Original subtitles

Dude, all right.

Yeah, I just got the date thing.

Hang on.

Let's see,

why don't I,

no, maybe it's fade?

Dude.

Oh.

- Dude.

Piss bitch!

- Go!

Berty!

Fucking go.

The one on the right, asshole.

Yeah, I don't know if I'm doing this right.

Should there be a light on or something?

So, you put it on there?

- Right by the skiing place.

Dude, we should put the logo

on the Rockwood, dude.

Wait, hold on a second.

Do that again.

Right there.

Everett Road.

I think we turn left.

- Give me it.

No, we go straight through.

- Hang on, this is Riverview.

Ezra said to hang a Lester.

- Yeah, well, Ezra's a fag.

We're going straight.

Man, I should take a dump off a there.

- We're okay.

It should be right up here.

Man, soon as MTV hears this,

we're just going to get all over the place.

Oh, we're getting warmer.

Fuck was that?

Oh, man.

Derek, come on. Stop...

Shut up, Lis.

Oh dude, wait, wait.

Turn up here.

Here?

Yeah.

Hurry up.

Oh, miss me already?

Be right back.

Stinks out here.

We're in the boonies,

just stop being a pussy.

Oh, that is nasty.

Oh, man.

Dude, looks like your mom's gnarled bush.

Eat me, dude.

Hold on.

Hear that?

What?

♪ It's not fair you leave me

♪ And watch you go

♪ Can we go back now

Okay, yeah.

Oh, my God!

Give it to her good, you old fucker!

Mother fucker!

- Did you guys ever do that thing

in Dolan's class about your personality?

Okay, if you could be a bear,

a monkey, or a rabbit,

which one would you be?

What about you?

- Bear.

- I guess I'd be a monkey.

No, no.

A hawk.

Yeah, I'll be a hawk.

- Oh, my God.

Is your nose bleeding?

- I don't know, I guess.

Here.

Oh, my God. - Whoa, whoa, Lise.

Are you okay?

Shit Robert, pull over.

- Oh, my God.

Fucking pull over.

Hey, you okay, Lise?

- I have a headache.

Hippies.

Shouldn't you not be allowed...

Good lord.

I can smell 'em from here.

Oh.

Oh, man.

Oh, fuck.

You could braid it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

'Cause he's a whole fucking lot better.

Well, he's not as bad.

That's your boyfriend, you want him.

He's like a little scrawny bear.

Oh.

Ew, look at her armpits.

They like little squirrels.

You could braid that.

Oh.

That's it.

- Give a hoot.

Don't pollute.

- Oh, man.

- What?

- Holy shit.

See?

Told you.

Wow.

- Well, I take back what I said about Ezra.

That's money.

- Shit, we got a fucking garden salad here.

Party tonight.

You got a bag?

Where did it come from?

You got a bag, dude?

- Who is that?

Guys...

He saw us, dude.

What is he doing?

What are we dong?

Shut up.

Derek, what are we doing?

Settle down, Beavis.

Berty, keep filming.

Everybody just play along.

- How you doing, man?

Hey.

- Hello.

- Hi.

Whew.

- We're just hanging out.

- You looking for something?

- Yeah, Lisa lost her dog.

Derek.

It's a little Shih Tzu,

a little moppy looking thing.

You seen him around, though?

- No.

Mrs. Conger just wanted to know

what you kids were doing out here.

- Just hanging out.

- She doesn't like folks on her property, and uh...

I told her I'd come out and see.

So, everything's okay, then?

- Yeah.

- Yep.

- Good lucking finding your pup.

Lisa...

- Yeah?

- That is the prettiest.

Elizabeth.

Have a good one, man.

- When you find your puppy,

you best be on your way, okay?

- No problem.

Hey, Poody!

Pooo!

Here, Poody!

Freak show.

Bert. You get all that?

Yeah.

Sweet.

Let's go, dude.

Get the fuck over here.

Quit fartin' around over there.

Come on, we're fuckin' leaving.

every once in awhile.

- Hold on, I'll get you up.

- All right, right foot, left foot.

Damn it.

Did you put grease on these fucking trees?

We will defeat you!

- Oh, God.

- Double dog, fuck,

that's a single dog, dick head.

I'll do it.

'Bout time.

Shut up.

- Nice of your sister to let you use her bike.

Oh yeah that's way big.

- This fucking sucks.

Can we go?

Chello!

Hey!

God it's your boyfriend.

- Hey, Chello!

What's up, man?

Hey, Chello.

What's up, man?

- Hey, Salty.

Tiiigghhhtt.

- Like it?

Hell yeah.

