All language subtitles for Home Economics s01e04 Triple Scoop.eng

"Chapter Four" For Tom and Sarah,

having a rich brother
was complicated.

On the one hand, Connor's wealth

made them feel like the
failures of the family.

On the other hand,
he was a great source

of hand-me-downs: Toys,

children's clothing, and even...

A six-month-old laptop,

I mean, if anyone
should get it, it's me.

I need it for my job.

Denise and I share a computer

that burns our thighs.

But yeah, sure, give
it to the "writer."

Why is "writer"
always in quotes?

Besides, my computer
keeps crashing.

I lost an entire
chapter this morning.

Our laptop can't
be on a lap, Tom!

Weren't Mom and Dad
gonna get you a new one?

Yeah, they'd rather buy
things for their kids

than actually come and visit.

- Yeah, that's weird.
- They're only two hours away.

Think we'd get more
grandparent time.

Yeah.

Mom?

Dad?

It's not what it looks like.

It looks like you're
visiting Connor and not us.

Why'd you say it wasn't
what it looked like?

It's exactly what it looks like.

I agree. This is ridiculous.

It's an incubator. It's
not worth those numbers.

You drove all the way
in from Sacramento

and didn't even offer to visit?

I left you a voicemail.

Mom, your voicemails
are just three minutes

of rustling in your purse.

I can't believe you guys

are playing favorites like this.

You haven't visited
Sarah's place

or my place in ages.

Yeah, and it's so
important for you

to spend time with
the kids right now.

I mean, especially
after last year.

Admit it, you just
love hanging out

in this gigantic house.

It's like a vacation
for you guys.

That's not fair.

Fresh mimosa?

Oh! Gracias, Lupe.

De nada.

Look, we're not
playing favorites.

I've never once thought
about the size of this house

or this... this spectacular view

that helps you forget
all your cares.

The only reason we're
babysitting Gretchen

is because Connor is extra busy.

He's buying an incubator.

Mom, do you even
know what that is?

Something with eggs.

All right, who needs a mimosa?

Tom, Sarah, mimose?

Connor, how often have
they been visiting you?

[trills lips]

Um...

Definitely not before today.

Marshall, these are your
pants from last week.

- Oh!
- Got the chocolate out.

Thank you, Lupe. Perfect.

Mm-hmm.

She made a ganache. It's this...

It's just whipped filling
of chocolate and...

Thanks for the info, Dad.

I know that Connor is going
through an adjustment,

but this is not fair.

Our kids wanna see
their grandparents too.

Guys, Gretchen needs

extra attention right now, okay?

If you want more
grandparent time,

maybe you should
divorce your wives too.

- Super helpful.
- Great advice.

Thank you.

But you take them on vacation.

Your childhood bedroom
is basically a shrine.

Let's face it, you've
always been the favorite.

That's not true. Is that true?

No. Not true.

It shifts around.

You wanna talk favorites?

How about when they
missed my wrestling match

for your debate club?

I wasn't in debate.

That's for nerds.

It was the academic quiz bowl.

And Sarah, how about
when you were 17,

and they let you go on
that vacation to Colorado?

You mean my inpatient
anxiety treatment?

You told me she
was snowboarding.

I didn't want you to worry.

You were so young and adorable.

Hey, remember how he
used to say "skissors"?

"Rock paper skissors!"

[playfully] Stop! Stop!

Aww, sorry, you two are upset.

Look, let's balance
the scales, all right?

Let's go to your
places right now.

We'll make a day of it, right?

- Really?
- Yeah, Camila would love that.

- Perfect!
- Grandparent time for all!

- Okay.
- Great.

You okay with this, skissors?

I mean, no, but fine.

- I get Mom.
- Sure.

Okay, Mom, Dad, do you
guys mind splitting up?

- Oh.
- Well, well...

We've had our ups and
downs, but I mean, we...

You get to a certain age,

and then you just
decide to stick with it.

Guys, that's not what I'm...

Wait, Gramma and Grandpa
are divorcing too?

- No, no.
- No, sweetie.

I'm sending you
the therapy bill.

- Yeah.
- And you get the laptop.

- Yes!
- Oh, damn it.

"A Wrinkle in Time"?

