

The usuaI tax dodge, I suppose.

If peopIe llke your father-in-Iaw didn't
evade so much tax,

- the rest of us wouId have Iess to pay.
- They'd find something to waste it on.

- All the more reason why...
- Oh, quiet.

You're hatefuI.

(TRAFFIC)

Mr Joseph Lampton.

(CHATTERING)

- Uh, sit down.
- Thank you.

- How are you?
- Fine.

Now, we'd just llke to fllI in
some of the gaps first.

- Yes, of course.
- Education?

Dufton Grammar SchooI.

Duf...ton...

..Gram...mar...

..Sch..ooI...

- And then?
- The RAF.

Jolly good. Commission?

No, Fllght Sergeant.

F...Sergeant...

- Where did you serve?
- I was a POW in Germany.

- Any decorations?
- No.

What degrees do you have?

- Pardon?
- University.

None.

I thought he had been
to the Harvard Business SchooI.

No, no, that's Wallace, Ernest.

The Importance of Being...
(ALL LAUGH)

No...

Uni...ver...sity...

Over to you, HaroId.

Mister Lampton,

tell me about the size saIes promotion
budget you handIed at A. Z. Brown?

Yes, it was...
about 1 0,000 pounds a year.

You reallze that our budget Iast
year topped two hundred thou.

(EX CITED CHATTERING)

- (MAN) GIasses?
- (NORAH) In the cupboard.

- (MAN) Where's the corkscrew?
- (NORAH) With the gIasses.

(MAN) Hello, Joe!
You're invited to a party, at your pIace!

Aw, I'm sorry darllng.
I thought you'd stllI be up.

- How did it go?
- Didn't you see it?

By the way, Joe, are you stllI marching
with the army of the unempIoyed?

I haven't been Iooking for a job at all.

I've been out Iooking
for a sports car all day.

Well, you're in Iuck.
I hear Norah's due for a raise soon.

You go ahead.
I'm going to bed, I'm tired.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Well, don't Iook so depressed.

- Pour me a drink, Tim.
- ImmediateIy.

Well?

Oh, Joe, I am sorry.

There are masses and masses of jobs.

- You've hardIy started Iooking yet.
- It's no good going on Iooking.

Brown wllI make sure
I never get anything worthwhlle.

Stop it, Joe.
Even A. Z. Brown isn't that powerfuI.

Bring my drink in, wllI you, Ben?

We've simpIy got to find him a job.

I couId find him something
with an oll company tomorrow...

- OnIy it's in Kuwait.
- Come off it, Ben.

How come a woman llke you
isn't married or divorced?

How come you drink so much?

You know what I think?

I think if Joe got himseIf
a job and a divorce,

and asked you to the Registry Office
with him, you'd run llke hell.

- I happen to be in Iove with him.
- Hm.

- As Iong as he doesn't tie you.
- Are you through?

I'm with you. Give me the excitement
of an affair every time.

Ben, wllI you heIp us?

I keep thinking, if Joe goes home,
maybe you'll have time for me.

- You've got a wife and two chlldren.
- So has Joe.

And I've got terribIe probIems...

All right! I'll see what I can do.

I'm most impressed.
DefiniteIy most impressed.

You're really our sort of chap, Lampton.

You haven't incIuded a recommendation
from Brown's in your portfollo.

My reason for Ieaving Brown
was pureIy personaI.

I didn't abscond with any funds,
if that's what you mean.

(LAUGHS)
You're a funny fellow, Lampton!

I'm gIad you've got a sense of humour.

The more I see of you, the more
I'm convinced you're our sort of chap.

(COUGHS)

I want you to meet Turnbull,
he's in charge of your department.

- This is Lampton, he's joining us.
- How do you do?

Very pIeased to have you with us.
I'll show you your desk. This way.

(CAR HORN)

It was a good job, it couId have
Ied to something important.

Like what? A pension, maybe?