- Hop in, man.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. It was a whole bunch of it.

We were just there.

We're going back tonight.

- Who told you about it?

Remember Ezra?

- Ezra?

Ezra the fag?

I don't see a light.

Oh yeah, I put tape over it.

Is that Missy Naughton's little sister?

Yep.

Is that your woman?

Yeah.

Damn.

You still play drums, Salty?

Uh yeah, I'm in a band.

- Cool.

Yeah, we're gonna start playing out

pretty soon, too.

- Well, if you need some help getting rid of it, man,

just let me know.

I'll hook you up.

Yeah, cool.

Thanks, man.

- By Virginia Kendall

Yeah, I guess.

Boston, I think?

Boston Town?

- Oh, Boston Mills.

Careful, dude.

You been there?

- Eh, not for a couple years

but everybody's been there.

Million of stories about Hell Town.

What's that mean?

- Well, you aren't gonna find it on any map

but that's what everyone calls it.

Don't be caught in the forest alone.

The trees and rocks breathe on their own.

Spirits and murder,

the one-eyed hearse.

Boston Mills is a town with a curse.

You making this shit up?

- House in the woods,

a giggling ghost.

Survive the night to your friends you will boast.

And if you see Hattie's glowing gown,

you'll die alone in Hell Town.

Hell town.

Something like that.

I fucked it up.

Shit.

- Yeah, your brother, man.

Me and him used to go down in the woods

and scare the shit out of all the chicks.

Drop 'em off in the woods

and show them the haunted school bus

and tell them the story about Hammer Hattie.

Who's that?

- Hattie Fichtner.

Crazy ole bitch.

Story back in the 70's or something.

And she used to hang all her kids toys from the trees.

Hoping they'd come home.

Crazy bitch didn't even know she killed 'em herself.

Crushed their skulls with hammers.

Just punishment, or something. - Shit.

Oh, fuck.

- Yeah.

Supposedly, it's cursed ever since, man.

Like Rogue's Hollow, Gore's Orphanage,

all that shit.

And make sure you take 'em up

and show 'em that church will all those upside down crosses.

So, what about the school bus?

- Eh...

There's a whole bunch of different versions

of that story

but basically,

there's a bus load of kids out in the woods.

They get lured off the bus

and someone, or something,

murders 'em one at a time.

It was in the papers,

a whole bunch of stuff about it,

and I guess if you're out there real late now,

you can still hear 'em crying.

Uh yeah, kinda.

She was that girl that ran away, right?

- Yeah.

You probably wouldn't remember all the way

but they

found some of her hair down there.

Don't get caught fucking around.

Cops are dicks.

Is this bullshit?

- No, man.

There's this ghost in the cemetery.

Can't find her grave,

wondering around all the time.

Yeah, you can look all this shit up. It's all Hell Town.

Hell Town, Ohio.

hauntedohio.com.

You can see all this stuff.

And we used to go to crazy house out in the woods.

Some people say it was a funeral home.

It's on me, chief.

Ah, thanks, dude.

- Yeah, you don't know where you got it, though.

Oh yeah, don't know shit.

- Hey, have Tommy give me a call, all right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I will.

- All right.

Later, Salty.

Our mom's such a bitch, dude.

Dude, Lisa, the other day, okay,

she comes home from school all teared out ,

she got a B in history.

A fucking B.

God.

If I got a B in anything,

my mom would be doing nude back flips in the front lawn.

I think she's in the kitchen.

You go get that one.

One, two, three.

- Mom!

- She locked us out.

Come on.

Dude, it's not over here.

What are you looking for?

Nothing.

Which road did we turn on?

Can't remember.

I can't see anything.

Turn on the night vision.

How do I do that?

Here, give it to me.

There.

Is it green?

Yeah.

Ew.

You look creepy.

Hello?

Don't wander off, you guys.

This is how it always starts.

You scared the shit out of me.

I was like, what a dick.

I hate you.

Oh, my God.

I think we go left.

I'm pretty sure it's right.

Wasn't there...

Derek, it was left.

- No, there was a building over there, wasn't there?

No, it was left.

Fine, left.

Fucking don't care if we're here all night.

Hey guys, wait up a little.

It's off to the right,

when we were going down here, right?

Did we pass it?

- I don't think so.

I can't remember.

No, it was the left.

There were two lefts?

- No, that would've taken us back towards the car.

I don't know.

I have no idea.

- I mean, we marked it real clear, didn't we?

Yeah, we'd see it if we passed it.

I hear something.

Do you hear it?

What is that?

You have the bag with you, man?

- Yeah, I've got it here but...

Just checking.

You guys don't see anything yet?