"Harry Potter"!

It's so great having
her here, right?

Totally. For now.

What do you mean?

The kids love her.
It's grandma time!

It's not the kids
I'm worried about.

You and your mom have
a 90-minute window.

You get along great
for 90 minutes,

and then you start to argue
and get on each other's nerves.

That is not true.

- How long has it been?
- Hour twenty.

Oh.

It releases insulin

when your blood
sugar gets too high.

And that is how an
artificial pancreas works.

I guess this counts as playing.

Well, I mean, he's having fun.

Say, Grandpa, why don't you try

a round of peek-a-boo?

I don't wanna mess
with their sense

of object permanence.

Dad...

Oh, "Where The Wild Things Are"!

- Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!
- Shamiah, you win $10!

Oh, Mom, love the gesture,

but just a heads-up:

We actually donate a third
of the kids' allowance

to causes that they care about,

you know, renewable
energy, turtle rescue.

That's fine, but this
isn't allowance money.

This is grandma bucks! [Laughs]

[kids cheer]

Mom, I can't believe that...

I can't believe

how much fun the kids
are having with you.

Well, thank you, Sarah.

I mean, I wanna be wrong.

Hey, Marina, what percentile

head circumference are they?

I'm guessing Es-ta-ban's
a couple of points bigger.

Esteban.

Sorry, what did I say?

Also, you're pointing
at Alejandro.

- You sure?
- 'Cause I'm really getting

an Ees-ta-ban vibe
from this one.

You know, Sarah,
this place would feel

a lot less cramped

if you would put some
of this stuff away.

Okay, well, I do, but...

You were always the messy one.

And you always reminded me.

I wonder if Tom and Marina
are having this much "fun"

with Dad. [hushed]
Please stop that.

Guys, can I watch the
game in your room?

Yeah, if you're here now,

why don't you play
a game with Camila?

Ah, way ahead of ya.

I already have set her
up for online poker.

Love you, Grandpa!

- Love you too, baby.
- Hey, don't go all-in

unless you got the
nuts, sweetheart.

You can't do "Black
Lives Matter"

in charades! It is offensive!

How is that offensive?

Why the trumpet?

Because Louis
Armstrong was Black!

Oh, my God, Mom.

Stop criticizing Grandma!

Tell us who else was Black.

If you need me,
I'll be on your bed.

And if you need me,

I will listening to a
podcast about murder.

- 90 minutes on the dot.
- I should write a book.

What up?

Hey, how's it going with Dad?

It's great. It's... so great.

We're having the best time.

I can't help you if you
keep crying like this.

How's it going with Mom?

Sarah, were these walls
painted this color

when you moved in? I
can't picture choosing it.

She's so good with the kids.

- Totally.
- It's like, grandparent time

is the best, right?

Speaking of, Camila
deserves some grandma time,

so I thought I could drop
her off at your place.

Oh, okay, you know,

actually, I was thinking
we could bring Dad to you.

You know, he could do
some science experiments

with Kelvin and Shamiah.
That'd be fun, right?

Well, you're trying
to pass her off on me.

You're trying to
pass him off on me.

Okay, fine,

Mom is starting to
annoy me a little bit.

Dad's supposed to be
taking care of the kids,

but we're taking care of him.

We were so jealous that
Connor was the favorite,

we forgot what it's actually
like when Mom and Dad visit.

[cell phone buzzes]
Oh, and here's

their favorite
child now. Hang on.

Hey.

How's it going with Mom and Dad?

It's, like, the best.

My heart is so full.

- Good.
- Then you're gonna love this.

So I felt bad about hogging
all the grandparent time.

So I was thinking, you know,

we're all together
in the Bay Area now.

We love it when Mom and
Dad drive in to visit,

but it's two hours both ways.

So what if I buy them a
little place in the city?

I'm sorry, what's happening?

Wait, like, buy
them an apartment?

Yeah, right between
all three of us.

What an amazing thing

to propose in front of everyone.

You would do that?

That's our Conny!

Yes, so I found
the perfect place

that just came on the market.

But this is San Francisco
real estate, hombres.

Okay? We gotta act fast.

So Mom and Dad would, like

v-v... like, visit more?