You can't expect me to start
at the bottom again at my age.

Why not? This time you
might rise by your own abllity.

What if I haven't got any?

Joe, the Hampstead fIat is free now.

I'm moving into it tonight.

YOU are moving into it?

Yes, I think it's better that we
don't see each other for a whlle,

just untll you get your bearings.

I've got my bearings, darllng.

You asked me to Ieave WarIey -
well, here I am.

But you never Ieft WarIey.
Not really.

You want to use me as a stick
to beat your wife with.

You won't take a job
unIess it's on a Board

because you're afraid
that Brown wllI Iaugh at you.

All I care is that you shouId
get a job before you've drifted too far.

Everybody's aIways wanting me
to do something, prove something.

My mother wanted me to be
a better man than my father.

My schooIteacher
wanted me to win a schoIarship.

In the RAF they
wanted me to die happlly.

Brown wanted me to be his yes-man,

and you want me to prove
I've got reaI abllity.

All right, find your own job,
then join me in Hampstead.

Oh, Iet's face it, Norah,
I'm a summer romance.

The chap you llke on Board ship,
but find him embarrassing in port.

- You're ashamed of me.
- That's a bIoody lle.

If I was what you and your friends call
'' interesting'', I'd be home and dry.

- But you've no time for pIain Yorkshire.
- What I've no time for is seIf-pity.

And whlle I'm at it,

I don't think you
and your sophisticated friends

are any better than
the poor sods in WarIey.

In fact, they're worse
because they pretend to know better.

Full of Iove and Oxfam they are.
Full of humanity.

But introduce a non-cIub member
llke me into their midst

and they'll insuIt him
just for the hell of it.

If you're going back to WarIey
and want me to take the bIame...

I didn't say I was going back!

I wllI say this much for Susan,
she never patronised me.

Oh, you Ioathed her!

I was never a project to her,
an underdeveIoped person!

So you'd rather
be a big fish in a small pond...

Than a what? A zero in London?

Than be a seIf-respecting
and independent.

I'm good at my job...

..I know I am.

But so are 5,000
or 50,000 other men.

I couId never llve with you, Norah,
'cause you'd aIways make me feeI that.

You're taIented.

- You'll go far.
- You make it sound llke a curse.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(DISTANT CHATTER AND TRAFFIC)

(DOORBELL)

I'm Magic Bean Give-Away-Man.
You must have seen me on TV.

If you have one tin of Magic Beans

or one package of Magic Made Soup,
then these fivers are for you.

Oh, get stuffed.

It may not be much, mate,
but it's better than being a Iay-about.

Oi! Cop your free sampIe.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(JOE) Well, let me tell you this.

Far from lifting me anywhere,
Abe Z Brown is now holding me back.

Just because I'm married to you,

doesn't mean I'll spend
my life in loyal servitude.

There are bigger fish in the sea
than A. Z. Brown and Company.

I'll sit on the Board, because
he needs me - and by God he does.

(MAN)
Look, Joe, that's where the money is.

There's some
lovely houses up there, Joe.

I'll have one of those.
I'm going to have the lot.

No, you're not!

(SUSAN) ..you'll be far better off
with your empty little wife?

(WOMAN) These people at the top,
they are the same as anybody else.

But you had it inside of you to be
so much bigger than any of them.

(AISGILL) I'm glad things have work ed
out so frightfully well for you and Susan.

Cock-a-doodle- doo!
Cock-a-doodle-doo!

(BROWN) You brainless dog. I had no
intention of putting you on the Board,

we've already got somebody
to serve the tea!

(JOE) I should have killed that bastard!

(SUSAN) Go on, say it wasn't a crick et.

(JOE) I leave that kind of remark
to lover boy.

- (SUSAN) He's in the hospital.
- (JOE) Good. I hope it's fatal.

- (JOE) Why did you do it?
- (SUSAN) Poor Joe.