- Okay, it's one of these.

There's a little path up there

and there's one over here.

Hey guys, wait.

Let's go.

What?

You guys, wait.

What?

Oh my God, is that a person?

- That would be a tree, Lise.

No, you guys.

You guys, there's somebody here.

No, there's not, Lisa.

Yes.

You guys.

- Lisa, stop fucking around.

You guys, wait up.

You guys, wait.

What?

We're looking right at the same place you are.

You guys, we gotta go.

- You guys, wait up!

You guys!

Lisa, stop freaking out!

You guys, wait!

Watch out for the tree!

Wait!

Lisa!

What...

Settle down!

You guys, wait!

Well, it's working fine now.

- What?

Get up and walk or something.

- Why?

Just get up and walk.

Piece of poop.

- What's wrong with it?

Awuga!

You think you can handle that, sweetheart?

Punk kids!

Don't mess with the U.S. mail!

The internet.

- That chick, with snot hanging out of her nose,

and shit.

- Yeah?

- I was just talking to Tanya.

She said those kids are still missing.

- You can be in our video.

I don't think so.

- Yeah, in a tube top.

- So, what are you reading there?

Jesus.

- Ow!

Ow, fuck!

Kids.

- How can you stand him?

There's no place you can put that

where you know I won't go after it.

Two, one, fire at will!

There it is.

I'm out of eggs.

Hey, so you guys wanna hear something? His Mom...

- Hey, guess what.

They were playing "Candy Man" in there.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What, were you talking?

- Hi, how are you?

So, his mom offered

to buy him brand spanking new 1999 Ford Mustang GT.

Wow, Robert.

That's pretty cool.

For free, too.

Doesn't have to do shit.

Said he didn't want it.

- Why?

He's a dicklick. I don't know,

he's keeping that piece of shit.

- Guys, look.

Hey maybe we should give your mom a ride.

Shut up, woman.

Don't tell me to shut up.

- So, what is a...what was it?

Hosto?

It's a hostel, dumb ass.

- What the fuck's that?

It's like a cheap hotel boarding house

where travelers stay.

Yeah, I've stayed in one.

They're everywhere.

When did you stay in one?

Oh, Canada.

Thought you knew that. You didn't know that?

- When the fuck were you in Canada?

- Mother fucker!

- What's up, member us, mother fuckers!...

What did we do?

- You remember us, huh?

Gimme that camera!

Holy shit, go!

Start the damn car!

Fuck you, man!

Where did they come from?

- Holy shit.

What the fuck was their problem?

Dick.

Ew, what is that?

It's a statue.

It's not a statue, it's a dude.

Oh.

- Dude, there was a kick ass lookin' building

behind that church up there.

I can't really see what's inside of it

but it looks totally sweet.

Come on, Berty.

You and me.

No.

- Ah dude, come on.

Double dog.

Take Robert.

- Fuck, I'm not taking Robert.

I'm taking you, timid Teddy.

Timid Teddy?

Triple dog?

You guys know what'll happen

if we get caught, right?

God'll get ya.

Seriously, Derek.

It's a church.

- Shut up, Lise.

So come on, pussy lips.

You in?

All right.

- Yes.

Grab the flashlight, dude.

Beep if anybody comes.

- You got it, Berty.

Seriously.

Somebody comes, I'll beep.

Dude, and no shenanigans while we're gone.

Give me the keys.

Beep three times, like beep, beep, beep.

- Give me the keys.

Give me the fucking keys.

- Whatever, dude.

That's right.

You guys want some flashlights?

Oh yeah, give me those.

Here, Berty.

Just wait 'till you see this thing.

Come on, Berty.

Let's go.

I don't know, Boogs...

What the fuck?

Come on, Berty.

Whoa!

Damn, dude.

Here.

Let's go.

- Hang on, man.

What's that?

Boggs, can we just go?

Hang on, man.

Who are you, Let's go, Larry.

It's just a mouse, dude.

Can we go?

Please.

Oh man, we should call the library.

See if there's a reward for this one.

Oh dude, check these out.

I want one of these for my room.

Good citizen at school.

Obey school rules.

Can we go?

- Hang on, dude.

- A good citizen keeps good posture

when sitting, standing, and walking.

These are hilarious.

Good citizen is fit and healthy

in mind and-

What...

Come on, Boggs, let's go.

Who's that?

God, Boggs.

Dude, there's no other way.

Dude, run!

Come on, Berty.

I'm come...

Where are they?

What are you talking about?

What the hell?

Where the fuck are they?

Oh!

Those fuckers.

It was them.

God.

I wish I had a camera right now.

You bastards.

Which one of you guys was up there?