No, it wouldn't be
visiting, Tommy.

We'd live here.

It'd be grandparent
time all the time.

[laughs]

[baby whines]

- Ta-da!
- Oh, it's wonderful.

And there's even
a breakfast nook.

Oh, your mother loves her nooks.

I must have inherited that,
because I, too, love a nook.

It's like a dream, isn't it?

Having your parents so close by.

It's like... yes,

it's like I can't believe
this is happening.

Yes, it's, like, "Ah, wake up."

I mean, we would
practically be neighbors.

But you'd still keep the
place in Sacramento, right?

Why would we when we can be

with you guys all the time?

You'd sell our childhood home?

So many good memories
there... I assume.

Well, there was some bad ones.

Super Bowl XLVII, Niners
lost to the Ravens.

It was tough for me to go back
in the TV room ever since.

So what do you
say, lock it down?

Well, it's so nice.

But these hardwood
floors are just... whoa.

They are so slippery.

I mean, Mom, with
your smooth feet...

Hey, that's why I married her.

What?

The only defect about this place

is that it is too adorable.

Yeah, guys, what is the concern?

People are putting in
offers as we speak.

I guess it's because
they don't know the truth

about this building. I
heard it on a podcast.

This place... it's the site
of the Kasendorf Murders.

What?

No, no, no, no, there
were no murders here.

Oh, yeah, I felt,
like, a negative energy

when we walked in here,
and that explains it.

Yep. Triple killing, 1968.

This place was built in 1975.

That's the creepiest part.

But hold on, hold on.

Don't we get a discount
for that kind of thing?

Okay.

Let's be clear. No murders.

Lots of interest for
other buyers, though.

Whoa, pressure tactics much?

This one's a shark.

Guys, I say we put in a bid,

no matter how many
people got murdered here.

Great! No murders, but great!

Could we see the bedroom?

I need, like, six or seven
wall outlets available.

Okay.

This way, please. No murders.

Okay. What is going on?

This place is perfect for them.

It is. And...

God it'd be great
for Mom and Dad

to live much, much
closer. But...

- Yes, but.
- Definitely a "but."

Here's the thing,
I love ice cream.

You know, I'm... I'm
like an ice cream guy...

Who doesn't love ice cream?

But if I had ice cream
all day, every day,

it might that after a while,

ice cream gets a
little irritating.

- It would make you sick.
- Yeah.

And I don't wanna get
sick from ice cream.

I wanna love ice
cream, you know,

in moderation.

What are you talking about?

There's no such thing
as too much ice cream.

Connor, it's not
about the ice cream.

In college, I, one time, ate

16 pints of ice
cream in one night.

For, like, a fraternity thing?

What?

- Okay.
- The point is, we should visit.

Mom and Dad more, and
they should visit us more.

But if they live here,

that would cause more
problems than it solves.

But then they could
visit us all equally.

And you guys wouldn't
think I'm the favorite.

Oh, come on, man,
you don't think

if you buy them this apartment,

it's gonna make them
favor you even more?

You always do this.

You're buying them
all this stuff...

You're buying their love.

Well, how else am I
supposed to get it?

Of course I have
to buy their love.

I don't have your skills, Tom.

I've never won a Pulitzer.

Well, I mean, it was
a special citation

from the Minnesota Book
Critics Association.

The only thing I've written

is a Reddit thread about stonks.

And Sarah, you're like
the perfect daughter.

You're always, like,
volunteering and doing work

that actually helps
the community,

while I, occasionally,
am harming it.

- You're exaggerating.
- No, seriously.

I once invested in a startup

that helped people bedazzle
their assault weapons.

And one of my
companies in Latvia

does, like, really shady stuff.

Even I was like,
"Can we do this?"

Probably shouldn't
be telling us this.

So yes, of course, I
have to buy their love.

You guys make them proud.

I make them reservations
and mimosas.

Connor, they would love
you even if you were poor.

Ew, don't say that.

I thought this would make
you guys feel better,

but in hindsight, I
can see how, you know,

buying them an apartment
with a freaking sweet nook

would only make you feel worse.

The nook is off the hook.

I just... I got a
little carried away.

So I'll go call it off.