(SUSAN)
Nothing is ever your fault, is it?

(SUSAN) Joe, this is your home.
Stay the night if you want.

(JOE) I'd better go now. I'll write to you.

(SUSAN) Phone me as soon as you
reach London. Promise?

(JOE) All right.

(JOE) ''Dear Susan,
I'm extremely worried about Harry.

''If he finds out why I've left you,

he might do something impetuous
to attract parental attention. ''

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Well, do you llke it then? Hm?

- Well, don't you llke it?
- I don't want your bIoody car.

You know what I want.

He sent me this by mistake.

The poor, confused sod obviousIy
doesn't know what he's about.

- '' Dear...''
- Well, go on, read it.

'' Dear, Harry,
when you come home for the hoIs,

'' I'm afraid you're in
for an unpIeasant llttIe surprise.

'' Daddy has gone to llve in London.

'' It's a Iong story and one day
soon I wllI tell you about it.

'' Meanwhlle, you
mustn't bIame your mother.

'' If you want to pIease your sllIy
oId daddy, you wllI aIways honour her.''

HypocriticaI bastard.

I Iove him, and I'm not giving him up!

(SOBBING) Why couIdn't you
have put him on the Board?

I'm running a business, not a charity.

- You're spollt.
- I suppose I am.

Aye, I've spollt you.

Have you been unfaithfuI to him?

Yes.

Are you all llke that now,
the young coupIes?

I suppose we are.

I've aIways Ioved you.

I've given you everything...

But I did want a son.

There's Harry.

He's nobbut a llttIe Iad.

I bought Joe for you.
it's as simpIe as that.

You just wouIdn't face it.

Maybe you onIy
took a mortgage out on him,

perhaps the freehoId comes higher.

(DOORBELL)

(SUSAN) May I come in?

Why not.

(DOOR CLOSES)

How are you?

I'm just on my way
to Fortnum's for tea (!)

What do you mean, how am I?

Have you come here to gIoat?

No.

Your father's fixed it so
I'm just about finished in London.

He hasn't llfted a finger
against you here. I swear it!

Abe's not well.
He's thinking of retiring.

Perhaps you can persuade him
to settIe in the Bahamas.

I expect you couId stllI fit into a bikini.

- Don't make fun of me, pIease.
- Why did you come here?

I wanted to see you.
You're stllI my husband.

If it's about the divorce,
I'm going to petition.

I've got grounds
and I'm not of the oId schooI either.

What happened to us is commonpIace.

Barbara isn't my daughter.
Is that commonpIace?

I lled to you!
Of course, she's your daughter.

You stllI haven't toId me
why you're here.

Harry's run away from schooI.

He's at home.

He needs you.

I want you back.
Did that ever occur to you?

Has it worked out with Norah?

No.

I'm sorry.

You're what?

I'm pIeased, but I'm sorry too.

What I'm trying to say
is that I don't entireIy bIame you.

Susan...

..do you think we can start
all over again?

What's the aIternative?

That's some start.

We couId try for the chlldren's sake.

We're beginning to sound llke
everybody eIse's parents aIready.

I thought we might have dinner together.

- Savoy?
- Well, why not?

OnIy you're the one
with the deaI to make this time.

You'll have to tell me
what you want, Joety.

What is it you really want?

It's not a case of what I want,
don't you see?

It's a question of what I'll settIe for.

I regret we'll have to study
the Government's new tax proposaIs

before we can increase
the advertising budget.

- I say Chairman's report be adopted.
- I second it.

- All those in favour.
- Carried.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

RaIph, I'm sorry if this appears
to hit your department,

and I llke to think
we all stroke together here.

- I'm not taking this Iying down.
- Won't you ever Iearn?

He's onIy barks, that directive
comes from Abe Brown himseIf.

I suppose you're right.

That'll be all, Miss Berryman.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(TRAIN WHISTLE)

(CAR HORN)

(CAR HORN)