Wait, check it out.

Hey, Lise.

Mom's making some Salisbury steak

and thick gravy for dinner.

Every time.

All right, Berty. Phone.

- All right, be quiet.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, could I have a four dick salad sandwiches

with some extra butt sauce?

Hey dude, I gotta stay at your house tonight.

- Yeah, cool.

- All right.

- Bitch.

- Your bitch.

Probably just a dirty filter or something.

Or bad spark plugs, maybe.

- Yeah, or it's a big piece of poop.

All right, I'll film.

- Ah, no shit.

Hit the switch.

Get outta here!

We'll be outside, Berty.

Get outta here!

We'll be just outside.

Get out of here!

- Did you get that?

- What?

Hi, bitch.

- What's up, slut? - Nice to see you.

Get out of here.

Get out, you're too close.

- Just wait 'till you guys see this.

- What happened?

It's awesome.

What happened?

- Boggs, shut up.

- Whoa, sweet.

Berty, why don't you pull you socks up?

Pull those up, man.

You'll look cool, you'll be like my grandpa.

Are you okay there...

- Why did I listen to you?

Ow.

There's a very...

- Yeah.

All right.

- I've never tried a threesome before, so...

Rob, she said she's in.

Uh, I don't know what you're taking about.

Bullshit.

- We were talking about you.

That's what I'm thinking.

What the fuck are you talking about?

- We're just talking about like what

a fucking dumb ass you are.

Uh-huh.

- Can we do stuff that normal teens do, like just...smoke pot and drink..

Fuck normal teens, man.

You don't have to be part of the system.

Down with the machine.

- Lisa has a huge crush on Robert.

Shut up.

Who can blame her?

He's pretty. - I know.

Are you attracted to him?

For real.

What?

- Do you like Robert?

If I ever leave you,

I'm going right over there.

Oh, I don't blame ya.

You ever break my heart,

he's gonna be there to pick those pieces

right back up. - Oh, yeah.

Berty,

even though you can't hear me

'cause you're always off in that,

spaced out, fucked up little Berty world of yours...

He hotter than you.

I love you.

You dirty little piece of man whore.

I love you.

I knew you didn't have those things on!

I knew it!

Ah!

Oh, that is awesome.

Let's fucking go, man.

Look, it's them.

- No, it's not.

Who the fuck else drives that?

Really.

Everybody's got one.

Dude, cut it, cut it!

Give me one of those.

Oh, shit.

Shit,

Oh my god...

He's so dumb.

What the fuck you doing?

What's he doing?

I don't know.

Who the fuck is that?

Ahem!

Ahem.

You okay?

Everybody cough fake.

Creep.

- MTV?

Yeah.

Well, why not?

- 'Cause there's two members of your band

and they both suck.

Whoa.

What are you talking about?

We're the hot new duo on the music scene.

Ain't that right, Bobby?

- Right.

- Why don't you want a new car?

- I don't know.

- It's free.

- I don't know, maybe it's more fun parking

that piece of shit in her driveway.

- Guys.

- What?

- Who is that?

Check out that hat.

Don't.

- Fine.

Oh, shit.

Go!

- Didn't I tell you?

His little boyfriend, I knew it.

What else does it say?

Haunted Ohio.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Read It, It's Cool!

Oh, that's fascinating.

- Hearse, haunted school bus.

Satanic church.

The church with some upside down cross on it

- The highway to hell.

The crazy house in the woods.

No wonder we're here every fucking day.

Gimme it.

I wasn't done reading them.

Fucking wrestlers.

Oh.

Ah.

- Highway to hell.

Crazy house in the woods again.

- I can't hold him any longer.

- Can we go to the satanic church?

Get off.

Get off.

Wait, I wanna go to the church

with the upside down cross.

- I don't know.

Maybe he owns this land.

- He owns a state park?

- Maybe he works for the park service?

Ow!

Ah, mother fucker.

You okay?

Ah, damn it.

The fuck was that?

You are bleeding.

Oh, God.

Is it bad?

Yeah.

It doesn't look good.

Oh, shit.

You're gonna need like stitches or something.

Don't worry about it, here.

Gross.

Hey, I'm bleeding.

You can't...

Make it bleed a little worse.

Dude, dude, get off me.

You're bleeding on me.

- Ow.

Derek Boggman will do it.

Come on, Lis.

This is not a good idea.

Yes.

Come on, girls.

Destiny awaits. Get up there.

All right, get down, dude.

Berty, get down.

We don't want that fro of yours sticking out.

Hurry up!

My grandma walks faster that them, geez.

Just do it.

Dude, you stink, dude.