And maybe you're
right, you know?

Maybe there's an upside

to having a little
bit of distance.

Connor, if we'd live here,

we could help you
find a new girlfriend!

Yeah, I'll be your wingman!

Yep, distance is good.

[sighs] This has turned

into a wonderful surprise.

Moving to the city was
not on my bingo card.

Hey, Conny, you went
above and beyond, big guy.

So what do you think, big guy?

[light awkward music]

? ?

You guys wanna check out
the bathroom with me?

What happened? I thought
you were calling it off.

I can't. They were so excited.

If I bail, I'll be
their least favorite.

Just tell them
you're reconsidering

and is actually not
that great an apartment.

Yeah, the bathroom
barely fits five people.

Unless... someone else
takes it away from them.

I need the room.

You can't wait
'til you get home?

Just go.

[line trilling]

- Well, are you gonna...
- Ow!

Oh, Jesus.

Hello?

[bad Australian accent] 'Allo.

Cheerio, cheerio, yeah.

This is Nigel Brimble-Goggin.

Now, I've seen you
have an apartment

- I simply must acquire.
- Mm-hmm.

Well, you see, I'm
actually new to America,

and I need to find a place to
live while I go on holiday.

I see. Right.

- Money's no object.
- Well, I already have a buyer.

You know, I'm willing to
go over the asking price.

Over the asking price?

When a Brimble-Goggin
sees something he wants,

he's gotta have it.

That does not sound good.

Well, maybe it's a
blessing in disguise.

Yeah, you don't wanna live
inside a murder building,

especially if the victims
were found inside the walls.

- Whoo, too far, too far.
- They need to know.

So we have another bidder.

And he's quite aggressive.

- Aw, fudge!
- Oh, dear.

San Francisco real
estate, the worst.

I was just checking
out the tiles.

Did some unexpected
event just take place?

Connor, we may not be moving.

- There is another bidder.
- No!

Yeah, from a very pushy man.

New Zealand? I can't
place his accent.

Yeah, probably British.

I don't think so.

Maybe like a South London

kind of vibe?

- Notting Hill?
- No.

Yeah, he's probably Scottish.

I think that's
British, too, right?

Marshall, I need that nook.

- Okay, sweetie.
- What do you think, Conny?

Let's show this kiwi who's boss.

Let's take what he's asking,
raise him five large.

[lightly tense music]

? ?

The truth is...

I gotta call his bluff!

[laughter]

- Yes.
- Yes.

I will tell Mr. Brimble-Goggin
that he has been outbid.

"Brimble-Goggin"?

He sounds British to me.

Hey, can I talk
to you for a sec?

Yeah.

What's going on, man?

I was trying to buy it
out from under myself.

But I can't just give up
in front of Mom and Dad.

I gotta make it look like

I'm putting up a fight
against the other guy.

You are the other guy!

Mm-hmm, and this negotiation

is about to get
real interesting.

Excuse me.

I gotta go do more
bathroom stuff.

When Conny has to go,
he really has to go.

Yeah, he gets it from me.

One clam, I am done-zo.

Oh, crikey!

Well, if that's the case,

I guess I must raise
my bid as well!

I simply must own
that apartment,

which is what we here
in South Kensington

call a "flat."

Gee, I hope this works out.

- Yeah.
- It's a great idea

- from Connor.
- Yeah.

Another great idea from Connor.

Oh, Tommy, who cares
whose idea it was?

This could be a wonderful place.

The kids could sleep over.

We can put their artwork
on that wall over there,

like Shamiah's watercolors.

Aw, Mom.

Tommy, I'm thinking

we could use the top shelf

on these built-ins to
display all your novels.

- Really?
- Yeah.

And then, down here,
we'd put John Grisham.

You'd put me above Grisham?

- Absolutely.
- Mur and I are so proud of you.

I brag about you on Facebook.

There's a special
emoji for books.

It's like a little
pile of books.

Yeah, and you too, Sarah.

You have got such a great heart.

Yeah.

I have no idea where
that came from.

I, myself, have not volunteered
since Hands Across America.

That's right.

Wow, we always just assumed

that Connor was the favorite.

Yeah, he's got all the money,
you know, he's the baby.