Uh no, that's Berty.

Berty, you stink.

- The hell are they waiting for?

What are they still doing? Come back here!

Fucking amateurs.

Get down.

Wait a second.

Can we go home now?

No.

Lisa, shut the fuck up.

Come on, grandpa.

Where you at?

Dude, let's go.

We're going in.

Shh.

I saw something.

Where?

Ewww.

What?

Go back and...

Go, go!

What the...

Whoa.

What the fuck?

Dude, they're just standing there.

What's the deaf duo's problem?

Let's go, dude.

No one's answering.

Yeah, we know.

Let's go.

Whatever.

Dude, what are you...

Dude, don't.

There's one.

Oh, my God.

That was it.

We gotta go!

There he is.

Don't wreck.

Woo!

Hey, Berty!

How you like that?

What's Deaf Danny's problem?

Woo-hoo!

How you like that, Berty?

Yeah, I know your mom does.

Hey!

Go dude, go.

Later, Berty.

Watch the road!

Holy shit, dude.

- Ahh.

Holy shit.

Nice job there, Berty.

Beautiful.

No.

Didn't sound...

That's his sister.

Yeah.

Hey!

Hey, dude!

What's up, man?

What are you..

Lil' crotch.

Hey, don't Bogart my doobage.

Oh, that's how it works.

That's cool, it just occurred to me.

- You don't remember that?

Thought you knew that.

- Oh, shit.

Here we go.

- Dead serious, dude.

- Yeah, so there were like five of 'em.

You don't even remember how many guys jumped you?

- Nope.

It all happened so fast.

- Oh, it all happened so fast.

Shut up, man.

I'll bet you kicked all their asses though,

didn't you?

- Hey, I'm still here, ya know.

- Yep.

Just like Canada, too, huh?

So, what part of Canada were you in again?

- I don't remember.

Mmm.

- Montreal, I think.

- Yeah, yeah, that sounds right.

- Whatever, dude.

So, you see any action up there?

I think it's weird that you went on a trip to Canada

a couple years ago,

and none of us, you know,

your closest and dearest friends,

don't seem to remember that.

I mean, Lis,

you don't remember that, do you?

Jen?

Nope.

- And Berty, you gotta remember that...

Yeah, okay.

I'll bet you tagged some little Canadian honey

up there, too, didn't ya?

Fibbin' Frank.

10-two, Nator.

Brush your teeth and comb your hair, Big Z.

Kojak with a Kodak.

- This is Flying Monkey.

Hidy-ho there, Big Z.

What's your 20?

10-4, Monkey.

77 North, yardstick 114.

Got a 1042 88, god damn,

slow as molasses.

- Um, oh, oh.

At your back door there, Big Z.

That's you up in the white rig

down the hammer lane?

You dumb ass.

- Got yours on there, Big Z.

What's your handle there, partner?

- This is...

You're an idiot.

- Shit, was was I...

This is Monkey, um...

Hey there, Big Z.

- You drinking barley pop there, alligator?

We got an appliance here, Nator 8.

You can't be too far, Big Z.

Bubble Gummer's in a four-wheeler.

- What's that there, Big Z?

Come back now.

What's your first personal, alligator?

- My first name is, you faggot,

my first name is fuck you!

You better pray to your momma

you don't ever see me coming...

Mother fucker.

I will split your...

ass wide open.

You read me, chief?

- Hey, Big Z.

Come back here with that potty mouth of yours.

Big Z.

Big zero.

Kid toucher.

Hey, Z.

You there, fatty?

White's my favorite color.

- Hey there, chief.

What's your handle?

Hello?

What's your 10-20 there, partner?

Hey, hello.

Who the hell am I talking to?

There you are.

- Come back on that?

Come back, chief.

Hey, who was that?

Where are you?

It's happening again.

- What's your 20 there?

I seeee yooouuu.

- Hello.

Hello, who is this?

- How fucked up is that?

Come back?

Whatever.

Shit.

Ah, look.

It's Lisa's boyfriend.

Um, pardon me, ma'am.

- Yes?

- We're doing a report for school

and I was wondering if I can ask you some questions

about the Boston Mills area?

Sure.

So, when was it founded?

- Um...

1806, I believe.

Right, Ray ?

- 1806.

Oldest village in Summit County.

Used to be a mill town.

A paper mill.

Oh, are there still paper mills?

No, son.

They've been gone for some time now.

Norm here, he can tell you just about anything

about Boston Mills, son.

Norm.

- Hm?

- He's doing a paper for Civics class.

Okay.

- His brother, Kenny, worked at the mills.

Give 'em a little lesson, Norm.

- Well, built the first mill in 1820

and the railroad came through Boston

at around 1880.

Town flourished for years.

But by the...

Yeah, that's not really interesting

but why do they call it Hell Town, Ray?

So, that's what this is all about?

Oh, well I was just wondering, ma'am.

- Well, it is the seventh of June.

Okay.

Isn't school out for the summer, son?

Well, um...

- Need a refill?

You always like it topped off.

Hey, Norm.

Norm, you okay?

Yeah, sure.

Gotta get back in the studio.

- Oh, shut up.

You should join our band.

Yeah, do backup.

Okay, Derek.

- Backup?

You guys don't even have a singer.

We're so good we don't even need a singer.

Just drums and guitar.

Oh, God.

I'm serious, Lisa.

I mean, dad told me you rock on the skin flute.

Yeah, you can play that.

- Ha, ha.

Here he comes, here he comes.

- Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Oh, sorry, Cappy.

Hippy trash

- Dirty bird, got your ears on?

This is Bird.

- We got a problem here.

Bus lost a fucking wheel.

You still at the diner?

- Uh, what do you think?

Should we just go?

No way.

Holy shit.

Is that that lady

from the woods? - We are fucked.

Yeah.

Yeah, hold on.

Let's just see.

Easy, easy.

Too loud.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh shit, Robert.

Look at him go.

We've been driving forever.

Just keep going, man.

Wait, there's trucks.

By the truck?

Yeah.

It should be up here. Wait, no, there it is, whoa.

Back up, back up, back up.

There's no people in that.

Well, there was on the tape.

Hey, Jen.

Double dog.

What?

- Go see if there's anybody inside.

See what?

- Go see if there's anyone inside.

Come on, no, okay.

You have to take, okay,

yeah, you've gotta go and sit in the last seat

for a whole minute,

with the camera and the flashlight.

Okay.

- Here you go, toots.

Okay.

- Remember, we'll beep three times right

before minute's up,

or whatever.

Okay.

- Just be careful out there...

Derek!

Okay, sweet ass.

Get out there.

Okay.

No, turn them on.

Pussy.

Shut up.

Fucker.

Hey, got get 'em, killer.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

There's no one in here.

I can't open it!

What?

Oh, my God.

Jen, you okay?

Oh, my God.

Where's the...

Damn it, Jen!

Damn it, Jen.

Who'd she see?

Jen, don't drop my fucking camera.

Oh, my God there's someone in there.

Can you be more careful with my shit?

Derek, there's someone in there.

Bullshit. You just said that a little while ago.

There's nobody in there.

Don't worry about it.

- I saw someone.

I didn't see you wasting any time either, Derek.

Yeah, Derek.

I was just worried about my camera.

We'll watch it when we get home.

Dude.

Dude, we gotta go.

- There's somebody out here. - Come on, you guys.

Let's go.

Derek, we're gonna be in trouble.

Check that shit up.

Dude, nice, we gotta go.

- Okay.

You know, sometimes, I just don't know why we don't

leave your dead ass home.

Double dog?

Me.

I dare you to see if anyone's sleeping

in that van.

Fuck, Lisa'd do that.

Oh, okay.

Dude, you took the dare, man.

Just pull up here.

Okay.

Give me that light.

Where is it?

All right, dude.

Get ready to punch it.

Oh, you're not getting out of the car, pussy?

Shut the fuck up.

Turn it on.

There it is.

Okay.

Wake up, ya hippies!

Where are you, dirty bastards?

Whoa.

Robert.

God damn it.

Robert?

Come on, Betty.

Robert, are you fucking around?

Probably that stupid light.

Who is that?

Come one, Betty.

Robert come turn the fucking car on.

What is that?

Go!

- I'm just gonna go on ahead.

Okay.

Oh, gross.

That's disgusting.

Later, dudes!

All right, uh-uh, you guys are so cool.

I'm leaving.

Hey, where you going?

Bye.

I'm leaving.

That's right, you come back here.

See ya.

Bye.

Come back with my camera!

- Holy fuck.

You fucking cunt.

Come here.

She threw up again.

Hey, Lise.

- What the fuck?

Huh?

Oh, no way.

We didn't park there.

- No shit.

We came in over here and parked there.

Give them more than a flat tire.

- I don't think it's funny anymore.

- Maybe they're deaf.

Yeah, deaf retards.

- No, twin deaf retards.

- When I looked through that window,

that was creepy.

I wouldn't go back there if you paid me.

- I can't believe this.

You guys are all pussies.

All of you.

- Were you holding the camera?

- Dude, I was there.

And I saw the tape.

It wasn't scary, that was stupid.

- Oh yeah?