I mean, how can we
compete with that?

Well, he is the baby.

But that only means
he needs us more.

We love all of you equally.

And that goes for
you two as well.

- Oh.
- We are delighted

to have you both as
daughters-in-law.

Well, thank you, Dad.

And I am very proud

to share the Hayworth
name with you both.

That is so sweet, honestly.

But you know, Sarah and I
created our own last name.

Yeah, I don't
understand that, so...

Okay, bring it in. Come on.

- Ah!
- Oh!

Okay.

Come on, everybody.

- Yeah.
- [laughter]

Oh, that feels good.

Yeah. Let's check on Rachel,

see what's going on.

[softly] Okay.

- So...
- Yeah...

- I mean...
- Yeah...

I told you guys

it might be a good idea
to have them closer.

- Oh, please.
- You were just as much

a part of this as
we were. Please.

- You know what?
- The kids would love it,

and we might like it too.

Oh my god, Connor!

Hey, Connor? Buddy?

Are you almost done in there?

Almost!

No really, whatever
you're doing in there,

you need to hit pause, okay?

- Just one second!
- I'm actually using it now!

[toilet flushes]

So it's over?

I'm so sorry.

The other buyer
wired a down payment.

I think he's Dutch.

- [bad British accent]
- The loo is all yours, Tom.

- Excuse me, guys.
- I have to call my office.

I'm so sorry.

Well, this has been a roller
coaster kind of a day.

- Yeah.
- I'm sorry, Mom.

Oh, hey, Tommy,
it's not your fault.

Well...

You guys are doing
a really good job

of acting upset.

We are upset.

Yeah, wow, very convincing.

Maybe you could find them
another place nearby?

Yeah, totally.

Why are we still
going with this?

What is this, like, a bit?

Well, I guess we
just kind of realized

that we've always got room
for ice cream, you know.

What?

After all this, now you
guys love ice cream?

Okay, we always loved ice cream.

We just lost sight of the
whole ice cream picture.

Look, Connor, we just had

a really heartfelt
encounter with ice cream.

Oh, yeah?

Well, while you
guys were out here,

having an emotional
breakthrough about ice cream,

I'm in the bathroom

dropping a ridiculous
amount of money on cones!

But here you all go again.

Can you stop arguing for once?

Mom, this doesn't concern you.

They keep changing their
stance on a dessert.

- Oh, please!
- Okay, oh, ho, ho, ho.

Mur, I think it's time
we headed on home.

Yeah, I think it's that time.

"That time"? What time?

There comes a time

in which the five of you
start to become a lot.

Oh, us. We're a lot.

We can be a lot?

What happened to all that stuff

about being proud of us?

- Well, we are.
- But, all of this... this...

Maybe moving closer
together isn't a great idea.

We'll just drive
up on the weekends.

Yeah, let me
explain it this way.

I love hamburgers. I'm
a big hamburger guy.

But if I had to
eat a hamburger...

- You know what, Dad?
- Dad, we get it.

Okay, people, this
place is off the market.

You are officially trespassing.

Now, you don't have to go
home, but you can't stay here.

I never trusted her.

In the Hayworth family,

everyone liked ice cream.

But they agreed that sometimes,

the best ice cream...

Like I said, negative energy.

Is the kind you have to drive

two hours away to get.

- Bollocks.
- Just lost a lot of quid.

Hey, quid means money,
right, in British?

So there were actually no
murders in the building?

I mean, I kind of assume
there's been murders

everywhere at some
point or another.

I mean, I am feeling
negative energy here.

[RP accent] Sorry to hear
about the flats, old chap.

[normally] Maybe you can find
a way to back out of the deal.

Nah, my Zillow buddy told me

that they're putting
in a new development,

like two blocks away,
some high-end outdoor mall

with, like, a
pan-Asian night market.

So in a year, that place will
be worth twice what I paid.

So we made a huge mistake,

and you're still
making a profit.

Funny how that works, huh?

- Yeah.
- Well, I don't know.

Maybe since we came
up with the idea,

we could be considered, like,
co-financers of the thing?

Oh, Tom, that's why you
gotta put things in writing.

Business 101, man.

But...

[laughs]

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