Care to make it interesting?

- What you got?

- 50.

You go in there tonight.

- Guys, I really don't want to go back.

Stay home.

You go in there, you gotta take something.

- No, I think Berty should go.

That sounds like his.

No fucking way.

- I'm not going back.

- Did you hear that?

Berty dropping an f bomb up here.

You're right, your mom said we're a bad influence

on you.

- Are you going?

You go in and...

How am I just supposed to go in there?

Just be like, "Hey, what's up, retards?"

- You sneak in there.

You go upstairs, you grab a pillow.

Proof.

Not doing it, no way.

- Stay home.

You going?

- Tonight?

- Tonight.

- Deal.

Don't throw me your shitty girl cigarettes.

I still can't believe yous aid fuck.

How'd that taste in your mouth, Berty?

Your little dirty mouth.

Let's get out of here.

Lisa Boggman, livin' la vida loca.

Oh, shit.

Guess who.

Assholes!

Turn off the lights.

- Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Did they turn around?

Why don't they just leave us alone?

Think they want some of this.

Yeah, man.

They're afraid of ya.

Here they come.

What do they want?

- I better see a pillow.

- I hope you little mother fuckers

are enjoying yourselves in there.

Fuck.

Oh, man.

Holy fuck.

That's fucked up.

What the fuck was that?

Robert, your flashlight fucking sucks.

Mother fucker.

Whoa.

It's okay.

50 bucks.

It's 50 bucks.

Okay, okay...

Where is everybody?

They're playing their music again.

This is fucked up.

Shit.

Who fuckin' decorates this place.

All right, okay.

We're okay.

Go upstairs now.

One step at a time.

One step at a time.

Okay, okay, okay.

Shit.

Okay.

Okay.

Shit.

Okay...

No one in here.

Where are they?

What the hell?

Okay.

There's one in the house.

Fuck.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

They're parked out in the van.

Is he up there?

Oh, my God

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Oh, my God, Oh, my God, Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Oh, my God.

Oh, shit!

Holy fuck.

What the...

Oh, my God.

Derek go!

Shit.

Shit.

Holy fuck.

What the hell?

Go!

Fuck it, Robert.

Start the fucking car!

Holy fuck, dude.

What was that all about, dude?

You dropped the pillow.

Get the..

I don't care about the fucking pillow.

Go!

What?

Derek Boggman,

was that the scaredest you've ever been?

I wanna see it.

- Think it was those retards, man.

Turn those lights off,

you can't see shit.

I swear, it was like they were speaking

a different language or something.

You wanna go back?

Fuck you, dude.

I just wanted us to see some creepy shit

but now, I'm done.

Damn.

Shit.

Holy cow.

So, where's my 50, Stain?

It was a five.

What?

No, my ass that was a five.

Oh, shit.

What?

Shit, it's Wednesday.

Fuck.

What?

Pull over.

Why?

Just pull over.

- Man, where are we?

Mom?

Mom, I'm at Derek's.

I know, I'm sorry.

What?

What's up her cooz?

We were watching a movie and I fell asleep.

I know, tell them I'm sorry.

All right, oh God.

Okay, mom.

Jesus, I'm sorry.

Hi, Mrs. Naughton.

All right, I'll be home in a bit.

Okay, I'll leave right now.

Jesus.

Bye.

Mimi and Papa's anniversary was tonight

and I totally forgot,

so now I'm fucked.

Oh shit.

Oh shit, there's somebody out there.

Oh, my God.

Shit!

Lock it!

Oh, my God.

Robert, go!

GO!!!

I can't hold this think!

Holy shit, man!

Fucking go, dude!

Go!

- Shut up.

So, what do you guys want to do today?

Go to Boston Mills, maybe,

and just hang out?

Man, it's kinda funny right now

but Jesus Christ.

Come on.

It's still kinda funny.

- I have to work at four.

Call off.

We got a mission.

- Oh, okay.

Who the fuck was that?

Derek!

Yeah, we're comin'.

Okay, so where is it at?

- I think we should just call the cops.

- Mom's credit card's in there.

My ring.

Shit.

We really should just call the cops.

Hell no, dude.

We're not calling the cops.

We can handle this.

- I think it's by the river.

You know, by those rocks we were sitting on?

Quadruple dog.

Yeah, we're coming!

God.

You think it's by the river?

- I don't know.

Mom asked me for the credit card yesterday.

All I could see is my purse sitting by those rocks.

'Bout crapped my pants.

I told her it was at your house.

Don't sweat it, Lise.

We'll get it.

- I don't wanna go back there.

I really don't wanna go back there, you guys.

It's okay, Lise.

I mean, we'll be all right.

I'm serious.

Hey, you wanna know why I picked the hawk?

- No.

- Because I can swoop down

and grab you stupid little monkeys

with my big giant talons.

You know, just throw you both over a dog ass cliff.

Derek!

Maybe head over to Bert the Bear's house

and just take a big ole' dump on him.

Holy hell, mother!

Yeah, I'll be right there!

You guys okay?

Let's go get us a purse.

Shit's tight.

You need a new beat.

Fuck you.

Oh, you haven't learned a new chord

since we started.

One riff Roger over here.

Oh, whatever, dude.

All right, whatever.

What did your dad say about that studio time?

Costs an arm and a leg.

Where you getting money from?

Well, you know,

I figure all the money your folks are saving

with this shit, instead of that new car of yours...

- Derek, can we go?

- Yeah, sure.

FILM IT ALL.

Derek.

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Do it.

What's up, Lise.

- So stupid.

Maybe we should call the cops.

Derek says you're a pussy.

- The tell him to quit fucking around.

Slow down, dude.

- Where are they, dude?

Ask them where they are.

Where are you twats?

- Did they pull off?

Where are you guys at?

I think...

shortcut...

we were before.

- Dude, they pulled off.

He's just being stupid.

It's happening.

- Fuck was that?

Bert?

- Yeah?

Can you guys hear me?

- Yeah, I can hear you, Boggs.

What's up?

There's someone out here.

He's just being a dick, dude.

Fuck dude, there's someone out here.

I don't know, something's up.

- What's your fucking problem, faggot?

Shut up, shut up.

What?

I can't see Jen.

- Where is she?

How far are you?!

He's just being stupid.

I can't see...

Oh, my God, you guys.

Hurry up, man.

Hurry up.

Oh, my God, Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, you guys, hurry up!

Whoa!

What's going on?

You guys?

Guys, what's goin' on?

It happened.

Who's that?

Try it again.

It happened again.

You guys.

- Dude, turn it off.

Turn it off.

That wasn't him.

- I know.

- Derek.

Where are they?

Where are they?

Derek Boggman

pick up.

Derek!

Boggs!

Derek!

Jennifer!

Hey, Boggs!

- I have no idea, dude.

Jennifer!

Guys, I don't like this.

Derek!

Boggs, where are you?

Fucking road sucks.

Dude, that's their car.

Where the hell are they?

Oh, my God, who's that?

- What's going on?

These your friends?

That's him.

Is there a problem?

- They're hurt real bad.

You should come over here.

Well, what happened?

- Just come over.

- What the...

Oh, my God!

No!

Holy shit.

Oh, my God.

The fuck!

Oh, my God, dude!

Robert, go!

Go!

Okay, Berty.

Lise, run!

Oh, my God!

BOGGS!!

Boggs, where are you?1

Boggs!

Boggs!

Where are you?

- Oh, good job.

Okay, come to a stop.

Ready?

Gonna break now.

Have you right here.

Hi, grasshopper.

Just kinda get it across her hands here.

- Come on, Sky.

- Good.

Why would we wanna talk about that?

Are you a Steeler's fan?

So, um, how was Millie?

After begger's night.

I told Suzie.

I'll be like, like I take off.

Did you see him flying that kite? That was tremendous.

Okay, I think there's nothing

that this town can't do.

Hm, yeah.

- Dear, Lord.

Thank you for bringing us this food

and bringing us all these blessings

that you have brought our way.

Thank you for bringing us together at this time.

Bob came down and he told us about his trip.

Oh, and you should saw the moon.

Millie was in...

Plenty of cider.

Are the carolers getting together this year?

Hello, Mrs. Conger.

- Hey, Hobart.

- If you are mad at people,

I won't see you.

I mean, why wouldn't you?

That gives us...

Thinking... the mind is thinking here.

You know, always thinking.

Yeah.

It'll come up with something.

Another surprise, right?

We'll have some unique packaging, though.

Don't worry about it, for God's sakes.

We're country folk.

Oh, boy.

Rusty.

Rusty.

Rusty!

Rusty!

- I think so.

After Sadie's, we wanna stop by the market.

What do you need?

A few things for dinner.

- What are we having?

Hobart?

- You had your choice.

The radio or that.

Here we go.

You got it?

Hello.

- Hi.

- Here we go.

- Thank you.

- Oh, you're very welcome.

For you here.

- You're a real pip, you know that, Hobe?

A real pip.

Oh, you be careful out there.

Oh, I know.

It's getting icy.

Yeah, yeah.

That's the story, right?

All right.

I'll go do that right...

- You ready to go, son?